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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,971 Do you ever get one of those days when everything makes sense? 2 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:19,070 Tinker's working, Eric's trying to. Freddie the Phone hasn't raised the rent - 3 00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,546 he's not even thinking of risking a homecoming. 4 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,344 How do you spell satin - one T or two? 5 00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:24,543 Mm? 6 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:28,247 As in satinwood inlaid marquetry, circa 1850. 7 00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,722 Oh, the tripod table. One T. 8 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,884 You know how to spell marquetry, do you? 9 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,052 Of course I do. 10 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:38,724 Oh, and add probably by Samuel Parnaby of Sandwich, Kent. 11 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,494 No, make that possibly. 12 00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:44,299 - Samuel Parnaby, I've never heard of him. - Neither have I. 13 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:47,568 - Sounds right, doesn't it? - Want this on the trailer, Lovejoy? 14 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,599 Mm-hm, everything's gotta go to the West End showroom. 15 00:01:50,643 --> 00:01:53,077 - What, you mean Vicki's flat? - (Lovejoy laughs) 16 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:57,641 (TV)... voicing their protest at the Department of the Environment's decision last month, 17 00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:01,415 to allow development on a greenfield site near the M1, 18 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:05,015 which is not only a site of special scientific importance, 19 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:09,757 but also involves the demolition of a derelict 17th-century manor house - 20 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,764 Hawspring St. Mary. 21 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:15,632 The developers, Tartan Transglobe plc, it is claimed, 22 00:02:15,668 --> 00:02:20,799 have ignored the wishes of the local council and the local member of parliament. 23 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,105 Today, the development officially gets under way, 24 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,079 and the concerned parties will be staging a protest... 25 00:02:27,113 --> 00:02:30,480 (All) Save our village, save our village, 26 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:36,581 save our village, save our village, save our village, save our village, 27 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:39,820 save our village, save our village. 28 00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:42,157 - (Booing) - (Chanting continues) 29 00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:46,061 (Screams) 30 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:48,629 Are you all right, love? 31 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:51,660 What happened? Did anybody see what happened? 32 00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:53,069 (Banging) 33 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:27,873 Save our village, save our village, save our village, save our village. 34 00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:30,068 (Car horn) 35 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:34,842 Save our village, save our village, save our village... 36 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:35,973 (Applause) 37 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,180 On behalf of Tartan Transglobe plc, 38 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:22,923 I'd like to introduce Mr. Charles Montrose, MP, our chairman. 39 00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:24,554 (Applause) 40 00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:43,440 - We're talking the future here. - (Chanting continues, distant) 41 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,610 We're talking enterprise. 42 00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:50,055 We're talking energy, ideas, self-expression. 43 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:10,534 (Montrose) Above all, we're building on our heritage - 44 00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:16,777 the heritage of a great nation looking to the future, not to the past. 45 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:24,154 Looking to the future and the 21st century with pride and optimism. 46 00:05:26,025 --> 00:05:28,721 (Villagers booing) 47 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:41,395 Right. 48 00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:44,808 Hanratty's. 49 00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:48,837 It's nice to be back in Hanratty's. 50 00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:52,715 Not that you could call old Ratty a specialist exactly, 51 00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:57,246 but he always comes up with something interesting in the edged weapons line. 52 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,917 This, for example. 53 00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:02,257 I know, it's not my cup of tea but... I'm on a commission, 54 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,229 and a percentage is a percentage. 55 00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:05,662 Have you got my coffee? 56 00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:09,100 Weird! Chetwood's gonna love this. 57 00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:10,625 Ah, no, you've got my coffee. 58 00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:13,537 - Tastes like tea anyway, Eric. - They're all coffees. 59 00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:14,972 Tastes like gravy. 60 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:17,202 Have you checked the lights on the Harley yet? 61 00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:19,803 - I'll get round to it, don't worry. - Yeah. 62 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,508 Against you, sir. Shall we say 100? 63 00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,413 120. 64 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:27,112 George III. What's all this engraving? 65 00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:32,022 It's a commemorative piece, isn't it. 1750s. The blade's a Solingen, it could be earlier. 66 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,288 That's the Solingen running wolf. 67 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:40,698 It says here "Fine basket sword, 1.25m, about 1760. 68 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:46,365 Unusual orb-shaped basket with conventional loop guard plus quillons... 69 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:51,173 whatever they are. Engraved "Souv le QC" on blade. 70 00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:54,509 It's lot 161 all right. What budget did Chetwood give you? 71 00:06:54,547 --> 00:06:59,280 Up to 900 quid. I've never seen a guard with quillons like that before - have you? 72 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,309 - Chetters'll love this. - Thank you, sir. 73 00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:04,687 Adores getting his teeth into a mystery. 74 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,723 What is a quillon, by the way when it's at home? 75 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,126 Hello! 76 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,563 - What? - Gently Bentley. 77 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,793 He got those Venetian stilettos earlier on. 78 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,859 Yes, but he stayed for this. 79 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:22,239 Right, lot 161, a fine 18th-century commemorative basket guard claymore. 80 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,106 Let's see what Bentley does. 81 00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:25,974 Who'll start me off at 200? 82 00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:33,085 Come along, ladies and gentlemen, this sword's worth far more than £200. 83 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,143 No? 84 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,621 Oh, well, I shall sell it for 200, then. 85 00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,986 300, thank you, madam. 86 00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:43,720 400. 87 00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,159 500. 88 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,190 - Who is she? - Can't see. 89 00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:50,498 With the lady, then - are we all done at 500? 90 00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:52,697 Six, thank you, sir. 91 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:55,437 And 50. 92 00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,304 Seven, thank you, sir. 93 00:07:58,344 --> 00:08:00,278 Against you, madam. 94 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,439 Seven it is. 95 00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,278 - Lovejoy. - (Gasps) 96 00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:08,143 Which lot are they at? 97 00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:09,677 They've just done 163. 98 00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:13,158 If you found the sword at the flat, why the hell didn't you bring it to me? 99 00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:16,355 - This is the correct place to bring it? - I didn't say that it isn't. 100 00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:18,192 Crap furniture and good weapons. 101 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,995 Genuine collectors' house, Hanratty's, you always told me. 102 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,091 And you bid me up. 103 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:25,365 I didn't see you. Nobody bids only once anyway. 104 00:08:25,404 --> 00:08:26,530 Who told me that, huh? 105 00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,504 Perhaps I should change me aftershave. 106 00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:31,271 - Excuse me, sir. - Yeah. 107 00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,972 The claymore, would you mind if I were to look at it? 108 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:37,210 No, no, come with me. Vicki, Eric, show this man the sword, will you. 109 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,582 Vicki, we're coming to the flat this afternoon. 110 00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,746 - My place? - We're gonna drop some stuff off. 111 00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:44,722 You know, the table and things, and yes, I did remember to call her. 112 00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:46,452 - Right, Vicki? - Well... 113 00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:48,050 I wonder... May I have a word? 114 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,356 Yeah. 115 00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:50,885 My name is Kinloch. 116 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,329 - Lovejoy. - Catchpole. 117 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,333 This is a commemorative piece. 118 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:58,098 "Souv le QC". You find that on a few of them. Souviens le quarante-cinq - 119 00:08:58,137 --> 00:08:59,365 remember the '45. 120 00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,430 1745. 121 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:02,702 The '45. 122 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:07,304 Ah, Prestonpans, Culloden, Bonnie Prince Charlie ♪ Over the sea to Skye ♪ 123 00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:08,813 I remember doing that. 124 00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:10,440 You're looking very smart, Tinker. 125 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,974 Regimental reunion, young ma'am. 126 00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:16,111 Charles Edward Stuart, as you say. 127 00:09:16,155 --> 00:09:19,386 Charles III of England as he might've been. 128 00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:22,917 - So this commemorates what - a disaster? - Not for Charles it wasn't. 129 00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:25,863 He had England scared witless. He was a hero in Europe. 130 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:30,358 Quite right, young lady. In Paris he was féted. He was the toast of France despite his defeat. 131 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:35,898 The fact is, sir, that this particular claymore, I believe has connections with my family. 132 00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:38,069 Well... it's more than a belief. 133 00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:41,307 You see the capital O with the smaller O beside? 134 00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,336 Mm-hm. 135 00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:48,013 My family are the Kinlochs of Lochs Olloch. There are two Lochs Olloch - 136 00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:53,014 the big sea loch and the little freshwater loch, hence the two O's. 137 00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:54,856 It's a mark on all the family silver. 138 00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:59,228 I imagine you gave nearly a thousand pounds for this. 139 00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:03,294 I'd be prepared to give you 5,000. 140 00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:11,975 Just a moment. 141 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:18,015 (Auctioneer) It's a very desirable lot, this one. Now, I have £600. 142 00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:20,109 Five grand starts me wondering. 143 00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,454 Hello, Gently. 144 00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,882 You bought that damn thing, did you? 145 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,091 Commission. 146 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,618 Yeah. 147 00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:34,531 Well, fools abound, as my old Aunt Dolly used to declare. 148 00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,558 Only a commemorative piece, you know. 149 00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:39,935 What would you do if you were offered two grand for it? 150 00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,439 What? 151 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,839 Let's have a look at it. 152 00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:47,935 I don't get it. 153 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,676 Solingen blade, 154 00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:52,946 but no other maker's stamp on it. 155 00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:56,218 He, er... (Clears throat) 156 00:10:56,255 --> 00:11:00,316 - He says it was made for his family. - Probably was. 157 00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:01,758 Do you know him? 158 00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:03,125 No. 159 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,652 Is he a dealer? 160 00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,164 Doubt it. 161 00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:09,624 Looks as if you've struck lucky, Lovejoy. 162 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,661 Grab your two grand and run. I should. 163 00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:14,366 Hmm. 164 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:17,600 - Thank you, Bentley. - Mm. 165 00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:20,512 Well, you know me. 166 00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:24,539 Gonna hang on to it. 167 00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:31,319 I just want to feel a bit freer, you know? 168 00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:33,481 I think that's what it is. 169 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,756 Oh, yes, of course. Thank you. 170 00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:37,490 But don't expect miracles. 171 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,327 Are you sure you can afford to buy it? 172 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,162 I've worked it out quite carefully. 173 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:45,796 Dad got it dirt cheap from some fence who's retired to Malaga - Albie something. 174 00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:48,238 I would've thought I was doing him a favor. 175 00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,935 Well, yes, quite. 176 00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:52,273 You will tread gently, though, won't you? 177 00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:54,336 He feels very guilty about you. 178 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:58,009 I suppose that's why he bought you the flat in the first place, don't you think? 179 00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,779 He doesn't have to feel guilty. 180 00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:02,379 I mean, it's not his fault that my mum's a prize cow, is it? 181 00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,626 - Hi, Dad. - Hello, darling, how are you? 182 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:21,697 I've just been helping Jane to plan her interior decor stuff on my computer. 183 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,901 - Yeah? - Yeah. 184 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,341 - Hello, Vicki. - Hi, Eric. 185 00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:29,006 Eric, start unloading that, would you, and be careful of that table, Tinker's in love with it. 186 00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,577 - Now, Dad... - What? 187 00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:34,245 Uh, Dad... 188 00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,052 What the hell? 189 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:39,990 I've been careful with them. I just don't really want them here. 190 00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:44,223 What do you mean, you don't want them, they're beautiful, some of my finest pieces. 191 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,925 I was beginning to feel like your London showroom. 192 00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:49,833 You are my London showroom. What the hell's going on, Jane? 193 00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,894 This is the pack I've been designing. 194 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:52,961 It's for a perfume. 195 00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,496 - I haven't named it yet. - You getting paid for this? 196 00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:58,806 - Got a few ideas for the bottle. - Are you getting paid for this? 197 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,304 - In a way. - In what way? 198 00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:04,849 That the real stuff? 199 00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:07,518 What's going on here? 200 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,955 Are you going to drink this champagne or not? 201 00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:15,757 I think Vicki's trying to tell you she's got a job. 202 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,127 She already had a job, running my London showroom. 203 00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:19,927 No, a proper job. 204 00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,331 Flexi-hours, a personal pension scheme. 205 00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:25,098 A pension, wow, good for you - what about me? 206 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:26,468 And money. 207 00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:27,836 Money... 208 00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:29,841 and a pension - 209 00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,035 wow! 210 00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:32,509 I'm a sales executive. 211 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,070 I'm just above a most junior salesperson. 212 00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,776 - I can wear a suit. - Oh! 213 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,648 She's got something else to tell you. 214 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,316 The check's the deposit, and the rest is a standing order. 215 00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:48,117 What? 216 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,220 I'm paying you back for the deposit, I want to buy the flat. 217 00:13:51,263 --> 00:13:54,164 - Properly buy it. - It's already yours. 218 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,861 Well, I'm paying you back for it, then. 219 00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:57,801 The deposit and everything. 220 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:01,170 I bought it for you. I don't want this. 221 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,771 Dad, I want to be independent. 222 00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:07,506 - She doesn't feel it's hers. - I feel it's hers. 223 00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:10,777 Oh, I see. This could obviously go on for some time. 224 00:14:10,816 --> 00:14:12,681 Look, she's very determined - 225 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:15,084 why don't you just give in with a good grace? 226 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,987 - Dad, you must be broke. You always are. - I am not broke 227 00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,014 and I do not want your money. 228 00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:24,291 - You've never refused money in your life! - If you want to throw your money around, 229 00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:26,025 I suggest you find a charity, 230 00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:29,034 but I don't think I qualify for that just yet. 231 00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:31,400 Didn't you tell me you found the sword in this flat? 232 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,428 That means I bought back my own sword. 233 00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:36,373 - I'll give you the money for it. - I don't want the money for it! 234 00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:40,938 Oh, my God! What's all this lot doing here? 235 00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:42,174 It's all going out. 236 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,079 Lovejoy, give it to me in a word. 237 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:48,246 Is the stuff that's in going out or is the stuff that's out coming in? 238 00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:50,278 - In a word, Eric - in. - Out. 239 00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:51,789 Make up your mind, somebody. 240 00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,655 - Shut up, Eric. - Dad, it's only money. 241 00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:55,489 She's been very loyal to you, Lovejoy. 242 00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:58,360 That's very nice, Lady Jane, I only came in to try and help. 243 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,831 - Do you want the stuff out or what? - Oh, shut up, Eric. 244 00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:02,857 (All talk at once) 245 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,530 She even said her mother was a pain in... 246 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:09,132 Well, I didn't tell her, it almost certainly was. 247 00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:11,301 - Was what? - His fault she was. 248 00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:13,004 His fault she was what? 249 00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:14,637 Oh, never mind! 250 00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:21,508 Do you ever have one of those days when you feel nothing makes sense? 251 00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:26,390 You buy a sword from your daughter at a price that's over the odds 252 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,292 even though she found it in a flat that you bought for her. 253 00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:32,957 So, in other words, I'm buying back my own sword 254 00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:36,832 and she wants to buy back a flat that already belongs to her. 255 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:39,303 Am I missing something here? 256 00:15:40,072 --> 00:15:41,733 Perhaps it's not happening. 257 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,298 Perhaps it's getting to me. 258 00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:46,903 Perhaps I'm ready for that little cozy room in that big white house. 259 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:50,973 Well, I will be if I carry on talking to myself like this. 260 00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:01,156 Right, well, I'm off, then. 261 00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:06,930 Kinloch's left his address and phone number in case you change your mind about the sword. 262 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,092 Oh. 263 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:12,160 And, Lovejoy, by the way, what are quillons? 264 00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:15,196 Oh, these... are quillons, Eric. 265 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,403 Oh. Could've made them the same length, couldn't they? 266 00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:21,874 Very rare, that, Eric. 267 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,973 By the way, did you get my French polish? 268 00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:27,543 I thought I might get that later, cos I'm gonna be late for Charley's gig. 269 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:29,247 Get it before closing time, Eric. 270 00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,347 Yeah, before closing time, no problem. 271 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,119 And fix the light on the Harley, Eric. 272 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,147 Yes, all right. 273 00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:36,024 And leave some gravel in the drive, Eric. 274 00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:57,810 (Barking) 275 00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,589 (Barking) 276 00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:25,773 Oh! 277 00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:28,870 Oh, bloody Eric. 278 00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:42,590 (Breaking glass) 279 00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:15,350 What is it about this sword? 280 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:31,769 (Horn beeping) 281 00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:44,855 Hello, Chris, mate. 282 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:46,357 Long time no see. 283 00:18:48,727 --> 00:18:50,092 Bloody hell! 284 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,756 Bloody Eric. 285 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,162 - Bloody hell! - (Laughs) 286 00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:55,497 What, rear light, was it? 287 00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:58,025 I'll have to have a license or something off you. 288 00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,061 I told station I was following you. 289 00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:03,905 Come back to the office and I'll get it for you. It's only round the corner. 290 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:06,274 - Office? - Yeah, Lovejoy Antiques. 291 00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:08,711 Works of art valued if we like the look of you. 292 00:19:08,747 --> 00:19:10,305 I'm finance director. 293 00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:14,479 So, come on, then, I want the lot with this, siren, lights, everything! 294 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:17,547 You don't get a siren with one of those. 295 00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:35,137 - (Horn beeping) - (Drunken singing) 296 00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:39,910 Get out the way, Tinker! 297 00:19:44,449 --> 00:19:45,438 Oh! 298 00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:52,221 OK, Chris, I'll get it now, I won't be a minute. 299 00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:54,381 Ohh! 300 00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:57,458 What the hell's... 301 00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,963 Don't just stand there! 302 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,496 (Bicycle bell) 303 00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:08,067 Another party. 304 00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:11,075 Oh, disco lights. 305 00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:14,943 - Bring on the dancing girls. - (Car speeding off) 306 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,712 ♪ Some die of drinking water 307 00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:24,347 - ♪ And some of drinking... - You are bloody useless! 308 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:26,050 Your reunion went well? 309 00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:28,559 - You're a prat. - Eh? 310 00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:30,892 I'll just be seeing that license, OK, Eric? 311 00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:32,123 Ah, right. 312 00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:35,827 ♪ But of all the world's diseases... ♪ 313 00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:41,866 Coffee. 314 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,898 Don't scald your mouth. 315 00:20:44,676 --> 00:20:46,803 - (Sighs) - Has Columbo filed his report yet? 316 00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:50,975 No, he says he's gonna let you off using threatening behavior to a police officer 317 00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:53,678 - but just this once. - Oh, very kind of him. 318 00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:56,984 As for the burglary, he's not interested cos there's nothing missing, 319 00:20:57,022 --> 00:21:00,048 and he's an environmentalist and he doesn't wanna waste paper. 320 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,754 - This is what they were after. - You're kidding. 321 00:21:02,794 --> 00:21:06,696 If you're prepared to spend five times over the odds, Eric, you're prepared to steal. 322 00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:10,031 I always thought that was a peculiar object. 323 00:21:10,068 --> 00:21:11,399 Ohh! 324 00:21:12,971 --> 00:21:15,997 He's scalded his mouth now. You should've warned him. 325 00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:17,508 It serves him right. 326 00:21:19,511 --> 00:21:21,308 Why do you think they want this, hmm? 327 00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:22,643 Sentimental value? 328 00:21:24,549 --> 00:21:26,039 Tink, in the morning... 329 00:21:26,084 --> 00:21:27,642 (Crashing noise) 330 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:31,953 - In the afternoon when he wakes up... - If he wakes up. 331 00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:35,619 ...I want you and him to find out more about that bloke at the auction. 332 00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:37,629 - Kinloch. - Oh, right, yeah. 333 00:21:37,663 --> 00:21:40,359 Find out more about the Kinlochs of Lochs Olloch. 334 00:21:40,399 --> 00:21:43,232 So, in the morning, find out about the Ollochs of Loch Kinloch. 335 00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:45,327 No, the Kinlochs of Lochs Olloch. 336 00:21:45,370 --> 00:21:47,930 - The Kinlochs of Lochs Olloch. - That's right. 337 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,497 The Kinlochs of Lochs Olloch. 338 00:21:49,541 --> 00:21:51,065 (Tune on mouth organ) 339 00:22:17,436 --> 00:22:18,960 - Hi. - Hi. 340 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,972 Are you still cross? 341 00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:22,940 This time I'm worried. 342 00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:29,371 I want you to tell me what's over my shoulder across the street. 343 00:22:32,050 --> 00:22:33,039 Bloke in a car? 344 00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:35,713 Two blokes in a car and they're watching this place. 345 00:22:35,754 --> 00:22:36,743 Oh, sure. 346 00:22:36,788 --> 00:22:40,121 They did my place over last night. I don't think it's safe for you here. 347 00:22:40,158 --> 00:22:42,422 I've made arrangements for you to stay with Jane. 348 00:22:42,461 --> 00:22:43,723 That's great. 349 00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:45,286 Dad, what is going on? 350 00:22:45,330 --> 00:22:48,128 Did you really find that sword here? 351 00:22:48,166 --> 00:22:49,531 Yes. 352 00:22:52,971 --> 00:22:56,270 Take the handle off the broom and find me some newspaper to wrap it in. 353 00:22:56,308 --> 00:22:59,505 - What for? - Never mind what for, just go and do it. 354 00:23:00,479 --> 00:23:01,571 Eric. 355 00:23:01,613 --> 00:23:04,377 Would you turn the music down, please, and listen to me. 356 00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:05,405 Thank you. 357 00:23:05,450 --> 00:23:07,611 I want you to get on your bike... 358 00:23:24,669 --> 00:23:25,931 (Knock on door) 359 00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:31,542 Hi. What took you so long? 360 00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:32,907 Hi, Vicki. 361 00:23:32,944 --> 00:23:34,639 Right, get your clothes off. 362 00:23:34,679 --> 00:23:35,976 Eh? 363 00:23:36,014 --> 00:23:38,881 - Get 'em off! - Huh? 364 00:24:03,842 --> 00:24:06,208 All right, Eric, come on. 365 00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:09,209 Pink! 366 00:24:14,252 --> 00:24:16,413 It's bloody freezin' out here, Lovejoy. 367 00:24:17,322 --> 00:24:19,290 (Car engine starts) 368 00:25:11,810 --> 00:25:13,368 Come on, Eric. 369 00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:20,349 Hello, Bella, how's the hard-fat café? 370 00:25:20,385 --> 00:25:22,012 Lovejoy, how you doing? 371 00:25:22,053 --> 00:25:23,384 I wanna see you. 372 00:25:23,421 --> 00:25:25,321 - Two teas. - Make that four. 373 00:25:26,758 --> 00:25:29,226 Wey-hey! Who's a nice boy, then? 374 00:25:29,261 --> 00:25:32,128 - Who's a pretty boy, then? - Give us a kiss, sweetheart, eh? 375 00:25:32,163 --> 00:25:33,721 Where you off to? 376 00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:36,393 I'm on a detour. I may need your help in a minute. 377 00:25:36,434 --> 00:25:38,868 - What do you think? - Oh, nice. 378 00:25:38,904 --> 00:25:40,997 So, what can you do me on it? Hundred? 379 00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:43,906 It's not fallen off the back of a lorry. 75? 380 00:25:43,942 --> 00:25:44,931 Fifty. 381 00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:47,871 So, what's the favor you want doing? 382 00:25:47,913 --> 00:25:50,848 I want somebody slowing down who's been following me. 383 00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:53,407 - (Man) Got pink knickers on an' all? - George. 384 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,411 There's some very weird people round here, Lovejoy. 385 00:25:57,455 --> 00:25:59,082 He says move it yourself. 386 00:26:01,493 --> 00:26:02,653 What, me? 387 00:26:02,694 --> 00:26:04,252 You want a ride in my cab, sunshine? 388 00:26:04,296 --> 00:26:05,524 Get a load of him! 389 00:26:08,266 --> 00:26:09,631 Thought you'd like some tea. 390 00:26:10,669 --> 00:26:13,433 You must be tired following me around all day. 391 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:27,684 (Engine starts) 392 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:35,017 (Shouting) 393 00:26:41,366 --> 00:26:42,697 (Laughs) 394 00:26:47,906 --> 00:26:49,703 (Horn blaring) 395 00:26:53,311 --> 00:26:55,745 I wouldn't wear that shirt again if I was you, Eric. 396 00:26:55,780 --> 00:26:58,112 It's a funny color but nothing's wrong with it. 397 00:26:58,783 --> 00:27:01,752 I don't know how you could let Vicki wear this, let alone me! 398 00:27:01,786 --> 00:27:04,152 I've never been so embarrassed in my life. 399 00:27:05,223 --> 00:27:06,383 Janey? 400 00:27:06,424 --> 00:27:08,221 Janey, did Vicki get there all right? 401 00:27:08,259 --> 00:27:12,355 Yes, yes, Lovejoy, Vicki's here and she's fine. 402 00:27:12,397 --> 00:27:13,955 And you don't mind? 403 00:27:13,999 --> 00:27:16,593 Not at all. I like her, you know that. 404 00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:19,832 Janey, what is this I detect in the voice? 405 00:27:20,739 --> 00:27:23,435 Well, it's just... Isn't this all a bit dramatic? 406 00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:26,569 No, people have been following me, trying to scare me. 407 00:27:26,611 --> 00:27:27,873 Where's the sword? 408 00:27:27,912 --> 00:27:29,709 Safe. 409 00:27:29,748 --> 00:27:31,477 So, what'll you do now? 410 00:27:31,516 --> 00:27:34,974 People have been messing me about. It's time I messed them about a bit. 411 00:27:40,859 --> 00:27:43,623 B-movie baronial. Early Boris Karloff era. 412 00:27:44,796 --> 00:27:46,161 What am I bid? 413 00:27:54,205 --> 00:27:55,536 Sir. 414 00:27:57,275 --> 00:27:58,435 Hold it, mate, hold it! 415 00:27:58,476 --> 00:28:01,274 No, listen, friend, I just want tae talk tae the man, ye know? 416 00:28:01,312 --> 00:28:02,870 - A lot of people here. - In the car! 417 00:28:02,914 --> 00:28:04,506 - Out, now. - Oh, sacred mercy! 418 00:28:04,549 --> 00:28:06,813 Look, I just want tae talk. Ye understand? 419 00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:07,909 - Yes, I do. - Ye do?! 420 00:28:07,952 --> 00:28:08,941 Yeah. 421 00:28:08,987 --> 00:28:12,718 Great, I just want tae put a little somethin' his way, dae him a wee turn - that's all. 422 00:28:12,757 --> 00:28:14,019 Come on, open the gates. 423 00:28:14,059 --> 00:28:19,691 If you don't buzz off, Bonzo, I'm gonna take this hat and shove it down your throat. 424 00:28:19,731 --> 00:28:21,198 Got it? 425 00:28:21,232 --> 00:28:23,393 Yer a Rangers man, then, eh? 426 00:28:23,435 --> 00:28:26,029 Right, fine, I'll tell you somethin', sweetheart - 427 00:28:26,071 --> 00:28:29,234 come the revolution, you are for the off! 428 00:28:29,274 --> 00:28:32,835 Yer dead meat, sweetheart. I hope yer hamburgers, pal! 429 00:28:32,877 --> 00:28:34,344 Come back here! 430 00:28:35,046 --> 00:28:36,638 Watch the hair, watch the hair! 431 00:29:38,243 --> 00:29:39,642 (Bagpipes) 432 00:30:01,766 --> 00:30:04,530 (Men chatting, indistinct) 433 00:30:07,839 --> 00:30:09,363 Ohh! 434 00:30:11,075 --> 00:30:12,064 Oh! 435 00:30:55,019 --> 00:30:56,543 I'm sorry, gentlemen. 436 00:30:57,822 --> 00:30:58,811 Piper. 437 00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:00,222 (Plays bagpipes) 438 00:31:51,309 --> 00:31:52,708 (Pipes stop) 439 00:32:07,358 --> 00:32:08,950 The toast. 440 00:32:10,495 --> 00:32:13,487 To him who came over the water. 441 00:32:13,531 --> 00:32:16,227 (All) To him who came over the water. 442 00:32:16,267 --> 00:32:18,735 Who came to free us from the yoke. 443 00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:21,671 (All) Who came to free us from the yoke. 444 00:32:21,706 --> 00:32:23,833 Who lit the fires of hope. 445 00:32:23,875 --> 00:32:25,934 (All) Who lit the fires of hope. 446 00:32:25,977 --> 00:32:28,002 Who drummed the English home. 447 00:32:28,046 --> 00:32:30,173 (All) Who drummed the English home. 448 00:32:30,214 --> 00:32:33,809 Charles Edward, of glorious memory. 449 00:32:33,851 --> 00:32:37,617 (All) Charles Edward, of glorious memory. 450 00:32:53,571 --> 00:32:56,540 What a load of Gay Gordons! 451 00:32:57,542 --> 00:32:59,271 To the martyrs of Scotland. 452 00:32:59,310 --> 00:33:01,005 (All) To the martyrs of Scotland. 453 00:33:01,045 --> 00:33:03,206 Scotland the fair. 454 00:33:03,247 --> 00:33:04,805 Scotland the free. 455 00:33:04,849 --> 00:33:07,181 (All) Scotland for ever! 456 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,626 You may serve dinner now. 457 00:33:30,475 --> 00:33:31,464 (Voices approach) 458 00:33:32,510 --> 00:33:37,743 I'll tell you, they did, they put them over the end of their guns to keep the sand out. 459 00:33:37,782 --> 00:33:38,771 (Laughs) 460 00:33:38,816 --> 00:33:45,585 Look, use the nut, what other reason would we have to... 461 00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:51,989 The Independence Party is no longer just a nexus of influence, 462 00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:55,261 we are a power to liberate. 463 00:33:55,299 --> 00:33:57,699 Gentlemen... 464 00:33:57,735 --> 00:34:01,967 to him... who came over the water. 465 00:34:05,843 --> 00:34:08,505 (All) To him who came over the water. 466 00:34:28,733 --> 00:34:30,633 (Grunts) 467 00:34:32,637 --> 00:34:33,626 Ooh. 468 00:34:58,329 --> 00:34:59,523 Ooh! 469 00:35:00,731 --> 00:35:02,198 Oh! 470 00:35:03,434 --> 00:35:04,423 Ah! 471 00:35:08,306 --> 00:35:09,603 Excuse me. 472 00:35:16,214 --> 00:35:17,442 An intruder. 473 00:35:17,482 --> 00:35:19,973 Apparently, he said something about the sword 474 00:35:20,017 --> 00:35:21,848 and he mentioned your name. 475 00:35:21,886 --> 00:35:23,217 This way, gentlemen. 476 00:35:23,254 --> 00:35:26,246 Did O'Neill tell you about the Hawspring workers walking out? 477 00:35:26,290 --> 00:35:28,281 Yes, something about their not wanting to work. 478 00:35:31,496 --> 00:35:32,793 What's going on here? 479 00:35:32,830 --> 00:35:34,092 Lovejoy. 480 00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:35,827 I might have to sue you, you know. 481 00:35:35,867 --> 00:35:37,596 Calm down, man. 482 00:35:37,635 --> 00:35:39,398 You were trespassing. 483 00:35:39,437 --> 00:35:43,339 I'm sure my man didn't exceed instructions. 484 00:35:43,374 --> 00:35:45,865 I came here in good faith. 485 00:35:45,910 --> 00:35:50,472 Did you? Then why didn't you ring the front doorbell, Mr. Lovejoy? 486 00:35:50,515 --> 00:35:52,847 I was looking for the tradesman's entrance. 487 00:35:52,884 --> 00:35:59,084 I wonder. I don't think humble pie is part of your diet, Mr. Lovejoy. 488 00:35:59,123 --> 00:36:01,887 Do you want this sword or not? 489 00:36:01,926 --> 00:36:03,587 The sword, you say? 490 00:36:03,628 --> 00:36:04,856 The sword. 491 00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:07,194 Are you telling me you're prepared to sell it? 492 00:36:07,231 --> 00:36:08,596 Yeah, that's the idea. 493 00:36:08,633 --> 00:36:11,261 What made you change your mind? 494 00:36:11,302 --> 00:36:13,736 The amount of money he was offering for it 495 00:36:13,771 --> 00:36:16,865 and the time and effort that was spent trying to nick it back from me, 496 00:36:16,908 --> 00:36:18,967 I figured at least there must be diamonds in it. 497 00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:20,978 There weren't. 498 00:36:21,012 --> 00:36:23,173 How disappointing for you. 499 00:36:23,214 --> 00:36:26,911 Mm, so I'll just take the 6,000 you were offering me for it. 500 00:36:26,951 --> 00:36:29,476 5,000, Lovejoy, I believe we said. 501 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,920 Oh, yes. Cash. 502 00:36:32,924 --> 00:36:33,948 Very well. 503 00:36:33,991 --> 00:36:35,959 Perhaps Ben could get it from my room. 504 00:36:37,295 --> 00:36:38,990 You brought it with you? 505 00:36:44,735 --> 00:36:46,498 She's overheating a bit. 506 00:36:46,537 --> 00:36:48,300 The sword, Lovejoy. 507 00:36:51,008 --> 00:36:52,202 The sword. 508 00:36:52,243 --> 00:36:54,837 The money, Mr. Kinloch, the money. 509 00:37:00,585 --> 00:37:02,280 Thank you. 510 00:37:04,322 --> 00:37:05,448 Enjoy. 511 00:37:07,992 --> 00:37:10,825 I will, Lovejoy, I will. 512 00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:17,759 (Lovejoy) All right, all right, I was a crummy parent. 513 00:37:19,370 --> 00:37:21,304 I was never there. 514 00:37:23,274 --> 00:37:28,143 I always overreacted at Christmas. I didn't always pay the school fees... 515 00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:32,775 ...but I always tried to be a friend, didn't I? 516 00:37:32,817 --> 00:37:34,478 So? 517 00:37:34,518 --> 00:37:36,713 Talking to yourself, Lovejoy? 518 00:37:36,754 --> 00:37:40,212 You're gonna end up in a loony bin if you carry on like this. 519 00:37:43,628 --> 00:37:46,825 There's absolutely nothing you can do about it. 520 00:37:46,864 --> 00:37:50,891 Tink, if I can't talk to her, I'll talk to myself. 521 00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:55,372 Right. Now, for a start, there's no such place as Loch Olloch. 522 00:37:55,406 --> 00:37:59,035 - All the stuff about the family silver... - Was a load of old ollochs. 523 00:37:59,076 --> 00:38:01,010 ...was not true. 524 00:38:01,045 --> 00:38:04,674 They just wanted the sword for this daft charade they do when the moon is full. 525 00:38:04,715 --> 00:38:07,616 I found out quite a lot about Kinloch. 526 00:38:07,652 --> 00:38:09,677 - Any of this going spare? - Yeah. 527 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:11,711 - For a start he's in Who's Who. - Sorry. 528 00:38:11,756 --> 00:38:15,487 Thank you. He's actually a very, very posh Scot. 529 00:38:15,526 --> 00:38:19,519 Doctor of law, historian, has written three books about the '45. 530 00:38:19,563 --> 00:38:22,657 University appointments, government appointments, but... 531 00:38:22,700 --> 00:38:28,161 ...he is on the board of Tartan Transglobe plc. 532 00:38:28,205 --> 00:38:30,400 Is this supposed to mean something to me? 533 00:38:30,441 --> 00:38:33,569 Well, Tartan Transglobe is owned by Charles Montrose. 534 00:38:33,611 --> 00:38:34,942 Charles Montrose. 535 00:38:34,979 --> 00:38:38,847 That Charles Montrose that wants to turn Scotland into an independent state. 536 00:38:38,883 --> 00:38:40,282 That Charles Montrose. 537 00:38:40,318 --> 00:38:43,287 Independence Party, führer of. 538 00:38:43,321 --> 00:38:45,653 Yep, thought he looked familiar. 539 00:38:45,690 --> 00:38:48,682 Tartan Transglobe is a pretty unsavory setup. 540 00:38:48,726 --> 00:38:54,392 They keep getting planning permission for supermarkets that people don't want. 541 00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,858 There's a lot of rumors about their gearing, Tartan Transglobe. 542 00:39:01,872 --> 00:39:05,205 The FT reckons that they're seriously overgeared. 543 00:39:05,242 --> 00:39:06,402 FT? 544 00:39:07,812 --> 00:39:10,303 Kinloch and Montrose are a couple of Gay Gordons 545 00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:14,114 who like to toast Bonnie Prince Charlie wearing hairy sporrans and woolly frocks. 546 00:39:14,151 --> 00:39:16,619 Do you think that's what they want the swords for? 547 00:39:16,654 --> 00:39:20,715 I did, Tink, that's why I took the five grand and ran but... 548 00:39:22,226 --> 00:39:25,684 You've used fresh tomatoes in this again, haven't you? 549 00:39:34,572 --> 00:39:35,937 Bentley! 550 00:39:42,346 --> 00:39:46,248 This is bloody inconvenient! I like my Sundays to myself. 551 00:39:46,283 --> 00:39:47,875 I shall mow your lawn. 552 00:39:47,918 --> 00:39:49,749 You, do my lawn? 553 00:39:49,787 --> 00:39:52,688 I have mowed lawns for her majesty, Gently. 554 00:39:52,723 --> 00:39:55,157 I've seen a few stripes in my time. 555 00:39:55,192 --> 00:39:57,183 I want you to look at these. 556 00:39:58,696 --> 00:40:00,095 This thing again. 557 00:40:00,131 --> 00:40:02,497 I was a little stingy with the truth. 558 00:40:02,533 --> 00:40:06,765 I was offered 5,000, not two, and the other night somebody tried to nick it back. 559 00:40:06,804 --> 00:40:08,863 There is more to that than meets the eye. 560 00:40:08,906 --> 00:40:09,964 Aha! 561 00:40:10,541 --> 00:40:12,372 Electric start - 562 00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:14,071 I love it! 563 00:40:14,111 --> 00:40:15,669 Off you go. 564 00:40:30,828 --> 00:40:33,319 Ah! Claydore. 565 00:40:35,399 --> 00:40:38,994 "The weapon was forged in the workshop of one Andreas Schnabel 566 00:40:39,036 --> 00:40:42,028 "in the city of Westminster, 1747. 567 00:40:45,810 --> 00:40:48,472 "The sword was a commission from Baron Ferrini, 568 00:40:48,512 --> 00:40:52,812 "a Sardinian merchant and banker who was an agent of the French government. 569 00:40:52,850 --> 00:40:56,411 "The sword was presented to the family of Lord George Murray - 570 00:40:56,454 --> 00:40:59,218 "the great Jacobite in exile in Holland." 571 00:41:00,424 --> 00:41:01,652 Lovejoy! 572 00:41:01,692 --> 00:41:03,353 Lovejoy, come here! 573 00:41:09,700 --> 00:41:12,066 - Come in, come in. - Gently, you sound almost excited. 574 00:41:12,102 --> 00:41:16,835 C-L-A-Y-D-O-R-E - Claydore. My goodness! 575 00:41:16,874 --> 00:41:19,240 - Claydore? - It's a sort of pun, you could say. 576 00:41:19,276 --> 00:41:21,267 I've never even taken it seriously. 577 00:41:21,312 --> 00:41:24,440 I've always thought it on a par with the Loch Ness monster. 578 00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:27,849 Gently, please, go slowly, please. 579 00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:29,853 From the beginning, make some sense, hmm? 580 00:41:29,887 --> 00:41:34,824 Shall we start with "a sort of pun", shall we start there? 581 00:41:34,859 --> 00:41:37,657 OK. Claydore is French, of course. 582 00:41:37,695 --> 00:41:41,256 Claydore, clay as in clef, key of gold, 583 00:41:41,298 --> 00:41:45,132 but the thing could just about be called a claymore, you see? 584 00:41:45,169 --> 00:41:49,799 So, in the books they write it claydore - like claymore but with a D instead of the... 585 00:41:50,808 --> 00:41:52,537 Right. Anyway... 586 00:41:53,944 --> 00:41:57,277 "Shortly after presenting the sword to the Murrays, Ferrini was betrayed..." 587 00:41:57,314 --> 00:41:58,611 Ferrini? 588 00:41:58,649 --> 00:42:01,243 Ferrini's the man who commissioned the sword. 589 00:42:01,285 --> 00:42:04,254 "Ferrini was betrayed to the government by anti-Jacobites. 590 00:42:04,288 --> 00:42:08,952 "He was arrested and tortured, tried in camera and sentenced to death as a spy. 591 00:42:08,993 --> 00:42:13,657 "From the first, mystery has surrounded the Schnabel claymore. 592 00:42:13,697 --> 00:42:19,363 "Tradition has it that Ferrini told the Murrays it was the key to the gold - la clef d'or." 593 00:42:19,403 --> 00:42:21,928 "Certainly descriptions of its curious design 594 00:42:21,972 --> 00:42:25,169 "suggest that it offered the beholder some sort of message, 595 00:42:25,209 --> 00:42:28,406 "but the Murrays, it seems, were unable to benefit from it. 596 00:42:28,445 --> 00:42:33,405 "Living penuriously on the charity of friends, the family soon sold the sword 597 00:42:33,450 --> 00:42:37,682 "to rid themselves of any connection with dangerously disgraced Ferrini. 598 00:42:37,721 --> 00:42:40,485 "The sword has been subsequently lost. 599 00:42:40,524 --> 00:42:43,118 "Rumors of its existence persisted. 600 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:47,620 "Furthermore, an amount of gold, which may be that referred to by Ferrini, 601 00:42:47,665 --> 00:42:51,294 "left the French treasury in June 1745, 602 00:42:51,335 --> 00:42:56,637 "presumably on its way to the rebels, never to be seen again." 603 00:42:56,674 --> 00:43:03,136 So, Gently, this money that Ferrini referred to... 604 00:43:03,180 --> 00:43:05,808 - Mm-hm. ...how much did the French treasury cough up? 605 00:43:07,284 --> 00:43:10,219 20,000 gold louis in mint specie. 606 00:43:10,254 --> 00:43:11,949 Which today would be worth what? 607 00:43:11,989 --> 00:43:13,889 Millions. 608 00:43:13,924 --> 00:43:15,585 Yeah, millions. 609 00:43:15,626 --> 00:43:20,393 And this sword, this claymore/claydore, is the key to where that money is, right? 610 00:43:20,431 --> 00:43:21,455 Right. 611 00:43:21,498 --> 00:43:24,126 Right. It's a pity. 612 00:43:24,168 --> 00:43:25,328 What? 613 00:43:25,369 --> 00:43:26,996 - It's a pity. - What's a pity? 614 00:43:27,037 --> 00:43:28,504 It's a pity I sold the sword. 615 00:43:53,797 --> 00:43:56,493 A little something for you looking after Vicki. 616 00:43:56,533 --> 00:43:58,763 Oh, Lovejoy! 617 00:43:58,802 --> 00:44:00,599 Oh, thank you. 618 00:44:06,710 --> 00:44:08,234 Aren't you going to say hello? 619 00:44:11,782 --> 00:44:13,079 Ah! (Laughs) 620 00:44:13,117 --> 00:44:14,516 Hello, Vicki. 621 00:44:14,551 --> 00:44:15,882 Hi, Dad. 622 00:44:16,553 --> 00:44:20,387 I'll just sort out some tea. Come through when you're ready. 623 00:44:24,762 --> 00:44:28,095 Thank you, Lovejoy, this is really beautiful. 624 00:44:28,132 --> 00:44:29,622 It's a pleasure, Janey. 625 00:44:31,201 --> 00:44:36,002 You see, Victoria, some people can accept presents gracefully. 626 00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:40,101 Are you starting again? You've been so nice. Can't you just let it lie? 627 00:44:40,144 --> 00:44:42,135 All right, all right, all right, I'll let it lie. 628 00:44:42,179 --> 00:44:45,239 I came to tell you about the sword, I'll tell you about the sword. 629 00:44:45,282 --> 00:44:47,443 It was the key to treasure, some French gold. 630 00:44:47,484 --> 00:44:49,179 What? 631 00:44:49,219 --> 00:44:51,744 - Anyway, I sold it. - (Both) What?! 632 00:45:16,213 --> 00:45:19,182 I shook it, I looked up its nose, 633 00:45:19,216 --> 00:45:22,481 I tried making anagrams out of the letters engraved on it - 634 00:45:22,519 --> 00:45:24,043 in French and in English. 635 00:45:24,088 --> 00:45:26,249 I even tried unscrewing it. 636 00:45:26,290 --> 00:45:27,621 Zilch! 637 00:45:27,658 --> 00:45:29,922 Must be some information on it somewhere. 638 00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:33,225 I bet those Gay Gordons have worked it out by now. 639 00:45:49,413 --> 00:45:51,677 The French gold will be worth millions. 640 00:45:51,715 --> 00:45:54,183 - Millions? - Yeah, that's what Gently said. 641 00:45:54,218 --> 00:45:57,779 What are you looking so cheerful about, you just lost millions. 642 00:45:57,821 --> 00:46:01,780 I've got my five grand. I mean, millions only brings you trouble, 643 00:46:01,825 --> 00:46:06,023 and you know that I don't need any... more... trouble. 644 00:46:06,063 --> 00:46:07,690 What is it? 645 00:46:09,099 --> 00:46:12,626 North, south, east and west. 646 00:46:12,669 --> 00:46:15,797 She's the girl that I love best. 647 00:46:17,508 --> 00:46:19,032 Lovejoy, are you all right? 648 00:46:19,076 --> 00:46:21,067 Compass rose, Jane. 649 00:46:23,147 --> 00:46:26,446 There's no information on the sword, the sword is the information. 650 00:46:27,785 --> 00:46:29,116 It's a globe. 651 00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:33,783 Those two zeros, nothing to do with Lochs Olloch, 652 00:46:33,824 --> 00:46:36,349 they're degrees, yeah? Yeah, they must be. 653 00:46:36,393 --> 00:46:38,088 That line through the center... 654 00:46:39,196 --> 00:46:41,426 ...that's the line of meridian in Greenwich. 655 00:46:41,465 --> 00:46:43,296 And how do we get the degrees west? 656 00:46:44,468 --> 00:46:48,370 Those bloody uneven quillons - that's how we get the degrees west. 657 00:46:52,976 --> 00:46:56,776 And that B on the top of the sword, that's north, isn't it? 658 00:46:56,814 --> 00:46:58,179 B for north? 659 00:46:58,215 --> 00:46:59,682 Boreas, the north wind? 660 00:46:59,716 --> 00:47:02,514 N would be too obvious I suppose. 661 00:47:02,553 --> 00:47:06,250 Would've been fun working it out though, Janey, it would've been fun. 662 00:47:06,290 --> 00:47:08,554 But we've got photographs. 663 00:47:08,592 --> 00:47:10,787 No, we need the sword in front of us. 664 00:47:10,828 --> 00:47:14,924 We need the exact dimensions, otherwise we'd be miles out. 665 00:47:17,935 --> 00:47:19,869 What're you looking so pleased about? 666 00:47:26,243 --> 00:47:27,676 (Lovejoy) Clever girl! 667 00:47:27,711 --> 00:47:30,009 - Do you happen to have a calculator handy? - Yep. 668 00:47:30,047 --> 00:47:32,880 Of course. And does she know how to use it? Of course she does. 669 00:47:32,916 --> 00:47:37,444 My little girl ran away from the circus to become an accountant. (Laughs) 670 00:47:38,755 --> 00:47:39,881 (Horns blaring) 671 00:47:45,095 --> 00:47:46,528 (Jane) Bloody lout! 672 00:47:53,637 --> 00:47:54,831 Stop, stop! 673 00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:56,567 That's it! 674 00:47:56,607 --> 00:47:58,302 That's it. Of course! 675 00:48:00,043 --> 00:48:02,068 Sorry, folks, it's the one they blew up. 676 00:48:02,112 --> 00:48:03,101 What? 677 00:48:03,146 --> 00:48:05,842 This Tartan lot, there was that thing about it - 678 00:48:05,883 --> 00:48:09,444 Hawspring Manor. 17th-century manor house. It was on the television. 679 00:48:09,486 --> 00:48:11,716 They blew it up to make way for a supermarket. 680 00:48:11,755 --> 00:48:14,451 Everyone was up in arms about it but they still did it. 681 00:48:14,491 --> 00:48:16,049 To build this? 682 00:48:16,093 --> 00:48:19,927 Yeah. Postmodernist temple, sacred to the Goddess Housewife. 683 00:48:21,598 --> 00:48:23,429 Well, well, well. 684 00:48:24,868 --> 00:48:26,233 Thank you, Mr. O'Neill. 685 00:48:26,270 --> 00:48:27,703 Right, sir. 686 00:48:27,738 --> 00:48:29,228 (Lovejoy) You don't know, do you? 687 00:48:30,841 --> 00:48:35,073 I mean, you have no idea what you've done. 688 00:48:35,112 --> 00:48:37,171 Put me out of my misery, Mr. Lovejoy. 689 00:48:37,981 --> 00:48:40,848 The gold louis were in Hawspring Manor. 690 00:48:40,884 --> 00:48:44,650 You've just blown it up, and poured hundreds of tons of concrete all over them. 691 00:48:44,688 --> 00:48:48,681 - You're probably standing on them. - I don't accept this. 692 00:48:50,727 --> 00:48:53,855 Come on, I'll buy you a drink, tell you all about it. 693 00:48:53,897 --> 00:48:55,797 I thought he'd never ask. 694 00:48:57,668 --> 00:49:02,367 And the coordinates cross here at Hawspring Manor. 695 00:49:02,406 --> 00:49:06,706 - Nice theory, Mr. Lovejoy, but I don't think so. - Excuse me! 696 00:49:06,743 --> 00:49:09,906 You look like a man that knows the price o' gold, am I right? 697 00:49:09,947 --> 00:49:11,744 $383 an ounce. 698 00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:14,342 Well, I've got a wee coin here, d'ye want tae buy it? 699 00:49:14,384 --> 00:49:15,976 Buy it? 700 00:49:16,019 --> 00:49:19,079 Lovejoy, it's a louis. 701 00:49:19,122 --> 00:49:21,750 Well, what dae ye reckon? Fifty quid and it's yours. 702 00:49:21,792 --> 00:49:24,818 I mean, look at it, it's practically brand-new and that, no? 703 00:49:24,861 --> 00:49:28,592 Always ask the man wi' the pink paper, that's what I always say. 704 00:49:28,632 --> 00:49:31,465 Gold Louis, 1745. 705 00:49:31,501 --> 00:49:32,627 Have you got any more? 706 00:49:32,669 --> 00:49:34,159 See, that's my last one. 707 00:49:34,204 --> 00:49:37,230 All the other guys have gone up tae London wi' theirs, ye know? 708 00:49:37,274 --> 00:49:38,707 We'd hundreds o' them. 709 00:49:38,742 --> 00:49:40,266 Do you know where they are? 710 00:49:41,278 --> 00:49:42,540 Kentish Town. 711 00:49:42,579 --> 00:49:45,673 I remember Wee lan saying something about Kentish Town. 712 00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:47,513 I'll help ye find 'em. 713 00:49:47,551 --> 00:49:50,452 Ah, brilliant. Are we goin' in the motor? 714 00:49:50,487 --> 00:49:52,546 - Yes. - That's brilliant, look at that! 715 00:49:52,589 --> 00:49:54,420 - Hey, hey! - It's a Jag! 716 00:49:54,458 --> 00:49:56,119 - All right, all right! - Brilliant! 717 00:49:56,159 --> 00:49:57,820 Oh, look, it's got a radio! 718 00:49:59,229 --> 00:50:00,457 Oh dear, oh dear. 719 00:50:02,232 --> 00:50:03,665 - Souvenir. - Oh! 720 00:50:03,715 --> 00:50:08,265 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 55307

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