Original subtitles

[skateboard rolling]

[wind blowing]

[neon buzzing]

[hard coughing]

[coughing]

[sighs]

[wind howling]

[laid back bluesy rock music *]

Yo, Murray!

You got small ones.

[Murray] Eh!

Not the first time I've heard that.

Hey, that beer ain't free.

How about offering twofers in celebration of the last night?

Like hell.

I'm doubling the price. Fund my retirement.

- Good luck with that. - Hm.

Damn. And I was hoping to put flames on my Winnebago.

Hard to believe this is it.

I'm tired, Hutch.

Tired of the government telling me how to run my business.

Tired of this bar being empty every night.

I'm always here.

Hundred more like you, I'd hire a bouncer.

[door opens] [woman cries out]

Hal-a-freaking-lujah! He finally signed!

All I have to do is autograph these,

and I am officially a divorcée.

Whoa! Shots all around!

Everything but the...

...Jameson.

The weather report did not say anything about snow.

Hey! Don't get Jack drunk.

He's driving the first leg.

[chuckling]

May Roxie finally find a decent job.

And maybe find a decent man too, huh?

*

Damn, that is good!

Right now, all I need is a guy

who can keep my pipes from freezing.

[men chuckling]

How about you, Jack? You wanna warm my pipes?

[Hutch] So, what are you waitin' for?

Why don't you sign these bad boys right now?

Right now. Murray and I will be your witnesses.

No. My paralegal cousin asked me not to sign anything

until he had a chance to look over them.

He's coming at eight.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I want everyone out by eight.

I've got places to go. People to avoid.

Come on, Murr. This is half way for Dave.

I hope you weren't expecting a severance package.

Aw.

Aw.

Thank you.

Never having to work in this shithole again

is severance package enough for me.

Keep dissing my bar and I'll leave it to you in my will.

Out of my way. - That would be cruel and unusual, Murr.

Great, I got some...

...para-what's-it-lawyer gonna be my last customer?

[door slams]

[man singing beautifully] * Loving you has opened up a door *

* Let me walk inside to you and then *

* Take me in your arms forevermore *

* We may never pass this way again *

Christ.

- Hey, gorgeous. - Hey, Bennett.

How are you doing?

Good. How are you?

- Hutch. - Bennett.

[Bennett] Hey Jack, my man. Good to see you.

Hey, dickless.

There she is! My beautiful girl.

Oh, did you miss me?

Oh, gosh.

You know, I'd like to take her home with me.

Or do you wanna keep everything that's mine?

Bennett, look...

[woman] So, still snowing outside, huh?

Like a metaphor. [motorcycle approaching]

[Murray] Better not be snowin'.

We are all out of here at eight sharp.

[woman, shouting] Jesus, do you ever think about anybody but yourself?!

God! I mean, it's freezing out here!

It's a simple question!

Why didn't you tell me that it was gonna be snowing?

I am not dressed for this shit!

God, I am so tired of being the only adult in this playground!

Careful. She could bite.

God, I hope so.

[slow country rock music *]

You serving?

Define serving.

Uh, cosmopolitan?

Hmm... Never read it.

A Sonoma Cab?

Never been there.

Drama queen.

You don't know me.

Easy, lady. Just the name of the wine.

Okay, well can you get me a glass?

This isn't wine.

You're a sharp one.

[door opens] [wind howling]

And then this guy. Epic.

Drags me all the way up here to the mountains

on the back of a bike in the middle of a blizzard

and then acts like it's not even a big deal!

[cries out]

DR!

Aw, relax, babe.

This is just a roundabout on the roadway of life.

Let's embrace it.

Jeez, you sound like a fucking motivational poster.

What can I get you, comrade?

Beer. Uh, something in a bottle.

Mother/son issues,

severe maturity avoidance,

and an irrational fear of abandonment,

which is exactly why you drag me on these bullshit trips.

Oh, babe, please.

I am sorry that I abandoned my immature fear

of an irrational mother.

Can we just please move on?

No! Not until I process my feelings.

You better get that shit processed fast.

I'm closing at eight.

I'll bet you were spanked as a child.

Hell, I was spanked just last week.

Do you mind if I play pool while you process?

Go. Do whatever your id says.

[DR] Hey, beau? You playin' with yourself?

Not anymore. You got little ones.

[DR] Is it that obvious?

Folks around here call me Hutch.

- DR. - DR?

What's that stand for?

Death Rack. [laughs]

I earned it in a pool hall. - Uh-oh.

Is that your lovely lady?

[DR] Yeah.

[Hutch] You're a lucky man.

[DR] Yeah. Used to be.

[door opens] [wind howling]

[both breathing heavily]

Uh, table for two?

There's a 90 minute wait.

It's snowing so bad out there.

Sit anywhere you want.

Goddammit, Roxie!

It looks like you're staying open, Murr.

[Hutch] Relax, Brad and Janet.

Naked senior citizen twister doesn't start 'til nine.

[bluesy rock song playing *]

- Oh... - Let's, uh...

[biker woman] You want to know what I think?

[Murray] Oh, Christ no.

This is their six-month anniversary

and they are all humped-out

and realize they have to stare at each other

for the next millennium.

She read in Cosmo somewhere that they need to keep it fresh.

So they decided to try a skank bar for the first time.

Ten bucks say they get it on in the restroom.

Hey, baby.

I just wanted to make sure you were safe

with all the snow coming down.

*

Oh, sure.

Of course, we can.

I build a mean snowman.

What's your daddy doin'?

Wait. What?

I am so looking forward to this.

Well, maybe the storm will blow through quickly.

I love the way you say blow.

Mm-hmm.

Wanna know what Craig did?

Something ignorant and unforgivable?

One night. One night, I ask him to watch Lis

and he has some ho over. In my bedroom, on my bed.

Lis is growing up thinking this is how men act.

You gotta fix that, Roxie.

Have a nice guy over for a change.

And, said ho is married.

And I'm guessing her husband doesn't approve

of her extra-curriculars. Imagine that.

But look at the bright side.

Maybe he'll shoot Craig right out of your life.

I'm not that lucky.

[chuckling]

* Testing, one, two, three

* La, la, la, la, la

[with a fake French accent] Good evening, everybody.

I am your delicious DJ Beignet,

your karaoke host for this evening.

And your resident philosopher...

[regular accent] ...for Murray's last night in business

No, not really. I can't stay.

Mostly because I can't express in English

how much I hate Murray.

I'm just here to make sure the karaoke's not broken,

like he breaks everything else. [karaoke music starts *]

Hey, you two in back! No pushing.

Everybody gets a chance to crowd surf.

*

* We maybe never pass this way again *

* Never get...

So why is he closin' the bar?

Murray hates the nanny-state. Refuses to go smoke-free.

A man of conviction.

A man who smokes two packs a day.

Almost.

Where did you learn to play?

- Your mama's school. - Oh!

* I could feel my heart beat twice as fast *

* It was just as if I had a sign *

* telling me that this was love at last *

* Loving you has opened up a door *

* Let me walk inside you and then *

* Take me in your arms forevermore *

* We may never pass this again *

Attention!

What the actual fuck?

I have an announcement to make.

My friend and fellow Marine

is the winner of an honor not easily attained.

A trophy only the few, the proud,

even have the courage to pursue.

Should I call the cops?

I may have an outstanding warrant or two.

[Marine] So without further ado,

the trophy!

[pop song playing quietly *]

Private Nando Gonzales,

winner of the Chili Cook Off!

[all laughing] Oh, God in heaven!

And in honor of his victory...

...Nando's buyin'.

Let's start this party!

[Murray] Easy, big dogs! Easy, easy.

This bar is closed.

[Marine] Not anymore, pops.

- God! - Holy bejesus.

Look at these fucking things!

Are those real?

If only they were filled.

[chuckling]

Get this shit in. [shutter click sound]

Oh!

Okay... This is a first.

Oh, shit.

Stand back, fuck-nut.

Let a pro show you how it's done.

Don't mind him, ma'am. He's harmless.

Oh! Someone has manners.

That's refreshing.

And you have an overactive libido.

That's tedious.

[shutter clicking sound]

Overactive libido? That's a good thing, right?

I like it.

Looks like trouble with your lady.

Shh.

Six ball.

Corner pocket.

Ah!

[Latin music playing *]

Excuse me.

No.

No, Officer, you don't get it.

No. He's barely able to open his own beer,

let alone watch a small child!

No, I know about the snow. That's my point!

No, no, no, no, no! Please don't hang up on me!

Please don't do that!

Goddammit!

You know, that was either your old man or your old mother.

Nobody else makes a woman quite that angry.

Folks call me DR.

Roxanne.

What's the DR stand for?

Dumb Redneck.

[both chuckle]

So? Was it your mother or your man?

Man.

Boy.

Douchebag.

All of the above.

He's home right now neglecting the only good thing

he's ever done in his life.

So, what is it? Boy or girl?

A little girl.

- Oh! - Emelisa.

What a pretty name for a pretty girl. Look at that.

*

Something tells me you're not so dumb.

[slow rock song playing *]

Well, this officially sucks.

One more day isn't gonna kill us.

I don't have one more day.

I have to be home by noon tomorrow.

I thought we had the entire weekend.

I suppose I could say the car broke down.

Just say you got snowed in.

I told her the conference was in San Diego.

Ah.

Jesus, Neil.

I'm sorry. I couldn't tell her where we were actually going.

I mean, one time in Chicago

she surprised me at my hotel with nothing but a fur coat.

I mean, that's just the kind of thing she does.

I know the kind of thing she doesn't do.

Mmh.

Uh-huh.

Me likey.

I sure do hope DR gives me a good tip.

Oh, shit. Sorry, Hutch.

I tried to get the cops to go check on Lis,

but they're too busy pulling people out of the snow.

Storm's getting ugly out there.

[Nando] Hey, you.

Not sure if you've been trying to call or text.

Cell phone service is non-existent up here.

Listen. Roxy, I...

Excuse me, fuck-meister.

Pardon me for eavesdroppin', ma'am,

but I know exactly what you need.

You do?

Absolutely.

Then why haven't you left yet?

That finger touches me, I'm breakin' it.

Wait here.

I'll try later, all right?

I love you. Bye.

Hey, knob-job? What's with you and the fuckin' phone?

Let's go!

What were you talking about, bro?

[Bennett] All right.

There you go.

Knock them out,

my fine, fighting, feeble-minded friend.

[chuckling]

[belches]

All right.

Listen up,

all you fuckin' alcoholics,

addicts, and social mis-fucks.

This goes out to the special girl

serving us drinks behind the bar.

Roseanne.

[crowd] Roxanne!

Nando?

["La Bamba" playing on karaoke machine *]

*

Para bailar La Bamba!

Para bailar La Bamba!

* Necessita una poca de gracia *

* Una poco de gracia

Y otro casita de mamasita!

* Y arriba, arriba

* Arriba, arriba

* Y arriba, arriba

* Por ti seré

* Yo...

Holy puta de madre! I don't know the lyrics!

Oh, shit!

*

* Yo no soy marinero

Yo no soy marinero!

Oh, soy capitán!

Dónde está mi capitán?

Fuck you, Skip!

Aah!

* Bamba bamba

Be a-be a doll and hang this up, will you?

[Nando, on microphone] Hey, big-tits! Can I get a drink, please?

Come on!

Chili Cook Off, number one!

My chili better than yours!

* Bamba bamba

* Bamba bamba

* Bamba...

Come on. I need a little exercise.

* Bamba bamba

* Bamba bamba

Come on, Skip! White boys don't have moves, bro!

People will think we're, you know...

Neil, we are "you knowing".

Okay, we cannot be too careful. All right?

[Nando continues making up words to the song in Spanish]

You're kidding.

You wanna dance? - Is this a trick question?

No, it's not.

[making up words to the song in Spanish]

Carnitas!

* Y arriba, arriba

Whooo!

What's this bar called?!

I don't know, but I love this place!

* Y arriba

* Bamba bamba

* Bamba bamba

* Bamba bamba

Go on.

[Nando] Yeah! I can dance too, people!

I'm not much of a dancer.

A dancer ain't what she needs.

[Nando] I can sing! I can dance!

You name it, I can fucking do it!

* Bamba bamba

Last night in business. Now or never.

* Bamba bamba

* Bamba bamba

* Bamba

Para bailar La Bamba!

* Para bailar La Bamba

You got bamba? I got bamba!

We all got bamba!

Drinks on the house, motherfuckers!

Nando is in the bar!

Why didn't you dance with your wife?

She's not actually my wife.

Oh. Your ring.

I just assumed you were... - We're on business.

What kind of business?

* Bamba bamba

The kind of business that's none of yours.

Oh.

Fuck off.

Roxy?

I swear, Hutch, all men are evolved

from the scum under Murray's bar.

Except you.

[Nando howls]

[song comes to its climax *]

Give me a drink!

Peace.

No, Officer. We still have power.

I don't know, about ten of us.

Why?

What?

Oh, God!

[country song playing *]

Hey everyone! Listen up!

Got some bad news.

The snowplow that was headed here has slid off the road,

which basically means

there won't be another plow until the morning.

God dammit.

And since we still have power we are not a priority.

We are officially snowed in. - Oh, Jesus.

Drinks are on Murray.

Just kidding.

[door bursts open]

[wind howling]

Hey!

Y'all got a priest-sicle out there.

[woman] Help!

Here. Here, here, here.

He was just sitting in his car,

freezing his little white ass off.

Excuse me. His holy white ass off.

Oh, leave me outside, please.

Come on. Come on.

Murr, blankets?

Yeah, yeah. They're packed.

- Where? - In a box.

- What box? - Hell if I know.

All right, everybody! Start digging.

We're looking for blankets.

Don't dig too much.

[Priest] Leave me be!

I may be possessed by demons!

I think he's borderline hypothermic.

Can we see if we can get some coffee, please?

- On it. - Grab the Jameson.

Hey, hey! Hands off the Jameson!

I found the Joe!

Dawn, can you brew it?

What?

I mean you know how. That's all I'm saying.

*

Oh, what is...?

[laughing]

Hey! Put that back!

Yeah, fucking sex swing, baby!

Sex swing? Idiot! It's macramé.

I made it myself.

Hey, hey, hey! The '70s were my best decade.

Yeah, you weren't fucking kidding.

[both laugh]

Really, Murr?

Hmm?

They're not mine! - Uh-huh...

They got left here one night!

Okay... [chuckling]

[Murray] Oh, God!

Here. - Is your faith strong?!

Are you a good Catholic?

Not since the eighth grade, Father.

I wasn't all that good even then.

If I am possessed,

then you are also ripe for possession from my demons!

[chuckles]

You're about 50 years too late, Padre.

Padre, I promise this isn't what it looks like.

You must leave me be... for your own safety.

[Woman] Found it!

All right, Padre. Drink up. Drink up.

Come on. Come on.

Do it.

You want to know what I think?

That you want me really, really bad?

[scoffs]

The nut job Father over there...

...has repressed sexual desires.

Probably a latent homosexual.

His inability to express them in a healthy way

has led to high levels of paranoia

bordering on schizophrenia.

Ooh!

Really coming down out there, huh?

I couldn't see two feet!

I can't tell you how thankful I am I saw your lights.

- Cosmo, please. - Coming right up. And you?

Whatever my sister's not having.

[Latin song playing *]

I want to welcome our new guests!

Something for everyone, my friends.

Nice!

Hey people, folks, saints and sinners,

listen up!

Here's a story about a lost soul...

Yeah, I know. The weather's horrible.

I'll call you as soon as possible.

All right. Bye.

Oh.

* The Devil made me do it

* And the Devil made me do it *

Just calling my girlfriend

to let her know I was running a little late.

Girlfriend?

Yeah. Girlfriend.

* It won't get me far

Why does every man I meet think it's okay to lie to me?

* Well, the Devil made me do it *

* Well, the Devil made me do it *

* Do it again, and again and again, and again *

* and again, and again, and again *

[Bennett] Yeehaw!

*

So, what brings two such refined ladies

to a bar in the middle of a blizzard?

Because I feel like dancing.

* Again, and again, and again *

[song ends]

Okay.

Who's man enough?

I think I drew the longest straw!

Damn! Now that's what I'm talking about.

[thumping electronic pop music playing *]

[Nando] How... how did you know?

[Skip] Yo, fuck-lips! Where you at?

*

Your buddy doesn't know, does he?

Ma'am, please.

I work in a bar.

I don't ask, I don't tell.

Thank you.

Whoa!

Looks like I interrupted something freaky.

Relax. It's a line for the phone.

- Yeah, bro. - Me...

What's with you and that fucking phone?

I'm calling a bro.

Are you holding out on me?

Hi, Dave.

Yeah, I know.

No. Don't risk it.

I suppose being married one more day won't kill me.

I must keep it pure!

If not, my demons may leave me and possess others.

Hell, yeah. Bring it on.

I can't be possessed enough.

[Priest] What's your name?

DR.

DR?

What does that stand for?

Demon Wrangler.

Mmh!

Wrangler starts with a W.

Yeah.

Tell that to my mother.

*

Ah!

[laughing]

- Ah, hey. - Ah, shit!

[laughing]

Crazy old man.

Oh, we used to do that dance thing all the time.

[Hutch] Yeah, let's not talk about it.

I swear...

...the planets are aligned against me

and have me bent over Uranus.

My cousin can't make it. The roads are closed.

[sighs deeply]

Bennett...

You're a lawyer, could you look these over for me?

Excuse me. I'm trying to visualize Uranus.

Don't be a pig. I'm serious.

I have to recuse myself on the basis of my sobriety.

I wouldn't want anything to go wrong with your proceedings.

You know, and I'd want to be able to employ my...

...the needed, you know, means to advance and, uh...

...protect all of your legitimate claims

and rights and objectives.

Translation?

I got a nice buzz. Sorry.

Rox, uh...

You mind if I take a look at 'em?

Aw, thanks, Hutch. I appreciate it.

It's just I need somebody who isn't, um...

A barfly. I understand.

No. I didn't say that, Hutch.

It's just...

Why don't you try that guy?

He looks smart.

Hutch, that isn't what I meant.

What do you need?

I've got a serious case of the fucking munchies, dude.

I need something to nosh.

Yeah. You got anything to eat?

Trust me. There's nothing in there that's edible.

Oh! Fucking score!

Hey! I'm saving those chocolate churros for the drive!

Fine, dude.

[Dawn] You won't dance with me,

but you go ahead and dance with the waitress.

[piano rock song playing *]

Just one question, Neil.

Am I prettier?

Than the waitress? Hell, yes.

No.

Prettier than your wife.

What difference does that make?

It may not make sense to you, Neil, but it's important to me.

Well, you've seen her. I mean, what do you think?

It doesn't matter what I think.

It matters what you think.

Dawn, look. You are ten years younger than she is.

So you're saying I am prettier?

Neil?

I don't want to say that. Okay?

Why not?

It just feels wrong. Like I would be betraying her.

Wait. Let me get this straight.

Saying I'm prettier is betraying her,

but screwing my brains out isn't.

Okay, newsflash, Dawn.

I haven't screwed your brains out yet.

Newsflash, Neil.

I won't lose any sleep waiting for it to happen!

*

Hey!

Neil, is it?

I need a favor.

Forget it. I needed a smart guy anyway.

Now, hang on.

I'm a VP.

Fortune 500?

Really?

Sure. What do you need?

I've got some divorce papers that could use a smart eye.

Think you could take a look at 'em for me?

No problem.

I needed some reading material anyway.

[sultry blues song playing *]

You're very sweet.

But I can feel the waves of crazy coming off you.

I think I'll stay down here.

We don't see your type in here that often.

Excuse me?

I mean so business-like in this small little mountain town?

What, are you an accountant?

Close. Lawyer.

What a coincidence.

If I had said plumber, would that have been a coincidence too?

Bennett Rex, litigator.

Oh! My mistake.

And apologies.

Have you met Jack?

Actually I did.

I've been asking him for advice,

but he doesn't talk much, does he?

You should buy him a drink. You'd be amazed.

[Danice] You're serious?

I'm very serious.

He's the wisest jackalope I've ever met.

Uh, can I get you another?

[Bennett] Murray and I go way back.

And there was a time when I'd...

Every night I'd set up the karaoke here, and...

...then one night he decides that...

...I'm not worthy of a woman's love.

[Murray] Bennett.

Stay clear of this guy.

Okay. What was up with that?

Let's jet say I, uh...

I messed up a few years back.

Oh! And whatever my friend Jack likes.

Mmh.

*

Whoa.

Yeah, my sister's just a little upset with me right now.

Now, what would a pretty lady like you

do to piss off her own flesh and blood?

I killed our mother three hours ago.

*

*

[Hutch] How's scumbag?

Jealous hubby shoot him yet?

What, Roxy?

He left.

He went out in this to take his piece of ass home.

Oh, Christ. He didn't take Lis out in this?

No! He left her home!

Alone!

Hutch, you've got to get me home.

All right, wait, Roxy. Calm down.

No, no, no, no. Look.

What if somebody breaks in?

Or, what if the power goes out?

Or, what if she falls and she needs me?

Hutch, you've got a four-wheel drive. You've got to get me home now.

Okay, Roxanne, Roxanne, calm down, shh, listen to me.

Listen to me.

If I could take you home, I would.

You know that.

But we're stuck here. Okay?

So let's take this one thing at a time.

First off she's not a baby. She's ten.

- She's just a little girl. - Wait, wait. Shh.

And she's a smart ten. She's clever. Self-reliant.

You raised her that way.

Didn't you tell me just last week

that she made dinner for both of you?

That doesn't mean that she's equipped

to deal with a blizzard. - Wait. She is. Listen.

Second. No one's breaking in.

If we can't get to her, neither can anyone else.

Does she have a fire going? Lots of wood?

But the pipes are frozen.

What does she have in the fridge to drink?

Juice boxes. A dozen or so.

Well, sh-she's in better shape than we are.

Okay?

- Okay. - All right. Don't worry.

Hey, with any luck,

he'll freeze to death out there.

That'd be nice.

[chuckling]

No! No!

No!

[slow blues song playing quietly *]

I think the demon's coming out to play.

All my life I was supposed to be a priest.

And I took on all the thorny issues.

Sold the church's position with vigor.

Traditional families.

No gays.

No atheists. Women in their place.

No unclean thoughts. Certainly no impure actions.

The infallibility of the clergy.

Not a club I want to be part of.

See?

That's the issue.

It used to be... an exclusive club.

And then he came along.

-Your demon? -No! The Pope!

See, now that dude? I like him.

Of course you do! Everybody does!

But he's messing it all up...

...with all of that... accept everyone...

...and love everyone.

It goes against everything I've ever been taught.

Tell me, Father. About how many of these altar boys you done--

Blow it out your ass!

[Female lawyer, laughing] Good for you, Father.

So... how did you end up... here?

I was about to deliver my sermon last... Sunday...

...and...

...I realized that...

...I didn't know what to say.

And...

How...

So I got in my car...

...and...

...drove for two days.

And I feel I should keep driving...

...until God shows me the answer.

*

How do you know...

...that your answer isn't right here?

Maybe...

Maybe this is exactly...

...where your God wants you to be.

You've got to be frigging kidding me.

Honey.

Sweetie, are you finished with your theological tag

with the schizophrenic priest here?

I really wanna get out of here.

Sweetness... we can't leave.

I forgot the chains for the motorcycle.

Typical! I have to remember everything!

As always, I'm truly sorry.

Ladies room, please?

I wouldn't know.

You're the first lady we've had in here.

- Aw. - All right, all right.

[giggles]

[no music playing]

Looks in order.

At least for you.

What do you mean at least for me?

Your ex is getting the shaft, you know?

Isn't that the point?

Why does he only get to see your daughter

every other Sunday?

Because I'm the mom and he's the douche-nozzle.

Doesn't matter. She's still his family.

His family he conveniently forgets

every time he feels like screwing around.

So, I'm guessing we really don't matter that much.

It would kill me...

...to only see my kids every other weekend.

- Really? - Yeah.

[bluesy rock song begins *]

[imitating lightsaber sounds]

[groans]

[Hutch] Hey DR!

You gonna purge the demon, make up with your girl,

or get back to the game?

Hey, you touch my balls, I'll break your stick.

That was uncalled for.

[imitating lightsaber noises]

Ooh!

[muffled music playing *]

You know I'm trying, right babe?

Have you even bothered

calling that therapist I asked you to do?

Not exactly.

How do you expect to be on my plane of understanding

if you won't get counseling?

My plane of understanding is flying as level as ever.

Oh God, DR.

How many times do I have to tell you,

we are all blind to our own issues?

Is this your passive aggressive way of ending our relationship?

[DR] No! I just want to go back

to when passive aggressive was our favorite position.

And I just want you to catch up to me!

To mature with me!

And to get me out of this shit hole of a bar!

Babe, if I can be honest with you...

I think I'm about as caught up as I'm ever gonna get.

And we ain't going anywhere.

We're stuck here in this storm.

Fine.

If you won't take me home,

I will find someone that will.

You ever do anything dumb for love?

Not yet.

But the night is still young.

*

Hi.

I'm Autumn.

[Autumn] It's a shame about this storm, isn't it?

You know, when it gets cold like this, my nipples--

With all due respect,

do I look like I need another slut in my life?

[sad country song playing *]

Mind if I bother you, Father?

Sit.

If there are any demons inside me...

...they've surely passed out by now.

[no music playing]

My mother was a God-loving woman.

Prayed all the time.

Like she and God were on a first name basis.

"Well, God," she'd say...

"What should I make for dinner?"

Or, "Hey, God...

[laughing] ...what's good on TV?"

Past tense?

She died today.

I guess... technically yesterday.

I'm sorry.

She had a massive stroke.

[melancholy instrumental music playing *]

I gave God...

...one month to speak on her behalf.

To say something, one little thing, anything,

that she was still in there.

But nothing.

She had a living will that said...

...she didn't want to be kept alive.

Sounds like she knew what she wanted.

She did.

So...

...one month to the day...

...I made the decision.

And now your sister blames you.

She knows it's what Mama wanted.

She's just looking for one more crime to pin on me.

But I did the right thing. I know I did.

Didn't I? I know I did.

Why did God do that?

Why didn't He say anything to me?

Why didn't He talk?

It's okay. It's okay.

You know what I think?

I think your mama...

...went straight to heaven... a month ago.

And she's been looking at you ever since...

...and wondering...

...what are you so afraid of down here?

I bet if she were here...

...your mama would tell you...

...to go find yourself some happiness.

And stop worrying about everybody else.

Yeah.

You know what, Father?

You're not so possessed after all.

- [Priest] Oh! - [Murray] Whoops!

[Hutch] The hell's going on, Murr?

[Murray] I...

I might have scheduled the power to be turned off.

[all groaning]

[Murray] I was expecting to close at eight!

[Hutch] You got a flashlight?

Roxanne] They're probably packed.

[Hutch] All right, everybody! Back to the boxes!

[talking over each other] - Oh, jeez. Come on. - Great!

[stomp] - Ow! God damnit! - Sorry! Sorry!

- This is ridiculous. - Be careful!

[Murray] I've got a lamp down here somewhere.

[Nando] Hey! I think I found some more chocolate churros!

[Murray] Hey! Put those away!

I mean that! I'm serious!

[Nando, mouth full] I'm not eating them!

[Skip] I found something that has a switch!

[power tool running] Ho-ho-ho!

[laughter]

[Autumn] Keep that away from me!

[laughter]

[click]

[Murray] Come on, come on! Put it--

[dance music playing *]

- There we go. - God damnit!

Have you been eavesdropping again?

Fuck no. I have super Marine hearing.

[Roxanne] Of course you do.

Just one question. Why even get a fucking divorce?

Just let me pop a cap in his ass.

You know, I'm stunned they let you play with guns.

It's easy.

Bam-bam. Two to the head.

And you would do that for little old me?

It'll cost you.

[Roxanne] And let me guess, you don't want money.

Oh, seven minutes in heaven, baby.

Win-win.

See, with my luck,

you'd give me the herps, and you'd put him in a coma

so I'd have to spend the next 50 years wiping his ass.

So, no thanks.

I'll take my chances with divorce.

[slow country song playing *]

Listen.

This blizzard has everyone on edge.

I was in the ladies room and, hey...

...that counter is still there.

Sturdy as ever.

Look, I can't risk this.

I may not be sure about my wife, but...

...I love my kids.

Come on, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

I'm trying to say sorry.

I'm sorry too.

Thank you.

Sorry I ever fell for your flirting.

Thing is, comrade...

...after a year,

the second wife sounds exactly like the first.

Yeah.

[music fades out]

Excuse me everyone! [clanging on bottle]

Everyone!

It's now two AM and the bar is officially closed.

- [Murray] Yay! - No, no, no.

Although I'm sure Murray's gonna stay open

until the plow comes.

Yeah, screw that! Everyone out!

[laughter]

I'd like to offer one last toast to Murray's karaoke bar!

To Murray.

May life in the sun

offer you slightly less angst than this place.

Oh, hear, hear. - I'll drink to that.

[cheers, applause]

- [Nando] Speech! - [all] Speech!

Let's hear it, you old fuck!

- Speech! Speech! - Oh, jeez, no.

Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!

Most of you I don't even know

and to be honest, I don't ever care to know!

Especially Autumn here. Talks more than my last two wives combined.

[laughter]

For those of you I do know... like, uh, like Hutch here.

I've tried to get rid of... since day one, and...

And Roxy, who started working here when she was what?

19?

- 20. - [Murray] 20.

Should have quit on the day you started.

[chuckling]

Oh, maybe I'll think of you... down the road.

[laughing] Yeah.

But...

[chuckles]

Look, there's someone here tonight I've known since...

...since third grade. Someone who's always been there for me.

Until I fucked everything up.

[forced chuckle]

Oh, Bennett, I'm a-- I'm a card-carrying asshole.

I should have stayed away from her.

I'll take that regret to my grave.

I hope someday you'll forgive me.

[sighs] Oh...

What the hell?

Drinks on the house 'til the plows come home!

[all cheering]

Everything except my Jameson!

[chuckles]

[Bennett] I can sing the woman's part, 'cause I can harmonize.

[Priest] No. No, no. I'm gonna do the woman.

I mean, you know...

You don't have to do that. You sure?

- Yeah! - I don't think you can do that.

I think I can.

I think I've done a woman before.

Well...

- You don't mean that. - No, I don't mean that.

So you gonna be okay with that?

[Priest, growling] I'm gonna do the woman's voice!

- What? - Nothing.

[Priest and Bennett] * ...and I've rambled

* and I've rodeoed around

Woohoo!

* I never once thought of settling down *

* But darling, the moment I laid eyes on you *

- Don't look at me. - Okay.

That's fairly messed up.

* ...through...

Oh, yeah.

* Let's ride into the sunset together *

[Danice] She doesn't want him.

[DR] He doesn't want her.

Trust the voice of experience on that one.

* ...when the day is through... *

Sometimes...

...you just get tired of the fight, you know?

Yeah, I know.

[Bennett] Oh, that's nice.

[yodeling in harmony *]

Yee!

[Bennett] All right!

Oh, Neilie.

Telephone.

Uh-oh.

Oh boy. Here we go.

[Dawn] It's your wife.

She'd like to hear your explanation

for why you're snowed in at a shit hole bar with me

instead... of being in San Diego at a conference.

[silence]

Oh man, that shit is fucked up.

Sure is.

He fucking gets busted cheating,

doesn't even get his fucking knob polished.

- Oh, fuck! - Ew.

[quiet, slow rock song playing *]

Hi, sweetie.

[Female lawyer and DR conversing quietly]

- Hi. - Hi.

A little birdie told me you're a lawyer.

Yes. Same little birdie told me you'd need some help

looking over divorce papers.

I don't have a lot of money.

Fine. I'll make it pro bono.

Sounds dirty, but it means free.

Really?

*

Thank you.

So sweet.

I cannot believe how attractive you are.

Me?

What are you doing? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Whoa, whoa. Uh, this is...

This is not happenin'.

Am I losing my touch?

There's not a single man in this bar

that finds me attractive.

Nuh-uh. The brown one.

This one?

Yeah.

It's signed Paula. Do you care?

Nuh-uh.

It could be signed by OJ Simpson.

As long as it saves me 40 dollars at Vicky's,

I don't give a damn.

[country song playing *]

You have a girlfriend! I knew it!

Look.

She doesn't need to know a thing.

No one needs to know... except DR.

*

I don't want to have sex with you

and I don't have to justify it!

All right?

Just fess up! You have a girlfriend!

No.

-A wife? -No!

Are you attracted to your mother?

No.

Are you attracted to your father?

Fuck no.

Can you get it up?

I can get it up... just fine.

Well, clearly you're not gay.

I mean, I have an excellent gaydar.

*

That didn't go well.

[Autumn] You are gay?

Really?!

Are you sure?

Very.

[Autumn] Get out!

Get the hell out of here!

Neither did that.

[gasping]

No.

[breathing heavily]

I deny these feelings.

I don't own this.

Just making sure you're still okay!

Sorry I woke you up.

And neither will this.

I'll take it from here.

Okay!

Any signs of your daddy yet?

[Autumn] * I got your machine

* after only two rings again

I'm sure he'll be home soon.

Go back to sleep, baby.

I love you!

[Autumn] It's bullshit!

* You're not with your friends *

* 'cause you ain't got any

* Did you finally get a job, baby? *

* Hmm, not likely

[thumping pop music *]

* Who are you without me? *

Sometimes, it's just not worth the fight.

* I'll tell you what I see, you ignorant pig *

* You're letting me down

Kids?

Two.

Ouch.

* You don't even know

* Don't try to hold on 'cause I'm letting you go *

* You ignorant pig

* DR

* It's best you come clean

*

* Just tell me everything

* Whatever's been happening

* Yeah, I'm listening

* Oh really, It's nothing? *

DR!

DR, stop acting so childish.

You're just doing this for attention.

*

I'll make out with that slut over there.

And you watch.

Excuse me?

* Taking calls in the next room *

* You're as subtle as a typhoon *

[Skip] Oh, fucking yeah!

If she did that three nights a week,

I'd keep this joint open.

*

* You're offing up big, you don't even know *

[Skip] Fuck, yeah!

*

[song ends]

[door slams]

Ten bucks says she's back within ten seconds.

Oh, I don't know. She was really pissed off.

You're on.

- You're on. - Nine.

- Really? You guys are betting on this? - Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

[all] Four, three, two, one!

[door bursts open] [all exclaiming]

[all grumbling]

[Nando] Does she work for you or something?

Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

[crying]

[blues song playing quietly *]

Fuck you all!

And you are an anal retentive commitment phobia

that's bigger than this bar's inadequacy complex.

And you, you passive-aggressive ass-clown

who thinks he's into doing dudes.

But your real problem is...

...that you are in denial

about your heterosexual desires.

And if you think for one second

that I actually wanted to jump on you...

- ...all I wanted was a ride home! - Shut up!

Shut shut the fuck up!

Jesus!

*

[quietly] Oh, shit.

Well done.

[laughing]

Just hang on there, cowboy.

Are you a butt bandit?

[Nando] I, uh...

[Skip] Is it true?

- Yes. - I knew it!

I fucking knew it!

-You knew? -Yeah, baby!

Two hundred bones. Who's your fucking daddy?

You fucking knew?

Knew? Fuck yeah!

I had a bet going with the guys.

And they just fucking lost!

You are such a fucking asshole.

Ugh!

How many times you watch me in the shower?

You know you want me.

Never, bro.

You're not my type.

What? I'm fucking everybody's type.

Isn't that right, ladies? You all fucking want me!

[Nando snickering]

Fuck...

My first gay friend.

I gotta insta this shit.

Boom.

So, uh...

You with anybody?

Yeah.

Marco, for seven months now.

Yeah.

Wait... Ew, gross.

Marco from the auto pool?

That dude's fucking bent?

Ugh, I knew it!

No.

Marco your brother.

No way is my brother fucking queer!

I will fucking kill you!

He hit on me first! He hit on me!

He hit on me!

Fuck! My brother's not gay!

At your family picnic, man! I'm sorry!

In my parents' house? I will fucking kill you!

You invited me, man!

You need to sit the hell down.

You tried to set me up with your sister, man.

How is this any fucking different?

I think now would be a good time to stop talking.

Come on. Sit down.

We played with army men together.

[groans]

[sobs]

[slow blues song playing *]

[music stops]

[Murray] God damnit.

[Yolanda lets out a groaning cry]

[Yolanda cries out]

What's wrong?

It's coming!

- What's coming? - [Neil] The snowplow?

No! The baby!

[all] What baby?

What was that?

I didn't tell you on account of...

...I knew you'd be mad.

Mad?! Ya think?!

Danice, don't leave me!

All right, everyone just relax.

Most first labors take like 8 to 10 hours.

We got plenty of time.

[Autumn] You know, you really are a cold lady,

shutting your sister out when she's this vulnerable?

Her hiding it clearly shows that she is not ready

for the responsibility of her first child.

It's not her first. It's her third.

And the last one came in 45 minutes.

You deceitful slut!

- Shut up! - Okay, okay, okay.

Roxy! 911. It's worth a shot.

I'm on it.

Hey, hey! Come here, come here. Look.

Your sister's got issues.

Hell, she's got an entire subscription.

[laughs]

Right now, right now...

...we just need to get that baby out of her safely.

Okay? All right?

We'll get her through this,

and then we'll take care of the rest later.

All right? Come on.

- Sissy? - Danice!

Shh.

I'm here, sissy.

DR, get her up on the stage. Lay her down.

- You got it, bro. - Help Danice keep her calm.

You're okay, honey.

Adultery Guy, boil some water.

Naked Girl, try to find some scissors.

Hey, don't think you can bark your orders at me.

Go get some fucking scissors!

Uh, Nasty Chick, get some ice.

Bring the bucket in case all that beer comes back up.

Homophobe, blankets, pillows if you can find them.

- I gotta make a phone call. - I got it. I got it. I got it.

In the boxes.

[Yolanda] Them demons in him! And he'll give my baby the gay!

[Murray] In the box, in the box.

Nando, pillows, and sheets, and blankets.

As many as you can find.

And Father... - Yeah.

...a prayer, if you please.

Come on. Turn her around. Bring her to me.

Turn her around towards me.

All right. Turn her around.

[Yolanda whimpering]

Just breathe.

Thank you.

No, this time isn't about my husband!

We have a woman giving birth!

Soon!

[Yolanda grunts]

DR, how's everything on the top half?

It's good.

DR, the hell that mean?

Doctor, of course.

Okay.

They're not gonna make it. They're not coming.

Okay. That's okay. That's okay.

We're doing just fine.

Okay, but it's been, like... 10 years.

At least I have done this before, though.

Me too.

[Roxanne] Since when do you have kids?

I don't.

[Roxanne] Then how do you know so much?

[Hutch] There's an app for that.

[Roxanne] Seriously?

Roxy... I'm a nurse.

[Yolanda] No shit?

No shit. Keep breathing.

Wow.

Okay.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Where you going?

You don't need me.

Yeah. I need you. With me.

Shh.

Okay, okay.

I'd say you're about eight centimeters dilated.

Two centimeters to go.

You two staying over here?

I never go south of the border without a passport.

Definitely out of my jurisdiction.

[singing the melody of "La Bamba"]

I want you guys to know, just...

It really... - Hey!

Nobody gives a shit.

Evidently, the Pope thinks I shouldn't either.

[laughing]

No, it's just...

It's just what Autumn said.

You know?

It's not like I'm, whatever-

like I'm some closet case.

Or in denial.

Right?

I'm proud of being a Marine.

And I'm proud to be gay!

All right?

If anyone's got a problem with that--

Hey, hey, hey. I'm proud of you too.

But check this place out.

All right?

You know who comes in here?

Bikers. Rednecks.

People who basically would make politicians

look morally virtuous.

So, in the morning...

...the plows are gonna clear off the roads...

...and you're gonna be free.

Outta here.

So like I said...

Who gives a shit?

- Danice? - Yes, baby?

I'm sorry I said you killed Mama.

[sweet country song playing *]

It's okay.

I knew she didn't want to be hooked up to no machines,

but I was just pissed...

...'cause you was always her favorite.

No.

She didn't.

Are you kidding me? She liked you the best.

- Nuh-uh. - Yuh-huh.

You were her baby.

You were her favorite from the moment

she pushed your way into this world.

Really?

Really, really.

[groans forcefully]

Okay. They're comin' faster now.

Danice...

You know I'm not made to stay home with no babies, right?

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

You gonna help me with this one too.

Right? [whimpers]

Right? - [DR] Shh, shh.

Shh, shh, hey.

Why don't we just worry about having this one first?

Okay?

[Yolanda groans forcefully]

Now it's time to start working.

What the fuck you think I've been doin'?

Okay, next contraction, I need you to push.

Roxy, try the ambulance again, okay?

And bring me a bucket for the placenta.

We have to save it for the paramedics.

Okay? And push! Push!

There you go. Good girl. Good, good, good.

[Yolanda grunting]

[upbeat folk music playing quietly *]

Reminds me of my second.

We almost didn't make it.

And I thought we would deliver him by the side of the road.

Marco, are you there?

Pick up.

I'm sitting here wondering where I fucked up.

Was it the time we crossed swords,

peeing in the backyard?

I shouldn't have called your wife.

[Yolanda groaning]

And I shouldn't fire you on Monday.

[Hutch] Breathe.

But I guess we all do what we gotta do, huh?

[Yolanda squealing]

Is it because I always call you my bitch?

Is it that time that I dressed you up like a little girl?

Wait, that would fucking make me gay.

Dude. Whatever.

Just call me back, dude. Okay?

I can fucking talk you out of it.

[slow folk song playing quietly *]

[Yolanda grunting]

[Skip] You don't wanna watch the joy of birth?

Yeah.

Right after I shave my head with a cheese grater.

Too many fucked-up people in this world

to bring another one in, right?

Yeah.

I know someone who's already brought in two kids too many.

What you did with the phone was brave.

Brave?

Guy couldn't make up his mind.

You did it for him.

[Hutch] Push! There you go. Good girl! Good girl!

And breathe.

Can I ask you a favor?

It'll cost you.

[inaudible whispering]

It's risky.

I'm gonna need hazardous duty pay.

There's a sturdy counter in the bathroom.

Copy that.

[Yolanda grunts]

Shh, shh.

Okay, only a few more. Only a few more.

You're almost there. Come on, push.

[groaning forcefully]

Good, good, good, good.

Okay, and breathe. And breathe, and breathe.

It's a secret recipe, man.

It's been passing down through generations through generations.

So what generation are you?

Third generation chili maker?

Fourth!

And it's not just the chili.

- No? - No.

I'm death on ribs, barbecue,

omelets, all of it.

I should have known you were gay.

[country rock song playing *]

I enjoyed the show.

I bet you don't see naked women too often.

You'd be surprised.

-Really? -Sure.

Insecure women, afraid of rejection,

trying to re-affirm their sexuality

by seducing the unobtainable.

Women trying to work through their child abuses

and approaching a father figure.

What a head-hump.

So, women with latent homosexuality issues

operating through the parameter

of what they perceive to be a safe man?

Oh yeah. We get that crap all the time.

[loud crashing]

[Neil] Is that my car?

[wind blowing] [car alarm blaring]

What did you do to my car?

Strangest fucking thing, I tell you.

I went out to my truck to get a condom...

...and I saw an icicle break off the roof...

...and crash through a really nice car's windshield...

...and...

...knock the shifter into neutral...

...bounce off the dash board...

...and unleash the parking brake.

What?!

And now it's rolling towards a cliff.

Precious!

Yep.

[door slams]

Strangest fucking thing, I tell you.

I've been waitin' for this.

Get in there!

[loud crashing]

[Yolanda screams]

Here comes the head!

Jeez, I think that's the head.

That's the head. One more push, honey.

[Yolanda screams]

[Roxanne] Okay, jeez, all right.

[Yolanda screams]

- [Hutch] Give me some light. - [Roxanne] Got this. Hold on.

[Yolanda crying]

[Hutch] There you go.

There you go. There you go.

[baby crying] Good. Good, good, good.

[Roxanne, laughing] Aw!

[baby crying]

Okay, give me the wrap. There we go.

[baby crying]

[door bursts open] [wind howling]

[Neil] Where is she?

[Nando] She's in the bathroom.

[door slams]

With Skip.

The few... the proud...

[groovy funk music playing *]

Whoa-ho.

You fuckin' rock. Yeah.

Stop talking.

[moans]

[gentle blues song playing *]

Well?

What is it?

It's a baby.

[Hutch] Ten fingers, ten toes.

Come on, Hutch.

Don't tease us.

It's a girl.

[Yolanda] My first girl!

Aw!

I'm gonna name her after Mama.

Oh, honey.

Hutch, all this time, I never knew you were a nurse.

All this time, I never asked you

what it is that you fixed.

I was always talking about...

...my own problems, huh?

Sorry.

That's it. Starting tomorrow...

...no more talk about...

...he-who-shall-not-be-named.

[laughing]

Roxy.

Starting tomorrow, I won't...

I mean...

The bar won't even be around.

You won't be able to see me anymore.

Unless you ask me out on a proper date.

Think you can handle that?

Roxanne...

...will you go-- [Priest clears his throat]

May we have a moment of silence, please?

[Dawn moaning]

Balls fucking deep.

[Dawn] Stop talking, please.

Heavenly Father...

...we thank you for this...

...glorious blessing.

[shutter clicking sound] What the fuck?

[Damn huffs] [splash in the toilet]

- Amen. - Amen.

[Dawn] Oh, yes.

Roxy...

Would you...

Would you...

I haven't done this in a long time.

Take your time.

[country music playing *]

Roxanne...

...would you go out on a proper date with me?

I'd love to.

Ain't this romantic?

[laughter]

*

Roxanne?

I took a look at your divorce papers.

I left them right there behind the bar.

Please tell me everything's okay.

Everything's cool.

Feel free to sign at will.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

I'll be right back.

Thanks.

Brains and beauty.

And you're nice to waitresses too.

[laughing]

- Are you flirting with me? - Is it working?

Is it over with your girlfriend?

Way over.

Then it's working.

*

You know,

before tonight, I probably would have crossed the street

to keep from walking past someone that looked like you.

Probably would have maced you just to be on the safe side.

You know, you wouldn't be the first.

Really?

Aw.

I would've missed meeting someone worth knowing.

What about you?

What about me?

Well, I'd bet that you are professional, responsible.

- Oh, that I am. - Yeah.

Always watching out for everyone.

Always taking care of everyone's needs.

There's a question I have for you.

All right, Miss Beauty-With-Brains?

Who's, um...

Who's watchin' out for you?

[electronic dance music *]

[Dawn and Skip moaning and grunting]

- Seriously?! - [Skip] Fucking A!

I called the ambulance.

They said they'd be here in an hour.

Good. That baby needs to get looked at.

There's always risk of infection.

Don't forget Jack.

My apologies.

[Roxanne] How could he forget Jack?

Well, well done, Nurse Hatch.

- Indeed. - Nurse Hutch.

And his lovely assistant.

Ah. Lovely partner.

[country rock song playing *]

Another round? - Uh-huh.

Why not?

Now, that's the saddest thing I've ever seen.

[all laughing]

There's another one back there.

Okay.

Where is Murray, anyway?

I think he's hiding out in the storeroom.

I have never shown this to anyone.

*

It's my bucket list.

See?

20 things I want to do before I end up in the old folk's home.

I made that list, like, ten years ago.

In that time, I've managed to do one.

Which one?

Get a manicure.

And not these nails. It was like four years ago.

I know, I know.

Oh, it's pathetic, huh?

Well, let's look at this, okay?

Number one, Grand Canyon.

Mm-hmm.

- Sushi? - Maybe the cooked kind.

Sing in public. Swim with the dolphins.

Wait, wait. Here on number 20.

What's this word after "multiple"?

You know what? You're teasing me.

[laughing]

You know...

...a guy like me could get you everything on this list.

I have... houseplants.

Let 'em die.

My sister?

Needs to grow up and take care of her own kids.

Or give them to somebody else who can.

Oh, you make it sound so simple.

It can be.

But there's one condition.

And what's that?

This list.

It can only be done on the back of a motorcycle.

[laughing]

I'm supposed to do number 20 from the back of a motorcycle?

Just riding the motorcycle is gonna give you number 20.

Oh, my God.

What's with you two anyway?

[quiet folk song playing *]

Murray and I, we had a friendship

that goes back to the third grade.

I mean, we were... the odd couple even then.

I was studious.

He was always the life of the party.

He dated a lot...

...and I was more discerning.

Yeah, I could see him as a serious chick magnet.

[snorts with laughter]

That was succinctly put.

And then it happened.

Right here in this bar.

I met her.

She was the girl of my dreams.

She was beautiful.

It was wonderful.

But...

...she succumbed to Murray's charms, and...

...I had to leave.

I haven't been back since then.

Actually... until tonight.

How long were you two together?

Four glorious days.

[laughter]

*

Okay.

- Yeah? - I'm in.

But I have one condition for you.

Okay.

You have to tell me what the DR really stands for.

I'm not getting on the back of a bike with you

and not know your name.

- Okay. - Okay?

Oh, my God.

Wooh, sign me up.

You had a hot weekend...

...and when she moved on,

you've been, like, nursing this grudge

against your bestie all this time?

When you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous.

I could rephrase it if you like,

but I think it'll just sound the same.

She... didn't move on.

She was seduced.

We've all been seduced at some point.

[folk rock song playing *]

[Bennett] Murr?

Murray? Where are ya?

[laughing]

Oh, lord.

[laughing]

What?

So we're the only ones who got any.

Don't be fucking hatin'.

I'm gonna pour myself a glass of wine.

Skip?

Ooh! - Fucking brew.

She can still walk?

[Skip] But first, time to respect the urethra.

Semper Fi, piss or die!

Hoo-ah.

[laughing]

Oh, man.

What?

I think I left the bucket of placenta in the men's room.

Oh!

I should probably tell him.

No, no, no, no, no!

You're right. You're right. Don't tell him.

[chuckling]

[Skip screams]

[laughter]

What the fuck was that?!

Did you piss yourself?!

Fuck you, man!

[laughing]

[laughter]

[Bennett] Oh no!

Jesus Christ!

[Bennett] Murray! Help me! Murray!

- Oh, God. - Murray! Murray!

[Roxanne] No!

Murray. Murray.

[Bennett grunting]

It's too late.

- [Bennett] No! - [Roxanne] No!

- Bennett. Bennett! - [Bennett] No! No!

Bennett, he's been gone too long.

- [Roxanne] Oh, no! - [Hutch] There's nothing we can do.

Oh, God, Murray!

- Roxy, Roxy, Roxy. - No!

- He's gone, baby. - No!

- Go get the priest! - No! No!

[Bennett] He was a Catholic when he was a kid!

Maybe that'll help.

He must have passed about the same time the baby was born.

[crying]

You...

You can't do this to me!

Bennett.

[Bennett] God damnit.

Fuck you, Murray!

Fuck you!

I didn't expect you to die.

I thought that we could make up.

You know?

He wasn't supposed to die.

He was just...

Jesus Christ.

I'm gonna miss you, you motherfucker!

I'm gonna miss you, god damnit!

You rotten prick of a best friend!

Okay, okay, Bennett, okay.

I'm really, really, really gonna miss him!

[crying]

It's okay.

He's at peace. He's at peace.

[Bennett continues crying]

[somber piano music *]

Oh heavenly hosts above,

I call upon thee.

[Bennett] God damnit!

So, what now?

[melancholy music *]

What happens to this place?

Murray always said he kept his will in the till.

Did Murray have any family?

Uh-uh.

Just a string of pissed-off ex- wives.

*

That's it. That's gotta be it.

"I, Murray...

...being of drunk mind and ripped body...

[hopeful music *]

...leave this as my last will.

Since I don't have a family...

...I leave everything... I have

to the people who became my family.

My house, I leave to Roxy."

"My house, I leave to Roxy...

...under the condition that she never lets that asshole live there."

You deserve better, Rox.

"Maybe you should start

by looking in the general area of the pool table.

My bar, I leave to Bennett.

I never had a brother...

...but if I did...

...he'd only have been...

...half the man that you were.

I love you, buddy.

The bar is yours.

Sell it... run it...

...torch it...

...turn it into that roller disco rink

that we always talked about.

[sorrowful laughter]

Whatever you want.

Just promise me that you'll find some happiness for yourself."

"And...

And to Hutch... I leave Jack.

[laughs]

Take good care of him, buddy.

And don't forget to do that thing he likes."

Signed, Murray.

"Over and out. P.S."

Please bury me... with a Jameson's."

Wow.

What am I gonna do with the bar?

Hire me.

I'm out in two months.

I'll cook... and Marco could tend the bar.

[chuckles]

I'll need somebody to run it day by day.

Roxy?

Uh...

You bet your ass. I need a job.

I've got a house to pay for.

Hutch?

[phone ringing]

Only if I can bring Jack.

[phone ringing]

Yeah.

Hey!

Murray's Bar... is officially open!

And starting now...

...there's no more smokin' in this bar.

Hey.

Neil, right?

Get your Goddamn feet off of my booth.

[Roxanne laughs]

[Danice] Roxanne, you better sign those divorce papers quick.

You know your ex-husband can get half of Murray's house.

I feel like this is the start of a whole new life.

Roxanne? It's for you.

Hold on.

She said it's urgent.

She?

Is it my daughter?

[music fades *]

[soft music *]

* I'm gonna pray

* that we stay here for a while *

* I'm gonna dream

* 'til I wake up with a smile *

* 'Cause it's been too long

* without a song

* I'm gonna sing

* every day that I'm alive

* I'm gonna feel, I'm gonna feel *

* everything I have inside

* 'Cause it's been too long

* without a song

* and I'm barely hangin' on

[Hutch] Roxy?

* Life give you chances...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Wait, wait,wait. Sit down.

Sit down. There you go.

* Live in the moment before it's too late *

What's wrong?

Craig's in the hospital...

...in critical condition.

What?

His car...

...slid... and there was a tree...

...and they... they found...

All right. Shh.

Shh, it's okay.

It's all right.

It's okay. Shh.

Shh.

I have to go!

He's not responding.

I have to go.

We have to go. We have to get Lis first.

We?

Yeah.

I need you.

* I'm gonna dream

* 'til I wake up with a smile **

[music fades

[neon buzzing]

["No Last Call for Love" by Marvin Glover and Greg Cortez playing *]