All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s03e06 Couples Costume.eng

Back in the day,
trick-or-treating was my jam.

I'd spend months making

the most epic Halloween costumes

the '80s had ever seen.

I was a master of tape and glue-gunning.

My costumes were not only awesome,

but they were also topical.

I'm the coolest E.T. ever.

And I'm Elliot, E.T.'s owner!

...until my mom turned them
into couples costumes.

Look out, Jenkintown.

Here comes a Ghostbuster!

It was embarrassing.

And I'm his stay puft marshmallow mom.

And every year, it got worse.

Freeze, creep. I'm Robocop.

And I'm Ed-209, Omnicorp's foray
first foray into robotic policing.

I'm Indy!

...and it got more frustrating.

And I'm Mork.

I thought you said you were going as Mindy.

Why would I be going as Mindy?

Well, I guess we're Mork and Indy.

But not this year.

My girl was in town, and she'd
be the Ripley to my Alien.

I love us.

Me too.

Which I why I want you to have this.

Oh, my god.

Our promise ring.

I know you gave it back when you moved,

but I think we've proved
nothing can stand between us.

Hey, Boopie.

What the hell?!

It's me. It's Mama. I'm the Predator.

Stop it.

The Predator doesn't talk with smooches.

He clicks.

Well, this predator
kisses instead of kills.

You're ruining the property.

Or is Preda-mom making it better?

I told you, this year, I'm
doing a couples costume

with the person I'm
actually in a couple with.

Hi, Mrs. Goldberg.

Dana. Look.

Your alien movie has nothing
to do with my costume,

at least not that I know of.

God.

What?

Oh, my god. What is --

it's your favorite comic book,
"alien versus predator"?

Now, when did these two
get to know each other?

You said our costume was mom-proof.

I forgot about the crossover.

This is a very happy coincidence.

We're gonna make quite the trio.

No. You are not following us
around tonight in that costume.

You want me to follow you
around without a costume?

Come on. I'm gonna look crazy.

I don't need my mom's help
to go trick-or-treating.

I'm going with Dana.

Not you.

Oh. Okay.

I guess I'll just go.

Have a good time without me.

If you need me, just call my name...

For anything.

Or I could just stay if you want.

Did someone call me?

I thought I heard, "please don't go."

No?

Is there another way out of here?

Nope.

Call if you need me.

Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com

It was October 31, 1980-something,

and my siblings were hard at work

strategizing how to beat Halloween.

Okay, here's our path through Jenkintown.

First, we hit Tom McFadden's Kegger,

then we head north and
hit these three parties.

Ooh, are you planning a candy route?

We should combine our data.

- May I?
- You may.

Nerd punch!

Ow!

What was that for?

Dude! Your girlfriend came
across the ocean to be with you.

Dana lives in Seattle.

Exactly. Do you really think

she wants to spend her one night in America

collecting candy like a little toddler?

But that's w-what we always do.

It's what you did. You're adults now.

Just listen to your deep,
yet still high weird voice.

Hurtful, but continue.

It's Halloween, dude --
a night for romance.

This holiday's all about
girls getting scared

and running to a big,
strong man for protection.

It's evolution.

Idiot punch.

Ow.

But he's got a point.

We do pretend to be scared
to make it easy for boys

because we feel bad for them.

Wow. Okay.

So I should take her someplace scary.

Like JCPenney?

- What?
- What?

They put a bunch of spider webs
up in their mattress display.

You know they're fake,
but they make you think,

"What if my bed had spiders?"

Oh, my god, no.

There's a frat at Villanova

that runs an awesome haunted house.

Take her there.

What? You want me to pay
money to get tortured

when candy is free?

Nut up, bro.

It's just a stupid haunted house.

You'll be fine.

Hey. Ready to head out?

Uh, yeah. Question.

What would you rather do tonight --

get unlimited free nougaty candy...

...Or go to a haunted house?

What?

Or go to a haunted house?

What?

Free candy?

Or go to a lame haunted house --
super-boring.

A haunted house does sound cool,

although, I might need you to protect me.

Told you.

Haunted house it is.

Hopefully they have friendly
ghosts like Casper.

Actually, Casper weirds me out, too.

Nerd punch!

Ow!

As I was facing my first
grown-up Halloween,

my mom was facing her first one alone.

What are you up to?

Hiding a deadly razor in some candy.

Okay.

Don't you judge me.

I'm just creating a visual aid

to show Adam the dangers of
getting candy from strangers

without his mother.

See? This used to be fun-size.

Now it's terror-size.

You know what's terrifying?

The fact that you still want
to go trick-or-treating

in matching costumes with
your almost-adult son.

I don't want to.

I have to for his safety.

Halloween is a night where
gangs of street toughs

roam the sidewalks looking
to rough up children

and take their candy.

Street toughs?

In Jenkintown?

They drive in.

And don't even get me
started on the kidnappers.

They hitch a ride with the street toughs.

So they're all carpooling.

Maybe they're taking the bus.

What kind of bus is this?

The point is, I don't do this for me.

Trick-or-treating is a nightmare,

and I can't wait for Adam to give it up.

Hey, ma, me and Dana decided

to go to a haunted house this year.

We'll be back by 9:00.

But what about trick-or-treating?

I have a visual aid to prove a point

that now doesn't matter.

Yeah, we're over it.

But -- we always --

we Al-- we always --

candy.

Just go.

Well, there you go, Bevy.

Nightmare's over.

Yeah. This is just what I wanted.

Maybe I'll make myself useful by dusting

or by...Sitting in my room in the dark

to save on electricity.

I'll figure something out.

Could I eat that?

Well, that's never stopped me before.

Moron!

There's a razor in it.

You win this round, old man.

While my mom's Halloween was falling apart,

mine was coming together.

Aww. I love this ring.

I'll never take it off again.

Besides being a beautiful
symbol of our love,

that bad boy really makes your eyes pop.

Aww.

Whoa.

I didn't think this was gonna be so scary.

Don't worry, girl. Ad-rock's
here to protect you.

Yep, I was the man.

In that moment, I couldn't believe

I ever doubted Barry and Erica.

And then a moment later,
I remembered why I did.

But since this was all for love,

I knew I could handle
some cobwebs and fog...

...but not a werewolf...

...Or a dude with a chainsaw.

And so I used Dana as a human shield...

Aah! Aaah! Balls, balls,
balls, balls! Aaaah!

...and then ditched her
and ran for my life.

Oh. Hey. Lost you in there. Sup?

Hopefully she didn't notice.

You used me as a human shield.

She noticed.

Babe, it -- it was just a goof.

As you ran out, you screamed
"kill her, not me!"

You got to commit hard to the bit, right?

Oh, god.

My ring's gone.

I must have lost it back there.

You got to go get it for me.

Um...

Can I just get you a new one?

I lied about it making your eyes pop.

It makes them look gross.

Whatever.

Are you mad?

No.

I'm just tired.

I actually think I'm gonna go.

Happy Halloween.

She's not tired, bro.

It can taaaalk!

While my Halloween had turned sour,

pops was busy handing out sweets.

Ooh! Look at you!

It's spider-guy, strawberry
flapjacks, and hey!

It's Herman the frog.

Wokkity! Wokkity!

Everything you're saying is wrong.

Enjoy!

Oh, there she is. Happy Halloween, pumpkin!

There will be no more happy Halloweens,

not if I can't be out there
with my little nub-nub.

I assume that's Adam.

Adam is my nub-nub, yes.

I don't care for nub-nub.

It -- it sounds wrong to the ear.

It's just... Adam was the last one.

Now what's the point to Halloween?

Hey.

You still got me.

Come on, hand out some candy.

Dad, have you been handing out
this candy the whole time?

Yeah, why?

Uh, where is my deadly candy bar?

What's happening?

Where's my deadly razor candy bar?

What's happening?

I jammed a lady razor
into a delicious treat

to show Adam any crazy person could do it.

Why would you do that?

You know what a safety nut I am!

I did it for safety!

That is the opposite of safety!

I know!

Oh, god. I got to go find it!

I must save the children!

And save them she would.

Safety check!

Give me your candy.

No.

I'm not asking, I'm taking.

Give it. No!

Give it!

Young man!

Young man.

I'm not a street tough,
I'm a concerned mama.

I'm here for safety.

Run towards safety.

Run towards safety and
away from the razors.

Spider-man, give me your candy!

I'm saving lives.

I'm saving lives!

Halloween was in full swing,

and the night would be
more trick than treat.

Yo! Guess who I am.

Bruce Lee?

What? No!

I'm Chuck Norris!

Oh, yeah.

It's kind of hard to read. Can I fix it?

Please do.

Perfect.

You're a good person.

Thanks for nothing, jerks!

You ruined my Halloween, you
ruined my relationship,

and you ruined my underpants.

I haven't actually checked yet,
but I know what I'm in for!

Can we do this later?

Suck Norris and I have
several parties to hit.

What?

No, you can't go.

I took your stupid advice,
and I freaked out

in that haunted house like
a scared little baby.

Dude, it's not our fault you're
a nervous, jumpy, wuss-bag.

Dana dropped her promise
ring in that haunted house.

Barry, you got to go in there and get it.

No way. We have six parties to hit.

Come on, just help me.

You're always bragging

that you're literally not
scared of anything on earth.

Or stuff in the sky, like birds or meteors.

And you've said many times

that you have the strength of 10 men.

And 44 medium-sized children.

And you have claimed you're
an unstoppable killing force.

I did karate kick a jellyfish
at the beach that one time.

It stung pretty bad, but
he floated away lifeless.

My god! Just go and do it already.

Oh, fine.

I guess this is my burden to bear

since I'm the one born with
extra testosterone and no fear.

You'll really help me?

Dude, if anyone can find
that ring, it's this guy.

As I was in search of my ring,

my mom was hunting down her razor candy.

I'm home! Come quick, I need your help.

Holy crap!

Did you take all that

from the tiny hands of little children?

And this.

Bevy, the razor's not in there.

But it might be in here.

I threw it away!

You power-walked out of
here like a panther!

We couldn't find you!

Well, this is...Concerning.

You -- you have another bag, don't you?

She did.

She also had three more in the car.

Heavy. I got it.

How far did you walk?!

Well, I didn't know if that
razor made it to the next town.

I had to be sure.

And all those kids she stole candy from

were for sure gonna get their revenge...

With a few dozen eggs.

What are they doing?

Egging our house!

Which we deserve.

This is gonna stain our aluminum siding!

Again, well-deserved!

Just give them the candy back.

The only thing they're
getting is a lecture.

My mom stormed into the dark night

to defend our home against Kermit the frog

and strawberry shortcake.

This...Is a waste... Of groceries!

But it became an Alien standoff --

Predator versus Alf.

Look both ways when you cross the street!

Turns out, years of power-walking

made her a power-runner,

and Alf's little legs were no match

for my angry smother.

Hey, Bar, we don't say this stuff much,

but you're a good brother
for going in there for me.

Yeah, yeah.

Thanks, I'm just gonna --
yeah, yeah.

- Are you okay, man?
- Of course I'm okay.

Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm an adult.

Aah!

What was that?

Are you okay, man?!

Yeah! I just had the bravery shakes, god.

What's happening with you right now?

Look, I know for some reason

you think I have extra
testosterone and no fear.

Yeah, 'cause you've said those exact words

for the last 10 years.

Right, but the truth is,

I actually have a normal
amount of testosterone

and a tremendous amount of fear.

Then why would you say it?

I say it 'cause people
finding out about my fear

is my greatest fear.

Fine! Erica, you go in.

Pass.

Seriously? You're scared
of haunted houses, too?

Hell, no.

But there's a frat guy I
made out with in there,

and if I see him, I know I'll
fall right back into it.

And that's my greatest fear...

Or at least something I
would like to avoid.

Come on! Safety in numbers!

We just have to stick together.

Okay, let's do this.

But, wait!

How's my hair?

Good.

Yeah.

And with that, the three
of faced our fears.

The plan was simple --
stick together at all costs.

Yo, pretty, pretty.

Hey, Anton!

Go, just go. Leave me.

But what about sticking together?

So, Anton, did you like, um,

lose my number or something?

The ring's got to be around here somewhere.

My ankle!

Adam, help me!

I can't hear you through the fog!

That's not how fog works!

Goodbye, Barry!

You were a terrible
brother, but I love you!

That night, I wasn't the only one

facing an angry monster.

Shame on you kids.

Running around like hooligans
in the night, egging my house.

Your mothers have failed as mothers,

and they are gonna be
livid when I call them.

Hello.

May I give you another
take on this situation?

Not now. I'm on a roll.

Has it occurred to you that
these children's parents

might think differently,
given all the facts?

It has not occurred to me

and will continue to not occur to me.

Well, it occurs to me

you've become everything
you fear on Halloween.

Please. I have not.

You hid a razor in a chocolate bar.

To prove a point.

You stole candy from children
like a street tough.

To protect them.

And then there's the kidnappings.

All I did was round them up

and force them into my house and --

oh, my god, that is bad.

Hiya, guys.

On your way out, you'll
each find a bag of candy

that I put a $5 bill in,

so maybe you shouldn't mention
this to your parents.

And by the way, have a happy Halloween.

Your wife's nuts, dude.

Oh, yeah.

Kermit's right.

I really did lose it tonight.

It's just Halloween. Who cares?

Don't you understand what
this night means to me?

No matter how old Adam got,

he was always so happy when we
would go out and get candy.

His smile, the excitement,

his sweaty little hand
reaching up to grab mine,

and now his sweaty little hand
is grabbing someone else's.

He'll never need me again.

You got anything savory?

Please leave.

That night my mom realized

it was time to let go of
her kids on Halloween,

and my dad realized he
could help her through it.

Hey.

Look at me.

I'm an alien man just like you.
Na-nu, na-nu.

What are you doing? What is this?

I thought, "well, if you're
in a couples costume,

you might as well be with someone

you're in an actual couple with."

You put together this stupid thing for me?

Yeah, you know, I'm not
one for sentimental crap.

God! Son of a bitch!

Just take it off.

I can't!

This is a child's helmet.

It's like sucking on my head.

My head's in a vacuum.

Why would you just jam it on?

The more you pull it
off, the more it clamps!

Why would you do this?!

I just thought, you know,

you can't have Halloween
with the kids anymore,

and maybe you could have Halloween with me.

That is so sweet.

And I would love that.

Mama, I need you!

Move!

Boopie, what's wrong?!

It's Barry!

He twisted his ankle in the haunted house.

Oh, no. Where's Erica?

She's in there, too, with
a frat boy named Anton.

Oh, hell, no!

All right, so we'll put a
pin in the couples costume.

-
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight
-
maybe after Adam goes to college.

Turns out, that night,

the scariest thing in that
haunted house was my mom.

What the...?

Move it!

Out of my way!

-
You said, oh, girl
-
back off, punk!

-
It's a cold world
-
Ohh!

-
When you keep it all to yourself
-
Mom kick!

Mom slap!

-
I said, you can't hide
-
You! Out!

- Damn it! Call me?
-
on the inside

-
all the pain you've ever felt
- Do not call her!

- Dana's ring wasn't the only thing I found that night.
-
ransom my heart

- I also discovered
-
but, baby, don't look back

- That my mom and I made quite the team.
-
'cause we got nobody else

I found the ring.

Then go.

I'll stay and find your brother.

-
We're running with the shadows of the night
-
Thanks, mama.

You got it, my little alien.

-
it'll be all right

it turned out to be the best one ever.

-
they'll come true in the end
-
as much as my mom savored

every single Halloween when I was little,

this was the one she'd remember forever.

Aah! My ankle.

-
You know that sometimes

You're safe now.

-
It feels like

-
It's all moving way too fast

You're grounded for a month.

For sure.

-
it's all right

-
but not tonight

and show people who you really are.

Sorry for using you as a
human shield and all.

-
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight

-
They'll come true

-
In the end

-
We're running with the shadows of the night

It -- it's not too late to get some candy.

-
So, baby, take my hand it'll be all right
- Candy sounds great.

-
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight

With me and Dana getting candy.

-
They'll come true in the end

You gonna go keep him safe?

-
We're running with the shadows of the night

But watching from a distance can't hurt.

-
they'll come true in the end

but when you know in your heart
your family has your back,

nothing in life is scary.

Boy: Yo, man, this place is really crazy.

Boy #2: I know. God, it
looks scary in the dark.

Oh, this is so creepy.

Look at the cobwebs.

Whoa.

What's that?

Oh.

What was that?!

Man: Aah!

Beverly: Who wants waffles?

Kids, come on down!

Here you go, Murray.

Oops. I almost forgot --

I need to get the kids' lunch money.

Mom's got to stop wearing
her old Halloween costume.

She won't.

Whoever's standing there,
let go of my purse.

Her new perm didn't settle right.

She doesn't want anyone to see
what's going on under there.

Still getting the hang of this thing.

Yeah, we should go.

Help your mother.

You have 30 seconds to comply.

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www.addic7ed.com

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