All language subtitles for Diary.of.a.Future.President.S01E04.The.National.Mall.2020-02-07.WEB-DL.XviD.MP3

Diary, Mami and Sam
were full-on together.

Maybe I could treat you to
a nice dinner tonight, just the two of us?

Sorry about last night's
surprise party of five.

You okay with that?

I'm not sure.

Bobby and Monyca with a Y
were getting serious.

So, I guess this means
you're my girlfriend, right?

Yeah. I think so.

And Sasha and I were growing up.

At our own pace.

Hey, Jessica, do you have a tampon?

So, a tampon is...

I know what a tampon is.
I'm premenstrual, not pre-Mesozoic.

Diary, I know I'm growing every day,

but there's still a lot to be desired
in the womanhood department.

Mami!

Vamos, señorita. Enough with
the fashion show. Time for school.

Almost ready.

So, Sasha's mom is going to
take you guys to the mall after school,

and then I'll pick you up.

Do you remember the mall rules?

Stick with Sasha, don't go anywhere
except Kimmy's and the food court,

and if anyone creepy tries to talk to me,
scream, "My mom's a lawyer!"

Very good!

Still no other stores?

When you're old enough,
we'll expand your territory.

Do you know what my food court was
when I was growing up?

Grove of plantain trees
and Tia Chila's chicken coop.

I know, I know.

Vamos, vamos, vamos, vamos, por favor.

Oh, boy.

What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do?

Okay, Sam, what's wrong?

Yeah, it's this whole Gabi thing.

Sam, this little dance,
this "I'm not sure. I don't know.

I like her, but the kids. I'm scared."

Nobody has time for that.

If you're gonna be on this boat,
then grab an oar.

"An oar."

I'm just trying to get on your level.
White guys like boats, right?

- Boats are fine.
- So, what's the problem?

Okay. I guess I thought, with Gabi's kids,

I could be a fun guy that was around
and made them laugh

and then, completely separately,
dated their mom.

But that's not possible?

No, Sam.

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Like, I'm in their lives.

I just don't know if I'm cut out
to be a parenting-type figure.

What do you think?

I think you should talk
to someone with kids.

I go to 11:00 p.m. movies
just to avoid them.

Oh. Hi, Sam.

Hi, Gabi.

Cami, I just came to grab you
for the meeting.

I'll see you inside.

You weren't meddling, were you?

I told you, we talked it to death.
We're not broken up.

He just needs a beat to recalibrate.

"Meddling"? Me?
We were talking about boats.

- Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. Boats?
- What...

Here's what Sasha and I always do
when we go to the mall.

We clean out Kimmy's.

And then, of course,
we model our purchases at the food court.

I'm loving that. Okay, so what do we think
about these? I'm like...

Elena!
The mall is having a poetry contest.

"Why I love the mall."
Let me count the ways.

You should enter.
You know every store in the mall by heart.

Too bad we can't go to any
besides Kimmy's.

Maybe I will enter.

Mrs. Wexler did give me an "A"
on my Sugah Boyz haiku.

Still eating cookies
and going to the baby store, I see.

Kimmy's is not a baby store.

It's the foremost retailer
of on-trend accessories and keepsakes

for Kimmy Cats of all ages.

We just went to Intimates & More
and got the new Bra-zé-Bra Zebra Bra.

I'm a 32B.

They probably wouldn't even
let you into Intimates & More.

It's a store for women. Not little girls.

We're not little girls.

Yeah. We're not.

Whatever.

Enjoy your toys.

Beware of choking hazards.

First they get their periods
and now this?

That's it. Elena,
I'm tired of being a little girl.

We have to go to Intimates & More.

You know the rules.
Kimmy's and food court only.

I'm about to say something scandalous
right now.

But fudge the rules.

History's filled
with legendary rule-breakers.

Amelia Earhart. Rosa Parks.
Beyoncé.

We can't just wait for womanhood
to come to us.

Sasha, you're right.

We have to go to womanhood.

We gotta go to Intimates & More.

So, we've closed the Heller case
and finally, new order of business.

Waveline Resorts is suing
their housekeeping staff

for attempting to unionize.

We have the honor of representing
their custodial staff.

I'm gonna need a number two
to work with me directly on this.

I'll let you know when I decide
which one of you that will be.

Thanks.

I wanna be number two.

Yeah, and Joy is the top partner here.

She'd be lucky to have you.

And, you always say,
you got into law to help the little guy.

Hey, Joy. I would love to be helpful

in any way that I can
with the Waveline case.

And by the way, your nails look "amaze."

Where do you go?

Ooh. Looks like you already got
some competition.

This is it. This is the one.

- Oh, my gosh, it's a Zebra Bra!
- Zebra Bra.

- Different colors!
- Oh, wow. Okay.

This one?

Oh, my gosh.

Act normal.

- We should get shoes.
- Oh, my gosh.

- Let's do shoe...
- Mrs. Wexler!

Sasha. Elena.

- Hello, Mrs. Wexler.
- Hi, Miss... Hi, Miss Wexler. Hi.

Um...

Are you girls old enough
to be in here alone?

We were just leaving.

- Goodbye.
- Let's go.

Hurry, take it off. We gotta go right now.

I'm trying but there's, like,
a thousand buttons on this thing.

- It's like a tiny, lacy prison.
- Come on.

Okay.

Elena!

Huh.

I always thought Rookie and the Kid
was about baseball.

Oh. Nah. Cops.

That's so cool.

It's a classic.

Wow. I'm tired from standing.

Oh.

So... anyway.

Hi! Good to see you again,
Monyca with a Y.

Open-door policy here
at the Cañero-Reed house.

Yeah. Yeah, I know. Sorry.

You have a lovely home.

Aw.

I'm doing some laundry.

Bobby, do you have any tennis gear
you wanna throw in here?

No, Ma. You know, I think I'm good.

Oh.

This looks like it probably needs
a good washing, huh?

'Kay, bye.

Okay. Let's just be really quiet.

Okay.

Charcuterie!

I do love prosciutto.

Hmm.

Charcuterie.

No. I don't want it.

- I can't believe that just happened.
- OMG, OMG, OMG. Oh, my gosh.

Okay, I can't believe Mrs. Wexler
was buying a thong.

Do you think she wears thongs,
like, every day?

Huh. I guess teachers care
about panty lines, too.

Elena. Look in the mirror.

- Holy crap.
- Holy crap.

We were in such a rush to leave,
I must've missed one.

I stole a bra!

- I've never stolen anything in my life.
- Shh!

Not just any bra.
The Bra-zé-Bra Zebra Bra.

Come on. We need to return it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

So, you're just gonna say to your mom,

"Take me back to the mall
to return a giant bra that I stole

from a store that you forbade me
from going to in the first place"?

You're right. She'd never trust me again.

We could lose food court privileges.

I am not going back to the days
of supervised Kimmy visits. No way.

Mm.

This never happened.

We tell no one
that I committed this crime.

I swear on Simon's grave...

Oh, I miss Simon.

Oh, he was such a good dog.

...to never tell a soul.

Oh, Diary. Who had I become?

In my pursuit of womanhood,
I sailed clear past my destination

and into the shady seas of shoplifting.

I was no woman. I was a criminal.

Elena.

Mrs. Wexler.

Sasha, I think she knows. I...

- What?
- You know. That I... stole a bra.

She's probably just embarrassed
that you saw her underwear.

I'm embarrassed that we saw her underwear.

I just can't stop thinking about how I did
a bad, stupid, immature thing

- and I just wish I could...
- Elena.

No one knows, and no one will ever know.

It's over. You gotta move on, okay?

Guilt. Crushing shame.

These are the themes of Edgar Allan Poe's
haunting short story,

The Tell-Tale Heart.

Come on, Elena.
The Tell-Tale Heart is not about you.

It might as well be.

I murdered my convictions.
I buried them under my bed.

Shame!

Shame!

Shane, you forgot your handbell
in the choir room. Shane!

Elena? What's wrong? Are you okay?

Nothing. No one. Let's go to math.

But not only was I not okay,
Diary, I was going mad.

And then Dom drives a car
over the iceberg,

and the missile hits
the submarine instead.

And that's the plot of Fast and Furious 8.

That's such a good summary, Bobby.

Thanks.

Monyca, come on.

Skyler Zaxton just dropped
a secret music video.

I hear there's a hoverboard.

I'll see you later, Bobby.

Bye, Monyca with a Y.

Wait, so you and Monyca with a Y
haven't made out yet?

No, dude. We want to.
We just haven't had any privacy.

You know what? We should throw a kickback.

Back in my old school,
that's where all the hooking up happened.

That's genius.

Yes. We can play Two Minute Tongue Tank.

I think I have an egg timer.

Monyca with a Y can bring her friends.

Maybe Cassie. Or Zoe. Or Cassie.
Or Jada. But definitely Cassie.

I can host. My garage is perfect.

It just got remediated
for Stachybotrys chartarum.

Is that a Pokémon?

Mold, man, black mold.

But all clear now
and totally kickback ready.

It's dark, dank, and the storage closet
is private as hell.

This is it.

You're gonna make out
with Monyca with a Y for sure.

Get your floss on, Bobby. It's going down.

Yes.

Sweetie, that's awesome.
Oh, we have to celebrate.

Okay. Love you, too. Bye.

Tasha just got cast as Communist Number 3
in "El Sonado de Musica!"

It's The Sound of Music
but during the Cuban Revolution.

She is very excited
about wearing a fake beard.

I'm gonna want tickets to that.

How many kids do you have again?

Four. Well, five if you count my husband.

Hey, can I pick your brain
about something?

Trouble with Gabi?

We've all seen the friendly
but very awkward hellos.

We're not broken up.

I'm just not sure I'm ready to be a...

guy-in-her-kids-lives type...

figure.

- Dad guy.
- I see.

I'm more of an uncle guy.

I crush a birthday check.

Take my nephew to see Rookie and the Kid.

- Ooh, a classic.
- Classic.

I felt the same way
before our kids came along.

I asked myself, "Am I cut out for this?"

Exactly. That's how I feel.

"What if I give them the wrong advice
and mess them up forever?

What if I make them cry?
What if I drop one?"

I worried about my ability
to do any of it.

- But then you...
- But then nothing.

You just jump into the deep end,
and it's a little terrifying,

but you're in there with
the people you love most in the world.

Honestly,
you'll never know unless you jump in.

What are you doing?

You have that focused look on your face

you get when you WebMD
your kids' symptoms.

Mm. I'm doing
a deep social media dive on Joy.

I need to find something that we can
bond about so that she can pick me.

- Oh, I love a deep dive.
- Mm-hmm.

What are we working with?

Uh, wine on a boat. Wine on a beach.

- Dog on a beach. Mm.
- Aw.

Dog with wine on the beach.

Aw, go back further.
I wanna see that dog as a puppy.

Excuse me.
I'm captaining this privacy invasion here.

- Just let me see it for a second.
- Camila, you gotta be careful!

Oh, God. You liked a photo.

I didn't like a photo.
You liked it.

Unlike it. Unlike it.

Wait. Can she see that I liked
and then unliked the photo?

Oh, like it again. Like it again.

You should like
a whole bunch of other photos

to offset how weird it is

that you liked her lemon ricotta pancakes
from 273 weeks ago.

Okay, okay, good. That's good.

Oh, no. This is even weirder.

I'm gonna unlike everything, and I'm gonna
tell her that my phone was hacked,

and then she'll feel sorry for me
and give me the case.

Gabi, stop. Your index finger
is a danger to yourself and others.

Since when do you floss?

I floss.

The pink in the sink says otherwise.

Can you give the ball back?

Do you think I should give the bra back?

Who said anything about a bra?

What? No one.

- You just said bra.
- No, I didn't.

What?

Bra-zé-Bra.

Bra-zé-Bra.

Bra-zé-Bra.

Bra, bra!

- Guilt.
- Bra-zé-Bra.

- Crushing shame.
- Bra-zé-Bra.

- You only have...
- Bra-zé-Bra.

Yourself to blame.

Bra-zé-Bra.

Go back to the baby store, Elena.

This store is just for women.

Nevermore.

Freeze! You're under arrest
for impersonating a grown woman.

And also, the bra thing.

Right! The bra thing too.
We're taking you to jail.

Where you will steal nevermore.

- Nevermore. Nevermore.
- Nevermore. Nevermore.

- Nevermore. Nevermore.
- Nevermore. Nevermore.

- Nevermore. Nevermore.
- Nevermore. Nevermore.

The girl was, like,
stuck on a rooftop,

and then Skyler Zaxton flies over the city
on a hoverboard,

and spells out, in cloud dust:
"To be continued."

Elena. That means there's gonna be
a second video.

Are you even listening to me?

I can't take it anymore. I haven't slept.

I'm plagued by nightmares,
haunted by my actions and...

Being a criminal is so stressful.
How does anyone do it?

Here, you need a drink.

I know we said
we'd never speak of it again,

but I need to tell my mom
even if she arrests me.

I need to go back to the mall
and rid myself of this cursed bra.

Then Godspeed.

As your BFFAESNSOTBFBU,
I will always stand by your side.

Thanks, Sasha. I'll be right back.

- Mami.
- Elenita? Everything o...

I stole a bra.
It was an accident, but it happened.

I'm consumed by my guilt,
haunted by my actions,

and I needed to confess.

Kimmy's doesn't sell bras.

I... I strayed... to Intimates & More.

Jessica and Melissa had the new
Bra-zé-Bra Zebra Bra,

and they were making us
feel like little girls.

Are you mad that you mothered a criminal?

I know you didn't mean to steal.

You don't even like it when I take lotion
from hotel rooms.

It's meant to be used at the hotel.

And I understand you wanting
what other girls have,

but I'm disappointed you broke the rules.

I know and I'm sorry.

So, with the appropriate
parental supervision,

can I please go back to the mall
and make things right? Please?

We'll go after school.

And we'll finish this conversation

since you're probably
under the lunch table right now.

I am. Thank you.

I love La Choy. It'll be that sometimes,
be like, we'll be missing some

and have to wipe down some stuff
in here because I spilled some...

Uh... can I offer you charcuterie?

You know me so well.

Uh...

So, what do you guys think of the place?

Pretty dope, right?

Yeah, 100% mold-free, no biggie.

We only had Miami's leading mold expert,
Chad Billings, up in here.

He's like the Ghostbusters of mold.

- Danny, no one cares.
- Ugh, mold is gross.

I agree, Cassie. Mold is so gross.

It's the bane of my existence,
and I hate it.

Ugh. Mold.

So, uh, who wants to play
Two Minute Tongue Tank?

I do. Cassie?

How 'bout we go alphabetically?
Seems the most fair.

Bobby.

Right. Uh...

- Monyca, do you wanna...
- Yes.

Oh.

Two minutes and counting.

See you on the other side, brother.

Gabi...

weird Q, but why were you blowing up
my phone last night?

Um, can we talk?

Look, I'm so sorry about that.
I didn't mean to be creepy.

I guess I was just trying
to learn more about you,

so we could have something to bond over?

I... What do you mean?

You and Vanessa
seem to be getting along really well.

And I didn't want to be overlooked...

Vanessa also happens to be
a very good lawyer.

Of course.

It's just that... cases like Waveline
are why I got into law.

When I came here from Cuba,
my mom was a housekeeper.

No sick days. No benefits.
Not once did she get a raise.

This one just hits close to home.

Anyway, I probably seem
like a crazy person,

but I've been doing some discovery work
on the case.

This is an insane amount of work.

I know.

But it's exactly the kinda passion
I'm looking for in my number two.

Yeah.

Wait. Are, are you offering it to me?

The clients come in tomorrow morning.
Can you work through dinner tonight?

Yes, of course. Thank you.

And... that's time.

You can stop kissing now.

He's such a good kisser.

Who's next?

- I cannot believe you did that.
- Oh.

Oh, somebody must be, like,
a really good lawyer or something.

What am I walking into?

Gabi's on Waveline.

That's amazing. Congratulations.
You're perfect for that case.

Aw, thanks, Sam. I think so too.

But, Camila, oye, I need a favor.

Joy needs me to work late,

and I just told Elena that
I would take her to the mall.

Can you please be a tia
and drive her for me?

I'd love to,
but I promised Danielle we'd go to IKEA.

My parents are visiting,
and we're buying a second bed

to make it look like we're not dating.

There might be
a less expensive solution to this. Cami.

- I...
- I could take Elena.

So, there I was.

At the scene of the crime
with my mom's new boyfriend, Sam.

Oh, life.

Your twists and turns are a devil's game.

Okay, here I go.

Time to face the music. Pay the piper.

Bite the bullet and reap what I hath sown.

I'll be right here waiting for ya.

Sorry, can't do it.

Let's just go.
Maybe we can mail them a check.

Hey, uh, wait.

I thought you wanted to go in there
and make things right.

At least that's what I was told.

I changed my mind.

Who do I think I am stepping foot
into Intimates & More?

I shop at Kimmy's.

I'm no woman.

Look, I obviously don't know much
about being a woman firsthand,

but I do know a few women.

I know your mom. And let me tell ya,
she is one heck of a woman.

And it's because of who she is
and her character.

And not because of anything else,

you know, like what she wears
or what stores she goes into.

You know, it's who she is.

I guess you're right.

And you know what?
I think you take after her.

- Really?
- Yes.

I think you are a strong,
independent Latina...

- Okay, that's enough.
- Yeah.

But thank you.

Would you feel better
if I went in there with you?

Actually, yeah. That'd be great.

Okay.

So... how was it?

How was what?

Dude, come on.
Your first hook up with Monyca with a Y.

Honestly, kinda awkward.
I mean, yeah, it was great.

And?

Um...

She's a really good kisser. Yeah.

Nice.

Yeah.

That wasn't nearly as scary
as I thought it would be.

It wasn't.

We really dove into the deep end there.

You feel better now that
you're not a fugitive?

- Massively.
- Hmm.

You know, you're right, Sam.

What I did today was pretty mature.

Well, it's true.

I gotta use the bathroom.
Don't eat my cookie.

I wouldn't dare.

How's it going, Norma Rae?

Great. How's Elena?

Contraband is returned,

and we're back home spoiling our dinners
on a cookie sampler.

You know, I think I actually helped.

Thank you.
You didn't have to do any of this.

And please,
don't think that I am expecting...

No, Gab, I don't need
any more time to think. I'm in.

For you, for Elena, for Bobby. I'm all in.

Diary, I was feeling pretty proud
and confident and mature.

You know, like a woman.

Um... Sam,

could I talk to my mom?

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