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1
00:00:00,463 --> 00:00:02,630
Last season
on Hot in Cleveland...
2
00:00:02,664 --> 00:00:04,332
Are you asking me
to marry you?
3
00:00:04,367 --> 00:00:05,634
If you'll have me.
4
00:00:05,669 --> 00:00:07,638
You dosed us
with dog drugs?
5
00:00:07,673 --> 00:00:08,773
Well, not on purpose.
6
00:00:08,808 --> 00:00:10,074
It looks just like
the aspirin bottle.
7
00:00:10,109 --> 00:00:12,010
I've just noticed I'm...
8
00:00:12,044 --> 00:00:13,813
I'm wearing a wedding ring.
9
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,048
Did I get married
last night?
10
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:16,216
We don't know.
11
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,719
We don't know what we did
last night.
12
00:00:17,753 --> 00:00:19,387
Therefore, by the power
vested in me
13
00:00:19,422 --> 00:00:20,856
by the province
of Ontario...
14
00:00:21,890 --> 00:00:23,527
Both: We're married!
15
00:00:26,431 --> 00:00:28,534
- Elka, don't do it!
- Max?
16
00:00:29,068 --> 00:00:30,169
Marry me!
17
00:00:30,203 --> 00:00:31,737
I should have
never let you go.
18
00:00:31,771 --> 00:00:34,506
She's not gonna marry
any of you losers.
19
00:00:34,541 --> 00:00:36,174
She's already married
to me.
20
00:00:36,208 --> 00:00:38,943
Elka, who is that?
21
00:00:38,977 --> 00:00:42,846
My dead husband!
22
00:00:45,449 --> 00:00:46,549
- Elka!
- Elka?
23
00:00:46,583 --> 00:00:47,850
She's not
in the guest house.
24
00:00:47,884 --> 00:00:51,653
Where could she be?
[Dog barks]
25
00:00:56,425 --> 00:00:58,893
Snitch!
26
00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:01,395
Did they follow you
from church?
27
00:01:01,930 --> 00:01:04,566
No. When you ran off,
they were still fighting.
28
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:05,900
Ohh...
29
00:01:05,935 --> 00:01:08,938
I had something borrowed
and something blue.
30
00:01:08,972 --> 00:01:12,942
I didn't think my something old
would be my dead husband.
31
00:01:12,976 --> 00:01:14,477
[Phone rings]
32
00:01:14,511 --> 00:01:16,579
Oh, it's my agent.
33
00:01:16,614 --> 00:01:18,448
But I'm not even gonna take it.
34
00:01:18,482 --> 00:01:21,051
That's how important
this situation is.
35
00:01:21,085 --> 00:01:23,453
You poor thing.
You must be in shock.
36
00:01:23,487 --> 00:01:24,888
Yeah, you're right.
37
00:01:24,923 --> 00:01:26,957
It's just gonna be hanging
over everyone's head,
38
00:01:26,992 --> 00:01:28,526
so I'll just call him back
and, you know,
39
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,161
just get it over with.
40
00:01:30,195 --> 00:01:31,396
[Cell phone chime]
41
00:01:31,430 --> 00:01:33,364
Oh. You're getting a text.
42
00:01:37,702 --> 00:01:39,303
It's from Fred.
43
00:01:39,337 --> 00:01:41,004
"Elka, please,
my heart is breaking.
44
00:01:41,039 --> 00:01:43,507
- LOL."
- LOL?
45
00:01:43,541 --> 00:01:46,542
Oh, he thinks it means
lots of love.
46
00:01:48,379 --> 00:01:50,079
Oh, I feel terrible.
47
00:01:50,813 --> 00:01:52,981
I keep picturing him
standing at the altar,
48
00:01:53,016 --> 00:01:57,420
looking at me with
so much LOL.
49
00:01:57,454 --> 00:01:59,923
[Chime]
Oh. It's Max.
50
00:01:59,957 --> 00:02:04,128
"I've fallen...In love.
And I can't get up."
51
00:02:04,162 --> 00:02:06,030
Oh...Max.
52
00:02:06,065 --> 00:02:08,833
He's the Ross
to my Rachel.
53
00:02:11,003 --> 00:02:13,071
You have a voicemail too.
54
00:02:13,105 --> 00:02:14,772
Play it.
55
00:02:14,807 --> 00:02:17,776
Hey, runaway bride.
It's your husband.
56
00:02:17,810 --> 00:02:20,946
For 40 years, I've been missing
two things from Cleveland,
57
00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:24,716
you and the pastrami
at Nate's.
58
00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:26,584
To be honest,
59
00:02:26,619 --> 00:02:29,020
you're both a little fattier
than I remember.
60
00:02:29,054 --> 00:02:31,489
But hey, kid,
you're still gorgeous.
61
00:02:31,523 --> 00:02:32,857
And I love ya.
62
00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,692
Gimme a buzz, baby.
63
00:02:34,726 --> 00:02:36,928
Oh...Bobby.
64
00:02:36,962 --> 00:02:40,198
I miss his subtle
sense of humor.
65
00:02:41,668 --> 00:02:42,835
What are you gonna do?
66
00:02:42,869 --> 00:02:44,203
It's all too much,
67
00:02:44,237 --> 00:02:46,505
and I have to get away
somewhere to think.
68
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:48,207
I have got the most
amazing news.
69
00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:50,009
I'm going to New York.
70
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:51,811
My agent just booked me
71
00:02:51,845 --> 00:02:54,514
to be a guest on that new
morning talk show, The Chatter.
72
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,416
- That cheesy rip-off
of The View?
73
00:02:56,451 --> 00:02:57,751
It's not a rip-off.
74
00:02:57,785 --> 00:03:00,354
It's three women discussing
vital issues of the day.
75
00:03:00,888 --> 00:03:01,888
How is that different?
76
00:03:02,388 --> 00:03:03,958
Well, The View has four.
77
00:03:05,361 --> 00:03:06,895
And that's the best part.
78
00:03:06,929 --> 00:03:09,631
My agent said that The Chatter
is looking for a fourth too.
79
00:03:09,665 --> 00:03:13,168
This could be my chance to get
back on national television.
80
00:03:13,702 --> 00:03:15,804
I have a great idea.
Why don't we all go to New York?
81
00:03:15,838 --> 00:03:17,239
Elka, that'll give you
time to think!
82
00:03:17,773 --> 00:03:20,909
Just get me out of here
before they come after me.
83
00:03:20,943 --> 00:03:24,478
They're slow,
but they'll be here.
84
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,616
I still can't
get over it.
85
00:03:28,651 --> 00:03:30,351
Everyone in the world
wants to marry you,
86
00:03:30,386 --> 00:03:33,522
and here I am
withering on the vine.
87
00:03:33,556 --> 00:03:36,391
Victoria married you.
88
00:03:38,127 --> 00:03:39,994
It never happened.
89
00:03:40,028 --> 00:03:41,796
We will never speak
about our wedding
90
00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:43,730
to anyone
outside of this room.
91
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,366
I'm not your wife.
You're not my husband.
92
00:03:46,401 --> 00:03:49,036
Well, how come I have to
be the husband?
93
00:03:49,070 --> 00:03:51,004
I just said
it never happened.
94
00:03:51,039 --> 00:03:52,472
It doesn't matter
who the husband is.
95
00:03:52,507 --> 00:03:55,742
No, but your instinct
was that I was the husband.
96
00:03:55,776 --> 00:03:58,011
You're not listening
to anything I'm saying.
97
00:03:58,046 --> 00:04:01,582
Oh, yeah, sure, of course.
It's always me.
98
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:05,218
Yeah, you two don't seem
married at all!
99
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:14,218
Sync, corrected by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
100
00:04:17,197 --> 00:04:20,065
Why is my coffee mug empty?
It's Tipsy Tuesday.
101
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:22,534
Wine me, people.
102
00:04:24,136 --> 00:04:26,304
Good.
Dear lord,
103
00:04:26,338 --> 00:04:28,172
if you can't make me great
today,
104
00:04:28,206 --> 00:04:30,807
please make
the others terrible.
105
00:04:33,711 --> 00:04:35,512
Victoria
had better be good.
106
00:04:35,546 --> 00:04:38,516
She kept me up all night
practice interviewing her.
107
00:04:38,550 --> 00:04:42,320
Married two days,
and you're already whipped.
108
00:04:45,224 --> 00:04:48,060
By the by, I understand
that the producers
109
00:04:48,094 --> 00:04:50,463
are looking to add
a fourth co-host,
110
00:04:50,497 --> 00:04:51,898
and [Laughs] not to toot
my own horn,
111
00:04:51,932 --> 00:04:53,900
but...Beep beep!
112
00:04:53,935 --> 00:04:56,136
I have a wildly popular
local show--
113
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,571
Oh, hi! Ohio!
114
00:04:57,605 --> 00:04:59,440
In fact, I'm sort of the...
115
00:04:59,474 --> 00:05:01,509
Oprah of the middle east.
116
00:05:02,043 --> 00:05:04,245
I thought Ohio
was in the midwest.
117
00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:07,014
I think you're thinking
of a different Ohio.
118
00:05:08,049 --> 00:05:11,018
Sorry, hon, but the producers
are looking for a gay one.
119
00:05:11,052 --> 00:05:14,488
You know, to compete with
the Rosies and the Ellens.
120
00:05:15,022 --> 00:05:17,525
Gay, you say.
121
00:05:17,559 --> 00:05:19,527
And now,
angrier than The View
122
00:05:19,561 --> 00:05:21,729
and talkier than The Talk,
123
00:05:21,763 --> 00:05:23,631
it's...
The Chatter!
124
00:05:23,665 --> 00:05:24,865
[Applause]
125
00:05:27,002 --> 00:05:29,370
Good morning, everybody,
and welcome to Soap Opera Week.
126
00:05:29,405 --> 00:05:31,639
We're gonna be talking
to all your favorite stars
127
00:05:31,673 --> 00:05:33,341
whose shows have been
canceled
128
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,410
to make room for this show.
129
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,648
So let's meet our first guest
chatterbox, shall we,
130
00:05:39,682 --> 00:05:41,284
from The Edge of Tomorrow...
131
00:05:41,318 --> 00:05:44,320
Victoria Chase!
132
00:05:44,355 --> 00:05:46,556
Thank you.
Thank you, all.
133
00:05:46,591 --> 00:05:49,026
So...Soap opera cancelled.
134
00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:51,729
- Very sad.
- So sad!
135
00:05:51,763 --> 00:05:53,664
You're nobody now!
136
00:05:54,698 --> 00:05:57,067
So what's new in your life,
sad girl?
137
00:05:58,101 --> 00:05:59,369
Well, actually, Christal,
138
00:05:59,403 --> 00:06:01,137
I have some very big news.
139
00:06:01,171 --> 00:06:03,472
And I want to say it
loud and proud
140
00:06:03,506 --> 00:06:06,407
for the first time right here
on The Chatter.
141
00:06:06,942 --> 00:06:08,176
I just got married!
142
00:06:08,210 --> 00:06:10,077
- Aah!
- Oh!
143
00:06:10,112 --> 00:06:11,545
That's fantastic!
144
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,781
Oh, no.
145
00:06:13,815 --> 00:06:15,583
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
146
00:06:15,617 --> 00:06:18,486
To a woman.
147
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:19,821
Oh, God.
148
00:06:19,855 --> 00:06:23,358
Well, go on with
your gay self!
149
00:06:23,393 --> 00:06:25,728
Sweet Pinot Grigio!
150
00:06:25,762 --> 00:06:28,731
You married five men,
and now you're into women?
151
00:06:28,765 --> 00:06:30,433
Yes. Yes, uh, in fact,
152
00:06:30,467 --> 00:06:32,368
that's my beautiful bride
right over there.
153
00:06:32,402 --> 00:06:35,638
Joy Scroggs-Chase,
stand up, honey.
154
00:06:40,110 --> 00:06:42,411
You must be a leg man.
155
00:06:42,446 --> 00:06:44,447
Well, it wasn't her
personality
156
00:06:44,481 --> 00:06:47,717
I saw from across the room.
157
00:06:47,751 --> 00:06:51,120
You two make a lovely...
Abomination.
158
00:06:51,154 --> 00:06:52,922
Shut up, Libby.
159
00:06:52,956 --> 00:06:54,757
Joy, you're gorgeous.
160
00:06:54,791 --> 00:06:56,559
But two lipsticks?
161
00:06:56,593 --> 00:06:58,460
How does that work?
162
00:06:58,494 --> 00:07:01,329
I-- it--
163
00:07:01,364 --> 00:07:04,565
Ooh...
164
00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:09,103
I see what you mean
about the personality.
165
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,605
Joy, what turned you
off men?
166
00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:13,407
Was it the smell?
167
00:07:13,441 --> 00:07:16,910
Or was it their ungodly
demand for sex in the morning?
168
00:07:16,944 --> 00:07:21,648
What woman wants to stare down
that barrel before coffee?
169
00:07:23,518 --> 00:07:26,019
Joy and I have sex
in the morning all the time.
170
00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:28,756
Don't we, baby?
171
00:07:28,790 --> 00:07:31,292
Look, we were at Elka's
bachelorette party,
172
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,561
and Melanie mixed dog medicine
with alcohol,
173
00:07:33,595 --> 00:07:34,996
and...
174
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:37,565
And...if you really
want a juicy story,
175
00:07:37,599 --> 00:07:39,834
her husband came back
from the dead
176
00:07:39,868 --> 00:07:42,771
to stop her getting married!
177
00:07:42,805 --> 00:07:44,339
Maybe it's just because
178
00:07:44,374 --> 00:07:46,275
I'm on my second
bottle of coffee,
179
00:07:46,309 --> 00:07:47,976
but I want to hear that!
180
00:07:48,011 --> 00:07:49,845
We got to get her up there!
181
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,281
Am I right, ladies?
[Applause]
182
00:07:51,315 --> 00:07:54,150
And one man?
183
00:07:59,990 --> 00:08:02,025
- There's no room.
- We'll make room.
184
00:08:02,059 --> 00:08:04,027
Come on!
185
00:08:04,062 --> 00:08:06,863
So let me see
if I'm following this.
186
00:08:06,897 --> 00:08:09,632
Your husband faked
his own death
187
00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:11,834
and hid from the mob,
188
00:08:11,869 --> 00:08:13,803
and he didn't tell you?
189
00:08:15,672 --> 00:08:17,640
He was trying
to protect me.
190
00:08:17,674 --> 00:08:18,707
Audience: Aw!
191
00:08:18,742 --> 00:08:20,743
You know,
as a lesbian thespian,
192
00:08:20,777 --> 00:08:23,646
I too know the pain
of a life in hiding.
193
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,782
And he left you all that
stolen loot to live on?
194
00:08:26,817 --> 00:08:29,185
Yes. But I didn't know that.
195
00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:31,087
Audience: Ooh!
196
00:08:31,121 --> 00:08:33,656
But why is no one bringing up
that a man plays dead
197
00:08:33,690 --> 00:08:35,058
for 40 years,
198
00:08:35,092 --> 00:08:37,060
then he expects his woman
to jump, hmm?
199
00:08:37,094 --> 00:08:38,662
She has to jump.
200
00:08:38,696 --> 00:08:41,498
In the eyes of God,
she's still married to him.
201
00:08:41,532 --> 00:08:45,002
Yes. But I'm also in love
with Max and Fred.
202
00:08:45,036 --> 00:08:47,871
[Melanie, alone]
Ooh--
203
00:08:47,905 --> 00:08:49,473
Really? I mean, come on.
204
00:08:49,507 --> 00:08:52,842
If ever there was
an ooh moment...
205
00:08:52,877 --> 00:08:54,143
So...
206
00:08:54,178 --> 00:08:56,479
Who are you gonna choose,
pretty lady?
207
00:08:56,513 --> 00:08:58,281
Ohh...
208
00:08:58,315 --> 00:09:00,716
I have no idea.
209
00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:04,085
[Giggling]
210
00:09:07,022 --> 00:09:08,422
Oh!
211
00:09:08,457 --> 00:09:10,791
Good coffee!
212
00:09:16,315 --> 00:09:17,382
I can't believe this.
213
00:09:17,416 --> 00:09:18,716
People wants an interview.
214
00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,917
Ellen, Conan, Leno--
215
00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:22,185
Oh, my career is taking off.
216
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,021
I only wish I had been
brave enough
217
00:09:24,055 --> 00:09:27,057
to come out
a long time ago.
218
00:09:27,092 --> 00:09:28,425
Oh, God, I love you.
219
00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:30,794
Get your hands off me!
220
00:09:30,828 --> 00:09:32,162
I am not speaking to you,
221
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,797
and I'm never speaking
to you again.
222
00:09:33,831 --> 00:09:35,833
Oh. My little
spitfire.
223
00:09:37,768 --> 00:09:39,636
That's what I'll call her
on Leno.
224
00:09:44,308 --> 00:09:46,075
- Bobby--
what are you doing here?
225
00:09:46,110 --> 00:09:48,478
I'm your husband.
I'm not going anywhere.
226
00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:51,581
Hey, you two,
227
00:09:51,615 --> 00:09:54,516
how many lesbians does it take
to make me a sandwich?
228
00:09:57,286 --> 00:09:59,887
You kidding me?
You call this a pickle?
229
00:09:59,922 --> 00:10:02,490
No wonder
you can't get a man!
230
00:10:02,525 --> 00:10:04,826
It's not that I can't
get a man, it's--
231
00:10:04,860 --> 00:10:06,795
Oh, never mind.
232
00:10:06,829 --> 00:10:08,063
[British accent]
Cheerio!
233
00:10:08,097 --> 00:10:10,966
Now I know why the mob
wants to kill that guy.
234
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:13,469
That's my husband
you're talking about.
235
00:10:13,503 --> 00:10:14,604
For now.
236
00:10:14,638 --> 00:10:16,472
We are still going over
the pros and cons
237
00:10:16,507 --> 00:10:18,074
of Max, Fred, and Bobby.
238
00:10:18,108 --> 00:10:19,476
Yeah, well, I would
choose Fred.
239
00:10:19,510 --> 00:10:21,812
I mean,
look at that adorable face.
240
00:10:21,846 --> 00:10:23,814
Oh, my Freddy bear.
241
00:10:23,849 --> 00:10:25,216
Really?
242
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,051
I choose Max.
243
00:10:27,086 --> 00:10:29,120
I've always had a crush
on him myself.
244
00:10:29,155 --> 00:10:30,722
He's all man.
245
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:34,026
Well, except for his hip.
246
00:10:34,060 --> 00:10:36,262
Titanium.
247
00:10:37,764 --> 00:10:40,699
More wine, darling?
How--how many is that?
248
00:10:40,733 --> 00:10:41,933
I need this.
249
00:10:41,968 --> 00:10:43,902
I've had a very
stressful day.
250
00:10:43,936 --> 00:10:46,570
Yeah, well, I would
go easy on that.
251
00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:48,772
You know how you get.
252
00:11:00,251 --> 00:11:01,485
So...
253
00:11:01,519 --> 00:11:02,886
Who would you choose?
254
00:11:02,921 --> 00:11:06,157
Well, I think both Max
and Fred are wonderful guys.
255
00:11:06,191 --> 00:11:09,494
Look at how many good qualities
you have listed for them.
256
00:11:09,529 --> 00:11:11,863
All you had for Bobby is
already married
257
00:11:11,898 --> 00:11:13,199
and funny.
258
00:11:13,233 --> 00:11:16,102
Why didn't you write down
hot, hot, hot?
259
00:11:16,136 --> 00:11:19,738
'Cause I thought
you were joking.
260
00:11:19,772 --> 00:11:23,141
Women find him scrumptious!
261
00:11:23,175 --> 00:11:25,076
Him.
262
00:11:25,611 --> 00:11:27,678
Hot, hot, hot.
Write it down.
263
00:11:27,713 --> 00:11:30,047
Even if you do find Bobby
hot, hot, hot,
264
00:11:30,081 --> 00:11:31,548
I say cross him off.
265
00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:33,150
He faked his death
for 40 years.
266
00:11:33,184 --> 00:11:34,618
He won't even tell you
where he was!
267
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,553
Yeah.
268
00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:38,254
Cross off the first hot.
269
00:11:38,289 --> 00:11:40,523
And he didn't come back
when you were arrested.
270
00:11:40,558 --> 00:11:42,226
He only came back
because he thought
271
00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:43,861
you might be with someone else.
272
00:11:43,895 --> 00:11:45,696
You practically
went to prison.
273
00:11:46,431 --> 00:11:47,632
Yeah.
274
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,200
Cross off the second hot.
275
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,805
And he cheated on you
with your best friend.
276
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,142
He had a son you never
even knew about.
277
00:11:56,176 --> 00:11:58,912
You're right!
278
00:11:58,946 --> 00:12:01,882
Cross off funny!
279
00:12:05,085 --> 00:12:06,352
Elka.
280
00:12:08,288 --> 00:12:11,925
Okay. I'll tell him
it's all over.
281
00:12:11,959 --> 00:12:13,126
[Cell phone chimes]
282
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,428
[Gasps]
283
00:12:15,962 --> 00:12:18,264
Martin Scorsese
saw me on The Chatter.
284
00:12:18,298 --> 00:12:20,199
He wants to have
a meeting with me
285
00:12:20,234 --> 00:12:22,769
to discuss a character
he's developing--
286
00:12:22,803 --> 00:12:25,438
a woman who discovers her
true sexuality later in life.
287
00:12:25,473 --> 00:12:28,842
That is my story!
288
00:12:29,377 --> 00:12:32,780
Is this character
also an idiot?
289
00:12:36,552 --> 00:12:40,588
I'm sorry.
I just can't go with you.
290
00:12:40,622 --> 00:12:44,291
So...I guess
this is good-bye.
291
00:12:46,528 --> 00:12:49,697
Didn't you used to be
a blond?
292
00:12:49,731 --> 00:12:53,667
Didn't you used to be
something?
293
00:12:54,702 --> 00:12:56,904
It's happening...
Isn't it?
294
00:12:57,438 --> 00:12:59,739
The heat.
295
00:13:00,274 --> 00:13:02,076
I'm on fire.
296
00:13:02,810 --> 00:13:05,445
I could roast marshmallows
over here.
297
00:13:06,948 --> 00:13:09,049
What are we gonna
do about it?
298
00:13:09,084 --> 00:13:12,052
Everything!
299
00:13:12,086 --> 00:13:15,589
Damn you, you bald
ancient Adonis!
300
00:13:15,623 --> 00:13:17,924
[Groans/mutters]
301
00:13:21,779 --> 00:13:25,648
[Silver clinking]
302
00:13:25,683 --> 00:13:28,184
Enough with the stirring!
303
00:13:28,219 --> 00:13:30,054
Why is it ever since
we got married
304
00:13:30,088 --> 00:13:31,488
everything you do
annoys me?
305
00:13:31,522 --> 00:13:33,757
Because ever since
we've been married,
306
00:13:33,791 --> 00:13:37,326
you have been a needy
little [Mutters] bitch.
307
00:13:37,361 --> 00:13:38,628
What did you just
call me?
308
00:13:38,662 --> 00:13:41,697
Stop it, you guys!
I hate it when you fight.
309
00:13:41,731 --> 00:13:43,966
Oh, see?
Now you've upset Melanie.
310
00:13:44,001 --> 00:13:46,535
[Dog barking]
311
00:13:46,570 --> 00:13:48,538
What has happened to us?
312
00:13:48,572 --> 00:13:51,575
This marriage is ruining
our friendship.
313
00:13:51,609 --> 00:13:54,211
Hey, boy!
314
00:13:54,246 --> 00:13:57,815
"Send more bath oil."
Elka.
315
00:13:57,849 --> 00:14:00,886
More? She and Bobby have
been marinating in that tub
316
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,687
for days!
317
00:14:02,722 --> 00:14:04,722
Well, I guess when you're as
wrinkled as Bobby,
318
00:14:04,757 --> 00:14:08,226
it's hard to know how long
you've been in the water.
319
00:14:08,260 --> 00:14:10,294
I can't believe
she chose Bobby.
320
00:14:10,329 --> 00:14:12,163
I thought for sure
she'd choose Max.
321
00:14:12,197 --> 00:14:14,398
Well, you can't compete
with first loves.
322
00:14:14,432 --> 00:14:16,533
I mean, she's been romanticizing
this relationship
323
00:14:16,568 --> 00:14:18,535
for over 40 years.
324
00:14:18,569 --> 00:14:20,970
Yeah. Obviously,
the chemistry's still there.
325
00:14:21,005 --> 00:14:24,507
I mean, we've all done
crazy things for great sex.
326
00:14:24,542 --> 00:14:28,345
I miss doing crazy things
for great sex.
327
00:14:28,379 --> 00:14:30,180
Aw, don't be sad.
328
00:14:30,215 --> 00:14:34,652
How about I take you out later
and buy you something pretty?
329
00:14:34,686 --> 00:14:36,354
That'd be nice.
330
00:14:36,388 --> 00:14:39,758
Okay, this...
Weird.
331
00:14:43,963 --> 00:14:44,996
Guys,
332
00:14:45,031 --> 00:14:47,499
I came over to say
good-bye.
333
00:14:47,533 --> 00:14:49,534
- Oh, no.
- What are you talking about?
334
00:14:49,568 --> 00:14:51,069
Bobby and I are leaving
in an hour.
335
00:14:51,103 --> 00:14:53,605
Seriously--you're gonna
leave Cleveland
336
00:14:53,639 --> 00:14:55,106
and go on the lam
with Bobby?
337
00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:57,074
Couldn't Bobby hide here
from the mob?
338
00:14:57,108 --> 00:14:59,876
Oh, he'd always be
looking over his shoulder.
339
00:14:59,911 --> 00:15:03,446
And with his bursitis,
that'd be very painful.
340
00:15:03,481 --> 00:15:06,449
Well, where are you gonna
be hiding?
341
00:15:06,483 --> 00:15:08,351
I can't tell you that.
342
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:10,553
That's what hiding means.
343
00:15:10,587 --> 00:15:13,223
Elka, are you sure this is
what you want to do?
344
00:15:13,257 --> 00:15:15,358
It's a really big step.
345
00:15:15,393 --> 00:15:17,561
And we're really
gonna miss you.
346
00:15:17,595 --> 00:15:19,863
Oh, I'm sure you will.
347
00:15:21,266 --> 00:15:23,668
And now I'd better go...
348
00:15:23,702 --> 00:15:26,972
[Crying]
Before you three start crying.
349
00:15:33,428 --> 00:15:36,296
Joy, come on.
The taxi's waiting.
350
00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:40,565
Wait--is that what
you're wearing?
351
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:44,469
It's Scorsese,
not "scores easy."
352
00:15:47,006 --> 00:15:49,242
Elka gave me that one
before she left.
353
00:15:49,976 --> 00:15:51,810
There's nothing inappropriate
about this.
354
00:15:51,845 --> 00:15:54,213
- It's fine.
- If we were courting, sure.
355
00:15:54,248 --> 00:15:55,715
But I already bought the cow.
356
00:15:56,249 --> 00:15:58,184
You don't need to
give away the milk.
357
00:15:58,219 --> 00:16:01,588
Oh, my God.
I married a wanker.
358
00:16:03,257 --> 00:16:05,325
Hey, guys, Elka
left me a message.
359
00:16:05,359 --> 00:16:07,394
- What did she say?
- It's what she doesn't say.
360
00:16:07,428 --> 00:16:08,795
I think something's wrong.
361
00:16:09,329 --> 00:16:11,297
Hey, girls,
I promised I'd call,
362
00:16:11,331 --> 00:16:13,198
so here's my call.
363
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:16,201
Bobby and I
are very happy.
364
00:16:16,235 --> 00:16:19,571
I miss you all.
Even Joy.
365
00:16:19,805 --> 00:16:21,839
Bye.
366
00:16:21,873 --> 00:16:25,209
Well, she sounds sweet,
content, upbeat.
367
00:16:25,243 --> 00:16:27,645
See? I told you
something's wrong.
368
00:16:27,679 --> 00:16:29,813
I agree.
"Even Joy"?
369
00:16:29,848 --> 00:16:32,249
Clearly,
it's a cry for help!
370
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,684
Well, I'm gonna find her,
371
00:16:33,718 --> 00:16:35,586
and if she's as miserable
as she's not sounding,
372
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:36,887
convince her to come home.
373
00:16:36,921 --> 00:16:38,555
You'll never convince her.
374
00:16:38,589 --> 00:16:40,123
You're a pushover
when it comes to Elka.
375
00:16:40,157 --> 00:16:42,058
I'm the one
who can drag her home.
376
00:16:42,093 --> 00:16:44,093
Oh, you and Elka
will just fight.
377
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,395
No, no, once again,
I have to come along
378
00:16:46,430 --> 00:16:48,531
and be the voice of reason.
379
00:16:48,565 --> 00:16:52,201
Just call Scorsese
and reschedule the meeting.
380
00:16:52,235 --> 00:16:54,003
I can't believe
I just said those words.
381
00:16:54,037 --> 00:16:56,171
It'll make you seem
more in demand.
382
00:16:56,206 --> 00:16:59,275
Ah... that's the woman
I married.
383
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,477
No.
384
00:17:06,183 --> 00:17:08,184
If she had to hide out
in the Southwest,
385
00:17:08,218 --> 00:17:10,819
couldn't it have been Sedona
where all the nice spas are?
386
00:17:10,854 --> 00:17:11,887
[Woof]
Chance!
387
00:17:11,922 --> 00:17:13,555
Where's Elka?
388
00:17:13,590 --> 00:17:15,858
How did you guys find me?
389
00:17:15,892 --> 00:17:17,993
Oh, we were searching
the guest house for clues
390
00:17:18,027 --> 00:17:20,563
when I noticed you had written
on a pad next to the phone.
391
00:17:20,597 --> 00:17:23,065
So I took a pencil
and I started to lightly shade
392
00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:25,200
over the impression,
and that's when I realized
393
00:17:25,235 --> 00:17:28,104
it was a souvenir pencil
from the Happy Shopping Grounds!
394
00:17:28,138 --> 00:17:29,972
Shh!
395
00:17:32,175 --> 00:17:34,476
Don't let him hear you.
396
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,578
Listen, we don't want
to blow your cover,
397
00:17:36,613 --> 00:17:38,147
but your message
really worried us.
398
00:17:38,181 --> 00:17:41,517
Oh! I knew I shouldn't
have said I missed Joy.
399
00:17:43,319 --> 00:17:45,120
Is everything okay?
400
00:17:45,155 --> 00:17:47,022
Well...
401
00:17:47,056 --> 00:17:50,459
I just wanted my marriage
to go back the way it was.
402
00:17:50,493 --> 00:17:53,229
- But it didn't?
- No, it did!
403
00:17:53,263 --> 00:17:56,498
I had just forgotten
the way it was.
404
00:17:56,533 --> 00:18:00,269
Other than the raging passion,
we don't have a thing in common.
405
00:18:00,303 --> 00:18:02,137
You know what?
Then come back with us.
406
00:18:02,172 --> 00:18:05,741
I rented a Prius.
He'll never even hear us leave.
407
00:18:05,776 --> 00:18:07,209
I can't.
He's my husband...
408
00:18:07,243 --> 00:18:09,712
Even if we have run out
of things to say to each other
409
00:18:09,747 --> 00:18:11,514
in five days.
410
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:12,982
Well, that's just sad!
411
00:18:13,017 --> 00:18:15,785
Said the woman
in the fake gay marriage?
412
00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:17,821
Well, at least
our fake marriage
413
00:18:17,856 --> 00:18:19,623
is based on friendship.
414
00:18:19,657 --> 00:18:21,492
I mean, sure we bicker a bit,
415
00:18:21,526 --> 00:18:23,460
and Joy can be
a little demanding,
416
00:18:23,495 --> 00:18:25,596
but at the end of the day
we laugh
417
00:18:25,630 --> 00:18:27,297
and we like each other.
418
00:18:27,332 --> 00:18:28,932
Thanks, Victoria.
That's sweet.
419
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:32,736
And darling, I'm sorry
I've been so touchy lately.
420
00:18:32,770 --> 00:18:35,472
Oh, it's okay.
We're good.
421
00:18:36,006 --> 00:18:38,008
I can't believe this.
422
00:18:38,042 --> 00:18:40,610
I'm actually jealous
of you two.
423
00:18:40,645 --> 00:18:43,246
Elka, don't you think
you deserve the type of marriage
424
00:18:43,281 --> 00:18:45,849
these two have?
425
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:55,060
Bobby, we've gotta talk.
426
00:18:55,095 --> 00:18:56,695
This isn't working.
427
00:18:57,430 --> 00:18:59,065
I know.
428
00:18:59,099 --> 00:19:03,202
Whatever we had is as buried
as I thought you were.
429
00:19:03,236 --> 00:19:05,271
It was worth a shot.
430
00:19:05,305 --> 00:19:09,175
All we had was...the heat.
431
00:19:09,209 --> 00:19:10,509
I will miss that.
432
00:19:10,544 --> 00:19:13,546
Well, you know where I am.
433
00:19:13,580 --> 00:19:15,714
Maybe once a year?
434
00:19:15,749 --> 00:19:17,850
Sounds good to me.
[Chuckles]
435
00:19:17,884 --> 00:19:21,554
Any chance you'll get
any younger by then?
436
00:19:23,589 --> 00:19:26,425
Thanks for leaving me
with a laugh.
437
00:19:26,459 --> 00:19:28,261
Love ya, kid.
438
00:19:28,295 --> 00:19:30,130
Love you too.
439
00:19:33,702 --> 00:19:36,003
Right now I could be
in a heart-shaped tub
440
00:19:36,038 --> 00:19:37,839
in the Poconos with Fred.
441
00:19:37,873 --> 00:19:39,841
What is it
with you and baths?
442
00:19:39,876 --> 00:19:42,311
I like to be clean.
443
00:19:42,345 --> 00:19:44,646
And dirty
at the same time.
444
00:19:46,316 --> 00:19:47,816
You know, maybe you should
take a break
445
00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:49,017
from men for a while.
446
00:19:49,052 --> 00:19:51,553
No. I'm not ready
to settle down yet.
447
00:19:51,588 --> 00:19:54,823
If there's one thing
I learned on the reservation
448
00:19:54,858 --> 00:19:58,727
it's that wild horses
can't be broken.
449
00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:00,462
Well...
450
00:20:00,497 --> 00:20:02,631
At least you didn't get
married to someone
451
00:20:02,665 --> 00:20:04,199
who'd leave you
in the middle of a flight
452
00:20:04,234 --> 00:20:06,368
to flirt with
Portia de Rossi.
453
00:20:06,402 --> 00:20:08,670
Oh, this again?
Portia is married to Ellen.
454
00:20:08,705 --> 00:20:12,240
They're lesbian royalty.
It could help my career.
455
00:20:12,775 --> 00:20:14,409
You know,
ever since we got married,
456
00:20:14,444 --> 00:20:16,845
that's all I ever hear about--
your career!
457
00:20:16,879 --> 00:20:18,379
You never think about me.
458
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,679
Women! Am I right?
459
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:26,679
Sync, corrected by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
460
00:20:26,729 --> 00:20:31,279
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