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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,952 --> 00:00:04,452 [Hot in Cleveland is recorded in front of live studio audience] 2 00:00:04,547 --> 00:00:06,367 All right then. Bye. 3 00:00:07,683 --> 00:00:09,050 I'm not gonna say it. 4 00:00:09,084 --> 00:00:11,152 I don't want to say it. 5 00:00:11,186 --> 00:00:13,020 You are such an old woman. 6 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,923 Fine. I love you, too. 7 00:00:15,958 --> 00:00:17,158 - Your mother? 8 00:00:17,192 --> 00:00:20,094 - My fake fiance. 9 00:00:20,128 --> 00:00:22,964 We're meeting the immigration lawyer, and Rick's insisting 10 00:00:22,998 --> 00:00:24,265 We act like a real couple. 11 00:00:24,299 --> 00:00:26,267 I mean, do people really say, "I love you" that much? 12 00:00:26,301 --> 00:00:28,936 It's gross. 13 00:00:28,971 --> 00:00:30,605 No word from your jailed accountant? 14 00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:32,473 - Nomy assets are still frozen. 15 00:00:32,507 --> 00:00:34,675 I am officially broke. 16 00:00:34,710 --> 00:00:36,611 - Oh, now. You still have your health. 17 00:00:36,645 --> 00:00:38,145 And the love of your friends. 18 00:00:38,180 --> 00:00:41,549 - I can't even laugh at your dark English humor anymore. 19 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,384 But that's okay, because I have a plan. 20 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:44,385 - Hmm. 21 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:49,056 Ohiosugardaddies. Com. 22 00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:51,258 Rich older men looking for younger women. 23 00:00:51,293 --> 00:00:54,562 Which one are you? 24 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,364 - For your information, I signed up. 25 00:00:56,398 --> 00:00:58,466 I sent in a picture and everything. 26 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:02,003 - This is your head shot from 1981. 27 00:01:02,037 --> 00:01:03,537 "special skills: 28 00:01:03,572 --> 00:01:07,274 Weapons, fluent in Japanese. Ventriloquism"? 29 00:01:07,309 --> 00:01:08,809 Ventriloquism? 30 00:01:08,844 --> 00:01:11,879 - [squeaky voice] help! I'm stuck in the refrigerator. 31 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:16,851 - Need a refill? 32 00:01:16,885 --> 00:01:20,788 - Oh, you've got that right, skeletor. 33 00:01:20,822 --> 00:01:23,791 - What are you doing? 34 00:01:23,825 --> 00:01:26,027 - Getting drunk. 35 00:01:26,061 --> 00:01:28,796 It's the only way I'm going to get over Max. 36 00:01:28,830 --> 00:01:31,165 - Oh, it's so sad that you two broke up. 37 00:01:31,199 --> 00:01:32,667 - She had to. 38 00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:37,004 She's under indictment and Max's son is running for office. 39 00:01:37,039 --> 00:01:40,508 - I'll be fine after a 24-hour bender. 40 00:01:40,542 --> 00:01:42,910 Benders fix everything. 41 00:01:42,944 --> 00:01:46,380 Except quitting alcohol. 42 00:01:46,415 --> 00:01:49,016 - So how far in are you? 43 00:01:49,051 --> 00:01:50,351 - Uh... 44 00:01:52,521 --> 00:01:53,988 Uh... 45 00:01:54,022 --> 00:01:56,290 Eight hours. 46 00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,725 Maybe 20. 47 00:01:57,759 --> 00:02:01,629 My watch might be upside down. 48 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,397 - You don't sound drunk. 49 00:02:03,432 --> 00:02:05,166 - I'm stinko. 50 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,135 You can tell 'cause my edit button's turned off. 51 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:11,005 - You have an edit button? - You tell me. 52 00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:15,943 What's dumb, flat, and needs to shave her mustache? 53 00:02:15,977 --> 00:02:19,246 Spoiler alert: It's you. 54 00:02:19,281 --> 00:02:22,917 - I'll be damned. 55 00:02:22,951 --> 00:02:24,085 - Hey, morning guys. 56 00:02:24,119 --> 00:02:25,119 Um, listen. 57 00:02:25,153 --> 00:02:26,520 You know I hate to ask for favors. 58 00:02:26,555 --> 00:02:28,589 Although I don't mind being asked because help 59 00:02:28,623 --> 00:02:30,357 Is a gift I can always afford to give. 60 00:02:30,392 --> 00:02:33,994 But, anyway, um, Pete's family reunion 61 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,563 Is this evening, and since I'm going to be 62 00:02:35,597 --> 00:02:37,064 Meeting his mom for the very first time, 63 00:02:37,099 --> 00:02:38,299 I could use my family there. 64 00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:39,667 That's you guys. 65 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:44,071 - Ugh, booooring! 66 00:02:44,106 --> 00:02:45,773 - Oh... 67 00:02:45,807 --> 00:02:49,043 Poor thing, she's taking this Max break-up pretty hard, huh? 68 00:02:49,077 --> 00:02:50,211 But you guys will be there, right? 69 00:02:50,245 --> 00:02:52,279 Please? - Oh, fine, I'll go. 70 00:02:52,314 --> 00:02:53,781 It will help me get my green card 71 00:02:53,815 --> 00:02:55,583 If Rick and I are seen out as a couple. 72 00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:58,219 - And I might make it if I can find a date. 73 00:02:58,253 --> 00:03:00,054 [cash register opening] 74 00:03:00,088 --> 00:03:01,455 - Ooh! 75 00:03:01,490 --> 00:03:03,958 I got a bite. 76 00:03:03,992 --> 00:03:05,559 - She's trying to meet an old rich guy. 77 00:03:05,594 --> 00:03:09,029 - Not trying, my friends. Succeeding. 78 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,131 - What's he look like? 79 00:03:10,165 --> 00:03:12,066 - Look like? Oh, don't be shallow. 80 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,401 He's a billionaire! 81 00:03:14,436 --> 00:03:16,537 I accept. 82 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:22,143 [slot machine hitting jackpot] 83 00:03:30,152 --> 00:03:32,987 - [humming softly] 84 00:03:33,021 --> 00:03:37,458 - Look, I know this is awkward. But I really am grateful. 85 00:03:37,492 --> 00:03:39,160 - Oh, it works for both of us. 86 00:03:39,194 --> 00:03:40,694 You get your green card, 87 00:03:40,729 --> 00:03:45,399 And I get the aura of an Alpha predator. 88 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:49,737 Who deserves... nay, who takes...an Alpha female. 89 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,807 - You really think being with me is going to get you girls? 90 00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:54,408 - Exhibit a. 91 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:57,945 The picture that I've been showing around town of us. 92 00:03:57,979 --> 00:04:01,982 And exhibit b, the phone numbers of the women whose shoulders 93 00:04:02,017 --> 00:04:04,051 I will, as soon as we have broken up, 94 00:04:04,085 --> 00:04:06,887 Moisten with my tears. 95 00:04:06,922 --> 00:04:09,690 I've also been showing around the ring that I got you. 96 00:04:09,724 --> 00:04:11,625 - Oh, my goodness. It's huge. 97 00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:14,895 Let's hope that's not the last time I hear you say that. 98 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,900 Looks real, doesn't it? 99 00:04:19,935 --> 00:04:21,702 It, uh, also helps answer the question of 100 00:04:21,736 --> 00:04:23,137 "What's she doing with him?" 101 00:04:23,171 --> 00:04:24,305 - Mm. [Doorbell rings] 102 00:04:24,339 --> 00:04:27,007 Oh, just remember, stick to the script. 103 00:04:27,042 --> 00:04:29,043 Where we met, families, morning routines. 104 00:04:29,077 --> 00:04:30,277 No additions. 105 00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,346 - Oh, you will sneak in a mention of my masterful 106 00:04:32,380 --> 00:04:35,583 Early morning lovemaking? 107 00:04:35,617 --> 00:04:39,386 - Green card, green card, green card, green card. 108 00:04:39,421 --> 00:04:41,488 - Hi, I'm Ellen szymborska, Pete's cousin. 109 00:04:41,523 --> 00:04:43,858 - Hi, I'm Joy. Thanks again for coming. 110 00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:45,626 I know what a big favor this is. 111 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:46,694 - Greetings, my lady. 112 00:04:46,728 --> 00:04:48,128 I don't mean to embarrass you, 113 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:51,232 But you are much too pretty to be an immigration lawyer. 114 00:04:51,266 --> 00:04:52,600 - Oh! [Laughs] 115 00:04:52,634 --> 00:04:55,769 Isn't she? Show the ring. 116 00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:02,810 - Okay, I think that's it for the preliminary paperwork. 117 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,246 - Good job, Ellen. - Thank you, Rick. 118 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:06,614 But this is the easy part. 119 00:05:06,648 --> 00:05:08,883 You still have to see ins, and they are going to grill you 120 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,751 To prove that Joy's not marrying you for a green card. 121 00:05:10,785 --> 00:05:12,453 - Oh, heh. - As if! 122 00:05:12,487 --> 00:05:14,388 I love this guy. 123 00:05:14,422 --> 00:05:17,658 So much. 124 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:20,027 - And I love you so much, baby. 125 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,339 - So, how did you two meet, anyway? 126 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,909 - Oh, I can tell you exactly... - I wanna tell, baby. 127 00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:38,445 Sometimes I tack a sheet on the side of my garage, 128 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,782 And hold an outdoor movie night for the neighbor kids. 129 00:05:41,816 --> 00:05:43,083 - Oh! - Mm-Hmm. 130 00:05:43,118 --> 00:05:45,119 - That's not how it happened... 131 00:05:45,153 --> 00:05:46,153 - One night, I was showing dumbo, 132 00:05:46,187 --> 00:05:47,454 Which is my favorite movie. 133 00:05:47,489 --> 00:05:50,190 - Oh, I love dumbo. - Of course, so moving. 134 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:54,795 And, uh, Joy came over to, uh, complain about the noise. 135 00:05:54,829 --> 00:05:58,065 - No, no. - And I started crying. 136 00:05:58,099 --> 00:06:01,568 Not because she yelled at me. But because of the movie. 137 00:06:01,603 --> 00:06:03,604 - Oh, how could anyone not cry at dumbo? 138 00:06:03,638 --> 00:06:05,839 - And for some reason, we just clicked. 139 00:06:05,874 --> 00:06:08,275 Me, the most sentimental, 140 00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:10,544 Disney-loving softie on the planet, 141 00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:14,782 And this angry hothead who never cries. 142 00:06:14,816 --> 00:06:19,219 - Oh, you. 143 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,689 That's not exactly how it happened. 144 00:06:21,723 --> 00:06:22,890 - Wow, that's, like, the eighth time 145 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:23,924 You've corrected him. 146 00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:25,592 - No...ls it? 147 00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:28,295 - Yeah. 148 00:06:28,330 --> 00:06:31,865 - I'm a bitch. - Oh! 149 00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:33,867 - Actually, I meant it's a good thing. 150 00:06:33,902 --> 00:06:35,436 We can always tell a fake couple 151 00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:36,870 Because their stories are too consistent. 152 00:06:36,905 --> 00:06:38,305 - Ah. 153 00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:39,440 - You're a lucky woman, Joy. 154 00:06:39,474 --> 00:06:41,141 - Especially early in the morning. 155 00:06:41,176 --> 00:06:42,543 I mean, before 6:00. 156 00:06:42,577 --> 00:06:44,244 - Yes. 157 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,613 We're all so lucky, really. 158 00:06:46,648 --> 00:06:50,117 - See you tonight at the party. 159 00:06:50,151 --> 00:06:52,486 I think I'm in love. 160 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,789 - Will you at least marry me before you start cheating? 161 00:06:55,824 --> 00:06:58,926 - Oh. 162 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,794 - Oh, she's gonna hate me. I know it. 163 00:07:00,829 --> 00:07:02,096 - Honey, how could anyone hate you? 164 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,832 You'll be fine. Just be you. 165 00:07:04,866 --> 00:07:06,266 Is that really what you're wearing? 166 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,435 - What? - I'm teasing. 167 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:09,803 - Girls don't like teasing. 168 00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:13,073 It's worse than sex in the morning. 169 00:07:13,108 --> 00:07:17,077 - Hey, uncle Ned. 170 00:07:17,112 --> 00:07:19,646 - Relax, mom just wants to make sure you're not some 171 00:07:19,681 --> 00:07:21,615 Plastic Hollywood floozy. 172 00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:23,384 - You're teasing again. 173 00:07:23,418 --> 00:07:24,685 - Not really, no. 174 00:07:24,719 --> 00:07:26,720 Mom's very old world. 175 00:07:26,755 --> 00:07:28,255 Like, she's still mad at me for 176 00:07:28,289 --> 00:07:30,124 Dropping out of seminary to join the police force. 177 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:32,793 - Well, God's loss is my gain. 178 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:35,929 - Hmm. 179 00:07:35,964 --> 00:07:38,665 [audience cheers] 180 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,834 - Disgusting! 181 00:07:40,869 --> 00:07:43,604 - I thought you said she was not a California floozy. 182 00:07:43,638 --> 00:07:46,206 - Mom, hi. - No, no, no. 183 00:07:46,241 --> 00:07:48,709 Not after that. 184 00:07:48,743 --> 00:07:53,180 - Melanie, this is my mother, Agnieszka. 185 00:07:53,214 --> 00:07:56,984 - It's no nice to meet you. 186 00:07:57,018 --> 00:08:00,354 Agnieszka. That must be Polish for Agnes. 187 00:08:00,388 --> 00:08:05,692 Like Agnes Morehead, the mean mother-in-law on bewitched. 188 00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:08,796 Uh, not to say that you're mean. 189 00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:11,632 Or a witch. 190 00:08:11,666 --> 00:08:14,368 Did I say nice to meet you? 191 00:08:14,402 --> 00:08:17,404 - She's talkie, and much older than I thought. 192 00:08:17,439 --> 00:08:20,140 And too skinny. 193 00:08:20,175 --> 00:08:21,708 - Too skinny? 194 00:08:21,743 --> 00:08:24,645 I like her. 195 00:08:27,302 --> 00:08:28,436 - Divorced. 196 00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:31,639 So, you abandoned your duty to your husband. 197 00:08:31,673 --> 00:08:34,976 - Well, actually, he was seeing other women. 198 00:08:35,010 --> 00:08:37,245 - So, you are frigid. 199 00:08:37,279 --> 00:08:39,981 - No! No, ask Pete. 200 00:08:40,015 --> 00:08:41,983 I mean, don't ask Pete. 201 00:08:42,017 --> 00:08:43,017 How would he know? 202 00:08:43,051 --> 00:08:44,252 [laughing] 203 00:08:44,286 --> 00:08:46,888 Oh, why am I pretending? No, I'm not frigid. 204 00:08:46,922 --> 00:08:48,389 I enjoy sex. 205 00:08:48,424 --> 00:08:50,191 Hello again, father Ned. 206 00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:54,362 Excuse me. 207 00:08:54,396 --> 00:08:56,097 - Well, how's it going? 208 00:08:56,131 --> 00:08:58,466 - Just as I expected. Your mom hates me. 209 00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,701 - Don't take it personally, she's tough on everybody. 210 00:09:00,736 --> 00:09:02,437 Well, except my brother Henry. 211 00:09:02,471 --> 00:09:05,139 He was always the favorite, and I was like second-hand Pete. 212 00:09:05,174 --> 00:09:06,741 I got all his old clothes. 213 00:09:06,775 --> 00:09:08,776 Growing up I thought Henry szymborska was a brand. 214 00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:11,179 - Aw. 215 00:09:11,213 --> 00:09:13,614 You poor thing. - Yeah. 216 00:09:13,649 --> 00:09:16,884 - So...Here we are. 217 00:09:16,919 --> 00:09:20,788 Honey. 218 00:09:20,823 --> 00:09:23,724 - When I touch you, I sense every woman in the room 219 00:09:23,759 --> 00:09:26,127 Wondering why I'm not touching her. 220 00:09:26,161 --> 00:09:30,264 More sex for future Rick. 221 00:09:30,299 --> 00:09:31,833 Ah, speaking of which. 222 00:09:31,867 --> 00:09:33,067 - Hey, you guys. 223 00:09:33,101 --> 00:09:34,435 How's my favorite couple? 224 00:09:34,470 --> 00:09:35,603 - Oh, you know. 225 00:09:35,637 --> 00:09:37,238 Just coupling out. 226 00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:39,607 - Ohh. 227 00:09:39,641 --> 00:09:40,708 So I spoke to a friend of mine at ins, 228 00:09:40,742 --> 00:09:42,076 And I think it's looking good. 229 00:09:42,110 --> 00:09:44,645 - Oh, God. What a relief! 230 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,981 I can't wait for this to be over. 231 00:09:47,015 --> 00:09:49,350 This ordeal, I mean. 232 00:09:49,384 --> 00:09:52,086 It's been so hard on me and my... 233 00:09:54,590 --> 00:09:56,357 Lord shackleton. 234 00:09:56,391 --> 00:09:57,625 - Who? 235 00:09:57,659 --> 00:09:59,293 - It's her pet name for me. 236 00:09:59,328 --> 00:10:01,062 He was Captain of the... 237 00:10:01,096 --> 00:10:03,197 Endurance. 238 00:10:03,232 --> 00:10:04,632 But don't worry about me. 239 00:10:04,666 --> 00:10:09,470 I would go through anything for the sake of the woman I love. 240 00:10:09,505 --> 00:10:11,973 - Joy, you have got quite the romantic on your hands. 241 00:10:12,007 --> 00:10:13,508 - And you don't have a drink in yours. 242 00:10:13,542 --> 00:10:16,911 Shall I remedy that? - Well, I would love that. 243 00:10:16,945 --> 00:10:18,479 So charming. 244 00:10:18,514 --> 00:10:20,515 - Yes, he's full of it. 245 00:10:20,549 --> 00:10:22,216 Charm. 246 00:10:25,988 --> 00:10:27,622 - Hi. - Hey. 247 00:10:27,656 --> 00:10:28,723 - How's it going with Pete's mum? 248 00:10:28,757 --> 00:10:29,790 - Oh, she hates me. 249 00:10:29,825 --> 00:10:31,459 But she hates everyone from L.A. 250 00:10:31,493 --> 00:10:32,994 Thinks we're all gold diggers. - Hm. 251 00:10:33,028 --> 00:10:38,566 Fortunately, here's Victoria to put her fears to rest. 252 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:43,170 - Hurry up, Oscar. He's not getting any lighter. 253 00:10:44,773 --> 00:10:50,411 All right, my Captain. We have arrived. 254 00:10:50,445 --> 00:10:53,447 Just go park him over there. 255 00:10:58,053 --> 00:10:59,887 - You carried that helpless old man in. 256 00:10:59,922 --> 00:11:03,124 - I mean, seriously. He's, like, 110. 257 00:11:03,158 --> 00:11:06,360 - Oh, please. That's not for months. 258 00:11:06,395 --> 00:11:08,095 So how is it going with Pete's mom? 259 00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:09,430 Which one is she? 260 00:11:09,464 --> 00:11:12,033 - She's the one over there with a stick up her ass. 261 00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,734 Father Ned. 262 00:11:17,205 --> 00:11:18,439 - Elka? 263 00:11:18,473 --> 00:11:20,207 - Elka! This is perfect. 264 00:11:20,242 --> 00:11:21,776 You can help me with Pete's mom. 265 00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:23,377 You're Polish. She's Polish. 266 00:11:23,412 --> 00:11:25,012 You can kiss up to her in Polish. 267 00:11:25,047 --> 00:11:26,581 Stay right here. 268 00:11:26,615 --> 00:11:29,350 - I thought that you weren't coming. 269 00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:32,253 - Well, I ran out of vodka. 270 00:11:32,287 --> 00:11:35,089 And I thought I would come over here and freshen up my drunk. 271 00:11:35,123 --> 00:11:36,324 - Hmm. 272 00:11:36,358 --> 00:11:37,892 - We had a full bottle. 273 00:11:37,926 --> 00:11:40,161 - I spilled some. 274 00:11:40,195 --> 00:11:41,696 In my mouth. 275 00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:46,100 [chuckles] 276 00:11:46,134 --> 00:11:48,035 Oh, too slow. 277 00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:53,374 - Joy, come meet my boyfriend. But hands off, he's brittle. 278 00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:54,842 - Elka, Elka. 279 00:11:54,876 --> 00:11:58,346 Mrs. Szymborska, I would like you to meet a friend of mine. 280 00:11:58,380 --> 00:12:00,414 This is Elka Ostrovsky. 281 00:12:00,449 --> 00:12:02,283 Also Polish. 282 00:12:02,317 --> 00:12:04,852 - So you think because we're both from Poland 283 00:12:04,886 --> 00:12:06,354 We're going to like each other. 284 00:12:06,388 --> 00:12:08,022 - Yeah, well...Kinda. Heh heh. 285 00:12:08,056 --> 00:12:10,024 Say something nice. 286 00:12:10,058 --> 00:12:13,794 - [speaking Polish] 287 00:12:16,498 --> 00:12:21,035 - And that goes double for me. 288 00:12:21,069 --> 00:12:23,437 - Ooh, I think that's for me. 289 00:12:24,673 --> 00:12:26,507 - Oh, my God. 290 00:12:26,541 --> 00:12:28,643 Joy, look who just walked in. 291 00:12:28,677 --> 00:12:30,811 - Well, I ran out of vodka at the house. 292 00:12:30,846 --> 00:12:34,315 - No, we already know that. No, I'm talking about him. 293 00:12:34,349 --> 00:12:36,617 - It's Hank. This is terrible. 294 00:12:36,652 --> 00:12:40,021 - He looks all right to me. 295 00:12:40,055 --> 00:12:42,089 - No, Hank's the plumber Melanie slept with 296 00:12:42,124 --> 00:12:43,324 The first day we were here. 297 00:12:43,358 --> 00:12:44,992 - Yeah, the one who turned out to be married. 298 00:12:45,027 --> 00:12:46,127 Now, we've gotta warn Melanie. 299 00:12:46,161 --> 00:12:48,295 - But she's with Pete. 300 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:50,464 - Well, I guess our only choice is to just stay here 301 00:12:50,499 --> 00:12:52,733 And stare at Hank. 302 00:12:52,768 --> 00:12:56,637 And imagine what he looks like naked. 303 00:12:56,672 --> 00:13:00,908 - I'm way ahead of you. 304 00:13:02,577 --> 00:13:05,680 - Finally, Henry's here! - Mama. 305 00:13:05,714 --> 00:13:06,681 Both: Mwah, mwah! 306 00:13:06,715 --> 00:13:08,582 - Hank! Hey, bro. 307 00:13:14,423 --> 00:13:16,757 - Ha, ha, ha! Hank... 308 00:13:16,792 --> 00:13:18,059 Is your brother? 309 00:13:18,093 --> 00:13:19,360 - Yeah, that's right. 310 00:13:19,394 --> 00:13:20,728 I've been waiting for this forever. 311 00:13:20,762 --> 00:13:23,964 "second-hand Pete" no more. 312 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,043 - Hank, say hello to my girlfriend, Melanie. 313 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,645 - Nice to meet you, Melanie. 314 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,081 - Yes, likewise. 315 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,082 Hank, was it? 316 00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,683 - Yeah. 317 00:13:37,718 --> 00:13:39,485 - Honey, would you freshen my drink? 318 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,321 - It's full. 319 00:13:42,356 --> 00:13:45,925 - But it's not fresh. 320 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,027 - Hank, okay, listen. 321 00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:49,795 Before you say anything, let's agree. 322 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,931 It never happened. We don't know each other. 323 00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:52,999 We're complete strangers. 324 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,734 - My God, you're beautiful. 325 00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:57,503 - You're married, I'm dating your brother. 326 00:13:57,538 --> 00:13:58,971 Why would you say that? 327 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,473 - Because I have not stopped thinking about you 328 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:01,741 Since that night on the boat. 329 00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:04,877 I know it's wrong, and I love my brother. 330 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:08,414 But it doesn't change the way I feel. 331 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,883 - Yeah, but I don't feel that way about you. 332 00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:13,619 - I don't believe you. 333 00:14:13,654 --> 00:14:14,921 Meet me outside for a kiss. Come on. 334 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,690 - Are you crazy? 335 00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,158 - Look, if you don't feel anything, fine. 336 00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:20,293 I'll move on. 337 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,627 But if there's so much as a spark, 338 00:14:21,662 --> 00:14:23,596 I'm gonna keep after you 'till you're mine. 339 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,331 - Ohh. 340 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,300 Ooh! 341 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,035 - What happened? Are you okay? 342 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:32,605 - No, I feel like I'm in one of Victoria's edge of tomorrow's. 343 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,041 - Well, honor Saint raven did have a situation like this, 344 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,844 But it wasn't the same because Hank isn't a re-animated corpse. 345 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:42,415 - Like your date. 346 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,156 - You know, the worst part is... 347 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,258 Pete just wants to rub me in Hank's face. 348 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,261 - I thought you already did that on his boat. 349 00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:03,803 - Hank wants me to meet him outside, 350 00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:05,738 So he can kiss me and see if there's still a spark. 351 00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,039 - That's a terrible idea. 352 00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:10,042 - Do it, he's hot. 353 00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:12,678 - I am gonna do it, but not because he's hot. 354 00:15:12,713 --> 00:15:14,880 Because he promised if I felt nothing, 355 00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:16,249 Than he would just leave me alone. 356 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,751 I wish I could burp up some sausage. 357 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:22,021 - Mm. 358 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,857 - What a beautiful ring you gave her. 359 00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:30,096 - Well, a beautiful hand deserves a beautiful ring. 360 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,098 - Ellen, would you excuse us for a moment? 361 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,833 - Sure. 362 00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,234 He's quite a keeper. 363 00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:38,938 - Of course, some wild things can't be kept. 364 00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:42,608 - Will you stop flirting with our lawyer? 365 00:15:42,643 --> 00:15:44,110 You're gonna ruin the whole thing. 366 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,778 - I'm just warming her up for later. 367 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,748 - You're overcooking her. 368 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,117 - Don't blame the fire for being hot. 369 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,556 - Okay, come on. Let's get this over th. 370 00:15:57,591 --> 00:15:58,924 Okay, if I don't feel anything, 371 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,393 You promise to drop it, right? 372 00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,495 - I promise. - Okay. 373 00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,035 - Yeah, sorry. Nothing. 374 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,870 - Hey, Melanie. 375 00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:12,638 Please. - You promised, Hank. 376 00:16:12,673 --> 00:16:14,006 - Honey! - Don't call me honey. 377 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:16,609 - Hi, honey. - Honey! 378 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,210 You must be honey. [Chuckles] 379 00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:19,512 - Hi. - Hi. 380 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,280 - Well, good, you were able to make it after all. 381 00:16:21,315 --> 00:16:22,415 - Yeah. 382 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:23,849 - Uh, Melanie, this is my wife Linda. 383 00:16:23,884 --> 00:16:27,053 Linda, this is Melanie. Melanie is Pete's girlfriend. 384 00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,789 - Oh, nice to meet you. - So nice to meet you, too. 385 00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,891 Yeah, Hank was just making sure that I'm the right girl. 386 00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:32,958 For his baby brother. 387 00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,427 And I hope now you have proof. 388 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,462 That Pete is the only man for me. 389 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,265 - Oh, well, Pete's a great guy. 390 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,900 So that's good to hear. 391 00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,068 - Yeah, yeah. I'm lucky to have him. 392 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,169 - Hmm. 393 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,870 - As you two are lucky to have each other. 394 00:16:44,905 --> 00:16:46,238 You know, 'cause as the kids say, 395 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,540 Love is da bomb. 396 00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:49,542 Do kids still say that? 397 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,911 Discuss, gotta go. 398 00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:54,046 - Your date doesn't look so hot. 399 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,414 - Oh, don't be ridiculous. 400 00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:58,784 Winston is an extremely handsome and dapper man 401 00:16:58,819 --> 00:17:01,754 Without any living heirs. 402 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:05,224 - No, I mean, he's not looking so alive. 403 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,226 - [imitating winston] oh, I'm just a little tired. 404 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:11,263 Oh Elka, can't you see that he just needs to rest? 405 00:17:13,302 --> 00:17:16,671 - I saw your lips move. 406 00:17:16,705 --> 00:17:19,173 - [imitating winston] darling, your friend smells like a still. 407 00:17:19,208 --> 00:17:21,542 Oh, Winston. You behave yourself. 408 00:17:21,577 --> 00:17:24,312 Ooh, diamond encrusted. 409 00:17:24,346 --> 00:17:26,247 - What's this note? 410 00:17:26,281 --> 00:17:29,550 "on the website you looked younger. 411 00:17:29,585 --> 00:17:32,453 Take me home." 412 00:17:35,991 --> 00:17:39,494 [all cheering] 413 00:17:39,528 --> 00:17:42,163 - That's my Pete, that's my boyfriend! 414 00:17:42,197 --> 00:17:44,632 - Wow, I should play darts more often. 415 00:17:44,666 --> 00:17:46,234 - Climb down from him! 416 00:17:46,268 --> 00:17:50,605 You're not at work, and he is not a pole. 417 00:17:53,108 --> 00:17:55,576 - Well, actually he is a pole. You're all poles. 418 00:17:55,611 --> 00:17:58,312 [laughing] 419 00:17:58,347 --> 00:17:59,714 Yeah, nothing? 420 00:17:59,748 --> 00:18:01,449 I give up. 421 00:18:01,483 --> 00:18:02,683 - Your brother. 422 00:18:02,718 --> 00:18:04,352 You would not see him with a girl like this. 423 00:18:04,386 --> 00:18:07,822 - No, you know, mom, Hank's had a lot of things before me 424 00:18:07,856 --> 00:18:09,757 And better than me, but not Melanie. 425 00:18:09,792 --> 00:18:13,294 [tapping glass] um, excuse me, everybody. 426 00:18:13,328 --> 00:18:16,597 I'd like to make a toast. 427 00:18:16,632 --> 00:18:20,101 Tonight I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. 428 00:18:20,135 --> 00:18:23,771 Having this wonderful woman by my side, and, uh... 429 00:18:23,806 --> 00:18:24,972 Well... 430 00:18:25,007 --> 00:18:26,174 To Melanie. 431 00:18:26,208 --> 00:18:28,075 - Wait. 432 00:18:28,110 --> 00:18:29,811 Before we drink, 433 00:18:29,845 --> 00:18:33,481 I need to say something about Melanie too. 434 00:18:33,515 --> 00:18:35,483 The truth is... - is so overrated. 435 00:18:35,517 --> 00:18:39,687 Bottoms-up, everybody! Ha, ha! 436 00:18:39,721 --> 00:18:41,689 - I'm so happy that my little brother 437 00:18:41,723 --> 00:18:45,159 Has met a wonderful woman who is crazy about him. 438 00:18:45,194 --> 00:18:46,160 To them. 439 00:18:46,195 --> 00:18:48,396 - Nostrovia. 440 00:18:48,430 --> 00:18:50,398 - I thought you were gonna tell everyone how 441 00:18:50,432 --> 00:18:52,333 You two hooked up on your boat 442 00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:54,302 The first night she got here. 443 00:19:04,992 --> 00:19:06,359 - Well, now we know there are 15 ways 444 00:19:06,394 --> 00:19:08,161 To say "whore" in Polish. 445 00:19:08,195 --> 00:19:11,831 - Such a beautiful language. 446 00:19:11,866 --> 00:19:14,434 - And no more Pete. 447 00:19:14,468 --> 00:19:16,136 I guess there's just no coming back from, 448 00:19:16,170 --> 00:19:18,138 "I slept with your brother." 449 00:19:18,172 --> 00:19:20,040 - I am so sorry, Melanie. 450 00:19:20,074 --> 00:19:21,341 - Elka, it's okay. 451 00:19:21,375 --> 00:19:23,276 Pete would have found out eventually. 452 00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:25,478 So, I guess I lost a boyfriend. 453 00:19:25,513 --> 00:19:29,115 - Well, at least you didn't lose a fiance to an ins lawyer. 454 00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:34,487 And I lost the chance at a quick green card. 455 00:19:34,522 --> 00:19:36,222 Still, better the long arm of the law 456 00:19:36,257 --> 00:19:39,559 Than the clammy hands of the Rick. 457 00:19:39,593 --> 00:19:41,861 I think he sprained my finger pulling that ring off. 458 00:19:41,896 --> 00:19:45,198 - Well, you two lost men. I lost my mind. 459 00:19:45,232 --> 00:19:46,599 I mean, if I'd married him, 460 00:19:46,634 --> 00:19:48,134 I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror. 461 00:19:48,169 --> 00:19:49,335 And who am I 462 00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:52,205 If I can't look at myself in the mirror? 463 00:19:52,239 --> 00:19:55,241 - So, we're four single girls on a Saturday night. 464 00:19:55,276 --> 00:19:56,676 [cash register dings] 465 00:19:56,710 --> 00:19:57,811 - Victoria! 466 00:19:57,845 --> 00:19:59,245 - Wait, that's not me. 467 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,814 - It's me. 468 00:20:00,848 --> 00:20:05,051 I sent in a slightly younger picture of myself. 469 00:20:05,086 --> 00:20:08,521 - A cave drawing? 470 00:20:15,029 --> 00:20:17,363 - I signed up when my bender was over. 471 00:20:17,398 --> 00:20:19,432 In fact, that's my screen name. 472 00:20:19,467 --> 00:20:22,202 "bender over." 473 00:20:24,305 --> 00:20:25,905 [cash register dinging] 474 00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:28,942 sync and correct by dr.jackson www.addic7ed.com 475 00:20:31,345 --> 00:20:32,745 - Come on, avid, is that all you got? 476 00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:34,280 Move those little bird legs. 477 00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:38,880 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33595

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