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[clock chiming]
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00:00:06,898 --> 00:00:09,031
GUILLERMO:
It's a really weird time
in the household
3
00:00:09,074 --> 00:00:13,078
because Colin Robinson
is no longer with us.
4
00:00:13,122 --> 00:00:15,080
I mean, vampires are
no strangers to death.
5
00:00:15,124 --> 00:00:17,648
They deal with it every day
with the people that they kill.
6
00:00:17,691 --> 00:00:19,563
But when they lose
one of their own,
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00:00:19,606 --> 00:00:21,173
they just don't know
how to deal with it.
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00:00:21,217 --> 00:00:23,088
I mean, their only
funeral-type tradition
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00:00:23,132 --> 00:00:24,872
is that they get
a new portrait made
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00:00:24,916 --> 00:00:26,483
with all of them except for
the newly deceased,
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00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:27,962
and I don't think that's
a really healthy way
12
00:00:28,006 --> 00:00:30,095
of dealing with the loss
of a family member.
13
00:00:30,139 --> 00:00:32,402
Perhaps we'd all like
to go around the room
14
00:00:32,445 --> 00:00:34,969
and each one of say something
that we liked
15
00:00:35,013 --> 00:00:37,015
-about Colin Robinson?
-Oh, leave us alone, Guillermo.
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00:00:37,059 --> 00:00:38,538
You're giving everyone
a big bummer.
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00:00:38,582 --> 00:00:40,192
When she's right, she's right.
18
00:00:40,236 --> 00:00:42,020
-LASZLO: Should he even be here?
-GUIDE: I know.
19
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I did think this was sort of
a "vampires only" portrait.
20
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Hey, he is a valued member
of the team
21
00:00:47,243 --> 00:00:50,115
and has every right
to be in this portrait.
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Even though he is a dog.
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LASZLO:
I wasn't talking about the dog,
you halfwit,
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I was talking about Gizmo.
25
00:00:55,903 --> 00:00:56,948
Yes, well,
Gizmo needs to be here
26
00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,863
to help control the Hellhound.
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GUILLERMO:
If they talked about
their feelings,
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then the healing could begin.
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00:01:01,648 --> 00:01:02,780
-[whining]
-Guillermo,
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your Hellhound is
wandering around
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00:01:04,216 --> 00:01:05,826
and pissing all over
our floors.
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00:01:05,870 --> 00:01:08,133
And once they're healed,
they would realize that
33
00:01:08,177 --> 00:01:09,613
the dynamic's a little off.
34
00:01:09,656 --> 00:01:12,311
So maybe they need
to make a new vampire.
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00:01:12,355 --> 00:01:15,575
I-I just heard it,
and I know...
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I know what you're thinking,
37
00:01:17,186 --> 00:01:19,405
but I truly believe that
that's what's needed
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00:01:19,449 --> 00:01:22,713
to really restore--
And I deserve it.
39
00:01:22,756 --> 00:01:24,889
["You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing]
40
00:01:24,932 --> 00:01:27,370
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long♪
41
00:01:27,413 --> 00:01:30,721
♪ They have no use
for your song♪
42
00:01:30,764 --> 00:01:33,637
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead♪
43
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♪ You're dead
and out of this world♪
44
00:01:37,031 --> 00:01:40,078
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone♪
45
00:01:40,122 --> 00:01:42,820
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world♪
46
00:01:42,863 --> 00:01:46,040
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead♪
47
00:01:46,084 --> 00:01:47,825
♪ You're dead
and out of this world.♪
48
00:01:47,868 --> 00:01:49,566
♪
49
00:01:59,924 --> 00:02:01,534
DONAL: Yeah,
I took up painting
50
00:02:01,578 --> 00:02:03,232
during season two
of Grounded for Life.
51
00:02:03,275 --> 00:02:04,711
As an actor,
you spend a lot of time
52
00:02:04,755 --> 00:02:06,452
sitting around your trailer,
waiting for them
53
00:02:06,496 --> 00:02:08,193
to light the next scene
or whatnot,
54
00:02:08,237 --> 00:02:11,327
so I got some brushes
and a how-to book from Blick,
55
00:02:11,370 --> 00:02:12,893
and I think I've gotten
pretty good.
56
00:02:12,937 --> 00:02:15,244
This is the cast of
Grounded for Life.
57
00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:17,550
Oh, my God, Jake and Griffin
were so squirrely,
58
00:02:17,594 --> 00:02:19,378
I was like,
"Look, here's the deal.
59
00:02:19,422 --> 00:02:21,598
"I'm gonna take a picture,
and then you guys can fuck off
60
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,991
and do whatever
you want to do."
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00:02:24,035 --> 00:02:26,603
I finished the painting
from a photo, but you know,
62
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,866
that's the way a lot
of the masters work now.
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00:02:28,909 --> 00:02:31,477
This is the front gate
of Radford in Studio City.
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00:02:31,521 --> 00:02:33,653
I was really happy with
the way the light reflected
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00:02:33,697 --> 00:02:35,525
off the admin building
that day.
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00:02:35,568 --> 00:02:38,049
I think I really captured it.
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00:02:38,092 --> 00:02:40,791
This was a gaffer
I worked with onER.
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00:02:40,834 --> 00:02:42,662
The guy had just
such an amazing face,
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00:02:42,706 --> 00:02:44,229
I was just staring at it.
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00:02:44,273 --> 00:02:45,926
I was staring at it
when I was on camera,
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00:02:45,970 --> 00:02:47,754
which would get me in trouble,
you know?
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00:02:47,798 --> 00:02:50,931
But I think
I really got his essence.
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00:02:50,975 --> 00:02:52,585
So when the gang here said
that they needed
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00:02:52,629 --> 00:02:54,239
a new portrait done,
I said I'd be more than happy
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00:02:54,283 --> 00:02:56,894
to stick around and do it
because I had some downtime
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00:02:56,937 --> 00:02:59,549
between the next meeting of
the Worldwide Vampiric Council
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00:02:59,592 --> 00:03:03,335
and the two-episode arc
I booked on SVUnext month.
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00:03:03,379 --> 00:03:05,424
You gotta remember
I came up with MTV in the '90s,
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00:03:05,468 --> 00:03:07,296
where they were like,
"Go shoot 15 hours
80
00:03:07,339 --> 00:03:08,862
"of Jimmy the Cab Driver,
81
00:03:08,906 --> 00:03:10,386
and then we'll figure out
where to stick it later,"
82
00:03:10,429 --> 00:03:12,039
-but when I got Grounded...
-NADJA: Oof.
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-This buhbutz is really
killing me.
-I know.
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00:03:13,867 --> 00:03:16,261
Right? I mean,
I like the cinema,
85
00:03:16,305 --> 00:03:18,524
but don't need to know
how the sausage is made.
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00:03:18,568 --> 00:03:20,309
Yeah, and it's kind of
insensitive.
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00:03:20,352 --> 00:03:21,527
I mean, we're all still
mourning the death
88
00:03:21,571 --> 00:03:23,181
-of Colin Robinson.
-I'm not.
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00:03:23,225 --> 00:03:24,226
Well, that's what
I'm talking about.
90
00:03:24,269 --> 00:03:25,749
We need to talk about that.
91
00:03:25,792 --> 00:03:26,532
-How you're feeling...
-We don't need to talk
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00:03:26,576 --> 00:03:27,968
about anything.
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00:03:28,012 --> 00:03:29,796
We are having our picture
painted.
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Then we will have a picture
that Colin Robinson is not in,
95
00:03:32,059 --> 00:03:33,583
and we can forget about him
forever,
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00:03:33,626 --> 00:03:34,888
and this will heal us.
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Why did we have to rush it?
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The corpse has barely
begun to stink,
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00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:39,719
and we've got the Tao of Steve
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-painting our portrait.
-NANDOR: Oh, here we go.
101
00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:44,071
Nadja's masking her
true feelings with a joke.
102
00:03:44,115 --> 00:03:46,073
That was not a joke.
A joke has a punchline.
103
00:03:46,117 --> 00:03:47,553
And you wouldn't know
a punchline if it ran over
104
00:03:47,597 --> 00:03:49,251
your scrotum with
a penny farthing!
105
00:03:49,294 --> 00:03:51,427
[laughter]
106
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Oh, I am sorry,
but that was a good one.
107
00:03:54,343 --> 00:03:57,171
Also, I feast upon hate.
108
00:03:57,215 --> 00:03:59,304
You know what?
Fuck this whole thing!
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Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
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00:04:02,394 --> 00:04:05,963
You're cool.
Fuck you, and fuck you!
111
00:04:06,006 --> 00:04:07,486
-Fuck all this shit!
-Whoa.
112
00:04:07,530 --> 00:04:09,314
You are not storming away
from me.
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I am storming away from you,
but in a different direction!
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00:04:12,143 --> 00:04:13,840
-Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Fuck you.
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00:04:13,884 --> 00:04:15,189
DONAL:
You know what,
maybe we should just
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take five, shake it off.
117
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:18,889
When he says "take five,"
five of what?
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00:04:18,932 --> 00:04:20,412
And where are we taking them?
119
00:04:20,456 --> 00:04:23,415
This last year,
it has not been easy on me.
120
00:04:23,459 --> 00:04:25,765
My search for love has
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00:04:25,809 --> 00:04:27,332
been stymied at every turn.
122
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-I'm a lesbian.
-Are you sure?
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00:04:29,116 --> 00:04:30,248
Definitely sure.
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Would you do me the honor
of being
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my vampire bride?
126
00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:35,645
I was married before.
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00:04:35,688 --> 00:04:37,951
NANDOR: I discovered that
there is no meaning or purpose
128
00:04:37,995 --> 00:04:39,823
to the universe,
129
00:04:39,866 --> 00:04:41,607
because of the Big Bang Theory.
130
00:04:41,651 --> 00:04:44,741
And on top of all that,
the death of Colin Robinson--
131
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it has, I must confess,
hit me quite hard.
132
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Life is precious.
133
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Even so-called eternal life
can be snuffed out
134
00:04:53,402 --> 00:04:55,055
at a moment's notice.
135
00:04:55,099 --> 00:04:57,841
Colin Robinson's head imploding
into a pile of goo
136
00:04:57,884 --> 00:05:02,628
has made me realize that I need
to make the most of my life.
137
00:05:02,672 --> 00:05:05,762
Which is why I've decided
to leave Staten Island
138
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,764
-and travel the world.
-What?
139
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:11,071
Visit the Great Fjords of
whatever country they're in.
140
00:05:11,115 --> 00:05:13,160
Get a job on one of those boats
that collect plastic
141
00:05:13,204 --> 00:05:14,945
-from the ocean.
-What the hell
are you talking about?
142
00:05:14,988 --> 00:05:18,905
-Guillermo, did I not tell you
all this already?
-No.
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00:05:18,949 --> 00:05:20,777
-Sorry. Would you mind giving
us a moment?
-Sorry.
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00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,344
Can you just give us
one minute?
145
00:05:22,387 --> 00:05:23,606
-Thank you so much.
-NANDOR: Appreciate it.
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GUILLERMO:
Careful with the rug.
147
00:05:25,303 --> 00:05:26,913
You can't make any rational
decisions right now
148
00:05:26,957 --> 00:05:28,437
because you're dealing
with Colin Robinson's death
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00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:29,786
and you're running away
from your feelings.
150
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,396
Yeah. So what?
I hate my feelings.
151
00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,137
You know what, this plan,
it sounds great out loud,
152
00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:34,921
but I-I, I just can't drop
everything that I'm doing.
153
00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:36,488
I have duties, you know.
Responsibilities.
154
00:05:36,532 --> 00:05:38,272
Like, my mom is here.
I can't just pack a bag
155
00:05:38,316 --> 00:05:39,665
and go on a world tour with you
at the drop of a hat.
156
00:05:39,709 --> 00:05:42,494
You're not coming with me.
157
00:05:42,538 --> 00:05:44,409
What?
158
00:05:44,453 --> 00:05:46,672
You are one of the things
I need to get away from
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00:05:46,716 --> 00:05:48,326
to make a fresh start.
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00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:50,502
No offense.
161
00:05:50,546 --> 00:05:52,330
Okay, well,
how you gonna travel?
162
00:05:52,374 --> 00:05:54,114
Just by night?
You're just gonna carry
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00:05:54,158 --> 00:05:55,768
your ancestral dirt with you
and your coffin wherever you go?
164
00:05:55,812 --> 00:05:58,031
-That-that's insane.
-Yes, you're right.
165
00:05:58,075 --> 00:05:59,772
There's a lot of details
to figure out.
166
00:05:59,816 --> 00:06:02,862
And you are going
to figure them out for me.
167
00:06:02,906 --> 00:06:05,387
-Oh, surprise, surprise.
-As your last duty.
168
00:06:06,997 --> 00:06:09,956
My sweet, sweet Guillermo.
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You don't understand because?
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I'm not a vampire.
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00:06:15,222 --> 00:06:17,616
Yes! Trust me,
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00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:20,489
Nadja and Laszlo,
they are itching to get away.
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00:06:20,532 --> 00:06:23,274
These vampire pods,
they don't last forever.
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00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:25,450
And I'm not gonna be
the last one in here
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00:06:25,494 --> 00:06:28,018
all alone like a fucking loser.
176
00:06:30,847 --> 00:06:32,501
I would rather not talk
about the death
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of Shmolin Shmobinson
because my dear husband Laszlo
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00:06:35,634 --> 00:06:37,114
is having a bit of
a hard time dealing with it.
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00:06:37,157 --> 00:06:38,594
What are you talking about?
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00:06:38,637 --> 00:06:40,378
I said you were having
a hard time dealing
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00:06:40,422 --> 00:06:42,859
with Colin Robinson's very
disgusting and tragic death.
182
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,296
Well, that would be bullshit,
then, wouldn't it, my darling?
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00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:47,037
I couldn't give a tinker's fig.
184
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,473
-People die all the time.
-[whispers indistinctly]
185
00:06:48,517 --> 00:06:50,954
-[Guillermo gasps]
-Animals die, plants die.
186
00:06:50,997 --> 00:06:52,042
Oh, Gizmo, it's just you.
187
00:06:52,085 --> 00:06:53,783
It's kind of important.
188
00:06:53,826 --> 00:06:56,002
Can't you see I'm doing my
talking-to-the-camera thing?
189
00:06:56,046 --> 00:06:58,614
I'm busy. Shoo!
190
00:06:58,657 --> 00:07:00,137
...by lunchtime I was
in the whorehouse
191
00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,487
with two prostitutes
and three good-time boys.
192
00:07:02,531 --> 00:07:05,229
Hold on, I've just had
the best idea.
193
00:07:05,272 --> 00:07:06,448
I think I might know
just the thing
194
00:07:06,491 --> 00:07:08,493
to cheer you up, my love.
195
00:07:08,537 --> 00:07:10,016
I don't need cheering up.
196
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:11,801
How's about me and you
take a lovely little trip
197
00:07:11,844 --> 00:07:15,108
-back to merry old England?
-No.
198
00:07:15,152 --> 00:07:16,762
We could get a red bus
and make love in it.
199
00:07:16,806 --> 00:07:19,983
We could get a black cab
and make love in it.
200
00:07:20,026 --> 00:07:22,420
We could go to Madame Tussaud's
and look around.
201
00:07:22,464 --> 00:07:24,117
If I were to need
rest and recuperation
202
00:07:24,161 --> 00:07:27,120
for my dear friend's death,
that fuck hole would be
203
00:07:27,164 --> 00:07:29,035
the last place on Earth
204
00:07:29,079 --> 00:07:30,428
that I would choose
to go back to.
205
00:07:30,472 --> 00:07:32,909
You know this.
I made a precious vow
206
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:36,129
-never to go back there again.
-Laszlo! Ugh!
207
00:07:36,173 --> 00:07:39,350
United Kingdom?
United Ding-dong, more like.
208
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,961
Nadja, Nadja,
I really need your help.
209
00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:43,397
It's about Nandor.
210
00:07:45,008 --> 00:07:48,881
-I suppose we just wait.
I don't know.
-[hisses]
211
00:07:48,925 --> 00:07:50,404
We have a problem.
212
00:07:50,448 --> 00:07:51,928
You are not the only one
with problems, Gizmo!
213
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,843
Look at you.
"Oh, everyone feel sorry for me
214
00:07:53,886 --> 00:07:55,322
"'cause I'm a pathetic human,
215
00:07:55,366 --> 00:07:56,846
"and I can't fly,
and all I do is
216
00:07:56,889 --> 00:07:58,456
sit on the toilet all day."
217
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:01,590
Well, what about my needs?
Look. Look at this.
218
00:08:04,549 --> 00:08:06,899
Uh, that's not how that works.
219
00:08:06,943 --> 00:08:08,422
-Oh, you do it!
-Okay.
220
00:08:08,466 --> 00:08:10,512
This is a glass paperweight,
221
00:08:10,555 --> 00:08:13,123
and this is the TV control.
222
00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:15,081
-We push this in...
-Patronizing.
223
00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:16,692
...and play.
224
00:08:16,735 --> 00:08:19,912
[brief theme music plays]
225
00:08:19,956 --> 00:08:23,089
-This is not taping over
RuPaul, is it?
-No, no.
226
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,830
-'Cause I haven't seen
the latest episode.
-It's a fresh...
227
00:08:24,874 --> 00:08:27,180
-Okay, good. What?
-We're recording.
228
00:08:27,224 --> 00:08:28,747
Oh. Ahem.
229
00:08:28,791 --> 00:08:32,272
Dark greetings,
Nadja of Antipaxos.
230
00:08:32,316 --> 00:08:34,710
You must know by now
that I've had my eye on you
231
00:08:34,753 --> 00:08:36,363
for quite some time.
232
00:08:36,407 --> 00:08:38,975
Your work on your local
Vampiric Council
233
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,891
has been quite impressive.
Yas, queen.
234
00:08:41,934 --> 00:08:44,023
Everyone is going on about it.
235
00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:47,461
And thus, we would be delighted
for you to join us
236
00:08:47,505 --> 00:08:49,681
in London, in England,
237
00:08:49,725 --> 00:08:52,162
where you will take a position
that ranks amongst
238
00:08:52,205 --> 00:08:56,427
the highest of all worldwide
Vampiric Council positions.
239
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:58,690
We do hope you'll accept
this offer promptly,
240
00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:00,736
because as you know,
vampires hate waiting.
241
00:09:00,779 --> 00:09:04,087
Even though we're immortal,
waiting is just still a thing.
242
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:07,003
So, if you accept,
as fast as you can,
243
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,528
tape your acceptance speech
on a VHS tape, and then
244
00:09:10,572 --> 00:09:13,575
put it in an envelope
and send it by mail,
245
00:09:13,618 --> 00:09:15,794
and eventually
it'll get to us.
246
00:09:15,838 --> 00:09:17,579
This is your last ch...
247
00:09:17,622 --> 00:09:19,624
You're thinking of leaving, too?
248
00:09:19,668 --> 00:09:21,583
Of course I want to leave.
249
00:09:21,626 --> 00:09:23,846
It is such a great honor
and opportunity,
250
00:09:23,889 --> 00:09:26,065
and I would have a chance
to finally do something
251
00:09:26,109 --> 00:09:27,763
with my stupid eternal life.
252
00:09:27,806 --> 00:09:29,199
But it is not to be.
253
00:09:29,242 --> 00:09:30,417
-Good.
-What?!
254
00:09:30,461 --> 00:09:31,897
I mean, uh, why?
255
00:09:31,941 --> 00:09:34,204
Because Laszlo will never
go back to England.
256
00:09:34,247 --> 00:09:36,249
You heard him.
He has sworn it.
257
00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:38,121
But I cannot leave him
on his own.
258
00:09:38,164 --> 00:09:41,646
You know, I went on holiday
for two weeks in 1924,
259
00:09:41,690 --> 00:09:43,692
and when I got back,
he hadn't fed himself once.
260
00:09:43,735 --> 00:09:46,956
He spent all his time writing
poetry and wanking. [sighs]
261
00:09:46,999 --> 00:09:48,522
So, no, I can't go.
262
00:09:48,566 --> 00:09:50,873
So you're saying
if Laszlo doesn't go,
263
00:09:50,916 --> 00:09:53,789
then you certainly won't go?
264
00:09:53,832 --> 00:09:56,008
I literally just
said that to you.
265
00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:00,012
I know it seems like
I'm panicking,
266
00:10:00,056 --> 00:10:01,840
but I'm not panicking.
It's just that I'm afraid
267
00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:03,668
it's like a party; as soon as
one person leaves the party,
268
00:10:03,712 --> 00:10:05,496
another person decides it's okay
for them to leave the party,
269
00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:06,758
and before you know it,
the whole party's over.
270
00:10:06,802 --> 00:10:07,803
And you devoted 12 years
of your life
271
00:10:07,846 --> 00:10:09,108
to a certain type of party,
272
00:10:09,152 --> 00:10:09,892
and it's not gonna end
like this!
273
00:10:09,935 --> 00:10:11,894
[piano playing]
274
00:10:12,851 --> 00:10:14,723
-[shouts]
-Sorry.
275
00:10:14,766 --> 00:10:16,115
Hey...
276
00:10:16,159 --> 00:10:17,290
Sorry, I didn't mean
to startle you,
277
00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:18,814
I just had a question.
278
00:10:18,857 --> 00:10:20,729
If this has anything to do
with the fact that
279
00:10:20,772 --> 00:10:22,731
I won't let anybody touch
Colin Robinson's body,
280
00:10:22,774 --> 00:10:25,298
yet I myself have not been
down to the basement
281
00:10:25,342 --> 00:10:27,823
to pay my respects,
I can answer that.
282
00:10:27,866 --> 00:10:30,782
There's nothing down there.
Only a bag of skin.
283
00:10:30,826 --> 00:10:34,264
Plus I find that kind of
sentimental gesture
284
00:10:34,307 --> 00:10:35,613
fucking tawdry.
285
00:10:35,657 --> 00:10:39,486
No, no, that wasn't it.
I wasn't--
286
00:10:39,530 --> 00:10:42,011
No, it was just a random
question that I was--
287
00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:45,754
What do you think about England?
Is it a cool place to live?
288
00:10:45,797 --> 00:10:49,888
No, it is absolutely not
a cool place to live.
289
00:10:49,932 --> 00:10:51,760
-Why not?
-You want to know a story about
290
00:10:51,803 --> 00:10:55,067
-England and the English way?
-Yeah.
291
00:10:55,111 --> 00:10:58,680
-[Laszlo playing piano]
-I used to be a member
of a club.
292
00:10:58,723 --> 00:11:00,203
The Sherwood Club of London.
293
00:11:00,246 --> 00:11:02,596
My father was a member of a club
294
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,947
called the Sherwood Club
of London.
295
00:11:04,990 --> 00:11:06,557
His father was a member
of a club
296
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,429
called the Sherwood Club
of London.
297
00:11:09,473 --> 00:11:12,084
-You get where I'm going
with this?
-I think so.
298
00:11:12,128 --> 00:11:14,521
Anyway, treachery was afoot,
and I was expelled
299
00:11:14,565 --> 00:11:16,741
from the Sherwood Club
of London.
300
00:11:16,785 --> 00:11:19,875
The decision was unanimous.
301
00:11:19,918 --> 00:11:24,053
So I left the UK and came here,
302
00:11:24,096 --> 00:11:25,489
to the New World.
-[plays "America the Beautiful"]
303
00:11:25,532 --> 00:11:27,926
To the land of opportunity,
304
00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:30,799
where men--
and, I'm told, some women--
305
00:11:30,842 --> 00:11:33,453
can be kings
of their own castle.
306
00:11:33,497 --> 00:11:37,022
Where industrialists can rub
shoulders with chimney sweeps.
307
00:11:37,066 --> 00:11:39,285
My late friend Walt Whitman
said to me,
308
00:11:39,329 --> 00:11:42,071
-"You'd better put
that away, Laszlo..."
-So you're saying
309
00:11:42,114 --> 00:11:46,423
you would never, ever
go back to England.
310
00:11:46,466 --> 00:11:47,772
Yes, I am.
311
00:11:47,816 --> 00:11:49,469
-[playing piano]
-I would never, ever,
312
00:11:49,513 --> 00:11:52,342
ever, ever, ever
313
00:11:52,385 --> 00:11:53,735
go back to England.
314
00:11:53,778 --> 00:11:55,127
Well, there you have it.
315
00:11:55,171 --> 00:11:56,738
-[bell ringing]
-Oh.
316
00:11:56,781 --> 00:11:57,826
-There's the bell.
-DONAL: Five minutes, vamps.
317
00:11:57,869 --> 00:11:58,783
Time to get back
to the portrait.
318
00:11:58,827 --> 00:12:00,567
Tell him to fuck off.
319
00:12:00,611 --> 00:12:01,960
-I'm busy here.
-All right.
320
00:12:02,004 --> 00:12:04,223
Plus, that conversation
about my homeland
321
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:05,964
has given me the pip.
322
00:12:06,008 --> 00:12:07,879
-Of course.
-I shall need ten minutes
to recover.
323
00:12:07,923 --> 00:12:09,968
[playing dramatic melody]
324
00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:18,455
SIRE:
Hel-lo.
325
00:12:18,498 --> 00:12:20,762
BARON:
Your English is
coming along nicely.
326
00:12:20,805 --> 00:12:22,981
-Hey, guys.
-Hey.
-SIRE: Hey...
327
00:12:23,025 --> 00:12:24,591
You see?
You have made progress.
328
00:12:24,635 --> 00:12:27,072
I have to remind myself
that vampires always make
329
00:12:27,116 --> 00:12:29,858
these grandiose plans,
but they never see them through.
330
00:12:29,901 --> 00:12:31,685
-Everything's gonna be A-ok...
-NANDOR: It's a map.
331
00:12:31,729 --> 00:12:33,209
It's a cape.
332
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,080
-It's a mape!
-[laughs] I'll tell you what,
333
00:12:35,124 --> 00:12:38,170
-world travel looks good
on you, Nandor.
-Thank you.
334
00:12:38,214 --> 00:12:41,260
-[Guillermo clears throat]
-Oh, hi, Guillermo. Good news.
335
00:12:41,304 --> 00:12:44,437
She is an expert on
international vampire travel.
336
00:12:44,481 --> 00:12:47,919
It's true. I book all the trips
for the Vampiric Council.
337
00:12:47,963 --> 00:12:50,356
-Really the only fun part
of my job.
-Yes.
338
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,097
Anyway, we figured out
all the details
339
00:12:52,141 --> 00:12:53,838
-so you don't have to
worry about a thing.
-No.
340
00:12:53,882 --> 00:12:56,319
I mean, I don't think
you've thought of everything.
341
00:12:56,362 --> 00:12:57,886
-I mean, what about...
-The coffin? Super easy.
342
00:12:57,929 --> 00:12:59,409
All you need is international
bill of lading,
343
00:12:59,452 --> 00:13:00,627
-and that's kind of it.
-Really?
344
00:13:00,671 --> 00:13:02,064
-GUIDE: Here's a tip.
-Yes?
345
00:13:02,107 --> 00:13:04,936
Put your ancestral soil
in your Jansport
346
00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:08,070
so it's always on your back, and
you can just lie down anywhere.
347
00:13:08,113 --> 00:13:10,507
-What's a Jansport?
-It's a backpack.
-It's a backpack.
348
00:13:10,550 --> 00:13:13,379
-It's a very popular backpack.
-It's a children's backpack.
349
00:13:13,423 --> 00:13:15,251
That's smart.
That's very smart.
350
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:16,861
-Anyone could have
thought of that.
-NANDOR: Let's celebrate.
351
00:13:16,905 --> 00:13:19,864
[laughing]
352
00:13:19,908 --> 00:13:21,170
Master, listen to me.
353
00:13:21,213 --> 00:13:22,911
Nadja and Laszlo
aren't leaving after all.
354
00:13:22,954 --> 00:13:24,869
So you don't have to worry
about being all by yourself.
355
00:13:24,913 --> 00:13:27,263
But I'm excited
for this trip now.
356
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:30,396
It's gonna be a real eat,
prey, love kind journey for me.
357
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,616
What do you mean?
You're gonna pray?
358
00:13:32,659 --> 00:13:34,705
Well, how am I gonna eat if
I don't prey on people, dummy?
359
00:13:34,748 --> 00:13:38,535
Now, you must travel
by railway and always at night.
360
00:13:38,578 --> 00:13:39,971
It's the only way
to stay safe.
361
00:13:40,015 --> 00:13:42,452
Plus, it's usually much cheaper.
362
00:13:42,495 --> 00:13:44,541
NANDOR:
Oh, I'm so excited.
363
00:13:44,584 --> 00:13:47,544
I cannot wait to see
all the wonders of the world.
364
00:13:47,587 --> 00:13:49,154
The Colossus of Rhodes.
365
00:13:49,198 --> 00:13:51,591
The Hanging Gardens
of Babylon.
366
00:13:51,635 --> 00:13:53,550
The beautiful unmarred face
of the Sphinx.
367
00:13:53,593 --> 00:13:55,900
Ah, cheers to that!
368
00:13:55,944 --> 00:13:57,293
-[bell ringing]
-We should finish our portrait.
-DONAL: Come on, everybody!
369
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:58,294
-Shall we?
-Absolutely.
370
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,469
And there are so many
371
00:13:59,512 --> 00:14:01,036
wonderful vampire hosts
372
00:14:01,079 --> 00:14:02,515
-I can hook you up with.
-Oh, please.
373
00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:05,997
DONAL: You know, you spend
your whole life wanting
374
00:14:06,041 --> 00:14:08,695
to shoot in New York;
Brooklyn in this case.
375
00:14:08,739 --> 00:14:10,262
We were at Steiner Studios.
376
00:14:10,306 --> 00:14:12,656
And then you find yourself
so far from your family,
377
00:14:12,699 --> 00:14:14,745
-it gets kind of lonely.
-I have to say something.
378
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:17,226
-I'm sorry, Donal Logue.
-Quite all right.
379
00:14:17,269 --> 00:14:19,750
I know that we're all
a little bit shaken up
380
00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:21,795
-by the death of Colin Robinson.
-LASZLO: Speak for yourself.
381
00:14:21,839 --> 00:14:23,885
I'm as dry as a nun's doodah.
382
00:14:23,928 --> 00:14:25,756
GUILLERMO: Well, regardless,
we have to remember
383
00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:28,019
that there's the family
that you're born into,
384
00:14:28,063 --> 00:14:29,760
and then there's
your chosen family.
385
00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,501
That's what we are.
386
00:14:31,544 --> 00:14:34,112
We're a chosen family,
and it's a rare thing...
387
00:14:34,156 --> 00:14:35,505
I've been offered
a job in England,
388
00:14:35,548 --> 00:14:36,810
-and I want to move there!
-Whoo-hoo!
389
00:14:36,854 --> 00:14:38,290
-Over my dead body.
-[both gasp]
390
00:14:38,334 --> 00:14:40,031
Well, it seems everyone's
getting into it now.
391
00:14:40,075 --> 00:14:43,121
I have decided to leave
the island of Staten,
392
00:14:43,165 --> 00:14:47,473
travel the world and
rediscover my groove.
393
00:14:47,517 --> 00:14:49,301
-You are so selfish, Laszlo!
-DOLL NADJA: She's right.
394
00:14:49,345 --> 00:14:52,609
I made a vow never to return
to that cack house
395
00:14:52,652 --> 00:14:54,089
ever, ever again.
396
00:14:54,132 --> 00:14:56,308
-But why?
-You know why.
397
00:14:56,352 --> 00:14:59,790
-The British are a pack of
classist wankers.
-BARON: Here, here.
398
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:02,271
And those fuckers
expelled me
399
00:15:02,314 --> 00:15:03,837
-from the Sherwood...
-From the Sherwood Club.
400
00:15:03,881 --> 00:15:05,752
Yes, I know. You have told me
so many times.
401
00:15:05,796 --> 00:15:07,363
Yeah, I've told you
so many times,
402
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,713
but I've never told you why.
403
00:15:09,756 --> 00:15:11,454
And now I will.
404
00:15:11,497 --> 00:15:12,890
I always thought
it was because of
405
00:15:12,934 --> 00:15:13,978
all the whores and the whoring.
406
00:15:14,022 --> 00:15:15,110
They don't give a fuck about
407
00:15:15,153 --> 00:15:16,676
whores and whoring, my darling.
408
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,765
They didn't even care
that I was a vampire.
409
00:15:18,809 --> 00:15:21,986
What they did object to,
however, was the fact
410
00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:24,249
that I fell in love
and eventually married
411
00:15:24,293 --> 00:15:28,601
the most beautiful,
simple girl.
412
00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:31,517
A girl with no surname,
413
00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:34,477
no social standing.
414
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,262
They actually called her
a peasant girl.
415
00:15:37,306 --> 00:15:42,050
A girl from a tiny village
on a dirt island
416
00:15:42,093 --> 00:15:43,442
in the Mediterranean.
417
00:15:43,486 --> 00:15:46,968
That girl is the most
beautiful girl
418
00:15:47,011 --> 00:15:48,578
I have ever known.
419
00:15:48,621 --> 00:15:52,277
That girl's name--
yes, my darling--
420
00:15:52,321 --> 00:15:56,064
-Is my name?
-Is your name. Nadja.
421
00:15:56,107 --> 00:15:59,110
-Oh, snap.
-Snap, indeed, Donal.
422
00:15:59,154 --> 00:16:01,808
But, my dark baby,
423
00:16:01,852 --> 00:16:04,115
I will be returning to England
to assume a position
424
00:16:04,159 --> 00:16:06,596
on the Supreme Vampiric Council.
425
00:16:06,639 --> 00:16:08,119
Wait, what?
426
00:16:08,163 --> 00:16:10,556
We would be going back
as the tip of the tops
427
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:11,862
of the upper classes.
428
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:13,516
-Really?
-Yeah.
429
00:16:13,559 --> 00:16:16,649
Well, that changes pretty much
fucking everything.
430
00:16:16,693 --> 00:16:19,609
-Count me in.
-[Nadja shrieks, laughs]
-GUILLERMO: No, no, Laszlo,
431
00:16:19,652 --> 00:16:21,741
You made a lifelong vow
to never go back
432
00:16:21,785 --> 00:16:23,830
-to that shithole, remember?
-Didn't you hear what
she just said?
433
00:16:23,874 --> 00:16:25,658
We're gonna rule
the fucking place.
434
00:16:25,702 --> 00:16:27,138
Rule Britannia!
435
00:16:27,182 --> 00:16:30,750
[laughing, cheering]
436
00:16:30,794 --> 00:16:32,926
-Oh, okay, yeah. Oh, yeah.
-Now I'm ready.
437
00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:34,537
Now I am ready.
438
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,713
-So romantic. Great!
-NADJA: Oh, yeah, get some.
439
00:16:36,756 --> 00:16:40,021
It is decided, we will all
move on from this place
440
00:16:40,064 --> 00:16:41,848
-and regroup elsewhere.
-Yes. Whoo-hoo!
441
00:16:41,892 --> 00:16:44,199
I think we should all
just take a second, breathe.
442
00:16:44,242 --> 00:16:46,331
You know,
just take a deep breath.
443
00:16:46,375 --> 00:16:48,072
And, I mean, the portrait's
not even done, so we could...
444
00:16:48,116 --> 00:16:49,682
-DONAL: No, it's almost done.
-What?
445
00:16:49,726 --> 00:16:51,032
And that's that.
446
00:16:51,075 --> 00:16:53,077
So, you're all free
to go about doing
447
00:16:53,121 --> 00:16:54,600
whatever the hell it was
you were doing before.
448
00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:56,907
Plus, I just got a text
from my agent
449
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,562
that I have to do a self-tape
for a CBS pilot,
450
00:16:59,605 --> 00:17:00,867
so Logue out.
451
00:17:03,218 --> 00:17:06,047
[sighs]
Always a drama with
this little rascal.
452
00:17:07,048 --> 00:17:08,353
I will fix.
453
00:17:08,397 --> 00:17:11,095
You know, usually when
someone is upset,
454
00:17:11,139 --> 00:17:12,705
they go to their own room,
455
00:17:12,749 --> 00:17:15,186
but I understand why
you would come to my room,
456
00:17:15,230 --> 00:17:17,101
as it is a far superior
room to yours.
457
00:17:17,145 --> 00:17:19,016
Which probably makes you feel
even more depressed.
458
00:17:19,060 --> 00:17:21,888
-Is this your attempt
at cheering me up?
-Guillermo...
459
00:17:21,932 --> 00:17:25,544
You want us to go through this
one more time? Hmm?
460
00:17:25,588 --> 00:17:27,329
It is a very dangerous world
out there.
461
00:17:27,372 --> 00:17:30,114
You're joking, right? It's me
who's been protecting you!
462
00:17:30,158 --> 00:17:32,029
So what, you shooed away some
assassins; who gives a shit?
463
00:17:32,073 --> 00:17:33,683
If it wasn't for me,
you would be dead by now.
464
00:17:33,726 --> 00:17:36,120
If not by assassins
then by my very own hands
465
00:17:36,164 --> 00:17:37,861
because I am,
and I will remind you,
466
00:17:37,904 --> 00:17:40,733
by birth and lineage,
a vampire killer.
467
00:17:40,777 --> 00:17:44,172
And the only reason
you're alive is because...
468
00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:45,956
I let you live.
469
00:17:49,438 --> 00:17:52,049
What did you just say?
470
00:17:52,093 --> 00:17:56,053
I said, the only reason
you're alive
471
00:17:56,097 --> 00:17:58,142
is because I
472
00:17:58,186 --> 00:18:02,581
let you live.
473
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:05,106
[chuckles]
474
00:18:05,149 --> 00:18:07,934
My poor, dear thing.
475
00:18:07,978 --> 00:18:10,111
You forgot that
we hypnotized you
476
00:18:10,154 --> 00:18:12,896
to make it physically impossible
for you to harm me
477
00:18:12,939 --> 00:18:14,724
or any or your masters.
478
00:18:14,767 --> 00:18:16,247
Do you remember that? Hmm?
479
00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:19,598
No, because we used hypnosis.
[pained grunt]
480
00:18:19,642 --> 00:18:21,339
Hypnosis doesn't work on me.
481
00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:23,907
I just let you think it did
so you wouldn't feel weak.
482
00:18:23,950 --> 00:18:26,910
I never feel weak,
my furry little friend!
483
00:18:26,953 --> 00:18:28,259
[pained cry]
484
00:18:28,303 --> 00:18:29,391
[hisses]
485
00:18:31,306 --> 00:18:34,135
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
486
00:18:34,178 --> 00:18:35,397
Master, your-your sword
needs polishing.
487
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,963
It does?
488
00:18:37,007 --> 00:18:39,270
-[grunts]
-Hey!
489
00:18:40,228 --> 00:18:43,187
-Plancha!
-Don't you dare!
490
00:18:43,231 --> 00:18:44,971
NANDOR:
Ow.
491
00:18:48,018 --> 00:18:50,412
Once a familiar,
always a familiar!
492
00:18:50,455 --> 00:18:52,631
[cries out]
493
00:18:57,201 --> 00:18:58,333
Uh-uh-uh.
494
00:19:00,378 --> 00:19:03,120
You almost hit John!
495
00:19:03,164 --> 00:19:04,469
[cries out]
496
00:19:04,513 --> 00:19:07,255
[Nandor hissing]
497
00:19:07,298 --> 00:19:09,518
Yes, yes, finally.
498
00:19:09,561 --> 00:19:11,172
This is what
I've been waiting for.
499
00:19:11,215 --> 00:19:13,913
-What?
-Put the crucifix away,
Guillermo.
500
00:19:13,957 --> 00:19:15,611
You have passed the test.
501
00:19:17,308 --> 00:19:19,136
What test?
502
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:22,183
I have been worried that you
have been going a little soft.
503
00:19:22,226 --> 00:19:25,795
But tonight, you have
proved to me finally
504
00:19:25,838 --> 00:19:28,711
that you can take care
of yourself.
505
00:19:28,754 --> 00:19:30,713
And more importantly,
506
00:19:30,756 --> 00:19:33,672
you can take care of me.
507
00:19:33,716 --> 00:19:36,066
Guillermo de la Cruz,
508
00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:40,897
will you do me the honor...
509
00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:44,379
of accompanying me on my journey
around the world?
510
00:19:44,422 --> 00:19:47,469
[scoffs]
If you're scared of me
right now...
511
00:19:47,512 --> 00:19:49,732
If you accompany me
on this journey,
512
00:19:49,775 --> 00:19:53,736
when we arrive at the banks
of the River Tigris
513
00:19:53,779 --> 00:19:56,521
in my homeland of Al-Qolnadar,
514
00:19:56,565 --> 00:19:59,263
you will take a knee,
515
00:19:59,307 --> 00:20:01,918
and I will make you...
516
00:20:01,961 --> 00:20:04,225
[whispers]:
a vampire.
517
00:20:05,269 --> 00:20:07,576
-Really?
-My word
518
00:20:07,619 --> 00:20:09,447
is my bond.
519
00:20:10,796 --> 00:20:14,365
Then yes. Yes, of course
I'll go with you, Master.
520
00:20:15,366 --> 00:20:17,890
There will be plenty of time
for that kind of thing.
521
00:20:17,934 --> 00:20:20,328
-Right.
-Well...
522
00:20:20,371 --> 00:20:22,678
you should go,
start making arrangements.
523
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:23,896
Yes. [laughs]
524
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:26,769
Let our great journey commence!
525
00:20:27,944 --> 00:20:30,338
That little fucker can
really move when he wants to.
526
00:20:33,906 --> 00:20:35,995
Yeah, I'm gonna miss
this house, but...
527
00:20:36,039 --> 00:20:38,259
definitely won't miss
cleaning it. [chuckles]
528
00:20:38,302 --> 00:20:41,436
It'll be sad to say bye
to Nadja and Laszlo.
529
00:20:41,479 --> 00:20:43,264
They're off
on a big adventure now,
530
00:20:43,307 --> 00:20:45,048
so I'm really happy for them.
531
00:20:45,091 --> 00:20:47,311
Don't you even fucking dare!
532
00:20:47,355 --> 00:20:50,183
But the real thing
I'm looking forward to is...
533
00:20:50,227 --> 00:20:54,362
traveling the whole world
with my Nand-- master.
534
00:20:55,624 --> 00:20:57,147
Just the two of us.
535
00:20:58,540 --> 00:21:00,106
-Master.
-Yes?
536
00:21:00,150 --> 00:21:02,108
You need to hurry up.
I still have to help
537
00:21:02,152 --> 00:21:04,110
Nadja and Laszlo load
their coffin into the boat.
538
00:21:04,154 --> 00:21:06,765
And then you and I are catching
a midnight train.
539
00:21:06,809 --> 00:21:10,073
Why are you helping them when my
ancestral soil needs scooping?
540
00:21:10,116 --> 00:21:11,596
Because it's the last time
I can say goodbye to them.
541
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,859
-I thought you'd understand.
-Oh, Guillermo.
542
00:21:13,903 --> 00:21:15,818
Fine, I will allow it.
543
00:21:15,861 --> 00:21:17,907
But don't think for one second
I'll be getting into the habit
544
00:21:17,950 --> 00:21:19,909
-of scooping my own soil.
-No, of course not.
545
00:21:19,952 --> 00:21:21,650
Oh. Can you take my luggage
to the train station?
546
00:21:21,693 --> 00:21:23,216
I don't want to carry it
to the dock
547
00:21:23,260 --> 00:21:24,479
and then have
to carry it back...
548
00:21:24,522 --> 00:21:26,698
Hey! What,
am I working for you now?
549
00:21:28,265 --> 00:21:29,353
I'm kidding, Guillermo.
550
00:21:29,397 --> 00:21:30,833
I will take your bag for you.
551
00:21:30,876 --> 00:21:32,661
Okay, gracias.
552
00:21:32,704 --> 00:21:35,446
-GUIDE [laughs]: Knock, knock,
Mr. Relentless.
-Hi.
553
00:21:35,490 --> 00:21:38,406
Hello.
I just wanted to say goodbye.
554
00:21:38,449 --> 00:21:41,713
-Thank you.
-I got you a little card.
555
00:21:41,757 --> 00:21:43,367
NANDOR:
"Bon voyage."
556
00:21:43,411 --> 00:21:45,151
Those are
the wraiths' signatures.
557
00:21:45,195 --> 00:21:47,197
-Oh.
-Some of them
don't know how to write,
558
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,634
and others once did
but have long since forgotten,
559
00:21:49,678 --> 00:21:51,636
so I just dipped
their claws in ink
560
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,159
and let them go at it.
561
00:21:53,203 --> 00:21:54,944
Smart.
562
00:21:54,987 --> 00:21:56,119
Thank you.
563
00:21:56,162 --> 00:21:58,121
Should we hug now, or...?
564
00:21:58,164 --> 00:22:00,558
I think it would be too much.
565
00:22:00,602 --> 00:22:02,865
-Okay.
-Nandor, I have come
to bid you adieu.
566
00:22:02,908 --> 00:22:05,128
You are a vampire
I have known for a while now,
567
00:22:05,171 --> 00:22:07,348
and now our time together
has ended.
568
00:22:07,391 --> 00:22:08,697
Cheers! Bye! Ha!
569
00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:10,916
GUILLERMO:
Nadja, Laszlo, vámonos!
570
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,353
We have to go!
571
00:22:12,396 --> 00:22:13,658
Don't you dare shout at me,
Guillermo!
572
00:22:13,702 --> 00:22:15,181
I could suck out
all of your bodily fluids
573
00:22:15,225 --> 00:22:16,357
in less than two seconds.
574
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:17,488
[spits]
575
00:22:17,532 --> 00:22:19,316
-Not gonna miss that.
-Laszlo?
576
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:20,665
Where are you?
It's time to get to...
577
00:22:20,709 --> 00:22:22,754
Oh.
578
00:22:22,798 --> 00:22:24,930
What were you doing
in the basement, my dear?
579
00:22:24,974 --> 00:22:27,672
Nothing. Just taking care
of some business.
580
00:22:27,716 --> 00:22:30,066
Oh, my sweet love.
581
00:22:30,109 --> 00:22:32,068
Were you finally saying goodbye
to the decaying corpse
582
00:22:32,111 --> 00:22:33,852
of your very dead friend
Colin Robinson?
583
00:22:33,896 --> 00:22:35,376
Something like that.
584
00:22:35,419 --> 00:22:36,812
Are you okay?
Do you need a bit more time?
585
00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:38,248
Not at all. I feel fine.
586
00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:39,684
Let's rock and roll.
587
00:22:39,728 --> 00:22:41,904
We're missing
three boxes of porn.
588
00:22:41,947 --> 00:22:44,689
♪
589
00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:53,916
-[horn blows]
-Whoo-hoo! Guillermo, my things.
590
00:22:53,959 --> 00:22:56,484
-Coming.
-Ah, smell the sea.
591
00:22:56,527 --> 00:22:58,486
I do love a journey.
592
00:22:58,529 --> 00:23:00,879
-[speaks Greek]
-And I went ahead and downloaded
593
00:23:00,923 --> 00:23:02,751
all the seasons
of RuPaul's Drag Race.
594
00:23:02,794 --> 00:23:04,535
Thank you very much, Guillermo.
595
00:23:04,579 --> 00:23:06,929
It has been... nice.
596
00:23:06,972 --> 00:23:08,496
Yeah.
597
00:23:08,539 --> 00:23:10,715
My darling, I will see you
598
00:23:10,759 --> 00:23:13,631
when we are kissing the ground
of your native land
599
00:23:13,675 --> 00:23:16,591
and make love on the bones
of those who scorned you.
600
00:23:16,634 --> 00:23:18,636
Safe passage, my darling.
601
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,290
[laughs]
602
00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:23,685
-Are you in?
-Yes. Lock me up.
603
00:23:23,728 --> 00:23:26,165
Right. Now, come on,
don't fuck about, get that in.
604
00:23:26,209 --> 00:23:29,168
Why do you have water and food
if you can't even eat it?
605
00:23:29,212 --> 00:23:30,953
It's Oreos and Pedialyte.
606
00:23:30,996 --> 00:23:33,129
This stuff's worth its weight
in gold where I come from.
607
00:23:33,172 --> 00:23:35,044
I can barter that
and get anything I want.
608
00:23:35,087 --> 00:23:37,350
Makes sense. Well, this is it.
609
00:23:37,394 --> 00:23:39,396
-Indeed.
-All right.
610
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:40,658
-Yeah.
-Okay.
611
00:23:40,702 --> 00:23:41,833
Right.
612
00:23:41,877 --> 00:23:43,400
Safe fare.
613
00:23:43,444 --> 00:23:44,706
You, too.
614
00:23:44,749 --> 00:23:46,447
It's a lot of Oreos.
615
00:23:46,490 --> 00:23:47,796
Make sure
you look after my wife.
616
00:23:47,839 --> 00:23:50,581
What? Aah! No! No, no, no, no!
617
00:23:50,625 --> 00:23:52,583
-[clang, rapid thumping]
-No, no, no!
618
00:23:52,627 --> 00:23:54,672
What the fuck?! Master!
619
00:23:54,716 --> 00:23:55,934
Wait for me!
620
00:23:58,110 --> 00:24:01,287
-[horn blows]
-GUILLERMO: Help! Let me out!
Let me out, Laszlo!
621
00:24:01,331 --> 00:24:03,812
Laszlo, please don't!
Hello! Hello?
622
00:24:04,813 --> 00:24:06,771
Hey...
623
00:24:09,339 --> 00:24:11,472
CONDUCTOR:
All aboard!
624
00:24:12,821 --> 00:24:15,345
Guillermo...!
625
00:24:16,738 --> 00:24:18,174
You coming or staying?
626
00:24:21,133 --> 00:24:23,179
♪
627
00:24:31,143 --> 00:24:33,276
LASZLO:
My dearest Nadja,
628
00:24:33,319 --> 00:24:36,584
you must be deucedly cross
with me for my subterfuge.
629
00:24:36,627 --> 00:24:39,848
But you have Gizmo at your side,
630
00:24:39,891 --> 00:24:42,154
if he has not expired
or drowned in his own filth
631
00:24:42,198 --> 00:24:44,417
during
the transatlantic crossing.
632
00:24:44,461 --> 00:24:47,203
I did cut a small hole
in the bottom of the coffin,
633
00:24:47,246 --> 00:24:50,336
so if he is
either accurate or persistent,
634
00:24:50,380 --> 00:24:52,556
he should be fine.
635
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,253
But I digress.
636
00:24:54,297 --> 00:24:55,733
[train whistle blows]
637
00:24:55,777 --> 00:24:58,693
Guillermo is
a damn good bodyguard.
638
00:24:58,736 --> 00:25:00,259
He will keep you safe.
639
00:25:00,303 --> 00:25:01,609
[whistle blows]
640
00:25:01,652 --> 00:25:03,654
But the truth is, my darling,
641
00:25:03,698 --> 00:25:06,527
you don't need anyone
to keep you safe.
642
00:25:06,570 --> 00:25:08,529
Okay, so,
this is my trinkets case.
643
00:25:08,572 --> 00:25:11,053
Over these past
200 or 300 years,
644
00:25:11,096 --> 00:25:14,230
-Hurry up!
-you have grown into a strong,
645
00:25:14,273 --> 00:25:17,059
bold, independent woman
of the world.
646
00:25:17,102 --> 00:25:20,497
It is a strange and dangerous
netherworld we inhabit,
647
00:25:20,541 --> 00:25:23,631
and I once thought you
too weak and defenseless
648
00:25:23,674 --> 00:25:25,633
to navigate it on your own,
649
00:25:25,676 --> 00:25:28,505
and that you needed me about
at all times
650
00:25:28,549 --> 00:25:30,246
to take care of you.
651
00:25:30,289 --> 00:25:33,945
But that is no longer true,
were it ever so.
652
00:25:33,989 --> 00:25:35,251
Um...
653
00:25:35,294 --> 00:25:38,341
safe passage, Colin Robinson.
654
00:25:39,516 --> 00:25:41,039
Not much more to say.
655
00:25:41,083 --> 00:25:43,302
[sniffs]
What's that...
656
00:25:44,303 --> 00:25:45,522
Oh, my...
657
00:25:45,566 --> 00:25:47,568
What the fuck?
658
00:25:48,830 --> 00:25:51,136
-What?
-[clattering in distance]
659
00:25:51,180 --> 00:25:53,791
-Shit.
-There are, it seems,
660
00:25:53,835 --> 00:25:55,619
others in our world...
661
00:25:55,663 --> 00:25:57,099
What's this shit?
662
00:25:57,142 --> 00:25:59,623
...whose future
is far less certain,
663
00:25:59,667 --> 00:26:01,538
whose existence
664
00:26:01,582 --> 00:26:05,673
is even more terrifying
and mysterious than our own...
665
00:26:06,891 --> 00:26:11,069
...who actually are weak
and defenseless,
666
00:26:11,113 --> 00:26:15,639
-[baby bawling]
-who need protection and care.
667
00:26:15,683 --> 00:26:17,510
LASZLO:
Hello?
668
00:26:21,514 --> 00:26:22,690
[baby coos]
669
00:26:22,733 --> 00:26:24,039
Shit.
670
00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:28,347
♪ Our love is young♪
671
00:26:28,391 --> 00:26:32,003
♪ It shines so bright♪
672
00:26:32,047 --> 00:26:35,050
♪ Don't ever let♪
673
00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:36,878
♪ It vanish♪
674
00:26:36,921 --> 00:26:39,750
♪ In the night♪
675
00:26:39,794 --> 00:26:42,274
-♪ Don't wake too soon♪
-[mumbling]
676
00:26:42,318 --> 00:26:44,929
And a little to the right.
677
00:26:44,973 --> 00:26:46,409
Almost.
678
00:26:46,452 --> 00:26:48,237
A little more to the right.
679
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,369
Just squaring it up.
680
00:26:50,413 --> 00:26:52,067
And a little to...
681
00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:54,896
[high-pitched screaming]
682
00:26:54,939 --> 00:26:57,942
♪ Our love is young♪
683
00:26:57,986 --> 00:26:59,988
♪ Like a bird♪
684
00:27:00,031 --> 00:27:02,207
♪ It hovers near us♪
685
00:27:02,251 --> 00:27:03,687
♪ Tread with care♪
686
00:27:03,731 --> 00:27:05,950
♪ Lest it should hear us♪
687
00:27:05,994 --> 00:27:07,778
♪ Seize it now♪
688
00:27:07,822 --> 00:27:10,651
♪ Before it flies away♪
689
00:27:11,913 --> 00:27:14,785
♪ Don't let it go♪
690
00:27:15,786 --> 00:27:19,572
♪ Our love is young♪
691
00:27:19,616 --> 00:27:24,447
♪ So very young.♪
692
00:27:24,490 --> 00:27:25,491
[song ends]
52284
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