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1
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_
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TIM: Come on, Gophers!
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(grunts, laughs)
4
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Why were you wearing a dress in college?
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Because, Sam, a man
wearing a dress was funny
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before it was brave.
7
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Honey, zip me up.
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Yeah.
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I know this might
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00:00:21,112 --> 00:00:21,944
seem odd, but the last time
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Mount St. Gary's
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00:00:23,994 --> 00:00:27,116
made it to the tournament,
Tim wore this exact same dress
13
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and they won.
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It was a Cinderella story.
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Huh?
16
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(laughs)
17
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You look like Barbie's
confused older brother.
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Oh, leave him alone.
Our alma mater's winning.
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00:00:36,723 --> 00:00:38,456
I'm pretty sure it's
all because of the dress.
20
00:00:38,481 --> 00:00:39,776
No, it's not all because of the dress.
21
00:00:39,777 --> 00:00:41,776
There's only one way to find out.
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ANNOUNCER: Hey now, what
an ugly turn of events
23
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- for Mount St. Gary's.
- Mm-hmm.
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That turnover just cost them their lead.
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Mm...
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Wow, look at that.
27
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The Gophers knock down a three
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00:00:54,777 --> 00:00:56,776
and have regained the lead.
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- Whoa.
- Whoa.
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Not sure I want this much power.
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Incredible. The 15 seed is about
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to upset the number two seed.
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(cheering)
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Cinderella Mount St. Gary's
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advances to the round of 32.
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- That's how we do it! Yeah! (whoops)
- Oh, no!
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Oh, I ripped a big hole
in the side of my dress.
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Now I look stupid.
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Yeah, now you do.
40
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Good thing I carry a
sewing kit in my clutch.
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00:01:25,777 --> 00:01:27,776
I like that color on you, Daddy.
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Thank you.
43
00:01:29,044 --> 00:01:29,585
HEATHER: Ooh!
44
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What a charming tea party.
But I need you to get going.
45
00:01:32,132 --> 00:01:33,221
Remember? You were gonna take the girls
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to the mall today.
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Oh. Saddle up, Soph!
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Uh, y-you're not gonna go
dressed like that, are you?
49
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Stays on till we lose.
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Honey,
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in college, you only wore
the dress during the games.
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Right. And we didn't go all the
way. I'm not making that mistake
53
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again. Why else would I
still be wearing the dress?
54
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SOPHIA: Okay.
55
00:01:50,064 --> 00:01:53,579
Well, that makes all of this
a little bit less special.
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00:01:56,714 --> 00:01:58,336
When my dad had a breakdown,
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my mom sent him to the country.
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He says it's about basketball.
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00:02:02,535 --> 00:02:04,222
I don't want to wear it... I have to.
60
00:02:04,285 --> 00:02:07,984
Well, you are giving me lots
of material for my memoir.
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00:02:09,777 --> 00:02:10,361
(thunking)
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00:02:10,362 --> 00:02:10,944
Oh. Oh, oh.
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Okay, okay. Flat tire.
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Girls, cover your ears.
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(horn honks)
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00:02:23,884 --> 00:02:25,944
Are you working Timmy
Sherman's sixth birthday, too?
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00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:28,476
Oh, no! It's for basketball.
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00:02:28,596 --> 00:02:29,944
Mount St. Gary's.
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A Cinderella story?
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Oh, yeah. I get it.
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00:02:34,326 --> 00:02:36,278
I got them in my bracket,
so don't take that off.
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00:02:36,472 --> 00:02:37,872
- No.
- Can I help you with that?
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00:02:37,897 --> 00:02:38,776
Yeah, thanks. Yeah.
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Ow. (groans)
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Is this yours?
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00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:45,061
Yes.
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It fits. (chuckles)
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It's perfect.
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Thank you.
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00:02:51,976 --> 00:02:52,976
You're welcome.
81
00:02:54,792 --> 00:02:56,451
HEATHER: I can't believe
it's only been two days,
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00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:58,136
because your dress is ripe.
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All right. Come on, Gophers!
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00:03:00,778 --> 00:03:03,086
Come on! Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go!
85
00:03:03,105 --> 00:03:05,111
We either win or lose this
game in the next ten seconds.
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00:03:05,112 --> 00:03:06,776
I know. Just think, in
the next ten seconds,
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00:03:06,777 --> 00:03:08,776
this could all be over.
88
00:03:08,777 --> 00:03:10,819
Here, touch the hem of
my garment for good luck.
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00:03:10,997 --> 00:03:12,656
- No, I'm good. I'm good.
- Touch it, we need a miracle.
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00:03:12,682 --> 00:03:13,776
ANNOUNCER: Two seconds to go.
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00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,776
Anderson takes the shot.
92
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- Unreal!
- (buzzer sounds)
93
00:03:17,571 --> 00:03:19,916
- From midcourt, he makes it.
- Oh! Yeah!
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00:03:19,941 --> 00:03:22,200
- And Mount St. Gary's is going
- (whoops) Yes!
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00:03:22,238 --> 00:03:23,716
To the Sweet 16.
96
00:03:23,717 --> 00:03:24,296
- (humming)
- Great!
97
00:03:24,328 --> 00:03:26,776
Oh! How lucky!
98
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Another five days of this!
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I know.
100
00:03:30,186 --> 00:03:32,486
I know. My new driver's
license photo's gonna be ruined,
101
00:03:32,487 --> 00:03:33,383
but it'll be worth it.
102
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,777
Oh, wow. It just keeps getting better.
103
00:03:35,778 --> 00:03:37,777
TIM: Got a man wide open!
The alley-oop to Elbroke!
104
00:03:37,778 --> 00:03:42,001
Oh, Elbroke slams it in!
And we got a buzzer beater!
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00:03:42,026 --> 00:03:45,776
Ooh, we got a big upset here! (chuckles)
106
00:03:45,777 --> 00:03:48,776
He passes it off to Renfro.
Renfro shoots it from the...
107
00:03:48,777 --> 00:03:51,247
It's caught at the the
three-pointer from way...
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Heather!
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Where is my dress?!
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Which one?
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Oh, don't you play coy with me.
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00:03:56,581 --> 00:03:58,292
You know that's just for buying cars.
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Okay. I... I-I couldn't stand
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00:04:01,093 --> 00:04:02,776
to see you in a dress anymore, so
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I threw the dress into
the Paretskys' backyard,
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their dog saw it, came
over, cowered a little,
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and then he had diarrhea all over it.
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What?! Oh, Heather!
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Not much of a watchdog.
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What? (sighs)
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You... oh, Heather.
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ANNOUNCER: Another turnover
by Mount St. Gary's,
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00:04:21,945 --> 00:04:24,776
who's down by 20 with time running out.
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00:04:25,102 --> 00:04:27,995
It wasn't the same
Gopher team out there.
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It's as if they lost their mojo.
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Not lost, Jim Nantz!
Their mojo was thrown out!
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- What a heartbreaking end...
- (buzzer sounds)
128
00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:36,776
(TV shuts off)
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(sighs)
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(groans)
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What? I...
132
00:04:49,804 --> 00:04:51,285
(scoffs) What's that, a gift?
133
00:04:51,329 --> 00:04:53,776
You know, you can't buy
my forgiveness with a gift.
134
00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:55,776
Unless it's a deep fryer.
Is that a deep fryer?
135
00:04:56,033 --> 00:04:58,776
Do you really think a deep
fryer could fit into this box?
136
00:04:59,207 --> 00:05:00,992
I don't know. I just
wanted something deep fried.
137
00:05:01,012 --> 00:05:02,776
It's not a deep fryer.
138
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,265
But it'll make you feel just as fat.
139
00:05:07,836 --> 00:05:09,458
A new Cinderella dress.
140
00:05:09,490 --> 00:05:11,513
It's for next year. And...
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00:05:11,538 --> 00:05:13,121
to give us a little extra help,
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00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:15,776
I got a little something for myself.
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00:05:16,345 --> 00:05:19,654
This way, we can be ridiculous together.
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00:05:22,977 --> 00:05:24,576
_
145
00:05:24,777 --> 00:05:27,776
(crying over monitor)
146
00:05:27,777 --> 00:05:30,777
(both groan)
147
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:34,638
You ever think there'll be
a day where the baby monitor
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00:05:34,658 --> 00:05:37,776
will wake us up by saying,
"Hello, Mom and Dad.
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00:05:38,140 --> 00:05:40,015
I am in need of assistance."
150
00:05:40,135 --> 00:05:41,944
Yeah. Or like, "You know what,
151
00:05:42,423 --> 00:05:45,776
I'll go to work. You guys stay
in and wet your pants all day."
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00:05:45,777 --> 00:05:47,777
(chuckles)
153
00:05:50,469 --> 00:05:51,469
(shrilly): Sign it, Greg!
154
00:05:51,825 --> 00:05:52,316
Also, you have
155
00:05:52,335 --> 00:05:53,969
to give me $14 for the gift.
156
00:05:54,089 --> 00:05:55,375
We got the boss shot glasses
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00:05:55,401 --> 00:05:57,776
for every day of the week,
but Friday's is bigger.
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00:05:58,355 --> 00:06:01,074
Oh. Uh, no. This is, uh...
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00:06:01,098 --> 00:06:02,491
Sorry. You're gonna
have to come back to me.
160
00:06:02,523 --> 00:06:04,447
It's too much pressure
to be the first to sign.
161
00:06:04,512 --> 00:06:07,233
You handle thousands of dollars
in crowdfunding every day.
162
00:06:07,257 --> 00:06:09,467
I think you can handle a birthday card.
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00:06:10,181 --> 00:06:11,181
Right.
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00:06:14,617 --> 00:06:15,617
(clears throat)
165
00:06:15,657 --> 00:06:17,041
Chase is in a bad mood.
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00:06:17,161 --> 00:06:18,981
He gave up carbs, dairy, and Sugar.
167
00:06:19,101 --> 00:06:22,595
Oh, not sugar the food. Sugar the
woman who waters the plants.
168
00:06:23,147 --> 00:06:25,777
His wife caught Chase fertilizing her.
169
00:06:26,688 --> 00:06:27,394
Get it?
170
00:06:27,514 --> 00:06:28,747
Yes.
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00:06:29,443 --> 00:06:30,777
Just... no pressure.
172
00:06:30,778 --> 00:06:31,778
None.
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00:06:32,757 --> 00:06:35,182
Just... make it good.
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00:06:38,573 --> 00:06:40,427
CHASE: Greg, your birthday wishes
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00:06:40,445 --> 00:06:43,776
are thoughtful, poignant...
(chuckles) and hilarious.
176
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,776
I'm not even sure what
I wrote. (chuckles)
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00:06:46,777 --> 00:06:48,657
Well, it makes me want
to be a better man,
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00:06:48,684 --> 00:06:51,776
and it gives me a chubster
in the downstairs area.
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00:06:51,777 --> 00:06:53,317
Where's Mailroom Mark?
180
00:06:53,437 --> 00:06:54,437
Here, sir.
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00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:55,776
I got some news for you.
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00:06:55,777 --> 00:06:57,776
Your mom was Copy Room Janet,
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00:06:57,777 --> 00:06:58,944
and you're my son.
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00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,487
Dad!
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00:07:02,777 --> 00:07:04,514
Oh! (laughs)
186
00:07:05,084 --> 00:07:08,037
You're so creative,
Greg. I'm tired of funding
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00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:10,259
other people's stupid dreams here.
188
00:07:10,298 --> 00:07:12,375
It's time you crowdfund one of your own.
189
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,927
W... I-I've thought the same thing.
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00:07:14,939 --> 00:07:17,777
Of course you have. It's your fantasy.
191
00:07:21,777 --> 00:07:23,313
WOMAN: Greg!
192
00:07:23,433 --> 00:07:25,657
Greg, hurry up.
193
00:07:25,684 --> 00:07:27,705
I've got some tilapia in the microwave.
194
00:07:27,749 --> 00:07:30,267
I-I just... don't want
to make it seem like
195
00:07:30,277 --> 00:07:32,777
I'm trying too hard.
196
00:07:35,777 --> 00:07:37,944
Greg, is this your idea of a joke?
197
00:07:39,020 --> 00:07:40,257
I...
198
00:07:40,470 --> 00:07:41,717
I don't remember what I wrote.
199
00:07:41,747 --> 00:07:43,227
(stutters)
200
00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:45,523
That's him. You didn't write anything.
201
00:07:45,553 --> 00:07:48,859
There's just a drawing here
of a man with a very large nose
202
00:07:48,896 --> 00:07:50,766
and big, hairy eyes underneath.
203
00:07:50,781 --> 00:07:52,013
WOMAN: Gross.
204
00:07:52,133 --> 00:07:53,549
Chase, this has got
to be some sort of...
205
00:07:53,589 --> 00:07:55,505
Oh, clean out your desk, Greg.
206
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,777
JOAN: And don't bother coming home.
207
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,434
Mom?
208
00:08:00,469 --> 00:08:02,776
Matt was always my favorite.
209
00:08:03,038 --> 00:08:03,874
Dad.
210
00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:05,210
I have no son.
211
00:08:05,248 --> 00:08:06,248
No, Dad...
212
00:08:06,351 --> 00:08:08,863
Hmm? Okay, I have one son.
213
00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:12,230
It's over, Greg. I've moved on.
214
00:08:13,498 --> 00:08:15,651
Coach Murray from middle school?
215
00:08:15,889 --> 00:08:17,776
Should've climbed that rope, Greg.
216
00:08:17,777 --> 00:08:20,777
'Cause now your wife is climbing mine.
217
00:08:21,304 --> 00:08:22,840
You make me sick.
218
00:08:25,223 --> 00:08:28,217
Greg. Greg. Greg!
219
00:08:28,236 --> 00:08:30,658
Milly, will you please just
let me think, all right?
220
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:31,919
Your voice is so...
221
00:08:32,039 --> 00:08:33,367
(music starts playing)
222
00:08:33,487 --> 00:08:35,776
Wh... Where's that music coming from?
223
00:08:35,777 --> 00:08:36,958
It's my ringtone.
224
00:08:37,013 --> 00:08:38,356
Oh, God, it's my mom.
225
00:08:38,394 --> 00:08:39,777
She's so annoying.
226
00:08:39,778 --> 00:08:41,559
I kind of hate her. She has this voice
227
00:08:41,599 --> 00:08:44,777
that's so high-pitched that
it's really, really irritating.
228
00:08:44,778 --> 00:08:47,776
She sounds like a baby
crying. I don't really like
229
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,977
hanging out with her. She's
from Santa Fe, New Mexico...
230
00:08:52,463 --> 00:08:53,780
Shh!
231
00:08:53,987 --> 00:08:55,274
Why are you looking at me like that?
232
00:08:55,394 --> 00:08:57,021
I've got an idea.
233
00:08:57,593 --> 00:08:59,473
It took you long enough.
234
00:08:59,515 --> 00:09:01,043
All right.
235
00:09:02,698 --> 00:09:04,440
CriTunes? What the heck
236
00:09:04,464 --> 00:09:06,877
- does that mean?
- It's a baby monitor, all right?
237
00:09:06,897 --> 00:09:08,574
But it takes the cries of your baby
238
00:09:08,593 --> 00:09:10,776
and it turns those grating cries
239
00:09:10,777 --> 00:09:13,776
into soothing music.
240
00:09:13,777 --> 00:09:15,777
Cri-Tunes.
241
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,111
CriTunes.
242
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:20,777
Yes!
243
00:09:23,441 --> 00:09:24,776
What is this?
244
00:09:25,697 --> 00:09:27,041
Oh, Mom!
245
00:09:27,051 --> 00:09:28,944
I'm just not ready to be a
grandma yet, okay? You just...
246
00:09:28,945 --> 00:09:31,583
you rip it like that. Hold this.
247
00:09:32,101 --> 00:09:34,001
_
248
00:09:34,463 --> 00:09:37,220
All right, I got to get behind
you and pretend that I'm you,
249
00:09:37,267 --> 00:09:39,797
otherwise I can't tie this right.
250
00:09:39,798 --> 00:09:40,631
(shutter clicks)
251
00:09:40,632 --> 00:09:41,462
Ah, there you go.
252
00:09:41,463 --> 00:09:43,462
Got to do the same thing
with your cummerbund.
253
00:09:43,822 --> 00:09:44,214
What?
254
00:09:44,456 --> 00:09:44,964
Yeah.
255
00:09:44,965 --> 00:09:46,319
You don't need to do my cummerbund.
256
00:09:46,370 --> 00:09:48,320
- I know I don't need to,
- Oh.
257
00:09:48,371 --> 00:09:49,404
But it's your prom,
258
00:09:49,466 --> 00:09:52,462
And this is one of those things
that a dad really remembers.
259
00:09:52,463 --> 00:09:54,012
Hey, Tim, whenever you're done
doing whatever it is you're
260
00:09:54,024 --> 00:09:56,462
doing there, could I have
a minute alone with Tyler?
261
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,609
Looks like your mom
wants a turn with you.
262
00:09:59,864 --> 00:10:00,988
Oh, you look so nice.
263
00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:02,014
Okay.
264
00:10:05,596 --> 00:10:06,596
For prom.
265
00:10:06,977 --> 00:10:09,462
What is this?
266
00:10:09,973 --> 00:10:11,122
Oh, Mom!
267
00:10:11,141 --> 00:10:12,180
Okay, these are called condoms.
268
00:10:12,199 --> 00:10:14,155
And you know your dad
likes to buy in bulk.
269
00:10:14,191 --> 00:10:16,462
Well, he got these
before his vasectomy...
270
00:10:16,463 --> 00:10:17,806
- Mom...
- I'm just not ready
271
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:18,956
to be a grandma yet, okay?
272
00:10:18,971 --> 00:10:21,784
You just... you just rip
it like that... hold this.
273
00:10:22,904 --> 00:10:25,597
Okay, if it breaks like
that, I will be a grandmother.
274
00:10:26,146 --> 00:10:27,464
- Oh, what are you...
- Put 'em in your pockets.
275
00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:30,462
I am going to miss
these moments with you.
276
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,162
JOAN: Hi!
277
00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:32,673
We're here for pictures!
278
00:10:32,739 --> 00:10:34,679
Oh, look at you.
279
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,462
We don't need to capture this.
280
00:10:36,582 --> 00:10:38,706
- (shutter clicks)
- Oh, goodness.
281
00:10:39,041 --> 00:10:41,281
- How many girls are you going with?
- (laughs nervously)
282
00:10:41,735 --> 00:10:43,495
Here, I'll... I'll help you clean up.
283
00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:45,599
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
- HEATHER: Oh, thanks, Mom.
284
00:10:45,709 --> 00:10:49,162
Have you ever, you know,
seen one of these personally?
285
00:10:49,201 --> 00:10:51,162
Hmm? John, get a banana.
286
00:10:51,282 --> 00:10:53,394
Tyler doesn't know how to use a rubber.
287
00:10:53,450 --> 00:10:55,382
Oh, you guys are weirding the kid out.
288
00:10:55,390 --> 00:10:57,163
He's got a prom to go to.
289
00:10:58,163 --> 00:10:59,163
Thanks, Pop-Pop.
290
00:10:59,164 --> 00:10:59,877
Yeah.
291
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:02,756
Your mother and grandmother
have a problem with boundaries.
292
00:11:02,768 --> 00:11:05,363
They don't know how to talk
to you like you're an adult.
293
00:11:06,163 --> 00:11:08,162
(high-pitched voice): But I do.
294
00:11:08,163 --> 00:11:09,872
Let's talk about
295
00:11:09,873 --> 00:11:11,497
how to get a girl's bra off
296
00:11:11,498 --> 00:11:14,162
when you're kissing her neck.
297
00:11:14,163 --> 00:11:15,299
What bra?
298
00:11:15,621 --> 00:11:16,376
What is that?
299
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:19,162
This is Cheeto's girlfriend, Dorita.
300
00:11:19,163 --> 00:11:21,349
She's here to show you the bases.
301
00:11:21,396 --> 00:11:22,396
Seriously?
302
00:11:22,512 --> 00:11:25,043
Every other kid just
gets the no-drinking talk.
303
00:11:25,081 --> 00:11:26,875
Oh, no, no, you need to drink
304
00:11:26,910 --> 00:11:29,162
or that thing's going to
go off like a Roman candle
305
00:11:29,163 --> 00:11:31,497
before you even get your pants down.
306
00:11:32,269 --> 00:11:33,629
(high-pitched voice): You said it.
307
00:11:40,381 --> 00:11:41,862
You look beautiful.
308
00:11:42,044 --> 00:11:43,044
So do you.
309
00:11:46,386 --> 00:11:48,266
- I got your corsage.
- Okay.
310
00:11:50,406 --> 00:11:51,833
Sorry, um,
311
00:11:51,953 --> 00:11:53,214
those are from my mom.
312
00:11:57,863 --> 00:11:59,573
(rock music playing)
313
00:12:03,555 --> 00:12:04,862
Isn't this great?
314
00:12:04,863 --> 00:12:06,968
Didn't you love how every
single guy won Prom King
315
00:12:06,982 --> 00:12:08,963
- and every single girl won Prom Queen?
- Yeah.
316
00:12:08,983 --> 00:12:10,862
Yeah, our school is so inclusive.
317
00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:13,028
It was perfect. Everything is perfect.
318
00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:15,863
You're perfect.
319
00:12:18,753 --> 00:12:19,862
Wow.
320
00:12:21,512 --> 00:12:22,724
Come on.
321
00:12:27,416 --> 00:12:28,416
Come here.
322
00:12:43,577 --> 00:12:45,687
You know how I feel about you.
323
00:12:45,718 --> 00:12:49,255
Me, too. And... you. Me.
324
00:12:49,572 --> 00:12:50,958
And I think it's time
325
00:12:50,981 --> 00:12:53,602
we take our relationship
to the next level.
326
00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:55,862
Absolutely. Up we go.
327
00:12:55,863 --> 00:12:57,432
I want to know that our souls
328
00:12:57,464 --> 00:12:59,862
are gonna go to the
same place when we die.
329
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,739
Wow. This is intense.
330
00:13:02,295 --> 00:13:03,989
I want us to be together
331
00:13:04,235 --> 00:13:06,000
in every way possible.
332
00:13:06,048 --> 00:13:07,862
Yes. In every way.
333
00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:10,604
Or even in just one way.
334
00:13:10,928 --> 00:13:12,520
That's why I want to give you this.
335
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,217
This ring is my promise
336
00:13:17,669 --> 00:13:18,793
to keep myself pure
337
00:13:18,805 --> 00:13:21,824
until the first time that I have sex...
338
00:13:24,831 --> 00:13:25,863
on my wedding night.
339
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,642
Will you marry me?
340
00:13:30,487 --> 00:13:32,087
_
341
00:13:34,818 --> 00:13:35,818
(knocking at door)
342
00:13:36,070 --> 00:13:36,988
JEN: Hey, buddy.
343
00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:38,817
What are you doing in
here all by yourself?
344
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,186
Oh, God, you're watching porn.
345
00:13:40,306 --> 00:13:41,817
No, I'm not watching porn.
346
00:13:42,298 --> 00:13:42,817
Yet.
347
00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:44,293
And also anymore.
348
00:13:44,413 --> 00:13:46,146
- Ooh.
- No, I'm-I'm looking
349
00:13:46,167 --> 00:13:47,207
at my Netflix history.
350
00:13:47,222 --> 00:13:48,817
See, Colleen and I
still share a password,
351
00:13:48,818 --> 00:13:49,672
so I can see firsthand
352
00:13:49,687 --> 00:13:51,647
- how well she's doing without me. Look.
- Uh-huh.
353
00:13:52,063 --> 00:13:53,603
JEN: Uh, sports documentaries.
354
00:13:53,623 --> 00:13:55,364
Yeah. Colleen hates sports.
355
00:13:55,366 --> 00:13:57,189
And she watched this one
on a Monday, which means
356
00:13:57,199 --> 00:13:58,533
that not only is she seeing somebody,
357
00:13:58,534 --> 00:13:59,419
but they're already at the point where
358
00:13:59,434 --> 00:14:01,061
they're hanging out on Mondays and...
359
00:14:01,181 --> 00:14:03,442
you know, watching Netflix.
360
00:14:04,623 --> 00:14:07,575
Okay, well, listen, maybe
this is an opportunity
361
00:14:07,583 --> 00:14:09,903
for you to get back out there, too.
362
00:14:09,934 --> 00:14:11,530
You know? Maybe...
363
00:14:11,565 --> 00:14:15,280
hop in the shower, give
hygiene the old college try.
364
00:14:15,670 --> 00:14:17,763
I don't know, Jen. I
don't think I'm ready.
365
00:14:18,492 --> 00:14:21,421
Okay. Well, maybe just
the shower part, then.
366
00:14:23,465 --> 00:14:25,165
JEN: Uh, hey, Vanda.
367
00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:26,165
Quick pregunta.
368
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,165
You're not seeing anyone
right now, are you?
369
00:14:28,542 --> 00:14:29,470
Why do you ask?
370
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:30,387
I was wondering if maybe
371
00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:32,134
you wanted to go on a
date with my brother-in-law
372
00:14:32,144 --> 00:14:34,605
this Friday. I assumed
from your late-night
373
00:14:34,615 --> 00:14:36,353
ice cream tweets that you were single.
374
00:14:36,473 --> 00:14:39,672
No, I'm dating an
artisanal ice cream artist.
375
00:14:40,148 --> 00:14:42,166
The pictures are part of our foreplay.
376
00:14:42,167 --> 00:14:44,958
Okay, let's go back to
being small-talk friends.
377
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:45,789
Let's do that.
378
00:14:45,804 --> 00:14:47,688
Uh, did I just hear
379
00:14:47,718 --> 00:14:49,674
the chocolate and peanut butter
380
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,665
of "Friday" and "date"?
381
00:14:51,666 --> 00:14:53,479
Dougie, hi.
382
00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:54,736
Always a pleasure.
383
00:14:54,781 --> 00:14:57,794
No, I was just, uh, I was
wondering if Vanda was free.
384
00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,491
Well, I'm free.
385
00:14:59,512 --> 00:15:00,432
What about me?
386
00:15:00,444 --> 00:15:02,665
I like ice cream and foreplay.
387
00:15:02,666 --> 00:15:04,665
But if I get going,
388
00:15:04,666 --> 00:15:06,512
I'm gonna need a whole lot of one
389
00:15:06,774 --> 00:15:08,080
and very little of the other.
390
00:15:08,128 --> 00:15:09,665
Yeah, me, too.
391
00:15:09,666 --> 00:15:12,611
I just thought that, um,
you were seeing someone.
392
00:15:13,015 --> 00:15:13,665
He died.
393
00:15:13,666 --> 00:15:15,666
- Oh.
- So, tell me about your brother-in-law.
394
00:15:15,669 --> 00:15:17,665
Could he pick me up, like, physically?
395
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:20,133
If we were to get in a fight,
who do you think could win
396
00:15:20,149 --> 00:15:21,149
between the two of us?
397
00:15:21,522 --> 00:15:23,120
Uh... you.
398
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:23,950
Yeah.
399
00:15:23,951 --> 00:15:24,865
(whoops)
400
00:15:24,866 --> 00:15:25,567
I'm in!
401
00:15:25,623 --> 00:15:25,993
Yeah?
402
00:15:26,231 --> 00:15:27,027
Let's do this!
403
00:15:27,062 --> 00:15:27,465
Okay.
404
00:15:27,466 --> 00:15:29,210
Tell him to wear something smart...
405
00:15:29,281 --> 00:15:32,465
no jeans, no tank
tops, no baseball caps.
406
00:15:32,466 --> 00:15:34,175
I'm like a Puerto Rican nightclub.
407
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,200
You sure are.
408
00:15:36,548 --> 00:15:38,666
JOAN: This is so exciting.
409
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:41,665
I think it's very important
that you get back out there.
410
00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:43,618
Yeah, it's also very important
411
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,665
that you manage expectations.
412
00:15:45,785 --> 00:15:47,075
Dougie wasn't my first choice.
413
00:15:47,126 --> 00:15:48,349
But she's my boss' daughter,
414
00:15:48,361 --> 00:15:49,665
so I couldn't really say no.
415
00:15:49,857 --> 00:15:51,233
- What does that mean?
- That she's,
416
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:53,051
yeah, uh, a little
rough around the edges.
417
00:15:53,171 --> 00:15:54,083
JOAN: Well, I don't care
418
00:15:54,115 --> 00:15:56,117
if she's a pizza box with eyes.
419
00:15:56,146 --> 00:15:57,488
He's going on a date.
420
00:15:57,507 --> 00:16:00,357
You have given him the
greatest gift. Mwah.
421
00:16:00,477 --> 00:16:02,764
Mom's right... I need to
get back up on the horse.
422
00:16:02,884 --> 00:16:05,666
That's actually a really
good analogy in this case.
423
00:16:10,935 --> 00:16:13,142
Hey-o! You must be Matt.
424
00:16:14,214 --> 00:16:14,665
Dougie?
425
00:16:14,666 --> 00:16:15,900
Yep, that's me.
426
00:16:16,991 --> 00:16:19,398
Good God, you're like bones.
427
00:16:19,423 --> 00:16:21,470
Jen did not tell me you were so scrawny.
428
00:16:21,506 --> 00:16:23,865
Never dated a man I
couldn't share a belt with.
429
00:16:23,866 --> 00:16:26,048
I haven't been eating a lot
since I got over this break-up...
430
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,865
Okay, save it for pillow talk.
431
00:16:28,152 --> 00:16:30,413
Where's your ball and
where's your shoes?
432
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:31,033
I'm renting them.
433
00:16:31,034 --> 00:16:32,449
Oh, God, okay.
434
00:16:32,469 --> 00:16:34,344
Uh, I'll meet you at three.
435
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,200
I can't be seen with a renter.
436
00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:37,367
This is super embarrassing.
437
00:16:37,368 --> 00:16:38,662
Rookie mistake!
438
00:16:38,678 --> 00:16:40,865
You always bring your own ball!
439
00:16:40,866 --> 00:16:41,866
Come on!
440
00:16:50,155 --> 00:16:52,443
Boo-yah!
441
00:16:52,563 --> 00:16:53,748
- (grunting)
- Yeah.
442
00:16:53,868 --> 00:16:56,414
X it out, Bony Island.
443
00:16:56,687 --> 00:16:57,948
- (whoops)
- Whoa!
444
00:16:57,995 --> 00:16:58,995
Final score.
445
00:16:59,183 --> 00:17:01,313
218-47.
446
00:17:01,433 --> 00:17:02,865
You suck!
447
00:17:02,985 --> 00:17:04,217
And your tie's dumb.
448
00:17:04,262 --> 00:17:05,230
Thank you.
449
00:17:05,262 --> 00:17:06,624
Well, this has been a great night.
450
00:17:06,643 --> 00:17:08,626
I've learned so much
about-about bowling,
451
00:17:08,645 --> 00:17:09,158
Mm-hmm.
452
00:17:09,177 --> 00:17:09,867
Its culture,
453
00:17:09,868 --> 00:17:11,746
and the art of thawing meat.
454
00:17:11,761 --> 00:17:12,865
Yeah, night's not over.
455
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,093
You still haven't met the steamer.
456
00:17:15,213 --> 00:17:17,581
You say that and it makes me scared.
457
00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:19,057
It's just my cat.
458
00:17:19,266 --> 00:17:20,318
Oh, thank God.
459
00:17:20,438 --> 00:17:21,865
My trouser cat.
460
00:17:21,866 --> 00:17:22,866
(groan-like chuckling)
461
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:23,685
(laughing)
462
00:17:23,698 --> 00:17:25,667
What do you say? Come on over.
463
00:17:25,686 --> 00:17:27,404
I've got an opening for one
464
00:17:27,435 --> 00:17:29,241
with your little skinny name on it.
465
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:30,492
- Yeah, I just don't think
- Ooh!
466
00:17:30,501 --> 00:17:31,962
that I'm in that place quite yet.
467
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:34,023
And also it seems like you hate me.
468
00:17:34,143 --> 00:17:36,200
That's what makes it hot.
469
00:17:37,025 --> 00:17:37,658
Right.
470
00:17:37,714 --> 00:17:38,747
- Yeah, see,
- Headlocks!
471
00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:42,200
I'm not really in that hate-sex phase.
472
00:17:42,201 --> 00:17:44,676
(groans) Forget you then!
473
00:17:44,708 --> 00:17:46,127
The night is still young.
474
00:17:46,146 --> 00:17:48,526
I can still find a
business man in Chinatown
475
00:17:48,543 --> 00:17:50,865
who likes a good steamed bun.
476
00:17:51,365 --> 00:17:52,365
Pfft.
477
00:17:55,917 --> 00:17:57,411
So, the date didn't go well?
478
00:17:58,220 --> 00:17:59,366
If that's what's out there,
479
00:17:59,417 --> 00:18:00,232
I don't want it.
480
00:18:00,283 --> 00:18:02,541
- I could've lost a finger!
- I know, I'm sorry.
481
00:18:02,602 --> 00:18:05,303
Maybe it's just not
possible to enjoy yourself
482
00:18:05,343 --> 00:18:07,619
when you're still holding onto Colleen.
483
00:18:07,690 --> 00:18:08,866
I'm not holding onto Colleen.
484
00:18:09,311 --> 00:18:09,992
I'm not.
485
00:18:10,112 --> 00:18:11,462
I haven't called her in a week.
486
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:13,162
I changed my relationship status.
487
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:14,033
I stopped trying to run
488
00:18:14,034 --> 00:18:15,865
into her at the gym... I'm over her.
489
00:18:16,381 --> 00:18:18,441
What did she watch
on Netflix last night?
490
00:18:18,478 --> 00:18:19,478
White Chicks.
491
00:18:23,238 --> 00:18:24,033
Well, she's got good taste.
492
00:18:24,034 --> 00:18:25,865
You can't argue that.
493
00:18:25,866 --> 00:18:26,867
(knocking)
494
00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:31,884
Hi.
495
00:18:31,925 --> 00:18:33,663
Hi. Wh-what are you doing here?
496
00:18:33,698 --> 00:18:35,258
Just wanted to get you your stuff back.
497
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,066
Oh, okay. Right-right now?
498
00:18:37,097 --> 00:18:38,097
Yeah, well, I, um...
499
00:18:38,404 --> 00:18:39,180
- Sorry.
- Uh-huh.
500
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:40,300
(door closes)
501
00:18:41,145 --> 00:18:42,865
Hey, look, I had always assumed
502
00:18:42,866 --> 00:18:44,455
that we were gonna get back together.
503
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,033
Um, and, uh, I see
from the Netflix history
504
00:18:47,034 --> 00:18:49,695
that you're dating someone,
so I think that it's time
505
00:18:49,706 --> 00:18:52,923
that I let go of the
idea that you are the one.
506
00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:57,166
(door opens)
507
00:18:57,205 --> 00:18:58,205
Matt?
508
00:18:59,612 --> 00:19:00,865
I-I'm not dating anybody.
509
00:19:02,335 --> 00:19:03,335
What?
510
00:19:03,606 --> 00:19:04,788
I'm not dating anybody.
511
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,079
But you're hanging out with somebody.
512
00:19:06,124 --> 00:19:07,865
I mean, his truck is in your driveway.
513
00:19:07,866 --> 00:19:09,671
Matt, how could I
possibly be hanging out
514
00:19:09,711 --> 00:19:10,866
with somebody when,
515
00:19:11,527 --> 00:19:12,865
when all I do is think about you?
516
00:19:14,478 --> 00:19:15,328
I mean, this last month
517
00:19:15,358 --> 00:19:17,353
has been the loneliest month of my life.
518
00:19:18,842 --> 00:19:20,590
I should've never broken up with you.
519
00:19:21,132 --> 00:19:22,865
I was, I was just scared.
520
00:19:23,377 --> 00:19:24,698
Why didn't you tell me?
521
00:19:24,769 --> 00:19:26,639
Because I'd already
messed things up enough,
522
00:19:26,659 --> 00:19:28,865
and I didn't want to hurt you anymore.
523
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,657
I'm sorry, I just feel like such a fool.
524
00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:33,865
No, you're not the fool. I'm the fool.
525
00:19:34,087 --> 00:19:34,721
Why?
526
00:19:34,888 --> 00:19:36,631
Because I've been letting
you talk this whole time
527
00:19:36,641 --> 00:19:38,368
when I should've just done this.
528
00:19:48,975 --> 00:19:50,693
You still haven't explained
the Netflix history
529
00:19:50,694 --> 00:19:52,404
- or the truck in the driveway.
- Oh, that.
530
00:19:52,405 --> 00:19:54,155
Um, Chad rented out his room to someone
531
00:19:54,178 --> 00:19:56,466
- on his legal team. Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
532
00:19:58,406 --> 00:19:58,693
Hello.
533
00:19:58,945 --> 00:19:59,945
- Hi.
- Hello.
534
00:20:01,231 --> 00:20:02,379
Oh, right on, I mean, he seems
535
00:20:02,412 --> 00:20:03,312
kind of like nice and quiet...
536
00:20:03,324 --> 00:20:04,403
DOUGIE: Sorry the hammock broke!
537
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,466
Oh, my God, no.
538
00:20:05,502 --> 00:20:06,693
Yeah, that's, uh, Dougie.
539
00:20:06,694 --> 00:20:07,987
- My new roommate.
- Can't breathe.
540
00:20:08,005 --> 00:20:10,954
Well, look what the cat
trouser dragged back in.
541
00:20:11,019 --> 00:20:12,105
Oh, you know each other.
542
00:20:12,121 --> 00:20:13,533
(sexy purr)
543
00:20:13,549 --> 00:20:14,195
(laughs)
544
00:20:14,196 --> 00:20:14,884
Okay.
545
00:20:14,885 --> 00:20:15,885
Okay.
546
00:20:16,795 --> 00:20:18,495
_
547
00:20:18,497 --> 00:20:20,397
(smooth jazz plays)
548
00:20:22,497 --> 00:20:23,077
(groans)
549
00:20:23,108 --> 00:20:24,108
What's up?
550
00:20:24,633 --> 00:20:26,196
What? What's-what...?
551
00:20:26,197 --> 00:20:26,537
What?
552
00:20:26,547 --> 00:20:27,547
What is that music?
553
00:20:28,610 --> 00:20:31,197
Are we listening to the
funeral home station?
554
00:20:31,198 --> 00:20:33,913
No, we're listening to my prototype.
555
00:20:33,964 --> 00:20:34,964
JEN: Wha...?
556
00:20:35,388 --> 00:20:36,196
(Greg grunts)
557
00:20:36,197 --> 00:20:39,318
Yeah, it's turning Lark's cries
558
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,661
into soothing music.
559
00:20:41,978 --> 00:20:44,686
May I present: CryTunes.
560
00:20:45,272 --> 00:20:48,197
Yeah. I posted it at my work.
561
00:20:49,391 --> 00:20:50,539
We're live, baby,
562
00:20:50,571 --> 00:20:51,948
and raising funds.
563
00:20:51,996 --> 00:20:55,014
Oh, so you are
crowdfunding your own idea.
564
00:20:55,065 --> 00:20:55,609
Yeah.
565
00:20:55,641 --> 00:20:56,965
See, got a little description,
566
00:20:56,978 --> 00:20:59,196
and these are all the
rewards that backers can get.
567
00:20:59,197 --> 00:21:01,196
"$100,
568
00:21:01,197 --> 00:21:02,920
personalized mixtape."
569
00:21:02,979 --> 00:21:05,196
Well, yeah, I mean,
I'm the king of those.
570
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:06,529
So what do you think?
571
00:21:08,197 --> 00:21:09,197
Who? Oh, me?
572
00:21:09,510 --> 00:21:10,586
Um...
573
00:21:10,628 --> 00:21:11,848
You don't like it.
574
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:12,431
I...
575
00:21:12,477 --> 00:21:14,423
You know what, it feels a little bit
576
00:21:14,543 --> 00:21:17,843
like I'm, like, shopping for curtains
577
00:21:17,856 --> 00:21:20,282
at a high-end outdoor mall.
578
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,550
Well, uh, you can change the music.
579
00:21:23,197 --> 00:21:24,640
- (electronic dance music plays)
- Huh?
580
00:21:24,653 --> 00:21:27,101
No. No, no, no.
581
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,822
Well, no, I mean, you can...
it can be any kind of music.
582
00:21:29,842 --> 00:21:30,601
It doesn't have to be...
583
00:21:30,606 --> 00:21:32,611
- Yeah, not this one.
- It doesn't have to be these two,
584
00:21:32,621 --> 00:21:34,009
but the music will keep going
585
00:21:34,019 --> 00:21:36,196
as long as Lark keeps crying.
586
00:21:36,197 --> 00:21:39,196
Greg, L-Lark is crying.
587
00:21:39,197 --> 00:21:40,976
- No, no. No, Lark is crying.
- Oh.
588
00:21:40,991 --> 00:21:41,989
Yeah, she's a living baby.
589
00:21:42,014 --> 00:21:43,197
- (Lark crying)
- Sorry!
590
00:21:44,279 --> 00:21:44,756
(chimes)
591
00:21:44,791 --> 00:21:46,541
Yes! 25%.
592
00:21:46,628 --> 00:21:49,197
Take that, documentaries about anime.
593
00:21:52,197 --> 00:21:53,901
Hey, babe. What are you doing here?
594
00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:56,525
Um, I came for my mixtape.
595
00:21:56,755 --> 00:21:57,768
You donated?
596
00:21:58,101 --> 00:21:59,019
Yeah, yeah.
597
00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:02,226
You know, I was... I was
feeling bad about this morning.
598
00:22:02,241 --> 00:22:05,197
I feel like I gave your
idea lukewarm support,
599
00:22:05,198 --> 00:22:07,097
and it should have been hot, you know?
600
00:22:07,121 --> 00:22:10,196
It should have been a
steaming pile of hot support.
601
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:11,746
So you believe in it?
602
00:22:11,793 --> 00:22:13,622
Honestly, more than anything, I...
603
00:22:13,979 --> 00:22:16,077
was thinking about
how much I believe in you.
604
00:22:16,756 --> 00:22:18,203
Thank you, honey.
605
00:22:19,403 --> 00:22:21,803
Now, if you believe in me
just a hundred bucks more,
606
00:22:21,816 --> 00:22:23,196
your reward is a caricature.
607
00:22:23,197 --> 00:22:24,842
Now, I can give you
big eyes or big boobs.
608
00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:25,398
Which do you want?
609
00:22:25,426 --> 00:22:27,266
- I draw 'em both the same.
- (computer chimes)
610
00:22:27,413 --> 00:22:28,603
GREG: 30%!
611
00:22:30,903 --> 00:22:31,600
(chimes)
612
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:32,896
Hey, there, Greg.
613
00:22:32,897 --> 00:22:34,549
Saw you posted something
on our Web site.
614
00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:35,801
Yeah, yeah.
615
00:22:35,826 --> 00:22:37,896
I mean, you can still get
in on the ground floor,
616
00:22:37,897 --> 00:22:39,896
you know, get rich.
617
00:22:39,897 --> 00:22:42,449
I'm already rich. See, here's the thing.
618
00:22:42,707 --> 00:22:45,896
Posting your own product is,
uh, it's a conflict of interest.
619
00:22:45,897 --> 00:22:47,896
You know, it's like, uh...
620
00:22:47,897 --> 00:22:49,602
oh, it's like taking your sister-in-law
621
00:22:49,612 --> 00:22:52,004
to a drive-in movie
and getting her drunk
622
00:22:52,016 --> 00:22:55,896
on a little apple wine
and making out with her...
623
00:22:55,897 --> 00:22:57,896
and-and then regretting it later.
624
00:22:58,358 --> 00:22:59,519
It's just not done.
625
00:22:59,595 --> 00:23:02,896
But, uh, we-we... we're-we're 50% funded
626
00:23:02,897 --> 00:23:04,309
in-in just under three hours.
627
00:23:04,339 --> 00:23:06,001
I mean, even the ball wipe guys,
628
00:23:06,016 --> 00:23:07,896
it-it took them a month to do that.
629
00:23:07,897 --> 00:23:10,156
The creators of Cleanuts
don't work here.
630
00:23:10,276 --> 00:23:12,896
They smoke weed and throw
food at each other's balls.
631
00:23:12,897 --> 00:23:14,417
That's how they came up with the idea.
632
00:23:14,790 --> 00:23:16,454
Are you saying the entire
time that I work here,
633
00:23:16,474 --> 00:23:17,897
I can't do anything creative ever?
634
00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:19,897
I'm not saying that.
635
00:23:20,099 --> 00:23:21,614
I want people to be creative.
636
00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:25,192
If you want to, you know, mix
flavors at the soda fountain
637
00:23:25,223 --> 00:23:26,896
or bring in a jigsaw puzzle,
638
00:23:27,138 --> 00:23:29,065
(chuckles) I think it'd be great.
639
00:23:29,759 --> 00:23:32,682
The point is I would take
it down, if I were you,
640
00:23:32,860 --> 00:23:33,898
but that's just me.
641
00:23:35,503 --> 00:23:36,503
You dig?
642
00:23:40,109 --> 00:23:42,896
Anyway, I'm just glad Greg's
feeling inspired, you know?
643
00:23:42,897 --> 00:23:46,218
I mean, aside from Lark and
our smoke alarm going off
644
00:23:46,248 --> 00:23:47,897
every time we cook a steak,
645
00:23:47,898 --> 00:23:49,896
there's really not much
excitement in our house.
646
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:54,368
Well... that's about to change.
647
00:23:56,118 --> 00:23:57,398
Uh, what's up?
648
00:24:06,575 --> 00:24:07,575
Hi.
649
00:24:07,684 --> 00:24:09,096
Uh, you're-you're home early.
650
00:24:09,402 --> 00:24:13,096
Yeah, well, um, I got some big news.
651
00:24:13,097 --> 00:24:14,527
Uh, so-so do I. Um...
652
00:24:14,535 --> 00:24:16,096
Yeah, well, let me go
first, 'cause I'm taller.
653
00:24:16,097 --> 00:24:20,303
So CryTunes has reached
twice its funding goal
654
00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:21,276
in its first day.
655
00:24:21,308 --> 00:24:22,868
Wow, that-that's amazing.
656
00:24:22,923 --> 00:24:26,198
And how would you feel about
me maybe quitting my job
657
00:24:26,216 --> 00:24:28,685
to focus solely on... on CryTunes?
658
00:24:28,698 --> 00:24:31,725
And before you answer, know that
I may have already quit my job.
659
00:24:32,989 --> 00:24:35,579
You-you... you "may have" quit your job?
660
00:24:37,176 --> 00:24:38,176
I quit my job.
661
00:24:39,029 --> 00:24:42,096
There were ultimatums
given, uh, of a legal nature
662
00:24:42,097 --> 00:24:43,096
I-I don't want to bore you with...
663
00:24:43,097 --> 00:24:43,974
I'm a lawyer, Greg.
664
00:24:44,006 --> 00:24:45,634
But after you came in,
665
00:24:45,659 --> 00:24:47,218
it just really pumped me up, you know?
666
00:24:47,237 --> 00:24:49,896
And-and I can't do this without you,
667
00:24:49,897 --> 00:24:51,897
so I know it's gonna
be hard around here.
668
00:24:51,898 --> 00:24:53,897
You know, we're gonna have
to tighten some belts...
669
00:24:53,904 --> 00:24:56,607
Actually, I think I'm
gonna have to loosen mine.
670
00:24:59,168 --> 00:25:00,168
I'm pregnant.
671
00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:05,897
(smooth jazz plays)
672
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:12,795
Whatever happened to Murph?
673
00:25:12,915 --> 00:25:14,927
Oh, Murph. Hell of a pilot.
674
00:25:15,047 --> 00:25:16,395
He died at an airshow.
675
00:25:16,444 --> 00:25:18,610
Oh, damn. Damn. A daredevil, though.
676
00:25:18,730 --> 00:25:20,478
No, he choked on a funnel cake.
677
00:25:20,732 --> 00:25:22,632
_
678
00:25:23,329 --> 00:25:24,937
John was there from the beginning,
679
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,430
when Karyl and I first
worked the same flight.
680
00:25:27,486 --> 00:25:28,602
Yeah, I remember that.
681
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,019
Carol was my copilot,
682
00:25:30,035 --> 00:25:32,889
and Karyl with a "K" was a stewardess.
683
00:25:33,009 --> 00:25:35,044
Uh, I remember I asked
'em to bring some nuts
684
00:25:35,069 --> 00:25:37,174
up to the cockpit, but
they were in the lav.
685
00:25:37,190 --> 00:25:40,333
And-and, you know, nuts were
the last thing on their mind.
686
00:25:40,349 --> 00:25:41,053
(laughing)
687
00:25:41,061 --> 00:25:42,423
Hey, Aunt Carol.
688
00:25:42,470 --> 00:25:44,084
- Hi!
- Oh, sweetheart.
689
00:25:44,109 --> 00:25:44,806
Oh, hi.
690
00:25:44,807 --> 00:25:45,721
Hi.
691
00:25:45,722 --> 00:25:48,328
Congratulations on your wedding.
692
00:25:48,351 --> 00:25:50,102
JOAN: Isn't it wonderful, honey?
693
00:25:50,117 --> 00:25:51,721
Over 35 years,
694
00:25:51,722 --> 00:25:53,496
and now they can make it legal.
695
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,222
And now you can, too, huh?
696
00:25:55,342 --> 00:25:56,342
What's that?
697
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:57,344
Nothing.
698
00:25:57,550 --> 00:25:58,192
Oh.
699
00:25:58,461 --> 00:26:00,102
(laughing): What? What is it, Mom?
700
00:26:00,146 --> 00:26:02,156
Oh, it-it... it's wine, honey.
701
00:26:03,189 --> 00:26:04,310
Okay, what-what's happening?
702
00:26:04,323 --> 00:26:06,546
Why will no one make
eye contact with me?
703
00:26:06,558 --> 00:26:07,722
Aunt Carols?
704
00:26:10,781 --> 00:26:12,721
Fasten your seatbelt, hon.
705
00:26:12,722 --> 00:26:15,040
Okay, you guys, come
on, I'm a grown-up.
706
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,032
Whatever it is, I can handle this.
707
00:26:17,055 --> 00:26:18,668
Your mother and I aren't married.
708
00:26:20,917 --> 00:26:21,917
Mommy?
709
00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:24,558
Honey, it was 1980.
710
00:26:24,819 --> 00:26:27,019
Carol and Karyl couldn't get married,
711
00:26:27,139 --> 00:26:30,116
so your dad and I divorced in protest.
712
00:26:30,164 --> 00:26:34,289
So you've been divorced for 35 years?
713
00:26:35,065 --> 00:26:36,721
Uh, yeah.
714
00:26:36,722 --> 00:26:39,186
We've always been very
married in our hearts,
715
00:26:39,218 --> 00:26:40,602
which is all that matters.
716
00:26:40,641 --> 00:26:42,052
This explains so much.
717
00:26:42,071 --> 00:26:44,224
This is... I'm a child of divorce.
718
00:26:44,243 --> 00:26:46,426
This is why I lick
doorknobs, this is why...
719
00:26:46,489 --> 00:26:48,073
Wait, do Matt and Greg know about this?
720
00:26:48,124 --> 00:26:50,429
We thought it best
not to tell all of you,
721
00:26:50,448 --> 00:26:52,500
- so, please, don't bother your brothers...
- Matt!
722
00:26:52,538 --> 00:26:54,770
- Oh, Heather, please.
- Matt!
723
00:26:54,890 --> 00:26:57,192
She never was my best listener.
724
00:26:57,439 --> 00:26:58,439
Mmm.
725
00:26:58,845 --> 00:27:01,909
Colleen, we work together...
726
00:27:02,029 --> 00:27:03,308
- (door opens)
- HEATHER: Matt!
727
00:27:03,773 --> 00:27:04,773
Matt...
728
00:27:05,572 --> 00:27:07,035
Uh, am I interrupting something?
729
00:27:07,108 --> 00:27:08,257
Huh? No. What's up?
730
00:27:09,302 --> 00:27:10,807
I have got some news
731
00:27:11,181 --> 00:27:13,081
that is going to shake you to...
732
00:27:13,112 --> 00:27:14,854
Okay, can you please turn her around?
733
00:27:15,044 --> 00:27:16,044
Yeah.
734
00:27:17,774 --> 00:27:18,721
Okay,
735
00:27:18,722 --> 00:27:21,249
Mom and Dad got a divorce,
736
00:27:21,820 --> 00:27:23,721
and they never told us.
737
00:27:24,201 --> 00:27:25,025
What?
738
00:27:25,145 --> 00:27:26,145
Yeah.
739
00:27:26,416 --> 00:27:27,417
Is this my fault?
740
00:27:27,537 --> 00:27:30,179
Oh, no, no, it's not your fault.
741
00:27:30,299 --> 00:27:32,508
Am I going to have to choose
whose garage to move into?
742
00:27:33,268 --> 00:27:35,187
JOHN: Now, whatever happened to Murph?
743
00:27:35,206 --> 00:27:37,421
Oh, Murph. Hell of a pilot.
744
00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:38,696
He died at an airshow.
745
00:27:38,721 --> 00:27:40,919
Oh, damn. Damn. A daredevil, though.
746
00:27:40,970 --> 00:27:42,737
No, he choked on a funnel cake.
747
00:27:42,775 --> 00:27:43,858
- Oh...
- (door opens)
748
00:27:44,232 --> 00:27:45,421
You know, for all the times you guys
749
00:27:45,422 --> 00:27:46,421
judged me for getting divorced.
750
00:27:46,422 --> 00:27:47,694
At least I told people, or, you know,
751
00:27:47,699 --> 00:27:49,970
they saw the cop car in the
front yard and just assumed.
752
00:27:50,156 --> 00:27:51,629
HEATHER: All right, the
only way to handle this
753
00:27:51,749 --> 00:27:53,590
is you have to get remarried.
754
00:27:54,048 --> 00:27:55,048
Right now.
755
00:27:55,131 --> 00:27:57,566
You know, I think
you're both overreacting.
756
00:27:57,603 --> 00:27:58,726
Overreacting?
757
00:27:58,754 --> 00:28:00,785
We now come from a broken home.
758
00:28:00,801 --> 00:28:02,825
I'm probably going to end
up becoming a stripper.
759
00:28:02,845 --> 00:28:03,105
Yeah.
760
00:28:03,178 --> 00:28:04,994
JOHN: Well, look, it
didn't affect anything.
761
00:28:05,006 --> 00:28:06,527
Honestly, we just forgot.
762
00:28:06,647 --> 00:28:08,143
Well, we didn't both forget.
763
00:28:08,163 --> 00:28:10,666
Yeah, we didn't want to
disrupt the family over this.
764
00:28:10,703 --> 00:28:12,421
Oh, so-so-so all this time,
765
00:28:12,422 --> 00:28:14,421
you just... you stayed
divorced for the kids?
766
00:28:14,422 --> 00:28:15,421
Yeah!
767
00:28:15,422 --> 00:28:18,298
You're such a wonderful family.
768
00:28:18,299 --> 00:28:20,260
JOAN: Karyl is just glowing.
769
00:28:20,505 --> 00:28:21,923
I'm happy for you both.
770
00:28:22,629 --> 00:28:23,421
Cheers.
771
00:28:23,422 --> 00:28:24,759
Are you a little jealous?
772
00:28:25,210 --> 00:28:26,210
No!
773
00:28:26,311 --> 00:28:27,121
A little bit?
774
00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:29,121
I mean, I always thought
we'd get remarried,
775
00:28:29,122 --> 00:28:30,121
but it doesn't matter.
776
00:28:30,122 --> 00:28:31,613
It's never too late.
777
00:28:31,660 --> 00:28:32,831
Ask him to marry you.
778
00:28:32,832 --> 00:28:33,832
I'd never do that.
779
00:28:34,289 --> 00:28:35,651
I asked Karyl.
780
00:28:35,850 --> 00:28:37,713
We were flying back from Guatemala.
781
00:28:37,763 --> 00:28:38,625
Customs asked me
782
00:28:38,650 --> 00:28:40,002
if I had anything to declare.
783
00:28:40,037 --> 00:28:41,387
I said, "Six cartons of cigarettes
784
00:28:41,409 --> 00:28:42,787
and the love of this good woman."
785
00:28:42,806 --> 00:28:44,121
(both laugh)
786
00:28:44,377 --> 00:28:45,385
Wonderful.
787
00:28:45,505 --> 00:28:46,879
GREG: Liars!
788
00:28:47,066 --> 00:28:49,999
Well... they just told Greg.
789
00:28:51,443 --> 00:28:52,589
When did they divorce?
790
00:28:53,748 --> 00:28:54,748
1980.
791
00:28:55,685 --> 00:28:56,700
- 1980?
- Yeah.
792
00:28:57,122 --> 00:28:58,122
No.
793
00:28:58,123 --> 00:29:00,427
I-I-I was born in 1981.
794
00:29:00,547 --> 00:29:02,290
Uh...
795
00:29:03,881 --> 00:29:05,790
which means...
796
00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:07,547
I'm a...
797
00:29:07,667 --> 00:29:08,622
bastard.
798
00:29:08,623 --> 00:29:10,122
Oh, oh, oh.
799
00:29:12,728 --> 00:29:15,121
God, it almost makes it worth it.
800
00:29:15,122 --> 00:29:16,873
You old bastard.
801
00:29:20,473 --> 00:29:22,751
You're playing with an app
that changes your hairstyle.
802
00:29:22,785 --> 00:29:24,239
Hey, look at this handsome guy.
803
00:29:25,163 --> 00:29:27,063
_
804
00:29:27,882 --> 00:29:30,305
Oh, man, I am so glad I got this thing.
805
00:29:30,306 --> 00:29:31,894
This way, I can look
at my patients' files
806
00:29:31,923 --> 00:29:35,140
and I can video conference
with my fellow doctors.
807
00:29:35,180 --> 00:29:37,393
You're playing with an app
that changes your hairstyle.
808
00:29:37,513 --> 00:29:38,803
Well, that may not seem important
809
00:29:38,804 --> 00:29:41,458
to able-haired people like
yourself, but to me, it is.
810
00:29:41,578 --> 00:29:43,320
Ugh, I don't know how you
can sit there and do that
811
00:29:43,326 --> 00:29:46,458
knowing that my parents'
marriage is a complete fraud.
812
00:29:46,467 --> 00:29:47,578
It's not a fraud.
813
00:29:47,579 --> 00:29:48,656
It was just a lie
814
00:29:48,681 --> 00:29:50,626
that they told you for your entire life.
815
00:29:50,657 --> 00:29:52,577
Hey, check out this handsome fella.
816
00:29:52,697 --> 00:29:53,697
God, put it away.
817
00:29:53,733 --> 00:29:55,221
- (door closes)
- SOPHIA: Hi, Mom.
818
00:29:55,341 --> 00:29:57,067
Oh, hey, sweetie!
819
00:29:57,377 --> 00:29:58,577
How was school?
820
00:29:58,578 --> 00:30:00,078
Same stuff, different day.
821
00:30:00,079 --> 00:30:01,577
Oh...
822
00:30:01,836 --> 00:30:03,913
How was Samantha's Student
of the Month ceremony?
823
00:30:06,473 --> 00:30:07,577
Oh, God. Oh, no.
824
00:30:07,578 --> 00:30:09,954
I should've known something
was wrong when I had free time!
825
00:30:09,971 --> 00:30:12,130
No mother with free
time is a good mother!
826
00:30:12,154 --> 00:30:13,246
Come on, maybe we can still make it.
827
00:30:13,270 --> 00:30:15,274
You can't. It was hours ago.
828
00:30:15,321 --> 00:30:16,913
- Maybe there's a chance!
- There's no chance.
829
00:30:16,916 --> 00:30:18,354
Maybe the speeches ran long.
830
00:30:18,377 --> 00:30:20,080
- Come on, let's go. Ow!
- Oh!
831
00:30:20,083 --> 00:30:22,176
- Oh, honey! Honey, you okay?
- (groaning)
832
00:30:22,445 --> 00:30:23,681
- Here, come on. Come on.
- Aah!
833
00:30:23,696 --> 00:30:25,137
- We gotta go. Hang onto me. Hang onto me.
- Huh-uh. Huh-uh.
834
00:30:25,185 --> 00:30:27,320
- Yes, you can. Yes.
- I can't... I can't make it.
835
00:30:27,359 --> 00:30:28,674
I-I had two lunches.
836
00:30:28,697 --> 00:30:29,972
- Go on without me!
- No! Honey,
837
00:30:30,012 --> 00:30:31,626
I would never go on without you.
838
00:30:31,746 --> 00:30:33,706
I want you to be there so
you can share the blame.
839
00:30:33,907 --> 00:30:34,464
Oh!
840
00:30:34,584 --> 00:30:37,203
There she is! You looked so great
841
00:30:37,223 --> 00:30:38,287
up there, sweetie.
842
00:30:38,288 --> 00:30:39,158
I'm so sorry we couldn't stay
843
00:30:39,180 --> 00:30:40,445
and give you a hug and a ride home,
844
00:30:40,446 --> 00:30:42,332
but your dad, he hurt his ankle
845
00:30:42,345 --> 00:30:43,422
- and we had to rush out.
- Yeah.
846
00:30:43,460 --> 00:30:44,866
I know you weren't there.
847
00:30:44,986 --> 00:30:45,620
What's that?
848
00:30:45,740 --> 00:30:46,659
I was the only kid
849
00:30:46,665 --> 00:30:48,900
without a proud parent
holding up a cell phone.
850
00:30:48,925 --> 00:30:50,547
- It was humiliating.
- Sam...
851
00:30:50,566 --> 00:30:52,278
Sam, Sam, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
852
00:30:53,301 --> 00:30:55,948
Okay, yes. You're right.
We-we weren't there.
853
00:30:56,001 --> 00:30:57,576
And the real reason
854
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:58,653
that we weren't there
855
00:30:58,677 --> 00:31:00,278
was because...
856
00:31:00,279 --> 00:31:01,939
we were out buying you this.
857
00:31:01,955 --> 00:31:04,987
Hey, hey... Hey, hip,
hooray! Hip, hooray!
858
00:31:04,988 --> 00:31:05,647
I thought you said
859
00:31:05,661 --> 00:31:07,922
I couldn't have one of
my own until I was 16.
860
00:31:07,954 --> 00:31:10,278
Well, that was before
we were so proud of you.
861
00:31:10,279 --> 00:31:11,707
Thank you! I love it!
862
00:31:11,738 --> 00:31:13,278
Oh, I love you, honey.
863
00:31:13,676 --> 00:31:14,753
Uh, use the railing.
864
00:31:14,791 --> 00:31:16,503
It's not just there for decoration, now.
865
00:31:16,623 --> 00:31:18,278
(laughing)
866
00:31:18,279 --> 00:31:19,556
Yeah, so, enjoy!
867
00:31:19,943 --> 00:31:21,158
What are you doing? That was mine!
868
00:31:21,197 --> 00:31:23,761
What? Oh, come on. That
was an epic parent fail.
869
00:31:23,780 --> 00:31:25,953
You have to do something
big to make up for that.
870
00:31:27,899 --> 00:31:30,612
I've made a list of all the
things you've missed of mine.
871
00:31:30,613 --> 00:31:32,600
Hope the birth isn't on there.
872
00:31:32,822 --> 00:31:34,713
HEATHER: Uh, okay.
"One ballet rehearsal,
873
00:31:34,740 --> 00:31:35,837
two soccer games..."
874
00:31:35,853 --> 00:31:37,674
I figure that all of this
875
00:31:37,698 --> 00:31:40,277
is worth an overnight trip to Disneyland
876
00:31:40,643 --> 00:31:42,973
with a souvenir and a giant turkey leg.
877
00:31:43,093 --> 00:31:44,445
Oh, those turkey legs...
878
00:31:44,660 --> 00:31:47,277
I'll go get started on the hotel rez.
879
00:31:47,629 --> 00:31:49,277
Do you see the lessons
that we teach them
880
00:31:49,278 --> 00:31:51,277
when we try to buy their forgiveness?
881
00:31:51,646 --> 00:31:53,482
You know what? You are right.
You are absolutely right.
882
00:31:53,514 --> 00:31:54,796
We have to take that tablet back.
883
00:31:54,844 --> 00:31:56,277
What? No. Then she'll hate us.
884
00:31:56,530 --> 00:31:57,836
Yeah, that's how we know
885
00:31:57,852 --> 00:31:59,618
that we're being good parents.
886
00:32:00,370 --> 00:32:01,890
Then I don't want to be a good parent.
887
00:32:03,892 --> 00:32:05,808
So we made two mistakes today.
888
00:32:05,928 --> 00:32:07,764
We forgot your award,
889
00:32:07,787 --> 00:32:10,856
and then we tried to buy your
forgiveness, which is worse.
890
00:32:10,976 --> 00:32:11,976
We're sorry.
891
00:32:12,718 --> 00:32:13,580
I understand.
892
00:32:13,700 --> 00:32:15,669
Oh, great, 'cause we're
gonna have to take this back.
893
00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:17,347
What are you... what
are you doing? Mom...
894
00:32:17,387 --> 00:32:18,543
Wait, wait, wait. Before
you get upset again,
895
00:32:18,551 --> 00:32:21,646
just know that we are going to
celebrate your accomplishments
896
00:32:21,678 --> 00:32:23,587
with something better
than an old tablet,
897
00:32:23,627 --> 00:32:24,627
you know?
898
00:32:24,846 --> 00:32:25,977
Dinner!
899
00:32:26,612 --> 00:32:27,388
Weren't you going
900
00:32:27,419 --> 00:32:28,648
to feed me dinner anyway?
901
00:32:28,703 --> 00:32:29,977
No, out. Tonight.
902
00:32:29,978 --> 00:32:31,973
Anywhere you want.
903
00:32:33,113 --> 00:32:33,858
Fine.
904
00:32:33,897 --> 00:32:35,177
I want to go to that vegan place
905
00:32:35,204 --> 00:32:36,231
that gives Dad the trots.
906
00:32:36,276 --> 00:32:37,467
Hmm, hmm...
907
00:32:37,690 --> 00:32:38,977
And I want to bring all my friends.
908
00:32:38,978 --> 00:32:40,478
Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Great.
909
00:32:40,507 --> 00:32:42,735
We will go to the restaurant
that gives your dad the trots
910
00:32:42,779 --> 00:32:45,403
and we will watch you and your
friends text for two hours.
911
00:32:45,523 --> 00:32:45,978
Really?
912
00:32:45,979 --> 00:32:46,977
Yeah.
913
00:32:46,978 --> 00:32:48,978
This is going to be awesome.
914
00:32:51,131 --> 00:32:52,758
Okay, I took a preemptive Imodium.
915
00:32:52,784 --> 00:32:53,738
Let's do this.
916
00:32:53,774 --> 00:32:55,627
Okay. Come on, Sophia.
We're gonna take Sam
917
00:32:55,639 --> 00:32:56,839
and her friends out to dinner.
918
00:32:56,954 --> 00:32:57,771
You can't take Sam
919
00:32:57,796 --> 00:32:59,977
and her dumb friends to dinner.
920
00:33:00,409 --> 00:33:02,977
Tonight is the party for
Uncle Matt and Colleen's book.
921
00:33:02,978 --> 00:33:05,372
- Oh, sh...
- Seriously?!
922
00:33:07,664 --> 00:33:09,261
Here, we got you this.
923
00:33:14,802 --> 00:33:16,302
_
924
00:33:16,864 --> 00:33:18,702
(indistinct chatter)
925
00:33:18,967 --> 00:33:20,112
This is such a good book.
926
00:33:20,138 --> 00:33:20,999
Oh, thank you.
927
00:33:21,006 --> 00:33:22,646
You know, I have an idea
for a children's book.
928
00:33:22,766 --> 00:33:23,333
Oh.
929
00:33:23,453 --> 00:33:25,660
I-I went bald when I was really young
930
00:33:25,685 --> 00:33:26,787
and I sucked at football
931
00:33:26,806 --> 00:33:28,168
and my only friend was my beagle.
932
00:33:28,187 --> 00:33:30,677
So what about a story like that?
933
00:33:31,234 --> 00:33:33,450
You mean like Charlie Brown?
934
00:33:35,229 --> 00:33:38,062
(exhales) Colleen,
uh... we worked together.
935
00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:39,450
We made a book together.
936
00:33:39,794 --> 00:33:42,450
Now I want to make a life together.
937
00:33:45,081 --> 00:33:46,449
Will you marry me?
938
00:33:46,454 --> 00:33:48,450
(slurping sounds)
939
00:33:53,456 --> 00:33:54,640
I liked the last one better,
940
00:33:54,646 --> 00:33:56,449
when you compared her to a river.
941
00:33:56,450 --> 00:33:57,450
Powerful stuff.
942
00:33:57,724 --> 00:33:59,020
Whatcha doing?
943
00:33:59,072 --> 00:34:00,784
I'm sucking out these donut guts
944
00:34:00,785 --> 00:34:02,449
and putting them back in.
945
00:34:02,450 --> 00:34:04,450
And no one's the wiser.
946
00:34:05,568 --> 00:34:06,568
Hey, Soph.
947
00:34:06,695 --> 00:34:07,895
- Hmm?
- What you just heard...
948
00:34:08,618 --> 00:34:10,449
I need you to keep that quiet, okay?
949
00:34:10,644 --> 00:34:13,437
And I need you to put
these donut carcasses
950
00:34:13,456 --> 00:34:15,805
back on the buffet table.
951
00:34:16,387 --> 00:34:18,091
You got yourself a deal.
952
00:34:21,766 --> 00:34:23,449
Hi, Mom!
953
00:34:23,450 --> 00:34:26,449
Hi, Joanie, sweetheart.
954
00:34:26,450 --> 00:34:27,784
I'm sorry I'm late,
955
00:34:27,785 --> 00:34:29,878
but my Uber got caught in traffic.
956
00:34:29,923 --> 00:34:30,442
Oh.
957
00:34:30,714 --> 00:34:32,449
Hello, I'm Huber.
958
00:34:32,703 --> 00:34:34,449
He's my boyfriend.
959
00:34:34,450 --> 00:34:36,449
Oh, of course he is.
960
00:34:36,697 --> 00:34:38,813
I told him if he wants to marry me,
961
00:34:38,844 --> 00:34:40,644
he's got to buy me a ring.
962
00:34:40,764 --> 00:34:42,211
Because my grandson
963
00:34:42,268 --> 00:34:44,010
called dibs on mine.
964
00:34:44,060 --> 00:34:45,060
What?
965
00:34:45,644 --> 00:34:46,449
He did?
966
00:34:46,450 --> 00:34:48,069
I got to keep my trap shut.
967
00:34:48,101 --> 00:34:50,128
Mom, get something to eat.
968
00:34:50,153 --> 00:34:51,502
And I'll be right back.
969
00:34:51,521 --> 00:34:52,147
I just have
970
00:34:52,198 --> 00:34:54,307
to find, um, somebody.
971
00:34:55,980 --> 00:34:56,980
All right.
972
00:34:59,056 --> 00:35:00,909
GiGi just told me about the ring.
973
00:35:00,965 --> 00:35:01,638
Oh, no.
974
00:35:01,685 --> 00:35:02,514
You don't have to tell me
975
00:35:02,532 --> 00:35:04,794
what's going on, but if you're proposing
976
00:35:04,802 --> 00:35:06,948
to Colleen, just blink.
977
00:35:13,469 --> 00:35:14,272
Mom, I got to blink.
978
00:35:14,288 --> 00:35:15,520
- I got to... no!
- You're proposing!
979
00:35:15,549 --> 00:35:16,572
(shushing)
980
00:35:16,852 --> 00:35:19,034
Please, please, please
don't say anything, okay?
981
00:35:19,053 --> 00:35:20,929
I waited until this book signing
so I could do it on a night
982
00:35:20,944 --> 00:35:21,927
that's special to both of us.
983
00:35:22,095 --> 00:35:23,736
Oh, it will be special.
984
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,449
And I know your dad and
I aren't married, honey,
985
00:35:26,450 --> 00:35:29,227
but that doesn't mean marriage
isn't a beautiful thing.
986
00:35:29,657 --> 00:35:32,960
And you two, you... you
just belong together.
987
00:35:34,613 --> 00:35:35,613
Thank you, Mom.
988
00:35:36,217 --> 00:35:38,051
All right, I got to go
get the ring from GiGi.
989
00:35:38,071 --> 00:35:40,837
Oh, she thinks her
nurse is her boyfriend,
990
00:35:40,851 --> 00:35:42,368
so just go along with it, you know,
991
00:35:42,383 --> 00:35:43,953
so she doesn't make a scene like she did
992
00:35:43,959 --> 00:35:45,983
when they canceled Walker, Texas Ranger.
993
00:35:46,305 --> 00:35:47,317
Right.
994
00:35:51,261 --> 00:35:52,266
- Here you go.
- What?
995
00:35:52,279 --> 00:35:53,955
No, have you forgotten I can't drink?
996
00:35:54,143 --> 00:35:56,213
Oh, right, well, I could drink for two.
997
00:35:56,226 --> 00:35:57,171
Yeah, okay, just give it to me.
998
00:35:57,176 --> 00:35:58,449
I'm gonna pretend.
999
00:35:58,468 --> 00:35:59,701
I don't want to tip off your sister.
1000
00:35:59,718 --> 00:36:01,678
She's like a bomb-sniffing
dog for pregnant women.
1001
00:36:02,109 --> 00:36:03,638
- Hey!
- Hi.
1002
00:36:03,670 --> 00:36:04,701
Getting your drink on?
1003
00:36:04,721 --> 00:36:05,449
You know it.
1004
00:36:05,450 --> 00:36:06,916
Oh, my God, I'm thirsty!
1005
00:36:11,837 --> 00:36:12,837
Oh, thank God.
1006
00:36:13,374 --> 00:36:13,805
Hi.
1007
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:15,422
Oh! There he is!
1008
00:36:15,450 --> 00:36:17,703
My grandson, the famous artist.
1009
00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:18,784
Hi, GiGi.
1010
00:36:19,822 --> 00:36:22,379
I am so proud of you and your book.
1011
00:36:22,399 --> 00:36:24,338
Oh, thank you. Do you like it?
1012
00:36:24,458 --> 00:36:25,617
No.
1013
00:36:26,064 --> 00:36:29,851
I like stories that have
a message about manners
1014
00:36:29,889 --> 00:36:31,877
and justice Texas-style.
1015
00:36:31,997 --> 00:36:34,666
Okay, uh, GiGi, uh, did
you bring me anything?
1016
00:36:34,721 --> 00:36:36,764
Oh, I almost forgot.
1017
00:36:40,086 --> 00:36:42,904
Don't let Huber see you talking to me.
1018
00:36:42,936 --> 00:36:45,457
He fills with jealousy and rage.
1019
00:36:45,503 --> 00:36:45,978
Got it.
1020
00:36:46,016 --> 00:36:47,016
(crickets trilling)
1021
00:36:47,978 --> 00:36:49,343
All right, here we go.
1022
00:36:49,366 --> 00:36:50,917
Get your camera ready.
1023
00:36:51,037 --> 00:36:52,620
I am so excited.
1024
00:36:52,917 --> 00:36:54,449
I thought this day would never come.
1025
00:36:54,450 --> 00:36:56,653
(chuckles) Me, neither.
1026
00:36:58,212 --> 00:36:59,345
Okay, everyone, uh,
1027
00:36:59,361 --> 00:37:00,191
can we have your attention?
1028
00:37:00,203 --> 00:37:01,803
Uh, thanks, son. I'll take it from here.
1029
00:37:02,050 --> 00:37:03,449
Dad, uh, what are you doing?
1030
00:37:03,450 --> 00:37:05,449
There's something I should've
done a long time ago.
1031
00:37:05,450 --> 00:37:07,449
Joanie, would you come
up here for a moment?
1032
00:37:07,450 --> 00:37:10,704
No, honey, I'm sure whatever
this is, it can wait.
1033
00:37:10,751 --> 00:37:12,449
No, it's waited long enough.
1034
00:37:12,450 --> 00:37:14,655
Uh, Joan Pirkle Short,
1035
00:37:14,869 --> 00:37:15,738
you're not my wife
1036
00:37:15,754 --> 00:37:17,326
and you're not my ex-wife,
1037
00:37:17,559 --> 00:37:19,032
but you're my soul mate.
1038
00:37:19,681 --> 00:37:21,783
And I believe that...
1039
00:37:22,623 --> 00:37:24,727
- Hmm?
- keeping it fresh
1040
00:37:24,847 --> 00:37:26,449
keeps it special.
1041
00:37:26,898 --> 00:37:28,389
- Okay.
- Joanie?
1042
00:37:29,363 --> 00:37:31,919
Will you marry me again?
1043
00:37:32,569 --> 00:37:33,431
Yes.
1044
00:37:33,551 --> 00:37:34,217
(laughs)
1045
00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:35,388
Again.
1046
00:37:36,450 --> 00:37:37,450
(applause)
1047
00:37:38,017 --> 00:37:40,326
Are you kidding me?
1048
00:37:40,327 --> 00:37:42,636
A toast, a toast to Mom and Dad!
1049
00:37:42,691 --> 00:37:43,331
Hear, hear!
1050
00:37:43,364 --> 00:37:44,235
What's wrong with you?
1051
00:37:44,267 --> 00:37:45,542
I'll tell you in a
minute. Okay, everybody.
1052
00:37:45,569 --> 00:37:46,759
Can, uh, can we sit down, please?
1053
00:37:46,771 --> 00:37:49,887
Wow, that was a surprise, huh?
1054
00:37:49,903 --> 00:37:51,459
We weren't expecting that.
1055
00:37:51,716 --> 00:37:52,749
But, uh, I tell you what,
1056
00:37:52,750 --> 00:37:54,553
that's-that's not the only big news
1057
00:37:54,579 --> 00:37:56,184
that we have today.
1058
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:57,750
- Um, uh...
- (Heather screams)
1059
00:37:57,965 --> 00:38:00,070
(gasps) Baby! Baby!
1060
00:38:00,190 --> 00:38:01,251
Jen's pregnant!
1061
00:38:01,252 --> 00:38:02,423
Son of a bitch.
1062
00:38:02,462 --> 00:38:03,750
(all gasping)
1063
00:38:04,101 --> 00:38:05,119
Surprise.
1064
00:38:05,138 --> 00:38:06,749
(all cheering)
1065
00:38:06,869 --> 00:38:08,968
Ooh, another grandbaby!
1066
00:38:08,984 --> 00:38:10,354
GREG: We wanted to wait to tell you
1067
00:38:10,377 --> 00:38:12,064
until I got my job back, but...
1068
00:38:12,095 --> 00:38:13,340
You lost your job?
1069
00:38:13,362 --> 00:38:13,980
Yeah.
1070
00:38:14,027 --> 00:38:15,365
He's an inventor now.
1071
00:38:15,421 --> 00:38:16,749
(chuckles)
1072
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:18,943
Okay, all right.
1073
00:38:18,967 --> 00:38:21,026
Anybody else got any, uh,
big announcements to make?
1074
00:38:21,049 --> 00:38:22,749
Bombshells to drop? Surprises?
1075
00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:24,251
No? Everyone's good?
1076
00:38:24,705 --> 00:38:25,860
Okay. Oh, hey, Tyler.
1077
00:38:25,869 --> 00:38:27,389
What about you? You got anything?
1078
00:38:30,103 --> 00:38:31,443
We got married.
1079
00:38:31,563 --> 00:38:32,085
What?
1080
00:38:32,481 --> 00:38:33,749
Is this a joke?
1081
00:38:33,750 --> 00:38:36,749
No, this ring is no joke.
1082
00:38:37,335 --> 00:38:38,335
Thanks, GiGi.
1083
00:38:38,445 --> 00:38:39,749
Tyler got the ring?
1084
00:38:39,804 --> 00:38:41,749
You are way too young to be married!
1085
00:38:42,195 --> 00:38:43,991
Why-why aren't you saying anything?
1086
00:38:44,016 --> 00:38:46,251
He can't hear you. He just got laid.
1087
00:38:46,252 --> 00:38:49,296
Yeah, why isn't everyone
doing it all the time?
1088
00:38:50,463 --> 00:38:51,749
GiGi?
1089
00:38:51,750 --> 00:38:53,142
Cuff links.
1090
00:38:53,499 --> 00:38:55,749
To remember this night by.
1091
00:38:55,750 --> 00:38:57,750
Don't sell them for grass.
1092
00:39:02,153 --> 00:39:03,153
Okay.
1093
00:39:03,669 --> 00:39:04,471
You okay?
1094
00:39:04,515 --> 00:39:06,080
Huh? Oh, yeah, the hell with it.
1095
00:39:06,105 --> 00:39:07,429
Don't even want to do it anymore.
1096
00:39:07,866 --> 00:39:08,749
What? What are you talking about?
1097
00:39:08,750 --> 00:39:09,749
Do what? Do what anymore?
1098
00:39:09,750 --> 00:39:11,400
Ask you to marry me.
1099
00:39:12,610 --> 00:39:13,831
You were gonna ask me to marry you?
1100
00:39:13,856 --> 00:39:15,507
Yeah, but who cares now? It's stupid.
1101
00:39:15,519 --> 00:39:17,254
I mean, I'm just gonna
look like a copycat.
1102
00:39:17,897 --> 00:39:18,470
Matt?
1103
00:39:18,535 --> 00:39:19,535
What?
1104
00:39:24,818 --> 00:39:25,531
Come with me.
1105
00:39:25,550 --> 00:39:26,550
Okay.
1106
00:39:31,971 --> 00:39:33,749
Okay, this obviously
1107
00:39:33,750 --> 00:39:34,672
didn't go the way that I planned,
1108
00:39:34,692 --> 00:39:36,891
but nothing about us has.
1109
00:39:38,812 --> 00:39:39,883
I love you.
1110
00:39:41,297 --> 00:39:43,749
And that is one thing
that has not changed.
1111
00:39:44,499 --> 00:39:45,750
And it never will.
1112
00:39:49,586 --> 00:39:50,563
(chuckles)
1113
00:39:50,579 --> 00:39:52,460
Colleen Brandon Ortega?
1114
00:39:54,103 --> 00:39:55,459
This floor is wet.
1115
00:39:55,460 --> 00:39:55,934
Oh.
1116
00:39:55,980 --> 00:39:56,750
Um,
1117
00:39:56,796 --> 00:39:58,459
will you do me the honor of...
1118
00:39:58,460 --> 00:39:59,749
man, I really hope this is water...
1119
00:39:59,750 --> 00:40:00,750
of, uh,
1120
00:40:00,751 --> 00:40:03,643
making me the happiest man on Earth
1121
00:40:03,658 --> 00:40:05,460
for the rest of my life?
1122
00:40:07,354 --> 00:40:08,749
A pair of chicken cuff links?
1123
00:40:09,112 --> 00:40:10,007
It's us.
1124
00:40:10,023 --> 00:40:11,023
(laughing)
1125
00:40:11,060 --> 00:40:12,366
Please marry me.
1126
00:40:12,382 --> 00:40:13,085
Yes!
1127
00:40:13,317 --> 00:40:15,359
Yes! I love you.
1128
00:40:15,391 --> 00:40:16,753
I love your whole crazy family.
1129
00:40:16,873 --> 00:40:17,990
I love all of it. I love you.
1130
00:40:18,020 --> 00:40:19,020
Yes!
1131
00:40:19,055 --> 00:40:20,750
Oh...
1132
00:40:20,751 --> 00:40:24,459
Oh, oh, oh, oh
1133
00:40:24,460 --> 00:40:27,749
Oh, oh.
1134
00:40:28,048 --> 00:40:30,037
If this is gonna go past kissing,
1135
00:40:30,072 --> 00:40:31,953
I'm just gonna sneak out of here.
1136
00:40:35,933 --> 00:40:36,947
Guys?
1137
00:40:37,891 --> 00:40:39,891
We're engaged.
1138
00:40:40,451 --> 00:40:41,668
Can someone stop this?
1139
00:40:41,724 --> 00:40:43,213
She's so old.
1140
00:40:43,562 --> 00:40:44,163
COLLEEN: Wow.
1141
00:40:44,543 --> 00:40:45,129
That was not
1142
00:40:45,177 --> 00:40:46,442
the reaction I expected.
1143
00:40:46,562 --> 00:40:47,562
(gasps)
1144
00:40:55,046 --> 00:40:56,495
I guess that is her boyfriend.
1145
00:40:58,596 --> 00:41:03,596
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
1146
00:41:03,646 --> 00:41:08,196
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