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00:00:00,455 --> 00:00:01,588
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
2
00:00:01,622 --> 00:00:03,790
in front of a live
studio audience.
3
00:00:04,310 --> 00:00:06,130
- Season Finale -
4
00:00:06,453 --> 00:00:09,953
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
5
00:00:10,069 --> 00:00:11,503
[Screams]
[Screams]
6
00:00:11,538 --> 00:00:12,539
[Both scream]
7
00:00:12,573 --> 00:00:13,540
Your hair!
8
00:00:13,574 --> 00:00:15,642
Your hair!
9
00:00:15,677 --> 00:00:17,045
What is all this?
What happened?
10
00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:19,716
Who are all these people?
11
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,051
Where is Melanie?
12
00:00:21,085 --> 00:00:22,320
Help!
13
00:00:22,354 --> 00:00:23,454
Melanie!
14
00:00:23,489 --> 00:00:26,491
Help.
15
00:00:26,525 --> 00:00:27,525
[Screams]
16
00:00:27,559 --> 00:00:28,660
Your hair!
17
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:29,895
We've already screamed
about the hair.
18
00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:30,896
Are you okay?
19
00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:32,198
How can I be okay?
20
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:34,166
I'm "duck-taped" to a wall!
21
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,468
It's duct-taped,
with a "t."
22
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:39,004
And I know this because I played
a plucky plumber's wife
23
00:00:39,038 --> 00:00:40,005
in the lifetime
original movie...
24
00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:41,840
Seriously? Now?
25
00:00:41,874 --> 00:00:44,876
How did all this happen?
26
00:00:49,147 --> 00:00:50,614
[Doorbell rings]
Who's that?
27
00:00:50,649 --> 00:00:51,916
The stripper's here.
28
00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:54,786
Yea!
29
00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:55,821
Afternoon, ma'am.
30
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:56,856
Oh, no.
31
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:59,091
No, no, no, no, no.
32
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:00,293
Uh, look,
33
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:02,228
your car is parked
too far from the curb.
34
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:03,729
I'm gonna let you off
with a warning, but...
35
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:05,097
All right,
enough with the patter.
36
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:08,100
Come on in and show me
what you got.
37
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:09,135
Excuse me?
38
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:11,003
Look, I have 20 women
coming here
39
00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:13,640
expecting to see a g-man
in a g-string.
40
00:01:13,675 --> 00:01:17,546
Doesn't look like
you're packing much heat.
41
00:01:17,580 --> 00:01:20,983
Stripper's here.
42
00:01:24,354 --> 00:01:27,558
We're gonna go
grate some cheese on his abs.
43
00:01:33,632 --> 00:01:36,901
I'll just take
that ticket now.
44
00:01:36,936 --> 00:01:39,671
Well, seeing that
you're a local celebrity...
45
00:01:39,705 --> 00:01:41,540
Local?
46
00:01:41,574 --> 00:01:43,274
I've seen you on the news.
47
00:01:43,309 --> 00:01:48,213
Anyway, make sure
you move that car.
48
00:01:48,247 --> 00:01:49,947
And by the way,
49
00:01:49,982 --> 00:01:51,583
these pants are deceiving.
50
00:01:51,617 --> 00:01:54,619
I'm packing plenty.
51
00:01:58,224 --> 00:01:59,358
Where's the stripper?
52
00:01:59,392 --> 00:02:00,359
Oh, it wasn't a stripper.
53
00:02:00,393 --> 00:02:02,027
It was a real cop.
54
00:02:02,061 --> 00:02:03,161
And he let me off
with a warning
55
00:02:03,196 --> 00:02:04,563
because I'm
a "local" celebrity.
56
00:02:04,597 --> 00:02:06,064
- Well, that's nice.
- No, it's not.
57
00:02:06,098 --> 00:02:08,667
I'm a national celebrity.
58
00:02:08,701 --> 00:02:10,035
I mean, it's one thing
to own Cleveland,
59
00:02:10,069 --> 00:02:12,337
but to be Cleveland's own...
60
00:02:12,372 --> 00:02:15,107
Dear God, I need a drink.
61
00:02:15,142 --> 00:02:16,109
Wait, wait, wait.
62
00:02:16,143 --> 00:02:17,644
As maid of honor,
63
00:02:17,678 --> 00:02:19,179
it's my responsibility
to make sure
64
00:02:19,213 --> 00:02:21,115
that no one has a hangover
at Elka's wedding tomorrow.
65
00:02:21,149 --> 00:02:22,583
It's a bachelorette party.
66
00:02:22,617 --> 00:02:24,452
We're supposed
to drink heavily.
67
00:02:24,486 --> 00:02:26,821
I know because
I've been a bridesmaid
68
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,624
so many, many times.
69
00:02:29,658 --> 00:02:31,192
We can drink,
but I read on the Internet
70
00:02:31,226 --> 00:02:32,593
if you take lots of aspirin
and drink water,
71
00:02:32,628 --> 00:02:34,095
you won't get a hangover.
72
00:02:34,129 --> 00:02:36,965
You know, you can't believe
everything you read online.
73
00:02:36,999 --> 00:02:39,234
It also said
you need to coat your stomach
74
00:02:39,269 --> 00:02:40,335
with carbs.
75
00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:41,637
Ah, on the other hand,
76
00:02:41,671 --> 00:02:44,106
the Internet is
a kind of folk wisdom.
77
00:02:44,140 --> 00:02:45,975
And we don't want to ruin
Elka's big day.
78
00:02:46,009 --> 00:02:47,243
No.
79
00:02:47,277 --> 00:02:48,778
And that's the last thing
I remember.
80
00:02:48,812 --> 00:02:50,079
Me too.
81
00:02:50,114 --> 00:02:52,115
Okay, so basically,
the only thing we know for sure
82
00:02:52,149 --> 00:02:56,652
is that hairy-bellied young men
enjoyed themselves.
83
00:02:56,687 --> 00:02:58,421
But I need some more
of that aspirin.
84
00:02:58,455 --> 00:03:00,856
Oh.
85
00:03:00,891 --> 00:03:02,258
Melanie...
86
00:03:02,292 --> 00:03:03,759
This isn't aspirin.
87
00:03:03,793 --> 00:03:05,361
It's the dog's worm medicine.
88
00:03:05,395 --> 00:03:06,729
What?
89
00:03:06,763 --> 00:03:08,197
You dosed us
with dog drugs?
90
00:03:08,232 --> 00:03:09,332
Well, not on purpose!
91
00:03:09,366 --> 00:03:10,867
It looks just like
the aspirin bottle.
92
00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:12,402
"If ingested by humans,
93
00:03:12,436 --> 00:03:15,372
"could result
in extreme erratic behavior,
94
00:03:15,406 --> 00:03:16,806
anxiety, delusions,
depression..."
95
00:03:16,841 --> 00:03:17,807
Both:
[Gasping, groaning]
96
00:03:17,842 --> 00:03:18,875
"And sudden weight loss."
97
00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:20,644
- Oh!
- Oh, really?
98
00:03:20,679 --> 00:03:22,981
I could lose a pound
or two.
99
00:03:23,015 --> 00:03:25,016
I'm sure whatever weight
we lost was offset
100
00:03:25,051 --> 00:03:27,152
by the gallons
of champagne we drank.
101
00:03:27,186 --> 00:03:29,354
And maple syrup?
102
00:03:29,388 --> 00:03:31,289
Maple syrup!
103
00:03:31,324 --> 00:03:32,858
I just remembered something.
104
00:03:32,892 --> 00:03:35,026
I kissed a man that smelled
like maple syrup.
105
00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:36,494
But which one was it?
106
00:03:36,529 --> 00:03:37,495
[Sniffs]
107
00:03:37,530 --> 00:03:39,864
Jagermeister.
108
00:03:39,899 --> 00:03:40,932
[Sniffs]
109
00:03:40,967 --> 00:03:43,402
Goldschlager.
110
00:03:43,436 --> 00:03:44,670
[Sniffs]
111
00:03:44,704 --> 00:03:45,904
Oof.
112
00:03:45,938 --> 00:03:48,640
A general Matthew McConaughey
kind of funk.
113
00:03:48,675 --> 00:03:49,674
Wait!
114
00:03:49,709 --> 00:03:51,476
No, I-I remember
maple syrup guy.
115
00:03:51,510 --> 00:03:53,378
No, he, uh,
he had a mustache
116
00:03:53,412 --> 00:03:54,479
and a-a funny accent,
117
00:03:54,513 --> 00:03:55,680
and I kissed him after you.
118
00:03:55,714 --> 00:03:56,981
Damn!
119
00:03:57,016 --> 00:03:59,217
Even during confusing
animal medicine blackouts,
120
00:03:59,251 --> 00:04:00,985
I can't keep a man.
121
00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:03,054
Guys, we can figure out
what we did later.
122
00:04:03,088 --> 00:04:04,055
Right now we have to get
123
00:04:04,089 --> 00:04:05,189
all these people
out of here
124
00:04:05,224 --> 00:04:06,724
and get ready
for Elka's wedding.
125
00:04:06,758 --> 00:04:09,660
[Whimpering]
I'm a terrible maid of honor.
126
00:04:09,695 --> 00:04:10,861
Oh, God.
127
00:04:10,896 --> 00:04:13,865
I've just noticed I'm...
128
00:04:13,899 --> 00:04:15,699
I'm wearing a wedding ring.
129
00:04:15,734 --> 00:04:17,000
Did I get married last night?
130
00:04:17,035 --> 00:04:18,168
We don't know.
131
00:04:18,202 --> 00:04:19,569
We don't know what we did
last night.
132
00:04:19,604 --> 00:04:22,071
It must have been
the funny-accented man
133
00:04:22,106 --> 00:04:24,040
with the maple syrup mustache.
134
00:04:24,074 --> 00:04:26,876
Not the most promising profile,
but at least he's mine.
135
00:04:26,910 --> 00:04:27,910
Not so fast.
136
00:04:27,944 --> 00:04:30,713
Apparently,
I got married too.
137
00:04:40,926 --> 00:04:42,794
Come on, go on.
Yeah, get outta here.
138
00:04:42,828 --> 00:04:43,895
Right, yeah.
139
00:04:43,929 --> 00:04:45,363
Why are you giving them
gift bags?
140
00:04:45,398 --> 00:04:47,232
Well, I'm still the hostess.
141
00:04:47,267 --> 00:04:48,634
Mascara?
142
00:04:48,668 --> 00:04:50,035
Don't you have something
for guys?
143
00:04:50,070 --> 00:04:55,107
You weren't even supposed
to be here.
144
00:04:55,141 --> 00:04:56,575
Anyway, it's L'oreal
million lashes.
145
00:04:56,609 --> 00:04:58,110
You should just give it
to your girlfriend.
146
00:04:58,144 --> 00:05:02,615
Oh, cool, then.
Here.
147
00:05:02,649 --> 00:05:03,950
Why me?
148
00:05:03,984 --> 00:05:05,451
Dude, we totally
made out last night
149
00:05:05,486 --> 00:05:07,820
for, like, three hours.
150
00:05:07,855 --> 00:05:10,856
Check my Facebook page.
151
00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:14,559
Thanks.
152
00:05:14,593 --> 00:05:16,995
Ladies, uh,
we have a little problem.
153
00:05:17,029 --> 00:05:18,296
I can't find Elka.
154
00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:19,997
She's not in her cottage,
155
00:05:20,032 --> 00:05:21,599
she missed
her hairdresser's appointment,
156
00:05:21,633 --> 00:05:22,833
and she's not answering
her cell.
157
00:05:22,867 --> 00:05:24,167
She's getting married
in three hours.
158
00:05:24,202 --> 00:05:25,502
Oh, m...
This is a disaster!
159
00:05:25,536 --> 00:05:26,503
All right,
let's not go
160
00:05:26,537 --> 00:05:27,870
to full-out panic
just yet.
161
00:05:27,905 --> 00:05:30,340
[Doorbell rings]
I'm sure she's with Fred.
162
00:05:30,374 --> 00:05:33,943
Oh, no, it's Fred.
163
00:05:33,977 --> 00:05:36,012
Uh, look, you're not supposed
to see the bride.
164
00:05:36,046 --> 00:05:37,814
Unless, of course,
Elka called or emailed you
165
00:05:37,849 --> 00:05:39,082
and asked you to come over.
166
00:05:39,116 --> 00:05:40,750
Did she do that?
167
00:05:40,785 --> 00:05:42,119
No, I haven't talked
to Elka
168
00:05:42,153 --> 00:05:44,088
since she was getting ready
to come to your party.
169
00:05:44,122 --> 00:05:45,456
- Ah.
- Ooh!
170
00:05:45,490 --> 00:05:47,793
Some party!
171
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:51,029
My bachelor party
got a little wild too.
172
00:05:51,064 --> 00:05:54,133
Caffeinated sodas
after 10:00.
173
00:05:54,167 --> 00:05:55,467
[Chuckles]
174
00:05:55,502 --> 00:05:56,836
Still feeling it.
175
00:05:56,870 --> 00:05:58,838
It's a great story, Fred.
176
00:05:58,872 --> 00:06:00,006
Well, nice to see you.
177
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,141
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
178
00:06:01,175 --> 00:06:03,677
I need you guys to find
my lucky shorts.
179
00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:05,980
I left them
in Elka's bedroom.
180
00:06:06,015 --> 00:06:07,448
What's so lucky about them?
181
00:06:07,483 --> 00:06:10,051
Well, the fact that
they're in Elka's bedroom...
182
00:06:10,085 --> 00:06:11,720
Would have...
183
00:06:11,754 --> 00:06:12,954
Okay, we will find them,
184
00:06:12,989 --> 00:06:14,822
and we will get them
to you.
185
00:06:14,857 --> 00:06:17,458
Black boxer briefs.
186
00:06:17,493 --> 00:06:19,793
Uh, low-rise.
187
00:06:19,828 --> 00:06:22,830
Mesh side panels.
188
00:06:22,865 --> 00:06:24,498
You paint a vivid picture.
189
00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:26,367
Oh, and when you talk
to Elka,
190
00:06:26,401 --> 00:06:29,571
will you please tell her
that every hour we're apart,
191
00:06:29,605 --> 00:06:32,374
my heart becomes
a little smaller.
192
00:06:32,408 --> 00:06:33,908
Awww.
193
00:06:33,943 --> 00:06:35,510
And it's not good
for my heart,
194
00:06:35,544 --> 00:06:38,946
so tell her
to call me already.
195
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,648
Can we full-on panic now?
196
00:06:40,682 --> 00:06:42,216
It doesn't make any sense.
197
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,684
There's no sign
of her anywhere?
198
00:06:43,718 --> 00:06:45,852
Sign! Elka was looking
for a sign.
199
00:06:45,887 --> 00:06:47,254
We talked about it last night.
200
00:06:47,288 --> 00:06:50,690
I remember being
very interesting and witty.
201
00:06:50,725 --> 00:06:54,995
Wazzuuuuuuup?
202
00:06:55,030 --> 00:06:59,701
You're loaded,
that's wazzuuuuuuup.
203
00:06:59,735 --> 00:07:02,371
But I'm not gonna get
a hangover
204
00:07:02,405 --> 00:07:06,708
because I took lots and lots
of aspirin.
205
00:07:06,743 --> 00:07:08,177
What are you doing out here?
206
00:07:08,211 --> 00:07:10,579
Weren't you having fun
at your party?
207
00:07:10,614 --> 00:07:14,116
I was,
but it's almost midnight,
208
00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:16,085
and I haven't gotten
my sign yet.
209
00:07:16,119 --> 00:07:17,253
Your sign?
210
00:07:17,287 --> 00:07:19,855
From my late husband, Bobby.
211
00:07:19,889 --> 00:07:22,725
So I'll know if he's okay
with my marrying Fred.
212
00:07:22,759 --> 00:07:25,761
[Owl hoots]
213
00:07:29,498 --> 00:07:31,099
An owl.
214
00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:33,201
Was that the sign?
215
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:35,537
It might be.
216
00:07:35,572 --> 00:07:38,106
Bobby always liked
those potato chips
217
00:07:38,141 --> 00:07:41,443
with the owl on them.
218
00:07:41,477 --> 00:07:42,477
I...
219
00:07:42,511 --> 00:07:44,145
Love...
220
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,114
Potato chips.
221
00:07:46,148 --> 00:07:48,750
[Owl hoots]
222
00:07:48,784 --> 00:07:50,519
Oh, I've gotta get
a closer look
223
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:51,653
at that owl.
224
00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:52,821
I know.
225
00:07:52,856 --> 00:07:55,324
I'll climb up
and ask him if it's okay
226
00:07:55,358 --> 00:07:56,325
if you get married.
227
00:07:56,359 --> 00:07:57,926
No, you're too drunk.
228
00:07:57,961 --> 00:08:02,765
No, I'm just drunk enough.
229
00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:04,900
Mr. Owl...
230
00:08:04,934 --> 00:08:08,170
Wazzuuuuuuuup!
231
00:08:08,204 --> 00:08:09,739
Oh, God,
I feel so vibrant
232
00:08:09,773 --> 00:08:11,440
and alive and energized
and alive!
233
00:08:11,475 --> 00:08:12,842
And did I say alive?
234
00:08:12,876 --> 00:08:16,178
I meant to say it twice
because that's how alive I feel.
235
00:08:16,213 --> 00:08:17,814
I feel weird.
236
00:08:17,848 --> 00:08:19,082
Maybe we should stop drinking.
237
00:08:19,116 --> 00:08:20,650
No, that's quitter talk.
238
00:08:20,685 --> 00:08:22,353
You need to be strong
in the face of your emotions
239
00:08:22,387 --> 00:08:23,788
because I've noticed
your emotions
240
00:08:23,822 --> 00:08:25,623
can sense your moods,
and then when you're sad,
241
00:08:25,657 --> 00:08:27,025
they're happy
because they want...
242
00:08:27,059 --> 00:08:28,760
And can you believe Elka
is getting married
243
00:08:28,794 --> 00:08:32,664
before I am?
244
00:08:32,698 --> 00:08:36,735
Llllocal celebrity.
245
00:08:36,769 --> 00:08:38,469
Ah, that's how it starts.
246
00:08:38,504 --> 00:08:40,605
Or should I say finishes?
247
00:08:40,639 --> 00:08:42,774
She's been married before.
Melanie's been married before.
248
00:08:42,809 --> 00:08:44,376
You've been married
like a million times.
249
00:08:44,410 --> 00:08:46,277
It can't be that hard.
I'm gonna get married tonight.
250
00:08:46,312 --> 00:08:47,479
I know, I'll lower my standards.
251
00:08:47,513 --> 00:08:50,915
But how is that even possible?
252
00:08:50,950 --> 00:08:54,385
The four stages
of an actor's life.
253
00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:56,187
"Get me Victoria Chase.
254
00:08:56,222 --> 00:08:59,023
"No, get me a Victoria Chase
type.
255
00:08:59,058 --> 00:09:01,826
"No, get me
a young Victoria Chase.
256
00:09:01,861 --> 00:09:05,964
[Sobbing]
Who's Victoria Chase?"
257
00:09:05,999 --> 00:09:07,799
I'm so glad we're having
this conversation
258
00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:09,968
because I feel we're connecting
on a deeper level.
259
00:09:10,003 --> 00:09:12,204
God, I feel so alive!
260
00:09:14,774 --> 00:09:17,076
How's the owl look?
261
00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:19,878
Scary, like wolf blitzer.
262
00:09:19,913 --> 00:09:23,816
Owl, is it okay
if Elka gets married?
263
00:09:23,850 --> 00:09:25,617
What's he doing?
264
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:27,987
Staring at a gray squirrel
265
00:09:28,021 --> 00:09:30,256
that looks like
Anderson Cooper.
266
00:09:30,290 --> 00:09:32,758
Oh, wolf blitzer
is carrying him away.
267
00:09:32,793 --> 00:09:34,093
I'll save you, Anderson!
268
00:09:34,128 --> 00:09:38,698
Whoa... yaaaah!
[Thud]
269
00:09:38,732 --> 00:09:41,301
I'm okay.
270
00:09:46,866 --> 00:09:50,102
I think that squirrel
bit my ankle.
271
00:09:50,136 --> 00:09:52,370
Or maybe it was
one of the frat boys.
272
00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:56,441
Either way, I'm gonna need
a tetanus shot.
273
00:09:56,475 --> 00:09:57,675
[Gasps]
Frat house.
274
00:09:57,710 --> 00:09:59,010
I remember.
275
00:09:59,045 --> 00:10:01,313
Elka was looking for her sign
from her husband,
276
00:10:01,348 --> 00:10:02,881
so she wanted to go
to all the places
277
00:10:02,916 --> 00:10:03,916
where they had memories.
278
00:10:03,950 --> 00:10:05,051
That's right.
279
00:10:05,085 --> 00:10:06,452
We went to their first
apartment,
280
00:10:06,487 --> 00:10:08,388
which is now part
of a college dorm.
281
00:10:08,422 --> 00:10:09,856
Which explains the frat boys
282
00:10:09,890 --> 00:10:11,425
all over the furniture
this morning
283
00:10:11,459 --> 00:10:16,064
and why someone wrote
Kappa Sig on my back.
284
00:10:16,098 --> 00:10:17,232
The mugs.
285
00:10:17,266 --> 00:10:18,667
The mugs?
286
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,870
Who are you,
Edward G. Robinson?
287
00:10:21,904 --> 00:10:23,805
The mugs over the bar.
288
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,540
We went there last night,
remember?
289
00:10:25,575 --> 00:10:27,810
Because that's where
Elka's husband proposed.
290
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:29,779
He surprised her
by arranging the mugs
291
00:10:29,813 --> 00:10:31,047
to spell "marry me."
292
00:10:31,081 --> 00:10:33,616
And what did they spell
last night?
293
00:10:36,019 --> 00:10:38,588
Oh, I hope Elka
didn't see that.
294
00:10:41,326 --> 00:10:42,559
Oh, hey, you're back.
295
00:10:42,594 --> 00:10:44,094
Oh, thank God you remember us.
296
00:10:44,129 --> 00:10:45,997
We're desperate to find
our friend Elka.
297
00:10:46,031 --> 00:10:47,998
Was she here with us
last night?
298
00:10:48,032 --> 00:10:49,833
Yeah, she got upset and left
after she saw these mugs.
299
00:10:49,868 --> 00:10:51,802
Why do they say
"don't do it"?
300
00:10:51,837 --> 00:10:53,604
It was for the purity pledge
dinner.
301
00:10:53,638 --> 00:10:56,040
You guys stayed
and took the oath.
302
00:10:56,074 --> 00:10:57,174
We did?
303
00:10:57,208 --> 00:11:00,210
Not you.
You won a wet t-shirt contest.
304
00:11:03,315 --> 00:11:06,083
I entered a wet t-shirt
contest?
305
00:11:06,117 --> 00:11:08,786
You started it.
306
00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:10,087
You came in wearing
a wet shirt
307
00:11:10,122 --> 00:11:11,756
and challenged everybody.
308
00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:13,324
I believe
your exact words were,
309
00:11:13,358 --> 00:11:17,928
"nobody can beat these."
310
00:11:17,962 --> 00:11:18,995
Holy...
311
00:11:19,030 --> 00:11:20,730
Oh!
312
00:11:20,765 --> 00:11:22,099
I remember
how I got wet.
313
00:11:22,133 --> 00:11:23,333
We were in church.
314
00:11:23,368 --> 00:11:25,335
- Was it my wedding?
- Or mine?
315
00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:26,703
No, it's the church
that Elka and Fred
316
00:11:26,738 --> 00:11:27,804
are gonna get married at.
317
00:11:27,839 --> 00:11:29,506
She was still looking
for her sign.
318
00:11:29,541 --> 00:11:31,375
God didn't get married
either, did he?
319
00:11:31,409 --> 00:11:32,676
I mean, there was no Mrs. God.
320
00:11:32,711 --> 00:11:34,644
Would she be Mrs. God?
Not if she kept her maiden name.
321
00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:35,678
But why would she do that?
322
00:11:35,713 --> 00:11:37,213
Mrs. God!
323
00:11:37,248 --> 00:11:41,451
It would be so easy
to get reservations.
324
00:11:41,485 --> 00:11:43,052
God was alone.
325
00:11:43,087 --> 00:11:44,554
I feel his pain.
326
00:11:44,588 --> 00:11:46,388
That's why we're both
so vengeful.
327
00:11:46,422 --> 00:11:48,623
I'm gonna marry the next guy
that'll have me.
328
00:11:48,658 --> 00:11:50,692
What guy wouldn't have you?
329
00:11:50,727 --> 00:11:54,062
What guy hasn't had you?
330
00:11:54,096 --> 00:11:56,164
Can we get back to my sign?
331
00:11:56,198 --> 00:11:59,133
Bobby, please.
Give me something.
332
00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:01,169
I know what we can do.
333
00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:03,838
You can open the Bible,
close your eyes,
334
00:12:03,873 --> 00:12:05,407
and then put your finger
on a passage
335
00:12:05,441 --> 00:12:06,508
and see what it says.
336
00:12:06,543 --> 00:12:09,078
Oh, like God's magic 8 ball.
337
00:12:09,112 --> 00:12:10,846
Signs point to yes.
Outlook cloudy.
338
00:12:10,881 --> 00:12:12,615
You're going on a long trip.
Agh!
339
00:12:12,650 --> 00:12:15,085
That's a fortune cookie.
340
00:12:15,119 --> 00:12:16,086
I can't look.
341
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:21,424
I shall do the reading
of the word.
342
00:12:21,459 --> 00:12:24,460
Uh, "those who marry
will face many troubles
343
00:12:24,495 --> 00:12:25,595
in this life."
344
00:12:25,629 --> 00:12:27,396
Oh, no.
345
00:12:27,430 --> 00:12:30,199
Uh, how 'bout best twoeth
out of threeth?
346
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:35,337
"The Lord has prepared
his people
347
00:12:35,371 --> 00:12:37,705
for a great slaughter."
348
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:40,408
And, uh,
349
00:12:40,442 --> 00:12:43,344
may the oldest and most
bedazzled amongst you
350
00:12:43,378 --> 00:12:46,947
nay, sweateth not,
but just go for it.
351
00:12:46,981 --> 00:12:48,849
You made that up.
352
00:12:48,883 --> 00:12:51,184
You just blasphemed.
353
00:12:51,218 --> 00:12:54,287
Blas...
Blaspheme... bla...
354
00:12:54,321 --> 00:12:56,389
You did a bad thing.
355
00:12:56,423 --> 00:12:58,391
What are you eating?
356
00:12:58,426 --> 00:12:59,960
Oh, I found these crackers
357
00:12:59,994 --> 00:13:01,528
with these cute little ts
on them.
358
00:13:01,562 --> 00:13:03,063
Those are crosses.
359
00:13:03,098 --> 00:13:06,667
You're eating
the communion wafers.
360
00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:07,902
Oh, no.
361
00:13:07,936 --> 00:13:09,037
Oh, no.
362
00:13:09,071 --> 00:13:12,074
I'm gonna go
straight to he...
363
00:13:15,111 --> 00:13:16,778
Help.
364
00:13:20,663 --> 00:13:22,363
So high on dog medicine,
365
00:13:22,398 --> 00:13:24,466
I ate a box
of communion wafers
366
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:27,502
and won a wet t-shirt contest
drenched in holy water.
367
00:13:32,207 --> 00:13:34,041
How many sins is that?
368
00:13:34,076 --> 00:13:35,410
Well...
369
00:13:35,444 --> 00:13:37,812
Well, at least the wafers
hadn't been blessed yet.
370
00:13:37,846 --> 00:13:39,113
How do you know that?
371
00:13:39,148 --> 00:13:40,881
Don't you remember
on Edge of Tomorrow,
372
00:13:40,916 --> 00:13:42,216
when honor St. Raven
became a nun
373
00:13:42,251 --> 00:13:43,685
and took a vow of silence?
374
00:13:43,719 --> 00:13:46,721
You know, I did all my acting
with my eyes.
375
00:13:59,135 --> 00:14:01,804
Hey.
Weird question.
376
00:14:01,839 --> 00:14:03,039
Did you take my iguana?
377
00:14:03,073 --> 00:14:05,075
The iguana's at our house.
378
00:14:05,109 --> 00:14:06,977
We'll bring it back
after the wedding.
379
00:14:07,011 --> 00:14:10,047
If there is a wedding.
380
00:14:13,717 --> 00:14:15,051
(Both)
Pancakes.
381
00:14:15,085 --> 00:14:16,386
The thing about pancakes
382
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:17,987
is they're also called hotcakes
383
00:14:18,021 --> 00:14:19,889
and sometimes Johnny cakes,
and yet all of these cakes,
384
00:14:19,923 --> 00:14:21,457
none of them has frosting,
which, by the way,
385
00:14:21,491 --> 00:14:22,691
they ought to sell
in single servings.
386
00:14:22,725 --> 00:14:24,993
Single-serving frosting!
387
00:14:25,027 --> 00:14:26,328
That's a million-dollar idea!
388
00:14:26,362 --> 00:14:29,730
We need to become man-traps.
389
00:14:29,764 --> 00:14:31,332
I have an announcement
to make.
390
00:14:31,366 --> 00:14:33,768
I am gonna get fat.
391
00:14:33,802 --> 00:14:35,469
I don't know,
it seems that people like
392
00:14:35,504 --> 00:14:38,205
their local celebrities jolly.
393
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,776
And also,
these things are awesome.
394
00:14:41,810 --> 00:14:43,211
I mean, how come I haven't
eaten one
395
00:14:43,245 --> 00:14:44,979
in, like, 20 years?
396
00:14:45,013 --> 00:14:48,282
Oh, uh, barkeep?
397
00:14:48,317 --> 00:14:49,717
We need some more
maple syrup, please.
398
00:14:49,751 --> 00:14:53,120
Sorry, you drank
the last bottle.
399
00:14:53,155 --> 00:14:55,957
Everything is ruined.
400
00:14:55,991 --> 00:14:57,458
Victoria, Victoria, Victoria.
401
00:14:57,492 --> 00:14:59,693
Syrup is the frosting
of pancakes.
402
00:14:59,727 --> 00:15:01,294
Which is why we need
to get more.
403
00:15:01,329 --> 00:15:03,897
What are we gonna do?
Go to Canada?
404
00:15:03,931 --> 00:15:05,765
Yes!
405
00:15:05,799 --> 00:15:07,733
That's exactly what
we should do.
406
00:15:07,768 --> 00:15:09,569
Canada is the crazy thing
we need
407
00:15:09,603 --> 00:15:11,270
to shake up our attitudes
towards pancakes
408
00:15:11,305 --> 00:15:12,271
and men and love.
409
00:15:12,306 --> 00:15:13,874
Let's go!
410
00:15:13,908 --> 00:15:18,480
She's a genius.
411
00:15:18,514 --> 00:15:20,382
You guys flew to Canada?
412
00:15:20,416 --> 00:15:21,850
We did.
413
00:15:21,884 --> 00:15:23,285
We talked our way
onto a charter jet
414
00:15:23,319 --> 00:15:24,453
full of big-haired women.
415
00:15:24,487 --> 00:15:27,790
It was the road company
of hairspray.
416
00:15:27,825 --> 00:15:30,126
So maybe our husbands
are in musical theater.
417
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:31,561
Our husbands are gay?
418
00:15:31,595 --> 00:15:32,895
Well, it isn't so bad.
419
00:15:32,930 --> 00:15:34,564
I mean, there's problems
in the bedroom,
420
00:15:34,598 --> 00:15:36,766
but the rest of the house
is spectacular.
421
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,234
Listen, I'm glad you guys
are starting
422
00:15:38,268 --> 00:15:39,335
to remember stuff,
423
00:15:39,369 --> 00:15:40,937
but we really need
to find Elka.
424
00:15:40,971 --> 00:15:42,338
- You're right.
- Of course.
425
00:15:42,373 --> 00:15:44,006
She's probably out looking
for her sign,
426
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,140
but where?
427
00:15:45,175 --> 00:15:46,175
We've covered the places
428
00:15:46,209 --> 00:15:47,976
she and her husband
were together.
429
00:15:48,011 --> 00:15:50,011
What about the last place
they were together?
430
00:15:53,683 --> 00:15:55,818
It doesn't
have to be lightning,
431
00:15:55,852 --> 00:16:00,857
or a miracle,
like the browns winning.
432
00:16:00,892 --> 00:16:03,193
I just need something.
433
00:16:04,462 --> 00:16:06,630
Elka?
434
00:16:06,664 --> 00:16:09,433
Fred!
What are you doing here?
435
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:12,203
I came to visit
my wife's grave.
436
00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:15,839
[Chuckles] I wanted to make sure
that she was okay with us.
437
00:16:15,873 --> 00:16:18,308
I was looking for...
438
00:16:18,342 --> 00:16:20,009
A sign.
439
00:16:20,044 --> 00:16:22,311
Me, too.
440
00:16:22,346 --> 00:16:25,080
And I think it just arrived.
441
00:16:26,349 --> 00:16:29,785
[Laughs]
442
00:16:29,820 --> 00:16:32,388
All: Aw.
[Bells ringing]
443
00:16:32,422 --> 00:16:35,190
Now we don't have to feel
guilty anymore.
444
00:16:35,225 --> 00:16:39,495
Except that I'm literally
dancing on my husband's grave.
445
00:16:49,607 --> 00:16:53,643
[Organ chord]
446
00:16:53,677 --> 00:16:55,846
Oh, my God.
447
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,048
Are you remembering
what I'm remembering?
448
00:16:58,082 --> 00:17:00,584
Therefore,
by the power vested
449
00:17:00,618 --> 00:17:01,919
in me by the province of
Ontario,
450
00:17:01,953 --> 00:17:03,354
I now pronounce you...
451
00:17:03,388 --> 00:17:05,988
Both: We're married.
452
00:17:14,899 --> 00:17:16,300
Why, don't be snarky.
453
00:17:16,334 --> 00:17:18,302
If we're gonna be married,
we can't be snarky.
454
00:17:18,336 --> 00:17:21,071
We're not going to be married,
we are married.
455
00:17:21,105 --> 00:17:23,440
Be a good wife,
and zip it.
456
00:17:23,474 --> 00:17:24,775
You be a good wife.
457
00:17:24,809 --> 00:17:27,978
It'll break your streak.
[Scoffs]
458
00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:36,754
[Organ chord]
459
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,756
[Bridal chorus playing]
All: Oh!
460
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:40,390
♪ ♪
461
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,397
Stop!
462
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,835
Elka, don't marry him!
Marry me!
463
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,339
I've been in love with you
464
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,207
since you walked into
the senior center
465
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,877
and bent over
to close my velcro sneaker.
466
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,047
Now I want us to be
fastened together, too.
467
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,549
No, Elka, marry me!
468
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:05,817
Sit down, Lester.
469
00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:08,119
Oh, Ernie, you sit down.
470
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:09,888
Elka, if you move in with me,
471
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,725
together we can walk to shopping
without ever having to cross
472
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,162
one single intersection!
473
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:19,632
Both of you, stop embarrassing
my number one lady!
474
00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:21,201
Elka, marry me.
475
00:18:22,470 --> 00:18:26,373
You can all stop.
Please!
476
00:18:26,408 --> 00:18:32,146
The only man I'm here to marry
is right down there.
477
00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:33,948
Elka, don't do it!
478
00:18:33,982 --> 00:18:35,149
Max?
479
00:18:35,183 --> 00:18:38,485
If you're gonna marry anybody,
marry me.
480
00:18:38,519 --> 00:18:40,287
I should've
never let you go.
481
00:18:40,321 --> 00:18:43,689
She's not gonna marry
any of you losers.
482
00:18:43,724 --> 00:18:47,560
She's already married to me.
How about that?
483
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:51,230
Elka, who is that?
484
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,299
My dead husband.
485
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:56,102
That's right.
I'm back.
486
00:19:07,949 --> 00:19:11,449
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
487
00:22:06,766 --> 00:22:09,767
[Camera shutter clicking]
488
00:22:09,817 --> 00:22:14,367
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