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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,065 --> 00:00:02,198 [clock chiming] 2 00:00:06,898 --> 00:00:09,031 GUILLERMO: It's a really weird time in the household 3 00:00:09,074 --> 00:00:13,078 because Colin Robinson is no longer with us. 4 00:00:13,122 --> 00:00:15,080 I mean, vampires are no strangers to death. 5 00:00:15,124 --> 00:00:17,648 They deal with it every day with the people that they kill. 6 00:00:17,691 --> 00:00:19,563 But when they lose one of their own, 7 00:00:19,606 --> 00:00:21,173 they just don't know how to deal with it. 8 00:00:21,217 --> 00:00:23,088 I mean, their only funeral-type tradition 9 00:00:23,132 --> 00:00:24,872 is that they get a new portrait made 10 00:00:24,916 --> 00:00:26,483 with all of them except for the newly deceased, 11 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:27,962 and I don't think that's a really healthy way 12 00:00:28,006 --> 00:00:30,095 of dealing with the loss of a family member. 13 00:00:30,139 --> 00:00:32,402 Perhaps we'd all like to go around the room 14 00:00:32,445 --> 00:00:34,969 and each one of say something that we liked 15 00:00:35,013 --> 00:00:37,015 -about Colin Robinson? -Oh, leave us alone, Guillermo. 16 00:00:37,059 --> 00:00:38,538 You're giving everyone a big bummer. 17 00:00:38,582 --> 00:00:40,192 When she's right, she's right. 18 00:00:40,236 --> 00:00:42,020 -LASZLO: Should he even be here? -GUIDE: I know. 19 00:00:42,064 --> 00:00:45,502 I did think this was sort of a "vampires only" portrait. 20 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,199 Hey, he is a valued member of the team 21 00:00:47,243 --> 00:00:50,115 and has every right to be in this portrait. 22 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:52,770 Even though he is a dog. 23 00:00:52,813 --> 00:00:54,250 LASZLO: I wasn't talking about the dog, you halfwit, 24 00:00:54,293 --> 00:00:55,860 I was talking about Gizmo. 25 00:00:55,903 --> 00:00:56,948 Yes, well, Gizmo needs to be here 26 00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,863 to help control the Hellhound. 27 00:00:58,906 --> 00:01:00,212 GUILLERMO: If they talked about their feelings, 28 00:01:00,256 --> 00:01:01,605 then the healing could begin. 29 00:01:01,648 --> 00:01:02,780 -[whining] -Guillermo, 30 00:01:02,823 --> 00:01:04,173 your Hellhound is wandering around 31 00:01:04,216 --> 00:01:05,826 and pissing all over our floors. 32 00:01:05,870 --> 00:01:08,133 And once they're healed, they would realize that 33 00:01:08,177 --> 00:01:09,613 the dynamic's a little off. 34 00:01:09,656 --> 00:01:12,311 So maybe they need to make a new vampire. 35 00:01:12,355 --> 00:01:15,575 I-I just heard it, and I know... 36 00:01:15,619 --> 00:01:17,142 I know what you're thinking, 37 00:01:17,186 --> 00:01:19,405 but I truly believe that that's what's needed 38 00:01:19,449 --> 00:01:22,713 to really restore-- And I deserve it. 39 00:01:22,756 --> 00:01:24,889 ["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing] 40 00:01:24,932 --> 00:01:27,370 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 41 00:01:27,413 --> 00:01:30,721 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 42 00:01:30,764 --> 00:01:33,637 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 43 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,465 ♪ You're dead and out of this world♪ 44 00:01:37,031 --> 00:01:40,078 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪ 45 00:01:40,122 --> 00:01:42,820 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪ 46 00:01:42,863 --> 00:01:46,040 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪ 47 00:01:46,084 --> 00:01:47,825 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 48 00:01:47,868 --> 00:01:49,566 ♪ 49 00:01:59,924 --> 00:02:01,534 DONAL: Yeah, I took up painting 50 00:02:01,578 --> 00:02:03,232 during season two of Grounded for Life. 51 00:02:03,275 --> 00:02:04,711 As an actor, you spend a lot of time 52 00:02:04,755 --> 00:02:06,452 sitting around your trailer, waiting for them 53 00:02:06,496 --> 00:02:08,193 to light the next scene or whatnot, 54 00:02:08,237 --> 00:02:11,327 so I got some brushes and a how-to book from Blick, 55 00:02:11,370 --> 00:02:12,893 and I think I've gotten pretty good. 56 00:02:12,937 --> 00:02:15,244 This is the cast of Grounded for Life. 57 00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:17,550 Oh, my God, Jake and Griffin were so squirrely, 58 00:02:17,594 --> 00:02:19,378 I was like, "Look, here's the deal. 59 00:02:19,422 --> 00:02:21,598 "I'm gonna take a picture, and then you guys can fuck off 60 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,991 and do whatever you want to do." 61 00:02:24,035 --> 00:02:26,603 I finished the painting from a photo, but you know, 62 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,866 that's the way a lot of the masters work now. 63 00:02:28,909 --> 00:02:31,477 This is the front gate of Radford in Studio City. 64 00:02:31,521 --> 00:02:33,653 I was really happy with the way the light reflected 65 00:02:33,697 --> 00:02:35,525 off the admin building that day. 66 00:02:35,568 --> 00:02:38,049 I think I really captured it. 67 00:02:38,092 --> 00:02:40,791 This was a gaffer I worked with onER. 68 00:02:40,834 --> 00:02:42,662 The guy had just such an amazing face, 69 00:02:42,706 --> 00:02:44,229 I was just staring at it. 70 00:02:44,273 --> 00:02:45,926 I was staring at it when I was on camera, 71 00:02:45,970 --> 00:02:47,754 which would get me in trouble, you know? 72 00:02:47,798 --> 00:02:50,931 But I think I really got his essence. 73 00:02:50,975 --> 00:02:52,585 So when the gang here said that they needed 74 00:02:52,629 --> 00:02:54,239 a new portrait done, I said I'd be more than happy 75 00:02:54,283 --> 00:02:56,894 to stick around and do it because I had some downtime 76 00:02:56,937 --> 00:02:59,549 between the next meeting of the Worldwide Vampiric Council 77 00:02:59,592 --> 00:03:03,335 and the two-episode arc I booked on SVUnext month. 78 00:03:03,379 --> 00:03:05,424 You gotta remember I came up with MTV in the '90s, 79 00:03:05,468 --> 00:03:07,296 where they were like, "Go shoot 15 hours 80 00:03:07,339 --> 00:03:08,862 "of Jimmy the Cab Driver, 81 00:03:08,906 --> 00:03:10,386 and then we'll figure out where to stick it later," 82 00:03:10,429 --> 00:03:12,039 -but when I got Grounded... -NADJA: Oof. 83 00:03:12,083 --> 00:03:13,824 -This buhbutz is really killing me. -I know. 84 00:03:13,867 --> 00:03:16,261 Right? I mean, I like the cinema, 85 00:03:16,305 --> 00:03:18,524 but don't need to know how the sausage is made. 86 00:03:18,568 --> 00:03:20,309 Yeah, and it's kind of insensitive. 87 00:03:20,352 --> 00:03:21,527 I mean, we're all still mourning the death 88 00:03:21,571 --> 00:03:23,181 -of Colin Robinson. -I'm not. 89 00:03:23,225 --> 00:03:24,226 Well, that's what I'm talking about. 90 00:03:24,269 --> 00:03:25,749 We need to talk about that. 91 00:03:25,792 --> 00:03:26,532 -How you're feeling... -We don't need to talk 92 00:03:26,576 --> 00:03:27,968 about anything. 93 00:03:28,012 --> 00:03:29,796 We are having our picture painted. 94 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,016 Then we will have a picture that Colin Robinson is not in, 95 00:03:32,059 --> 00:03:33,583 and we can forget about him forever, 96 00:03:33,626 --> 00:03:34,888 and this will heal us. 97 00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:36,890 Why did we have to rush it? 98 00:03:36,934 --> 00:03:38,196 The corpse has barely begun to stink, 99 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:39,719 and we've got the Tao of Steve 100 00:03:39,763 --> 00:03:41,286 -painting our portrait. -NANDOR: Oh, here we go. 101 00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:44,071 Nadja's masking her true feelings with a joke. 102 00:03:44,115 --> 00:03:46,073 That was not a joke. A joke has a punchline. 103 00:03:46,117 --> 00:03:47,553 And you wouldn't know a punchline if it ran over 104 00:03:47,597 --> 00:03:49,251 your scrotum with a penny farthing! 105 00:03:49,294 --> 00:03:51,427 [laughter] 106 00:03:51,470 --> 00:03:54,299 Oh, I am sorry, but that was a good one. 107 00:03:54,343 --> 00:03:57,171 Also, I feast upon hate. 108 00:03:57,215 --> 00:03:59,304 You know what? Fuck this whole thing! 109 00:03:59,348 --> 00:04:02,351 Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! 110 00:04:02,394 --> 00:04:05,963 You're cool. Fuck you, and fuck you! 111 00:04:06,006 --> 00:04:07,486 -Fuck all this shit! -Whoa. 112 00:04:07,530 --> 00:04:09,314 You are not storming away from me. 113 00:04:09,358 --> 00:04:12,099 I am storming away from you, but in a different direction! 114 00:04:12,143 --> 00:04:13,840 -Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. -Fuck you. 115 00:04:13,884 --> 00:04:15,189 DONAL: You know what, maybe we should just 116 00:04:15,233 --> 00:04:16,887 take five, shake it off. 117 00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:18,889 When he says "take five," five of what? 118 00:04:18,932 --> 00:04:20,412 And where are we taking them? 119 00:04:20,456 --> 00:04:23,415 This last year, it has not been easy on me. 120 00:04:23,459 --> 00:04:25,765 My search for love has 121 00:04:25,809 --> 00:04:27,332 been stymied at every turn. 122 00:04:27,376 --> 00:04:29,073 -I'm a lesbian. -Are you sure? 123 00:04:29,116 --> 00:04:30,248 Definitely sure. 124 00:04:30,292 --> 00:04:32,250 Would you do me the honor of being 125 00:04:32,294 --> 00:04:33,686 my vampire bride? 126 00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:35,645 I was married before. 127 00:04:35,688 --> 00:04:37,951 NANDOR: I discovered that there is no meaning or purpose 128 00:04:37,995 --> 00:04:39,823 to the universe, 129 00:04:39,866 --> 00:04:41,607 because of the Big Bang Theory. 130 00:04:41,651 --> 00:04:44,741 And on top of all that, the death of Colin Robinson-- 131 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:48,440 it has, I must confess, hit me quite hard. 132 00:04:48,484 --> 00:04:50,355 Life is precious. 133 00:04:50,399 --> 00:04:53,358 Even so-called eternal life can be snuffed out 134 00:04:53,402 --> 00:04:55,055 at a moment's notice. 135 00:04:55,099 --> 00:04:57,841 Colin Robinson's head imploding into a pile of goo 136 00:04:57,884 --> 00:05:02,628 has made me realize that I need to make the most of my life. 137 00:05:02,672 --> 00:05:05,762 Which is why I've decided to leave Staten Island 138 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,764 -and travel the world. -What? 139 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:11,071 Visit the Great Fjords of whatever country they're in. 140 00:05:11,115 --> 00:05:13,160 Get a job on one of those boats that collect plastic 141 00:05:13,204 --> 00:05:14,945 -from the ocean. -What the hell are you talking about? 142 00:05:14,988 --> 00:05:18,905 -Guillermo, did I not tell you all this already? -No. 143 00:05:18,949 --> 00:05:20,777 -Sorry. Would you mind giving us a moment? -Sorry. 144 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,344 Can you just give us one minute? 145 00:05:22,387 --> 00:05:23,606 -Thank you so much. -NANDOR: Appreciate it. 146 00:05:23,649 --> 00:05:25,259 GUILLERMO: Careful with the rug. 147 00:05:25,303 --> 00:05:26,913 You can't make any rational decisions right now 148 00:05:26,957 --> 00:05:28,437 because you're dealing with Colin Robinson's death 149 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:29,786 and you're running away from your feelings. 150 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,396 Yeah. So what? I hate my feelings. 151 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,137 You know what, this plan, it sounds great out loud, 152 00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:34,921 but I-I, I just can't drop everything that I'm doing. 153 00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:36,488 I have duties, you know. Responsibilities. 154 00:05:36,532 --> 00:05:38,272 Like, my mom is here. I can't just pack a bag 155 00:05:38,316 --> 00:05:39,665 and go on a world tour with you at the drop of a hat. 156 00:05:39,709 --> 00:05:42,494 You're not coming with me. 157 00:05:42,538 --> 00:05:44,409 What? 158 00:05:44,453 --> 00:05:46,672 You are one of the things I need to get away from 159 00:05:46,716 --> 00:05:48,326 to make a fresh start. 160 00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:50,502 No offense. 161 00:05:50,546 --> 00:05:52,330 Okay, well, how you gonna travel? 162 00:05:52,374 --> 00:05:54,114 Just by night? You're just gonna carry 163 00:05:54,158 --> 00:05:55,768 your ancestral dirt with you and your coffin wherever you go? 164 00:05:55,812 --> 00:05:58,031 -That-that's insane. -Yes, you're right. 165 00:05:58,075 --> 00:05:59,772 There's a lot of details to figure out. 166 00:05:59,816 --> 00:06:02,862 And you are going to figure them out for me. 167 00:06:02,906 --> 00:06:05,387 -Oh, surprise, surprise. -As your last duty. 168 00:06:06,997 --> 00:06:09,956 My sweet, sweet Guillermo. 169 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,177 You don't understand because? 170 00:06:13,220 --> 00:06:15,179 I'm not a vampire. 171 00:06:15,222 --> 00:06:17,616 Yes! Trust me, 172 00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:20,489 Nadja and Laszlo, they are itching to get away. 173 00:06:20,532 --> 00:06:23,274 These vampire pods, they don't last forever. 174 00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:25,450 And I'm not gonna be the last one in here 175 00:06:25,494 --> 00:06:28,018 all alone like a fucking loser. 176 00:06:30,847 --> 00:06:32,501 I would rather not talk about the death 177 00:06:32,544 --> 00:06:35,591 of Shmolin Shmobinson because my dear husband Laszlo 178 00:06:35,634 --> 00:06:37,114 is having a bit of a hard time dealing with it. 179 00:06:37,157 --> 00:06:38,594 What are you talking about? 180 00:06:38,637 --> 00:06:40,378 I said you were having a hard time dealing 181 00:06:40,422 --> 00:06:42,859 with Colin Robinson's very disgusting and tragic death. 182 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,296 Well, that would be bullshit, then, wouldn't it, my darling? 183 00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:47,037 I couldn't give a tinker's fig. 184 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,473 -People die all the time. -[whispers indistinctly] 185 00:06:48,517 --> 00:06:50,954 -[Guillermo gasps] -Animals die, plants die. 186 00:06:50,997 --> 00:06:52,042 Oh, Gizmo, it's just you. 187 00:06:52,085 --> 00:06:53,783 It's kind of important. 188 00:06:53,826 --> 00:06:56,002 Can't you see I'm doing my talking-to-the-camera thing? 189 00:06:56,046 --> 00:06:58,614 I'm busy. Shoo! 190 00:06:58,657 --> 00:07:00,137 ...by lunchtime I was in the whorehouse 191 00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,487 with two prostitutes and three good-time boys. 192 00:07:02,531 --> 00:07:05,229 Hold on, I've just had the best idea. 193 00:07:05,272 --> 00:07:06,448 I think I might know just the thing 194 00:07:06,491 --> 00:07:08,493 to cheer you up, my love. 195 00:07:08,537 --> 00:07:10,016 I don't need cheering up. 196 00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:11,801 How's about me and you take a lovely little trip 197 00:07:11,844 --> 00:07:15,108 -back to merry old England? -No. 198 00:07:15,152 --> 00:07:16,762 We could get a red bus and make love in it. 199 00:07:16,806 --> 00:07:19,983 We could get a black cab and make love in it. 200 00:07:20,026 --> 00:07:22,420 We could go to Madame Tussaud's and look around. 201 00:07:22,464 --> 00:07:24,117 If I were to need rest and recuperation 202 00:07:24,161 --> 00:07:27,120 for my dear friend's death, that fuck hole would be 203 00:07:27,164 --> 00:07:29,035 the last place on Earth 204 00:07:29,079 --> 00:07:30,428 that I would choose to go back to. 205 00:07:30,472 --> 00:07:32,909 You know this. I made a precious vow 206 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:36,129 -never to go back there again. -Laszlo! Ugh! 207 00:07:36,173 --> 00:07:39,350 United Kingdom? United Ding-dong, more like. 208 00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,961 Nadja, Nadja, I really need your help. 209 00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:43,397 It's about Nandor. 210 00:07:45,008 --> 00:07:48,881 -I suppose we just wait. I don't know. -[hisses] 211 00:07:48,925 --> 00:07:50,404 We have a problem. 212 00:07:50,448 --> 00:07:51,928 You are not the only one with problems, Gizmo! 213 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,843 Look at you. "Oh, everyone feel sorry for me 214 00:07:53,886 --> 00:07:55,322 "'cause I'm a pathetic human, 215 00:07:55,366 --> 00:07:56,846 "and I can't fly, and all I do is 216 00:07:56,889 --> 00:07:58,456 sit on the toilet all day." 217 00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:01,590 Well, what about my needs? Look. Look at this. 218 00:08:04,549 --> 00:08:06,899 Uh, that's not how that works. 219 00:08:06,943 --> 00:08:08,422 -Oh, you do it! -Okay. 220 00:08:08,466 --> 00:08:10,512 This is a glass paperweight, 221 00:08:10,555 --> 00:08:13,123 and this is the TV control. 222 00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:15,081 -We push this in... -Patronizing. 223 00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:16,692 ...and play. 224 00:08:16,735 --> 00:08:19,912 [brief theme music plays] 225 00:08:19,956 --> 00:08:23,089 -This is not taping over RuPaul, is it? -No, no. 226 00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,830 -'Cause I haven't seen the latest episode. -It's a fresh... 227 00:08:24,874 --> 00:08:27,180 -Okay, good. What? -We're recording. 228 00:08:27,224 --> 00:08:28,747 Oh. Ahem. 229 00:08:28,791 --> 00:08:32,272 Dark greetings, Nadja of Antipaxos. 230 00:08:32,316 --> 00:08:34,710 You must know by now that I've had my eye on you 231 00:08:34,753 --> 00:08:36,363 for quite some time. 232 00:08:36,407 --> 00:08:38,975 Your work on your local Vampiric Council 233 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,891 has been quite impressive. Yas, queen. 234 00:08:41,934 --> 00:08:44,023 Everyone is going on about it. 235 00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:47,461 And thus, we would be delighted for you to join us 236 00:08:47,505 --> 00:08:49,681 in London, in England, 237 00:08:49,725 --> 00:08:52,162 where you will take a position that ranks amongst 238 00:08:52,205 --> 00:08:56,427 the highest of all worldwide Vampiric Council positions. 239 00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:58,690 We do hope you'll accept this offer promptly, 240 00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:00,736 because as you know, vampires hate waiting. 241 00:09:00,779 --> 00:09:04,087 Even though we're immortal, waiting is just still a thing. 242 00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:07,003 So, if you accept, as fast as you can, 243 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,528 tape your acceptance speech on a VHS tape, and then 244 00:09:10,572 --> 00:09:13,575 put it in an envelope and send it by mail, 245 00:09:13,618 --> 00:09:15,794 and eventually it'll get to us. 246 00:09:15,838 --> 00:09:17,579 This is your last ch... 247 00:09:17,622 --> 00:09:19,624 You're thinking of leaving, too? 248 00:09:19,668 --> 00:09:21,583 Of course I want to leave. 249 00:09:21,626 --> 00:09:23,846 It is such a great honor and opportunity, 250 00:09:23,889 --> 00:09:26,065 and I would have a chance to finally do something 251 00:09:26,109 --> 00:09:27,763 with my stupid eternal life. 252 00:09:27,806 --> 00:09:29,199 But it is not to be. 253 00:09:29,242 --> 00:09:30,417 -Good. -What?! 254 00:09:30,461 --> 00:09:31,897 I mean, uh, why? 255 00:09:31,941 --> 00:09:34,204 Because Laszlo will never go back to England. 256 00:09:34,247 --> 00:09:36,249 You heard him. He has sworn it. 257 00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:38,121 But I cannot leave him on his own. 258 00:09:38,164 --> 00:09:41,646 You know, I went on holiday for two weeks in 1924, 259 00:09:41,690 --> 00:09:43,692 and when I got back, he hadn't fed himself once. 260 00:09:43,735 --> 00:09:46,956 He spent all his time writing poetry and wanking. [sighs] 261 00:09:46,999 --> 00:09:48,522 So, no, I can't go. 262 00:09:48,566 --> 00:09:50,873 So you're saying if Laszlo doesn't go, 263 00:09:50,916 --> 00:09:53,789 then you certainly won't go? 264 00:09:53,832 --> 00:09:56,008 I literally just said that to you. 265 00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:00,012 I know it seems like I'm panicking, 266 00:10:00,056 --> 00:10:01,840 but I'm not panicking. It's just that I'm afraid 267 00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:03,668 it's like a party; as soon as one person leaves the party, 268 00:10:03,712 --> 00:10:05,496 another person decides it's okay for them to leave the party, 269 00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:06,758 and before you know it, the whole party's over. 270 00:10:06,802 --> 00:10:07,803 And you devoted 12 years of your life 271 00:10:07,846 --> 00:10:09,108 to a certain type of party, 272 00:10:09,152 --> 00:10:09,892 and it's not gonna end like this! 273 00:10:09,935 --> 00:10:11,894 [piano playing] 274 00:10:12,851 --> 00:10:14,723 -[shouts] -Sorry. 275 00:10:14,766 --> 00:10:16,115 Hey... 276 00:10:16,159 --> 00:10:17,290 Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, 277 00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:18,814 I just had a question. 278 00:10:18,857 --> 00:10:20,729 If this has anything to do with the fact that 279 00:10:20,772 --> 00:10:22,731 I won't let anybody touch Colin Robinson's body, 280 00:10:22,774 --> 00:10:25,298 yet I myself have not been down to the basement 281 00:10:25,342 --> 00:10:27,823 to pay my respects, I can answer that. 282 00:10:27,866 --> 00:10:30,782 There's nothing down there. Only a bag of skin. 283 00:10:30,826 --> 00:10:34,264 Plus I find that kind of sentimental gesture 284 00:10:34,307 --> 00:10:35,613 fucking tawdry. 285 00:10:35,657 --> 00:10:39,486 No, no, that wasn't it. I wasn't-- 286 00:10:39,530 --> 00:10:42,011 No, it was just a random question that I was-- 287 00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:45,754 What do you think about England? Is it a cool place to live? 288 00:10:45,797 --> 00:10:49,888 No, it is absolutely not a cool place to live. 289 00:10:49,932 --> 00:10:51,760 -Why not? -You want to know a story about 290 00:10:51,803 --> 00:10:55,067 -England and the English way? -Yeah. 291 00:10:55,111 --> 00:10:58,680 -[Laszlo playing piano] -I used to be a member of a club. 292 00:10:58,723 --> 00:11:00,203 The Sherwood Club of London. 293 00:11:00,246 --> 00:11:02,596 My father was a member of a club 294 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,947 called the Sherwood Club of London. 295 00:11:04,990 --> 00:11:06,557 His father was a member of a club 296 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,429 called the Sherwood Club of London. 297 00:11:09,473 --> 00:11:12,084 -You get where I'm going with this? -I think so. 298 00:11:12,128 --> 00:11:14,521 Anyway, treachery was afoot, and I was expelled 299 00:11:14,565 --> 00:11:16,741 from the Sherwood Club of London. 300 00:11:16,785 --> 00:11:19,875 The decision was unanimous. 301 00:11:19,918 --> 00:11:24,053 So I left the UK and came here, 302 00:11:24,096 --> 00:11:25,489 to the New World. -[plays "America the Beautiful"] 303 00:11:25,532 --> 00:11:27,926 To the land of opportunity, 304 00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:30,799 where men-- and, I'm told, some women-- 305 00:11:30,842 --> 00:11:33,453 can be kings of their own castle. 306 00:11:33,497 --> 00:11:37,022 Where industrialists can rub shoulders with chimney sweeps. 307 00:11:37,066 --> 00:11:39,285 My late friend Walt Whitman said to me, 308 00:11:39,329 --> 00:11:42,071 -"You'd better put that away, Laszlo..." -So you're saying 309 00:11:42,114 --> 00:11:46,423 you would never, ever go back to England. 310 00:11:46,466 --> 00:11:47,772 Yes, I am. 311 00:11:47,816 --> 00:11:49,469 -[playing piano] -I would never, ever, 312 00:11:49,513 --> 00:11:52,342 ever, ever, ever 313 00:11:52,385 --> 00:11:53,735 go back to England. 314 00:11:53,778 --> 00:11:55,127 Well, there you have it. 315 00:11:55,171 --> 00:11:56,738 -[bell ringing] -Oh. 316 00:11:56,781 --> 00:11:57,826 -There's the bell. -DONAL: Five minutes, vamps. 317 00:11:57,869 --> 00:11:58,783 Time to get back to the portrait. 318 00:11:58,827 --> 00:12:00,567 Tell him to fuck off. 319 00:12:00,611 --> 00:12:01,960 -I'm busy here. -All right. 320 00:12:02,004 --> 00:12:04,223 Plus, that conversation about my homeland 321 00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:05,964 has given me the pip. 322 00:12:06,008 --> 00:12:07,879 -Of course. -I shall need ten minutes to recover. 323 00:12:07,923 --> 00:12:09,968 [playing dramatic melody] 324 00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:18,455 SIRE: Hel-lo. 325 00:12:18,498 --> 00:12:20,762 BARON: Your English is coming along nicely. 326 00:12:20,805 --> 00:12:22,981 -Hey, guys. -Hey. -SIRE: Hey... 327 00:12:23,025 --> 00:12:24,591 You see? You have made progress. 328 00:12:24,635 --> 00:12:27,072 I have to remind myself that vampires always make 329 00:12:27,116 --> 00:12:29,858 these grandiose plans, but they never see them through. 330 00:12:29,901 --> 00:12:31,685 -Everything's gonna be A-ok... -NANDOR: It's a map. 331 00:12:31,729 --> 00:12:33,209 It's a cape. 332 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,080 -It's a mape! -[laughs] I'll tell you what, 333 00:12:35,124 --> 00:12:38,170 -world travel looks good on you, Nandor. -Thank you. 334 00:12:38,214 --> 00:12:41,260 -[Guillermo clears throat] -Oh, hi, Guillermo. Good news. 335 00:12:41,304 --> 00:12:44,437 She is an expert on international vampire travel. 336 00:12:44,481 --> 00:12:47,919 It's true. I book all the trips for the Vampiric Council. 337 00:12:47,963 --> 00:12:50,356 -Really the only fun part of my job. -Yes. 338 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,097 Anyway, we figured out all the details 339 00:12:52,141 --> 00:12:53,838 -so you don't have to worry about a thing. -No. 340 00:12:53,882 --> 00:12:56,319 I mean, I don't think you've thought of everything. 341 00:12:56,362 --> 00:12:57,886 -I mean, what about... -The coffin? Super easy. 342 00:12:57,929 --> 00:12:59,409 All you need is international bill of lading, 343 00:12:59,452 --> 00:13:00,627 -and that's kind of it. -Really? 344 00:13:00,671 --> 00:13:02,064 -GUIDE: Here's a tip. -Yes? 345 00:13:02,107 --> 00:13:04,936 Put your ancestral soil in your Jansport 346 00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:08,070 so it's always on your back, and you can just lie down anywhere. 347 00:13:08,113 --> 00:13:10,507 -What's a Jansport? -It's a backpack. -It's a backpack. 348 00:13:10,550 --> 00:13:13,379 -It's a very popular backpack. -It's a children's backpack. 349 00:13:13,423 --> 00:13:15,251 That's smart. That's very smart. 350 00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:16,861 -Anyone could have thought of that. -NANDOR: Let's celebrate. 351 00:13:16,905 --> 00:13:19,864 [laughing] 352 00:13:19,908 --> 00:13:21,170 Master, listen to me. 353 00:13:21,213 --> 00:13:22,911 Nadja and Laszlo aren't leaving after all. 354 00:13:22,954 --> 00:13:24,869 So you don't have to worry about being all by yourself. 355 00:13:24,913 --> 00:13:27,263 But I'm excited for this trip now. 356 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:30,396 It's gonna be a real eat, prey, love kind journey for me. 357 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,616 What do you mean? You're gonna pray? 358 00:13:32,659 --> 00:13:34,705 Well, how am I gonna eat if I don't prey on people, dummy? 359 00:13:34,748 --> 00:13:38,535 Now, you must travel by railway and always at night. 360 00:13:38,578 --> 00:13:39,971 It's the only way to stay safe. 361 00:13:40,015 --> 00:13:42,452 Plus, it's usually much cheaper. 362 00:13:42,495 --> 00:13:44,541 NANDOR: Oh, I'm so excited. 363 00:13:44,584 --> 00:13:47,544 I cannot wait to see all the wonders of the world. 364 00:13:47,587 --> 00:13:49,154 The Colossus of Rhodes. 365 00:13:49,198 --> 00:13:51,591 The Hanging Gardens of Babylon. 366 00:13:51,635 --> 00:13:53,550 The beautiful unmarred face of the Sphinx. 367 00:13:53,593 --> 00:13:55,900 Ah, cheers to that! 368 00:13:55,944 --> 00:13:57,293 -[bell ringing] -We should finish our portrait. -DONAL: Come on, everybody! 369 00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:58,294 -Shall we? -Absolutely. 370 00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,469 And there are so many 371 00:13:59,512 --> 00:14:01,036 wonderful vampire hosts 372 00:14:01,079 --> 00:14:02,515 -I can hook you up with. -Oh, please. 373 00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:05,997 DONAL: You know, you spend your whole life wanting 374 00:14:06,041 --> 00:14:08,695 to shoot in New York; Brooklyn in this case. 375 00:14:08,739 --> 00:14:10,262 We were at Steiner Studios. 376 00:14:10,306 --> 00:14:12,656 And then you find yourself so far from your family, 377 00:14:12,699 --> 00:14:14,745 -it gets kind of lonely. -I have to say something. 378 00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:17,226 -I'm sorry, Donal Logue. -Quite all right. 379 00:14:17,269 --> 00:14:19,750 I know that we're all a little bit shaken up 380 00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:21,795 -by the death of Colin Robinson. -LASZLO: Speak for yourself. 381 00:14:21,839 --> 00:14:23,885 I'm as dry as a nun's doodah. 382 00:14:23,928 --> 00:14:25,756 GUILLERMO: Well, regardless, we have to remember 383 00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:28,019 that there's the family that you're born into, 384 00:14:28,063 --> 00:14:29,760 and then there's your chosen family. 385 00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,501 That's what we are. 386 00:14:31,544 --> 00:14:34,112 We're a chosen family, and it's a rare thing... 387 00:14:34,156 --> 00:14:35,505 I've been offered a job in England, 388 00:14:35,548 --> 00:14:36,810 -and I want to move there! -Whoo-hoo! 389 00:14:36,854 --> 00:14:38,290 -Over my dead body. -[both gasp] 390 00:14:38,334 --> 00:14:40,031 Well, it seems everyone's getting into it now. 391 00:14:40,075 --> 00:14:43,121 I have decided to leave the island of Staten, 392 00:14:43,165 --> 00:14:47,473 travel the world and rediscover my groove. 393 00:14:47,517 --> 00:14:49,301 -You are so selfish, Laszlo! -DOLL NADJA: She's right. 394 00:14:49,345 --> 00:14:52,609 I made a vow never to return to that cack house 395 00:14:52,652 --> 00:14:54,089 ever, ever again. 396 00:14:54,132 --> 00:14:56,308 -But why? -You know why. 397 00:14:56,352 --> 00:14:59,790 -The British are a pack of classist wankers. -BARON: Here, here. 398 00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:02,271 And those fuckers expelled me 399 00:15:02,314 --> 00:15:03,837 -from the Sherwood... -From the Sherwood Club. 400 00:15:03,881 --> 00:15:05,752 Yes, I know. You have told me so many times. 401 00:15:05,796 --> 00:15:07,363 Yeah, I've told you so many times, 402 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,713 but I've never told you why. 403 00:15:09,756 --> 00:15:11,454 And now I will. 404 00:15:11,497 --> 00:15:12,890 I always thought it was because of 405 00:15:12,934 --> 00:15:13,978 all the whores and the whoring. 406 00:15:14,022 --> 00:15:15,110 They don't give a fuck about 407 00:15:15,153 --> 00:15:16,676 whores and whoring, my darling. 408 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,765 They didn't even care that I was a vampire. 409 00:15:18,809 --> 00:15:21,986 What they did object to, however, was the fact 410 00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:24,249 that I fell in love and eventually married 411 00:15:24,293 --> 00:15:28,601 the most beautiful, simple girl. 412 00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:31,517 A girl with no surname, 413 00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:34,477 no social standing. 414 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,262 They actually called her a peasant girl. 415 00:15:37,306 --> 00:15:42,050 A girl from a tiny village on a dirt island 416 00:15:42,093 --> 00:15:43,442 in the Mediterranean. 417 00:15:43,486 --> 00:15:46,968 That girl is the most beautiful girl 418 00:15:47,011 --> 00:15:48,578 I have ever known. 419 00:15:48,621 --> 00:15:52,277 That girl's name-- yes, my darling-- 420 00:15:52,321 --> 00:15:56,064 -Is my name? -Is your name. Nadja. 421 00:15:56,107 --> 00:15:59,110 -Oh, snap. -Snap, indeed, Donal. 422 00:15:59,154 --> 00:16:01,808 But, my dark baby, 423 00:16:01,852 --> 00:16:04,115 I will be returning to England to assume a position 424 00:16:04,159 --> 00:16:06,596 on the Supreme Vampiric Council. 425 00:16:06,639 --> 00:16:08,119 Wait, what? 426 00:16:08,163 --> 00:16:10,556 We would be going back as the tip of the tops 427 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:11,862 of the upper classes. 428 00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:13,516 -Really? -Yeah. 429 00:16:13,559 --> 00:16:16,649 Well, that changes pretty much fucking everything. 430 00:16:16,693 --> 00:16:19,609 -Count me in. -[Nadja shrieks, laughs] -GUILLERMO: No, no, Laszlo, 431 00:16:19,652 --> 00:16:21,741 You made a lifelong vow to never go back 432 00:16:21,785 --> 00:16:23,830 -to that shithole, remember? -Didn't you hear what she just said? 433 00:16:23,874 --> 00:16:25,658 We're gonna rule the fucking place. 434 00:16:25,702 --> 00:16:27,138 Rule Britannia! 435 00:16:27,182 --> 00:16:30,750 [laughing, cheering] 436 00:16:30,794 --> 00:16:32,926 -Oh, okay, yeah. Oh, yeah. -Now I'm ready. 437 00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:34,537 Now I am ready. 438 00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,713 -So romantic. Great! -NADJA: Oh, yeah, get some. 439 00:16:36,756 --> 00:16:40,021 It is decided, we will all move on from this place 440 00:16:40,064 --> 00:16:41,848 -and regroup elsewhere. -Yes. Whoo-hoo! 441 00:16:41,892 --> 00:16:44,199 I think we should all just take a second, breathe. 442 00:16:44,242 --> 00:16:46,331 You know, just take a deep breath. 443 00:16:46,375 --> 00:16:48,072 And, I mean, the portrait's not even done, so we could... 444 00:16:48,116 --> 00:16:49,682 -DONAL: No, it's almost done. -What? 445 00:16:49,726 --> 00:16:51,032 And that's that. 446 00:16:51,075 --> 00:16:53,077 So, you're all free to go about doing 447 00:16:53,121 --> 00:16:54,600 whatever the hell it was you were doing before. 448 00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:56,907 Plus, I just got a text from my agent 449 00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,562 that I have to do a self-tape for a CBS pilot, 450 00:16:59,605 --> 00:17:00,867 so Logue out. 451 00:17:03,218 --> 00:17:06,047 [sighs] Always a drama with this little rascal. 452 00:17:07,048 --> 00:17:08,353 I will fix. 453 00:17:08,397 --> 00:17:11,095 You know, usually when someone is upset, 454 00:17:11,139 --> 00:17:12,705 they go to their own room, 455 00:17:12,749 --> 00:17:15,186 but I understand why you would come to my room, 456 00:17:15,230 --> 00:17:17,101 as it is a far superior room to yours. 457 00:17:17,145 --> 00:17:19,016 Which probably makes you feel even more depressed. 458 00:17:19,060 --> 00:17:21,888 -Is this your attempt at cheering me up? -Guillermo... 459 00:17:21,932 --> 00:17:25,544 You want us to go through this one more time? Hmm? 460 00:17:25,588 --> 00:17:27,329 It is a very dangerous world out there. 461 00:17:27,372 --> 00:17:30,114 You're joking, right? It's me who's been protecting you! 462 00:17:30,158 --> 00:17:32,029 So what, you shooed away some assassins; who gives a shit? 463 00:17:32,073 --> 00:17:33,683 If it wasn't for me, you would be dead by now. 464 00:17:33,726 --> 00:17:36,120 If not by assassins then by my very own hands 465 00:17:36,164 --> 00:17:37,861 because I am, and I will remind you, 466 00:17:37,904 --> 00:17:40,733 by birth and lineage, a vampire killer. 467 00:17:40,777 --> 00:17:44,172 And the only reason you're alive is because... 468 00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:45,956 I let you live. 469 00:17:49,438 --> 00:17:52,049 What did you just say? 470 00:17:52,093 --> 00:17:56,053 I said, the only reason you're alive 471 00:17:56,097 --> 00:17:58,142 is because I 472 00:17:58,186 --> 00:18:02,581 let you live. 473 00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:05,106 [chuckles] 474 00:18:05,149 --> 00:18:07,934 My poor, dear thing. 475 00:18:07,978 --> 00:18:10,111 You forgot that we hypnotized you 476 00:18:10,154 --> 00:18:12,896 to make it physically impossible for you to harm me 477 00:18:12,939 --> 00:18:14,724 or any or your masters. 478 00:18:14,767 --> 00:18:16,247 Do you remember that? Hmm? 479 00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:19,598 No, because we used hypnosis. [pained grunt] 480 00:18:19,642 --> 00:18:21,339 Hypnosis doesn't work on me. 481 00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:23,907 I just let you think it did so you wouldn't feel weak. 482 00:18:23,950 --> 00:18:26,910 I never feel weak, my furry little friend! 483 00:18:26,953 --> 00:18:28,259 [pained cry] 484 00:18:28,303 --> 00:18:29,391 [hisses] 485 00:18:31,306 --> 00:18:34,135 No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. 486 00:18:34,178 --> 00:18:35,397 Master, your-your sword needs polishing. 487 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,963 It does? 488 00:18:37,007 --> 00:18:39,270 -[grunts] -Hey! 489 00:18:40,228 --> 00:18:43,187 -Plancha! -Don't you dare! 490 00:18:43,231 --> 00:18:44,971 NANDOR: Ow. 491 00:18:48,018 --> 00:18:50,412 Once a familiar, always a familiar! 492 00:18:50,455 --> 00:18:52,631 [cries out] 493 00:18:57,201 --> 00:18:58,333 Uh-uh-uh. 494 00:19:00,378 --> 00:19:03,120 You almost hit John! 495 00:19:03,164 --> 00:19:04,469 [cries out] 496 00:19:04,513 --> 00:19:07,255 [Nandor hissing] 497 00:19:07,298 --> 00:19:09,518 Yes, yes, finally. 498 00:19:09,561 --> 00:19:11,172 This is what I've been waiting for. 499 00:19:11,215 --> 00:19:13,913 -What? -Put the crucifix away, Guillermo. 500 00:19:13,957 --> 00:19:15,611 You have passed the test. 501 00:19:17,308 --> 00:19:19,136 What test? 502 00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:22,183 I have been worried that you have been going a little soft. 503 00:19:22,226 --> 00:19:25,795 But tonight, you have proved to me finally 504 00:19:25,838 --> 00:19:28,711 that you can take care of yourself. 505 00:19:28,754 --> 00:19:30,713 And more importantly, 506 00:19:30,756 --> 00:19:33,672 you can take care of me. 507 00:19:33,716 --> 00:19:36,066 Guillermo de la Cruz, 508 00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:40,897 will you do me the honor... 509 00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:44,379 of accompanying me on my journey around the world? 510 00:19:44,422 --> 00:19:47,469 [scoffs] If you're scared of me right now... 511 00:19:47,512 --> 00:19:49,732 If you accompany me on this journey, 512 00:19:49,775 --> 00:19:53,736 when we arrive at the banks of the River Tigris 513 00:19:53,779 --> 00:19:56,521 in my homeland of Al-Qolnadar, 514 00:19:56,565 --> 00:19:59,263 you will take a knee, 515 00:19:59,307 --> 00:20:01,918 and I will make you... 516 00:20:01,961 --> 00:20:04,225 [whispers]: a vampire. 517 00:20:05,269 --> 00:20:07,576 -Really? -My word 518 00:20:07,619 --> 00:20:09,447 is my bond. 519 00:20:10,796 --> 00:20:14,365 Then yes. Yes, of course I'll go with you, Master. 520 00:20:15,366 --> 00:20:17,890 There will be plenty of time for that kind of thing. 521 00:20:17,934 --> 00:20:20,328 -Right. -Well... 522 00:20:20,371 --> 00:20:22,678 you should go, start making arrangements. 523 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:23,896 Yes. [laughs] 524 00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:26,769 Let our great journey commence! 525 00:20:27,944 --> 00:20:30,338 That little fucker can really move when he wants to. 526 00:20:33,906 --> 00:20:35,995 Yeah, I'm gonna miss this house, but... 527 00:20:36,039 --> 00:20:38,259 definitely won't miss cleaning it. [chuckles] 528 00:20:38,302 --> 00:20:41,436 It'll be sad to say bye to Nadja and Laszlo. 529 00:20:41,479 --> 00:20:43,264 They're off on a big adventure now, 530 00:20:43,307 --> 00:20:45,048 so I'm really happy for them. 531 00:20:45,091 --> 00:20:47,311 Don't you even fucking dare! 532 00:20:47,355 --> 00:20:50,183 But the real thing I'm looking forward to is... 533 00:20:50,227 --> 00:20:54,362 traveling the whole world with my Nand-- master. 534 00:20:55,624 --> 00:20:57,147 Just the two of us. 535 00:20:58,540 --> 00:21:00,106 -Master. -Yes? 536 00:21:00,150 --> 00:21:02,108 You need to hurry up. I still have to help 537 00:21:02,152 --> 00:21:04,110 Nadja and Laszlo load their coffin into the boat. 538 00:21:04,154 --> 00:21:06,765 And then you and I are catching a midnight train. 539 00:21:06,809 --> 00:21:10,073 Why are you helping them when my ancestral soil needs scooping? 540 00:21:10,116 --> 00:21:11,596 Because it's the last time I can say goodbye to them. 541 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,859 -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, Guillermo. 542 00:21:13,903 --> 00:21:15,818 Fine, I will allow it. 543 00:21:15,861 --> 00:21:17,907 But don't think for one second I'll be getting into the habit 544 00:21:17,950 --> 00:21:19,909 -of scooping my own soil. -No, of course not. 545 00:21:19,952 --> 00:21:21,650 Oh. Can you take my luggage to the train station? 546 00:21:21,693 --> 00:21:23,216 I don't want to carry it to the dock 547 00:21:23,260 --> 00:21:24,479 and then have to carry it back... 548 00:21:24,522 --> 00:21:26,698 Hey! What, am I working for you now? 549 00:21:28,265 --> 00:21:29,353 I'm kidding, Guillermo. 550 00:21:29,397 --> 00:21:30,833 I will take your bag for you. 551 00:21:30,876 --> 00:21:32,661 Okay, gracias. 552 00:21:32,704 --> 00:21:35,446 -GUIDE [laughs]: Knock, knock, Mr. Relentless. -Hi. 553 00:21:35,490 --> 00:21:38,406 Hello. I just wanted to say goodbye. 554 00:21:38,449 --> 00:21:41,713 -Thank you. -I got you a little card. 555 00:21:41,757 --> 00:21:43,367 NANDOR: "Bon voyage." 556 00:21:43,411 --> 00:21:45,151 Those are the wraiths' signatures. 557 00:21:45,195 --> 00:21:47,197 -Oh. -Some of them don't know how to write, 558 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,634 and others once did but have long since forgotten, 559 00:21:49,678 --> 00:21:51,636 so I just dipped their claws in ink 560 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,159 and let them go at it. 561 00:21:53,203 --> 00:21:54,944 Smart. 562 00:21:54,987 --> 00:21:56,119 Thank you. 563 00:21:56,162 --> 00:21:58,121 Should we hug now, or...? 564 00:21:58,164 --> 00:22:00,558 I think it would be too much. 565 00:22:00,602 --> 00:22:02,865 -Okay. -Nandor, I have come to bid you adieu. 566 00:22:02,908 --> 00:22:05,128 You are a vampire I have known for a while now, 567 00:22:05,171 --> 00:22:07,348 and now our time together has ended. 568 00:22:07,391 --> 00:22:08,697 Cheers! Bye! Ha! 569 00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:10,916 GUILLERMO: Nadja, Laszlo, vámonos! 570 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,353 We have to go! 571 00:22:12,396 --> 00:22:13,658 Don't you dare shout at me, Guillermo! 572 00:22:13,702 --> 00:22:15,181 I could suck out all of your bodily fluids 573 00:22:15,225 --> 00:22:16,357 in less than two seconds. 574 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:17,488 [spits] 575 00:22:17,532 --> 00:22:19,316 -Not gonna miss that. -Laszlo? 576 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:20,665 Where are you? It's time to get to... 577 00:22:20,709 --> 00:22:22,754 Oh. 578 00:22:22,798 --> 00:22:24,930 What were you doing in the basement, my dear? 579 00:22:24,974 --> 00:22:27,672 Nothing. Just taking care of some business. 580 00:22:27,716 --> 00:22:30,066 Oh, my sweet love. 581 00:22:30,109 --> 00:22:32,068 Were you finally saying goodbye to the decaying corpse 582 00:22:32,111 --> 00:22:33,852 of your very dead friend Colin Robinson? 583 00:22:33,896 --> 00:22:35,376 Something like that. 584 00:22:35,419 --> 00:22:36,812 Are you okay? Do you need a bit more time? 585 00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:38,248 Not at all. I feel fine. 586 00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:39,684 Let's rock and roll. 587 00:22:39,728 --> 00:22:41,904 We're missing three boxes of porn. 588 00:22:41,947 --> 00:22:44,689 ♪ 589 00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:53,916 -[horn blows] -Whoo-hoo! Guillermo, my things. 590 00:22:53,959 --> 00:22:56,484 -Coming. -Ah, smell the sea. 591 00:22:56,527 --> 00:22:58,486 I do love a journey. 592 00:22:58,529 --> 00:23:00,879 -[speaks Greek] -And I went ahead and downloaded 593 00:23:00,923 --> 00:23:02,751 all the seasons of RuPaul's Drag Race. 594 00:23:02,794 --> 00:23:04,535 Thank you very much, Guillermo. 595 00:23:04,579 --> 00:23:06,929 It has been... nice. 596 00:23:06,972 --> 00:23:08,496 Yeah. 597 00:23:08,539 --> 00:23:10,715 My darling, I will see you 598 00:23:10,759 --> 00:23:13,631 when we are kissing the ground of your native land 599 00:23:13,675 --> 00:23:16,591 and make love on the bones of those who scorned you. 600 00:23:16,634 --> 00:23:18,636 Safe passage, my darling. 601 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,290 [laughs] 602 00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:23,685 -Are you in? -Yes. Lock me up. 603 00:23:23,728 --> 00:23:26,165 Right. Now, come on, don't fuck about, get that in. 604 00:23:26,209 --> 00:23:29,168 Why do you have water and food if you can't even eat it? 605 00:23:29,212 --> 00:23:30,953 It's Oreos and Pedialyte. 606 00:23:30,996 --> 00:23:33,129 This stuff's worth its weight in gold where I come from. 607 00:23:33,172 --> 00:23:35,044 I can barter that and get anything I want. 608 00:23:35,087 --> 00:23:37,350 Makes sense. Well, this is it. 609 00:23:37,394 --> 00:23:39,396 -Indeed. -All right. 610 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:40,658 -Yeah. -Okay. 611 00:23:40,702 --> 00:23:41,833 Right. 612 00:23:41,877 --> 00:23:43,400 Safe fare. 613 00:23:43,444 --> 00:23:44,706 You, too. 614 00:23:44,749 --> 00:23:46,447 It's a lot of Oreos. 615 00:23:46,490 --> 00:23:47,796 Make sure you look after my wife. 616 00:23:47,839 --> 00:23:50,581 What? Aah! No! No, no, no, no! 617 00:23:50,625 --> 00:23:52,583 -[clang, rapid thumping] -No, no, no! 618 00:23:52,627 --> 00:23:54,672 What the fuck?! Master! 619 00:23:54,716 --> 00:23:55,934 Wait for me! 620 00:23:58,110 --> 00:24:01,287 -[horn blows] -GUILLERMO: Help! Let me out! Let me out, Laszlo! 621 00:24:01,331 --> 00:24:03,812 Laszlo, please don't! Hello! Hello? 622 00:24:04,813 --> 00:24:06,771 Hey... 623 00:24:09,339 --> 00:24:11,472 CONDUCTOR: All aboard! 624 00:24:12,821 --> 00:24:15,345 Guillermo...! 625 00:24:16,738 --> 00:24:18,174 You coming or staying? 626 00:24:21,133 --> 00:24:23,179 ♪ 627 00:24:31,143 --> 00:24:33,276 LASZLO: My dearest Nadja, 628 00:24:33,319 --> 00:24:36,584 you must be deucedly cross with me for my subterfuge. 629 00:24:36,627 --> 00:24:39,848 But you have Gizmo at your side, 630 00:24:39,891 --> 00:24:42,154 if he has not expired or drowned in his own filth 631 00:24:42,198 --> 00:24:44,417 during the transatlantic crossing. 632 00:24:44,461 --> 00:24:47,203 I did cut a small hole in the bottom of the coffin, 633 00:24:47,246 --> 00:24:50,336 so if he is either accurate or persistent, 634 00:24:50,380 --> 00:24:52,556 he should be fine. 635 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,253 But I digress. 636 00:24:54,297 --> 00:24:55,733 [train whistle blows] 637 00:24:55,777 --> 00:24:58,693 Guillermo is a damn good bodyguard. 638 00:24:58,736 --> 00:25:00,259 He will keep you safe. 639 00:25:00,303 --> 00:25:01,609 [whistle blows] 640 00:25:01,652 --> 00:25:03,654 But the truth is, my darling, 641 00:25:03,698 --> 00:25:06,527 you don't need anyone to keep you safe. 642 00:25:06,570 --> 00:25:08,529 Okay, so, this is my trinkets case. 643 00:25:08,572 --> 00:25:11,053 Over these past 200 or 300 years, 644 00:25:11,096 --> 00:25:14,230 -Hurry up! -you have grown into a strong, 645 00:25:14,273 --> 00:25:17,059 bold, independent woman of the world. 646 00:25:17,102 --> 00:25:20,497 It is a strange and dangerous netherworld we inhabit, 647 00:25:20,541 --> 00:25:23,631 and I once thought you too weak and defenseless 648 00:25:23,674 --> 00:25:25,633 to navigate it on your own, 649 00:25:25,676 --> 00:25:28,505 and that you needed me about at all times 650 00:25:28,549 --> 00:25:30,246 to take care of you. 651 00:25:30,289 --> 00:25:33,945 But that is no longer true, were it ever so. 652 00:25:33,989 --> 00:25:35,251 Um... 653 00:25:35,294 --> 00:25:38,341 safe passage, Colin Robinson. 654 00:25:39,516 --> 00:25:41,039 Not much more to say. 655 00:25:41,083 --> 00:25:43,302 [sniffs] What's that... 656 00:25:44,303 --> 00:25:45,522 Oh, my... 657 00:25:45,566 --> 00:25:47,568 What the fuck? 658 00:25:48,830 --> 00:25:51,136 -What? -[clattering in distance] 659 00:25:51,180 --> 00:25:53,791 -Shit. -There are, it seems, 660 00:25:53,835 --> 00:25:55,619 others in our world... 661 00:25:55,663 --> 00:25:57,099 What's this shit? 662 00:25:57,142 --> 00:25:59,623 ...whose future is far less certain, 663 00:25:59,667 --> 00:26:01,538 whose existence 664 00:26:01,582 --> 00:26:05,673 is even more terrifying and mysterious than our own... 665 00:26:06,891 --> 00:26:11,069 ...who actually are weak and defenseless, 666 00:26:11,113 --> 00:26:15,639 -[baby bawling] -who need protection and care. 667 00:26:15,683 --> 00:26:17,510 LASZLO: Hello? 668 00:26:21,514 --> 00:26:22,690 [baby coos] 669 00:26:22,733 --> 00:26:24,039 Shit. 670 00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:28,347 ♪ Our love is young♪ 671 00:26:28,391 --> 00:26:32,003 ♪ It shines so bright♪ 672 00:26:32,047 --> 00:26:35,050 ♪ Don't ever let♪ 673 00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:36,878 ♪ It vanish♪ 674 00:26:36,921 --> 00:26:39,750 ♪ In the night♪ 675 00:26:39,794 --> 00:26:42,274 -♪ Don't wake too soon♪ -[mumbling] 676 00:26:42,318 --> 00:26:44,929 And a little to the right. 677 00:26:44,973 --> 00:26:46,409 Almost. 678 00:26:46,452 --> 00:26:48,237 A little more to the right. 679 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,369 Just squaring it up. 680 00:26:50,413 --> 00:26:52,067 And a little to... 681 00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:54,896 [high-pitched screaming] 682 00:26:54,939 --> 00:26:57,942 ♪ Our love is young♪ 683 00:26:57,986 --> 00:26:59,988 ♪ Like a bird♪ 684 00:27:00,031 --> 00:27:02,207 ♪ It hovers near us♪ 685 00:27:02,251 --> 00:27:03,687 ♪ Tread with care♪ 686 00:27:03,731 --> 00:27:05,950 ♪ Lest it should hear us♪ 687 00:27:05,994 --> 00:27:07,778 ♪ Seize it now♪ 688 00:27:07,822 --> 00:27:10,651 ♪ Before it flies away♪ 689 00:27:11,913 --> 00:27:14,785 ♪ Don't let it go♪ 690 00:27:15,786 --> 00:27:19,572 ♪ Our love is young♪ 691 00:27:19,616 --> 00:27:24,447 ♪ So very young.♪ 692 00:27:24,490 --> 00:27:25,491 [song ends] 52284

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