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1
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[Hot in Cleveland is recorded
in front of live studio audience]
2
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All right then. Bye.
3
00:00:07,683 --> 00:00:09,050
I'm not gonna say it.
4
00:00:09,084 --> 00:00:11,152
I don't want to say it.
5
00:00:11,186 --> 00:00:13,020
You are such an old woman.
6
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,923
Fine. I love you, too.
7
00:00:15,958 --> 00:00:17,158
- Your mother?
8
00:00:17,192 --> 00:00:20,094
- My fake fiance.
9
00:00:20,128 --> 00:00:22,964
We're meeting the immigration
lawyer, and Rick's insisting
10
00:00:22,998 --> 00:00:24,265
We act like a real couple.
11
00:00:24,299 --> 00:00:26,267
I mean, do people really say,
"I love you" that much?
12
00:00:26,301 --> 00:00:28,936
It's gross.
13
00:00:28,971 --> 00:00:30,605
No word from your jailed accountant?
14
00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:32,473
- Nomy assets are still frozen.
15
00:00:32,507 --> 00:00:34,675
I am officially broke.
16
00:00:34,710 --> 00:00:36,611
- Oh, now. You still have your health.
17
00:00:36,645 --> 00:00:38,145
And the love of your friends.
18
00:00:38,180 --> 00:00:41,549
- I can't even laugh at your
dark English humor anymore.
19
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,384
But that's okay,
because I have a plan.
20
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:44,385
- Hmm.
21
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:49,056
Ohiosugardaddies. Com.
22
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:51,258
Rich older men looking
for younger women.
23
00:00:51,293 --> 00:00:54,562
Which one are you?
24
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,364
- For your information, I signed up.
25
00:00:56,398 --> 00:00:58,466
I sent in a picture and everything.
26
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:02,003
- This is your head shot from 1981.
27
00:01:02,037 --> 00:01:03,537
"special skills:
28
00:01:03,572 --> 00:01:07,274
Weapons, fluent in Japanese.
Ventriloquism"?
29
00:01:07,309 --> 00:01:08,809
Ventriloquism?
30
00:01:08,844 --> 00:01:11,879
- [squeaky voice] help!
I'm stuck in the refrigerator.
31
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:16,851
- Need a refill?
32
00:01:16,885 --> 00:01:20,788
- Oh, you've got that right, skeletor.
33
00:01:20,822 --> 00:01:23,791
- What are you doing?
34
00:01:23,825 --> 00:01:26,027
- Getting drunk.
35
00:01:26,061 --> 00:01:28,796
It's the only way
I'm going to get over Max.
36
00:01:28,830 --> 00:01:31,165
- Oh, it's so sad
that you two broke up.
37
00:01:31,199 --> 00:01:32,667
- She had to.
38
00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:37,004
She's under indictment and
Max's son is running for office.
39
00:01:37,039 --> 00:01:40,508
- I'll be fine after a 24-hour bender.
40
00:01:40,542 --> 00:01:42,910
Benders fix everything.
41
00:01:42,944 --> 00:01:46,380
Except quitting alcohol.
42
00:01:46,415 --> 00:01:49,016
- So how far in are you?
43
00:01:49,051 --> 00:01:50,351
- Uh...
44
00:01:52,521 --> 00:01:53,988
Uh...
45
00:01:54,022 --> 00:01:56,290
Eight hours.
46
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,725
Maybe 20.
47
00:01:57,759 --> 00:02:01,629
My watch might be upside down.
48
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,397
- You don't sound drunk.
49
00:02:03,432 --> 00:02:05,166
- I'm stinko.
50
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,135
You can tell 'cause
my edit button's turned off.
51
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:11,005
- You have an edit button?
- You tell me.
52
00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:15,943
What's dumb, flat, and
needs to shave her mustache?
53
00:02:15,977 --> 00:02:19,246
Spoiler alert: It's you.
54
00:02:19,281 --> 00:02:22,917
- I'll be damned.
55
00:02:22,951 --> 00:02:24,085
- Hey, morning guys.
56
00:02:24,119 --> 00:02:25,119
Um, listen.
57
00:02:25,153 --> 00:02:26,520
You know I hate to ask for favors.
58
00:02:26,555 --> 00:02:28,589
Although I don't mind being
asked because help
59
00:02:28,623 --> 00:02:30,357
Is a gift I can always afford to give.
60
00:02:30,392 --> 00:02:33,994
But, anyway, um, Pete's family reunion
61
00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,563
Is this evening,
and since I'm going to be
62
00:02:35,597 --> 00:02:37,064
Meeting his mom
for the very first time,
63
00:02:37,099 --> 00:02:38,299
I could use my family there.
64
00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:39,667
That's you guys.
65
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:44,071
- Ugh, booooring!
66
00:02:44,106 --> 00:02:45,773
- Oh...
67
00:02:45,807 --> 00:02:49,043
Poor thing, she's taking this
Max break-up pretty hard, huh?
68
00:02:49,077 --> 00:02:50,211
But you guys will be there, right?
69
00:02:50,245 --> 00:02:52,279
Please?
- Oh, fine, I'll go.
70
00:02:52,314 --> 00:02:53,781
It will help me get my green card
71
00:02:53,815 --> 00:02:55,583
If Rick and I are
seen out as a couple.
72
00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:58,219
- And I might make it
if I can find a date.
73
00:02:58,253 --> 00:03:00,054
[cash register opening]
74
00:03:00,088 --> 00:03:01,455
- Ooh!
75
00:03:01,490 --> 00:03:03,958
I got a bite.
76
00:03:03,992 --> 00:03:05,559
- She's trying to
meet an old rich guy.
77
00:03:05,594 --> 00:03:09,029
- Not trying, my friends. Succeeding.
78
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,131
- What's he look like?
79
00:03:10,165 --> 00:03:12,066
- Look like? Oh, don't be shallow.
80
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,401
He's a billionaire!
81
00:03:14,436 --> 00:03:16,537
I accept.
82
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:22,143
[slot machine hitting jackpot]
83
00:03:30,152 --> 00:03:32,987
- [humming softly]
84
00:03:33,021 --> 00:03:37,458
- Look, I know this is awkward.
But I really am grateful.
85
00:03:37,492 --> 00:03:39,160
- Oh, it works for both of us.
86
00:03:39,194 --> 00:03:40,694
You get your green card,
87
00:03:40,729 --> 00:03:45,399
And I get the aura
of an Alpha predator.
88
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:49,737
Who deserves... nay, who
takes...an Alpha female.
89
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,807
- You really think being with me
is going to get you girls?
90
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:54,408
- Exhibit a.
91
00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:57,945
The picture that I've been
showing around town of us.
92
00:03:57,979 --> 00:04:01,982
And exhibit b, the phone numbers
of the women whose shoulders
93
00:04:02,017 --> 00:04:04,051
I will, as soon as we have broken up,
94
00:04:04,085 --> 00:04:06,887
Moisten with my tears.
95
00:04:06,922 --> 00:04:09,690
I've also been showing around
the ring that I got you.
96
00:04:09,724 --> 00:04:11,625
- Oh, my goodness. It's huge.
97
00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:14,895
Let's hope that's not the last
time I hear you say that.
98
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,900
Looks real, doesn't it?
99
00:04:19,935 --> 00:04:21,702
It, uh, also helps
answer the question of
100
00:04:21,736 --> 00:04:23,137
"What's she doing with him?"
101
00:04:23,171 --> 00:04:24,305
- Mm. [Doorbell rings]
102
00:04:24,339 --> 00:04:27,007
Oh, just remember,
stick to the script.
103
00:04:27,042 --> 00:04:29,043
Where we met, families,
morning routines.
104
00:04:29,077 --> 00:04:30,277
No additions.
105
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,346
- Oh, you will sneak in
a mention of my masterful
106
00:04:32,380 --> 00:04:35,583
Early morning lovemaking?
107
00:04:35,617 --> 00:04:39,386
- Green card, green card,
green card, green card.
108
00:04:39,421 --> 00:04:41,488
- Hi, I'm Ellen szymborska,
Pete's cousin.
109
00:04:41,523 --> 00:04:43,858
- Hi, I'm Joy.
Thanks again for coming.
110
00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:45,626
I know what a big favor this is.
111
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:46,694
- Greetings, my lady.
112
00:04:46,728 --> 00:04:48,128
I don't mean to embarrass you,
113
00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:51,232
But you are much too pretty
to be an immigration lawyer.
114
00:04:51,266 --> 00:04:52,600
- Oh! [Laughs]
115
00:04:52,634 --> 00:04:55,769
Isn't she? Show the ring.
116
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:02,810
- Okay, I think that's it
for the preliminary paperwork.
117
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,246
- Good job, Ellen.
- Thank you, Rick.
118
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:06,614
But this is the easy part.
119
00:05:06,648 --> 00:05:08,883
You still have to see ins,
and they are going to grill you
120
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,751
To prove that Joy's not
marrying you for a green card.
121
00:05:10,785 --> 00:05:12,453
- Oh, heh.
- As if!
122
00:05:12,487 --> 00:05:14,388
I love this guy.
123
00:05:14,422 --> 00:05:17,658
So much.
124
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:20,027
- And I love you so much, baby.
125
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,339
- So, how did you two meet, anyway?
126
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,909
- Oh, I can tell you exactly...
- I wanna tell, baby.
127
00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:38,445
Sometimes I tack a sheet
on the side of my garage,
128
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,782
And hold an outdoor movie night
for the neighbor kids.
129
00:05:41,816 --> 00:05:43,083
- Oh!
- Mm-Hmm.
130
00:05:43,118 --> 00:05:45,119
- That's not how it happened...
131
00:05:45,153 --> 00:05:46,153
- One night, I was showing dumbo,
132
00:05:46,187 --> 00:05:47,454
Which is my favorite movie.
133
00:05:47,489 --> 00:05:50,190
- Oh, I love dumbo.- Of course, so moving.
134
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:54,795
And, uh, Joy came over to, uh,
complain about the noise.
135
00:05:54,829 --> 00:05:58,065
- No, no.
- And I started crying.
136
00:05:58,099 --> 00:06:01,568
Not because she yelled at me.
But because of the movie.
137
00:06:01,603 --> 00:06:03,604
- Oh, how could anyone
not cry at dumbo?
138
00:06:03,638 --> 00:06:05,839
- And for some reason,
we just clicked.
139
00:06:05,874 --> 00:06:08,275
Me, the most sentimental,
140
00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:10,544
Disney-loving softie on the planet,
141
00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:14,782
And this angry hothead
who never cries.
142
00:06:14,816 --> 00:06:19,219
- Oh, you.
143
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,689
That's not exactly how it happened.
144
00:06:21,723 --> 00:06:22,890
- Wow, that's, like, the eighth time
145
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:23,924
You've corrected him.
146
00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:25,592
- No...ls it?
147
00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:28,295
- Yeah.
148
00:06:28,330 --> 00:06:31,865
- I'm a bitch.
- Oh!
149
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:33,867
- Actually, I meant it's a good thing.
150
00:06:33,902 --> 00:06:35,436
We can always tell a fake couple
151
00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:36,870
Because their stories
are too consistent.
152
00:06:36,905 --> 00:06:38,305
- Ah.
153
00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:39,440
- You're a lucky woman, Joy.
154
00:06:39,474 --> 00:06:41,141
- Especially early in the morning.
155
00:06:41,176 --> 00:06:42,543
I mean, before 6:00.
156
00:06:42,577 --> 00:06:44,244
- Yes.
157
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,613
We're all so lucky, really.
158
00:06:46,648 --> 00:06:50,117
- See you tonight at the party.
159
00:06:50,151 --> 00:06:52,486
I think I'm in love.
160
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,789
- Will you at least marry me
before you start cheating?
161
00:06:55,824 --> 00:06:58,926
- Oh.
162
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,794
- Oh, she's gonna hate me. I know it.
163
00:07:00,829 --> 00:07:02,096
- Honey, how could anyone hate you?
164
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,832
You'll be fine. Just be you.
165
00:07:04,866 --> 00:07:06,266
Is that really what you're wearing?
166
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,435
- What?
- I'm teasing.
167
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:09,803
- Girls don't like teasing.
168
00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:13,073
It's worse than sex in the morning.
169
00:07:13,108 --> 00:07:17,077
- Hey, uncle Ned.
170
00:07:17,112 --> 00:07:19,646
- Relax, mom just wants
to make sure you're not some
171
00:07:19,681 --> 00:07:21,615
Plastic Hollywood floozy.
172
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:23,384
- You're teasing again.
173
00:07:23,418 --> 00:07:24,685
- Not really, no.
174
00:07:24,719 --> 00:07:26,720
Mom's very old world.
175
00:07:26,755 --> 00:07:28,255
Like, she's still mad at me for
176
00:07:28,289 --> 00:07:30,124
Dropping out of seminary
to join the police force.
177
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:32,793
- Well, God's loss is my gain.
178
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:35,929
- Hmm.
179
00:07:35,964 --> 00:07:38,665
[audience cheers]
180
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,834
- Disgusting!
181
00:07:40,869 --> 00:07:43,604
- I thought you said she
was not a California floozy.
182
00:07:43,638 --> 00:07:46,206
- Mom, hi.
- No, no, no.
183
00:07:46,241 --> 00:07:48,709
Not after that.
184
00:07:48,743 --> 00:07:53,180
- Melanie, this
is my mother, Agnieszka.
185
00:07:53,214 --> 00:07:56,984
- It's no nice to meet you.
186
00:07:57,018 --> 00:08:00,354
Agnieszka.
That must be Polish for Agnes.
187
00:08:00,388 --> 00:08:05,692
Like Agnes Morehead, the mean
mother-in-law on bewitched.
188
00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:08,796
Uh, not to say that you're mean.
189
00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:11,632
Or a witch.
190
00:08:11,666 --> 00:08:14,368
Did I say nice to meet you?
191
00:08:14,402 --> 00:08:17,404
- She's talkie, and
much older than I thought.
192
00:08:17,439 --> 00:08:20,140
And too skinny.
193
00:08:20,175 --> 00:08:21,708
- Too skinny?
194
00:08:21,743 --> 00:08:24,645
I like her.
195
00:08:27,302 --> 00:08:28,436
- Divorced.
196
00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:31,639
So, you abandoned
your duty to your husband.
197
00:08:31,673 --> 00:08:34,976
- Well, actually,
he was seeing other women.
198
00:08:35,010 --> 00:08:37,245
- So, you are frigid.
199
00:08:37,279 --> 00:08:39,981
- No! No, ask Pete.
200
00:08:40,015 --> 00:08:41,983
I mean, don't ask Pete.
201
00:08:42,017 --> 00:08:43,017
How would he know?
202
00:08:43,051 --> 00:08:44,252
[laughing]
203
00:08:44,286 --> 00:08:46,888
Oh, why am I pretending?
No, I'm not frigid.
204
00:08:46,922 --> 00:08:48,389
I enjoy sex.
205
00:08:48,424 --> 00:08:50,191
Hello again, father Ned.
206
00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:54,362
Excuse me.
207
00:08:54,396 --> 00:08:56,097
- Well, how's it going?
208
00:08:56,131 --> 00:08:58,466
- Just as I expected.
Your mom hates me.
209
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,701
- Don't take it personally,
she's tough on everybody.
210
00:09:00,736 --> 00:09:02,437
Well, except my brother Henry.
211
00:09:02,471 --> 00:09:05,139
He was always the favorite,
and I was like second-hand Pete.
212
00:09:05,174 --> 00:09:06,741
I got all his old clothes.
213
00:09:06,775 --> 00:09:08,776
Growing up I thought Henry
szymborska was a brand.
214
00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:11,179
- Aw.
215
00:09:11,213 --> 00:09:13,614
You poor thing.
- Yeah.
216
00:09:13,649 --> 00:09:16,884
- So...Here we are.
217
00:09:16,919 --> 00:09:20,788
Honey.
218
00:09:20,823 --> 00:09:23,724
- When I touch you, I sense
every woman in the room
219
00:09:23,759 --> 00:09:26,127
Wondering why I'm not touching her.
220
00:09:26,161 --> 00:09:30,264
More sex for future Rick.
221
00:09:30,299 --> 00:09:31,833
Ah, speaking of which.
222
00:09:31,867 --> 00:09:33,067
- Hey, you guys.
223
00:09:33,101 --> 00:09:34,435
How's my favorite couple?
224
00:09:34,470 --> 00:09:35,603
- Oh, you know.
225
00:09:35,637 --> 00:09:37,238
Just coupling out.
226
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:39,607
- Ohh.
227
00:09:39,641 --> 00:09:40,708
So I spoke to a friend of mine at ins,
228
00:09:40,742 --> 00:09:42,076
And I think it's looking good.
229
00:09:42,110 --> 00:09:44,645
- Oh, God. What a relief!
230
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,981
I can't wait for this to be over.
231
00:09:47,015 --> 00:09:49,350
This ordeal, I mean.
232
00:09:49,384 --> 00:09:52,086
It's been so hard on me and my...
233
00:09:54,590 --> 00:09:56,357
Lord shackleton.
234
00:09:56,391 --> 00:09:57,625
- Who?
235
00:09:57,659 --> 00:09:59,293
- It's her pet name for me.
236
00:09:59,328 --> 00:10:01,062
He was Captain of the...
237
00:10:01,096 --> 00:10:03,197
Endurance.
238
00:10:03,232 --> 00:10:04,632
But don't worry about me.
239
00:10:04,666 --> 00:10:09,470
I would go through anything for
the sake of the woman I love.
240
00:10:09,505 --> 00:10:11,973
- Joy, you have got quite
the romantic on your hands.
241
00:10:12,007 --> 00:10:13,508
- And you don't have a drink in yours.
242
00:10:13,542 --> 00:10:16,911
Shall I remedy that?
- Well, I would love that.
243
00:10:16,945 --> 00:10:18,479
So charming.
244
00:10:18,514 --> 00:10:20,515
- Yes, he's full of it.
245
00:10:20,549 --> 00:10:22,216
Charm.
246
00:10:25,988 --> 00:10:27,622
- Hi.
- Hey.
247
00:10:27,656 --> 00:10:28,723
- How's it going with Pete's mum?
248
00:10:28,757 --> 00:10:29,790
- Oh, she hates me.
249
00:10:29,825 --> 00:10:31,459
But she hates everyone from L.A.
250
00:10:31,493 --> 00:10:32,994
Thinks we're all gold diggers.
- Hm.
251
00:10:33,028 --> 00:10:38,566
Fortunately, here's Victoria
to put her fears to rest.
252
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:43,170
- Hurry up, Oscar.
He's not getting any lighter.
253
00:10:44,773 --> 00:10:50,411
All right, my Captain.
We have arrived.
254
00:10:50,445 --> 00:10:53,447
Just go park him over there.
255
00:10:58,053 --> 00:10:59,887
- You carried that
helpless old man in.
256
00:10:59,922 --> 00:11:03,124
- I mean, seriously. He's, like, 110.
257
00:11:03,158 --> 00:11:06,360
- Oh, please. That's not for months.
258
00:11:06,395 --> 00:11:08,095
So how is it going with Pete's mom?
259
00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:09,430
Which one is she?
260
00:11:09,464 --> 00:11:12,033
- She's the one over there
with a stick up her ass.
261
00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,734
Father Ned.
262
00:11:17,205 --> 00:11:18,439
- Elka?
263
00:11:18,473 --> 00:11:20,207
- Elka! This is perfect.
264
00:11:20,242 --> 00:11:21,776
You can help me with Pete's mom.
265
00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:23,377
You're Polish. She's Polish.
266
00:11:23,412 --> 00:11:25,012
You can kiss up to her in Polish.
267
00:11:25,047 --> 00:11:26,581
Stay right here.
268
00:11:26,615 --> 00:11:29,350
- I thought that you weren't coming.
269
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:32,253
- Well, I ran out of vodka.
270
00:11:32,287 --> 00:11:35,089
And I thought I would come over
here and freshen up my drunk.
271
00:11:35,123 --> 00:11:36,324
- Hmm.
272
00:11:36,358 --> 00:11:37,892
- We had a full bottle.
273
00:11:37,926 --> 00:11:40,161
- I spilled some.
274
00:11:40,195 --> 00:11:41,696
In my mouth.
275
00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:46,100
[chuckles]
276
00:11:46,134 --> 00:11:48,035
Oh, too slow.
277
00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:53,374
- Joy, come meet my boyfriend.
But hands off, he's brittle.
278
00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:54,842
- Elka, Elka.
279
00:11:54,876 --> 00:11:58,346
Mrs. Szymborska, I would like
you to meet a friend of mine.
280
00:11:58,380 --> 00:12:00,414
This is Elka Ostrovsky.
281
00:12:00,449 --> 00:12:02,283
Also Polish.
282
00:12:02,317 --> 00:12:04,852
- So you think because
we're both from Poland
283
00:12:04,886 --> 00:12:06,354
We're going to like each other.
284
00:12:06,388 --> 00:12:08,022
- Yeah, well...Kinda. Heh heh.
285
00:12:08,056 --> 00:12:10,024
Say something nice.
286
00:12:10,058 --> 00:12:13,794
- [speaking Polish]
287
00:12:16,498 --> 00:12:21,035
- And that goes double for me.
288
00:12:21,069 --> 00:12:23,437
- Ooh, I think that's for me.
289
00:12:24,673 --> 00:12:26,507
- Oh, my God.
290
00:12:26,541 --> 00:12:28,643
Joy, look who just walked in.
291
00:12:28,677 --> 00:12:30,811
- Well, I ran out
of vodka at the house.
292
00:12:30,846 --> 00:12:34,315
- No, we already know that.
No, I'm talking about him.
293
00:12:34,349 --> 00:12:36,617
- It's Hank. This is terrible.
294
00:12:36,652 --> 00:12:40,021
- He looks all right to me.
295
00:12:40,055 --> 00:12:42,089
- No, Hank's the plumber
Melanie slept with
296
00:12:42,124 --> 00:12:43,324
The first day we were here.
297
00:12:43,358 --> 00:12:44,992
- Yeah, the one who
turned out to be married.
298
00:12:45,027 --> 00:12:46,127
Now, we've gotta warn Melanie.
299
00:12:46,161 --> 00:12:48,295
- But she's with Pete.
300
00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:50,464
- Well, I guess our only
choice is to just stay here
301
00:12:50,499 --> 00:12:52,733
And stare at Hank.
302
00:12:52,768 --> 00:12:56,637
And imagine what he looks like naked.
303
00:12:56,672 --> 00:13:00,908
- I'm way ahead of you.
304
00:13:02,577 --> 00:13:05,680
- Finally, Henry's here!
- Mama.
305
00:13:05,714 --> 00:13:06,681
Both: Mwah, mwah!
306
00:13:06,715 --> 00:13:08,582
- Hank! Hey, bro.
307
00:13:14,423 --> 00:13:16,757
- Ha, ha, ha! Hank...
308
00:13:16,792 --> 00:13:18,059
Is your brother?
309
00:13:18,093 --> 00:13:19,360
- Yeah, that's right.
310
00:13:19,394 --> 00:13:20,728
I've been waiting for this forever.
311
00:13:20,762 --> 00:13:23,964
"second-hand Pete" no more.
312
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,043
- Hank, say hello
to my girlfriend, Melanie.
313
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,645
- Nice to meet you, Melanie.
314
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,081
- Yes, likewise.
315
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,082
Hank, was it?
316
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,683
- Yeah.
317
00:13:37,718 --> 00:13:39,485
- Honey, would you freshen my drink?
318
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,321
- It's full.
319
00:13:42,356 --> 00:13:45,925
- But it's not fresh.
320
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,027
- Hank, okay, listen.
321
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:49,795
Before you say anything, let's agree.
322
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,931
It never happened.
We don't know each other.
323
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:52,999
We're complete strangers.
324
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,734
- My God, you're beautiful.
325
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:57,503
- You're married,
I'm dating your brother.
326
00:13:57,538 --> 00:13:58,971
Why would you say that?
327
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,473
- Because I have not stopped
thinking about you
328
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:01,741
Since that night on the boat.
329
00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:04,877
I know it's wrong,
and I love my brother.
330
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:08,414
But it doesn't change the way I feel.
331
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,883
- Yeah, but I don't
feel that way about you.
332
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:13,619
- I don't believe you.
333
00:14:13,654 --> 00:14:14,921
Meet me outside for a kiss. Come on.
334
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,690
- Are you crazy?
335
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,158
- Look, if you don't
feel anything, fine.
336
00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:20,293
I'll move on.
337
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,627
But if there's so much as a spark,
338
00:14:21,662 --> 00:14:23,596
I'm gonna keep after you
'till you're mine.
339
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,331
- Ohh.
340
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,300
Ooh!
341
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,035
- What happened? Are you okay?
342
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:32,605
- No, I feel like I'm in one of
Victoria's edge of tomorrow's.
343
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,041
- Well, honor Saint raven did
have a situation like this,
344
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,844
But it wasn't the same because
Hank isn't a re-animated corpse.
345
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:42,415
- Like your date.
346
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,156
- You know, the worst part is...
347
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,258
Pete just wants
to rub me in Hank's face.
348
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,261
- I thought you already
did that on his boat.
349
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:03,803
- Hank wants me to meet him outside,
350
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:05,738
So he can kiss me and see
if there's still a spark.
351
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,039
- That's a terrible idea.
352
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:10,042
- Do it, he's hot.
353
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:12,678
- I am gonna do it,
but not because he's hot.
354
00:15:12,713 --> 00:15:14,880
Because he promised if I felt nothing,
355
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:16,249
Than he would just leave me alone.
356
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,751
I wish I could burp up some sausage.
357
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:22,021
- Mm.
358
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,857
- What a beautiful ring you gave her.
359
00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:30,096
- Well, a beautiful hand
deserves a beautiful ring.
360
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,098
- Ellen, would you
excuse us for a moment?
361
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,833
- Sure.
362
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,234
He's quite a keeper.
363
00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:38,938
- Of course, some
wild things can't be kept.
364
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:42,608
- Will you stop
flirting with our lawyer?
365
00:15:42,643 --> 00:15:44,110
You're gonna ruin the whole thing.
366
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,778
- I'm just warming her up for later.
367
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,748
- You're overcooking her.
368
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,117
- Don't blame the fire for being hot.
369
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,556
- Okay, come on.
Let's get this over th.
370
00:15:57,591 --> 00:15:58,924
Okay, if I don't feel anything,
371
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,393
You promise to drop it, right?
372
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,495
- I promise.
- Okay.
373
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,035
- Yeah, sorry. Nothing.
374
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,870
- Hey, Melanie.
375
00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:12,638
Please.
- You promised, Hank.
376
00:16:12,673 --> 00:16:14,006
- Honey!
- Don't call me honey.
377
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:16,609
- Hi, honey.
- Honey!
378
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,210
You must be honey. [Chuckles]
379
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:19,512
- Hi.
- Hi.
380
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,280
- Well, good, you were able
to make it after all.
381
00:16:21,315 --> 00:16:22,415
- Yeah.
382
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:23,849
- Uh, Melanie, this is my wife Linda.
383
00:16:23,884 --> 00:16:27,053
Linda, this is Melanie.
Melanie is Pete's girlfriend.
384
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,789
- Oh, nice to meet you.
- So nice to meet you, too.
385
00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,891
Yeah, Hank was just making sure
that I'm the right girl.
386
00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:32,958
For his baby brother.
387
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,427
And I hope now you have proof.
388
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,462
That Pete is the only man for me.
389
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,265
- Oh, well, Pete's a great guy.
390
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,900
So that's good to hear.
391
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,068
- Yeah, yeah. I'm lucky to have him.
392
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,169
- Hmm.
393
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,870
- As you two are
lucky to have each other.
394
00:16:44,905 --> 00:16:46,238
You know, 'cause as the kids say,
395
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,540
Love is da bomb.
396
00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:49,542
Do kids still say that?
397
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,911
Discuss, gotta go.
398
00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:54,046
- Your date doesn't look so hot.
399
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,414
- Oh, don't be ridiculous.
400
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:58,784
Winston is an extremely
handsome and dapper man
401
00:16:58,819 --> 00:17:01,754
Without any living heirs.
402
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:05,224
- No, I mean,
he's not looking so alive.
403
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,226
- [imitating winston]
oh, I'm just a little tired.
404
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:11,263
Oh Elka, can't you see
that he just needs to rest?
405
00:17:13,302 --> 00:17:16,671
- I saw your lips move.
406
00:17:16,705 --> 00:17:19,173
- [imitating winston] darling,
your friend smells like a still.
407
00:17:19,208 --> 00:17:21,542
Oh, Winston. You behave yourself.
408
00:17:21,577 --> 00:17:24,312
Ooh, diamond encrusted.
409
00:17:24,346 --> 00:17:26,247
- What's this note?
410
00:17:26,281 --> 00:17:29,550
"on the website you looked younger.
411
00:17:29,585 --> 00:17:32,453
Take me home."
412
00:17:35,991 --> 00:17:39,494
[all cheering]
413
00:17:39,528 --> 00:17:42,163
- That's my Pete, that's my boyfriend!
414
00:17:42,197 --> 00:17:44,632
- Wow, I should play darts more often.
415
00:17:44,666 --> 00:17:46,234
- Climb down from him!
416
00:17:46,268 --> 00:17:50,605
You're not at work,
and he is not a pole.
417
00:17:53,108 --> 00:17:55,576
- Well, actually he is a pole.
You're all poles.
418
00:17:55,611 --> 00:17:58,312
[laughing]
419
00:17:58,347 --> 00:17:59,714
Yeah, nothing?
420
00:17:59,748 --> 00:18:01,449
I give up.
421
00:18:01,483 --> 00:18:02,683
- Your brother.
422
00:18:02,718 --> 00:18:04,352
You would not see him
with a girl like this.
423
00:18:04,386 --> 00:18:07,822
- No, you know, mom, Hank's
had a lot of things before me
424
00:18:07,856 --> 00:18:09,757
And better than me, but not Melanie.
425
00:18:09,792 --> 00:18:13,294
[tapping glass]
um, excuse me, everybody.
426
00:18:13,328 --> 00:18:16,597
I'd like to make a toast.
427
00:18:16,632 --> 00:18:20,101
Tonight I feel like
the luckiest guy in the world.
428
00:18:20,135 --> 00:18:23,771
Having this wonderful
woman by my side, and, uh...
429
00:18:23,806 --> 00:18:24,972
Well...
430
00:18:25,007 --> 00:18:26,174
To Melanie.
431
00:18:26,208 --> 00:18:28,075
- Wait.
432
00:18:28,110 --> 00:18:29,811
Before we drink,
433
00:18:29,845 --> 00:18:33,481
I need to say something
about Melanie too.
434
00:18:33,515 --> 00:18:35,483
The truth is...
- is so overrated.
435
00:18:35,517 --> 00:18:39,687
Bottoms-up, everybody! Ha, ha!
436
00:18:39,721 --> 00:18:41,689
- I'm so happy that my little brother
437
00:18:41,723 --> 00:18:45,159
Has met a wonderful woman
who is crazy about him.
438
00:18:45,194 --> 00:18:46,160
To them.
439
00:18:46,195 --> 00:18:48,396
- Nostrovia.
440
00:18:48,430 --> 00:18:50,398
- I thought you were
gonna tell everyone how
441
00:18:50,432 --> 00:18:52,333
You two hooked up on your boat
442
00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:54,302
The first night she got here.
443
00:19:04,992 --> 00:19:06,359
- Well, now we know there are 15 ways
444
00:19:06,394 --> 00:19:08,161
To say "whore" in Polish.
445
00:19:08,195 --> 00:19:11,831
- Such a beautiful language.
446
00:19:11,866 --> 00:19:14,434
- And no more Pete.
447
00:19:14,468 --> 00:19:16,136
I guess there's just
no coming back from,
448
00:19:16,170 --> 00:19:18,138
"I slept with your brother."
449
00:19:18,172 --> 00:19:20,040
- I am so sorry, Melanie.
450
00:19:20,074 --> 00:19:21,341
- Elka, it's okay.
451
00:19:21,375 --> 00:19:23,276
Pete would have found out eventually.
452
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:25,478
So, I guess I lost a boyfriend.
453
00:19:25,513 --> 00:19:29,115
- Well, at least you didn't
lose a fiance to an ins lawyer.
454
00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:34,487
And I lost the chance
at a quick green card.
455
00:19:34,522 --> 00:19:36,222
Still, better the long arm of the law
456
00:19:36,257 --> 00:19:39,559
Than the clammy hands of the Rick.
457
00:19:39,593 --> 00:19:41,861
I think he sprained my finger
pulling that ring off.
458
00:19:41,896 --> 00:19:45,198
- Well, you two lost men.
I lost my mind.
459
00:19:45,232 --> 00:19:46,599
I mean, if I'd married him,
460
00:19:46,634 --> 00:19:48,134
I wouldn't be able to
look at myself in the mirror.
461
00:19:48,169 --> 00:19:49,335
And who am I
462
00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:52,205
If I can't look at myself
in the mirror?
463
00:19:52,239 --> 00:19:55,241
- So, we're four single girls
on a Saturday night.
464
00:19:55,276 --> 00:19:56,676
[cash register dings]
465
00:19:56,710 --> 00:19:57,811
- Victoria!
466
00:19:57,845 --> 00:19:59,245
- Wait, that's not me.
467
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,814
- It's me.
468
00:20:00,848 --> 00:20:05,051
I sent in a slightly younger
picture of myself.
469
00:20:05,086 --> 00:20:08,521
- A cave drawing?
470
00:20:15,029 --> 00:20:17,363
- I signed up when my bender was over.
471
00:20:17,398 --> 00:20:19,432
In fact, that's my screen name.
472
00:20:19,467 --> 00:20:22,202
"bender over."
473
00:20:24,305 --> 00:20:25,905
[cash register dinging]
474
00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:28,942
sync and correct by dr.jackson
www.addic7ed.com
475
00:20:31,345 --> 00:20:32,745
- Come on, avid, is that all you got?
476
00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:34,280
Move those little bird legs.
477
00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:38,880
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