All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s02e22 Heil Klink.eng

ANNOUNCER:
CBS presents this program in color.

( theme song playing )

( rhythmic knocking )

What is that?

( knocking repeats )

He is here-- Colonel Hogan.

Hi, Tiger.

So you're
Herr Brauner, huh?

Congratulations.

You saw what's outside?

Gestapo.

Gestapo.

It is not true.

They do not know
that I'm here.

They could not have
followed me.

No?

They've been
following you

ever since
you left Berlin.

Colonel Hogan,
are they coming up?

No, it's the waiting game.

Trail him to get
a road map

of our escape route
out of Germany.

Pick up every member
of the underground on the way.

Including me.

BRAUNER:
It's your fault.

You people urged me to defect.

Nagged me for months.

We told you when and how.

Instead, you panicked--

hopped in your staff car
and ran.

They were getting
suspicious.

I was being followed
by the Gestapo!

And you still are!

You must save me.

I have all the financial
secrets of the Third Reich.

London and Washington
calls me the "evil genius"

behind the Nazi money empire.

Start thinking, genius.

Colonel Hogan,
we could take him out

through the passageway, no?

Of course. I'm saved!

Not a chance.

It leads straight
to a beer hall.

We all go out that way,
the Gestapo would be in here

in a few minutes
and take this place apart

until they find the passageway.

So? So?

So they come straight
to the beer hall

and force those people
to talk.

Then they come straight
to Stalag 13

and find our whole operation.

I take the risk.

I won't.

I should not have
listened to you people.

I had a good position,
security.

I even got a medal
from Herr Hitler.

Hitler?

Okay, we'll do it that way.
What way?

Tiger, you and I
are going to go out through the passageway.

We got to get you
out of Germany.

They're going to be
looking for you.

But what about me?

You're going to stay here
and sit tight.

Stay here alone?

I cannot.

In two hours, exactly 3:00,

you go down
and get in your staff car.

But they'll be following me.

Right, straight to Stalag 13.

You enter through the main gate.

They will arrest me.

They will arrest everyone!

Not if you do as I tell you.

Do what?

Put a scarf around
your face,

pull your hat down
over your eyes.

You're entering camp
in disguise.

Disguised as who?

He's disguised as you.

Who? Who?

Adolph Hitler.

For the last time, Hogan,
I have heard no rumors,

I will listen to no rumors,

and I'm sure that there's no
foundation for any rumors.

Suit yourself,
Commandant.

But if it happens,

you got some big
decisions to make.

Big decisions?

I'm completely loyal.

But if they knock off
Adolph, loyal to whom?

Hmm. No, I'm sure

the Führer's life
is in no danger.

I can assure you of that, Hogan.
Dismissed.

You know best,
Commandant.

( phone rings )

Oh, telephone.

Oh, Frau Hilda will get it.
Dismissed.

I better wait.
It may be for me.

Hogan!

General Fenstermacher's

on the phone, Colonel Klink.

General Fenstermacher?

The head of the General Staff?

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

But why would he...?

General Fenstermacher,
how very nice to hear from you.

( German accent ):
Listen, carefully, Klink.

I have no time for small talk.

The Führer's life is in danger.

The Führer's life?

Conspirators will act
within the next 24 hours.

Until the crisis is over,
our leader must have a refuge.

But, uh, General Fenstermacher,
don't you think

the Army could protect him?

Trust no one.

No one except you, Klink.

Me?

( chuckles )

General Fenstermacher,
I want you

to thank the Führer
for this great honor,

but I'm sure that there are
many other people

who would be
in a much better position to...

Be quiet, Klink, and listen.

Of course, sir, definitely, yes.

We are close to you.

At exactly 3:17 this afternoon,
a staff car will enter your gate

bearing one man in disguise.

Do not approach him.

You don't mean the Führer?

Exactly.

Allow no one to approach him.

He will go to your quarters

where he will seal himself
in for 24 hours.

My quarters?

But, but, but, but my chairs
need new slipcovers, sir.

Be quiet, Klink!

So as there can be no doubt

to the authenticity
of this call,

the next voice you hear
will be of our Führer!

The Führer?

Klink!

Ja, ja, mein Führer.

You are the one man
in the entire Third Reich

that I trust!

Jawohl, mein Führer!

Oh, by the way,

when you come, sir,
I hope that I can show you

the workings of our camp
security system,

the mess hall,
the prisoner's laundry.

Do not come near me!

Hello?

Going to have a visitor?

Hogan, this is
top top secret.

Now, if you breathe
one word about this to anyone,

I will have you shot!

No one must know.

No one except
Burkhalter.

Why should Burkhalter know?

So he can send troops.
What for?

Well, what if
those guys come

looking for
the Führer?

The ones that want
to knock him off?

I must have troops.

Frau Hilda!

No, you're right.

You can't trust
Burkhalter either.

I can't?

You buzzed,
Herr Kommandant?

Frau Hilda...

Tell him the prisoners
are rioting.

Send a battalion.

Yes. Get Burkhalter
on the phone at once!

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

I will, of course,
defend the Führer

with my life
if necessary.

On the other hand,
if the conspiracy's organized,

they may have
overwhelming strength,

in which case, I...

Commandant,

wouldn't it be easier

if you people just had
an election every four years?

Hi, Schultz.

Colonel Hogan,

all prisoners
are confined to the barracks.

I know, Schultz.

What do you think
it means?

It is not my place
as a soldier

to question
the meaning of orders.

Right.

What do you think
it means?

Guess who's coming.

Who? Who?

Oh, come on, Schultz,
you know.

Why else would you
have orders not to look at him?

How do you know
about my orders?

Want me to tell you?

No.

Better look the other way,
Schultz. Here he comes.

Is he inside
yet, Schultz?

( door closes )

Yes, he's inside.

Too bad.

I wanted to ask him
how things were going

on the Russian front.

Did he go in?

You didn't watch him,
did you, Schultz?

Of course not,
Herr Kommandant.

Now ask me.
Hogan!

Schultz, what is this man
doing here?

I confined all prisoners
to the barracks.

Actually, I just

caught a glimpse of
him-- good disguise.

I must say he looked a
little worried, though.

Why shouldn't
he look worried?

These are trying times.

Particularly for him.

Who was it,
Herr Kommandant?

It's none of
your business.

However, he put his trust
in the right man, sir.

24 hours will be over
in no time at all,

and you got to make
at least general out of this.

Do you really think so, Hogan?

Oh, it's a cinch.

What's for dinner?

Hogan, I've got bigger problems

than worrying about your dinner.

His!

You mean, you didn't talk to him
about the menu?

Should I have?

You know how touchy
he is about food.

Oh, yes, yes.

What about
soft pillow-hard pillow?

All those things.

But he said no one

was to come near him.

Who?

Stay out of this.

Hogan, do you think
that he would object

if I talked to him
through the door?

Brilliant.

After you.

( knocking )

KLINK:
Your Excellency,

this is Commandant Klink,
at your service.

Uh, yeah,
I... uh...

( yells )

Are you all right,
Your Excellency?

Your Excellency?

( in German accent ):
I'm quite all right!

What are you
blabbering about, Klink?

( chuckles )

Nothing, nothing,
Your Excellency.

I was just here to consult
about your menu and to...

I care nothing about the menu.

Nothing. Of course.

As long as it is the finest!

Of course, Your Excellency.

The finest.

The important thing is

send me a food tester.

They will seek to poison me.

Of course, Your Excellency.

I-I have one right here--

uh, Sergeant Schultz.

He has great experience.

Me, Herr Kommandant?

No.

The prisoners
will seek to poison me.

Send me their senior officer
for my taster.

Immediately,
Your Excellency.

He's right here.

Hogan, I hope you'll put in

a few good words
about my efficiency,

about my experience.

Klink, I think for dinner

we'll have pheasant under glass.

Yeah. Pheasant under...

Pheasant under...

Where am I going to find
pheasant under glass?

A general would know
where to find it.

A general.

You're right, Hogan.

Consider it done.

Schultz.

All right,
let's get him down below.

We got 24 hours to
make him into something

even his mother
wouldn't recognize. Change my features?!

It's the only way
we're gonna get you out of Germany.

Carter, you stay here.

Don't let anybody
through that door but me.

Am I expecting
visitors?

Yeah, in about two minutes,
the Gestapo.

They will find me.
Don't worry, you're being protected

by the brave and loyal
Commandant Klink.

Which means?

Chum... you're in trouble.

Klink, do you deny
that within the last 15 minutes,

a man drove into Stalag 13,
was admitted by you,

and was apparently
hidden by you?

"Deny" seems
like such a harsh word.

Let's just say, uh,

I was ordered
not to comment on it.

Then you are a party
to this conspiracy,

and you may consider yourself
under arrest!

Yes.

Now, while I've
always been most anxious

to cooperate with the Gestapo--

and, believe me,
my record is clear on that--

yet, in this peculiar instance,

I...
Oh, sorry Commandant.

Am I interrupting?
I can come back.

Who is this man?

Hogan, come in,
come in, come in.

Klink, I have
just arrested you!

I know, Major Hochstetter,
I know,

and, and I respect you
for doing your duty,

but, uh, if I could
just have a moment

with, uh, Colonel Hogan.

What has a prisoner
to do with this?

Is he a part of
the escape plot?

No one ever escapes
from Stalag 13, Major.

Right, Commandant?
Right, Hogan.

And that includes
you, Klink.

I will give you
30 seconds.

Thank you, Major.

Traffic ticket,
Commandant?

Hogan, I must go,
and I must go now.

It is the Führer?

You heard his voice,
didn't you?

Then if Hochstetter
and his men are here

under the pretense of
arresting another man,

a fictitious character
named Brauner,

they are actually...

Here to kill Hitler.

Yes.

What do you think
I should do, Hogan?

You're not planning
on selling him out?

Definitely not.

On the other hand,

my relations with
the Gestapo

have always been
most proper, most...

He just arrested you.

Yes, I may have to
yield to superior force.

Superior force?
He's got ten men.

You just got
a battalion that arrived.

Yes.

What do you think
I should do, Hogan?

Arrest him.

Don't let him
out of here.

Do it right now.
Yes, definitely.

Major Hochstetter,

now, while I deeply

admire your sincerity...
Do it.

( clears throat )

I regret I, uh,

cannot let you
have access to my guest.

You are defying me?!

"Defy" seems such a harsh term.

I would prefer...

I am notifying Berlin of this.

They will have you
drawn and quartered.

The Commandant is
not allowing you

to leave Stalag 13.

Who is this man?!

You are presuming
to arrest me,

an officer of the Gestapo?!

Yes and no.

( grunts )

Why didn't you
arrest him?

He seemed like
such a nice fellow.

Haven't got the beard
off yet, LeBeau?

No.

No!

It is my best feature.

You know, it'd
almost be a pleasure

to hand you
over, Brauner.

We couldn't work on you
last night,

because we couldn't wake you up.

Then you refused
to stay down in the tunnel,

because you were afraid
of cave-ins.

Now we've got just a few hours
to get you ready,

and you want to hang on
to that muff.

I have a weak chin.

You're not gonna have a head!

Take it off,
LeBeau. Oui, Colonel.

Got all the
measurements, Newkirk?

Yes, sir.

Now, what's it gonna be,

uh, civilian suit,
or a uniform, or what?

How should I know?

Let's see what we can
make his face look like.

No plastic surgery!

Morning, Colonel.
Heil Hitler!

Seig heil! Seig heil!

Just knock it
off, will you?

Yeah, knock it off.

What's up, Adolf?

Well, we've been busy
down in the communications room.

The Gestapo in Berlin
is really blistering Klink.

Didn't get through
to him, did they?

Well, so far we've been able
to intercept everything,

but I don't know how long
we can keep it up.

Kinch is down
on the phones now.

You better get over
to Klink's quarters.

It's time for His
Excellency's breakfast.

Oh, one more
thing, Colonel.

Tiger's outside.

Why doesn't everybody come up?

What do we build tunnels for?

I'm sorry,
but I had to talk to you.

This is mad;
it will never work.

Probably not, but what
choice did I have?

Klink will not hold up

under the Gestapo pressure,

and Hochstetter
will not wait.

I'll have to go over
and jack him up

or at least try to.

Oh, and then you bring

all the Gestapo in
Germany down on us.

And then how will
you get him out?

Disguised as what?

I'm thinking,
I'm thinking.

Schultz, what a
marvelous surprise!

Colonel Hogan, I
have to take you to the quarters.

Time for breakfast.

Who is he?

Who is he?!

Sorry, Schultz,
can't tell you, top secret.

Colonel Hogan,
I'm responsible

for what is going
on in the barracks!

I must know who
this man is!

Puff up his cheeks a little bit,

little putty on the nose.

He's about the same build.

What do you think?

Who is she?!

You got an extra uniform
we could borrow?

Colonel Hogan,

I must know what
you're doing!

Schultz, if I tell you,

you can either become
a tremendous hero... Or?

Shot.

I know nothing!

Nothing!

Do I understand you, Klink?

You are not only defying me,

you are defying Berlin?

Certainly not,
Major Hochstetter,

but I have received no word
from Berlin.

Then you are not only a traitor,

you are a liar!

Sir, as a German officer,

I should resent that.

But I don't.

I'm sure that,
through talking this out...

No more talk!

You will deliver Brauner to me
at once!

Ah. Brauner.

Now, if it really is Brauner
instead of...

Well, then it's my duty
to hand him over

for whatever disposition
is necessary,

so you see, Major,

you and I are both
on the same side.

Talk to you a minute,
Commandant?

Absolutely not.

But he wants to talk
to you, sir,

says it's an order.

He does?

Major Hochstetter?

There is no
time, Klink.

Don't worry, Major.

I've made up my mind,

and whenever I make up my mind,

I never change it.

Almost never.

Your Excellency,
I had no idea!

A promotion?

To Berlin?

( in German accent ):
You still have no idea, Klink.

Listen closely.

In my inner circle,
I can trust no one.

Himmler would double-
cross me like a shot,

Goebbels' eyes are
too close together,

and Gehring is too fat!

Never trust a
fat man, Klink!

Never, Your Excellency.

Never trust a fat man.

And I am getting
tired of my burden.

There is no gratitude.

In a few weeks, I will
appoint a successor--

the one man in the whole
miserable Third Reich

who has proven
worthy of my trust!

You, Klink!

( breathlessly ):
Your Excellency...

I shall try to
be worthy of it.

Heil Hitler.

Hey, Klink, are you ready

to hand him over to me?

Major Hochstetter...

there is a new order
coming, a new order,

which will sweep
vermin like you

into the delousing
station of history.

You are under
arrest... Schultz.

You're mad, Klink!

Take him away.

He bought it, Colonel?
You were great.

I do a great impression
of Winston Churchill.

Someday we'll
need it desperately.

We got to move.

We can't stall
any more phone calls.

They're gonna
get through to Klink now,

and he won't know
what hit him.

Well, what's the
move, Colonel? Get Brauner up here,

and pray that by now
he looks like Schultz.

Right.

Carter, get a
uniform on Tiger.

Have her over in front
of this building

in a staff car
in ten minutes.

Make her look
like a driver. Right, Colonel.

You think it'll work?

No, but I never do.

Reichsführer Heinrich
Himmler in person.

A-ha!

He's got his ear
to the ground.

He knows already,
Fräulein Hilda.

My dear Himmler,

how very nice of you
to check in.

But, Herr Reichs Führer,
I was...

Your Excellency,
the Führer himself told me...

What?

The Führer is in Berchestgarten?

But how? Who?!

"Where is Major Hochstetter?"

Your Excellency,
just as a prank, I...

( chuckles )

I just put him into...

( laughs )

Yes, Your Excellency,
it shall be done at once.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Heil Hitler.

When are we going to Berlin,
mein führer?

Forget it!

Major Hochstetter,
I can assure you

there will come a time
when we will both

look back on
this and laugh.

( laughs )
Bah!

( pounding on door )

Brauner, come out!

You brought lunch?

Who is this?

What are you
doing here?

Who are you?

Schultz, what's
the matter with you?!

He told me he
found the door open

and no one in here,
so he came in.

Brauner has escaped?
Right.

KLINK:
Well, then why are you sitting there?

Go out and
sound the alarm.

Staff car and
go look for him?

Take a staff car
and go look for him.

Yes, sir.

Schnell!

Oh, Major, such
men they send me.

It's no wonder...
Brauner will get nowhere, Klink.

My men have ringed this camp
with a band of steel.

We have merely to sit and wait.

Good idea.

Not you!

Sorry, Schultz, we had
to get your attention.

Attention?

Yeah, Klink
sent us after you.

There's a bad riot
on the east side of camp.

But small, small.

And they are
not armed.

Uh-huh.

( engine starts )

Would you believe if I tell you

that I just saw myself?

No.

No.

No.

No.

Herr Kommandant,

the prison riot
on the east side of Stalag 13

has been completely

and finally crushed!

Schultz, what are
you talking about?

What prison riot?

I sent you
after Brauner in a staff car.

Brauner?

Staff car?

Who is Brauner?

Schultz!

I'm afraid, gentlemen,

the master of disguise
has given you the slip.

What are you talking about?

Brauner.

He very cleverly disguised
himself as Schultz

and left in a staff car.

That's why your men
didn't find him, Major.

Impossible!
It could not happen.

SCHULTZ:
Oh...

I did see myself.

When?
Where?

I was coming in,

and he was going this way...

Then why didn't
you stop him?

I saw... I saw...

...nothing!

Nothing.

I will have your head
for this.

When Berlin finds out
what has happened...

Better they didn't,
wouldn't it, Major?

After all, you were
in charge of the case.

Well, yes, but...

But what can I say?

Shot while escaping.

I like it.
( clears throat )

I'm quite sure
if you don't press charges

against the commandant here,

he'll back you up all the way.

Oh, my complete
cooperation.

But what if Brauner

turns up in England?

Still a good line--
"Shot while escaping."

Could apply to anyone--
you, Klink, anyone.

That's true.

( chuckles )

Herr Kommandant,
what about the riot?

Oh, shut up!
Shut up!

What did I say?

Now, Hogan,
I want to get the picture

really clearly in my mind.

Glad to help, sir.

You were the only one
who saw Brauner

before he disguised himself
as Schultz.

Right on the
button, Commandant.

Yes, but...

but Schultz and the Führer

are quite different
in appearance.

Now, was Brauner really able

to convince you
that he was Hitler?

Well, let's put
it this way--

he sure fooled me.

Amazing.

Absolutely amazing.

And the Führer's voice,

it was so real.

And I could see myself.

It was so real.

You'd make a
great führer, sir.

Oh, no, no.
You really would.

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