All language subtitles for Target.List.2023.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX].eng-en

(DANCE MUSIC)

MAN: You get engaged
and you can kiss them.

First you have to get engaged
in order to kiss someone.

- Those are the rules.
- We know.

If you kiss someone

instead of getting engaged
first, what's easier?

- Is it good?
- WOMAN: It feels good.

It feels like you're in love.

WOMAN 2: Oh, my goodness.

- They are hot.
- They're freaking engaged.

What happened?

WOMAN 2: You guys are so cute.

It's, like, gross,
I want to throw up.

(LAUGHS)

- That's after the drinks.
- MAN: Speaking of...

To Abby and Matt on
their engagement.

- Oh!
- Oh.

May you be each other's
silent guardians

and watchful protectors.

You may not be the couple
that New York deserves,

but you're the one it needs.

- Cheers.
- Cheers!

Did you just quote
The Dark Knight?

Uh, did I? I was just riffing.

Hmm. OK.

Now we know who's not giving
a toast at the wedding.

Or speaking at the
rehearsal dinner.

Or doing talking of any kind.

- Uh, rude.
- (LAUGHTER)

Matt, I'm still your
best man, right?

Dude, you know I
have three brothers.

They love you
because they have to.

I love you because I choose to.

- I'm gonna get shots!
- Yeah.

Thank you. What a good
guy. Not the best man.

(LAUGHS)

- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- ABBY: You guys are amazing.

I can't believe you flew all
the way out from LA for this.

We did and we just... and
we came here for this.

That's it, nothing else,

because that's what best
friends do and stuff.

You got Hamilton
tickets, didn't you?

Second row. Supposedly
Aaron Burr spits on you.

(LAUGHS)

So... does it feel
any different?

It will when Matt's lease is
up and he moves in next month.

- Finally.
- Finally.

OK.

Oh, shot, shots.

- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you, thank you.

Oh, cheers.

- Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
- Hmm.

Guess who's at the bar.

Oh, shit. That's Kenzie Scott.

(ANGELIC MUSIC)

Is it just me, or is she
moving in slow motion?

She's definitely
moving in slow motion.

(ANGELIC MUSIC)

She's in town shooting
a Tarantino movie.

Wait, I thought she was doing
the new Christopher Nolan film.

She's doing both
at the same time.

Dude, take your shot.

Yeah, right. What would
I even say to her?

- I meant your tequila shot.
- Oh.

Uh, but... you could
go talk to her.

- She's definitely on my list.
- Hm-hmm.

What list?

You know, my celebrity
free-pass list.

Since when do you
have a free-pass list?

Oh, my God. You two
haven't spoken about this?

Well, I don't, like,
actually have a list.

But if I did, Kenzie
Scott would be on it.

You don't need a list to
want to be with Kenzie Scott.

True, dat.

Like if Oscar Isaac walked
into this bar right now,

we wouldn't be having
the same conversation?

Well, Oscar Isaac is different.

- He's Oscar Isaac.
- Uh-huh.

Kenzie Scott is just
such an obvious choice.

I didn't realize there were
bonus points for being original.

I don't know, I
guess I just expected

someone with a little
more personality.

I think maybe our lists
mean different things.

(LAUGHTER)

OK. So, who else
is on this list?

I... don't really know.
Who else is on yours?

I don't really know, either.

All right, that's it. You
guys are making lists.

OK, so the celebrities
should be enough of a reach

to feel like a fantasy...

With a hint of achievability.

- Nick Viall.
- That guy from The Bachelor?

- Yeah.
- Which season?

- Like, all of them.
- No, no, no.

There are no vetoes.

For Jack Black there are vetoes.

- No.
- Of course he wants Jack Black.

- Mark it down.
- Wrong.

Wrong?

- Wrong wrong.
- Kung Fu Panda.

- Emily... I'm sorry Emily who?
- Raja... Rajatowski.

- That was so close.
- No, it wasn't.

- Ratajkowski.
- Ratajkowski.

You can barely
pronounce her name.

So, what's that matter with her?

- Literally nothing.
- Hm-hmm.

- That's what's up.
- Yes.

- Chloe.
- Hmm?

You have been silent.

- Who is on your list?
- Tessa Thompson,

Margot Robbie, Selena Gomez,
Halle Berry, Sarah Paulson.

- Mmm.
- That's a really good list.

Ryan Reynolds, Adam
Levine, Steph Curry,

Chris Hemsworth, Harry Styles.

Wait, I thought
you only get five.

Five from each side.

- Standard bi perk.
- Oh.

Ladies and gentleman, that is
how you do a list of strangers

you want to sleep with.
Chloe, ladies and gentleman.

(CHEERING)

You're so far away.

- To be a part of?
- Oh, she's in it.

All right, so it is "Char-lize."

It is not. It's "Shar-lize."

All right, "Shar-lize Ther-on."

"Shar-lize Ther-own."
It's a very famous woman.

No, I don't think that's right.

- I think it's "Sharlize."
- I don't know what to tell you.

Like "throne." "Therone."

- Yes, "Therone."
- Is she the queen?

I don't know what that means.

- Hey, you gonna be OK?
- Yes.

Yep, we'll take her home.
Girls' night must carry on.

It's gonna be so much fun

carrying you both up the flights
of stairs when we get there.

Three flights of stairs.

- ABBY: I do, I really do.
- MATT: I believe you.

All right, guys. I'm gonna
walk back. Congratulations.

MATT: Good night, bro, thanks.

- Bye.
- Thanks very much.

- Ouch.
- MATT: Oh.

- Bye, babe.
- Bye. Love ya.

- Bye, ladies.
- CHLOE: Bye.

All right. You in? OK, bye.

Oh, shit, sorry.

Uh, no, it's OK, you take it.

Where you headed?

(♪ "LOVE LIKE THAT" BY SHEELA)

(EXHALES)

Ooh!

OK, just a teensy bit higher.

Just a... No, no, no,
just a little lower.

Yes. Yes.

- It's back in the same spot.
- It's perfect.

I'm gonna go check
on those cake balls.

Oh. No. Chelsea. No,
that's for later.

- It is later.
- Look, I know Abby's late,

but we're all just gonna wait
for her before we dig in.

Mmm, sorry, no.
Five-second rule.

That's not what that means.

Really good.

(SIGHS) OK.

MALE VOICE: And if we
keep up our energy,

our focus, our drive,

then together, we will build
something truly special,

here in our beloved New York.

Thank you.

- Thank you, everybody.
- (APPLAUSE)

Mayor Capozzi. I
had some thoughts

on your global warming speech.

That's not for
three months, Abby.

Trying to get a head start.

- Isn't your bridal shower today?
- Yes.

But that doesn't start
for... ten minutes ago. Shit.

Not to worry, I've
got you covered.

Thank you, sir.

C Train should get
you there in no time.

(LAUGHS)

Good luck, Abby.

- She's working, isn't she?
- Working? Uh, but... No, no.

Uh, she is... she's
actually getting a blow-out.

Chloe, we both know my daughter

doesn't take time
to blow anything.

- Uh, what?
- Hi.

I don't mean to cause alarm,
but the gelato is melting.

You mean the ice cream?

Yes. It's like ice cream, but
it's, um, from Italy, so...

Can't we just put it
back in the freezer?

Yes, perfect. Or we could
use the back-up gelato.

Hmm!

There's back-up gelato? I...

- (PHONE RINGS)
- Oh, my God.

Abby, where the hell are you?

We're on the back-up gelato,

Chelsea keeps eating
all the cake...

- Who's Chelsea?
- I thought you invited her.

Oh, OK. Let's go.

(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC)

Hi, everyone. Thank
you so much for coming,

and for celebrating with
the bride-to-be, Abby.

We have a little surprise.
Before Matt gets here,

he wanted to share some of his
favorite moments with Abby.

And because he wants
everyone to see, he, uh,

just posted a little
trip down memory lane.

Hi, everyone. Hi, babe.

Uh, before Abby and I
walk down the aisle,

I thought it would be
fun to retrace the steps

that led us here to this moment.

And it all started here, in
Washington Square Park...

(LAUGHS)

where Abby and I
had our first kiss

while she was still
in law school.

And this is our bar.

Our Thursday night spot where
everybody knows our name.

Hey, dipshit, you gonna order?

He's talking to somebody else.

(LAUGHTER)

This is where I asked Abby

to make me the happiest
man in the world.

Figured if she said no,
I could just... jump off.

Oh, he, uh, he's going
live. This is unexpected.

MAN: You are seriously
the luckiest guy I know.

Yeah, she is pretty perfect.

She's not pretty
perfect, she is perfect.

She is perfect. She is a ten.
You're like a three, at best.

Maybe a four with a good filter.

MATT: All right. Thank you.

MAN: She's a "swipe right,"
you're a "swipe left,"

and then again to
make sure it takes,

and then throw your
phone in the river

and burn it to make
sure it doesn't work.

OK. I'm sensing a
little jealousy here.

I don't know too many people

that get to be with someone
so, I don't know, famous.

MATT: Still seems
crazy to me too.

MAN: You definitely checked
the best name off your list.

I mean, she's like a movie star

and not just any movie
star but the movie star.

- I'm the one who saw her first.
- This is not working! Shit!

Come on. Seriously, man. I
cannot believe that you...

- Fucked Kenzie Scott!
- (WOMEN GASP)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

Uh... (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

I can't believe you.

We're supposed to get
married in three weeks.

- Can we not do this here?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Let me know a more
appropriate venue

to discuss you
fucking Kenzie Scott.

You were not supposed
to find out this way.

Was Kenzie Scott
going to jump out

of my wedding cake and tell me?

Matt, there you are. Hi.

I know you were excited
about the cake balls.

Did they bring them out on time?

Why don't you ask Kenzie Scott?

Sounds like she's been
handling the balls lately.

Matt, were your
balls handled OK?

OK.

Abby, listen to me, it
was just a one-time thing.

Was this that night at the bar?

The fucking night
we got engaged.

I thought it was OK
because she was on my list.

Matt, we made those lists

when we were drunk
celebrating with friends,

and five minutes later
you're crossing off names?

If it was reversed, you wouldn't
have done the same thing?

No! No! Because I would never
do something like that to you.

- Well, maybe you should.
- What?

Maybe you should sleep
with a celebrity too.

- And then we both did it.
- Both did it? (SCOFFS)

This isn't like getting
matching tattoos.

Wait, where are you going?

- I can't do this right now.
- Will you please come inside?

Is that a question or a
request from Kenzie Scott?

(MUSIC BLARING)

- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
- (GASPS)

Abby. You got a sec?

(TURNS MUSIC OFF)

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

- Come in, sit.
- Hello, sir.

So, you've been working on
this speech for three days.

Yes, sir. I put some
real sweat into that.

Yes, I noticed the ink smudges.

- And is this blood on page four?
- Oh, no, that's ketchup.

Wait, page four?

- Yeah, that's blood.
- Yeah.

Abby, I don't know the
best way to say this,

so I'm just going to say it.

This is the worst thing I've
ever read in my entire life.

- Oh, boy.
- The rhetoric is contentious.

You typed half of it in caps.

And you used the phrase, "End
of the world as we know it"

four times. No, five.

I was, uh, really
trying to hammer home

the gravity of the speech.

I'm delivering this
at a pre-school.

I'll get started on a new draft.

Yeah, about that.

I haven't told many
people this yet, but...

I'm about to announce
my bid for president.

- Sir, that's... that's amazing.
- Yes, it is. For me.

Abby.

You've written every word

I've spoken in public
for the past two years.

And I think I know
you well enough

to know when
something's not right.

And with campaign season
right around the corner,

everything has to be.

So, my campaign manager is
bringing in Avery Gordon.

- Avery Gordon. That's amazing.
- Yes.

Again, for me.

Sir, are you firing me?

Well, technically, Cindy
from HR will do that,

but, yeah, I'm letting you go.

Take care of your
personal life, Abby.

The writing will come back.

Oh... So, so that's it then?

Well, there's quite
a bit of paperwork

you'll need to
fill out, but yeah.

Right.

CAPOZZI: Oh, and, Abby, one
more thing before you go.

Shred this for me, will you?

Run it twice through. We
can't risk it getting Argoed.

That would be bad.

Yes. For you.

(ABBY GROANS)

My life is over. I've wanted
this job for 20 years.

You wanted to be a speech
writer since you were seven?

Now it's gone.

All because my fiancé slept
with Kenzie fucking Scott.

Hey, you're gonna
get through this, OK?

We just gotta figure out
what the next step is.

I was thinking that too,

so I started coming
up with a new list.

- OK, good.
- Grease fire. Pool of acid.

- Wood chipper...
- "Ways Matt should die?"

How is this productive?

There's some good
ideas on there.

"Trial by combat
with The Mountain?"

This is not productive.

Remember when Sam
broke up with me?

I was hung up on her for
weeks. But I got over it.

You still masturbate to
her porn doppelgänger.

And it's been really helpful
with the grieving process.

Leave the bottle. People
don't do that in real life.

You know what?

Maybe you just need to get
away for a little while.

How about you come
stay with me in LA?

I can't go to LA. I'm getting
married in three weeks.

Are we still doing that?

(SIGHS) I don't know. We just
have so much history together.

I guess I'm just not ready
to call off the wedding.

Then don't, and
come stay with me.

I mean, what better way to clear
your mind and figure things out?

Besides, when was the last
time you even took a vacation?

Chloe, I had a job. I
couldn't just tell my boss

"Hey, I'm taking time
off to unwind and relax.

Hope my job's there
when I get back."

That is literally
what a vacation is.

Oh.

(SIGHS) Abby, I think this
could be really good for you.

You're doing this.

- OK, fine.
- Yes!

Wow. I didn't think
that was gonna work.

- Great.
- Whoo!

(♪ "EVERYDAY SATURDAY"
BY SANDFLOWER)

Abby, it's Matt
again. I'm so sorry.

Please, I just need
to hear your voice.

Al fresco. You can't really do
that year-round in New York.

Perfect weather...

A plant wall. I'm already
getting positive vibes here.

Hey. Everything OK?

Soup's cold.

It's gazpacho.

Well, then it's too hot.

Come on, Abby.

I promise this trip

will help you clear your
mind if you just let it.

In fact, this is
gonna be our spot.

You and I are coming
here every day.

You know what? This place sucks.

- Maybe we should just...
- No, it's totally fine.

It's not like the
billboard fucked my fiancé.

You really... She doesn't eat
carbs. Sorry, guys, sorry.

- Can we get some more bread?
- OK, let's go.

We'll pay for that.

(SIGHS) Indoor dining.
This is where it's at.

More intimate, no large signage,
the acoustics are predictable.

- Are you sure you're OK?
- (SNIFFS)

Wait, did you take
another one of those pills

I gave you on the plane?

Yeah, I'm OK. I'm way OK.

- Uh...
- It's fine.

Oh, OK, um, we are gonna
go. We're gonna go home.

- Shh.
- Oh.

OK, we are going now. Let's go.

Psst. It's Nick Viall.

Great. The guy from The
Bachelor. Can we please go?

Maybe Matt's right.

Maybe I should sleep with
a celebrity on my list.

CHLOE: Why are you talking
to a complete stranger?

What would you even say to him?

I'm a speech writer.

Sorry, was that
the entire answer?

I happen to be a
ninja with words.

Abby, you write speeches about
curbing carbon emissions.

The only guy that gets
turned on by that is Al Gore,

not the guy from The Bachelor.

Hey, are you guys
ready to order?

(ENGLISH ACCENT) Excuse me, sir,

do you see that fine
gentleman just over yonder?

- She's British?
- You mean Nick Viall?

- Do you think I have a shot?
- A shot at what?

You know...

- (CLICKS TONGUE)
- Oh. Oh, uh... Oh.

- Sexual intercourse.
- Yeah.

Uh, yeah. Yeah. Celebrities
are just like normal people.

Cool.

We're just gonna need
a minute to go over...

- Oh.
- Her life choices.

- Yeah, take your time.
- Thanks.

- Chloe, this is happening.
- Oh, God.

I have three weeks
before my wedding,

I'm gonna sleep with a
celebrity from my list.

That is a super-weird
thing to say.

- Here I go.
- Oh.

- Ooh.
- OK.

Please don't grab a flower.
Please don't grab a flower.

- Excuse me.
- And she grabbed the flower.

(SIGHS)

- Nick.
- Oh, boy.

Will you accept this rose?

That's a daisy.

- You're so funny.
- Well, I know my flowers.

Well, I just wanted
to come over here

and let you know that...

you are on my list.

- Your what now?
- You know, my free-pass list.

Like we could...

Oh, your list. Wow, this
is really happening.

Um, I don't mean to be rude.

But thanks but no, thanks.
I'm kinda off the market.

See, that's the great
thing about the list.

- Hm-hmm.
- Nobody gets in trouble.

I really don't want to
know what that means.

It means I'm here for
the right reasons.

OK.

- And the wrong ones.
- OK, um...

I think this might
actually be working.

I told you. They're just
like everybody else.

Wouldn't you have to
be on my list too?

Are you saying I'm on your list?

- I'm saying you're on a list.
- (LAUGHS)

Except for her.

That is Nick's girlfriend and
she is not like everybody else.

- Hon.
- What's going on here?

- Hey. This is, uh...
- Looks like fun.

- Abby!
- Her? What do you mean?

That's Leyna Stone. She once
stabbed a waiter with a fork

because she didn't like the
way he poured her water.

- Come on, that can't be true.
- Oh, yeah? It can't be true?

- Look at this.
- Oh, shit!

Abby was just trying
to sell me candy.

Uh, no, I was
trying to screw you.

Yeah, you were.

- Ten dollars for MandMs.
- OK.

I'll melt in your hand

- and your mouth.
- OK.

- Hmm.
- And I'm done covering for you.

All right, are you seriously
trying to sleep with my man?

(LAUGHS)

Ah, well, they don't call me
"Downtown Abby" for nothing.

- I thought it was "Downton".
- Let's go to the fantasy suite.

All right. Can somebody
get me a fork please?

- I'm going in.
- Yeah.

Leyna. Nick. Hi. Real
big fan of your journey.

Sorry to interrupt, but I'm just
gonna steal her away for a sec.

- Thank you so much.
- Just a second.

What are you doing?

- You're embarrassing yourself.
- I'm embarrassing myself?

You know what? That's
it. I've seen enough.

I think I should give
you guys some... Oh!

- I am so sorry.
- LEYNA: Oh, my God.

I wouldn't worry. It's just
water, it'll come right out.

- It's not even on me.
- It's on me.

It's on me, babe. Come on.

Eye contact. We talked
about this in therapy.

- I love you.
- OK.

You look great.

Real ninja with
those words there.

Hey. I think you guys left this.

- Um, that's not ours.
- It's not?

Shit. I think I just
stole Leyna Stone's purse.

I'm sure Leyna has
plenty of purses.

Oh, yeah. Is she gonna be OK?

Yeah, she's fine.
We owe you one.

Well, for what it's worth,
I did think you had a shot.

Thanks.

- I should go back in there.
- No!

God, no.

- It's OK. That way.
- Thank you so much.

CHLOE: OK.

Hi! Let's just go over the
changes you emailed me, OK?

Um, so you want to
incorporate some darker hues.

Shouldn't be a problem.

You want straight vodka
for the champagne toast.

I like your style, girl.

And then you want to
walk down the aisle

to Taylor Swift's "We Are
Never Getting Back Together".

- Ever.
- Excuse me?

"We Are Never Ever
Getting Back Together."

Oh, of course. Yeah, of
course. "Never Ever." Got it.

Hi. She's gonna
call you right back.

You're doing a great job.
Thank you so much. Bye-bye.

- Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
- I love the gardenias. OK, bye.

Hey, no more drunk emailing
the wedding planner.

- I can't help it, Chloe.
- TV: for you this morning.

Kenzie Scott is in the studio.

So, everyone's talking
about that cave scene.

Hm-hmm, yep.

- It's not for the squeamish.
- Shit.

- No.
- KENZIE: Which includes me.

You know, I get light-headed
from a paper cut.

Oh, let's just move
these away then.

(LAUGHS)

- So, I hear you're single now.
- Hm-hmm.

And we all want to know,
what's Kenzie Scott's type?

Oh, well, I wouldn't
say I have a type.

I do usually go for, you
know, tall, athletic...

Gotta have a sense of humor.
Am I right? Oh, and, um...

(GROANS)

I love it when a guy
is in a relationship.

Especially if he's engaged.

There is just nothing hotter
than sleeping with a guy

whose fiancé is
totally clueless.

Oh, and the best part
is when she finds out

at her own bridal shower.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Right, Abby?

- Huh.
- CHLOE: Abby...

Abby. Abby!

Are we good on the self-torture?

Am I right?

Do you really think I had
a chance with Nick Viall?

Uh, sure.

In some alternate universe where
you don't OD on sleeping pills

and Leyna Stone doesn't
try to kill you. Why?

Well, everything's always been
about either my job or Matt.

Maybe it's time I finally
do something for myself.

What are you saying?

I have four names
left on this list.

If I'm going to sleep
with a celebrity,

we better get started.

This just got sexy.

- Ooh!
- CHLOE: Oh, yeah.

OK, first things first.

As hard as it is to
become a celebrity,

it's even harder
to sleep with one.

Right.

The point is, we need
a damn good plan.

I'm talking Navy Seals storming
the Bin Laden compound.

(MIMICS GUNSHOTS)

This has to be surgical.

Yes. If only we
knew someone in LA

who gets paid to work
with A-list celebrities.

We are not calling Sam.

Your ex-girlfriend
is a talent agent.

We're trying to
sleep with talent.

We don't need help.

Did Luke Skywalker need help
to blow up the Death Star?

Yes. From Han Solo and,
like, 30 X-wing fighters.

Not to mention the old guy

who basically told
him when to shoot.

OK, just... Just trust me, OK?

Remind me. Who else
is on your list?

Mac West.

WOMAN: Action star Mac West

is blowing up the
box office yet again

with his new flick "I'm
Dead When I Say I'm Dead".

Just know, I'm out
here getting it done.

(THUNDER)

Was that thunder?
Y'all heard that?

Cooper Grant.

Sexiest Man on
Earth Cooper Grant

was spotted on the
red carpet last night

sans his sidekick Ari Miller,

sparking rumors of a rift
between these two best buddies.

Avon.

Emo rapper Avon is on
the top of the charts

and taking out the trash

with his sleeper hit "Stare
You Down To Doggtown".

And of course, Oscar Isaac.

Abby, we need someone
more attainable.

Uh, well, there's
always Jack Black.

Still vetoed.

(SIGHS)

We're gonna need more coffee.
This is gonna be a long night.

(♪ "NO REGULAS" BY SANDFLOWER)

Hm-hmm.

I find it kinda weird you had
all this yarn in your apartment.

What... What are you doing?

It's six a.m.

Check it out.

That is Oscar Isaac on
his

So, if you want to get "Inside
Llewyn Davis", we gotta move.

OK.

I don't see him. What
exactly is the plan?

It's fine. We have six
other studios to try.

If he doesn't show up,

we'll just sneak out
before the class starts.

Go ahead and claim
a bike, girls.

- Actually, we were just leaving.
- Sure you were.

Come on, ladies, hop on.

Girls, I have never had
a quitter in my class

and I'm not about
to start today.

All right, everybody...

it's time to grind.

Sorry.

How do you get your feet in?

Let's push it.

Only 40 minutes left.

Forty minutes? Are
we time traveling?

INSTRUCTOR: That's
40 opportunities

to do better than the
loser you are right now.

We're not moving. We're just
here. We're never leaving.

Mommy!

INSTRUCTOR: You're the
hill. You're the hill.

And climb. And climb.

- Time.
- Oh.

Oh, God. OK.

- Come on.
- What? Why are you stopping?

Next class starts
in five minutes.

Oh, legs weren't ready.

MALE INSTRUCTOR:
Press in. Press in!

You're not pressing in.

Wake up!

You're a bad, bad man.

MALE INSTRUCTOR: If you chose
easy, you chose the wrong door.

(SCREAMS)

Glad to see you girls
are back for round two.

Uh-uh. What did I
say about quitters?

Hey. My favorite customers.

Hey.

I didn't really peg you
guys as the spinning types.

Are you kidding? This is
our fifth class today.

We love health.

Nice. I try and take
this class every week.

- But it's hard to get a bike.
- Why's that?

Oscar Isaac joins
this class sometimes.

But he's not here this
week so... lucky you.

(LAUGHS) Yeah. Lucky us.

All right, everyone. Mount up.

Lucky number five. (LAUGHS)

- Oh, OK.
- OK.

(MOANS)

- Yay.
- (LAUGHS)

Your feet aren't
even in the pedals.

You're literally not
moving your legs.

And time.

Great job, Jake.

I think you guy's
bike was broken.

It says you only moved 40 feet.

Oh, shoot.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, do you still owe me one?

Oh, I can't, I'm sorry. I
have to go ice my vagina.

- But maybe she can.
- Well...

My friend was
supposed to help me

with some photography work

but he just canceled.

What exactly do
you need me to do?

You're up, New York.
Let's see what you got.

All right, folks, can I have
everyone take a few steps back?

We need to clear this
one area. Thank you.

(MESSAGE TONE)

Excuse me, ma'am?

Is this the part of the tour
where we can ask questions?

Uh, what?

Who was the first star
on the Walk of Fame?

Great question. That would
be Marilyn Monroe in 1957.

Part of Hollywood's celebration

of strong female leads
in American cinema.

Says here it was
director Stanley Kramer.

- Where'd you get that thing?
- All right, I think I got it.

All right, folks. Uh, thank
you for your patience.

Feel free to walk around,
take in the sights.

And you might want to
return that guidebook.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

So you let some air
in, cork the bottle,

and then give it as a souvenir?

Yeah, that's what
the pictures are for.

- So, you're selling air?
- No, I'm selling a novelty.

- Made of air.
- OK, listen.

People are always rushing
from place to place.

Sight Sealing
forces you to stop,

literally take in
the air around you,

and you can preserve the moments

that you want to
hold on to forever.

You've rehearsed that
before, haven't you?

Like, a thousand
times. How'd it sound?

Impressive.

Good. I've been using it at
all of my pitch meetings.

Wow. Any luck?

They want to launch in New York,

but it turns out there's
all this red tape

for using images of landmarks.

Yeah, they can be pretty
strict about that.

OK, so I gotta ask, the thing
at the café the other day...

My fiancé slept
with Kenzie Scott.

Kenzie... The
actress Kenzie Scott?

She was on his free-pass list.

And apparently he took it more
seriously than I expected.

And so now you want to get
with someone on your list?

When you say it like that...

I just think when
your heart's broken,

you'll try anything
to make it whole.

Oh, no, yeah, no, I get it.
My first love broke my heart.

- Oh.
- I'll never forget it.

- I was in third grade.
- (LAUGHS)

I'm serious. Cheryl Conley.

We were supposed to meet me
by the slide during recess.

I searched the entire
playground for her.

And I found her holding Jared
Kay's hands on the swing set.

I haven't been on
a swing set since.

That is tragic.

So, uh, who else
is on your list?

I'm not going through
my list with you.

Why not? We could go back
to Hollywood Boulevard.

- (PHONE RINGS)
- You could practice

on a celebrity impersonator.
I could be your wingman.

- Hey, Chloe.
- Hey. OK.

So, I did some research

and it turns out Cooper Grant
is huge into CrossFit...

Chloe, Chloe, I appreciate what
you're trying to do, I just...

- I don't think it's working.
- Yeah, you're right.

Back to the drawing board.
I'll pick up some more yarn.

Actually, I made an
executive decision

and called in some
reinforcements.

No, you didn't.

(ABBY HANGS UP)

No, no, no, no, no.

- Hi, guys.
- Hi.

I'm just gonna send
this email really quick.

(CHUCKLES)

Don't rush me, don't
rush me. Hold on.

All right, just one
second, one second.

Just gotta send this email.

OK. What exactly do you
guys need my help with?

Oh. First of all, we
don't need your help.

We are perfectly capable,
strong, independent women

and I'm doing just
fine on my own.

Are we still talking
about my thing?

Yeah, let's do you first.

Right. OK, so you
know how we made

those celebrity free-pass lists?

- Well, Matt slept with his.
- Like, under his pillow?

No, no, he didn't
sleep with his list.

- He slept with Kenzie Scott.
- You're kidding.

So now I need to sleep with
a celebrity on my list.

That's so shallow.
I love this for you.

And I need your help.

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no.

Sam, you're a talent agent.

So you know how one might
get in the same room

as, say, Cooper Grant.

Cooper Grant? Yes.
Half the population

is trying to sleep with him.

The other half is
trying to fuck him.

There are more achievable
names on the list.

- Who?
- Don't say Jack Black.

Mac West.

I love you guys,
but good luck. Bye.

Make sure Rachel validates you.

I told you she couldn't do it.

Excuse me?

Oh, uh, nothing. I
was just telling Abby

that there's no way you can
get to someone on that list

because you're not
powerful enough to do it.

Hold on.

I can get to these people.

I can get inside these
people if I wanted to.

- That's not the problem.
- So, what's the problem?

The problem, Chloe, is

I don't want to be an accessory
to celebrity stalking.

OK. We're wasting
our time here.

Wait. Wait, just wait.

Everybody just relax.
Just take a breath.

(SIGHS)

I happen to know Mac West is
in town filming a commercial.

(GRUNTS)

But you can't just
walk onto the set.

OK. Why don't you make her,
like, a writer or something?

Sure, Chloe, I'll
make her a writer.

And tomorrow, I'll
have her producing,

directing and starring
in the next Bond film.

- We'd like that.
- Cool.

Oh, my God. You're so adorable.

The AD there happens
to owe me a favor.

I can probably get
you on set as a PA.

- Great. What's a PA?
- You'll love it.

This is our tenth
shoot together.

You know what I like to see.

- I won't let you down.
- New girl, where's my coffee?

In your hand.

Patty, what hand do
I drink coffee with?

- The left.
- Efficiency.

If we waste time
doing this, we fail.

Patty's the key PA on set.

Follow her lead.

Hey, I remember
my first day too.

I've pretty much done
it all since then.

I've been grip, key
grip, dolly grip.

- Shit, I've even been grip grip.
- Grip grip?

- I move the other grips around.
- Right.

Stick with me, you'll be OK.

- Thank you. I appreciate that.
- Absolutely, absolutely.

OK, now real talk,
you little punk.

You obviously knew
someone or blew someone

in order to land a
PA job last minute,

but I haven't been
doing this for 20 years

to be shown up by some
wannabe Greta Gerwig hot shot.

Now, you stay out of my way or I
will sink you like the Titanic.

Capisce?

Can we start over? My
name's Abby. And I...

Abby? I don't like that name.
I'm gonna call you Short Stack.

Uh, I'm... I'm average height.

Uh, yeah, yeah. Soaking wet.

I think we got off
on the wrong foot.

Oh, what foot was
that? Four foot?

Get to work, Frodo.

Oh.

I could dunk on her.

(MESSAGE TONE)

I wanna be able to eat
off of it, Short Stack.

Why would you wanna
eat off a wheel?

- What was that?
- What?

WOMAN: Patty, I'm gonna need you
to get Mac to the set in five.

Copy that last transmission.

Just need to deploy the wardrobe
and I will pick up Bald Eagle.

Back to one.

Who are these people?

(SIGHS)

- Hey. Uh...
- Oh.

Do you need a ride?

Oh, I thought Patty
was driving me.

(CHUCKLES) Well, Mr. West,
there's a new Patty in town.

Hm. Your name's also Patty?

Uh, no. Well, I see

how that actually
could've been confusing.

I'm... I'm Abby, the other PA.

Oh. Can I still call you Patty?

- I don't think that's really...
- Thanks, Patty. You're a doll.

OK. Um...

You know, I have to
say, I'm a huge fan.

I mean, when you jump
off of Pennington Tower

just as it explodes

and you're dangling
from the string.

You've got this
huge firehouse...

I do all my own stunts, Patty.

Come on, I'll take you to set.

- OK.
- (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)

MAC: Real Patty briefed you

- on driving this thing, right?
- ABBY: Um...

Whoa! Let's keep this
under a cool five.

Uh, there's really
only one speed.

Whoa, whoa! Speed bump,
speed bump, speed bump.

Let's note that
for the ride back.

(COUGHS) This coffee
tastes different.

That'd be my special blend.

A dash of cinnamon
with some hazelnut.

(COUGHS) Did you say hazelnut?

You got that right.

It's my gammy's special
recipe, actually.

Dash of cinnamon with
a little hazelnut.

But it's really more
like a cup of...

- I'm allergic to hazelnut.
- What?

- (COUGHS)
- Uh...

- I think my throat is closing.
- What do we do?

- Do you have an EpiPen?
- No, but I have a Bic one.

- A what?
- A Bic one.

- A what?
- A Bic one.

- Trach me.
- Trach you?

I'm not traching you!

- Come on, Patty! My throat...
- (SCREAMS) Oh, my God. OK.

Oh, my God, this is
happening! One, two...

- What the fuck are you doing?
- Three!

- Real Patty.
- I've got your EpiPen.

- Assuming the position.
- (ABBY SCREAMS)

(MAC COUGHS)

I'm doubling up!

- What is happening?
- (WAILS)

(WHIMPERS)

- ABBY: Oh, Chloe.
- CHLOE: Well...

At least it didn't
mention your name.

Is there a reason why
we're meeting Jake

on some random street?

ABBY: He said the
food is to die for.

(GASPS)

Whoa. OK...

- Hey, guys.
- (GASPS) God.

So, Celso is gonna whip us up

some of the best
empanadas you've ever had.

- You ready?
- Oh! So sorry, Celso.

CHLOE: Yeah, we
didn't mean to assume.

That's not Celso. We should go.

- Yeah.
- I kind of peed a little.

Oh, yeah.

Mm. Mm.

- Mm!
- Mm!

Holy shit.

Oh, yay!

Mm.

It's almost as good as the
street meat in New York.

Yes.

Did you just compare
LA's best empanada

to something called street meat?

Have you ever tried it?

No. No, I've actually
never been to New York.

- What?
- Wait.

You're starting a
souvenir company

and you've never been

to the world's biggest
tourist destination?

My parents traveled a
lot, just not with us.

I always thought Sight Sealing
would sort of be my way

to see the rest of the world.

I'll tell ya what.

When you make it to New York,

I will be your
official tour guide.

Deal.

Didn't you get us lost
trying to find Central Park?

- That was one time.
- The Central Park?

- The big one?
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's, like, in the center.

- Whose side are you on?
- And it's a park.

- (LAUGHS)
- One time. One time.

That was one time!

OK, I believe you. Jesus.

(SHOUTS) Don't you dare.

I need another one.

Look at you, all smiles.

They were really good empanadas.

Right. Must be the empanadas.

Nothing to do with the cute
guy who's clearly into you.

We're just hanging out.

Abby, I haven't seen that
look since your ninth birthday

when you got that
Barbie Dream House.

God, I loved that house.

Here we go. Who ordered
the tres leches cake?

- Oh, no, that's not ours.
- Shit.

- She's kidding.
- Oh.

I guess Chloe's can
go in the trash.

(IN SPANISH) Don't you dare!

- (PHONE RINGS)
- Oh, uh, it's Sam. Hey.

- Sam?
- My ex-girlfriend.

She's, like, obsessed with me.

I got you into the
A-List Film Awards.

The ALFAs? Are you serious?

Tomorrow, you will be at the
same event as Cooper Grant.

So, am I in the
audience or something?

Uh, yeah. Kind of.

What do you mean, kind of?

(MESSAGE TONE)

Your role as seat fillers

is to do exactly as
the job title says.

Fill seats.

Take a look out at the theater.
Look at the theater. OK?

See all those empty seats?
Those are the enemies.

But that makes you the...

heroes.

OK, well, before we run
some routes, I wanted to...

Excuse me, are you
practicing sitting?

Huh? No. Not me.

- Do you not know how to sit?
- No, that was her.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Let's go ahead and get ready
for tonight, all right?

When I'm walking, you follow
me, all right? Come on!

Thanks, again. Thank you.

Wait. Shouldn't you
be at this thing?

Yes.

I should.

Hmm.

Why am I so nervous?

Do you want me to tell you
everything will be fine

or do you want a list of
things that could go wrong

that are actually
making you nervous

because, I mean, I can
think of, like, 73 things...

- Please stop talking.
- OK.

MAN: We've got an open
next to Keanu. Keanu, OK?

We got, uh, some squirming next
to Cooper Grant over here, OK?

I see a possible bathroom
break happening here.

Um, OK. Let's get into position.

Who's on deck? OK.

Hi. Uh, excuse me. Do you
mind if I take the next one?

Short Stack.

Patty. You're a seat filler too?
You weren't at the rehearsal.

Well, you can't
rehearse perfection.

What are you doing here?

I didn't realize they
hire booster seat fillers.

- Seriously, I'm average height.
- Yeah.

What'd you get nominated
for? Best Short?

Let me show how
you it's done, kid.

Sorry, Patty.

Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry.

- Oh, cute dress. Excuse me.
- Ow.

- Hello. Oops. Yeah. OK.
- Wow.

I'm gonna just...

All right. Oh. That's
your shoulder. Ooh, OK.

MAN: And now we bid farewell

to the bright stars we
lost this past year.

Uh, Stephen Mills.
I loved that guy.

- Huh?
- Oh, Stephen Mills.

Right.

Is that your acceptance speech?

Yes. But I doubt
I'll be reading it.

You're right. Denzel's
got this locked up.

(BOTH LAUGH)

I never really know what
to say in these things.

Well, um, if you need help,

I'm... I'm kind
of a speechwriter.

- Oh, yeah?
- Hm-hmm.

When you're not dominating
musical chairs tournaments?

A seat filler joke. That's good.

No, but really, I write speeches
for the Mayor of New York.

- Really?
- Hmm.

Wow. I love that guy's speeches.

- Really?
- WOMAN: Shh.

Well, Speechwriter...

maybe you can tell me
if this is any good.

Keep in mind that, in
some alternate universe,

I may actually have
to give that speech...

I'd cut the last two lines.

- What?
- And move them to the front.

Uh, the first thing you say sets
the tone for the entire speech.

It's your hook.

Oh, and this. This is good.

Uh, do you have a pen?

MAN: And the nominees for Best
Actor in a Leading Role are...

- Cooper Grant, "The Hedges".
- CHLOE: Oh, my God. That's her!

- How did she get next to him?
- That's it. It's done.

OK, let's not get
ahead of ourselves.

I'm a glass-half-full kinda gal.

Oh, really?

You think sitting
next to someone

is halfway to
sleeping with them?

- What?
- Quarter full?

What?

- Denzel Washington...
- What? What?

Get over there.

- I'm just kidding.
- And the ALFA goes to...

Cooper Grant, "The Hedges".

(CHEERING)

- OK. She looks like his wife.
- We did it.

- Wow.
- We did do it.

Wow.

(LAUGHS)

When I heard my name
just now, I thought,

"That's a weird way
to pronounce Denzel."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

So, this...

This one's for you.

- I wrote that.
- Thank you very much.

(SIGHS)

- Hey, speechwriter.
- Hi.

- We did it.
- Ah!

Shall we celebrate?

- Yes.
- Come on.

Hi, Abby, it's Matt. I
think I just saw you on TV.

I'll do whatever it takes.
Please don't shut me out.

Well, this is my flat.

Looks pretty
three-dimensional to me.

Right. OK, I'm gonna
hang my jacket up.

- Be back in a second.
- OK.

- Bonjour, darling.
- Oh, my God.

Sorry. Didn't... Didn't
mean to startle you.

Or did I?

Ari Miller?

Oh. You've heard of me?

Heard of you? Your movies
are hilarious. You've...

You've been nominated for
Best Actor three times.

Was I? That's right, I was.

Oh. I see you've met my
very well-dressed housemate.

It's Ari Miller.

I knew you guys did those
Undercover movies together,

but you live together too?

- That's so cool.
- Yes. It's so cool. Very cool.

It is so cool, isn't it?

That we live together.

- COOPER: Well...
- So cool.

- COOPER: Yeah.
- Very cool.

Um, are they just giving
those away these days?

- (LAUGHS)
- ABBY: Oh, hi.

I'm just kidding.
That's... That's awesome.

That's so awesome.

Plus you've almost caught
up to me in nominations.

You know, not... not
quite, but who's counting?

Um, anyhow, we were
just about to head out.

Actually, do you wanna
hang out here for a bit?

I'd love to see the
rest of the house.

I'm actually making
some spaghetti bolognese

if you're interested.

I've had it. Say you're a
vegan. I'll show you around.

OK. Um...

- Vegan.
- What was your name again?

Bye.

(LAUGHS)

- This is so crazy.
- What is?

Well, it's just...

You think that some people exist

on different planes
of the universe,

and then you get in
the same room as them

and... turns out they're just as
down to earth and normal as you.

- Oh, so I'm just... just normal?
- You know what I mean.

Sorry. I just have to ask.

Did you know that I
lived with Ari Miller?

No. I had no idea.

It's just...

Most girls, they come back here
just to get close with Ari.

- You're kidding, right?
- No. I completely get it.

The guy's basically
like a Greek god.

Which... Which god, exactly?

(HUMS)

Oh. Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

I didn't realize you
guys were in here.

Don't mind me. I'm just
gonna, um, use the tub.

- Huh?
- Why?

Do a little splishy-splashy.

Can you not splishy and
splash in your own bathtub?

I... I... I could.

You have your own bathroom.

I'd rather use this tub.
The water pressure...

OK.

He just, like, wanders in.

It's, like, how do
I compete with that?

- I sincerely have no idea.
- Oh, this was such a bad idea.

I shouldn't have
brought you here.

Hey. You are Cooper Grant.

You were on the Sexiest Man on
Earth list eight years in a row.

- Who likes him more than you?
- You mean besides Scorsese?

That was such a small part.

Well, bigger than your
no-part, now isn't it?

- Oh!
- You know what?

- OK.
- ARI: What?

That is it. I've had enough.

I'm sorry your girlfriend's
been ogling me all night.

ABBY: I have not
been ogling anyone.

Were you ogling him?

I don't even know
what ogling means.

What are you gonna do
about it, tough guy?

- Oh, no.
- (GASPS)

- That is it.
- Hey!

(ARI SHOUTS)

Guys?

ABBY: I don't think
this is appropriate.

(ARI SCREAMS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

CHLOE: So, tell me everything.

I just... I just
wanna get some sleep.

Wait, no, wait. I
want some details.

No... You don't.

Wait. Did something
weird happen?

You could say
things got weird...

when Ari Miller showed up.

No way. Ari Miller?
He definitely has BDE.

So, what happened?

Cooper, he...

He pulled an ALFA
out of his ass.

Yeah, I totally agree. That
ALFA was Denzel's to lose.

No, no.

Cooper literally pulled an ALFA

out... of Ari's ass.

I always wondered what they did

with those things
after they won.

I'm going to bed, and we are
never speaking of this again.

Is this a bad time to talk
about the next guy on your list?

Probably a bad time.

(MESSAGE TONE)

(PHONE RINGS)

Mr. Mayor. Oh, sorry. Do
I still call you that?

Well, I'm still the mayor, Abby.

Right. Of course.

You know, we've tried out

three different
speechwriters since you quit.

Actually, you fired me.

Details. I like that.

Having you gone has made
me realize something.

- I've missed ya, kiddo.
- I've missed you too, sir.

Here you go. Want your truck?

I was just saying hi to my son.
Sorry. Did you say something?

Uh, no.

Listen...

It just hasn't felt the
same with you not around.

So, I need you to
do something for me.

- Anything, sir.
- Get that sweet ass over here.

I guess I could catch a red-eye.

What was that? I was just
saying hello to the missus.

Oh, nothing.

Abby, nobody knows
my voice like you do.

I want you back to
write the speech

that launches my campaign.

(GASPS)

Uh...

So, what do you say?

You ready to sit at
the big-boy table?

- Abby?
- Oh, you're talking to me.

Yes. I'm in.

Great.

I'd like to see a draft next
week at the kickoff meeting.

See ya, buddy.

JAKE: Hey.

I was starting to think
you weren't gonna show up.

Sorry. Rough night.

Hmm. Try being a server at
a Real Housewives reunion.

You ready to go?

ABBY: I think you've seen
The Goonies too many times.

- You good?
- I'm a New Yorker.

I walk 30 blocks
to work every day

in three-inch heels. I'm good.

Well, I hear you, but...

hiking in LA is a bit
different terrain,

so you gotta watch every step.

I used to hike up
the Adirondacks

with my dad every
summer till I was 17.

- Really?
- No. (LAUGHS)

OK.

(♪ "SHADOW" BY BYLAND)

I honestly have never
even thought about it.

Every guy has a list.

I had a shot with J.Lo
once. She was on stage

and I was in the nosebleeds.

But there was definite
long-distance eye lock.

You think this whole
thing's stupid?

I think everybody has a fantasy

about spending a night
with a celebrity.

But I think finding someone

to spend the rest of
your life with, that's...

that's the fantasy.

Oh. I almost forgot. I
have something to show you.

(LAUGHS)

Sight Sealing's first prototype.

- ABBY: I like it.
- Yes?

- ABBY: Yeah.
- Yes.

Well, I hope Vanderton
Capital likes it as well.

I have a pitch
meeting next week.

After that, I don't really know.

Well, I think it's great.

And that's coming from someone

who's had very few moments
worth saving lately.

I wouldn't give up.

- What?
- We just met and...

you're already making
me believe in things

that I was starting to doubt.

Your company?

Your company, actually.

Just being here with you.

Forgot how nice it was to
have a moment worth sealing.

You think this is one?

I honestly can't think
of anything better.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Wow, you're really done, huh?

It probably wasn't
the healthiest way

to deal with things.

Is this about Matt or Jake?

I don't need to
chase celebrities

to prove something to myself.

Abby Meyers, I am proud of you.

(BOTH SIGH)

All right. So, now what?

Well, I'm supposed to
see Jake tomorrow night.

That's great.
Amazing. Fantastic.

Wonderful. Love that for you.

Are you OK? You just
turned into a thesaurus.

Yeah, it's just, um...

Sam and I have been spending
a lot of time together

and now I'm worried that because
you're done with your list,

I might be done with
the one girl on mine.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Sam's here.

OK.

So, I know my leads
have gone cold

- but they just got hot again.
- What's that now?

Just invites to the hottest
party in town tomorrow night.

A certain rapper
by the name of Avon

is rumored to be in attendance.

- Yeah, Sam, about that...
- Can't wait.

Perfect. I will go
confirm all of us.

Hm-hmm.

I thought you were
done with the list.

You've been my lifeline
for the last three weeks.

The least I can do is be yours
for one night to win back Sam.

But you have plans
with Jake tomorrow.

I have all weekend
before I leave.

We're confirmed.

Whoo!

Are you sure?

Can't pass up a shot at
someone on your list, right?

(CHUCKLES)

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

(MESSAGE TONE)

(SIGHS)

(♪ "TRAMPOLINE"
BY MOTHER FEATHER)

- Are you ready? You look good.
- I am. Thank you.

You're really sexy when I drink.

Oh!

I think that sounds
like an insult,

but I'm sort of OK with it.

- I'll go get more then.
- Yep. Yep.

You get many, many
more of those.

Go, go, my little angel face.

It's like the old Sam and Chloe.

I know, right?

Thank you, by the way.

I mean, this means
so much to me.

- Cheers to you guys.
- Cheers.

Thank you.

- SAM: Abs, Chlo.
- Yeah?

Avon's right over there.
You gonna go talk to him?

It's why we're here.

- Yeah.
- Hm-hmm.

- Then go over there.
- Right. OK, yeah.

Now. Got it. Yeah.

(SIGHS) She's making me nervous.

- You did really great.
- Thank you.

OK.

Hi. I'm sorry. Oh.

Hey. I know this
sounds really weird,

but I need you to
go along with it.

Excuse me?

I need you to go along
with what I'm about to do.

Do you have a bomb
strapped to you?

What? No.

Cos you're kinda
acting like someone

who's got a bomb
strapped to them.

No. I don't have a bomb.
It's just... I'm trying to...

Don't look at them. I'm
trying to help my friend

get back together with her ex,

so I need to pretend
to hit on you

because you're on
my free-pass list.

Why do I feel like
I'm gonna regret this?

Just be cool, OK?

Cool.

She's totally doing
this. I wanna hear it.

- No, you don't.
- Yes. We'll be chill.

(LOUD) Yeah.

We do share the
same zodiac sign.

What's with the voice?

You're talking so
loudly all of a sudden.

You're doing the
bomb girl thing?

- You're...
- I think you're da bomb too.

- Right, um...
- Yes.

Has my heart known
love till this night?

That was so good.

AVON: In touching her,
make blessed my rude hand.

Did my heart love till
thee? Forswear it, sight.

- For I ne'er in truer beauty...
- Let's go over there.

- Than now.
- Did you just quote Shakespeare?

- Yeah. No good?
- No. Really good. They're gone.

Oh. OK.

So, I gotta say, I
get hit on a lot,

but never pretend hit on.

Oh. Well, thanks. I owe you one.

So, I didn't get your name.

Abby.

Abby, Abby, Abby.

It's just nice to
know the person

who's got you on
their free-pass list.

- Yeah.
- You know what I'm saying?

Um, you're on my list, but I
don't want to sleep with you.

Wow. You managed to objectify

and reject me all
in one sentence.

(CHUCKLES)

- Shit.
- What?

No, no, no. Don't. Don't look.

My ex is coming
over here right now

and she'd get really pissed if
she saw me here with someone.

So, pretend you're with me now.

- Like we just did?
- Not at all like we just did.

- OK.
- Just follow my lead.

- All right. OK.
- Come here.

Hey, you.

Avon, didn't know you were here.

Usually you demand they
play your music all night.

Oh. I don't demand it.

- The public does.
- Hmm.

Meet my girlfriend, Abby.

Hi.

Kenzie Scott.

- Nice to meet you.
- I didn't know you two dated.

"Dated." It was barely a month.

One I'm still trying to forget.

Don't worry, I pretty much
forgot it right when it started.

I can't believe
he slept with you.

Excuse me?

Thought we were
following my lead.

We were engaged.

Wait, you two are engaged?

I think what she means is that

we are engaged in
the first stages...

We were supposed to
get married next week.

Or not.

What exactly are
we talking about?

We're talking about you
sleeping with my fiancé

because you were
on his stupid list.

-Who's your fiancé?

The guy you slept
with in New York

when you were out there
doing those two huge movies.

- Matt?
- Yeah.

He was engaged?

I'm sorry.

Look, if I had known, trust me,

I would've spared my Louboutins
the climb to his walk-up.

Don't worry. Just a marriage
ruined for some fantasy night

with a medium-talent actress

who's only relevant
because of her...

very, very pretty face.

OK. You know, I'm on a
lot of people's lists.

So, maybe instead of
pointing the finger at me,

you should figure out
why your man acted on it.

- Hurricane Kenzie.
- Hmm.

Always leaving
destruction in her path.

Cute new girlfriend.

- Yeah, she's great, right?
- Hmm.

You OK?

Did I drive Matt away?

No, no. Don't start with that,
OK? None of this is your fault.

I just feel like every decision
I make is the wrong one.

Look, I get it. I've been there.

You feel totally lost and
then something happens,

and suddenly you're not.

Hey.

Hey, I'm really sorry about
what happened back there.

Not what I was
expecting, but sure.

Is this why you canceled?

- Jake. It's not like that.
- It kinda looks like that.

- Kinda felt like that.
- Avon. Not helping.

So, this is the guy
you're marrying next week.

You're still engaged?

You and Matt like to chase
after celebrities so much,

maybe you two belong together.

Jake. Wait, I... I should go.

- Um, great lips.
- All right.

Jake.

You have a fascinating
love life, Abby.

Jake.

Jake.

Please call me. I really
want to talk and explain.

I leave in a few days, and...

Hey, Abby.

Hi.

Could we go somewhere and talk?

Uh, yeah.

MATT: Sorry for
surprising you like this.

You weren't picking
up any of my calls.

Our wedding planner
called yesterday.

She was checking on the
set list for the band.

- About the wedding, I just...
- Wait.

Just before you say anything.

I just...

I don't want this to be
the thing that ends us.

If there is any
small part of you

that still wants to marry me,

please give me a chance
to make this right.

Why would I do that, Matt?

Because even if you don't
think I deserve a chance,

we deserve one.

Five years.

We were together for five years.

And what? You throw it for
a stupid one-night stand?

Look, if...

If you decide that you don't
want to speak to me again,

I'll respect that.

But then I want the last thing

you hear from me
to be these vows.

Because whether we
get married or not,

this is how I will always feel.

"Abby, when we first met,
it was love at first sight.

Then over the next few years,

I learned that the only thing
better than love at first sight

was love at every sight.

- You are a perfectionist."
- (LAUGHS)

"And somehow, I still managed

to get you to say
yes to marrying me.

So, I know now

that I don't have to be
perfect for us to be.

But I will spend the rest of
our days trying to be for you."

Do you really mean all that?

Every word.

I just... I just don't know if I
can go through with the wedding.

We will push it off.

Abby, we have the rest
of our lives together.

That's the part that
I wanna get right.

OK?

OK.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

OK.

We will figure it all out
when you're back in New York.

- Sorry. I'm just not ready.
- It's OK.

Hold me.

Goodnight.

Came all the way out here,

you still can't
escape a walk-up, huh?

So, everything with Kenzie Scott

happened the night
we got engaged?

You really wanna talk
about that right now?

Well, I just realized you were
living in your own place then.

The high-rise.

Yeah. So?

I just ran into
Kenzie at the party,

and she mentioned
you having a walk-up.

I...

It wasn't just
that night, was it?

It was also at our place
after you moved in.

How many times did you
sleep with her, Matt?

Abby, I'm sorry.

- I can't believe you.
- I promise. It's over. Abby.

- (DOOR SLAMS)
- Fuck. Fuck.

( "GOLDMINE" BY OSHIMA BROTHERS)

Excuse me. What do you
think you're doing?

- Uh...
- You can't just throw rocks.

You could've hurt someone.

ABBY: I mean, they're
pretty far away.

I'm sorry!

(RASPS)

Go.

Anything from Jake?

Maybe this is just a
really twisted road

to you ending up
with Oscar Isaac.

(LAUGHS)

Chloe, I never really got
a chance to thank you.

Abby, you're my best
friend. You never have to.

Plus, selfishly, I had no chance

to get back with
Sam without you.

I always knew you two
would end up together.

No, you didn't.

Literally was expecting
a restraining order.

Yep. That tracks.

What's for breakfast?

Oh, the Chloe Breakfast Special.

- Mmm. I love Cheerios.
- (LAUGHS)

Anything you want to do
before your flight today?

Not to be boring,

but I think I'm just gonna
get to the airport early.

I have a meeting for
the mayor when I land

and I haven't even thought of
the hook for his speech yet.

Oh, shoot. That reminds
me. Um, where...

Oh!

This came in the mail for you.

Holy shit, he did it.

Let's clip in, everyone.

You again.

Maybe the Mommy and Me
class is more your speed.

- But I'm not a mom.
- I was thinking more the Me.

Hey.

- Look, I really don't...
- No, hey. I get it.

But I just, I really don't like

how things went down
the other night.

It's fine. And honestly,
what you said...

- Was totally out of line.
- No.

You were right.

I was avoiding the real
reason Matt did it.

Turns out, it's
because he's an asshole

who never really
cared about me, so...

You girls recognize these?

They're called
seats. Now take one.

Isn't Jake usually
in this class?

Hasn't missed one in two years.

Said he had some
kind of meeting.

The Sight Sealing pitch.

INSTRUCTOR: All right,
everyone. It's time to grind.

Need a ride?

- Really?
- Come on.

We'll be like Thelma and Louise.

Don't they drive off a cliff?

I can get you there
in 15 minutes.

Great. OK.

OK.

So, where are we going?

- ABBY: Vanderton Capital.
- Here we go.

Sight Sealing
forces you to stop,

literally take in
the air around you

and preserve the moments that
you want to hold on to forever.

So, it's just...

- air in a bottle?
- Uh...

Yes. Yes, but the
air is a novelty.

But ultimately, it's ten bucks
for a bottle of air, right?

(EXHALES NERVOUSLY)

I just want you to know

that if I'd had any idea
he was in a relationship,

- there is no...
- Look, Kenzie Scott...

- Just Kenzie's fine.
- OK, Kenzie...

Mm, actually, can
you do Kenzie Scott?

I do like it better.

Are you sure we're
going the right way?

I feel like we passed
that gas station.

KENZIE: Yeah, but the
last time we passed it,

it was on the other side.

It seems like it would be
more successful in New York.

- Why not launch it there?
- Uh, yes.

Uh, I thought about that.

Um, it's... There's... a lot
of, like, bureaucratic red tape

in New York with the landmarks.

You know, it's the, um...

I agree. Yeah, it
would... It would...

It would do well in New York.

I did think of that. Um...

Honestly, I'm past all of it.

My mind's on other things now.
That's what this is about.

All right. Then go get him.

Wait. Why are we stopped?

Oh, yeah, we've been
here for five minutes.

Jesus!

I agree. I think
it would be smarter

to launch in New
York and California.

Sorry to interrupt
but I have something

that will make Sight Sealing

an even more
compelling investment.

Mr. Barbiero, what is this?

I'm sorry. I couldn't leave
without giving you this.

Hey. Hey. Abby.

You forgot this.

You're Kenzie Scott. Oh, man.

- I'm a huge fan.
- Oh.

You were great in
that cave movie.

Thank you.

- Abby, what are you doing here?
- I spent the last few weeks

chasing some stupid list

instead of seeing what
was right in front of me.

Excuse me. What is this?

This is written permission from
Mayor Capozzi for Sight Sealing

to use any New
York City landmark.

- What?
- And that's just the beginning.

Let me tell you
something about this man.

He is not just a visionary.

He is the most passionate, yet
grounded person I have ever met.

And I have seen
him take a company

that was utterly lost and broken

and give it purpose again.

And sure, maybe that company
was a little misguided

in trying to sleep
with famous companies

to get back at the evil company
it used to be linked to, but...

Are they still talking
about the bottles?

- Who knows?
- You have a choice.

Do you wanna invest in a startup

that will take the
souvenir industry by storm?

This could be the very moment
that defines the future of...

What's this firm again?

- Abby, they already said yes.
- Wait, what?

We're launching with the
Hollywood Air bottle next month.

(SQUEALS)

What do you think about

also launching the Empire
State Building bottle?

We'd have to talk about
increasing the seed money.

Get the fuck outta
here. Sorry. Yes.

Yes. Amazing.

What the hell are these things?

JAKE: Um...

JAKE: I can't believe you
got the mayor to do all this.

ABBY: Kind of a big deal.

JAKE: Hey, did you...

Did you... Did you really mean
everything you said in there?

Of course.

You know I was the
company, right?

You were? Of course I knew.

Did somebody say,
"Race to the airport?"

No, no one said that.
I'm gonna call a car.

Smart. I probably
shouldn't drive

since I don't have a license.

- Abby.
- Yeah?

The car pickup is on the
other side of the building.

OK, OK, OK.

- So many stairs!
- I know.

Short Stack.

You gotta be kidding me.

OK. All right.

Don't worry. I got it.

- Wasn't worried.
- Yeah.

(GRUNTS)

You need a child
seat back there?

(FORCED CHUCKLE)

JAKE: Hey. I hope
you made your flight.

Sounds like I'll be
coming to New York soon.

Can't wait to see some
of your favorite spots.

Oh, and good luck
at the big meeting.

If it doesn't go well,

I can always barge
in and save the day,

because, you know, I
guess I owe you one.

WOMAN: Please turn off
all electronic devices.

Once airborne, the
captain will let you know

when you can use approved
electronic devices.

Please review the
in-flight magazine

for a list of approved devices.

They never hold
the plane for me.

ABBY: Sorry?

They delayed us
to let someone on.

I mean, it must be
someone important.

(CHUCKLES) Excuse me.

Hi. Is that Oscar
Isaac in first class?

We're really not
supposed to say.

Oscar Isaac? Oh, my
God, he's on my list.

- What list?
- You know.

My list of celebrities
I can sleep with.

I didn't know you had a list.

Of course I have a
list. Monogamy 101.

(♪ "WAITING" BY ALOUD
PLAYS OVER HEADPHONES)

(SONG CONTINUES)