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1
00:00:03,629 --> 00:00:06,882
ANNOUNCER:
CBS presents this programin color.
2
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:27,569
( theme song playing )
3
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,727
( bombs whistling )
4
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,521
( explosion )
5
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,235
( distant air raid sirenswailing )
6
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:09,987
( explosion )
7
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:13,991
Corporal!
8
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:24,668
( bombs whistling )
9
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:28,172
( explosion )
10
00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,464
( clamoring )
11
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,633
LeBEAU:
Right here! Hey, Lucas!
12
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,343
Lucas, right here!
All right!
13
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,012
( shouting over each other )
14
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:36,263
Over here!
15
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,354
( vehicle approaching )
Ow!
16
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,203
General Burkhalter,
what a surprise to see you, sir.
17
00:02:00,329 --> 00:02:01,705
Be careful
with that.
18
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:06,043
Pray tell, what do the
nice Germans got now?
19
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,045
It's too big
for a bread box.
20
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,714
Why, Pumpernickel
comes in all sizes.
21
00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:12,758
Let's give the
colonel a word.
22
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:20,724
Carter, will you watch it?
23
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,684
Sorry. I'm not too
good with ears.
24
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,645
If you don't mind,
I've gotten used
25
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,772
to having one
on each side of my head.
26
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,023
Have a seat, fellas.
27
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,107
One of you is next.
28
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,359
No chance.
29
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,236
My insurance doesn't
cover haircuts.
30
00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:34,988
Uh, General Burkhalter
just drove into camp, Colonel.
31
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,282
And he brought
a wooden crate with him this big.
32
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,951
A map or something
like that, sir.
33
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,953
You interested?
Always.
34
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,162
LeBeau, report
to Klink's quarters.
35
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,330
Tell him Schultz told you
to wash the windows.
36
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,581
See what you can find out.
37
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,416
Oui, Colonel,
right away.
38
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,420
Carter.
I'm sorry.
39
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:53,423
My blood type is on
my dog tags just in case.
40
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:08,272
Oh, what an unexpected pleasure,
Herr General.
41
00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:11,108
Actually, I had
no intention of stopping here,
42
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,777
but there was
a bombing attack on the road
43
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,529
that started
me thinking...
44
00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:16,905
Oh, what a brilliant idea!
45
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,866
Now, only a man
of your experience...
46
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,493
Klink, shut up
and let me finish.
47
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:22,661
Of course,
Herr General.
48
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,621
Excuse me.
49
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:29,209
I suppose you are
curious about that.
50
00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:30,919
Well, naturally, I...
51
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,629
It's a gift.
52
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:35,674
Thank you. General Burkhalter,
thank you very much.
53
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:36,633
It's not for you.
54
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,427
Really?
55
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,304
( chuckles ):
What a marvelous sense of humor.
56
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:44,308
I've just been in Paris,
uh, on military business.
57
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,642
Of course, of course.
58
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,060
While I was there,
59
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,688
I realized that
Goering's birthday
60
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,315
is only a few
weeks away.
61
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,733
Oh, yes, sir, I know.
62
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,484
I have the date
right here in my calendar.
63
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,028
You would.
64
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,572
So, knowing his interest in art,
65
00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:03,493
I went to the Louvre
and borrowed this.
66
00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:06,538
This is Manet's
famous painting,
67
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:10,667
The Boy with the Fife,
worth at least a half a million.
68
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,377
Exquisite!
69
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,005
Oh!
70
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,007
And you took it
right out of the Louvre?
71
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:19,384
Why not? France belongs to us.
72
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,345
KLINK:
I am sure that Marshal Goering
73
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,305
will be thrilled
with this.
74
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:25,474
Yes, but until his birthday,
75
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:28,602
I would like to keep
it here in Stalag 13.
76
00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:32,314
The enemy has increased
its bombing activity,
77
00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:35,943
and I don't want the risk
of having it destroyed.
78
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,737
General Burkhalter, you have
nothing to worry about.
79
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,322
They never bomb
a P.O.W. camp.
80
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:42,157
That's why I came here.
81
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:46,245
I now place it
in your custody
82
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,372
until I return for it.
83
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:51,875
And if anything happens
to this masterpiece, Klink,
84
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:55,546
I will have the pleasure
of shooting you personally.
85
00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,506
Oh, please, Herr
General, I-I-I-I...
86
00:04:57,548 --> 00:05:00,384
It almost would be worth
losing the picture.
87
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:03,887
Very funny, General Burkhalter,
very funny.
88
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,370
( sotto voce ):
Filthy Boche!
89
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,168
All right, where is it?
90
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,252
Where is what?
91
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:36,628
You know
what I'm talking about.
92
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:37,963
I just came
from Klink's office.
93
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:38,922
He's angry?
94
00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,383
Angry?
He's having kittens.
95
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:42,759
Biologically impossible.
96
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,636
I mean, just never could happen.
97
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,721
Thank you, Doctor.
98
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:46,722
All right, LeBeau,
99
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:47,931
I'm going to ask you
one more time.
100
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,183
Where is it?
101
00:05:49,308 --> 00:05:52,186
Okay, okay.
102
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,229
Here it is, but I
will never give it up.
103
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,480
I'll die first.
104
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,232
LeBeau,
don't you understand?
105
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,902
If we don't return it,
Burkhalter will flip.
106
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:00,944
And when he does,
107
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,197
he'll have Klink shot
or transferred.
108
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,823
What happens, then?
109
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:06,950
We get a new commandant
instead of Klink,
110
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,285
maybe a gung-ho type.
111
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,120
And we're out of business.
HOGAN: Right.
112
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,496
Don't you think
it bothers me
113
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,790
when the Krauts do
a despicable thing like this?
114
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:15,125
Filthy pigs.
115
00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:16,502
I understand how you feel.
116
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,462
Sure. No Frenchman
ever gave up
117
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:21,590
anything worth half a million
without a struggle.
118
00:06:21,632 --> 00:06:24,968
Well, maybe I was
a little hasty.
119
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,220
All right, let's go.
120
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,139
Wait a minute.
121
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:31,391
Wait a minute,
I just happened to think.
122
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,644
We've got the painting
and they haven't.
123
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,354
True, LeBeau stole it.
124
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,481
Why should we give it up
just like that?
125
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:39,733
Well, I don't know what you got
on your mind, Colonel,
126
00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:40,817
but I like
your thinking.
127
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,653
London's been asking
for more information
128
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,238
about German
antiaircraft units,
129
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,864
troop movements
and fortifications.
130
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,491
The only thing they
haven't asked for
131
00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:48,825
is the key to
Berchtesgaden.
132
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,994
We could pick up a lot
of important information
133
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,079
between here and Paris.
134
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,330
ALL:
Paris?
135
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,957
It's pronounced Pa-ree,
136
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,041
and that's
where we're going.
137
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,167
He's around the bend,
you know.
138
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,168
He's crackers.
139
00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,711
Carter, call
the colonel a cab.
140
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,463
I'll go along
with it, sir.
141
00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:02,589
How do we get
to Pa-ree?
142
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:07,678
75 years ago, a man named Manet
painted us a ticket.
143
00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:10,472
All leaves are canceled
until this picture is found.
144
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:11,557
Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.
145
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,267
The entire camp
is on red alert.
146
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:14,268
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
147
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,019
Every prisoner
is confined to barracks
148
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,020
until further notice.
149
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,188
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
150
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:19,398
( knock at door )
Come in.
151
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,358
Well, Hogan?
I found it, sir.
152
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,818
You found it!
153
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,862
Schultz, did you hear
that he found it?
154
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:26,029
Let's see.
155
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,197
Oh, Hogan,
156
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,366
I will never forget you
for this.
157
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:32,035
This really proves
that when people...
158
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,123
Is that the picture?
159
00:07:36,165 --> 00:07:37,708
With a tweezer
and a little bit
160
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,877
of glue,
you should be able to...
161
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,545
I want to know who did this!
162
00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,172
LeBeau.
163
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:45,299
Sir, I was carried away
by my love for France.
164
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,092
You will be carried away
once more.
165
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,052
Schultz,
arrange for a trial at once.
166
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,470
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
167
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:53,182
And I promise you
this will be a fair one.
168
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,226
The verdict will be execution
by firing squad.
169
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,352
Take my advice.
170
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,770
Ask for an unfair trial.
171
00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,731
Silence!
Marvelous.
172
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:02,566
The same firing squad
can take care of both jobs.
173
00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:03,650
"Both jobs"?
174
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,319
LeBeau's execution
and yours.
175
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,654
I know just the man
to pick out for that.
176
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:08,906
KLINK:
Silence!
177
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:12,075
Hogan, enough of your American
sense of humor.
178
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,118
Well, how do you think
179
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,286
your pal Burkhalter's
going to react
180
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:15,704
when you hand him
that empty frame?
181
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:19,041
Cancel the firing squad.
182
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,501
LeBeau, do you realize
183
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,378
what kind of a situation
you've gotten me into?
184
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:28,050
This picture was intended
for Field Marshal Goering.
185
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,551
May I suggest, Herr Kommandant,
186
00:08:29,593 --> 00:08:31,261
a tweezer
and a little bit of glue?
187
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:32,721
Ah, shut up!
188
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,642
What am I to do?
189
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:37,809
It might be possible
190
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,895
to duplicate the painting
from a photograph.
191
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:41,188
A good artist
could copy it.
192
00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:43,148
But Colonel, the
only good copyists are in Paris.
193
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,358
Oh, you're right.
194
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:45,567
Didn't occur to me.
195
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,194
Better forget it, sir.
196
00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:48,654
No, no, no, no.
197
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,656
I shall go to Paris
and have it done.
198
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,366
I'm even willing
to pay for it.
199
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:55,035
Oh, sure, you go to Paris
in a German uniform
200
00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:56,453
and ask a Frenchman
to help you,
201
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:58,288
he'd stab you first,
then talk business.
202
00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,581
Then what?
203
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:01,416
LeBeau, you must know
a good artist in Paris.
204
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,460
Oh, yes, sir, there is my
friend Monsieur Verlaine.
205
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:05,712
He has copied many
of the great masters in the museums.
206
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,298
Hogan, are you suggesting
that I permit you
207
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,384
and this cockroach
to go to Paris?
208
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:12,970
Marvelous how you put
two and two together sometimes.
209
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:13,929
Impossible.
210
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,472
Schultz,
who'd you have in mind
211
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,598
for the firing squad?
212
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,475
There is Willie,
and there is Fritz...
213
00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:19,393
Silence, Schultz!
214
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,691
Hogan, can I have
215
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,818
your word of honor
as an officer and a gentleman
216
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,319
that you will not try to escape?
217
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,029
Absolutely. One of my men
made a mistake,
218
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,990
and I want to help
straighten it out if I can.
219
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,908
Very well, Hogan, I trust you.
220
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:38,328
However, I will keep your men
as hostage just in case.
221
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,455
Told you
he had faith in me.
222
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:41,665
Schultz
and Corporal Langenscheidt
223
00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:42,791
will accompany you as guards.
224
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,209
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
225
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,712
Herr Kommandant,
there are many checkpoints
226
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:47,838
we have to pass.
227
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,590
I will have orders drawn up
stating
228
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:52,259
that you are taking these men
to Paris for questioning
229
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,468
by my authority.
230
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,012
Now, is there anything else?
231
00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,513
Yes. I think it's okay
for Schultz
232
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,806
to cancel the firing squad.
233
00:09:57,848 --> 00:09:59,099
Of course.
234
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,893
But, uh, Schultz,
235
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:04,104
hang on to the list of names,
just in case.
236
00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:16,366
The painting
and the uniform
237
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,118
are under the back seat
of the car, Colonel.
238
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,203
Right, Kinch.
239
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,662
Mind the store
till we get back, huh?
240
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:21,663
Right, will
do; good luck.
241
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:22,706
Good-bye, Kinch.
242
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:23,790
Send you a postcard.
243
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:24,541
Yeah, you do that, buddy.
244
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,546
Good luck, Hogan.
245
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:41,016
( engine starting )
246
00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:51,068
Schultz, hurry it up.
247
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,573
( whining )
248
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:58,742
Why do I have to wear
the general's uniform?!
249
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,118
We're not taking any chances.
250
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,578
Just in case we're stopped.
251
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,206
I have orders signed
by Commandant Klink.
252
00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:06,500
Outside of Stalag 13,
the word Klink
253
00:11:06,542 --> 00:11:09,044
means two glasses
have been knocked together.
254
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:10,546
Now, put it on.
255
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,839
Come on, Schultz,
it's beautiful.
256
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:12,965
I made it myself.
257
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,091
I don't know.
258
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,300
I could get into trouble.
259
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,885
They might send me
to the Russian front.
260
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,262
So what if they do?
261
00:11:18,262 --> 00:11:20,764
Wouldn't you rather go
as a general than a sergeant?
262
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,724
That's true.
263
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,852
I never thought of it.
264
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,520
Come on, get it on.
265
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:27,855
Put one leg.
266
00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:53,547
Not a bad war after
all, hey, Carl?
267
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,799
What about them, Sergeant?
268
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,259
General.
269
00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:58,468
Don't worry.
270
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,804
I have the situation
under control.
271
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,639
Oh, jawohl.
272
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,436
Very good wine.
273
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:10,022
I hope they let
us keep France after the war.
274
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,735
That's the fourth
artillery officer we've seen
275
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:15,986
and all from the same unit.
276
00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:17,821
Remember, it's the 509th.
277
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:20,282
Oui, I have
it memorized.
278
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,201
( sighs )
279
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,660
Where's your friend, Verlaine?
280
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:25,245
He'll be here.
Don't worry, Colonel.
281
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:26,413
And don't call me Colonel.
282
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:27,206
It's too dangerous.
283
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,844
Kills me to see
those rats in Paris.
284
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,429
Easy, LeBeau, easy.
285
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:44,473
This could be a little trouble.
286
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,181
Oh, LeBeau.
287
00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:28,392
( speaking French )
288
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,354
Monsieur Hogan,
Monsieur Verlaine.
289
00:13:32,396 --> 00:13:33,564
Enchanté,Monsieur.
290
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:34,940
Mademoiselle
Suzette. How do you...?
291
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,567
Enchanté, Monsieur.
My feelings exactly.
292
00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:41,238
( speaking French )
293
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,243
Be careful, LeBeau,
the boys are interested.
294
00:13:46,285 --> 00:13:47,411
Oh, you're right.
295
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:48,996
( speaking French )
296
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:51,748
( clearing throat )
297
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:53,876
( speaking French )
298
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,337
Give this to boche general.
299
00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:01,258
( humming )
300
00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:20,194
Oh.
301
00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:22,154
( bell tinkling )
302
00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:28,035
( bell tinkling )
303
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,540
( whistle blows )
304
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,506
They stole it
from the museum?
305
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:41,840
Filthy assassins.
306
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,217
Ah, animals.
307
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:44,801
Dogs.
308
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,136
You forgot pigs.
309
00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:47,471
( laughs )
310
00:14:47,513 --> 00:14:49,014
By the way, who are
you talking about?
311
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,140
Germans.
312
00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,267
I got into the
wrong conversation.
313
00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,770
Please don't
talk like that.
314
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:55,979
You make me self-conscious.
315
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,314
HOGAN:
All right, look,
316
00:14:57,356 --> 00:14:58,565
save your hate meeting
for later.
317
00:14:58,607 --> 00:14:59,816
Get the painting
started, huh?
318
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,109
Oui, Monsieur.
319
00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:02,611
That's right, get the pai...
320
00:15:02,653 --> 00:15:03,862
Wait a minute.
321
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:06,782
This is the picture
that was burned up.
322
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,243
Ja. There is
something wrong here.
323
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,328
You're part of it. Shut up.
324
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:12,913
Now you know our
little secret, Schultz.
325
00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:14,122
Ach du lieber.
326
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,290
It was a lie.
327
00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:16,959
Oh, you're in trouble.
328
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,544
You're in big trouble!
329
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,504
If we're in trouble,
can you be far behind?
330
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,506
Oui. And if you
say one word,
331
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,341
we will tell Klink
you knew about this.
332
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,718
LeBeau, you wouldn't do that.
333
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:30,055
Mm, yes, you would.
334
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:32,850
We're in Paris;
you're a General.
335
00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:35,519
Half smashed
on good wine,
336
00:15:35,561 --> 00:15:36,770
what more do you want?
337
00:15:36,812 --> 00:15:37,855
I want the truth.
338
00:15:37,855 --> 00:15:39,273
That's what I want, the truth!
339
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:42,192
What is the truth,
Schultz, as you see it?
340
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:45,696
I see nothing.
341
00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:47,990
I know nothing.
342
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,867
Thank you, General.
343
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:50,951
Allô, Suzette?Oui.
344
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,286
Prepare the
canvas for me.
345
00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:53,620
Ah, oui, Papa.
346
00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,038
This will be my
greatest copy.
347
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,874
With this, I'll
make my contribution
348
00:15:56,874 --> 00:15:58,667
to defeat the Germans.
349
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:01,211
Again, please be nice.
350
00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:03,755
And you will hide the original
for us until after the war?
351
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,799
It is my sacred duty.
352
00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:07,050
Vive la France.
353
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,677
Vive la France,à bas les Bosches.
354
00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:10,637
Oh, à bas les Bosches,à bas les Bosches.
355
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:11,763
Bas les B...
356
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:12,931
What-What did he say?
357
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,975
You wouldn't be happy
with the translation, Schultz.
358
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,059
( siren wailing )
359
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:17,394
Hold it.
We've got company.
360
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:18,812
The two goons
from the cafe.
361
00:16:18,854 --> 00:16:20,397
Hey, they're
stopping right here.
362
00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:21,899
Uh-huh.
363
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:23,066
The Gestapo!
364
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:24,985
Well, it ain't Robin Hood
and his merry men.
365
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:26,236
What should
we do?
366
00:16:26,278 --> 00:16:27,654
Get into the other room quick.
367
00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:28,864
Come on! Let's go.
368
00:16:28,906 --> 00:16:30,240
Come on. So, let's
go, let's go.
369
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,658
You try to get rid of them, huh?
370
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,243
Ah, oui,
I'll do my best.
371
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,748
( knock at door )
372
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,752
MAN:
Open up!
373
00:16:43,504 --> 00:16:46,256
Gestapo.
374
00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:47,549
Guten Tag, Fraulein.
375
00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:49,092
Bonjour,Monsieur.
376
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,677
Just a routine check.
377
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,472
You live here alone, huh?
378
00:16:53,514 --> 00:16:54,765
With my father.
379
00:16:54,765 --> 00:16:57,017
Aha. Anyone else?
380
00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:58,185
( laughs ):
Well...
381
00:16:58,227 --> 00:16:59,520
Anyone else, Fraulein?
382
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,522
Well, my uncle stays
with us sometimes.
383
00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:03,357
Ah, your uncle.
384
00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:06,235
And perhaps a few
of his friends, ja?
385
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:09,863
Oh, Monsieur, is it
necessary to search?
386
00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:11,240
You are hiding something?
387
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:14,076
SUZETTE:
No, Monsieur.
388
00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:20,958
The key at once.
389
00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:30,467
What is going on
here, darling?
390
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,845
Nothing...
darling.
391
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,555
Who are
these...?
392
00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:37,099
Oh, I see.
393
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,685
They're
bully boys.
394
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:44,064
What are you doing here?
395
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:45,858
Just a routine check,
Herr General.
396
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,317
Achtung!
397
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:50,654
Hmm. That's what
they always say.
398
00:17:50,654 --> 00:17:53,574
Raus, heraus.
399
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,662
How dare you come here
400
00:17:58,662 --> 00:18:00,664
and disturb a general
401
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:03,083
of the Third Reich?
402
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:04,459
Only doing our duty, sir.
403
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,170
We had no idea
that you were...
404
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:08,338
Oh, you-you
had no idea.
405
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,507
( chuckles )
406
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:13,343
You didn't know
407
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:16,180
that a general
408
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:19,349
might want to
spend an afternoon
409
00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:21,476
with his, uh...
410
00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:22,686
with his, uh...
411
00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:23,854
( clears his throat )
Niece.
412
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:25,397
Niece.
413
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:27,524
Thank you, darling.
414
00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:28,734
I assure
you, General,
415
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,152
we had no
intention of intruding
416
00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:31,361
upon your
privacy.
417
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:33,488
No, you didn't!
418
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,824
I tell you something.
419
00:18:35,866 --> 00:18:37,409
Should it ever happen again,
420
00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:41,121
I will report you to
your superior officer,
421
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,123
and then to his
superior officer,
422
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:46,919
and then even
to his superior officer.
423
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,546
I will report you
all the way up
424
00:18:49,588 --> 00:18:53,300
until it comes back to me.
425
00:18:53,342 --> 00:18:56,845
And if I ever report it
426
00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:58,847
to myself...
427
00:18:58,889 --> 00:19:00,265
( growls )
428
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:03,143
...are you going
to be in trouble.
429
00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:08,398
They have gone.
430
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:09,775
They did?
431
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,777
Why did you let them go?
432
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,737
( bottle clinking on glass )
433
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:18,075
Schultz, you were fantastic.
434
00:19:18,075 --> 00:19:19,409
You saved us.
435
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,411
How did you ever manage
to do it?
436
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:24,456
Lucky for you,
I was loaded.
437
00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:26,667
( laughter )
438
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,921
You are right, Sergeant,
it's not such a bad war.
439
00:19:30,963 --> 00:19:32,214
( chuckles )
440
00:19:32,256 --> 00:19:33,924
I'm glad
you like it.
441
00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:36,093
( laughs )
442
00:19:36,093 --> 00:19:39,429
Voilà. C'est fini.
443
00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:41,139
It's finished, Colonel.
444
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,516
C'est parfait, parfait.
445
00:19:42,558 --> 00:19:43,892
Oh, it's beautiful.
Merci.
446
00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:45,394
Très bien, Papa.Merci.
447
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,312
France will never forget
what you have done.
448
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,522
I salute you...
449
00:19:48,564 --> 00:19:50,399
( speaking French )
450
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,317
I salute
you, Hogan.
451
00:19:53,694 --> 00:19:56,238
My feelings exactly.
452
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,448
And I salute you...
453
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,450
Ugh, forget it.
454
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,498
Well, here it is,
455
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:08,000
safe and sound.
456
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,459
Excellent.
457
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:10,627
You see, Klink,
458
00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:13,797
you can do a few simple things
right if you try.
459
00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:15,007
Thank you, sir.
460
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,467
I am always inspired
by your example, sir.
461
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,638
Oh, uh, may I
ask what you're doing, sir?
462
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,682
I want to look
at the painting,
463
00:20:23,724 --> 00:20:25,642
if that meets
with your approval.
464
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:27,811
Of course. May I
assist you, sir?
465
00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:29,479
I can manage.
466
00:20:32,149 --> 00:20:33,567
Mm.
467
00:20:33,609 --> 00:20:35,986
Beautiful,
just beautiful.
468
00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:39,531
Well, back it goes
in its little box,
469
00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,533
on its way to Goering.
470
00:20:41,575 --> 00:20:43,494
Just a minute.
471
00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:47,080
I don't know.
472
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:50,667
Looks different somehow.
473
00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:51,960
Different?
474
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:53,128
Mm-hmm.
475
00:20:53,170 --> 00:20:54,880
Uh, the light, maybe?
476
00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:56,882
BURKHALTER:
Maybe.
477
00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:59,510
The great German genius,
Colonel Klink, is in trouble.
478
00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:00,802
( laughs )
479
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:02,846
He can't seem to handle
anything right, can he?
480
00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:04,014
What do we do
now, Colonel?
481
00:21:04,056 --> 00:21:06,266
Let's try to bail him out.
Come on, LeBeau.
482
00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:07,476
( knocking )
483
00:21:07,518 --> 00:21:09,353
Come in.
484
00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:10,896
Yes, Hogan, what
is it? I'm busy.
485
00:21:10,938 --> 00:21:12,064
Sorry, sir. We heard
486
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,607
that you had Manet's
famous picture,
487
00:21:13,649 --> 00:21:15,484
The Boy With the Fife,
here in the office.
488
00:21:15,526 --> 00:21:16,360
Well, what about it?
489
00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:17,778
Well, LeBeau and I would like
to see it,
490
00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:19,821
with the General's permission,
of course and yours, too.
491
00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:22,199
Now, I can't have every prisoner
in the camp
492
00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:23,534
come marching in here...
493
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:24,827
Wait.
494
00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:25,869
A Frenchman?
495
00:21:25,911 --> 00:21:26,912
Oh, very much so,
496
00:21:26,954 --> 00:21:28,372
and a connoisseur
of the arts, sir.
497
00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:30,415
In fact, before the war,
he was an art student.
498
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:32,626
Good. He may be of some help.
499
00:21:32,668 --> 00:21:34,127
Now, the General thinks
500
00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:36,797
that this painting
is somewhat different.
501
00:21:36,839 --> 00:21:39,007
Perhaps you will
set him straight.
502
00:21:39,049 --> 00:21:40,259
I will try, sir.
503
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:42,344
You are familiar
with Manet's work?
504
00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:43,220
Oui, General.
505
00:21:43,262 --> 00:21:44,721
You say you know the painting
506
00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:46,223
The Boy With the Fife?
507
00:21:46,265 --> 00:21:48,600
But of course. I've
seen it many times in the Louvre.
508
00:21:48,642 --> 00:21:49,226
Very good.
509
00:21:49,268 --> 00:21:50,602
I want you to take a look
510
00:21:50,644 --> 00:21:52,062
at this painting
and tell me
511
00:21:52,104 --> 00:21:53,230
if it is the same one
512
00:21:53,272 --> 00:21:55,148
you have seen hanging
in the museum.
513
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:56,275
I'm sure it is.
514
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:57,776
I didn't ask you, Klink.
515
00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:06,702
Mm-hmm.
516
00:22:08,203 --> 00:22:09,246
Mm-hmm.
517
00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:12,249
Mm-hmm.
518
00:22:12,249 --> 00:22:13,458
Well,
519
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,335
it is the original painting,
isn't it?
520
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:16,670
No, sir.
521
00:22:16,712 --> 00:22:18,589
This is an expert copy
of the original painting.
522
00:22:19,715 --> 00:22:20,924
Copy you say?
523
00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:22,092
Klink!
524
00:22:22,092 --> 00:22:23,260
Yes, sir.
525
00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:25,179
What has been going on here?
526
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:26,680
Are you sure?
527
00:22:26,722 --> 00:22:29,391
Absolutely, but then
how could it be anything else?
528
00:22:29,433 --> 00:22:30,601
What do you mean by that?
529
00:22:30,601 --> 00:22:32,436
Well, I had a letter
from a friend in Paris
530
00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:33,645
who told me that
531
00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:35,898
the original painting
was taken away from the Louvre
532
00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,608
by Field Marshal Goering
533
00:22:37,649 --> 00:22:39,276
and that a copy hung
in its place.
534
00:22:39,318 --> 00:22:40,611
This must be it.
535
00:22:40,652 --> 00:22:41,570
Where is the letter?
536
00:22:41,612 --> 00:22:42,779
I'm sorry, sir,
537
00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:44,531
but I used the paper
to roll cigarettes.
538
00:22:44,573 --> 00:22:45,782
Colonel Hogan saw it.
539
00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:47,034
I certainly did.
540
00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:48,035
I-I saw it, too.
541
00:22:48,076 --> 00:22:49,286
KLINK:
Silence, Schultz!
542
00:22:49,286 --> 00:22:50,454
Herr General,
543
00:22:50,496 --> 00:22:52,789
I-I am terribly sorry
this happened, but...
544
00:22:52,831 --> 00:22:56,335
You and your prisoners have
saved me great embarrassment.
545
00:22:56,376 --> 00:22:58,545
Yes, sir, we...
546
00:22:58,587 --> 00:22:59,796
We have?
547
00:22:59,796 --> 00:23:01,340
BURKHALTER:
Do you realize
548
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:03,425
that I might have presented
this copy
549
00:23:03,467 --> 00:23:05,802
to Goering as the original,
550
00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:07,804
which he already has?
551
00:23:07,846 --> 00:23:09,848
I would have been
a laughingstock.
552
00:23:09,890 --> 00:23:10,933
Of course, sir, we-we...
553
00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:12,684
we could never let that happen,
could we?
554
00:23:12,726 --> 00:23:13,852
( chuckles )
555
00:23:13,894 --> 00:23:17,648
I hate the idea,
but I am indebted to you.
556
00:23:17,648 --> 00:23:19,066
Oh, not at all,
557
00:23:19,107 --> 00:23:20,776
Herr General.
558
00:23:20,817 --> 00:23:24,363
Now I have to think
of another gift for Goering.
559
00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:26,323
How about a nice
do-it-yourself hari-kari kit?
560
00:23:26,323 --> 00:23:27,449
KLINK:
Silence!
561
00:23:27,491 --> 00:23:28,659
Herr General,
562
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:30,828
I have some wonderful
ideas for you.
563
00:23:30,828 --> 00:23:32,579
Don't press your luck.
564
00:23:32,621 --> 00:23:33,997
( chuckles ):
Not at all, Herr General.
565
00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:37,543
Well, there they go,
566
00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:39,044
two of nature's noblemen.
567
00:23:39,086 --> 00:23:40,963
( sighs )
Boy is that Klink lucky.
568
00:23:41,004 --> 00:23:43,048
You know, sometimes I wonder
569
00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:45,092
how he ever got
to be a colonel.
570
00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:49,012
I think somebody wants us
to lose the war.
571
00:23:53,767 --> 00:23:55,269
Anything else?
572
00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:58,438
We identified four separate
antiaircraft units.
573
00:23:58,480 --> 00:23:59,982
Five, Colonel.
There was one hidden
574
00:24:00,023 --> 00:24:01,066
in the Bois
de Boulogne.
575
00:24:01,108 --> 00:24:01,942
Oh, right, right, right.
576
00:24:01,984 --> 00:24:03,902
And, uh, we saw
a Panzer Division
577
00:24:03,944 --> 00:24:05,571
on the road
outside of Paris
578
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:07,197
heading towards the coast.
579
00:24:07,239 --> 00:24:09,700
You got some pretty valuable
information here, Colonel.
580
00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:11,451
Yeah, get that off
to London, can't you?
581
00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:12,661
Right away.
Let's go.
582
00:24:13,537 --> 00:24:14,496
Oh, Colonel Hogan!
583
00:24:14,538 --> 00:24:16,874
Colonel Hogan,
I have very good news.
584
00:24:16,915 --> 00:24:19,209
Klink got caught
in the barbed wire?
585
00:24:19,251 --> 00:24:22,171
No, but he gave me
a 12-hour pass
586
00:24:22,212 --> 00:24:25,340
because everything went
so good for the general.
587
00:24:25,382 --> 00:24:26,717
Congratulations,
Schultz.
588
00:24:26,758 --> 00:24:29,511
And Sergeant Angler
is going to introduce me
589
00:24:29,553 --> 00:24:32,973
to a very nice young lady
he knows in town.
590
00:24:33,015 --> 00:24:34,224
Hey, how
about that?
591
00:24:34,266 --> 00:24:35,851
Romeos come
in all sizes.
592
00:24:35,893 --> 00:24:37,853
And I would like to ask you
for a favor.
593
00:24:37,895 --> 00:24:39,021
Sure, Schultz.
What is it?
594
00:24:39,062 --> 00:24:42,649
Could I borrow the uniform
I had in Paris?
595
00:24:42,691 --> 00:24:45,152
Oh, of course.
Why not?
596
00:24:45,194 --> 00:24:48,739
Gentlemen, may I introduce
you to my son, the General?
597
00:24:48,789 --> 00:24:53,339
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