Original subtitles

Check that shit out.

Oh.

Think you could hit that?

- Hmm? - Yeah.

- Gonna choke? - No.

Don't take it if you're gonna choke.

Is that heavy? Is that okay?

- Feel it? - I got it. I got it.

- You sure? - Yeah.

You okay? You seem tense.

Damn it.

Here. Give that to me.

Wow.

Truck?

Shit!

Hey. Come here.

Happy birthday, Ted.

What's this?

I don't know. Ain't gonna open itself.

Oh yeah, just so you know...

As soon as the baby comes, quitting this shit.

Dad gave this to you.

I'm giving it to you. Get in.

Where you been?

Teddy, be a good boy and get me another one, huh?

Now?

It's late.

I don't smell dinner being cooked.

Where'd you get that?

Talking to you, boy.

Truck took me to shoot the rifle.

Are you a fucking idiot?

You took him shooting?

It's his birthday.

And the cops find you shooting my gun,

they're gonna take it, and I ain't fucking paying for it.

Where's the gun? Give me the gun.

Don't you ever go behind my back again.

I swear, you're like a fucking bitch sometimes.

So, it's your birthday, huh?

Yeah.

I swear, Teddy...

Every day, you look more and more like your mom.

Isn't that right, Jimmy?

Yep.

Fix me some dinner.

I'll take care of him.

Fucking... cocksuckers missed the base.

Missed the fucking base.

Hey, which team am I gonna kick your ass with tonight?

I can't tonight. I'm going out with the boys.

Last night of summer.

Truck!

Oh, my god.

Shh! Shut the fuck up, ass.

- My dad's asleep. - Well, fucking get your ass out here.

We got three cases of fucking shitty beer, and we're not drinking it without you.

Hey, get the fuck off my dad's car.

Hey, Truck, did you ask your brother about the, uh, yearbook?

Oh, you still got that yearbook?

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah.

What's it for?

Recreational use.

Can I come?

It's a school night.

Let's go!

Whoo-hoo!

Okay, so, remind me why are we doing this, again?

What?

It's fun.

Right. Because you're such a shoo-in for the team.

Hey.

It's kind of weird having your brother around with us, you know?

Yeah.

Since when did Kallea grow tits?

Okay, go long on this one.

I'm ready.

What the fuck?

Oh, shit.

Hey, what is your damage?

Fucking freshmen.

Problem with fucking with someone you don't know? 'Cause you don't know who you're fucking with.

Yeah? Fuck you, Hass.

Go play volleyball with the other chicks, buddy.

You okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Thanks. You didn't have to.

Of course I did.

You're little Truck.

See you guys later.

I didn't know you had your own personal bodyguard service, little Truck.

Oh, wow, Carl. You're so funny.

Ha ha. Eat my shorts, Kallea.

Okay, it's not the '90s anymore, you asshole.

You okay?

Yeah.

...really good guy.

He'll look back into...

Todd Blackledge stops by.

Huge college-football weekend.

And Peter Gammons and the first round of baseball postseason...

Where do you think you're going?

Um, I was gonna go to the game.

No, you're not.

Use that brain of yours on picks for tomorrow's games.

No, no, no. But Truck said that I could...

Sit the fuck down.

Yes, sir.

Cards place 6 versus the skins tomorrow.

What do you think?

Cardinals.

...has the ball, third and 10. Coming right. Hand-off.

Coming right through the line, and suddenly, out of nowhere, Truck Wheeler tackles him.

The ball comes loose.

The 'stangs have the ball.

- Boo! - Shit!

I saw your bike out front.

You're not going to the game?

My dad's beat.

By himself?

Yeah.

Wow. Lucky for you I'm staging a jailbreak.

You want to come?

It's fourth and 8. And it looks like the 'stangs are going for it.

You fucking see this fucking guy?

Fucking 14 passes.

Smoked his man all night like a fucking pack of smokes.

Yeah, we won.

It's nice, right, baby?

- Mm-hmm. - Hey, Truck.

Fucking save it for the fucking honeymoon.

- Truck. - Yo.

Teddy! Heard you got in your first fight today.

Oh. Not really.

Got a little help from Hass.

It was pretty awesome.

Took it like a fucking man.

You just now getting here?

Yeah. I was with dad.

You okay?

Yeah.

Better late than never, I always say.

Hey, I heard that you guys went for it on fourth and 8.

Kallea, I didn't think you'd be someone who liked football.

Kallea owns her own pads and cleats.

She actually plays in a league.

Remind me what position you play again.

Um, that would be kicker.

Hey!

Hey, you two want me to book you a room at the Ramada? It's half off tonight.

- You still got those coupons, right? - Oh, shit. I just ran out.

You got your six-pack for the party?

- Yeah. - All right.

What... what party?

It's a six-pack party. You need one to get in.

Got one for us?

Nope.

Hey, don't wake dad up when he's passed out, okay?

See ya, bug.

Why is Hass calling you bug?

Bug is like a Truck, only smaller.

Okay, he doesn't want you to go to a party. So what?

Hey, all we need is two six-packs.

We got to know someone that could hook us up.

Yeah, your brother.

Okay.

So I guess we're doing it ourselves.

Ted. Come on.

If you're trying to impress me, it's cool.

There will be other parties.

What are you doing?

Wait for me outside.

It's your funeral, dude.

All right. It's $12.51.

Out of $20?

$7.49.

Have a fun night...

With your soda.

Wait.

I-I forgot something.

All right.

Go get it.

Ted, come on.

What do you got in there?

You ever hear from your mom?

No? That's too bad.

You know I know your dad from back in the day.

Oh, that Ron Wheeler.

He was a good...

Guy.

He's a good guy.

All right, get out of here.

Go on.

Oh, tell your dad that, uh, Laurie said hi.

All right, go.

So, this is Reggie's house?

He's the really fat one, right?

- Right. - What? No fucking way.

You got the six-packs?

Yeah.

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Oh, my god!

Holy shit!

Bug brings the fucking Microbrews.

How did you do that?

Well, uh, Kallea and I went to Ray's right across...

Hey, boring, boring. Come on. Let's go.

Let's go explore, kiddies.

I can't fucking believe it.

You do realize this is a party, right?

You should at least act like you're having fun.

Uh-huh.

He'll be fine. You raised him right.

Yeah, sure.

Mm, you're so protective, it's sexy.

Hey, so, um, Hass talked to his cousin chase,

put my name in at the auto shop.

And?

And I start next week.

That's amazing, baby!

Ooh, that means we can maybe get a place?

Guys, I haven't seen as much pussy since that trip to the animal shelter.

Hass.

This fucking chick bothering you?

- Always. - Punk.

What's in the, uh, red cup there, Lizzie?

You got gin for you and tonic for the baby?

Water, asshole.

Could you be any more jealous?

You want to be James' baby mama, be my guest.

- Okay, baby, let me get you a refill. - Okay.

You want a beer?

One couldn't hurt.

Hey, you know, uh...

One of the best things about being pregnant is you can hit it with anybody,

and you don't have to worry about getting knocked up.

So, you know, like, you, me, the bottle makes three, you know?

Yeah, I'll tell James you said that.

- Okay, you can tell him. - Yeah, all right.

All right. You go tell him.

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Yeah!

Hey, how many have you had?

Three.

I'm feeling... like, a little...

Buzz.

Hey! Kallea!

Hey, em!

Ted!

Question... have you ever been drunk?

Hey.

Lizzie! What's up?

Oh.

Are you... are you okay?

- I'm fine. - Okay. Drink this.

Bug.

Have you seen your brother?

Oh, he... he, uh, went out to get more booze.

Tell your... tell your brother that I left, okay?

- Okay. - Okay.

Bug, bug, d... bug, do the numbers thing that you do.

That... that numbers thing.

What?

Oh! Oh, oh, oh.

- Okay. - Go.

All right, check this out.

3145689032087!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Wait. What is that?

It's this really fucking long number he memorized.

He's a smart motherfucker.

Fellas, I think we got a 2.

No, she's a definite 4.

Of course Jabba would think she's a 4.

She's a 2 all the way.

Miller, check it out.

Oh, I wouldn't even shit on that bitch.

Yeah, that's a 2.

Truck, Truck, you're the tie breaker, buddy.

Come on.

Mm...

Mm...

2.

2 it is.

Wait, wait. She's all right.

Check it out.

She's probably an 8, maybe a cherry.

- Yeah. - Miller?

Mm...

- Mm-hmm? - 8.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

The 8s have it.

No, Zach told me he already had that.

Fuck Zach!

Fuck Zach. Exactly.

That preppy piece of shit's just pissed because we don't invite him to our parties anymore.

Yeah. Fuck him, man.

And I told everybody he's got herpes.

Touchback!

Touchback!

What's a... touchback?

Oh, Kallea Wills.

I say bug scores this one.

Hey!

Come on, bug.

You do have a dick, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

So quit pussyfooting around and score it.

Nice, nice.

Oh, shit. Hi, Kallea.

Hi, little Truck.

Fuck you.

All right, gentlemen.

Every girl needs a score.

100 bucks a piece, winner take all.

H-how do you win?

By fucking the most girls.

That's how.

That's right. So, you in?

Yeah, yeah.

What the fuck is so funny?

Oh, god.

Hey, haven't you heard?

Little Truck's a man now.

Let him play if he wants.

All right!

All right, let's get everybody's John Hancock.

What's that?

Contract.

It's the back page.

Don't worry about the $100. Reggie's got you covered, okay?

- Right, fat boy? - Yeah, man. I'm good for it.

- He'll pay me back. - Just sign it.

No, he doesn't have to pay you back.

Bug, right here.

Just sign it.

- Come on. - Sign it.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

To The Kings!

To The Kings!

To The Kings!

Hey. Drink this, drink this.

You'll feel a lot better.

- Thanks. - Come on, get up.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

You know no one's actually expecting you to play this, right?

You don't have to worry about it.

No. I-I signed up for it, right?

I mean, you got Lizzie and all, right?

That's right.

This is for the boys.

Come on.

Let's get out of here before dad wakes up.

Hey.

So, how's this contest work?

They're using the scores from the girls in your yearbook.

Full points if you have sex with her.

Half points if she goes down on you.

And double if it's her first time.

Hey.

So, an example would be...

What is with you?

Sorry. I-I'm spacing out.

Oh, you are not still hung over, are you?

I'm fine.

You are such a lightweight.

- And you're not? - No.

Must be this Irish blood flowing through these veins.

Hey, are you gonna go to that...

Okay, Kallea, can you tell us how you would work this problem?

Um...

Sure, Mrs. Gibbons.

You have to use the law of sines and cosines.

That's right, Ted.

Why don't you go up and take us through it.

Hey.

- Hey, Lizzie. - Hey, Teddy.

Is your brother home?

He's not with you?

No.

He must be with Hass and them.

Hey, you want to come in?

Where's your dad at?

Truck put him in his room before he left.

Oh, do you want something to eat?

To drink?

Truck made spaghetti.

Mm... I may be eating for two, but I'm not that hungry.

Right.

That's a shitload of laundry.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Truck's been hanging out with Hass and them a lot more often, hasn't he?

Yeah.

Hey, Truck usually comes home early before game nights.

You could stay here if you don't have anything else to do.

Thanks.

Here. Let me show you something.

Here... here.

Oh. Thank you.

Hey, give me that wrench, will you?

Just got to reach for it.

Yeah.

What?

Fucking... I don't know how you do this.

Start it up.

You fucking serious?

Ho-ho-ho-ho! Holy shit!

Whoo-hoo!

Yeah, baby.

Oh, it's fucking awesome.

Fucking "a."

Fucking genius is more like it.

Fucking genius.

Hey, uh, I was gonna ask you about bug.

I was thinking the other day...

He's got some serious skills.

- Yeah? - No, I've seen it.

I'm serious. He's got the girls thinking he's, like, their friend and shit.

We can use that.

Uh...

Yeah?

Ted fucking melts around girls, man.

Yeah, but he's always gonna be soft

unless you let him get out there and get shut down a couple times, you know?

I'll think about it.

What year did World War II end?

1945.

This disease carried by rats killed...

The bubonic plague.

Standing for the square root of negative...

"I."

Named Cassius Clay at birth was...

Muhammad Ali.

"The misanthrope" was written by...

Molière.

Desdemona dies at the hands of...

Othello.

And that's game.

420 points for the blue team.

270 points for the read team.

Our freshman team is so good.

I bet we can make it to state.

You know, I've been making flash cards of artists, along with their major works.

And you're pretty awesome, Ted.

Thanks.

Don't you think, Kallea?

Yeah.

Did you change?

Yeah.

Oh, what the hell?

You need help with that, reg?

Watch the fight, man.

Hass? Hass, that's enough, man.

Hass! Hass!

Come on, faggot! Come on!

Dude, that was fucking awesome.

Truck.

Think the dude's gonna crack.

You know, when I first saw your name, I thought,

"Just another Wheeler screw-up."

But looking at your records...

Let's cut to the chase, son.

Tell me what you saw.

Um...

Well, Zach played a practical joke on Reggie.

Bunch of guys crowded around them, so I couldn't see anything.

And I walked over there to check it out and saw Zach as you did.

You didn't see any punches or anything?

No.

Some kid saw you at the fight,

said you were right in the middle of it.

Who, sir?

Can I go now?

Yeah. Get out of here.

Hey, uh, breathe out as you're lifting

so you don't pop a blood vessel in that big-ass brain of yours.

Hey, uh, thanks for Chester, by the way.

That was a good job.

I appreciate that.

No problem.

Here.

Do this till your arm falls off.

So, Hass says you're trying to be a King?

What if I am?

You know you don't just wake up one day and you're one of us, right?

You got to prove that shit and you got to keep proving it over time.

That's why you saw Reggie the way he was the other day,

why there's no "K" on his fucking back.

Well, I'm not like Reggie.

Wipe down the bench when you're done.

You worried that faggot Schwartz is gonna stick it in you while you're going for the ball?

Oh, hell no. You ought to know about a man's touch every now and again.

Fucking "a."

Hey, baby, we got to have a little conversation with Teddy.

Guy stuff, huh?

Something like that.

Hey, fuck off.

But I'm gonna see you at the party tonight, right?

I shouldn't.

But maybe we can go shopping later, like you promised?

Okay.

Okay. Bye, baby.

- Asshole. - Bye, Lizzie.

Hey. Teddy.

Come here. Teddy.

We, uh... we got a little bit of a test for you... if you're up for it.

This whole fucking school's got 150 freshman chicks walking all over it, right?

- Right? - Yeah.

Yeah.

And we only know like a dozen of them.

But you, bug, know so much more.

So here's what I need you to do, all right, little brother?

I need you to invite a couple of them to a party we're gonna throw this weekend.

And we'd owe you one.

Fuck, so would they. How many good parties do freshman chicks get invited to, anyway?

Okay.

- Okay? You'll do it? - I'll do it.

Here's your first chance.

Sasha?

Yeah.

She's President of the Christian club.

She's fine.

- Yeah, so? - So what?

Fucking go teach her about Jesus, man.

Hey, Sasha?

Hey.

So, my... my friends and I...

We're having a party this weekend,

and we were wondering if you guys wanted to come.

Gosh, I'm really busy or, otherwise, I totally would.

Oh. Okay.

Um, but, hey,

my friends and I were totally hoping you could show us how to play quiz bowl sometime.

You could, like, tell us knowledge.

Oh, no.

What'd they say, buddy?

Hey, don't worry about it, little brother.

You still got 149 chicks left.

It's okay, baby boy. Next time.

- Get home, Princess. - See ya.

Whoo!

Hey.

Oh, hey, stranger.

Hey, you want to help me invite a bunch of people for a party?

Uh, yeah, nice to see you, too.

Where the hell have you been?

- Hanging out with my brother. - Oh, yeah, you mean the queens?

You're funny.

I know.

Oh, hey, let's invite them.

Seriously?

Hey, don't discriminate. They're probably desperate to go to a party.

Come on.

So, do I get commission on this or what?

If you're lucky.

Mm.

Hey.

Hey. What are you doing here?

I wanted to see you.

- Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm.

- Came all the way down here for that? - Yeah.

Check this out.

What?

What is this?

Miller's helping his dad out with his rental business.

So, when'd you get so buddy-buddy with Miller?

We're in Spanish class together.

I told him we were looking for a place.

We got a place, baby.

Yeah, but...

What? Am I just supposed to move in with you and leave Teddy with my dad?

This has three bedrooms...

One for us, one for the baby, and one for Ted.

So I'm just supposed to leave my dad by himself?

Come on.

Hey, Romeo.

Get in here. We got shit to do.

All right. All right, Mr. Hass.

Baby, I got to go.

I love you. I'll see you at the party.

I love that.

Fuck yeah!

Bug, I got to say...

you outdid yourself.

I say we officially put bug in charge of our party-planning committee from now on.

Bug, bug, w-what's her deal?

In the red.

That's Chelsea Castle.

I think she went to church with us back when mom used to make us go.

Holy shit, dude. Are those fucking Jesus fish earrings?

Guys, I think I feel something.

I think I feel the touch.

I feel the touch of the lord.

Truck, Truck, he touched me with the holy spirit.

What the fuck's up with Truck?

He's all right.

All right, guys, let's get out of here. Come on.

There's got to be twice as many chicks as dudes.

- Yeah, even you might get laid tonight, Chubs. - Hopefully.

So... nice work.

Thanks.

Here. Let me see it.

Watch.

Like that.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

Hey, bug...

Why the fuck are you here?

What's in this for you?

Hanging out with you, I guess.

Don't be a fucking idiot.

You have so many better things that you could be doing instead of hanging out with me.

Not really.

Truck!

Touchback.

- What's going on? - Hey, stay here.

W-w-what...

Nothing.

You owe me one, little Truck.

Thank you.

Hey, I'm gonna go get us some refills.

Don't go.

Be right back.

Hey! What's up?

Don't you ever go behind my back like that again, fucking idiot!

You tell anyone about this, I'll fucking kill you!

Here, before they get cold.

What?

Nothing.

Better hurry up before dad eats them all.

Maybe we're gonna have to pull back on these parties a little bit.

Get you focused again.

I'm fine.

Don't eat all the fucking eggs.

What are you working on, Teddy?

Nothing.

Thirty years' war, huh?

It's nothing.

You fucking smarter than me now, is that it?

Ted, you're late.

What are you doing?

I'm going to be late.

Hey.

Fuck is wrong with you?

The other night at Reggie's.

Yeah?

I saw you with Miller.

Had to be done.

He was going behind my back.

He's telling everyone he wanted to fuck Lizzie,

and then at the party, he was all over her.

Can't just let that shit slide.

Sure, but... did you have...

You have no idea what it's like when another guy wants to fuck your girl.

Sometimes, you can't just talk about it.

You got to... You got to fucking do something.

Get in the truck.

Hello? Ted, are you in there?

Hey.

Hey.

So, do you want to come over tonight and study for quiz bowl?

Mom's making spaghetti.

You know we've got a meet this weekend at Crescent city.

Oh, shit.

I totally spaced out.

Yeah. No need to fret, young Padawan.

Just fake your dad's signature, and you're good to go.

Thanks.

Look,

Ted, I know you've been hanging with your brother and all,

but we really can't win without you.

Okay.

Hey, little Truck, you, uh...

You fuck that girl yet?

Who?

Kallea, dude.

She's practically begging for your nuts.

Look,

invite her to the party on Friday, give her a drink or two,

badda-bing, badda-boom.

Ted's got quiz bowl in Crescent city.

Really? Oh, Kallea's going to that, too, right?

- Yeah. - That's fucking perfect.

Take a handle of vodka, get her drunk.

The rest will take care of itself.

Yeah, but what if I don't need the vodka?

Nice.

I like the attitude.

But, uh, you'll probably want to get drunk yourself just to get something started, you know?

Yeah, I guess.

It's a King for life, buddy.

You can get him some vodka, right, Truck?

Sure. If he wants it.

Yeah, I'll take it.

I had a feeling we'd win.

- Really? - I thought we were gonna win, too, yeah.

I was kind of surprised that we won.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

I was really nervous.

Just 'cause, like, you couldn't get that question right.

You took a while.

I-it wasn't my fault.

- Ted. - You were spacing out.

What do you think?

This is so lame.

I'm sorry that you're not hanging out with your Kings tonight.

Hey...

You guys want to play a game?

Yeah.

- Yeah, I love games. - Okay.

You are my hero.

Where did you get that?

Does it really matter?

No.

So, how do we play?

All right, we'll play "Truth or Dare,"

except everybody gets drunk.

Y-yeah.

I don't think I'm going to play.

Come on, dude.

Only the people who are playing get to stay.

Yeah, stop pussyfooting around.

You either in or you're out.

Yeah, I-I guess I'm in.

There you go.

All right, good.

Since I got the booze, I'll get the party started.

All right.

Truth or dare?

Truth.

All right. Uh, a warm-up.

Which of the girls in this room do you think is the hottest?

What kind of question is that?

Come on. Just...

are you gonna answer it or take a shot?

Remember, he said hottest, not hot.

- Greater than doesn't necessarily mean... - Yeah, we... we... they heard me, Fibonacci, all right?

Leave the math for the quiz bowl.

I-I was just saying.

Um...

I have to say... Emily.

Well, there's the first shock of the night.

- Bravo. - Shut up, Joel.

Okay. Whoa. Relax.

Uh... who's next?

Uh, I guess I'll go.

Wait. What do I say, again?

- Truth or dare. - Truth or dare?

Do you think it's a boy or a girl?

I don't know.

I think it'd be cool to have a girl.

God knows this town doesn't need another Wheeler man running around.

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know.

It's just there are so many guys in your family.

A girl would be different, you know?

Yeah.

What happened to Miller?

Mm... he got all fucked up during practice.

His dad said that he...

Baby...

enough about Miller.

This is about you and me right now.

Fuck!

Get my pills.

Get my pills.

- I'll get water. - What do you need?

The other ones.

Behind, behind.

Here, here.

You're a good boy.

You're a good boy, Teddy.

You'll take care of me.

7...6...

5, 4...

2, 3, 2, 1.

All right, guys, time... time's up.

Five minutes are over.

Ted, Ted.

- Oh. - It's... it's your turn.

Okay.

Okay, um, five minutes start when the door closes.

I don't need the bathroom.

Scoot over.

Close your eyes.

♪ A romantic spot ♪

♪ to build a staircase to ♪

♪ Build ♪

♪ seems like a romantic spot ♪

Thanks, Johnny.

♪ Just for me and you ♪

So... see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

Hey, Ted?

What exactly... was that last night?

I don't know.

So, you... really think that Emily is hotter than me?

Just wanted to see if you'd flinch.

Did I?

Yeah.

So, should we...

Meet after school?

Score one for originality.

Don't you know?

I'm an old-fashioned type of a guy.

Hey.

Take these.

Thank you.

No problem. See ya.

So, the 135-degree...

Sorry.

...angle in the diagram, here is an example.

And then the last major kind of angle is the straight angle.

A straight angle is an angle that measures exactly 180 degrees, thus the name.

The two rays form a straight line.

A negative angle is also possible.

This means that you go clockwise instead of counterclockwise.

- Mrs. Gibbons. - Yes?

Can I use the restroom?

It's almost the end of class, Ted. Can you wait?

- No. - Fine.

Uh, where was I?

Um... okay, so...

Hey, you were right about the vodka.

Oh, bug, you finally got some?

Yeah. Kallea kissed me.

Nice.

So, uh, you get some tongue?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Kissing is not the same as fucking.

Yeah, but, I mean, first base isn't too shabby.

Says the guy who can't get off the bench.

Yeah, we're actually gonna go out on a date tonight. I'm gonna pick her up after school.

Where... where are we going?

Don't worry about it. We'll have you back to school in time for your little bird, okay?

- What is that? - Shh. Wait.

Shh, shh, shh.

Grab a couple handfuls, and let's get out of here.

These guys don't take too fucking kindly to us stealing their goodies.

Oh, fuck! Book it!

- Aah, shit! My leg! - Truck!

Get the fuck out of here, Ted!

Come on! Get up!

Get up!

What the...

You fucking saved me, little bro.

- You asshole! - Oh, shit!

You guys are all assholes, do you know that?

Hey, hey, hey, come on.

Let's get out of here before these fuckers show up for real.

You hold it in your lungs as long as you can, all right?

Lucky bastard.

You'll get higher than the rest of us.

Hey.

I-I'm sorry about last night.

It's really not that serious.

Your favorite, right?

Ted, you really shouldn't buy stuff for me.

Okay.

Okay, team, hot off our success in Crescent city, let's have fun today.

Divide yourselves into teams, and winner gets pizza on me.

Let's go.

Hey, Emily, you want to team up?

That would be awesome.

Em, remember you said that you'd be on my team?

I told Kallea I'd be on her team, earlier.

Sure. It's cool.

I'm sorry. Thanks, though.

All right, watch the release.

Choke.

Apparently, you're not a-a ninja, Wood.

No, I'm more of a samurai, really, at heart.

Truck, Truck, Truck.

Do it, bug.

Fucking "a," bug! Nice.

What's gotten into you?

Should we tell him?

Bug...

You're ready to get your fuck on, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

So we're having some chicks over to Reggie's,

and they're not fucking virgins or anything, but...

She's got to be a virgin if he wants to be a King.

Yeah, I know, I know. I'm just saying maybe bug's got some fucking...

I don't know...

Someone special in mind, right?

Yes?

I know someone.

- He knows someone. - He knows someone.

You know someone?

- Big man on campus. - Do I know this someone?

How much vodka you got at your mom's place?

Oh, they just restocked it this week. It's fucking loaded.

Good.

Now I'm interested.

Oh!

Nice work.

Fucking "a."

Fatty's parents are regular alcoholics.

That they are.

Yeah.

You could fit my house in this room.

Yeah?

Kings!

- Yeah! - Shit. Nice. Very good.

Here.

Here. Here you go.

Thanks.

So, whose place is this, anyway?

Mine.

- Cool. - Yeah.

So, uh, you want a tour?

- Okay. - Okay. This way.

You take this.

I hate you, Hass, so damn much.

Guys, let's, um... let's get some more beer.

There's some in the fridge.

Yeah. We're gonna need more.

♪ ...In a black-and-white dress ♪

♪ I've never been so obsessed ♪

Want to play some pool?

- Sure. - Come on.

I feel light...

And hot.

You've only had one drink.

Should we have more?

Depends...

If you want to get drunk.

I want to get drunk with you.

I can't believe...

What?

I can't believe I'm here with you... Ted Wheeler.

I told my parents I was staying over with Kallea.

Your face has an interesting bone structure.

It's, like, perfectly symmetrical.

But then your haircut kind of makes it look crooked.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Ted?

Are you gonna kiss me?

I shouldn't.

What? You're fine, all right?

Please. Is three drinks...

That's... three drinks is a lot, right?

The room's spinning.

Spin, spin, spin.

Kiss me again.

That rhymed.

But, really, kiss me again.

It makes the spinning stop.

Emily?

Emily?

So, how'd it go?

She's passed out.

You got your name in the yearbook, right?

- Yeah, but... - So you want to be a King.

Get it done with.

What's up? You hit it?

Oh, shit. Fucking cherry. Nice.

Looks like little Truck became a man today.

Well, bug...

...looks like you can officially now say... you're on the board.

Just one more thing, right, Truck?

That's right.

To the next King.

This is the court.

Not just anyone can come here, though, okay?

No girls allowed.

It's just a home away from home,

where we come when we want to get away from it all, you know?

It's gonna take a while for the coals to get hot enough. I brought dogs.

Of course you did.

Hey, hey, hey, move, fat boy.

I was thinking, um...

long as we're doing bug,

maybe it's time we do me, too.

Last time I checked, buddy, you didn't put any points on the scoreboard, okay?

So unless you fucking drive-by-fucked some girl up on the way here and I don't know about it,

you're still a virgin, okay?

I'm not putting a fucking "k" on the back of a fucking virgin.

Laura was mine until you cock-blocked me.

You snooze, you lose, pal, okay?

I'm talking no follow-through, buddy.

You don't have to do this if you don't want to.

I do.

We good?

All right.

On your knees.

This is so fucking awesome!

Let's do this.

Yo, give me that.

Bug, drink this.

You got this, you got this.

Come on.

You ready?

Do you swear allegiance to The Kings forever?

We're your brothers. That's it.

Brothers, and you live with us and you never betray those brothers.

- Do you? - Yes!

- Do you? - I do!

Tell me to give you this fucking brand.

- Give me that brand. - No. Fucking tell me!

Give me that fucking brand!

Yeah!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Oh, god damn it!

Fuck!

Oh! Fuck!

Oh... god damn it!

How you feeling, bug?

How the fuck do you think he's feeling?

Oh, wait. I guess you're the only one who wouldn't know.

Fuck you, Wood.

Therein lies the problem, Reg.

You wouldn't know anything about fucking, either.

Hey, you boys want to shoot a rifle?

Well, that sound mighty fine.

Got a little pineapple I can put right on top of your head, reg.

Dick.

Hey, uh, just pack the rest of this shit up, all right?

Here.

You know what, bug?

I might not have as many points as Hass or Truck or even Wood,

but I swear to god... by the end of the year, I'm gonna have...

Truck doesn't have any points.

Yeah, that'll heal up in a couple of weeks.

Just, in the meantime, put some aloe on it, all right?

Truck.

Yeah?

Reggie showed me the yearbook.

That fat boy Reggie showed you?

What's going on?

Y-you told me you weren't doing it with all those girls.

Look, Ted, I needed something,

something that was just... just for me, okay?

Six months from now, I'm gonna have you plus another kid running around here,

and I'm gonna be fucking married.

This is my last chance to have a little fun, right?

What about Lizzie?

Ted, I fucking love Lizzie.

I'm done with this contest shit.

I stopped doing it a couple of weeks ago.

I promise you that. You got to trust me.

You're not gonna tell Lizzie or anything, are you?

No.

Thank you.

Hey, welcome to The Kings, little brother.

Hurry up and get dressed.

Nice jacket.

I fucking hate this thing.

Reggie bought it for me.

Fucking tool bag.

I'm gonna make that fat boy buy me some new wheels.

Sounds about fair, right?

Yeah.

Listen, I need that fucking jacket.

There's this crazy chick in fifth period.

She'd blow me in class if I wear one.

- No, shit? - Yeah. Nice, right?

Hey, Ted.

Hey, Sasha.

Fuck. Fuck. Nice!

Oh, my god.

I want to fuck that one, yeah?

I'd accept Jesus as my fucking savior if I could fuck that one, right?

- I got to get out of here. - Where are you going?

I got to take Lizzie shopping or she'll kill me.

- All right. - I'll see you later.

Hey, so, uh, speaking of fucking, how was that Emily chick?

Oh, god.

I know she's only like a 5 or a 6 or something like that,

but there's something about that girl, right?

You do the angry dragon?

Did you?

Hey. I wanted to give these back to you.

Thank you.

I heard that you hung out with Emily a couple of nights ago.

Don't get jealous, Kallea, okay?

There's plenty of Ted to go around, all right?

Second time's always better, anyway.

You slept with her?

I can't believe that I liked you.

What the fuck, Hass?

What? Dude, get the fuck out of my way.

I did you a fucking favor. What's your problem?

Look, you've been following that girl around for the whole first fucking month of the year like a little bitch.

Now you don't have to, okay?

Yeah, well, don't do me any more favors.

I'll take that as a thank-you.

What is that?

- Dude, check it out. - Yeah, what is that?

It's nothing.

- Does it hurt? - If you're a pussy, it hurts.

Dude, that's so cool.

Can I get one?

Hey, Ted.

Hey, Reggie.

- That thing's tight. - Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Hey, how you doing?

Quit looking at my cock, Reggie!

Why don't you suck mine.

Squeal, little piggy.

Get the fuck off of him, Zach!

- What the hell's happening? - Shut the fuck up, Wheeler.

Your brother isn't here to save your ass again.

So, you're picking fights now, huh?

- Chubs always needs a rescue. - I was outnumbered.

Reckon you deserve some bonus points, man.

Wood, go get the book.

So, where'd he come?

Crack, jab.

Hass, Hass, Hass.

Hey, Lizzie.

You providing entertainment for tonight's party?

Sorry, asshole. I'm working late.

Oh. Corner of Florida and Yale again?

What happened to you?

Mark of valor.

Bug took on that preppy piece of shit.

Is that right?

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Look at you, you little...

It's too bad your mom's not a freshman girl. I'd have a couple hundred points by now.

Dude, if my mom was a freshman girl, I'd fuck her.

Oh, shit.

Hey, what's up?

Are you okay?

Something's wrong.

I thought Truck might be here. He's not answering his phone.

Yeah, uh, uh, I don't think he's here.

- Let me get you a glass of water or something. - Not now, Hass.

Hey, just... just...

Go find your brother, okay?

- I'll go get him. - Bug, I'll get him.

Bug! I'll get him.

You said it was over.

Fuck! What the hell are you doing?! What is wrong with you?!

- Lizzie's here! - Jesus Christ!

Just get rid of her. I'll be right there.

Baby, I don't care if you have a girlfriend.

Just make something up. I will be right fucking there!

Did you find him?

I'm sorry, okay? I'm fucking sorry.

Oh, no.

- James. - Oh, damn it.

- Oh, no. - Oh, damn it, Lizzie.

Lizzie, I told you not to come to this fucking thing.

Get away from me!

What the fuck is wrong with you?!

- Baby, baby, baby. - Get off of me!

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Get off of me, James!

Careful.

Baby, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Get the fuck off of me!

Lizzie.

Are you okay?

No.

I need to go to a doctor, Teddy.

Okay. I'll get you help.

Ow, ow, ow.

Help! Help! Get over here!

Help! I don't know!

Fucking help us!

What's going on? What's gonna happen?

God damn it.

Fuck is going... what the fuck?

You've been waiting here all night?

Yeah.

How you feeling?

I'm fine.

So, everything went okay?

No.

I must look horrible.

He's not gonna stay with me now.

Everybody wants him so bad, I mean...

It was gonna happen at least once.

I shouldn't have gotten so upset.

I mean, it was just one girl.

What's this?

Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie.

The worst thing is that I knew half of these girls.

They knew that we were engaged.

- Look, just let me explain. - Look,

you don't have to marry me.

It's been taken care of.

Lizzie.

Lizzie.

It's over!

Truck, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Truck?

What the fuck did you do, huh?

I wake up this morning and expecting breakfast to be ready for me here.

Instead, your brother storms through and leaves without saying a word, huh?

Truck and I got in a fight.

Yeah? Well, fucking fix it.

And make me something to eat.

I'm fucking hungry.

Hey, what's up? It's Kallea.

I can't get to my phone right now, but I might call you back if you're lucky.

Hey, Kallea.

It's Ted.

W-what's up?

Oh, shit.

That's a stupid question.

I just really wanted to talk to you.

Anyways...

Give me a call... please.

Bye.

Kallea?

Kallea?

Bug!

Truck.

Hey, we're throwing a party for you...

celebrating you finally popping that cherry of yours.

Why does it say that you have Kallea's phone?

Oh, 'cause we invited your little girlfriend over here for a party.

What's going on?

Take dad's car and get your ass over here.

Kallea really wants to see you,

and if you don't want her,

I got a roomful of guys who do.

But dad's awake.

That's your problem now.

Fuck.

Where's Kallea?

Kallea, wake up.

Ted, I missed you.

Come on, let's go.

Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted.

Come here, come here.

This girl's primed and ready to go.

She's not even wearing any panties, okay?

She told me she's been waiting to fuck you.

So you just get over there and do it, okay?

Bug, bug, Emily told me she was a virgin right before I fucked her.

Okay?

- How fucking dumb do you think we are?! - Shut the fuck up, Hass!

You think you're smarter than me?

You lie to me to my own fucking face?

You're calling me a liar?

- I'm not going to fucking do it! - Yes, you are.

Because if you don't do it, I'm gonna

and then Hass is gonna and then Wood will

and then Reggie will, also.

I'm sorry, Truck.

Fucking sorry?!

You ruined my fucking life.

You wanted Lizzie to catch me.

You just fucking stood there.

You thought that was my fault?

You showed her the yearbook, you fucking asshole,

going behind my back like some bitch!

Now fucking fix it!

I'm fucking sorry, okay?!

I'm sorry that I cheated on my girlfriend and lied to my fucking brother about it

and blamed everyone except for myself, okay?!

God damn it!

Hey.

No.

Hey!

Truck, Truck, Truck.

He's had enough!

God damn it!

Yeah, you fucking idiot!

Stop it!

I fucking hate you!

I fucking hate you!

I hate you!

Come on, come on. Let's go.

God damn it. God damn it.

No, no, no! No!

Are you okay?

♪ Look what the sea washed in ♪

♪ I don't want to see my face again ♪

♪ the water's turned to mud ♪

♪ these days, I've been so fucked up ♪

♪ all for the love of gold ♪

♪ and we are the brave ♪

♪ when there's nothing to be scared of ♪

♪ and we are the saved ♪

♪ when there's nothing here to tempt us ♪

♪ oh, like the love of gold ♪

♪ a mermaid, but they don't believe ♪

♪ she stole me away from my destiny ♪

♪ but under the waves, a man can't breathe ♪

♪ and what will they do without me to lead? ♪

♪ Ah, la, la, la-la, la-la ♪

♪ I don't want to be a captain no more ♪

♪ ah, la, la, la-la, la-la ♪

♪ and I don't want to be a monster ♪

♪ but I'm afraid I have been both ♪

♪ all for the love of gold ♪

♪ oh, all for the love of gold ♪

♪ now look what the sea washed in ♪

♪ tell their wives and their children I'm sorry ♪

♪ you'll never see my face again ♪

♪ and I'll never see no gold ♪

The End

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