All language subtitles for Leverage.S03E12.1080p.WEBRip.x265-HiQVE

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ANNOUNCER (ON PA):
Your attention, please.

All international arrivals
must pick up their luggage

before proceeding to customers.

-It's taken us four months
to get even this close

to one of Damian Moreau's guys.

Now we have a chance to hit
him and get closer to Moreau.

Hardison, take us through it.

-Flight manifest for Global
Transit Airlines 485 out

of Baghdad shows John Douglas
Keller in business class.

Now Keller, he moves antiquities
for our primary target,

Damian Moreau.

So he has no checked
luggage, just probably

a carry-on-- you
know what, guys?

I-- I don't get this.

It'd be a lot
easier to intercept

him out in the terminal.

-No.

If this guy's as strapped
as I think he is,

he's going to have
a gang of security

waiting outside the
airport for him.

One bodyguard on the plane.

You want to get close to
him, you do it in here.

-Sounds good.

Parker?

-While Eliot distracts
the bodyguard,

I'll lift Keller's
wallet and phone

and do a briefcase switch.

NATE (ON COMM): Hardison
intercepted an email.

HARDISON (ON COMM):
And decrypted it.

These guys use a variant of
Larry Duberman's algorithm.

It's not as easy
as baking a cake--

NATE (ON COMM): Moving on.

Yes.

So Keller has something
valuable on this flight,

probably Iraqi antiquities.

Now if we get him from
all sides, one of us

can grab the goods and then
I'll put our hooks into him.

There he is.

-I got him.

That's the bodyguard.

I'm going in.

-This way, Mr. Keller.

-He's got a black
briefcase, silver hardware.

PARKER (ON COMM):
Silver hardware?

All right, I'm on it.

-We're right on
schedule, Mr. Keller.

-Nate?

-Got him.

NATE (ON COMM): He
hasn't talked to anyone.

He hasn't, uh, exchanged
his bag with anyone.

So whatever he's
smuggling is probably

in cargo and probably
under a different name.

-Just come right
this way, sweetie.

-All right, I'm out.

-There you go.

TRAVELER: Thank you.

HARDISON: Sorry
for the delay, sir.

We, uh, had a
yellow alert issue.

-Oh, no trouble at all.

-Mr. Keller.

What are your reasons
for visiting Boston?

KELLER: Business, I'm afraid.

Just a quick dinner meeting,
then I'm off home to London.

HARDISON: OK.

Can't see much of Boston
in three hours, can you?

-No.

More's the pity.

-Anything to declare?

KELLER: No, nothing at all.

No time for shopping, really.

Not even duty-free.

[ALARM RINGING]

WOMAN (ON PA): Security
to Customs, code 4.

Security to Customs, code 4.

-I'm sorry.

She-- she doesn't speak--

NATE: Uh, guys,
we have a problem.

They're arresting
the wrong smuggler.

KELLER: May I, uh-- I'd
hate to miss my appointment.

-Oh.

Uh, yeah Yeah.

You, uh, you're clean.

Good to go.

-Thank you.

SECURITY: Is that the only bag?

INSPECTOR: That
was the only bag.

SECURITY: Come along with me.

SECURITY: Coming through.

MAN: Excuse me.

Where are they taking the girl?

I represent her.

I have paper from the consulate.

She has a refugee status.

Please, listen to me!

SECURITY GUARD: They have
to talk to her first.

-Did the, uh, other
girls make it?

-Yes.

10 flights over the
course of the day.

-9 out of 10.

She's an acceptable loss.

-OK, Hardison, Eliot, I want
you to tail Keller discreetly.

No contact.

Surveillance only.

Parker, if you get
an opening, I want

you to lift Keller's
cellphone and clone it.

Nothing else.

-I need access to that girl.

-No, no, it's too risky.

-But Hardison has TSA badges.

-For this gate only.

-They just played us.

No, I'm going in.

-No, you're not.

No, no.

We can't have access to
where they're holding her.

It's deep security.

We can talk to the family.

It's a start.

Let's get this little girl home.

The rich and powerful
take what they want.

We steal it back for you.

[THEME MUSIC]

Sometimes bad guys make
the best good guys.

[EXPLOSION]

We provide leverage.

SOPHIE: So you're an
immigration advocate?

IBRAHIM: I have spent
the past six years

trying to reunite
war-torn families.

I meet people off the plane
and hope the smugglers and drug

dealers haven't
gotten to them first.

SOPHIE: But she's innocent.

There must be
something you can do.

IBRAHIM: I can file paperwork.

That is all I can do.

She's sitting alone
in a holding cell,

and I don't know what
to tell her family.

-She could be kept in
the system for months

without being processed.

The laws haven't caught up
with this type of crime yet.

-I deal with a lot of
children seeking asylum.

These tactics are not uncommon.

A man with a gun forces a statue
or a necklace into a kid's bag

and says, take this onto
the plane or I'll kill you.

NATE: And it usually works.

The TSA's looking for guns
and weapons, not statuary.

-But the artifacts more than
pay for drugs and weapons.

It's--

SOPHIE: Art for blood.

-Well, we will do our best to
exonerate A'yan, all right?

Now you just keep
filing the paperwork--

cross your T's, dot your
I's-- and we'll be in touch.

-Thank you.

Thank you both.

-If I just take Keller out, is
there another way to Moreau?

-Not a fast one.

Moreau got his start smuggling
antiquities from war zones.

-Statute of limitations is
way past on those crimes.

-No, no, that doesn't matter.

The more experienced a criminal
becomes, the more sophisticated

he gets at covering his tracks.

You go back to his
first crimes, that's

where you see the rough edges.

It sort of like--

-Archaeology.

Archaeology of crime.

The further back you go
in a criminal's career,

the more primitive his
methods, the more mistakes you

can find as a way in.

A lot more mistakes.

HARDISON: Since Moreau
started with antiquities,

these companies and
these bank accounts

are the closest tie
to his real life.

And since he's moved
up, Keller started

running that part
of the business.

And it's a cash cow.

They're valuables from
the looted Iraqi museum

or an archaeological dig.

They fetch millions on the
black market in the West.

PARKER: Yeah, but unlike a
stolen Money or the Rosalind

diamond, these pieces aren't
registered or insured.

So they're impossible to track.

Man, I should have gotten
into that years ago.

Yeah.

I mean before we went
straight, of course.

-So Keller steals a
statue from a dig in Iraq

and he mules it through
customs using a little kid,

and he sells it to rich
Americans for $5 million.

-That $5 million funds terrorist
training camps, weapons sales.

HARDISON: One thing
that's got me stumped

is that little
girl's arrest didn't

break Keller's stride at all.

I mean, he's already off
on a flight to London.

Apparently he's a regular
at Claridge's Auction House.

SOPHIE: Because you don't
just sell on the black market.

The real payoff, the big
money, is when you move it

through legitimate
auction houses.

You fake up the papers, you
scrub off the blood and dirt,

and you clean it up so that all
the pretty people can show it

off in their pretty
bloody houses.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you the only one that's
allowed to brood down here,

or is it an open bar?

-I know what you're thinking,
but it's not the same thing.

-Oh, no, of course it's not.

I stole from one rich man
to sell to another rich man.

-No one got hurt.

-That I know of.

How do I know that
innocent children were

never used to shift
my merchandise?

NATE: You want to talk
about collateral damage,

we'll be here all day.

SOPHIE: Yeah.

-Tread lightly?

I mean, who treads lightly?

-Well, certainly not us.

-Listen, Sophie,
this guy Keller is

one of Moreau's top lieutenants.

Now if we get
emotionally over-invested

in this or any
case, we get sloppy.

We get sloppy, we lose Keller.

We lose Moreau.

We lose the whole cooperation.

SOPHIE: And the Italian sends
you back to prison, or worse.

And with all that at stake,
you prepared to give me

a lecture on being
over-invested?

Listen, I know I grifted
from filthy rich wankers

who hardly ever miss the money.

And half the time,
they loved the thrill

of being taken for a ride.

But this whole Moreau
business has got me thinking.

Keller steals from
the rich, too,

and a little girl ends
up in detainment for it.

-Do you want to go to London?

-Let's go steal an auction.

I love Claridge's Auction House.

Even the air feels
more expensive.

-So this is where Keller
moves most of his goods.

His calendar says
that he should be

arriving here just about now.

Hardison, are you in
their computers yet?

-Accessing.

OK, apparently the computer
system is also an antique.

Possibly steam-powered.

Which would be cool.

SOPHIE (ON COMM): Hardison,
this is an extremely old house.

They believe in tradition.

The computer records are
going to be bare-bones.

The real contracts are
going to be paper files.

-So that's not just
for decoration?

NATE (ON COMM): Just
count to K, Hardison.

I need a record of
everything he sold here.

-Or we could just
ask the man himself.

NATE: Parker, you're up.

-Your coat, sir.

Hey, heads up.

Here you go.

-All right.

-What do you got, Parker?

-Nothing unusual.

But he does have an auction
card from Claridge's.

NATE (ON COMM): Does it
have an item number on it?

-854204.

SOPHIE (ON COMM): If the
number starts with an 8,

then it's a bid card.

He's not selling today.

He's buying something.

Why?

-Not sure why.

But if this is
his hub, I'm going

to give him one more
item to move through it.

Parker, return the wallet.

Keep the bid card.

Find the vault.

It should be filled
with antiquities

waiting to be processed.

I need something to establish
my credentials with Keller.

Eliot, did they bring backup?

-Keller showed up with
just his bodyguard.

Driver's waiting.

It won't be long.

-OK.

Keep an eye on the front door.

-Got it.

-1905-style strongroom.

Walls two feet thick, cast-iron,
way ahead of its time.

But probably taken
out with an acetylene

burner during the
post-war crime waves.

Retrofitted hinges and
alarms in the 1980s,

the Thatcher security boom.

But English damp won't allow
for heat sensors to work.

I almost feel bad for you.

SOPHIE (ON COMM): I looked up
the number on the bid card.

And get this--
Keller bought a ring.

-Ah.

A mason ring or an
engagement ring?

-A signet ring belonging to
George, the Prince Regent.

Doesn't make any sense.

I mean, considering the
priceless antiquities

that Keller handles
on a daily basis,

this little trinket
isn't worth very much.

-Well, maybe he's
buying it for a client.

-There'd be no need
to shift something

like this on the black market.

I mean, it's right
here in the open.

No, he wants this for himself.

I just have to figure out why.

-Parker, what do you got for me?

PARKER: Oh, this place is great!

I recognize over
half of this stuff.

Oh, hello.

Last time I say you
was at the Louvre.

Well, actually, you were
in the backseat of my car.

But before that, you were
at the Louvre, and I--

NATE (ON COMM): Parker, focus.
-OK.

We've got Napoleonic silver.

Ooh, some great Russian icons.

17th century.

And statue, gold guy.

Uh, loincloth, feral beard,
and very rectangular feet.

-Falcon head, dog
head, or human head?

-Bird head.

And I think he's smirking at me.

-OK, perfect.

Statue of Ra.

Bring it to me.

-You mean something.

You're not worth anything,
so you mean something.

Hardison, did you
find those files yet?

-Yes.

Now look, when we get a
moment, y'all gonna have

to explain this
English filing system.

Now as far as
Keller goes, there's

a big file and a small file.

Big file's all sales.

Antiquities, mostly from
Iraq and Afghanistan,

all with fake provenance.

-What's in the small file?

HARDISON (ON COMM): Small
one is land purchases.

Old manor houses up for auction,
all within the last two years,

all in Scotland.

Hah.

Places like, uh, Loch Glengorra
and Loch M-- M-- Mcgr--

I'm not even going to try
and pronounce it, man.

It's just a bunch of
random G's and N's.

-Scotland.

Thanks, Hardison.

You can get out of there.

-OK.

I'm gonna go in.

You want to play a
little Nick and Nora?

-Uh-uh, no.

I'm going to stay on
the outside for a bit.

There's something about this
Keller guy that's vexing me.

-Listen, Sophie, you
never intentionally

put an innocent
person in danger.

-Just don't let him
put you in danger.

Good hunting.

-Make sure we've got a
cut-out for the Spanish deal,

and call our man in San Lorenzo.

NATE: Ah, Mr. Keller.

Yes, I believe you dropped this.

-Thank you, Mister--

-Jensen.

Tom Jensen.

-Oh, an American.

Are you with Claridge's?

-In a way.

I've-- I participated in some of
their New York auctions, yeah.

-Participated how?

NATE: I'm a broker of
merchandise, antiques

mostly, for private collectors.

I like to let them know when
something, uh, you know,

of interest becomes discovered.

KELLER: Smuggling is a
crime, Mr. Tom Jensen.

-No, I find the goods.

I don't-- I don't move them.

No, I-- I heard that that's
your specialty, actually.

-Interesting?

-Oh, yeah.

Oh, this?

Yeah.

KELLER: Statue of Ra?

-Yes, yeah.

-You buy that on
the Portobello Road?

-Heh, no.

I have an archaeologist
on payroll.

That came from a dig in Egypt.

Yeah, we have four
crates of really

high-end, amazing
antiquities, yeah.

Yeah, in fact, I have to
find a way to get them back

to my buyer in
America, and I heard

that you were the right
person for that kind of job.

[SNIFFS DEEPLY]

-How'd it smell?

-He smelled it?

Oh.

-No, that's not from Egypt.

See this here?

No, I'd say this is from the
Bellingham collection, which

is slated for
auction in two weeks.

Which means you are either
a con artist or a cop.

NATE: Oh, I'm just trying
to make a deal here.

Oh!

ELIOT: I'm on my way.

SOPHIE (ON COMM): Eliot,
stay where you are.

-What?

-What?

KELLER: I said, who
are you working for?

SOPHIE (ON COMM): Eliot, you
go in now, you blow the con.

ELIOT (ON COMM): Sophie,
the con's already blown.

-Yeah, the old one is.

Not my con.

The ring.

Scottish manners.

I know Mr. Keller's
heart's desire.

I beg your pardon, but you're
manhandling my employee.

Kindly call off your
dog, Mr. Keller.

KELLER: Ennis, that's enough.

You know my name.

I can't say I've had
the same pleasure.

-Charlotte Prentice,
18th Duchess of Hanover.

-Your Grace.

-What happened?

He try the Egypt story?

This statue comes from
a private collection.

I meet a great deal of
people on my travels

who wish to have
such connections

liquidated quickly and quietly.

The buyer I have lined up
for this particular pieces

is in America, and I've no one
I can trust to traverse customs.

-If your story checks out--
though, on principle, I

would never doubt
someone of your standing,

I will do you the
courtesy of not

hunting down and
killing your man here.

-Well, thank you.

KELLER: But, uh, I'm not
taking on any outside clients

right now.

-I'll double your commission.

-I'm afraid the answer's
still no, Your Grace.

Now if you'll pardon me?

-Perhaps I can provide
you with something else,

something worth more then money.

-I'm afraid there's
really no price.

-A knighthood, perhaps?

KELLER: A knighthood?

With all due
respect, Your Grace,

Her Majesty hands out
2,600 of those a year.

Any pop star can
have a knighthood.

-I see.

Your aims are a little higher.

One of the lost baronies, then?

NATE: (WHISPERING) Sophie.

SOPHIE: (QUIETLY) See
what I'm running here?

NATE: (WHISPERING) I do.

But are you sure
this is a good idea?

-One of the lost baronies.

Not possible.

-There are about 10 people
in the world who can secure

an interview with
Earl Marshal, and I

happen to be closely
related to three of them.

If you help me with my little
venture, then I'll help you

claim a lost barony, my lord.

-How?

-Meet me at Porter's
tomorrow, afternoon tea.

-I'll look forward to it.

And, uh, let's leave our
pets at home, shall we?

-Certainly.

-Who's the Duchess of Hanover?

-What's a lost barony?

There

-Can I keep the statue?

-We have a lot of work to do.

About 200 years'
worth, actually.

-All right, guys, let's
go steal a royal title.

A royal cover story's easy
to check, hard to fake.

SOPHIE: I spent seven years
establishing this persona.

Trust me, Nate, it's rock-solid.

ELIOT: How'd you
know he's go for it?

SOPHIE: Keller's been
buying up small but specific

pieces of Scottish land.

Well, that's one way to
obtain a minor barony.

He's also a royal fetishist.

When there was no reason for him
to overbid on the Prince Regent

ring, it had to be emotional.

Plus, when I
introduced myself, he

addressed me as "Your Grace,"
rather than the more common

"my lady."

And he gave a little
bow and kissed my hand.

-And what was the Earl
Marshal part about?

-Oh.

He controls the succession
of titles in the peerage,

so this is key.

There are 86 unclaimed
baronies in Great Britain.

-It's just a title
that no one holds.

-And does it come with a castle?

NATE: Sometimes, yeah.

-So this is Keller's
heart's desire, I take it?

HARDISON: Oh, yeah.

Checked into it, man.

He' applied for an audience
with the Earl Marshal six times

the past two years.

Denied.

-Good guess.

SOPHIE: It's not really a guess
when it's that good, is it?

-The name of this con is
called the Mummy's Tiara.

HARDISON: Come on, man,
that can't be real.

PARKER: Am I gonna have
to steal a corpse again?

-Oh, it's real, all right.

And it's almost
impossible to pull

of in a country that
has an actual monarchy.

So the Mummy's
Tiara involves using

a forged relic to
purchase a royal title.

-A forged relic.

That means we need a forger.

I know a couple
guys in the States.

-No, Hardison.

Uh-uh.

Hardison, you're going to do it.

-I'm a hacker.

I hack.

I don't forge.

-You're not making a forgery.

You're going to
create a work of art.

Smell it.

That's how he knew
that Nate was lying.

Go on.

[SNIFFS]

-Oh, yeah.

Smells like a statue in gold.

-And?

-Oh, and some cinnamon.

There's a little cinnamon on it.

-Yeah.

And cardamom.

Those were the spices that
statute was packed with as it

lay in its tomb for
thousands of years.

But those spices were only
used in Libyan tombs, not

Egyptian ones.

Eliot, feel the base.

-It's rough.

It's been sanded.

SOPHIE: Markings from
the acidic [INAUDIBLE]

in the British
Museum in the 1800s.

That's how he knew it
wasn't a recent find.

-Can I taste it?

-You should Go on.

-Tastes like cold.

-Yeah.

So as you know, Parker,
most metals heat up

when they're held--
platinum, for example.

But gold-- no, gold stays
cool and impassive as a god.

So if we're going to fool an
expert of Keller's caliber,

then we're going to have
to overwhelm his senses

with something too
real to be fake.

Hardison, get busy.

There's the shopping list.

Don't skimp on supplies.

-Use Eliot and Parker.

We're going to go finish
the deal with Keller

and get him to transport
our secret stash

of treasures back to the States.

-What secret stash of treasures?

I'm sorry, does that
say "goat marrow"?

-Let's go.

I'm about to revisit the topic
of Sophie being over-invested.

Now you want to-- you want
to run a passion-based game

on a man who
bankrolls terrorists.

SOPHIE: Exactly.

End of the day, Nate, you always
go here, whereas I go here.

But to a mark who's
always in his head,

the heart con's the
only one that works.

-Heart con is dangerous.

If it flames out on you,
it's like igniting jet fuel.

-Yeah?

Tell that little
girl who's sitting

in an immigration holding cell.

-Good luck.

-Your Grace.

Allow me.

That's quite a claim
you made yesterday.

Can you back it up?

-There are 86 lost
or dormant baronies.

The Queen doesn't approve
of titles lying fallow.

Having said that,
it's almost impossible

to claim on without the
proper documentation.

-I've done some research
in that area myself.

It's proven less than fruitful.

-Birth certificates, church
records, even whole family

trees are submitted
for consideration.

But if you were to
meet the Earl Marshal

with the private journal of a
royal ancestor, even the Queen

herself couldn't refuse you.

-A private journal?

Belonging to?

-The mistress of
King George III.

-That's a myth.

Isn't it?

-As you know, George's reign
ended in abject failure.

Loss of the colonies,
an incurable illness,

a dimwitted son poised
to take the throne.

The one thing he
succeeded at was

protecting his
mistress, Catherine.

In a moment of clarity in the
last throes of his disease,

he sent a pregnant
Catherine to America

with a trunk full of treasure.

And Catherine kept a diary.

-That has never been proven.

SOPHIE: Of course,
some say she became

a commoner in Massachusetts.

Some say she died at sea.

Some say she never
London at all.

No one knows.

But a man who has
her book could claim

a direct descent to Catherine--

-And the King of England.

-Now, that's got to be worth
a barony and a small fortune.

-I got your turpentine.

I got your walnut oil-- by
the way, which I purchased

from a very stunning vegan
chick, so thank you for that.

Bucket of soot.

It's everywhere.

-Haha, nice, E. Way to
get your hands dirty.

-Yeah, thank you.

HARDISON: Hey, put
that down, man.

That's my paper.

-It's a rag.

HARDISON: No, that's
what printers used

to make paper back in the 1700s.

Use a moist towelette,
please and thank you.

-What's that smell?

-Uh, you-- you
don't want to know

how they wet the
paper back in the day.

-Did you--

HARDISON: Do not ask me, man.

-Damn it, Hardison!

-Why you so sensitive?

You've touched worse.

-Going out for baba ghanoush!

KELLER: Do you have the book?

SOPHIE: The book's coming up for
auction at Claridge's as part

of a small lot of
18th century volumes.

Even the auctioneer himself
doesn't know its true value.

I was just going to pick
it up as a family heirloom,

but I'd be happy to
share it with you, along

with a personal
letter of introduction

to the Earl Marshal.

-If I help you move
your goods to America.

What's in the freight?

-Oh, let's just
say bits and bobs.

Statuary from Egypt.

Paintings from France.

There's a demand for
these things in America,

but my operation is small
and relies on relationships.

I just don't have
the infrastructure

to move so much so quickly.

-Well, I do.

-So it's a deal, then.

-Almost.

Models

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

There's someone who wants
to see you, Duchess.

-Oh?

-Hey, who is it?

Sophie, listen, if it
gets too hot, just leave.

Her Ladyship the
Countess of Kensington.

-All right, Sophie, listen, if
your cover's blown, it's OK.

Just fine a way out.

Sophie.

Charlotte?

-Auntie!

[BOTH WOMEN LAUGH]

-(WHISPERING) Charlotte?

-There, well, family reunion.

PARKER: I think the technical
term is cotton swab.

-Maybe it's you putting
them in too far.

That's your problem.

-Um, I don't know how soon
we're doing this auction scam,

but are you planning
on printing out

the entire diary, page by page?

-Better hope that she's got a
short and boring life, my man.

-You know what
I've achieved here?

Do you?

I've made ink from
boysenberries, OK?

I-- I-- I've tanned
hide for the covers.

-I forget to tell you
Don't go in the Jacuzzi.

It's not safe.

HARDISON: I've made glue
for the binding from animal

parts I do not care to discuss.

I-- I-- I've made content
for the filler pages

using an algorithm from
digitized Colonial-era novels

and diaries.

It-- it's Shakespeare in the
house, people, Shakespeare.

-Yeah, it sounds
like a lot of work.

-It is.

In a single day, I've
gone from apprentice

to journeyman to master.

-OK.

Well, yeah, so, I'm gonna
go steal some stuff.

-OK, but come back.

Because I-- I've fused
computer technology

with-- with-- this stuff.

With--
-All right, man.

Let us know how that goes.

-I've hacked history.

I've hacked history, people.

[LAUGHTER]

-So there I was.

Remember this?

I had the weed-clippers
in one hand,

I had the prize
petunias in the other--

-And the dear girl looked me
right in the eyes and said--

BOTH: Auntie, at least you
still have the blue ribbon.

[LAUGHTER]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

-Pardon me a moment.

COUNTESS: 'Twill give
us a chance to catch up.

-Hello?

Yes, Mr. Moreau.

-So, my dear Charlotte, where
have you been all these years?

-Oh, you know.

Traveling.

Always wanted to see the world
How have you been, Auntie?

-Oh, well enough, in
spite of my pains.

What with our dear William gone
these eight years, come April.

Oh, don't look so sad, girl.

It'll pucker your looks.

-I miss him, that's all.

-Yes, well, he never blamed you
for running off like you did.

But the drink helped
to console him.

-I loved him, Auntie, very much.

-And he loved you, dear.

Fiercely.

One has to love fiercely in
order to die of a broken heart.

Don't you agree?

KELLER: [SIGH] I am
so sorry, Your Grace.

That was my employer.

There's been an
incident in Boston

that's made him more cautious
about our next shipment.

-Oh, well, I'd best go
take care of some details.

-Instead of next week, we'll
be taking it out tomorrow.

That's not going to
be a problem, is it?

-Sophie.

-You have something
you want to ask me?

-I, uh-- yeah.

How real is this, uh,
this duchess persona?

-Where are we, exactly,
on your side of things?

-Oh, no, no.

Yeah, yeah,
everything's OK, yeah.

I mean, uh, you know, Keller
is shipping his antiquities

out of London in the morning.

We have to finish forging
a 200-year-old book that

has to hold up to
expert scrutiny,

and take over an auction that's
going to start in five minutes,

and deliver to Keller a
treasure trove of antiquities

that we don't actually have.

-Piece of cake.

Plus, we're one step
closer to Damian Moreau.

-OK, Hardison, I
need that book, now.

-Hey, man, Sophie said flawless.

Now you're saying fast.

You two need to have a
conversation and figure it out.

-Uh, fast.

Go with fast.

HARDISON (ON COMM): OK, but
the glue on this binding,

it takes two weeks
to dry naturally.

Now a hair dryer is too
hot and too powerful.

It'll curl the pages
and melt the spine.

I managed to find
a manicure dryer,

so you're just going
to have to wait.

And as stunning as my
work is-- stunning,

I say-- it's still a rush job.

It'll pass the first
inspection, but it

won't hold together
for very long.

-OH.

OK, Eliot, what's your status?

-I'm meeting with Keller's
transport guys right now.

Hey, guys.

How are you?

Hi.

I, uh, I'm under orders
to inspect your facility

before we can move
the-- the things.

-I see where you're coming
from, and I respect your work.

-Thank you.

-But we've only
got two jobs today.

One is to accompany you
to your lady's storage bin

and empty it of its contents.

The second is to
take it back with us.

We won't be needing
your accompaniment

on that second leg.

-OK. [CHUCKLES] I gotta--
I gotta call it in.

Uh.

one second.

Nate, these guys
want me take them

straight to Sophie's
secret stash.

What the hell am I
supposed to do with them?

NATE (ON COMM): OK, stall.

Stall.

Um, yeah, London city tour.

You're good at that.

-You want me to stall them?

They're former
British paratroopers.

-How-- how do you--

ELIOT (ON COMM):
Haircuts, all right?

It's very distinctive haircuts.

KELLER: Your Grace.

I've checked into
the book collection.

-You checked them?

-Asked around.

Personal diaries from
the Colonial era.

They've no idea what's in there.

-Oh, no.

-What that diary's worth.

-They think it's
just the rambling

fantasies of a lovesick girl.

-Parker?

Parker.

-What?

Hey, is Sophie a princess?

-Parker, just-- did you
take care of the auctioneer.

-Yeah.

Sophie told me to find
out his deepest wish

and give it to him.

-Yeah, yeah?

-And I thought that would
take way too long, so--

-Does this rag smell
like chloroform to you?

-Hm?

Mm!

Mmmm!

[THUD]

-What?

He's gonna wake up
in like three hours.

-Come on.

ELIOT: That's insane, man.

Red light means stop,
just like in the States.

It's the same thing.

I should have known that.

I don't want to lose your boys.

-Are you sure you know
where you're going?

ELIOT: I know exactly
where I'm going, man.

It's just really tough--
I don't-- it's hard--

these streets are
really confusing, man.

The streets of London.

-The other side.

-Exactly.

-You're meant to be on the
other bloody side of the road.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[HORN HONKING]

-OK.

It's not my fault.

PARKER: Lot 456.

This exquisite Ming dynasty
vase was once smuggled out

of mainland China in
a donkey's saddlebag.

It resurfaced decades later
in the private collection

of a Hong Kong billionaire,
where it was left virtually

unprotected by a sub-par
laser-grid security system.

-(WHISPERING) Parker.

-Ahem.

Reserve price, 500,000 pounds.

Can I have a
starting bid, please?

OK.

550.

And do I have 600?

Yes to the toupee
on the right. yes.

An antique enamel and 16
karat gold jewelry box,

made right here in London.

And let me tell you something.

It's worth a lot more than you
think just by looking at it.

Especially if you consider the
16 angry henchmen who are going

to be following you through
the Gardens of Versailles

if you happen to pick it up, 'K?

You know what I'm saying?

-Ahem.

Parker?

PARKER: Lot 739.

A stone elephant
crafted by Peter Carl

Faberge for His
Imperial Highness.

Hang on a second.

Let me see that?

Yeah, no, that's a fake.

[VASE SHATTERS]

-OK, you're here, finally.

HARDISON: Whew!

Finally?

Finally?

You are looking at the Leonardo
da Vinci of forgery, my friend.

It's all packed.

-The box has to pass, too.

-Yeah.

NATE: OK, you can track Keller's
money back to Moreau's account,

right?

HARDISON: OK, but
remember, Keller

has got to go big or go home.

I can follow his bed back
to the shell companies,

but it has to be big
enough, $250,000 at least.

-OK.

Quarter of a million.

Let's go.

-Oh, stretch it
out, stretch it out.

NATE: (WHISPERING)
We're up, Parker.

-Oh, but-- go ahead-- thank you.

All right, Lot 872.

We've got a collection of
old books from the 1700s.

Do I have a starting bid?

HARDISON: (BREATHLESSLY)
I've got a starting bid.

Whew.

-Ooh.

Little tired there, fella?

OK.

All right, I see I have a
phone bid of 150,000 pounds.

Someone who loves
to read old stuff.

Yeah.

All right.

So do I hear 160?

-(WHISPERING) OK, Sophie,
we gotta get Keller

to bid at least 250,000 pounds.

Anything over that an Hardison
can trace the money back

to the source, and
we can find Moreau.

-Isn't it two much?

-200.

PARKER: 200,000 pounds.

OK, we've got 200.

Anyone?

-You like that?

-Oh, y-yeah.

-You want to get with that,
you gotta win the books.

She loves the books.

-Really.

-Oh, yeah.

-Uh, 220.

-220.

Oh, hey, all right.

Love a man in a pink shirt.

Not afraid to wear
It's a good sign.

SOPHIE: What?

Why, that little toe rag.

That's a family heirloom.

How dare that little
low-class trash

bid on our ancestor's journal?

-Quiet right.

260.

PARKER: 260.

Going once.

-280.

-Wait.

That's too much.

-Uh, 280.

-220, that was romantic.

You know, 280, she's just
gonna thing you're a sap.

-280.

-Sophie.

-300.

-Going once, twice, sold.

300.

Great, thanks for coming.

ELIOT: That was
confusing, wasn't it?

All the-- what do you
call those things?

Round-arounds?

Round-- roundabouts, whatever?

You guys, we don't have
those in the States.

What language was the signs?
[CHUCKLES] At least you guys

speak American.

Or I-- well, I mean,
I,uh, you speak English.

It's Southern humor.

Ah.

Uh, keys.

Keys.

Did I leave 'em in the van?

-Mm-mm.

-You don't think so?

[SNIFFS DEEPLY]

-That's genuine, thank you.

-Wooo!

[CROWD MURMURS]

What?

What?

[DIGITAL BEEPING]

KELLER: Money transferring now.

SOPHIE: Well, this
is the fast day

of your new life as a baron.

Shall we go and
see Earl Marshal?

-Oh, I'll be seeing him,
thanks, as soon as I bloody

well please.

-Uh, you'll need my
letter of introduction.

-I had a chat with the
Countess yesterday.

She told me all about
your little royal scandal.

Apparently having
you with me would

ruin my chances of advancement.

I'll take the book, thanks.

That's all I need.

-What about our deal?

-Oh, right.

[DIALS PHONE]

ENNIS (ON PHONE): Hello?

-Ennis.

You still at the storage unit?

-Mhm.

KELLER (ON PHONE): Clear it out.

And their man, shoot him.

Throw him in the Thames.

-If it'd been a snake,
it'd have bit me.

Oh.

ENNIS: Really hurts me to
have to do this to you.

I've quite enjoyed your
company this afternoon.

-Listen--

ENNIS: But I'm going
to need you to open

up the storage unit now.

ELIOT: Listen, let me
explain something to you.

This thing, there's
nothing in here, OK?

My boss is-- is running
a con on your boss, man.

I don't need this.

I didn't sign up for this, OK?

This-- this thing is empty.

-I don't care if it's--

[FIGHTING GRUNTS]

-(ENGLISH ACCENT) Quite enjoyed
your company today as well.

-Yes, Mr. Moreau, I'll
be in Rome in two hours.

Usual spot.

CUSTOMS OFFICER: Could you
finish up on the phone,

please, sir?

KELLER: Could we, uh, possibly
speed things up a little bit?

I can't miss my flight.

Urgent business.

-I'm sorry, Mr. Keller.

We're going to
have to detain you.

-This is a very expensive
piece that I bought at auction.

Here's the paperwork.

-Right.

Well, this says you
purchased a couple of books.

Doesn't say anything about
wooden Russian icons.

-Well, that's because
I didn't buy any icons.

-No.

You didn't buy them. [WHISTLES]

-What?

-Parker, what do you got for me?

-Oh, some great Russian icons.

17th century.

And a statue.

Gold guy.

-OK, perfect.

Statue of Ra.

Bring it to me.

Oh, and, uh, bring those icons.

I have an idea.

-Cheeky bitch.

-And that ain't all, mate.

You just paid 300,000
pounds for a forgery.

-This is a-- oh, there's
been a misunderstanding.

CUSTOMS OFFICER: You can
tell it to Scotland Yard.

They want to ask you about
the other antiquities

you tried to smuggle today.

-What?

OFFICER: Here we go.

This way, sir.

-Hey, what's all this then?

-It's a misunderstanding.

-And what's in the storage unit?

-Nothing.

It's bloody empty.

-We'll see about that.

[WHISTLES]

If that's what you call nothing,
I'd sure like to see something.

MAN (ON PA): Arriving
passenger Johnson,

please meet your party
at the first-floor

level baggage concourse.

IBRAHIM: I don't know how
you did it, but thank you.

Thank you very much.

You've touched so many lives
without even knowing it.

NATE: Well, that's what we do.

-Oh, hey!

High five.

Boom!

-Thank you so much.

-The storage locker
was not empty.

-No.

-In fact, it was filled with
stolen artworks, antiquities--

-Yeah.

I read that in the paper.

-Your own personal stash?

-That storage locker
was filled with some

of the very first
things I ever stole.

-You got a lot of buried
secrets in London, don't you?

-Archaeology of crime.

-Well, at least I now
know your real name.

-Uh-uh, no.

That's not my real name.

Charlotte was my stage name.

-Hm.

Any news on Keller's
auction payment?

-Oh, yeah.

In my trace, I peeled
back 10 layers of security

off an airborne
Wi-Fi connection.

Airborne.

-You might be the
greatest of all time, man.

Did you find anything?

-Yeah, I found 10 shell
companies, one of which

is actually a promising lead.

It's called Slapshot
Investments,

run by Mark Vector.

-Mark Vector, the hockey player?

"The Enforcer"?

-Great, let's get him.

-That's the problem.

He struck a deal with the feds.

He's protected.

What are you-- what--
what's the smile?

What are you smiling at?

What is-- what is that?

SOPHIE: Uh, oh, no.

No, no, no.

-Oh, yeah.

Let's go steal a
federal witness.

[THEME MUSIC]