All language subtitles for Heathers s01e08 Call Us When the Shuttle Lands.eng

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Could you imagine?
Dying like that?

Choking on fumes in your car?

-What a waste.
-And with gas as expensive as it is.

You know, that's true.
It was three dollars the other day.

My name is Ms. Margie King
from the State Board of Education.

Heather McNamara, dead.

Ram Sweeney, dead.

Mr. Waters, dead.

Heather Chandler, almost dead.
Betty Finn, assaulted.

Lizzy Jackson brought a gun to school.
Heather Duke, another gun in school.

That was a prop.

Suicide. Murder. Assault. Pedophilia.

Tomorrow, you have your annual
school shooter drill,

but that's not enough.

-Westerburg High is under siege.
-That's right.

And we at the State Board of Education
have the solution.

The only way to stop
a bad guy with a gun

is a good guy with a gun.

Starting today, all teachers
in Westerburg High

will be required to pack heat.

Guns... in school.

-I miss Tampa.
-The fact that we are even entertaining

what is the most asinine idea
I've ever heard,

just proves how far our nation
has strayed from love.

Violence must not be met with violence.

Violence must be met with love.

-Mahatma Gandhi.
-Mahatma Gandhi. Also dead.

Now carrying a firearm, Ms. Fleming,

is not a suggestion,
it is a requirement.

All teachers will be required

to keep a loaded firearm in
their desk drawers at all times.

-Sorry, loaded?
-Loaded.

-In our desk.
-Drawers.

This is truly insane.

You know, I have to agree with Pauline.

-I'm sorry, a gun in my desk?
-Yeah.

What am I gonna do with my pencils?

I have an idea.
You can put your pencils in a mug.

A mug?
What kind of trash do you think I am?

Mandatory firearm training
begins this afternoon.

Be there or we'll be glad to accept
your resignation.

Your choice. And remember...

You're teachers.

It is your job to protect those kids.

And the best way to do that...

is to be ready, willing and able...

to take them down.

Good job.

You know, to be honest,
I thought this was a terrible idea.

but I'm actually having
a really great time.

I hate to say I told you so, but...

It is what it is.

"Still standing."

I swear, if you spring one of those
elaborate promposals on me,

I'll kill you myself.

You'd have to put me
back in the crazy bin

to get me to buy
into that humanitarian crisis.

Wait, you don't actually want to go,
do you?

No, I mean, I just...

It would be like, the last thing
other people would expect.

-You want to go to prom.
-No, I don't.

But if I were to ask you?

I was thinking we could go like...

as a joke.

Veronica...
prom is slavery.

This is one of the many steps on
our path towards becoming grist

for the mill of corporations.

I mean, dresses?

Flowers, promposals.

They're training us to breed like rats.

Because as soon as we have kids
that rely on us, they've got us trapped.

But slavery only works if the slave
has something to lose.

And I, my dear, don't ever intend
to have anything to lose.

God, it's just prom, JD.

Veronica, last night.

We need to talk.

Heather, what is wrong?

She knows. Heather. Heather knows.

She knows what?
What are you talking about?

Hello, purse turds.

I can't believe they make us do this
stupid active shooter drill every year.

Last year, you got to go to Heaven.

If you survive, you have to go to
the Thoughts and Prayers Room.

The snacks are way better in Heaven.

What kind of snacks do they have?

They literally have like,
a cotton candy machine,

popcorn, chips, everything delicious.

I can't eat any of them.

You could starve yourself before
if you want.

-I'll just not eat it.
-I gained like, 10 pounds--

Students and faculty, in a few moments

we'll be starting our annual
active shooter drill.

The school is now on lockdown.

Please head directly to the nearest
classroom and lock the door.

No!

At the conclusion of this announcement,

the shooter will begin to go
from classroom to classroom.

Thank you for your cooperation
and good luck.

An active shooter
is now in the building.

I repeat, an active shooter
is now in the building.

Mr. Dennis to the office.

Your mother is on line one.

When is he gonna kill us? I am so bored.

Who here is a Christian?

If we say yes, do we get killed?

Yes, because I'm an active shooter,
and I hate God.

Bang, bang.

You're dead, bang, bang.

The rest of you survived.

Now that I have you hostage,
what will you do next, teens?

Call the police?

Great idea.
But guess what?

A smart active shooter would have
blocked off Old Schoolhouse Road

so that the Sherwood Police
would have to go all the way around

to New Schoolhouse Road.

God forbid he figure out
all the hiding spots in Westerburg

that no one else knows about.

He could hide in the air conditioning
duct in B Hall.

He could hide in that janitor's closet
that the city condemned.

He could hide in
that senior smoking lounge

that's been bricked over for years.

That's just the tip of the iceberg.

Now, Coach Cox will usher you
to your next room.

Don't be a hero.

Okay, survivors. Follow me.

Bleach your hair, Heather.

Change your name.

Buy a plane ticket to Mexico,
but like, the dusty part,

because your life... is... over.

Heather...

This will ruin me.

You should have thought of that.
You both should have.

No, Heather, come on.
You do not have to do this.

Heather was just...

an innocent bystander.

Veronica, just because
Heather was a child actor,

doesn't mean she shouldn't be
held accountable for her hate crimes.

What are you talking about?

Okay.

Don't judge me. I was a child.

Checkmate.

Conversion therapy saved my marriage.

Now I can focus on what really matters.

Like digging wells for the poor
in Guatemala.

Conversion therapy. It just works.

Oh, my God.

This?

This video is what was supposed
to ruin Heather's life?

Veronica, she's literally advocating
for the torture of the queer community.

Veronica, do something!

About what? Some stupid commercial
you made when you were a kid?

Honestly, there are more important
things to obsess over than yourself.

Like, if you haven't noticed,

shit is really messed up
here at Westerburg.

Like, the theme of our prom this year
is "Still Standing."

The world is just going to hell
and nobody seems to care.

Our parents don't care,
our teachers do not care.

And worst of all...

And worst of all,

we don't even care.

So, honestly, let's just try
to make it out alive,

and then go our separate ways.

-Calm down.
-Calm down.

-Oh, my God. Jinx much?
-Jinx much?

-You know what, Heather?
-What's that, Heather?

Veronica's little seizure just now
made me realize something.

I didn't even make it through the end.
What did she say?

It truly doesn't matter. The point is,

even though you've literally
tried to destroy me

-in every imaginable way...
-And you me.

Okay. Okay.

We're friends.

Oh, my God.
That's your big epiphany?

You are both so fucking shallow.

Like, you told me that your life
was going to be ruined

because of something that happened
last night and I thought

-that you remembered--
-Excuse me?

Wait.

Last night. Wait.

Veronica, I need a grilled cheese!

Hey, freaks.

I just remembered something.

Something horrifying.

Something huge.

It's all coming back to me.

-Heather...
-Last night, Veronica...

brought her boyfriend.

-To a girls' night!
-Oh, my God.

Coach Cox, what if you're
not in a classroom

when an active shooter attacks?

Try to make your way to the cafeteria.

No one knows this, but there's
a boiler room under it.

You can all hide in there too.

And the guns, every teacher has one
in their desk, right?

Yes, and if you find yourself
in a classroom without a teacher,

by all means,
grab that gun and fire away.

Of course, none of you are the type
to shoot up a school.

They tend to be white men, usually from
middle to upper middle-class families,

socially isolated, angry,
usually pretty intelligent.

I have a question, Coach.

I get why you guys are doing
this school shooter drill and all,

but like, wouldn't common sense
sort of dictate that like,

such a drill would actually
be showing a potential perpetrator

exactly how to shoot up a school?

You're high.

Guys, let's go.

One of your classmates
is trying to kill you.

Let's get a look at that boiler room.

Gonna see how a sick, twisted killer
is made.

Follow me.

Okay. You.

Yeah, you. Come on up, big guy.

Oh, God.

Okay, how many of you
know this guy's name?

Really? Kyle.

I want to say Darmand?

You-- It's Dylen.
Dylen Lutz.

Right. Now, Dylen looks totally
non-threatening, right?

Nine out of ten times you'd walk
right past him without even noticing.

Those can be the most dangerous type.

Now, look at this.

Go ahead, point the gun at somebody.

-I don't think--
-No, don't be bashful.

Okay.

Dylen's here.

Bitch.

What do you think of Dylen now?

Great. Thank you, Dylen.

Is it just me or is Dylen Lutz like,
really hot?

Okay, guys, focus up.

Now what did we learn here?

Just because someone looks cool as hell,

like a modern-day
James Dean or something,

and just seems smarter and more evolved
than any student you've ever met,

doesn't mean they won't rain death
upon us all.

Yes.

Do you think in a society that like,
values fame above all else

that like, treating these students
like misunderstood masterminds

provides a blueprint for lost kids
to feel like, important?

God, you are such a lesbo.

Just follow me.

I was having a perfectly nice blackout
until JD showed up for no reason.

I mean, that's what you remember?

-Yeah.
-God. No.

No, JD was just in the area and
he wanted to stop by. So what?

So what?
So, you can't go one single night

without your domestic
terrorist boyfriend.

Once again, you ditch us for a guy.

Oh, my God, I have not ditched you guys.

Yes, you have, Veronica.

God! This was our senior year.

We had plans. We were supposed to get
matching tattoos.

And finally take you to a salon.

-You know what I think, Heather?
-What's that, Heather?

I'm just gonna say it.

I think Veronica's a BFF.

That's Bad Female Friend.

She dropped us at the first sign
of boner smoke.

And even after JD assaulted me,

she still can't pry the Anarchist
Cookbook out of her trank.

-Heather, she's toxic.
-She's dick-metized.

She's the reason we keep failing
the Bechdel Test.

Come to think of it, Heather,
we never fought

until Veronica picked up that parasite.

You had never hit me with a car before.

-I know.
-You know what I think?

Here we go.

Veronica Sawyer has found her voice.

I think...

that you are jealous, Heather.

And who am I supposed to be jealous of,
Veronica?

You?

Oh, I'm right, aren't I?

You're jealous because you couldn't
get a boyfriend even if you tried.

I can have anyone I want at Westerburg.

Then why don't you?

Because I choose not to.

Is that it, Heather?

Because every time one of your friends
starts dating someone,

you always try to sabotage it.

Like, remember Kurt,
the guy Heather's dating?

-Who?
-Wait, I'm sorry.

Was dating, because you made Heather
dump him.

-Oh, yeah.
-I was helping you, Heather.

-Kurt was a total 401k.
-He's not that bad, Heather.

Kurt has a favorite commercial, Heather.

Oh, my God.
You guys are both so obsessed

with what other people think of you
that you wouldn't be able to imagine

what it's like to actually
be with someone.

Like, to adjust your own wants and needs
to match those of a person

that you love and that you care about,

so that you can
challenge each other to be

better, stronger versions of yourselves.

Maybe I'll just read about it, then.

She got your journal, bitch.

We've seen an active shooter.

We've seen how a killer gets made.

And now, let's see how she...

could have stopped it.

Teens.

So often in times of tragedy
we find ourselves saying,

"I just wish there's something
I could have done."

Well, maybe there was.

Childhood.

Mommy, is dinner ready?

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

I'm late for the night shift.

You've worked every night this week.

None of my friends' moms have jobs.

I wish I had a home-cooked meal.

I'm just doing the best I can
since your father left us.

Freeze!

Working when she should have been
at home raising her children.

She could have stopped it.

Hey, cool guy,
I heard you were tutoring.

I need some help with my anatomy test.

How much do you charge?

A boy's sexual advances
can drive him to rage.

-Hands off, creep.
-See what I mean?

-She could have stopped it.
-Hey, that's inappropriate.

She could have stopped it.

You know, and another thing about me...

-Hey!
-They should be castrated.

-Okay.
-She could have stopped it.

I can't believe I didn't get killed
this year. I hate this.

In Heaven I bet they don't assume
everyone eats peanut butter

with sugar in it.

I mean, I don't get why somebody
who wanted to kill people

wouldn't just wait until everybody
was together, right?

I mean, yeah, you'd save yourself
a lot of running around

if you waited for an assembly
or something.

Or a prom.

-Can you imagine?
-That would be so gnarly, like,

blood and corsages everywhere.

"I was never that kind of girl
who was into fairytales."

Internalized misogyny, of course.

Nothing about me, boring.

Nothing about me, boring.

Nothing about me, boring.

Heather, listen to this.

"Heather Duke asked me to double
with her and Kurt tonight,

and honestly, I think I might do it.

Even though the very thought of it
makes me feel like

I'm getting a triple root canal."

Listen to this.

"Heather Chandler told me that
in order to be irreplaceable

one must always be different.

I told her that's a Coco Chanel quote,

and then she told me to stop being
such a basic cable bitch."

God, Veronica. Of course, your journal's
just full of quotes by me.

-Plagiarist.
-She's obsessed with us.

Of course, she is, Heather. We're the
only thing that makes her interesting.

-Heather?
-Yes, Heather?

"I couldn't take it anymore.

I swung my mallet into her temple,

and I heard her head crack open.

It was a moment before the blood started
from the part in her hair."

Veronica, you're the Croquet Killer?

Oh, my God.
She even saved a lock of her hair.

-This is shocking.
-I know. Lucy was rich.

Why would she have split ends?

Veronica Sawyer.

Who knew all this time you were
scribbling in your little diary,

you were confessing to murder.

And you just like, carried around
the murder evidence at school?

-You dumbass.
-All this time you've acted so innocent.

But in reality,
you're a full-blown psycho.

-Maybe I am.
-You're not gonna deny it?

We'll crucify you.

Why should I, Heather?

It's the truth.
And now you know.

So, go ahead.

Expose me.

Ruin me. Send me to jail.

I don't even care anymore.

Don't be so dramatic, Veronica.
You're not going to jail.

What are you talking about?
She's dangerous.

She tried to kill me too.

Yeah, well, you were probably
being a mega-bitch.

Veronica Sawyer.

You literally got away with murder.

All this time I thought you were
a total home phone,

but it turns out you were really just.

How do you feel about being in
the Thoughts and Prayers Room?

This sucks.

Heaven sounds so sick.

All my friends are in Heaven
and I just want to join them.

This drill sucks every year.

I hear in Heaven you can eat
as much as you want.

I want to die.

But I want to die every day, so...

Honestly, if I can't wear
this trench coat

and these glasses every day,
I don't want to be alive.

All I wanted was
to be with Ram in Heaven.

It's not fair.

All the cool kids are in Heaven
and we're stuck here.

So you don't care that Veronica
killed people.

Calm down, Heather. We all kill people.

No, we don't.

You killed Heather McNamara.

Excuse me?

Heather would still be alive if you
hadn't julienned her at the roller rink.

There, I said it.

You must be confused, Heather.

Didn't you post the pic
of her and Mr. Waters

that started her downward spiral?

Actually, I'm not quite sure.

I wasn't alive at that time.

Maybe you both did it.

Maybe you did it, Veronica.

Yeah, you and Edward Sullen probably
followed her into the bathroom

and slit her wrists for her.

Maybe I did.

Or maybe no one did.
Maybe everybody did.

Maybe we all kill people
every single day.

Our cars just poison the air,
we keep driving them.

Our clothes enslave people
but we keep buying them.

Our trash is filling the ocean,
our burgers waste water,

blah, blah, blah.

-Wow.
-Wow.

-JD didn't ask you to prom, did he?
-Exactly what I was thinking.

What does that have to do with anything?

So he didn't?

JD thinks prom is slavery.

Oh, my God,
he is such a clove cigarette.

You know what?

We should go to prom together.

I can't.
You guys are gonna tell on me,

and then I'm gonna spend my life
in prison.

Tell on you?
This isn't daycare, Veronica.

Right, Heather?

While the thought of you trying to
pull off orange delights me to no end...

No, we're not ratting you out.

But why?

Veronica...

there's nothing right about you.

From head to toe,

from stem to stern,

from that obvious wig
to those hammerhead toes.

You're a monster.

But you're my monster.

When will you accept that?

I have.

So then why do we act
like we're enemies?

I mean, she's right.

We should be smart enough to know
that we're not the enemy.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

The real enemy is ugly people.

Guys, let's do that thing where people

wrap their arms around each other
for comfort.

You know what?

You guys are right.

We should go to prom together.

-I don't need JD to have a good time.
-No.

Picture the three of us
walking into prom.

We'll give those nerds shower nozzle
masturbation material for months.

Hell, yes.

Three powerful women.

Three powerful, gorgeous women.

Three powerful, gorgeous, equal women.

Exactly. Equal.

Okay,
so here's what we're going to wear.

All in the same dress,
but mine will be gold,

Heather, you'll do silver,
and Veronica, you can be bronze.

The shooter has been neutralized.

First period will begin at 11:35.

Come on.

Let's go to Heaven.

Ms. Fleming, you're the faculty advisor
for prom, correct?

Yes.

-Well, today's your lucky day.
-We are gonna plan everything.

-Ready?
-We want everyone to wear all white.

-Except us.
-We want a photo booth.

And a VIP lounge area over there.

-We'll need to blow that wall out.
-We can't do that.

And we're gonna want drinks over there,
and food there.

-And dessert bar...
-By the water fountain?

Great idea, Veronica.
A dessert bar by the water fountain.

Actually, are you getting this down?

I'm sorry. Yeah.

Hear me out.

What if we covered every surface
with mirrors?

And we could do a water feature
here in the center.

And like a rotating dance floor.

Amazing!

Guys... we're geniuses.

Well.

The great minds that run Westerburg

have finally solved the problem
of the violent American teenager.

And in just under three hours.
Kudos to them all.

Perhaps tomorrow they'll tackle
global warming over lunch.

Tonight, you got any plans?

Yeah, dress shopping. Sorry.

Heather, Heather and I are gonna
go to prom together.

-Sorry you can't make it.
-Veronica, I--

No, I'm not even mad. I actually think
it will be really fun to go with them.

But maybe I'll see you after prom?

I've got plans too.

What matters is the number of lives
we saved today.

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