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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,000
Steven, it's 7-damn-30
in the morning.
3
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:25,960
What the hell
are you doing here?
4
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,880
Red, be nice.
5
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,480
Steven, we're waiting.
6
00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,440
Oh, I've been living
in the basement.
7
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:40,320
You know, I did notice a dusting
of curly hair on the floor...
8
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,280
but I just wrote it off to
my changing teenage body.
9
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,520
I moved back in when
my dad got transferred.
10
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,080
Transferred?
He's a bartender.
11
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:57,120
Where'd he get transferred to,
the jukebox?
12
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,640
You know, Red, if it's cool,
I'd kinda rather not talk about it.
13
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,120
Well, Steven, it's important
to get these things out in the open.
14
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,560
Kitty, let him
do what's natural...
15
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,840
and keep his feelings
bottled up.
16
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,000
Attaboy.
17
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,800
Well...
18
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,200
Welcome back,
Steven.
19
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,800
You know, maybe we can
spruce up your old room...
20
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,920
since I decided
to redo the basement.
21
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,440
What? You're redoing
the basement?
22
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,880
Well, honey,
no one uses it.
23
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,680
I use it.
Every day.
24
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,240
It's my Batcave.
25
00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:41,480
I'll find you
a good, cheap contractor.
26
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,480
Oh, no, no, no. This is something
I want to handle myself.
27
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:48,440
- This is going to be expensive, isn't it?
- Maybe.
28
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,560
Don't you like
anything cheap?
29
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,480
I like you.
30
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:31,160
Yeah, I'm gonna
miss it down here.
31
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,080
A lot of good times.
32
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,680
I broke my foot
climbing out of this dryer.
33
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:45,200
Yeah, I hit my head playing handball
with the soap in that shower.
34
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:51,880
Me and Jackie totally did it, like,
a bajillion times on this old sofa.
35
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,640
Michael, that's private.
36
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,000
I got news for you.
It wasn't that private.
37
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:10,160
Oh, my God! That is
the biggest spider I have ever seen.
38
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,960
I think it had a rat
in its mouth.
39
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:21,280
Okay, I think maybe the basement
isn't the place for me after all.
40
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,880
Oh, you know what, Mom?
I think you might be right.
41
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,680
I mean, not only is it bug-infested,
but in all honesty...
42
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,640
I think it
might be haunted.
43
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,920
Get out.
44
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,720
That's spooky.
45
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,200
I don't know, Mrs. Forman.
I mean, sure, it's a pit now...
46
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:48,640
but if you paint, fumigate and get rid
of Eric, this could be a great room.
47
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,080
Hey, wh...
Hey, okay.
48
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,000
You're not
my girlfriend anymore. Okay?
49
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,920
So you don't get an opinion
on my stuff now.
50
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,920
Mom, don't listen to her.
She's crazy.
51
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,600
Wait, I disagree with you,
so I'm crazy?
52
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,960
I think the last time I disagreed
with you was the sanest thing I ever did.
53
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,000
Okay, are you referring
to our breakup?
54
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,680
Because I must remind everyone that she wore
my promise ring around her neck.
55
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,800
That's crazy.
56
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,840
Ring, finger.
Finger, ring.
57
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,520
- Well, you're lucky I didn't shove the ring up your ass.
- Mom!
58
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,280
All right. Wait.
Who said, "Get out"?
59
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,760
Anyway, Mrs. Forman, we have a bunch of
decorating magazines at home.
60
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:41,040
- I'll bring 'em over.
- Well, thank you, Donna.
61
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,400
And I think that ring
looked nice around your neck.
62
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,560
Donna, what the hell?
What, we're not going out anymore...
63
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,640
so you don't
like my basement?
64
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,560
Well, I guess now that
I'm an ex-girlfriend...
65
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,480
I'm free to tell
the truth.
66
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,400
Free at last!
Free at last!
67
00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,320
Whoo!
68
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,520
- Michael, get Eric some ice.
- Why?
69
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,960
For that wicked burn!
Burn, Eric! Burn!
70
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,160
Oh, happy day.
71
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,800
Your friend Fez has taken his love of dance
to its logical conclusion.
72
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,720
I have joined
a ballet class.
73
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,000
Man, no offense, but you're,
like, one good cry away...
74
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,680
from being
the total woman.
75
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,560
Oh, really? Well,
would a total woman...
76
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,760
have her own
pink satin slippers?
77
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,320
Oh, Red, here. Um,
meet our contractors.
78
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,920
This is Theo and...
79
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,880
Hey, Mr. Eric's Dad.
80
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,840
This is who you hired
to redo our basement?
81
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:08,120
Well, no, no.
Actually, I hired Theo.
82
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,920
And, uh, I didn't
really expect Leo.
83
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,720
That was, um...
That was a bonus.
84
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:17,600
Here.
Shoo, Leo.
85
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,560
Don't worry, ma'am.
Leo is solid.
86
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,880
And he's not allowed to
touch anything electrical.
87
00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,280
Kitty, I hate to
interfere...
88
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,440
I understand
your concern, sir.
89
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,120
But I'm not an irresponsible
screwup like my cousin Leo.
90
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,040
That's true, man.
91
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,880
I used to be like Leo, sitting
around all day, wasting my life.
92
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,800
But then one day
the smoke cleared.
93
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,560
See, Red?
He had an epiphany.
94
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,480
Actually, I ran out of weed,
and the smoke cleared.
95
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,240
But, uh...
96
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,280
Then I saw how trashed
my apartment was, so I rebuilt it.
97
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,520
Been a contractor
ever since.
98
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:09,200
Well, I'm sold.
99
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,880
Okay, Donna, when did you
stop liking my basement?
100
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:20,720
I never liked it. There were a lot of things
I kept to myself when we were dating.
101
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,720
Yeah, well...
102
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,120
there were plenty of
things I kept to myself.
103
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,960
Plenty.
104
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,360
Like what,
for instance?
105
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:35,320
I'm sure Donna would
like to know.
106
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,520
Yeah, like what,
for instance?
107
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,800
Well, like...
108
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,520
Why don't...
you just start first?
109
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,760
Okay.
110
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,560
You know how when you eat, and you
smack your lips in that really cute way?
111
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,560
Yeah.
112
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,360
It's disgusting.
113
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,720
That's all you got?
114
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,680
No. You have
tiny wrists.
115
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,800
What?
116
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,640
No, I don't.
117
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,160
Mom, do I have
tiny wrists?
118
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:15,920
No, not tiny.
Dainty.
119
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,520
No, no, no.No, no.
120
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,960
The doctor always said
you were in the normal range.
121
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:27,480
See? Normal,
Big Bone Magoo.
122
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,600
Ooh. That's nice.
123
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,720
You don't have to
tell me.
124
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,640
It's really cool you're here.
Most men won't take ballet class.
125
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,760
Oh, my pet,
most men are not Fez.
126
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:57,220
This whole basement thing
is Donna's fault.
127
00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:00,020
I mean, what's her problem?
She's been messing with me all day.
128
00:10:00,060 --> 00:10:01,940
- It could be payback.
- For what?
129
00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:04,860
Well, she had to see
you naked for two years.
130
00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:11,540
That must've
been unpleasant.
131
00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:15,740
You know, for a guy who's been orphaned
twice, you really lack compassion.
132
00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:19,660
Speaking of
hurtful things...
133
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,420
Hey, where's
your dad, man?
134
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,460
Okay.
135
00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:28,540
He, uh...
136
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,460
He went to work
for the police...
137
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:37,900
developing high-tech handcuffs
to restrain people with tiny wrists.
138
00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:03,100
Hey, uh,
puffy-shirt guy called.
139
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:05,300
He wants his puffy shirt back.
140
00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:14,580
Things at ballet class have
taken a turn for the worse.
141
00:11:14,620 --> 00:11:16,900
Somehow, I've become
one of the girls...
142
00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:19,940
a hairy, brown girl.
143
00:11:23,020 --> 00:11:24,980
Hey, uh, Fez...
144
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:27,420
does that shirt come with
its own bicycle pump?
145
00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:30,820
You should talk.
That shirt makes you look like...
146
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:32,740
a stick of
Fruit Stripe gum.
147
00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:38,980
God, what did you have
for breakfast this morning...
148
00:11:39,060 --> 00:11:41,300
Carnation Instant Bitch?
149
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:48,100
Okay, that one
was out of the park.
150
00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:51,220
I am so bored with you two.
151
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,860
You know what? I actually
want to talk about Fez.
152
00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:58,060
Fez, why don't the women
at ballet love you?
153
00:11:58,140 --> 00:12:02,100
I don't know. They let me touch
their thighs but not their hearts.
154
00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:06,700
You know what might help?
155
00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:08,980
If you dressed
a little more masculine.
156
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:11,420
Hey, Hyde, you know what
my favorite ballet is?
157
00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:13,420
The Nutcracker?
158
00:12:22,580 --> 00:12:24,540
Hey, guys.
159
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,700
Don't you think it's time to knock off?
You know, maybe forever?
160
00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:30,500
Yeah, well, we're not done yet.
Don't let us get in your way.
161
00:12:30,580 --> 00:12:32,420
Do whatever
you'd normally do.
162
00:12:43,580 --> 00:12:45,660
This is what you normally do?
163
00:12:45,740 --> 00:12:48,780
I used to do this, too,
back when I was being an artist.
164
00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:52,980
I love art.
165
00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:56,180
But I hate work.
But...
166
00:12:56,260 --> 00:12:58,500
I love art.
167
00:12:58,580 --> 00:13:00,420
But I hate work.
168
00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:03,420
Do you hear that, Forman?
169
00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:05,620
Theo's an artist
who hates work...
170
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,580
and who at this moment...
171
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,860
is very open to suggestion.
172
00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,980
Oh. I gotcha, Hyde.
173
00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:19,220
Theo, cluck like a chicken.
174
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,340
Do it. Ow!
175
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,140
Oh.
176
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:28,140
Theo, if you're unhappy,
and I hope you are...
177
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:30,300
you gotta be true
to yourself.
178
00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:32,860
Give up construction, man.
Go back to art.
179
00:13:34,420 --> 00:13:36,460
You broke up with Art?
180
00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:41,420
I don't know
what Eric's problem is.
181
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:43,860
I wasn't being a bitch,
was I?
182
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:48,660
Oh. Donna, I know from bitch,
and yes... yes, you were.
183
00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:54,980
But I feel much
closer to you now.
184
00:13:57,580 --> 00:14:01,460
All right. Okay.
I know what's going on here.
185
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,540
You're being mean to Eric
because you wanna do it with him.
186
00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:08,020
When Jackie dumped me,
I had a buttload...
187
00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:10,380
of leftover "wanting to
do it with her" feelings.
188
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:17,940
Oh, my God.
189
00:14:18,020 --> 00:14:19,900
You morons
might be right.
190
00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:23,260
But why do I have these
stupid feelings left over?
191
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:25,380
I just want to be
friends with him now.
192
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:27,380
What a child.
193
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,940
So innocent.
194
00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:34,580
You're never gonna
be friends with him.
195
00:14:34,660 --> 00:14:38,500
The only reason he was friends with you
was so he could do it with you.
196
00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:44,380
Really? So he made friends
with me when I was five...
197
00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:48,020
so he could do it
with me when I was 17?
198
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:50,900
Well, that and your
sweet Big Wheel.
199
00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:02,940
Okay, off to
ballet class now.
200
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:05,020
More masculine, yes?
201
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:14,340
Okay.
We're all done.
202
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,700
But you've only
been here a day.
203
00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:22,740
Well, you know what they say:
Rome was built in a day.
204
00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:31,220
No. Uh, "Rome wasn't
built in a day."
205
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:34,620
Oh? Well, your basement
was built in a day.
206
00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:45,580
Ta-da.
207
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,540
Y-You didn't
do anything.
208
00:15:56,860 --> 00:15:58,780
It's a commentary.
209
00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:02,700
See, you wanted to change your basement
into something that it wasn't.
210
00:16:02,780 --> 00:16:06,940
So instead of giving you something
that you thought you wanted...
211
00:16:07,020 --> 00:16:10,980
I gave you something
that you needed.
212
00:16:18,340 --> 00:16:22,060
Red, I think
my contractor's on dope.
213
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:29,620
No need to thank me.
214
00:16:29,660 --> 00:16:32,340
Oh, we won't.
215
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,340
Because you didn't
do anything, hophead.
216
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:42,020
Look! It's art!
217
00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:45,420
I moved everything
in this basement...
218
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:47,860
two inches to the left.
219
00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:53,700
Oh, yeah.
220
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:57,020
I call it "Basement...
Two Inches to the Left."
221
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:01,940
It's wild, huh?
222
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,500
I mean, it's like...
Where are you?
223
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,700
All right.
224
00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:17,460
Mrs. Eric's Mother
would like you to leave now.
225
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,500
Okay, you don't get it.
226
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:24,300
But when your life shifts
two inches to the left...
227
00:17:25,380 --> 00:17:27,260
you're gonna
call me.
228
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,980
Oh, yes. You are
gonna call me!
229
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:37,500
And if you like our work,
tell your friends, okay?
230
00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:47,580
Well, well, well.
231
00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:50,780
- Look who finally got his basement back.
- Yep.
232
00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:52,900
Outwitted two hippie burnouts.
233
00:17:54,180 --> 00:17:56,060
Walk tall.
234
00:18:01,340 --> 00:18:03,380
So, hey, Hyde.
235
00:18:03,420 --> 00:18:06,140
Come on.
Where's your dad? Really.
236
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:08,460
Fine. You want to know?
237
00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:10,940
He and my mom
got back together.
238
00:18:11,020 --> 00:18:12,940
No way.
No way.
239
00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:15,060
That's great.
So, where are they?
240
00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:18,340
I can't tell you.
241
00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:21,700
- Why not?
- 'Cause they won't tell me.
242
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,540
They split on you?
243
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:30,780
Oh, man.
244
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:33,180
Oh, man. See, this is why
I didn't wanna tell you.
245
00:18:33,260 --> 00:18:35,660
I knew you'd get all
After School Special on me.
246
00:18:43,220 --> 00:18:45,100
Me?
247
00:18:45,180 --> 00:18:47,140
Please.
248
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:57,060
It's okay.
249
00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,620
You're home now.
250
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:03,660
- Get off me, man.
- No, you let me love you, orphan boy!
251
00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:07,860
Don't hide
from your feelings!
252
00:19:20,580 --> 00:19:22,700
- So, hey.
- Hey.
253
00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:25,100
Look, I'm sorry
I've been so...
254
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:28,900
Bitchy?
255
00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:32,500
Yeah, I hadn't noticed.
Who said "bitchy"?
256
00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:35,980
Yeah, well, it turns out
that there are some...
257
00:19:36,060 --> 00:19:38,620
lingering feelings
or something.
258
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:42,900
Not real feelings...
just, like, lingering urges.
259
00:19:44,860 --> 00:19:48,900
But they're just lingering feelings.
They're not actual feelings.
260
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,900
I just wanna make that
very clear.
261
00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:54,580
You have. By using the word "lingering,"
like, six times.
262
00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:57,460
Okay.
263
00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:02,940
And the basement's
actually really cool.
264
00:20:03,020 --> 00:20:05,740
And your wrists
are very wide.
265
00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:17,860
Hmm.
266
00:20:17,940 --> 00:20:21,540
Um, there must be some way
to break the tension here.
267
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,860
Oh, I know.
Let's just have sex.
268
00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:28,220
- Okay.
- Really?
269
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:30,220
No. See ya.
270
00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:35,540
Like I wanted to.
271
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:39,380
I did want to.
272
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:46,301
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