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1
00:00:03,868 --> 00:00:07,133
CBS presents this programin color.
2
00:00:23,033 --> 00:00:27,200
( theme song playing )
3
00:01:12,033 --> 00:01:14,467
And, uh... no starch
4
00:01:14,501 --> 00:01:16,133
in the socks for a change,
please, huh?
5
00:01:16,167 --> 00:01:17,334
How 'bout the
handkerchiefs?
6
00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:18,467
Uh-oh.
7
00:01:18,501 --> 00:01:20,601
What have we got here?
8
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:32,367
Captain Warren.
How'd they capture him?
9
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:33,868
He had everything
going for him.
10
00:01:33,901 --> 00:01:37,100
Right. Food, money, maps--
everything.
11
00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:39,200
I took him out
through the tunnel myself.
12
00:01:39,234 --> 00:01:41,834
The Krauts
can't do this to me!
13
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:42,868
I wonder what went wrong.
14
00:01:44,334 --> 00:01:46,667
So, uh, you tried to escape
15
00:01:46,701 --> 00:01:48,667
from Stalag Five, huh?
Yes, sir.
16
00:01:48,701 --> 00:01:50,834
I warn you, no one escapes
from my Stalag.
17
00:01:50,868 --> 00:01:52,334
Oh, he's just a tourist
at heart.
18
00:01:52,367 --> 00:01:54,000
How was the trip?
Oh, lovely.
19
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:57,334
Colonel Hogan, I do not recall
having sent for you.
20
00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,601
You didn't, sir. I try
to anticipate your every wish.
21
00:02:00,634 --> 00:02:02,367
As a matter of fact,
you're just in time
22
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,167
to witness the sentencing
of this man.
23
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,033
Come on, Colonel, you're making
a big deal out of it.
24
00:02:06,067 --> 00:02:07,834
You got lucky. You caught him.
That's all.
25
00:02:07,868 --> 00:02:09,534
Huh. Lucky? Do you consider
26
00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:12,267
superior intelligence work
lucky?
27
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,367
Schultz!
Jawohl, HerrKommandant.
28
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:19,434
30 days in the cooler
for Captain Warren in solitary.
29
00:02:24,868 --> 00:02:27,167
All right, let's
go to the cooler.
30
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,667
Warren, I want
to talk to you.
31
00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:31,133
Nein, nein, nein,nein, that is verboten!
32
00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:32,400
You sound like Klink.
33
00:02:32,434 --> 00:02:35,400
Insults will get you nowhere.
34
00:02:35,434 --> 00:02:37,701
NEWKIRK:
Ay, Schultz, Schultz! I say, not now!
35
00:02:37,734 --> 00:02:39,868
I want to trade you a light
for a cigarette.
36
00:02:39,901 --> 00:02:41,701
Don't you see I'm busy?
37
00:02:41,734 --> 00:02:44,167
This offer is good
for a limited time only.
38
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,467
Always so busy.
39
00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:47,868
Well, there's a war on,
you know.
40
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,200
Got to live while we can,
me old China.
41
00:02:50,234 --> 00:02:53,067
Here, allow me.
42
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:54,434
Hurry up, then.
43
00:02:59,634 --> 00:03:00,601
Thank you again.
44
00:03:00,634 --> 00:03:03,300
All right, let's go
to the cooler.
45
00:03:03,334 --> 00:03:05,501
Wait a minute, wait a minute,
hold it, hold it.
46
00:03:05,534 --> 00:03:07,434
Where is my key?
47
00:03:07,501 --> 00:03:10,200
Beg your pardon?
The key to the cooler? I gave it to you.
48
00:03:10,234 --> 00:03:13,367
Me? Have you been drinking
this time of morning, Schultz?
49
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,067
Oh, well, that's shocking,
shocking.
50
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,000
And there is some monkey
business going on.
51
00:03:17,033 --> 00:03:18,367
Where is the key?!
52
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,667
Do me a favor, Schultz,
I ain't got your bleeding key.
53
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,300
You must've...
you must've dropped it.
54
00:03:22,334 --> 00:03:23,801
All right, talk fast.
What happened?
55
00:03:23,834 --> 00:03:26,300
Well, they knocked me off,
Colonel-- that's what happened.
56
00:03:26,334 --> 00:03:27,701
Did you follow
the escape orders?
57
00:03:27,734 --> 00:03:28,968
Well, sure, and just
when I thought
58
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,968
I had it made,
there they were, boom.
59
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,801
Well, what went wrong,
Colonel?
60
00:03:32,834 --> 00:03:34,300
I don't know.
61
00:03:34,334 --> 00:03:36,133
Either the
Krauts got lucky,
62
00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:38,334
or there's something
rotten in Denmark,
63
00:03:38,367 --> 00:03:40,634
and right now,
Denmark's way out front.
64
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,467
It's the only possible
explanation.
65
00:03:57,501 --> 00:03:59,968
Now, look,
Captain Warren told me
66
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,801
he made it
to the first station.
67
00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:03,634
The inn.
Right, the Kaiserhof.
68
00:04:03,667 --> 00:04:06,801
He leaves there okay, makes it
to the second station here.
69
00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:08,133
That's the farmhouse.
70
00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:10,067
He leaves there,
and suddenly, they grab him.
71
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,334
Well, that doesn't really
prove anything, Colonel.
72
00:04:12,367 --> 00:04:14,400
It does to me. Somebody blew
the whistle on him.
73
00:04:14,434 --> 00:04:17,501
I say it's a mistake
to let officers escape alone.
74
00:04:17,534 --> 00:04:19,901
That's right.
They can't manage by themselves.
75
00:04:19,934 --> 00:04:22,834
Girls, just do
the laundry; leave the thinking to us.
76
00:04:24,434 --> 00:04:29,133
Colonel Klink used
the phrase "superior intelligence work".
77
00:04:29,167 --> 00:04:30,734
That's a nice way
of saying traitor.
78
00:04:30,767 --> 00:04:33,300
Exactly. This is
the first escape
79
00:04:33,334 --> 00:04:34,801
we've had loused
up in six months.
80
00:04:34,834 --> 00:04:36,234
Somebody's
selling us out.
81
00:04:36,267 --> 00:04:37,634
All right, assume
we know the score.
82
00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:38,634
What do we do about it?
83
00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:40,300
There's only one way
to be sure,
84
00:04:40,334 --> 00:04:42,968
and that's travel the route
ourselves.
85
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,334
All of us? I haven't
finished the laundry.
86
00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:47,667
I want Newkirk and
LeBeau to go with me.
87
00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:49,000
We'll be the
pigeons, the bait.
88
00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:50,234
Bait?
89
00:04:50,267 --> 00:04:52,334
Look, sir, I would consider it
90
00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:54,834
most cowardly
to escape at this time.
91
00:04:54,868 --> 00:04:58,234
As I see it, my duty
lies here in Stalag 13.
92
00:04:58,267 --> 00:05:01,200
Mine, too, and also,
there's a war going on out there.
93
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,467
Mm-hmm. Captain Warren says
94
00:05:03,501 --> 00:05:05,868
there are a couple of girls
that operate the Kaiserhof.
95
00:05:05,901 --> 00:05:07,167
Good-looking birds,
are they?
96
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,834
After two years,
who cares?
97
00:05:08,868 --> 00:05:11,334
Colonel, I wish
to volunteer for the escape party.
98
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:13,501
And me, too, sir. All present
and correct, Colonel.
99
00:05:13,534 --> 00:05:15,501
Amazing the way this place
suddenly comes alive
100
00:05:15,534 --> 00:05:16,834
with volunteers.
101
00:05:16,868 --> 00:05:18,701
And if there's a
short one, she's mine.
102
00:05:18,734 --> 00:05:20,200
Well, there's
always a short one.
103
00:05:20,234 --> 00:05:22,534
Now, look, we're going to need
a good solid diversion,
104
00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:25,000
an excuse for being
out of camp a day or even longer.
105
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,467
That's a lot
of roll calls.
106
00:05:26,501 --> 00:05:28,300
All right, now,
Kinch, I want you and Carter
107
00:05:28,334 --> 00:05:30,300
to go out through the
emergency tunnel tonight.
108
00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:31,834
Take some smoke bombs with you.
109
00:05:31,868 --> 00:05:34,234
I want you to make a fire
tomorrow from a good high spot
110
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,434
so we can see it from here.
111
00:05:35,467 --> 00:05:37,167
Got it?
Right.
112
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,968
The next step, uh,
we're going to leave up to Colonel Klink.
113
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,334
Any comments?
114
00:05:41,367 --> 00:05:42,667
No, sir.
No, sir. Don't think so.
115
00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:44,334
Uh, Colonel...
Hmm?
116
00:05:44,367 --> 00:05:46,133
You got another hole
in your undershirt.
117
00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:47,234
It's impossible.
118
00:05:47,267 --> 00:05:48,968
Uh, I ought to know.
119
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,400
I just put it there.
120
00:05:54,367 --> 00:05:56,501
( knock at door )
Come in.
121
00:05:56,534 --> 00:05:58,167
Yes, Fraulein
Helga, what is it?
122
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,334
Colonel Hogan is here
to see you, Herr Kommandant.
123
00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:01,601
I'm too busy.
I can't see him.
124
00:06:01,634 --> 00:06:02,634
He says it's important.
125
00:06:02,667 --> 00:06:04,000
Very well. Oh!
126
00:06:04,033 --> 00:06:05,968
I'm here to volunteer my men
in the emergency.
127
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,868
Emergency?
What are you talking about?
128
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:08,834
The forest fire.
129
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:09,834
( sniffing )
130
00:06:09,868 --> 00:06:11,667
Smells like a barbecue pit
in here already.
131
00:06:11,701 --> 00:06:14,467
Here, look for yourself.
132
00:06:14,501 --> 00:06:17,300
That's right,
it is a fire.
133
00:06:17,334 --> 00:06:19,167
That's quite
a distance away.
134
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:20,968
Try these.
135
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,801
I...
136
00:06:22,834 --> 00:06:24,501
It's closer than you think.
137
00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:27,167
See, I figure
we got about, uh, two hours.
138
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,334
You're right.
It's an emergency.
139
00:06:29,367 --> 00:06:31,834
I'll send every man
I can spare to fight it.
140
00:06:31,868 --> 00:06:33,834
Officer of the Day
at once.
141
00:06:33,868 --> 00:06:35,334
Oh, I hope I
can control them.
142
00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:37,167
Hogan, I heard that.
Control what?
143
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,501
Ah, ah, of course.
144
00:06:39,534 --> 00:06:41,133
The prisoners will try
a mass escape
145
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,667
once the guards
are out of the camp.
146
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:44,701
Well, their pride
was hurt when Captain Warren was captured.
147
00:06:44,734 --> 00:06:46,000
I can't guarantee
you anything.
148
00:06:46,033 --> 00:06:47,934
Security comes first.
149
00:06:47,968 --> 00:06:49,334
Hey, not bad.
150
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,200
That's a good line to use
in your defense
151
00:06:51,234 --> 00:06:52,200
at the court martial.
152
00:06:52,234 --> 00:06:54,801
Thank you, Colonel Hogan.
153
00:06:54,834 --> 00:06:56,334
My court martial?
154
00:06:56,367 --> 00:06:57,834
Well, what can you do?
155
00:06:57,868 --> 00:07:00,100
I mean, you send the guards out,
the natives get restless.
156
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:01,567
If you sit tight,
the camp burns down,
157
00:07:01,634 --> 00:07:03,667
and you're at fault.
158
00:07:03,701 --> 00:07:06,300
I figure we got about two hours.
159
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,501
Hope Newkirk and LeBeau
160
00:07:08,534 --> 00:07:09,834
can hold it at the gates.
161
00:07:09,868 --> 00:07:11,501
I can't be sure
of anything now.
162
00:07:11,534 --> 00:07:12,834
Hogan, wait a minute!
163
00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:15,400
What do these men know
about fires, huh?
164
00:07:15,434 --> 00:07:16,968
Oh, come on,
that's like asking
165
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,133
what Hitler knows
about rabble-rousing.
166
00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:21,267
Newkirk was a fire
warden in London.
167
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:25,200
LeBeau was top man in
the fire brigade at camp.
168
00:07:25,234 --> 00:07:26,901
LeBeau?
169
00:07:26,934 --> 00:07:29,467
They called him
LeSmokey.
170
00:07:29,501 --> 00:07:30,968
Of course, they
can't do miracles.
171
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:32,367
Colonel Hogan,
172
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,767
in view of the emergency,
do you think that they...
173
00:07:34,801 --> 00:07:36,467
Well, all I can
do is ask them.
174
00:07:36,501 --> 00:07:38,901
Do so at once.
Of course, I'll have to go along with them.
175
00:07:38,934 --> 00:07:41,267
Ah, ah, ah, that is a means
of escaping.
176
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,167
Oh, come on, you have my word
as an officer
177
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,934
and a gentleman,
there'll be no escape.
178
00:07:44,968 --> 00:07:45,934
I will accept that.
179
00:07:45,968 --> 00:07:47,667
However, regulations require
180
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,467
that you be guarded
at all times.
181
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:52,300
I will send Sergeant Schultz
to accompany you.
182
00:07:52,334 --> 00:07:54,267
Just our luck.
183
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:56,467
Toughest one of the bunch.
Okay, Schultz it is.
184
00:07:56,501 --> 00:07:57,968
Dismissed!
185
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,834
Okay, Chief.
186
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:22,934
Come on!
187
00:08:24,501 --> 00:08:27,434
Rest your back there.
188
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,667
KINCH:
Hey, who invited Poppa Bear?
189
00:08:31,701 --> 00:08:33,467
Klink's idea.
He's guarding us.
190
00:08:33,501 --> 00:08:36,067
You call this
a forest fire?
191
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:38,200
Well, it's a small forest.
192
00:08:38,234 --> 00:08:40,334
Looks ruddy dangerous
to me.
193
00:08:40,367 --> 00:08:42,167
Not to me.
194
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,000
There is something
going on here.
195
00:08:45,033 --> 00:08:46,200
All right, spread out, men.
196
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,801
I think we can establish
a fire line.
197
00:08:47,834 --> 00:08:49,434
Fire line?!
198
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:50,367
( chuckles )
199
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,634
Jolly joker.
200
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,100
Fire line.
201
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,100
( chuckles )
202
00:08:58,834 --> 00:09:01,801
Hogan! Hogan, come back!
203
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,634
Ah! Hogan, where are you?!
204
00:09:23,734 --> 00:09:25,033
Hande hoch! Schnell!
205
00:09:25,067 --> 00:09:26,667
English translation:
hands up and fast.
206
00:09:26,701 --> 00:09:28,033
Easy with that
thing, baby.
207
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,067
Who are you?
What are you doing here?
208
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:31,400
We're traveling
to Dusseldorf.
209
00:09:31,434 --> 00:09:32,400
Is this the right road?
210
00:09:32,434 --> 00:09:34,467
Oh, yeah...
211
00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:36,868
but you are going
in the wrong direction.
212
00:09:36,901 --> 00:09:39,467
Okay, that's correct
recognition code.
213
00:09:39,501 --> 00:09:41,567
You're the fastest
gun in Germany.
214
00:09:41,601 --> 00:09:45,033
Ah, escaping
prisoners?
215
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:48,200
Oui, tired,
hungry, alone...
216
00:09:48,234 --> 00:09:52,100
And very much in need
of a little affection.
217
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,467
I am Margit,
218
00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:55,501
and that is Eva.
219
00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:57,033
HOGAN:
Margit, Eva.
220
00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:58,567
We'll skip our names for now.
221
00:09:58,601 --> 00:10:00,501
Sure, what's in a name?
222
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:02,968
It's love that counts.
223
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,968
We're escaping, remember?
224
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,133
Yeah, go ahead, escape.
225
00:10:06,167 --> 00:10:07,801
I'll catch up
with you later.
226
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:10,501
Margit, uh, perhaps
they would like some wine.
227
00:10:10,534 --> 00:10:12,167
Yeah, I will get it.
228
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,167
And I will help you.
229
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,501
Hey, I'll give you
a hand.
230
00:10:14,534 --> 00:10:17,000
I said the short one
was mine.
231
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,934
What are you, the ruddy
master of ceremonies or something?
232
00:10:19,968 --> 00:10:21,701
All right, break it up.
233
00:10:21,734 --> 00:10:23,267
Watch the door.
234
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:24,667
That's right, watch the door.
235
00:10:24,701 --> 00:10:26,033
Watch the...?
236
00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:28,534
Colonel, I'd rather watch
one of those girls.
237
00:10:28,567 --> 00:10:30,234
I mean, it's been two years.
238
00:10:30,267 --> 00:10:33,400
You heard me. Watch the door...
and that's an order.
239
00:10:33,434 --> 00:10:36,901
Order? Why, we ain't
even in the same army!
240
00:10:42,634 --> 00:10:44,267
Can you help us?
241
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:49,934
Certainly... but why
don't you take a rest first?
242
00:10:49,968 --> 00:10:52,367
You are safe here.
243
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,234
Yeah, but are you?
244
00:10:54,267 --> 00:10:58,868
Well... one expects danger
in the kind of work I'm doing.
245
00:10:58,901 --> 00:11:00,701
Mm-hmm.
246
00:11:00,734 --> 00:11:03,200
Do you remember an
officer that came through here
247
00:11:03,234 --> 00:11:04,868
a couple of weeks ago?
248
00:11:04,901 --> 00:11:07,200
Yeah, Captain Warren.
249
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,734
Mm-hmm.
Has he been captured?
250
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:10,334
Funny you should ask that.
251
00:11:10,367 --> 00:11:12,634
Why? I mean,
accidents happen.
252
00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:13,634
We expect it.
253
00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:15,501
Was he taken?
254
00:11:15,534 --> 00:11:16,834
I don't know.
255
00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:20,167
Ah... I hope he made it.
256
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,601
He was such a nice boy, too.
257
00:11:23,634 --> 00:11:27,367
( phone rings )
258
00:11:28,901 --> 00:11:30,534
Uh, hey, if that's for me,
259
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:33,267
tell them I'm busy watching
the door instead of a girl.
260
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:34,534
All right.
261
00:11:34,567 --> 00:11:37,701
Hello? Yes, this is Eva.
262
00:11:37,734 --> 00:11:40,701
Uh, I'm sorry, I can't
talk to you right now.
263
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,834
Uh, would you mind
calling back, please?
264
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,734
All right, thank you.
265
00:11:44,767 --> 00:11:46,667
Heil Hitler.
266
00:11:46,701 --> 00:11:48,834
Friend?
267
00:11:48,868 --> 00:11:52,000
No, the winter relief.
268
00:11:52,033 --> 00:11:53,834
Winter Hilfe, we call it.
269
00:11:53,868 --> 00:11:57,167
You know, they collect
clothes and things for the soldiers.
270
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,501
Hm-hmm.
They call almost every week.
271
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,200
You, uh...
272
00:12:04,234 --> 00:12:06,367
you used your
first name.
273
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:12,200
Of course. Even in the war,
some people are friendly.
274
00:12:12,234 --> 00:12:14,567
I should hope so.
275
00:12:22,767 --> 00:12:24,667
Oh, boy.
276
00:12:24,701 --> 00:12:27,667
You'd better get
a move on, you know.
277
00:12:27,701 --> 00:12:29,667
You have to go
next to station two.
278
00:12:29,701 --> 00:12:33,868
It's a farmhouse just
a few miles along this road.
279
00:12:33,901 --> 00:12:36,200
It's set back, the only house.
You can't miss it.
280
00:12:36,234 --> 00:12:37,868
Then what?
281
00:12:37,901 --> 00:12:40,200
You will be told
when you get there.
282
00:12:40,234 --> 00:12:41,868
Recognition code?
283
00:12:41,901 --> 00:12:43,534
There is none.
284
00:12:43,567 --> 00:12:46,534
Everyone who escapes
has to go through here first.
285
00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:50,167
That way, we keep it simple.
286
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,667
Okay, we're moving out!
287
00:12:51,701 --> 00:12:53,334
You must be joking.
288
00:12:53,367 --> 00:12:54,834
Colonel, have a heart!
289
00:12:54,868 --> 00:12:56,501
You heard me. We're going.
Let's go.
290
00:12:56,534 --> 00:12:58,167
But I forgot what
girls look like.
291
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,834
I was just starting
to remember.
292
00:13:00,868 --> 00:13:02,934
Hey, what about me?
I-I've just fallen in love...
293
00:13:02,968 --> 00:13:04,834
with the door.
294
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,634
You've seen one door,
you've seen them all. Come on.
295
00:13:13,901 --> 00:13:15,133
Excuse me.
296
00:13:25,334 --> 00:13:26,300
Hi, Schultz.
297
00:13:26,334 --> 00:13:27,968
Hey, Colonel Hogan!
298
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,300
Where have you been?
299
00:13:29,334 --> 00:13:30,300
Putting out a fire.
300
00:13:30,334 --> 00:13:31,467
You can say that again.
301
00:13:31,501 --> 00:13:33,968
Oh, there is
something going on.
302
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,801
First you disappear,
then you show up again.
303
00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:39,167
Oh, I have to report
this to the Kommandant,
304
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,834
and then I take
you back to camp.
305
00:13:40,868 --> 00:13:42,567
You're right, Schultz,
do your duty.
306
00:13:42,601 --> 00:13:44,834
Into the truck.
Schnell, schnell,schnell, schnell.
307
00:13:44,868 --> 00:13:46,868
Go ahead.
You heard the man.
308
00:13:48,868 --> 00:13:51,501
You know how to work
one of those things?
309
00:13:51,534 --> 00:13:53,501
What do you think,
I'm stupid?
310
00:13:53,534 --> 00:13:55,501
One question at a time.
311
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:58,801
Um, Schultz, why don't you move
away from the truck,
312
00:13:58,834 --> 00:14:00,634
cut down on the heterodyne
interference?
313
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:03,400
Don't you think
I know that?
314
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:08,968
( clears throat ):
Hello. Hello.
315
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,167
Stalag 13?
316
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,667
This is Sergeant Schultz
speaking.
317
00:14:13,701 --> 00:14:17,467
Stalag 13,
please come in, bitte.
318
00:14:17,534 --> 00:14:18,701
This is Colonel Klink.
319
00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:21,167
I read you, Sergeant. Report.
320
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,167
He reads me.
321
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,667
Herr Kommandant,
Herr Kommandant,
322
00:14:25,701 --> 00:14:28,334
here is Sergeant Schultz
standing here
323
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:32,701
talking on his, uh,
walkie-talkie.
324
00:14:32,734 --> 00:14:34,300
Dummkopf! I know that.
325
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:36,267
What about the fire?
326
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:39,367
Herr Kommandant,
the fire is doing nicely.
327
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,100
( engine starting )
What's that sound I hear?
328
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:43,467
It's a... it's a...
it's a very noisy fire,
329
00:14:43,501 --> 00:14:44,801
Herr Kommandant.
330
00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:46,767
Colonel Hogan!
331
00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:50,067
Colonel Hogan!
332
00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:52,567
Put out that fire immediately.
333
00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:54,868
Yes, sir! Yes-yes, sir.
334
00:14:54,901 --> 00:14:58,033
Colonel Hogan!
335
00:14:58,067 --> 00:14:59,701
( screams )
336
00:15:03,634 --> 00:15:06,000
LeBEAU:
What's the plan, Colonel?
337
00:15:06,033 --> 00:15:07,801
HOGAN:
I'll go in first and case it.
338
00:15:07,834 --> 00:15:09,767
If I'm not back in ten minutes,
take the truck,
339
00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:11,767
find Schultz and the boys
and get back to camp.
340
00:15:11,801 --> 00:15:13,167
What, and-and leave you
in there?
341
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,133
If it is a trap,
you want to come barging in and get knocked off, too?
342
00:15:16,167 --> 00:15:17,334
But, Colonel,
we are a team.
343
00:15:17,367 --> 00:15:18,834
Come on, you've got
your orders.
344
00:15:18,868 --> 00:15:22,334
Remember, ten minutes...
back to camp, understood?
345
00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:23,501
All right, sir.
Okay.
346
00:15:23,534 --> 00:15:24,667
Good luck, sir.
347
00:15:24,701 --> 00:15:25,868
Bonne chance,
Colonel.
348
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:36,834
Oh, Willy!
349
00:15:36,868 --> 00:15:38,434
Everybody, nice and quiet.
350
00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:39,734
Sir, we do not...
351
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:41,167
You, over by the fireplace.
352
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,300
Lean forward
with your hands.
353
00:15:43,334 --> 00:15:46,334
You stay right there, lady,
in case I have to shoot you.
354
00:15:47,868 --> 00:15:49,968
That's naughty.
355
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,868
Get back over there.
356
00:15:54,534 --> 00:15:57,834
And no sudden moves
unless you want to die suddenly.
357
00:15:57,868 --> 00:16:00,934
Sir, please...
you are a prisoner.
358
00:16:00,968 --> 00:16:02,868
Perhaps we can help you.
359
00:16:02,901 --> 00:16:05,167
Like you helped
Captain Warren?
360
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,367
Ja. Ja.
That's right.
361
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,734
We helped him to escape.
362
00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:10,167
Sure you did.
363
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,901
We are telling you
the truth, I swear it.
364
00:16:15,901 --> 00:16:18,167
Oh, no.
365
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,033
Some goodies in here
I shouldn't see?
366
00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:32,400
Well... I bet you look beautiful
367
00:16:32,434 --> 00:16:33,534
in this, Fritz.
368
00:16:38,667 --> 00:16:40,200
Ten minutes.
369
00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:41,601
All right, let's go
get him out.
370
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:45,000
Wait. He gave us a direct
order: return to camp.
371
00:16:45,033 --> 00:16:46,834
Monsieur LeBeau.
Oui?
372
00:16:46,868 --> 00:16:48,667
If you're going to start
obeying officers,
373
00:16:48,701 --> 00:16:50,467
we're going to lose
this bleeding war.
374
00:16:50,501 --> 00:16:52,868
Now, come on.
375
00:16:52,901 --> 00:16:56,501
( door opening )
376
00:16:56,534 --> 00:16:58,033
Having a party, folks?
377
00:16:58,067 --> 00:17:02,067
Easy, mum, that's
the only colonel we've got.
378
00:17:02,234 --> 00:17:03,868
Louis.
Oui?
379
00:17:03,901 --> 00:17:06,200
If either of these
old ponies move...
380
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,667
Mm-hmm.
381
00:17:07,701 --> 00:17:08,934
...shoot them.
382
00:17:08,968 --> 00:17:10,300
Avec plaisir, mon vieux.
383
00:17:10,334 --> 00:17:12,501
He's French.
384
00:17:12,534 --> 00:17:13,834
Here we go, Colonel.
385
00:17:13,868 --> 00:17:15,801
Oh, it's only
a slight concussion.
386
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:17,634
Be right as rain
in a year or two.
387
00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,133
Thanks a lot, Newkirk.
388
00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:20,567
You, too.
389
00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:22,133
Forgive me, Colonel Hogan.
390
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:24,767
My husband thought
you were Gestapo.
391
00:17:24,801 --> 00:17:26,300
How do you know my name?
392
00:17:26,334 --> 00:17:27,868
Oh, the wallet.
393
00:17:27,901 --> 00:17:29,968
We have many escaped
prisoners come here.
394
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,501
We had to be sure
you were not a spy.
395
00:17:32,534 --> 00:17:34,667
Ja, you came in
with your gun.
396
00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:36,634
We thought it was
attempt to fool us.
397
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:38,667
Hold on, Colonel.
398
00:17:38,701 --> 00:17:40,200
Are these two
types straight?
399
00:17:40,234 --> 00:17:41,701
They're selling me fast.
400
00:17:41,734 --> 00:17:43,267
But they are Germans.
401
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:44,267
WILLY:
Swedish.
402
00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:46,133
Yeah. We lived
a long time in Germany.
403
00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:47,534
They accept us.
404
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,567
Hey... this uniform.
405
00:17:50,601 --> 00:17:52,767
It has saved us many times.
406
00:17:52,801 --> 00:17:53,901
Look, what's the routine?
407
00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:55,767
After you get a prisoner
from the Kaiserhof,
408
00:17:55,801 --> 00:17:56,767
where do you send 'em?
409
00:17:56,801 --> 00:17:58,334
We do not send them.
410
00:17:58,367 --> 00:18:00,234
No, they-they tell
us where to send them.
411
00:18:00,267 --> 00:18:01,534
Who does the telling?
412
00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:03,534
Eva, one of the girls
at the inn.
413
00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:04,801
She telephones us.
414
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,234
JENNY:
Ja. It's how we planned it
415
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:07,267
in the beginning.
416
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:08,767
It works very well.
417
00:18:08,801 --> 00:18:10,100
( phone ringing )
418
00:18:10,133 --> 00:18:11,701
Answer it.
419
00:18:14,901 --> 00:18:16,834
Hello?
420
00:18:16,868 --> 00:18:19,234
Yes, the package
has arrived.
421
00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:22,000
I understand.
422
00:18:22,033 --> 00:18:25,033
A change in plans.
423
00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:27,000
Jawohl. I will
take care of it.
424
00:18:27,133 --> 00:18:30,467
Wiedersehen.
425
00:18:30,501 --> 00:18:34,634
The instructions are
for you to take the South Road today,
426
00:18:34,667 --> 00:18:36,300
not the north as usual.
427
00:18:36,334 --> 00:18:37,434
It's safer.
428
00:18:37,467 --> 00:18:39,033
It's very decent of them.
429
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:40,834
Oh, they're very good girls.
430
00:18:40,868 --> 00:18:42,834
Yeah, a couple of dolls.
431
00:18:42,868 --> 00:18:44,834
Did they also mention
that the Gestapo
432
00:18:44,868 --> 00:18:45,868
would be waiting for us?
433
00:18:45,901 --> 00:18:48,000
What?!
434
00:18:48,033 --> 00:18:50,334
Eva and Margit?
435
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:52,334
Yeah. Look, Newkirk...
436
00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:54,501
get on the phone, use
that Kraut voice of yours.
437
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,167
Call Gestapo headquarters
and tell 'em
438
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,133
get over to the Kaiserhof
with a couple of men
439
00:18:58,167 --> 00:18:59,567
to pick up some
escaped prisoners.
440
00:18:59,601 --> 00:19:01,300
And tell 'em they're
wasting their time
441
00:19:01,334 --> 00:19:02,534
staked out on
the South Road.
442
00:19:02,567 --> 00:19:04,801
Uh, whom shall I say
is calling, sir?
443
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:06,701
Tell 'em it's
an anonymous tip. Right.
444
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,367
( with German accent ):
Guten Tag, Fraulein.
445
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,400
( speaking German )
446
00:19:19,067 --> 00:19:22,200
Ja, schnell. Danke.
447
00:19:22,234 --> 00:19:24,534
I've got a great
talent for languages.
448
00:19:24,567 --> 00:19:26,901
Too bad it doesn't
include German.
449
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:30,334
Didn't they give you
instructions at the farmhouse?
450
00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:32,334
Yeah, they told us to
take the South Road.
451
00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:33,834
That's right.
452
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:36,834
But we just had to come back
and see you, chèrie.
453
00:19:36,868 --> 00:19:39,334
Est très jolie, non?
454
00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:41,334
Oh, très, trs.
455
00:19:41,367 --> 00:19:43,667
Colonel Hogan, I think
it's a terrible mistake
456
00:19:43,701 --> 00:19:45,200
for you and your men
to stay here.
457
00:19:45,234 --> 00:19:47,033
I think you should
move on immediately.
458
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:48,534
To the South
Right.Road, huh?
459
00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:50,701
Colonel, come
on, what about a drop more wine?
460
00:19:50,734 --> 00:19:52,367
You know, this is one
of the best wars
461
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,200
I've ever been
associated with. Right.
462
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,901
Let's drink a toast to,
uh, Hitler's mustache.
463
00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:58,534
And to the defeat
of Germany.
464
00:19:58,567 --> 00:19:59,968
Defeat of Germany.
465
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,334
To the defeat
of Germany.
466
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,434
Down the hatch.
467
00:20:04,467 --> 00:20:05,667
SCHULTZ:
Colonel Hogan!
468
00:20:05,701 --> 00:20:06,734
Hello.
It's old Schultz.
469
00:20:06,767 --> 00:20:08,167
Hi, Schultz, welcome
to the party.
470
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,801
You'd better get
your own girl, Schultz.
471
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:12,667
Colonel Hogan, what
are you doing here?
472
00:20:12,701 --> 00:20:14,000
You stole my truck.
473
00:20:15,067 --> 00:20:17,000
Hello, girls.
474
00:20:17,033 --> 00:20:19,033
Oh, you have done it this time.
475
00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:21,267
I have to report you
to the Kommandant.
476
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:23,968
( sirens wailing )
Don't get excited. We were just...
477
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,200
Uh-oh, the men
with the black suits.
478
00:20:26,234 --> 00:20:28,367
Well, it ain't
the ice cream man.
479
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,467
Gestapo. Now
you've done it.
480
00:20:30,501 --> 00:20:33,067
They're going to put me
into the cooler.
481
00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:36,501
Schultz, you may get lucky
and end up in Stalag 13.
482
00:20:40,334 --> 00:20:41,801
Nobody move.
483
00:20:41,834 --> 00:20:43,467
SCHULTZ:
Who is moving?
484
00:20:43,501 --> 00:20:46,267
Luftwaffe Sergeant, what are you
doing here with these people?
485
00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:49,133
I know nothing. Nothing!
486
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:50,634
He captured us.
Yes, sir.
487
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:53,100
If it hadn't been for him,
we'd have gotten clean away.
488
00:20:53,133 --> 00:20:54,300
Yeah, he was
too smart for us.
489
00:20:54,334 --> 00:20:55,300
He tracked us down.
490
00:20:55,334 --> 00:20:57,300
What about it, Sergeant?
491
00:20:57,334 --> 00:20:59,167
Now I know something.
492
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,501
I captured these men.
493
00:21:00,534 --> 00:21:02,868
They are my prisoners.
494
00:21:02,901 --> 00:21:05,634
Congratulations.
What is your name?
495
00:21:05,667 --> 00:21:08,067
Sergeant Schultz, Hans.
496
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,968
Stalag 13.
497
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,501
Serial number 23789.
498
00:21:13,534 --> 00:21:15,467
23789.
499
00:21:15,501 --> 00:21:17,634
All right, you've done
a fine job.
500
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:18,901
Take them out.
501
00:21:18,934 --> 00:21:20,133
Jawohl, Captain.
502
00:21:20,167 --> 00:21:22,467
H'raus mit,
you prisoners.
503
00:21:22,501 --> 00:21:24,467
Okay, but thanks
for trying, girls.
504
00:21:24,501 --> 00:21:25,501
You can't win them all.
505
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:26,634
What are you saying?
506
00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:27,968
He's trying
to compromise us.
507
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,200
She's right.
508
00:21:29,234 --> 00:21:30,834
We have been working
with the Gestapo,
509
00:21:30,868 --> 00:21:32,501
reporting prisoners
trying to escape.
510
00:21:32,567 --> 00:21:33,868
I am aware of that,
511
00:21:33,901 --> 00:21:36,901
but you also seem very friendly
with these men.
512
00:21:36,934 --> 00:21:38,400
Well, they didn't do
anything, sir.
513
00:21:38,434 --> 00:21:40,968
They just tried to divert you
to the South Road.
514
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,901
No, no, no.
Yeah, you can't hate them for that.
515
00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:44,634
Sure, made us feel at home,
gave us wine.
516
00:21:44,667 --> 00:21:45,934
Is that a crime?
517
00:21:45,968 --> 00:21:47,767
And drank a toast to
the defeat of Germany.
518
00:21:47,801 --> 00:21:49,167
I heard them!
519
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,334
Oh, and such
nice-looking German girls.
520
00:21:52,367 --> 00:21:55,267
Shame on you. Shame.
521
00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:57,801
I am telling you,
they are lying to you!
522
00:21:57,834 --> 00:21:59,300
We did nothing but our duty.
523
00:21:59,334 --> 00:22:02,634
Your duty to us...
and to them, also, perhaps?
524
00:22:02,667 --> 00:22:03,567
What?
525
00:22:03,634 --> 00:22:04,601
We are very familiar
526
00:22:04,634 --> 00:22:06,767
with double agents, Fraulein.
527
00:22:06,801 --> 00:22:07,901
Put them in the car.
528
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,834
Oh, you!
529
00:22:11,868 --> 00:22:13,834
The short one was mine.
530
00:22:13,868 --> 00:22:16,133
Sergeant, return your prisoners
to camp at once.
531
00:22:16,167 --> 00:22:18,133
Jawohl, Captain.
532
00:22:18,167 --> 00:22:20,467
Serial number 23789.
533
00:22:20,501 --> 00:22:22,734
I have it. Heil Hitler.
534
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,300
All right.
535
00:22:27,334 --> 00:22:30,968
Gentlemen, may I present
Sergeant Schultz, hero.
536
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,000
Sergeant Schultz,
hero. Sergeant Schultz, hero.
537
00:22:33,033 --> 00:22:35,834
Sergeant Schultz, hero.
Oh, by the way, Schultz...
538
00:22:35,868 --> 00:22:39,167
been to a good
fire lately?
539
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,100
( guffawing )
540
00:22:42,133 --> 00:22:44,000
A fire lately?
541
00:22:44,033 --> 00:22:46,267
Oh, that's a good one!
542
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,300
Sergeant, Colonel Hogan,
I have called you to hear
543
00:22:55,334 --> 00:22:58,300
a special communication
by General Burkhalter.
544
00:22:58,334 --> 00:23:00,467
But-but I-I have done
nothing.
545
00:23:00,501 --> 00:23:01,767
I'm not guilty!
546
00:23:01,801 --> 00:23:03,868
You haven't heard it yet.
547
00:23:06,067 --> 00:23:08,367
"At the suggestion
of the Gestapo,
548
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,033
"Sergeant Schultz is hereby
commended for efficiency
549
00:23:12,067 --> 00:23:14,100
in the performance of his duty."
550
00:23:14,133 --> 00:23:15,834
But I'm not guilty.
551
00:23:15,868 --> 00:23:17,167
Of course you
are, Schultz.
552
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,000
Guilty of efficiency
in guarding us
553
00:23:19,033 --> 00:23:20,834
while we were
fighting the fire.
554
00:23:20,868 --> 00:23:22,000
KLINK:
Now, just a moment.
555
00:23:22,033 --> 00:23:23,934
The General has also added
a note to me.
556
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,000
"Shouldn't a good man
like Sergeant Schultz
557
00:23:27,033 --> 00:23:30,834
"be transferred
to a combat unit?
558
00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:34,167
I leave it to your discretion."
559
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,467
More good news, eh, Schultz?
560
00:23:36,501 --> 00:23:39,367
I'm so happy, I could cry.
561
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:40,701
Good luck, Schultz.
562
00:23:40,734 --> 00:23:42,367
Some of those new
panzer units are fun,
563
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:43,734
especially at the
Russian front.
564
00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:45,868
I understand they have
a tank in your size now.
565
00:23:45,901 --> 00:23:48,067
( strained voice ):
Colonel Hogan...
566
00:23:49,501 --> 00:23:51,868
You'd like to see him
out of here,
567
00:23:51,901 --> 00:23:53,033
wouldn't you, Hogan?
568
00:23:53,067 --> 00:23:54,200
Well, I mean,
I wouldn't...
569
00:23:54,234 --> 00:23:55,501
So you could make
a shambles
570
00:23:55,534 --> 00:23:58,501
of our famous discipline here
at Stalag 13.
571
00:23:58,534 --> 00:24:02,167
It's uncanny the way he
gets into a man's mind.
572
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,667
Hogan, you are
an open book to me.
573
00:24:05,701 --> 00:24:08,334
I'm sorry, Sergeant Schultz,
you cannot be transferred.
574
00:24:08,367 --> 00:24:09,667
We need you here.
575
00:24:09,701 --> 00:24:11,167
Tough luck, Schultz.
576
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,868
Dismissed!
577
00:24:12,901 --> 00:24:15,634
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
578
00:24:23,734 --> 00:24:24,834
Colonel Hogan.
579
00:24:24,868 --> 00:24:26,033
Mm-hmm?
580
00:24:26,067 --> 00:24:29,667
I saw what you did.
Danke.
581
00:24:29,701 --> 00:24:32,834
Schultz, I don't know
how you'd get through this war without me.
582
00:24:32,868 --> 00:24:34,501
I don't know.
583
00:24:34,534 --> 00:24:36,667
Colonel Hogan,
if you ever escape...
584
00:24:36,701 --> 00:24:37,834
Yeah?
585
00:24:37,868 --> 00:24:41,601
...be a good fellow
and take me with you.
586
00:24:41,651 --> 00:24:46,201
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