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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,135 --> 00:00:08,885 In America, anyone can serve their country 2 00:00:08,910 --> 00:00:10,191 at the highest levels, 3 00:00:10,216 --> 00:00:12,659 no matter where you started from. 4 00:00:12,684 --> 00:00:15,009 Blanche Bruce was born a slave, 5 00:00:15,033 --> 00:00:17,159 but became a U.S. Senator 6 00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,186 just 10 years after the Civil War. 7 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,313 Honest Abe's first house 8 00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:24,357 was smaller than my sneaker closet, 9 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,819 but his last house was a little bit bigger. 10 00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:30,613 Jimmy Carter was a peanut farmer. 11 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:33,533 I'm gonna say it again... peanut farmer! 12 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,368 And he became President. 13 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,703 And more recently, 14 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,873 someone went from making margaritas in Manhattan 15 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,375 to making history in Congress. 16 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:46,045 Anyone can go from the outhouse to the White House, 17 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,173 no matter their background. 18 00:00:48,174 --> 00:00:50,049 You just have to have what it takes. 19 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,885 Great news, guys! 20 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:53,470 I'm running for Congress! 21 00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:55,680 You mean you're running from Congress. 22 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,599 At first, I wasn't sure I had what it takes, 23 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,225 but it turns out 24 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,227 a painting I won in a poker game 25 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,521 was by Jean-Michel Basqui-something. 26 00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:04,731 So I sold that, 27 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,066 and now I definitely have what it takes... 28 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:10,195 millions and millions of dollars. 29 00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:13,823 Ahh, I love the smell of democracy in the morning. 30 00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,618 Yep, anyone can run... 31 00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:17,620 damn it. 32 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,789 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 33 00:01:22,684 --> 00:01:25,004 What's your angle with this? Tax scam? 34 00:01:25,029 --> 00:01:26,794 Trying to launch your own TV network? What? 35 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,338 There's no angle. 36 00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:31,007 I just feel like this country's given me so much. 37 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,134 It seems like I can take a little more. 38 00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:35,428 Boss, I'd trust anyone whose ancestors 39 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,971 pushed someone off the Mayflower. 40 00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:39,224 You already have great name recognition. 41 00:01:39,225 --> 00:01:40,934 Your name's on the wall, my checks, 42 00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:42,560 all my business cards. 43 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,020 You support this, Charlie? 44 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,438 There's always room for one Black guy 45 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,606 in a campaign like this. 46 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,775 Bush had Powell, Trump had Carson, 47 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,361 Obama had... Obama. 48 00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:53,446 How did you even get on the ballot? 49 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:56,741 I'm a rich White man. I asked. 50 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:59,327 Gentlemen, I believe it's time 51 00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:01,829 for me to go get photographed with an eagle. 52 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,249 Careful with that bird. 53 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:06,417 He was a Christmas present from Ted Nugent. 54 00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:07,669 Aah! 55 00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:08,920 Run, Ginger! 56 00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:14,550 Well, you're never going to believe 57 00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,594 what Stevens says he's gonna do. 58 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:17,804 Hunt Josh for sport? 59 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,222 Fund a South American coup? 60 00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:20,598 De-integrate baseball? 61 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,725 Stop calling Inglewood a "basketball neighborhood"? 62 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:25,895 No, he's gonna run for Congress! 63 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,689 Oh. Well, that makes sense. 64 00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,691 How does that make sense? 65 00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:32,068 It's normal behavior for guys like him... 66 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,695 when the wiener pills stop working, 67 00:02:33,696 --> 00:02:35,071 they try to screw the country. 68 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:37,699 Problem is White men don't know how to be bored. 69 00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:39,993 That's why they're always opening up vineyards. 70 00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:41,953 Well, he's wasting his time. 71 00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:44,664 As soon as Ronan Farrow gets ahold of that folder 72 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,292 labeled "Do not show Ronan Farrow," 73 00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:48,167 it's over. 74 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,168 Well, I'm for it. 75 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,378 I'm in favor of anything 76 00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,755 that brings us closer to society breaking down. 77 00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:53,840 Don't get too excited. 78 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,341 Stevens doesn't stand a chance. 79 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,802 I wouldn't be so sure. 80 00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,888 A tall White man with all his original hair? 81 00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,474 He's already got my vote. 82 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,143 Mm-hmm. Mine too. 83 00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:07,145 I like that he's a bad person. 84 00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:10,732 A politician should be willing to get his hands dirty. 85 00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:12,817 Marion Barry bought crack. 86 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,862 You tellin' me he can't handle the parks department? 87 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:19,073 Guys, you really think Stevens can get elected? 88 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,908 Dad, I am totally with you. 89 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,493 What are his chances? 90 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,746 He's sexist, out of touch, 91 00:03:24,747 --> 00:03:26,539 completely amoral... 92 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,124 Oh, God. 93 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,334 He's gonna win. 94 00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:30,543 You're probably right, Jack. 95 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,502 I'm Junior. 96 00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:32,754 Uh, sorry. 97 00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:34,130 Kind of been on my own show. 98 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,882 Anyway, money talks, 99 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,217 and there's never been more of it in politics. 100 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,136 Thank you, Citizens United. 101 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,138 - That's a soccer team. - No, it's not. 102 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,515 Oh, sorry, "football" team. 103 00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:46,267 Aww, buddy. 104 00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,685 Citizens United was a court case 105 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:48,936 that removed limits 106 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,564 on how much corporations can spend on elections. 107 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,774 Mm-hmm. 108 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,817 Makes it harder for regular folks to win. 109 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,361 Sure, it's harder, 110 00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:57,612 but grassroots candidates 111 00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:58,988 are running all across the country. 112 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,531 People are energized. 113 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:01,949 When you have ideas 114 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,701 and the support of the people, no opponent... 115 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,953 no matter how much money they have... can stop you. 116 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,747 An inspirational candidate 117 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,957 can ignite the will of the voters, 118 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,710 fulfilling the true promise of democracy. 119 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,006 You almost had me there. 120 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:19,675 "True promise of democracy." 121 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:20,927 That's good, Bow. 122 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,388 All right. Who else wants pizza? 123 00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:26,641 You know Stevens has settled eight paternity suits? 124 00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,059 I didn't even have to dig. 125 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,644 He's on Twitter bragging about it. 126 00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:33,439 Guys, we're dropping McDonald's, Coca-Cola, and Disney. 127 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,358 We've got a new, bigger client... 128 00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:36,193 moi. 129 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:41,489 We are gonna make so much money off of me. 130 00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,490 First things first. 131 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,367 Josh, purchase me some blue jeans 132 00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,619 so I look approachable to the lower classes. 133 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,079 I will order something 134 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,789 from the Brett Favre collection, sir. 135 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,708 Okay, this is too much. 136 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,376 What do you mean? 137 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:55,169 I don't know what he stands for, 138 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:57,004 and I don't think it should be my job 139 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,464 to support his ego trip. 140 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,383 I'm starting to get uncomfortable with all of this. 141 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:01,634 All right, everybody. 142 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,845 I'm gonna need you all to come with me, 143 00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,389 especially Dre and Charlie. 144 00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:07,807 Why? 145 00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,436 Okay. 146 00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,479 I'm definitely uncomfortable with this. 147 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,106 Come on, Dre. 148 00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,774 We got the best seats in the house. 149 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,484 The camera can see us and everything. 150 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,570 I'm a tough business leader. 151 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,947 My opponents are asking, 152 00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:25,908 "What does a wealthy man know about the common man?" 153 00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:28,161 See for yourselves! 154 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,455 Those are the new Favres! 155 00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:32,206 I'm very accustomed to dungaree trousers. 156 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,375 Why are these people clapping? 157 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,002 He doesn't believe in anything. 158 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,880 This is just a joke to him! 159 00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,215 The right person can fulfill 160 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,468 the true promise of democracy. 161 00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:45,303 Do you think I'm the right person? 162 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,013 No, Taylor Swift is. 163 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,140 Of course it's you, Negro! 164 00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:50,641 - Do something! - ...first order of business 165 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,185 will be to eliminate taxes 166 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,603 on privately owned submarines. 167 00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,188 Yo, Stevens! 168 00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:56,731 You know, I'm really happy for you. 169 00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:59,192 I'mma let you finish, but I'm running. 170 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:02,153 Andre Johnson is running for Congress! 171 00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:04,697 Lock him up! 172 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,699 Lock him up! 173 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,618 Lock him up! 174 00:06:10,316 --> 00:06:12,128 You're running for Congress? 175 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:13,515 You said it yourself... 176 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,916 the right person can win. 177 00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:17,335 Yeah, but I was talking about a teacher or a nurse 178 00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:20,546 or a stunning anesthesiologist. 179 00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:23,090 What made you think you were the man for the job? 180 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,592 Because I'm looking at you right now, 181 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:25,843 and you are not. 182 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,011 Yeah. 183 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,346 You always say the news 184 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,056 should be replaced with another ESPN. 185 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,641 And I stand by that. 186 00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:34,268 But I still understand how real people live 187 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:36,020 better than somebody who's never known 188 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,271 what it's like to pay rent. 189 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,649 Isn't that what we want from politicians? 190 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:42,360 Politicians should also read up on what the job is. 191 00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:45,613 Like, um, what district are you running for, Dad? 192 00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:46,906 This one? 193 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,991 Look, I've been thinking. 194 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:51,786 All Americans want the same things, right? 195 00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,162 A life of dignity, 196 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,832 where they can provide a future for their children. 197 00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:58,292 There may be different ways to achieve that, 198 00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,545 but if we hold on to an idea 199 00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:03,381 that unites us more than divides us, 200 00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:06,509 then we can really start to solve problems. 201 00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,177 Now, I've had a little bit to drink, 202 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,679 but if I had my eyes closed, 203 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,514 I'd have thought that was Obama speaking. 204 00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:14,183 Yeah, a better-looking, smarter Obama. 205 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,977 Ain't that right, baby? 206 00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:17,478 I don't know about this, Dre. 207 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:18,980 Bow, I'm serious. 208 00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,815 This is important. 209 00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:22,733 Without honest people in D.C., 210 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,278 how can we expect things to get better? 211 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:28,364 And I can't do this on my own. 212 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:29,616 Be my Michelle. 213 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,873 Tell us who you're wearing! 214 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,041 Who am I wearing? 215 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:42,128 My own label, of course. 216 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,255 Hey, Jay and Bey! 217 00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:45,756 Aw, you guys left Blue Ivy at my house, 218 00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,091 and now she doesn't want to leave. 219 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:49,343 Can we get a comment 220 00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,928 on the tragic death of your husband 221 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,638 by barbecue-induced heart explosion? 222 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,141 It's a sad day for our family, 223 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,310 but a bright day for America 224 00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,353 because I am now president. 225 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,731 And I'll also be my own Surgeon General. 226 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,940 Let's do this! 227 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,693 Yes, we can, Dre. 228 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,362 Oh, yes, we can. 229 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,364 Great! Can I be your campaign manager? 230 00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:12,992 I know all about the election process. 231 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,744 I even read "No Stoppin' the Populace" 232 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,746 by George Stephanopoulos. 233 00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,956 Just hire him. 234 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,791 Fine. 235 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,710 My family had my back, 236 00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,920 and I was ready to get to work. 237 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,547 Junior surprised everybody 238 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,481 by setting up a call with Stacey Abrams. 239 00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:31,473 Hello, Dre. 240 00:08:31,498 --> 00:08:32,762 I'm so happy to be talking to you today 241 00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:34,639 about mail-in voting. 242 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,224 What? I thought we were talking about my campaign. 243 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,560 I may have lied to both of you, 244 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,937 but since we're here and the data's free, 245 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,065 I don't see why we both can't get 246 00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,399 what we want out of this call. 247 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,861 Okay, look, Stacey Abrams, I'm running for Congress. 248 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,321 I want to change the system, 249 00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:51,890 but I'm not sure where to start. 250 00:08:51,915 --> 00:08:53,687 Running for office is a lot of work, 251 00:08:53,712 --> 00:08:55,004 mostly fundraising. 252 00:08:55,029 --> 00:08:56,869 To beat the big money you're up against, 253 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,287 you'll need community support. 254 00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,538 Knock on doors, talk at churches 255 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,551 and union meetings. 256 00:09:00,576 --> 00:09:01,791 And that'll be enough? 257 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,000 Oh, definitely not. 258 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,653 So I can't imagine you pulling it off. 259 00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:07,129 I was looking for more of a pep talk. 260 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,423 Um... you've lost weight? 261 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,676 Well, thank you, Stacey Abrams. 262 00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:12,803 Wait a second. 263 00:09:12,828 --> 00:09:14,521 How would you know? We just met. 264 00:09:14,546 --> 00:09:15,879 I don't need to know you 265 00:09:15,904 --> 00:09:18,447 to tell you that we need everyone to vote early. 266 00:09:18,472 --> 00:09:19,982 The important thing is making sure 267 00:09:20,007 --> 00:09:21,924 your voice is heard this November. 268 00:09:21,949 --> 00:09:24,730 Oh, that is not a problem for him. 269 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,899 He is a very loud man. 270 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,067 Don't you embarrass me 271 00:09:28,092 --> 00:09:29,714 in front of Stacey Abrams, boy! 272 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,627 Hey, Stacey Abrams, can I get an endorsement? 273 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,365 Sorry, Georgia earthquake. 274 00:09:35,390 --> 00:09:36,826 Rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble. 275 00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:38,244 B-Best of luck. 276 00:09:39,802 --> 00:09:43,513 After getting Stacey Abrams' implicit endorsement, 277 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,252 I decided to follow her advice and hit the streets. 278 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,798 Look at the cute little, wittle baby with the... 279 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:51,882 Ow! 280 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,518 Hi, neighbor. 281 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,103 I'm Janine Greenstein. 282 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,229 I just wanted to talk to you about... 283 00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,522 Ohh! 284 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,065 Dre Johnson for Congress. 285 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,192 Huh. 286 00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,819 That kind of worked. 287 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,279 Get up, Janine. 288 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,489 We've got 30 more houses to hit. 289 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,245 I landed on a cactus. 290 00:10:17,270 --> 00:10:19,535 Look, I'm not afraid 291 00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,245 to answer that question, Desus and Mero. 292 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,080 When I'm in office, 293 00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:26,125 my term is going to be about making the tough calls. 294 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,960 So here we go... 295 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,462 garlic Parmesan, Cajun, 296 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:30,504 and number one is lemon pepper. 297 00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,173 Hold up, my guy! 298 00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,340 Buffalo doesn't even crack the top three 299 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:34,592 in your wing ranking? 300 00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:35,801 Are you serious? 301 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,219 Nope. Not for me. 302 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,471 I'm losing my mind right now. 303 00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:39,722 I respect that. That's bold. 304 00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:40,681 But are you a ranch 305 00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:41,849 or are you a bleu cheese kind of dude? 306 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,934 Um... 307 00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:46,520 Say bleu cheese, you'll look like an elitist. 308 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:47,688 If you say ranch, 309 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,565 the voters will know you're pandering. 310 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,609 How are you gonna get out of this one, Dad? 311 00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,486 You know, I get both. 312 00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:55,780 I like to dip the drumettes in the ranch 313 00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:57,698 and the flats in the bleu. 314 00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,200 Much like America, 315 00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:01,827 I believe in a blending of flavors. 316 00:11:01,852 --> 00:11:02,872 Yes! 317 00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:05,748 Spoken like a true man of the people, Dre. 318 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,041 You got my vote, man. 319 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,250 I got to vote for him, as well. 320 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,712 Then the hologram of Biggie 321 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:13,631 hugs the hologram of Tupac. 322 00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,925 Then they both introduce Kendrick Lamar, 323 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,551 who introduces me. 324 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,095 Do we have the budget for that? 325 00:11:19,096 --> 00:11:21,889 We have the budget for... 326 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,724 a poster! 327 00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,810 Well, well, well... 328 00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:28,395 if it isn't my enemy. 329 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:29,730 I notice you've been making some headway, 330 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,941 but I've got just the thing for that. 331 00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:35,517 Andre Johnson has over a hundred pairs of shoes. 332 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,321 What's he running from? 333 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,739 Can we trust a man 334 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,047 who still lives with his parents? 335 00:11:41,072 --> 00:11:44,161 Face it... Andre Johnson is out of his depth. 336 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,330 And he can't even swim. 337 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,666 Paid for by the powerful friends of Leslie Stevens. 338 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,044 Outstanding! 339 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,129 Notes, anybody? 340 00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:55,297 Can we make it race-baitier? 341 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,173 We'll save the race-baiting stuff 342 00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,675 for social-media pudding. 343 00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,510 - You can't air that. - Thank you. 344 00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,262 Not until you switch the last photo 345 00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:02,680 to black and white 346 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:05,266 and slow-zoom on his mouth to make him look scarier. 347 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:06,684 Whose side are you on? 348 00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:10,271 I'm on the side of becoming Secretary of Transportation. 349 00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:12,606 Gonna finally get my Celica out the pound. 350 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:13,816 You know what? 351 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,401 I refuse to respond to this. 352 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:16,694 I've got integrity. 353 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,779 When you go low, I go high. 354 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,072 Great. 355 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,490 While you go high, 356 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,450 we'll be going to my $20,000-a-plate 357 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:24,660 fundraising dinner. 358 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:27,580 My campaign will have made enough money to crush you 359 00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:29,540 by the time they serve the koala steaks. 360 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,294 Okay. 361 00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,296 So, the next time I get you a radio interview, 362 00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,505 try not to say, 363 00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:38,048 "Does anyone still listen to this?" 364 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,759 Psst! Yo, bro. 365 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,137 Charlie? Is that you? 366 00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:44,138 Look, man, they told you, 367 00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,139 if you're gonna sleep in the car, 368 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,891 it has to be your own. 369 00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,809 Hey, man. You're Dre Johnson, right? 370 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,895 I'm a huge fan. 371 00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,229 Look, I heard through the grapevine... 372 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,439 and I have not been bugging your phone... 373 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,357 that your campaign could use some funding, 374 00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,234 and it just so happens I've got a check 375 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,694 with your name written all over it, dogg. 376 00:12:58,695 --> 00:12:59,945 - Who are you? - Come on, man. 377 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,197 Why does that matter? I'm just a friend... 378 00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:02,406 a friend with some money. 379 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,241 Where's this money coming from? 380 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:05,367 Where's this money coming from? 381 00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:06,744 C'mon, Dre, you got so many questions. 382 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:07,745 It's all good, baby. 383 00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,205 This is just one stranger 384 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,998 speaking to another stranger in a garage 385 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,917 about funding his campaign with a bunch of money. 386 00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:15,502 Why you gotta be so weird about this? 387 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,046 Unh-unh. 388 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,340 No one ever gives you something for nothing. 389 00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:20,424 Learned that the hard way 390 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:21,967 when I took a couch off the curb 391 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,636 and it was full of earwigs. 392 00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:24,678 So, what's the catch? 393 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,764 There's no catch. I just want to help. 394 00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,390 You take some money, do some evil, 395 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,017 next thing you know, you're in Congress. 396 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,061 Did you just say "do some evil"? 397 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,562 Why would I say "do some evil" 398 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,189 if I really wanted you to do some evil, dogg? 399 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,440 I do want you to do evil, though. 400 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,399 But why would I say that? 401 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,943 That's weird. C'mon, man. 402 00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:40,444 - I'm good. - All right, all right, all right. 403 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:42,780 Here, take my card. 404 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:44,032 Give me a call if you change your mind. We can do some evil. 405 00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:48,327 Guy didn't even get into a car. 406 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,829 Just went right back into the shadows. 407 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,206 Hello. I'm calling from 408 00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:54,667 the Andre Johnson for Congress campa... 409 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:57,920 Uh, well, that's not a very nice thing to say to a child. 410 00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,213 I have your phone number. 411 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,965 You think I don't have your address? 412 00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:02,424 My dad's running for Congress. 413 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,926 Can we have some money? 414 00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,844 Oh, so if I send you 50 bucks, 415 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,388 you'll send back 100? 416 00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:08,639 That's a great deal. 417 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,933 And how is the fish prepared? 418 00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:14,186 Yum. Let me get two orders. 419 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,355 Yeah, you can charge it to the campaign. 420 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,607 There he is! 421 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,192 Good news, Dre. 422 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,360 Well, I need it. 423 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,320 Some shady dude just tried to bribe me. 424 00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:25,531 Well, you're not gonna need his money 425 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,658 'cause... drum roll, please... 426 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:31,704 today, we raised almost $600. 427 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:32,757 $600? 428 00:14:32,782 --> 00:14:35,165 That's not even enough for our campaign mailers. 429 00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:36,583 And, actually, that was the good news. 430 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,293 Because there's bad news, too. 431 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,380 Stevens just dropped this. 432 00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,757 Andre Johnson's running for Congress? 433 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,138 Andre Johnson, not I, 434 00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,764 crashed my Toyota Celica 435 00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,391 through the window of a doughnut shop. 436 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,019 He does not follow the five-second rule. 437 00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,146 You sold me out, son? 438 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:59,898 So if I dropped a hot dog right now, 439 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,316 you're not gonna eat it? 440 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,360 I probably would. 441 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,987 Look, maybe a lot of people 442 00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,864 won't see that Stevens ad. 443 00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,491 Well, they'll probably see this. 444 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:13,662 Smart. 445 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,122 It's not technically slander 446 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,582 if it's written as a question. 447 00:15:17,661 --> 00:15:19,585 I was starting to realize 448 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,211 it was going to take more than my beliefs 449 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,629 to get into Washington. 450 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:25,382 Without money, I was in trouble. 451 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,342 ...preserve, protect, 452 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,220 and defend the Constitution of the United States, 453 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,014 so help me God. 454 00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:34,183 Time's up, Canada. 455 00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:42,691 Nooooooo! 456 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:50,074 Hey, I've thought about your offer, 457 00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:51,575 and I'm in. 458 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,535 Ooh, this is Dre Johnson. 459 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,072 Please give me dirty money. 460 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,857 If I'd learned anything, 461 00:15:58,882 --> 00:16:02,332 it's that I needed to go all-in to beat Stevens. 462 00:16:02,357 --> 00:16:03,378 Here it is. 463 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,089 Leslie Stevens thinks 464 00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,615 you're too old to vote. 465 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:11,184 Why else hasn't he come out against a maximum voting age? 466 00:16:11,210 --> 00:16:13,503 Maybe it's because he supports them. 467 00:16:13,589 --> 00:16:15,632 Leslie Stevens... 468 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:19,590 wrong for Grandpa, Grandma, and America. 469 00:16:19,658 --> 00:16:22,452 I'm Andre Johnson, and I approve this message. 470 00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:25,875 Riling up the elderly for personal gain?! 471 00:16:25,907 --> 00:16:27,719 I've never been more proud, son. 472 00:16:27,744 --> 00:16:30,536 It's running during every local news broadcast. 473 00:16:30,537 --> 00:16:33,497 What happened to "When they go low, we go high"? 474 00:16:33,498 --> 00:16:35,624 That attitude is for losers. 475 00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:37,251 Michelle Obama said it. 476 00:16:37,252 --> 00:16:39,336 And how many elections has she won? 477 00:16:39,337 --> 00:16:41,463 What about the issues you said you cared about? 478 00:16:41,464 --> 00:16:43,716 I haven't forgotten dignity and all that crap. 479 00:16:43,717 --> 00:16:45,175 It's just first things first. 480 00:16:45,176 --> 00:16:46,427 Ugh. 481 00:16:46,428 --> 00:16:48,053 I can call him a sellout, right? 482 00:16:48,054 --> 00:16:50,222 Guys, I know it's not a good look, 483 00:16:50,223 --> 00:16:51,348 but you've got to trust me. 484 00:16:51,349 --> 00:16:53,600 This money is just a means to an end, 485 00:16:53,601 --> 00:16:55,185 and it'll all be worth it 486 00:16:55,186 --> 00:16:57,563 when I beat Stevens and save a grateful nation. 487 00:16:57,564 --> 00:16:59,481 Next up, is your home toxic? 488 00:16:59,482 --> 00:17:02,776 Unh-unh! Put that local news back on. 489 00:17:02,777 --> 00:17:05,029 I want to know what the silent killer is 490 00:17:05,030 --> 00:17:06,530 lurking under my sink. 491 00:17:07,866 --> 00:17:09,324 Drizzy Dre. 492 00:17:09,325 --> 00:17:13,328 Looking like $9,457.78 in that suit we bought you. 493 00:17:13,329 --> 00:17:15,122 That's very specific. 494 00:17:15,123 --> 00:17:16,331 I got a speech for you to read, my man. 495 00:17:16,332 --> 00:17:17,916 I've already got a speech. 496 00:17:17,917 --> 00:17:20,044 - Does it begin "My fellow Americans"? - Yeah. 497 00:17:20,045 --> 00:17:21,211 Well, then it's basically the same speech. 498 00:17:21,212 --> 00:17:23,255 Trust me, it's the least you could do for us, Dre, 499 00:17:23,256 --> 00:17:25,049 after we paid for your ads, this rally. 500 00:17:25,050 --> 00:17:26,383 Come on, baby, we're looking out for you. 501 00:17:26,384 --> 00:17:28,844 Now, look, the new speech will be up on the teleprompter. 502 00:17:28,845 --> 00:17:31,096 - You can read, right? - Of course I can. 503 00:17:31,097 --> 00:17:33,057 Look at you, just breaking down stereotypes. 504 00:17:33,058 --> 00:17:34,183 I told you he could read. 505 00:17:34,184 --> 00:17:35,642 C'mon, Dre, let's get out there and kill 'em. 506 00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:37,519 Your next congressperson, 507 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,022 Andre Johnson! 508 00:17:45,195 --> 00:17:46,881 My fellow Americans, 509 00:17:46,906 --> 00:17:49,716 I stand before you today to promise 510 00:17:49,741 --> 00:17:51,408 that when I'm elected, 511 00:17:51,409 --> 00:17:53,452 I will sponsor legislation 512 00:17:53,453 --> 00:17:56,288 to help the working people of this country, 513 00:17:56,289 --> 00:17:59,333 everyday people like you. 514 00:17:59,334 --> 00:18:04,254 Thus I promise to vote to slash taxes on business, 515 00:18:04,255 --> 00:18:07,132 provide subsidies to clean tobacco... 516 00:18:08,385 --> 00:18:11,345 Teleprompter man, can you scroll down a little? 517 00:18:11,346 --> 00:18:13,722 I, Andre Johnson, 518 00:18:13,723 --> 00:18:17,184 will end the tyranny of national parks, 519 00:18:17,185 --> 00:18:19,520 militarize the fire department? 520 00:18:19,521 --> 00:18:21,105 What is this? 521 00:18:25,485 --> 00:18:27,653 I can't do this. 522 00:18:27,654 --> 00:18:31,448 Look, when you have to take millions from private interests 523 00:18:31,449 --> 00:18:33,158 just to run, 524 00:18:33,159 --> 00:18:35,911 there's no way principles can come first. 525 00:18:35,912 --> 00:18:37,830 - Even an honest man doesn't stand a chance. - Damn. His integrity's back. 526 00:18:37,831 --> 00:18:39,206 Let's shut it down, guys. 527 00:18:39,207 --> 00:18:41,708 - The system is set up so that... - Could have had it all, Dre. 528 00:18:41,709 --> 00:18:42,751 Do you know how hard it was 529 00:18:42,752 --> 00:18:44,545 for me to find a jacket in a 48 Short? 530 00:18:44,546 --> 00:18:46,213 That was made by children, 531 00:18:46,214 --> 00:18:48,549 working all night... maskless. 532 00:18:48,550 --> 00:18:49,758 And it's not about 533 00:18:49,759 --> 00:18:52,094 whether you're a Democrat or a Republican. 534 00:18:52,095 --> 00:18:54,513 Money corrupts the best of us. 535 00:18:54,514 --> 00:18:55,931 I know. 536 00:18:55,932 --> 00:18:58,308 I'm the best, and it corrupted me. 537 00:18:58,309 --> 00:18:59,560 It did! 538 00:18:59,561 --> 00:19:00,769 Huh? 539 00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:02,938 People, we need to reduce 540 00:19:02,939 --> 00:19:05,023 corporate influence on politics, 541 00:19:05,024 --> 00:19:07,776 stop unlimited money in campaigns, 542 00:19:07,777 --> 00:19:11,113 and keep track of where funds are coming from. 543 00:19:11,114 --> 00:19:13,449 You can take my stage. 544 00:19:13,450 --> 00:19:15,033 Mm. 545 00:19:15,034 --> 00:19:18,412 You can take the clothes off my back. 546 00:19:18,413 --> 00:19:20,747 But you will never take my voice. 547 00:19:22,709 --> 00:19:23,834 Hmm. 548 00:19:25,628 --> 00:19:27,337 - Mm. - Aah! 549 00:19:31,092 --> 00:19:34,094 I'm sorry you all had to see me in my shame. 550 00:19:34,095 --> 00:19:37,097 And people wonder why I never come home anymore. 551 00:19:37,098 --> 00:19:39,266 Guess I blew my chances at Congress, 552 00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:41,685 but at least I stood up for what I believe in. 553 00:19:41,686 --> 00:19:43,353 Oh, babe. 554 00:19:43,354 --> 00:19:44,897 You didn't do that at all. 555 00:19:44,898 --> 00:19:46,857 It's Stacey Abrams. 556 00:19:46,858 --> 00:19:48,317 Just checking in to see how it went. 557 00:19:48,318 --> 00:19:49,943 Great, great. 558 00:19:49,944 --> 00:19:52,237 I mean, I stood up for what I believed in, 559 00:19:52,238 --> 00:19:54,531 and then everyone saw my nuggets, 560 00:19:54,532 --> 00:19:56,116 but otherwise great. 561 00:19:56,117 --> 00:19:58,035 What? 562 00:19:58,036 --> 00:19:59,661 An average guy like me 563 00:19:59,662 --> 00:20:01,916 doesn't stand a shot against big money. 564 00:20:01,941 --> 00:20:04,166 It's true. The campaign with the most money 565 00:20:04,167 --> 00:20:05,501 wins most of the time. 566 00:20:05,502 --> 00:20:07,294 But there are passionate people 567 00:20:07,295 --> 00:20:09,546 who have dedicated their lives to making change. 568 00:20:09,547 --> 00:20:11,048 They're the ones who are gonna break through 569 00:20:11,049 --> 00:20:12,174 and beat the system. 570 00:20:12,175 --> 00:20:14,176 It's David versus Goliath. 571 00:20:14,177 --> 00:20:17,054 But never forget, in that story, David wins. 572 00:20:17,055 --> 00:20:19,681 Stacey Abrams was right. 573 00:20:19,682 --> 00:20:21,350 The odds may seem long, 574 00:20:21,351 --> 00:20:24,228 but with regular folks like teachers and activists 575 00:20:24,229 --> 00:20:27,064 and mechanics and librarians getting into politics 576 00:20:27,065 --> 00:20:29,233 and fighting for the common person, 577 00:20:29,234 --> 00:20:31,568 we can look forward to a future 578 00:20:31,569 --> 00:20:34,363 where our government actually looks like America. 579 00:20:34,364 --> 00:20:37,032 Should I keep up the fight like Stacey Abrams? 580 00:20:37,033 --> 00:20:38,909 Uh, it hasn't been great. 581 00:20:38,910 --> 00:20:40,452 You're wearing a trash bag. 582 00:20:40,453 --> 00:20:41,745 Half a trash bag. 583 00:20:41,746 --> 00:20:44,623 I... can't turn around. 584 00:20:44,648 --> 00:20:46,504 My God, please don't turn around. 585 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,772 And it appears business owner Leslie Stevens 586 00:20:50,797 --> 00:20:52,172 loses by one point 587 00:20:52,173 --> 00:20:54,741 to unhinged billionaire Thad Hearst-Kennedy, 588 00:20:54,766 --> 00:20:56,885 who outspent Stevens 10 to 1. 589 00:20:56,886 --> 00:20:58,262 We did it. 590 00:20:58,263 --> 00:21:01,974 Together, we will rise up and reinforce the system. 591 00:21:01,975 --> 00:21:04,851 It's disgraceful that someone with more money 592 00:21:04,852 --> 00:21:08,522 can just waltz in on a lark and buy his way into power. 593 00:21:08,523 --> 00:21:11,608 What kind of country is this anymore? 594 00:21:11,609 --> 00:21:13,485 If we hadn't just renounced our citizenship 595 00:21:13,486 --> 00:21:16,697 for tax purposes, I would be horrified. 596 00:21:16,698 --> 00:21:17,907 Hmm! 597 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:23,110 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 42161

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