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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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So,
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today is our first day on the job
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as leaders of the Vampiric Council.
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Nadja and I have agreed
to work together as a team.
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For now, I am letting Nandor
think that we are "sharing power."
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But there can only
be one Supreme Leader,
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and I will do whatever it takes.
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That is how you are the only one
that survives out of 17 children.
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00:00:48,410 --> 00:00:53,415
I admire Nadja's
decisiveness and how loud she is.
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00:00:53,449 --> 00:00:56,351
But I am the more experienced leader.
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Eventually, I will
make her my number two.
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So you're saying you...
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you need to make a number two?
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Indeed. Not right now but soon.
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It's not something you should force.
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But you're
saying it's important
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to have a really good number two.
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Yes.
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There's nothing funny
about a firm number two.
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What was the plan again?
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The plan is that I...
Nandor The Relentless...
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will sit on my throne
and make a number two.
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Okay, get out.
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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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Now, down here we have
the medium security cells
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and the various abattoirs.
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Be sure to reserve your
spot on the sign-in sheet
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'cause the abattoirs get crazy busy.
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Okay, now, over here
we have the break room.
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Now, make sure that
you label your snacks
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because we throw
everything out every Friday.
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- Oh!
- Oh! Yummy, yummy.
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And behind this door...
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the Chamber of Curiosities.
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The treasures of many
generations of vampires
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gathered from around the
world and collected here.
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Ageless, timeless, marvelous artifacts.
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But be warned:
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some of this stuff is
inordinately powerful
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and not to be monkeyed about with!
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- Don't fuck with that!
- Colin Robinson.
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- What a Charlie.
- But some of it is just for fun.
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Does this look familiar?
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No. What is it?
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Oh, only Van Helsing's dick.
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Come on, Guillermo.
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Not everyone is lucky enough
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to hold their great-great-great-
great-grandfather's penis
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- in their hands.
- Hmm.
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I know I certainly would have liked to.
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What the hell was that?
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Let us hush our voices, all right?
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We don't want to rile him.
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Behind this door is the
living quarters of The Sire.
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- The actual Sire?
- The Sire?
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- The one and only.
- Who-who's The Sire?
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The Sire is the oldest
living vampire in the world.
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He's the vampire from which all
other vampires have descended.
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All of them.
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Do not ever open this door.
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Peekaboo.
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As I was saying,
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- Do not ever open...
- Open the door.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it.
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Ooh. What is this?
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Don't monkey about with that!
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- This is the Cloak of Duplication.
- The what?
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Everyone, you might want to see this.
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It's pretty cool.
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00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:00,732
- I'll show you.
- Duplication?
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Observe.
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Boop.
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- See? Crazy, right?
- Good Lord.
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00:04:09,508 --> 00:04:11,376
Amazing.
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00:04:11,409 --> 00:04:13,411
A magical cloak that makes the wearer
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instantly much more good-looking.
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That is a matter of opinion.
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00:04:16,681 --> 00:04:17,749
I am kidding.
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I get the principle that it makes
someone look like someone else.
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Very good.
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00:04:22,621 --> 00:04:24,723
- Oh, it's you again.
- But no one should touch it.
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00:04:24,756 --> 00:04:26,124
Even I, full-time staff,
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00:04:26,157 --> 00:04:28,026
should not be monkeying about with it.
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00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:31,530
And over here is the familiars' room.
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You can store him here
until the end of the workday.
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Scoot, scoot.
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00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:36,601
He's not actually a familiar.
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- He is our bodyguard.
- Bodyguard.
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We cannot allow a human
to wander free here.
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Unless you are making him a vampire.
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00:04:43,708 --> 00:04:45,477
- Not a chance. Absolutely not.
- No, absolutely not. No.
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00:04:45,510 --> 00:04:47,078
- That was a really quick answer.
- Sorry, Guillermo.
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There's nothing we can do.
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Scoot, scoot.
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00:04:50,482 --> 00:04:51,683
And the door stays open, I'm assum...
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- Hey. What?
- Buh-bye.
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00:04:53,151 --> 00:04:55,854
I feel much better about that.
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00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,358
- Hell's bells.
- Shit.
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00:05:01,188 --> 00:05:03,024
My giddy aunt.
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00:05:03,057 --> 00:05:05,255
To the scholar of the
printed page, this place is Valhalla.
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00:05:05,256 --> 00:05:07,825
And what I'd dismissed
as rumor is actually true,
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00:05:07,858 --> 00:05:10,160
for this Vampiric
Council holds the world's
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00:05:10,194 --> 00:05:14,031
oldest and largest
collection of pornography.
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The Knobnomicon.
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Everything a chap and chapess
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00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:19,803
would need to know about fellatio.
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00:05:19,837 --> 00:05:21,138
What else have we got?
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00:05:21,171 --> 00:05:23,140
Gutenberg's... oh, yes... Vaginaria.
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00:05:23,173 --> 00:05:25,209
That's an original.
110
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:28,278
Oh, this is, uh, Tocqueville's
Lusty Discharge Pamphlet,
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with discharge on it, by the feel of it.
112
00:05:30,714 --> 00:05:32,549
Egypt's Longest Penises.
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00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:35,953
Roy Cohn, Esquire's 169 Sex Positions.
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Bet you didn't know that existed.
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What's this?
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Aristotle's Book of Poetics Two.
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Is that code?
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No.
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Hey, I found them!
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00:05:45,295 --> 00:05:47,164
- The archives.
- Okay.
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00:05:47,197 --> 00:05:50,934
This year, I am turning 100 years old.
122
00:05:50,968 --> 00:05:53,771
It's kind of got me
in a reflective mood.
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Everything you want
to know about vampires
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00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:57,775
and vampire lineage, it's right here.
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00:05:57,808 --> 00:05:59,777
There's so much I want to know.
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00:05:59,810 --> 00:06:01,045
Where do I come from?
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00:06:02,312 --> 00:06:04,715
How did I become an energy vampire?
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00:06:04,748 --> 00:06:07,117
Was I turned,
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or in the words of Stefani Germanotta,
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was I born this way?
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00:06:11,989 --> 00:06:15,526
I said to myself, "Colin,"
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I says. I says,
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00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,897
"Before you turn 100 years old,
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00:06:19,930 --> 00:06:21,965
you are going to find out who you are
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00:06:21,999 --> 00:06:24,201
and where you come from."
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Uh, I says.
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00:06:25,936 --> 00:06:27,838
The deets have got to be in here.
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00:06:27,871 --> 00:06:28,972
I mean, this is
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a climate-controlled fortress,
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00:06:30,841 --> 00:06:34,178
built to preserve
documents, for all eternity.
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So it's...
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What-what are you doing?
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00:06:37,214 --> 00:06:38,982
Why are you ripping that
page out of that book?
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I'll wank my way, and you wank yours.
145
00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:06,910
Oh, wow. It's really dusty in here.
146
00:07:06,944 --> 00:07:10,147
Time for your official
council vestments, eh?
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00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,049
Hey, easy there.
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00:07:12,082 --> 00:07:13,884
It's a robe.
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00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:16,520
- Why do you need my inseam?
- He's a 44 long!
150
00:07:16,553 --> 00:07:17,788
You'll probably have to
take it in at the waist
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00:07:17,821 --> 00:07:18,922
and out in the shoulders.
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00:07:18,956 --> 00:07:20,724
Hey, get out of the vent!
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00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:22,192
Tell your familiar to
get out of the vent.
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He's not a familiar. He's a bodyguard.
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Get out of the vent, Guillermo!
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He's a rascal.
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Get out of the vent.
Go back into your room.
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Little rascal.
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00:07:31,101 --> 00:07:33,137
All right, your alterations
will be ready momentarily.
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- Great.
- Until then, you may peruse our collection of oddities
161
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,976
while I deal with the
water and power company
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about some discrepancies
in our latest bill.
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I was wondering if
I could talk to you about...
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00:07:44,114 --> 00:07:46,583
The moment I saw
the Cloak of Duplication
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I knew it was the answer
to my romantic difficulties.
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You see, I've been struggling
with my girlfriend, Meg.
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She is not actually my girlfriend yet.
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00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,729
Meg works at Massive Fitness,
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a 24-hour gymnasium I used to attend.
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00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:08,038
Back when I was commanding an army,
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the soldiers and I would strip naked
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and challenge each other
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to various feats of
endurance and strength.
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00:08:14,078 --> 00:08:18,849
The men at Massive
Fitness 24-hour gymnasium,
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they're not really
interested in any of that.
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Don't seem to notice each other much,
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or admire each other's bodies.
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- Oops.
- The best thing about
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Massive Fitness 24-hour gymnasium
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is the connection I have with Meg.
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00:08:36,734 --> 00:08:38,635
She has shown me much kindness.
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Unfortunately, we have not yet
taken things to the next level.
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00:08:41,839 --> 00:08:44,641
You're funny.
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00:08:44,675 --> 00:08:46,610
Thank you for that compliment.
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00:08:46,643 --> 00:08:47,878
And for the towel.
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I love your accent. Is it French?
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No.
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No, it is not.
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00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,922
I have never been very good
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at talking to modern women.
191
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:05,129
But fortunately, I know
someone who can help.
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00:09:05,162 --> 00:09:07,598
Laszlo.
193
00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,566
- Laszlo.
- Ah, yeah!
194
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,934
What do you want?
195
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:14,004
I have purloined the
Cloak of Duplication.
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00:09:14,038 --> 00:09:16,273
Laszlo is a real ladies' man.
197
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,742
He always knows how to talk to women.
198
00:09:18,776 --> 00:09:19,877
What? So hang on a second.
199
00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:21,011
You want me to put that on,
200
00:09:21,045 --> 00:09:22,680
- Mm.
- turn into you,
201
00:09:22,713 --> 00:09:24,548
- Mm-hmm.
- pull this young lady called Meg.
202
00:09:24,581 --> 00:09:26,684
- Yes, Meg.
- Make love to her six ways till Chelsea.
203
00:09:26,717 --> 00:09:28,986
Come back here. High fives all 'round.
204
00:09:29,019 --> 00:09:31,121
No, no, no, just the first bit is fine.
205
00:09:31,155 --> 00:09:33,657
And then I'll take care of
the rest. I'll leave it here.
206
00:09:35,292 --> 00:09:38,062
Nandor wants you to put that on,
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00:09:38,095 --> 00:09:40,631
turn into him, pull
this woman called Meg,
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00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:41,799
and then come back.
209
00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:44,134
I'd go myself, but...
210
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:45,769
I can't be fucked.
211
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,035
I've often fancied myself
212
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:54,171
quite the seducer, obviously.
213
00:09:54,204 --> 00:09:57,908
There's a technique called
"negging" that I'm eager to try.
214
00:09:57,941 --> 00:10:01,979
I'd explain it to you, but you're
probably too naive to understand it.
215
00:10:04,248 --> 00:10:05,883
How do I look?
216
00:10:05,916 --> 00:10:08,085
Never mind, your opinion doesn't matter.
217
00:10:08,118 --> 00:10:10,954
And now you're horny because
you just got negged again.
218
00:10:14,058 --> 00:10:15,759
I can't see dick.
219
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,662
That's better. Watch and learn.
220
00:10:18,695 --> 00:10:21,265
Oh, hey, Nandor.
221
00:10:21,298 --> 00:10:22,866
I haven't seen you in a while.
222
00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:24,068
Hey, dipshit.
223
00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:25,636
Excuse me?
224
00:10:25,669 --> 00:10:28,138
Uh, there used to be a
hot chick who worked here.
225
00:10:28,172 --> 00:10:29,740
Meg, I think?
226
00:10:29,773 --> 00:10:30,874
I'm Meg.
227
00:10:30,908 --> 00:10:33,644
You were hotter.
228
00:10:33,677 --> 00:10:35,012
What the fuck is your problem?
229
00:10:35,045 --> 00:10:37,347
Okay, calm down, toots.
230
00:10:37,381 --> 00:10:39,283
So sensitive.
231
00:10:39,316 --> 00:10:41,151
Let me cut to the chizzle:
232
00:10:41,185 --> 00:10:43,887
Life didn't turn out
the way you planned.
233
00:10:43,921 --> 00:10:46,990
You're a fading beauty
working nights at the gym.
234
00:10:47,024 --> 00:10:50,861
You've probably had
a string of boyfriends
235
00:10:50,894 --> 00:10:54,665
who promised you the world, and then
delivered it on a four-inch penis.
236
00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:56,033
Well, here's your chance.
237
00:10:56,066 --> 00:10:58,268
You can leave with me right now,
238
00:10:58,302 --> 00:11:02,139
or watch these hot buns
walk out the door forever.
239
00:11:02,172 --> 00:11:04,141
Hang on. Let me just get my stuff.
240
00:11:04,174 --> 00:11:05,275
Okay, you do that.
241
00:11:07,711 --> 00:11:08,879
Just wait right here.
242
00:11:08,912 --> 00:11:10,147
These buns will be waiting for you.
243
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:12,750
- Great.
- Did you see that?
244
00:11:12,783 --> 00:11:16,720
My brain in this package, that
poor kid never stood a chance.
245
00:11:16,754 --> 00:11:19,189
- Hey, buddy. We got a problem here?
- Hello.
246
00:11:19,223 --> 00:11:21,291
- Hey. No problem, buddy.
- Get these fucking cameras out of my face.
247
00:11:21,325 --> 00:11:23,594
- Let's go. Get out, man.
- You should, uh, we... we should skedaddle.
248
00:11:23,627 --> 00:11:24,928
- Fuck off.
- Let's skedaddle here.
249
00:11:24,962 --> 00:11:27,097
Shit.
250
00:11:28,065 --> 00:11:29,800
Didn't see that coming.
251
00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:33,036
- Ooh!
- Well, that was a complete waste of time.
252
00:11:33,070 --> 00:11:35,139
- She's clearly not into guys.
- Really?
253
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:36,640
- Yeah.
- Should I give it a go?
254
00:11:36,673 --> 00:11:37,908
You can try.
255
00:11:37,941 --> 00:11:39,610
I mean, she's not into studs,
256
00:11:39,643 --> 00:11:40,878
so maybe you'll have
better luck.
257
00:11:42,246 --> 00:11:43,246
Colin Robinson,
258
00:11:43,247 --> 00:11:44,948
we are going to Queens.
259
00:11:44,982 --> 00:11:46,683
A rogue vampire group
hasn't paid their dues,
260
00:11:46,717 --> 00:11:48,185
and we need you to take notes.
261
00:11:48,218 --> 00:11:50,120
I wanted to say it!
262
00:11:50,154 --> 00:11:52,990
We are visiting a rogue
vampire cell in Queens.
263
00:11:53,023 --> 00:11:55,159
They will taste our
wrath and quickly submit.
264
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:58,128
I am prepared to escalate
matters to crazy levels.
265
00:11:58,162 --> 00:12:00,731
It's more of a courtesy call.
266
00:12:00,764 --> 00:12:01,865
I get to knock.
267
00:12:01,899 --> 00:12:03,267
Yo.
268
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:04,935
Finally, virgins...
269
00:12:04,968 --> 00:12:07,638
- Wes Blankenship?
- Yes.
270
00:12:07,671 --> 00:12:09,673
- Greetings, I am Nandor.
- You have ignored all attempts at communication.
271
00:12:09,706 --> 00:12:11,141
- This is Nadja,
- Bend the knee or I will
272
00:12:11,175 --> 00:12:12,609
- and he is Colin Robinson.
- unleash Colin Robinson.
273
00:12:12,643 --> 00:12:14,011
Wassup?
274
00:12:14,044 --> 00:12:16,313
We are your
new Vampiric Council.
275
00:12:16,346 --> 00:12:18,015
We have not heard from you in a while,
276
00:12:18,048 --> 00:12:21,018
so we thought we'd pop
by and see if all is well.
277
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,343
All right, just come on in.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
278
00:12:23,377 --> 00:12:24,411
I always wanted to do this:
279
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,681
My name is Wes Blankenship
and welcome to my crib!
280
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:29,016
Let's go, baby!
281
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,418
Hope you don't mind if
I take notes in here.
282
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,995
No, no. You are not allowed here.
283
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:45,165
She's angry, as women so often are.
284
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:46,900
Please, good lady.
285
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:49,369
I know I came here earlier,
but whatever I said...
286
00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:52,706
and I don't remember... I wasn't myself.
287
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,942
Well, you started by
calling me dipshit, so...
288
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,077
Proof of naught but mine own delirium.
289
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,980
You, my darling, have the high, firm ass
290
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:02,382
- of an Irish Derby winner.
- Okay, um...
291
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:05,953
Okay, I've gone a little
bit too fast too soon,
292
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,087
but hear me out.
293
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,857
Truth is, I came here to pitch woo
294
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,291
but was so nervous,
295
00:13:11,325 --> 00:13:14,161
I took a calming physic
to settle my nerves.
296
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,264
That drug turned me
into a fucking monster.
297
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,266
Shit, was it Klonopin?
298
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,968
Indeed. That one.
299
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:23,103
Yeah, you know, I can't
take it anymore myself.
300
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:26,039
Oh. We are very much alike, then.
301
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,908
Could I sing you something?
302
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:30,110
Oh, God, uh, I-I guess.
303
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:35,082
♪ I see your picture ♪
304
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,384
♪ Name in lights above it ♪
305
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:41,355
♪ This is your big debut ♪
306
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:44,124
♪ A dream come true ♪
307
00:13:44,158 --> 00:13:46,827
♪ And when you smile for the camera ♪
308
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,163
♪ I know they're going to love it. ♪
309
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:52,105
- Meg.
- Uh... Wow.
310
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:53,352
That's very embarrassing.
311
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:55,852
- You know, I'm... I'm at work, so...
- Say no more.
312
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,771
May I show you something?
313
00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,739
I feel like you're going to anyway.
314
00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:02,909
Some of the most licentious
and transgressive pornography
315
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:05,178
I've ever clapped eyes on.
316
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:07,480
- Chris!
- Fuck.
317
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,848
You will remember nothing.
318
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,784
Unhand me, you bloody peasant.
319
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:13,720
How does Nandor get this
fucking ape body to work?
320
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,189
Okay.
321
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:17,924
You're officially banned, you pervert.
322
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:19,659
Just fuck off.
323
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,728
You fuck off, you bald prick.
324
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,596
Fucking swear at me.
325
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:26,766
So, look, the reason why you
guys haven't heard from us is
326
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,468
because, well, this clan,
327
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,637
we rejects the authority
of the Vampiric Council.
328
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,673
Uh, hey, slow down there, puck.
329
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:37,344
I have you at, "Welcome to my crib... "
330
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,763
So, we've set up our own governing body.
331
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:42,165
Yeah. We're called The Council Of Vampires.
332
00:14:42,199 --> 00:14:43,500
Maybe you guys would like to join us.
333
00:14:43,533 --> 00:14:46,503
There is only one Vampiric Council,
334
00:14:46,536 --> 00:14:50,106
and you will either bend the
knee or face the consequences.
335
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,576
Yes, that's...
336
00:14:52,609 --> 00:14:54,177
Typical hierarchical mindset cope.
337
00:14:54,211 --> 00:14:55,612
- Don't you point at me!
- Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
338
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:59,049
Wes, you seem like a
very reasonable vampire.
339
00:14:59,082 --> 00:15:01,184
- We are also reasonable vampires.
- I'm not.
340
00:15:01,218 --> 00:15:03,086
Let's talk about this.
341
00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:05,222
Uh, hold on. A... Ash, can
you, can you get that please?
342
00:15:05,255 --> 00:15:07,324
Why do I have to do
it? I count one, two...
343
00:15:07,357 --> 00:15:08,825
- Because I'm talking to the old people. The elderly.
- Yeah, okay.
344
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,460
Do I have "secretary"
written on my forehead?
345
00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:12,095
They're gonna forget
who they're talking to.
346
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:13,230
- Okay, but I'm not getting it.
- All right, fine.
347
00:15:13,230 --> 00:15:14,464
I'll get it.
348
00:15:14,498 --> 00:15:16,366
You guys, please excuse me for a sec.
349
00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:18,301
- Should I write down their bickering?
- Write it all down.
350
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:20,437
We're taking notes. What are you doing?
351
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,375
It is called diplomacy.
352
00:15:22,409 --> 00:15:23,643
Licking their assholes, more like.
353
00:15:23,677 --> 00:15:25,579
Oh, shit.
354
00:15:25,612 --> 00:15:27,113
Mr. Robinson?
355
00:15:27,147 --> 00:15:29,149
Dave Lewis, energy vampire.
356
00:15:29,182 --> 00:15:30,717
I'm-I'm a huge fan.
357
00:15:30,750 --> 00:15:33,153
Well, thank you, a fellow borer.
358
00:15:33,186 --> 00:15:35,121
- Do you bore a lot?
- All the time.
359
00:15:35,155 --> 00:15:37,190
Say hello to my little friend.
360
00:15:37,223 --> 00:15:39,259
Are you sure you have the right Colin Robinson?
361
00:15:52,138 --> 00:15:53,240
Holy shit.
362
00:15:59,145 --> 00:16:01,381
Don't touch that book, Gizmo.
363
00:16:01,414 --> 00:16:03,116
It's too much for your young cock.
364
00:16:03,149 --> 00:16:04,718
Sorry. I know I'm not
supposed to be in here.
365
00:16:04,751 --> 00:16:06,253
Just watch yourself.
366
00:16:06,286 --> 00:16:08,288
Otherwise, it'll be suicide by porno.
367
00:16:09,556 --> 00:16:11,124
Is that the Cloak of Duplication?
368
00:16:11,157 --> 00:16:12,392
I thought we weren't
supposed to touch that.
369
00:16:12,393 --> 00:16:15,228
- Who gives a shit?
- Well, can I... can I touch it?
370
00:16:16,696 --> 00:16:18,565
Actually, if you want
to do Nandor a favor,
371
00:16:18,598 --> 00:16:21,368
you could put that on,
head down to Massive Fitness
372
00:16:21,401 --> 00:16:23,403
and get a date with a
receptionist called Meg.
373
00:16:23,436 --> 00:16:26,573
I tried my luck, but she's
clearly not into guys.
374
00:16:26,606 --> 00:16:29,476
I hypnotized her, so you'll
start from a clean slate.
375
00:16:32,178 --> 00:16:34,314
Oh, wow. Wow.
376
00:16:34,347 --> 00:16:35,815
Laszlo, look.
377
00:16:35,849 --> 00:16:37,250
I look just like Nandor.
378
00:16:37,284 --> 00:16:39,286
Yeah, uncanny. Bugger off.
379
00:16:39,319 --> 00:16:40,687
Ah, this is awesome.
380
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,122
I can fly.
381
00:16:42,155 --> 00:16:44,491
Bat! I-I can't fly.
382
00:16:47,213 --> 00:16:49,492
So, what kind of drains
383
00:16:49,525 --> 00:16:50,960
- are you pulling here?
- Mostly weed-related stuff.
384
00:16:50,993 --> 00:16:52,562
Indica v. sativa, legalization rules,
385
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,130
CBD, edibles, shatter...
386
00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:56,132
- I could go on and I do.
- Geez.
387
00:16:56,165 --> 00:16:57,533
Definitely keeping me fat and happy.
388
00:16:57,567 --> 00:16:59,402
I'm also kind of a sneakerhead
389
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:01,003
and I just bought a camera drone.
390
00:17:01,037 --> 00:17:03,673
- People hate it.
- I bet.
391
00:17:03,706 --> 00:17:06,409
Let me, uh, ask you a
question, Dave Lewis.
392
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:09,245
Do you ever wonder where we come from?
393
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,013
You know, energy vampires?
394
00:17:11,047 --> 00:17:13,015
Boy, it never even occurred to me.
395
00:17:13,049 --> 00:17:15,418
Uh, no idea, you know?
396
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,386
Holy shit.
397
00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:19,322
Are you draining me, bro?
398
00:17:19,355 --> 00:17:21,257
- No.
- You're getting me, I think.
399
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,992
- No, I... I wouldn't do that to you.
- Yeah.
400
00:17:23,025 --> 00:17:24,494
It seems like you guys are listening,
401
00:17:24,527 --> 00:17:26,095
but you're not really hearing.
402
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,097
We are. We are listening
to everything, aren't we?
403
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:31,033
We are not interested
in blindly supporting
404
00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:34,036
a self-appointed soviet
given to arbitrary judgments
405
00:17:34,070 --> 00:17:36,038
based on mumbo jumbo
and interpretive dance.
406
00:17:36,072 --> 00:17:38,374
Wha... That's not exactly how it works.
407
00:17:38,996 --> 00:17:41,599
We are definitely cutting back
on the ritualistic dancing.
408
00:17:41,632 --> 00:17:42,867
Ha! Like hell we are.
409
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:44,602
- Shh.
- We can discuss this later.
410
00:17:44,635 --> 00:17:47,138
The Council provides a
lot of important services.
411
00:17:47,171 --> 00:17:50,141
- Mm, like what?
- Like how about it's none of your fucking business!
412
00:17:50,174 --> 00:17:52,744
You guys really do not seem
qualified to be running shit.
413
00:17:52,777 --> 00:17:54,112
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
414
00:17:54,145 --> 00:17:56,581
"You guys don't seem
qualified to be running... "
415
00:17:56,614 --> 00:17:58,983
- Don't write that down.
- I'm sorry, what shit are you qualified to run?
416
00:17:59,016 --> 00:18:01,018
I have a master's
degree in urban planning.
417
00:18:01,052 --> 00:18:03,588
- Could I speak to you in the kitchenette for a moment?
- Yeah.
418
00:18:03,621 --> 00:18:04,956
Erase that last bit.
419
00:18:04,989 --> 00:18:07,091
I didn't know he had a master's degree.
420
00:18:07,125 --> 00:18:08,226
What are we going to do?
421
00:18:08,259 --> 00:18:09,961
Eh.
422
00:18:09,994 --> 00:18:11,429
Okay.
423
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,134
You know,
424
00:18:13,167 --> 00:18:14,902
I feel like you used to
come around all the time.
425
00:18:14,936 --> 00:18:16,904
- How come I don't see you anymore?
- Oh, um...
426
00:18:16,938 --> 00:18:18,573
Work, mostly.
427
00:18:18,606 --> 00:18:21,142
It's been real busy at the moment,
428
00:18:21,175 --> 00:18:23,444
and I feel kind of bad
429
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,580
because, you know, my-my best friend,
430
00:18:25,613 --> 00:18:27,582
he actually got me this gym membership,
431
00:18:27,615 --> 00:18:31,452
and I don't really use it, so...
432
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:34,422
Uh, he's called Guillermo, by the way.
433
00:18:34,455 --> 00:18:37,025
But, I mean, he's always
doing things like that for me,
434
00:18:37,058 --> 00:18:38,726
and I just kind of take it for granted.
435
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,128
So, you
know, that's what I do.
436
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,130
Well, Nandor, that's terrible.
437
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,899
He-he's not gonna want
to stay friends with you.
438
00:18:44,933 --> 00:18:46,100
No, he will.
439
00:18:46,134 --> 00:18:49,837
But it's-it's kind of awkward
because we work together.
440
00:18:49,871 --> 00:18:52,040
But if you feel a
certain way about someone,
441
00:18:52,073 --> 00:18:54,776
and you've got something
weighing on your heart, then...
442
00:18:54,809 --> 00:18:56,044
Okay.
443
00:18:56,077 --> 00:18:59,747
- This guy must be really special.
- He is. Very.
444
00:18:59,781 --> 00:19:01,149
Let's talk about you. How are you?
445
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:04,619
No, I-I think that
you should take him out
446
00:19:04,652 --> 00:19:06,588
one day after work and
tell him how you feel.
447
00:19:06,621 --> 00:19:08,556
It could be he has
feelings for you, too.
448
00:19:08,590 --> 00:19:11,092
Feelings, no, that's...
449
00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:14,028
We're just work friends, so that's...
450
00:19:14,062 --> 00:19:15,863
Got to go.
451
00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:17,398
Sorry.
452
00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:21,002
He's being openly
defiant. He needs to go.
453
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,737
You know I can hear you, right?
454
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:25,006
- Vampire hearing.
- Yeah, I'm okay with that.
455
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:27,742
We are clearly outnumbered here, yes?
456
00:19:27,775 --> 00:19:30,111
I suggest we retreat,
regroup and strategize.
457
00:19:30,144 --> 00:19:31,879
- Fine.
- Yes!
458
00:19:31,913 --> 00:19:35,450
It has been so wonderful
to meet you, Wes.
459
00:19:35,483 --> 00:19:36,551
- Genuinely.
- Yeah.
460
00:19:36,584 --> 00:19:37,852
You have given us so much to...
461
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,688
Hey... Shit.
462
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:43,891
Saw that coming.
463
00:19:43,925 --> 00:19:45,126
Oh, shit.
464
00:19:46,594 --> 00:19:48,696
Oh, look at that.
465
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,719
Council dues are due on the
first full moon of every month.
466
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:52,720
- Okay.
- Yeah.
467
00:19:52,721 --> 00:19:54,902
- Any questions?
- Didn't think so.
468
00:19:54,936 --> 00:19:56,004
Respect your elders.
469
00:19:56,037 --> 00:19:58,439
Colin Robinson, get my cape.
470
00:19:58,473 --> 00:19:59,741
- Got it.
- How's that for an old lady?
471
00:19:59,774 --> 00:20:01,743
Hey, you take care now, Dave.
472
00:20:04,178 --> 00:20:05,880
I'm going to see my sweet Meg,
473
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,849
knowing that Laszlo
and his silver tongue
474
00:20:07,882 --> 00:20:09,884
have laid a foundation for me
475
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:12,120
has given me a new confidence.
476
00:20:12,153 --> 00:20:14,088
Hey, back again.
477
00:20:14,122 --> 00:20:15,957
- My lucky night.
- Yes.
478
00:20:16,991 --> 00:20:18,860
I know I was here earlier.
479
00:20:18,893 --> 00:20:21,429
You made me laugh very much,
480
00:20:21,462 --> 00:20:24,766
when we talked about, uh...
481
00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:27,035
The guy who works for you, Guillermo?
482
00:20:27,068 --> 00:20:30,605
- Really?
- You seem really into him.
483
00:20:30,638 --> 00:20:32,106
That's really what
we were talking about?
484
00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:35,043
It's just that, uh...
485
00:20:35,076 --> 00:20:37,412
How should I put this?
486
00:20:38,179 --> 00:20:41,816
Meg, it is you who are
the person that I am into.
487
00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:44,419
I believe that you are
the love of my life.
488
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,121
I believe that we should
be together forever.
489
00:20:47,155 --> 00:20:48,723
You know I'm not into guys, right?
490
00:20:48,756 --> 00:20:50,558
I-I like women.
491
00:20:51,526 --> 00:20:52,860
So do I.
492
00:20:52,894 --> 00:20:54,128
You like men and women. That's okay.
493
00:20:54,162 --> 00:20:56,130
Yes, and you like women and men?
494
00:20:56,164 --> 00:20:58,099
No, just women. I'm a lesbian.
495
00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:00,535
- Are you sure?
- Definitely sure.
496
00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:03,504
You will remember nothing.
497
00:21:03,538 --> 00:21:05,106
- Fuck.
- Fuckface.
498
00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:06,975
I thought I told you to never
show your face...
499
00:21:07,008 --> 00:21:08,042
Oops.
500
00:21:08,076 --> 00:21:09,844
Fucking guy.
501
00:21:10,878 --> 00:21:13,114
Are you okay?
502
00:21:14,716 --> 00:21:17,619
- Open.
- Hey, Nadja.
503
00:21:17,652 --> 00:21:19,887
I have just commenced my slumber.
504
00:21:19,921 --> 00:21:22,457
What happened in Queens tonight
can never, ever happen again.
505
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:23,992
What is wrong with you?
506
00:21:24,025 --> 00:21:25,827
I don't know.
507
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:27,929
Has living in America made
you into a big, wet pussy?
508
00:21:28,896 --> 00:21:31,966
I think I've just been going
through some things lately.
509
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,568
Do you ever wonder that maybe
510
00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:35,003
there is more to this life
511
00:21:35,036 --> 00:21:37,739
than just mindless
killing and bloodlust?
512
00:21:37,772 --> 00:21:39,841
- Yeah.
- You do?
513
00:21:39,874 --> 00:21:41,643
No! Of course not!
514
00:21:41,676 --> 00:21:44,145
That is because you have
Laszlo to share your life with!
515
00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:45,780
Oh!
516
00:21:45,813 --> 00:21:47,949
You have turned into
a very, very soft boy.
517
00:21:47,982 --> 00:21:49,584
How about you slumber on that?
518
00:21:49,617 --> 00:21:50,952
- Good night!
- Hey!
519
00:21:58,026 --> 00:21:59,394
Hmm.
520
00:22:00,595 --> 00:22:02,163
What is it now?
521
00:22:04,165 --> 00:22:06,000
- Pussy!
- Go away!
522
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:08,102
You are a scared little soft boy.
523
00:22:08,136 --> 00:22:11,506
Speaking of soft, I'm
squeezing your pipi right now.
524
00:22:11,539 --> 00:22:12,573
How do you like that?
525
00:22:12,607 --> 00:22:13,975
Get your hands off my pipi!
526
00:22:14,008 --> 00:22:15,610
It is like a piece
of extra meat dangling
527
00:22:15,643 --> 00:22:17,145
- off the end of my body.
- Get your hands off it!
528
00:22:17,178 --> 00:22:19,480
Laszlo, you know that thing
you always wanted to try?
529
00:22:19,514 --> 00:22:21,482
Fucking guy.
530
00:23:01,824 --> 00:23:06,824
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
38916
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