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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:59,462 --> 00:01:09,967 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 2 00:01:24,941 --> 00:01:26,026 The President doesn't care 3 00:01:26,151 --> 00:01:27,278 about the Hispanic plight. 4 00:01:27,403 --> 00:01:30,114 He doesn't care about poor Mexicans... 5 00:01:51,135 --> 00:01:53,971 Well, you didn't miss much, if it makes you feel any better. 6 00:01:54,096 --> 00:01:55,404 Except movie night. 7 00:01:55,524 --> 00:01:57,975 We got Joe Versus the Volcano. That was pretty good. 8 00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:00,144 And we got meatloaf twice. 9 00:02:00,478 --> 00:02:02,814 Personally, I think it should be baked, 10 00:02:02,980 --> 00:02:05,316 and here they steam it so it gets all pasty. 11 00:02:05,399 --> 00:02:07,568 Do not tell Red I said that. 12 00:02:07,652 --> 00:02:10,988 I mean, she knows, but she got feelings just like everybody else. 13 00:02:11,656 --> 00:02:13,658 You know those good mashed potatoes that Red makes, 14 00:02:13,783 --> 00:02:15,075 from the real potatoes and not the box? 15 00:02:15,159 --> 00:02:16,160 Yeah. 16 00:02:16,285 --> 00:02:19,413 Maybe you could ask about getting some of that served up tonight. 17 00:02:19,705 --> 00:02:20,748 You her girl. 18 00:02:21,290 --> 00:02:23,501 Well, she works up the menus a week in advance, so... 19 00:02:24,502 --> 00:02:27,045 Think about what I've been through. 20 00:02:29,841 --> 00:02:31,509 Can't promise anything. 21 00:02:44,647 --> 00:02:49,694 Twenty-six, 27, 28, 29, 30! Ha-ha! Who's the big talker now? 22 00:02:49,819 --> 00:02:50,987 You were counting too fast! 23 00:02:51,069 --> 00:02:53,113 Bullshit, Vause. I told you, it can't be done. 24 00:02:53,197 --> 00:02:54,907 Six saltines in 30 seconds? 25 00:02:57,660 --> 00:03:02,874 You are a disgusting animal. Okay? What the fuck? 26 00:03:02,999 --> 00:03:06,168 I mean, which is a quality I greatly admire in a person. 27 00:03:06,251 --> 00:03:07,795 You're in touch with your primal self. 28 00:03:09,171 --> 00:03:13,384 Yeah, well, my primal self cannot resist a dare, apparently. 29 00:03:14,050 --> 00:03:17,763 Which is also how I ended up with three broken toes 30 00:03:17,889 --> 00:03:19,682 and, briefly, chlamydia. 31 00:03:20,599 --> 00:03:21,726 And in prison. 32 00:03:21,851 --> 00:03:24,269 Well, that wasn't so much a dare, as it was a deal. 33 00:03:26,772 --> 00:03:29,567 Officer Webster, pick up extension 414. 34 00:03:36,741 --> 00:03:39,577 Hey, get over here. You're missing a moment. 35 00:03:39,702 --> 00:03:41,913 Visitation will be ending in five minutes. 36 00:03:44,164 --> 00:03:45,875 God, SHU must really suck ass. 37 00:03:45,958 --> 00:03:47,125 Man, she was in there for two weeks. 38 00:03:47,251 --> 00:03:48,210 I've taken shits longer than that. 39 00:03:52,548 --> 00:03:55,467 Hey, Kate Winslet. See any icebergs? 40 00:03:58,679 --> 00:04:00,056 They're back again, Janae. 41 00:04:04,184 --> 00:04:06,144 Cut that out! 42 00:04:08,689 --> 00:04:09,815 Boys chase girls! 43 00:04:09,941 --> 00:04:11,400 Whatcha gonna do if you catch us? 44 00:04:11,567 --> 00:04:13,235 Only one way to find out. 45 00:04:13,485 --> 00:04:14,904 Go back to your mama. 46 00:04:15,112 --> 00:04:16,864 Ooh... 47 00:04:32,755 --> 00:04:35,591 Janae! Quit showing off! 48 00:04:59,865 --> 00:05:02,994 Good morning. Welcome. 49 00:05:03,119 --> 00:05:04,912 - Hey! - Ladies of the WAC. 50 00:05:04,996 --> 00:05:07,456 Are you taking us to prom or something? 51 00:05:07,539 --> 00:05:08,660 Just close the door, please. 52 00:05:12,336 --> 00:05:13,671 Thank you. 53 00:05:15,631 --> 00:05:16,632 All right. 54 00:05:18,009 --> 00:05:21,679 Now, a small token of my esteem. 55 00:05:22,262 --> 00:05:25,349 Dang, Healy. That's proper! 56 00:05:26,017 --> 00:05:27,935 Oh! 57 00:05:28,435 --> 00:05:29,854 Now you talk about this outside, 58 00:05:29,979 --> 00:05:31,396 you never see bear claws again. 59 00:05:31,522 --> 00:05:34,066 Silencio, Mr. Healy. We're gonna be like Red's lady. 60 00:05:34,191 --> 00:05:35,317 What's her name? The one that don't talk? 61 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,652 Norma. 62 00:05:36,777 --> 00:05:38,029 We gonna be like four Normas. 63 00:05:39,155 --> 00:05:41,073 All right, now, business, 64 00:05:41,197 --> 00:05:45,870 i.e. if you will, the concerns of your fellow inmates. 65 00:05:46,202 --> 00:05:51,416 Mr. Healy, the pillow that we get for sleeping is thin like paper. 66 00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:55,295 Sometimes, yo necessito two pillows. For ergonomics. 67 00:05:55,379 --> 00:05:57,048 A second pillow? Write it down. 68 00:05:57,381 --> 00:06:02,053 Okay, first of all, the hot sauce in the commissary is bullshit. 69 00:06:02,136 --> 00:06:04,889 We want that Thailand sauce, the one with the rooster on it. 70 00:06:05,556 --> 00:06:06,515 Rooster sauce. 71 00:06:06,598 --> 00:06:08,726 And second of all, ain't no reason we can't 72 00:06:08,893 --> 00:06:11,020 get Fifty Shades of Grey in the library! 73 00:06:11,145 --> 00:06:12,980 We talked about this, Jefferson. 74 00:06:13,105 --> 00:06:14,940 Fed's not gonna subsidize erotica. 75 00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:17,526 I've got a copy. 76 00:06:17,776 --> 00:06:19,153 I've got one, too. 77 00:06:20,821 --> 00:06:22,573 Fifty Shade. 78 00:06:23,574 --> 00:06:27,243 I withdraw my request. But Maria's straight up about the pillows. 79 00:06:27,703 --> 00:06:29,245 Pillows again. Chapman. 80 00:06:31,456 --> 00:06:33,084 You're done? 81 00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:34,668 Far as I know. 82 00:06:35,502 --> 00:06:36,545 Okay. 83 00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:40,966 The thing is, I think that a few basic changes 84 00:06:41,092 --> 00:06:43,886 could drastically improve the quality of life. 85 00:06:44,469 --> 00:06:49,100 Like clinic hours every week for preventative health care. 86 00:06:49,391 --> 00:06:50,726 And re-opening the track. 87 00:06:51,685 --> 00:06:53,771 And maybe legal counseling. 88 00:06:55,439 --> 00:06:56,481 And the GED program. 89 00:06:57,357 --> 00:07:01,319 Now, I understand that there's a mold situation in the classroom, 90 00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:02,947 but this needs to be addressed. 91 00:07:03,114 --> 00:07:05,241 The inmates down the hill, they get classes, 92 00:07:05,365 --> 00:07:07,492 and they are not getting out any time soon. 93 00:07:08,077 --> 00:07:09,787 We are here for shorter stays. 94 00:07:10,121 --> 00:07:12,998 We should be learning to improve ourselves, 95 00:07:13,124 --> 00:07:14,625 as students 96 00:07:14,792 --> 00:07:17,962 or even teachers. 97 00:07:18,963 --> 00:07:21,882 Something's telling me she has a teacher in mind. 98 00:07:24,051 --> 00:07:25,052 Chang, you're up. 99 00:07:25,136 --> 00:07:27,138 Okay, Mr. Healy. Okay. 100 00:07:33,644 --> 00:07:35,187 Lay it on me, Chang. 101 00:07:35,312 --> 00:07:36,563 Okay. 102 00:07:41,652 --> 00:07:42,820 Good. 103 00:07:42,945 --> 00:07:44,786 We got a good list going here, some good ideas. 104 00:07:44,822 --> 00:07:46,073 Now, the problem as I see it... 105 00:07:46,198 --> 00:07:47,449 No, sir, I really think that... 106 00:07:47,532 --> 00:07:50,161 ...is that we have a budget situation. 107 00:07:50,286 --> 00:07:52,663 Now, I can do my best, 108 00:07:53,497 --> 00:07:56,500 but it's gonna be hard for me to do all these things 109 00:07:56,625 --> 00:07:59,461 and still be able to bring donuts to our meetings every month. 110 00:08:04,341 --> 00:08:05,425 And coffee. 111 00:08:06,969 --> 00:08:08,846 Well, we tried. 112 00:08:14,101 --> 00:08:15,352 What just happened? 113 00:08:15,435 --> 00:08:16,770 You were there. 114 00:08:17,354 --> 00:08:18,939 We finally get an opportunity 115 00:08:19,064 --> 00:08:20,607 to make some improvements around here and... 116 00:08:20,691 --> 00:08:22,442 Don't be gettin' all Amistad on me, Chapman. 117 00:08:22,526 --> 00:08:24,695 Healy look like he gunning for change? 118 00:08:24,778 --> 00:08:27,031 Okay, but what about your campaign promises? 119 00:08:27,114 --> 00:08:28,394 Everyone say shit to get elected. 120 00:08:28,490 --> 00:08:29,700 You ain't actually gotta do it. 121 00:08:29,825 --> 00:08:31,451 That's politics. 122 00:08:31,785 --> 00:08:33,912 I got a disciplinary board hearing this week, 123 00:08:34,038 --> 00:08:37,333 which, if they don't take away my good time, I go home. 124 00:08:37,833 --> 00:08:40,252 Healy said he would write a letter vouching for me. 125 00:08:40,878 --> 00:08:42,546 I ain't looking to make waves. 126 00:08:42,629 --> 00:08:45,590 Glassy water. Smooth sailin' right on out of here. 127 00:08:46,591 --> 00:08:51,096 So this whole WAC thing is basically bullshit. 128 00:08:52,597 --> 00:08:54,225 Just take the donuts, girl. 129 00:08:59,063 --> 00:09:00,480 Can you believe her? 130 00:09:00,564 --> 00:09:03,441 That college bitch thinks she can come up in here 131 00:09:03,567 --> 00:09:05,736 and take charge of shit with her nice teeth 132 00:09:05,819 --> 00:09:07,988 and her pinky stuck up in the air. 133 00:09:08,072 --> 00:09:09,573 She's got a surprise coming. 134 00:09:10,115 --> 00:09:11,408 Is it a pony? 135 00:09:12,201 --> 00:09:13,994 Just shut your trap, Lurch. 136 00:09:14,078 --> 00:09:16,454 Nobody cares what's comin' outta them slit lickin' lips. 137 00:09:20,584 --> 00:09:22,169 Did you vote for her? No. 138 00:09:22,294 --> 00:09:23,921 Did you vote for her? 139 00:09:24,046 --> 00:09:26,464 Who voted for that bitch, raise your hand! Raise it. 140 00:09:27,799 --> 00:09:28,800 That's what I thought. 141 00:09:28,926 --> 00:09:32,930 Some Garden-of-Gethsemane shit up in here, y'all. 142 00:09:33,097 --> 00:09:38,727 Chapman is a Judas Iscariot, cozied on up to the High Priest Healy. 143 00:09:38,810 --> 00:09:40,271 And he throws out my vote. 144 00:09:40,354 --> 00:09:43,023 My votes that were bestowed upon me 145 00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:45,817 from my Lord, and gives her all the silver? 146 00:09:47,569 --> 00:09:50,948 So in this analogy, you're Jesus Christ? 147 00:09:51,531 --> 00:09:53,284 I've been betrayed. 148 00:10:33,991 --> 00:10:36,285 Oh, gosh! Oh, no, no. 149 00:10:36,827 --> 00:10:38,662 Uh... 150 00:10:40,289 --> 00:10:45,169 Gonna be a while. I'm a little backed up in here. Sorry. 151 00:10:59,933 --> 00:11:02,269 We were starting to think you deserted us. 152 00:11:04,771 --> 00:11:09,734 I tried making that coconut cake myself. Nicky called it "coco-not." 153 00:11:10,944 --> 00:11:13,197 What pain did you bring down on her for that? 154 00:11:13,322 --> 00:11:17,575 She was right. Your cake is inimitable. 155 00:11:19,828 --> 00:11:23,457 Norma got me an improve-your-vocabulary book out of the library. 156 00:11:23,539 --> 00:11:26,710 You got to keep the brain cells working, or they die. 157 00:11:27,211 --> 00:11:30,047 To be honest, there's a few things I wouldn't mind forgetting. 158 00:11:31,048 --> 00:11:32,548 Norma saw you in the library, 159 00:11:34,009 --> 00:11:37,054 bent over a law book like a boy hiding a titty magazine. 160 00:11:37,595 --> 00:11:39,806 I got interests beyond coconut cake. 161 00:11:40,098 --> 00:11:42,393 So does every idiot in here. 162 00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:44,728 Where's my Mexican vanilla? 163 00:11:45,561 --> 00:11:46,562 Oh. 164 00:11:52,861 --> 00:11:56,865 Everything off the books lives like Anne Frank now. 165 00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:12,588 Seems like a lot of trouble. 166 00:12:13,507 --> 00:12:17,094 You get too comfortable, people take advantage. 167 00:12:19,430 --> 00:12:20,764 You got it under control? 168 00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:24,768 Don't go looking for miracles, Claudette. 169 00:12:25,436 --> 00:12:28,272 You and me, we figured out how to do time. 170 00:12:31,983 --> 00:12:35,904 Well, at least it's better than SHU, right? 171 00:12:37,406 --> 00:12:40,658 I mean, the isolation must just be terrible. 172 00:12:41,368 --> 00:12:42,453 Or not. 173 00:12:42,536 --> 00:12:44,162 I've never been to SHU. 174 00:12:44,871 --> 00:12:46,915 I've read that it can be very loud down there, 175 00:12:46,998 --> 00:12:49,293 with people yelling at each other all the time? 176 00:12:51,753 --> 00:12:53,422 When I said that I'd never been to SHU, 177 00:12:53,547 --> 00:12:55,257 did that make me sound like an asshole? 178 00:12:55,382 --> 00:12:56,592 Because obviously I didn't... 179 00:12:56,674 --> 00:12:58,302 Fuck, Chapman. 180 00:13:02,847 --> 00:13:03,848 Ah! 181 00:13:04,224 --> 00:13:07,311 Here's why the floodlights went out. 182 00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:10,355 It looks like a rat got to this. 183 00:13:10,481 --> 00:13:12,732 Ew! I fucking hate rats. 184 00:13:13,275 --> 00:13:16,153 My brother had one while we were growing up. 185 00:13:16,278 --> 00:13:18,155 It was kind of cute, actually. 186 00:13:18,238 --> 00:13:19,990 He named it Antonio. 187 00:13:21,492 --> 00:13:23,827 I saw one chewed up a baby's face. 188 00:13:23,952 --> 00:13:26,246 I named it "fuckin' face-chewing rat." 189 00:13:26,955 --> 00:13:28,248 You gonna fix the wire or what? 190 00:13:28,373 --> 00:13:29,707 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 191 00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:34,421 Ah! Shit! 192 00:13:34,505 --> 00:13:35,880 Did you turn off the switch? 193 00:13:36,006 --> 00:13:37,341 I thought that you turned off the switch. 194 00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:38,842 Oh, man! 195 00:13:38,925 --> 00:13:40,844 It's okay. It's my fault. 196 00:13:43,138 --> 00:13:45,849 So you're back in the rooms, huh? 197 00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,060 I hope they didn't stick you with De Marco. 198 00:13:49,186 --> 00:13:51,021 I mean, she's super nice and everything, 199 00:13:51,146 --> 00:13:55,859 but, man, that breathing machine can just drive you bonkers. 200 00:13:57,528 --> 00:14:01,031 You know, if you want, I can make you some ear plugs. 201 00:14:01,114 --> 00:14:03,575 I take a little bit of stuffing out of a pillow, 202 00:14:03,699 --> 00:14:06,203 and I just smush it up in some Vaseline, 203 00:14:06,495 --> 00:14:10,040 and then I wrap it up in some plastic wrap from the sack lunches. 204 00:14:10,123 --> 00:14:13,669 The rooms is full, all right? I'm in the ghetto tonight. 205 00:14:13,877 --> 00:14:16,129 But you could still use them in there. 206 00:14:16,213 --> 00:14:18,215 I'll make you some, okay? 207 00:14:20,551 --> 00:14:24,095 Jesus fucking shit. 208 00:14:24,846 --> 00:14:26,181 Sorry? 209 00:14:27,182 --> 00:14:28,308 What? 210 00:14:31,728 --> 00:14:32,812 It was you. 211 00:14:33,564 --> 00:14:34,565 What? 212 00:14:34,690 --> 00:14:36,567 The screwdriver what. 213 00:14:36,692 --> 00:14:39,069 Acting all sweet like a piece of candy. 214 00:14:39,986 --> 00:14:42,573 Nobody's sweet in here except for a reason. 215 00:14:44,074 --> 00:14:45,783 I don't know what you're talking about. 216 00:14:45,909 --> 00:14:48,745 Do not fucking lie to me, bitch. 217 00:14:49,621 --> 00:14:53,041 Do not fucking insult me after what you done already. 218 00:15:01,466 --> 00:15:02,551 In my defense, 219 00:15:03,510 --> 00:15:05,095 I would just like to point out that technically, 220 00:15:05,220 --> 00:15:07,061 you did not go down because of the screwdriver. 221 00:15:07,097 --> 00:15:08,377 Technically, you went down to SHU 222 00:15:08,432 --> 00:15:10,016 because you got all up in Caputo's face. 223 00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:13,604 Lady, we in a tight-ass space and I bench 140. 224 00:15:13,687 --> 00:15:16,565 You sure "technically" is how you wanna handle this shit? 225 00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:20,860 Are you gonna say anything? 226 00:15:23,196 --> 00:15:24,489 I ain't a snitch. 227 00:15:30,828 --> 00:15:31,829 Damn! 228 00:15:34,625 --> 00:15:37,335 See? This one got the same number on both ends. 229 00:15:37,461 --> 00:15:39,296 The first time you play that, it's called a spinner. 230 00:15:39,379 --> 00:15:42,633 You have to play the ends and the sides, both. 231 00:15:43,258 --> 00:15:45,843 Like a no-class girl lets you use any hole. 232 00:15:47,596 --> 00:15:48,639 Yeah. 233 00:15:57,105 --> 00:16:00,651 These are all the places I'm gonna travel when I get out. 234 00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:03,945 Starting with Anguilla. 235 00:16:04,028 --> 00:16:06,823 I read that Orlando Bloom honeymooned there. 236 00:16:06,948 --> 00:16:08,388 And Courteney Cox and David Arquette, 237 00:16:08,492 --> 00:16:09,909 even though that didn't work out. 238 00:16:10,285 --> 00:16:13,913 I love the beach, but I burn like a lobster, 239 00:16:13,997 --> 00:16:15,666 so I'm gonna get a good swim shirt 240 00:16:15,749 --> 00:16:19,085 and, bonus, it's gonna hide the gallbladder scar. 241 00:16:28,219 --> 00:16:29,680 Oh, yeah. Sure. 242 00:16:29,805 --> 00:16:32,683 Come on. Okay, bitches, 243 00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:35,602 who's first in line for some puppy lovin'? 244 00:16:36,019 --> 00:16:37,521 Puppy lovin'! 245 00:16:40,649 --> 00:16:41,941 He's so cute. 246 00:16:42,025 --> 00:16:44,152 He looks just like my dog from when I was a kid. 247 00:16:44,235 --> 00:16:45,696 Except mine was more of a Dachshund, 248 00:16:45,862 --> 00:16:47,364 but the nostril part is the same. 249 00:16:47,614 --> 00:16:49,157 You look just like Chummy. 250 00:16:49,533 --> 00:16:51,201 Make him do a trick. 251 00:16:51,326 --> 00:16:53,119 She doesn't know any yet. 252 00:16:53,244 --> 00:16:54,830 Well, maybe you can take some time off 253 00:16:54,954 --> 00:16:56,498 from sitting around eating all day, 254 00:16:56,581 --> 00:16:58,458 and teach him something. 255 00:17:00,627 --> 00:17:02,128 Fucking asshole. 256 00:17:02,212 --> 00:17:05,048 Chapman wrote me three letters for my case and it did fuck-all. 257 00:17:05,173 --> 00:17:07,384 They ain't lettin' people out who hasn't done their whole time. 258 00:17:07,551 --> 00:17:10,721 Well, I ain't people. I'm training for this, bitch. 259 00:17:10,887 --> 00:17:14,265 And I ain't never comin' back, neither, not like the rest of y'all. 260 00:17:14,683 --> 00:17:18,061 Like Oprah say, "the road less traveled." 261 00:17:18,186 --> 00:17:20,063 You know, that doesn't mean what everybody thinks it means. 262 00:17:20,313 --> 00:17:22,899 Aw, shit, we about to get educated and shit. 263 00:17:23,024 --> 00:17:25,569 No, no, no. I'm just saying that everyone thinks the poem means 264 00:17:25,652 --> 00:17:27,571 to break away from the crowd and, like, do your own thing. 265 00:17:27,696 --> 00:17:29,573 But if you read it, Frost is very clear 266 00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:31,616 that the two roads are exactly the same. 267 00:17:31,742 --> 00:17:33,368 He just chooses one at random. 268 00:17:33,451 --> 00:17:35,953 And then it's only later at a dinner party, when he's talking about it 269 00:17:36,079 --> 00:17:37,205 that he tells everybody he chose 270 00:17:37,288 --> 00:17:38,928 the road less traveled by, but he's lying. 271 00:17:43,336 --> 00:17:45,046 So the point of the poem is, 272 00:17:45,129 --> 00:17:46,423 that everyone wants to look back 273 00:17:46,548 --> 00:17:47,758 and think that their choices mattered, 274 00:17:47,883 --> 00:17:51,511 but in reality, shit just happens the way that it happens, 275 00:17:51,595 --> 00:17:53,847 and it does not mean anything. 276 00:17:55,348 --> 00:17:58,101 I will probably kill her in her sleep tonight. 277 00:17:58,226 --> 00:18:00,103 Wake me up so I can watch. 278 00:18:01,438 --> 00:18:02,814 I'm gonna... 279 00:18:04,441 --> 00:18:05,942 Laundry. 280 00:18:06,025 --> 00:18:08,695 You ever notice how some dog breeds, they sound kind of dirty? 281 00:18:09,195 --> 00:18:13,742 Like, shih tzu, cocker, Jack-something. 282 00:18:15,118 --> 00:18:16,160 Poodle. 283 00:18:16,453 --> 00:18:19,581 That is good. 284 00:18:20,457 --> 00:18:23,460 I didn't think of that one. That is very clever. 285 00:18:24,210 --> 00:18:26,797 Hey, you know what, guys? Look at that face. 286 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,757 I'm gonna call her Little Boo. Aw! 287 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,009 Little Boo. Who's a little boo? Yes! 288 00:18:32,969 --> 00:18:34,053 Hello? 289 00:18:34,178 --> 00:18:35,305 It's closed. 290 00:18:37,599 --> 00:18:38,642 Alex? 291 00:18:42,228 --> 00:18:44,481 I was just gonna drop this off, but... 292 00:18:45,816 --> 00:18:47,024 Tomorrow. 293 00:18:47,150 --> 00:18:48,151 Just give it. 294 00:18:50,654 --> 00:18:51,655 Give it to me. 295 00:18:54,449 --> 00:18:55,659 Attention all personnel, 296 00:18:55,742 --> 00:18:58,495 be advised count is off. Can we please conduct a recount? 297 00:19:06,670 --> 00:19:09,255 Do you remember the Four Seasons in the Seychelles? 298 00:19:14,511 --> 00:19:16,805 Gosh, we just threw our laundry into the hallway, 299 00:19:16,888 --> 00:19:18,765 it was like 40 bucks for a pair of pants. 300 00:19:29,442 --> 00:19:30,485 Hey. 301 00:19:33,613 --> 00:19:35,615 I've been thinking about it... 302 00:19:37,283 --> 00:19:38,284 ...a lot. 303 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,247 And I just wanted to let you know 304 00:19:43,373 --> 00:19:45,542 that there are no hard feelings. 305 00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:50,380 I was pretty angry, but, I'm over it. 306 00:19:52,507 --> 00:19:54,384 So, um... 307 00:19:56,386 --> 00:19:57,679 Friend? 308 00:19:59,723 --> 00:20:00,724 Wow. 309 00:20:02,893 --> 00:20:04,561 That's really big of you, Pipes. 310 00:20:12,151 --> 00:20:13,152 It's not a club. 311 00:20:13,236 --> 00:20:14,362 It's a class. 312 00:20:14,487 --> 00:20:16,447 They teach you to dance on a pole. 313 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:22,245 If you want to be a stripper, you can wait until I die. 314 00:20:22,453 --> 00:20:27,834 It's not stripping. It's for nice ladies, housewives. For exercise. 315 00:20:28,251 --> 00:20:31,963 That's what they tell you! 316 00:20:32,422 --> 00:20:34,966 Then one day you wake up in Atlantic City... 317 00:20:35,425 --> 00:20:37,260 where girls are trash... 318 00:20:37,343 --> 00:20:40,055 and I'm lighting candles under your picture. 319 00:20:40,805 --> 00:20:45,435 Can we please speak English at the table? 320 00:20:48,855 --> 00:20:50,523 Just at the table? 321 00:20:57,822 --> 00:21:00,283 Two more years for a green card. 322 00:21:01,451 --> 00:21:02,702 Be nice. 323 00:21:02,994 --> 00:21:04,913 You don't have to fuck him. 324 00:21:06,163 --> 00:21:09,667 I should be lucky, a decent man wants to fuck me. 325 00:21:12,087 --> 00:21:13,088 Oy. 326 00:21:13,296 --> 00:21:14,297 English. 327 00:21:18,635 --> 00:21:19,803 He's not eating. 328 00:21:21,262 --> 00:21:22,513 English. 329 00:21:26,476 --> 00:21:29,104 You look very pretty in that dress. 330 00:21:29,813 --> 00:21:33,190 Thank you, Sam. It is very... 331 00:21:35,151 --> 00:21:36,152 ...blue. 332 00:21:43,159 --> 00:21:45,000 You guys ever notice how, once you're a couple, 333 00:21:45,036 --> 00:21:46,956 you pretty much only hang out with other couples? 334 00:21:47,831 --> 00:21:52,085 A guy, a girl and another guy? It just looks weird. 335 00:21:52,209 --> 00:21:54,087 People probably just assume you're divorced. 336 00:21:54,838 --> 00:21:57,674 Oh. Great, so, I look divorced, 337 00:21:57,799 --> 00:22:02,219 which conveys sadness and ex-wife shit and lawyers' fees, 338 00:22:02,345 --> 00:22:04,472 or I look single, 34 and single, 339 00:22:04,597 --> 00:22:06,724 which must mean there's something wrong with me. 340 00:22:06,850 --> 00:22:09,727 Like, you keep large reptiles in tanks. 341 00:22:09,853 --> 00:22:11,938 Or I have a very special relationship with my mother. 342 00:22:13,023 --> 00:22:15,150 I just look like a loser. 343 00:22:15,358 --> 00:22:16,798 Why don't you switch seats with Pete? 344 00:22:16,901 --> 00:22:18,421 You're okay being a loser, right, babe? 345 00:22:18,736 --> 00:22:20,071 I don't wanna look like a loser. 346 00:22:20,196 --> 00:22:23,992 Okay, now look, what am I complaining about, right? 347 00:22:24,075 --> 00:22:25,368 I mean, seriously, you know? 348 00:22:25,493 --> 00:22:28,454 We're sitting here, we're gonna enjoy some small plates, 349 00:22:28,538 --> 00:22:30,247 while Piper sits in prison. 350 00:22:30,373 --> 00:22:32,291 You know what? Fuck Piper. 351 00:22:33,543 --> 00:22:35,252 She's in prison and it sucks. 352 00:22:35,378 --> 00:22:37,005 Let's also stipulate there are children 353 00:22:37,130 --> 00:22:38,756 are dying of diarrhea in Malawi. 354 00:22:38,882 --> 00:22:41,163 That doesn't mean we don't get to complain about our lives. 355 00:22:41,176 --> 00:22:44,261 I am pregnant and the heat in our apartment is always too high 356 00:22:44,387 --> 00:22:46,806 and it gives me nosebleeds, and that is happening. 357 00:22:46,890 --> 00:22:50,060 Pete isn't getting laid and he's grown that horrible beard. 358 00:22:50,185 --> 00:22:51,394 You look like a loser. 359 00:22:52,145 --> 00:22:53,855 We're all allowed to feel shitty 360 00:22:53,980 --> 00:22:55,690 about things in our lives that are shitty. 361 00:22:55,815 --> 00:22:58,609 And happy about things that are awesome. 362 00:22:58,735 --> 00:23:00,403 Like this awesome beard! Ugh. 363 00:23:00,486 --> 00:23:01,612 And your column. 364 00:23:01,738 --> 00:23:03,198 What? That's happening? 365 00:23:03,364 --> 00:23:06,450 Who can resist a "Felonious Fiancee" story, right? 366 00:23:07,744 --> 00:23:09,913 Yeah, it's, it's totally happening. 367 00:23:10,038 --> 00:23:12,207 New York Times, baby. "Modern Love." 368 00:23:12,373 --> 00:23:14,249 That's huge! Yeah. 369 00:23:14,417 --> 00:23:16,753 Does Piper know? Is she cool about it? 370 00:23:17,252 --> 00:23:19,589 I mean, sort of. 371 00:23:19,714 --> 00:23:24,177 Yeah, I mean, she's sorting out her feelings, 372 00:23:24,385 --> 00:23:26,096 I guess, you know. 373 00:23:26,221 --> 00:23:30,558 I'm going to tell her tomorrow, you know. Now that it's for sure. 374 00:23:37,732 --> 00:23:38,733 Oh, man! 375 00:23:47,366 --> 00:23:49,284 What's up with that, girl? 376 00:23:55,374 --> 00:23:57,292 Would you shut the fuck up. 377 00:23:57,835 --> 00:24:00,255 I know you ain't fucking with my beauty rest, yo. 378 00:24:00,379 --> 00:24:02,090 It's fucking Watson, man. 379 00:24:02,715 --> 00:24:05,342 They closed the track on me, haters. 380 00:24:05,468 --> 00:24:07,804 I ain't gonna get soft like the rest of y'all. 381 00:24:07,929 --> 00:24:09,209 Look, none of that's gonna matter 382 00:24:09,304 --> 00:24:11,432 when they throw your ass in SHU, part two. 383 00:24:11,515 --> 00:24:13,768 I got 10 minutes before the CO come back around. 384 00:24:13,851 --> 00:24:16,229 Man, somebody get this bitch a hamster wheel. 385 00:24:17,730 --> 00:24:19,607 What you gonna do about it, Jemima? 386 00:24:20,191 --> 00:24:21,442 The hell you just call me? 387 00:24:22,693 --> 00:24:25,196 I said, what you gonna do? 388 00:24:26,948 --> 00:24:28,532 Lightning fast! 389 00:24:29,408 --> 00:24:30,888 Did you see the Fillmore coach's face? 390 00:24:31,661 --> 00:24:34,747 He had no idea what happened to him. You happened to him. 391 00:24:34,831 --> 00:24:36,207 I just ran, Coach. 392 00:24:36,373 --> 00:24:37,734 Well, Watson, you just ran yourself 393 00:24:37,750 --> 00:24:39,030 into the high school record book. 394 00:24:39,585 --> 00:24:40,962 That gonna help with scholarships? 395 00:24:41,087 --> 00:24:42,688 Girl, colleges will be fighting over you. 396 00:24:44,507 --> 00:24:45,925 Now, you get dressed. Okay. 397 00:24:46,009 --> 00:24:49,053 I'll introduce you around, all right? They're all waiting. 398 00:25:09,991 --> 00:25:11,034 You ran good. 399 00:25:11,993 --> 00:25:12,994 I know it. 400 00:25:20,210 --> 00:25:25,340 The universe did you wrong. Then they took away your track, I get it. 401 00:25:26,216 --> 00:25:28,134 What you talking 'bout, you get it? 402 00:25:28,218 --> 00:25:30,803 Yo, go on back to the suburbs, string cheese. 403 00:25:31,428 --> 00:25:34,431 I was like you once. Pissed off, 404 00:25:35,558 --> 00:25:38,228 thought the world owed me something. 405 00:25:38,353 --> 00:25:41,731 It took me a long time to let go of that anger. 406 00:25:41,939 --> 00:25:45,400 Bitch, you lying to yourself with this whole Namaste bullshit. 407 00:25:45,609 --> 00:25:47,362 You're a step ahead already, 408 00:25:47,444 --> 00:25:50,698 channeling your feelings through physical activity, 409 00:25:50,781 --> 00:25:53,993 which means, the mind and body connect. 410 00:25:54,869 --> 00:25:58,748 Who touched you, yo? Was it your uncle? 411 00:26:01,209 --> 00:26:02,585 Your daddy? 412 00:26:03,211 --> 00:26:07,590 Okay, you want to project your issues onto me? That's cool. 413 00:26:09,592 --> 00:26:10,927 But I feel bad for you. 414 00:26:12,345 --> 00:26:16,933 That negative energy is gonna eat you up inside. 415 00:26:18,101 --> 00:26:20,019 Man, you this deep in the shit, 416 00:26:20,144 --> 00:26:22,063 you must have done something fucking evil. 417 00:26:22,897 --> 00:26:23,898 Huh? 418 00:26:25,816 --> 00:26:27,610 Why you in here, yo? 419 00:26:28,945 --> 00:26:30,405 Did you kill someone? 420 00:26:31,864 --> 00:26:33,950 You fucked a kid? 421 00:26:34,284 --> 00:26:35,285 Oh! 422 00:26:36,786 --> 00:26:38,246 You kill a kid? 423 00:26:47,630 --> 00:26:49,299 That's what I thought. 424 00:26:53,970 --> 00:26:54,971 Huh! 425 00:27:12,322 --> 00:27:14,407 Chapman, come in. 426 00:27:14,489 --> 00:27:16,993 Or vojdite, as they say in Kiev. 427 00:27:17,201 --> 00:27:18,202 Ahh! 428 00:27:18,661 --> 00:27:19,954 Are you planning a vacation? 429 00:27:20,121 --> 00:27:21,496 If I were, it would be somewhere 430 00:27:21,622 --> 00:27:23,022 you drink rum out of a mini volcano. 431 00:27:24,250 --> 00:27:25,751 What can I do for you? 432 00:27:26,543 --> 00:27:27,544 The track. 433 00:27:28,212 --> 00:27:30,172 You know, I once saw this lecture on YouTube called 434 00:27:30,173 --> 00:27:32,049 "23 and 1/2 Hours." 435 00:27:32,175 --> 00:27:35,052 It's one of those things where someone draws on a whiteboard? 436 00:27:35,178 --> 00:27:36,511 And it says... 437 00:27:37,054 --> 00:27:39,414 Well, if the Internet says it, then we better listen up, eh? 438 00:27:41,267 --> 00:27:42,268 Hmm. 439 00:27:44,020 --> 00:27:47,023 How much money does this institution spend on healthcare per year? 440 00:27:48,607 --> 00:27:52,945 Walking for a half an hour a day reduces the risk of anxiety, 441 00:27:53,154 --> 00:27:57,033 arthritis, depression, things like dementia and diabetes. 442 00:27:57,116 --> 00:27:58,159 It helps with everything. 443 00:27:58,242 --> 00:28:01,287 If you could save money on medical expenses 444 00:28:01,371 --> 00:28:04,623 with something as simple as walking, why wouldn't you? 445 00:28:05,375 --> 00:28:06,456 I mean, in the long term... 446 00:28:06,541 --> 00:28:10,338 No one here gives a crap about the long term, Chapman. 447 00:28:11,214 --> 00:28:12,256 Yo, Preparation H. 448 00:28:13,799 --> 00:28:16,010 Oops. Sorry. 449 00:28:16,219 --> 00:28:19,347 I'll come back when you're done taking orders. 450 00:28:23,518 --> 00:28:25,061 Sitting around all day is the worst possible thing 451 00:28:25,186 --> 00:28:26,729 that you can do for your body. 452 00:28:26,854 --> 00:28:28,014 We're already doing the time. 453 00:28:28,064 --> 00:28:29,482 I've got a deal for you, Chapman. 454 00:28:31,442 --> 00:28:36,239 Caputo thinks a CO's been putting inside photos on the Internet, 455 00:28:36,613 --> 00:28:39,950 but I think that kind of nonsense is too stupid even for a CO. 456 00:28:40,326 --> 00:28:41,660 I don't know what you're asking. 457 00:28:42,995 --> 00:28:47,166 Let's say an inmate is hiding a camera or a cell phone or something. 458 00:28:48,334 --> 00:28:52,713 And you find it for me, I'll take a look at opening that track. 459 00:28:55,758 --> 00:28:57,634 Prison's a big place, Mr. Healy. 460 00:28:58,428 --> 00:29:00,430 I have confidence in you. 461 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:19,532 Prisoner return to custody. Prisoner return to custody. 462 00:29:19,990 --> 00:29:23,660 What's with the grin, Bennett? You got some new silk panties on? 463 00:29:26,622 --> 00:29:30,293 Or what, you get laid or something? 464 00:29:33,504 --> 00:29:35,131 Oh, shit! 465 00:29:35,214 --> 00:29:37,467 Bennett got laid! 466 00:29:38,468 --> 00:29:41,804 Come on, man. Spill the beans, you fucking pussy monster. 467 00:29:41,887 --> 00:29:43,097 Was she Asian? 468 00:29:43,222 --> 00:29:44,432 No. 469 00:29:45,224 --> 00:29:47,726 I hear their shit goes sideways. 470 00:29:49,479 --> 00:29:51,314 Well? Go ahead. 471 00:29:53,941 --> 00:29:55,234 Okay, I got laid. 472 00:29:55,318 --> 00:29:59,822 Yes! I knew it! I knew it, you dirty whore! Come on. 473 00:30:00,656 --> 00:30:03,033 I couldn't be prouder if I was your dad. 474 00:30:03,993 --> 00:30:07,497 Tell me, man. What about her tits? 475 00:30:07,580 --> 00:30:11,250 Were they like big floppy fucking milk jugs 476 00:30:11,334 --> 00:30:13,169 or a nice, tight, little handful? 477 00:30:13,294 --> 00:30:14,462 What was it? 478 00:30:18,007 --> 00:30:19,008 They were fake. 479 00:30:19,175 --> 00:30:20,176 Oh! 480 00:30:20,801 --> 00:30:25,556 She's half-Asian, half-Brazilian. 481 00:30:28,184 --> 00:30:29,352 She's got this sister. 482 00:30:32,896 --> 00:30:34,524 Jesus fucking Christ. 483 00:30:37,443 --> 00:30:42,114 Miss Jefferson, why do you deserve to be released? 484 00:30:42,198 --> 00:30:43,533 Thank you, sir. 485 00:30:43,616 --> 00:30:45,201 Let the record show 486 00:30:45,326 --> 00:30:48,204 I only had three infractions for all my time here. 487 00:30:48,329 --> 00:30:52,542 One was for smacking a bitch for not respecting my ice machine choices, 488 00:30:52,667 --> 00:30:56,712 and, well, the second... They was bullshit. 489 00:30:56,795 --> 00:31:00,257 Also, I ain't never missed a day workin' in the library. 490 00:31:00,466 --> 00:31:04,428 Don't say, "workin'," say, "employed." The shit sound more elegant. 491 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,264 Also, maybe go easy on the bitch-smacking? 492 00:31:07,390 --> 00:31:08,641 Like, don't bring that shit up. 493 00:31:09,559 --> 00:31:11,477 All right. Miss Jefferson, 494 00:31:11,602 --> 00:31:13,563 what have you learned from your time in prison? 495 00:31:13,688 --> 00:31:15,898 Learned? I ain't learned nothing. 496 00:31:16,023 --> 00:31:19,318 I came in this motherfucker innocent, I'm still innocent. 497 00:31:19,402 --> 00:31:20,403 You keep talkin' about innocent, 498 00:31:20,570 --> 00:31:21,529 you gonna slide on back in here 499 00:31:21,612 --> 00:31:23,280 like you got a magnet up your ass. 500 00:31:23,406 --> 00:31:24,448 I ain't do nothing. 501 00:31:24,574 --> 00:31:25,866 Look, me, neither, all right? 502 00:31:25,991 --> 00:31:28,632 We are all just in here 'cause we took a wrong turn goin' to church. 503 00:31:29,412 --> 00:31:33,499 Listen, what you did or didn't do. That shit is irrelevant now. 504 00:31:33,583 --> 00:31:34,917 You gotta show remorse, fool. 505 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,920 Tell 'em you met Jesus, you go and seen the error of your ways. 506 00:31:38,045 --> 00:31:40,089 Now you gonna help the underprivileged youth 507 00:31:40,214 --> 00:31:42,216 learn to play chess or whatnot. 508 00:31:42,299 --> 00:31:44,500 You know, so they don't end up like your sorry ass self. 509 00:31:44,552 --> 00:31:45,720 Man, I ain't sorry! 510 00:31:45,802 --> 00:31:47,221 Aye, look, look, look. This bitch! 511 00:31:47,304 --> 00:31:48,431 Tell 'em, tell 'em you goin' to college. 512 00:31:48,556 --> 00:31:49,806 Man, what if I did? 513 00:31:51,308 --> 00:31:53,436 What you gonna major in? Ebonics? 514 00:31:53,644 --> 00:31:55,229 I could be a law secretary. 515 00:31:55,312 --> 00:31:58,399 The shit I learned in my job, I'm like Rain Man with that shit. 516 00:31:58,482 --> 00:32:01,151 You know what, sit your ass down. It's time to get serious. 517 00:32:04,947 --> 00:32:06,323 What you gonna do about hair? 518 00:32:06,490 --> 00:32:07,491 Oh! 519 00:32:14,039 --> 00:32:16,125 But if you get some puta pregnant... 520 00:33:23,192 --> 00:33:25,861 Gonna go and bounce on daddy's lap? 521 00:33:27,196 --> 00:33:28,197 What did I do now? 522 00:33:28,698 --> 00:33:30,324 Don't be all cute, college. 523 00:33:32,201 --> 00:33:34,787 Have you seen my teeth? Like, really? 524 00:33:35,204 --> 00:33:36,372 Wow. They're... 525 00:33:37,122 --> 00:33:38,207 Pretty fucked up, huh? 526 00:33:38,374 --> 00:33:39,458 Yeah. 527 00:33:39,625 --> 00:33:40,959 Genetics mostly. 528 00:33:41,293 --> 00:33:42,294 Oh. 529 00:33:42,712 --> 00:33:45,339 But my cousin, she's doin' 15 over at Lexington, 530 00:33:45,422 --> 00:33:50,010 and she got a whole new set from the United States of America, 531 00:33:50,093 --> 00:33:51,887 D-O-C. 532 00:33:52,763 --> 00:33:54,014 Congratulations. 533 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,481 So it's fine that you're teacher's pet and all, 534 00:33:56,517 --> 00:33:58,227 but let's, like, see what you can do. 535 00:34:00,730 --> 00:34:01,772 You want new teeth? 536 00:34:04,567 --> 00:34:07,236 Oh! Because of WAC. 537 00:34:07,778 --> 00:34:10,573 The thing is, I don't think I can. It's not even a real thing. 538 00:34:10,698 --> 00:34:12,949 You think you're some kind of special, don't you? 539 00:34:13,116 --> 00:34:14,451 No, I'm serious. It's a scam. 540 00:34:14,577 --> 00:34:15,952 Which, when you think about it, 541 00:34:16,078 --> 00:34:17,954 we really all should've seen coming. 542 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,750 Let me tell you something, college. 543 00:34:21,958 --> 00:34:24,920 They're gonna treat you nice and they're gonna use you. 544 00:34:26,255 --> 00:34:28,674 Then when you're all used up, 545 00:34:28,883 --> 00:34:32,344 you ain't gonna be nothin'. 546 00:34:33,095 --> 00:34:34,513 Knock it off, Pennsatucky. 547 00:34:36,891 --> 00:34:40,102 You sellin' us out? For what? 548 00:34:53,156 --> 00:34:56,368 Now, if it was me, I think I'd leave the grunt work to the grunts. 549 00:34:56,452 --> 00:34:57,453 Hmm. 550 00:34:57,953 --> 00:35:01,957 I let the girls do this, half the potato comes off with the peel. 551 00:35:03,292 --> 00:35:07,963 Seems to me like you're just aching to put that down for a few 552 00:35:08,839 --> 00:35:09,924 and make me a sandwich. 553 00:35:10,758 --> 00:35:12,008 Not particularly. 554 00:35:22,185 --> 00:35:23,228 What kind? 555 00:35:24,814 --> 00:35:26,231 Balogna and cheese. 556 00:35:29,109 --> 00:35:30,486 No mustard. 557 00:35:31,821 --> 00:35:33,196 Double the mayo. 558 00:35:34,114 --> 00:35:36,283 Oh... 559 00:35:36,492 --> 00:35:37,891 This is great. 560 00:35:39,453 --> 00:35:45,125 This makes me very happy. 561 00:35:47,169 --> 00:35:48,170 See? 562 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,257 You didn't want to do it at first, right? 563 00:35:52,341 --> 00:35:56,219 But, now, I'm happy, and it's no big deal for you. 564 00:35:56,345 --> 00:35:57,638 What do you want? 565 00:35:57,763 --> 00:35:59,055 I wanna be friends. 566 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,144 Friends who take care of each other. 567 00:36:06,092 --> 00:36:09,136 You got boxes coming in with a little something extra. 568 00:36:09,845 --> 00:36:11,430 Maybe your guy gets with my guy 569 00:36:11,555 --> 00:36:13,140 and brings in something extra for me. 570 00:36:15,017 --> 00:36:16,727 No problem. 571 00:36:16,810 --> 00:36:20,773 Just tell me if you want zit cream or pantyhose. 572 00:36:21,774 --> 00:36:26,153 What my guy sends, it's a little more of a specialty item. 573 00:36:27,654 --> 00:36:29,823 Since when are pills so special? 574 00:36:30,741 --> 00:36:31,784 Give you 5%. 575 00:36:34,787 --> 00:36:38,165 What am I supposed to do with 5%? Burn it for heat? 576 00:36:39,625 --> 00:36:42,295 My commissary maxes out at $300 577 00:36:42,461 --> 00:36:45,131 and I got all the toothpaste I need. 578 00:36:45,672 --> 00:36:48,426 10%, final offer. 579 00:36:50,469 --> 00:36:51,511 I... 580 00:36:53,264 --> 00:36:57,977 ...don't do that shit! 581 00:36:58,269 --> 00:37:03,690 This shit, that shit, blue shit, bat shit! It doesn't matter what you do. 582 00:37:04,942 --> 00:37:07,194 It's the doing that makes you dirty. 583 00:37:08,446 --> 00:37:10,656 Don't play games with me, Red. 584 00:37:11,740 --> 00:37:14,160 You got no more moves, Mendez. 585 00:37:15,995 --> 00:37:18,122 This is it, man. 586 00:37:19,915 --> 00:37:23,085 There is nothing here. 587 00:37:25,296 --> 00:37:28,507 You got nothing on me. 588 00:37:41,854 --> 00:37:44,064 Oh, man! 589 00:37:47,485 --> 00:37:50,363 Guess things just got messy in here. 590 00:37:58,078 --> 00:38:00,498 Everything's been deleted off this phone except for these photos. 591 00:38:00,580 --> 00:38:02,375 I know! People, right? 592 00:38:02,458 --> 00:38:04,251 Well, where was it? In the trash can. 593 00:38:04,418 --> 00:38:05,419 Where? 594 00:38:06,253 --> 00:38:07,796 I don't know, I just found it. 595 00:38:09,507 --> 00:38:11,008 You know, I appreciate that fact that 596 00:38:11,133 --> 00:38:12,634 you don't wanna snitch on anyone. 597 00:38:13,344 --> 00:38:16,263 The way these inmates treat snitches, it's ugly. 598 00:38:17,473 --> 00:38:21,435 But if you can't tell me who owns this phone, 599 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,729 I'm afraid I can't help you with the track. 600 00:38:24,063 --> 00:38:26,899 That is not what you said to me. You said specifically... 601 00:38:26,982 --> 00:38:31,945 I'm sorry, I don't know what you heard. But, unless I have a name... 602 00:38:36,700 --> 00:38:37,784 Enjoy the phone. 603 00:38:40,913 --> 00:38:42,664 Nice work, Chapman. 604 00:38:45,418 --> 00:38:48,921 I'm giving you one more minute to pout and then I'm shaving you bald. 605 00:38:50,506 --> 00:38:51,965 Sporting a chunk of white girl hair, 606 00:38:52,091 --> 00:38:53,652 look like you took a scalp or some shit. 607 00:38:54,427 --> 00:38:55,844 Yo, yo, you need to get you that 608 00:38:55,969 --> 00:38:57,388 Michelle Obama hair, for reals. 609 00:38:57,471 --> 00:38:59,932 White folks scared of Obama. 610 00:39:00,099 --> 00:39:04,937 I wanna look like Mo'Nique from Essence magazine, 2008. 611 00:39:05,020 --> 00:39:06,397 Girl, please, ain't enough relaxer in the world 612 00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:07,481 for that bullshit. 613 00:39:07,606 --> 00:39:09,442 Now what makes you so sure the board is white? 614 00:39:09,567 --> 00:39:10,526 Point. True. 615 00:39:10,609 --> 00:39:13,279 There be brothers on the board, I'm gonna be free at last, yo, 616 00:39:13,362 --> 00:39:16,449 'cause ain't no black man gonna let a fine black woman 617 00:39:16,532 --> 00:39:18,909 such as me hide her light in jail. 618 00:39:18,992 --> 00:39:22,580 Fool, brother is gonna be harder on you, to show he got no bias. 619 00:39:22,662 --> 00:39:24,457 Shit, you better hope for the whities. 620 00:39:24,623 --> 00:39:25,791 Yo, hope for white women. 621 00:39:25,874 --> 00:39:28,668 Y'all know how they love drinking wine with their friends, 622 00:39:28,794 --> 00:39:31,338 talking 'bout how sad it is, black folks ain't got their fair shakes. 623 00:39:31,464 --> 00:39:33,673 What, giving their housekeepers a extra day off and shit. 624 00:39:33,799 --> 00:39:35,217 Y'all know what I'm saying? 625 00:39:35,301 --> 00:39:38,887 So you wanna look like the black best friend 626 00:39:39,221 --> 00:39:40,431 in the white girl movie? 627 00:39:40,514 --> 00:39:44,768 Right. Okay, so you got Regina King in Miss Congeniality. 628 00:39:44,893 --> 00:39:48,230 You got Alicia Keys in that Nanny Diaries bullshit 629 00:39:48,314 --> 00:39:49,514 with ScarJo. I didn't see that. 630 00:39:50,774 --> 00:39:52,734 And Regina King in Legally Blonde. 631 00:39:54,027 --> 00:39:55,613 Now, you not thinking big enough. 632 00:39:55,779 --> 00:39:56,905 What? 633 00:39:57,197 --> 00:39:58,698 Viola Davis. 634 00:39:59,241 --> 00:40:00,242 Oh. 635 00:40:00,618 --> 00:40:01,994 Eat Pray Love, motherfuckers! 636 00:40:02,161 --> 00:40:04,079 I gotta live with this hair, yo. 637 00:40:04,830 --> 00:40:06,499 Do me like Rihanna. 638 00:40:06,624 --> 00:40:09,876 Rihanna when? She had, like, 26 hairdos in the past two years. 639 00:40:10,127 --> 00:40:12,171 2009 Rihanna, I got to spell that shit out for you? 640 00:40:12,338 --> 00:40:14,881 Look, everybody's still hatin' on Chris Brown, 641 00:40:15,007 --> 00:40:17,843 so maybe they'll throw me a bone gettin' back at that fool. 642 00:40:19,052 --> 00:40:20,387 ♪ Beat a bitch down 643 00:40:20,513 --> 00:40:22,055 ♪ If you're named Chris Brown 644 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:23,723 ♪ Beat a bitch down ♪ 645 00:40:32,650 --> 00:40:33,775 The fuck is that? 646 00:40:34,151 --> 00:40:36,529 Litchfield one, pussy shutterbug zero. 647 00:40:37,363 --> 00:40:39,031 You put a straw in coffee? 648 00:40:39,406 --> 00:40:40,866 I just had my teeth bleached. 649 00:40:42,451 --> 00:40:43,452 Where was it? 650 00:40:43,785 --> 00:40:45,204 Healy found it. 651 00:40:45,287 --> 00:40:47,873 Good to know someone around here is on his game. 652 00:40:48,541 --> 00:40:50,042 He "found" it? 653 00:40:50,834 --> 00:40:52,919 You're buying that, no contest? 654 00:40:53,045 --> 00:40:55,797 What, you think Healy's running around here like a frat boy 655 00:40:55,881 --> 00:40:57,090 taking pictures of snatch? 656 00:40:58,551 --> 00:40:59,751 I think we should look into it. 657 00:40:59,885 --> 00:41:02,721 Seems kind of irrelevant now, don't you think? 658 00:41:05,599 --> 00:41:07,393 We both know you're after my job, Joe. 659 00:41:08,060 --> 00:41:10,812 But I'm not worried. Never have been. Know why? 660 00:41:11,188 --> 00:41:13,315 'Cause you get mired down in pettiness 661 00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,568 instead of stepping your shit up. 662 00:41:16,985 --> 00:41:18,320 Nice haircut, by the way. 663 00:41:34,169 --> 00:41:35,212 Thanks. 664 00:41:35,504 --> 00:41:36,672 Sure. 665 00:41:37,923 --> 00:41:39,925 I keep feeling like I know you from somewhere. 666 00:41:41,093 --> 00:41:42,333 You didn't go to Smith, did you? 667 00:41:44,763 --> 00:41:45,931 Cabot High Wildcats? 668 00:41:46,014 --> 00:41:47,266 Nope. 669 00:41:48,058 --> 00:41:50,603 You know, I lived in Red Hook for a while after college. 670 00:41:51,437 --> 00:41:53,313 I used to bag groceries at Fairway. 671 00:41:53,439 --> 00:41:54,607 No way! 672 00:41:54,814 --> 00:41:56,734 Oh, my God, I remember you. 673 00:41:56,816 --> 00:41:58,235 You were always forgetting your cloth bags. 674 00:41:58,360 --> 00:41:59,760 And I would pack everything in paper 675 00:41:59,819 --> 00:42:01,947 and then you'd remember and get the bags out of your purse 676 00:42:02,030 --> 00:42:03,365 and make me re-pack everything. 677 00:42:03,907 --> 00:42:06,744 Oh, boy. Yeah, I guess that did happen a couple of times, huh. 678 00:42:06,910 --> 00:42:10,289 Every time. For months. You were a pain in the ass. 679 00:42:10,372 --> 00:42:11,707 Well... 680 00:42:11,915 --> 00:42:14,209 Who'da thunk we'd end up here, huh? 681 00:42:15,586 --> 00:42:19,214 Anyway, I just want you to know, that as far as I'm concerned, 682 00:42:19,298 --> 00:42:21,133 you and me are the same. 683 00:42:21,883 --> 00:42:22,884 Pardon? 684 00:42:22,968 --> 00:42:23,969 The only difference between us is, 685 00:42:24,052 --> 00:42:26,805 when I made bad decisions in life, I didn't get caught. 686 00:42:26,930 --> 00:42:29,099 It coulda been me here in khaki, easy. 687 00:42:30,517 --> 00:42:31,727 Thank you for saying that. 688 00:42:34,313 --> 00:42:35,814 You know, it's really nice to know 689 00:42:35,939 --> 00:42:37,441 that there's somebody on our side. 690 00:42:37,899 --> 00:42:39,401 Well, you know. 691 00:42:42,237 --> 00:42:45,282 You know what would really help to boost morale around here? 692 00:42:49,787 --> 00:42:51,497 You know, I saw that bitch heading on over 693 00:42:51,580 --> 00:42:54,833 to Healy's office, looking guilty as fuck. 694 00:42:56,042 --> 00:42:59,171 Guess suckin' dick's a little easier than honest hard work. 695 00:42:59,338 --> 00:43:01,298 I feel sorry for her. 696 00:43:04,384 --> 00:43:06,261 You're right, Leanne. Compassion 697 00:43:06,386 --> 00:43:08,305 is what we got over the monkeys. 698 00:43:09,515 --> 00:43:10,683 You know what, though? 699 00:43:10,808 --> 00:43:14,894 Compassion ain't gonna help this girl learn the way of things. 700 00:43:15,020 --> 00:43:16,563 I learned, we all learned. 701 00:43:17,481 --> 00:43:20,859 And that is that you have get broken down to get raised back up. 702 00:43:21,109 --> 00:43:25,155 You know, I'm with you, hon. Really. 703 00:43:25,739 --> 00:43:28,325 She's Waspy and entitled and always 704 00:43:28,408 --> 00:43:30,035 asking if you have this in whole grain, 705 00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,287 she's got the Bambi shtick going on, I get all of it. 706 00:43:32,705 --> 00:43:36,249 But I'm gonna need you to shut the fuck up about her 707 00:43:36,375 --> 00:43:38,752 and get over your shit. 708 00:43:39,169 --> 00:43:40,212 Or what? 709 00:43:47,553 --> 00:43:49,054 Or I will fuck you. 710 00:43:50,764 --> 00:43:52,140 Literally. 711 00:43:53,225 --> 00:43:55,728 I will sneak into your bunk in the middle of the night 712 00:43:55,894 --> 00:43:57,771 and I'll lick your pussy. 713 00:43:58,188 --> 00:44:01,483 And I will do it so good and so soft 714 00:44:01,567 --> 00:44:04,778 that you're gonna be on the edge of coming by the time you wake up, 715 00:44:04,903 --> 00:44:06,238 and then I'll stop. 716 00:44:07,823 --> 00:44:10,242 And you'll be half asleep and you'll beg for it. 717 00:44:10,367 --> 00:44:11,577 Oh, you will beg for it. 718 00:44:13,662 --> 00:44:16,248 And maybe I'll be nice, and maybe I won't, 719 00:44:16,373 --> 00:44:19,501 but if I am nice? The things you feel? 720 00:44:21,795 --> 00:44:24,089 They will ruin you forever. 721 00:44:26,425 --> 00:44:30,387 So, you know, choose. 722 00:44:35,141 --> 00:44:37,977 And exhale slowly. 723 00:44:41,356 --> 00:44:45,110 And float all the way down. 724 00:44:49,782 --> 00:44:51,533 Halfway up, 725 00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:59,957 and now roll all the way down again, 726 00:45:03,211 --> 00:45:06,715 bend at the waist, and let the arms hang. 727 00:45:11,969 --> 00:45:16,391 And continue to breathe, and hang. 728 00:45:39,665 --> 00:45:40,874 Hey, what up? 729 00:45:40,998 --> 00:45:42,167 Hi. 730 00:45:42,292 --> 00:45:44,711 You got a minute? My man, Three-D, wants to chat. 731 00:46:11,864 --> 00:46:13,448 You that track and field girl, right? 732 00:46:14,700 --> 00:46:15,868 Yeah. 733 00:46:18,495 --> 00:46:19,705 You can't be here, yo. 734 00:46:20,079 --> 00:46:21,456 Little Frank told me to come on by. 735 00:46:21,581 --> 00:46:24,001 Little Frank is not a forward thinker. 736 00:46:30,757 --> 00:46:32,885 Look around you. What you see? 737 00:46:34,386 --> 00:46:37,848 A party. People. 738 00:46:37,931 --> 00:46:39,182 What kinda people? 739 00:46:41,894 --> 00:46:42,936 Your crew. 740 00:46:43,436 --> 00:46:46,105 My crew, we thugs. 741 00:46:48,441 --> 00:46:52,863 We ain't finished school, we got what we got until the next bust. 742 00:46:53,613 --> 00:46:55,490 It look like you're doing okay to me. 743 00:46:59,285 --> 00:47:01,914 You're the real thing, you feel me? 744 00:47:03,164 --> 00:47:05,333 Everything we playin' at, everything we holdin', 745 00:47:05,458 --> 00:47:07,627 you can have it for real. 746 00:47:09,671 --> 00:47:11,965 You wanna fuck that up, that's on you. 747 00:47:12,925 --> 00:47:14,509 I can't carry that. 748 00:47:16,261 --> 00:47:18,013 Yo, Richie. 749 00:47:22,475 --> 00:47:23,769 Make sure she gets home. 750 00:47:24,644 --> 00:47:28,815 You need money for sneakers or whatever, give me a shout. 751 00:47:33,904 --> 00:47:35,906 I know where the door is. 752 00:47:48,627 --> 00:47:49,962 What up, rocket girl? 753 00:47:52,213 --> 00:47:53,840 I got booted, that's what. 754 00:47:53,966 --> 00:47:57,176 Well, Three-D got his own ideas about right and wrong, 755 00:47:57,302 --> 00:47:58,971 like he Robin Hood or something. 756 00:48:00,137 --> 00:48:01,180 And who are you? 757 00:48:01,932 --> 00:48:06,061 You wanna party, I'm the brother that's not gonna stop you. 758 00:48:08,814 --> 00:48:12,859 You know, 'cause you got those thick thighs on you, girl, like... 759 00:48:13,110 --> 00:48:15,361 Look good on a woman. Yeah. 760 00:48:15,946 --> 00:48:18,698 I usually go running and... 761 00:48:20,575 --> 00:48:23,328 Now, that dress, that's not doin' you any favors. 762 00:48:27,248 --> 00:48:28,667 Let's share. 763 00:48:36,883 --> 00:48:38,510 Thank you. 764 00:48:38,593 --> 00:48:41,346 Dude, $3 tip on a $67 tab? 765 00:48:41,471 --> 00:48:44,349 What, is 70 your lucky number or something? What is that? 766 00:48:45,851 --> 00:48:47,019 D-bag. 767 00:48:50,772 --> 00:48:51,773 What'll you have? 768 00:48:54,567 --> 00:48:55,568 This. 769 00:48:56,277 --> 00:48:57,988 I'm buying you a drink. 770 00:49:00,907 --> 00:49:02,951 Uh... Margarita? 771 00:49:04,619 --> 00:49:05,745 Okay. 772 00:49:11,376 --> 00:49:13,378 Let me ask you something. 773 00:49:15,047 --> 00:49:16,882 Do I seem pathetic to you? 774 00:49:17,340 --> 00:49:19,551 Before or after you asked that question? 775 00:49:21,011 --> 00:49:22,846 This is my first time out by myself. 776 00:49:24,472 --> 00:49:26,892 First time in a long time, I mean. 777 00:49:28,060 --> 00:49:34,024 And I just don't wanna be, you know, that guy. 778 00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:40,739 That guy? 779 00:49:42,281 --> 00:49:44,450 That guy's worth about $75 million. 780 00:49:45,618 --> 00:49:48,329 Yeah. He writes action movies about robots 781 00:49:48,413 --> 00:49:50,053 that turn into other robots, or something. 782 00:49:50,498 --> 00:49:51,624 And he tips well. 783 00:49:54,377 --> 00:49:55,754 You're doing just fine. 784 00:50:01,968 --> 00:50:02,969 Cheers. 785 00:50:03,095 --> 00:50:04,137 And to you. 786 00:50:10,810 --> 00:50:11,937 So what's your story? 787 00:50:15,941 --> 00:50:17,943 Jesus Christ. 788 00:50:18,110 --> 00:50:19,276 What? 789 00:50:19,945 --> 00:50:21,780 What's my story? 790 00:50:21,947 --> 00:50:23,782 I'm sorry, did I piss you off? 791 00:50:23,907 --> 00:50:26,283 No, you... Yes. 792 00:50:27,119 --> 00:50:28,411 Yes, I'm pissed off. 793 00:50:29,454 --> 00:50:32,082 Because, you're gorgeous. 794 00:50:33,541 --> 00:50:36,335 Your mouth is amazing. Your neck? 795 00:50:36,461 --> 00:50:38,755 My God, your ass looks great in those jeans. 796 00:50:38,838 --> 00:50:41,133 No offense, I'm sorry, I just... 797 00:50:41,216 --> 00:50:43,260 And I feel shitty for even looking at you. 798 00:50:43,342 --> 00:50:46,138 Because I have a fiancee. 799 00:50:48,389 --> 00:50:49,975 And you know what else I can't do? 800 00:50:51,226 --> 00:50:52,309 Look at her. 801 00:50:54,020 --> 00:50:55,897 Because she's in fucking prison. 802 00:50:56,606 --> 00:51:01,278 Yeah, yeah, because she did something stupid and crazy and... 803 00:51:02,988 --> 00:51:07,993 ...indicative of an ominously shaky moral compass. 804 00:51:08,118 --> 00:51:11,537 And as a result I am stuck here, alone, at this bar. 805 00:51:11,663 --> 00:51:14,499 Talking to you and enjoying it and feeling like an asshole. 806 00:51:17,836 --> 00:51:19,671 Polly was right. Fuck her. 807 00:51:29,430 --> 00:51:31,266 I'm gonna be in the New York Times. 808 00:51:42,652 --> 00:51:45,571 Track is back open. F-your-I. 809 00:51:45,697 --> 00:51:47,032 Pardon me? 810 00:51:48,033 --> 00:51:51,703 I'm reassigning Fischer, eight hours a week. Her request. 811 00:51:52,162 --> 00:51:54,664 Apparently, there's some film thing 812 00:51:54,789 --> 00:51:57,334 going around, 23 hours or whatever, 813 00:51:57,416 --> 00:52:01,880 says how exercise saves us bucks in the long term. 814 00:52:02,379 --> 00:52:05,633 Which appeals to you, 'cause you're chief bean-counter now, right? 815 00:52:06,634 --> 00:52:07,635 Uhh... 816 00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:10,305 Fig is gonna eat that shit up. 817 00:52:10,722 --> 00:52:12,563 You come up with this in a vision or something? 818 00:52:13,350 --> 00:52:16,811 It was all Fischer. Trust the woman, right? 819 00:52:18,395 --> 00:52:21,066 Doesn't threaten me to admit it, 820 00:52:21,233 --> 00:52:23,902 that is one smart piece of ass. 821 00:52:31,243 --> 00:52:34,579 No, no, no, no, no! Mi Diablo! No! 822 00:52:46,258 --> 00:52:47,759 Holy shit. 823 00:52:53,848 --> 00:52:55,267 Jesus Christ, Flores. 824 00:53:01,940 --> 00:53:05,484 That was the only place in this prison I could take a shit. Fuck! 825 00:53:06,736 --> 00:53:08,071 Fucking dios. 826 00:53:22,710 --> 00:53:25,462 You make them wait, it ain't gonna help. 827 00:53:38,726 --> 00:53:40,728 Have a seat, Miss Jefferson. 828 00:53:57,578 --> 00:54:00,665 Yo. Yo, you see that nigga face? 829 00:54:00,832 --> 00:54:02,499 Yo, Islam motherfucker got so much beard, 830 00:54:02,625 --> 00:54:04,385 he ain't seen his own face since high school. 831 00:54:04,461 --> 00:54:06,087 Ain't no Islam, he a Sikh. You racist. 832 00:54:08,131 --> 00:54:09,331 Hit the corner, hit the corner. 833 00:54:09,341 --> 00:54:10,581 We gonna lose 'em at the corner. 834 00:54:13,678 --> 00:54:15,347 Wait up, yo! Come on! 835 00:54:15,430 --> 00:54:18,057 I said, wait up. Don't be showin' off. 836 00:54:19,934 --> 00:54:21,894 Put your hands where I can see them! 837 00:54:22,603 --> 00:54:26,858 Get down on the ground. Get down on the ground! 838 00:54:27,192 --> 00:54:28,525 Okay, okay. 839 00:55:01,460 --> 00:55:03,728 This don't make us even. 840 00:55:06,231 --> 00:55:07,357 Okay. 841 00:55:33,049 --> 00:55:43,969 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 62264

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