All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s03e28 The Ultimate Weapon.eng

( theme song playing )

KLINK:
Prisoners of Stalag 13, you see before you fresh evidence

of the invincibility
of the Luftwaffe

and the great genius
of German military tactics.

Now, these four men
are the lucky ones

from the latest
American raid

on the ball bearing
factories at Zuglitz.

Once again, our fighters
have swept the air clean.

Once again, the superiority
of our men and machines

has been asserted.

NEWKIRK:
Hear, hear!

KLINK:
Silence!

And if there are any more
raids on Zuglitz,

the war will soon be over.

Any questions?

Colonel.

Yes, Hogan.

What happened last night
at Cologne?

Dismissed.

Schultz.

Take these men
to the barracks.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Well, you really
gave it to him good, Colonel.

Yeah, right
in the old pomposity.

Yeah, but
he's right.

Zuglitz is a
graveyard for us.

Too strong... too
many fighter planes.

Hey, Colonel,

why don't we do
something about it?

Carter...

I think we will.

Colonel Hogan,
Herr Kommandant.

Hmm.

I'm sorry if I said
anything wrong, sir...

out in the compound
about Cologne.

I was not listening.

Sir, I was impressed
by your little talk

about the genius of
German military tactics.

Is that something
you're all born with, sir,

or is it
the training?

Well, I would say
half and half.

Wow... and we're
bucking all that.

You know your situation,
of course, is hopeless.

It's a good thing
we got the Russians with us.

Dismissed, Hogan.

Yes, sir.

That's the eastern
front, isn't it, sir?

How's it going?

Quiet well,
thank you.

Dismissed.

Hmm.

Looks like a bulge
in your lines here at Kiev.

I'm strictly air
force myself, sir,

but couldn't that
be trouble?

As you said, you have
not the background for it.

You see, we are merely
moving our troops back

to pull the Russians
into a trap.

And I'm just waiting
for Radio Berlin

to announce that
the trap has been sprung.

Snap.

You know, I
never would've thought of that.

Now, first, we hit them
with the Stukas, so...

Then in come
the Panzers-- crash.

And then all
the ground troops-- smash.

Oh-ho!

Mm-hmm.

We'll hear all about it
on the 6:00 news.

Or will we?

Hmm?

What happened
to that?

I don't mean to knock
your ally, Commandant,

but these
Japanese radios...

You touched it?

Don't worry
about a thing, sir.

Sergeant Kinchloe is
a wizard at these sort of things.

I'll have it back
in no time at all

for you to hear
the smash-crash.

But it worked perfectly
before you came in here.

Lucky I stopped by.

Get the
radio fixed?

Uh, just about,
Colonel.

Of course, I'll still
have some work to do

in Klink's office.

All right, hurry it up.

I don't get it.

Are we going
to hook up the radio

and the communications
room in our tunnel?

So far you're perfect, Carter.

And it only plays
what we send over it.

Are we going to do
our own newscasts?

No.

We listen to
the Berlin radio broadcast,

record it, and then 30 minutes
later let Klink hear it.

Oh, now I understand.

Six o'clock news
is in, sir.

Russians broke through
at Kiev.

20-mile advance
and the Jerries are in full retreat.

Figures.

Here comes Schultz.

Don't forget
to get his watch.

Candy from a baby, sir.

SCHULTZ:
Colonel Hogan.

Where's Commandant
Klink's radio, Colonel Hogan?

Oh, blimey,
Schultz.

What are you?

On another crash diet?

Skin and bone
you are.

I have no time
for small talk.

Right.

Colonel Hogan,
Commandant Klink is furious

that you did not
bring back the radio.

He missed
his 6:00 news from Radio Berlin.

What's your hurry,
Schultz?

It's 20 till six.

Ha!

You're too slow,
Colonel Hogan.

The time is, look...

Look at what,
Schultz?

I lost my watch.

Here it is,
Schultzy.

Do be more
careful.

Say thank you.

Thank... you.

Colonel Hogan, the time
is not 20 to 6:00,

but... 20 to 6:00.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't understand.

That's all right,
Schultz.

Nobody's perfect.

LeBeau, go tell
Kinch to hurry up

with the
commandant's radio.

He doesn't want
to miss the 6:00 newscast.

Right,
Colonel.

Hey, Schultz, I'll
make you a bet.

I'll bet you don't
even need to listen to the news.

Just from experience
you can tell what's happened.

What's happened?

Well, like at
the Russian front, for instance.

Klink claims
that the bulge

in your lines
at Kiev is a trap.

What's your opinion?

Why should I have
an opinion?

It's the military genius
of the German mind.

Right, fellows?

Yes, sir, right.

It's the size of
the head, you see.

It's a dead giveaway.

A man with a head
this size

should, oh, be
a general at least.

Schultz?

HOGAN:
Not only that,

but Schultz is
genius enough

to know Klink has
never been right on anything.

So the Russians
probably made a 20-mile advance.

You know,
when I came here,

the time was
ten minutes after six, and now...

The Russians--
20-mile advance.

The radio's
fixed, Colonel.

Shall we go?

Oh, fine-- I
just can't wait

to see if Schultz
is right.

Remember?
20-mile advance.

Now, you
specifically said

that you would have
the radio back by 6:00.

Did you or
did you not?

Of course I did, and
that's what it is--

three minutes
to six.

Ridiculous.

Schultz, tell him
what time it is.

Well, it is more like
two minutes to six.

What's the matter
with you?

Fraulein Hilda!

What time is it?

Two minutes
to six.

Pfft...

Now you
are wrong.

Schultz, you
are wrong.

And, Hogan, you are wrong.

All set.

Good.

I just simply don't
understand it.

You know,
Commandant...

Schultz had
an interesting theory

about what might have
happened at Kiev today.

I did?

Schultz did?

You mean you don't discuss
strategy with Schultz?

Man has some keen insights.

Phenomenal.

He seems to feel
that the Russians

were going to break
through your lines today...

How many miles
did you say, Schultz?

Twenty?

That's absurd.

This was a carefully set
trap by our forces,

and I predict...

The set's waiting, Commandant.

Go.

ANNOUNCER:
This is the voice of Radio Berlin.

It is 6:00.

ANNOUNCER:
Heavy fighting around Kiev

resulted in generally
successful tactical gains

for our gallant forces.

You see?

Wait.

ANNOUNCER:
Under heavy pressure from the red hordes...

Formidable.

Bloody marvelous.

ANNOUNCER:
...result of which they were able to completely stabilize

their new lines
some 20 miles closer

to the Thousand-Year Reich.

Unfortunately, losses
in Stuka bombers and infantry

were extremely heavy.

Turn it off.

Smash-crash.

I was right.

You're always
right, Schultz.

What's going
to happen tomorrow?

Well... hmm.

I would say...

Out!

Everybody out!

And you would
say, Schultz,

from the depths
of your experience

and your extraordinary
military intuition,

that the Russians have
probably advanced today

beyond the old
Polish border?

I would say,
Colonel Hogan,

from the depths
of my experience

and my truly extraordinary
military intuition... yes.

Amazing.

Incroyable.

The man's in league
with the devil.

If he hits
it today,

that's seven
in a row.

Well, Colonel Hogan,
shall we go and listen

to Radio Berlin
telling you

what I have already
told you?

We have another
Napoleon, right here in Stalag 13.

ANNOUNCER:
By shortening the German lines

to positions just west of Olsk,
inside the old Polish border,

this brilliant
strategic withdrawal,

accomplished only
by heroic sacrifice

is hailed
by Wehrmacht commanders as...

When they should be going
forward, they go backward.

Again, why?

It is really
elementary.

No lecture, Schultz.

Better listen
to him, Commandant.

After all he's called the turn
every day this week.

Right on the button.

Blind luck--
he knows nothing.

He's only a sergeant.

Hitler was a corporal.

Well...

it is my considered view,

that...

Your view of what?

Ah, General Burkhalter,
forgive me.

I didn't expect you
here until 6:30.

It is 6:40, Klink.

Oh, no, sir,
it cannot be 6:40.

I was just listening
to Radio Berlin...

Klink!

Are you going
to believe me or Radio Berlin?

Is there any
choice, sir?

Might have known you'd
be here, General.

Can't keep anything
from you, sir.

What are you talking
about, Hogan?

Sergeant
Schultz.

We've uncovered
a military genius.

He can predict
what's going to happen

on any front and
be 100% right.

Is that correct,
Schultz?

I-I beg to report,
General Burkhalter,

it is substantially correct.

This thing might have
big implications,

don't you think, General?

Why are you so eager

to help the German
war effort, Hogan?

I'm a rat.

Klink, what has
he predicted?

General Burkhalter,
let me tell you.

The Russian front--

a defeat everywhere.

What good
is that?

If he could tell
what German cities

were to be bombed
and when,

that would have
some purpose.

Schultz?

German cities?

Yes.

What city will
be hit tonight?

Tonight?

Sergeant Schultz likes to
think these things through--

sleep on them.

Let him sleep
sometime else.

What city?

Generally,
General Burkhalter...

I wish to know
about tonight now!

What city?

I have
my best thoughts

when I talk things over
with Colonel Hogan.

Another one of
your frauds, Klink?

KLINK:
General Burkhalter, please,

let me assure you...

Just pick
any city, Schultz.

With your
intuition, you can't go wrong.

Any city?

Any city.

Well, for
some reason-- I don't know why--

I always liked
the name Hamburg.

Hamburg.

That's it
for tonight.

He never misses.

This goes
straight to Allied headquarters, London.

Urgent for the RAF.

Right, Colonel.

Most of the squadrons
will be airborne.

We want them to change
their course.

Target for
tonight: Hamburg.

Very urgent--
Hamburg.

Got you.

Good.

Kind of a long
way to go, sir,

just to make old
Schultzy look good.

But in the end,

it's going to make
Zuglitz look bad...

we hope.

So, if the new
military genius Sergeant Schultz is correct,

Hamburg must be under
heavy attack tonight,

and my good friend General
Schmidt much too busy to answer.

HILDA:
General Burkhalter.

Ein moment.

General Schmidt,
sir.

KLINK:
Bungler.

Thank you.

My dear Schmidt,
Burkhalter here.

Forgive me for bothering you
at this hour,

but we have had some information

that you have been
under attack tonight.

All is quiet?

I'm so happy for you.

Sorry for the call,
and I wish you...

Do I hear a siren?

There are no sirens here,
Schmidt.

It must be...

( explosion on phone,
line goes dead )

Too busy to talk, sir?

They have dropped
a bomb on Schmidt.

Nobody listens.

I'm sending this man to Berlin
first thing in the morning.

HOGAN:
Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you, sir.

Why not?

Well, I mean,
I've heard of similar cases.

They're unable
to get results.

Once they get
out of a familiar environment,

uh...
the magic goes.

You may be right.

Perhaps we should forget
about the whole thing, General Burkhalter.

Of course not, Klink.

Berlin will send
someone here to test him tomorrow.

Hear that, sir?

That's why
this man's a general.

Anything we
can do for you, Sergeant Schultz?

Take you to your
quarters, perhaps,

for a good
night's rest?

Thank you.

This will do nicely.

Sleep in my quarters?

Klink!

Did you know they were
going to bomb Hamburg?

General Burkhalter,
I can sleep anywhere--

in my office,
on my desk, anywhere.

Berlin has sent
a Colonel Hoffman

from the SS Sicherheitsdienst.

Just a few questions,
Sergeant Schultz,

and perhaps one more
of your predictions--

all routine, of course.

Of course.

And I might say
at this time

that once again,
I am proud to say

that Stalag 13 has
proven a training ground for...

HILDA:
Colonel Hoffman.

Gentlemen.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.

KLINK:
Heil Hitler.

This would be
Sergeant Schultz.

You are a colonel?

And who is this?

Colonel Hogan,
senior prisoner of war officer.

KLINK:
Would you like him to leave, Colonel Hoffman?

No, he can stay.

Well, the target
for tonight is...

What would I say the target
for tonight is, Colonel Hogan?

You'll come up
with it, Schultz.

Colonel Hoffman's in no hurry.

That's right, Colonel Hogan--

no hurry at all.

Colonel Hogan...

I have some very effective
after-shave lotion.

I discovered it while
I was making some TNT.

Carter, the colonel
can't have the woman

throwing herself at him
before dinner, can he?

Cut it with 50% water, sir?

Look, this isn't
exactly the girl next door.

She's a colonel in
the security police.

And I'd hate
to think how she got there.

All squared away
with the RAF, Colonel.

They're on their way

to Schultz' target for
tonight-- Dusseldorf.

Good.

And tomorrow's
the trap, Colonel?

If the woman certifies Schultz
as a genius, yes.

And tonight, he predicts
a big raid against Berlin.

The ball bearing plant at
Zuglitz is just 75 miles away.

The Nazis pull
all of their fighter planes

out of Zuglitz to defend Berlin,
and that's it.

Crunch.

Colonel,
protect yourself.

The woman is always
more deadly than the man,

but this one...

( whistles )

If I find myself wanting
to take her home

to introduce her to
the folks, I'll remember.

Yes.

Yes, I see.

Yes.

I have truly wonderful news.

Dusseldorf has been wiped out.

Oh, my...

Germany now possesses
the ultimate weapon--

Schultz!

To Sergeant
Schultz.

To Sergeant Schultz.

To Dusseldorf.

SCHULTZ:
Danke.

( drunkenly ):
Today, Dusseldorf; tomorrow...

What did I say they're going
to hit tomorrow, Colonel Hogan?

Berlin.

Tomorrow, Berlin.

Flat as a pancake.

No, no, no, Schultz.

Now that we know where,

our fighters will be
ready and waiting--

all of them.

Of course, if Schultz is wrong,

other important targets
will be left undefended.

BURKHALTER:
How could he be wrong?

Dusseldorf, Hamburg, the
Russian front-- 100% correct.

A military genius.

( chuckles )

I could not be more
proud of him if he were my own son,

which he practically
is, of course.

You will notify Berlin,
Colonel Hoffman?

Quite possible...

after I wind up
one or two loose ends

with Colonel Hogan.

BURKHALTER:
Hogan?

HOFFMAN:
I have observed

that the psychic communication

between Hogan and Schultz
is very close.

I must explore
the matter further...

alone.

Take a bottle

and do not
hurry back.

But, uh... where is there
to go in a prison camp?

Ah, leave that to me,
General Burkhalter.

The moonlight--
it's beautiful

on the laundry
or the bakery.

Oh, unforgettable.

Today, Dusseldorf; tomorrow...

What's its name?

Flat as a pancake!

HOFFMAN:
Well, Colonel Hogan...

How did you spot the,
um... psychic connection?

I think you have
many connections...

not all of them psychic.

Oh?

Such as?

Mere suspicion.

A police habit.

Sure.

What are you reporting
to Berlin?

That you're suspicious?

No, that
I have found

a certified
infallible genius.

Sergeant Schultz.

But you don't really
believe that.

In reporting to fools,

one must always say
what they want to hear.

Hitler has lost control
of the present.

It would be a great comfort
to know the future.

That's your only reason?

Give them what they want?

Not entirely.

In Klink's office today,

what did you think
when you first saw me?

What's a nice girl like you
doing in a place like this?

That's a long story that
may be over very soon.

What else did you think?

Your turn.

Of course.

I thought that I would
very much like to be in your arms.

And I knew that
I would have to make it happen... soon.

Who are you?

A woman who would like to be
something other than what I am.

Help me.

And the woman,
Colonel--

she was putty
in your hands?

Let's just forget it, huh?

Gentlemen don't discuss
these things, LeBeau.

I said
forget it!

Sure, Colonel.

Look, she may be on our side,
just maybe.

Did you know
she was leaving?

No, I didn't know.

Too bad, you will
miss our celebration.

Tonight, Sergeant Schultz,

the ultimate weapon,
strikes back.

HOFFMAN:
Oh, Colonel Hogan...

step in for a moment.

I have a message
for you.

Do as the colonel
says, Hogan.

Why didn't you tell me
last night you were leaving?

I just found out
this morning.

But it's only
for overnight.

I'll be back.

Where are you going?

Zuglitz.

Zuglitz?

Some security matter
at the ball bearing plant.

Until tomorrow, then?

Yeah,
until tomorrow.

Where's she going,
Colonel?

Zuglitz.

Zuglitz?

And you didn't stop her?

I wasn't that sure,
so I didn't try.

To the ultimate weapon,
my son Schultz.

To the speedy victory
of the Third Reich.

( drunkenly ):
To Dusseldorf!

No, no, no,
Schultz.

Dusseldorf was
not a victory.

Berlin will be
a victory.

To Berlin!

Flat as a pancake!

Schultz!

( phone rings )

Berlin?

I hope so.

HILDA:
Colonel Klink's quarters.

Berlin calling, sir.

Ah! Good news.

Burkhalter here.

What's the news,
General Sietenbaum?

How many Allied barbarians
were shot down

by the ultimate weapon?

None?

That's not a very good number.

But what happened?

They hit Zuglitz instead?

Flat as a pancake.

I was right again.

Yes, General Sietenbaum.

Yes.

Yes, I will await
with great interest

the disposition of my case.

Thank you,
General Sietenbaum.

Bad news?

Klink!

You got me into this!

It is all your fault!

But, General Burkhalter,
I made quite clear

that this man
was an idiot,

always has been
an idiot...

Today, Berlin;
tomorrow, the world.

Flat as a pancake.

Turn it off, Kinch.

Right.

Well, I guess
that takes care of the mission.

Yeah.

Sure does,
all right.

Maybe she was
in an air raid shelter, Colonel.

Maybe.

You had no choice.

Sure.

( knock at door )

Put that away.

My congratulations.

You didn't go?

I never intended to go.

I was suspicious,
so I was testing you.

Then you weren't exactly
on our side.

I was doing my job.

HOGAN:
And what's your job right now?

I've recommended
a disaster.

My superiors are
looking for me.

They are not tolerant
of disasters.

HOGAN:
You've got a problem.

A man who could arrange
the bombing of Zuglitz

should be able to get me
out of Germany.

This another trap?

I get out or I die...

very unpleasantly.

We'll get you out.

Thank you.

Hogan...

why did you let me go?

I was doing my job.

Hogan, I just don't
understand it.

Why do these terrible things
keep happening to Germany?

Just when it seemed
that we had

the ultimate weapon--
disaster.

Look at this way,
Commandant:

Nothing happened
to you.

The Gestapo blamed everything
on Colonel Hoffman.

I think she was a double agent.

I never trusted her.

I think, Herr Kommandant,

I should have been
given another chance.

After all, even genius
is not perfect.

No.

Why do these
terrible things happen to us, Hogan?

Why?

Why not?

I believe, Herr Kommandant,
that out of every disaster,

some good things come,
if you look for them.

What are you talking
about, Schultz?

For instance,
Herr Kommandant,

I did not realize

that you considered me
like your own son.

Oh, what
a joyful surprise.

What's losing
a ball bearing plant

alongside of gaining a son?

And I will continue,
Herr Kommandant,

in every way, to live up
to your love and to your...

Schultz!

Terrible things are
happening to us.

Why?

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