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1
00:00:03,534 --> 00:00:05,202
Women, as anySandra Bullock movie
2
00:00:05,234 --> 00:00:07,002
would attest,are hopeless romantics.
3
00:00:07,834 --> 00:00:10,302
Scratch the surface of thetoughest Type-A female
4
00:00:10,334 --> 00:00:12,802
and you'll find a little girlstill wating for Prince Charming
5
00:00:12,934 --> 00:00:15,602
to appear witha glass Prada pump.
6
00:00:15,636 --> 00:00:19,139
Or at least a glass filledwith vodka and vermouth.
7
00:00:22,643 --> 00:00:25,244
Oh, I love romancing.
8
00:00:25,579 --> 00:00:27,446
Look at her smile.
9
00:00:27,481 --> 00:00:30,549
She's already imbuing him with
all kinds of wonderful qualities
10
00:00:30,584 --> 00:00:31,986
he doesn't really have.
11
00:00:34,021 --> 00:00:35,454
Think she'll
take him home?
12
00:00:35,489 --> 00:00:38,624
In for a penny,
in for a pounding.
13
00:00:38,658 --> 00:00:41,927
Elka!
14
00:00:41,962 --> 00:00:44,830
I loaned her
my Sex and the City DVDs.
15
00:00:44,865 --> 00:00:47,400
Might have been a mistake.
16
00:00:47,434 --> 00:00:51,570
I'm a Samantha.
17
00:00:51,605 --> 00:00:54,540
May we please get back
to the topic at hand?
18
00:00:54,574 --> 00:00:56,609
Which was me.
19
00:00:56,643 --> 00:00:58,611
Here's to
the newest spokesmodel
20
00:00:58,645 --> 00:01:01,447
for Très Jolie Cosmetics.
21
00:01:01,481 --> 00:01:03,616
Finally my lifelong dream
has come true.
22
00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:05,785
Spokesmodeling
is your dream?
23
00:01:05,819 --> 00:01:07,153
Yes, because
it tells the world
24
00:01:07,187 --> 00:01:08,854
I'm pretty
because I'm a model,
25
00:01:08,889 --> 00:01:14,660
but I'm also smart because
there's spoke-ing involved.
26
00:01:14,694 --> 00:01:16,629
Plus I get $1,000 every time
27
00:01:16,663 --> 00:01:18,898
I mention Très Jolie
Cosmetics on my show.
28
00:01:18,932 --> 00:01:21,667
And $10,000 if the story
is sensational enough
29
00:01:21,701 --> 00:01:23,102
to go national.
30
00:01:23,136 --> 00:01:26,305
Isn't it a little crass
hoping for some huge catastrophe
31
00:01:26,339 --> 00:01:29,141
so you can make
a few bucks pushing cosmetics?
32
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:32,411
It's called
a silver lining, Joy.
33
00:01:32,446 --> 00:01:33,446
[Text alert beeps]
34
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,881
Oh, more good
news for me.
35
00:01:35,916 --> 00:01:37,450
It's Johnny.
36
00:01:37,484 --> 00:01:41,987
Oh, he's touring and he wants to
know if I'm up for a booty call.
37
00:01:42,022 --> 00:01:44,356
Sounds like somebody's
gonna get stuck between
38
00:01:44,391 --> 00:01:47,760
a rock star
and a hard place.
39
00:01:47,794 --> 00:01:50,263
Will you stop doing that?
40
00:01:50,397 --> 00:01:52,598
I think you secretly
have a thing for Johnny.
41
00:01:52,632 --> 00:01:54,400
I mean, a woman can't
have sex with a guy
42
00:01:54,434 --> 00:01:56,735
without forming some sort
of an attachment, right?
43
00:01:59,806 --> 00:02:01,874
They looked at me likeI'd suggested we all say
44
00:02:01,908 --> 00:02:03,711
our real weights out loud.
45
00:02:05,245 --> 00:02:06,846
Which got me thinking.
46
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,915
Was I really so off-base?
47
00:02:08,949 --> 00:02:13,486
I mean, can women have sexwith no strings attached?
48
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,188
Well of course we can.
49
00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:17,823
A man in the hand
is worth two in the--
50
00:02:17,858 --> 00:02:22,795
Seriously?
51
00:02:22,829 --> 00:02:25,197
That one doesn't
even make sense.
52
00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:28,134
I think sex without
strings is possible.
53
00:02:28,168 --> 00:02:32,037
Of course not for me,
I'm booty call cursed.
54
00:02:32,072 --> 00:02:33,606
I've had mothers walk in,
55
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:35,508
I've had mirrors
fall from ceilings
56
00:02:35,542 --> 00:02:37,243
revealing hidden cameras.
57
00:02:37,277 --> 00:02:40,515
I've had pet ferrets--
Oh, God, my life.
58
00:02:42,549 --> 00:02:44,183
You know,
this no-strings thing,
59
00:02:44,217 --> 00:02:47,253
I think it would make a great
topic for my Women's Day column.
60
00:02:47,287 --> 00:02:50,022
Actually, I met this
cute divorced guy
61
00:02:50,056 --> 00:02:52,258
who's in town for
a couple of days on business,
62
00:02:52,292 --> 00:02:53,559
do you think
I should call him?
63
00:02:53,593 --> 00:02:56,061
- Well, why not?
- Absolutely.
64
00:02:56,096 --> 00:02:58,898
And I'm gonna call that
cute guy I met with the tattoos.
65
00:02:58,932 --> 00:03:00,900
Curses are meant
to be broken, right?
66
00:03:00,934 --> 00:03:03,469
- And I'm gonna call Fred.
- Fred?
67
00:03:03,503 --> 00:03:06,705
You mean that nerdy guy you
play cards with every Sunday?
68
00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:08,174
For the past 20 years.
69
00:03:08,208 --> 00:03:09,975
But I thought you
guys were just friends.
70
00:03:10,010 --> 00:03:13,712
If the guy's a cutie,
you gotta tap that booty.
71
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:23,289
If the guy's a hottie,
you've got to be naughty.
72
00:03:23,323 --> 00:03:26,959
When you say it,
it just sounds crude.
73
00:03:29,123 --> 00:03:36,959
Sync & corrs. by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
74
00:03:38,605 --> 00:03:40,573
The next night,in the spirit of research,
75
00:03:40,607 --> 00:03:42,775
I was finishing dinner withmy cute out-of-towner
76
00:03:42,809 --> 00:03:44,743
when I decidedto make my play.
77
00:03:44,778 --> 00:03:46,712
Any recommendations
for dessert?
78
00:03:46,746 --> 00:03:48,314
How about whipped cream,
79
00:03:48,348 --> 00:03:49,315
and me?
80
00:03:49,349 --> 00:03:50,583
Check!
81
00:03:50,617 --> 00:03:52,851
Uh, check.
82
00:03:52,886 --> 00:03:54,286
You know, I'm just gonna
leave my credit card
83
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:57,289
and get it tomorrow.
84
00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:58,591
- Shall we?
- Okay.
85
00:03:58,625 --> 00:04:00,292
No, wait,
that sounded cheap.
86
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:01,727
You know, if it were
real whipped cream,
87
00:04:01,761 --> 00:04:06,232
not from a can,
that would be classi...er.
88
00:04:06,266 --> 00:04:08,667
You see, I'm trying to
have sex with no strings.
89
00:04:08,702 --> 00:04:11,804
And I support you.
90
00:04:11,838 --> 00:04:13,472
Great, so let's go.
91
00:04:13,506 --> 00:04:16,308
No wait, I can't.
But shouldn't I try?
92
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,010
- Right, so let's go.
- Okay.
93
00:04:18,044 --> 00:04:19,912
No, wait, I can't.
94
00:04:19,946 --> 00:04:21,614
But I said I would try.
95
00:04:21,648 --> 00:04:22,948
But I have kids.
96
00:04:22,983 --> 00:04:25,618
But they're not here,
so how would they know?
97
00:04:25,652 --> 00:04:27,353
Because I'm
writing about it.
98
00:04:27,387 --> 00:04:28,621
But they might read it.
99
00:04:28,655 --> 00:04:29,322
Why would they read it?
100
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,756
Why would they
read Women's Day?
101
00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:31,757
Well, my daughter
might read it.
102
00:04:32,291 --> 00:04:34,126
I should just order dessert.
103
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:38,163
At some point he just left,
I didn't even notice.
104
00:04:39,198 --> 00:04:40,432
So what happened
with tattoo guy?
105
00:04:40,467 --> 00:04:43,669
Oh, my booty call
curse is still intact.
106
00:04:43,703 --> 00:04:45,638
At first when he said
he might get a tattoo
107
00:04:45,672 --> 00:04:47,640
with my name on it,
I was charmed.
108
00:04:48,174 --> 00:04:49,875
Then when he
started to undress,
109
00:04:49,909 --> 00:04:51,243
he had the name
of every woman
110
00:04:51,278 --> 00:04:54,480
he's ever slept with
tattooed on his body.
111
00:04:54,514 --> 00:04:58,450
I'm hoping sis is
short for sissy.
112
00:04:58,485 --> 00:05:01,053
While Joy and I hadclearly failed at
113
00:05:01,087 --> 00:05:03,055
"wham, bam,thank you, man."
114
00:05:03,089 --> 00:05:06,058
Back at the house,
Victoria was about to rock
115
00:05:06,092 --> 00:05:08,694
rock starJohnny Revere's world.
116
00:05:13,533 --> 00:05:19,371
Did someone call
for 10 cc's of me?
117
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:21,240
Oh, God.
118
00:05:21,274 --> 00:05:23,042
Call 911.
119
00:05:23,076 --> 00:05:24,510
[Laughs] Wow.
120
00:05:24,544 --> 00:05:26,145
Way to commit to a bit.
121
00:05:26,179 --> 00:05:27,146
No, really.
122
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,848
I'm dyin'.
123
00:05:29,883 --> 00:05:32,251
Oh, boy.
124
00:05:34,469 --> 00:05:36,336
After a night inthe emergency room,
125
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,671
Victoria found herbad boy with benefits
126
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,341
had becomea burden on bed rest.
127
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:44,344
I can't believe
this happened to me.
128
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,313
I mean, I'm virile, I'm tough,
129
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:52,252
could you fluff
my pillow for me?
130
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,454
Aw, don't worry.
131
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,222
You'll feel better.
132
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:59,192
Once you've given me an
exclusive celebrity interview
133
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,628
for my show
"Oh, hi, Ohio."
134
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,196
I can't go public.
135
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,831
A heart attack with
no heroin involved
136
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,200
is a career killer.
137
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,968
You can say you OD'd.
138
00:06:09,003 --> 00:06:11,771
It doesn't have to be true,
we never check.
139
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,506
No.
140
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:17,644
No, let the media jackals feed
on my carcass after I'm dead.
141
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:20,713
They did it to Morrison,
they did it to Hendrix,
142
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,015
why should I
be any different?
143
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,950
But you are different.
144
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,488
Those guys all died
when they were young.
145
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:30,123
You're right.
146
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:31,858
[Crying]
147
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:32,892
Look at me.
148
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,628
I'm too old
to die young.
149
00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:36,629
Johnny.
150
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,064
I know
that the doctor said
151
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:40,500
that mood swings were normal
after a heart attack,
152
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:43,636
but if you cry,
you'll smear your eye liner.
153
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,171
- Eye liner?
- Yes.
154
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:48,541
"Smoky Sable",
new from Très Jolie.
155
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:51,377
I gave you a little touch-up
while you were napping.
156
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:56,482
And if you let me mention it
on TV I get $10,000.
157
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,652
Victoria, this heart attack
has opened my eyes.
158
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,688
Yes, and now the eye liner
is bringing them out,
159
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:04,090
so why not share that with
a national audience?
160
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,391
Look at us.
161
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:08,828
We spent our whole lives
chasing after money and fame.
162
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,297
And what's it
really gotten us?
163
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,634
Money and fame.
164
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:16,202
How can
a nurse's outfit
165
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,738
be so sexy it gives
a man a heart attack?
166
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,507
Maybe it was just
the shock of seeing
167
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,977
Victoria dressed
as a humanitarian.
168
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:25,478
[Text alert beeps]
169
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:28,214
Aw.
170
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:31,285
"Thanks for
last night, fried."
171
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:33,920
Fried?
172
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,023
Fred's phone auto-corrected.
173
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,459
I taught him
to text last night.
174
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,695
After we played cards.
175
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,931
I cannot believe that
you're the only one
176
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,734
whose booty call
got answered.
177
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,402
So how was the game?
178
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:52,038
Fred had
very good hands.
179
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:55,675
I didn't have
to bluff once.
180
00:07:55,709 --> 00:08:00,279
[Knock on door]
181
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:02,315
- Hello, Fred.
- Morning, Joy.
182
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:06,185
I'm looking for Elka.
183
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:07,253
I was gonna call,
184
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,388
to find out
if you got my text.
185
00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:12,825
But then I thought,
calling is so old-fashioned.
186
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,228
I'll just drop by.
187
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:18,264
I'm glad you did.
188
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:22,668
You know, last night's,
uh, card game
189
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:26,172
was the best
I ever had.
190
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,474
Next time I'll show
you how to double down.
191
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:31,010
[Gasping]
192
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,211
I don't know
what that means,
193
00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:35,481
but I tremble
at the thought.
194
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,416
Joy, Melanie, good day.
195
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:38,818
- Bye, Fred.
- Bye-bye.
196
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,487
I hope we'll
play cards soon again.
197
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:44,724
Oh, me too.
198
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:53,366
Ugh.
This is insufferable.
199
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,234
The heart of rock n' roll
is still beating,
200
00:08:55,269 --> 00:09:00,740
but the rest of him is
a quivering mass of neediness.
201
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,275
Poor Johnny.
202
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:03,509
Oh, he'll be fine.
203
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:07,013
No, it's really
the caretakers who suffer.
204
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,549
I miss having someone
to take care of.
205
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,317
Like Fred.
206
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:16,856
Taking care of him
would be a pleasure.
207
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,192
Wow, is it
serious with Fred?
208
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:22,829
Well it's not the white hot
passion it was with Max,
209
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,564
but we're very compatible.
210
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:25,865
Good hands.
211
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,633
Mm.
212
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:30,203
He's sweet and funny,
213
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:34,441
and we both prefer
animals over people.
214
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:39,345
Sounds like maybe
you guys have a future.
215
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,347
Oh, who am I kidding?
216
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,015
I'm not a Samantha,
217
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,585
I'm a Charlotte.
218
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,453
I'm gonna propose.
219
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,957
Wha--?
220
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:51,991
Victoria?
221
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,328
Can I have some
chocolate milk?
222
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,164
With a bendy straw, please?
223
00:10:02,236 --> 00:10:04,570
Having decided togo above and beyond
224
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:05,738
the call of booty,
225
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,573
Elka enlisted our helpin setting the scene
226
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:08,741
for her proposal.
227
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,010
So what else do we
need to set the mood?
228
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,578
I don't know what
you and Fred are into.
229
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:16,349
Rawhide and a tennis ball.
230
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:19,785
For the dog.
231
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:23,789
♪ A pretty lady
lays a lunch ♪
232
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:27,793
♪ to ask her true love
to marry her ♪
233
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:31,564
♪ it truly is
a magic brunch ♪
234
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:36,836
♪ that brings
two hearts together ♪
235
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,272
Johnny sweetie,
um, you know when I said
236
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,707
that getting back to work
could maybe help you heal?
237
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,910
What I meant was writing
the kinds of songs
238
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,211
that you used to write.
239
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,846
You know, about
sex and drugs
240
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:51,183
and never staying in
one place for too long?
241
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:54,086
Now I see that sex and drugs
are just a lonely path
242
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:55,521
to self-destruction.
243
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:59,292
Yes but it's the path
people like to dance to.
244
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,594
I mean, Elka doesn't
even need a song,
245
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,729
she's not madly
in love with Fred.
246
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,431
They're just two
dear old friends
247
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,534
who make each other happy
and have fun in the sack,
248
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,336
so why not get married?
249
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,704
Wow!
250
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,340
You know, ever since my
first single went platinum,
251
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:17,177
I've just used women
and kicked them to the curb.
252
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,047
It's been a happy life.
253
00:11:21,051 --> 00:11:22,982
But something's missing.
254
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,851
And it's that something that
keeps drawing me back to you.
255
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:29,822
[Gasping] Oh, my God,
is it your heart again?
256
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,257
What are you doing?
257
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,758
You saved my life.
258
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:35,127
And now I need you
to make it worth living.
259
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:39,765
Victoria Chase,
will you marry me?
260
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,701
That's a lot of beer.
261
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:44,403
Well I want him
to say yes.
262
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:46,339
Trust me, you don't want
a drunken yes
263
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,873
to a marriage proposal.
264
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,008
They just take it back
in the morning,
265
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,142
then you're stuck
for six more days
266
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:51,344
on a seven day cruise.
267
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:54,248
Oh, God, my life.
268
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,551
Whoa! You guys, Johnny
just proposed to Victoria!
269
00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:01,120
What did she say?
270
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:03,122
This had better
be an acid flashback,
271
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:07,226
because I've just about
had it with you, mister!
272
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,596
Oh, no, what if Fred
turns me down too.
273
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:13,132
Maybe I should
call this off.
274
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,233
Too late.
275
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,901
- Hi, ladies.
- Hi.
276
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:18,537
- Oh, wow, some spread.
- Mm.
277
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,906
Would you like
a St. Pauli Girl?
278
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,376
I'd prefer
a Cleveland cupcake.
279
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,545
[Giggles]
280
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,280
I'm good.
281
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,852
Melanie just told me
Johnny proposed.
282
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,520
Ugh, one little
brush with death
283
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:38,491
and he goes all
Josh Groban on me.
284
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,493
Did you pop
the question?
285
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:41,961
Oh, not yet.
286
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:44,463
Oh, girls, you've gotta help me,
I'm choking out there.
287
00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:45,564
Don't be afraid.
288
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:47,633
Sometimes you just
gotta take a leap.
289
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,735
Sadly for Fred,out in the back yard
290
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:52,038
chance was aboutto do just that.
291
00:12:59,513 --> 00:13:01,480
You're right,
I can do this.
292
00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:03,349
Whoooooaaa!
293
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,151
Did you guys
hear something?
294
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:06,618
[Dog barking]
295
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:08,654
- What's wrong, chance?
- What is it, boy?
296
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:12,625
Fred's fallen in the well.
297
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:15,428
It's Chance, not Lassie.
298
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,164
No, you dope,
Fred just texted me.
299
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,635
He's okay but he's stuck
and he can't get out.
300
00:13:20,698 --> 00:13:23,135
- Oh my God.
- Call the Fire Department.
301
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:24,970
Tell them it's a deep well
but it's dry.
302
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,506
I'm on it.
303
00:13:27,541 --> 00:13:28,674
Hello, newsroom?
304
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,476
I need a camera crew.
305
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,845
I gotta talk fast
'cause I need to call 911.
306
00:13:32,879 --> 00:13:34,980
This is gonna be big,
could go national.
307
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:35,949
Cha-ching!
308
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,614
Much to Victoria's chagrin,
309
00:13:37,648 --> 00:13:39,449
"Ohio man trapped in a well,"
310
00:13:39,483 --> 00:13:41,484
didn't go national.
311
00:13:41,518 --> 00:13:43,753
"Twin baby Pandas" were hoggingthe country's attention
312
00:13:43,787 --> 00:13:45,388
at the San Diego Zoo.
313
00:13:45,422 --> 00:13:48,691
[Giggling] Oh, my God,
they're so cute!
314
00:13:48,926 --> 00:13:50,460
Anyway, ever resilient,
315
00:13:50,494 --> 00:13:52,462
Victoria dug up
an old photo of Fred
316
00:13:52,496 --> 00:13:54,363
to goose
the human interest angle.
317
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:57,700
The tension here
at well-side is palpable.
318
00:13:57,734 --> 00:14:01,104
As we wait, hoping the fire
department will arrive in time
319
00:14:01,138 --> 00:14:05,174
to rescue Santa Claus
from almost certain death.
320
00:14:05,209 --> 00:14:06,709
Fred's fine.
321
00:14:06,743 --> 00:14:08,244
Ah, this is Elka Ostrovsky,
322
00:14:08,778 --> 00:14:10,780
Santa's anguished sweetheart.
323
00:14:10,814 --> 00:14:12,582
Now luckily she's
wearing Très Jolie
324
00:14:12,616 --> 00:14:15,585
waterproof mascara,
so no runny black streaks
325
00:14:15,619 --> 00:14:17,420
in the tracks
of her tears.
326
00:14:17,454 --> 00:14:19,422
No, I'm not.
327
00:14:19,456 --> 00:14:21,924
I'll be back with
more live coverage of
328
00:14:22,459 --> 00:14:26,063
"Christmas in danger;
Santa trapped in a well"
329
00:14:27,598 --> 00:14:29,298
Oh, this is a disaster.
330
00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:32,168
Those little show-off pandas
are ruining everything.
331
00:14:32,202 --> 00:14:34,737
Well, Americans love animals.
332
00:14:34,771 --> 00:14:37,840
Thank goodness Chance didn't
fall in the well too!
333
00:14:42,813 --> 00:14:47,116
Elka, where do we
keep our dog treats?
334
00:14:47,651 --> 00:14:50,520
Tragedy has struck
a second time here at the well.
335
00:14:51,054 --> 00:14:53,422
In a Valiant attempt
to rescue Santa Claus,
336
00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,024
this adorable pup,
337
00:14:55,058 --> 00:14:57,126
shown here dressed
as a sheep
338
00:14:57,161 --> 00:14:59,028
to go trick or treating
for UNICEF,
339
00:14:59,062 --> 00:15:02,265
threw himself
into the abyss.
340
00:15:02,299 --> 00:15:03,799
Wait--I'm just getting word.
341
00:15:03,834 --> 00:15:05,902
We've gone national!
342
00:15:05,936 --> 00:15:08,337
[Happy tone]
Oh, this is great!
343
00:15:08,372 --> 00:15:11,340
[Concerned tone]
And also tragic.
344
00:15:11,375 --> 00:15:13,576
Have the firemen arrived yet?
345
00:15:13,610 --> 00:15:15,811
They haven't come
and gone, have they?
346
00:15:15,846 --> 00:15:17,847
No, Fred's still trapped.
347
00:15:17,881 --> 00:15:19,916
Victoria's pretending the dog's
down in the well too
348
00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:22,051
so she can go national.
349
00:15:22,085 --> 00:15:23,586
Gotta love her.
350
00:15:23,620 --> 00:15:29,091
[Crying] Even if she
doesn't love you back.
351
00:15:29,126 --> 00:15:32,495
Oh, Johnny,
I'm sorry, honey.
352
00:15:32,529 --> 00:15:33,930
Yes, love sucks.
353
00:15:33,964 --> 00:15:35,364
I don't know why
people bother, really.
354
00:15:35,399 --> 00:15:36,732
[Sirens wailing]
355
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:38,768
Firemen are here!
356
00:15:39,302 --> 00:15:40,570
- How's my hair?
- Oh, gorgeous, gorgeous.
357
00:15:40,604 --> 00:15:41,571
- My make-up?
- Glowy.
358
00:15:41,605 --> 00:15:43,372
Good, good.
359
00:15:43,407 --> 00:15:46,042
Firemen are working feverishly
to extract Santa
360
00:15:46,076 --> 00:15:49,879
and his hero dog from
the dank and humidity...
361
00:15:49,913 --> 00:15:51,581
which without
Très Jolie hair spray,
362
00:15:51,615 --> 00:15:54,850
can really do
a number on your hair.
363
00:15:55,885 --> 00:15:56,619
This is all my fault,
364
00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:58,554
I wish I had never
thought of proposing.
365
00:15:58,589 --> 00:15:59,889
Oh, Elka,
Fred will be fine.
366
00:15:59,923 --> 00:16:02,091
The firemen will
get him out any minute.
367
00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:04,827
They've obviously got
very impressive equipment.
368
00:16:05,361 --> 00:16:07,296
Not the time for
Sex and the City puns, Joy.
369
00:16:07,331 --> 00:16:09,699
No, she means
that big harness,
370
00:16:09,733 --> 00:16:10,700
they'll get him out.
371
00:16:10,734 --> 00:16:12,602
Actually I was
making a sex pun
372
00:16:12,636 --> 00:16:15,404
to cut the tension,
but yay!
373
00:16:19,939 --> 00:16:21,973
It's a tensemoment, America,
374
00:16:22,008 --> 00:16:25,844
as they slowly lower the rescueharness down into the well.
375
00:16:25,878 --> 00:16:27,612
Isn't she beautiful?
376
00:16:27,647 --> 00:16:31,483
And aren't we all trapped
in wells of our own making?
377
00:16:31,517 --> 00:16:34,352
And yes, yes,they're lifting him out.
378
00:16:34,387 --> 00:16:38,525
Much like the lift one gets from
Très Jolie's firming face cream.
379
00:16:40,059 --> 00:16:41,660
That's my cue
to let you out, dude.
380
00:16:41,694 --> 00:16:44,462
Oh, Fred, are
you sure you're okay?
381
00:16:44,497 --> 00:16:46,197
- I'm fine.
- Oh.
382
00:16:46,232 --> 00:16:49,334
Except it was kind of
hard to hear "think fast"
383
00:16:49,368 --> 00:16:52,237
when you tossed
down the beer.
384
00:16:52,271 --> 00:16:54,339
Oh, what a joyous moment.
385
00:16:54,673 --> 00:16:57,008
Christmas has been saved!
386
00:16:58,043 --> 00:16:58,977
Oh, my God, what's that?
387
00:16:59,011 --> 00:16:59,978
Here.
388
00:17:00,012 --> 00:17:01,413
Here, back to me,
back to me.
389
00:17:01,447 --> 00:17:04,149
Well, it's
a Très Jolie miracle,
390
00:17:04,183 --> 00:17:07,585
America's hero pup
has been rescued too.
391
00:17:07,620 --> 00:17:09,120
This is Victoria Chase,
392
00:17:09,155 --> 00:17:12,791
join me tomorrow when
I do some hard-hitting
393
00:17:12,825 --> 00:17:15,762
comparison shopping for
a new Jaguar convertible.
394
00:17:18,297 --> 00:17:19,597
I'm sorry, Fred.
395
00:17:19,632 --> 00:17:22,567
Actually Elka,
being stuck in a well
396
00:17:22,601 --> 00:17:25,537
a man has time to think.
397
00:17:25,571 --> 00:17:28,206
What I thought about mostly
was how lonely I've been.
398
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:33,178
That and whether the bones
down there were human.
399
00:17:33,212 --> 00:17:34,379
But what I'm
trying to say is,
400
00:17:34,413 --> 00:17:36,114
I'm not lonely
when I'm with you.
401
00:17:36,148 --> 00:17:39,317
I feel warm and comfortable.
402
00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:40,385
Oh, me too.
403
00:17:40,419 --> 00:17:42,854
We're like two cozy slippers.
404
00:17:42,888 --> 00:17:45,557
Then shouldn't those two
cozy slippers be together
405
00:17:45,591 --> 00:17:46,691
under the same bed...
406
00:17:46,726 --> 00:17:48,159
Permanently?
407
00:17:48,194 --> 00:17:50,895
Are you asking me
to marry you?
408
00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:53,898
If you'll have me.
409
00:17:53,933 --> 00:17:57,202
Well, of course,
I was gonna ask you!
410
00:17:57,236 --> 00:17:59,003
[Applause]
411
00:17:59,038 --> 00:18:01,639
In that magical moment,everyone connected
412
00:18:01,674 --> 00:18:03,341
to their inner Charlotte.
413
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,710
Yes, we couldhave booty calls,
414
00:18:05,745 --> 00:18:08,480
but what we wanted wasa truly loving relationship
415
00:18:08,514 --> 00:18:09,647
with lots of strings.
416
00:18:09,682 --> 00:18:12,150
And in spite of herprotest to the contrary,
417
00:18:12,184 --> 00:18:15,553
Victoria was feeling it too.
418
00:18:15,588 --> 00:18:17,589
Seriously?
You'll marry me?
419
00:18:17,623 --> 00:18:20,725
[Giggling]
420
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:22,560
You know, when Fred
proposed to Elka,
421
00:18:22,595 --> 00:18:25,130
it just suddenly
made sense to me.
422
00:18:25,164 --> 00:18:28,733
Romantic love is transitory,
but love based on friendship
423
00:18:28,768 --> 00:18:31,636
and hot sex is eternal.
424
00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:34,239
How about we
quit this fast lane,
425
00:18:34,273 --> 00:18:35,540
and get a ranch
in Montana?
426
00:18:35,574 --> 00:18:38,476
Oh, no stress, no agents,
427
00:18:38,511 --> 00:18:43,114
just dogs and horses and
evenings out under the stars.
428
00:18:43,149 --> 00:18:46,284
Oh, I can
picture it already.
429
00:18:50,989 --> 00:18:53,091
It sure gets
cold up there.
430
00:18:53,125 --> 00:18:56,528
And I do loathe
the outdoors.
431
00:18:57,062 --> 00:18:58,329
But what about Manhattan?
432
00:18:58,564 --> 00:19:00,565
We could get
a loft in Soho,
433
00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:03,668
or noho, or whatever ho
is fashionable now.
434
00:19:04,202 --> 00:19:06,104
Or maybe L.A.
I mena, I'm not gonna quit
435
00:19:06,138 --> 00:19:07,806
the music business
altogether.
436
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,607
Well, my friends and my show
are here in Cleveland,
437
00:19:09,642 --> 00:19:11,743
so, well,
we'll just have to commute.
438
00:19:11,777 --> 00:19:12,844
You know,
we'll see each other
439
00:19:12,878 --> 00:19:14,279
whenever we start
missing each other.
440
00:19:14,313 --> 00:19:16,314
- Right, like we do now.
- Exactly.
441
00:19:21,987 --> 00:19:26,891
Wow, I guess we already have
the perfect relationship.
442
00:19:27,426 --> 00:19:28,893
Yeah.
443
00:19:29,228 --> 00:19:30,764
I guess we do.
444
00:19:32,798 --> 00:19:35,066
But maybe someday,
you know, when we're older,
445
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,435
and our agents have
turned their back on us--
446
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:40,271
Even when we're nobodies,
447
00:19:40,306 --> 00:19:43,808
you'll always
be somebody to me.
448
00:19:43,843 --> 00:19:46,778
Mm.
449
00:19:46,812 --> 00:19:52,083
Hey, you know, I still have
that nurse's uniform upstairs.
450
00:19:52,117 --> 00:19:54,085
You think my heart
can handle it?
451
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:57,255
You know a better way
to go out?
452
00:20:00,125 --> 00:20:03,161
And so, a booty callthat started with a whimper,
453
00:20:03,195 --> 00:20:04,229
ended with a bang.
454
00:20:04,263 --> 00:20:06,798
And just a fewloose strings.
455
00:20:06,832 --> 00:20:09,767
Because all the romanticcomedies got it right.
456
00:20:09,802 --> 00:20:14,639
The best happy endings,are the ones we build to last.
457
00:20:15,702 --> 00:20:19,139
Although nothing says we can'thave a little fun while we wait.
458
00:20:22,850 --> 00:20:27,852
Sync & corrs. by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
459
00:20:27,902 --> 00:20:32,452
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