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1
00:00:03,629 --> 00:00:06,882
ANNOUNCER:
CBS presents this programin color.
2
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:27,444
( theme song playing )
3
00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,062
I had one of the
best evenings ever.
4
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,063
Go on. What Happened?
5
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,940
What a beauty she was.
6
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:06,817
What a gorgeous girl.
Mm!
7
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,527
Her name was Michelle.
8
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,529
Michelle, that's one
of my favorite names.
9
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:11,738
Really?
10
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,281
From now on I'll
call you Michelle.
11
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SCHULTZ:
Now wait a minute.
12
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:16,868
Don't stop him.
13
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,829
What happened then?
14
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:20,372
What a beauty she was.
15
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:24,292
And she had this marvelous
bottle of vintage champagne
16
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,752
just waiting for me.
17
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,838
Ooh.
18
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,881
After all this time,
it's amazing,
19
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,342
the words are still
ringing in my ears.
20
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:34,094
What, what?
What?
21
00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:36,680
Well, as she held up her glass,
she said,
22
00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:38,932
"I shouldn't drink this,
mon cheri.
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00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:40,851
"After one glass of champagne
24
00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:43,437
I cannot be responsible
for my action."
25
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,147
Go on.
26
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:48,525
Then she drank down
the whole glass in one gulp.
27
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,735
And I drank mine.
28
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,194
Uh-huh.
29
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,195
Well, what then?
30
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,614
Well, when I woke up
the next morning...
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SCHULTZ:
Wait a minute!
32
00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:58,034
What happened before that?
33
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,077
I don't know.
34
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,037
My drink was spiked
and she stole my wallet.
35
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,207
You twister.
36
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,876
Hey, what's that?
37
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,630
General Burkhalter.
38
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:14,342
I wonder who
the civilian is.
39
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:18,221
Could be Michelle coming
to return your wallet.
40
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,015
Jealous.
41
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,153
Burkhalter?
42
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:36,031
What's old roly-poly doing
here with a civilian?
43
00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,240
Shall I pour, sir?
44
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,533
Yeah, please do,
Kinch, please do.
45
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,039
BURKHALTER ( over transmitter ):
Now let's get down to business.
46
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:47,334
Hans Spear is the
leading man in Germany,
47
00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:52,130
in converting factories to the
production of war materials.
48
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,298
He's the best.
49
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:57,552
My father always said,
"Whatever you do in life
50
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,263
do it the best,
the very best."
51
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:04,559
You should have
taken his advice.
52
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,895
Spear will fill you in.
53
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,813
Colonel, you know that
automobile factory
54
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,315
about a mile from here,
near Hammelburg?
55
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,275
Oh, of course.
56
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:14,277
They make a very
fine little car.
57
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,113
Now it's not exactly the kind
of car that I like personally.
58
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,908
I like something bigger,
a little bit more substantial.
59
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:22,953
But for the ordinary people...
60
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,829
Klink, shut up and listen.
61
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,457
Yes, sir, shut up and listen.
62
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,709
As of now, that
automobile factory
63
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:33,129
is being turned into a war plant
to produce cannons.
64
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,130
No more cars?
65
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,215
BURKHALTER:
Cannons!
66
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,841
Cannons, cannons, cannons!
67
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,010
That's what we are making now--
cannons!
68
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:40,679
Cannons.
69
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,764
I have always said,
General Burkhalter,
70
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,975
that you never can have
too many cannons.
71
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:45,976
So glad you agree.
72
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,560
Naturally, I want my operation
73
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,272
to be the most efficiently run
war plant in Germany.
74
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,315
Exactly-- just as Stalag 13
75
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:55,944
is the most efficiently run
POW camp in Germany.
76
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,821
You may not know it, sir,
77
00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,906
but we have never had
an escape here.
78
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,157
Not one single escape.
79
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,117
Remarkable.
80
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:05,412
Never an escape
from Stalag 13. Not one.
81
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:06,496
No, not one.
82
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,124
Maybe 100,
but not one.
83
00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:10,750
Very impressive
record, Colonel.
84
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,336
Even if I say so myself,
I must take full credit
85
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,171
for the security here
in this camp.
86
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:16,464
I am on top of everything
87
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,383
as General Burkhalter
will tell you.
88
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,636
I could also tell you
a few other things about him.
89
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,347
Oh, General, you're too kind.
90
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,933
Colonel, my factory will be
running 24 hours a day.
91
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,894
And until I get my regular
compliment of security officers,
92
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,522
I would like to have a few
of your efficient guards.
93
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,190
Well, sir, I don't know if I...
94
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,358
Klink!
95
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:38,862
Are you going to stand
in the way of the war effort
96
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,196
any more than you do?
97
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:41,614
Of course not, Herr General.
98
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:42,699
Then it's settled.
99
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,409
It's settled.
100
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,709
A toast.
101
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:55,670
Turning an automobile factory
into making cannons, huh?
102
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,714
Anything we can do
about that, Colonel?
103
00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:59,132
Yeah, Kinch, radio London.
104
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,884
This is a job
for the Air Force.
105
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:04,137
They can turn that factory
into an acre of scrap iron.
106
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,138
Right.
107
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:09,768
What's the
good word, Kinch?
108
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,936
"Regarding request
bombing cannon factory,
109
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,813
will do early
as possible moment..."
110
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,982
Now that's what I call
an air force, huh?
111
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,025
Great.
112
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:18,568
Wait, wait a minute.
113
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:22,071
"Earliest possible moment,
six weeks from date.
114
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,907
"Your reservation noted.
115
00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:25,909
You are on priority list."
116
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:27,952
A six-weeks priority?
117
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,537
You call that an air force?
118
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,539
Ahead of us are
the submarine pens,
119
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,583
a ball-bearing factory
at Swineford,
120
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,418
a tank factory
in Hamburg,
121
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:38,630
a Messerschmitt
assembly plant in Wiesbaden
122
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,840
and a drugstore
in Dusseldorf.
123
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,092
A drugstore?
124
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:44,594
Maybe somebody
made a reservation.
125
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:51,184
One thing's for sure.
126
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:54,812
We can't let that cannon factory
produce for six weeks.
127
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,232
All right, we don't
get a bombing mission,
128
00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:58,399
we'll try sabotage.
129
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,610
You think we can handle
something that big, Colonel?
130
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,111
I don't see why not.
131
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,446
How can we get
in the factory?
132
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:04,739
What's the matter,
haven't you guys
133
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:05,865
ever worked
a swing shift before?
134
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,247
( oompah music playing )
135
00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,553
Guten nacht, fellas.
136
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,846
Could you give me a hand?
137
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,558
My car is stuck
just outside.
138
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,101
With the four of you,
139
00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:37,063
I think just a little push...
It would just take a second.
140
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,317
Danke, danke,
I appreciate it.
141
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:44,279
I don't know what I would
do without you, fellas.
142
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,031
Danke.
143
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:51,828
Beer, beer.
144
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,003
Thank you.
145
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:02,171
The underground will
keep those guys on ice
146
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,423
until they hear from us.
147
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:04,674
You look real good,
Colonel.
148
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:05,633
I'm not Colonel.
149
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:06,551
My name is Ritter.
150
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,635
And you're Kornhauser.
151
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,137
Kornhauser, what a name.
152
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,556
I bet that guy's glad
I took it from him.
153
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:13,975
Hey, my name's Bum.
154
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,476
That's Baum.
155
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,395
Hey, I'm Mueller.
156
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,856
Hey, I'm the foreman.
157
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:21,691
( whistle blows )
158
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,735
All right, you lot,
you heard the whistle.
159
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:24,861
Come on, let's
get cracking.
160
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:36,164
( whistle blowing )
161
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,960
All right, Sergeant,
this is the night shift.
162
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:45,048
Now remember, make them show you
their identification cards.
163
00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:47,842
Without a card,
they don't belong in here.
164
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,302
Jawohl.
165
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:50,887
Herr Spear, you
can depend on me.
166
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:54,182
I'll be on my toes,
every minute.
167
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:55,308
Jawohl.
168
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:57,477
We know of your
fantastic record.
169
00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,353
Never an escape
from Stalag 13.
170
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,814
Not even one.
171
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:02,982
Jawohl.
172
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:07,320
You're going to have
that same record right here.
173
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:08,780
Jawohl.
174
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:09,906
No one, believe me,
175
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:12,366
but no one is going
to get out of here.
176
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:14,827
I'm not worried about people
getting out, Sergeant--
177
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,204
it's in.
178
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:18,247
I mean, in.
179
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,666
Oh.
180
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:24,045
No one, believe me--
no one
181
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,339
is going to slip by me.
182
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:28,591
Jawohl.
183
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:34,597
Jawohl.
184
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,896
What are we
supposed to do?
185
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,314
It's a cannon factory.
186
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,440
We make cannons.
187
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,067
Figured it out yet?
188
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,861
Yeah, I think
I know how it works.
189
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:51,030
The barrel is placed
on that machine.
190
00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:56,118
Now this gauge over
here sits at 100.
191
00:08:56,160 --> 00:09:00,039
And a machine
bores a hole clear through.
192
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:00,998
That's very good.
193
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,792
Well, that's
all there is to it.
194
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,001
The barrel goes down there.
195
00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:09,465
It's then taken over
to the inspector.
196
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,509
He okays it
for shipment.
197
00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:15,429
Then it's stacked up
over on the loading zone.
198
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,723
Uh, it's a piece of cake.
199
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:22,061
Uh, suppose instead of 100,
200
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:24,647
we set this at 50.
201
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,484
That should double
production, right?
202
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,835
What good's
a cannon like that?
203
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,753
The hole doesn't even
go all the way through.
204
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,382
Oh, that's great.
205
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,550
Terrific.
206
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,927
Now all we've got to do
is get it past the inspector.
207
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,763
LeBeau, I'm surprised.
Don't you trust me anymore?
208
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,692
( with German accent ):
Sorry to bother you.
209
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:13,237
My wife wanted to know, do we
get Hindenburg's birthday off?
210
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,990
How should I know?
Ask in the office.
211
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,242
Danke.
212
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,165
I will never doubt again.
213
00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:31,255
Hello, boys.
214
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,548
ALL:
Hi, Schultz.
215
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,053
Colonel Hogan!
216
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:40,014
Shh. You want to tell me
something, Schultz?
217
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,307
Oh, too far...
218
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,059
This time you've
gone too far.
219
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,560
We're only a mile from camp.
220
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:45,728
That's what I mean.
221
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:49,899
This time you must be punished.
222
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,400
Schultz, don't be foolish.
223
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:52,401
I won't tell.
224
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:53,611
You won't tell?
225
00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:54,862
I promise.
226
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,739
I don't care.
I will tell.
227
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:57,948
You will?
228
00:10:57,990 --> 00:10:59,658
What a shame.
229
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,577
I feel sorry for you, Schultz.
230
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,162
You'll see when I...
231
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,789
You feel sorry for me?
232
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,874
Let's face facts, Schultz.
233
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,168
You were the guard
at the prison camp we sneaked out of.
234
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,128
You're the guard
in the factory we sneaked into.
235
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:14,423
What do you think
they'll do to you?
236
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:15,424
Colonel Hogan...
237
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,218
Schultz, we'll only be
here a couple of days.
238
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,385
That's all.
You have my word.
239
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,721
Come on. Come on.
Knock off this goldbricking.
240
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:21,764
Now let's get to work.
241
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,182
Hi, Schultz.
242
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,934
I've got to obey him, Schultz.
He's my foreman.
243
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:27,019
Oh.
244
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:36,028
Come on, come on.
245
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:38,489
The boys at the front are
waiting for those cannons.
246
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,949
I can't wait
until he's 65
247
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,450
and they lay him off.
248
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,576
He's drunk
with power.
249
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:45,371
Just get on with it.
250
00:11:45,412 --> 00:11:46,872
( clinking solid metal )
251
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:48,791
This isn't going
to hurt anybody.
252
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,334
Colonel Hogan...
253
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,336
I just been poking around
down in the storeroom.
254
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,004
Instead of being
up here working.
255
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:55,714
Our foreman's going
to be very upset.
256
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,842
No, this is important.
257
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,635
This joint's loaded
with gunpowder.
258
00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:00,970
Really?
259
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,513
That's interesting.
260
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,098
Enough to do any real damage?
261
00:12:04,139 --> 00:12:05,558
Are you kidding?
262
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:07,017
With a detonator
and a timer fuse,
263
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,811
we could blow this place
clear to London.
264
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:11,772
Then the Air Force could bomb
it there in their spare time.
265
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,399
What do you
think, Colonel?
266
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,902
I think Fourth of July is gonna
be a little early this year.
267
00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:19,405
Carter, on the next
break, go to work.
268
00:12:19,446 --> 00:12:20,698
You bet.
269
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,449
Boy, what a blowup
this is gonna be.
270
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,451
There's gonna be stuff
going up in the air...
271
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:26,328
( imitates explosion )
272
00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,539
One of the great
pyromaniacs of our time.
273
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:34,253
( bell ringing )
274
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:44,930
Who is Mueller?
275
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:48,267
Step forward.
276
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,518
( clears throat )
277
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,104
I have an important
announcement.
278
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:55,316
Mueller here will not
be with us anymore.
279
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:58,777
I want you to take
your last look at him.
280
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,195
The next time
you see him,
281
00:13:00,195 --> 00:13:02,698
he will be
Private Mueller...
282
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,408
of the German Army.
283
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,493
Congratulations.
Your enlistment
284
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:07,786
just came through.
285
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:10,539
I know I speak
for all of the men here
286
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:13,667
when I say how proud
we are of you.
287
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,586
Right? Isn't that right?
288
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:19,214
Jawohl.
289
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:21,216
Tomorrow there'll
be a service star
290
00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:22,551
in my window for him.
291
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:24,970
That's touching,
real touching.
292
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:28,223
I know how anxious
you must be to leave.
293
00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:30,225
Your escort will
take you directly
294
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:32,853
to the induction center.
295
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,855
Good luck, Mueller,
296
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,982
and give it
to those alive.
297
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:39,026
I will.
298
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,986
The first chance I get.
299
00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:42,988
Men, back to work.
300
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,865
There's a war
on, you know.
301
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,617
Mueller.
302
00:13:49,244 --> 00:13:50,412
What are we going
to do, Colonel?
303
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,206
They're taking him away.
He's gonna be in the German Army!
304
00:13:52,247 --> 00:13:53,290
All right,
hold it down.
305
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:54,541
I was here, too,
remember?
306
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:57,419
But we've got
to do something.
307
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,921
Poor Newkirk.
Boy, can you imagine
308
00:13:58,962 --> 00:14:00,547
going through
basic training again?
309
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,508
And as a private.
They should at least
310
00:14:02,549 --> 00:14:03,675
give him
his stripes back.
311
00:14:07,554 --> 00:14:08,764
Colonel Hogan,
please tell me
312
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:10,182
it is not true
what I just heard.
313
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,559
Please tell me
it is not true.
314
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,228
What isn't
true, Schultz?
315
00:14:14,269 --> 00:14:16,438
That Newkirk enlisted
in the German Army.
316
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,649
He's in the German Army,
but don't worry,
317
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:21,235
he'll visit you when he
comes home on furlough.
318
00:14:21,276 --> 00:14:22,444
I don't want him
to visit me.
319
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:24,238
I don't want him
to be in the German Army.
320
00:14:24,279 --> 00:14:26,573
It is against rules
for one man
321
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:30,160
to be in two armies
in one war!
322
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:33,372
Schultz, we're no happier
about this than you are
323
00:14:33,413 --> 00:14:34,414
that he's in
the German Army.
324
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:35,415
But it happened
by accident
325
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:36,625
and we don't know
how to get him out.
326
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:39,294
Oh, If I think of what
Kommandant Klink
327
00:14:39,294 --> 00:14:41,964
is going to do to me
when he hears about it.
328
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,132
No, no, no, no...
329
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,384
I don't want to think.
330
00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:47,594
Hey, I just thought
of something.
331
00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:49,471
What if he doesn't
pass the physical?
332
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:50,973
You know,
can't fool the doctor?
333
00:14:51,014 --> 00:14:53,308
Newkirk could do it.
He's the kind of guy that would.
334
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:54,643
Well, forget it.
335
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,854
If it's anything like
my draft board...
336
00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:58,147
They took your X ray,
337
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,399
and if your bones
showed, you were in.
338
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,109
You think it is possible
339
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,653
he may not pass
the physical examination?
340
00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:07,072
Judge for yourself,
Schultz. You passed.
341
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,580
( clears throat )
342
00:15:14,621 --> 00:15:17,332
Oh, Ja.
You sit over there.
343
00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:18,542
Go over there.
You sit right here.
344
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:28,176
Well, this is it.
345
00:15:28,176 --> 00:15:29,595
Sure hope I pass.
346
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:35,684
I just won't tell them
about my bad back.
347
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:39,813
Und if I don't tell
them about my bad back,
348
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:42,357
they'll never find out...
349
00:15:42,357 --> 00:15:45,068
about my bad back, then.
350
00:15:47,362 --> 00:15:50,198
'Course, I can't hide
my fainting spells.
351
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,868
They can happen any time.
352
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:56,038
But the worse thing about
my fainting spells
353
00:15:56,038 --> 00:16:01,001
is that I usually fall
on my bad back.
354
00:16:03,211 --> 00:16:05,213
Schmidt-- inside.
355
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:13,138
What's the matter, chum?
356
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,348
Didn't you make it?
357
00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:15,474
The doctor
said my feet
358
00:16:15,515 --> 00:16:16,975
were too bad
for the infantry.
359
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,352
Pity.
360
00:16:18,393 --> 00:16:20,771
Ja, and I'm too fat
for the tank corps
361
00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:23,190
and my eyes aren't good
enough for the artillery.
362
00:16:23,231 --> 00:16:24,232
Shocking.
363
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:26,109
So they're putting me
in the paratroopers.
364
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,402
Ah.
365
00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:32,115
OFFICER:
Mueller.
366
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,784
Mueller.
367
00:16:37,537 --> 00:16:38,705
Mueller!
368
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:42,250
Pardon me, did
you say Mueller?
369
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,002
Inside.
370
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,262
Sit down in the brown chair.
371
00:16:58,767 --> 00:16:59,935
Color vision excellent.
372
00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:04,189
Your name?
373
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,233
Uh, Mueller. Wolfgang Mueller.
374
00:17:06,274 --> 00:17:07,192
Memory perfect.
375
00:17:08,693 --> 00:17:09,653
( gunshot )
376
00:17:09,694 --> 00:17:10,862
Hearing perfect.
377
00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:13,198
Reflexes excellent.
378
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,951
Have you had any serious
illnesses or major operations?
379
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,953
You name it, Doctor,
I've had it.
380
00:17:17,994 --> 00:17:19,746
In the last three days?
381
00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,706
In the last three days?
382
00:17:21,748 --> 00:17:23,458
Since Tuesday noon to be exact.
383
00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:25,585
Tuesday?
What was I doing Tuesday?
384
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:26,837
Obviously not.
385
00:17:26,878 --> 00:17:28,964
Congratulations, Mueller.
386
00:17:29,005 --> 00:17:30,632
You are in the Army.
387
00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,926
The examination's over?
That's it?
388
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,177
Correct. Wait outside.
389
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,220
You are inhuman.
390
00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:36,471
I could be
a very sick man.
391
00:17:36,471 --> 00:17:38,807
And worse,
if you don't obey orders.
392
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,143
But I've got all kinds
of things wrong with me.
393
00:17:41,184 --> 00:17:42,727
Don't you even want
to look at my blood?
394
00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:44,104
Why, are you bleeding?
395
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,565
Outside!
396
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,992
Achtung!
397
00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:57,993
PINTZ:
I'm only too glad
398
00:17:57,993 --> 00:17:59,119
to be of service
to you, Colonel.
399
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,662
Major. I want
to thank you
400
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:01,997
for your cooperation.
401
00:18:02,038 --> 00:18:05,000
Sergeant, this is
Colonel Klink from Stalag 13.
402
00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:07,377
He needs replacements
for his guard staff.
403
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,379
These are today's
recruits, sir.
404
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,214
Not much to pick
from I'm afraid.
405
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,049
( loud sneeze )
406
00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:16,052
Well, as they say,
beggars can't be choosers.
407
00:18:16,094 --> 00:18:17,762
I'll take them.
408
00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:20,807
Get these men
uniforms, Sergeant,
409
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,976
and have them report
to me at once.
410
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:23,977
Jawohl, Herr Major.
411
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:25,854
( loud sneeze )
412
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:27,355
We are certainly
413
00:18:27,355 --> 00:18:29,232
scraping the bottom of
the barrel these days.
414
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:31,610
Let's see the rest of them.
415
00:18:36,823 --> 00:18:38,533
All right, no slip-ups now.
416
00:18:38,533 --> 00:18:40,368
Otherwise, Newkirk's going
to become a 30-year man
417
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,245
in the German Army.
418
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,207
Herr Inspector?
Ja?
419
00:18:46,249 --> 00:18:47,375
I found this on
the floor.
420
00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:47,792
Did you lose it?
421
00:18:47,834 --> 00:18:48,793
Well, uh...
422
00:18:48,835 --> 00:18:49,878
Why don't you search
your wallet?
423
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:50,712
Ja.
424
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,592
Ja. Danke.
425
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:56,593
You're welcome.
426
00:19:12,692 --> 00:19:14,235
Herr, Spear.
427
00:19:14,277 --> 00:19:15,403
Ja?
428
00:19:15,403 --> 00:19:16,446
( grunts )
429
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,073
I don't enjoy
doing this, sir,
430
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,157
but I feel
it's my duty.
431
00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:20,158
Jawohl.
432
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,159
What is it?
433
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:22,827
This cannon. Look.
434
00:19:22,869 --> 00:19:24,079
( clinking solid metal )
435
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,580
What is the
meaning of this?
436
00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:27,457
Inefficiency, Herr Spear.
437
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:30,627
I was afraid something
like this might happen now.
438
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:31,753
What are you
talking about?
439
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:32,754
Why should it
happen now?
440
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:34,422
With Herr Mueller gone--
441
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,758
the one man capable
of carrying out your orders.
442
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,759
Mueller?!
443
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,219
I hardly even...
444
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:41,221
Obviously personally trained
by an expert like yourself.
445
00:19:41,262 --> 00:19:42,931
You were wise
in choosing him for the job.
446
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:45,100
It's lucky I caught this one,
447
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:46,393
but when it happens again...
448
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:48,311
It won't happen again.
449
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,188
Don't count on it.
450
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:52,065
If only Herr Mueller
were still here.
451
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,274
Mueller's in the army.
452
00:19:56,444 --> 00:19:58,488
A man with your influence
could get him out.
453
00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,698
But that's ridiculous.
454
00:19:59,739 --> 00:20:00,990
He's only a foreman.
455
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,742
They'll laugh at me.
456
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:04,744
I guarantee they'll
stop laughing
457
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,413
if they see a
cannon like this.
458
00:20:06,454 --> 00:20:08,998
There won't be any
more cannons like this.
459
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,208
Maybe you're right,
460
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,043
and what difference
does it make if one or two
461
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:15,463
or possibly three
faulty cannons should slip by?
462
00:20:15,463 --> 00:20:17,549
It's not your fault
you lost the foreman.
463
00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:19,968
A judge would understand.
464
00:20:20,009 --> 00:20:21,136
Judge? What judge?
465
00:20:21,177 --> 00:20:23,763
Oh, that's right.
466
00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:26,224
An open-and-shut case, there
wouldn't even be a trial.
467
00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:28,810
All right, all right.
468
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:29,811
Back to work.
469
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:30,728
Back to work.
470
00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:37,527
Well, Colonel,
as I said before,
471
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:40,321
they are not much
to look at.
472
00:20:40,363 --> 00:20:43,616
Fortunately, I'll only need them
for a few days...
473
00:20:43,658 --> 00:20:45,827
( loud sneeze )
474
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:48,663
if they last that long.
475
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:50,665
( phone ringing )
476
00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:51,666
Jawohl.
477
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:53,209
Sir.
478
00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:56,129
Major Pintz.
479
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:59,132
Yes, General
Burkhalter.
480
00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:01,426
Yes, we do have a
recruit named Mueller.
481
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:03,511
But, General, he's
already been assigned.
482
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:04,512
I couldn't...
483
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:06,389
But, General...
484
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:07,390
Yes, General.
485
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:08,391
Yes, sir.
486
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:09,267
Immediately, sir.
487
00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:12,979
Sorry, Colonel,
but I'm afraid
488
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:14,856
you're losing one of
your replacements.
489
00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:16,482
Defense priority.
490
00:21:16,524 --> 00:21:18,151
Mueller!
491
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:19,861
You are discharged.
492
00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:21,946
Get back to your
job at once.
493
00:21:21,988 --> 00:21:23,156
Bitte?
494
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,950
And take off
that uniform!
495
00:21:25,992 --> 00:21:27,744
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir!
496
00:21:27,785 --> 00:21:28,870
Heil Hitler!
497
00:21:28,953 --> 00:21:30,997
( loud sneeze )
498
00:21:33,374 --> 00:21:35,001
( loud sneeze )
499
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,380
Well, I know
how disappointed
500
00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:41,507
you must be, Mueller,
but think of the good
501
00:21:41,549 --> 00:21:42,508
you are doing here.
502
00:21:42,550 --> 00:21:43,509
I'll try.
503
00:21:43,551 --> 00:21:44,510
Oh, and by the way.
504
00:21:44,552 --> 00:21:46,596
There will be a little
something extra
505
00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:48,181
in your paycheck next week.
506
00:21:48,223 --> 00:21:49,891
Ah, but carry on.
507
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:54,687
Well, look who's home.
508
00:21:54,729 --> 00:21:55,688
Our boy in service.
509
00:21:55,855 --> 00:21:56,773
What happened?
510
00:21:56,856 --> 00:21:58,358
Was Army life too
tough for you?
511
00:21:58,399 --> 00:22:01,194
Don't laugh, I almost
ended up a guard at Stalag 13.
512
00:22:01,235 --> 00:22:02,612
What?
That's right.
513
00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:05,990
Old Klink was at the induction
center looking for replacements.
514
00:22:06,032 --> 00:22:06,908
Did he see you?
515
00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:08,326
I kept sneezing all the time.
516
00:22:08,368 --> 00:22:09,869
I don't think he recognized me.
517
00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:10,912
Where's Carter?
518
00:22:10,912 --> 00:22:12,121
He's wiring the TNT.
519
00:22:12,163 --> 00:22:14,040
We'll all be out
of work tomorrow.
520
00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:15,249
Wouldn't
you know it?
521
00:22:15,249 --> 00:22:17,168
Right before I get my raise.
522
00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:19,462
( bell ringing )
523
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:22,340
Well, it's home for dinner,
to the wife and kinder.
524
00:22:27,136 --> 00:22:28,429
Did you leave
something behind?
525
00:22:28,471 --> 00:22:29,973
Mm-hmm. But
it'll be safe
526
00:22:30,014 --> 00:22:31,140
until they blow
the whistle
527
00:22:31,182 --> 00:22:32,308
at the end of
the next shift.
528
00:22:34,727 --> 00:22:36,437
Hey, there's a tavern
around the corner.
529
00:22:36,437 --> 00:22:37,772
I think this calls for a beer.
530
00:22:37,772 --> 00:22:38,856
I got a better idea.
531
00:22:38,898 --> 00:22:40,441
Let's go to my place
for champagne.
532
00:22:40,483 --> 00:22:41,526
Punch this out,
will you, Schultz?
533
00:22:41,567 --> 00:22:42,610
Yeah, do that,
Schultz, will you?
534
00:22:42,610 --> 00:22:43,987
Me, too, Schultzy, please.
535
00:22:44,028 --> 00:22:45,363
Me, too, Schultz.
536
00:22:49,867 --> 00:22:52,495
Herr Spear, I always
want you to consider
537
00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:55,123
our prison camp your home.
538
00:22:55,164 --> 00:22:57,041
Well, Colonel,
it's back to work.
539
00:22:57,083 --> 00:22:58,501
Oh, so soon?
540
00:22:58,543 --> 00:22:59,961
Oh, please,
let me help you.
541
00:23:00,002 --> 00:23:01,462
The factory
never stops.
542
00:23:01,504 --> 00:23:03,965
But I had to come
and personally thank you
543
00:23:04,006 --> 00:23:04,966
for the use
of your guard.
544
00:23:05,007 --> 00:23:06,008
Oh, it was nothing.
545
00:23:06,050 --> 00:23:07,385
If you could ever
use something...
546
00:23:07,427 --> 00:23:08,386
Oh, you're most generous,
547
00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:09,846
but the men
I received this morning
548
00:23:09,887 --> 00:23:11,097
are quite capable.
Oh, good.
549
00:23:11,139 --> 00:23:12,807
Let me walk you
to your car, hmm?
550
00:23:17,478 --> 00:23:18,980
And, uh, the work
is going well
551
00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:20,106
at the factory I hope?
552
00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:21,315
Without parallel.
553
00:23:21,357 --> 00:23:23,151
When this next
shift ends,
554
00:23:23,151 --> 00:23:26,487
we will have already
produced 1,000 cannons.
555
00:23:26,487 --> 00:23:27,655
Marvelous, marvelous.
556
00:23:27,697 --> 00:23:28,990
( whistle blows )
There it is.
557
00:23:29,031 --> 00:23:30,992
1,000 cannons.
558
00:23:30,992 --> 00:23:34,120
Congratulations on
a job well done.
559
00:23:34,162 --> 00:23:38,624
( explosion )
560
00:23:38,666 --> 00:23:41,127
Congratulations on
a job well done.
561
00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:49,886
Now, what I have to say is
primarily for the new prisoners.
562
00:23:49,927 --> 00:23:53,389
But even for the older prisoners
who've heard this speech before,
563
00:23:53,431 --> 00:23:54,891
it would be advisable
to pay attention.
564
00:23:54,932 --> 00:23:57,143
Forget about escape.
565
00:23:57,185 --> 00:24:00,438
As long as I'm in charge,
escape is impossible.
566
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:01,898
This is Stalag 13,
567
00:24:01,939 --> 00:24:04,233
the toughest POW camp
in all of Germany.
568
00:24:04,275 --> 00:24:08,696
I, Colonel Klink, have
personally trained these guards
569
00:24:08,696 --> 00:24:10,865
and they never miss a thing.
570
00:24:10,865 --> 00:24:14,410
Smile, Schultz,
he's talking about you.
571
00:24:14,452 --> 00:24:18,372
Now, as for the recent example
in the cannon factory,
572
00:24:18,372 --> 00:24:20,541
when my guards were on the job
573
00:24:20,541 --> 00:24:23,669
those saboteurs
never had a chance.
574
00:24:23,711 --> 00:24:26,130
But as soon as they left...
575
00:24:26,172 --> 00:24:28,508
So, never forget
576
00:24:28,549 --> 00:24:31,636
those same guards
will be watching you
577
00:24:31,677 --> 00:24:34,513
and I will be
watching them.
578
00:24:34,555 --> 00:24:38,267
No one has ever fooled me yet.
579
00:24:38,309 --> 00:24:40,811
Dismissed.
580
00:24:40,853 --> 00:24:42,480
( loud sneeze )
581
00:24:42,530 --> 00:24:47,080
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