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1
00:00:01,811 --> 00:00:04,830
Well, I didn't use breast
milk for obvious reasons.
2
00:00:05,512 --> 00:00:08,447
But if you just hold the bottle like
this, it won't upset his stomach.
3
00:00:08,498 --> 00:00:09,532
It's all in the wrist.
4
00:00:09,583 --> 00:00:11,884
You are a lifesaver.
5
00:00:11,969 --> 00:00:14,487
I thank you, Hunter thanks you,
6
00:00:14,538 --> 00:00:15,805
and the guy across the hall thanks you.
7
00:00:15,839 --> 00:00:17,423
This kid's got some lungs.
8
00:00:18,825 --> 00:00:20,760
Hi, Zoey. Bye, Zoey.
9
00:00:21,895 --> 00:00:23,696
So... (clears throat)
10
00:00:24,715 --> 00:00:26,682
how's your new girlfriend?
11
00:00:26,717 --> 00:00:28,684
Uh, Zoey is not my girlfriend.
12
00:00:28,719 --> 00:00:30,603
She is a friend who just
happens to be a girl.
13
00:00:30,637 --> 00:00:33,589
Much like you, only
with a lot less baggage.
14
00:00:33,591 --> 00:00:36,442
Uh, you delivered her
child on your first date,
15
00:00:36,476 --> 00:00:38,477
so I'd say our baggage is
a carry-on compared to hers.
16
00:00:39,896 --> 00:00:41,514
I thought you really liked her.
17
00:00:41,548 --> 00:00:44,834
I did, you know, until I saw
a human being crawl out of her.
18
00:00:46,486 --> 00:00:48,738
But we talked about it, we're
cool. We're just friends.
19
00:00:48,772 --> 00:00:50,006
It's all good.
20
00:00:50,057 --> 00:00:52,792
I don't know, I think Emma might
really like a little brother.
21
00:00:52,826 --> 00:00:54,777
Emma and I discussed it. She's fine.
22
00:00:54,811 --> 00:00:56,579
(elevator bell dings)
23
00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:58,581
Hey, sorry. One more question.
24
00:00:58,615 --> 00:00:59,682
Mommy.
25
00:01:01,518 --> 00:01:02,601
(whispers) Emma lied to you.
26
00:01:04,571 --> 00:01:05,688
(theme music playing)
27
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:08,691
It's amazing how the unexpected
28
00:01:08,742 --> 00:01:11,665
Can take your life
and change direction
29
00:01:11,765 --> 00:01:15,489
- Sync and corrected by TheDelta -
- www.addic7ed.com -
30
00:01:15,615 --> 00:01:16,699
Ben: Just go to yoga already.
31
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:18,534
- Zoey and I...
- I'm up!
32
00:01:19,536 --> 00:01:21,537
Oh, my god! I'm late for practice.
33
00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,506
You haven't seen me.
34
00:01:24,675 --> 00:01:26,542
What was that?
35
00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:27,710
He's been having trouble sleeping.
36
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:31,547
I need pants, shoes, my gym bag. So late!
37
00:01:32,716 --> 00:01:35,551
One of the coaches is
giving him a bad time.
38
00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:37,636
Maybe the coach just likes
his players to wear pants.
39
00:01:39,556 --> 00:01:41,640
No, he thinks that Danny's not
playing up to his potential,
40
00:01:41,692 --> 00:01:43,559
which is a nice way of
saying that he sucks,
41
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,695
which means Danny stays up all night
worrying, which means he doesn't sleep.
42
00:01:45,729 --> 00:01:47,646
Which means the next day
at practice he does suck,
43
00:01:47,698 --> 00:01:50,483
which means, his coach has a
point. It's a vicious cycle.
44
00:01:51,568 --> 00:01:52,735
Whoo! If anybody calls,
45
00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:54,620
I left a half an hour ago.
46
00:01:54,654 --> 00:01:56,655
No! Wait, tell them an
hour. That way I'll be early.
47
00:01:59,626 --> 00:02:01,043
You know, when we were dating,
48
00:02:01,078 --> 00:02:03,546
I never left for work without
kissing you goodbye. I'm just saying.
49
00:02:13,673 --> 00:02:16,592
Like I said, I was just saying.
50
00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:18,728
Okay, say "buh-bye," it's
time for your nap. Let's go.
51
00:02:18,762 --> 00:02:20,596
Mama.
52
00:02:22,566 --> 00:02:24,600
See? It sounds to me
53
00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:28,571
like Emma is really feeling the need for
more of a female role model in her life.
54
00:02:28,605 --> 00:02:30,489
Emma has plenty of female role models.
55
00:02:30,524 --> 00:02:31,741
First of all, there's you. And my mom.
56
00:02:31,775 --> 00:02:33,609
Hey, who's got some pot?
57
00:02:34,778 --> 00:02:37,580
'Cause Bonnie Wheeler needs a dealer.
58
00:02:40,550 --> 00:02:42,568
Well, one female role model is good enough.
59
00:02:43,937 --> 00:02:45,888
I threw my back out at Pilates.
60
00:02:45,922 --> 00:02:47,490
It's killing me.
61
00:02:47,524 --> 00:02:50,426
I was trying to get extra bendy
for my honeymoon with Brad,
62
00:02:50,477 --> 00:02:51,861
if you know what I mean. Huh?
63
00:02:54,831 --> 00:02:56,866
Well, you got a guy 15
years younger than you,
64
00:02:56,868 --> 00:02:58,851
so I think Bendy Bonnie
knows what she's doing.
65
00:02:58,885 --> 00:03:00,603
Yeah, she does.
66
00:03:00,605 --> 00:03:01,654
Give it up. Pssh!
67
00:03:03,757 --> 00:03:05,624
Come on, Ben.
68
00:03:05,659 --> 00:03:06,742
You're my bad son.
69
00:03:06,777 --> 00:03:09,595
I know you're holdin'.
70
00:03:09,646 --> 00:03:12,414
Actually, I haven't been holding any
of that since I started holding this.
71
00:03:13,550 --> 00:03:15,451
Ri... Oh,
never mind.
72
00:03:15,485 --> 00:03:17,553
It's like asking a nun if
you can borrow a condom.
73
00:03:19,873 --> 00:03:22,424
You know what, I'm just gonna
call my high school hook-up.
74
00:03:22,459 --> 00:03:23,776
I hope he still has the same beeper number.
75
00:03:25,462 --> 00:03:27,763
Hey, Mom. Could you not plan
a drug deal in front of my kid?
76
00:03:27,814 --> 00:03:29,648
It's a question I shouldn't have to ask.
77
00:03:33,854 --> 00:03:36,672
Hey, so maybe you were right after all.
78
00:03:36,706 --> 00:03:39,525
Emma hasn't stopped saying
"Mama" since this morning.
79
00:03:39,576 --> 00:03:40,743
She even said it to the lady at the deli.
80
00:03:40,745 --> 00:03:43,562
Oh, well, to be fair, her name is Mama.
81
00:03:45,582 --> 00:03:46,899
Well, the point is,
82
00:03:46,933 --> 00:03:50,536
I think it's time I found a baby
mama for her and a hot mama for me.
83
00:03:50,587 --> 00:03:52,555
Ideally, it should be the same person
84
00:03:52,606 --> 00:03:54,824
but that's not set in stone.
That's where you come in.
85
00:03:55,926 --> 00:03:57,910
You want me to help you
find the perfect woman?
86
00:03:57,944 --> 00:04:00,796
Pfft. Well, as fun and awkward as
that sounds, I think I'm gonna pass.
87
00:04:00,798 --> 00:04:02,865
Uh, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.
88
00:04:02,899 --> 00:04:05,601
You broke it, you fix it.
89
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:07,620
Come on!
90
00:04:07,654 --> 00:04:10,606
Riley, I need you to pick someone smart
91
00:04:10,657 --> 00:04:12,658
and sophisticated, nurturing.
92
00:04:12,709 --> 00:04:15,511
Really? That's what you're looking for now?
93
00:04:15,513 --> 00:04:17,880
Well, if she has all those
things, plus a few curves...
94
00:04:17,914 --> 00:04:20,866
Ahh, there it is. I knew the real
Ben was still in there somewhere.
95
00:04:20,917 --> 00:04:23,786
Riley, I'm placing my future in
your hands. Don't let me down.
96
00:04:25,822 --> 00:04:26,889
Okay, um...
97
00:04:28,425 --> 00:04:29,825
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
98
00:04:29,860 --> 00:04:31,794
Penny Paulsen! She would be perfect.
99
00:04:31,828 --> 00:04:33,762
I work with her. She's an amazing lawyer,
100
00:04:33,764 --> 00:04:35,814
went to Yale, volunteers
at an animal shelter,
101
00:04:35,866 --> 00:04:37,716
and I don't totally hate her.
102
00:04:37,751 --> 00:04:39,602
Great! But
does she have...
103
00:04:39,636 --> 00:04:41,737
Yeah, she has two of them,
and that better be enough.
104
00:04:41,771 --> 00:04:43,689
Yup, two is good.
105
00:04:43,723 --> 00:04:45,541
I mean, three would be overkill.
106
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:47,643
Wait, would it?
107
00:04:50,914 --> 00:04:52,481
Oh, you know what, just set me up.
108
00:04:54,918 --> 00:04:57,486
I got the best weed, yeah,
my green is the finest
109
00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,788
I'm the queen of smoking
pot so call me your highness
110
00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:01,724
Ha-ha! Snap, y'all.
111
00:05:01,726 --> 00:05:02,825
- Hey, Ma.
- Oh, god, no!
112
00:05:02,859 --> 00:05:04,627
Oh, damn it!
113
00:05:04,629 --> 00:05:05,678
Ugh!
114
00:05:05,729 --> 00:05:06,762
You're welcome!
115
00:05:08,698 --> 00:05:10,666
Mom, what do you do when someone hates you?
116
00:05:10,668 --> 00:05:13,702
Well, in my case, I
apparently have their children.
117
00:05:15,522 --> 00:05:16,872
I just had the worst practice of my life.
118
00:05:16,907 --> 00:05:19,558
Coach keeps saying if I don't get
it together, I'm gonna be traded.
119
00:05:19,593 --> 00:05:21,610
But I can't get it together
without a good night's sleep.
120
00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:24,480
I just need to find a way to relax.
121
00:05:24,514 --> 00:05:26,865
Well, I might have a
friend who can help you.
122
00:05:26,917 --> 00:05:28,717
Let me call her.
123
00:05:28,768 --> 00:05:30,819
Boop, beep, boop, boop, beep, boop, boop.
124
00:05:32,756 --> 00:05:33,889
Hello, Mary Jane?
125
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,612
Yes, I'd like you to meet my son, Danny.
126
00:05:40,814 --> 00:05:42,548
Ahh!
127
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:44,733
Oh, my god. Is that what I think it is?
128
00:05:44,768 --> 00:05:46,669
Well, I don't know. Do you think it's dope?
129
00:05:46,703 --> 00:05:49,521
You don't have to call me stupid.
I just thought it was marijuana.
130
00:05:51,508 --> 00:05:52,841
Oh, god. Okay, listen.
131
00:05:52,892 --> 00:05:54,576
Honey, yes, it is.
132
00:05:54,611 --> 00:05:56,879
And I think you should smoke it.
133
00:05:56,881 --> 00:05:59,431
Mom, you know I've never done drugs.
134
00:05:59,466 --> 00:06:01,817
I'm a professional athlete.
My body is a temple.
135
00:06:02,852 --> 00:06:04,820
Yeah, well my body is a temple too.
136
00:06:04,854 --> 00:06:06,789
But if you see smoke
coming out of my steeple,
137
00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:08,691
it doesn't mean a new pope's been elected.
138
00:06:09,809 --> 00:06:11,660
I'll be here all week.
139
00:06:13,647 --> 00:06:15,581
Mom, you're not being very motherly.
140
00:06:15,615 --> 00:06:17,633
Honey, I'm just trying to help you.
141
00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:19,735
This is your career we're talking about.
142
00:06:19,769 --> 00:06:22,471
You have to take this seriously.
143
00:06:22,505 --> 00:06:23,605
Now take this.
144
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,458
Seriously.
145
00:06:26,509 --> 00:06:28,861
Thanks, but no thanks. I'm just
gonna find another way to relax.
146
00:06:30,513 --> 00:06:31,613
Hey.
147
00:06:31,615 --> 00:06:34,483
And that way may have just
walked in the front door.
148
00:06:34,517 --> 00:06:36,852
Hey! What you doing with my stuff?
149
00:06:36,903 --> 00:06:41,774
Look, Danny, I feel so bad that you've
been awake all night pacing and worrying,
150
00:06:41,825 --> 00:06:43,676
and I really want to be there for you.
151
00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:45,644
But while I'm being there for you,
152
00:06:45,695 --> 00:06:46,812
I need you to be sleeping here for me.
153
00:06:49,683 --> 00:06:50,733
Ma!
154
00:06:50,735 --> 00:06:52,651
Will you call your friend Mary Jane?
155
00:06:54,721 --> 00:06:56,522
Danny: I got it, I got it. Okay.
156
00:06:56,573 --> 00:06:58,640
Okay, okay, listen. Ready? I'm you. Okay.
157
00:06:58,675 --> 00:07:00,542
If it wasn't for you kids,
158
00:07:00,577 --> 00:07:02,611
I could be a supermodel.
Now get me some wine.
159
00:07:02,645 --> 00:07:06,415
(both laughing)
160
00:07:06,449 --> 00:07:09,418
This is good, right? Okay,
okay, do me. You do me. Do me.
161
00:07:09,452 --> 00:07:10,469
Okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, yeah!
162
00:07:10,503 --> 00:07:11,837
All right, all right.
163
00:07:11,871 --> 00:07:13,756
(sniffling)
164
00:07:14,758 --> 00:07:17,376
I've been in love with Riley my whole life,
165
00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:18,794
even when she was fat.
166
00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:24,717
Oh, my god, it's like
listening to a mirror.
167
00:07:24,768 --> 00:07:27,619
Wait, wait, but Mom, wait,
how do we know if we're high?
168
00:07:27,654 --> 00:07:29,671
- Mm-hmm.
- Because I don't feel high.
169
00:07:29,673 --> 00:07:31,590
I'm just relaxed, you know?
170
00:07:31,624 --> 00:07:35,561
I feel like scales on a cosmic
lizard gliding through the universe.
171
00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:38,814
- Shh!
- Oh.
172
00:07:38,848 --> 00:07:41,417
Perfect. I didn't think either
of you were going to be here.
173
00:07:41,451 --> 00:07:42,885
Now I don't have to drop
Emma off at the babysitter.
174
00:07:44,904 --> 00:07:46,839
(muffled laughter)
175
00:07:46,890 --> 00:07:48,807
Why would you want somebody
to sit on your baby?
176
00:07:50,877 --> 00:07:52,778
Is he always like that?
177
00:07:52,812 --> 00:07:54,613
What are you, Peter Pan?
178
00:07:54,664 --> 00:07:56,598
(stammering)
179
00:07:56,649 --> 00:07:57,649
He's like...
like...
180
00:07:58,701 --> 00:08:00,569
He's like a robot, like a Benbot.
181
00:08:00,603 --> 00:08:01,637
(babbles)
182
00:08:03,406 --> 00:08:04,540
- I'm Ben Wheeler.
- Say something else.
183
00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:06,475
I'm so mad, I'm gonna
put my hands on my hips.
184
00:08:06,526 --> 00:08:08,527
Rawr!
185
00:08:08,561 --> 00:08:11,463
Okay, looks like someone's
back is feeling better.
186
00:08:11,498 --> 00:08:13,382
Danny, you can watch Emma, right?
187
00:08:14,384 --> 00:08:16,368
And sit on your baby!
188
00:08:16,402 --> 00:08:18,670
I just got that!
189
00:08:20,723 --> 00:08:22,658
Emma, pack your bag! We're
getting the hell out of here!
190
00:08:28,631 --> 00:08:29,765
Hey, sorry I'm late.
191
00:08:29,799 --> 00:08:31,567
I went to go pick up Penny some flowers,
192
00:08:31,601 --> 00:08:33,535
but they were ten bucks,
so I ditched that idea.
193
00:08:34,671 --> 00:08:36,555
Well, Penny's not coming, Ben.
194
00:08:36,589 --> 00:08:37,623
What? Why not?
195
00:08:37,657 --> 00:08:39,625
Because you're not ready for Penny.
196
00:08:39,659 --> 00:08:41,477
Well, then why am I here?
197
00:08:41,511 --> 00:08:43,545
Okay, I did an analysis,
and I found that there's
198
00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:46,515
one thing every failed relationship
you've ever had has in common.
199
00:08:46,566 --> 00:08:47,833
- What's that?
- You.
200
00:08:49,419 --> 00:08:50,803
You have to face the facts.
201
00:08:50,854 --> 00:08:52,654
I mean, when it comes to meeting women,
202
00:08:52,705 --> 00:08:53,889
you're all look and no listen.
203
00:08:53,923 --> 00:08:55,641
Thank you.
204
00:08:56,726 --> 00:08:58,660
It's... not a compliment.
205
00:08:59,813 --> 00:09:02,664
This just proves that we
need to build a better Ben.
206
00:09:02,699 --> 00:09:05,601
All right, so, let's do a little test.
207
00:09:05,603 --> 00:09:07,619
Hi. I'm Brie.
208
00:09:07,654 --> 00:09:10,489
I'm from Alaska, and I love skiing
209
00:09:10,523 --> 00:09:11,707
and archeology.
210
00:09:11,741 --> 00:09:15,477
Okay, now ask me a question
about something I just said.
211
00:09:15,512 --> 00:09:17,846
Whoa.
212
00:09:17,881 --> 00:09:20,833
"Seven days of sexy bras."
Riley, go to page 92 real quick.
213
00:09:23,403 --> 00:09:26,622
It's like trying to train
a dog to use a typewriter.
214
00:09:26,673 --> 00:09:27,806
Only harder.
215
00:09:31,628 --> 00:09:32,644
Oh, my god, no!
216
00:09:37,381 --> 00:09:38,481
Grab it, and...
217
00:09:38,532 --> 00:09:40,249
(groans)
218
00:09:41,435 --> 00:09:43,369
Do not take being young for granted.
219
00:09:43,371 --> 00:09:46,606
Some mornings, my boobs
touch my toes before I do.
220
00:09:47,625 --> 00:09:49,258
Good morning, ladies.
221
00:09:49,293 --> 00:09:51,561
Now, who is ready for a beautiful day?
222
00:09:51,612 --> 00:09:52,645
Answer: me.
223
00:09:52,647 --> 00:09:54,163
Because I slept
like a guy who...
224
00:09:54,214 --> 00:09:55,632
Smoked two joints, ate four pizzas,
225
00:09:55,683 --> 00:09:58,651
and told the guy in 2C that
culottes are making a comeback?
226
00:09:58,686 --> 00:10:01,487
I should not have bought ten
pairs of those online last night.
227
00:10:01,489 --> 00:10:03,423
But I feel great.
228
00:10:03,457 --> 00:10:04,624
I can't wait to get to
practice. Thanks a lot, Mom.
229
00:10:04,626 --> 00:10:06,476
- Bye, honey.
- Bye.
230
00:10:06,527 --> 00:10:07,543
(door closes)
231
00:10:07,578 --> 00:10:11,397
Now remember, Emma, drugs
are never the answer.
232
00:10:12,416 --> 00:10:14,250
Unless the question is,
233
00:10:14,301 --> 00:10:17,203
"How come Grandma went to Mexico on
her honeymoon and didn't get a tan?"
234
00:10:18,389 --> 00:10:19,639
It's a thinker, it's okay.
235
00:10:21,275 --> 00:10:22,625
Hey, Mom, how do I look?
236
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:25,228
I'm about to go meet the future
Mrs. Ben Wheeler for lunch.
237
00:10:25,262 --> 00:10:27,246
Riley stayed up all night
building a better me.
238
00:10:27,297 --> 00:10:28,581
And I know what you're thinking,
239
00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:29,682
"How do you improve upon this?"
240
00:10:29,717 --> 00:10:31,567
Hm. Not what I was thinking.
241
00:10:32,636 --> 00:10:34,587
But she did, and now I'm ready to meet her.
242
00:10:34,589 --> 00:10:35,688
Okay?
243
00:10:35,739 --> 00:10:37,523
All right, Emma. I'll see
you later. Wish me luck.
244
00:10:37,525 --> 00:10:39,492
Oh, one more thing.
245
00:10:39,526 --> 00:10:41,444
I know you're the one
who wrote "Bonnie Rules"
246
00:10:41,478 --> 00:10:43,429
in spray cheese in the
hallway. Clean it up.
247
00:10:46,316 --> 00:10:47,350
Well, Bonnie does rule.
248
00:10:48,385 --> 00:10:50,236
All right, come on. (groans)
249
00:10:50,287 --> 00:10:52,255
Oh, god. Emma.
250
00:10:52,289 --> 00:10:53,306
Oh, my god, my back.
251
00:10:53,357 --> 00:10:55,324
All right, I'm going down. I'm going down.
252
00:10:55,359 --> 00:10:56,659
I'm going down. Emma, clear.
253
00:10:56,694 --> 00:10:58,211
I'm going down, I'm going down.
254
00:10:58,262 --> 00:10:59,579
(grunts)
255
00:10:59,613 --> 00:11:00,646
Oh, Emma.
256
00:11:00,648 --> 00:11:03,549
Emma, do you know how
to open the refrigerator?
257
00:11:04,568 --> 00:11:06,619
The Chardonnay's on the top shelf, run.
258
00:11:06,670 --> 00:11:07,603
Run!
259
00:11:08,605 --> 00:11:10,456
Which is why owning a bar is great.
260
00:11:10,491 --> 00:11:13,393
I mean, of course it's nowhere near
as impressive as being a lawyer.
261
00:11:13,395 --> 00:11:14,394
What's your specialty?
262
00:11:14,445 --> 00:11:16,396
Oh, my god, did you hear that?
263
00:11:16,430 --> 00:11:19,282
He brought the conversation back to her.
264
00:11:19,316 --> 00:11:20,400
My heart is so full right now.
265
00:11:24,271 --> 00:11:26,372
Is it me or is it really hot in here?
266
00:11:29,243 --> 00:11:30,243
So, um...
267
00:11:31,261 --> 00:11:33,246
you were saying something about... the law?
268
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,230
Yeah.
269
00:11:34,281 --> 00:11:35,832
I loved law school.
270
00:11:35,866 --> 00:11:37,683
- I went to the University of Rhode Island...
- (Thinking) Don't look down.
271
00:11:37,718 --> 00:11:39,469
- (continues talking)
- Don't look down.
272
00:11:39,503 --> 00:11:40,536
Dude, come on.
273
00:11:40,571 --> 00:11:42,438
family program for their law school.
274
00:11:42,473 --> 00:11:43,723
Oh, no, what did she say?
275
00:11:43,774 --> 00:11:46,375
Something about Rhode Island?
Say something about Rhode Island!
276
00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:47,477
I love Rhode Island!
277
00:11:49,530 --> 00:11:51,264
(thinking) Nailed it.
278
00:11:51,298 --> 00:11:52,398
I wonder if those are real.
279
00:11:52,433 --> 00:11:54,383
He's out, Riley.
280
00:11:54,418 --> 00:11:55,685
I lost him.
281
00:11:55,719 --> 00:11:57,353
What? No, no, no. Penny, come on!
282
00:11:57,387 --> 00:11:59,372
No! I was just momentarily distracted.
283
00:11:59,406 --> 00:12:01,240
God!
284
00:12:01,275 --> 00:12:02,308
I can't believe I blew it.
285
00:12:02,342 --> 00:12:03,609
It's okay.
286
00:12:03,644 --> 00:12:05,278
You know, I knew you would.
287
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,629
So, that was a practice Penny.
288
00:12:08,182 --> 00:12:10,216
What? You expected me to fail?
289
00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:12,635
Oh, come on. Even you expected you to fail.
290
00:12:12,669 --> 00:12:15,571
Okay, well if you think you know me
so well, what am I thinking right now?
291
00:12:15,606 --> 00:12:17,457
You're wondering if they're real or not.
292
00:12:17,459 --> 00:12:18,508
Okay, well what am I thinking right now?
293
00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:19,592
- Same thing.
- Damn it.
294
00:12:22,379 --> 00:12:23,412
Hey, Mom.
295
00:12:23,447 --> 00:12:24,430
Hey, honey.
296
00:12:24,432 --> 00:12:27,366
Mom, I just had my best
practice of the season.
297
00:12:27,401 --> 00:12:28,417
Even the coach noticed.
298
00:12:28,469 --> 00:12:29,852
Yeah, really? What'd he say?
299
00:12:29,887 --> 00:12:33,339
Nothing. But he usually says I suck,
so "nothing" is a huge improvement.
300
00:12:33,341 --> 00:12:35,274
Oh, and get this,
301
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:37,376
I found out that we're gonna have
a drug test before the game tonight,
302
00:12:37,378 --> 00:12:40,229
so how lucky is it that we smoked
last night, not this morning?
303
00:12:41,281 --> 00:12:42,615
What? Danny!
304
00:12:42,666 --> 00:12:45,635
Marijuana stays in your
system for like two weeks.
305
00:12:45,686 --> 00:12:48,654
If it didn't, I would be an air
traffic controller right now.
306
00:12:48,705 --> 00:12:50,556
What?
307
00:12:50,591 --> 00:12:52,441
No, no, no. This isn't happening!
308
00:12:52,493 --> 00:12:55,378
The first time I do the pot,
I totally ruin my career?
309
00:12:55,429 --> 00:12:56,462
This is all your fault.
310
00:12:56,464 --> 00:12:57,563
Okay, all right, Danny, just relax.
311
00:12:57,598 --> 00:12:59,499
Okay, you hardly smoked any, all right?
312
00:12:59,533 --> 00:13:02,468
Hey, although a puff or two right
now might calm you right down.
313
00:13:02,503 --> 00:13:04,237
Mom! Drug test!
314
00:13:04,288 --> 00:13:05,505
All right, you're right, you're right.
315
00:13:05,539 --> 00:13:08,257
You know what, people outsmart
these tests all the time.
316
00:13:08,308 --> 00:13:09,358
We just have to find out how they do it.
317
00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:11,210
Okay.
318
00:13:11,245 --> 00:13:13,179
"How to pass a drug test."
319
00:13:13,213 --> 00:13:14,330
No, not rug test.
320
00:13:14,364 --> 00:13:17,216
Oh, my gosh, these are some nice rugs.
321
00:13:17,267 --> 00:13:19,152
I should probably just totally
rearrange my living room.
322
00:13:19,203 --> 00:13:20,253
$400,
are you...
323
00:13:20,255 --> 00:13:21,637
Mom! Come on, focus!
324
00:13:21,672 --> 00:13:23,523
Yeah, yeah, yeah, honey.
I'm sorry, I might have had
325
00:13:23,574 --> 00:13:24,624
one too many of those cookies earlier.
326
00:13:25,659 --> 00:13:27,476
Wait, these cookies?
327
00:13:28,545 --> 00:13:30,546
Danny! No! Oh, god!
328
00:13:30,581 --> 00:13:32,431
What is wrong with you?
329
00:13:32,482 --> 00:13:34,400
Those cookies are full of pot.
330
00:13:34,402 --> 00:13:35,585
What?
331
00:13:35,619 --> 00:13:38,254
Who would bake pot into
perfectly innocent cookies?
332
00:13:39,473 --> 00:13:42,308
It was probably that awful Mary Jane.
333
00:13:44,661 --> 00:13:46,679
I am gonna go find her,
334
00:13:46,713 --> 00:13:49,615
and when I do, I am gonna
give her a piece of my mind.
335
00:13:54,713 --> 00:13:57,765
Pulled a lot of strings with my boss
to get us into the firm's skybox,
336
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,367
so do not let me down, Wheeler.
337
00:13:59,401 --> 00:14:00,752
Otherwise, the next box that I get you into
338
00:14:00,786 --> 00:14:02,637
will have handles on the side.
339
00:14:02,671 --> 00:14:04,739
Oh, she of little faith, I got this.
340
00:14:04,773 --> 00:14:07,558
And if I don't, I got the popcorn
girl's number just in case.
341
00:14:07,626 --> 00:14:09,560
(chuckles) I'm just... totally kidding.
342
00:14:11,630 --> 00:14:12,597
Penny!
343
00:14:12,631 --> 00:14:14,465
Find a Penny, pick her up.
344
00:14:14,516 --> 00:14:15,516
Don't say that.
345
00:14:15,518 --> 00:14:17,452
Penny, hi. Uh, this is Ben.
346
00:14:17,503 --> 00:14:18,586
Hi, pleasure to meet you.
347
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:21,356
Hi, Ben. Riley's told me a lot about you.
348
00:14:21,358 --> 00:14:23,358
Oh, well you know, she's
a notorious liar, so...
349
00:14:23,392 --> 00:14:24,459
Don't worry, it was all good.
350
00:14:24,493 --> 00:14:26,361
Like I said, she's a notorious liar.
351
00:14:26,363 --> 00:14:27,762
(chuckles) I can't wait to hear about you.
352
00:14:29,348 --> 00:14:30,365
(thinking) Wow.
353
00:14:30,399 --> 00:14:31,783
She has beautiful eyes.
354
00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:33,735
There's something you don't see everyday.
355
00:14:33,769 --> 00:14:35,319
Quick, do something nice.
356
00:14:35,371 --> 00:14:36,671
Let me hang that up for you.
357
00:14:37,689 --> 00:14:39,574
Oh, you know what, hey, why don't I do it?
358
00:14:39,608 --> 00:14:41,592
I mean, I seem to be
standing in the way anyway.
359
00:14:41,627 --> 00:14:43,628
And now I'm just standing
here talking to myself.
360
00:14:43,662 --> 00:14:45,646
So, might as well go drink by myself.
361
00:14:47,549 --> 00:14:48,583
Up high,
362
00:14:48,634 --> 00:14:51,469
down low, real slow.
363
00:14:51,537 --> 00:14:52,587
(chuckles)
364
00:14:52,621 --> 00:14:54,389
Yeah.
365
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,473
- Danny.
- What?
366
00:14:55,524 --> 00:14:57,325
- Danny.
- Huh? What?
367
00:14:57,376 --> 00:14:59,427
I G-O-T the pee.
368
00:15:01,313 --> 00:15:02,413
You got goat pee?
369
00:15:02,448 --> 00:15:03,748
Oh, god!
370
00:15:03,782 --> 00:15:06,434
No! Just regular pee, you big stoner.
371
00:15:06,468 --> 00:15:08,736
Okay. All right, this is Emma's.
372
00:15:08,787 --> 00:15:11,305
And unless she's sparking
up behind our backs,
373
00:15:11,340 --> 00:15:12,340
it's clean.
374
00:15:12,342 --> 00:15:13,608
So, um...
375
00:15:13,610 --> 00:15:14,742
just sneak this into your drug test, okay?
376
00:15:14,777 --> 00:15:16,627
Oh, my god, Mom, thank you so much!
377
00:15:16,678 --> 00:15:17,762
I couldn't have done it without you.
378
00:15:17,796 --> 00:15:19,647
Oh, wait, wait.
379
00:15:19,649 --> 00:15:20,715
Someone else is hugging you.
380
00:15:20,749 --> 00:15:21,716
Oh.
381
00:15:21,718 --> 00:15:24,652
Oh, never mind, it was just my other hand.
382
00:15:26,655 --> 00:15:28,506
Ah, you're the best Mom ever.
383
00:15:28,557 --> 00:15:30,491
Well, actually, the best Mom
would be the one who didn't
384
00:15:30,526 --> 00:15:31,476
tell you to smoke a bunch of weed.
385
00:15:32,561 --> 00:15:33,594
Wait.
386
00:15:33,596 --> 00:15:36,397
- Where's the bottle?
- What bottle?
387
00:15:36,432 --> 00:15:39,434
The bottle! The bottle that
is gonna save your career.
388
00:15:39,485 --> 00:15:40,768
Stop that!
389
00:15:40,770 --> 00:15:41,786
All right.
390
00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:43,721
Oh, my god, Danny, do
you know how hard it is
391
00:15:43,755 --> 00:15:46,324
to get a baby to pee into a funnel?
392
00:15:46,358 --> 00:15:48,376
Okay, don't worry, I will
find it. Just stay here and...
393
00:15:48,410 --> 00:15:49,760
(whispers) try not to act high. Okay?
394
00:15:57,753 --> 00:15:59,554
I'm not high.
395
00:16:02,458 --> 00:16:03,558
Quit looking at me.
396
00:16:05,544 --> 00:16:08,396
You know what, I'm really glad we met.
397
00:16:08,398 --> 00:16:10,281
You're a great listener
398
00:16:10,315 --> 00:16:12,467
and might I add, definitely
one of the good guys.
399
00:16:12,501 --> 00:16:15,753
Mm, thanks. It's not easy for us nice
guys to get the recognition we deserve.
400
00:16:16,805 --> 00:16:17,755
Oh, no.
401
00:16:17,806 --> 00:16:19,690
Is everything okay?
402
00:16:19,725 --> 00:16:21,659
Ben, I am so glad I found you.
403
00:16:21,693 --> 00:16:23,628
Uh, Mom, this is Penny. Penny, Mom.
404
00:16:23,679 --> 00:16:25,563
Also, Mom, that's the door.
405
00:16:25,597 --> 00:16:27,648
Door, Mom. Mom, door!
406
00:16:27,683 --> 00:16:30,501
Your brother is high as a kite
right now and he needs your help.
407
00:16:30,536 --> 00:16:31,569
(snorts)
408
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:32,653
Could you excuse us for just two seconds?
409
00:16:35,557 --> 00:16:36,641
Mom,
410
00:16:36,692 --> 00:16:39,510
I did not spend the last
48 hours de-Ben-ing myself
411
00:16:39,545 --> 00:16:41,395
so you could Wheeler me back in.
412
00:16:41,430 --> 00:16:44,465
Just whiz into this bottle so your
brother will pass his drug test
413
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:45,466
and he can stay on the team.
414
00:16:45,517 --> 00:16:46,801
All right, and then I'll be on my way.
415
00:16:46,835 --> 00:16:48,753
- I just went, I'm all tapped out.
- (scoffs)
416
00:16:48,787 --> 00:16:49,754
What am I supposed to do?
417
00:16:49,805 --> 00:16:51,372
Just walk up to some random stranger
418
00:16:51,406 --> 00:16:52,773
and ask if I can borrow a cup of pee?
419
00:16:52,775 --> 00:16:54,375
I already tried that.
420
00:16:55,394 --> 00:16:56,694
Is everything okay?
421
00:16:57,746 --> 00:16:58,713
What about her?
422
00:16:58,747 --> 00:16:59,730
No.
423
00:17:03,635 --> 00:17:05,486
(grunts) Fine.
424
00:17:05,521 --> 00:17:06,654
(chuckles)
425
00:17:06,688 --> 00:17:08,589
Hey, um, Penny,
426
00:17:08,624 --> 00:17:10,474
this is actually pretty funny.
427
00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:13,361
Uh, but I was wondering if I could ask
you just a quick teensy, weensy favor
428
00:17:13,412 --> 00:17:15,463
that isn't weird at all.
429
00:17:15,514 --> 00:17:18,449
Will you mind, uh, filling
this bottle with your urine
430
00:17:18,483 --> 00:17:20,468
so my brother doesn't fail his drug test?
431
00:17:23,372 --> 00:17:24,405
I'll hold your wine.
432
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:32,713
Hey. Hey.
433
00:17:32,715 --> 00:17:33,714
Have you seen Danny Wheeler?
434
00:17:33,765 --> 00:17:35,650
Yeah. He's passed out in the training room.
435
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:38,669
If he doesn't turn his cup in in
five minutes, he'll get suspended.
436
00:17:39,805 --> 00:17:41,572
Oh, my god. What am I gonna do?
437
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,464
Game on.
438
00:17:53,418 --> 00:17:54,502
(deep voice) Wheeler.
439
00:17:55,537 --> 00:17:56,571
All right, time to go.
440
00:17:56,605 --> 00:17:58,406
Let's hit the ice!
441
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,458
(all cheering)
442
00:18:00,509 --> 00:18:03,361
Bonnie: Wait a second, I
forgot to put on my cup!
443
00:18:07,432 --> 00:18:09,734
I'm sorry. I screwed up.
444
00:18:09,768 --> 00:18:11,702
Any way that was also a fake Penny?
445
00:18:11,737 --> 00:18:13,271
Nope.
446
00:18:13,322 --> 00:18:16,557
You asked the actual girl
to pee in a water bottle.
447
00:18:16,559 --> 00:18:17,725
But you know what,
448
00:18:17,776 --> 00:18:19,660
you aren't the only one
that screwed this up.
449
00:18:19,711 --> 00:18:23,481
I can't believe I forgot to
factor in the whole Wheeler family.
450
00:18:23,515 --> 00:18:24,749
I can change you as much as I want,
451
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:28,536
but it takes a pretty special
person to love all the Wheelers.
452
00:18:28,587 --> 00:18:31,422
You should know. You kind of
have loved all the Wheelers.
453
00:18:31,456 --> 00:18:32,757
Shut it.
454
00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:36,360
Look,
455
00:18:36,395 --> 00:18:38,746
Riley, I may be all look and no listen,
456
00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:41,415
but I'm also all love and no judgment.
457
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:44,669
And that is the kind of person I
need to find for Emma and for me.
458
00:18:44,703 --> 00:18:46,520
The bottom line is
459
00:18:46,555 --> 00:18:49,624
if you don't find a guy asking you to
pee in a bottle on the first date funny,
460
00:18:49,675 --> 00:18:50,791
then I'm not the guy for you.
461
00:18:50,793 --> 00:18:54,745
I need a girl who likes me for me.
462
00:18:54,796 --> 00:18:57,665
I'm sure she's out there somewhere
and when the time's right,
463
00:18:57,699 --> 00:18:59,533
we'll find each other.
464
00:18:59,584 --> 00:19:01,419
Wow.
465
00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:03,437
That was really deep.
466
00:19:03,439 --> 00:19:05,356
Honey, um, hi.
467
00:19:05,390 --> 00:19:06,540
What... What are you doing?
What are you doing up here?
468
00:19:06,542 --> 00:19:08,342
Aren't you supposed to be down there?
469
00:19:08,377 --> 00:19:09,443
Wait, isn't that you?
470
00:19:09,478 --> 00:19:10,528
Wow.
471
00:19:10,562 --> 00:19:12,330
I'm playing great.
472
00:19:12,381 --> 00:19:13,381
- (crashing)
- (Crowd groans)
473
00:19:14,433 --> 00:19:16,450
Get up, Danny! Get up!
474
00:19:18,754 --> 00:19:20,438
(Zoey laughs)
475
00:19:20,472 --> 00:19:23,357
I can't believe you asked your date
to pee in a cup. That's hilarious.
476
00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:24,675
Right? Thank you.
477
00:19:27,696 --> 00:19:29,580
Oh, I, um... I
almost forgot. Um...
478
00:19:30,666 --> 00:19:32,316
Here's that bottle you wanted to borrow.
479
00:19:32,351 --> 00:19:35,569
Thanks. I'm completely out, I don't
know where they keep disappearing to.
480
00:19:35,604 --> 00:19:37,705
Just be glad you don't have
roommates that steal them for beer.
481
00:19:37,739 --> 00:19:38,723
(both chuckle)
482
00:19:39,758 --> 00:19:41,609
Anything else I can do for you?
483
00:19:44,646 --> 00:19:47,481
Uh, no. That was it.
484
00:19:47,532 --> 00:19:48,666
I'll see you around.
485
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:49,650
Okay.
486
00:19:53,655 --> 00:19:55,539
So much for that idea.
487
00:19:59,745 --> 00:20:01,545
Mommy!
488
00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:03,581
Yeah, I'm sorry, baby. That's not Mama.
489
00:20:03,632 --> 00:20:04,715
That's just a friend.
490
00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:06,667
I don't think she sees me that way.
491
00:20:06,718 --> 00:20:08,636
Hey, where you going, huh?
492
00:20:13,924 --> 00:20:15,175
Oh, there you are.
493
00:20:15,209 --> 00:20:17,043
I've been meaning to thank you
for helping me out last night.
494
00:20:17,094 --> 00:20:18,128
But I am done.
495
00:20:18,212 --> 00:20:19,929
I've learned my lesson.
496
00:20:19,964 --> 00:20:21,931
I am not using mind-altering
substances anymore.
497
00:20:24,935 --> 00:20:26,102
Well, that's nice, honey.
498
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:28,888
But you know what would really
help you learn your lesson?
499
00:20:28,890 --> 00:20:30,890
Being suspended for three games.
500
00:20:30,941 --> 00:20:32,025
- What?
- Yeah, it turns out
501
00:20:32,059 --> 00:20:34,027
that Penny Paulsen was
a bit of a pothead, so...
502
00:20:34,061 --> 00:20:37,063
Oh, god, my back. It's still killing me.
503
00:20:37,114 --> 00:20:39,032
(sighs deeply) Ow.
504
00:20:39,066 --> 00:20:40,984
Take two of these and
call me in the morning.
505
00:20:49,555 --> 00:20:51,690
And the student becomes the master.
506
00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:56,290
Repair and Synchronization by
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