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1
00:00:02,075 --> 00:00:03,843
Last Season on"Hot in Cleveland"...
2
00:00:03,877 --> 00:00:05,177
Let's just be positive.
3
00:00:05,212 --> 00:00:06,412
How?
4
00:00:06,446 --> 00:00:09,749
They caught me red-handed
with stolen mafia loot.
5
00:00:09,783 --> 00:00:11,550
You're seriously going
to go into a broom closet
6
00:00:11,585 --> 00:00:12,685
with a juror?
7
00:00:12,719 --> 00:00:14,120
Isn't that jury tampering?
8
00:00:14,154 --> 00:00:16,922
It is if you're
doing it right.
9
00:00:16,957 --> 00:00:18,657
We the jury
find the defendant,
10
00:00:18,692 --> 00:00:19,759
Elka Ostrovsky...
11
00:00:20,793 --> 00:00:21,861
Watch me act surprised.
12
00:00:21,895 --> 00:00:23,129
Guilty.
13
00:00:23,663 --> 00:00:24,630
Elka's gone.
14
00:00:24,664 --> 00:00:25,564
Where did she go?
15
00:00:25,599 --> 00:00:27,099
I don't know, but she's gone
and she left a note.
16
00:00:27,134 --> 00:00:28,401
Where we're going,
17
00:00:28,435 --> 00:00:30,803
I'm completely cut off
from the outside world?
18
00:00:30,837 --> 00:00:31,804
Indeed.
19
00:00:32,838 --> 00:00:33,839
Works for me.
20
00:00:37,110 --> 00:00:38,144
Okay, I have
Elka's computer.
21
00:00:38,178 --> 00:00:39,412
Should give us a clue
to where she is.
22
00:00:39,446 --> 00:00:40,546
Give it to me.
23
00:00:40,580 --> 00:00:42,314
Where should we look first?
24
00:00:42,349 --> 00:00:43,883
She if she's
looked up any maps
25
00:00:43,917 --> 00:00:45,451
or made hotel reservations
26
00:00:45,485 --> 00:00:47,153
or maybe printed out
any airline tickets.
27
00:00:47,187 --> 00:00:49,989
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, no. What is it?
28
00:00:50,023 --> 00:00:51,323
Listen to this.
29
00:00:51,358 --> 00:00:55,494
"Victoria Chase is
the thinking man's sex symbol."
30
00:00:55,529 --> 00:00:57,163
Well, that's just great.
31
00:00:57,197 --> 00:01:01,400
I'm sexy if you really
put your mind to it.
32
00:01:01,435 --> 00:01:03,736
You googled yourself?
33
00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:04,870
It's my morning ritual.
34
00:01:04,905 --> 00:01:06,272
You know,
if I can relax
35
00:01:06,306 --> 00:01:08,073
about how I'm currently
being perceived by the public,
36
00:01:08,108 --> 00:01:11,210
then I am much better able
to focus on...
37
00:01:13,180 --> 00:01:14,680
Finding Elka?
38
00:01:14,714 --> 00:01:16,482
Yes, that, yes.
39
00:01:16,516 --> 00:01:18,684
- I don't believe it.
- Oh, what?
40
00:01:18,718 --> 00:01:20,920
There's still no explanation
from the governor's office
41
00:01:20,954 --> 00:01:23,589
on the issue
of the "mystery hooker."
42
00:01:23,623 --> 00:01:25,257
You googled yourself too?
43
00:01:25,292 --> 00:01:28,194
Well, she did it first.
44
00:01:28,228 --> 00:01:29,695
And there's all
these snarky comments
45
00:01:29,729 --> 00:01:31,096
about my giant hands.
46
00:01:31,131 --> 00:01:32,431
Stupid picture!
47
00:01:32,466 --> 00:01:34,333
My hands are not huge.
48
00:01:37,871 --> 00:01:39,505
Stop doing that.
49
00:01:39,539 --> 00:01:40,873
Okay, fine.
50
00:01:40,907 --> 00:01:42,374
We have bigger problems
than Joy's hands,
51
00:01:42,409 --> 00:01:44,076
although that hardly
seems possible.
52
00:01:44,110 --> 00:01:45,211
[Laughs]
53
00:01:45,245 --> 00:01:46,745
I'm sorry.
54
00:01:46,780 --> 00:01:47,947
I'm sorry.
55
00:01:47,981 --> 00:01:49,615
We have one day to find her
56
00:01:49,649 --> 00:01:51,350
and bring her back
in time for her sentencing.
57
00:01:51,384 --> 00:01:52,451
You're right.
58
00:01:52,486 --> 00:01:53,853
If the cops pick her up
as a fugitive,
59
00:01:53,887 --> 00:01:55,287
they'll go much harder
on her.
60
00:01:55,322 --> 00:01:57,223
All right, why don't you
check her recent searches?
61
00:01:57,257 --> 00:01:58,557
Yeah, good idea.
62
00:01:58,592 --> 00:02:01,060
Okay, uh, Mountie.
63
00:02:01,094 --> 00:02:02,761
Mountie shirtless.
64
00:02:04,898 --> 00:02:08,067
Mountie shirtless
playing volleyball.
65
00:02:09,101 --> 00:02:11,036
Well, we're learning
how her mind works.
66
00:02:11,071 --> 00:02:13,706
How to bedazzle
a maple leaf.
67
00:02:14,740 --> 00:02:16,709
Ladies, I think
we're going to Canada.
68
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,314
What are you doing now?
69
00:02:22,315 --> 00:02:24,350
Oh, I'm googling what
they think of me in Canada.
70
00:02:25,886 --> 00:02:27,186
Ah, oh.
71
00:02:27,220 --> 00:02:28,587
Eternally youthful.
72
00:02:28,622 --> 00:02:33,559
Oh, we are so
going to Canada.
73
00:02:33,593 --> 00:02:34,562
[Upbeat music]
74
00:02:34,563 --> 00:02:41,596
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
75
00:02:41,601 --> 00:02:43,235
Well, folks,
we're talking about
76
00:02:43,270 --> 00:02:44,470
what everyone's talking about,
77
00:02:44,504 --> 00:02:46,205
the governor's mystery hooker.
78
00:02:46,239 --> 00:02:48,474
And this just in, breaking news
from an anonymous source,
79
00:02:48,508 --> 00:02:50,376
that sheâ"
if it is a sheâ"
80
00:02:51,410 --> 00:02:54,980
is a foreigner facing
deportation by the I.N.S.
81
00:02:55,015 --> 00:02:56,682
What?
82
00:02:56,716 --> 00:02:58,117
How would they
even know that?
83
00:02:58,151 --> 00:03:02,421
They certainly didn't
hear it from me.
84
00:03:02,455 --> 00:03:04,557
Well, the media
has its ways.
85
00:03:04,591 --> 00:03:07,726
You really have
to suspect everyone.
86
00:03:07,761 --> 00:03:09,228
You're my friend.
87
00:03:09,762 --> 00:03:10,496
Yes, and as your friend,
88
00:03:10,530 --> 00:03:12,798
I am horrified
by my actions.
89
00:03:13,332 --> 00:03:14,833
But as a newswoman,
90
00:03:14,868 --> 00:03:16,569
I have to keep
this story juicy
91
00:03:16,603 --> 00:03:18,304
so that when I break
the exclusive,
92
00:03:18,338 --> 00:03:20,639
it'll be a huge
career advancer.
93
00:03:20,674 --> 00:03:21,740
Pull over.
94
00:03:22,275 --> 00:03:23,475
Don't hit me,
not with those hands.
95
00:03:23,510 --> 00:03:25,511
I'm not gonna hit you.
Look.
96
00:03:25,545 --> 00:03:27,146
Isn't that Elka's car
over there
97
00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:30,316
next to those...
Horse and buggies?
98
00:03:37,991 --> 00:03:41,126
What is this,
an old-timey gay bar?
99
00:03:43,029 --> 00:03:45,698
Wow, what's with
the costumes?
100
00:03:45,732 --> 00:03:48,033
And the chin slinkies?
101
00:03:49,336 --> 00:03:51,837
We're from America.
102
00:03:53,473 --> 00:03:54,707
Lower thy voice, woman.
103
00:03:54,741 --> 00:03:56,241
We are neither foreign
nor deaf.
104
00:03:56,276 --> 00:03:57,509
We are Amish.
105
00:03:57,544 --> 00:03:59,645
Oh, we're in Ohio's
Amish country.
106
00:03:59,679 --> 00:04:01,146
Yes, I've read about this.
107
00:04:01,181 --> 00:04:04,016
Did you know that Ohio
has more Amish
108
00:04:04,050 --> 00:04:05,484
than Pennsylvania?
109
00:04:05,518 --> 00:04:08,354
The men with the facial hair,
they're married, right?
110
00:04:08,388 --> 00:04:11,857
The beards are designed to
tell single women to stay away.
111
00:04:12,891 --> 00:04:15,494
They're working.
112
00:04:16,528 --> 00:04:18,597
Are thee what the outsiders
113
00:04:18,632 --> 00:04:20,566
might call supermodels?
114
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,768
Joy and Victoria: Yes.
Melanie: No.
115
00:04:25,038 --> 00:04:27,706
Actually, we're just
regular models.
116
00:04:27,741 --> 00:04:30,342
Look, we're looking
for our friend Elka.
117
00:04:30,377 --> 00:04:31,644
We saw her car
parked out front.
118
00:04:31,678 --> 00:04:32,845
Do you know where she is?
119
00:04:32,879 --> 00:04:35,247
No, but I've just
begun my shift.
120
00:04:35,281 --> 00:04:38,150
Thee should get word to Yoder.
He knows all.
121
00:04:38,184 --> 00:04:39,551
Okay, great.
122
00:04:39,586 --> 00:04:40,853
Well, do you have his number?
123
00:04:40,887 --> 00:04:42,254
'Cause we really
need to find her.
124
00:04:42,288 --> 00:04:45,090
Sorry, no telephones
in Amish country.
125
00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:47,493
But he shall be here anon.
126
00:04:47,527 --> 00:04:49,828
Oh, I guess we can wait
for him here, right?
127
00:04:49,863 --> 00:04:51,096
- Okay.
- Suppose so.
128
00:04:51,131 --> 00:04:53,666
Might I get thee something
for thy thirst?
129
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:55,167
We provide three choices:
130
00:04:55,201 --> 00:04:57,670
The sexy mule,
the married beard,
131
00:04:57,704 --> 00:04:59,838
or hot cider.
132
00:04:59,873 --> 00:05:01,573
Hot cider sounds okay.
133
00:05:01,608 --> 00:05:03,108
- Yes.
- We'll take three.
134
00:05:05,278 --> 00:05:06,712
Oh, my.
135
00:05:06,746 --> 00:05:08,080
Wow.
136
00:05:08,114 --> 00:05:11,550
And I thought we got a lot
of male attention in Cleveland.
137
00:05:11,584 --> 00:05:13,752
To them,
I'm a sex symbol, period.
138
00:05:13,787 --> 00:05:18,424
The thinking begins and ends
with, "I wanna do her."
139
00:05:18,458 --> 00:05:20,659
No charge.
140
00:05:20,694 --> 00:05:22,695
They will be fighting
to pay for it.
141
00:05:22,729 --> 00:05:24,430
There's not a man
in this bar
142
00:05:24,464 --> 00:05:26,899
who would not give thee
his milkiest goat.
143
00:05:31,938 --> 00:05:33,706
I'm trying to decide
whether I want that
144
00:05:33,740 --> 00:05:36,542
to be a euphemism.
145
00:05:36,576 --> 00:05:38,510
I warn thee,
146
00:05:38,545 --> 00:05:41,046
tis not commonly
a drink for ladies.
147
00:05:41,081 --> 00:05:42,715
Thank you,
my good fellow,
148
00:05:42,749 --> 00:05:45,818
but I think we can hold
our apple cider.
149
00:06:00,232 --> 00:06:01,366
Evening, everybody.
150
00:06:01,401 --> 00:06:02,768
All: Yoder!
151
00:06:06,306 --> 00:06:08,373
What would you say
to a sexy mule?
152
00:06:08,408 --> 00:06:10,776
Not tonight, dear.
I've got a headache.
153
00:06:10,810 --> 00:06:12,544
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
154
00:06:12,579 --> 00:06:16,048
I'll take two, please,
to go.
155
00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:18,584
Ah.
156
00:06:18,618 --> 00:06:20,452
And here they go.
157
00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:29,428
- Night, Abner.
- Night, Yoder.
158
00:06:30,962 --> 00:06:32,931
Yoder?
159
00:06:35,435 --> 00:06:37,269
Wait.
160
00:06:37,303 --> 00:06:40,672
You're the Yoder
that we need to talk to.
161
00:06:43,743 --> 00:06:46,145
Don't just stand there, Joy,
come on.
162
00:06:58,091 --> 00:07:00,626
What theâ"
163
00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:02,127
Where am I?
164
00:07:02,162 --> 00:07:05,097
Hey, people are trying
to sleep here.
165
00:07:06,131 --> 00:07:08,500
Elka?
166
00:07:08,535 --> 00:07:11,170
Good morrow to thee,
stranger.
167
00:07:15,214 --> 00:07:16,514
How did you know
I was here?
168
00:07:16,548 --> 00:07:18,549
We saw your car
parked outside the bar.
169
00:07:18,584 --> 00:07:20,251
We thought you were
going to Canada.
170
00:07:20,285 --> 00:07:22,753
I was,
but my car broke down
171
00:07:22,788 --> 00:07:24,956
and I decided
to hide out here.
172
00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:26,958
But your sentencing
is tomorrow.
173
00:07:26,992 --> 00:07:29,327
I'm not going back
to the slammer.
174
00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:30,328
I'm outta here.
175
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:31,529
Wait, wait, wait.
176
00:07:31,563 --> 00:07:35,099
You can't leave me here
with these people.
177
00:07:35,134 --> 00:07:37,301
Do I dream?
178
00:07:37,336 --> 00:07:40,171
Thou has the face
of a goddess.
179
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:44,142
Well, I suppose I could
stay for a little while.
180
00:07:58,423 --> 00:08:00,258
[Laughs]
181
00:08:02,761 --> 00:08:04,795
Look at your hair.
182
00:08:04,830 --> 00:08:06,531
My hair?
183
00:08:06,565 --> 00:08:09,600
Look at your face.
184
00:08:09,635 --> 00:08:12,803
Oh, my God!
185
00:08:12,838 --> 00:08:14,872
How did I get this beard?
186
00:08:14,907 --> 00:08:16,841
Why am I wearing
these clothes?
187
00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:18,543
Together
thee and thy friends
188
00:08:18,577 --> 00:08:21,112
performed the movie
Witness for us.
189
00:08:22,514 --> 00:08:24,515
Where's Victoria?
190
00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:26,117
The one who speaks
without cease
191
00:08:26,151 --> 00:08:28,786
about something
called an Emmy?
192
00:08:28,820 --> 00:08:30,888
Yep, that'd be her
all right.
193
00:08:30,923 --> 00:08:32,123
She left with Yoder.
194
00:08:32,157 --> 00:08:34,926
I will give thee directions
to his farm.
195
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,796
Joy, the beard
won't come off.
196
00:08:42,234 --> 00:08:44,569
Well, look on
the bright side.
197
00:08:44,603 --> 00:08:46,771
At least it means
you're married.
198
00:08:58,583 --> 00:09:00,384
Don't worry, Yoder will
get word to thy friends.
199
00:09:00,419 --> 00:09:02,186
Oh, I'm sure he will.
200
00:09:02,221 --> 00:09:05,122
And to be honest, I'm kind
of enjoying myself here.
201
00:09:05,157 --> 00:09:08,593
Your whole "no mirror" thing
really frees up the day.
202
00:09:11,163 --> 00:09:12,797
I'm not sure
that I can do this.
203
00:09:12,831 --> 00:09:15,166
I've never actually
sewn on a button before.
204
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,801
[Women laugh]
205
00:09:19,771 --> 00:09:21,906
That's Amish sign language.
206
00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:24,308
They are too shy to speak
in thy presence.
207
00:09:24,343 --> 00:09:26,210
Really?
What are they saying?
208
00:09:26,245 --> 00:09:29,046
They say thou art
so beautiful to look at
209
00:09:29,081 --> 00:09:30,548
and say such
amusing things.
210
00:09:30,582 --> 00:09:32,650
Oh, well,
211
00:09:32,684 --> 00:09:35,953
thouest are welcome...est.
212
00:09:37,356 --> 00:09:38,889
Here, let me show thee.
213
00:09:38,924 --> 00:09:39,890
[Gasps]
214
00:09:39,925 --> 00:09:40,891
What?
215
00:09:40,926 --> 00:09:42,560
Thy hands are as soft
216
00:09:42,594 --> 00:09:45,062
as a sheep's udder.
217
00:09:49,835 --> 00:09:53,904
And thy lashes
as long as a cow's.
218
00:09:53,939 --> 00:09:55,239
I think I'm getting
why there are
219
00:09:55,274 --> 00:09:57,108
no great Amish poets.
220
00:09:57,142 --> 00:09:59,710
It's just mascara.
You can buy it anywhere.
221
00:09:59,745 --> 00:10:02,580
It's called "Lots of lashes."
222
00:10:02,614 --> 00:10:04,715
- Lots of lashes?
- Yes.
223
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:07,118
That's our punishment
for wearing mascara.
224
00:10:11,522 --> 00:10:13,391
Except when we're
on Rumspringa.
225
00:10:13,425 --> 00:10:14,558
Rumspringa?
226
00:10:15,093 --> 00:10:16,494
It means
"running around."
227
00:10:17,528 --> 00:10:19,527
When we are teenagers,
we go out
228
00:10:19,528 --> 00:10:21,262
and experience some
of the outside world.
229
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,901
That way when we return
to our Amish ways,
230
00:10:23,935 --> 00:10:25,503
there is surety in knowing
231
00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:27,772
this is what one's heart
truly desires.
232
00:10:27,806 --> 00:10:31,609
Well, that's a very
enlightened idea.
233
00:10:32,978 --> 00:10:34,645
They like thee.
234
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:35,846
Really?
235
00:10:35,881 --> 00:10:38,416
And you truly don't know
who I am?
236
00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:39,917
You've never seen
Edge of Tomorrow
237
00:10:39,951 --> 00:10:41,786
or any of my
Lifetime original movies?
238
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:44,355
It's basic cable.
239
00:10:45,857 --> 00:10:49,960
What part of "no TV"
dost thou not understand?
240
00:10:54,866 --> 00:10:57,368
I'm just surprised.
241
00:10:57,402 --> 00:11:00,871
So you like me just for me?
242
00:11:00,906 --> 00:11:03,207
You have a beautiful soul.
243
00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:06,277
We are blessed with the ability
to see such things.
244
00:11:06,311 --> 00:11:08,679
I am so touched.
245
00:11:08,714 --> 00:11:11,482
Wow, look at me,
living among the Amish.
246
00:11:11,516 --> 00:11:15,019
It seems like something
Madonna would do.
247
00:11:15,053 --> 00:11:16,620
Who?
248
00:11:16,655 --> 00:11:18,322
You don't even know
who Madonna is?
249
00:11:18,357 --> 00:11:21,359
No, but she sounds
suspiciously catholic.
250
00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:28,132
This is ridiculous.
251
00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:29,467
We've been driving
around for hours,
252
00:11:29,501 --> 00:11:30,801
and now we're in
a buggy traffic jam.
253
00:11:30,836 --> 00:11:31,802
[Honks horn]
254
00:11:31,837 --> 00:11:35,172
Move your ass!
255
00:11:35,207 --> 00:11:37,341
Joy!
256
00:11:37,376 --> 00:11:38,642
Well, I could say
"move your donkey,"
257
00:11:38,677 --> 00:11:41,479
but it's not as satisfying.
258
00:11:41,513 --> 00:11:42,947
Still no reception?
259
00:11:42,981 --> 00:11:45,349
Nope, no telephone reception
in Amish country.
260
00:11:45,384 --> 00:11:48,052
But I have to get in contact
with the governor's office.
261
00:11:48,086 --> 00:11:49,553
Would you relax?
262
00:11:49,588 --> 00:11:51,322
On the radio they said they
still don't know who you are.
263
00:11:51,356 --> 00:11:52,690
And thanks to your hands,
264
00:11:52,724 --> 00:11:54,725
most people don't even
think you're a woman.
265
00:11:56,795 --> 00:11:58,996
At the moment,
are you really in a position
266
00:11:59,030 --> 00:12:01,332
to call someone else mannish?
267
00:12:01,366 --> 00:12:04,201
Oh, yeah.
268
00:12:04,236 --> 00:12:05,836
I don't have food in it, do I?
269
00:12:05,871 --> 00:12:07,738
I don't wanna be
one of those guys.
270
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:11,842
We're lost.
271
00:12:11,877 --> 00:12:16,414
Let's ask that old Amish
woman for directions.
272
00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:18,416
Excuse me.
273
00:12:18,450 --> 00:12:19,917
Elka!
274
00:12:19,951 --> 00:12:21,252
Elka?
275
00:12:21,286 --> 00:12:23,387
Thee are mistaken,
276
00:12:23,422 --> 00:12:24,755
hookers.
277
00:12:36,325 --> 00:12:40,562
Well, this is better
than the shake weight.
278
00:12:42,264 --> 00:12:44,933
Oh, it's this, uhâ"
279
00:12:44,967 --> 00:12:46,768
Well, I don't really
know what it is,
280
00:12:46,802 --> 00:12:48,336
but of course
I ordered it.
281
00:12:48,371 --> 00:12:50,538
Always on the eternal quest
282
00:12:50,573 --> 00:12:53,341
to be thinner,
tighter, younger.
283
00:12:53,376 --> 00:12:55,543
You see, once you're
a certain age,
284
00:12:55,578 --> 00:12:57,579
casting directors don't
give you audition scenes.
285
00:12:57,613 --> 00:13:01,349
They give you names
of plastic surgeons.
286
00:13:01,384 --> 00:13:03,818
Don't these
casting directors
287
00:13:03,853 --> 00:13:05,587
recognize what God made?
288
00:13:05,621 --> 00:13:06,921
Trust me, in Hollywood,
289
00:13:06,956 --> 00:13:09,357
God doesn't even
recognize what he made.
290
00:13:09,392 --> 00:13:11,926
Um, it's a little
chilly in here.
291
00:13:11,961 --> 00:13:13,995
Don't you ever think,
you know,
292
00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:16,865
a little electricity
wouldn't kill us?
293
00:13:16,899 --> 00:13:19,868
Reliance on public power
ties us to the world.
294
00:13:19,902 --> 00:13:22,337
Yeah, but don't you ever
want something more?
295
00:13:22,371 --> 00:13:23,705
Doesn't thee ever tire
296
00:13:23,739 --> 00:13:25,940
of always wanting
something more?
297
00:13:25,975 --> 00:13:27,742
Yes.
298
00:13:27,777 --> 00:13:29,544
Yes, I do.
299
00:13:31,447 --> 00:13:34,482
Boy, living here
must be very freeing.
300
00:13:34,517 --> 00:13:35,850
Oh, indeed.
301
00:13:35,885 --> 00:13:37,786
Thee would truly
find peace here.
302
00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:40,288
Oh, that sounds nice.
303
00:13:40,322 --> 00:13:42,123
It is time to taste.
304
00:13:42,158 --> 00:13:43,491
Oh.
305
00:13:48,030 --> 00:13:49,297
Oh, my lord.
306
00:13:49,331 --> 00:13:52,200
Is that what butter
tastes like?
307
00:13:53,869 --> 00:13:57,806
That is fantastic,
and I made it.
308
00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,107
Your first churn.
309
00:13:59,141 --> 00:14:01,376
Oh.
310
00:14:03,212 --> 00:14:05,413
Oh, and look, a callous.
311
00:14:05,448 --> 00:14:08,116
I am so excited.
312
00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:10,985
Soon thine hands
will be covered in these.
313
00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:13,221
A little less excited.
314
00:14:13,255 --> 00:14:14,322
[Knocking on door]
315
00:14:14,356 --> 00:14:15,824
Victoria,
are you in there?
316
00:14:15,858 --> 00:14:18,093
Oh, it's my friends.
317
00:14:18,127 --> 00:14:19,427
Oh, hi, guys.
318
00:14:19,462 --> 00:14:20,695
Oh, good, you caught Elka.
319
00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:22,097
Let me introduce you.
320
00:14:22,131 --> 00:14:24,499
Of course you know
Elka already.
321
00:14:24,533 --> 00:14:26,234
And thee must be Joy.
322
00:14:26,268 --> 00:14:27,402
How did you know?
323
00:14:27,436 --> 00:14:29,404
Elka told me
thee put forth thy legs
324
00:14:29,438 --> 00:14:32,774
like the midday meal.
325
00:14:32,808 --> 00:14:34,809
Except that men
actually get excited
326
00:14:34,844 --> 00:14:37,045
about the midday meal.
327
00:14:37,079 --> 00:14:40,248
- And this isâ"
- Hi.
328
00:14:40,282 --> 00:14:42,150
- Mel?
- A man is here.
329
00:14:42,184 --> 00:14:44,619
Quick, take off his boots.
330
00:14:44,653 --> 00:14:46,488
Fetch him a plate and
a warm cloth for his brow.
331
00:14:46,522 --> 00:14:48,256
No, no, I'm not a man,
I'm not a man.
332
00:14:48,290 --> 00:14:50,625
Although you're kinda
making me wish I was.
333
00:14:50,659 --> 00:14:52,527
No, it's very nice
to meet you,
334
00:14:52,561 --> 00:14:54,395
but, Victoria, we have got
to get back to Cleveland.
335
00:14:54,430 --> 00:14:56,064
And I've got
to get to Canada.
336
00:14:56,098 --> 00:14:58,233
We promised
we'd take her to Canada
337
00:14:58,267 --> 00:14:59,567
if she helped us find you.
338
00:14:59,602 --> 00:15:00,935
So come on,
let's get a move on.
339
00:15:00,970 --> 00:15:01,936
No.
340
00:15:01,971 --> 00:15:03,671
I'm not going with you.
341
00:15:03,706 --> 00:15:04,973
What?
342
00:15:05,007 --> 00:15:07,442
I have embraced
the simple way.
343
00:15:07,476 --> 00:15:10,545
No more running around
looking for what I need.
344
00:15:10,579 --> 00:15:12,247
Now I will stay in the home,
345
00:15:12,281 --> 00:15:14,415
and what I need
will come to me.
346
00:15:14,450 --> 00:15:18,286
You said that exact speech
when you joined Netflix.
347
00:15:21,390 --> 00:15:22,924
I like it here.
348
00:15:22,958 --> 00:15:24,492
And they like me,
349
00:15:24,527 --> 00:15:26,461
and they don't even
know who I am.
350
00:15:26,495 --> 00:15:28,830
That might change
when they do.
351
00:15:31,267 --> 00:15:34,435
I want to learn to be
at peace with myself.
352
00:15:34,470 --> 00:15:37,005
Colossians 3:15.
353
00:15:37,039 --> 00:15:39,874
"Let the peace of God
rule in your heart."
354
00:15:39,909 --> 00:15:41,876
It's an excellent passage.
355
00:15:41,911 --> 00:15:43,678
You read the whole Bible?
356
00:15:43,712 --> 00:15:45,880
There's no TV.
357
00:15:49,977 --> 00:15:51,277
Did you have to rip
my beard off like that?
358
00:15:51,686 --> 00:15:52,920
You tricked me.
359
00:15:52,954 --> 00:15:54,588
We had to.
360
00:15:54,622 --> 00:15:56,490
I know we said
we'd take you to Canada.
361
00:15:56,524 --> 00:15:57,891
But we also knew
you'd fall asleep
362
00:15:57,926 --> 00:15:59,893
if we put on NPR.
363
00:15:59,928 --> 00:16:03,097
Frickin' Garrison Keillor.
364
00:16:05,166 --> 00:16:06,633
Welcome home, ladies.
365
00:16:06,668 --> 00:16:08,502
- Mrs. Shaw.
- Who's she?
366
00:16:08,536 --> 00:16:10,004
The governor's wife.
367
00:16:10,038 --> 00:16:11,672
How did you get in here?
368
00:16:11,706 --> 00:16:14,375
There was a spare key
in the obviously fake rock
369
00:16:14,409 --> 00:16:15,843
on your porch.
370
00:16:15,877 --> 00:16:17,578
You should be more careful.
371
00:16:17,612 --> 00:16:19,179
This is home security month.
372
00:16:19,214 --> 00:16:21,115
My brainchild.
373
00:16:21,149 --> 00:16:23,484
Didn't you see
the ethnically balanced thugs
374
00:16:23,518 --> 00:16:26,053
on the billboards?
375
00:16:26,087 --> 00:16:27,454
Why haven't
you released a statement
376
00:16:27,489 --> 00:16:29,590
clarifying that I'm not
your husband's mistress?
377
00:16:29,624 --> 00:16:31,258
I was just shaping
his eyebrows.
378
00:16:31,292 --> 00:16:33,093
We were waiting
for the polls to come in.
379
00:16:33,128 --> 00:16:35,195
If the governor
admits to infidelity,
380
00:16:35,230 --> 00:16:37,731
his poll numbers
will go down 5%.
381
00:16:37,766 --> 00:16:41,001
But if he admits to getting
his eyebrows groomed,
382
00:16:41,036 --> 00:16:43,337
they go down 20%.
383
00:16:43,371 --> 00:16:45,005
This is Ohio.
384
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,840
We want our men
to be ungroomed
385
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:48,675
and our vegetables
to be meat.
386
00:16:50,578 --> 00:16:52,413
And what
am I supposed to do?
387
00:16:52,447 --> 00:16:54,214
Just keep your mouth shut.
388
00:16:54,249 --> 00:16:56,517
And in exchange
I will use my influence
389
00:16:56,551 --> 00:16:57,684
to get you a green card.
390
00:16:57,719 --> 00:17:00,087
Joy, that's fantastic.
391
00:17:00,121 --> 00:17:01,955
I get to stay in America.
392
00:17:01,990 --> 00:17:04,925
That's another reason
to go to Canada.
393
00:17:06,828 --> 00:17:08,062
Elka, come on.
394
00:17:08,096 --> 00:17:10,230
I know you're happy
Joy is staying.
395
00:17:10,265 --> 00:17:12,966
What's it to me?
I'll be in jail.
396
00:17:14,669 --> 00:17:16,837
No, you won't.
397
00:17:16,871 --> 00:17:18,806
Look, forget the green card.
398
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,207
The favor I want from you
399
00:17:20,241 --> 00:17:22,109
is to get the governor
to pardon Elka.
400
00:17:22,143 --> 00:17:25,012
I don't want her old bones
rattling around in jail
401
00:17:25,046 --> 00:17:26,980
making me feel guilty.
402
00:17:27,015 --> 00:17:28,715
No, no.
403
00:17:28,750 --> 00:17:30,350
Help Joy.
404
00:17:30,385 --> 00:17:33,187
I don't want her skinny butt
shipped off to England
405
00:17:33,221 --> 00:17:35,589
making me feel guilty.
406
00:17:35,623 --> 00:17:37,257
You shouldn't be in prison.
407
00:17:37,292 --> 00:17:40,994
You're, like,
a million years old.
408
00:17:41,029 --> 00:17:43,864
You have two people
who can stand you.
409
00:17:43,898 --> 00:17:47,167
You won't find that
anywhere else.
410
00:17:47,202 --> 00:17:48,969
I am trying to help you,
411
00:17:49,003 --> 00:17:50,838
you stubborn old
frost-top.
412
00:17:50,872 --> 00:17:52,973
And I'm trying to help you,
413
00:17:53,007 --> 00:17:55,976
you half-naked tea bag.
414
00:17:58,046 --> 00:17:59,947
I could do both.
415
00:17:59,981 --> 00:18:02,282
Both: Oh!
416
00:18:02,317 --> 00:18:03,283
Deal.
417
00:18:03,318 --> 00:18:04,952
Yay!
418
00:18:04,986 --> 00:18:06,687
Now, if you'll excuse me,
ladies,
419
00:18:06,721 --> 00:18:08,956
I need to go home
and tell my husband
420
00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:12,126
he's been cheating
and bravely stand by him.
421
00:18:14,129 --> 00:18:17,464
[All cheering]
422
00:18:17,499 --> 00:18:21,135
I have disgraced
my gorgeous wife
423
00:18:21,169 --> 00:18:22,836
with a woman who's
not fit to mention
424
00:18:22,871 --> 00:18:24,972
in the same sentence,
425
00:18:25,006 --> 00:18:27,207
a woman who meant
nothing to me,
426
00:18:27,242 --> 00:18:29,076
a woman of low
moral character.
427
00:18:29,110 --> 00:18:32,146
All right,
we get it.
428
00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:33,714
Oh, who cares?
429
00:18:33,748 --> 00:18:35,082
I get my green card,
430
00:18:35,116 --> 00:18:36,817
and you don't
go to prison.
431
00:18:36,851 --> 00:18:38,919
- To us.
- To us.
432
00:18:42,323 --> 00:18:43,690
All right,
I'll say it.
433
00:18:43,725 --> 00:18:45,559
It doesn't feel like
a celebration
434
00:18:45,593 --> 00:18:46,894
without Victoria.
435
00:18:46,928 --> 00:18:49,196
No, it doesn't.
436
00:18:49,230 --> 00:18:50,597
Ah.
437
00:18:50,632 --> 00:18:51,865
Oh, thank God.
438
00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:55,536
Champagne and
electricity and heat.
439
00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:57,137
And somebody
just run the blender.
440
00:18:57,172 --> 00:19:00,974
I don't even care
if there's anything in it.
441
00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:03,377
I thought you wanted
to be Amish.
442
00:19:03,411 --> 00:19:06,013
- Well, it turns out
I was just Amish-ish.
443
00:19:08,049 --> 00:19:09,850
It was all very fulfilling
and enlightening,
444
00:19:09,884 --> 00:19:11,518
but after working
all day long
445
00:19:11,553 --> 00:19:13,053
they started talking
about tomorrow.
446
00:19:13,087 --> 00:19:14,521
And there was this whole
laundry list of chores,
447
00:19:14,556 --> 00:19:16,657
and one of them was laundry.
448
00:19:17,691 --> 00:19:19,793
Well, we're glad
you're home.
449
00:19:19,827 --> 00:19:22,663
Oh, and I am so happy
to be home.
450
00:19:22,697 --> 00:19:23,997
And you know what,
451
00:19:24,032 --> 00:19:26,533
I think I'm even happier
because I experienced
452
00:19:26,568 --> 00:19:28,368
their way of life.
453
00:19:28,403 --> 00:19:30,037
Oh, my gosh.
454
00:19:30,071 --> 00:19:32,539
That was my Rumspringa.
455
00:19:33,074 --> 00:19:33,941
Your what?
456
00:19:33,975 --> 00:19:36,710
Uh, it's a journey
of discovery.
457
00:19:36,744 --> 00:19:39,279
And I learned
that a life of excess
458
00:19:39,314 --> 00:19:42,349
and self-involvement
is where my true heart lieth.
459
00:19:47,021 --> 00:19:48,789
[Hooves clacking outside]
Oh, dear.
460
00:19:48,823 --> 00:19:50,958
He followed me.
461
00:19:50,992 --> 00:19:52,626
- Who?
- It's my husband.
462
00:19:52,660 --> 00:19:54,294
What?
463
00:19:54,329 --> 00:19:55,362
Yoder.
464
00:19:55,396 --> 00:19:56,597
Well, my husband-to-be.
465
00:19:56,631 --> 00:19:58,865
He won me fair and square
in a corn shucking.
466
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:05,038
Victoria,
I have found thee.
467
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,173
Ladies.
468
00:20:06,207 --> 00:20:07,307
Hello, Yoder.
469
00:20:07,342 --> 00:20:09,042
I'm sorry that I left
with such haste,
470
00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:10,210
but you see, I cannotâ"
471
00:20:10,245 --> 00:20:11,612
Please, I've traveled
many miles.
472
00:20:11,646 --> 00:20:13,080
Hear me out.
473
00:20:13,114 --> 00:20:15,682
I long to build
a life with thee,
474
00:20:15,717 --> 00:20:18,151
a life full of kindness
and devotion,
475
00:20:18,186 --> 00:20:20,087
and all that can be provided
476
00:20:20,121 --> 00:20:22,689
by a true heart
and two strong hands.
477
00:20:22,724 --> 00:20:24,691
Oh, my goodness,
that is so sweet butâ"
478
00:20:24,726 --> 00:20:26,293
She's not a virgin.
479
00:20:26,327 --> 00:20:28,328
Good day.
480
00:20:31,065 --> 00:20:32,366
What about thee?
481
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,167
Oh, two kids.
482
00:20:34,202 --> 00:20:35,335
And thee?
483
00:20:35,370 --> 00:20:37,571
Thou has to asketh?
484
00:20:40,208 --> 00:20:41,775
Thee?
485
00:20:41,809 --> 00:20:46,346
Uh, I'm, uh...
486
00:20:46,381 --> 00:20:49,650
Let's discuss it
over dinner.
487
00:20:51,653 --> 00:20:54,021
Hey, it's a date.
488
00:20:54,055 --> 00:20:56,056
Don't waiteth up.
489
00:20:56,090 --> 00:21:06,590
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
490
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:11,190
Repair and Synchronization by
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