All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s04e12 Snow Day.eng

Back in the '80s,
there was nothing more exciting

than the chance of a snow day.

We all remember the morning ritual.
We'd wake up at dawn,

hop out of bed at lightning speed,

rush downstairs, grab your radio,

and pray to the snow gods.

The following schools
are closed in Montgomery County...

- It's gonna happen. I can feel it.
- Shut up. You're gonna jinx it.

Please, God, if you give us a snow day,

I promise I'll be a good
boy for the rest of my life.

...Abington High closed,
Germantown West closed,

William Penn Academy... open.

- Balls!
- Why?!

I'm back to being a bad boy.
This is on you, Mother Nature.

Sadly, we were that one school
that never closed for snow.

Abington High closed,

- Germantown West closed...
- Please, please, please.

Say it. Say "closed."

I will fist-punch the radio
if you don't say "closed."

...William Penn Academy open.

- Balls! Balls!
- I hate everything!

I'm a man of my word!

Ow!

Every time, it was
the same heartbreak...

until the snow gods
finally showed mercy.

William Penn Academy... closed.

Am I still asleep,

or did he just say
William Penn is closed?

He said "closed." School is closed.

This is the best day of my life!

(Laughter, cheering)

I feel so alive!

(Laughter)

Yeah!

Snow day means a full day
of snuggle time with mama!

- Yeah!
- Get in here! Get it!

I'm so happy, I don't have
the will to fight her off!

(Laughter)

(Chanting) Snow day! Snow day! Snow day!

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It was snow day, 1980-something,

and my sister was seizing the day...

by sleeping through it. Aah!

- Oh, good. You're finally up.
- God! What the hell?!

Someone was snoring
the day away, lazybones.

Mom, today is a day that's been
gifted to me by the universe.

Please don't ruin it by being you.

You only have one more
college essay left to write,

and then you're done.

That has nothing to do with snow day.

Of course it does.

You're physically trapped
in the house with me,

and all the roads and stores are closed.

Yay! Let's get you into Penn State.

No! Put away the word processor.

I am not writing my college essay.

Squishy, I can help
you. I read the topic...

"Describe a personal hero who's
changed the course of your life."

- Mom, stop.
- Let's brainstorm.

What makes a hero? Hmm?

Someone who's great at...
crafting, matchmaking,

parming chicken or shrimp
or eggplant or meatballs.

Listen, I did write about
someone in the family,

but it's a "he."

Yay! It's me! I am he, and he is me.

Bevy, she clearly picked someone else,

perhaps a decorated
war vet who had a date

with two different Shirleys last night.

That's right.

Pops?! (Scoffs)

You picked the random old guy

who just hangs around our house all day,

eating our smoked fish?

(Chuckles)

Choo-choo! Next stop, Lametown.

Hey, I liberated an entire country.
I helped saved lives.

(Imitates snoring)

Oh! Oh, sorry, I drifted
off to sleep there.

Okay, this turned ugly fast.
Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have a full day of
doing nothing ahead of me.

I honestly don't see a world
where it's anyone but me.

But thank you for your service.

My mom would stop at
nothing to be Erica's hero.

Meanwhile, me and Big
Tasty started our snow day

with an epic cartoon marathon.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Did you two get into my
four-quadrant popcorn tin?

Relax. We were just sniffing it.

Stand up and show me your fingers.

If I see any cheese dust,
you're both grounded.

Dust-free. You happy?

Dude, you're unbelievable.
Popcorn is the snack of the people.

No. It's a snack for dads only.

I get one tin a year

from my armoire dealer in Cincinnati.

It's the only thing that
gets me through the season.

There are so many sad
things in that sentence,

but I honestly think the
winner is "Cincinnati."

Well, just keep your hands off the tin.

That's it. End of story.

And the same goes for the thermostat.

Yeah, I see you two looking.

That's 'cause it's colder in this house

- than it is outside.
- Yeah, man.

Can't you spare like two more degrees?

If you two are so cold, go
out and shovel the walkway.

That ought to work up a sweat but good.

- (Sighs)
- (Sighs)

Murray Goldberg had a
lot of dumb dad rules,

but nothing equaled
his hard line on snow.

And no monkeying around
out there when you're done.

- This weather is treacherous.
- Oh, here we go.

Another lecture on the
dangers of cold weather.

I'm serious. It's not safe out there.

You got frostbite,
avalanches, and deadly icicles.

Icicles aren't deadly.
They're refreshing and delicious.

They're knives that can fall
from the sky at any moment.

Sky knives!

- They kill a billion people a year.
- That seems high.

Dad, come on. It's snow day.
Can't we at least go outside

and build one tiny
awesome snow fortress?

Absolutely not!

You shovel that walkway
before it turns into ice.

And no forts,
I mean it!

Naturally, we did the opposite

'cause forts are awesome!

Good job, dude. I can't feel my fingers,

but this definitely was
two hours well spent.

Do you think maybe we should
shovel the walkway a little

so Dad doesn't totally freak?

Yeah, we should...
after a quick expansion.

Quick's good. Whatcha thinking?

I'm picturing a master bedroom

with an attached bath,
butler's quarters, a dojo,

one of those maze gardens,
all of the rooms from "Clue,"

an indoor basketball court.

A basketball court inside a snow fort?

That's just the first floor.

The second level's where the party's at.

Hot tub, sauna, fire pit.

You don't think that'll
create an awful lot of heat?

Yeah...

- once the word gets out.
- Son of a bitch.

A fort?!

I told you dumbasses to shovel the walk!

Crap. It's Dad.

He's coming for us. We're so dead!

You get your asses out of there

before that thing collapses
and traps you in an icy tomb.

Stay strong. We're untouchable in here.

Untouchable? I'll show you untouchable!

He's shimmying!

Oh, no! He's entering the snow fort!

I never thought this would happen!

Ah! I'm stuck!

I can't move my arms! My arms are stuck!

How are your arms stuck?

It's snow. It's soft.

I'm wedged in! My
circulation's failing me!

I can feel it! I'm gonna die in here!

(Both laugh)

He thinks he's dying.

Stop laughing! Stop
laughing at me right now!

Why are we hiding from
this man? Look at him.

These are my last breaths!
I can see my last breaths!

He's so scared and
vulnerable, and it's hilarious.

This is how it's gonna end for me...

in an icy igloo with you two morons.

- He's freaking out.
- Shut up and help me!

You got it, pal.

(Grunting)

You're not trying to help me.

You're just playing with
my face to mess with me.

Dude, you push like this.

Stop!

(Bleep)

(Bleep)

(Bleep)

As we continued to mess with my dad,

my mom was cleaning Erica's room.

Okay, she was ransacking
it like an FBI agent.

It was a desperate attempt to uncover

the person Erica chose as her hero.

And then she found it...
hidden in plain view

behind the circuit
board of a Lite-Brite,

the piece of paper that would
change my mom's life forever.

Dad, I stumbled upon
something incredible

hidden in Erica's room,
and I need to tell someone,

but I can't because
she'll never forgive me.

Okay, you twisted my arm, so here it is.

I'm Erica's hero. Me, baby, me!

Well, I'm glad this worked out for you.

You know what this means, right?

I have succeeded as a mother.

Now, I know there were
times when I quietly wondered

if I had failed as a mother,
but now I know the truth.

Success!

Did it ever occur to you
that Erica hid that essay

so you wouldn't overreact
like you are right now?

Did it occur to you
that none of this matters

because I'm her hero?

Bevy, you snooped. You broke her trust.

If I were you, I wouldn't
speak a word of this.

Obviously. Erica will never, ever know.

And she wouldn't... for 10 minutes.

What the... "A Daughter and Her Hero!"?

- Oh, damn it. You know?
- Know what?

That I'm your greatest American hero?

No, that's not true.

For the record, it is
none of your business

who my hero is.

- (Music stops)
- I take it back, okay?

I take back every single word I wrote.

You think you can just take it back

like a bathing suit
you've worn three times

with the tags tucked in?

(Laughs)

No way. I'm your hero.

No! Our history together will show

I think you're the absolute worst.

But now I'll forever know
how you really feel about me,

which is, "Everything my mother
does comes from her heart."

Stop using my words against me.

You are not my hero.

I read a document that says otherwise.

God, you ruin everything!

And yet I'm your "beacon on the hill."

I resent you so much right now.

But yet you love me "more than anyone."

This is "my worst nightmare."

And it's my dream. (Chuckles)

Like the song says, I'm walking on air.

And I'm walking out.

As Erica's secret was out,

Barry and I were launching a secret plan

that would change everything.

Young Adam, we have been given a gift.

We have seen with our very eyes
the underbelly of our enemy.

- Dad?
- Yes!

The one who oppresses us by ruling over

the popcorn, temperature,
and remote control.

He always makes me watch "Hee Haw"!

"Hee Haw", Barry!

We discovered something
new in that ice fort...

that Dad's vulnerable.

And when we mess with
him, it's super fun.

I agree. It was joyous.

But we're back in the
house now. It's over.

Or do we continue the good
times and Laughter forever?

You mean mess with Dad

outside the whimsical
world of the snow fort?

Of course!

Now we know he's all bark and no bite.

I bet he doesn't even
think we're morons.

- But that's his hurtful catchphrase.
- From this moment on,

I say we do the things that annoy him

- and entertain us.
- Like sitting in his chair

or leaving that last drop in
the orange juice container?

Damn right! It's a snow-day revolution!

And our first battle was this.

You two are grounded!
No telephone! No Atari!

No robits! Now get upstairs!

- Want to go sledding?
- Sure.

Sledding?!

Didn't you hear what I just said?

Oh, we heard it. It's just... [chuckles]

we're gonna pass on the grounding.

(Both laugh)

What the hell just happened?

What happened was a revolution.

My brother and I were
in full rebellion mode,

and we were ready to take it up a notch.

Bevy! Where's my tin
of holiday popcorn?!

Looking for something?

Mmm! Flavored corn deliciousness.

- What have you done?
- Looks like you're not the only one

who can enjoy four
types of gourmet popcorn

whenever he wants.

You better not have
touched white cheddar.

Oh, I touched the
white cheddar but good.

That quadrant was for dads only!

Seriously, what's wrong with you?!

Yo, Ad-rock!

And then we went
where no Goldberg had gone before.

You chilly? I sure am.

Might as well just
crank up this bad boy.

Hey, you know no one
touches that thermostat.

It stays locked in at a
comfortable 63 degrees,

no higher!

- 87... temperature of the rich.
- 87 degrees?

What do you think this is, the sun?

We reign over the thermostat now.

Okay, you saw me at a low point,

and now you're giving me
a taste of my own medicine.

(Muffled) So good. Sweet and savory.

- Damn it, stop eating all the caramel!
- No can do.

You see, until now, your
main weapon was dad rage,

but that all changed
when your middle-aged body

corked up our snow tunnel.

Nothing has changed. Nothing.

(Chuckling) Oh, it has.

We went into that snow
fort as scared boys,

but we emerged as fearless men

who now find your anger silly.

Fine. You don't want to respect me?

I'm out.

I retire from being involved
in your lives in any way.

Trust me, there will be a time

when you come to me in
desperate need of your dad,

and I won't help you.

Our snow-day rebellion had worked.

The balance of power
had shifted in our house,

and we were kings!

Dear God. You were right.

We can mess with Dad out
of the snow fort, too.

I feel so alive and
sweaty from the heat!

This must be what the other
Adam Goldberg in school

feels like all the time.

He's a loose cannon and
lives on his own terms!

Dude! Now we can
finally live our snow day

the way the gods of winter intended it!

Car toboggan...

It combines the fun of water-skiing

with the treacherous danger of luge.

- I like what I'm hearing.
- Sit down and hold on

'cause I'm gonna drive
fast and take chances.

(Engine starts)

Snow day!

- (Background music playing)
- Life without a dad rules!

As we set out on our
fatherless snow day,

my sister was doing everything she could

to avoid our mom.

Mom isn't down here, is she?

I haven't felt her looming presence

- in over an hour, so you're safe.
- Thank God.

That woman finding
out that she's my hero

is the worst thing that's
ever happened to me.

Speaking of heroes,

have I told you about all
my rich life adventures?

Yes. Many times.

I bet you didn't know
that after the army,

I joined the USO and
entertained the troops

with a death-defying circus act.

I need help, Pops,
not your old-man yarns.

They're not yarns. I trained a lion.

His name was Stan.

There you are, boopie. I
need your fashion expertise.

Which iron-on should I put
on my purple jumpsuit,

me as the wind beneath your wings

or we're two peas in a pod?

Hmm. I pick none.

Well, you go to pick
one so we can wear them

on our ski trip this weekend.

Let's be clear,
I am going skiing with Lainey

and also 10 boys who
I know a little bit.

And your hero.

I'm sure you want me to tag along.

In what world does that make sense?

If Barry went on a ski trip,

he'd want to bring his
hero, Chuck Norris,

and Adam would definitely want
to ski with Crispin Glover.

So it makes perfect sense

that you would want to
bring your hero, me.

Okay, weird Crispin Glover doesn't ski,

and Chuck Norris likes a desert climate,

- so you're not going.
- I get it.

It's embarrassing having
your mom as your hero.

But don't worry,
I can be cool.

Hang with the hunkos in the bubbly tub

with my ski gogs on.

(Clicks tongue)

Oh, my God. I don't... (gags)

even know how to respond to that.

I know! It's gonna be great!

Just like when we
carpool to school together

so we can have a little gossip time.

- (Gags) I just can't...
- And I'm gonna take you

to my Friday-night scrapbooking club

so you can see how your
real hero cuts loose.

(Gags)

- Decoupage.
- So, let me get this straight.

You being my hero basically undoes

everything good in my life?

Yay! We're gonna be slope sisters.

I got to go bedazzle my ski boots.

Ugh!

Thinking you should have
picked a different hero,

one who's literally put
his head in a lion's mouth?

Wait a minute. You're right.
I chose to write about Mom,

so I can just write about someone else.

- Now we're talking.
- I'll write about myself,

how I survived my crazy "smother"

and became my own hero.

At this point, very little surprises me.

Thank you, Pops! You are my hero!

I mean, for giving me the
idea to write about myself.

You bet.

(Background music playing)

(Chuckling) Oh, man! That was awesome!

I know you don't have your license,

but it's your turn to drive. Adam?

Huh.

Turns out we would need our dad...

just way sooner than expected.

Fancy meeting you here.

Good to see you're keeping
warm on this wintry day, Father.

Bup-bup. Not the dad.

(Laughs) Hilarious as always.

Speaking of funny stuff,

do you recall when you told
me there would be a time

I'd come to you in desperate need?

Well, that moment is now upon us.

Are you kidding? It's
been, what, 20 minutes?

Time sure does fly, doesn't it?

Well, whatever you did, it's on you.

Yeah, you're teaching me
a lesson about respect.

Noble goal.

In return, I'd like to teach you

the highs and lows of car tobogganing,

the recreational pastime
that's sweeping the nation.

- What did you do?
- I lost Adam.

(Sternly) Get my pants.

(Music playing)

There's my little typer monkey.

What you click-clacking about?

Got more to write about your hero mama?

Oh, just making a few tiny
tweaks to my college essay.

Tweaks?

Can't believe it gets
much better than that.

Oh, it's better. My first tweak
was when I, like, threw the whole

- thing out and started over.
- What's that, now?

Yeah, my new essay
is about my inner hero

and how I overcame the
greatest obstacle of all.

Me?

- It says I'm the obstacle?
- Yep.

- (Gasps) And ruiner of dreams?
- For sure.

- Strangler of hope?!
- Yep.

A vampire draining your human sprite?

Oopsie, that is
supposed to say "spirit."

Good eye.

Oh. This is about me
going on the ski trip.

Okay, how's about I just sit it out?

- Just please don't send this in.
- And print.

(Printer clicking) Please stop
that horrible printing sound.

I wish I could, but
I pressed the button,

- and it can't be stopped.
- It can if I drown it out.

(Blender whirring) The blending
stops when the printing stops.

You can blend all you want, lady,

but I'm gonna print all day long.

Beverly, Adam is lost in the snow!

It's an emergency!

I can't hear you. I'm proving a point.

My sister had finally
finished her new college essay

about heroically triumphing
over her "smother,"

but my mom had one last
trick up her snowsuit.

- Where are you going?
- Out.

Where? All of Philly's shut down.

I'm gonna snowshoe
over to the Dress Barn

and see about their
annual blizzard sale.

Blizzard sale? That's not a thing.

Eat my dust, sucka.

Penn State's gonna know I'm your hero.

Wait! Get back here!

But their race to the
mailbox didn't go as planned

becae we forgot to shovel the driveway.

No! Do not take that to the mailbox.

Don't you dare.

It's too late. You'll never catch me.

Get back here!

And so began the
slowest high-speed chase

in Goldberg history.

I wrote a better, more hurtful one.

Those stupid sons of
bitches at Penn State

will never read it.

Not if I beat you to
the mailbox, old lady.

Ha! I'm pulling ahead!

No, never!

Oh! Oh! Aah!

(Both grunting)

You... are not... my... hero!

No! Erica, that's all I had left,

and you ruined it.

Mom, it's just a stupid college essay.

Why make this the
biggest deal in the world?

That essay was the only proof I had

that you still want me as your mom.

Come on. That's not true.

Every day, you roll your eyes at me

and you tell me I ruin your life.

And I know you're a teenager,
and that's how it goes,

but it hurts.
And then I read this essay.

And it was just nice to be reminded

that you still think nice
things about me sometimes.

Look, even though you have
real impulse-control problems,

and you threw me down on a sheet of ice,

you shouldn't need some essay to know

that you really are
my... (quietly) hero.

What was that?

- You're my stupid hero, okay?
- (Music playing)

- I know I don't say it...
-
I can't believe it myself

...but I would be lucky to grow up

to be as strong and confident
and passionate as you are.

Oh, sweetie.

You already are all of those things.

I'm your hero.

- Dad?
- You okay?

You were right. Snow is nature's weapon.

-
Who could it be?

Come on. I'll get you home safe.

-
Believe it or not, it's just me

(Sniffles)

You're gonna yell at us
when we get home, aren't you?

- Oh, yeah.
- Good.

That's the thing about your heroes.

Even when we say we don't need them,

they'd still have our backs.

But every once in a while,

heroes need a little love, too...

or at least a reminder of
why they were so important

in the first place.

-
Believe it or not

-
I'm walking on air

I melted Butterfinger on some Jiffy Pop.

Consider it our apology...

You know, 'cause you're the dad...

and we like it that way.

If you need us, we'll be
shoveling the walkway

like we should have
done in the first place.

And with that, our dad was
back to being our dad again.

But that snow day,

he realized there's much
more to being a father,

- than enforcing the rules.
- Hey!

You snow babies gonna fight back?

So, yeah, our snow day
didn't go as planned...

but turns out, it really was the day

- we'd always hoped for.
- Take that, old man!

Oh, good. The walkway's shoveled.

- Ooh!
- Ohh!

Oh! You're gonna be one sorry Schmoo!

And that night, even though
it was freezing outside...

...and we were lobbing balls
of ice at each other,

we played in the snow
as a family for hours.

Because in the end,
nothing keeps you warm

like being around the
people you love most.

(Indistinct shouting)

- (Music playing)
- _

I have off school today,
for it had snowed.

The tree's have frozen over,
and there's icicles everywhere.

Yeah, we're live here.

(Both screaming)

Ugh! I am so glad I'm finally
done with that college essay.

You know, sweetheart, it's not too late

to write about a real hero.

Ship's kind of sailed at this point.

That ship might circle back to port

when you take a gander
at some circus adventures

after the war.

Oh, Pops, you don't
have to make stuff up.

You'll always be a hero to me.

But I spent four hours
digging this up...

Ah, damn it. She's gone.

(Projector whirring)

And there they are,
folks, stretching it.

(Cheers and applause)

You handsome devil.

All right! Come on down and see it.

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