All language subtitles for UB216

Previously on "ugly betty"... You have a secret husband?

I'm sick. What are we talking about here?

$100,000 for an experimental treatment.

We need to find a surrogate we can control,

Someone who's desperate for money. (man) we're almost done. Have a look.

I really like this girl.

I take these. If you think that's gonna make me

Want to be with you any less, you're wrong. Really?

Will you move in with me? I'm so sorry.

I really thought i was getting better. I'm sorry, too.

Charlie, i didn't even know you were in town.

Charlie's not feeling well,

So i'm gonna have to take her to the doctor.

Hi. I thought you were at the doctor.

I think charlie was just trying to ruin my night with betty.

I love you. That's all that matters to me.

(new kids on the block) ??I'll be loving you forever ??

Everything's so nice and romantic.

To us, betty.

To us,

And to making the most of the time we have left together.

Yeah.

(footsteps approach)

(keys jingle, door opens)

Uh-oh. Am i too early?

I am so sorry.

I swear, i stayed out as long as i could.

(clears throat) really? 'Cause you only left 15 minutes ago.

Oh, i had no idea. I can't wear a watch

Because my arms are so bloated from carrying your child, so...

(clears throat) (gasps) oh, whoa.

What? Are you okay?

Oh, whoa, whoa. Um, so-so.

I just think my blood sugar might be low.

What do you need? Some food.

Uh... Oh, this will work. (clears throat)

What? Uh... Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

(betty) she's a monster.

I mean, we're at the movies, she calls ten times.

We're at dinner,

Emergency text-- "i need flaxseed right away."

Pregnant women are difficult.

Oh, please. We're bitches.

Plus she also has it in for you,

'Cause you did steal her man.

Wait. She cheated on henry.

She didn't love him. I love him,

And i've got three weeks left with him,

And she is making it impossible for us to spend time together.

Well, what about lunchtime? Oh, i know.

You could rent one of these "by the hour" hotel rooms.

Free movies.

That's a good idea.

(gasps) ooh.

Not the smutty hotel room, the lunch hour... (laughs)

And i think charlie is busy in her prenatal yoga class.

Mm. That reminds me.

I've got the baby doctor this afternoon.

It's the end of the first trimester.

I just hope the doctor's not gonna say

It's okay to go runnin' or swimmin' or something.

(singsong voice) hello? Are you listening to me?

Yep--baby doctor, trimester, hate exercising...

(cell phone beeping) (gasps) i have lunch plans with henry.

Where is she?

Eating with betty.

Oh, great.

We need the baby to be healthy, not flabby.

Don't worry.

We'll put it on a juice fast the minute it pops out.

Oh. Listen, everything's gonna check out okay with the doctor,

And then monday, all hell will break loose

As the exiled queens of "mode"...

(british accent) make their triumphant return. How are we doing on the press coverage?

(normal voice) i've pitched it

As a major fashion world announcement,

So all the women-friendly networks are in a lather.

"the view" is doing a special live broadcast,

Which they never could've done

If potty-mouthed rosie was still around.

Good. I want this moment.

I need this moment.

All eyes on me... Me.

You.

As i march up the steps of the meade building.

It'll be the greatest comeback since...

Jesus.

Blasphemous...

And sexy.

(sighs)

Hey, what's goin' on?

Uh, thought we had a meeting with a photographer.

We did. Amelie bissou, she canceled.

Photographers... They are so flaky, huh?

Yeah, this flaky photographer

Won't come out of her bathroom

Because someone... Who works at this magazine

Slept with her and never called.

What a jerk, huh?

Oh, no. Sh-she never gave me her number.

Ever since renee, you have been on a downward spiral--

Out every night, missing meetings... We think you may need some professional help.

You mean like a shrink? No way. No. I'm fine.

The woman you fell in love with almost killed your assistant

And burned your apartment down.

You are not fine. You need to talk to someone.

Another voice could help.

(lightning crackles)

(speaking spanish)

Entonces...

Papi, i love you, but your handwriting stinks.

What does this say?

Well, there was a message on the machine from coach diaz.

He wants to talk to you about justin... (women screaming on tv)

And this is perfect penmanship. You need your eyes checked.

Justin! What does coach diaz want?

Remember when i told you that coach diaz is a total jerk

And the meanest gym teacher i've ever had? Yeah, you told me.

You told everybody. Now he's gonna fail me in gym.

What about all those notes i wrote excusing you from class? He doesn't care.

He said that every student has to fulfill a "p.e. Requirement."

Well, every student should... But not you.

You're special.

Coach diaz does not get me.

Well, don't you worry. He is gonna get you,

Because my taxes pay his salary, which means i'm his boss. 'Kay.

Hilda, i don't think you paid any taxes last year.

So amelie bissou is out of the bathroom,

And the photo shoot is back on.

That's great. It only took an hour on the phone with her agent,

Tripling her fee,

And you are not allowed anywhere near the photo studio

On the day. Betty, you're the best.

Daniel, i know that part of my job

Is following you around and cleaning up your messes,

But ever since renee,

There just isn't a pooper-scooper big enough.

You've been talking to my mom and sister? As your unofficial, occasional therapist,

I think that it would be

A really good idea for you to see somebody.

I am not gonna go see a therapist.

I am doing fine on my own, betty. According to reliable internet sources,

The definition of an insane person--

"one who or that which performs the same actions

Over and over again expecting different results."

Insanity or optimism.

If you want things in your life to be different,

You must do things differently.

Therefore, if your instincts are telling you

Not to go to therapy, then go to therapy.

Your appointment's at 2:00 with dr. Wallace.

I didn't say yes.

(sighs)

Henry, you ready for our lunch date?

Um, i would be, but charlie called,

And her yoga partner canceled. (squeaks)

So i have to--

(squeak)

Betty?

You do realize she's doing this on purpose, don't you? Yes.

She's trying to get in between us because she hates me. No. No, no, no. She doesn't hate you.

Look, betty, i'm sorry.

I guess i hoped that you guys could be friends. Friends? Friends?

How can i be friends with her

When she is always trying to get in between us,

Over and over and over again? I know.

She will never stop...

Unless... Unless what?

Unless i do things differently.

(indistinct conversations)

Hi.

Where's henry?

He can't make it,

So i'm here to be your yoga partner

And your friend.

?芬??

(charlie) betty, no.

We can't be yoga partners or friends.

Charlie, don't you remember when we first met?

I bought you a brownie.

Charlie, we could go back to those times, the brownie times.

Look, brownie!

Well, i've got gestational diabetes,

So i could die if i ate that, okay? But thank you.

(woman) welcome to baby bump yoga.

Let's start with downward dog.

(lowered voice) so you're having a natural childbirth.

Is that like a pool or a bathtub or-- go away. Now.

Shh!

(exhales sharply)

(school bell rings) good job, guys.

Excuse me. Are you coach diaz?

Yeah. Can i help you?

You're the gym teacher?

Yes, and you are?

I am justin suarez' mother. I guess you heard he's failing.

I did hear, and i think there's been a big mistake,

Because i have been sending notes

Asking that justin be excused from p.e., so...

You know, tell me, when you were in school,

Did you get excused from math class with a note

Or english class? Not officially because i would skip those,

But this is not math... (laughs) or english.

Well, i believe fitness and exercise

Are just as important. Yes, but my justin is not really an athlete.

Well, luckily you don't have to be an athlete

To be in my class.

He just needs to show up, make an effort.

Okay, let's just... Get right to it.

If you fail justin,

I'm gonna talk to the principal.

Great. You should swing by his office,

Schedule an appointment. Hey, i am not joking here.

Oh, neither am i.

Ms. Suarez, i have a master's in wellness training.

I just happen to believe

That everyone can benefit from a gym class, even you.

Whoa. What is that supposed to mean?

(school bell rings) do not turn your back on me.

This is not over. I pay your salary, coach diaz!

(lowered voice) you know what?

I read that babies born in water

Have higher i.q.s than the babies--

(whispering) oh, my god. Please stop.

Okay, partners. Grab your mommy's waist. Don't touch me. Don't touch me.

Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me.

(normal voice) betty, don't touch me! But that's what she told me--

Okay, you two with the bad energy--out!

You're still touching me.

I'm sorry.

I know that your situation at the moment is not ideal.

Oh. Oh, it is far from ideal.

This weekend i was supposed to be at home in tucson

Having a baby shower with my friends,

So unless you want to-- throw you a baby shower?

What? Wasn't that what you were just about to say?

Unless i want to throw you a baby shower? Do you want to throw me a baby shower?

Um, yes. When?

Tomorrow.

Wow. You're not at all what i expected.

When i heard the name "dr. Wallace,"

I thought it would be a guy.

But then i thought, no, don't be closed-minded.

It could be an old lady, too.

So what exactly are you hoping to get out of therapy? A date?

Have you been depressed?

Nothing a drink with you wouldn't cure.

Get out. Wha--seriously?

I'm not in the business of wasting my time with patients

Who aren't prepared to take therapy seriously.

When you're ready to face up to your emotions

And talk about them like an adult, you can return.

Until then, good-bye.

So?

Everything's fine. The fetus is healthy and growing,

And you'll be giving birth in six months. So i can go back to work?

Absolutely. You can work. You can exercise--

Let's just stick with the work.

So is it safe to start telling people we're pregnant?

Sure. Tell whoever you want-- friends, family...

400 members of the news media. (gags) thank you, dr. Weiss.

Christina, put your muumuu on. We'll meet you in the lobby. (clears throat)

Oh, do you want a video of the sonogram? Uh, don't care.

Marc, call barbara at p.m.k.--

Pretty barbara, not freckly barbara. On it.

Quite a driven woman, isn't she?

She's a bitch.

That, too.

Oh. (laughs) why does that say "meade/slater baby"?

Don't worry. That's just for your file.

I'm sure it must be strange

Carrying the child of a dead man.

(elevator bell dings) betty.

Oh, henry. Hey.

Guess what?

For her shower, charlie wants her favorite tamales

From this place in tucson, and i tracked them down. Wait, her shower?

Oh, yeah, i'm throwing charlie a baby shower,

So that she'll see me as a friend

And let you and i spend more time together.

You would do that? I am doing it.

So get this--so escobar's-- do you know the place? Yeah.

Well, they won't ship their tamales overnight--

Ruins the flavor--so i have to buy them a seat on a plane. It sounds like that's a lot of work.

It is, but i don't mind. It's for us,

And when you want something bad enough,

You work harder.

(cell phone rings) oh.

(laughs) oh, thank you for calling me back.

(whispers) it's escobar's. I have to take this. Oh, yeah.

(normal voice) so, um, my first question is,

Can the tamales fly coach?

(laughs)

Look, i'm sorry about before.

It's just, i... I like to flirt.

And what do you get out of flirting?

I don't know.

Is it approval? Yeah, i guess.

Feels good to be wanted?

Guess i need that right now.

Why?

There was this woman...

I just wanted so badly for things to be different,

For me to... Find something... Deeper.

Instead i ended up with nothing.

I think this is something we should explore.

What is keeping her?

I'm due at sergio rossi to pick out new work shoes.

Oh, these scottish types-- no concern for time.

If tilda swinton says 7:30,

Do not expect her before 10:00. Christina.

(woman) johan, please come to the outpatient surgical center.

Where is she?

Maybe the bathroom? Ugh. These scottish types.

If tilda swinton says she has to pee--

No. She knows it's bradford's baby.

(marc gasps)

She's gone.

They're arriving at laguardia on flight 47?

Perfect. A messenger will be waiting. Thank you.

(sighs)

Is it crazy that i'm flying in tamales from tucson

Because that's what charlie wants to eat at her baby shower?

Okay, stop begging. I'll come. What?

Huh? I didn't say anything. You just said you'd come to the shower.

Why would i say i'd come to the shower? I don't know, amanda.

Do you want to come to the shower?

Do i want to come to the shower

For someone i don't even know?

Why would i do that? What are you serving?

Well, tamales, a bunch of fun little appetizers,

And my dad is making empanadas.

Okay, well, that's crazy.

Don't cancel the shower just because i'm not coming.

Let me see what i can do.

He gave you detention?

Gym detention.

What is "gym detention"?

It got invented today for me.

I had to organize the equipment room.

There were balls and bats.

It was like a nightmare that would never end.

This is all your fault. Well, i was just trying to help you out.

You came to my school and yelled at my teacher.

What did you think would happen? Okay, look. I can fix this.

Please don't.

He might make me quarterback of the hockey team or something.

Hey. What if i change my approach?

Oh, my god, mom. No.

This is all getting very "sweeney todd" now.

(wilhelmina) so, christina,

I would love to sit and chat

And clear up this whole misunderstanding.

Call me.

I'm worried sick about you.

Even i didn't believe that.

Well, you are your toughest critic.

What a screwup.

Remind me to get that stupid doctor's license revoked.

Done. By the time we're through with him,

He'll be neutering dogs in buffalo.

This is bad, marc.

If she disappears,

If that baby disappears, we've got nothing.

No baby means no return to "mode,"

Means no future for either of us.

Oh, willie, why can't things just be easy for once?

On the surface, our plans are rock solid,

And we're both so attractive.

Perhaps that's our curse, marc--

That and our humanity.

(christina) i was so stupid to trust her!

(stuart) there's no way you could've known.

Stuart, this is the worst thing that could happen.

Oh.

Or is it the best thing?

No, i'm serious.

We know that she was willing to pay all that money for this...

Yeah. Enough for my operation.

So?

So maybe she'll pay more.

You're thinking she's got you. I say you've got her.

When that thing inside you-- stuart that "thing" is going to be a baby.

Well, she needs it,

And when people need something,

That makes them weak.

(whispers) yeah.

Okay, what just happened?

I looked over at you,

And there was a silence, and the next thing i know-- you kissed me.

No, no, no, you kissed me. Doctor, you lunged at me-- because you seduced me.

I didn't do anything. Oh, you can't help it.

You're a seducer. That's what you do. But it's not working for me anymore.

(telephone dials) who are you calling?

My shrink. (ringing)

But i--look, i'm so sorry.

I-i promise, i'll pay you for this. And now i feel like a whore. Super.

Derrick, i need to see you right away. I'm coming over now. I'm the one who needs help.

You showed me this. What am i supposed to do now? I don't know.

You're not my problem anymore. You're an animal.

Leave, please.

Go out, find women and ruin their lives.

Uh, listen, ms. Suarez,

It's very nice of you to offer to cut my hair,

But i'm happy just to talk about justin.

It's--it's my job.

Oh, please, it's nothing. It's nothing. Here.

It's just my way of saying we got off on the wrong foot.

(laughs)

You know, and i-i didn't mean anything

About you needing a gym class.

You got a great body.

Not that i was looking at your body.

Oh, yeah, right. Right.

I mean, you're the parent, i'm the teacher. (laughs)

I mean, i'm the parent.

Oh, gosh, sorry. I just-- i get a little bit worked up

Over justin sometimes. Hey, don't worry about it. It's your kid. I get it.

Look, if it makes you feel any better,

I swear to you that i would never do anything

To embarrass him.

Thank you. That does make me feel better. (laughs)

Mm.

You were gonna--

Oh, yeah. (giggles)

Okay. This is a great place.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, we just o-- oh!

(gasps) aah!

Oh, my god! Let me see. No! Uh, no. Tha--i-it's okay.

Let me get some alcohol. Oh, wow.

Here. That's nail polish remover.

Yeah, but it--it--it sanitizes. It's okay. Don't worry about it. I'm fine, okay?

I'm just gonna go bleed at home. Oh.

Oh, man.

Oh. Ugh. Hilda.

(ticks)

Um, no. No, i'm looking at the plates right now.

They are definitely not what i ordered.

These have father time on them--

Father time, not a baby.

He has a beard.

Look, i'm sorry i'm being such a pain.

I am generally a much nicer person.

I just--

My fault. (cell phone beeps)

I know.

I'm sorry, mrs. Meade.

Oh, betty, it's fine.

It's a purse, not a baby.

(laughs) once in nantucket,

I dropped daniel in a bucket of ice,

Landed on his head.

Okay.

Uh, well, he should be fine now.

I got him to see the therapist.

I heard. Thank you for that. Oh, don't worry about it.

Just another one of the many things

I had to do today.

Betty, when are you going to stop? I can't.

I agreed to throw this last-minute baby shower

For charlie, henry's pregnant ex-girlfriend. Oh, right. That ordeal.

Yeah. Well, it's not really an ordeal.

It's just, you know,

Something i have to do to spend time with henry.

I mean, he's leaving in three weeks and--aah. Ow!

Why did you do that?

To get your attention. Wake up, betty.

This relationship you are in has no future,

And the sooner you realize that,

The sooner you'll get back to living your life,

Instead of planning baby showers

For your boyfriend's ex-girlfriends.

(elevator bell dings)

Henry, it's over.

Ugh. It just doesn't sound right.

I mean, this is henry. I don't want it to be over.

This jacket makes me look like a nerd.

Why do you need to apologize to this guy in person?

I can't just call coach diaz.

I nearly maimed him for life.

And justin needs to pass gym, so...

(sighs) now i look like a slutty nerd.

I don't think this has anything to do with justin.

What are you talking about? Oh, come on, hilda.

First, you pick a fight with this guy.

Then you invited him over for a haircut?

You know what this is?

This is hector reale from ninth grade all over again.

That is ridiculous.

I did not give hector reale a haircut. I know what you gave him.

(gasps) come on, hilda.

You totally like this coach guy.

What's his name? Coach diaz.

What's his first name?

Coach?

Well, you should fix that,

'Cause it's gonna sound really weird

When you guys are kissing

And you're all like, "ooh, coach. Ooh."

Shut up! Stop talking about it. "oh, coach."

There's not gonna be any kissing.

Ay, you're getting me all freaked out. Hilda.

I don't know, betty. I just--

I felt something when i was talking to him,

And it was just the first time since santos.

You have a crush...

Mm.

And i have henry.

Check us out.

(laughs)

(doorbell rings)

Who is that? I don't know.

It's--it's not time. We're not ready.

We need to talk.

All we've been doing lately is obsessing

About how little time we have left together.

I know, and it's horrible,

And it's so stressful for the both of us,

And i-i don't--i--

That's why i'm here.

I think there's only one thing to do. Oh, god.

We have to stay together forever.

Oh! That's not what i thought you were gonna say,

But i like it! Go on.

My cousin lance just got a new job at transwest airlines.

He says i can use his friends and family discount.

I have to do his taxes for 20 years,

But i can see you every other weekend. Really?

And--and once in a while, you can come out and see me. Or we could meet in the middle.

Yes. Yes. God, i love you.

The middle just happens to be springfield, missouri,

A.k.a. Queen city of the ozarks,

Renowned throughout america for having

The most varied weather in the nation. I love weather.

I know you do.

And in the meantime,

We can call or--or e-mail or video chat.

It--it's the 21st century.

We can see each other every day if we want to.

Wow. You really thought about this.

You're the most important thing in my life.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, god. It's 11:00. Charlie--her baby shower.

Oh. I guess it's too late to call it off.

Are you kidding? Now it's even more important.

Charlie will be part of my life forever.

(laughs)

Charlie, welcome to your baby shower.

Henry.

I was just leaving. You ladies have fun.

Bye.

I'm late because your directions were messed up.

Oh.

Wow. I don't remember your house being so small.

(sniffs) something smells really funny.

Come on in.

(ticking)

Stuart.

Stuart.

Hello, christina.

How did you find me?

I called her. (wilhelmina) it was the right thing, christina.

You don't have a lot of options.

(russian accent) nyet options.

But what stuart was savvy enough to recognize

Is you do have power.

I need this baby, christina,

And i will pay to ensure you follow through with this.

What do you want?

Nothing.

Christina--

No. Don't.

(door closes)

(sighs) she'll be back.

She has nowhere else to go.

(women speaking indistinctly)

Thank you.

(doorbell rings)

(man) ??De los tres que yo ten穩a ??

??Uno se fue brinco y brinco ??

Thanks.

??Ya no m獺s, me quedan cinco, cinco, cinco ??

Welcome... Amanda.

Calm down. I can only stay for, like, five minutes.

I have a million things to do today.

What's that?

Uh, shrimp empanadas in mole sauce.

My dad made 'em this morning.

Mm.

It's pretty good. Wish i didn't have to leave.

Is there more?

(charlie) betty? Hey, betty?

Yes?

(clears throat) what is that?

Oh, uh, that is a pi?Ata.

I thought it would be really fun. Well, the plastic lining chokes the birds

That feed at the landfills. Oh, uh--

And i'm sorry,

But are these vegetables fresh cut?

Because they sure don't look like it.

Um, well, i could cut some now.

(whispers) that'd be great.

??Y ya no me queda nada ??

Why is everyone so fat at this party?

Betty, you don't seem like you're having much fun.

Yeah, well, i just gotta let that go,

Because i'm the one who decided to throw charlie this party.

Besides, henry and i have found a way

To make it work long-distance.

Long-distance?

Dad, i know that voice.

The skeptical, i-know-better-than-you voice

That you trot out every time you think i'm making a mistake,

And hilda used to get it more often.

Look, i'm sure you have a great plan.

All i'm saying is that long-distance is no replacement

For spending time together.

Henry will be back and forth all the time.

(chops)

He said i was the most important thing in his life.

Amor, the thing is, he's having a baby,

And once you're a parent,

Nothing's ever the same.

It'll be hard work, but we can do it. (knock on door)

Daniel. Can i borrow some money?

What are you doing here?

Uh, therapy, uh, didn't exactly work out.

Uh, y-yeah. I can see that. What happened?

I slept with her. Then i went out.

I met this girl at a club,

Went back to her apartment, where i met her roommate,

Who took me out to another club,

Where i met these russian ballerinas.

They turned out to be strippers,

And i woke up somewhere in queens,

Um, and i lost my wallet. Betty.

Christina. Um, i really need to talk to you.

Um-- (charlie) is there soy milk?

And why do these plates have an old man on them? Ugh. Uh, um, okay.

Uh, daniel, borrow cab fare from my dad.

Dad, go to the market. Get soy milk.

Christina, upstairs now.

(sighs) sounds like you had, uh, quite a night.

Yeah.

Wanna take a walk? Sure.

Good. Come on.

And i-i don't know what to do.

Betty, she's done this to me before,

And i can't believe i've been so stupid.

Okay, first of all, stop blaming yourself.

Ohh. This is wilhelmina.

This is what she does. She uses people.

I know, i know, and that i can cope with.

But this time, it's not just me. There's gonna be a baby.

Christina, there is a difference between you and her.

Oh, is there?

Yes, you are a good person.

Really?

Really.

Betty! Are there tamales or not?

(sighs) ugh.

I'll be right there!

She is annoying.

(sighs)

(woman singing in spanish)

You know what they say

About pregnant women being so beautiful?

Well, i have a question.

What if you're already really beautiful?

Is it possible to become too beautiful?

I mean, is it dangerous? Could you hurt someone?

Ladies, straight from tucson, arizona--

Especially for charlie--

Escobar's famous green corn tamales!

Ooh!

No. Charlie?

(women speaking indistinctly)

Here. Take that.

(women continue speaking indistinctly)

This isn't the right tamale.

Yes, it is. I think i would know, betty.

Those are from escobar's. They wouldn't even ship them,

So i had to have them flown out. Then they got ruined on the plane.

They flew first-class. Well, they're soggy.

You know what, charlie?

I have broken my back to try and make this shower happen.

Yeah, well, maybe that's the way you want it to look.

No, that is the way it is.

This isn't what i wanted, betty.

Well, i'm sorry that this isn't good enough for you, charlie,

But i have worked really hard,

And now i feel stupid for even trying to be nice to you

When you have been such a jerk.

And i don't know why

I'm letting your crabby little attitude get to me,

Because henry and i have already decided that

We're gonna be together even after he goes back to tucson,

Whether you like it or not!

What? Nothing to say?

No. My water just broke.

Um, are you sure your water broke?

Either that or i just peed my pants.

Okay, i see how you're playing this.

I remember last new year's eve,

I was so drunk that my water broke, too.

Ohh! Aah. Uhh.

Oh, i just had a contraction. Good idea. Stick with your story.

(panting) um, okay. Uh, all right. Um, everything's gonna be okay.

Just, uh, sit. Sit down and--and try to relax. Okay.

Breathe. Okay.

(school bell rings)

Hi.

Hi. How's your ear?

Eh, just a couple of stitches.

The good news is, it doesn't stick out as far anymore.

(laughs) i'm so sorry,

And i-i totally hear you about gym class,

So maybe justin should go. Maybe i could meet you halfway.

What do you have in mind? He helps choreograph the cheerleading routines

For the rest of the year, he passes.

Think he'd be into that? Are you kidding?

He calls espn "the cheerleading channel."

(laughs)

(gasps) he's gonna love it. Wow.

Thank you, coach diaz.

You're welcome.

Hey, um, what's your first name, anyway?

Tony. I'm hilda.

Nice to meet you, hilda.

You, too.

You know, daniel, when i was a young man,

I was a lot like you.

Well, maybe not as much like you

As i would have liked,

But it wasn't until i felt good about myself

That i met someone special.

So what happened?

Mole happened.

Is that a girl?

(laughs) no.

It's a sauce that everyone makes with chilies

And garlic and peppercorns and chocolate and broth,

And that's how i would make it.

Until one day i thought,

I wonder how molasses would make this taste.

So i add molasses,

Serve it to my boss,

Eyes pop out of his head--

The best thing he's ever tasted,

And i say, "i know."

'Cause i knew that it was special, unique.

So what, you want me to cook something?

No way.

Cooking was my passion.

It changed the way i felt.

What makes you feel good about yourself?

You're right. I don't have any options.

So i've decided to take you up on your offer.

There is something that i want from you.

And what is that?

(heart beating)

This is the heartbeat of the child that i'm carrying.

I want you to watch it,

And for once in your monstrous life

For you to think about someone else,

Because this baby is not just some instrument

For whatever wicked game it is that you're playing.

It's your child, and what i want from you is a promise

That you will love this baby,

And you will give it everything that it needs.

(heartbeat continues)

Ohh, god, this really hurts! (gasps)

Does it hurt?

(panting) i just said that it does.

You know, a few years ago, i had some work done on my nose.

It was not a nose job.

Everybody thought it was a nose job,

But it was just to fix some breathing--

Had to get it done, not a nose job--

And it was so painful. It was just like childbirth. I'm sorry. Are you gonna be here the whole time?

Whatever you need,

Because i know what you're going through.

Okay, well, i'm kind of thirsty, so...

Mm, that reminds me-- i am starving.

Okay, guys, uh, thanks for coming.

I just left henry a message. He must be in the subway. Okay.

(horn honks) oh! Oh, yes. Taxi's here.

Come on. Let's get you to the hospital. No, no, no, no, no, not a hospital. No.

I'm going to a birthing center. I have a midwife.

You know, i want to do this all natural. No drugs.

I want to feel everything! Oh, god! (grunts)

Okay, uh, well, then let's get you to the birthing center.

We just need to get you out the door and in the cab. (continues panting) okay.

Look, you're doing it.

You're doing it. You're doing it.

I'm doing it. Ohh, god! I'll call your midwife.

No, don't do that! Why?

Because i don't want her to hear me say this--

I want the drugs. What?

I want the drugs, betty. Call the hospital.

Call the ambulance. I want the drugs!

Okay. Ohh! (panting)

Um, 9-1-1, we have a woman in labor.

Aah!

She wants the drugs.

Aah!

Aah, aah, aah.

Oh, my god.

I don't want to be here when that thing pops out of her.

Bye.

(panting) betty, is the ambulance here?

Any second.

Okay. Okay, and henry?

He's on his way.

Mm. Mm.

Hold my hand.

What?

Hold my hand.

Why'd you do it, betty?

Why did you throw me a shower?

Because you're away from home, stranded--

Oh, betty, that is bull!

Ow! Okay, maybe that's not why.

Maybe i did it because i thought that if i was friendlier,

You would stop getting in the way

Of henry and i so much.

I'm so sorry, betty. I am so sorry.

But do you know how hard it was watching the guy that i love

Falling in love with somebody else?

Is that why you cheated on him?

(siren wailing)

Charlie, i'm so sorry.

No, no, no, it's not your fault. I just...

I never thought it would be like this, you know?

I never thought i'd be having a baby... Alone.

No. No, no, no, you're not alone.

(ignacio) hurry. Right in here.

Oh, thank god. They're here. The ambulance is here.

Okay, okay. (panting)

What do you do with these? Where do you begin?

I see exactly what you mean. The photos just sit there. Yes.

They need a point of view. (alexis) mm-hmm.

Can i weigh in?

You look like hell.

Yeah, i know.

Ooh. These are not very good.

No. No.

We could saturate the colors, make 'em pop,

That way we focus on the outfits instead of the models... (claire) mm-hmm.

So it's strictly about the fashion. Yeah, that's great.

I was also thinking,

We always put the photo essays in the back of the book.

Why don't we move 'em in the front?

You know, stir things up a little.

Well, look at you. What happened, daniel?

I realized something.

I mean, i'm always looking for meaning in my life

Everywhere but the place i can actually find it--

Right here.

I love this job.

(panting)

(man) i'm sorry, ma'am, but you're over 9 centimeters.

I don't think it's a good idea to move you. Here. I'll get some towels.

Oh, god, this really hurts.

I know, but you're too far along for the drugs.

It's gonna be the old-fashioned way.

Oh, the old-fashioned way, just like you wanted.

Oh, shut up, betty!

(crying)

Ow!

(panting) oh, oh, i'm sorry.

Oh, i'm sorry. You know i don't really mean that.

I just can't believe i'm having a baby in your living room.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay, charlie.

Charlie?

Henry? Oh, thank you so much, betty.

Henry, henry, henry. God, you have no idea.

Betty's kept me from totally freaking out.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. This is really happening.

Okay. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.

Um, um, here.

No, no, no, no, no. Stay, betty. Stay if you want. Stay.

Yeah, betty, please stay. No... You're gonna be okay.

(crying) aah. Okay.

(moaning) okay. Okay.

It's good to have you back, daniel.

To work.

To meade publications.

To family.

(heart beating)

What the hell is that?

(heartbeat continues)

That is a sonogram of my baby,

Of your father's baby.

What are you talking about? I'm having your father's child.

Oh, dear god.

And i want you to know,

My only concern is protecting this baby

And giving it everything it deserves.

Yeah, and what would that be?

One-third of the meade empire.

(charlie) oh, my god. Ohh!

(baby crying)

Here you go, sweetie. No.

Wow. This turned out to be

One hell of a baby shower.

(sighs)

(baby continues crying)

It's a boy.

(hilda) ohh. Oh.

(laughs)

Congratulations.

Oh, thanks.

You're a papa now.

Oh, felicidades.

(gladys knight) ??Remember when you left? ??

??Yeah, you had your own rules about playing the game ??

??And any day you could walk away ??

Our baby.

??Feeling no pain ??

??Now look at yourself ??

??Yeah, you're all hung up on somebody else ??

??And in your eyes i see all the signs ??

??Of the misery ??

??Ooh ??

??You used to be so proud ??

??Now your head's a little lower ??

??And you walk a little slower ??

??And you ??

??Don't talk so loud ??

??Now you've gotten wise ??

??Yeah, you know how love ??

??Can build you up one moment ??

??And the next, cut you down to size ??

??Down to size ??

??And then you discover ??

??All she told you was a bunch of lies ??

??Didn't you know you'd have to cry sometime? ??

??Oh ??

??Cry sometime ??

??Oh ??

??Hurt sometime ??

??Sometimes, oh, darlin', didn't you know? ??