Original subtitles

Happily Divorced is shot before a live audience.

Cesar, get in here.

Look what I found.

Oh, those aren't mine.

I thought you said you were doing so well.

What happened?

I lied about doing so well.

Cesar, it's not that hard to quit,

it's just an oral fixation.

You have to find something else to put in your mouth.

And that's how he quit me.

I think my wife would prefer that I keep smoking.

I don't understand people.

I mean, you know that there's something bad for you,

you cut it out of your life.

You move on, and you never look back.

- Fran? - Don't look back.

Don't look back.

- Elliot. - Hey, Fran, Peter.

Sir, I like the scarf. Brings out your eyes.

Why are you here?

I must say, Elliot,

I too am surprised to see you here.

I mean, were you not sitting next to me

at our therapy session when we discovered

that you are toxic for me?

Look, I wouldn't be here unless it was important.

Fran, how would you feel if I started working with Judi?

- Betrayed. - Peter.

I finally listened to her demo,

it's unbelievably good.

I'm doing this album, I need a backup singer.

She would be incredible.

What's the problem?

Problem is, she's your best friend.

I want you to be okay with it.

I don't want you to feel...

- Betrayed. - Yeah.

Elliot, giving my best friend the career opportunity

of a lifetime is not a betrayal.

A betrayal is when your husband wakes you up

in the middle of the night and says,

"guess what, honey. I think I'm gay."

Why don't you just make it your ringtone?

- Frannie, are you sure? - Yes, yes.

Okay, that's great, 'cause, you know,

I mean, we're gonna be spending a lot of time together.

I just didn't want you to be uncomfortable.

Why would I be uncomfortable?

Because the last thing you said to me was,

"oy, I'm so over you, genug already.

Get out of my life."

See, you're not so special.

No, no, no. This is between you and Judi.

And I couldn't be happier for her.

- Fantastic, well-- - Mm-hmm.

It was really great to see you.

Good to see you too, and ride carefully.

And good luck with the album.

Okay. Peter.

Sir.

[Sighs]

Well, how do you like that?

I just saw Elliot and I don't feel like crying.

I don't feel like having a drink.

I don't feel like eating something deep fried.

I think that I'm really over him.

See, Cesar, that's how you break a bad habit.

What?

Cesar, what is wrong with you?

Didn't you hear that?

Learn from her.

[Sniffing]

[Upbeat music]

♪ She was certain that he was the one and only ♪

♪ but there union always seemed a little forced ♪

♪ she got married anyway ♪ Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com

♪ turns out that he was gay ♪ Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com

♪ they're still in love ♪ Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com

♪ but now she's happily divorced ♪ Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com

Why did stupid Elliot have to offer Judi a stupid job,

and bring his stupid, chiseled face

back into my life?

Oh, darling.

Would it kill you to just once

come over here with happy news?

You know, some mothers eat their young.

Would you like some ketchup?

Fran, the best way to get over a man

is to find another man.

Why don't you let me fix you up?

Oh, you don't know my type.

Sweetheart,

do we really have the luxury of having a type?

We're back.

Who's he with?

That's daddy's latest crony.

He's in from New York to open a pizza parlor here,

so he's renting upstairs.

Hey.

Boy, Frankie, more pizzas?

This one's beautiful;

Extra sausage, extra cheese, extra pepperoni.

It comes with six pallbearers.

[Laughter]

He's killing me here.

Yes, he is, Glen.

Frankie, I want you to meet our daughter Fran.

- Hey. - Hi.

Sweetheart, what's with the face?

- She's back on Elliot. - Again?

Frankie, she's stuck on this guy who broke her heart.

No, I'm not, daddy.

I'm over him.

Too depressed for a slice?

I can rally.

There you go.

So, how long you been out here?

'Cause I'm not hearing an accent.

Oh, well, you know, when you're out here long enough,

you kinda lose it. [Chuckles]

I am loving that laugh.

[Chuckles] Come on.

No, I'm not kidding you.

It's cute.

Everything I'm looking at here is cute.

Stop it.

Get out.

Fine. Come on, Glen.

You can eat that in front of the TV.

What is it, my birthday?

So, Fran.

You live here too?

Live with my parents, how pathetic is that?

No, no, I live with my gay ex-husband.

Hey, welcome to Hollywood, huh?

So what's the name of your pizza parlor, Frankie?

Frankie's.

Clever.

No, actually it's named after my grandfather.

He started the first store, down in the West Village.

No, not the Frankie's.

Oh, my God, their white pie.

I would go there every Saturday night,

polish off a whole pie all by myself...

Which is probably why I was all by myself

every Saturday night.

Well, I'd hate to see you alone this Saturday night.

So, um, how about you and me, we--

ugh, that's horrible.

I gotta get married again. I got no game left.

Let me stick to what I know.

How about you take a ride with me back to my shop,

and we could test out a bunch of desserts?

Well, look who's getting his game back.

I'm so taking that as a yes.

Another slice.

Hey, Glen, Dori, take care.

Frankie, you're welcome anytime.

And don't think you always gotta bring a pie.

We like calzones too.

There you go.

Fran, I'll get the car; Pick you up out front.

Okay.

- What? - "What?"

What do you think?

Where have you been hiding him?

- Frankie? - Yeah.

Oh, darling, no, no.

He is not right for you.

Not right for me?

He's confident. He's sexy.

He's charming.

And if he weren't all those things,

I'd go out with him, 'cause he makes pizza.

Yeah, well, I don't see it.

Well, that's exactly why I never let you fix me up.

And that's how you gotta play her.

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So what do you think?

Marry him.

- Right? - Mmm.

Have you tasted the sausage?

We haven't been dating that long.

Okay, I fixed your shower, Pete.

Frankie, is there anything you can't do?

If you screw this up...

You know, it's kinda slippery in there,

so you might wanna put some of those

traction stickers down on the floor.

On travertine tile?

He is 100% straight.

I'm gonna give you a little privacy.

- Okay. - Okay, you look great.

Girls, wake-up.

- I like Pete. - Mm-hmm.

He's a fun guy.

You know, I'm glad.

'Cause he ain't going anywhere.

As long as you're not going anywhere.

[Laughs]

What's wrong with you?

Nothing, since meeting you.

You're so easy to get along with.

You're like every chick I ever grew up with,

except... You're not in jail.

Well, prisons come in all forms.

You're pretty perfect, Frannie.

Except you're a little too skinny.

[Laughs]

How do you feel about your children being Jewish?

[Doorbell rings]

Stay in the moment. Stay in the moment.

Stay in the moment.

Elliot.

It's a Jehovah's Witness.

Hey, Peter, is Fran around?

She doesn't want to talk to you, sir.

She's entertaining.

Oh, with that guy Judi told me about?

The handsome, Italian entrepreneur?

I wouldn't know.

So just tell me where you got those shoes,

and you can be on your way.

Elliot, what are you doing here?

Hey, Fran I think I left my scarf in your shop.

Remember? It's the one you said you liked.

We are not responsible for lost or stolen articles.

Elliot, Peter mailed that back to you last week.

- Right, Pete? - Okay.

So how's it going?

Is, uh-- there a problem here?

Oh, no, Frankie, um, this is Elliot.

Oh.

How you doing?

How you doing?

Well, look at this.

The only one that's missing is the chick

I made out with in college.

Oh, well, Elliot, I'd invite you in,

- but, you know-- - Four's a crowd.

- Frannie, Frannie. - Oh.

As long as I'm here, you know,

you should really come down to the studio

and listen to Judi.

She is just killing it.

Well, you know, if I have time,

and I'm not on a date,

I'll come down and hear her sing.

So that's Frankie, huh?

I imagined him bigger.

Yeah, well, you haven't seen all of him.

Hi.

So, uh, that's Elliot?

Yeah, I'm so sorry about that.

Oh.

Where are you going dressed like that?

Uh, the market. We're out of milk.

Why didn't you just get it from those?

I know you're going to see Elliot.

I am going to Elliot's studio

to hear Judi sing.

Yeah, and I just go to Channing Tatum movies

to see the plot twists.

- Oh, shut up. - You shut up.

We are dating Frankie.

You know how hard it is to bring someone

into this relationship who fits?

We are unusual!

Frankie gets us!

Stop yelling.

Why is there so much anger in this house?

I can't take it!

He misses his cigarettes.

Cesar, I got you a nicotine patch,

it's in my bathroom.

Why aren't you wearing it?

I am.

That is my estrogen patch.

Is that why my nipples are so sensitive?

Fran, think what you're doing.

Are you really willing to just destroy

the whole foundation we're building with Frankie?

Look, I like Frankie.

I think that he's fantastic.

He's everything that I ever wanted.

But ever since I saw Elliot, I just feel in my heart

that I have to go hear Judi sing.

You know what? You're sick.

I know.

Do you believe her?

You're the one who stole her youth

and put her back on the meat market.

This is all your fault.

For God's sake, smoke!

♪ You only want it 'cause you can't have it, boy ♪

♪ and when you have it you like you don't want it ♪

♪ you're an enigma wrapped in a riddle ♪

♪ play me like a fiddle 'cause I'm the middle ♪

♪ of a good thing a good thing ♪

♪ a good thing a good thing ♪

♪ a good thing a good thing ♪

♪ I'm in the middle of a good thing now ♪

That's the one, Judi.

Fantastic, we got it.

You came? Yeah.

- Isn't she amazing? - Yes.

You're incredible.

She can't hear you. It's soundproof glass.

[Echoing] Thanks, Fran.

[Squealing]

Frannie.

Both: Mmm.

I am so happy you're here.

So how was I? How did I do?

Was I good? Did I sound professional?

You were amazing.

I know.

[Laughter]

Look at you, girl.

- You are glowing. - Aw.

You know what? Frankie's the best thing

to ever walk into your life.

I mean, he's funny. He's charming.

Why are you looking at Elliot?

Why are you here? Why are they here?

Judi... Are they even?

Oh, come on, Fran.

Are you kidding me?

What did his shrink say?

He said stay away from unavailable men,

and that's him.

He doesn't know how to commit.

And if he says he does, he's a damn liar.

Oh, crap. Is his mic on?

Hey, Mr. producer.

Amazing producer.

Thanks, Judi, it's a wrap till tomorrow morning.

Okay.

You did a great job in there, my dear.

I want you to rest that voice, okay?

- You got it. - All right.

Okay, well, thanks, Elliot.

Hey, Fran, why don't you hang around?

I can show you the new studio.

Oh, well, might be fun.

Unfortunately, she's--

He told you to rest your voice.

Well, you look really beautiful.

Is it okay if I say that?

Well, damage is already done.

You know, I have a confession to make.

I'm actually kind of glad I left my scarf at your place.

It gave me an excuse to see you again.

You know I'm with someone, right?

The pizza guy?

Oh, come on, that's not fair.

I mean, he's doesn't run around calling you

"the big-time grammy-winning music produ--"

look, his name's Frankie.

You still drive me crazy.

[Sighs] God.

In what way?

I miss you.

Aye.

I--I know what I did to you in the past.

I pushed you away, pulled you back.

But I'm different now, I've changed.

Look at me.

You give me one more chance, and I swear to you,

I will never push you away again.

I'm--I'm with someone and I'm happy.

Mm.

Oh.

Well, I hope that I've made myself perfectly clear.

Hmm.

That was unfortunate.

Peter, come on, get out of the shower.

We're gonna be late for Frankie's opening.

Cesar!

Oh.

Um, I'm sorry, miss Fran.

But ever since I quit smoking, I gained 12 pounds,

my cholesterol has gone through the roof,

and my doctor says I'm at risk

of developing a cute vagina.

Acute angina.

Oh, thank God.

Okay, say it, I'm a weak person.

I fell off the wagon.

Oh, I fell off the wagon too.

I went to see Elliot.

What is wrong with me?

I mean, Frankie's such a great guy.

Why am I sabotaging that?

What's wrong with me?

I felt so much better when I wasn't smoking.

And Elliot says that he's changed,

but how can I be sure?

Maybe I can just have one or two smokes a day.

No, no, no.

Then you're just gonna sleep with him.

Well, we're not gonna figure this out tonight.

So I'm just gonna go home early.

- Right? - Yeah, go ahead.

But do me a favor.

At least try and quit smoking.

You got it.

Come on, Peter.

We're gonna be late.

[Groans]

Oh, no. What happened now?

Well, I slipped in the shower.

I think I might have a concussion.

All right, okay.

Don't be such a drama queen.

Let me see.

Oh.

Oh, there's a lot of blood there.

Are you okay?

[Groans]

Oy, I feel a little nauseous.

Oh.

Oh, hold me. Hold me.

- Oh. - All right.

I think we should get to the hospital.

Yes, yes.

[Groans]

Come on, honey. You're gonna be fine.

I don't feel so well.

I think you should drive.

Oh, Petey.

- Petey, oh. - Ah.

How are you? [Gasps]

Does it hurt? Look at your face.

I know.

Listen, I said I was in a bar fight.

I didn't wanna say that I was reaching for my

[whispering] Pumice stone.

Sweetie, I brought you in wearing a flowered shower cap.

I think your cover's blown.

Oy, and look, it's your right hand.

There goes your sex life.

You feeling better?

Yeah, much better.

Thank you for letting them take me first.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, Judi.

Oh, Petey, are you okay?

- Hey, Judi. - Aww.

You don't look that bad.

[Mouthing] Oh, my God.

I thought that you were at a recording session tonight.

Well, I told Elliot what happened

and that I had to be here.

They'll be working for the rest of the night anyway.

- I can always go back. - Mm.

I would love a vicodin.

Why sweetie? Are you on pain?

Uhm... okay.

Fran?

Frankie!

How did you know we were even here?

Wh... when you didn't show at the opening

I tried you, but you didn't answer, so I called you mother.

Is he ok?

Yes, the doctors say he'll be fine.

I can't believe you left your opening to be with us.

Are you kidding me?

Something like this happens I'm not gonna come?

Here, I brought this for him.

So sweet!

Hey, you know what comes here?

[Whispering] I can't believe he came.

- Hi Pete. - Hey Frankie.

- How you doing? - I'm good, thanks.

And look, he brought you a pizza.

Get knocked up.

And Pete? travertine or no travertine,

first thing tomorrow morning

I'm putting those stickers down on the bathroom floor.

Is this the greatest guy or what? Can you get the clear ones?

Frankie.

I just can't believe it.

You dropped everything to be with all of us.

When a woman you care about has someone in the hospital, I mean

What kind of guy whould't show up?

Mmm. So sweet.

Can I get you anything?

You know what? I have everything I need right here in this room.

Fran.

Elliot.

Oh. Just pull my plug.

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