All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s01e24 How to Cook a German Goose by Radar.eng

CBS presents this program
in color.

( theme song playing )

Herr Kommandant!

Colonel Hogan as requested.

Something on your mind,
Commandant?

Yes, there is
something on my mind.

Okay, that'll be all,
Schultz.

Jawohl.

Halt!

Hogan, you are
a prisoner here.

I will dismiss
Sergeant Schultz.

Whatever you say--
it's your camp.

Sergeant Schultz,
that will be all.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

( clears throat ):
Schultz.

Heil!

Heil.

Now, what's your problem?

I think it is your
problem, Hogan.

All right, let's split
the difference

and call it our problem.

Is that fair?

I do not appreciate
your humor.

Now, as ranking officer
among the prisoners,

it is up to you to maintain
strict discipline.

Today at roll call,
an incident happened

that was absolutely
shocking. Really?

Several of your men treated me
with gross disrespect.

Now, I want those men
to reveal themselves,

and I want them
to be punished...

severely.

Disrespect?
I can't believe that, sir.

The men have
the greatest admiration for you.

You must be mistaken.

There is no mistake.

Now, I want you to find out
who those men are.

What did they do?

It isn't what they did.

It's a sound they made.

What kind of sound?

Well, it was, uh...

( blows raspberry )

You took offense at that?

I certainly did.

Do you know what that sound is?

That's a Bronx cheer.

It is?

It's a sign
of respect and admiration.

You should be very proud.

A Bronx cheer.

You've won their hearts,
and it's their way of saying,

"Colonel Klink,
you're a regular patsy."

Patsy?

Another way of saying
you're a regular Joe.

Oh, I see.

( chuckles )

Well, I don't know much
about your American customs,

but I must admit,
it is a very unpleasant sound.

So is a 21-gun salute.

That's true.

Now, Hogan,
I want to tell you...

There's a new prisoner
coming in today--

Corporal Walter Tillman,
serial number 3-6-3-3-4-2-

2-2.

I'm sorry, sir,
I just can't help it.

I'm a little sneaky.

That will be all.

Oh, uh, Commandant?

Yes?

( blows raspberry )

Thank you, Hogan.

Thank you very much.

All right, fellas,
knock it off.

Give me your attention.
I've got some news for you.

Don't tell me the
ruddy war's over

and we've got to leave
this rest home.

No. There's a new prisoner
coming in today.

Mm, I hope
he's French.

I'm dying to hear someone
speak French again.

Hey, I'll help you out.

Uh, bonn jur,
madam-ozel from Arrenteers.

From Arrenteers.

Listen, listen,
he's an American.

His name is Corporal
Walter Tillman.

I want a security alert until
we find out more about him.

You think he might be
a plant, Colonel?

Not necessarily--
it's just the usual precaution.

Looks like they might
be bringing him in now.

Let's have a look.

He ain't exactly a
spring chicken, is he?

That's the oldest-looking
corporal I've ever seen.

Hey, what's after corporal
in your army?

For him? Social security.

How are you?
I'm Newkirk.

( all talking )
SCHULTZ: Newkirk, go away.

Please don't make
any trouble.

LeBeau, Carter,
go away, go away.

Achtung!

Make way for the commandant!

So, this is
the new prisoner, huh?

Ha!

Hogan, it looks
as if the Americans

have scraped the bottom
of the manpower barrel.

I notice it took four men
to bring him in.

Think of the trouble
you're gonna have with the younger ones.

Silence!

Corporal, I run this camp
with an iron hand.

There has never been an escape,

and all rules and regulations
will be obeyed to an umlaut!

Is that not so, Hogan?

Anything you say,
Colonel.

Let's have a cheer
for the Commandant.

( blowing raspberries )

Thank you, Colonel Hogan.

Come on, Pop,
I'll show you where you sleep.

Here you are, Schultz.

You'll be losing
your head next.

Jolly joker! Hm!

That one's yours, Pop.

Okay, Hogan.

It's Colonel Hogan.

Yeah? Well, I'll
remember that.

What outfit
were you with, Pop?

605th Engineers.

Attached to the 82nd Airborne.

And don't ask me any questions
about baseball.

Any German spy
knows more about it than I do.

You know how it is, Pop--
can't be too careful.

Yeah. I know.

And knock it off with
that "Pop" routine, will you?

If that's the way
you want it.

That's the way I want it.

Hey, look--
American cigarettes...

Give me those!

Uh... well, uh, it's
the only pack I got.

Yeah, well,
there's a war on.

Tillman, didn't your
mother ever teach you anything about sharing?

Maybe his mother
doesn't know he smokes.

Well, maybe we should
take his cigarettes away

so his mother
won't be unhappy.

Yeah, that's what
we ought to do.

Well, don't start anything--
someone might get hurt.

What gave you
that idea, Pop?

Knock it off.
Go take a shower, Tillman.

What's with that guy?

He's a bad apple,
Colonel.

I'll bet you were
right about him.

I'll bet you
anything he's a spy.

And we know how to take care
of Monsieur Spy.

I don't know.

Do you think he's
all right, Colonel?

No, he's all wrong.

No spy would start off
by antagonizing everybody.

Well, I don't
trust him. Me, too.

Gentlemen, I don't think
Corporal Tillman has

the proper social qualifications
for our group.

Not that I want to be
a snob, mind you.

No.
Oh, no.

But I think
for the good of all,

we ought to have him shipped
to another camp.

Yeah.
Oh, nothing to it.

Just put him in for
a transfer, I suppose.

That's right, that's exactly
how it's going to be done.

Hi, LeBeau.
Got a match?

Mais oui, mon Colonel.

You soak the papers good?

Did I soak
the papers good?

Can't you smell
the gasoline?

( gasping and yelling )

Fire! Fire! Fire!
Fire! Fire! Fire!

( all yelling )

How did this fire start?

It was an accident,
sir. I'm sorry.

It was an accident?

Oh, Colonel, you know
that wasn't an accident.

Quiet, Kinch!
He doesn't know what he's talking about.

I think he does.

Kinch, what do you know
about this fire?

( like Schultz ):
I know nothing, nothing. See?

I do not see.

We're going to discuss this
in my office.

Now, I demand to
know the man's name.

I cannot betray
a fellow prisoner.

Ah, it's a prisoner.
Oops.

Is it one of the
men who tried to put out the fire?

No.

Is it someone whose
barracks are on this side of the camp?

Yes, and he's bigger
than a bread box.

Is it...

Oh.

Is it one of a group
of prisoners

who arrived last week?

No, but you're
on the right track.

Is it one of the
new prisoners?

Schultz!

I'm running this interrogation.

Now, you stay out of it.

Let me think.

Is it one of the new prisoners?

Yes.

Now we're getting somewhere.

New prisoner.

Barracks on this side.

That's it! That's it!

It's the new prisoner.

The-The-The Alte!

Schultz! Is that right?

Is he the one?
What's his name?

Walter Tillman, Corporal.

That's the one.
You wormed it out of me.

I didn't tell you.

A couple of weeks in the cooler

will teach this Tillman
not to start fires.

Wrong, Commandant.
That won't cure him.

Tillman is a sick man.

He likes to start fires
and watch them burn.

Can't help himself.

I've heard of cases like that.

But sick or not sick,

he's not going
to burn my camp down.

Maybe there's another
camp he could burn down.

Now, Hogan, let me remind you,
this is a very ser...

Another camp?

Stalag 18.

Commandant Schweinbrunner.

He's always telling me

that his efficiency rating
is higher than mine--

just because
his brother-in-law is Himmler's barber.

That would be a good one
It sure would.

( both laughing )

This is a private joke!

Schultz...
have Tillman transferred

to Stalag 18 immediately.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

There's a truck
leaving today.

Good. Now, Hogan,
that was quick work putting out the fire,

but it shouldn't have happened
in the first place.

You don't maintain
strict enough discipline.

An iron hand,
that's what they need.

I'm working on it, sir.

Well, try harder.

Oh, I will, I will,
I surely will.

All right, what is it,
Corporal Walter Tillman?

I was just looking
for a match.

And it's not Corporal
Walter Tillman.

No?

No.

What is it, then?

It's General Tillman Walters,
Signal Corps.

General!

Tell me, General,
what are you doing here at Stalag 13, slumming?

Naturally you let yourself
be captured on purpose.

All right, Hogan, I know
you've got to be careful,

but I'm here to do
a vitally important job.

And you need my help.
I can't do the job without it.

Sure, General...

count on me for anything.

Your message code is
"unsung heroes," I believe.

You seem to know a lot.

There'll be a message
coming in on the BBC in...

three minutes.

I think it will
explain everything.

...until the last pockets of
resistance were wiped out

and the Allies now occupy
the village.

Sherman tanks have continued
northward

pursuing the fleeing Panzer
divisions.

And now a word
for our unsung heroes.

Whether you are a general
or a private,

our thoughts and hopes
are with you.

Each of you has a vital sense
of dedication and mission.

We give you the gratitude
that comes from a full heart,

and be assured
of our complete support.

Huh.

"General with you.

"Has vital mission.

Give full and complete support."

Satisfied, Colonel Hogan?

Yeah, Pop...
I mean, General.

All right, now,
here's the mission:

The Germans
are building rocket plants,

and it's been our strategy
to let them build the plant,

tying up manpower
and materiel as they build,

and then, just before
they're ready for production,

we bomb the plant.

Sounds like good sport, sir.

Up to now,
it's worked perfectly.

But the biggest plant
they've built

is 30 miles
dead east of here,

and it's almost
completed. See?

Now you're just
about ready to...

( imitates explosion )

I wish it was that easy.

You see, the weather's
locked in the plant.

The bombers can't find
the target.

However, we've charted
a radar course

that should zero us
right in on the target.

That's where we come in.
Right.

We've got to install
a radar unit in this camp.

It's the last link
in the relay,

and the bombers take over
from there.

Hmm.

What's on your mind?

I'm trying
to figure out

where we can pick up
a radar installation.

Knowing you guys,
you'll come up with one, too.

However,
there's no need for that.

I've got one right here.

Look at this.

There...

the latest thing in radar.

Battery operated,

gives out a strong signal
for two hours.

We find the right place
to mount it,

I activate it,

The bombers come over
on schedule,

and up goes the rocket plant
in flames.

That I'd like to see.

Flames...

What's the matter?

You're being
transferred to Stalag 18 today.

Transferred? Why?

Because you're
a firebug, sir.

I've got the men out

getting the necessary
equipment, sir.

Good. I've been going
over the figures.

We should be able

to have that radar unit
installed

in an hour and a half.

When are the planes coming over?

In two hours and a quarter.

Should be able to make it then.

We've got to make it.

This what you had in mind, sir?

Say, that's perfect.

And I've cut the wire
in 50-foot pieces, like you said.

Good.

What about Schultz?

Well, he's a very unhappy man,
sir.

It seems he has to transfer
a firebug to Stalag 18,

and the truck wouldn't start.

What a shame.

What's wrong
with the truck?

I think there was a lot of sand
in the crankcase.

And some little rocks
in the gearbox.

Good heavens!

How could a thing
like that happen?

LeBEAU:
I don't know.

NEWKIRK:
Haven't got a clue.

It's funny how coincidences
sort of pile up, ain't it?

You know, I'd hate
to be in a war

with you guys on the other side.

Okay, that's 120 degrees.

120 degrees.

Now 42 degrees left.

42 degrees left.

Get a reading.

All right, Newkirk,
down periscope.

All right.

That's it.

42 degrees.

Now, 50 feet
on this line.

Carter, LeBeau.

Give us about
50 feet of line, huh?

Okay, Carter, get going.

Little bit to the left.

Little bit more.

Okay, Carter, stop.
That's perfect.

Up periscope.

Pull in your line, huh?

Right.

Colonel Hogan!

Colonel Hogan,
I've been looking for you.

I can't stop to talk now,
Schultz-- I'm busy.

I have to take the prisoner
to Stalag 18 right away.

What's the rush?

I'll tell you
what's the rush.

Commandant Klink thinks
he's already there.

What are you planning on using
for transportation, Schultz?

The truck isn't working.

Yeah, but the motorcycle is.

Motorcycle?

Sorry, Colonel.

I'm glad.

First, I have to see
that he has no matches.

It's terrible to be
so suspicious, Schultz.

What difference
does an hour make?

I'll tell you what
difference it makes.

If Commandant Klink finds
out that he's still here,

I could be on my way to the
Russian front in an hour.

Here comes Klink.

What is going on here?

What is going on?

Furthermore, I'm not going

to put up with this
sloppy discipline

and laxness
any longer.

Now shape up or get out.

Get out? Where?

Figure of speech.

Now, look, I want
to see you guys all clean-shaven,

and I want to see
those boots shined.

I want to see
a little pride.

Remember, we're all prisoners
of the Third Reich.

Let's try to live up to it.

Very good, Hogan.

You sound
almost like a German officer.

Coming from you, Commandant,
that's high praise.

I said almost.

Schultz, let's go.

Something we can do
for you, Schultz?

( frustrated growl )

All right, now
let's get cracking.

Where's Tillman?

Nice going, Colonel.

All right, come on.
We're running out of time.

Check that
last reading.

All right.
Down periscope.

Now, what was that last reading,
Colonel?

52 degrees left and
the distance: 50 feet.

That does it.

Where does the
radar unit go?

Oh, no.

We're sunk.

Why?

The unit has to go on top
of the guard tower

at the extreme left edge.

We can't do a thing
with that guard up there,

and besides,
it's outside the fence.

It's a problem,

but for every problem
there's a solution.

Well, this one has to be solved
in less than an hour,

because that's when
the bombers are due.

LeBeau, get
your camera.

I'm out of film.

You don't need film.

Get your camera
and make it quick.

Okay.

Meet you by the guard
tower in five minutes.

General, I have no idea.

Hello, Colonel Hogan.

Hi, Helga.
Commandant in?

I'm sorry,
he's taking his nap.

I'll see him later.

Hold it.

Come here-- a little
bit to the left.

What is it,
Colonel Hogan?

You know, Helga,

I never realized what
perfect bone structure

you have for
photography.

I have? Perfect?

The best
I've ever seen.

You know, with your
bone structure,

you'd be a natural
for movies.

Ah, you've been told
that a thousand times.

No, never.

Aw, come on.
You're kidding me.

Hey, look, I've got
a friend in Hollywood.

If you got some pictures
of yourself,

I could send them to him.

And after the war,
who knows?

You could be a big star.

I think I'd like that.

But I don't have
any photographs.

Oh, what a shame.

My friend would be crazy
about your bone structure.

Why don't you
come outside?

I'll take the
pictures myself.

But the commandant.

He's asleep.
He'll never know.

Hey, look,
you got a bathing suit?

Sometimes these producers
like to see more than bones.

Ready? Okay.

Perfect!

Good girl.

LeBEAU:
Do something else.

Turn around.
That's good.

Beautiful!

That's great.
Another one now.

That's my girl!

Now another one.
That's it.

Another one.

LeBEAU:
That's it. Good girl.

Oh, beautiful, Helga!

Good one.
Do something else.

Here's to you, General.

Thank you.

Cheers. Cheers.

We were saving this champagne
for a special occasion,

but I can't think of a more
special occasion than this.

Right.

In 27 and a
half minutes.

I just wish I could
stay for the show.

It's too dangerous.

We'll have Sergeant Olsen
take you to the pickup point

so Schultz can't wander in
and transfer you.

Well, I suppose
you're right.

All right, fellas,
get this stuff out of here, huh?

I'll do it right away,
Colonel.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Hold it.

Who tied this knot?

I did.

It broke and I tied it together.

What's wrong with that?

Let me see that.

That'll make it
six inches shorter.

When did this happen?

On the last measurement.

That means that radar unit

has got to be moved six
inches more to the left.

Will a six-inch error make
that much difference?

Well, considering
the distance of the radar signal

to the target,
it could mean an error

of around 2,000 yards
at the drop.

We've got to get you
out of here,

so I'll take care of it.

We'll move the radar signal.

Okay, it's up
to you, Hogan.

And remember,
26 minutes.

Yes, sir.

Good luck,
and don't worry about it.

We'll be able to do it.

Thank you.
Pop.

Good luck, General.
Don't worry.

It's like Petticoat Lane
on a Sunday.

We haven't got a chance.

The whole German Army
is here.

Newkirk, you got
your pencil sharpener with you?

I'd feel undressed
without it, sir.

Think you can you get the tire
on that car from here?

Nothing to it.

Go ahead,
and don't miss.

( loud bang, air hissing )

Newkirk, I'm sick and tired of
your horseplay with the knives!

I've just about
had it with you!

I saw that!

Colonel Klink,
I'm sorry about this.

He'll be punished
for this.

It'll serve you right
if you have to fix that tire!

If? Certainly
he'll fix it.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

That's out of the question.

The Geneva Conference
rules out menial labor.

The Geneva Conference says
nothing about fixing tires.

The Geneva Conference
is quite explicit about this.

Hogan!

All right, but I want you
to know this is under protest.

Newkirk, fix that tire.

Hey, you,
let them do it!

So, that's what
you were up to.

Five minutes.

( airplanes approaching )

Are you sure
that was six inches?

No, I didn't have anything
to measure it with.

( bombs thundering
in distance )

Exactly six inches.

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