All language subtitles for Hot in Cleveland s03e09 Love Is Blind.eng

Hot in Cleveland is recorded

in front of a live
studio audience.

Maybe it's
the champagne talking,

but I think there is
a very good-looking,

very young man staring at me.

Why don't you go talk to him?
He's obviously interested.

But he's a baby.

So go take candy from him.

Maybe a quick "hello".

No one that age in I.A.
Would ever look at me.

No one in Cleveland either.

The dude's blind.

He's blind?

This ought to be good.

You know, some people
say it's rude to stare.

Lucky for you,
I'm not one of them.

Was I staring?
I don't think so.

It's cute, your trying
to take it back.

But it's okay.
I'm not blind.

I mean, being blind is great.

I mean, not like,
"yay!" Great, but, you know,

"good for you" great.

Oh, God.

The nice thing is,
you won't see me leaving.

Sorry I bothered you.
[Laughs] Don't go.

You're funny.
And you have a beautiful voice.

Oh, thank you.
I'm Joy.

I'm Mark.

Here's your order, sir.

Listen, I have to run,

but maybe we can
have a drink sometime?

That sounds great.

Can I ask how old you are?

People say I look young,
but I'm 22.

Ah. I'm a little
older than that.

- What, like, 26?
- Exactly.

In three weeks.

Really?

Really.

Here's my I.D.

Huh.

Ah! I have a huge
announcement to make.

It's from my daughter, Emmy.

She says she has a huge
announcement to make.

Drama queen.

Uh, she's coming to Cleveland,

and she's bringing her fiance.

- Oh.
- He has dark hair,

is athletic, sexy...
oh, my God.

I bet it's A-Rod.

- A-Rod? From the Yankees?

Boo!

It was inevitable.

See, A-Rod did
a guest appearance

on Emmy's Spanish soap opera,
Chica Blanca Loca.

He was a rich Latin lover,

and she was
a scheming gold digger.

And what did they
play on the show?

Well, this is a first.

I'm going out with a blind guy.

That's great.
And he's really cute.

- Yeah.
- And the best news is,

he thinks I'm 26.

So he's blind and dumb?

By the end of it,
he'll wish he was deaf too.

[Laughter]

Ooh.

Hey, let's pick up
the pace, people.

Emmy just texted me.

The limo is on the way
from the airport.

Check it.

Texting's like a flagrate spell
in The Chamber Of Secrets.

For reals.

Why are you talking like that?

Because I have to be
26 for my date.

And Harry Potter is kind of
a big deal for people my age.

I got this.

The kid's
gonna be totes into me.

Oh, those smell good.

- Uh, they're for A-Rod.

Loaded with
cajun pepper and laxatives.

[Doorbell rings]

They're here.
Places, everyone.

Mother, dearest.
I've arrived.

Oh, Emmy darling.

I am so excited
to meet your fiance.

Oh, he's just
getting the luggage.

Melanie,
this is so, so special.

Okay.

- Hello, Emmy.
- Hey, mom.

Will! Aw, honey.

Will.

- Will! Great timing,
you're about to meet A-Rod.

- Why is A-Rod coming here?

Well, isn't he your fiance?

Will is my fiance. Duh.
[Laughs]

And I know it's awfully sudden,

but we're
head over heels in love.

Now, go put
the bags by the stairs.

Ah, isn't she great?

That was shocking.

Joy, have a cupcake.

Well, so... our kids
are engaged.

- Yeah.
- How about that?

It is just, so...
Uh, unexpected.

And...

I'm pregnant!

[Gasp]

Not really. I just thought
we needed a dramatic moment

to ease the tension.

- [Laughs] I get it.
- [Laughs] That's crazy.

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Emmy, dearest, how could this
have possibly happened?

Well, it was
very romantic, actually.

As you know, I was dating
a certain baseball player.

Boo!

And then there was the actor
who broke up with me.

- Are you hearing this?
- Yeah.

Can you believe she chose me
over all those other guys?

All those other guys.

It's so beast
that you two got together.

I know, right?

I mean, there I was,
in between relationships

back in I.A., and I walk
into the restaurant

where Will is waiting tables.

I looked across the room

and I had this magical moment
that took my breath away.

You saw Will.

Brad Pitt.

But Will was waiting on him,

and he walked over with
water and food, and I thought,

"now, this is someone who can
really take care of me".

And I will.

I've had a crush on her
since I was 12.

- Oh.
- Oh, isn't that just like love?

Striking whether
it's a good idea or not.

[Doorbell rings]

- Oh, there's my 22-year-old.

He thinks I'm 26.

- Is he blind?
- Yes.

- Yo, Mark-ay.

How ya livin'?

Uh, hey, Joy

ready to roll deep
and get money?

You know it.

- That guy is really hot.
- Hmm.

Yet he can't even look
at himself in the mirror.

- That poor, blind, hot bastard.
- Mm.

So, I guess you guys would be

uncomfortable staying in
the same room, right? Right.

Of course not.
Will, help me unpack.

I'm just gonna
get a snack first.

Uh, you ate on the plane.
Piggy here loves his snacks.

- She calls me "piggy".
- [Nervous laugh]

Okay, I guess we're happy
for them.

Although I must say,

Emmy is not who
I imagined my son

spending the rest
of his life with.

They're just getting married.

They're not spending the rest
of their lives with each other.

For some people,
that's what marriage means.

But Emmy is not "some people."
No, she has dated stars

on two continents
and South America.

But this is her first waiter.

And he's not even a struggling
actor, you know,

which would almost excuse it.

He's studying
to be a social worker.

Oh, honey, you're
only making it worse.

Now, listen, this is
sending us down a bad road.

Oh, you're right,
you're right, you're right.

Maybe they'll just
snap out of it.

We can't count on that.
I've had marriages

I haven't snapped out of
until two marriages later.

So, what are you saying?
It's our responsibility

to destroy their happiness
through meddling?

I believe it's pronounced,
"mothering".

- Okay.
- Yeah, we're good.

So maybe we should

try talking to them again
when they wake up.

Oh, they're up. I know your
daughter's an actress,

but she also likes
to direct... loudly.

- Shh.
Yes, I'll hold for A-Rod.

Elka, what are you doing?

Emmy gave her his number so
she could mess with his head.

- Hey, A-Rod.

Is Derek Jeter as sweet
and handsome as everyone says?

Will you please hang up?

He could still be
my future son-in-law.

[Laughs] He's crying.

A lot.
No, there, there.

The only reason
people don't like you

is because you're good.

Uh, except when it counts.

[Laughing] This is fun.

What up, y'all?
Joy scroggs, in the hizzie.

Well, well, well.
The walk of shame.

Shame is for your generation.
Like AOL.

So, what's going on with Wemmy?

Who?

- Will and Emmy.
I TMZ-ed it for you.

Oh, it's a mess.

I talked to Emmy.
She talked to Will.

And it just proved how useless
talking to your kids is.

Fail, "comma", epic.

What?

You know what us
youngs would do?

Flip the script
and switch it up.

What what?

I'm gonna smack you.

I mean, why don't you talk
to Emmy, and you talk to Will?

That's not bad.

Emmy respects you,
and Will is scared of me.

From when you swam naked
in our swimming pool.

You know, I didn't ask
to be born a Scorpio.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, that's Mark.

And I don't even have to
brush my hair

or take my glasses off.

Dating the blind is ♪ awesome ♪

So, 'sup?

Well, I kind of have big news.
I didn't tell you this before

because I didn't want
to get your hopes up,

but I'm on the list for
an experimental operation

to get my sight back...
And a spot has come open!

- When?
- Thursday.

I need something
that will make me look 26.

Can't you tell him the truth?

And risk losing him?
Being with him is so profound.

Oh, who am I kidding?
He's 22... the sex is amazing.

The government should be paying
22-year-olds not to work

just so they can
have sex with older women.

Well, great sex is a good
reason to do something drastic,

but unfortunately,
your options are limited.

I should add, I don't care
if it's legal, or safe.

Ah, that changes things.
How soon can you get to Ecuador?

He might have
his sight back by Thursday.

Right. I'll never get
a face donor by then anyway.

Now, there is something closer
to home that I've heard of.

The gene treatment.

A brilliant doctor...

Doctor Gene?

Actually, Doctor Hansen.
Well, actually, Mr. Hansen.

He thought "Doctor" was too
stuffy and, well, misleading.

He's taken all the science
and hardware from

an abandoned acid-wash jeans
factory and repurposed it

to smooth and tighten
a woman's face.

Stop it. She is obviously
not going to sign up

for some sketchy-sounding
experimental face treatment.

Butt out, Mel.

- I know you and my mom
are crazy-worried,

but don't be.

Will adores me,
and I love him for that.

It's just that, um, you've
been engaged a number of times.

A number that is divisible
by 2, 3, and 4.

But they were bad boys,
and I'm over them.

I mean, sure, they're exciting,
and you can't wait to see them,

and the sex is amazing, and you
think of them night and day...

where was I?

Will, before this relationship
goes any further,

there's something
you need to know.

Which is what?

Oh. Oh, this is...
this is really difficult.

You see, it's very personal.

But, well, we chase
women suffer from...

oh, God, this is so tough.

See, before I turned 30, Will,

my breasts were as large as
Emmy's... larger, even.

But then I was struck with...
chest blight.

What?

Emmy is walking around with
two gorgeous time bombs.

Touching them only
speeds up the process.

You're kidding me.

Really?

[Chuckles] No way.

But really?

Chest blight.

Please don't take
this personally.

I'm just a little concerned

that you might be able
to push Will around.

Look, he is one of the
best men I have ever met.

And while you may see him
as easily persuaded,

I see it as, if he's
gonna be bossed around,

shouldn't it be by
somebody who loves him?

[Laughs]
That's an interesting spin.

Look, if you want Will to come
to Cleveland more often,

I can make that happen.

That would be nice.

I just googled it.

No such thing as chest blight.

You know, Google
doesn't know everything.

Victoria,
I know you're trying to do

what's best for your daughter.
You're a good mom.

Well, I've often
told Emmy that.

I'm poor and unfamous.

And I'll probably always be
poor and unfamous.

But I can guarantee that every
night when she comes home,

she'll have a man
with a sympathetic ear,

a glass of wine,

and a foot rub.

Now, what woman
doesn't deserve that?

Aw. We all do.

You really are a great mom.

Oh. It's so nice
to hear those words

coming out of
someone else's mouth.

Thank you.

- And Will?
- Yes?

Do you think
I could have a foot rub?

I think that would be...

Really inappropriate.

I'm sorry, I blew it.

But she was saying
such nice stuff about Will.

Oh, and he was saying
such nice stuff about me.

They found our Kryptonite.

Do you smell something?

Yeah, it smells
kind of bleachy?

Joy, how did it go?
Are you okay?

Hideously painful.

It stings, and it itches,
but in a few minutes,

when the bandages come off,
I'll look 20 years younger.

Although he did say
there might be some redness.

Or paralysis.

It was hard to tell
from his accent.

Jeez, I hope she'll be okay.

You mean, look okay.
All right,

so what is our new plan
for Will and Emmy?

You know what?

Nobody could have
talked either one of us

out of the men we married.

I think we just need
to embrace it.

You know, there's a certain
"denying reality" aspect

to that that I find appealing.

And we get to plan
a wedding together.

And we get to have
the same grandkids.

And they can call you grandma

and call me Victoria.
[Both laugh]

- Uh-huh.

I can't get rid of A-Rod.

Oh, yes, if it were
any other team,

you would be the shortstop.

I mean, if they didn't care
about fielding.

Waterworks.

Oh, Jeez.

Aah! Oh, no!

My face!

What?
What is it, honey?

- Look!
- Oh, my God.

No, you look exactly the same.
This is a disaster.

What am I going to do?

Look, try to look
on the bright side.

Your procedure failed.
Maybe his will too.

Sweetie, so you're not 26.
But you know what?

Any man would be
lucky to have you.

What are you hiding
behind your back?

Oh, nothing.
Just my lucky clump of hair.

Oh, my God!
My hair!

The procedure
is making my hair fall out!

Did he say
there would be side effects?

I thought he said, "air loss".

I pictured myself as
a beautiful asthmatic.

Oh, you're gonna be fine.

I have some wigs
you can look at,

or... or an attractive turban?

Don't lie to me!
You know there's no such thing

as an attractive turban.

Okay, you... you
don't need a turban.

So you lost a few strands.

You still have
a beautiful head of hair.

Honey, just go upstairs
and get some rest, okay?

You're right.

I'm going to lie down.
Okay.

Oh! My God!

So, what are we thinking of
for the wedding?

I was thinking something
small, maybe like the beach?

Aw, there ya go thinking again.

It's going to be
a destination wedding,

otherwise, Instyle
will not cover it.

And if it's not in a magazine,
are you even married?

You know, it really does
need to be fabulous.

I mean, you only get so many
weddings in a lifetime.

- Okay, on to another
important topic:

How many grandkids
are we going to have?

- None.
- Lots.

No kids?
No grandkids?

Well, not unless my publicist
says that I need the press.

And in that case,
I'll just hire a surrogate.

Oh, I would have killed
for a surrogate.

But I guess you always want
better for your kids.

I'm not going
to let some stranger

give birth to our child.

It doesn't have to be
a stranger.

It could be our maid.

What is wrong with you?

Now, now, now, kids

you just need to calm...
Maybe we should let them

work it out for themselves.

[Mumbling] Or potentially not.

Ah. Yes, right.

You know, Will wants
to be a social worker.

Well, that's not
going to happen.

You're not the boss of me.

How dare you say that
I am not the boss of you.

I'm not going after her.

Good.

All right, I can't take this.

I mean, somebody's
got to go after her.

The scene calls for it.

Emmy! Hold on,
mommy's coming.

I'm proud of you, honey.

I guess I should have
gotten to know her better

before she told me to propose.

Well, what did
you guys talk about?

I don't know.
We mostly talked in bed.

Everything she says in bed
sounds like a good idea.

I'm sorry, Will, but Emmy
wants you to come outside.

She... she wants to tweet
a picture of her

throwing the ring in your face.

Right. I remember
initialing that in the prenup.

I'm really sorry, Will, but
I think this is for the best.

And I know that someday you will
find the right feet to massage.

Those aren't your feet, right?

Ha. Well, of course not.

- How's Emmy?
- Oh, you know Emmy.

She's destroyed and devastated,

and she's already changed
her Facebook status to,

"it's complicated",
with Ryan Gosling.

So, how are we feeling?

Oh, I have to admit,
I am relieved.

But I did kind of like the idea
of being related to you.

Hmm, me too. But you know,
we already are like family.

That's true, that's true.

But it would've been fun to be
grandmothers together.

Yeah.

Although we do have a bald,
crying bundle of "Joy" at home.

Ah, and she's probably ready

for another bottle
right about now.

- Mm-hmm.

Of course I'm devastated.

That's why I need you to help me
get close to Ryan Gosling.

Hey, just, tell me which way
he drives to work,

and I'll do the rest.

[Doorbell rings]
You're an agent...

it's a part of your job.

Joy?

Oh, my God.
You are so beautiful.

More beautiful
than I ever imagined.

[English accent]
Blimey! Mark, you can see!

That's a bit of
all right, isn't it?

Let's go to my room
for a proper celebration.

Oh.

'Ello.

Didn't know you was about.

Hi, I'm Mark.

Are you Joy's mom?

Sure.

Do you smell bleach?

[Phone ringing]

Don't answer that.

It's A-Rod,
and he's depressed.

Well, so am I.

Hello?

No, Elka's not here.
But I can talk.

Uh-huh. Oh, no, you're
much hotter than Jeter.

Me?

26.

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