Original subtitles

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Okay, so that's the tight end,

and the guy next to him is called the split end.

Split end?

What do they call him after he shampoos and conditions?

Yeah, let's not watch football.

Hey, we should talk about prom.

So I was thinking, if you show up by 6:00,

then we can do some pictures.

- Then if we left by 6:30... - Teddy, hold on. I haven't even asked you yet.

Well, I just assumed. I mean, we're boyfriend and girlfriend.

Yeah, I know, but I still think I should ask you.

It's kind of how it's done.

Fine, go ahead, ask me.

Teddy, would you like to go to the prom with me?

- No. - Wait. What?

Well, first you make a whole big deal out of the invitation,

then you just blurt it out?

Where's the romance, the heart?

Maybe I should start over.

Yeah, I think that would be best.

- Teddy, would you like to go to the... - No, no, no, no.

Go outside. Start over there.

Go on, go on.

If we're gonna do this, do it right.

I'll get it.

Teddy Duncan,

would you do me the honor

of allowing me to escort you to the prom?

Oh, you're tearing up. Oh, my gosh.

Of course I'll go with you, baby.

- Got stuck by a thorn, didn't you? - Uh-huh.

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Today's all burnt toast

running late and dad jokes

"has anybody seen my left shoe?"

I close my eyes, take a bite

grab a ride, laugh out loud

there it is up on the roof

I've been there, i survived

so just take my advice

but I know your future's bright

hang in there, baby

there's no maybe

everything turns out all right

sure life is up and down

but trust me, it comes back around

you're gonna love who you turn out to be

hang in there, baby.

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What are you guys doing?

I'm looking through my yearbook, trying to find a prom date.

Yeah, and I'm watching him so I can see what mistakes

to avoid when I'm in High School.

P.J., prom's this Saturday.

You might wanna hurry up.

Oh, it's okay. I've seen his report card.

He'll probably have two more senior proms.

Hey, what do you know about Cynthia markowski?

She was in the gifted program and graduated early.

Stupid smart people.

Hey, what about Robin Rogers?

- She's pretty cute. - That's a guy.

Who was your date last year?

I went with a group.

So now we're calling Emmett a group?

There's gotta be somebody out there for me.

I just Hope I find her in time.

- Hi. - Hi.

Here's your pizza.

Thanks.

With any luck,

P.J. May have just found his prom date.

Can I ask you something?

Sure, anything.

Do you guys have any wacky bread?

Yeah, it's gonna take a little more than luck.

Get over there.

Well, things look good. The baby's doing great,

but I'm a little concerned about the weight gain.

I really haven't gained that much.

No, I mean him.

Just kidding. We like to have fun here, right, marcia?

So would you like a DVD of your ultrasound?

- Yes. - No.

I thought we agreed we wanted to wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl.

We want to be surprised.

I don't like surprises. I want to know.

And the person carrying the baby

thinks it's better not to know.

We'd like to be surprised.

Put this in the Duncan file, please.

That's okay.

We don't need to know.

As long as our baby boy is healthy, right, doc?

Mm.

I mean, the main thing is that our baby girl

is doing great, right, doc?

Bob, honey, the man's not an idiot.

He has a medical degree. Right, doc?

Thanks.

That was a really fun first date.

Taylor, in my experience,

you can never go wrong with mini golf.

P.J., I know we just met,

but can I ask you something?

Okay, but nothing too hard, 'cause this date's going really well.

My senior prom is this Saturday,

and I was wondering if you would like to go with me.

- Uh-oh. - Too hard?

No, no, no, no, no.

It's just my senior prom is also this Saturday.

I was really excited about it,

and I was gonna ask you.

Oh.

But you asked me first, so yes.

Oh, and just so you know, I would have said yes.

Yes!

- Then it's a date? - Absolutely.

Wait, whose prom are we going to?

Mine, I think.

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

And after the baby's born,

mommy and daddy will bring it home from the hospital.

But when do they take it back?

Charlie, they don't take the babies back.

I know. I tried with Gabe.

Teddy, there you are.

Hey, listen, I was wondering if you've picked out a prom dress yet.

No, I really need to go shopping.

Or not.

Mom, I need to buy a dress.

I can't just wear something from my closet.

Maybe nyour closet.

I don't like where this is going.

Let me tell you a story

that seemed tragic at the time,

but is now finally gonna have a happy ending.

I really don't like where this is going.

The year was 1988,

and a young and beautiful Amy blankenhooper

was on her way to the prom with her third choice Bob Duncan.

But alas, all would not turn out as Amy had planned.

Knowing this story would go on for a while,

Teddy sat down.

Bob diddlebock, Amy's first choice,

took his date out for steak.

Bob Duncan had a coupon for the shrimp Bucket.

Anyway, it was an all-you-can-eat night,

and Amy tried to keep up with Bob,

which was her second mistake.

A mistake that her beautiful prom dress

would pay for dearly.

So what are you saying...

Did you puke on your prom dress?

Well, in 1988, we called it "hurling."

Ewww.

Now this sad little story is finally gonna have a happy ending.

Teddy, don't you see?

I saved that prom dress all these years

so that you could wear it to your prom.

I'll go get it.

Mom, you really don't have to...

Ba-bam!

Teddy, when this dress goes to the prom,

it'll almost be like I finally get to go to the prom.

I wish it were you.

And, Charlie,

maybe you can wear this to your prom, too.

No, thank you, mommy.

Okay. Whatcha doing, dad?

Oh, just thinking about the new baby.

Yeah, I like to do my thinking upstairs,

just in case someone wants to come down here,

play some video games or something.

You know, all I want to know

is if it's gonna be a boy or a girl.

But your mother wants to be surprised.

Why don't you find out and then not tell mom?

You have a brain of your own, right?

Of course I do.

It's just that your mother's brain doesn't like it

when my brain goes off on its own.

Dad, you can't just do whatever mom tells you to do.

You have to stand up for yourself.

You know, you have to call the doctor and you have to demand to know.

- You know what? You're right. - Right?

- I mean, I am the baby's father. - Yes, you are.

Yes, I do have some rights.

Hello. Marcia, Bob Duncan.

I don't wanna bother the doctor. I was just... could you...

For me, could you just take a little look-see in our file

and just tell me if we're gonna have a boy or a girl?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Okay, sure.

All right, what did she say?

Would I please hold while she calls your mother?

Well, face it, dad.

Your brain's no match for mom's.

But lucky for you, I have a plan.

Is it an evil plan?

No, no, no.

It's a plan that helps the poor.

Of course, it's an evil plan.

I don't know.

Oh, come on. You know you want to do it.

Isn't that why you came to me in the first place?

Yeah.

- Wow! You look great. - So do you.

- Come on in. - Okay.

Here we are.

- What is this? - It's the prom.

Your prom is here in your house?

Yeah, I'm homeschooled.

Huh.

So this is the whole prom?

Just you and me

and some old lady?

Oh, that's my grandma.

She's also the dj.

Why's she wearing a sombrero?

Because the theme of the prom

is "south of the border."

Oh, okay, that makes sense.

For a second there, I thought it was weird.

Hola, kids!

Let the fiesta begin. Ole!

P.J., this is my mom.

- Hi. - Hi.

And my biology teacher and my history teacher

- and my math teacher. - All right, picture time.

Now smile. It's for the yearbook.

I know this is a little unusual.

I guess I should have told you I was homeschooled.

Might have been good information to have.

Oh, excuse me.

Well, at least it's not getting any weirder.

Hi... yee!

So what do you think?

I, uh...

Uh...

No, relax, I've got a different dress hidden in the bushes.

Well, then why are you wearing that one?

Teddy, you almost look as beautiful

in that dress as I did.

Never mind.

Okay, picture time.

Okay, back it up. You're crushing the ruffles.

Good one.

Okay, over here. Over here.

Over here. Chin down, Spencer.

Okay, mom, come on, we have to go.

Okay, have fun. Oh, wait! Wait.

I almost forgot. I have a surprise.

The matching hat!

Oh!

Oh, now my head can be as lucky as the rest of me.

- Hey, excuse me, are you Dr. Karp? - Yes.

Hi, I'm Gabe Duncan.

- Oh! - Nice to meet you.

And this is Charlie.

You know, we're here because she's having a hard time

with the new baby thing.

Hey, Charlie,

here's the man who can make you happy again.

Talk to him.

Will I have a little sister or little brother?

Awww, did you hear that?

She said, "a wittle sisto or wittle brudder."

Who can say no to that?

I could.

What kind of doctor would I be if I told you without your parents' permission?

A doctor who's got a little extra walking around money,

if you know what I'm saying.

It's not gonna happen.

I'll be in the exam room.

Gabe, get the DVD. It's in the file.

Okay. Hey.

Hey, Charlie, if you go find the doctor,

I'll give you some candy, okay?

- Okay. - Okay, come on.

Find him.

Oh, no!

My "wittle sisto" has run into the exam room!

She can't go in there.

"Daley, Davis." Oh, "duncan. " Got it. Dad, come on.

Oh, there you are, you little dickens.

Where's my candy?

Candy.

For running away? Oh, I don't think so.

Come on.

So how do I look?

Amazing. You look incredible.

What are we waiting for?

Let's get in there and let people see me. Huh?

Oh, who's texting me?

Oh, it's P.J.

Well, here's my prom night.

Turns out taylor is homeschooled.

So what was supposed to be the greatest night of my life

is now the strangest.

But I guess I shouldn't complain.

I was voted prom King.

Poor P.J.

It's his senior prom and he's miserable.

Yeah, that's a shame.

Okay, let's go in.

Dr. karp, have you seen the Duncan DVD?

- I can't find it. - Amy Duncan?

No, Angela Duncan.

The one who's having triplets.

Awww, man, I'm never getting my own room.

Hey, look out, everyone.

This prom's officially been crashed!

- Yeah, all right! - Yeah, uh-huh!

What are you guys doing here?

We got your text

and your prom looked so unique...

- Right. - That we just had to come.

Yeah, what a relief to be away from all those noisy people,

laughing and having fun.

This is so much better.

Teddy, you gave up your prom for me?

Oh, please.

Going to prom at regular school is so last year.

Thank you.

Hello, P.J., are we in the right place?

What's mom doing here?

Did you send that text to everybody?

Yeah, it was an accident.

Grandma was getting kinda handsy during the slow dance.

She can't see me in this dress. Is there another way out of here?

- There's a door around the back. - Okay, I'm gonna go change.

- Cover for me. - Wait...

- hi, everyone. - Hey, hey!

Mom, dad, what are you guys doing here?

Well, we couldn't go to our prom,

so we thought, why not go to yours?

Aww, you guys are the best.

- Hey, there. - Hey, Spencer,

- what are you doing here? Where's Teddy? - I don't know.

She'll be back in, like, three minutes.

- Yeah, speaking of three, honey, we really need to talk. - I'm back!

I'm back. Hi.

Why is your dress on backwards?

Okay, all right, mom, the truth is

the reason why I didn't wanna wear this dress

is because I... I just don't like it.

What's not to like?

On... on me.

See, the problem with such

a beautiful dress

is that it only works on you.

No one can do justice to this dress like you, mom.

Teddy, Teddy, Teddy, Teddy.

Honey, if you are suggesting

that I put that dress and this hat on

because we are at a prom at this very moment,

well, the answer would be a resounding okay.

Let's go change.

Okay.

You don't mind being here?

As long as I'm with you, I don't care where we are.

Awww. Hey, take a seat, grandma.

It's not gonna happen.

I Hope I get to see you again,

but I don't know, I'm off to college soon.

- Where you going? - The rec room.

Honey, this probably isn't what you were expecting

to hear at your prom, but you remember the ultrasound

- we decided not to look at? - Yes.

- I looked. - What?! Oh, Bob.

Don't tell me, okay? I don't want to know what we're having.

- Well, can I at least tell you how many we're having? - What?

Honey, we're having triplets.

Oh, come on, why wouldn't the doctor tell me?

I don't know, but I saw them.

One, two, three.

You mean...

Seven kids.

Wow.

I think I'm gonna hurl.

Oh!

Wow! Look at that. She hit the exact same spot.

Okay, honey,

let's get you to the nurse.

Well, chare, they say you never forget your prom,

but I'm gonna try real hard.

P.J., where you going all dressed up?

Taylor's graduation. Back in, like, 20.

Turns out, good news, mom's not really having triplets.

Oh, and I took mom's prom dress

to the dry cleaners, where it got destroyed.

Cost me 10 bucks extra. You'll thank me for it later.

What did you just say?

Wish me good luck, Charlie.

Hey, Dr. karp,

well, my grandmother has a very important question to ask you.

- Hey, grandma. - Well, hello!

You're grandma Duncan?

Oh, why don't you just call me Gladys?

Anywho, I am dying to know

if my new grandchild

is a boy or a girl.

I was wondering the same thing about you.

Dr. karp.

- Mom? - Oh hello, son.

So... she's really is your...

Yeah, pretty freaky, isn't it?

Well, doctor, out with it.

All right, all right, I'll tell you.

The new baby is going to be a...

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