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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,629 --> 00:00:06,882 ANNOUNCER: CBS presents this program in color. 2 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:27,611 ( theme song playing ) 3 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:00,852 All right. All set? 4 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,062 Right. Yes, sir. 5 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,689 Now you know what you're looking for. 6 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,273 Avoid the patrols. 7 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,651 In exactly 13 minutes, you'll rendezvous with a guide 8 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:08,860 from the underground. 9 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,153 Her name is Lili. 10 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:12,030 Lili? Joli fille. 11 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,407 All of a sudden, he's alert. 12 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,616 Well, it's been a long time, 13 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:15,784 especially for a Frenchman. 14 00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:16,994 Take him away. 15 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,662 ( chuckles ): Come on. 16 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:19,871 Good luck. 17 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,164 Right. 18 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,460 Lili? 19 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:07,794 Yes. I'm Kinchloe. 20 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:09,212 This is Carter. And I'm LeBeau. 21 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:10,380 Hi. How are you? 22 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,548 You must be quiet. 23 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,383 Follow me. 24 00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,385 To the ends of the earth. 25 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:30,317 Just beyond the trees. 26 00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:32,194 ( crickets chirping ) 27 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,905 Yeah, that's a radio tower, all right. 28 00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:37,532 And that looks like some kind of control unit. 29 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,075 Yeah. They moved it through the town 30 00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,243 early this morning. 31 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:43,079 The tower has been completed several days. 32 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,581 Boy, that's quite a structure. 33 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:45,957 Yes. 34 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,460 I like it better than the Eiffel Tower. 35 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,753 Our underground reported 36 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,713 a courier carried some dispatches 37 00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,924 from the tower to your commandant. 38 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,259 We'll notify Colonel Hogan. 39 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,261 You finished, Carter? 40 00:02:58,261 --> 00:02:59,387 Yeah. 41 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,597 Okay, let's get back to camp. 42 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:01,765 Uh, you guys run along. 43 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,433 Lili and I will do some more exploring. 44 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:04,976 ( laughs ): I must leave now. 45 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,062 My father will be worried. 46 00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,688 Good-bye. 47 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,190 Uh, Lili! 48 00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:11,566 Mon ami, 49 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,818 you still wish to do a little exploring, huh? 50 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,820 Well, I hope the next war will be friendlier 51 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,781 than this one. 52 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:30,460 There's nobody in Klink's office. 53 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,920 If Klink received any important information 54 00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,922 from the courier, it'll be in the safe. 55 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,507 Look for an envelope marked "Top Secret." 56 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:36,591 Right. 57 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:37,634 Go find Lightfingers Newkirk 58 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:38,802 and get in there. Okay. 59 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,136 How do you figure it, Colonel? 60 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:41,930 I don't know. Either it's a transmitting station, 61 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,890 or receiving, or both. 62 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,475 Oh, well, it's pretty close to camp. 63 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,435 We made a big detour to stay undercover, 64 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,020 but it's right over that hill. 65 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,273 Why'd the Krauts put it there all of a sudden? 66 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:52,440 We gonna blow it up? 67 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:53,984 It's nice to know what something is 68 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:54,985 before you destroy it, Carter. 69 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,152 Why? 70 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:57,654 Well, I mean, after the war, 71 00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:00,740 you can tell your children we blew up a this or a that. 72 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:01,908 Children? I'm not even married. 73 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,159 Don't worry, Carter. 74 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,245 Somewhere there's a wife, even for you. 75 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,046 Hurry it up, will you? Vite! 76 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,007 Stop your narrating, will you? 77 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,342 I can't listen to you and the tumblers. 78 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,556 A-ha. There we are. 79 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,725 Ah, marvelous fingers, these. 80 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,393 Got ears of their own. 81 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,353 Will you stop admiring yourself and start looking? 82 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,689 Oh, we are jumpy today, aren't we? 83 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,858 Wait, hello. 84 00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:37,193 "Luftwaffe Code Book." Top Secret. 85 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,029 Ah, we've got a copy of that. 86 00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:44,159 "Prisoner of War Regulations." 87 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,827 ( blows ) 88 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:48,246 I like a camp that's run by the book. 89 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,831 Hey, hey, look out. 90 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,374 This looks a bit official. 91 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,960 Yeah, official, all right. 92 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:56,212 Postcards from Paris. 93 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,881 Ooh, blimey. 94 00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,841 And no views of the Eiffel Tower. 95 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,551 Hey, I think we ought to, uh, 96 00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,803 visit Klink's safe a bit more often. 97 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,096 ( door opening ) 98 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,479 What's going on in here? 99 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,148 We were just robbing the commandant's safe, Schultz. 100 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,816 ( laughs ): Jolly joker. 101 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,151 He never believes anything. 102 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,652 I'm asking you again. 103 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:22,071 What are you doing in here? 104 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,239 Cleaning the office. 105 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,491 Who told you to? 106 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:25,700 You did yesterday. 107 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,744 Impossible. I was off duty. 108 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,078 Uh, the day before? 109 00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:30,455 Impossible. 110 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,916 I was on duty but sleeping. 111 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,418 What's the difference? 112 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,086 We're here and doing a great job. 113 00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:39,005 Also impossible. 114 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:42,717 There is some monkey business going on here. 115 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,677 You know, Schultz, as a people, 116 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:47,013 you Germans are terribly suspicious. 117 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,057 You want me to believe you? 118 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:50,725 He's got a point there. 119 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,770 Now I know that I did not ask you 120 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,230 to clean this room. 121 00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:56,606 Oh, then it must have been 122 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:57,899 Corporal Nick in charge. 123 00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,609 Yeah, that's right, it must have been... 124 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:00,777 Achtung! 125 00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:02,904 Schultz, what's going on here? 126 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,072 Herr Kommandant, 127 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:05,573 they are cleaning the office. 128 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:06,783 I told them to do it. 129 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,368 Get these men out of here at once! 130 00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:09,661 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 131 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,246 Raus! Everybody, out, out, out, out, 132 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:12,288 out, out, out, out. 133 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:13,540 Mach schnell! 134 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,166 Hurry, hurry! 135 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,334 Raus... 136 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,502 Oh, Schultz, Schultz? 137 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:18,962 Double the guards at all the exits. 138 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,421 No one is allowed in this building 139 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,589 for one hour. 140 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:22,840 Jawohl, Herr Commandant. 141 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,551 General Burkhalter will have a conference 142 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,344 with Captain Berger and myself, understood? 143 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,512 Understood, Herr Kommandant. 144 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:28,763 Out! Out! Out...! 145 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,014 Get out of my sight... 146 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:30,974 Right. 147 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,686 Now, uh, before we start, uh, 148 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:37,146 shall we have a little refreshment, Herr General? 149 00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:38,815 I don't want anything. 150 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,316 Neither does Berger. 151 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:41,818 Well, I'll just have a little... 152 00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:43,236 Neither do you. 153 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:44,279 That's right, I don't. 154 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,530 I just thought I did. 155 00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:48,825 Now, Klink, this matter is top secret. 156 00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,868 General Burkhalter, I assure you 157 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,371 that this room is absolutely secure. 158 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,623 Nobody can hear a single word. 159 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,417 Nobody. 160 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:00,795 We're nobody, aren't we? 161 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,171 Nobody. Nobody. 162 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,756 We promise not to tell a soul, right? 163 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:04,924 Right. Right. 164 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:06,342 Satisfied? I am. 165 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,344 That's good enough for me. 166 00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,680 Do you have the papers and the map? 167 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,015 Yes, sir. 168 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,224 I have it right here. 169 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,685 I have kept it with me all this time. 170 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,353 I can assure, Herr General, 171 00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:20,857 we have needed something like this for a long time. 172 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,026 Something like what? 173 00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:24,319 Whatever it is. 174 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,654 Like me to explain it to him, Herr General? 175 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,157 You may have to use baby talk. 176 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,575 Carry on. 177 00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:31,868 BERGER: Colonel Klink, 178 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,870 this is a type of radio station 179 00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:36,581 that can send information to our fighter squadrons 180 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:37,915 earlier than before 181 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,709 so that they may get into the air 182 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:43,379 and knock down some enemy bombers much quicker. 183 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:44,756 I'm all for that. 184 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,049 I'm glad. 185 00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:47,508 Thank you, sir. 186 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,970 Now, may I ask, how do I fit into this operation? 187 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,764 Well, fortunately, 188 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,224 the ideal location for this is here, 189 00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:56,893 right close to Stalag 13. 190 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,478 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 191 00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:00,813 The enemy will not bomb it, because even a near miss, 192 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,857 they might kill some of their own men here. 193 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,818 It is relatively safe from enemy bombing, 194 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,196 but there is the problem of sabotage. 195 00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:09,530 That's where you come in. 196 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,240 General Burkhalter, I assure you 197 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,117 I would never sabotage our own men. 198 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,660 I am placing you in command 199 00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:17,997 of all security measures for the radio station. 200 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,457 Your men will guard it. 201 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,750 You can depend on me, sir. 202 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:23,419 And I will hold you personally responsible 203 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,921 if anything goes wrong. 204 00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:26,089 Rest easy. 205 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,340 Put it out of your mind. 206 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:29,550 We have great experience in such matters. 207 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:30,843 You see, we've never had 208 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,386 a successful escape from Stalag 13. 209 00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:35,181 But if there is the slightest difficulty, 210 00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,892 there will be one. Sir? 211 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:41,771 I will arrange for you to escape from Stalag 13... 212 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:42,980 to the Russian front. 213 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,943 Disguised as a private in the infantry. 214 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,614 An advance warning system. 215 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:52,615 Murder. 216 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:53,783 Exactly. 217 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,326 Krauts could knock down more bombers 218 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,536 than we could send over. 219 00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:57,829 Well, let's blow it up. 220 00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,872 Sure. We blow it up, Klink takes the rap 221 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,499 and gets sent to the Russian front. 222 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,751 Well, it couldn't happen to a nicer guy. 223 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,462 We get a new commandant who puts us out of business. 224 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:09,173 We got to blow it up and protect Klink, too. 225 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,174 Burkhalter's the man. 226 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,175 His orders count. 227 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,093 What are Burkhalter's weaknesses? 228 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,803 ( speaking German ) 229 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,137 And Wienerschnitzel. 230 00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,597 And frauleins. What good is that? 231 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,682 That's everybody's weakness. 232 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,141 I just thought I'd mention it. 233 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:20,685 Well... Hold it, hold it. 234 00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,311 That's it. 235 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,980 We get at Burkhalter through a fraulein. 236 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,648 Kinch, get a message to the underground. 237 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,483 I want to talk to the girl, Lili. 238 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:28,526 All right, Colonel. 239 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,695 LeBeau, you go out and bring her in 240 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:31,779 through the emergency tunnel. 241 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:32,863 Yes, Colonel. 242 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,240 He made a pass at her. 243 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,908 Who made a pass at her? 244 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,451 LeBeau, but it didn't work. 245 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:38,452 Good. 246 00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,913 It means she's also got brains. 247 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:02,560 Write a letter to a German officer, me? 248 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,186 That's right, a fan letter. 249 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,688 I'd rather die first. 250 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,815 A lot of the guys flying the bombers 251 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,191 just might if you don't. 252 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:10,568 Colonel, I don't understand your plan. 253 00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:11,902 You will. 254 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,195 We get to Burkhalter through Klink. 255 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,864 This is the first step. 256 00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:17,033 He might take the letter seriously. 257 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:18,451 Then we're halfway home. 258 00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:20,494 Look, I volunteered to work in the underground. 259 00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:23,289 I have cheated, stolen, lied for the cause I believe in... 260 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,583 And now we're offering a chance to put out 261 00:10:25,624 --> 00:10:27,543 the biggest lie of them all. 262 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,671 You write and tell Klink what a great guy he is. 263 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:34,842 You want to build a bowling alley? 264 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,010 In the rec hall, sir. 265 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,386 The Red Cross will supply the equipment, 266 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,597 if you give your permission and have tools issued to us. 267 00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:43,392 And you expect that that's necessary for morale? 268 00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:46,103 Commandant, it's inspiring the way you grasp these things. 269 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:49,398 So, you want me to issue tools to your men? 270 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,234 That means you will start out by building a bowling alley 271 00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,154 and wind up digging tunnels. 272 00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:56,781 You have my word as an officer 273 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:57,782 there will be no... 274 00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,200 Permission denied. Dismissed. 275 00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,910 What harm can a bowling alley possibly do? 276 00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,411 Hogan, I said dismissed. 277 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,788 Thanks a lot. 278 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,623 You're a great humanitarian. 279 00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:07,041 Uh, Hogan, just a moment. 280 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:10,252 So, you really think I'm a monster, don't you? 281 00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:11,253 Not just a monster, sir. 282 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:12,797 You're a genius at it. 283 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,298 Insolence. 284 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,883 Not bad at that, either. 285 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,385 There are some people who don't agree with you. 286 00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,596 People who think I'm not so bad after all. 287 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,681 There are all kind of nuts in this world. 288 00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:25,893 I, uh, received a letter from a lady in town. 289 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,269 She doesn't even know me. 290 00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:29,271 She, uh, has great admiration for me. 291 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:30,898 I don't believe it. 292 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,608 "Dear Colonel Klink, 293 00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:33,859 "I shouldn't be writing to you 294 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,112 "because we have never been properly introduced, 295 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:39,073 "but I have seen you in town many times 296 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,033 "and admired you at a distance. 297 00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,077 "I have also heard from many people 298 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:47,289 "that you are a fine officer and a credit to the Fatherland. 299 00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:49,542 "I hope we can meet sometime in the future. 300 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,377 Sincerely, Fraulein Weske." 301 00:11:51,418 --> 00:11:53,254 Oh, "P.S. Heil Hitler." 302 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,422 It's a very romantic touch at the end. 303 00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:56,841 That's not your own handwriting? 304 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,592 Of course not. 305 00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:00,803 Ah, it's probably some old maid battle-ax. 306 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:04,014 I have also made some discreet telephone calls, 307 00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,517 and it so happens that Fräulein Weske 308 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,228 is a very intelligent and attractive girl. 309 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:10,479 Maybe I'm wrong, then. 310 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,439 Women have an instinct about things like this. 311 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,400 At least you're man enough to admit it. 312 00:12:14,441 --> 00:12:16,026 Well, now, I suppose, you're going to invite her here 313 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:17,069 for a little intimate dinner? 314 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,946 No, I hadn't thought I... 315 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,739 You'll also invite Burkhalter so you can show off. 316 00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:21,866 Burkhalter? 317 00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,242 Well, don't think I'm going 318 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:24,994 to ask Corporal LeBeau to cook you 319 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,328 a real French dinner. No, no, no. 320 00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,414 Unless you give us an extra hour of electricity. 321 00:12:28,455 --> 00:12:30,499 I'll do it. 322 00:12:32,459 --> 00:12:34,169 I got to hand it to you. 323 00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:35,087 What do you mean, Hogan? 324 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,797 When it comes to the ladies, 325 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,215 you sure move fast. 326 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,181 ( laughter ) 327 00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:47,349 That's marvelous. 328 00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:49,977 A pleasant evening with a pleasant company. 329 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,020 Oh... 330 00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,521 Prosit. Prosit. 331 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,523 Mm, wonderful. 332 00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,108 Now, may I propose a toast? 333 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:59,028 To strong men and weak women. 334 00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:02,156 The Colonel is so clever at parties. 335 00:13:02,197 --> 00:13:04,533 Shall we sit down? 336 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,035 Yes, sir. Fräulein. 337 00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:17,588 Any action? 338 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,714 We can't get started 339 00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,299 until you get rid of Schultz-- do something. 340 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,050 Oui, right away. 341 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,846 ( whispering ): Hey, Schultzy. Look. 342 00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:26,889 Come on, come on. 343 00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:28,182 ( sniffing ): Mm... 344 00:13:28,223 --> 00:13:30,267 Come on, it's delicious. 345 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:31,560 Come on. 346 00:13:34,229 --> 00:13:35,564 Mm... 347 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:36,231 Good, huh? 348 00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,567 Mm... 349 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:58,504 ( giggling ): And when Colonel Klink invited me here, 350 00:13:58,545 --> 00:14:01,548 why, I had no idea I would be meeting a general. 351 00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,927 ( chuckling ): Well, that's one of our little surprises. 352 00:14:04,968 --> 00:14:06,470 A little surprise, Klink? 353 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,972 No, sir, a big one, a very... a big one. 354 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:10,766 And a very nice one, too. 355 00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:11,934 Thank you. 356 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,812 And may I say, Fräulein, that meeting you 357 00:14:14,853 --> 00:14:17,147 has been one of the nicest things 358 00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:19,733 that has happened to me in this war. 359 00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:21,193 Oh, General! 360 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:24,279 What a sweet thing to say. 361 00:14:24,279 --> 00:14:26,824 I could just kiss you. 362 00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:28,367 You could? 363 00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:31,954 Well, why not? 364 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,163 ( shutter clicking ) 365 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,623 ( chuckling ): Mmm. 366 00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:37,000 You see what can happen to you 367 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,336 when you are a general, Klink? 368 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,131 Well, sir, I have something to look forward to. 369 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,924 Maybe in the next war. 370 00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:46,718 I guess it's all right 371 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,387 for me to be here with you. 372 00:14:48,428 --> 00:14:50,556 I can always say I am guarding you. 373 00:14:50,597 --> 00:14:52,808 And you're doing a good job, Schultz. 374 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:54,476 You want some more chicken? 375 00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:56,145 Oh, ja! 376 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,813 Danke. 377 00:14:57,813 --> 00:14:59,356 You're welcome. 378 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,984 Guard duty is such hard work. 379 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,530 And Iassigned Colonel Klink 380 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:09,199 to be the security officer in this area. 381 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,994 I'm sure he'll do a very good job for you. 382 00:15:12,035 --> 00:15:13,537 He better. 383 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,873 More champagne all around. 384 00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:17,749 Champagne all around. 385 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,710 Yes, sir. 386 00:15:19,751 --> 00:15:21,086 Yes, ma'am. 387 00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:22,337 Here you are, sir. 388 00:15:22,337 --> 00:15:24,423 Thank you. 389 00:15:24,464 --> 00:15:25,507 Dinner's almost ready. 390 00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:26,633 ( squealing ) 391 00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:27,676 ( yelling ) 392 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,094 Oh, you fool! 393 00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,597 I apologize, Herr General, I apologize. 394 00:15:31,638 --> 00:15:33,098 Please allow me. 395 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,683 Thank you, Fraulein. 396 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:35,893 Oh... 397 00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:37,019 ( shutter clicking ) 398 00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:40,397 ( chuckling softly ) Mmm... 399 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,025 I hope the big shots are enjoying themselves. 400 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:45,569 You're doing pretty good yourself, Schultzy. 401 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,696 Why don't they invite me to a party? 402 00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:49,781 Schultz, if you were giving a party, 403 00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:52,784 would you invite you? 404 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:53,911 Mmm, et voila. 405 00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:55,245 Your dinner is ready. 406 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,705 Go ahead, announce it. 407 00:15:56,705 --> 00:15:57,998 Okay. 408 00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:05,005 Would I invite me? No. 409 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,215 Huh. Why should I? 410 00:16:07,215 --> 00:16:09,635 Herr Kommandant... Yes, yes? 411 00:16:09,676 --> 00:16:10,802 Dinner is served! 412 00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:12,054 Thank you, Schultz. 413 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,056 Fräulein, General, shall we? 414 00:16:14,097 --> 00:16:15,390 Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! 415 00:16:15,515 --> 00:16:16,558 Oh, I'm sorry. 416 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,060 My foot went to sleep. 417 00:16:18,101 --> 00:16:19,936 Oh, my dear, may I help you? 418 00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:22,022 I have the situation well in hand. 419 00:16:25,233 --> 00:16:26,902 FRAULEIN WESKE: I feel much better. 420 00:16:26,943 --> 00:16:28,695 Oh, that's good. Excuse me, Schultz. 421 00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,572 I've got to get these glasses out of... 422 00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:33,659 ( chuckling ) Oh, yes. 423 00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:35,786 ( shutter clicking ) Much better. 424 00:16:35,827 --> 00:16:37,537 Uh, shall we, shall we? 425 00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,081 Uh, please, allow me. 426 00:16:39,122 --> 00:16:40,582 May I? 427 00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:42,084 There. Well, here we are, 428 00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:43,960 the three of us having dinner. 429 00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:45,671 Everything looks so pretty, 430 00:16:45,712 --> 00:16:47,839 it's a shame we didn't get a chance 431 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,883 to take some pictures. 432 00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:53,845 HOGAN: Very good. 433 00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:56,264 Looks like fun and games in Klink's quarters. 434 00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:58,934 KINCH: Ha. Get a load of the expression 435 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,186 on Burkhalter's face in this one. 436 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:03,313 HOGAN: And with him, you can't tell 437 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:05,357 whether it's love or indigestion. 438 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,900 What's our next move, Colonel? 439 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:09,277 Tonight, we'll go out and blow up that tower. 440 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:10,737 And then? 441 00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:13,115 Immediately following that, we'll blow up Burkhalter. 442 00:17:13,156 --> 00:17:14,366 Just like that, huh? 443 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,618 Let's just say it's double or nothing. 444 00:17:22,290 --> 00:17:25,001 ( snoring ) 445 00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:32,801 That's it, Colonel. 446 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,391 All right, don't make a move 447 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,809 till we get them out of there. 448 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:41,977 And make it fast. 449 00:17:42,018 --> 00:17:43,437 We're only going to have one chance. 450 00:17:43,478 --> 00:17:44,437 Right, Colonel. Right. 451 00:17:44,479 --> 00:17:46,189 Good luck. Let's go, Kinch. 452 00:17:50,193 --> 00:17:51,903 This looks like a good place. 453 00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:53,113 Start the hog calling. 454 00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:57,367 Achtung! Achtung! 455 00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:00,036 This is Captain Berger! 456 00:18:00,078 --> 00:18:01,329 Sergeant Schultz, 457 00:18:01,329 --> 00:18:03,999 you will report to me at once! 458 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:05,500 Sergeant Schultz! 459 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:08,295 KINCH: Sergeant Schultz! 460 00:18:08,336 --> 00:18:09,838 Was ist los? 461 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,506 This is Captain Berger! 462 00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:13,592 You will report to me at once! 463 00:18:13,633 --> 00:18:14,759 ( gunshot ) 464 00:18:14,801 --> 00:18:16,219 Jawohl! 465 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:20,223 Where is he? 466 00:18:29,816 --> 00:18:31,735 Sergeant Schultz, this is Berger! 467 00:18:31,776 --> 00:18:33,403 What are you waiting for?! 468 00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:36,156 Yes, Captain Berger, at your service, Captain Berger! 469 00:18:36,197 --> 00:18:37,157 Here I am, Captain Berger! 470 00:18:37,198 --> 00:18:38,742 ( gunshot ) 471 00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:43,204 Where is he?! 472 00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:47,876 ( gunshot ) 473 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:50,378 SCHULTZ: Captain Berger?! 474 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:51,630 Schultz! 475 00:18:51,671 --> 00:18:52,714 Captain Berger! 476 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:54,382 Yes, Captain Berger, at your service! 477 00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,133 Here I am! 478 00:18:57,969 --> 00:18:59,512 Captain Berger! 479 00:18:59,554 --> 00:19:01,389 ( gunshot ) 480 00:19:01,389 --> 00:19:03,391 Here I am, Captain Berger, at your service! 481 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,518 ( gunshot ) Captain Berger! 482 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,402 I'm coming, Captain Berger! 483 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,404 I'm coming, Captain Berger. 484 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:17,739 Captain Berger... 485 00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:19,240 I'm coming. 486 00:19:19,282 --> 00:19:21,576 SCHULTZ: Captain Berger? 487 00:19:22,702 --> 00:19:25,080 Captain Berger, here I come! 488 00:19:25,121 --> 00:19:27,582 Captain Berger? Captain Berger? 489 00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,552 Captain Berger? 490 00:19:39,594 --> 00:19:41,012 Captain Berger? 491 00:19:46,267 --> 00:19:47,227 All set? 492 00:19:47,268 --> 00:19:48,436 Ready. 493 00:19:48,436 --> 00:19:49,688 Yeah, the stuff is all planted. 494 00:19:49,729 --> 00:19:50,855 Okay, up she goes. 495 00:19:50,897 --> 00:19:52,941 Wait a minute. What's the matter? 496 00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:55,652 Colonel, do you mind if, uh...? 497 00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,779 Could I...? 498 00:19:57,821 --> 00:19:59,781 Oh, of course, Carter. 499 00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,825 Terribly selfish of me. 500 00:20:01,866 --> 00:20:04,536 Pyromaniacs are so sensitive. Go. 501 00:20:14,462 --> 00:20:17,048 ( metal squealing ) 502 00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:20,009 ( metal grinding ) 503 00:20:22,595 --> 00:20:24,264 You Dummkopf! 504 00:20:24,305 --> 00:20:27,142 I should have known better than to rely on you! 505 00:20:27,183 --> 00:20:29,352 But I assure you, Herr General, I was asleep in bed 506 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,979 at the time it happened right here! 507 00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:33,648 At least you could have had the decency to sleep there. 508 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,316 I assure you, Herr General, the next time... 509 00:20:35,358 --> 00:20:38,153 There will be no next time for you, Klink. 510 00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:40,655 I won't sleep at all, ever, anywhere. 511 00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:42,157 I'm relieving you of command. 512 00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:43,825 But Herr General, I... Silence! 513 00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:44,993 I'm not finished! 514 00:20:45,034 --> 00:20:47,495 You are under arrest for criminal inefficiency. 515 00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:50,123 Me? Are you questioning me, Klink? 516 00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:51,499 Of course not, Herr General. 517 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,625 A very wise decision. 518 00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:55,044 But if the General would possibly reconsider... 519 00:20:55,086 --> 00:20:56,504 Hate to break in on two old friends. 520 00:20:56,796 --> 00:20:58,047 Hogan... 521 00:20:58,089 --> 00:21:00,175 Thought we might discuss the bowling alley idea 522 00:21:00,216 --> 00:21:01,968 while you're both in such a good mood. 523 00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:03,136 "Bowling alley"? Get out, Hogan! 524 00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:04,304 Oh, you want to think about it? 525 00:21:04,345 --> 00:21:05,889 Hogan, you are dismissed. 526 00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:08,683 Yes, sir. 527 00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:10,018 Oh, this envelope's for you. 528 00:21:10,059 --> 00:21:12,604 Hilda must have dropped it when she brought in the mail. 529 00:21:12,645 --> 00:21:14,189 Sorry. Clumsy of me. 530 00:21:14,230 --> 00:21:15,523 ( grunting ) 531 00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:19,235 It's a picture of you, sir. 532 00:21:19,277 --> 00:21:20,695 Very natural, too. 533 00:21:20,695 --> 00:21:21,905 I hate pictures 534 00:21:21,946 --> 00:21:23,198 that are posed, don't you? 535 00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:24,991 KLINK: Mmm, they do look very natural. 536 00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:26,534 Of course, some people take good pictures, 537 00:21:26,534 --> 00:21:27,660 some people take bad pictures. 538 00:21:27,702 --> 00:21:29,537 Shut up, Klink. 539 00:21:29,537 --> 00:21:31,039 This is a frame-up! 540 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:34,083 I will have this girl arrested at once. 541 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:37,170 What's her name-- Fräulein, uh, Weske. 542 00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:40,006 Right, right, have her arrested. 543 00:21:40,048 --> 00:21:41,132 Oops. Wrong. 544 00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:42,383 What are you talking about? 545 00:21:42,425 --> 00:21:43,676 Have her arrested, 546 00:21:43,718 --> 00:21:45,220 she sends the pictures to your wife, 547 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:46,429 your wife has you arrested. 548 00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:47,847 My wife? Yeah, 549 00:21:47,889 --> 00:21:48,848 you remember her-- 550 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,308 the little woman with the big temper? 551 00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:52,727 This was an innocent party! 552 00:21:52,727 --> 00:21:54,896 It was an innocent party! 553 00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:56,231 Keep out of this. 554 00:21:56,272 --> 00:21:57,899 Yes, sir; it wasn't innocent at all. 555 00:21:57,899 --> 00:21:59,233 Shut up! 556 00:21:59,233 --> 00:22:02,070 Let me see. 557 00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:04,781 Girl kissing you, girl sitting on your lap, 558 00:22:04,822 --> 00:22:06,824 you holding girl in your arms... 559 00:22:06,866 --> 00:22:08,534 Ah, what's to worry about? 560 00:22:08,576 --> 00:22:10,244 Your wife will understand. 561 00:22:10,244 --> 00:22:12,622 I am not afraid of my wife. 562 00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,248 Not afraid of your wife. 563 00:22:14,290 --> 00:22:16,209 But then, there's the Führer. 564 00:22:16,250 --> 00:22:19,253 You know he doesn't like scandal of any kind. 565 00:22:19,253 --> 00:22:20,546 Oh, here's a note. 566 00:22:20,588 --> 00:22:21,714 "Dear General, 567 00:22:21,756 --> 00:22:24,884 though I find you a most fascinating man..." 568 00:22:24,926 --> 00:22:26,886 "Fascinating"? Mmm. 569 00:22:26,928 --> 00:22:30,223 We may have misjudged the girl. 570 00:22:30,264 --> 00:22:31,265 A discerning woman. 571 00:22:32,850 --> 00:22:35,478 "Though I find you a most fascinating man, 572 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,772 I've lost my heart to Colonel Klink"? 573 00:22:37,814 --> 00:22:39,732 Hmm? That's incredible! 574 00:22:39,774 --> 00:22:40,858 Ridiculous. 575 00:22:40,900 --> 00:22:43,111 Ridiculous. But in my lighter moments, 576 00:22:43,152 --> 00:22:45,697 when the burdens of war were not so heavy... 577 00:22:45,738 --> 00:22:47,031 Go on, Hogan. 578 00:22:47,073 --> 00:22:49,242 He does have a fascinating smile. 579 00:22:49,283 --> 00:22:50,702 Thank you, Hogan. 580 00:22:52,453 --> 00:22:56,499 She'll return the negatives if I publicly announce 581 00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:59,961 Klink is not responsible for the sabotage. 582 00:23:00,002 --> 00:23:01,462 I won't do it. 583 00:23:01,462 --> 00:23:03,631 Can I give you a lift to the Russian Front? 584 00:23:03,631 --> 00:23:08,761 I must have those negatives. 585 00:23:08,803 --> 00:23:12,140 She says to send one of the prisoners. 586 00:23:12,181 --> 00:23:14,600 She will trust no one else. 587 00:23:14,767 --> 00:23:15,977 Here, Hogan. 588 00:23:16,018 --> 00:23:17,562 You go. 589 00:23:17,603 --> 00:23:19,105 BURKHALTER: The instructions are here. 590 00:23:19,147 --> 00:23:20,022 You trust me? 591 00:23:20,273 --> 00:23:21,607 Of course. 592 00:23:21,649 --> 00:23:23,651 I will have all the prisoners shot 593 00:23:23,693 --> 00:23:25,820 if you are not back in three hours. 594 00:23:25,820 --> 00:23:27,029 You're a saint. 595 00:23:27,071 --> 00:23:29,782 We will tolerate no tricks, Hogan. 596 00:23:29,824 --> 00:23:31,617 And I will send a guard 597 00:23:31,659 --> 00:23:34,245 to escort you to your cell, Klink. 598 00:23:36,497 --> 00:23:37,999 He doesn't mean a thing. 599 00:23:37,999 --> 00:23:39,750 He loves me like a brother. 600 00:23:39,792 --> 00:23:42,837 You know, you'd be better off without a family. 601 00:23:49,510 --> 00:23:50,470 General. 602 00:23:50,511 --> 00:23:52,013 You've got the negatives? 603 00:23:52,263 --> 00:23:53,014 Yes, sir. 604 00:23:53,264 --> 00:23:54,765 Thank you. 605 00:23:54,807 --> 00:23:56,434 Aren't you going to release Klink? 606 00:23:56,476 --> 00:24:00,146 Now that I've got these, what for? 607 00:24:00,188 --> 00:24:01,314 Maybe you better count. 608 00:24:06,194 --> 00:24:07,528 There is one missing. 609 00:24:07,528 --> 00:24:09,530 That little cheat. 610 00:24:09,530 --> 00:24:11,073 Sad world. 611 00:24:11,115 --> 00:24:12,450 You can't trust anyone anymore. 612 00:24:12,742 --> 00:24:14,243 Guard? 613 00:24:19,207 --> 00:24:21,417 Oh, General Burkhalter, what a nice surprise. 614 00:24:21,459 --> 00:24:22,752 You've come to see me. 615 00:24:22,793 --> 00:24:24,545 Yeah, and it's not even visiting day. 616 00:24:24,545 --> 00:24:28,549 I have decided to release you and restore your command. 617 00:24:28,591 --> 00:24:30,718 All charges will be dropped. 618 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,637 You can't mean it, sir. 619 00:24:32,678 --> 00:24:35,473 I don't, but I have no choice. 620 00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:40,394 I feel so good, I want to celebrate. 621 00:24:40,436 --> 00:24:41,646 What have you got in mind? 622 00:24:41,687 --> 00:24:42,772 A party. 623 00:24:42,813 --> 00:24:44,398 First, I will invite Fräulein Weske, 624 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:45,524 then the general... 625 00:24:45,566 --> 00:24:47,193 Commandant, do me a favor, will you? 626 00:24:47,235 --> 00:24:47,902 What is it? 627 00:24:47,944 --> 00:24:49,403 Go to a movie instead. 628 00:24:49,453 --> 00:24:54,003 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42800

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