Original subtitles

Subs created by: David Coleman.

[Music]

- Good morning, everybody. - Oh, Teddy, there you are.

Look, I am slammed today, so I need you to watch the kids after school.

Oh, mom, I can't. I have to go to the Mall.

Ah, ah, ah, ah... just stop right there.

For once, can't we just skip this little dance we always do?

What dance?

You know, the dance where I ask you to watch the kids and you say no.

Then I ask the boys and they say they're not responsible or not smart.

Then I ask your dad and he pretends not to be listening.

And then we're back to you.

I really need new shoes.

- Boys? - I'm not responsible.

Me not smart.

Bob?

I'm sorry, what?

And we're back to you.

Fine, I'll go to the Mall and then I'll just come home afterwards.

What do we at this point in the dance?

Oh, you leave, call Ivy, and complain about mom.

You stay and complain about Teddy.

- Sounds good. - Works for me.

Ivy, you will not believe what just happened.

New shoes. Can you believe that girl?

[Rock music playing]

Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes.

"Has anybody seen my left shoe?"

I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.

There it is up on the roof.

I've been there, I survived.

So just take my advice.

Hang in there, baby things are crazy.

But I know your future's bright.

Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.

Everything turns out all right.

Sure life is up and down.

But trust me, it comes back around.

You're gonna love who you turn out to be.

Hang in there, baby.

[Music]

Hey, good news, dad.

This really cute girl in my cooking class is kind of into me.

Really?

Yeah. There's definitely been some sparks.

And I'm not just talking about the trouble I had with my flambe.

Good for you, PJ.

Yeah, she's coming over tomorrow, and we're gonna cook...

If you know what I mean.

Ooh, going to get a little romantic, huh?

No, we're gonna make chicken.

And when we're done, it'll be time for dessert...

If you know what I mean.

I'm just gonna say I know what you mean.

Anyway, when she comes over, can you not be here?

Why can't you just take her to your place?

No, no, no, no... see, the plan is;

Make sure she's into me, then show her the apartment.

If she's still in after that, then she meets Emmett.

If she's still in after that...

Well, that's never happened.

[Gasps]

What are you doing?

Why are you reading? You know you'd rather be watching TV.

- Can I... - [Dramatic music plays]

Ooh.

[Murmurs]

Hey, Jake, big problem.

Something's come back to bite us in the butt.

Hey, Ivy. I got the shoes. They're gorgeous.

Well, yeah, of course they're uncomfortable, I said they're gorgeous.

Unbelievable.

My mom said she had such a busy day, and now she's at the food court.

Hold... I'll call you back.

Well, fancy seeing you here.

- Pardon me? - What's with this ridiculous hat?

Aunt Jamie?

- Teddy? - Hi.

Hi.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were my mom.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

- So what are you doing in town? - Oh, I'm here on business.

Why didn't you call us?

Well, Teddy, you know your mother and I aren't exactly on speaking terms.

Oh.

How's the rest of the family?

Oh, uh, good. Yeah, Toby is getting so cute.

Aw. Who's Toby?

Oh, uh, I guess you didn't know. Mom and dad had another one after Charlie.

Oh.

Who's Charlie?

Does the name Gabe ring a bell?

Yes. Yes. That's why I thought they would have stopped.

So you're really not gonna tell my mom that you're in town?

No! No, no, no, no, no. Please, please, please don't say you saw me.

I just don't want to cause a fuss.

Wow, it's hard to believe you're my mom's younger sister.

You guys are so different.

Server: Jamie, your order is ready. Jamie.

Oh, I hate it when they do that.

It draws attention to me.

So different.

So what's the big problem, dude?

This ad for Hank's market. Look.

Creamed corn, 99 cents? They call that a sale?

I'm talking about the baby. Don't you remember what we did last month?

[Rock music plays]

Oh, monster truck rally.

Hey, we've got to go to that.

- Oh! - Tickets are 30 bucks each.

Where are we gonna get that kind of money?

Maybe he can help us.

That baby's got 60 bucks?

Dude, you are blowing my mind.

The only thing that surprises me about that comment is that you got the math right.

Anyway, this one time when me and my brother needed some money,

we did something kind of...

Interesting.

Great news, mom. I like Charlie now.

Well, finally. What happened?

We were in the park, and this photographer thought

that Charlie was like the cutest baby ever.

He offered to pay her 100 bucks to use her as a model.

Forget it. I'm not exploiting my baby.

[Sighs]

I knew we should have done it my way.

What was your way?

We don't tell mom we're doing the photo shoot,

and we go ahead and do it anyway and split the money.

Boy, that's confusing. We were remembering something.

Then we remembered something else.

If my mom and dad find out about this ad, I'll be in big trouble.

They change those ads all the time. Tomorrow it'll be some other baby.

You know what... [chuckles] You're probably right.

[Sighs]

Your voice used to be really high.

I know, right?

Good news, everyone.

I've just learned that your classmate Vanessa is recovering nicely...

From the oven-mitt incident.

Or should I say, the lack-of-oven-mitt incident?

The lesson here is that oven mitts should always be worn when grasping hot surfaces.

And never used as puppets.

Right, potty?

[High-pitched] He's on to us. Put me down.

Remember...

The assignment this week is chicken divan with a side dish of your choice.

You will partner up to cook those.

All: Yes, Chef.

[Groans]

Winnie, what am I gonna do?

Vanessa was my cooking partner.

I don't have a partner either since Ricardo dumped me.

Hey! Maybe we could team up.

It'll be divan.

I don't get it.

Neither did Ricardo. So what do you say?

Okay, sure. Let's work together.

You didn't say that very enthusiastically.

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess we're still in shock over what happened to Vanessa.

- Oh. - Right, Mitty?

[High-pitched] Right, Chef.

I make him call me Chef.

[Giggles nervously]

Okay.

- Hey, Teddy. What you doing? - Hey, mom.

Oh, I'm just looking at old photographs.

Is this you?

Oh, no, that's Aunt Jamie. I'm the prettier one over here.

Hey, whatever happened between you and her anyway?

Well, if you must know, we had a falling-out.

What did you do? I... I mean, what happened?

Well, she was supposed to be the Maid of Honor at my wedding,

but she didn't show up.

Why the sudden interest in Jamie?

Well, I ran into her at the Mall, and she kind of didn't want you to know.

Typical. Yeah, typical.

She doesn't like me. Do you know why?

Well, it could be... oh!

You weren't really looking for an answer.

She's always been jealous of me because I'm the one who got married.

- I'm the one with the happy family. - Bob: Amy!

I can't find my underpants!

They're all dirty!

Either do the laundry or wear your bathing suit!

What was I saying? Oh, yeah. She's jealous.

You know, mom, as long as she's in town...

Maybe you should make peace with Aunt Jamie.

Why should I?

Because you're sisters.

And?

And you have so much and she has so little.

And?

And you can prove you're still the prettier one.

Set it up.

No ads with Toby's picture in today's paper.

- I guess we're good. - Wait, dude, check this out.

If today was my birthday, I'd be warm, generous,

and have an amazing ability to entertain people.

Definitely not your birthday.

Hey.

You guys want to give me a hand with the groceries?

Oh, no. Oh, no. Toby's on the bag.

Secrets from the past are coming back to haunt us.

I got to go talk to the photographer and shut this thing down.

And you're coming with me.

Aw, man. Happy Birthday to me, huh?

It's not your birthday.

[Door opens, closes]

Hey!

Wow, thanks a lot, guys.

Ah! Looks just like Toby.

Here she comes.

[Clears throat]

Thank you.

- Amy. - Jamie.

So far so good. Right, mom?

Jamie, I'm... I'm...

I'm glad you agreed to meet me.

Of course. Of course.

It gives me the opportunity to do this.

Wh...

[Music]

I cannot believe you just did that.

Jamie: Uh-huh. I went there.

I buttered you.

Why are you mad at me? You're the one who didn't show up at my wedding.

Because of what you did to me in high school.

What did I do to you in high school?

You stole Bob Diddlebock from me!

It always comes back to Bob Diddlebock.

Bob Diddlebock came over to pick me up for a date.

And when I went upstairs to get dressed,

those two were talking and somebody was flirting.

By the time I came out, both of them were gone.

So it's my fault you're a slow dresser?

It was the '80s. I was looking for my leg warmers.

Then to make matters worse, she dumps him for Bob Duncan.

Which means you could have gone back to Bob Diddlebock.

Oh, like Diddles is gonna date me after you.

Diddles?

Oh, I'm out of here.

See? Still jealous.

What's your soup today?

[Doorbell rings]

Hi, I'm Winnie. I go to cooking school with PJ.

Oh, hey, I'm Bob. How are you? Come on in.

Uh, PJ ran to the store. He should be right back. Have a seat.

- Okay. - So...

You're the girl PJ's been talking about.

He's been talking about me? What was he saying? [Groans]

Was it hurtful?

No, on the contrary.

He was actually kind of excited that you were coming over.

Excited? No, that is not the feedback I usually get.

I hope I'm not talking out of school when I say that

my son is really looking forward to cooking with you.

You know, he even mentioned dessert.

I'm getting the feeling that he likes me.

Are you saying that he likes me?

Seems that way to me.

This is amazing.

First, I get into cooking school, and then I get a boyfriend?

It's finally happened.

I am in the zone!

I can't handle the zone. The zone is freaking me out.

Huh.

- Hey, dad. Isn't Winnie here yet? - She was.

She was. And then she wasn't.

What happened?

I couldn't tell you. I mean, we were sitting here talking. She seemed nice.

She seemed very excited that you liked her.

No, no, dad. No, no, no. You got the wrong girl.

I don't like Winnie. I like Vanessa.

Oh.

Mommy, will I always be friends with Teddy?

Well, of course you will. Why wouldn't you be?

Because you don't like your sister.

- Teddy. - Yes, mom?

Really?

Okay, to be fair, there's a lot of really good stuff that she forgot to say.

It wasn't that good.

Well, that's a matter of opinion.

Look... the point is, mom, sisters should get along.

Families are supposed to love each other.

Isn't that what you always tell us?

Using my own words against me, well played.

So?

So...

Call up Aunt Jamie. Invite her over. Let's just end this thing once and for all.

Family is forever.

Oh, sure, now you say it.

You again?

- Hey, we need to talk. - I'm a little busy here.

It's important. I could be in big trouble.

Fine!

At least you didn't bring your annoying, redheaded...

Hello.

That revolving door was confusing.

What do you guys want?

Hey... you got to stop using these pictures.

No, I don't. You signed a legal release. I can do whatever I want with those pictures.

If you won't do it for us, do it for him.

Look at that sad little face.

I said "sad". Work with me.

All right. Normally, I wouldn't do this,

but today's my birthday and I'm feeling warm and generous.

Also, you're an amazing entertainer.

I'll get Hank's market to pull all the ads with your brother.

But... there is something I need from you.

Good, good. Hold it up a little bit more.

Good. Now you're proud...

Yeah, but you're not cocky.

What is this for again?

Dutch Delights, a new line of pastries.

Okay, now you, love the pastry a little bit more.

And you...

Love the pastry a little less.

Do we get to keep these outfits?

Hi, Winnie.

- Oh, hi, PJ. - Hi.

Listen, I need to talk to you.

I need to talk to you too.

Oh... sorry I ran out yesterday, but your dad told me how you feel.

- Yeah, right. Listen, the thing is I... - [Shushes]

Don't speak.

[Muffled]

- What's that? - I said...

Have you been chopping garlic?

Oh, yeah, sorry, um...

PJ...

I like you.

And you like me, but there can't be an "us" right now.

- There can't? - No.

I have another love.

And his name is food preparation.

- Is he like foreign or... - No!

I'm talking about my career.

- Oh, oh. - That's more important to me right now.

[Sighs]

Do you think you can pretend that there's nothing between us?

Uh-huh.

Wow. You are so brave.

Good news, Chef.

You know that... [clears throat] That personal problem I was telling you about?

Well, we've decided to remain friends.

I wasn't listening then...

And I'm not listening now.

Thank you for coming over, Aunt Jamie.

My mom has something she'd like to say.

Jamie.

I know it couldn't have been easy growing up in the shadows of Amy Blankenhooper.

And we're off the tracks already.

Okay.

I admit that, in high school, I was somewhat self-obsessed.

- [Fake coughs] High school? - [Fake coughs] Somewhat?

Look, what I'm trying to say is...

I shouldn't have stolen Bob Diddlebock.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.

I... I should have come to your wedding, no matter what.

Two apologies in the bank. Now all we're missing is a hug.

Come here.

I'm so glad we're friends again.

Now I have a surprise for you.

I knew it was going too well.

No, no, no. It's a good surprise.

Go look outside.

[Car horn honks]

It's Bob Diddlebock!

I found him online. He was so excited when I told him that you were still single.

He's more handsome now than ever.

He is?

Maybe I should just pop out and say hi.

I don't think so.

So that's the famous Bob Diddlebock, huh?

Yeah, he started his own company.

He's worth millions now.

Bob: Honey!

My bathing suit's dirty! What do I wear now?

Not a good time, dad.

Well, Charlie, the great Blankenhooper sister feud is now a thing of the past.

And Aunt Jamie had a great time on her date with Bob Diddlebock.

They went on his private jet.

Don't tell mom.

Gabe: Excuse me. We're trying to watch a game here.

Sorry.

TV announcer: Today's aerial coverage brought to you by the Dutch Delights blimp.

What?

Hey, check out that blimp.

You know, that look...

That looks like you and Jake in little Dutch Boy outfits.

Come on, dad. That's ridiculous.

Get your eyes checked. [Chuckles]

Dude, turn it on channel 4. We are famous.

I'm not sure what's going on here but,

somebody's gonna need some good luck, Charlie.

[Music]

Hey, nice job today, Mitty.

Oh, I couldn't have done it without you.

That's true. We make a perfect team.

[Lower-pitched] What about me?

Oh, hey. What are you doing here?

Who's this?

I'm Glovey. I cook with him at home.

You said you never cook at home.

Did I say that? I don't remember saying that.

Well, now that I'm here, you can leave.

I'm not going anywhere. He's mine!

No, he's mine.

Guys, guys. I can't take all this fighting.

Okay? I'm out of here.

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