Original subtitles

♪ wkrp, cincinnati ♪♪

And it's 8:26 on a Monday morning.

And you got the Doctor, dr. Johnny fever.

And the doctor is not Feeling too good today.

The doctor was a Bad boy last night.

The doctor overmedicated.

Maybe this will help.

♪♪

Hi, jennifer. Morning, johnny. Would you do something for me?

Oh, maybe.

And I don't particularly Care if I live through it.

- I'm serious, johnny. - so am I.

Nobody's in yet. Could You get this button for me?

Where... Is this button?

Right here.

Well, I'll do my best.

I am a doctor.

Why is this place always a mess?

Is it? Yeah.

Gee, it-it's not me, Jennifer, really. It's...

You know, I think it's The reverend pembrook...

And those religious fanatics That come in here on sundays.

I don't know. I... I get the feeling They're sacrificing small virgins.

I have to go now.

Well, you know. I think we Should talk like this more often.

Even if we don't Actually say anything.

I don't know what you think, but I feel That people just don't communicate anymore.

They just don't Talk to one another.

I think people should get together Together, you know what I mean?

Uh, it's just so sad. Don't You think so, jennifer?

I think it's very sad.

♪ baby if you've ever wondered ♪

♪ wondered whatever Became of me ♪

♪ I'm living on the Air in cincinnati ♪

♪ cincinnati, wkrp ♪

♪ got kind of tired of Packing and unpacking ♪

♪ town to town up And down the dial ♪

♪ maybe you and me Were never meant to be ♪

♪ just maybe think Of me once in a while ♪

♪ I'm at wkrp ♪

♪ in cincinnati ♪♪

You're in early, mr. Carlson. Yeah, Well, I got a big day ahead of me.

Uh, hold all the Calls. No visitors.

Is it in there? Yes, sir. It came this morning.

Hot dog.

Morning, jennifer. oh, hi, bailey.

- how was your weekend? - quiet. Rett's out of town.

- who's rett? - he's the wholesale appliance King of western ohio.

He's not very tall, but I've got Three microwave ovens so far.

- you want one? - uh, no, thanks.

How about a popcorn Popper or a trash masher?

- how long you been Dating this guy? - about a week.

I like your style, jennifer.

morning, jennifer. oh, hi, andy.

Any messages? A Lot of complaints.

All about the same Thing? Mmm, afraid so.

The reverend little ed Pembrook and his toe-to-toe

With satan church of The mighty struggle.

I've got to get that guy off the air, But I can't even get carlson to discuss it.

I don't blame him. Have You ever met the reverend?

No, I've never had the pleasure, But I've certainly heard him.

good morning. May I Help you gentlemen?

We have an appointment With your mr. Carlson.

Oh, I'm sorry, but mr. Carlson Doesn't make appointments.

Are you calling us liars?

Oh, no, there just Must be a screwup.

Mess-up, a mistake.

Perhaps I could help you, gentlemen. I'm andy travis, wkrp program director.

We're from the greater Cincinnati interreligious council.

Two weeks ago, we wrote Mr. Carlson a letter.

Oh, well, that explains it. The Only mail the big guy ever opens...

Is the kind that says, "You May already be a winner."

It was a letter of concern about Your sunday morning religious program.

- it was a complaint. - reverend pembrook?

- that's the one. - well, in that case, gentlemen, Please step right this way.

I'm sure mr. Carlson would Be delighted to see you.

Mr. Carlson.

Don't bother me now, Travis. I just got this thing.

Yeah, I have some people here, Sir, who would like to see you.

Well, tell 'em I'm busy, will you? I'm Tired of you and your weirdo friends.

No, I think you should speak With these gentlemen, sir.

Who you got with you this Time, the three stooges?

Not quite. They're from The interreligious council.

- oh, lord. - and they're with me right now.

In this room? uh-huh.

Oh, my lord.

And we'd appreciate it If you'd stop saying that.

Yes, of-of course, father. When I say that, I say it with a great deal of respect.

Because that's how I Feel about... You know.

These gentlemen say they Have a meeting with you, sir.

Father o'riley. Reverend drinkwater.

Rabbi fishback.

You're catholic, protestant, Jew all together, huh?

Isn't that nice?

I'm presbyterian myself. Andy, how about you?

Uh, mr. Carlson, the interreligious Council has asked us to come down here...

To talk to you about the Man who calls himself...

"Reverend little ed."

Little ed? Yes.

Little ed, uh... He Broadcasts on your station.

By golly, rabbi, you're Right. He's the rabbi.

You say that like maybe It's not so hot to be a rabbi.

Oh, I think it's a very nice Thing for a jewish person to be.

Maybe we should all Go into the country and

Look for a nice lake And dunk one another.

Gentlemen, behave ourselves.

- we don't need rome To tell us how to act. - that's for sure.

Gentlemen, could we Just stick to the point?

Yes. That's right.

We like to tease.

Now, uh, what about This little ed person?

When is he gonna Be taken off the air?

Well, I'm sorry, rabbi, but little ed's got A two-year contract. My hands are tied.

Maybe there's a way around the Contract. You could talk to him.

Well, I don't think you Gentlemen know little ed like I do.

Well, I'm sure we could make him Listen to reason. No, I don't think so.

You see, little ed's... Crazy.

We can't have crazy People on the air.

Then we're gonna have to Get rid of the whole staff.

Uh, mr. Carlson, we did not come here To point a finger of blame at anyone.

Of course we have. This ed Fellow... He's a ganef and a schnook.

Maybe I can interpret that.

What brother fishback is saying Is that the reverend little ed...

May be a wolf in Sheep's clothing,

A stumbling block to the weak, Yea, even a balm unto the wicked.

Let me interpret that.

Well, we feel that little ed Has overstepped the bounds...

Of good taste, good Sense and good religion.

That's not to mention all The money he's been taking in.

Money? He sells things.

Yesterday morning, it was John the baptist shower curtains.

And last week, it was the sermon on The mount little league batting helmets.

He calls them "Religious artifacts."

- uh-oh. - perhaps the f.C.C...

Might be interested to Hear what he's been up to.

I don't think we have to Rush into anything, father.

I'll get reverend ed on The phone, explain the facts.

- I'm sure something Can be arranged, all right? - well, uh, I certainly hope so.

And, please, please, Let us know the results.

We'll take care of everything. Don't you worry about that.

Gentlemen, I just can't tell you How much I appreciate your concern.

Thank you for your time. Oh, You bet, rabbi. Let me show you out.

Before you leave, you Heard the one about the

Priest, the rabbi and The baptist preacher?

Handle this one for Me, will you, travis?

Yeah, jennifer. Get Me, uh, reverend...

Hey, you guys gotta get Out of here. I got a meeting.

No problem, andy. I'll just Go get a stretcher for johnny.

He had a rough morning. Yeah, I know. I heard him.

Hey, come on, johnny. Wake up.

- who are you meeting with? - reverend pembrook.

Well, uh, we better be Getting out of here fast.

- why, you know him? - I've, uh, seen him A couple times.

- almost talked to him once. - well, I've got to give him His walking papers.

- say what? - say yeah.

Andy, little ed weighs About 300 pounds.

- he does? - that's right.

Why do they call him little ed?

Because his wife is big ed.

I'm just gonna have to Reason with him. That's all.

How do you reason With a wrestler? What?

- little ed used to be A professional wrestler. - no.

I saw him throw haystack Calhoun out of the ring once.

Haystack weighed about 500 pounds at the time.

Little ed stuck his head Through a soda pop machine.

wow-wee! I got the Devil on the run!

Well, little brother, Have no fear.

The reverend ed is here.

The devil can run, But he can't hide.

Sooner or later, he's gotta come out And then you know what I'm gonna do?

No.

I'm gonna twist him. I'm gonna chop him.

I'm gonna break him in two.

For the devil is no match for little ed And the church of the mighty struggle.

Amen. Which of You boys is travis?

Why, you scared little Ed mighty bad on the phone.

Sorry.

Talkin' about takin' me off The air. What's that all about?

Well, I thought maybe we could Just, you know, uh, talk things over.

Talk away. I am at your service.

I am the wrestler for truth. I am the grappler for good.

I am the man in the tag-team Match with the powers of darkness.

No offense. None taken.

Andy, uh, I think, uh... I don't know, I'll Probably go buy a car or something.

- bye, reverend. - that's a nice outfit.

Thanks.

Uh, reverend. Listen, the reason that I asked you to come down here is, uh...

We've been getting a lot Of complaints on your show.

- well, that's nothing new. - I've been looking over Your contract here,

And I think we have Sufficient reason to... To what?

- void it. - what?

Would you like to see some of The complaints we've been getting?

Young man,

Are you aware of the Forces you're dealing with?

I am.

Are you willing to make any Changes in your show? Nope.

Well, then I'm afraid that You're... Gonna have to go.

I see.

Well, then there is only One thing for me to do.

What? Go see the head man.

You can see him?

the jerk who runs this station.

Mr. Carlson. Whoa!

You can run, but You cannot hide.

No, of course not.

Well, little ed. This is A p-pleasant surprise.

H-how are your sisters? My sisters are fine.

You still use 'em in the show? I always loved their singing.

They're waitin' for Me down in the honda.

This little fella says You want me off the air.

You're not willing to make Any changes in your show.

I'll sue. I might even Do worse than that.

C-calm down. Everybody, just Keep calm, huh? S-sit down right here.

Andy, you sit right over here.

Come on, just sit down there, And let's talk this thing out...

Like... Like reasonable adults.

Don't try anything, little ed.

Please. I don't think I can take any more.

My life is so hard.

I... I can't seem to Make any money.

And without these strange Young men and their strange music...

You gonna leave me alone or not?

You bet your sweet life, we are.

Well, good. There's No problem then.

There is a problem.

You guys better leave me alone or I Am going to rain toads on this station.

No, not... Not that. No toads.

You better not Pursue this any further.

Mr. Carlson and I are not Guys you can push around.

No? No. No?

No. No. Gonna get tough, eh?

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah?

Well, I hope y'all are by Your radios on sunday,

'cause I got something Worse than toads.

What could be worse than toads?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Welcome, fellow wrestlers, To the tag team of your life. ♪♪

Once again, this is the Reverend little ed pembrook...

Along with the merciful Sisters of melody,

Comin' to you live from The studios of wkrp...

High atop the flimm building In downtown cincinnati.

♪♪

Fellow strugglers,

It has been a troubled Week for little ed.

I was almost pinned To the mat of despair.

Despair. Oh, no. But I rose...

To struggle against the very Management of this station.

And, yes, they saw The wisdom of my ways.

For though they play The heathen hateful noise...

Known to us as the Abomination of rock and roll,

I will not speak Out against them.

Praise him. Though they threatened Me and tried to cast me out,

- my lips are sealed. - sealed.

Nor will I urge you to Inundate this station...

With cards and letters Condemning their actions.

No, sir. That is not my way.

- his way. - amen. - for if you are good and true,

You will write those Letters without my asking.

And when you do, you might inquire About our dead sea scrolls steak knives.

Steak knives. Which are free...

When you make a love offering Of five dollars or more.

And now, brothers and sisters,

Let's me and you get the Devil in a bulgarian headlock...

And whip that sucker right through The great soda pop machine in the sky.

♪ oh ♪

♪ we've got we've Got the devil ♪ sing it.

♪ we've got him in a bulgarian Headlock ♪ oh, yes, my sisters.

♪ gonna toss him toss Him right through ♪

♪ the soda pop Machine in the sky ♪

♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪♪

Jennifer, I don't know How to thank you.

It's nothing. Do you Think one will be enough?

I live alone, so one Toaster ought to do it.

Would you like a lawn mower?

I live in an apartment.

Well, so do I, but I have two riding Mowers with a special bag attachment.

- morning. - oh, hi, andy.

Do you want the usual monday Morning complaints? No, thanks.

Oh, this time, we even have Complaints in favor of little ed.

That figures. Did you Hear his broadcast?

At 8:00, sunday morning? No.

He slammed us. He made A mockery of the station.

I-I thought that you were Gonna get rid of mr. Little ed.

We were, but the big guy's Scared to death of him.

To tell you the truth, I Guess I am too, but now I'm mad.

What are you gonna do? Get him Off the air is what I'm gonna do.

- at least off Of wkrp anyway. - how?

- find his weakness. - what weakness?

I've never met a man Who didn't have one.

Look, you think of something, You just let me know, all right?

The I.R.S.

What? The internal Revenue service.

What do you got in mind?

Oh, I don't know, andy. It's probably a lousy idea.

- oh, come on, bailey. Now's Not the time to get shy on us. - well, I can't help it.

Come on, bailey. Speak up for once.

Well, uh, if it were me,

Uh, I'd invite mr. Little ed in.

You know, to see You and mr. Carlson.

And then I'd just, You know, mention...

All those things that he sells,

Like those st. Peter And paul spice racks.

then I'd... I'd really let him have it. I'd Tell him he was a sham and a crook...

And that he does a disservice to Every honest evangelist in this country.

And just when he's getting really Mad, I hit him with an I.R.S. Audit.

Right between those Beady little eyes.

that would cool Him off real good.

Uh, of course I'm Probably wrong.

What do you think, andy? Oh, that's a pretty mean trick.

It's too mean. Good idea though.

It's perfect. Get the good reverend On the phone there, will you?

You two ought to be Ashamed of yourselves.

You scared? A little.

Wanna ride my exercycle?

No, thanks.

It's supposed to Relieve tension.

Of course all it's ever done for me is Make me a little light-headed and nauseous.

Well, the good reverend was Supposed to be here five minutes ago.

Well, it's obvious he's not Coming. Let's get out of here.

Hey, man, you ought to be Used to these outfits by now.

We were expecting little ed.

Oh, well. I came in to ask About a raise, but it can wait.

I'll talk to the people that take Over when you guys are gone.

Hey, you wanna be a station Manager? Good money in that. No way.

You think he's really gonna stick Our heads in a soda pop machine?

We don't have one. Oh, well, maybe Our luck's beginning to change.

No, it's not.

Come in.

Well, good morning, Little brothers.

Are we ready to let Bygones be bygones?

Yes.

No. No.

As a matter of fact, Yesterday was your last show.

Ooh-wee! Little ed's gotta keep His temper. Oh, keep your temper.

Little ed's gotta stay Calm! Oh, yeah, be calm.

Little ed's gotta stay cool! Hallelujah, be cool. Praise be...

You boys got a soda Pop machine around here?

No! There's not one in the Whole building. little ed!

What you did on your Show yesterday was wrong.

- I'm gonna have to insist you Let us out of your contract. - do I look like I'm crazy?

I'd rather not go into that. I'm Not letting you out of anything.

Well, then as a responsible Station whose job it is...

To make sure its Programming is aboveboard,

I have no choice...

But to call for an I.R.S. Audit Of your nonprofit organization.

I.R.S.?

You mind if I sit Down for a minute?

You boys play Hardball, don't you?

That is definitely Not slow-pitch.

We don't like it any better than you, but Your show is absolutely irresponsible...

And very offensive to a very Large segment of this population.

Yeah, maybe.

I bet I do get a little Out of hand now and then.

But I have my followers Too, people who would

Still be searching If it weren't for me.

Many wrestling fans Have told me that.

There are people that I Sincerely believe I really do help.

Well, I'm... We're Sorry, reverend.

Would you really do That? Go to the I.R.S.?

Yes. Really?

Oh, my goodness. You had me pinned And now you're gonna let me up.

Aw, heck, reverend. That's Just the kind of guys we are.

Are you willing... Are you Willing to make a deal with us?

Shoot, yeah. What Other choice have I got?

None.

All right, here it is. We move Your show from 8:00 to 6:00 a.M.

Instead of 60 minutes, You got 30 minutes.

You can ask for donations, but no more Steak knives, no more shower curtains,

No more merchandise of any sort.

But I got a whole Warehouse full of that stuff.

I got 200 units of "The world is Coming to an end" lawn furniture alone.

Yeah, and we have got the I.R.S.

Okay, it's a deal.

Aw, you ain't such a bad Bunch of guys after all.

But you go to church now Every sunday, you hear me?

- already do, little ed. I swear. - okay.

Oh, no.

Little ed's gonna mend his ways. And he's gonna pray for all of you.

But most especially, he's gonna Pray for this little fella here...

In the hopes that the lord Will mend this broken body...

And restore to this man Some, if not all, of his faculties.

- that's a big order, little ed. - never underestimate the power.

Even when things look hopeless.

I can see!

♪♪

This sunday, my friends, Little ed has a new policy.

No more shower Curtains, no more knives,

No more merchandise of any kind.

But here's an interesting idea.

Way back in the middle ages, they Had these things called indulgences.

A program whereby You could buy...

A loved one or a relative Out of hell and into heaven.

It was kind of Like life insurance.

Except it was heaven insurance.

Now here's how it worked.

You send me...

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪