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1
00:00:00,551 --> 00:00:03,892
Joy: "Hot in Cleveland" is recorded
in front of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,801 --> 00:00:07,992
Hey! Someone posted about me
on ISpiedYouCleveland.com.
3
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,492
Oh! You have a secret admirer?
4
00:00:09,493 --> 00:00:10,492
Yeah, listen do this...
5
00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:12,992
"I spied you in
Lakewood Park yesterday,
6
00:00:13,093 --> 00:00:14,992
"gorgeous brunette
with amazing smile.
7
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:17,992
"With a delicate purposeful
flick of your finger,
8
00:00:18,493 --> 00:00:20,692
"you tossed away
strands of hair
9
00:00:20,693 --> 00:00:22,592
"behind you ear
and melted my heart."
10
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:24,501
Both: Aw.
11
00:00:25,535 --> 00:00:27,437
Hey, I was with you
at the park.
12
00:00:28,472 --> 00:00:29,272
So?
13
00:00:29,307 --> 00:00:32,109
So I could be
the gorgeous brunette.
14
00:00:32,643 --> 00:00:33,810
[Chuckling]
Well...
15
00:00:33,845 --> 00:00:36,480
I suppose you could be, but...
16
00:00:37,014 --> 00:00:38,415
But... what?
17
00:00:38,449 --> 00:00:40,484
Well, he wrote,
"amazing smile."
18
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:41,952
But you never smile.
19
00:00:41,986 --> 00:00:44,121
That's what makes it
so amazing.
20
00:00:44,655 --> 00:00:46,289
Okay, then how do you explain
the line
21
00:00:46,324 --> 00:00:47,290
about the hair tuck?
22
00:00:47,325 --> 00:00:49,159
That's my signature move.
23
00:00:49,693 --> 00:00:50,427
All right.
24
00:00:50,461 --> 00:00:52,162
To humor you,
let's write him back
25
00:00:52,196 --> 00:00:53,363
for some more details.
26
00:00:53,398 --> 00:00:57,167
Yes, let's.
27
00:00:57,451 --> 00:00:58,969
Gather round, people.
28
00:00:59,003 --> 00:01:01,304
I have a major announcement.
29
00:01:01,839 --> 00:01:04,107
My daughter Emmy
is coming to visit.
30
00:01:04,142 --> 00:01:05,275
Oh, that's great.
31
00:01:05,309 --> 00:01:07,177
Oh, I haven't seen Emmy
in so long.
32
00:01:07,211 --> 00:01:08,378
Well, how old is she now?
33
00:01:08,413 --> 00:01:10,480
Let's see, she was born
four years before Will,
34
00:01:10,515 --> 00:01:12,616
so she's what, 26?
35
00:01:12,650 --> 00:01:15,452
That sounds right.
36
00:01:15,486 --> 00:01:16,887
Oh, no, I remember,
37
00:01:16,921 --> 00:01:18,688
because she was born
the same year I received
38
00:01:18,723 --> 00:01:21,591
my first Emmy nomination
for Edge of Tomorrow.
39
00:01:21,626 --> 00:01:23,360
Yeah, I named her Emmy
because I figured
40
00:01:23,394 --> 00:01:25,830
one way or another,
I was gonna bring one home.
41
00:01:26,864 --> 00:01:29,334
Speaking of which,
how are Tony and Oscar?
42
00:01:32,369 --> 00:01:33,203
Well...
43
00:01:33,237 --> 00:01:35,940
It was an honor
just to give birth to them.
44
00:01:36,974 --> 00:01:38,875
I just wish that I knew why
Emmy was coming.
45
00:01:38,910 --> 00:01:40,744
She's always up to something.
46
00:01:40,778 --> 00:01:42,012
Well, what'd she say
on the phone?
47
00:01:42,046 --> 00:01:43,947
That the Brazilian telenovela
she starred in
48
00:01:43,981 --> 00:01:44,981
got canceled.
49
00:01:45,016 --> 00:01:46,049
Noooo.
50
00:01:46,084 --> 00:01:48,352
They canceled
Too Poor to Dream?
51
00:01:49,887 --> 00:01:51,154
Well, I'll bet Emmy's coming
52
00:01:51,189 --> 00:01:52,389
because her show
was canceled.
53
00:01:52,423 --> 00:01:54,124
And your show was canceled.
54
00:01:54,158 --> 00:01:56,093
So she's just looking
for some sympathy,
55
00:01:56,127 --> 00:01:57,394
and her mother's love.
56
00:01:57,428 --> 00:01:58,695
Fat chance.
57
00:01:59,229 --> 00:02:00,397
I just read on TMZ
58
00:02:00,431 --> 00:02:02,699
she's writing a tell-all book
about you.
59
00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:03,700
What?!
60
00:02:03,734 --> 00:02:05,602
Oh, no!
That's terrible!
61
00:02:05,636 --> 00:02:06,803
Well, it might not be bad.
62
00:02:06,838 --> 00:02:08,238
Maybe she's writing
a tell-all
63
00:02:08,272 --> 00:02:09,573
about what a great mother
you are.
64
00:02:09,907 --> 00:02:12,542
It's called
Every day is Mother's day.
65
00:02:12,577 --> 00:02:14,478
See?
That's sweet.
66
00:02:14,512 --> 00:02:15,679
Colon...
67
00:02:15,713 --> 00:02:16,947
How I survived being raised
68
00:02:16,981 --> 00:02:19,583
by daytime's evil queen.
69
00:02:22,981 --> 00:02:32,583
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
70
00:02:33,230 --> 00:02:34,597
How did you get
Emmy's book?
71
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,366
Oh, my agent got
advance review copies
72
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:37,534
from her publisher.
73
00:02:38,318 --> 00:02:39,436
Did you really send
your housekeeper
74
00:02:39,470 --> 00:02:43,740
to stand in for you at
Emmy's mother-daughter day?
75
00:02:44,774 --> 00:02:46,376
And I paid
for her English lessons
76
00:02:46,410 --> 00:02:48,645
so she could pull it off.
77
00:02:48,679 --> 00:02:51,681
Of course, they conveniently
left that out.
78
00:02:54,185 --> 00:02:56,052
Why did you send in
a stand-in?
79
00:02:56,087 --> 00:02:57,921
Well, I didn't want Emmy
to be alone.
80
00:02:57,955 --> 00:02:59,322
And I was in Vancouver
81
00:02:59,357 --> 00:03:00,891
shooting the Lifetime
original movie
82
00:03:00,925 --> 00:03:03,629
Always by your side.
83
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:06,796
Wait, you lied to her
84
00:03:06,831 --> 00:03:08,298
about being allergic
to sugar?
85
00:03:08,332 --> 00:03:09,666
Well, technically, yes.
86
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,334
But, you know,
but her perfect teeth
87
00:03:11,369 --> 00:03:12,602
and her gorgeous figure
say,
88
00:03:12,637 --> 00:03:16,339
"thanks for the lie,
mommy."
89
00:03:16,374 --> 00:03:18,441
I honestly meant well,
you know.
90
00:03:18,476 --> 00:03:19,709
And even when I had
to be away,
91
00:03:19,744 --> 00:03:21,478
I always made sure
she was well taken care of.
92
00:03:21,512 --> 00:03:24,447
She absolutely adored
her old Irish nanny,
93
00:03:24,482 --> 00:03:25,649
nanny Bridget.
94
00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:26,883
You know,
she's the reason
95
00:03:26,918 --> 00:03:30,954
that Emmy pronounces potatoes
"puh-tay-toes".
96
00:03:31,488 --> 00:03:33,156
Are you gonna tell her
you got an advance copy
97
00:03:33,191 --> 00:03:34,191
of the book?
98
00:03:34,225 --> 00:03:36,493
Of course not.
99
00:03:36,527 --> 00:03:38,728
No, I am gonna just
shower her with kindness
100
00:03:38,763 --> 00:03:41,498
until she feels
so bad she kills it.
101
00:03:41,532 --> 00:03:44,400
Guilt, denial,
emotional extortion...
102
00:03:44,535 --> 00:03:46,803
Oh, who says I don't know
how to mother?
103
00:03:51,308 --> 00:03:52,442
[Cell phone beeps]
104
00:03:53,476 --> 00:03:55,145
Oh, it's a follow-up post
105
00:03:55,179 --> 00:03:57,147
from the "I spied you
Cleveland" guy.
106
00:03:57,181 --> 00:03:58,281
Okay, okay.
107
00:03:58,316 --> 00:04:00,083
Before we read this
and find out
108
00:04:00,117 --> 00:04:02,185
which one of us
he was talking about--
109
00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:04,454
I don't want this
to affect our friendship.
110
00:04:04,488 --> 00:04:06,323
'Cause, you know,
it could be either one of us.
111
00:04:06,357 --> 00:04:07,524
Agreed.
112
00:04:07,558 --> 00:04:10,827
May the most amazing smile win.
113
00:04:12,697 --> 00:04:14,464
Here we go.
114
00:04:14,498 --> 00:04:15,932
I'll arrange a meeting
tomorrow.
115
00:04:15,967 --> 00:04:17,000
We'll both go,
116
00:04:17,034 --> 00:04:18,468
and that way we'll know
for sure.
117
00:04:18,502 --> 00:04:20,470
Yes, well,
you'll know for sure.
118
00:04:20,504 --> 00:04:23,506
I already know.
119
00:04:26,644 --> 00:04:27,911
Are you baking cookies
for Emmy?
120
00:04:28,445 --> 00:04:30,046
Oh, I poured vanilla extract
on tinfoil
121
00:04:30,081 --> 00:04:32,084
and put it in the oven.
122
00:04:34,918 --> 00:04:36,820
Creates a warm
and welcoming atmosphere.
123
00:04:36,854 --> 00:04:38,922
So she'll never know
I read the book.
124
00:04:38,956 --> 00:04:40,991
What happens
when she wants a cookie?
125
00:04:41,025 --> 00:04:43,093
Oh, well, that's why I woke up
early this morning
126
00:04:43,127 --> 00:04:44,861
and drove over to that bakery
on Franklin.
127
00:04:44,895 --> 00:04:47,664
And then I scattered
a half cup of flour
128
00:04:47,698 --> 00:04:48,932
all over the counter.
129
00:04:48,966 --> 00:04:50,767
I whisked two eggs
and put the shells in the sink
130
00:04:50,801 --> 00:04:53,336
so she'd be sure
to see them.
131
00:04:53,871 --> 00:04:54,571
Wouldn't it
have been easier
132
00:04:54,605 --> 00:04:57,240
just to bake the cookies?
133
00:04:57,275 --> 00:05:00,877
I don't take shortcuts, Joy.
134
00:05:00,911 --> 00:05:04,314
Anyway, all of this combined
with my mirroring technique
135
00:05:04,348 --> 00:05:05,715
should win her over.
136
00:05:05,750 --> 00:05:06,816
Mirroring?
137
00:05:06,851 --> 00:05:08,184
Yeah, it's an old
acting trick.
138
00:05:08,219 --> 00:05:10,287
You just behave exactly like
the person you're with.
139
00:05:10,321 --> 00:05:11,988
It makes them feel
like they're being heard
140
00:05:12,023 --> 00:05:15,058
and subconsciously puts them
on your side.
141
00:05:15,092 --> 00:05:18,061
I do it with you guys
all the time.
142
00:05:18,595 --> 00:05:19,763
That's terrible!
143
00:05:20,297 --> 00:05:22,233
I agree!
144
00:05:23,668 --> 00:05:25,669
[Doorbell rings]
145
00:05:31,975 --> 00:05:33,743
Mother.
146
00:05:34,278 --> 00:05:34,878
Darling.
147
00:05:35,152 --> 00:05:36,613
Every time I see you,
148
00:05:36,647 --> 00:05:38,515
you look younger
than the time before.
149
00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:41,418
I mean, who are you,
Benjamin Button?
150
00:05:42,252 --> 00:05:43,320
Daughter darling,
151
00:05:43,354 --> 00:05:45,689
every time I see you,
you're even more beautiful.
152
00:05:45,723 --> 00:05:46,823
And who are you?
153
00:05:46,857 --> 00:05:48,458
Benjamin Button, junior?
154
00:05:48,492 --> 00:05:49,793
Hi.
155
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,061
Aw.
156
00:05:51,095 --> 00:05:52,162
Ohhh.
157
00:05:52,196 --> 00:05:54,798
Melanie and Joy,
it's so good to see you.
158
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:57,267
Hi, Emmy.
159
00:05:57,301 --> 00:05:58,902
So I made up the guest room,
160
00:05:58,936 --> 00:06:00,236
and tonight I am going
to cook you
161
00:06:00,271 --> 00:06:01,404
your favorite dinner.
162
00:06:01,439 --> 00:06:04,307
Broiled salmon
and fingerling puh-tay-toes.
163
00:06:07,144 --> 00:06:08,578
Wait a minute.
[Sniffs]
164
00:06:08,612 --> 00:06:11,915
I smell foil cookies.
165
00:06:11,949 --> 00:06:13,883
Why are you being so nice?
[Gasps]
166
00:06:13,918 --> 00:06:15,452
Oh, my God,
you read the book!
167
00:06:15,486 --> 00:06:17,821
Oh, my God,
I read the book!
168
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:19,622
Ha!
I should've known!
169
00:06:19,657 --> 00:06:22,158
Ha!
You should've!
170
00:06:26,030 --> 00:06:27,464
I think your mom
is just hurt
171
00:06:27,498 --> 00:06:28,932
by some of the things
that you wrote.
172
00:06:28,966 --> 00:06:31,301
Well, I mean,
they had to be said.
173
00:06:31,335 --> 00:06:33,870
She was a terrible mother,
gallivanting from set to set,
174
00:06:33,904 --> 00:06:36,139
leaving your two children
to be raised by staff.
175
00:06:36,173 --> 00:06:38,842
I left three children.
I--
176
00:06:42,246 --> 00:06:43,279
Yes, three.
177
00:06:43,314 --> 00:06:45,115
Right, I always forget Tony.
178
00:06:45,149 --> 00:06:46,116
Well, it's easy to do.
179
00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:47,117
I mean, a civil engineer?
180
00:06:47,651 --> 00:06:48,751
What does that even mean?
181
00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:49,953
That he's nice
when he drives a train?
182
00:06:49,987 --> 00:06:52,789
[Laughing]
I know.
183
00:06:52,823 --> 00:06:56,593
And who even takes trains
anymore?
184
00:06:56,627 --> 00:06:59,028
Anyway, the point is,
you were never around.
185
00:06:59,063 --> 00:07:00,630
Yeah, well, I had to work.
186
00:07:00,664 --> 00:07:01,965
And I don't recall you
complaining
187
00:07:01,999 --> 00:07:05,101
when I bought you boobs
for your 16th birthday.
188
00:07:05,736 --> 00:07:06,603
Well, I wanted a car.
189
00:07:06,637 --> 00:07:08,138
Yeah, well,
those boobs got you rides
190
00:07:08,172 --> 00:07:11,174
in lots of cars.
191
00:07:13,411 --> 00:07:14,944
And I cannot believe
that you came here
192
00:07:14,979 --> 00:07:16,846
just to throw your book
in my face.
193
00:07:16,881 --> 00:07:19,516
Actually, I came here
to get a quote from you.
194
00:07:19,550 --> 00:07:21,151
After I threw my book
in your face.
195
00:07:21,685 --> 00:07:22,819
Well.
196
00:07:22,853 --> 00:07:24,320
I'm sorry that I wasn't
the mother
197
00:07:24,355 --> 00:07:26,256
that you wanted me to be.
198
00:07:26,290 --> 00:07:28,191
Well, I'm sorry that I wasn't
the daughter
199
00:07:28,225 --> 00:07:29,325
you wanted me to be.
200
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,364
Oh, my God,
how dare you mirror me?
201
00:07:34,898 --> 00:07:36,065
Just like your career,
202
00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:39,335
this conversation is over.
203
00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:41,504
I'm on hiatus.
204
00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:46,910
[Slam]
205
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,678
[Slam]
206
00:07:48,712 --> 00:07:49,712
[Door opens]
207
00:07:51,581 --> 00:07:52,515
Why did you go outside?
208
00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:54,250
It was too long a cross
to go upstairs
209
00:07:54,285 --> 00:07:54,985
to my bedroom,
210
00:07:55,019 --> 00:07:57,554
and I didn't want her
to have the first slam.
211
00:08:02,026 --> 00:08:04,093
Well, that didn't go well.
212
00:08:04,128 --> 00:08:05,428
God, I just wish
there was someone
213
00:08:05,463 --> 00:08:06,729
who could get through
to her.
214
00:08:07,564 --> 00:08:08,598
Well, I could give it
a try.
215
00:08:08,632 --> 00:08:09,899
Oh, that's sweet
of you, Mel,
216
00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:12,502
but let's face it,
you're a wuss.
217
00:08:12,536 --> 00:08:15,238
I mean,
she'd just eat you alive.
218
00:08:15,272 --> 00:08:16,806
And you're mean enough, Joy,
219
00:08:16,841 --> 00:08:19,642
but, well, your personality
can be off-putting.
220
00:08:19,677 --> 00:08:21,911
Not everyone gets your dry...
[Pats Joy]
221
00:08:21,946 --> 00:08:24,214
Heartless wit.
222
00:08:24,248 --> 00:08:27,016
Are you trying to get us
to write a tell-all book?
223
00:08:27,051 --> 00:08:28,084
Oh, I am sorry.
224
00:08:28,118 --> 00:08:29,285
Well, honey,
don't you think
225
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,620
the best person
to talk to her
226
00:08:30,654 --> 00:08:33,890
would be The woman
that raised her?
227
00:08:33,924 --> 00:08:34,924
Of course.
228
00:08:34,959 --> 00:08:37,527
You're absolutely right.
229
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:39,762
So here she is.
230
00:08:40,297 --> 00:08:41,831
The woman who raised you,
231
00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:44,868
your old nanny Bridget.
232
00:08:48,405 --> 00:08:50,440
[Fake Irish accent]
Yes, 'tis I,
233
00:08:50,674 --> 00:08:53,476
nanny Bridget.
234
00:08:59,329 --> 00:09:00,762
He said he'd be the one
with the rose
235
00:09:00,797 --> 00:09:02,297
at his table.
236
00:09:02,332 --> 00:09:03,865
[Flatly]
Oh, boy.
237
00:09:06,469 --> 00:09:09,371
Let's get out of here
before he sees us.
238
00:09:09,905 --> 00:09:13,175
He's waving us over.
239
00:09:13,709 --> 00:09:14,176
Welcome.
240
00:09:14,210 --> 00:09:15,310
I'm Austin.
241
00:09:15,345 --> 00:09:17,012
I'm glad you ladies
made it.
242
00:09:17,046 --> 00:09:19,214
You were expecting
both of us?
243
00:09:19,248 --> 00:09:20,749
Yes, I wanted to give you both
a shot,
244
00:09:20,783 --> 00:09:22,586
so I kept it vague.
245
00:09:24,620 --> 00:09:26,755
Look, you seem like
a nice kid,
246
00:09:26,789 --> 00:09:28,590
and you write amazing prose,
247
00:09:28,624 --> 00:09:29,858
but for obvious reasons,
248
00:09:29,892 --> 00:09:31,727
this is not gonna work out.
249
00:09:31,761 --> 00:09:33,328
I'm sure you'll have no trouble
finding a girl
250
00:09:33,363 --> 00:09:34,596
your own age.
251
00:09:34,630 --> 00:09:37,733
I'm already
in a satisfying relationship.
252
00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:40,202
Now, I'm looking for someone
for my father.
253
00:09:40,736 --> 00:09:42,270
"I spied you Cleveland"?
254
00:09:42,305 --> 00:09:43,271
Welcome.
255
00:09:43,806 --> 00:09:45,607
What's going on here?
256
00:09:45,641 --> 00:09:46,942
You posted about her, too?
257
00:09:46,976 --> 00:09:48,978
I'll explain.
Have a seat.
258
00:09:52,215 --> 00:09:54,082
I have two roses.
259
00:09:54,117 --> 00:09:55,951
One of you
will be eliminated
260
00:09:55,985 --> 00:09:58,954
before we get to the final round
with my dad.
261
00:09:59,988 --> 00:10:02,190
So this is for a date
with your father?
262
00:10:02,225 --> 00:10:04,426
Look, this is crazy.
263
00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:05,727
Let's get out of here.
264
00:10:05,762 --> 00:10:07,429
Oh, well, then I guess
he's all yours.
265
00:10:07,463 --> 00:10:08,764
I hope you like abs.
266
00:10:11,334 --> 00:10:14,403
I suppose we could stay
for a minute.
267
00:10:14,437 --> 00:10:16,438
Is that allowed?
They did leave.
268
00:10:16,972 --> 00:10:18,740
My dad rowed crew
for Harvard
269
00:10:18,775 --> 00:10:21,710
and later competed
in the '98 Olympics.
270
00:10:21,744 --> 00:10:24,281
He owns his own landscape
architecture firm.
271
00:10:25,815 --> 00:10:28,150
And he's also
recently widowed.
272
00:10:28,184 --> 00:10:29,351
So basically,
273
00:10:29,385 --> 00:10:31,920
this is just like
Sleepless in Seattle.
274
00:10:32,454 --> 00:10:34,523
Aw...
275
00:10:36,793 --> 00:10:38,126
You look so different.
276
00:10:38,161 --> 00:10:40,762
Time can be a cruel mistress.
277
00:10:40,797 --> 00:10:42,765
Have you seen
Val Kilmer lately?
278
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,902
I mean she's prettier
than I remember.
279
00:10:46,936 --> 00:10:49,071
As are you, my wee 'un.
280
00:10:49,105 --> 00:10:52,874
Ah, you're as buxom
as the hills of Derry.
281
00:10:52,909 --> 00:10:54,609
[Laughs]
282
00:10:54,644 --> 00:10:58,013
Emphasis on the Derry.
283
00:10:58,047 --> 00:10:59,281
I just grew up.
284
00:10:59,315 --> 00:11:01,783
But you look like
a totally different person.
285
00:11:01,818 --> 00:11:03,485
Okay, over the years,
286
00:11:03,519 --> 00:11:05,587
I've sent money
to nanny Bridget
287
00:11:05,621 --> 00:11:08,023
for some extensive
plastic surgery.
288
00:11:08,057 --> 00:11:09,224
I asked her not to say anything
289
00:11:09,258 --> 00:11:11,626
because I like my good deeds
to be secret.
290
00:11:12,161 --> 00:11:14,463
What good deeds?
291
00:11:14,497 --> 00:11:15,566
You see?
292
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:18,567
Okay.
293
00:11:19,601 --> 00:11:20,569
Yeah.
294
00:11:21,103 --> 00:11:22,571
I can see it
right there in your eyes.
295
00:11:22,605 --> 00:11:24,306
It is you.
[Squeals]
296
00:11:24,590 --> 00:11:25,974
Nanny, it's so good
to see you.
297
00:11:26,508 --> 00:11:29,111
Well, I'll just leave
you two alone, then.
298
00:11:29,145 --> 00:11:30,881
Yep, you always did.
299
00:11:33,915 --> 00:11:36,084
Now, don't be talkin'
to your mother like that.
300
00:11:36,619 --> 00:11:38,253
[Sighs]
I'm sorry, nanny.
301
00:11:38,787 --> 00:11:40,722
Look, I know that this
is gonna sound really silly,
302
00:11:40,756 --> 00:11:42,424
but will you please
sing me that song
303
00:11:42,458 --> 00:11:44,826
that I used to love
when I was a little girl?
304
00:11:44,861 --> 00:11:46,928
Aye, that I will.
305
00:11:46,963 --> 00:11:50,465
Now, close your wee eyes,
as you always did.
306
00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:51,967
I don't remember that.
307
00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:55,337
And maybe close
your wee mouth, too.
308
00:11:56,973 --> 00:11:58,308
[Singing to tune of "Danny boy"
309
00:11:58,473 --> 00:12:00,308
♪ Oh, Emmy girl ♪
310
00:12:00,343 --> 00:12:04,613
♪ the boys, the boys
are calling ♪
311
00:12:04,647 --> 00:12:07,349
♪ from Beverly Glen ♪
312
00:12:07,383 --> 00:12:10,619
♪ and down the valley side ♪
♪
313
00:12:11,053 --> 00:12:12,320
Oh, my God.
314
00:12:12,855 --> 00:12:14,189
You still write on your hand,
315
00:12:14,223 --> 00:12:16,091
just like you did
when I was little.
316
00:12:16,125 --> 00:12:18,160
Aye, 'tis true.
317
00:12:18,194 --> 00:12:20,829
Uh, and speaking of writin'.
318
00:12:20,863 --> 00:12:23,364
I didna raise ye
to write bad things
319
00:12:23,399 --> 00:12:24,199
about your mother.
320
00:12:24,933 --> 00:12:26,134
Life is like a box
321
00:12:26,169 --> 00:12:28,403
o' lucky charms.
322
00:12:28,437 --> 00:12:31,806
Sure, there's the green clovers
and the yellow moons.
323
00:12:31,841 --> 00:12:35,009
But it is also 80%...
324
00:12:35,344 --> 00:12:37,812
dry oaty stuff.
325
00:12:39,482 --> 00:12:41,216
I understand.
326
00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:42,984
You want me to remember
the good times
327
00:12:43,019 --> 00:12:44,786
and not dwell
on the bad.
328
00:12:44,820 --> 00:12:46,655
Aye, that I do.
329
00:12:46,689 --> 00:12:48,557
You're not gonna get rid
of the hurt by--
330
00:12:48,591 --> 00:12:51,293
by hurtin' someone else.
331
00:12:51,577 --> 00:12:53,778
You know,
it's like when I was little
332
00:12:53,813 --> 00:12:55,914
and Janice Lowrey,
she beat me out
333
00:12:55,948 --> 00:12:57,782
for the sugarplum fairy
in The Nutcracker,
334
00:12:57,817 --> 00:13:00,518
and I ended up playing
the frickin' bonbon.
335
00:13:00,553 --> 00:13:02,220
Uh, exactly.
336
00:13:02,254 --> 00:13:03,321
[Sighs]
337
00:13:03,355 --> 00:13:04,589
So naturally,
you know,
338
00:13:04,623 --> 00:13:07,091
I put butter on the bottom
of her ballet shoe,
339
00:13:07,126 --> 00:13:08,860
and then she slipped
and ended up in a cast,
340
00:13:08,894 --> 00:13:10,028
and I felt terrible
341
00:13:10,062 --> 00:13:11,696
because then she got all
of the attention.
342
00:13:11,730 --> 00:13:13,298
I mean, she even got
her own curtain call.
343
00:13:13,332 --> 00:13:14,566
Just like your book.
344
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,535
It could make everyone
feel sorry for your mum.
345
00:13:17,570 --> 00:13:20,138
And--and she gets
all the attention.
346
00:13:20,572 --> 00:13:21,739
Oh, my God, you're right.
347
00:13:21,774 --> 00:13:22,740
Uh-huh.
348
00:13:22,775 --> 00:13:23,975
I have to call my agent
349
00:13:24,009 --> 00:13:25,944
and tell him to cancel
the book and the movie.
350
00:13:26,378 --> 00:13:28,413
Movie?
351
00:13:28,447 --> 00:13:29,714
Paramount called
this morning,
352
00:13:29,748 --> 00:13:31,316
and they want to turn the book
into a movie,
353
00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:33,485
and they wanted my mom and I
to play ourselves.
354
00:13:33,519 --> 00:13:36,154
Stop whatever
you are doing, Emmy.
355
00:13:36,188 --> 00:13:38,323
I just learned
that this woman is a fraud.
356
00:13:38,357 --> 00:13:40,258
She is not
your nanny Bridget.
357
00:13:40,292 --> 00:13:41,926
- She's not?
- I'm not?
358
00:13:41,961 --> 00:13:43,695
No. Here, quick,
give me your phone
359
00:13:43,729 --> 00:13:44,929
so I can call
the authorities.
360
00:13:44,964 --> 00:13:46,331
Okay, well,
what is going on?
361
00:13:46,365 --> 00:13:48,666
That is exactly
what I intend
362
00:13:48,701 --> 00:13:50,335
to get to the bottom of.
363
00:13:50,369 --> 00:13:52,170
Now, I want you
out of this house at once,
364
00:13:52,204 --> 00:13:53,638
and do not come back.
365
00:13:53,672 --> 00:13:56,641
Aren't you forgettin'
a little something?
366
00:13:56,675 --> 00:13:58,409
Oh, now you're demanding
some sort of bribe
367
00:13:58,444 --> 00:13:59,444
to get out of here?
368
00:13:59,478 --> 00:14:01,546
Well, fine.
Here.
369
00:14:01,580 --> 00:14:03,348
Take these field box
Indian tickets,
370
00:14:03,382 --> 00:14:05,483
and be gone.
371
00:14:05,518 --> 00:14:08,286
I not be seein'
a parking pass.
372
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,322
Oh, it's in there.
373
00:14:14,425 --> 00:14:16,060
Well, Emmy darling,
374
00:14:16,095 --> 00:14:18,630
about our movie...
375
00:14:20,132 --> 00:14:22,000
How'd it go on your one-on-one
date with Austin?
376
00:14:22,034 --> 00:14:24,002
It was good.
He said we really connected.
377
00:14:24,036 --> 00:14:25,637
I don't know why
she's still in the running.
378
00:14:25,671 --> 00:14:27,238
He said he was looking for
someone down-to-earth.
379
00:14:27,273 --> 00:14:29,240
Oh, she is so not
down-to-earth.
380
00:14:29,275 --> 00:14:31,309
We're down-to-earth.
381
00:14:31,343 --> 00:14:33,711
Oh, my God,
this is bonkers.
382
00:14:33,746 --> 00:14:34,746
Let's just go.
383
00:14:34,780 --> 00:14:35,914
You're right, you're right.
384
00:14:35,948 --> 00:14:37,382
You should go.
385
00:14:37,716 --> 00:14:39,817
You're just trying to get me
out of the competition.
386
00:14:39,852 --> 00:14:41,152
No, no, no,
I'm just staying
387
00:14:41,186 --> 00:14:43,187
because I think it might make
a really great article
388
00:14:43,222 --> 00:14:45,023
for my Woman's Day column.
389
00:14:45,057 --> 00:14:46,791
You have got to stop
justifying everything
390
00:14:46,825 --> 00:14:48,026
with that bloody column.
391
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:49,861
Last night you had
a second piece of cheesecake
392
00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:51,864
because you said it would
make a good article.
393
00:14:53,298 --> 00:14:54,065
Joy.
394
00:14:54,099 --> 00:14:55,433
Melanie.
395
00:14:55,467 --> 00:14:56,768
I've made my decision.
396
00:14:56,802 --> 00:14:59,804
Please join me at the table
for the rose ceremony.
397
00:15:05,169 --> 00:15:07,337
I have a major announcement
to make.
398
00:15:07,371 --> 00:15:09,339
I have a major announcement.
399
00:15:09,373 --> 00:15:11,107
Since you've agreed
to be in the movie,
400
00:15:11,142 --> 00:15:12,976
I have decided
that I will pretend
401
00:15:13,010 --> 00:15:14,244
to have forgiven you.
402
00:15:14,278 --> 00:15:18,114
Oh, and I will pretend
to have forgiven you, too.
403
00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:19,849
So what's your major
announcement?
404
00:15:19,884 --> 00:15:24,554
Well, you were never
really allergic to pizza.
405
00:15:24,588 --> 00:15:26,689
Well, I wish I would have
known that
406
00:15:26,724 --> 00:15:28,258
when I played
a pizza maker's daughter
407
00:15:28,292 --> 00:15:29,559
in the Telemundo
original movie
408
00:15:29,593 --> 00:15:32,262
Her father makes the pizza.
409
00:15:32,296 --> 00:15:34,998
You were wonderful
in that movie.
410
00:15:35,032 --> 00:15:38,067
You know, you really are
a very talented actress, Emmy.
411
00:15:38,102 --> 00:15:39,803
Well, I learned
from the best.
412
00:15:39,837 --> 00:15:41,504
All those years
rehearsing lines with you
413
00:15:41,539 --> 00:15:42,906
for Edge of tomorrow.
414
00:15:42,940 --> 00:15:44,274
You know,
and as a very tiny girl,
415
00:15:44,308 --> 00:15:46,943
you did a most convincing
Jean Marc Dematteis,
416
00:15:46,977 --> 00:15:48,244
international jewel thief.
417
00:15:48,279 --> 00:15:49,946
Thank you.
418
00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:51,548
[French accent]
Honor Saint Raven,
419
00:15:51,582 --> 00:15:54,517
I have stolen jewels
from all over the world,
420
00:15:54,552 --> 00:15:56,519
but it is you
who is a thief,
421
00:15:56,554 --> 00:15:58,555
for you have stolen
my heart.
422
00:15:58,589 --> 00:16:00,323
You're wrong about that.
423
00:16:00,357 --> 00:16:01,891
Because I am not
Honor Saint raven.
424
00:16:01,926 --> 00:16:04,394
[Southern accent]
I am her evil twin sistah,
425
00:16:04,428 --> 00:16:07,597
Magnolia Saint Raven.
426
00:16:07,631 --> 00:16:11,067
And I am not
Jean Marc Dematteis.
427
00:16:11,101 --> 00:16:12,368
[Gasps]
Daddy?
428
00:16:12,403 --> 00:16:15,672
[Laughter]
429
00:16:15,706 --> 00:16:16,706
Oh.
430
00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:17,774
You know, my favorite thing
431
00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:19,142
was when dad was away
on business.
432
00:16:19,176 --> 00:16:21,110
- Mm.
- And we'd just get to...
433
00:16:21,145 --> 00:16:22,212
To stay up late,
434
00:16:22,246 --> 00:16:23,713
reading over
your next day's script,
435
00:16:23,747 --> 00:16:25,381
eating our salads
in your bed.
436
00:16:25,416 --> 00:16:26,683
Oh, I loved those nights, too.
437
00:16:26,717 --> 00:16:28,585
You know, when I was doing
research for my book,
438
00:16:28,619 --> 00:16:30,486
I asked dad
what business he was in,
439
00:16:30,521 --> 00:16:32,622
but he was very vague.
440
00:16:32,656 --> 00:16:34,724
His business, uh,
441
00:16:34,758 --> 00:16:36,659
was up-to-no-good
business.
442
00:16:36,694 --> 00:16:39,495
See, your father
had a wandering eye.
443
00:16:39,530 --> 00:16:41,798
That's how we ended up
with old nanny Bridget.
444
00:16:41,832 --> 00:16:43,233
You know, I figured
even your father
445
00:16:43,267 --> 00:16:44,701
wouldn't hit on
an old Irish woman
446
00:16:44,735 --> 00:16:47,437
who reeked of potatoes.
447
00:16:47,971 --> 00:16:49,806
I never knew
any of this.
448
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,542
Well,
no child should have to.
449
00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:54,844
See, my dad did the same thing,
and I did know.
450
00:16:54,879 --> 00:16:58,781
And I just was trying
to spare you that.
451
00:16:58,816 --> 00:17:00,216
Sometimes it's good
to be an actress
452
00:17:00,251 --> 00:17:02,352
in real life, too.
453
00:17:02,386 --> 00:17:04,687
And I know that every parent
uses it as an excuse,
454
00:17:04,722 --> 00:17:06,522
but...
455
00:17:06,557 --> 00:17:09,527
I really did do
the very best that I could.
456
00:17:11,562 --> 00:17:13,329
I know, mom.
457
00:17:13,364 --> 00:17:15,365
And I genuinely do
forgive you.
458
00:17:15,399 --> 00:17:17,133
Oh, thank you.
459
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:19,202
But we cannot put that
in the movie.
460
00:17:19,236 --> 00:17:21,604
I mean, it will ruin
the ending.
461
00:17:24,441 --> 00:17:26,743
Joy.
462
00:17:26,777 --> 00:17:27,977
Melanie.
463
00:17:28,012 --> 00:17:29,078
Eileen.
464
00:17:29,113 --> 00:17:32,282
This has been
an incredible journey.
465
00:17:32,316 --> 00:17:34,817
Each of you
is very special.
466
00:17:34,852 --> 00:17:36,185
But as you know,
467
00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:38,088
I only have two roses.
468
00:17:39,022 --> 00:17:41,357
The suspense is killing me.
469
00:17:41,392 --> 00:17:42,392
I know.
470
00:17:42,426 --> 00:17:44,761
He really knows
how to drag it out.
471
00:17:44,795 --> 00:17:45,862
Eileen.
472
00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:48,531
We had an amazing time
playing darts.
473
00:17:48,565 --> 00:17:50,033
But...
474
00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:51,334
I can't help but feeling
475
00:17:51,368 --> 00:17:53,736
that you're
a very guarded person.
476
00:17:53,771 --> 00:17:56,341
You have a wall
around your heart.
477
00:17:58,375 --> 00:18:00,543
She is so outta here.
478
00:18:00,577 --> 00:18:02,245
I'd like my dad
to have a chance
479
00:18:02,279 --> 00:18:03,246
to see behind that wall.
480
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:04,681
What?
481
00:18:04,715 --> 00:18:08,751
What's behind that wall
is a vacant lot.
482
00:18:09,286 --> 00:18:11,955
Eileen, will you accept
this rose?
483
00:18:12,989 --> 00:18:14,190
I will.
484
00:18:14,224 --> 00:18:15,825
Oh!
485
00:18:18,028 --> 00:18:20,897
Joy.
Melanie.
486
00:18:20,931 --> 00:18:23,866
I wish I could take you both
to the final round.
487
00:18:23,901 --> 00:18:27,103
But there's only
one rose left.
488
00:18:27,137 --> 00:18:28,371
Yes, we know.
489
00:18:28,405 --> 00:18:31,374
Would you please just tell us
who it is already?
490
00:18:31,808 --> 00:18:33,111
I will...
491
00:18:35,145 --> 00:18:38,147
But first let me say
you're both amazing,
492
00:18:38,182 --> 00:18:40,551
and any guy would be lucky
to have either of you.
493
00:18:42,186 --> 00:18:43,653
Two women.
494
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:45,054
One rose.
495
00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:48,658
This wasn't an easy decision.
496
00:18:48,692 --> 00:18:52,629
But the final rose
goes to...
497
00:18:53,664 --> 00:18:55,231
- Austin!
- Dad?
498
00:18:57,735 --> 00:18:59,635
Oh, are you doing
this again?
499
00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:01,671
I told you before.
500
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:03,741
I'm not leaving
your stepmother.
501
00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:08,244
I'm sorry
about this, ladies.
502
00:19:08,278 --> 00:19:09,379
Come on, Austin.
503
00:19:09,413 --> 00:19:10,546
Sorry.
504
00:19:10,581 --> 00:19:12,015
Wait, who would've gotten
the rose?
505
00:19:12,049 --> 00:19:13,182
Yes, not that it matters,
506
00:19:13,217 --> 00:19:14,784
but which one of us
would you have chosen?
507
00:19:14,818 --> 00:19:16,185
The one with the sparkle
in her eye
508
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:17,620
and the sadness in her heart.
509
00:19:17,654 --> 00:19:19,656
Both: Aw...
510
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,360
So who's gonna play me
in the movie?
511
00:19:26,795 --> 00:19:28,129
Don't know,
but I described you
512
00:19:28,163 --> 00:19:29,630
as the Sandra Bullock type.
513
00:19:29,764 --> 00:19:31,699
Yes!
I love Sandra Bullock!
514
00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:34,802
And I should be played
by Kate Beckinsale.
515
00:19:38,573 --> 00:19:40,140
Everyone says I look
exactly like--
516
00:19:40,141 --> 00:19:41,441
No, they don't.
Nobody says it.
517
00:19:41,476 --> 00:19:42,243
You say it.
518
00:19:43,277 --> 00:19:44,478
[Cell phone beeps]
519
00:19:44,512 --> 00:19:46,580
Oh, sorry,
it's a text from my agent.
520
00:19:46,614 --> 00:19:47,581
[Gasps]
521
00:19:47,615 --> 00:19:49,416
I have been offered
the lead
522
00:19:49,451 --> 00:19:52,419
in a new telenovela,
Chica blanca loca.
523
00:19:52,454 --> 00:19:54,355
- Oh!
- Congratulations!
524
00:19:54,389 --> 00:19:56,323
Honey,
I am so proud of you.
525
00:19:56,358 --> 00:19:58,659
But you're still gonna be able
to do our movie, right?
526
00:19:58,693 --> 00:19:59,693
Yeah, of course.
527
00:19:59,728 --> 00:20:01,897
Oh, honey,
I am so proud of you.
528
00:20:03,932 --> 00:20:06,233
The downside is they want me
in Ecuador tomorrow
529
00:20:06,267 --> 00:20:08,469
for a camera test.
530
00:20:08,503 --> 00:20:09,737
Anyway, I've gotta go pack.
531
00:20:09,771 --> 00:20:11,205
Yeah, I'll help you.
532
00:20:11,239 --> 00:20:12,339
Ooh, Emmy.
533
00:20:12,374 --> 00:20:13,941
You're an impartial observer.
534
00:20:14,475 --> 00:20:16,343
Which one of us
has a sparkle in her eye
535
00:20:16,378 --> 00:20:18,212
and a sadness
in her heart?
536
00:20:19,246 --> 00:20:20,147
My mom.
537
00:20:20,281 --> 00:20:21,615
- Aw.
- Aw.
538
00:20:22,799 --> 00:20:23,384
That's dear.
539
00:20:23,418 --> 00:20:25,352
But it's not an answer.
540
00:20:25,387 --> 00:20:30,389
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
541
00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:34,989
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37544
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