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1
00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:02,309
(Banging on door)
2
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Tucker: Hey! Hey, little help?
3
00:00:04,430 --> 00:00:07,164
Hey, the bathroom door is stuck again, guys!
4
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,265
Ben: Emma?
5
00:00:08,301 --> 00:00:10,201
People, we got a runner.
6
00:00:10,236 --> 00:00:11,318
A pint-sized runner.
7
00:00:11,370 --> 00:00:12,937
Oh, there you are!
8
00:00:12,972 --> 00:00:14,972
- Hey.
- Hi!
9
00:00:15,024 --> 00:00:18,008
Dude, last night she climbed out
of her crib for the first time,
10
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,611
and then gave me a
"what are you gonna do about it?" Look.
11
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:21,946
What am I gonna do about it?
12
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,447
(Banging continues)
13
00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:24,598
Tucker: Hey, is somebody out there?
14
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:27,418
He baby-proofed the door
backwards and wrong.
15
00:00:27,453 --> 00:00:28,719
So, Tucker's in and can't get out.
16
00:00:28,771 --> 00:00:32,122
I would help him,
but I'm very busy enjoying this breakfast.
17
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:33,324
Hey, speaking of breakfast,
18
00:00:33,359 --> 00:00:36,894
hey, do we have any non...
19
00:00:36,946 --> 00:00:38,996
okay. You know what?
20
00:00:39,031 --> 00:00:42,933
If this is another takeout menu from
the Chinese place, we will have words.
21
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:44,869
It's a note.
22
00:00:46,706 --> 00:00:48,539
"Hear ye, hear ye, listen close,
23
00:00:48,574 --> 00:00:50,774
"in just one day, a birthday toast.
24
00:00:50,810 --> 00:00:52,643
"It's Bonnie Wheeler's special day,
25
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,578
"so whoop it up, or you'll all pay.
26
00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:57,181
"Signed, anonymous."
27
00:00:57,216 --> 00:00:59,216
Man, I really thought it was from mom.
28
00:00:59,252 --> 00:01:01,185
Dude, oh my God!
29
00:01:01,220 --> 00:01:03,938
I promised mom a birthday party!
You know what this means?
30
00:01:03,990 --> 00:01:05,589
You have some things to plan?
31
00:01:05,625 --> 00:01:08,826
Yeah. Like, where to rent a getaway car,
or buy a ticket to anywhere but here.
32
00:01:08,828 --> 00:01:11,528
Emma? Emma? Where is she?
33
00:01:11,564 --> 00:01:13,380
- Hi.
- Hi.
34
00:01:13,416 --> 00:01:14,865
Tucker: Good news.
35
00:01:14,901 --> 00:01:17,368
At least one person around here
knows how to open a baby-proof door.
36
00:01:17,403 --> 00:01:18,552
Give me high-five!
37
00:01:18,604 --> 00:01:19,637
Yeah!
38
00:01:19,639 --> 00:01:22,373
(Theme music plays)
39
00:01:22,408 --> 00:01:25,442
It's amazing how
the unexpected
40
00:01:25,446 --> 00:01:28,227
Can take your life
and change direction
41
00:01:28,327 --> 00:01:31,728
- Sync and corrected by TheDelta -
- www.addic7ed.com -
42
00:01:31,751 --> 00:01:33,701
Okay people, we need invitations,
43
00:01:33,736 --> 00:01:36,353
decorations, food, music.
44
00:01:36,389 --> 00:01:39,573
And sadly, knowing my mom,
copious amounts of male nudity.
45
00:01:41,410 --> 00:01:43,327
Seriously,
when did this become so important?
46
00:01:43,379 --> 00:01:47,381
Last year, I had an away game,
so Ben was in charge of mom's birthday.
47
00:01:47,416 --> 00:01:49,249
It's a really long story.
48
00:01:53,306 --> 00:01:54,722
Oh, hey mom. What's going on?
49
00:01:54,757 --> 00:01:56,407
Oh, I don't know.
50
00:01:56,442 --> 00:01:59,643
Just sitting here about
to eat a whole sheet cake.
51
00:01:59,679 --> 00:02:01,178
Alone.
52
00:02:01,230 --> 00:02:03,397
For no reason whatsoever.
53
00:02:03,432 --> 00:02:05,182
Cool. Then can you watch Emma?
54
00:02:05,234 --> 00:02:06,600
I just got invited to this amazing party.
55
00:02:16,674 --> 00:02:18,926
So that's a no on watching Emma?
56
00:02:21,367 --> 00:02:23,283
I was sneezing sprinkles for a week.
57
00:02:24,437 --> 00:02:25,786
But look, the point is
58
00:02:25,838 --> 00:02:28,505
I felt so horrible, I promised I'd
throw her a giant bash this year.
59
00:02:28,541 --> 00:02:29,623
Exactly.
60
00:02:29,675 --> 00:02:30,674
You felt horrible.
61
00:02:30,710 --> 00:02:33,544
You said that you'd throw her a giant bash.
62
00:02:33,546 --> 00:02:35,379
Sounds like a "you" problem.
63
00:02:36,716 --> 00:02:38,432
If I could sneeze sprinkles?
64
00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:39,550
Never leave the house.
65
00:02:41,721 --> 00:02:43,554
Guys, come on!
66
00:02:43,606 --> 00:02:44,688
I have to do inventory at the bar,
67
00:02:44,724 --> 00:02:46,557
but Danny will do most of the heavy lifting.
68
00:02:46,609 --> 00:02:49,393
Why? There's nowhere for me to go but down.
69
00:02:49,428 --> 00:02:50,527
I'm already the good son.
70
00:02:51,897 --> 00:02:54,398
Look, can't you guys just put
together some kind of video tribute?
71
00:02:54,450 --> 00:02:58,369
You know, something that really captures
what a warm and loving person she is.
72
00:02:58,404 --> 00:03:01,538
Okay, suck-wads!
73
00:03:01,574 --> 00:03:04,408
I'm gonna skip the benefit
and go right to the doubt.
74
00:03:04,460 --> 00:03:06,585
You guys haven't done Jack for my birthday,
have you?
75
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,337
- Huh?
- Wha...
76
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:11,223
mom, calm down!
We're working on something...
77
00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:13,592
Big... and important...
78
00:03:13,644 --> 00:03:15,561
And surprisey.
79
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,564
You are throwing me a surprise party?
80
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:22,434
Oh my God, you are just the best son ever!
81
00:03:22,486 --> 00:03:24,503
Why can't you be more like your brother?
82
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,607
You know what?
Okay, I have to go practice my surprise face.
83
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,446
Yeah, you know what?
I gotta work on it. I'll work on it.
84
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:39,585
She should be practicing her
"I'm so disappointed in you" face.
85
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,420
Yeah. What's that one look like?
86
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:43,288
I don't know. I've never seen it.
87
00:03:44,759 --> 00:03:47,326
I see it every day.
88
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,294
Every day.
89
00:03:52,516 --> 00:03:53,715
Okay, lighting is good.
90
00:03:53,768 --> 00:03:56,301
Oh,
and if you could favor this side of my face,
91
00:03:56,353 --> 00:03:57,603
I'd really appreciate it.
92
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,438
It's the better half of perfection.
93
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,672
(Laughing)
94
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:03,175
Oh, and since I work in TV,
let me give you a quick lesson.
95
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:05,210
I point the phone at you and hit record?
96
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,179
Yeah. I think I got it.
97
00:04:07,181 --> 00:04:09,798
Right. Hold on.
98
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:11,850
Here you go, sweetie. Don't move, okay?
99
00:04:11,902 --> 00:04:14,603
All right. Mrs. Wheeler's birthday video.
100
00:04:14,638 --> 00:04:15,604
Take one.
101
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:17,589
In three, two...
102
00:04:17,641 --> 00:04:21,627
Mrs. Wheeler, what can I say?
103
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,530
Just, that I know in my heart
104
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,265
that you steal from us.
105
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:30,369
And I love how you think that you
can just boss everybody around.
106
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,138
Tucker, this is supposed to be a tribute.
107
00:04:33,174 --> 00:04:35,974
Yeah, I know. But I've got a lot
of stuff to get off my chest.
108
00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:39,645
Well, just do what you did when I told
you Ben and I officially broke up.
109
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:40,963
Right? Pretend to care.
110
00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:43,866
Oh, hey, how are you doing, anyway?
111
00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:46,552
Well, you know, things are getting better.
112
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,454
Thank you so much for asking. I...
113
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,506
- Oh, this is you pretending to care, isn't it?
- Ahh.
114
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:55,427
All right.
Mrs. Wheeler's birthday video. Take two.
115
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:56,462
Oh my God!
116
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,496
Emma!
117
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:58,964
Don't move!
118
00:04:58,999 --> 00:04:59,965
- (Gasps)
- (Clatter)
119
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,216
(Baby crying)
120
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:05,103
Stitches, Tucker, stitches!
121
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:08,023
Are you happy now? We broke the baby.
122
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,042
The doctor said she'll be fine.
123
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,644
Yeah, but we won't once we tell Ben.
124
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,613
For the last time,
will you please give me back my phone?
125
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,614
I have to call him!
126
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,015
Oh, hell no.
127
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:20,452
No, you can't just blurt out, "sorry,
we accidentally maimed your baby."
128
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:23,522
No, we have to find a window of opportunity.
129
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:24,506
When he's calm.
130
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,376
A window. Yeah, that's good.
131
00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:30,229
Yeah. We just have to make
sure that nobody finds out
132
00:05:30,231 --> 00:05:31,363
until we tell Ben ourselves.
133
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:32,414
- (Door banging)
- (Screams)
134
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:35,234
Bonnie: Hey! Let me out of here!
135
00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:38,270
- Oh, God.
- Mrs. Wheeler?
136
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,906
You, uh...
You didn't hear anything, did you?
137
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:43,725
I've heard nothing, I've seen nothing,
138
00:05:43,761 --> 00:05:46,028
which is starting to make me
think that there is nothing.
139
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,614
What is Ben doing for my birthday?
140
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,616
Lots. Tons. And you're gonna ruin it!
141
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,718
So, get happy, get excited,
142
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,520
but more importantly, get out.
143
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:55,721
Okay, okay, I'm going!
144
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,406
- God, I hope there's strippers.
- Yup.
145
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:58,490
There's strippers, right?
146
00:05:58,526 --> 00:05:59,591
Right, now where were we?
147
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,159
All right, we just need to find...
148
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,110
- what up?
- Aah!
149
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,295
Ben, hi, how's it going?
150
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,297
We were just playing an
impromptu game of peekaboo.
151
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:06,398
Both: Peekaboo!
152
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,166
What's with the bear?
153
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,269
Umm...
154
00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:13,038
Okay. All right, man.
Here's what happened, we were...
155
00:06:13,090 --> 00:06:14,940
We won it at a carnival!
156
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,842
You were at a carnival?
157
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,611
You're supposed to be helping,
not enjoying yourselves!
158
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:20,646
You're so selfish!
159
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:21,813
God, what about me?
160
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:23,699
Okay, Ben. Here's what happened.
161
00:06:23,734 --> 00:06:26,518
You know,
I was pms-ing and craving a funnel cake.
162
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:27,719
I mean, you know what happens,
163
00:06:27,771 --> 00:06:30,589
I just get bloated,
and I get so crampy and cranky...
164
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,558
okay, I've heard enough. Thank you.
165
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,359
Love you, Emma. Bye.
166
00:06:36,513 --> 00:06:37,429
What was that?
167
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:39,231
Period card.
168
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:40,882
Totally freaks guys out.
169
00:06:40,935 --> 00:06:42,267
No!
170
00:06:42,303 --> 00:06:43,919
That was our window!
171
00:06:43,954 --> 00:06:46,071
Oh, yeah.
172
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,140
I can see now how that would have
been a good time to tell him.
173
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:52,461
Ben: You know Danny,
I think we're doing okay.
174
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:53,545
All right.
175
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:55,514
I've got the flowers ordered.
176
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:58,350
I've narrowed down the location
to her three favorite restaurants.
177
00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:00,302
And, I found a discount
version of the Chippendales.
178
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:02,621
Two guys named chip and Dale.
179
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,156
What's up with the music?
180
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,425
Oh, well you know how you wanted a dj,
but I wanted a band?
181
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:09,094
I found a guy named dj who's in a band!
182
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,129
How are we with RSVP?
183
00:07:11,165 --> 00:07:12,497
How would I know?
184
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:15,000
Because I said, "hey Danny,
how 'bout you handle mom's guests."
185
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,803
I thought you said "handle mom's dress."
186
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,973
None of the sales ladies would believe me
when I said I was trying them on for mom.
187
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,609
Dude, nobody's coming to her party?
188
00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:24,710
What's the matter with you?
189
00:07:24,762 --> 00:07:27,346
Hey, don't get mad at me!
None of this is my fault.
190
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:29,414
Oh really?
'Cause I'd say it was all your fault.
191
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,650
If mom hadn't gone into labor
with you on her 18th birthday,
192
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:34,586
dad probably never would have had to make
such a big deal out of it every year. God!
193
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,555
Wait...
194
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:39,291
My birthday's not for another two weeks.
195
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:42,361
Pfft, you're right man. My bad.
You know how I am with dates.
196
00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,196
Hey, good call on the dj guy.
197
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,799
Ben, what the hell is going on?
198
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:50,802
Are you telling me I was
actually born on mom's birthday,
199
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,938
and she's been lying to me my entire life,
200
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,806
making up some random date
201
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:58,410
so she could selfishly not
share her special day with me?
202
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:01,580
Wow. I was gonna lie, but I'm kinda proud
you actually put it all together yourself.
203
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,383
Oh my God!
204
00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:06,084
What does this mean?
205
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,085
Who am I?
206
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,388
Who are my real parents?
207
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,191
Same people,
208
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:15,761
just two weeks earlier.
209
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,696
And you've known about this the entire time?
210
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:18,914
Look, man, I'm sorry.
211
00:08:18,949 --> 00:08:20,165
I was sworn to secrecy
212
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,901
when I found your birth certificate
folded inside mom's diary.
213
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:25,587
Dude, she hated us.
214
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,572
I can't believe she would do this to me!
215
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,508
Danny! Danny! Wait, wait, wait!
216
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:31,510
Any chance you can tell her Tucker told you?
217
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:32,678
He runs faster than I do.
218
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,415
Hey!
219
00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:39,501
I hope I'm not walking into any surprises!
220
00:08:39,536 --> 00:08:42,354
How could you lie to me about
when my real birthday is?
221
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,059
Surprise.
222
00:08:56,444 --> 00:08:59,311
Okay. Coast looks clear. Let's move.
223
00:08:59,347 --> 00:09:02,148
Tucker, we can't keep hiding her.
224
00:09:02,183 --> 00:09:05,084
I mean, having a sleepover at my
place may have worked for one night,
225
00:09:05,119 --> 00:09:06,936
but we still have two days
until her stitches come out,
226
00:09:06,988 --> 00:09:08,254
and I can't keep living a lie!
227
00:09:08,289 --> 00:09:10,122
Get it together, Perrin!
228
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,891
You cannot crack on me now!
229
00:09:11,893 --> 00:09:13,959
We have got to be as solid as a rock wall.
230
00:09:15,730 --> 00:09:16,846
Riley did it!
231
00:09:16,898 --> 00:09:19,832
You two get in here. Now!
232
00:09:19,884 --> 00:09:22,635
Oh God, she's on to us.
233
00:09:25,790 --> 00:09:27,773
I need your help with
Danny's surprise party.
234
00:09:27,809 --> 00:09:31,277
- (Both sighing)
- Oh. Is that it? Okay.
235
00:09:31,312 --> 00:09:33,479
So, he finally found out you've been
lying to him about his birthday?
236
00:09:33,481 --> 00:09:35,331
Ben told you, too?
237
00:09:35,383 --> 00:09:37,183
No. You did.
238
00:09:37,235 --> 00:09:39,168
It was that week you signed
up for a medical trial.
239
00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:41,086
Oh, right. Ugh.
240
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,104
Oh my God.
241
00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:44,290
I am a horrible person.
242
00:09:44,325 --> 00:09:46,992
How could I do this to my own son?
243
00:09:47,028 --> 00:09:49,061
I mean, I really am the worst mother ever.
244
00:09:49,113 --> 00:09:51,931
Oh, no. That's not true.
245
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,968
You're right.
I don't know why I'm so hard on myself.
246
00:09:56,020 --> 00:09:57,603
You know what would make me feel better?
247
00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,438
A hug from my little love bug!
248
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:00,789
Hi! Okay. No...
249
00:10:00,842 --> 00:10:02,508
No, not you!
250
00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:04,443
Come here, sweetheart.
251
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,345
No, what are you doing? Get off of me.
252
00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:07,480
- Here, come here.
- I'm back!
253
00:10:07,515 --> 00:10:10,249
Okay, stop. You wish. Okay, right?
254
00:10:10,284 --> 00:10:11,650
What is wrong with you people?
255
00:10:11,686 --> 00:10:13,419
Oh, just wanna put her down for a nap.
256
00:10:13,454 --> 00:10:15,271
You know, trying to be responsible. Bye.
257
00:10:17,124 --> 00:10:18,257
You know what?
258
00:10:18,292 --> 00:10:21,026
I need to find that video
of me giving birth to Danny.
259
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,913
Yeah. Maybe a little guilt
will help smooth things over.
260
00:10:23,965 --> 00:10:25,865
Yeah, I just need to mute
the part where I screamed,
261
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,767
"oh my God, it's a monster!"
262
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,539
Can't you cancel the party you have booked?
263
00:10:33,574 --> 00:10:34,907
Just tell the kid his
birthday's in two weeks.
264
00:10:34,942 --> 00:10:37,610
That's what my mom did.
265
00:10:37,645 --> 00:10:38,661
Hello?
266
00:10:38,696 --> 00:10:40,412
(Groans)
267
00:10:40,448 --> 00:10:42,281
Hey, so, first of all,
268
00:10:42,316 --> 00:10:43,582
Happy Birthday,
269
00:10:43,618 --> 00:10:46,285
and second, you need to help me
find a venue for mom's party.
270
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:47,520
Help you?
271
00:10:47,555 --> 00:10:50,055
Why should I help you?
I'm not even sure we're brothers.
272
00:10:50,091 --> 00:10:51,123
Mom could've lied about that, too.
273
00:10:51,158 --> 00:10:52,825
Danny, like...
274
00:10:54,845 --> 00:10:56,695
Okay, you've actually got a point.
275
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,030
But,
you need to find a way to get over this.
276
00:10:58,082 --> 00:10:59,832
This isn't about you.
277
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:00,933
Well, it is.
278
00:11:00,968 --> 00:11:03,702
Again, Happy Birthday,
279
00:11:03,738 --> 00:11:05,738
but, can we let it be about
you starting next year?
280
00:11:05,773 --> 00:11:08,340
I know if I found out that she lied to me,
I'd be cool.
281
00:11:08,342 --> 00:11:09,375
Oh, really?
282
00:11:09,410 --> 00:11:11,277
Mom thinks you're a horrible bartender,
283
00:11:11,312 --> 00:11:13,312
bribed your soccer coach
to put you on the team,
284
00:11:13,347 --> 00:11:16,081
and paid Ashley Jenkins
$50 to go to prom with you.
285
00:11:16,117 --> 00:11:18,984
Well, I definitely got $50 worth.
286
00:11:19,020 --> 00:11:22,388
Look, Danny,
I don't know why mom did what she did,
287
00:11:22,423 --> 00:11:25,291
and I promise from now on,
we will celebrate your birthday,
288
00:11:25,326 --> 00:11:27,860
but this year, I have to take care of mom.
289
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,795
Why are you still throwing her a party?
290
00:11:29,830 --> 00:11:32,631
Because she's our mom, and she gave us life,
291
00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:35,467
and I need someone to
pick Emma up from daycare.
292
00:11:35,503 --> 00:11:37,836
Look, I don't want to see her.
I don't want to talk to her.
293
00:11:37,872 --> 00:11:40,806
I just want to sit here and
drink alone in an empty bar.
294
00:11:42,376 --> 00:11:43,375
Oh my God.
295
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,411
An empty bar. We can have her party here!
296
00:11:45,446 --> 00:11:47,179
I'll be right back.
I left the guest list at home.
297
00:11:48,199 --> 00:11:50,266
Well cross my name off that list!
298
00:11:53,237 --> 00:11:54,887
Riley. Riley.
299
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:57,022
- Huh?
- Riley. Guess who I am.
300
00:11:57,058 --> 00:12:00,993
"I love chardonnay and
stealing my son's birthdays."
301
00:12:01,028 --> 00:12:03,028
(Laughing)
302
00:12:03,064 --> 00:12:04,897
Ben.
303
00:12:06,734 --> 00:12:07,716
Oh, hey what's up, Ben?
304
00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:10,769
Nice.
305
00:12:10,805 --> 00:12:12,504
I'd be pissed if it wasn't so dead on.
306
00:12:14,709 --> 00:12:17,242
Oh my God, look at this place.
307
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:18,477
Did you do all this to help me with mom?
308
00:12:18,512 --> 00:12:22,364
Yes. Yes, we did,
309
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,334
because we're awesome.
310
00:12:25,386 --> 00:12:27,069
Oh my God! You're amazing.
311
00:12:27,104 --> 00:12:29,321
But hey, change of plans, we're actually
having my mom's party at the bar now.
312
00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:31,123
So, I'm gonna bring some
of this stuff down there.
313
00:12:31,158 --> 00:12:33,792
- Is it cool if you watch Emma for just a little bit longer?
- Yeah!
314
00:12:33,828 --> 00:12:34,827
Yeah, yeah, sure.
315
00:12:34,862 --> 00:12:37,062
Um, but, uh, you owe us big time.
316
00:12:37,098 --> 00:12:38,998
You are seriously the best friends ever.
317
00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:40,866
Is she sleeping?
I feel like I haven't seen her all day.
318
00:12:40,901 --> 00:12:42,051
Oh, no, no, no, she's not.
319
00:12:42,086 --> 00:12:44,486
But, I just put her in her
costume for the tribute video,
320
00:12:44,538 --> 00:12:45,671
and it's a surprise.
321
00:12:45,706 --> 00:12:48,440
The hat is hilarious! Right, Tucker?
322
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:49,742
It's adorbs. It'll have you in stitches.
323
00:12:49,777 --> 00:12:50,709
Yeah.
324
00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:58,467
Oh. Honey.
325
00:12:58,519 --> 00:13:00,152
You're here.
326
00:13:00,187 --> 00:13:01,320
I didn't know you'd be back so soon.
327
00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:05,958
So, I got you a cake.
328
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:08,694
"Happy Birthday, Eugene"?
329
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:11,030
Wait, is that my real name?
330
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:13,716
No, honey.
331
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:16,769
Eugene is the son of the
woman I bought it off of.
332
00:13:16,821 --> 00:13:20,472
Now there's a bad mom.
333
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,624
Okay, listen. This isn't quite ready,
334
00:13:22,660 --> 00:13:25,210
but I just want to give
you a little sneak preview
335
00:13:25,246 --> 00:13:28,414
of all that I've been doing to
show you how sorry I am, okay?
336
00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:30,449
Surprise!
337
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:35,220
Well, looks like you and Eugene's
mom have a lot in common.
338
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:41,660
Really, mom? Now you're just gonna
mock me on my biological birthday?
339
00:13:42,763 --> 00:13:44,563
Where the hell is everything?
340
00:13:44,598 --> 00:13:46,699
There was an entire party set up.
341
00:13:46,751 --> 00:13:48,550
Yeah, sure. Nice try.
342
00:13:48,602 --> 00:13:49,735
You really will say anything, won't you?
343
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,336
No, Danny, you don't understand...
344
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,438
sure I do!
345
00:13:52,473 --> 00:13:54,606
You always have to have
all the attention on you!
346
00:13:54,642 --> 00:13:57,376
You sacrifice your own son's birthday
because you don't want to share it!
347
00:13:57,411 --> 00:13:58,477
No, Danny, that's not...
348
00:13:58,502 --> 00:14:00,412
You have literally lied
to me my entire life.
349
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,381
You know what's worse than you being a liar?
350
00:14:02,416 --> 00:14:04,116
You're selfish!
351
00:14:04,151 --> 00:14:05,884
You don't care about anyone but you!
352
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:10,155
You know what? You can have your birthday
back because I don't want it anymore!
353
00:14:10,191 --> 00:14:11,924
I don't want it either, mom!
354
00:14:11,959 --> 00:14:13,659
If that's even your real name!
355
00:14:15,162 --> 00:14:17,980
Yeah, you know what? You're not the
only one who can slam doors around here!
356
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:20,833
(Knob rattling)
357
00:14:20,868 --> 00:14:23,335
Oh, damn it! The wrong door.
358
00:14:26,548 --> 00:14:27,514
Hey, is anybody home?
359
00:14:27,549 --> 00:14:28,648
Bonnie: Ooh, Ben, Ben!
360
00:14:28,684 --> 00:14:30,700
Ben, please help me open this door!
361
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:33,487
And where the hell are all
of Danny's decorations?
362
00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:36,089
Danny's decorations?
363
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,258
Bonnie: Uh, Ben, the door?
364
00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:40,927
What's that?
No, you have a good day, I'll see you soon!
365
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,195
Bonnie: Ben!
366
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,902
- Hey.
- (Both scream)
367
00:14:50,773 --> 00:14:52,672
Hey, why didn't you tell me
those decorations were for Danny?
368
00:14:52,708 --> 00:14:53,774
Stop yelling at me!
369
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,543
God,
we've been so busy taking care of your child
370
00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:57,711
and shooting your mom's video.
371
00:14:57,746 --> 00:14:59,646
I'm stressed Ben! You're stressing me out!
372
00:14:59,698 --> 00:15:02,332
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah!
And he's stressing me out!
373
00:15:02,384 --> 00:15:04,434
That's a lot of stress, Ben!
We're full of stress!
374
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,420
You know what, I'm sorry.
375
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,456
Everybody's mad at everybody because of me.
376
00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:11,491
All I want to do is get
this party over with.
377
00:15:11,527 --> 00:15:13,927
Oh, and by the way,
my mom's stuck in the bathroom.
378
00:15:13,962 --> 00:15:16,029
If you can not let her out until I get back,
that would be great.
379
00:15:16,064 --> 00:15:18,832
I have absolutely no problem with that.
380
00:15:21,804 --> 00:15:23,770
(Banging on the door)
381
00:15:25,808 --> 00:15:26,840
Oh my God.
382
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:28,675
Wait, this is perfect.
383
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:32,445
Bonnie: Okay, I swear if someone
doesn't open this door immediately,
384
00:15:32,481 --> 00:15:34,347
I'm gonna start flushing things!
385
00:15:34,383 --> 00:15:35,582
(Toilet flushes)
386
00:15:35,617 --> 00:15:36,650
You hear that?
387
00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:39,452
That was somebody's toothbrush!
388
00:15:39,488 --> 00:15:41,321
Oh, damn it, it was mine!
389
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,143
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
390
00:15:47,179 --> 00:15:49,830
Yeah. Yeah, while she's stuck in there,
391
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,898
we re-stage Emma's fall out here,
392
00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:52,899
blame it on her,
393
00:15:52,935 --> 00:15:53,917
take Emma to the E.R.,
394
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:55,035
and tell Ben it just happened.
395
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:57,938
I was gonna suggest we
eat some of this cake,
396
00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,706
but your idea is much better.
397
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:04,477
Follow my lead.
398
00:16:04,513 --> 00:16:06,496
(Banging on the door)
399
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:07,731
Oh, look, Riley!
400
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:11,318
Emma is walking towards
Mrs. Wheeler's purse.
401
00:16:11,353 --> 00:16:13,386
Oh. Oh, be careful, Emma!
402
00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:18,141
You might trip on these straps
left carelessly on the floor.
403
00:16:18,193 --> 00:16:20,243
Bonnie: Wh... what's going on?
404
00:16:20,295 --> 00:16:21,294
- (Thud)
- (Bonnie gasps)
405
00:16:21,330 --> 00:16:22,295
Bonnie: Emma!
406
00:16:22,331 --> 00:16:25,999
Oh no, Emma tripped and fell on her head.
407
00:16:26,034 --> 00:16:28,985
Oh my God, there's blood everywhere!
408
00:16:29,037 --> 00:16:31,838
Bonnie: Oh my God, oh my God, let me out!
409
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,857
(Pounding at the door) Emma,
honey, don't you worry, sweetie!
410
00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:35,609
We should go to the E.R.
411
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,678
We'll take care of you, Emma!
You're in good hands now!
412
00:16:38,714 --> 00:16:40,780
Bonnie: Emma, don't worry, grandma's coming!
413
00:16:40,816 --> 00:16:42,349
(Door rattling intensifies) Oh my God!
414
00:16:42,384 --> 00:16:44,284
(Screaming frantically)
415
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,586
(Screaming)
416
00:16:48,323 --> 00:16:49,272
What's going on?
417
00:16:49,324 --> 00:16:50,323
Emma fell!
418
00:16:50,325 --> 00:16:52,092
They're taking her to the emergency room!
419
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,426
Oh God, I gotta call Ben!
420
00:16:53,428 --> 00:16:55,028
(Breathing heavily) Okay. Oh.
421
00:16:55,063 --> 00:16:56,129
(Phone rings)
422
00:16:56,164 --> 00:16:57,330
Oh. (Groans)
423
00:16:57,366 --> 00:16:58,815
He left his phone here.
424
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:01,034
Okay. I'll go to the bar and get him,
and meet you at the E.R.
425
00:17:01,036 --> 00:17:05,822
All right? Okay! Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
426
00:17:11,046 --> 00:17:12,579
Ben! Ben!
427
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:15,715
Okay. Emma's okay, but she fell.
428
00:17:15,751 --> 00:17:18,585
- What?
- Riley and Tucker took her to the emergency room.
429
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,487
Wait, did you steal my decorations?
430
00:17:20,522 --> 00:17:22,289
My baby!
431
00:17:22,324 --> 00:17:23,356
Yeah, wait for me. Wait for me.
432
00:17:26,361 --> 00:17:28,495
No, Ben! Ben!
Come back, you've got the keys!
433
00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:31,197
(Rattling the door handle)
434
00:17:31,233 --> 00:17:32,165
(Sighs)
435
00:17:34,036 --> 00:17:36,036
Okay.
436
00:17:36,071 --> 00:17:39,906
If this is my surprise party,
you can all come out now.
437
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,526
Yeah, I didn't think so.
438
00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:47,514
Emma! Oh my God,
I went everywhere looking for you guys.
439
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:48,581
Is she okay?
440
00:17:48,617 --> 00:17:49,699
She's fine.
441
00:17:49,751 --> 00:17:52,552
You'd be amazed at how quickly babies heal.
442
00:17:52,554 --> 00:17:57,490
Yeah, you're gonna love these new 24-hour
stitches that'll come out tomorrow.
443
00:17:57,526 --> 00:18:00,293
Stitches? Will she have a scar?
444
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,062
Oh God,
I can't believe I wasn't there for her.
445
00:18:02,097 --> 00:18:03,279
Oh God, oh God.
446
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:05,115
Is she okay?
447
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,133
Oh. Oh...
448
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:10,103
Oh, by the way,
I also ripped the bar door off its hinges.
449
00:18:10,138 --> 00:18:12,772
You might wanna call somebody.
450
00:18:12,808 --> 00:18:13,807
Mom, she's fine.
451
00:18:13,809 --> 00:18:15,809
But look, I'm so sorry.
452
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,010
I totally messed up your birthday again.
453
00:18:17,045 --> 00:18:18,762
Oh, no, you didn't.
454
00:18:18,814 --> 00:18:21,681
Emma's okay, and that's all that matters.
455
00:18:21,717 --> 00:18:23,516
I know, little boo-boo.
456
00:18:23,552 --> 00:18:24,818
Just a little one.
457
00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:28,254
And honey, I shouldn't have put
so much pressure on you. Okay?
458
00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:30,590
And this whole Danny thing,
it was completely my fault.
459
00:18:30,625 --> 00:18:32,425
You know,
I should have just told him the truth.
460
00:18:32,461 --> 00:18:34,194
Fine.
461
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,245
I'm listening.
462
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,047
If you even know what the truth is.
463
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:41,234
Okay, you know what, Danny?
Here's the truth.
464
00:18:41,236 --> 00:18:43,920
Yes, I was being selfish.
465
00:18:43,972 --> 00:18:45,872
Completely selfish.
466
00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:48,958
And it started out about me not
wanting to share my birthday,
467
00:18:49,011 --> 00:18:51,945
but,
it became about me not wanting to share you.
468
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:55,515
When it was time for you to start school,
469
00:18:55,550 --> 00:18:57,751
I wasn't ready to let you go.
470
00:18:57,786 --> 00:18:59,719
You were my baby.
471
00:18:59,755 --> 00:19:01,488
My first.
472
00:19:01,523 --> 00:19:03,456
I mean, we were a team, you and I.
473
00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:08,128
And then I found out that if I told them
that your birthday was two weeks later,
474
00:19:08,163 --> 00:19:10,397
you missed the cutoff.
475
00:19:10,432 --> 00:19:13,166
And you got to stay home
with me for another year.
476
00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:17,303
And Danny,
that was the best year of my life.
477
00:19:20,208 --> 00:19:21,975
You made me start school early.
478
00:19:23,712 --> 00:19:26,679
Trust me, it was best for both of us.
479
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,767
Can you ever forgive me?
480
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:36,539
It's okay, mom.
481
00:19:38,727 --> 00:19:40,693
I'll always be your baby.
482
00:19:40,729 --> 00:19:42,662
And, I'm proud to share
the same birthday with you.
483
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:46,583
And I promise not to make
it all about me anymore.
484
00:19:46,635 --> 00:19:50,754
(Laughing hysterically)
485
00:19:50,806 --> 00:19:53,640
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, that wasn't a joke?
486
00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:57,644
Well, mom,
I didn't pull off much of a surprise,
487
00:19:57,679 --> 00:20:00,563
but Happy Birthday. I love you.
488
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:03,650
Aww, and I love my boys.
489
00:20:03,685 --> 00:20:05,518
Happy Birthday, Danny.
490
00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:07,570
Happy Birthday, mom.
491
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:10,573
I don't know who "Eugene" is,
but I'm eating his cake.
492
00:20:14,565 --> 00:20:19,020
Mrs. Wheeler, Mrs. Wheeler.
Get ready to be wowed.
493
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,169
Okay.
494
00:20:20,221 --> 00:20:22,304
Happy Birthday, mom.
495
00:20:22,340 --> 00:20:24,256
We love you.
496
00:20:24,258 --> 00:20:26,425
Hope it's a great one,
Mrs. Wheeler.
497
00:20:26,477 --> 00:20:29,311
Mrs. Wheeler, what can I say?
498
00:20:29,347 --> 00:20:31,313
You steal my heart.
499
00:20:31,349 --> 00:20:34,033
I love you.
500
00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:38,633
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