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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:05,704 Brian: Hi. 2 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:09,274 The question I get asked, more than any other by far is, 3 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:12,644 what's it like to work with So-and-So. 4 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:15,614 The answers are often interchangeable general compliments 5 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,483 that give little, if any information 6 00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:20,085 about the actual experience. 7 00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:24,590 What is it really like to work with Sylvester Stallone? 8 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,325 Arnold Schwarzenegger? 9 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,227 Steven Segal? 10 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:32,297 What is it like to work with JCVD? 11 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:36,468 The title for this movie could have been WILT WW. 12 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:40,406 What's it like to work with... 13 00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,475 This movie isn't going to tell you. 14 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:46,745 It's going to show you my impression of what it's like 15 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,381 to be on the set with So-and-So. 16 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,617 We've combined traits of these action stars and 17 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:55,354 a few others into one fictional character. 18 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,090 The great Vardell Duseldorfer. 19 00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:01,560 His friends simply call him VD. 20 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,463 Much of what you're about to see, I actually witnessed. 21 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:07,099 And as they say on TV, the names have been changed 22 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,802 so the guilty won't sue you. 23 00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:15,541 And so, to my aforementioned muses, thank you. 24 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:21,547 Now, let's find out what it's like to work with So-and-So. 25 00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:26,885 (80s-style hard rock guitar music) 26 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,285 (applause from television) 27 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,387 Tara: Welcome to Excess Hollywood! 28 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,956 Studio singers: �Excess Hollywood 29 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,925 Tara: Lots of dirt, no cleanup! 30 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,660 (laughter) 31 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,562 Tara: I'm your host, Tara Grey. 32 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:43,562 (applause and cheering) 33 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:49,568 Tara: On the comeback trail, the great Vardell Duseldorfer. 34 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,671 (applause and cheering) 35 00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:56,341 Tara: His adoring fans who often 36 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:59,645 contract his uberlong name to VD, 37 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,480 some things defy explanation. 38 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,716 But one thing is for sure, his fans do love him. 39 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,885 First VD fan: I love VD. 40 00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:09,821 Second VD fan: I've been a fan of VD for 17 years. 41 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,924 Third VD fan: Keep it comin', stay off the hook, 42 00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:14,459 stay hot with the people, this how we do it! 43 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:17,629 Fourth VD fan: To have VD is to love VD. 44 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,199 I've been a VD fan for 52 years. 45 00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:21,433 (laughter) 46 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,669 Ralek: You can say what you want about Vardell, 47 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,738 but he got where he is because of one reason. 48 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,407 He's the great VD. 49 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,909 Redheaded child: My momma told me that VD was a disease. 50 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:35,581 Video guy: Duseldorfer, number, number one! 51 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:36,915 (laughter) 52 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:39,685 Tara: The embarrassed ubernatorial has wandered 53 00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,987 once again in front of a camera. 54 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:45,724 Uzbekistan apparently wishes to play host to VD, 55 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,893 and welcomes him with open arms, 56 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,029 if not a nice, warm petri dish. 57 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:54,466 (toilet flushing) 58 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,868 Tara: What might the Uzbekis expect? 59 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,637 Well, let's hear from some stars 60 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,906 who've had some experience with VD. 61 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,641 Mr. Kove? 62 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,476 Martin: I don't kiss and tell. 63 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:07,479 Especially when it involves something as personal as VD. 64 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:08,780 (laughter) 65 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,316 Tara: I know, how about a Herculean quote 66 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,652 from Mr. Kevin Sorbo himself. 67 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:18,023 Kevin: Working and Duseldorfer. 68 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:22,928 It's kind of an oxymoron. 69 00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,764 Or a moron disguised as an ox. 70 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,466 No, don't, don't use that one. 71 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,634 I got a better one. (laughter) 72 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,969 Working with Duseldorfer. 73 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:34,039 It was sort of like juggling water. 74 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,974 You never really get the balls in the air 75 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:39,478 and you have to clean up afterwards. 76 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,747 VD: Oh, nice shot, Kevin. 77 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,449 Tara: Who would have thought that 78 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,985 the former bodybuilder's small... (laughter) 79 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:51,890 Time in office would be punctuated a maid escapade. 80 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,293 Tara: (imitating Duseldorfer) I was just trying to show her 81 00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:58,397 how to work off the large fold of fat the tummy bellyflap. 82 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,799 And it just slipped in! 83 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:04,436 Yeah it was accident! 84 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,773 And poof, it made a baby! 85 00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:10,375 (buzzer) 86 00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:12,444 Vardell: Fuck you, Tara. 87 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,446 Tara: We can support his support of moms, 88 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,315 and public breastfeeding. 89 00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:17,783 Tara: (imitating Vardell) More public breastfeeding! 90 00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:20,052 More public breastfeeding! 91 00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:23,722 Tara: But what about his bill to get goldfish, 92 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:27,492 yes, uh-huh, goldfish in every home? 93 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,428 Vardell: Not the goldfish! 94 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:30,896 Tara: (imitating Vardell) Goldfish propagation 95 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:35,000 reduces the greenhouse gases and helps the children relax! 96 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,369 (buzzer) 97 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,404 Vardell: You made goldfish dirty. 98 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:41,139 Tara: The movie that made him go into politics 99 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:44,543 in the first place was that Fascist Time Machine 100 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,612 wreck that detonated more than his fragile career. 101 00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:49,648 (bomb exploding) (laughter) 102 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,717 Vardell: That was the director's fault! 103 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:55,153 Tara: So can dysfunction be dysfunctional? 104 00:05:55,155 --> 00:06:00,158 Has the expendable actor, yes, expendable actor 105 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,661 passed his expiration date? 106 00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,496 It's not looking good for our hero. 107 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,465 Possible movie trailer voice. 108 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,033 Thank you. 109 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,803 Will our hero make it out alive? 110 00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:15,741 (determined, dramatic music) 111 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:19,411 VD: Oooo, you think it's easy to make a movie? 112 00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:21,913 You sit there in your thong and your 113 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,583 air conditioner and you judge me! 114 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,518 I'd like to see you crawl through mud. 115 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,888 Sweat, work 20 hours a day. 116 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,792 I tell you, Hard Time on Mars will make more 117 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,894 money than you can count to! 118 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,629 I show you! 119 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,065 I show you!!! 120 00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:48,407 I show you. 121 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,710 (gunshot) 122 00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:56,715 I did not retire, I got extension. 123 00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:07,859 (VD groaning) 124 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:13,231 (breathing heavily) 125 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:17,969 (saxophone music) 126 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,954 (clippers buzzing) 127 00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:49,501 (VDlaughs) 128 00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:56,541 VD: Old, young, old, young. 129 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,485 VD: Retired. 130 00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,687 Not retired. 131 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,622 (clippers buzzing) 132 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:18,997 VD: You! 133 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,765 Will direct. 134 00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:25,504 Hmm. 135 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,806 I will direct. 136 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,542 Hmm. 137 00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:34,112 Studio singers: �Excess Hollywood 138 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,182 Tara: Can our favorite rehabinator rekindle 139 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,751 his past and extend his career? 140 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,087 Will he "be back?" 141 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:45,657 Will Hard Time on Mars be the spark VD needs? 142 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,193 Or just hard time? 143 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:51,530 Should we wish the Uzbekistanis luck? 144 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,564 Or send them penicillin? 145 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,100 Only time will tell. 146 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,608 Intercom voice: VD 10 yards and closing. 147 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,976 AD: Quiet on the set! 148 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:09,014 [Ne mana] our director Vardell Dusel-dorfer 149 00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,215 has come to join us. 150 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,551 (applause) 151 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,688 Vardell: Thank you! 152 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:17,923 [unintelligible] 153 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,791 Thank you! 154 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,260 Action! 155 00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:25,230 (light sabers buzzing) 156 00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:41,746 (Sir Jeffrey groans) 157 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,616 Unidentified man: Nicely done, thank you. 158 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:47,586 Thank you very much. 159 00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:53,858 AD: VD? 160 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,794 VD: What? 161 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,629 AD: What're you doin' sir? 162 00:09:58,731 --> 00:09:59,965 VD: We need more rock. 163 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:00,865 AD: What? 164 00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,702 VD: We need more rock. 165 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,336 AD: Where? 166 00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,304 VD: There. 167 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,906 AD: VD, you know, we have 168 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:10,709 set decorators that do that. 169 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,777 VD: I like set decorating. 170 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,713 AD: Yes, sir, so what about the fight? 171 00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,716 VD: Uh, what about it? 172 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,317 AD: Can we lock it? 173 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,019 Vardell: Lock? 174 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,121 AD: Lock means that we're not gonna change it. 175 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,189 Can we lock it? 176 00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,291 VD: We're not going to change it? 177 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,194 AD: I don't know, are we? 178 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:31,863 VD: I don't know. 179 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:35,100 AD: I don't either. 180 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,006 Why did you let him direct? 181 00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,807 Burton: He wouldn't do the film otherwise. 182 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,976 VD: This is nice. 183 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,945 This is fun! (laughs) 184 00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:51,449 Burton: Get him to talk about his dick. 185 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:54,853 It scares him I think, it makes him insecure. 186 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:59,691 Maybe he'll cover by heaving and getting back to work. 187 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:01,326 AD: Dick. 188 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,127 Burton: Dick. 189 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:03,361 AD: Dick. 190 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,664 Burton: Dick, yes. 191 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,166 (VDbanging on tanks) 192 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,040 AD: Oh, wow my dick hurts. 193 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,442 VD: Really? 194 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,377 You want me to rub it for you? 195 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,312 AD: Maybe later, 196 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,115 uh, maybe after the fight scene? 197 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,985 VD: Yes! 198 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:30,789 AD: I'm uh, thinkin' about it. 199 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,058 VD: Wow. 200 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,293 AD: So, VD, what about 201 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,228 the fight, can we lock it? 202 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,497 (VDblows out loud breath) 203 00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:42,333 VD: I don't know. 204 00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:47,472 Maybe you should teach me part of it. 205 00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:49,374 AD: The first part? 206 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,042 VD: Yeah! 207 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,377 AD: Okay. 208 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,445 Mark! 209 00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:55,146 Let's get that fight going on. 210 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,515 VD: Yeah, where's my saber ha ha! 211 00:11:57,950 --> 00:12:00,719 (light sabers buzzing) 212 00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:04,089 Mark: Freeze. 213 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,057 Sir Jeffrey, would you mind if I take over? 214 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,759 Sir Jeffrey: Yeah, actually I would enjoy that. 215 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,227 Mark: Great, we'll call you when you're up. 216 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,029 Sir Jeffrey: I'll be working on my lines. 217 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:14,232 Mark: I need you to use and trust 218 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,334 the length of your sword. 219 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,837 VD: Use and trust the length of my sword. 220 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,305 Mark: Yes. 221 00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:22,040 VD: It's kind of like the force. 222 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,408 (VDchuckles) 223 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,743 Mark: Yeah, the force. 224 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,377 Think about keeping your hand in your pocket. 225 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,046 VD: Okay, in my pocket. 226 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,914 Mark: Yes. 227 00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,283 VD: Okay, I can do that. 228 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:35,053 I can handle that. 229 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,888 I think we need the girl. 230 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,323 Mark: What? 231 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:39,524 VD: Yeah, the girl. 232 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:40,792 Mark: No, she's knocked out. 233 00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,393 VD: Yeah, but she can wake up. 234 00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,863 Mark: No, she's not supposed to wake up yet, VD. 235 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:50,435 VD: No, she wake up, but she want to come to my aid. 236 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,471 Mark: No. 237 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:54,873 VD: and knocks herself out! 238 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,007 Mark: No. VD: It would be very funny! 239 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:59,410 Mark: VD, we're running out of time. 240 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,212 VD: Get me Louie. 241 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,447 AD: Sir... 242 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,282 Mark: VD... 243 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,885 VD: Page Louie. 244 00:13:07,019 --> 00:13:09,220 VD: I would like the girl, please. 245 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,322 Mark: VD? 246 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,191 VD: I want the girl. 247 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,293 Mark: Get me Maria. 248 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,962 VD, your chef, Louie. 249 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:22,200 VD: Louie, what were those strips of things we had? 250 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,067 Louie: When? 251 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:23,802 VD: Last week. 252 00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:24,569 Louie: What day? 253 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:25,470 VD: Tuesday. 254 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,105 Louie: That was the chicken. 255 00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,273 VD: No, it was not the chicken. 256 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,474 Louie: Maybe it wasn't Tuesday? 257 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,909 VD: Maybe. 258 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,811 Louie: Wednesday? 259 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,912 VD: I don't know, it was the strips of things 260 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,513 with maybe the light pesto. 261 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,850 Louie: No, the pesto was on the chicken on Tuesday. 262 00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,919 VD: Calamari! 263 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,321 Louie: Yes, calamari! 264 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,489 But that was Thursday. 265 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,558 With a lemon herb and a sesame oil. 266 00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,194 VD: Oh, it was Thursday. 267 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,128 Louie: Yes, Thursday. 268 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,429 VD: Oh. 269 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:55,567 Well I will have two strips of calamari al dente. 270 00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:57,869 Louie: Yes, sir. 271 00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:01,372 AD: VD, Maria. 272 00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:05,243 (tango-style music) 273 00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,246 VD: Oh, Maria. 274 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,247 How are you? 275 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,915 Maria: Good, how are you? 276 00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,984 VD: I'm very good now that you are here. 277 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,186 We have decided to add you into the fight. 278 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,921 Maria: Do I get to punch you? 279 00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,923 VD: Uh...no. 280 00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:21,226 Maria: Kick you? 281 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,060 VD: No. 282 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,394 Maria: Oh. 283 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,264 VD: But you do get to slap me in the face 284 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,600 with your fair and ample bosom. 285 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:31,870 Maria: Oh...okay. 286 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:34,873 (both chuckle) 287 00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:39,611 (elegant fantasy music) 288 00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:49,053 (deep breathing) 289 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:54,492 Maria: VD, you okay? 290 00:14:55,394 --> 00:15:00,164 VD: Umm... 291 00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,566 Maria: What happened? 292 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,334 (birds tweeting) 293 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,502 VD: Sometimes I see things. 294 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,037 Maria: What did you see? 295 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:09,641 VD: It was large and warm, and it felt really good. 296 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,242 Maria: So, you're okay. 297 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,111 VD: Yeah! 298 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,545 Maria: Okay. 299 00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,247 VD: Okay. 300 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,349 You know we have to do the fight sometime today! 301 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:21,486 Yes? 302 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,720 Why don't you show us the second part 303 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,356 of the fight Mr. Choreographer? 304 00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,191 Sir Jeffrey: You will never get me. 305 00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,160 The crystals are mine. 306 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,094 You'll never get me! 307 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,696 The crystals are mine! 308 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:32,630 Hmm hmm! 309 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,098 You'll never get me ha ha! 310 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,200 Oh, God. 311 00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:48,079 A word, if I may. 312 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,248 Burton: Oh, Sir Jeffrey, of course. 313 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,749 Let me know what I can do for you. 314 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:55,720 Sir Jeffrey: You will never get me, the crystals are mine. 315 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:59,457 Does the previous sentence have a ring of familiarity to it? 316 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,592 Burton: Sort of. 317 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,962 Sir Jeffrey: Shall we call it by its real name? 318 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,096 Burton: What? 319 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,130 Sir Jeffrey: Cliche. 320 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,433 Do you want me saying cliches? 321 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,568 Burton: No. 322 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,270 Sir Jeffrey: What exactly was it about this script 323 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,505 that made you want to make this movie? 324 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:18,009 Why don't you re-title the film and call it, The Cliche? 325 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,211 Then it can be a comedy and I can laugh about it. 326 00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,612 Burton: What do you want to say? 327 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,415 Sir Jeffrey: I want the words to not be plagarized. 328 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,751 I want them to have something to say that vaguely resembles 329 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,721 my character, who is fucking religious by the way. 330 00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:33,124 "The crystals are mine," what the fuck is that? 331 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,625 What did you pay for this script? 332 00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,461 Burton: One hundred. 333 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:41,666 Sir Jeffrey: Hmmmm, a 100,000 dollar cliche. 334 00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:45,336 (VD grunting) 335 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,437 (farting) 336 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,239 Mark: VD! 337 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,274 VD: You may want to stand clear. 338 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,576 Mark: Jesus! 339 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,111 VD: Wafting! 340 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,479 Sir Jeffrey: In his pants right now, there is more 341 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:58,249 original color and content than in your script. 342 00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,752 VD: Whew, stay! 343 00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:03,154 Stay. 344 00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:06,557 Wow. 345 00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,161 Maria? 346 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:14,265 Did you see the size of that guy's bulge? 347 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:17,335 European men put it pointed up to make it look bigger. 348 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:20,104 Maria: American men put it down to make it look bigger. 349 00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,306 VD: No, they don't, it looks bigger up! 350 00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:26,611 Maria: No, American men point it down 351 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,446 to make it look bigger. 352 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,781 VD: No, it looks bigger up. 353 00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:31,616 Maria: Down. 354 00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:32,784 VD: Up. 355 00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:33,684 Maria: Down. 356 00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:34,585 VD: Up. Maria: Down! 357 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:35,620 VD: Up. Maria: Down! 358 00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,321 VD: Up. Maria: Down! 359 00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,589 VD: Stop talking about dick. 360 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,757 Maria: Are you the only one who's allowed 361 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,193 to talk about it, Mr. Director? 362 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,528 VD: Well maybe I am! 363 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,797 Louie: VD, I have the calamari! 364 00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:50,268 VD: It looks fantastic! 365 00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,270 (Happy Italian music) 366 00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:57,408 VD: Mmmm-hmmm (hums) 367 00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:01,212 It is not as good as last week! 368 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,682 AD: Oh no, uh, VD, sir, uh, umm... 369 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,618 Louie... 370 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,287 Uh, uh, Louie? 371 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,557 V...Louie? 372 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:13,724 (door slams) 373 00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,294 Burton: 10 minutes, we are taking break. 374 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:19,297 Why don't we just make a movie about break? 375 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:23,134 Sir Jeffrey: At least it wouldn't be a cliche. 376 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:26,137 You should have budgeted for some star wranglers. 377 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,605 Burton: They have those? 378 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,773 Sir Jeffrey: Oh, yes. 379 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:32,410 Complete with ropes and cattle prods. 380 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:35,847 Burton: Do you have their number? 381 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,916 (old time space music) 382 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,727 VD: There, yeah. 383 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,299 Yo. 384 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,635 (snorting) 385 00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:01,139 (VD clearing throat) 386 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:03,307 VD: Mmmm. 387 00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:08,446 VD and friends: Aaahh! 388 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,382 VD: I could not do this without you guys. 389 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,551 I love you. 390 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:14,952 You guys always be there for me! 391 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:18,789 I promise, I will always be there for you. 392 00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:23,194 What's your name? 393 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:27,798 VD: Okay, we start today with a prayer and some meditation. 394 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,567 A little prayer. 395 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,735 5 minutes. 396 00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:31,602 Quiet. 397 00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:32,436 (cell phone rings) 398 00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:33,971 VD: HEY!!!!! 399 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,274 TURN OFF THE CELL PHONES AND THE WALKIES! 400 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,276 AD: Turn off the cell phones and the walkies! 401 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:42,346 VD: AND THE CELL PHONES AND THE WALKIES! 402 00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:45,650 JESUS! 403 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:52,356 Burton: What is this meditation costing me? 404 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:55,626 Five, ten thousand? 405 00:19:56,929 --> 00:20:00,765 VD: Okay, we go to work. 406 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,901 Yes, maybe now we can make some movie! 407 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,469 Lay down, lay down, lay down. 408 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,470 Quickly. 409 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:07,471 Okay. 410 00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,574 Oh, is that beautiful? 411 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,409 Is that so nice? 412 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:14,979 Okay, so, you need to wake up, you're asleep, you're asleep. 413 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:15,746 Sleep. 414 00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,381 You wake up. 415 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,984 Okay, now, you got to g--, we need something 416 00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,686 for her to hit me with. 417 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:24,889 How 'bout, a... (makes buzzing noise) 418 00:20:29,861 --> 00:20:34,232 (buzzing noise continues) 419 00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:39,370 VD: Rubber chicken. 420 00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,938 Yeah? 421 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,406 Rubber chicken? 422 00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:43,708 (VD laughs) 423 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,476 VD: That would be funny! 424 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:48,479 Or better, you know, there's a lot of rubber chickens. 425 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,248 What about... 426 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,716 I think this is it. 427 00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:52,817 Turkey neck! 428 00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:53,751 Yeah? 429 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,286 Whup, turkey neck! 430 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,287 Huuuh! 431 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,488 Yeah what do you think? 432 00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:59,824 AD: Props! 433 00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:01,926 VD: Do you have a turkey neck? 434 00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,961 Prop guy: I've got this lizard thing. 435 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:05,496 VD: It is a lizard. 436 00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:06,497 Prop guy: Yeah. 437 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:07,999 VD: Does your lizard speak? 438 00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:09,967 Prop guy: Not in my experience. 439 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,469 VD: On Mars, a rubber lizard. 440 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:14,605 Prop guy: This is a big beef thing. 441 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,706 Maybe you could try that. 442 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:16,807 VD: Does it hurt? 443 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,309 Prop guy: Well, you try. 444 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,710 VD: Thanks. 445 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,412 VD: Hahahaha! 446 00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,313 Prop guy: Go ahead. 447 00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:22,980 You like? 448 00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:23,881 VD: Yeah, that's good! 449 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,349 That doesn't hurt at all. 450 00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:26,517 Yeah, hey come here! 451 00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:27,718 Is this good? 452 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,520 Yeah! 453 00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:30,888 What else do you have? 454 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:31,822 Prop guy: A wooden leg? 455 00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,324 VD: A peg leg? 456 00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:34,091 Prop guy: Yeah, it actually belonged to my uncle. 457 00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:34,659 VD: I don't know if it will... 458 00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:35,393 Ow! 459 00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,060 Prop guy: Jeez. 460 00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:37,328 VD: It doesn't work. 461 00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:38,296 Prop guy: No, that's not gonna work. 462 00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:38,929 AD: Step back here for a second. 463 00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,032 Prop guy: Some crabs? 464 00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:43,634 VD: That is a space crab! 465 00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,069 Prop guy: Those are hard to get rid of. 466 00:21:45,071 --> 00:21:46,604 VD: Yeah? 467 00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:47,638 Prop guy: Yeah. 468 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,472 VD: Oh. 469 00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,876 What, umm... 470 00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:54,312 A little aluminum missile. 471 00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:56,447 Prop guy: A little aluminum missile. 472 00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:58,349 VD: An itty bitty little aluminum missile. 473 00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:00,484 Prop guy: A little bitty tiny aluminum missile. 474 00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:01,686 VD: What do you think? 475 00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:02,653 Maria: It's funny. 476 00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,455 VD: Hit me on the head with it. 477 00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:06,657 Hey, uhh... 478 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:08,859 (thud) 479 00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:11,662 VD: Man, Mark, you have a very big package. 480 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,130 What is that, kielbasa? 481 00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:14,965 Maria: Are we fighting, or talking dick? 482 00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:18,336 VD: I guess I do talk about dick a lot. 483 00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:19,804 Can we kiss and make up? 484 00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:21,706 Maria: I would like that. 485 00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:24,442 VD: Did she say lick, she would lick that? 486 00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,343 Maria: Like. 487 00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:26,544 VD: I would lick that, too. 488 00:22:29,481 --> 00:22:32,450 (Maria laughing) 489 00:22:35,821 --> 00:22:37,788 VD: I lick it. 490 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,461 AD: Alright everybody, that's five minutes. 491 00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:44,862 VD: Make it six! 492 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,631 AD: Okay, make it six. 493 00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:51,869 VD: Maria! 494 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:55,406 Something's happening! 495 00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:58,409 (Maria squealing) 496 00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:10,988 VD: Cradle the balls, work the shaft. 497 00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:13,958 Paint: Cradle the balls, work the shaft. 498 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,627 VD: Mmmm cradle, more cradle. 499 00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:17,728 Crewman in orange: I just had an inspiration 500 00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,163 for a new crew T-shirt. 501 00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:20,898 Paint: Sure. 502 00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:24,201 (laughing) 503 00:23:31,109 --> 00:23:34,412 Maria: It's been about five minutes, baby. 504 00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:40,084 Are you okay? 505 00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:43,421 VD: What do stupid doctors know, anyway? 506 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,657 Do you think they could wait maybe five more minutes? 507 00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:49,193 I don't want them to think I went too quickly. 508 00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:52,496 And maybe you could mess your hair up a little? 509 00:23:52,498 --> 00:23:54,632 Maria: Don't worry, we'll have fun on the set. 510 00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:57,501 I promise. 511 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,175 Crewman in orange: Two pools, 20 dollars each. 512 00:24:04,177 --> 00:24:05,843 One, we get a shot of anything today, 513 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:07,511 Two we don't get a shot all day. 514 00:24:07,513 --> 00:24:10,014 Vladimir: That is whack. 515 00:24:10,016 --> 00:24:11,215 I'm in. 516 00:24:11,217 --> 00:24:13,717 Prop guy: No shot. 517 00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:15,619 AD: Sir Jeffrey would like to speak with his director, 518 00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:16,821 do you have a minute for him? 519 00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,556 VD: Oh, Sir Jeffrey, of course. 520 00:24:18,558 --> 00:24:19,857 AD: This way, sir. 521 00:24:19,859 --> 00:24:23,093 VD: Of course for Sir Jeffrey, I always have time. 522 00:24:23,095 --> 00:24:26,764 Sir Jeffrey: VD, structurally, they're 523 00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:28,532 doing a rather strange thing. 524 00:24:28,534 --> 00:24:32,470 They're having a sub-villain killed after the main villain. 525 00:24:32,472 --> 00:24:35,005 VD: A sub-villain. 526 00:24:35,007 --> 00:24:37,508 I'm a bad guy on a submarine. 527 00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:40,211 Sir Jeffrey: No, no we don't have a submarine in the movie. 528 00:24:40,213 --> 00:24:41,745 We have rocket ships. 529 00:24:41,747 --> 00:24:43,080 VD: Yes! 530 00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:44,915 Sir Jeffrey: My character is a main villain, so 531 00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:47,151 anyone who would work for a main villain 532 00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:49,620 would be a sub-villain. 533 00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:53,824 VD: A smaller bad guy? 534 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:54,992 Sir Jeffrey: Exactly! 535 00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:56,627 So, why would you kill a little bad guy 536 00:24:56,629 --> 00:24:59,563 after you've just killed the biggest bad guy? 537 00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:03,601 VD: Because, he's a bad guy and he has to die. 538 00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:07,938 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, but um, killing of the big villain, 539 00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:09,974 that's the climax of the movie. 540 00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:12,176 VD: Climax, like, orgasm. 541 00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:13,677 Sir Jeffrey: Exactly, right! 542 00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:15,279 Yes, so after the orgasm, do you have foreplay? 543 00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:17,581 VD: No. (laughing) 544 00:25:17,583 --> 00:25:20,050 I just, take a nap. 545 00:25:20,052 --> 00:25:20,985 Sir Jeffrey: Right. 546 00:25:20,987 --> 00:25:22,186 Because the movie's over. 547 00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,088 VD: Right, I never watch the credits. 548 00:25:24,090 --> 00:25:25,990 Sir Jeffrey: So, why would you kill a little bad guy 549 00:25:25,992 --> 00:25:28,626 after you've just killed the big bad guy? 550 00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:31,028 VD: Because he is a bad guy. 551 00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:34,064 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, but you see, umm, killing 552 00:25:34,066 --> 00:25:37,034 of the little bad guys is the foreplay that leads up 553 00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:40,571 to killing of the big bad guy, which is the climax. 554 00:25:40,573 --> 00:25:43,173 VD: I don't understand. 555 00:25:43,175 --> 00:25:45,342 Sir Jeffrey: Okay, umm... 556 00:25:45,344 --> 00:25:49,179 Action-adventure movies are really like romance movies. 557 00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:52,283 The romantic hero identifies the beautiful girl, 558 00:25:52,285 --> 00:25:56,020 chases after her, romances her, finally gets to have her. 559 00:25:56,022 --> 00:25:57,354 ...Climax! 560 00:25:57,356 --> 00:26:01,091 Action-adventure hero, identifies the bad guy, 561 00:26:01,093 --> 00:26:04,228 chases after him after some close encounters , 562 00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:06,263 finally the bad guy's caught and killed, climax! 563 00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:09,166 So you see it's, it's almost like a love story. 564 00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:12,036 VD: But, I don't love the villain. 565 00:26:12,038 --> 00:26:13,604 Sir Jeffrey: Well no, of course, but , but you know, 566 00:26:13,606 --> 00:26:14,705 you still wanna fuck him. (chuckles) 567 00:26:14,707 --> 00:26:15,906 VD: I do? 568 00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,908 Sir Jeffrey: Yes. 569 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:20,578 VD: Where? 570 00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:22,079 In the butt? 571 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:24,381 Sir Jeffrey: No! 572 00:26:24,383 --> 00:26:26,016 VD: Well then they... 573 00:26:26,018 --> 00:26:28,152 Or they... 574 00:26:28,154 --> 00:26:31,255 69? 575 00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:33,023 Sir Jeffrey: No, it was a metaphor! 576 00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:34,658 VD: A metaphor. 577 00:26:34,660 --> 00:26:36,193 Sir Jeffrey: You don't know metaphor? 578 00:26:36,195 --> 00:26:38,395 VD: Hmm, comes before meta-five. 579 00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:40,030 Sir Jeffrey: It doesn't come at all. 580 00:26:40,032 --> 00:26:41,665 VD: It doesn't? 581 00:26:41,667 --> 00:26:42,866 Sir Jeffrey: No. 582 00:26:42,868 --> 00:26:46,070 VD: So Jeffrey, could you explain please, 583 00:26:46,072 --> 00:26:49,139 but with the smaller words. 584 00:26:49,141 --> 00:26:52,977 Sir Jeffrey: Look, as the script is now, it's as though 585 00:26:52,979 --> 00:26:55,379 you get to fuck the beautiful girl that you'be been 586 00:26:55,381 --> 00:26:57,615 chasing after the whole movie, then you climb off her, 587 00:26:57,617 --> 00:26:59,750 go into the next room, and fuck her ugly sister! 588 00:26:59,752 --> 00:27:01,185 Does that make any sense? 589 00:27:01,187 --> 00:27:02,319 VD: Yes! 590 00:27:02,321 --> 00:27:03,821 Sir Jeffrey: Why? 591 00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:07,758 VD: Because, if you can fuck the sister, you should. 592 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,993 Sir Jeffrey: But, she's ugly. 593 00:27:08,995 --> 00:27:13,430 VD: It's not the face you fuck. 594 00:27:13,732 --> 00:27:16,734 Sir Jeffrey: Do you know the expression pearls before swine? 595 00:27:16,736 --> 00:27:18,435 VD: Yes. 596 00:27:18,437 --> 00:27:20,404 Sir Jeffrey: Do you know what it means? 597 00:27:20,406 --> 00:27:23,173 VD: Yeah. 598 00:27:26,778 --> 00:27:28,412 Don't feed pigs pearls because they could 599 00:27:28,414 --> 00:27:31,315 choke on them and die. 600 00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:39,356 Sir Jeffrey: Exactly. 601 00:27:39,358 --> 00:27:40,791 Right. 602 00:27:40,793 --> 00:27:42,259 Call it. 603 00:27:42,261 --> 00:27:44,094 (bells ringing) 604 00:27:44,195 --> 00:27:45,696 VD: Yes? 605 00:27:45,698 --> 00:27:46,864 AD: VD, the crew wants to present you with a cake. 606 00:27:46,866 --> 00:27:48,098 VD: They do? 607 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:49,733 AD: For our director. 608 00:27:49,735 --> 00:27:52,336 VD: Oh, hey cake for everybody! 609 00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:54,038 ha ha! 610 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,306 Cake cake cake cake I like cake. 611 00:27:58,410 --> 00:28:02,246 (applause) 612 00:28:02,248 --> 00:28:03,847 Crowd: Congratulations! 613 00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:10,688 VD: I don't know what to say, I'm, I'm really very moved. 614 00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:16,727 (camera clicks) 615 00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:20,197 VD: I know that having a crew like you guys 616 00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:22,866 makes my job all the much easier, you guys 617 00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:24,735 are fantastic, and I hope that we can always 618 00:28:24,737 --> 00:28:28,372 work together forever, forever, yes. 619 00:28:28,374 --> 00:28:32,476 FX: Please, VD, blow out your candles. 620 00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:34,778 VD: Thank you. 621 00:28:34,780 --> 00:28:37,181 Thank you very much. 622 00:28:37,183 --> 00:28:39,383 Well. 623 00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:42,052 (blows several times) 624 00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:43,487 (explosion) 625 00:28:43,489 --> 00:28:44,888 (screaming) 626 00:28:44,890 --> 00:28:47,391 (laughter) 627 00:28:47,393 --> 00:28:50,894 VD: Help me, I'm blind! 628 00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,196 I'm blind! 629 00:28:52,198 --> 00:28:53,197 (laughter) 630 00:28:53,199 --> 00:28:54,264 AD: No, no, it's okay, it's okay. 631 00:28:54,266 --> 00:28:57,000 VD: I'm cake-blind! 632 00:28:57,002 --> 00:29:00,504 (hyperventilates and screams) 633 00:29:01,005 --> 00:29:03,373 AD: VD, VD. 634 00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:07,211 VD, it's whipped cream and it's actually pretty good. 635 00:29:07,213 --> 00:29:08,879 VD: Well get it off of me! 636 00:29:08,881 --> 00:29:11,248 Burton: Alright, [unitelligible] 637 00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:14,184 (VD hyperventilating) 638 00:29:17,522 --> 00:29:19,990 VD: YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!! 639 00:29:19,992 --> 00:29:22,226 GET OFF MY SET, ALL OF YOU! 640 00:29:22,228 --> 00:29:24,094 Right now, you fire them right now! 641 00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:26,463 Burton: VD, it was practical joke! 642 00:29:26,465 --> 00:29:28,565 Nobody was hurt. 643 00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:30,134 VD: Get off of my set! 644 00:29:30,136 --> 00:29:31,835 All of you! 645 00:29:31,837 --> 00:29:33,270 You're all fired! 646 00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:35,472 You're fired right now brother, right now! 647 00:29:35,474 --> 00:29:37,908 Burton: It's pie in face, it's part of show business. 648 00:29:37,910 --> 00:29:39,877 VD: Bullshit! 649 00:29:39,879 --> 00:29:41,078 Fire them! 650 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,479 Burton: We have to finish the movie! 651 00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:43,547 VD: No! 652 00:29:43,549 --> 00:29:48,285 GET OFF MY SET NOW ALL OF YOU! 653 00:30:10,575 --> 00:30:13,277 AD: Alright, that's enough. 654 00:30:13,279 --> 00:30:16,346 Not yet, not yet. 655 00:30:18,082 --> 00:30:21,819 (intense music) 656 00:30:21,821 --> 00:30:24,454 VD: Stay here! 657 00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:31,228 Hey, you stupid FX motherfucker. 658 00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:32,563 Who's pissing their panties now? 659 00:30:32,565 --> 00:30:35,465 Huh? 660 00:30:35,467 --> 00:30:37,067 Hasta la vista, maybe. 661 00:30:37,069 --> 00:30:38,368 (gunshot) 662 00:30:38,370 --> 00:30:41,138 (screaming) 663 00:30:45,643 --> 00:30:48,912 VD: You want a retake? 664 00:30:49,113 --> 00:30:52,916 Eat my lead. 665 00:30:57,088 --> 00:30:59,423 Vaya con dios, baby. 666 00:30:59,425 --> 00:31:02,526 (gunshots) 667 00:31:02,528 --> 00:31:03,894 VD: Hey, it's pretty funny, a man 668 00:31:03,896 --> 00:31:06,196 all covered in whipped cream firing a shotgun. 669 00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:08,899 Yeah, funny, let's laugh! 670 00:31:08,901 --> 00:31:11,401 Funny pie in the face man, come on let's all laugh! 671 00:31:11,403 --> 00:31:12,669 FX: Yah, yah, is funny. 672 00:31:12,671 --> 00:31:14,371 VD: All we need is some maybe nice tits, 673 00:31:14,373 --> 00:31:16,940 then we really have a show. 674 00:31:20,511 --> 00:31:23,080 That is pretty good you stupid FX motherfucker 675 00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:26,617 that doesn't even know the sound of his own blanks, huh? 676 00:31:26,619 --> 00:31:28,218 Yippee kay-yay motherfucker! 677 00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,153 (gunshot) 678 00:31:30,155 --> 00:31:32,155 (VD laughing) 679 00:31:32,157 --> 00:31:35,259 Doesn't even know the sound of his own blanks. 680 00:31:35,261 --> 00:31:39,062 Yoke's on you, ha! 681 00:31:41,399 --> 00:31:44,368 Rub yourself, rub your boobies on me. 682 00:31:44,370 --> 00:31:47,271 I feel something. 683 00:31:47,273 --> 00:31:49,039 It's working! 684 00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:50,607 It's working! 685 00:31:50,609 --> 00:31:52,709 Okay. 686 00:31:53,011 --> 00:31:54,444 AD: Well that was fun while it lasted. 687 00:31:54,446 --> 00:31:57,147 [unintelligible] let's go! 688 00:31:59,417 --> 00:32:00,984 VD: Okay, it's working, oh yes! 689 00:32:00,986 --> 00:32:03,921 Sir Jeffrey: Sophocles heard it long ago on the Aegean, 690 00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:06,690 and it brought into his mind the turbid ebb and flow 691 00:32:06,692 --> 00:32:09,660 of human misery. 692 00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:13,330 VD: Oh, oh... 693 00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:17,167 Sir Jeffrey: Down the vast edges and 694 00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:22,172 naked shingles of the world. 695 00:32:22,473 --> 00:32:27,311 (mellow, sad instrumental) 696 00:32:45,430 --> 00:32:49,132 (VD mumbles and groans) 697 00:32:50,101 --> 00:32:53,136 VD: Oh, oh S-Sue, I was in the warm. 698 00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:57,007 I saw the warm. 699 00:33:14,392 --> 00:33:17,427 VD: Thank you, my little fish. 700 00:33:17,429 --> 00:33:19,596 (bell rings) 701 00:33:19,697 --> 00:33:22,432 (light saber sounds) 702 00:33:24,769 --> 00:33:28,038 AD: Alright, time to get back to work, bring me [Ovka]. 703 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,474 Touch-ups, after rehearsal. 704 00:33:30,476 --> 00:33:32,776 VD: Okay, at this point in the fight, 705 00:33:32,778 --> 00:33:34,745 get rid of the swords. 706 00:33:34,747 --> 00:33:40,250 We're going to grapple mano a mano, yeah? 707 00:33:40,252 --> 00:33:40,250 Okay. 708 00:33:40,252 --> 00:33:45,055 By now, Darkwing has managed to get me in a sleeper hold. 709 00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:46,823 But the last minute, I will overpower him and 710 00:33:46,825 --> 00:33:48,458 [unintelligible] him on the ground. 711 00:33:48,460 --> 00:33:51,528 Mark: VD, nobody can get out of a sleeper hold. 712 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,764 VD: Ah, bull shit. 713 00:33:53,766 --> 00:33:55,332 I do it all the time. 714 00:33:55,334 --> 00:33:56,767 Mark: You said you wanted the fight to be realistic? 715 00:33:56,769 --> 00:33:58,301 Nobody can get out of a sleeper hold. 716 00:33:58,303 --> 00:34:00,237 VD: I do it all the time, Mark! 717 00:34:00,239 --> 00:34:01,204 Mark: It's gonna knock you out. 718 00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:03,473 VD: Ha ha ha ha. 719 00:34:03,475 --> 00:34:06,576 Put one on me, come on, give it your best shot, stuntman. 720 00:34:06,578 --> 00:34:08,545 Mark: Listen, let's continue the fight, huh? 721 00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:11,581 VD: Are you afraid of the great VD? 722 00:34:11,583 --> 00:34:12,816 You think I don't know what I'm doing? 723 00:34:12,818 --> 00:34:15,752 You think I got this way from being photographed? 724 00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:17,821 My chi will overpower your chi 725 00:34:17,823 --> 00:34:19,756 and that is what you are afraid of. 726 00:34:19,758 --> 00:34:20,724 Bring it on, stuntman. 727 00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:22,359 Put your best move on me now. 728 00:34:22,361 --> 00:34:23,794 Mark: VD, it's gonna knock you out. 729 00:34:23,796 --> 00:34:27,464 VD: Bullshit, do it. 730 00:34:27,466 --> 00:34:29,099 Mark: Get the medic. 731 00:34:29,101 --> 00:34:30,767 Tell him he's gonna need to revive VD. 732 00:34:30,769 --> 00:34:33,270 VD: Ha ha ha ha. 733 00:34:33,272 --> 00:34:34,738 Burton: What's happening here? 734 00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:36,273 VD: One minute, I am proving a point 735 00:34:36,275 --> 00:34:39,176 to the bullshit stuntman. 736 00:34:39,178 --> 00:34:41,578 Burton: Ha, okay. 737 00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:45,682 VD: Don't do anything until I say go. 738 00:34:45,684 --> 00:34:47,417 Are you ready? 739 00:34:47,419 --> 00:34:49,486 Mark: Ready. 740 00:34:49,488 --> 00:34:52,189 VD: Huh? 741 00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:58,395 Go! 742 00:34:58,397 --> 00:35:00,163 Mark: One. 743 00:35:00,165 --> 00:35:02,099 Two. 744 00:35:02,101 --> 00:35:02,699 (lullaby) 745 00:35:02,701 --> 00:35:04,367 Mark: Three. 746 00:35:04,369 --> 00:35:06,169 Four. 747 00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:07,771 Five. 748 00:35:07,773 --> 00:35:09,372 Six. 749 00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:11,108 Seven. 750 00:35:11,110 --> 00:35:12,476 Eight. 751 00:35:12,478 --> 00:35:14,478 Nine. 752 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,546 Medic? 753 00:35:16,548 --> 00:35:18,715 Oh, crap he pissed himself. 754 00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:20,750 Medic: His pulse is good. 755 00:35:20,752 --> 00:35:23,120 AD: Alright, alright. 756 00:35:23,122 --> 00:35:24,788 Get wardrobe in here to change his pants. 757 00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:26,289 Hey, look. 758 00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:29,359 VD wakes up, and he finds out that we know that 759 00:35:29,361 --> 00:35:32,329 he pissed his pants, we're gonna kiss off the whole day, huh. 760 00:35:32,331 --> 00:35:34,431 Best Boy: I thought that's what we're doing already. 761 00:35:34,433 --> 00:35:38,301 AD: Come on, come on, pants, fly it on in here! 762 00:35:40,438 --> 00:35:44,774 (exclaiming and laughing) 763 00:35:44,776 --> 00:35:46,576 Paint: He stuffs his pants? 764 00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:49,379 Vladimir: That is whack. 765 00:36:08,799 --> 00:36:11,902 Paint: Has somebody got a magnifying glass? 766 00:36:14,539 --> 00:36:16,206 A tattoo. 767 00:36:16,208 --> 00:36:17,807 [Crewman]: He got his Johnny tattooed. 768 00:36:17,809 --> 00:36:19,743 Ivan: Oh man, what that would feel like. 769 00:36:19,745 --> 00:36:22,279 Jam: No, no that's a rumor, man. 770 00:36:22,281 --> 00:36:23,613 I don't believe that. 771 00:36:23,615 --> 00:36:24,781 No. 772 00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:26,283 Tattoo artist: It's definitely not a rumor. 773 00:36:26,285 --> 00:36:27,717 Tattoo assistant: This is what he wanted. 774 00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:31,321 Tattoo artist: It took about 2000 pricks on his porksword. 775 00:36:31,323 --> 00:36:33,290 Patrick: On the uh, tip of his uh... 776 00:36:33,292 --> 00:36:33,957 Craig: His manhood? 777 00:36:33,959 --> 00:36:34,925 Patrick: His manhood. 778 00:36:34,927 --> 00:36:35,759 Craig: I hope he told you that. 779 00:36:35,761 --> 00:36:37,460 I hope you did not... 780 00:36:37,462 --> 00:36:38,728 (laughter) 781 00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:39,596 Patrick: No! 782 00:36:39,598 --> 00:36:41,231 I saw it. 783 00:36:45,870 --> 00:36:49,973 He had a, he had a tattoo of like uh, eagle's wings or uh, 784 00:36:49,975 --> 00:36:51,741 a talon going over the tip. 785 00:36:51,743 --> 00:36:55,345 Craig: How did uh, how did you happen to see it? 786 00:36:55,347 --> 00:36:56,646 What was the circumstance? 787 00:36:56,648 --> 00:36:57,781 Patrick: No, he just decided to show it to me. 788 00:36:57,783 --> 00:36:59,816 Craig: So you kept your trousers up. 789 00:36:59,818 --> 00:37:00,984 Patrick: I kept mine up. 790 00:37:00,986 --> 00:37:02,219 Craig: He just, he gave you a quick visual, 791 00:37:02,221 --> 00:37:03,653 and that was that. 792 00:37:03,655 --> 00:37:06,756 Paint: Red talons on the left and blue talons on the right. 793 00:37:06,758 --> 00:37:08,325 It's like, an eagle. 794 00:37:08,327 --> 00:37:09,426 Very patriotic. 795 00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:10,860 Ivan: Maybe he's wanting to fly. 796 00:37:10,862 --> 00:37:14,231 Paint: No, I think if he wanted to fly it would be wings. 797 00:37:14,233 --> 00:37:15,565 AD: Get the pants on him, okay! 798 00:37:15,567 --> 00:37:17,634 Mark! 799 00:37:17,636 --> 00:37:19,369 Lay down next to VD. 800 00:37:19,371 --> 00:37:21,938 We got a movie to make here, now. 801 00:37:21,940 --> 00:37:24,541 When the medic hits VD with the smelling salts, okay, 802 00:37:24,543 --> 00:37:26,943 I want you to roll over, like he's just 803 00:37:26,945 --> 00:37:29,279 flipped you over his back and onto the floor, okay? 804 00:37:29,281 --> 00:37:31,414 Hey look, with any luck, he'll believe this, too. 805 00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:32,782 Alright, the rest of you. 806 00:37:32,784 --> 00:37:35,418 When VD wakes up, all I want to hear is cheering. 807 00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:36,620 Congratulations, hey you were great, 808 00:37:36,622 --> 00:37:37,787 hey you're the best guy in the world, 809 00:37:37,789 --> 00:37:39,389 Hey bullshit, blah blah blah blah blah. 810 00:37:39,391 --> 00:37:40,290 Okay? 811 00:37:40,292 --> 00:37:40,957 Alright. 812 00:37:40,959 --> 00:37:41,958 You ready? 813 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:42,859 Mark: Yeah. 814 00:37:42,861 --> 00:37:48,398 AD: [Mator, camere], action. 815 00:37:49,066 --> 00:37:52,002 (VD coughing) 816 00:37:53,904 --> 00:37:57,040 (cheering and accolades) 817 00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:05,582 VD: I tell you, you bullshit stuntman, 818 00:38:05,584 --> 00:38:08,485 now you have met the great VD. 819 00:38:08,487 --> 00:38:11,721 Who is the one with the, embarrass now, man? 820 00:38:11,723 --> 00:38:12,822 Is it you? 821 00:38:12,824 --> 00:38:13,823 Oh ho ho ho ho. 822 00:38:13,825 --> 00:38:14,991 Mark: Yeah, VD, me. 823 00:38:14,993 --> 00:38:16,993 (VD laughs) 824 00:38:16,995 --> 00:38:19,796 VD: Whew! 825 00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:22,532 Something smells like shit. 826 00:38:22,534 --> 00:38:26,369 Ah, what, did somebody step on a barking spider? 827 00:38:26,371 --> 00:38:30,807 General, please stop wafting in my direction, uh. 828 00:38:30,809 --> 00:38:36,546 When did I remember to forget to tie my shoes? 829 00:38:38,716 --> 00:38:39,816 Ah! 830 00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:41,818 I have a great idea for the fight. 831 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:44,587 Um, the great VD is going to fly in the movie 832 00:38:44,589 --> 00:38:46,489 like House of Frying Dragons. 833 00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:47,691 Yes! 834 00:38:47,693 --> 00:38:49,693 House of Frying Dragons, we're going to fly me. 835 00:38:49,695 --> 00:38:52,929 AD: VD, why would your character fly? 836 00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:54,731 VD: Cuz he is a spaceman. 837 00:38:54,733 --> 00:38:57,467 AD: Yes, but House of Frying Dragons was a fantasy. 838 00:38:57,469 --> 00:38:58,768 VD: Yeah, life is a fantasy. 839 00:38:58,770 --> 00:38:59,636 Like Peter Pan. 840 00:38:59,638 --> 00:39:00,904 Never grow up! 841 00:39:00,906 --> 00:39:03,073 Never grow up, no way not sir, no not me! 842 00:39:03,075 --> 00:39:04,574 (VD gasps) 843 00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:05,642 VD: I just thought of something. 844 00:39:05,644 --> 00:39:07,844 AD: What? 845 00:39:07,846 --> 00:39:10,380 VD: The first time i had jellybeans. 846 00:39:10,382 --> 00:39:11,781 Louie! 847 00:39:11,783 --> 00:39:14,084 Get me some jellybeans and take out all the yellow ones! 848 00:39:14,086 --> 00:39:15,985 Louie: Jellybeans are on their way, captain. 849 00:39:15,987 --> 00:39:18,655 VD: Aye, aye! 850 00:39:19,457 --> 00:39:21,057 AD: Alright, back to work. 851 00:39:21,059 --> 00:39:22,559 FX: [There's stains] in here. 852 00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:23,827 Paint: The design had to come from somewhere, 853 00:39:23,829 --> 00:39:25,161 even if it was just his subconsious. 854 00:39:25,163 --> 00:39:26,963 It's like a, that makes it even better, 855 00:39:26,965 --> 00:39:29,699 a direct snapshot into his inner psyche. 856 00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,368 I think he has color issues, what's the whole thing 857 00:39:31,370 --> 00:39:34,437 with getting all the yellow jellybeans taken out? 858 00:39:34,439 --> 00:39:36,139 FX: Maybe he does not like lemon. 859 00:39:36,141 --> 00:39:37,440 Paint: No, I think he has color issues. 860 00:39:37,442 --> 00:39:38,541 FX: I think that's least of issues. 861 00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:39,809 Paint: Well, that may be. 862 00:39:39,811 --> 00:39:43,780 FX: Hmm. 863 00:39:44,849 --> 00:39:46,015 VD: What happened to you? 864 00:39:46,017 --> 00:39:48,451 You used to be my best friend. 865 00:39:48,453 --> 00:39:53,790 Johnny doesn't come out and play anymore. 866 00:39:56,961 --> 00:39:58,595 (grunting) 867 00:39:58,597 --> 00:40:00,997 (laughing) 868 00:40:00,999 --> 00:40:04,734 VD: Uh, that's better. 869 00:40:09,507 --> 00:40:11,741 Hi, girls. 870 00:40:11,743 --> 00:40:15,078 (speaking Russian) 871 00:40:24,755 --> 00:40:29,726 VD: Oh look, she has a bottom like a little boy's. 872 00:40:30,027 --> 00:40:32,662 � Space Cowboy by Matt Long 873 00:40:32,664 --> 00:40:34,597 I love you. 874 00:40:34,599 --> 00:40:37,767 (speaking Russian) 875 00:40:39,537 --> 00:40:42,639 (trailer squeaking) 876 00:40:43,441 --> 00:40:45,241 (girls chattering) 877 00:40:45,243 --> 00:40:46,176 VD: 10, no 15 minutes. 878 00:40:46,178 --> 00:40:48,745 Then they will respect me! 879 00:40:50,881 --> 00:40:54,584 (trailer squeaking) 880 00:41:06,564 --> 00:41:08,598 VD: Somebody needs to cum. 881 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,668 Woman in pink bra: Let me. 882 00:41:11,670 --> 00:41:15,138 (moaning) 883 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,808 FX: Are you recording this? 884 00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:19,876 Soundman: Maybe. 885 00:41:19,878 --> 00:41:23,046 (moaning, louder and faster) 886 00:41:23,048 --> 00:41:25,114 (girls chattering) 887 00:41:33,991 --> 00:41:37,060 (speaking Russian) 888 00:41:43,701 --> 00:41:45,502 (crash) 889 00:41:45,504 --> 00:41:48,171 (screaming) 890 00:41:51,008 --> 00:41:51,975 VD: The rockets are falling! 891 00:41:51,977 --> 00:41:54,811 The rockets are falling! 892 00:41:54,979 --> 00:41:57,213 (speaking Russian) 893 00:42:00,584 --> 00:42:02,752 AD: That's a wrap! 894 00:42:04,555 --> 00:42:06,155 Burton: I had to work with VD. 895 00:42:06,157 --> 00:42:07,991 I am idiot! 896 00:42:07,993 --> 00:42:11,895 [unintelligible] schmuck! 897 00:42:11,897 --> 00:42:14,531 We have to be out of here by midnight. 898 00:42:14,533 --> 00:42:17,000 We still have three days' work left. 899 00:42:17,002 --> 00:42:20,670 Emily, get him out of his trailer. 900 00:42:20,672 --> 00:42:24,040 Do whatever it takes. 901 00:42:25,643 --> 00:42:30,580 Just pretend that you're at the beach! 902 00:42:38,022 --> 00:42:42,025 (Russian music) 903 00:42:45,729 --> 00:42:51,034 Emily: I want speak, to Mr. VD. 904 00:42:54,838 --> 00:42:57,707 The great VD. 905 00:42:59,944 --> 00:43:01,878 Ray: I made it work. 906 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:05,815 I've got VD's lines in this script. 907 00:43:05,817 --> 00:43:09,085 And it works. 908 00:43:09,620 --> 00:43:10,720 Burton: Okay. 909 00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:14,257 Uh, we have to cut 10 more pages. 910 00:43:14,792 --> 00:43:15,858 Ray: 10 pages? 911 00:43:15,860 --> 00:43:17,360 Burton: Yes, yes. 912 00:43:17,362 --> 00:43:19,862 Ray: Okay. 913 00:43:21,231 --> 00:43:22,298 Is that enough? 914 00:43:22,300 --> 00:43:24,801 Oh wait that's only seven? 915 00:43:25,669 --> 00:43:27,870 Does that work for you? 916 00:43:27,872 --> 00:43:29,038 Burton: Oh, Ray. 917 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,306 No no no, Ray, that's not what I mean. 918 00:43:30,308 --> 00:43:35,111 What if the bad guy falls to his death? 919 00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,213 Trips and falls. 920 00:43:37,215 --> 00:43:38,281 Ray: By, by himself? 921 00:43:38,283 --> 00:43:39,782 Burton: Yes. 922 00:43:39,784 --> 00:43:43,353 It, it's logical, people trip and fall all the time. 923 00:43:43,355 --> 00:43:47,256 Ray: No final fight scene, no dialog, no, no, no swords? 924 00:43:47,258 --> 00:43:48,658 Burton: No, no. 925 00:43:48,660 --> 00:43:51,194 Just uh, trips, and falls. 926 00:43:51,196 --> 00:43:52,395 Like life. 927 00:43:52,397 --> 00:43:55,231 Life! 928 00:44:00,871 --> 00:44:04,674 Ray: Well why don't we just have them kiss and make up? 929 00:44:04,676 --> 00:44:06,342 They could walk out holding hands. 930 00:44:06,344 --> 00:44:09,879 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rape and kill your sister, 931 00:44:09,881 --> 00:44:09,879 it was an accident. 932 00:44:09,881 --> 00:44:13,716 Oh, that's okay because I live my life out of love now 933 00:44:13,718 --> 00:44:15,985 and I want you to know that I love you too. 934 00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:17,153 I forgive you! 935 00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:18,354 Burton: Okay. 936 00:44:18,356 --> 00:44:19,789 Ray: The bad guy and our hero could become the 937 00:44:19,791 --> 00:44:22,125 poster children for anger management. 938 00:44:22,127 --> 00:44:26,029 If we can make it work, you can, too! 939 00:44:26,031 --> 00:44:29,198 Burton: Okay, I get point. 940 00:44:30,034 --> 00:44:34,137 Ray: Burton, thanks for the job, really. 941 00:44:34,139 --> 00:44:35,972 But I'm done. 942 00:44:35,974 --> 00:44:37,674 I wish you luck. 943 00:44:37,676 --> 00:44:40,309 Goodbye. 944 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:53,890 (speaks in Russian, says "Emily" in the middle) 945 00:44:55,859 --> 00:44:58,127 VD: Yah! 946 00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:10,139 (door slams) 947 00:45:20,150 --> 00:45:23,052 VD: Hewwo. 948 00:45:26,356 --> 00:45:27,724 Ivan: I'm almost feeling sorry 949 00:45:27,726 --> 00:45:30,093 for cards dealting to Burton. 950 00:45:30,095 --> 00:45:31,828 He put everything to this picture. 951 00:45:31,830 --> 00:45:33,096 Paint: Yeah, what an idiot. 952 00:45:33,098 --> 00:45:34,864 Ivan: Well, VD's pictures still make money. 953 00:45:34,866 --> 00:45:36,232 Paint: Not in America. 954 00:45:36,234 --> 00:45:39,001 Did you know that his name, VD, in America is actually 955 00:45:39,003 --> 00:45:41,971 a sexually transmitted disease? 956 00:45:41,973 --> 00:45:42,972 Ivan: Really? 957 00:45:42,974 --> 00:45:44,340 Paint: Yeah. 958 00:45:44,342 --> 00:45:46,109 Yeah, yeah I think it's how you say it in Europe, 959 00:45:46,111 --> 00:45:48,344 the whole W,V, Wagner, Vagner... 960 00:45:48,346 --> 00:45:49,479 Ivan: Wagner, Vagner. 961 00:45:49,481 --> 00:45:50,413 Paint: Yeah. 962 00:45:50,415 --> 00:45:51,981 Yeah. 963 00:45:53,117 --> 00:45:56,119 (slow, sad music) 964 00:45:56,754 --> 00:46:01,557 VD: You know Emily, last time you were very angry with me. 965 00:46:01,559 --> 00:46:06,896 I sent you flowers, chocolates, candy, wine. 966 00:46:06,898 --> 00:46:10,066 And I even wrote you a poem and you did not respond to me 967 00:46:10,068 --> 00:46:15,838 and it's my dying wish that I have the key to your heart. 968 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,142 I do not have the key, I cannot find the key. 969 00:46:19,144 --> 00:46:28,151 And I just, I, I love you, Emily and I, I want your love. 970 00:46:32,256 --> 00:46:35,191 Emily: You want see my... 971 00:46:39,029 --> 00:46:40,863 Tits? 972 00:46:42,065 --> 00:46:44,367 VD: Yes. 973 00:46:44,369 --> 00:46:45,601 Emily: Then you go set! 974 00:46:45,603 --> 00:46:48,137 Work! 975 00:46:48,139 --> 00:46:51,240 VD: Yes. 976 00:46:51,909 --> 00:46:53,342 Emily: No picture. 977 00:46:53,344 --> 00:46:56,212 VD: Oh Emily, you know I have to have a picture. 978 00:46:56,214 --> 00:46:59,482 Emily: No. 979 00:47:00,951 --> 00:47:03,920 VD: Oh, I'm kind of sleepy now, I have to, 980 00:47:03,922 --> 00:47:07,390 I think I have to take a nap. 981 00:47:07,392 --> 00:47:09,625 Whoa. 982 00:47:09,627 --> 00:47:12,962 Emily: Wait! 983 00:47:32,216 --> 00:47:34,617 (speaking Russian) 984 00:47:38,121 --> 00:47:40,590 VD: She'll be back. 985 00:47:53,136 --> 00:47:54,503 Burton: Emily? 986 00:47:54,505 --> 00:47:56,405 What happened? 987 00:47:56,407 --> 00:47:58,374 Emily: I am virgin. 988 00:47:58,376 --> 00:48:01,410 Burton: He doesn't want your virginity. 989 00:48:01,412 --> 00:48:03,279 Emily: He wants take picture. 990 00:48:03,981 --> 00:48:05,414 Burton: Cover your face. 991 00:48:06,516 --> 00:48:08,084 Emily: No! 992 00:48:08,086 --> 00:48:10,186 Burton: 1,000 Euro! 993 00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:12,889 2,000! 994 00:48:15,025 --> 00:48:16,092 Emily: Two? 995 00:48:16,094 --> 00:48:18,361 Thousand Euro? 996 00:48:18,363 --> 00:48:20,463 Burton: Yes. 997 00:48:23,033 --> 00:48:26,969 Emily: 3,000 Euro me, 3,000 more my family. 998 00:48:31,642 --> 00:48:34,143 VD: Ah, Emily. 999 00:48:34,978 --> 00:48:38,247 Emily. 1000 00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:41,250 You are so beautiful. 1001 00:48:41,385 --> 00:48:44,086 No flower or the things that pop up out of the ground 1002 00:48:44,088 --> 00:48:46,989 in the spring can equal your beauty. 1003 00:48:46,991 --> 00:48:51,460 I, I love you. 1004 00:48:51,462 --> 00:48:54,096 I do. 1005 00:48:56,333 --> 00:48:58,668 (camera click) 1006 00:48:59,269 --> 00:49:01,570 Thank you Emily, at last my mirror is complete. 1007 00:49:01,572 --> 00:49:04,240 You will never forget this. 1008 00:49:04,242 --> 00:49:05,474 Emily: You come! 1009 00:49:05,476 --> 00:49:08,010 VD: Almost, almost. 1010 00:49:09,546 --> 00:49:11,380 Am I such a bad boy? 1011 00:49:11,382 --> 00:49:14,250 My mommy, she breastfed me, I love breasts. 1012 00:49:14,252 --> 00:49:16,052 There is nothing in the world that 1013 00:49:16,054 --> 00:49:19,288 a good breast suck can't cure. 1014 00:49:20,223 --> 00:49:23,526 Am I such a bad boy? 1015 00:49:26,430 --> 00:49:30,266 Okay, umm, checklist. 1016 00:49:30,268 --> 00:49:31,467 Let's take it from where Maria doinks me on the head 1017 00:49:31,469 --> 00:49:34,303 with the little aluminum missile. 1018 00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:36,472 Maria: You know, maybe instead of hitting you, 1019 00:49:36,474 --> 00:49:38,240 I could help you. 1020 00:49:38,242 --> 00:49:41,410 VD: What are you going to do if a woman doesn't have a gun? 1021 00:49:41,412 --> 00:49:44,447 You going to, blow kisses at him? 1022 00:49:44,449 --> 00:49:47,183 Maybe you beat him up with your batting of the eyelashes? 1023 00:49:47,185 --> 00:49:48,517 Huh? 1024 00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:49,719 Is that what it is? 1025 00:49:49,721 --> 00:49:51,587 You know, I get great idea for your character 1026 00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:52,755 and you want to change it? 1027 00:49:52,757 --> 00:49:53,756 Is that it? 1028 00:49:53,758 --> 00:49:56,292 You want to be the director? 1029 00:49:56,294 --> 00:49:57,460 Is that it? 1030 00:49:57,462 --> 00:50:00,429 Maria: Sure, yeah this will be fun, yeah! 1031 00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:03,366 We bring in all the helpless girls and the great VD 1032 00:50:03,368 --> 00:50:05,568 can come and rescue them. 1033 00:50:05,570 --> 00:50:07,303 VD: What are you doing? 1034 00:50:07,305 --> 00:50:08,371 Maria: Directing. 1035 00:50:08,373 --> 00:50:11,207 You, get off my set, stupido! 1036 00:50:11,209 --> 00:50:13,642 Get out of here! 1037 00:50:13,644 --> 00:50:15,344 VD: You are stupido! 1038 00:50:15,346 --> 00:50:19,382 If only implants were brains, then you could be Einstein. 1039 00:50:19,384 --> 00:50:20,783 And then, you could direct. 1040 00:50:20,785 --> 00:50:22,018 Yes? 1041 00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:23,319 Get off my set! 1042 00:50:23,321 --> 00:50:24,720 I fire you! 1043 00:50:24,722 --> 00:50:27,323 (Maria giggling) 1044 00:50:37,768 --> 00:50:40,269 VD: Women! 1045 00:50:40,271 --> 00:50:41,437 Ivan: It's still hard to believe they're 1046 00:50:41,439 --> 00:50:43,506 not getting bad boy clause. 1047 00:50:43,508 --> 00:50:45,508 Paint: Unbelievable with his reputation. 1048 00:50:45,510 --> 00:50:46,776 And! 1049 00:50:46,778 --> 00:50:50,079 I hear he gets to choose his own call time. 1050 00:50:50,081 --> 00:50:52,581 Ivan: Who you have to fuck, choosing own call time? 1051 00:50:52,583 --> 00:50:54,383 Paint: Producer. 1052 00:50:54,385 --> 00:50:56,619 Ivan: Oh, no no no no, I mean in life? 1053 00:50:56,621 --> 00:50:59,055 Being dealting these cards? 1054 00:50:59,057 --> 00:51:00,823 Paint: That'd be the dealer, the dealer. 1055 00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:02,324 Yeah. 1056 00:51:02,326 --> 00:51:05,828 Ivan: The dealer, the dealer, the fucking dealer. 1057 00:51:05,830 --> 00:51:08,130 Paint: The fucking dealer. 1058 00:51:08,132 --> 00:51:10,299 Burton: VD I'm sorry, we cannot fly you, 1059 00:51:10,301 --> 00:51:11,567 we just don't have the time. 1060 00:51:11,569 --> 00:51:13,602 VD: Mr Producer, you will make the time. 1061 00:51:13,604 --> 00:51:16,605 Burton: No no no no, we must shoot the fight scene as is. 1062 00:51:16,607 --> 00:51:21,310 VD: Mm-hmm, as fight choreographer, you shoot the fight 1063 00:51:21,312 --> 00:51:23,412 the way I say it is in my contract. 1064 00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:25,815 Burton: (laughs) You are the director and 1065 00:51:25,817 --> 00:51:28,751 the fight choreographer, but you aren't the set designer. 1066 00:51:28,753 --> 00:51:31,620 VD: As the fight choreographer, the next part of the fight 1067 00:51:31,622 --> 00:51:35,624 is in the air, is what I say, you cheap Euro producer, huh! 1068 00:51:35,626 --> 00:51:36,725 Burton: Hey! 1069 00:51:36,727 --> 00:51:37,860 VD: You can't spend 5 Euro on a stunt? 1070 00:51:37,862 --> 00:51:40,162 Huh, I'll tell you what, you take this, 1071 00:51:40,164 --> 00:51:43,799 you go hock it for 10 Euro, and you build us a fucking set! 1072 00:51:43,801 --> 00:51:45,768 Huh, what is this piece of shit? 1073 00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:47,403 What is it, cardboard? 1074 00:51:47,405 --> 00:51:49,238 No, it's paper. 1075 00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:51,140 You give me 5,000,000 Euro, yeah? 1076 00:51:51,142 --> 00:51:52,908 You tell me this is 10,000,000 Euro movie. 1077 00:51:52,910 --> 00:51:55,444 Where's the other 5,000,00, huh? 1078 00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:56,612 What did this cost? 1079 00:51:56,614 --> 00:51:59,215 Oh, one Euro? 1080 00:51:59,217 --> 00:52:00,416 Huh? 1081 00:52:00,418 --> 00:52:01,650 I show you what I think of your set, huh? 1082 00:52:01,652 --> 00:52:04,854 Oh, oh oh, precious set, I love you. 1083 00:52:04,856 --> 00:52:06,655 Uh, ow, ow ow! 1084 00:52:06,657 --> 00:52:08,157 Shit shit shit! 1085 00:52:08,159 --> 00:52:09,391 My toe, get away from me! 1086 00:52:09,393 --> 00:52:10,626 Get away from me. 1087 00:52:10,628 --> 00:52:12,895 Finished...set...I am not finished! 1088 00:52:12,897 --> 00:52:14,530 (roars) 1089 00:52:14,532 --> 00:52:15,464 Huh? 1090 00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:16,432 Take that you stupid set! 1091 00:52:16,434 --> 00:52:20,169 Uh! 1092 00:52:22,772 --> 00:52:25,407 (roars) 1093 00:52:26,343 --> 00:52:28,477 (laughs) 1094 00:52:28,712 --> 00:52:32,481 VD: I showing you, you fucking set! 1095 00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:34,150 Ha ha ha ha. 1096 00:52:35,952 --> 00:52:38,454 (grunts) 1097 00:52:40,557 --> 00:52:41,957 Ow! 1098 00:52:41,959 --> 00:52:43,192 Shit. 1099 00:52:43,194 --> 00:52:45,227 I think I am stuck. 1100 00:52:45,229 --> 00:52:46,295 Hello? 1101 00:52:46,297 --> 00:52:48,164 Where's my grippers? 1102 00:52:48,166 --> 00:52:50,232 Where's my grippers? 1103 00:52:50,234 --> 00:52:51,634 Vladimir: That is whack. 1104 00:52:51,636 --> 00:52:57,339 VD: Uh, I'm over here you know, hey, like uh, hey! 1105 00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:59,241 Hey, I'm over here. 1106 00:52:59,243 --> 00:53:00,910 In here, hello? 1107 00:53:00,912 --> 00:53:02,244 I'm in the rock! 1108 00:53:02,246 --> 00:53:04,313 AD: Video, come on, [unintelligible] 1109 00:53:04,315 --> 00:53:05,948 VD: Help me. 1110 00:53:05,950 --> 00:53:08,651 Excuse me? 1111 00:53:08,653 --> 00:53:10,386 AD: (exclaims in Russian) 1112 00:53:10,388 --> 00:53:11,453 VD: What's happening out there? 1113 00:53:11,455 --> 00:53:13,756 (metallic clanking) 1114 00:53:13,758 --> 00:53:16,525 (speaking in Russian) 1115 00:53:25,569 --> 00:53:27,670 VD: Da, except I don't speak Russian! 1116 00:53:27,672 --> 00:53:28,837 I know you want to help. 1117 00:53:28,839 --> 00:53:30,506 (speaking Russian) 1118 00:53:31,808 --> 00:53:34,310 VD: Keep the producer away from me. 1119 00:53:34,312 --> 00:53:36,011 Keep him away from my butt. 1120 00:53:36,013 --> 00:53:39,215 (speaking Russian) 1121 00:53:54,698 --> 00:53:57,800 Sir Jeffrey: Harry, are you awake? 1122 00:53:57,802 --> 00:54:02,638 I had to call and let you know that he's stoned, 1123 00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:06,875 he's drunk, he's high, he's wielding a knife, 1124 00:54:06,877 --> 00:54:09,645 I could get killed right now, he's so psycho. 1125 00:54:09,647 --> 00:54:11,981 He's just rammed his head into a fiberglass rock. 1126 00:54:11,983 --> 00:54:17,019 (rocks moving) 1127 00:54:18,455 --> 00:54:19,955 (glass breaking) 1128 00:54:19,957 --> 00:54:20,923 VD: That's better! 1129 00:54:20,925 --> 00:54:22,057 Paint: Can I say it? 1130 00:54:22,059 --> 00:54:23,726 Ivan: No, is...no. Paint: I'm going to. 1131 00:54:23,728 --> 00:54:24,760 Ivan: Okay, go ahead. 1132 00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:26,295 Paint: Dickhead! 1133 00:54:26,297 --> 00:54:28,430 (laughing) 1134 00:54:29,933 --> 00:54:33,569 (Russians speaking Russian) 1135 00:54:33,571 --> 00:54:35,971 Soundman: Shouldn't you be out there giving him a hand? 1136 00:54:35,973 --> 00:54:37,473 (laughing) 1137 00:54:37,475 --> 00:54:38,674 Sir Jeffrey: So you're sending me back to the hotel 1138 00:54:38,676 --> 00:54:40,075 until you have ironclad assurances that I do not 1139 00:54:40,077 --> 00:54:43,345 have to do battle with um, a person 1140 00:54:43,347 --> 00:54:46,815 who is on drugs and alcohol. 1141 00:54:46,817 --> 00:54:48,951 (speaking Russian) 1142 00:54:49,619 --> 00:54:52,721 (zany music) 1143 00:54:54,658 --> 00:54:56,525 (crash) 1144 00:55:06,403 --> 00:55:08,637 Sir Jeffrey: Harry, wake up Harry. 1145 00:55:08,639 --> 00:55:09,471 Come on. 1146 00:55:09,473 --> 00:55:10,906 You have no idea! 1147 00:55:10,908 --> 00:55:14,910 There's a psychopath on the loose wielding lethal weapons. 1148 00:55:14,912 --> 00:55:16,111 You're supposed to be my agent, 1149 00:55:16,113 --> 00:55:18,514 standing in front of me and protecting me. 1150 00:55:18,516 --> 00:55:19,715 VD: AHHH! 1151 00:55:19,717 --> 00:55:21,116 Sir Jeffrey: Here you are, off in America, 1152 00:55:21,118 --> 00:55:23,719 in a nice warm bed, and here I'm on a set with a psycho! 1153 00:55:23,721 --> 00:55:25,654 Hello? 1154 00:55:25,656 --> 00:55:28,490 Hello? 1155 00:55:28,492 --> 00:55:28,490 (Russians speaking Russian) 1156 00:55:28,492 --> 00:55:33,329 Sir Jeffrey: You voiceless, lawless, neutered coward. 1157 00:55:33,563 --> 00:55:35,964 VD: Take that, you stupid rock! 1158 00:55:35,966 --> 00:55:39,068 (Russians cheer) 1159 00:55:41,438 --> 00:55:43,472 VD: Ah! 1160 00:55:43,474 --> 00:55:46,475 Take that you stupid shit. 1161 00:55:46,477 --> 00:55:47,810 Burton: Hey, VD! 1162 00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:50,713 I've spoken to special effects, we're going to fly you. 1163 00:55:50,715 --> 00:55:52,748 I like the idea, it will uh, give extra... 1164 00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:54,583 VD: Now you like the idea? 1165 00:55:54,585 --> 00:55:56,352 Burton: Visual interest to... 1166 00:55:56,354 --> 00:55:57,920 (Russians laugh) 1167 00:55:57,922 --> 00:56:02,825 VD: You will be very happy that you have flown the great VD. 1168 00:56:02,827 --> 00:56:04,993 Sir Jeffrey! 1169 00:56:04,995 --> 00:56:07,429 Hey, let's run lines. 1170 00:56:07,431 --> 00:56:10,099 Leave us alone, we are rehearsing! 1171 00:56:11,034 --> 00:56:12,401 Emily: What he's doing? 1172 00:56:12,403 --> 00:56:15,037 VD: Okay, uh, you have the first line. 1173 00:56:15,039 --> 00:56:16,605 Sir Jeffrey: The crystals are mine. 1174 00:56:16,607 --> 00:56:19,475 VD: The crystals are for the people. 1175 00:56:19,477 --> 00:56:21,377 Sir Jeffrey: The people are ignorant peasants. 1176 00:56:21,379 --> 00:56:24,847 They'll just piss away their money on tithes and beer. 1177 00:56:24,849 --> 00:56:27,649 VD: I represent the people's beer. 1178 00:56:27,651 --> 00:56:29,485 Sir Jeffrey: Are you really going to say that? 1179 00:56:29,487 --> 00:56:32,421 VD: I wrote that, I think it's funny. 1180 00:56:32,423 --> 00:56:34,189 Sir Jeffrey: There's beer on Mars? 1181 00:56:34,191 --> 00:56:36,091 (VD clears throat) 1182 00:56:36,993 --> 00:56:39,561 VD: There is now. 1183 00:56:39,563 --> 00:56:41,130 Sir Jeffrey: Why are you doing that with your voice? 1184 00:56:41,132 --> 00:56:43,198 VD: I heard that when a director does that 1185 00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,801 it makes his voice low and gravelly. 1186 00:56:45,803 --> 00:56:47,469 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, but naturally your voice has 1187 00:56:47,471 --> 00:56:49,004 so much more color in it. 1188 00:56:49,006 --> 00:56:51,807 VD: My voice has color? 1189 00:56:51,809 --> 00:56:54,510 Sir Jeffrey: In real life, you're so animated. 1190 00:56:54,512 --> 00:56:58,113 But when you act, you stick your voice down in one note. 1191 00:56:58,115 --> 00:56:59,415 VD: I do? 1192 00:56:59,417 --> 00:57:00,482 Sir Jeffrey: Yes. 1193 00:57:00,484 --> 00:57:01,650 Why would you do that? 1194 00:57:01,652 --> 00:57:04,052 VD: Because it sounds cool. 1195 00:57:04,054 --> 00:57:05,587 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, for a minute. 1196 00:57:05,589 --> 00:57:07,589 But you know, when you go to a concert, don't you want 1197 00:57:07,591 --> 00:57:10,659 to hear all the instruments, not just the tuba? 1198 00:57:10,661 --> 00:57:12,928 VD: A tube of what? 1199 00:57:12,930 --> 00:57:14,496 Toothpaste? 1200 00:57:14,498 --> 00:57:16,231 Sir Jeffrey: Come on you know it's like, big brass horn? 1201 00:57:16,233 --> 00:57:17,766 Got a big bell on it? 1202 00:57:17,768 --> 00:57:20,102 VD: Oh, the tuba! 1203 00:57:20,104 --> 00:57:21,870 Bom bom bom bom bom bom. 1204 00:57:21,872 --> 00:57:23,739 I lick the tuba! 1205 00:57:23,741 --> 00:57:25,874 Oops. 1206 00:57:25,876 --> 00:57:28,544 I said lick, so I have to, sorry. 1207 00:57:28,546 --> 00:57:30,145 Ha hahaha! 1208 00:57:30,147 --> 00:57:32,581 Sir Jeffrey: Do chicks dig that? 1209 00:57:32,583 --> 00:57:35,951 VD: They go crazy. 1210 00:57:35,953 --> 00:57:37,653 Sir Jeffrey: Boy, you've had some breaks, haven't you? 1211 00:57:37,655 --> 00:57:39,988 VD: A little luck has hit me on the head. 1212 00:57:39,990 --> 00:57:43,058 Among other things. 1213 00:57:45,094 --> 00:57:47,663 Sir Jeffrey: Is it true that you went down on 1214 00:57:47,665 --> 00:57:50,899 all those chicks in front of everyone at your birthday? 1215 00:57:51,568 --> 00:57:53,135 VD: Of course. 1216 00:57:53,137 --> 00:57:55,804 Sir Jeffrey: Aren't you afraid of contracting something? 1217 00:57:55,806 --> 00:57:57,206 VD: Hmm-mm. 1218 00:57:57,208 --> 00:57:58,740 I never get sick. 1219 00:57:58,742 --> 00:58:03,812 Life, is the disease, and I am the cure! 1220 00:58:06,082 --> 00:58:08,016 Is your microphone on? 1221 00:58:08,018 --> 00:58:09,818 Disconnect the cable, I once knew a sound guy 1222 00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:12,721 who played me a tape once of crews, you know, 1223 00:58:12,723 --> 00:58:14,857 going at it in his trailer. 1224 00:58:14,859 --> 00:58:17,726 (laughs) 1225 00:58:17,728 --> 00:58:19,661 You know what he says when he's cumming? 1226 00:58:19,663 --> 00:58:20,863 Sir Jeffrey: What? 1227 00:58:20,865 --> 00:58:23,232 Crew: Awwww! 1228 00:58:23,234 --> 00:58:26,268 VD: No mommy, no! 1229 00:58:27,003 --> 00:58:29,171 That's fucked up! 1230 00:58:29,173 --> 00:58:31,740 Sir Jeffrey: Quite. 1231 00:58:38,548 --> 00:58:41,216 You must now swear to me that you will never 1232 00:58:41,218 --> 00:58:44,019 tell a single soul what I'm about to tell you, 1233 00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:46,655 or I will hunt you down and kill you. 1234 00:58:46,657 --> 00:58:50,659 Sir Jeffrey: You have my solemn word as a gentleman. 1235 00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,728 VD: Okay. 1236 00:58:52,730 --> 00:58:57,332 I will now tell you something about the great VD. 1237 00:58:57,700 --> 00:59:00,235 No one fucks the great VD. 1238 00:59:00,237 --> 00:59:01,670 You give me one pile of shit 1239 00:59:01,672 --> 00:59:04,673 I will give you 100 piles of shit. 1240 00:59:04,675 --> 00:59:08,877 Burton, he told me that we were making a 10,000,000 Euro 1241 00:59:08,879 --> 00:59:11,113 movie, he gives me 5,000,000 Euro, right? 1242 00:59:11,115 --> 00:59:13,348 What does he spend on this set, like 10 Euro? 1243 00:59:13,350 --> 00:59:16,251 This set will look like shit, I will look like shit. 1244 00:59:16,586 --> 00:59:19,988 I don't want them to release this movie. 1245 00:59:20,089 --> 00:59:21,990 Burton is out there right now eating his shit 1246 00:59:21,992 --> 00:59:23,592 and I am salting it. 1247 00:59:23,594 --> 00:59:26,128 As long as I do what I am doing, I am free 1248 00:59:26,130 --> 00:59:29,264 to leave here at midnight tonight. 1249 00:59:29,832 --> 00:59:32,000 Pretty brilliant, huh? 1250 00:59:32,002 --> 00:59:32,901 Sir Jeffrey: But no one will ever 1251 00:59:32,903 --> 00:59:34,269 want to work with you again. 1252 00:59:34,271 --> 00:59:37,839 VD: Oh, bullshit, I got a three-picture deal waiting, 1253 00:59:37,841 --> 00:59:39,675 I could do a television series. 1254 00:59:39,677 --> 00:59:40,909 Sir Jeffrey: Really? 1255 00:59:40,911 --> 00:59:44,746 VD: Oh, my aching vagina! 1256 00:59:46,249 --> 00:59:48,684 What's the matter? 1257 00:59:49,018 --> 00:59:50,886 Sir Jeffrey: Can I tell you a secret that if you tell 1258 00:59:50,888 --> 00:59:53,055 anyone else I get to kill you? 1259 00:59:54,157 --> 00:59:56,792 VD: You have my word as a gentleman. 1260 00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:59,027 Sir Jeffrey: Your film is the only job I've been offered 1261 00:59:59,029 --> 01:00:01,229 in the last two years. 1262 01:00:01,231 --> 01:00:03,832 This job saved my house. 1263 01:00:03,834 --> 01:00:04,967 VD: What?! 1264 01:00:04,969 --> 01:00:07,202 That is bullshit, fire your agent! 1265 01:00:07,204 --> 01:00:09,705 You are the best actor! 1266 01:00:09,707 --> 01:00:11,373 Sir Jeffrey: VD, there are a million good actors, 1267 01:00:11,375 --> 01:00:12,908 but very few stars. 1268 01:00:12,910 --> 01:00:14,376 You are a star. 1269 01:00:14,378 --> 01:00:16,311 I am just an actor. 1270 01:00:16,313 --> 01:00:18,914 VD: Ha ha no, you are a star. 1271 01:00:18,916 --> 01:00:21,650 Sir Jeffrey: A minor twinkler, perhaps. 1272 01:00:21,652 --> 01:00:23,385 Only a few stars rise. 1273 01:00:23,387 --> 01:00:26,688 And you have got yours a long way up there. 1274 01:00:26,690 --> 01:00:29,625 VD: Yeah my star did go up a little ways. 1275 01:00:29,627 --> 01:00:31,660 Yours could, too! 1276 01:00:31,662 --> 01:00:34,062 Sir Jeffrey: You know how when you meet some people, 1277 01:00:34,064 --> 01:00:36,231 you just want to rush up and hug them? 1278 01:00:36,233 --> 01:00:38,100 There's something about them you just 1279 01:00:38,102 --> 01:00:39,968 want to hold close to you? 1280 01:00:39,970 --> 01:00:42,871 And then there are other people who give you the creeps. 1281 01:00:42,873 --> 01:00:44,706 VD: Okay. 1282 01:00:44,708 --> 01:00:46,975 Sir Jeffrey: You have this boyish quality about you. 1283 01:00:46,977 --> 01:00:48,377 It's adorable. 1284 01:00:48,379 --> 01:00:51,313 I am one of those people who give others the creeps. 1285 01:00:51,315 --> 01:00:53,015 VD: No! 1286 01:00:53,017 --> 01:00:55,117 Sir Jeffrey: Who's playing the villain in the movie, hmm? 1287 01:00:55,119 --> 01:00:56,351 Who? 1288 01:00:56,353 --> 01:00:57,686 VD: You. 1289 01:00:57,688 --> 01:01:00,922 Sir Jeffrey: Was that an accident? 1290 01:01:02,392 --> 01:01:03,425 VD: No. 1291 01:01:03,427 --> 01:01:04,926 Sir Jeffrey: And it's okay. 1292 01:01:04,928 --> 01:01:06,828 Do I look sad? 1293 01:01:06,830 --> 01:01:10,866 It's been a great living, most of the time. 1294 01:01:10,868 --> 01:01:12,701 VD: Do you want to get out of here? 1295 01:01:12,703 --> 01:01:14,403 Do you want to get out of this stinking set? 1296 01:01:14,405 --> 01:01:15,904 Sir Jeffrey: I want to go home. 1297 01:01:15,906 --> 01:01:17,673 I want to hold my children. 1298 01:01:17,675 --> 01:01:19,374 VD: Then the great VD will fire you, too. 1299 01:01:19,376 --> 01:01:21,743 Let's do it on the set with more people around. 1300 01:01:21,745 --> 01:01:23,879 Maria wanted an audience. 1301 01:01:23,881 --> 01:01:25,981 Sir Jeffrey: She wanted you to fire her? 1302 01:01:25,983 --> 01:01:28,250 VD: Yes she has to leave tomorrow and wanted to go shopping. 1303 01:01:28,252 --> 01:01:29,051 Sir Jeffrey: Really? 1304 01:01:29,053 --> 01:01:29,985 VD: Yes. 1305 01:01:29,987 --> 01:01:32,454 She's going to buy me a present! 1306 01:01:32,456 --> 01:01:35,157 Sir Jeffrey: VD, that was great acting! 1307 01:01:35,159 --> 01:01:36,692 VD: Really? 1308 01:01:36,694 --> 01:01:37,459 (Sir Jeffrey laughs) 1309 01:01:37,461 --> 01:01:39,995 VD: Well, thank you Sir Jeffrey. 1310 01:01:39,997 --> 01:01:41,296 Think of some really horrible things to say 1311 01:01:41,298 --> 01:01:44,232 about me, it will be all the more fun. 1312 01:01:44,234 --> 01:01:45,767 Sir Jeffrey: I think I could muster 1313 01:01:45,769 --> 01:01:47,869 a few things for the occasion. 1314 01:01:47,871 --> 01:01:49,805 I finally get to do some acting. 1315 01:01:49,807 --> 01:01:51,873 Yes, yes a performance is in order! 1316 01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:53,141 VD: It's going to be fun, yes? 1317 01:01:53,143 --> 01:01:54,276 Sir Jeffrey: Yes! 1318 01:01:54,278 --> 01:01:55,711 VD: Good! 1319 01:01:55,713 --> 01:01:58,814 Sir Jeffrey: VD, what a brilliant surprise. 1320 01:01:58,816 --> 01:02:01,717 It's been fun working with you. 1321 01:02:02,218 --> 01:02:04,519 VD: Well not everyone has said that about me. 1322 01:02:07,290 --> 01:02:10,459 Thank you. 1323 01:02:12,995 --> 01:02:17,365 You see, I want to hug you. 1324 01:02:18,935 --> 01:02:22,537 Burton: I told you he hits for other team. 1325 01:02:23,005 --> 01:02:25,340 Emily: Baseball? 1326 01:02:26,776 --> 01:02:29,945 VD: See you on the set, Sir Jeffrey. 1327 01:02:37,386 --> 01:02:39,855 (whistles �The Good, the Bad and the Ugly�) 1328 01:02:45,228 --> 01:02:47,529 Sir Jeffrey: You know what your problem is? 1329 01:02:47,531 --> 01:02:49,898 No one says no to you anymore. 1330 01:02:49,900 --> 01:02:52,367 When was the last time anyone said no to you? 1331 01:02:52,369 --> 01:02:55,971 When was the last time you said no to yourself? 1332 01:02:56,139 --> 01:02:59,040 VD: What are you talking about? 1333 01:02:59,909 --> 01:03:03,044 Sir Jeffrey: What is a man if his chief good and 1334 01:03:03,046 --> 01:03:07,315 market of his time be to sleep and feed. 1335 01:03:07,317 --> 01:03:09,851 A beast no more. 1336 01:03:09,853 --> 01:03:13,455 The best part of you is not being fed. 1337 01:03:13,457 --> 01:03:15,023 VD: Why not? 1338 01:03:15,025 --> 01:03:16,792 Sir Jeffrey: Because you've locked it away from yourself 1339 01:03:16,794 --> 01:03:20,328 and from everyone else with bars of coke and drugs. 1340 01:03:20,330 --> 01:03:22,364 VD: It's not bars, it's lines. 1341 01:03:22,366 --> 01:03:23,231 Sir Jeffrey: Whatever! 1342 01:03:23,233 --> 01:03:24,199 It's drugs. 1343 01:03:24,201 --> 01:03:25,534 It's killing your discipline. 1344 01:03:25,536 --> 01:03:27,302 And you being a star, it's killing the discipline 1345 01:03:27,304 --> 01:03:28,904 of everyone around you. 1346 01:03:28,906 --> 01:03:31,139 You have too much power. 1347 01:03:31,141 --> 01:03:33,575 And everyone is afraid of losing favor with you, 1348 01:03:33,577 --> 01:03:36,545 or you're going to use your power against them. 1349 01:03:36,547 --> 01:03:38,547 Everyone is afraid to say no to you, but 1350 01:03:38,549 --> 01:03:41,917 all they have to do is just say no. 1351 01:03:42,084 --> 01:03:43,485 VD: You want to say no to me? 1352 01:03:43,487 --> 01:03:45,620 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, everyone should say no to you. 1353 01:03:45,622 --> 01:03:49,825 Because you are an addict, and you belong in rehab. 1354 01:03:49,827 --> 01:03:51,259 VD: You say no to me? 1355 01:03:51,261 --> 01:03:53,395 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, I say no to you. 1356 01:03:53,397 --> 01:03:55,197 VD: You want to say no to me? 1357 01:03:55,199 --> 01:03:56,231 Sir Jeffrey: Yes. 1358 01:03:56,233 --> 01:03:58,567 VD: You say no? 1359 01:03:58,569 --> 01:03:59,334 Sir Jeffrey: Yes. 1360 01:03:59,336 --> 01:04:00,569 VD: No or yes? 1361 01:04:00,571 --> 01:04:02,070 Sir Jeffrey: I say no to you, and everyone else 1362 01:04:02,072 --> 01:04:03,238 should say no to you as well! 1363 01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:06,842 VD: You want to say no to the great VD. 1364 01:04:06,844 --> 01:04:12,347 Ha ha, well, man of flowery words, then you are stupid. 1365 01:04:12,349 --> 01:04:15,450 Because no one says no to the great VD, especially 1366 01:04:15,452 --> 01:04:18,320 when VD is the director! 1367 01:04:18,322 --> 01:04:20,589 So I fire you! 1368 01:04:20,591 --> 01:04:23,225 Get off my set! 1369 01:04:23,227 --> 01:04:24,993 Sir Jeffrey: You think having to leave your 1370 01:04:24,995 --> 01:04:27,429 little playground here, your sandbox, is punishment? 1371 01:04:27,431 --> 01:04:30,632 (Sir Jeffrey laughs) 1372 01:04:30,933 --> 01:04:32,467 VD: Hey, don't let the door hit your 1373 01:04:32,469 --> 01:04:35,971 flowery dick on the way out. 1374 01:04:40,209 --> 01:04:42,677 Sir Jeffrey: You're not a hero, VD. 1375 01:04:42,679 --> 01:04:44,946 You're a movie star. 1376 01:04:44,948 --> 01:04:46,181 An icon. 1377 01:04:46,183 --> 01:04:48,016 That is not as substantial or deep as the 1378 01:04:48,018 --> 01:04:50,585 film your image is recorded on. 1379 01:04:50,587 --> 01:04:54,956 A vapid photon, glittering for an ignorant audience. 1380 01:04:54,958 --> 01:04:57,926 I pity, really pity your fans. 1381 01:04:57,928 --> 01:04:59,661 I wish they knew what an appalling effort it takes 1382 01:04:59,663 --> 01:05:02,898 to get your facade ready to be photographed. 1383 01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:05,567 A photograph of a facade that moves. 1384 01:05:05,569 --> 01:05:08,703 That is how I shall remember you. 1385 01:05:08,705 --> 01:05:12,107 You cannot hear my no, but you will hear the no 1386 01:05:12,109 --> 01:05:15,477 that life delivers you. 1387 01:05:16,145 --> 01:05:20,482 VD, you are the disease. 1388 01:05:20,484 --> 01:05:24,386 And you, and you alone are the cure. 1389 01:05:25,354 --> 01:05:30,025 (applause) 1390 01:05:42,939 --> 01:05:47,142 (spacey teleporting noise) 1391 01:05:58,521 --> 01:06:01,990 VD: I am the disease and I am the cure. 1392 01:06:01,992 --> 01:06:05,627 That was my line, he changed it. 1393 01:06:07,396 --> 01:06:09,331 He was joking. 1394 01:06:09,333 --> 01:06:12,233 Joke's on you. 1395 01:06:17,707 --> 01:06:21,142 Burton: VD, where are you going? 1396 01:06:21,144 --> 01:06:24,179 VD: I'll be back. 1397 01:06:24,181 --> 01:06:26,982 Burton: We have to finish the movie. 1398 01:06:34,757 --> 01:06:36,725 VD: People are supposed to say no to me, 1399 01:06:36,727 --> 01:06:39,260 you wanna say no to me? 1400 01:06:40,029 --> 01:06:43,999 Burton: Okay, umm, no, no! 1401 01:06:44,001 --> 01:06:47,268 You cannot leave set. 1402 01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:08,089 VD: Fuck you. 1403 01:07:17,433 --> 01:07:22,604 (sad music) 1404 01:07:31,747 --> 01:07:36,251 (VD hums softly) 1405 01:07:39,288 --> 01:07:41,790 Soundman: [unintelligible] 1406 01:07:44,527 --> 01:07:45,760 VD: You want to say no? 1407 01:07:45,762 --> 01:07:47,562 To me? 1408 01:07:47,564 --> 01:07:50,432 To the great VD? 1409 01:07:51,267 --> 01:07:54,069 You should say no to me. 1410 01:08:03,546 --> 01:08:04,879 (sneezes) 1411 01:08:04,881 --> 01:08:06,548 (Sue laughs) 1412 01:08:06,550 --> 01:08:09,350 VD: What, did I get some on my face? 1413 01:08:14,790 --> 01:08:17,692 Burton: What, what, what are you doing? 1414 01:08:17,694 --> 01:08:20,095 VD: My dick says no to me. 1415 01:08:20,097 --> 01:08:21,663 My dick says no to me. 1416 01:08:21,665 --> 01:08:22,664 Burton: Stop this! 1417 01:08:22,666 --> 01:08:25,266 Stop it! 1418 01:08:25,268 --> 01:08:27,235 (Burton mumbles in Russian) 1419 01:08:27,237 --> 01:08:28,236 (knocking) 1420 01:08:28,238 --> 01:08:29,437 VD: Who is it? 1421 01:08:29,439 --> 01:08:32,407 (answer in Russian, with Maria understandable) 1422 01:08:33,509 --> 01:08:34,709 VD: Maria. 1423 01:08:35,678 --> 01:08:37,278 Maria: Hi. 1424 01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:38,313 VD: Hi baby. 1425 01:08:38,315 --> 01:08:39,714 What are you doing here? 1426 01:08:39,716 --> 01:08:43,284 Maria: Well I wanted to get you something to remember me by. 1427 01:08:43,286 --> 01:08:44,452 VD: Oh thank you, Maria. 1428 01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:46,354 I didn't think maybe you were gonna actually 1429 01:08:46,356 --> 01:08:47,589 go shopping for me. 1430 01:08:47,591 --> 01:08:49,457 What is it? 1431 01:08:49,459 --> 01:08:51,860 Maria: Well open it. 1432 01:08:53,295 --> 01:08:54,929 VD: Oh! 1433 01:08:54,931 --> 01:08:56,931 (laughing) 1434 01:08:58,267 --> 01:09:00,168 VD: You didn't get this at a store. 1435 01:09:00,170 --> 01:09:01,269 Maria: No, I didn't. 1436 01:09:01,271 --> 01:09:02,770 Props had an extra one. 1437 01:09:02,772 --> 01:09:03,505 You like? 1438 01:09:03,507 --> 01:09:05,473 VD: Awwww. 1439 01:09:07,343 --> 01:09:08,776 I love you. 1440 01:09:08,778 --> 01:09:13,548 Maria: Awww, honey you know it's not love, it's location. 1441 01:09:13,550 --> 01:09:15,483 VD: I know. 1442 01:09:15,485 --> 01:09:18,453 But it's still sad to see you go anyway. 1443 01:09:18,455 --> 01:09:19,721 Maria: Aww, it was fun. 1444 01:09:19,723 --> 01:09:21,389 VD: Yeah. 1445 01:09:21,391 --> 01:09:23,324 Maria: Bye. 1446 01:09:27,296 --> 01:09:28,329 Have fun. 1447 01:09:28,331 --> 01:09:29,464 VD: I'll miss your tuckus. 1448 01:09:29,466 --> 01:09:32,600 Maria: I'll miss yours too. 1449 01:09:37,206 --> 01:09:39,507 VD: Maria. 1450 01:09:41,343 --> 01:09:43,645 AD: VD, I need you to focus, are you ready? 1451 01:09:43,647 --> 01:09:45,480 VD: I was born ready. 1452 01:09:45,482 --> 01:09:49,617 Today is a good day to fly. 1453 01:09:49,619 --> 01:09:53,521 Today is a good day to fly. 1454 01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:54,589 AD: Alright, here we go. 1455 01:09:54,591 --> 01:09:58,726 On three, two, one. 1456 01:09:58,728 --> 01:10:01,596 VD: Oh, look I am Superman! 1457 01:10:01,598 --> 01:10:03,431 Ho ho! 1458 01:10:03,433 --> 01:10:07,802 And once again, I have saved New York for the 47th time. 1459 01:10:07,804 --> 01:10:09,971 Ahh, wooo! 1460 01:10:09,973 --> 01:10:12,707 And I go woooooo.... 1461 01:10:15,778 --> 01:10:18,413 Oh that's a nice rocket. 1462 01:10:19,014 --> 01:10:20,848 Director. 1463 01:10:20,850 --> 01:10:23,451 Director. 1464 01:10:23,453 --> 01:10:26,254 Now do I look like a fish? 1465 01:10:26,256 --> 01:10:28,256 Am I the fish? 1466 01:10:28,258 --> 01:10:31,559 Woo! 1467 01:10:35,297 --> 01:10:39,000 And now, I'm Super, not yet I'm not Superman. 1468 01:10:39,002 --> 01:10:40,635 (thud) 1469 01:10:40,637 --> 01:10:43,905 (VD exclaiming) 1470 01:10:44,807 --> 01:10:46,808 Oh, we got hung behind the rocket. 1471 01:10:46,810 --> 01:10:48,910 Okay. 1472 01:10:48,912 --> 01:10:51,679 Ivan: You think they can keep hoisting him 1473 01:10:51,681 --> 01:10:52,947 right out of building? 1474 01:10:52,949 --> 01:10:54,315 Paint: Oh I think they have something 1475 01:10:54,317 --> 01:10:56,651 even better than even that planned. 1476 01:10:56,653 --> 01:10:59,921 VD: Woo! 1477 01:10:59,923 --> 01:11:02,390 Whoa! 1478 01:11:02,392 --> 01:11:05,326 That was a little bit too fast there, Mark. 1479 01:11:05,328 --> 01:11:09,897 I'm a-spinning like that little thing with the horses, 1480 01:11:09,899 --> 01:11:12,033 the round one. 1481 01:11:12,035 --> 01:11:15,336 I, I think the balance is off. 1482 01:11:15,338 --> 01:11:17,805 I'm a-stuck-ed here. 1483 01:11:17,807 --> 01:11:19,641 Uh, let's take me down. 1484 01:11:19,643 --> 01:11:20,975 Mark: Hey, yeah we're on it VD. 1485 01:11:20,977 --> 01:11:21,843 Bring it down! 1486 01:11:21,845 --> 01:11:23,544 VD: It's uncomfortable. 1487 01:11:23,546 --> 01:11:27,849 I don't, I don't feel so good. 1488 01:11:27,851 --> 01:11:30,385 Oh, I feel all sweaty. 1489 01:11:30,387 --> 01:11:32,086 (gags and vomits) 1490 01:11:32,088 --> 01:11:35,290 (crew reacts) 1491 01:11:35,292 --> 01:11:37,625 VD: I told Louie I did not want the fish. 1492 01:11:37,627 --> 01:11:39,327 Mark: VD are you all right? 1493 01:11:39,329 --> 01:11:44,599 VD: Okay I think I'm , I feel better actually I'm Okay. 1494 01:11:44,601 --> 01:11:46,301 But get me down. 1495 01:11:46,303 --> 01:11:48,069 (gags and vomits) 1496 01:11:48,071 --> 01:11:50,938 Oh God. 1497 01:11:50,940 --> 01:11:53,308 I don't feel so good. 1498 01:11:53,310 --> 01:11:56,844 Oh God, my arm hurts, GET ME DOWN! 1499 01:11:56,846 --> 01:11:59,614 My arm! 1500 01:11:59,616 --> 01:12:01,683 (gagging) 1501 01:12:14,496 --> 01:12:18,099 (sad music) 1502 01:12:35,150 --> 01:12:36,884 AD: Can we get him down? 1503 01:12:36,886 --> 01:12:38,820 VD, VD, here. 1504 01:12:38,822 --> 01:12:40,455 VD, talk to me. 1505 01:12:40,457 --> 01:12:41,622 Talk to me. 1506 01:12:41,624 --> 01:12:44,592 Mark: Get in here, come on come on come on! 1507 01:12:45,060 --> 01:12:47,662 Ivan: That was a puke smell. 1508 01:12:47,664 --> 01:12:49,564 Paint: I think I know what it is. 1509 01:12:49,566 --> 01:12:50,732 Ivan: What? 1510 01:12:50,734 --> 01:12:53,101 Paint: The uh, the tattoo, the talons. 1511 01:12:53,103 --> 01:12:55,103 Ivan: Yeah? 1512 01:12:55,105 --> 01:12:57,138 Paint: I think it's a straight shot into his 1513 01:12:57,140 --> 01:12:58,773 subconscious, he knows. 1514 01:12:58,775 --> 01:13:00,174 Ivan: What? 1515 01:13:00,176 --> 01:13:02,176 Paint: He knows that he is controlled by his dick. 1516 01:13:02,178 --> 01:13:05,780 And his dick is controlled by some winged thing 1517 01:13:05,782 --> 01:13:08,182 in the sky that he has no control over, some 1518 01:13:08,184 --> 01:13:11,986 winged, whimsical beast that has pulled him 1519 01:13:11,988 --> 01:13:15,823 and yanked him and the talons are deep into his flesh, 1520 01:13:15,825 --> 01:13:19,127 and he can't control it, and it's like he's 1521 01:13:19,129 --> 01:13:20,661 telling his dick that he knows. 1522 01:13:20,663 --> 01:13:22,663 It's a concession of sorts. 1523 01:13:22,665 --> 01:13:24,999 He's conceding to his dick. 1524 01:13:25,001 --> 01:13:26,968 Ivan: He was blown out of his mind and uh, 1525 01:13:26,970 --> 01:13:28,770 probably picked the wrong picture. 1526 01:13:28,772 --> 01:13:30,538 Paint: No, he knows. 1527 01:13:30,540 --> 01:13:32,907 It's a recognition of your own faults. 1528 01:13:32,909 --> 01:13:35,143 You know it actually takes a lot of, he may 1529 01:13:35,145 --> 01:13:36,811 have more insight than we think. 1530 01:13:36,813 --> 01:13:38,179 You know, God damn, the tattoo, I like it. 1531 01:13:38,181 --> 01:13:40,081 Son of a bitch knows! 1532 01:13:40,083 --> 01:13:42,817 He knows! 1533 01:13:42,819 --> 01:13:44,051 Mark: Can I get a gurney in here, please? 1534 01:13:44,053 --> 01:13:47,822 Medic: Let's go, move it in. 1535 01:13:51,994 --> 01:13:53,494 Here we go, here we go. 1536 01:13:53,496 --> 01:13:54,695 Get him off, get him off. 1537 01:13:54,697 --> 01:13:56,164 Let's go, let's go let's go! 1538 01:13:56,166 --> 01:13:59,567 Mark: How 'bout some help, Ivan! 1539 01:13:59,902 --> 01:14:00,701 Mark: We got it. 1540 01:14:13,916 --> 01:14:17,585 Medic: Clear! 1541 01:14:20,856 --> 01:14:24,192 Ivan: Do you believe in karma? 1542 01:14:24,194 --> 01:14:26,461 Paint: Well, yeah, but it's not often you get to see 1543 01:14:26,463 --> 01:14:31,032 the big wheel go all the way around in one lifetime. 1544 01:14:31,034 --> 01:14:33,935 Ivan: I know you're liking his tattoo, but uh, 1545 01:14:33,937 --> 01:14:35,937 he shits on everybody. 1546 01:14:35,939 --> 01:14:41,175 His wife, his children, he probably shits on his own dog. 1547 01:14:43,512 --> 01:14:46,581 (sad music) 1548 01:14:54,957 --> 01:14:57,258 Burton: Hey, don't wrap up! 1549 01:14:57,260 --> 01:14:59,160 This is not a wrap! 1550 01:14:59,162 --> 01:15:01,796 We will shoot the scene with doubles. 1551 01:15:01,798 --> 01:15:02,864 AD: Not today! 1552 01:15:02,866 --> 01:15:03,865 Burton: No no no! 1553 01:15:03,867 --> 01:15:05,099 Get his body off of here! 1554 01:15:05,101 --> 01:15:09,537 We are going to shoot the scene with... 1555 01:15:11,740 --> 01:15:13,007 Sue: No! 1556 01:15:13,009 --> 01:15:14,642 Paint: Oh, now she says no. 1557 01:15:14,644 --> 01:15:16,544 Sue: NO! 1558 01:15:16,546 --> 01:15:19,914 NO!!! 1559 01:15:20,616 --> 01:15:23,084 (VD coughs) 1560 01:15:25,954 --> 01:15:28,089 VD: What happen-ed? 1561 01:15:28,091 --> 01:15:34,262 I was, I was Peter Pan, and I was doing the flying, 1562 01:15:34,264 --> 01:15:38,065 and I saw Neverland, and Tinkerbell was calling, 1563 01:15:38,067 --> 01:15:42,904 and there was the fippy-fippy thing. 1564 01:15:44,673 --> 01:15:47,708 God my mouth tastes like shit, could I have some water? 1565 01:15:47,710 --> 01:15:48,743 Louie: Water! 1566 01:15:48,745 --> 01:15:50,745 Mark: Louie's supplying it. 1567 01:15:50,747 --> 01:15:52,547 Medic: VD please, just lay back down. 1568 01:15:52,549 --> 01:15:53,714 VD: Oh thank you. 1569 01:15:53,716 --> 01:15:54,682 Medic: We gotta get you to the hospital. 1570 01:15:54,684 --> 01:15:55,850 VD: What? 1571 01:15:55,852 --> 01:15:56,884 Medic: We gotta get you to the hospital. 1572 01:15:56,886 --> 01:15:58,686 VD: We have a movie to make! 1573 01:15:58,688 --> 01:16:01,255 Medic: VD, you just had a heart attack! 1574 01:16:01,257 --> 01:16:03,224 VD: What?! 1575 01:16:03,226 --> 01:16:05,826 Medic: You had a heart attack. 1576 01:16:05,828 --> 01:16:08,596 VD: Oh that is bullshit. 1577 01:16:08,598 --> 01:16:12,300 (VD mumbling) 1578 01:16:16,705 --> 01:16:19,040 VD: Whoa. 1579 01:16:19,042 --> 01:16:21,175 Sue? 1580 01:16:21,177 --> 01:16:23,010 Sue! 1581 01:16:23,012 --> 01:16:24,078 Okay. 1582 01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:24,912 Alright. 1583 01:16:24,914 --> 01:16:27,848 Alright, to the trailer! 1584 01:16:27,850 --> 01:16:31,152 (crew calling after him) 1585 01:16:31,154 --> 01:16:33,354 Burton: VD, we must get this shot! 1586 01:16:37,192 --> 01:16:38,793 Medic: Does he listen to anybody? 1587 01:16:38,795 --> 01:16:41,662 AD: No. 1588 01:16:41,664 --> 01:16:45,099 (happy music) 1589 01:16:54,843 --> 01:16:57,712 VD: It's working! 1590 01:16:58,180 --> 01:17:00,948 (both moaning) 1591 01:17:01,350 --> 01:17:05,886 ( triumphant music) 1592 01:17:05,888 --> 01:17:10,758 �1812 Overture by Tchaikovsky 1593 01:17:31,780 --> 01:17:34,348 (cannon explodes) 1594 01:17:46,928 --> 01:17:49,263 (applause and cameras clicking) 1595 01:17:56,338 --> 01:17:58,305 Burton: Starring in the next movie 1596 01:17:58,307 --> 01:18:00,775 that I make, Salma Hayek. 1597 01:18:01,343 --> 01:18:03,344 (crowd chatter, cheering and applause) 1598 01:18:03,346 --> 01:18:04,278 Salma: Adios! 1599 01:18:04,280 --> 01:18:08,015 Burton: Salma, call me! 1600 01:18:09,217 --> 01:18:11,719 Burton: Yes, Mr. Duseldorfer directed much 1601 01:18:11,721 --> 01:18:13,354 of what you will see tonight, plus 1602 01:18:13,356 --> 01:18:18,259 he will direct the sequel, Hardest Time on Mars. 1603 01:18:18,261 --> 01:18:19,860 Starting next month. 1604 01:18:19,862 --> 01:18:21,195 Emily: He is a natural. 1605 01:18:21,197 --> 01:18:24,298 Behind and in front, oh [unintelligible]. 1606 01:18:24,300 --> 01:18:26,967 (applause) 1607 01:18:34,209 --> 01:18:37,111 News 6 reporter: Vardell, Vardell! 1608 01:18:38,914 --> 01:18:41,248 Rude reporter: VD, tell us about rehab. 1609 01:18:41,917 --> 01:18:44,118 Paparazzi woman: VD, are you single? 1610 01:18:51,226 --> 01:18:53,394 VD: You stay up all night thinking of that questions, 1611 01:18:53,396 --> 01:18:56,363 huh, you you you you, you go to many colleges, huh 1612 01:18:56,365 --> 01:18:59,800 to uh, think up questions like that to ask in front 1613 01:18:59,802 --> 01:19:05,172 of a man with a wife and a family? 1614 01:19:05,174 --> 01:19:08,042 I tell you this, we make movies. 1615 01:19:08,044 --> 01:19:09,443 Yes. 1616 01:19:09,445 --> 01:19:10,978 Man in crowd: You make great ones, Vardell! 1617 01:19:10,980 --> 01:19:12,546 VD: You, you you you make opinions, which is like 1618 01:19:12,548 --> 01:19:16,350 that, that that joke, that everyone has one of huh? 1619 01:19:16,352 --> 01:19:21,122 You use that to make a questions, too? 1620 01:19:21,389 --> 01:19:24,058 I tell you this, Mr. Reporter, your words 1621 01:19:24,060 --> 01:19:29,330 they will be read for a few day, Hard Time on Mars 1622 01:19:29,332 --> 01:19:31,232 will be watched forever! 1623 01:19:31,234 --> 01:19:34,869 (applause and cheering) 1624 01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:47,148 VD: I thought one of you geniuses would uh, 1625 01:19:47,150 --> 01:19:53,420 ask me about rehab, so I prepared a little answer. 1626 01:19:53,789 --> 01:19:56,857 I tell you this. 1627 01:19:56,859 --> 01:20:02,797 Re, re, re-rehab, it's a little embarrassing but 1628 01:20:02,799 --> 01:20:08,903 like pie in the face, it's a part of show business! 1629 01:20:08,905 --> 01:20:10,070 Ha ha! 1630 01:20:10,072 --> 01:20:12,473 Burton: All part of show business! 1631 01:20:25,620 --> 01:20:29,857 (crowd exclaims) 1632 01:20:29,859 --> 01:20:33,861 (laughing) 1633 01:20:33,863 --> 01:20:37,531 (applause and cheering) 1634 01:20:48,376 --> 01:20:50,578 VD: Sir Jeffrey, stick with me, we just became 1635 01:20:50,580 --> 01:20:52,246 the photo op of the week. 1636 01:20:52,248 --> 01:20:53,647 Sir Jeffrey: Oh! 1637 01:20:53,649 --> 01:20:56,951 VD: You think I left rehab three times to get high? 1638 01:20:56,953 --> 01:21:00,154 Every time it made the front page! 1639 01:21:04,259 --> 01:21:08,662 Tell your lazy ass agent to send me a thank you. 1640 01:21:09,865 --> 01:21:11,165 Are you ready to do this? 1641 01:21:11,167 --> 01:21:12,399 Sir Jeffrey: Oh yes, all right. 1642 01:21:12,401 --> 01:21:13,534 VD: Okay. 1643 01:21:13,536 --> 01:21:15,069 Ready? 1644 01:21:15,071 --> 01:21:18,339 Three, two, one. 1645 01:21:18,341 --> 01:21:20,875 (roars) 1646 01:21:21,409 --> 01:21:24,678 (applause and cheering) 1647 01:21:25,180 --> 01:21:26,513 Sir Jeffrey: Oh there you are. 1648 01:21:26,515 --> 01:21:31,352 That's how we did Hard Time on Mars. 1649 01:21:32,087 --> 01:21:36,190 (cheering and applause) 1650 01:21:55,911 --> 01:21:59,546 VD: Hard Time on Mars! 1651 01:22:00,582 --> 01:22:05,152 � Hard Time on Mars by Gooding and Brian Thompson� 1652 01:23:29,671 --> 01:23:33,107 Burton: VD, it's pie in face, it's part of show business. 1653 01:23:33,109 --> 01:23:35,776 It's pie in face, it's part of show business. 1654 01:23:35,778 --> 01:23:37,344 (explodes) 1655 01:23:37,346 --> 01:23:38,612 (explodes) 1656 01:23:38,614 --> 01:23:40,180 (explodes) 1657 01:23:40,182 --> 01:23:43,050 (explodes) 1658 01:23:44,019 --> 01:23:46,253 VD: I , I don't know what to say I'm... 1659 01:23:46,255 --> 01:23:51,325 I'm really very moved. 1660 01:23:54,562 --> 01:23:57,798 Ian: The Greek salad olives and tomatoes. 1661 01:23:57,800 --> 01:24:01,235 (laughs) 1662 01:24:02,537 --> 01:24:05,806 Ian: Boss says you should come wit' us. 1663 01:24:07,776 --> 01:24:11,712 (evil gleeful laughter) 1664 01:24:12,180 --> 01:24:16,683 (upbeat Russian music) 1665 01:24:22,357 --> 01:24:26,760 Ian: Hey Poncho, suck on this. 1666 01:24:27,195 --> 01:24:31,265 Hey you come to my restaurant, I get the best domates, 1667 01:24:31,267 --> 01:24:34,201 tzatziki, salad, you come with me, come on. 1668 01:24:34,203 --> 01:24:34,234 (upbeat Russian music) 141583