All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s03e09 Hot Money.eng

( theme song playing )

Everything
ready, Schultz?

Yes, Herr Kommandant.

Lilacs in autumn.

Now, the convoy
will arrive at 2200 hours.

That's in
a few minutes.

Are the prisoners
all accounted for in the barracks?

Jawohl,
herr Kommandant.

I even got
extra guards.

The prisoners are
sleeping peacefully

like little children
dreaming of digging tunnels

and escaping back
home and seeing...

Schultz, I'm asking
for a report,

not a bedtime story.

Yes, Herr Kommandant.

It must be
something important.

Klink's out there
with Schultz.

He never comes
out of his quarters at night.

I think
Old Blood and Guts

is afraid
of the dark.

They've been getting
that building ready for a week.

Yeah, ready for what?
They wouldn't go

to all this trouble
unless... Wait a minute.

A staff car and a truck.

I just can't
figure it.

What's in those boxes?

LeBEAU:
Guns?

Ammunitions,
maybe.

No, the boxes are
the wrong shapes.

Why those civilians,

and why are they guarding
this stuff, whatever it is?

Gentlemen, I'm curious.

Well, you can't
get out there.

Yeah, we'd never
pass the Kraut guarding the door.

Yeah, there must be a way.

Think for a minute.

Hey, I got a
solution, sir.

Why don't we
all go to bed

and mind our
own business?

He always comes up
with something, doesn't he?

Why doesn't
one of us just open the door

and walk
out there?

And, if somebody stops us,

we just say
we're going for a walk.

Just like
that, huh?

Sure.
Casually.

It's got to
work, because it's simple.

It's so simple,
you go ahead and do it.

Me?

Yeah, it's your idea.

Just tell the guy
you're out for a walk.

Right.

Just put it anywhere.

( all shouting )

Eight, gentlemen,
Eight is the point.

Oh!
Well done, here. Big eight

is what
we're after.

Howie does eight.

Hey, what about
the odd way?

That would be
two fours for those of you

who are not in
the regular army.

( laughter,
indistinct chatter )

Oh, you give back the card.
Come on, Carter.

All right, come on,

come on, come on.

( indistinct excited chatter )

What's going on in here?

We're having
a community sing.

( quiet laughter )

With money
and dice?

Uh, well,
it makes the slower songs

a bit more
interesting, Schulzty.

( laughs )

( mimics
laughter )

You're gambling!

Ah, you could
put it that way.

This is against
regulations.

I have to
report you all

to the
Commandant

for breaking
the rules.

Aw, come on,
Schultzy.

( mutters )
Ja!

What's the point?

Ten. Big ten.

( laughs )
You're very lucky...

I have to get evidence...

Oh, hold it,
hold it.

...before I report you all.

( humming )

( whistling )

MAN:
Wow.

( clears his throat )

Mmm!

Mmm!

It's real
enough, isn't it?

50... no ten.

( clears
throat )

Right. You're
covered, Schultzy,

and the best
of Germanic luck to you.

( indistinct chatter )
Good luck.

The point is ten,

and he's rolling
for a ten.

And he made it!

( cheering )

Come on,
that's great.

Well done. We'll
play him out here.

And I think...
Yes, uh...

( knocking on table )

( quiet chatter )

You lose,
Schultzy.

( chuckles )

Easy come, easy go.

Ha!
Ha-ha!

Got a new shooter,
ladies and gentlemen.

Introducing
Sergeant Schultz,

Germany's answer
to Nick the Greek.

Good luck to you.

A big roll of cash?

He's got a fistful
of them,

and he's betting
like a rich dentist.

It looks all right,
feels all right.

Where would Schultz
get Yankee money?

You never know
with the Germans.

Hey, Colonel,
take a look at this.

It's General Grant,
all right--

you can tell
by the beard--

but look at the words
"Federal Reserve note."

Hey, the second "E"
in "Federal" is out of line.

You got it.

So what does
that prove?

Well, every bill
is inspected

before it's put
into circulation.

They would have
found that mistake

and destroyed
the plate.

It's a phony.

Good one, though.

( indistinct chatter )

Holy cow.

Schultz is
betting these.

A British five-pound note?
Schultz?

Newkirk got
so excited,

he almost
put the straight dice

back in
the game.

We can't have that.

That's a dangerous
precedent.

Is this a fake?

Well, if the $50 bill's a phony,
can this be far behind?

Let's break up the game.

( crickets chirping )

Colonel Hogan,
you won't tell Commandant Klink?

Like a flash.

You walk in here
loaded with fake money,

trying to break the game.

But, Colonel Hogan,

they told me it was
a community sing.

Come on. Where did you
get the crazy money?

( sighs )

I found it.

Honestly.

I have a way
of walking with my head down.

It's easier,

because my head
is very heavy.

Schultz, you're lying.

Mm-hmm.

When I tell Klink
this whole story,

you're gonna spend the rest
of your natural life

at the Russian front.

( mumbles )

( sighs )

You see the
new building over there?

Uh... Colonel Hogan!

I told you
100 times

not to be outside
during the night!

100 times!

( quietly ):
They have printing presses,

paper, ink-- everything.

They are going
to make counterfeit money

right here,
because a P.O.W. camp is safe

for everybody but me.

And some of the money stuck
to your fingers, huh?

You know, when they moved in,

a box fell down and opened.

How much have they printed,
Schultz?

Those are samples.

They haven't started yet.

They're looking for experts
to help them.

( chuckles )

I think
it's pretty good stuff myself.

Okay, Schultz, you can go.

Oh. You won't
report me?

I gave you my word.

Thank you,
Colonel Hogan.

They could
make enough phony money

to flood
the world.

Yeah, and they'll probably
spread it

through neutral countries.

It would ruin
every currency.

Bleeding Krauts.

They're taking all the fun
out of money.

Isn't there
something we can do, Colonel?

Well, we can't
tunnel in.

It's guarded
too closely.

All we need is
one man in there.

Schultz said
they were shorthanded.

Well, maybe one
of us could...

Us?

We don't know anything
about counterfeit money

or forgery,
do we, Newkirk?

I never forged anything more
than a three-day pass.

Could you duplicate
Klink's signature?

I've never tried,
but I'm not without talent,

if you don't mind
me saying so.

We do.

Hey, wait.

We got Klink's signature,
Colonel.

Here we are.
Got it.

A couple of weeks ago,

Klink was signing a stack
of papers.

I slipped a blank sheet in.

He signed it
without realizing it.

It's beautiful.

See, there's a man
who uses the old loaf.

( laughs )
Kinch, I'm proud

to be one of
your fellow sneaks.

Gives us a
fighting chance.

Take a letter.

Right.

Ready?
Ready.

"Special notice.

"Prisoners of all ranks
Luft Stalag 13,

"you are cordially invited

"to a cocktail party
to be held

"in the rec hall
Saturday night.

"Immediately afterward,
the main gate will be opened.

"You all may leave camp

"until Monday morning,
7:00 a.m. roll call...

( quiet chuckling )

"The commandant of Stalag 13
wishes one and all a good time.

"Have fun.

Heil Hitler."

Make that nice and neat,

and put it right
over Klink's signature.

( indistinct shouting )

What's going on here?

Go away, go away.
What's going on here?

Well, look at
it, Schultzy.

Nothing to
do with you, Schultzy,

really, I mean...
It's very interesting.

Go ahead.
Ain't that nice?!

( shouting in German )

( laughter and chatter )

And I'm sure
you're all aware

of the invitation
on the bulletin board.

Colonel, I want
to thank you

on behalf of the men
in my command.

( cheering )

KLINK:
Silence!

You will disregard
that invitation.

( all grumbling )

Now, hold it,
fellas, hold it.

Maybe the Commandant wants

to change the night
of the cocktail party.

Hey, all right.
That would work.

I think we're
available.

( all shouting )
KLINK: Silence.

Now that we've had
our childish little laugh,

there is a more serious aspect
to this matter.

Someone has forged my signature.

Now, the man responsible

for this will take two steps
forward.

And, if you try
to defy my authority,

I promise you
there will be dire consequences.

I'm here, sir.

Oh.

Sergeant Schultz.

Bring this man to my office.

Notify Major Bock.

Jawohl, Herr
Kommandant.

Dismissed.

Now, let me understand this
correctly.

You admit to forging
my signature,

but you would
not tell us why.

He doesn't have
to tell you.

I didn't ask
you, Hogan.

Speak for yourself.

I would rather not, uh,
answer any questions

at this particular time, sir.

Oh.

You would
rather not.

We'll see about that.

He's not gonna
talk, Commandant,

so just forget it.

Order his
punishment,

and let's get
on with the war.

Quiet, Hogan.

I don't think we need
detain Colonel Hogan

any longer, Herr Kommandant.

We don't?

One of my men is
being interrogated.

I demand to
be present.

Demand, Colonel?

Request?

Request denied.

Request denied.

As long as
it's unanimous.

I'll be outside,
Newkirk.

Don't let 'em
push you around.

No, sir. Thank you, sir.

Blimey. I thought
he'd never leave.

Now, we have
wasted enough time.

We...

You mean you wanted him
out of here?

Well, I... I couldn't
talk to you

in front of him,
could I, really?

Not with that
proposition I've got.

LeBeau, go over to
the barracks quick.

Tell Kinch to turn on the bug
to Klink's office.

Right, Colonel.
And tell him to hook up his wire recorder

and get everything down.
I'd hate to miss anything.

Oui, Colonel.

You want
to work for us?

Now you got
it, Major.

I know what's going
on in that building,

and I can help you make
some of that lovely money.

All I want you to
do is let me have

whatever falls on
the ground each day.

Incredible.
It's incredible!

Shh! Commandant,
please.

That Hogan's got ears
like bloody radar.

I take it you
know something

about this kind of work.

Well, I did a
pretty fair job

on his signature,
didn't I?

You're a criminal.

Sir, you're going
to insult me if you keep that up.

I assume you are familiar

with the Buckenheimer
rotary injector press?

I can put those
things together

and tear 'em down again
with me eyes closed.

I've done it
many times.

I see. Ever hear of Von Holtz?

Hear of him?

I met him in
Zurich, 1938.

The greatest
counterfeiter of our time.

I choked with emotion
when he shook my hand.

He's a crook.

Oh, Commandant,
what's in a name?

Yes, he's a crook, Colonel...

but not the
kind we need.

For your
information,

Buckenheimer
is the name

of Hitler's favorite
piano player.

What?

Go on. There's
a coincidence for you.

And just as
Buckenheimer is not a printing press,

Von Holtz is not
a counterfeiter.

He is one of our
most respected young scientists.

This man is a
liar and a fraud.

Well, there's no need
to get ugly, sir.

Shut up! I knew it
from the beginning, sir.

He obviously got hold
of your signature

and thought he
could bluff his way

into the building and
pick up a little money.

( chuckles ):
Some forger.

Well, I could always learn.

You'll learn, all right.
You'll rot in the cooler.

Now, get out of here.
I'll deal with you later.

You don't want
to change your mind

and let me do
a little on-the-job training?

I-I'm a very quick study.

Out!

Not a word of
this to anyone,

or I'll see to
it you get more than the cooler.

Yes, sir.

Colonel...

I must ask you
not to mention

this incident in your
report to headquarters.

Not mention it? Why?

It's a very serious
breach of security.

I know, but mistakes
will happen.

Berlin does not
recognize mistakes.

It is watching this
operation very closely.

I can imagine, sir.

No. I don't
think you can.

What I am going
to tell you now is top secret,

strictly between us
as fellow officers.

You may speak
freely, sir.

Yesterday,
our chief technician,

Herr Stoffel, made a remark
questioning the morality

of counterfeiting
even in wartime.

If I reported that
to Berlin, as I should,

nothing would happen to him,

but I would be
court-martialed.

I can't imagine they
would do such a thing.

If there is a slipup,
I will be taken out and shot.

And you think
that decision has already been made?

Worse than that.
It is final.

In matters like these,
there is no appeal.

If necessary, the orders
will be carried out.

Well, in that case,
we will forget

the inmate and
his crazy scheme.

There will
be no report.

Thank you, Colonel.

It's possible
you have saved my life.

BOCK ( recorded ):
It is final.

There is no appeal.

The order will be carried out.

Those Krauts are
really afraid

of each other,
aren't they?

Yeah. They could start
their own private war

and never even
call in outsiders.

Eh, it doesn't matter if they
are afraid of each other.

We still laid an egg.
I laid an egg.

And I hatched it.

There's still
a chance

we might get
another shot at them.

How?

By playing them off
against each other.

Kinch, could you doctor
that recording--

take words out,
move things around here and there?

I don't know.
I could try.

All right.
We go to work.

The target
is Stoffel.

Their
printing expert?

He's the
logical one.

You heard
what he said.

He's dead set
against counterfeiting.

But he's got
no authority.

He doesn't need it
for our purpose.

If we can
convince him

that they plan
on shooting him

after his work is done,

he may do a job
for us first.

Like what kind
of a job?

Setting that
building on fire.

Oh, you got
to be kidding.

Kinch, where
money is concerned,

I'm dead serious.

Here, Kinch.

Thanks.

Put it...

All finished?

That's it.
It's the best we can do.

We stand or fall
on that wire recording.

Do you think he'll
believe it, Colonel?

We're going to find out.

One more detail--
the bait.

"Stoffel, your life
is in danger.

"Save yourself
Come to Barracks 3.

A friend." Friend?

What do you
want him to put down-- enemy?

LeBeau, you take lunch
to the Krauts

in that building
every day at noon.

I want you to volunteer
for kitchen detail.

See that Stoffel
gets that.

Right, Colonel.

Oh, we're going
to need a couple of smoke bombs.

I got some beauties
in the mattress.

Good. Have them ready.

Oh, you need
anything else?

I got some magnesium pencils.

I got detonator caps,
delayed action fuses.

I got some plastic incendiary
tapes, and I got some...

Carter, you don't
have to sell me.

We're not going to take
our business to anybody else.

Colonel...

Schultz?

Schultz.

Lunch, gentlemen.

Sir.

Ja, ja, ja.

I need a breath of air.

Get back to work
as soon as you finish lunch.

He just left the building.

Good. He took the bait.

He's making a big detour
to get here.

Soon as the patient arrives,
tell him the doctor's ready.

Right.

Your friend
is in there.

Please, tell me
what this is...

In there.

You're lying.

They put you up to
this to test me.

Stoffel, you
have practically no future at all.

Major Bock, your watchdog,
has orders to get rid of you

as soon as you've printed up
enough money for him.

I don't believe it.

And I mean
really get rid of you.

No. They wouldn't.

They need me.

Now. Later, you'd just be a man
with too much on him.

Stoffel, would
you recognize

Major Bock's voice
if you heard it?

Of course I would.

And Klink--

that's the tall creep
with the monocle.

Would you recognize
his voice?

Possibly. I've
talked with him several times here.

Listen to this.

And be ready to
draw up your will.

BOCK:
What I am going

to tell you now, Colonel,
is top secret.

KLINK:
You may speak freely, sir.

BOCK:
When this operation is all over,

our chief technician,
Herr Stoffel,

will face a firing squad.

KLINK:
I can't imagine they would do such a thing.

BOCK:
Herr Stoffel knows a great many things.

He will be taken out and shot.

KLINK:
And, uh, you think that decision has already been made?

BOCK:
It is final.

There is no appeal.

The orders will be carried out.

Any questions?

Well...

How did you get
that recording?

I can't answer
that question.

What do you want me to do?

That question I can answer.

All right, we got
about five minutes.

You think he'll come
through, Colonel?

We'll know by 3:00.

Now, remember,
get in there fast

and go to work before
the Krauts get organized.

Well, what about
the guards?

Suppose they
start shooting.

That's a chance
we have to take.

Stoffel has
the smoke bombs.

LeBeau's over there--
he'll start yelling.

There'll be enough confusion.
It's a calculated risk.

Yeah? That's
the worst kind.

Watch it. Here
comes Schultz.

Colonel Hogan...

Hi, Schultz.

What is this?

Firefighting
equipment, Schultz.

Just a drill.

You never know when
there might be a fire.

Where are the
water buckets?

Water? Nobody
uses water to fight fire anymore.

Do they, fellas?

ALL:
No!

That's horse-and-buggy
thinking, Schultz.

Whenever
I talk to you,

I learn something.

So do we.

Achtung! Achtung!
Fire! Fire!

Hurry! Mach schnell!
Mach schnell!

Get something
to put it out! Quickly!

Fire!

Fire! Fire!

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Fire! Fire!
( alarm ringing )

( panicked shouting )

( shouting in German )

Hoses and water buckets!
Hoses and water buckets!

HOGAN:
Get those plates!

Get the plates!

Quick! Some more.

LeBeau, chop these up.

Yes, sir.

More, more. Bring more.

What's going on here?!

Easier to carry, Schultz.

Good! Very good!

( alarm continues ringing )

You and you!

Get that fire hose,
and hurry up!

Get that fire hose!

( grunts )

( smashing continues )

( smashing continues )

Turn on the hose.

Hold it, Commandant--
everything's under control.

It's a catastrophe!

Our whole plan is ruined.

Those plates can't
be replaced.

What are we going
to tell Berlin?

Don't tell 'em, ask them.

For what?

Permission to hold
a fire sale.

KLINK:
And, even though the building was destroyed

I want to commend the men

of Barracks 3, and especially

Sergeant Schultz--

for their brave attempt
to put out the fire.

Thank you, sir!
Thank you very much!

There will be an extra ration
of white bread for one week.

Wonderful, wonderful.
Aw, you're spoiling us, sir.

Dismissed.

We did it, Colonel.
And we got away with it.

Yeah. By the time
they get reorganized,

I think the war
will be over.

If they ever
try to start again, boy,

I got some more
smoke bombs.

It's a pity to see
all that beautiful,

green dry goods destroyed,
though.

That reminds me.
Schultz?

Yes, Colonel Hogan?

Schultz, I've always had
a lifelong ambition,

and you can make
that dream come true.

Who, me?
Mm-hmm.

Yup.

Always wanted to have money
to burn, Schultz.

Aw...

Aw, Schultzy.

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