All language subtitles for UB212

Previously on "ugly betty"...

It's just that we have so little time left together.

I want us to have memories.

You have a secret husband? I haven't seen stuart for five years.

Is this bradford meade's body?

If i can't marry into the meade family,

I will give birth to an heir.

Medically speaking, you can't carry a child.

We need to find a surrogate we can control.

(suzuki) christina mckinney... Her husband's sick,

Her insurance doesn't cover him, and she's desperate.

Why would fey have pictures of me in her safe?

Fey sommers was your mother.

I know who killed fey sommers. (whispers) it was me.

And i may be gone for a very long time.

You just really seemed to up your game when betty showed up. What?

I don't think i'm the suarez sister you like.

Where am i?

(police radio chatter)

What happened?

We're trying to figure that out, ma'am.

You passed out in gio's deli.

Come on. Gio.

Apparently you threw a trash can through the window.

What? I wouldn't do that.

Oh.

Oh, my god.

(gio) lose the cuffs, officer.

I won't be pressing any charges. No, no, no, no, gio.

If--if i did something illegal,

Then i'm prepared to face the consequences.

What would i be looking at, officer?

Breaking and entering, criminal trespassing,

Vandalism-- say five years.

(whispers) help.

Yeah, okay. We're good here.

(normal voice) gio, i would never throw a trash can.

Once, uh, i-in school, tommy deluca--

He threw a-a butter pat on the ceiling,

And i was the one who told the teacher.

Actually, officer, if--if you knew me,

This would be really funny. (laughs)

Crime isn't funny.

Oh, no, i-i di--i didn't mean that crime was funny.

I just--i just meant that this situation,

With me and-- and--and handcuffs...

Okay, okay.

I don't understand.

I'm so not myself lately.

(tape rewinding)

(suzuki speaking in reverse)

And on the seventh day, they rested...

(gavel sounds) the prosecution, that is,

In the claire meade murder trial.

She's pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity,

For the murder of fey sommers,

But as you can see from this artists' rendering,

The dior suit she had on yesterday

Had me crazy with jealousy.

The outfit gave a lethal injection of style

To an otherwise drab day of testimony,

But things should pick up today with the-- (turns off sound)

All righty.

We got some more suits in for your testimony.

Valentino sent this,

Dolce & gabbana sent this,

And ozwald boateng sent this.

I-i think that one's too boxy.

Oh. Hey, what about this?

That'll make my eyes pop, huh?

Daniel, forget about boxy.

This is your mother's murder trial,

Not tobey maguire's birthday party

At bungalow 8.

You need to appear conservative and trustworthy.

Betty's right.

We're the face of our mother's defense.

The jury needs to see us as just plain folk.

Said the amazon transsexual.

Betty, my mother needs some things from her place.

Can you please pick 'em up

And bring 'em to the courthouse? Of course.

Her mon atelier suit, matching pumps--

Oh, and this perfume she loves.

It's on her dressing table.

All right. No problem. I'll go right now.

I can't believe we're doing this today.

Guys, don't worry.

You're gonna be great.

You're really gonna help your mom's case.

What if we don't?

You want a what?

A baby. You know, tiny and soft

With a face like a little old man?

And you want me to carry it in my womb?

Well, we would ask for your purse,

But we don't want a baby that grew in a gucci knockoff.

(scottish accent) shortbread, love?

Oh, my god. He's--he's not--not the...

(laughs) (laughs) no, no.

(normal voice) though we would make a good one--

Her evil disposition, my eyes...

That kid would be unstoppable.

No. It's an anonymous donor.

Marc has been such a good friend

Since i made the decision to have another child. Mm.

And since i decided to leave "mode"-- you were fired.

You're right. I was fired.

So why do you need me? Why don't you just do it?

Well, according to my doctor, my eggs are fine,

But, um...

I can't carry the baby.

It's tragic.

Bono and sheryl crow should do a benefit concert

For her lady parts.

Well, sorry.

Look, think of it as giving up your body

For nine months-- strictly a financial agreement,

And i'd offer you $100,000.

Wow. What would i do with $100,000?

I don't know, maybe purchase an experimental surgery

For someone... (scottish accent) i love.

Oh. You know all about stuart.

Evil is all-knowing.

Well, thank you very much,

Both of you, for your kind offer,

But my uterus is officially closed

To devil spawn.

(door opens and closes)

Wilhelmina's having a baby,

And she wants you to carry it for her?

Yeah, and she was gonna pay me 100 grand to do it.

Which would pay for stuart's operation.

Thankfully, though i don't need to carry the demon seed,

'Cause i've got another way to get the money. Oh, you do?

A couple of weeks ago,

I was archiving some gowns,

And i came across this.

Now jackie kennedy wore it

To a state dinner at the white house.

Oh, my god. This must be worth, like--

$100,000 on the black market.

Oh, now, betty, i know what you're thinking.

It's just a piece of cloth. Christina, that's stealing.

But it could save stuart's life.

Well, when you put it that way...

Oh.

(man) ??Now everybody you see ??

??Now everybody is in the groove ??

Excuse me, who the hell are you?

Oh, the cafeteria was packed.

You're getting salad dressing on my mother's ottoman.

How do you even know about this place?

Everybody knows. You think you can keep this a secret?

Man, i need to catch a 5-minute nap. Who the hell are you?

I'm tired.

Wait.

Wait, those sheets are chinese silk. Eww.

People...

This was my late mother fey sommers' secret sex room.

It was designed for lazy afternoons

That blurred the line between pleasure and pain.

It is not a place for salads or naps.

That's it. I'm getting her stuff out of here.

All of this belonged to my mother,

Who, i like to think, had multiple orgasms

Right where you're sitting.

That's right.

She was that kind of lady.

Good-bye.

(sighs)

Oh, my god.

Diary pages?

(fey's voice) "february 26, 2006.

"back from our scandinavian trip,

"where i never left bradford's arms.

"it was a taste of what life could be like

"if that annoying shrew claire wasn't around.

It gives me an idea..."

(cell door closes)

(gasps)

And you brought my perfume.

Oh, when i would wear this,

I would feel so special.

Mm.

You know, your father brought this back for me from denmark.

He would love when i wore this.

(voice breaks) i miss him so much.

Mom, you have to pull it together.

What's the use? I'm going away forever. Mom, no.

You were not in your right mind at the time of the accident.

Your lawyer's going to prove it.

I'm sorry. I can't allow the perfume. Come on, please.

Daniel, it's all right. This is my life now.

I used to plan garden parties.

Now i get a flashlight in my tush every morning.

I'll live.

Betty?

I want you to take this.

Okay. Yeah, i'll hold on to it.

No, i want you to have it.

Come here. Now you're in love

With that nervous little fellow with the glasses.

I want you to wear it and spoil yourself.

Uh, no, m-mrs. Meade,

It's--it's too fancy, and it's yours,

And--and daniel and alexis are right,

You are gonna get out of here,

And then you're gonna need it again,

So--so i'll just--i'll just keep it safe for you.

Thank you.

(gavel bangs)

My mother raised us

With a strong sense of right and wrong.

She was clearly

Not in her right mind at the time of fey's accident.

Hmm. Ms. Meade,

You seem like you were very close to your mother.

Can you describe her state of mind

In the days leading up to the accident?

Um, i didn't hear anything. Do you hear anything?

I didn't hear anything. I'm sorry. Louder?

I-i wasn't in contact with my mother at that time.

Right, right,

Because you had lied to your family

About a skiing accident in order to cover up

Your secret sex change operation.

Is this an example of the strong sense

Of right and wrong your mother taught you? Objection.

Ms. Meade made a very difficult personal decision

To become a woman-- a very attractive woman--

But that is no reflection on--

Her mother's ability to commit premeditated murder?

That's enough, counsel.

Ms. Meade's personal choices are not on trial.

I just know my mother would never kill anyone, ever!

Obviously there was something wrong with her.

(alexis cries)

(gallery murmurs)

(types)

(fey's voice) "march 15th...

"i innocently suggested to bradford

"he give claire a little gift to cover up our trip--

A bottle of perfume from denmark."

That doesn't belong to you, betty.

Focus. (types)

"she's so easily seduced by silly tokens of his affection."

(telephone rings) (woman) hello? Hello?

(headset beeps)

"april 4, 2006.

"oh, claire, it's too delicious.

"i changed the ingredients.

"it's toxic.

"it's seeping into her brain.

"she's poisoning herself

With her own frivolous vanity."

(woman humming to instrumental music)

(liquid boiling)

"and soon enough,

She'll be dead."

Ooh.

?芬??

(typing rapidly)

Wow, you smell great.

I mean, not that you don't always smell good.

You do. I could just sniff you all day, but... (sniffs)

God, whatever you got on now... (barks)

You like it? It's mrs. Meade's.

It's like 200 bucks an ounce. Oh, preston.

Wow. You're really on fire there.

I know. I-i don't know what it is. I have so much energy.

Oh, are those the estimates for daniel?

He's in court all day, but i'll have him sign them,

And i'll get them right back to you. Oh, actually, you should get them to kenny.

I'm gonna be out of the office tomorrow. You are?

Yeah. I have that... Thing in tucson. Oh. Right. Uh, charlie's sonogram.

I totally forgot. Oh, but i did make you

This care package for the plane. I got you crossword puzzles--

Your favorite-- and this little neck thingy. Wow. You really do have a lot of energy.

Oh, you smell so good.

You gotta keep using that perfume.

Oh, randy! There you are!

Oh, careful!

(crash)

Mm.

(betty) sorry!

(indistinct conversations)

I really think we got lucky with this judge heller.

She seems to be on mom's side.

Well, finally something that went our way,

Because i totally blew it up there this morning. You're crazy.

I was watching the jury. They were eating it up.

Hey, you did a great job

Of making mom seem like a real person.

Can anyone break a $20? Yes.

Here you go. Oh.

Hi, judge heller. How are you?

(reporters all talking at once)

(camera shutters clicking)

Pandemonium in the court.

The claire meade murder trial erupted into fireworks today

As the prosecution accused daniel meade...

(whispers) five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. (chuckles)

Of bribing judge nora heller.

(normal voice) daniel.

(suzuki) judge heller, who has seemed

Very pro-defense in recent days,

Immediately recused herself from the case.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

What? Come on.

Daniel. Ugh.

Itchy.

Mm. (gasps)

(chimes ring)

Hi, pretty perfume.

Whoo!

(sniffs)

Ahh.

You smell so pretty.

(sprays)

(woman humming to instrumental music)

Got your 'wiches. Industry term.

Oh. Thank you.

Whoa. Whoa, okay. Thank you.

So why two?

Because one is for me,

And one is for henry's care package.

He's going out of town.

Egg salad.

I should've guessed. It travels well.

So where is eggy heading to, anyway?

Tucson. His baby's sonogram.

Mmm. Mmm.

(mouth full) this is really good.

The flavors in pastrami taste like...

Like...

Like purple.

Right.

Well, don't worry.

Whatever happens in tucson stays in tucson.

What is that supposed to mean?

Wow. These tomatoes are really good.

They're like sunshine. We're eating sunshine.

Mm.

(laughing)

But come on,

The guy is gonna go down there to go

And see his ex-girlfriend, but relax.

It's not like he's gonna get her pregnant again.

That's disgusting. He would never cheat on me.

Yeah, you're right. It's not eggy's style.

His name is not eggy. It's egg salad.

(laughing)

Betty, are you okay?

No. It's henry. It's henry.

Is it really hot in here? 'Cause i'm sweating.

You know, for what it's worth,

You smell really good.

You smell really good, too.

Look, i told you i wasn't trying to bribe judge heller.

I was just making change.

Big shot had to show everyone he could break a $20.

Daniel, it's all right. How screwed are we?

Ah, we're fine. I've never lost a case, mrs. Meade,

And i don't intend to start now.

Okay, i gotta be honest with you.

I have lost one case, in 2006,

And it just kills me that i can't say

I've never lost a case anymore.

Uh-oh. What's the matter?

Remember that one case that i lost?

(whispers) that's the judge. Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon.

I am judge nancy biotch.

You've got to be kidding.

(normal voice) and she lives up to it.

I'm the new presiding judge in this case.

I was supposed to be on my way to the bahamas in an hour.

Instead i'm here. Lucky me.

Oh, mr. Meade, should you get itchy to buy

Another officer of the court a coffee,

I'd love a grande soy latte.

(laughter)

(whispers) laugh.

(chuckles)

(laughs)

So where are you gonna be sleeping?

Are you staying with charlie?

Because, you know, i don't care.

You know what? Don't even tell me.

You can sleep with whoever you want.

Betty, no. Of course not.

I would never do anything like that-- darn right you wouldn't.

Now promise you'll call me tonight. Okay.

Oh, but don't call me at home. Use the bat phone.

I don't want my dad listening in

Because i don't know what i might say. (laughs)

Ava! What's up? That's ava.

She's new in production. We could be best friends.

I like her. I like you. Hi.

Oh, my god. Look at those colors.

Oh, they're so... Intense.

I never noticed that before.

I'm sorry.

Betty. Betty? Are you okay?

You're acting a little hyper,

And--and you're sweating.

No, i'm fine. I'm fine. I'm great!

You know why?

Because i have the best, most loyal boyfriend

In the whole world. (elevator bell dings)

Mmm. Mmm.

Okay. Good-bye. I love you. Okay.

Oh, did you have that care package? I got your care package right here!

(both moan)

(henry) mm. Betty. Mm.

Mm. Betty. Oh.

(pants)

I love you, too.

Well, look who went from flirty to dirty--oh.

I don't care. It felt good,

And if it feels good, do it. Aah. Oh.

Weird. Is there, like, a echo in here? Uh...

Hello!

(roar)

Can you believe this?

Fey poisoned the perfume. And bradford didn't know?

No. He gave it to claire as a gift.

It was supposed to kill her, but claire went nuts

And ended up killing my mother first. Oh, my god.

These pages would exonerate claire meade.

They totally make her look like the victim. (growls)

You're right. (whimpers)

Give it.

Mandy.

I'm not gonna let my dead mother look like some psycho.

Wh--wh--(gasps) (whimpers)

(gasps) halston, get back here.

Okay, marc, you have to finish this.

And when i get back, you're gonna tell me

What exonerate means.

Mandy, wait. (stammers)

Halston! Wait.

Security is gonna take you away again.

(fire roars)

(kiss) ??I wanna rock and roll all nite ??

??And party every day ??

(betty) ??I wanna rock and roll all... ??

(both) ??Nite ??

??And party every day ??

(betty) ??I wanna rock and roll ??

??All nite ??Whoo! Oh.

Oh, man, i didn't sleep at all last night.

I stayed up waiting for henry to call.

He never called, but i got to see

This molly ringwald marathon. She is amazing.

"pretty in pink," "sixteen candles"...

"breakfast club." "breakfast club"-- i love that movie.

How did she not win an oscar? I know.

(ignacio) you didn't sleep at all? Mm-hmm.

Are you feeling okay? I mean, yeah. That's what's so weird.

I'm--i'm not sleepy. I'm just--i'm itchy,

And i'm a little tingly, and my mouth is really dry.

Whose juice is this? That's mine.

Mmm. Mmm. Ahh. What's for breakfast?

Huevos rancheros, but a little different today.

I'm trying a new recipe. Ugh. That's gross. What else is there?

Betty, papi worked really hard on that.

Oh, whatevs. I'll just see what i can get at the office.

(gasps) how about this?

Mmm.

(triggers spray can twice)

Mmm. Mmm. That should hold me over.

All right, gang. A-b-c ya.

(laughing) a-b-c ya.

What the hell is wrong with her?

I don't know, but i like it.

She's sassy. (door closes)

Mr. Meade, you admit that at the time

Of fey sommers' murder,

Your mother was drinking heavily.

Yes, but at the time, my father was openly involved with--

Carrying on an affair. Yes, it's sad, but legal.

What's not legal is murdering your husband's lover. Look, obviously my mother wasn't all there.

She was terribly upset. Yes, so upset that she arranged to have fey sommers' brakes cut.

Objection. Spec-- (gavel bangs)

I'll allow it.

Proceed. Mm.

Okay. You're not understanding me.

Okay, the night before fey's accident,

My mother and i went to orso's before the theater to-- oh, my god!

Dinner before the theater. She must have been insane. (laughter)

What were some of the other warning signs

Of her supposed insanity, huh? Red wine with fish? No, i just mean, she wasn't herself.

She was paranoid. She was behaving irrationally.

She was seeing things that weren't even there. So what you're telling me, mr. Meade,

Is that your mother went to a broadway show,

Just hours after paying someone to kill her rival.

Does that sound insane to you,

Or cold, calculating and premeditated?

I got nothing. (sighs)

(suzuki) ??Well, sing a song for sing sing ??

It was a disaster this afternoon for the defense

As prosecutor ogden weitz,

In a crisp, classic 2-button suit

And cavalli loafers,

Made hay with poor daniel meade,

Who made a rare fashion misstep.

Windsor knot with a spread collar?

You're the one who should be behind bars, danny boy.

J'accuse.

Henry...

Call.

Call.

(sighs)

Call.

(bell dings)

(sniffs)

(woman humming to instrumental music)

(breathing heavily)

Calm down, betty.

Henry loves you.

Hey, betty.

I don't need it right now, gio.

No, no, no, look.

I've been thinking about it, and i just--

I want to apologize.

I should have never said that egg salad

Was gonna do anything wrong in tucson,

And i know you don't like it,

So i'm not gonna call him egg salad anymore,

Okay? It's henry.

Your boyfriend henry.

Thank you.

So has henry checked in?

What? Why?

You okay? Yes. I'm fine.

Has he called? No. No. No.

Henry hasn't called,

And that's probably because he's been very, very busy

With his sonogram.

Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right.

"you're probably right"?

"you're probably right"? What does that mean?

What are you trying to say? What are you saying?

That because henry hasn't called,

He's probably sleeping with charlie?

Is that what you're trying to say? No, betty. That's not what i'm trying to say.

You know what, gio?

I am sick of you coming up here to torture me.

I don't need it. So just go and don't come back!

(woman humming to instrumental music)

(sniffs)

She wants to sell a vintage couture gown

That jackie kennedy wore at the white house?

I know. So stupid. You can't just

Secretly auction off a vintage dress.

She's never gonna sell it. That's what i say.

She'll have a buyer in ten minutes. It's genius.

Exactly. Her plan is perfect.

You know what we have to do, marc?

Bid on it and then take turns wearing it.

No, sweetheart. Not this time. Oh.

We have to make it disappear.

I need christina to carry that baby

I'm making with bradford's sperm.

Without the dress, she might be more open to my offer.

(betty) i mean, god,

Can you believe that gio would actually say that?

I mean, imply that henry would cheat on me with charlie?

What a jerk!

Yeah, i just came to see if you had any petty cash.

It's like everything he does-- everything he says--

It just bugs me-- gets under my skin, you know?

He just bugs me so much.

Here. Aah!

Is it hot in here? I'm sweating. Ooh, sparkly.

Watch it, cheese fingers.

You know, the only reason gio talks to you like that

Is because he has a crush on you.

Eww. No. He does not.

I watch how he looks at you... When i'm really bored.

Why? How does he look at me? It's just in that certain way.

I saw it with every single guy i knew growing up

And their fathers... And some of their mothers.

Well, i do not have a crush on gio.

I only have a crush on henry--

My perfect, handsome boyfriend,

Who has not called me in 12 hours.

(sniffs) (woman humming to instrumental music)

Mmm. What's that?

Perfume. Claire meade gave it to me.

Henry likes the way it smells,

So i wear it to remind me of him.

You know what?

I don't care if gio likes me,

Because i don't like him,

And i'm gonna tell him to leave me alone

In a strongly worded note.

"dear gio"...

(dings)

"i hate that name 'cause i don't like you.

You are not my friend."

Gio. Betty.

Gio.

Gio, i have something for you.

Gio.

I have something for you.

Don't ignore me. Open this door right now.

This is so stupid. Don't ignore me. Gio!

I need to talk to you. I need to talk to you right now!

Oh!

Gio!

(glass shatters)

Betty? Betty?

What happened?

Where am i?

(buzzes)

(moaning)

Oh, god.

I have the biggest headache,

And my palms are all sweaty.

Well, you'll see the doctor,

And you'll find out what's going on.

You sure you don't want me to call your family?

No, no, just--no. They'll worry too much.

(bangs glass) betty. Oh, my god.

(gasps) are you okay? I came as soon as i heard. Whoa.

Aah. What? How did you know i was here?

It's dr. Squassi. His receptionist tina

Used to go out with santos' friend tino.

Tina and tino, i know.

Anyway, she called me as soon as she saw you were brought in. Aah.

Hi, gio. Fine, i just-- i hope you didn't tell--

(bangs glass) mija. I can't believe this.

Are you okay? Grandpa pulled me out of gym.

(whispers) thank you.

Guys, i'm fine. You are not fine. Look at me.

Yesterday at breakfast, i knew,

And i can see in your eyes right now...

(groans)

You're not yourself.

You look scared.

Oh.

Okay, now we have to do this very quickly,

Because you shouldn't really be in here.

I just need to see it.

If it's in the condition you say it is,

I'll cut you a check right here.

Oh, it's in mint condition. Ahh.

Mm, it's been boxed and sealed

In acid-free tissue paper.

Oh, it's-- it's extraordinary.

It's like a window into a bygone era.

(gasps) oh, my god.

(fabric tears)

A dress that was shredded?

I-i don't know what you're talking about.

Marc?

Oh, i just got a new crock-pot,

So you know where i was all day.

How could you?

I needed that money.

This is my husband's life.

Oh, i know. It's terrible.

Well, lucky for you,

You have more than one option.

But why me? I mean, there's--there's thousands--

There's millions of other women in this city--

Because i want you, christina.

I need to know my partner in this is someone i know

And can trust.

I've lost everything.

This child is my entire life.

Think of our future--

For you and your husband,

For me and my baby.

(clears throat)

And marc.

Mm.

Ah, you remember my antonio--my baby?

(muffled voice) ah, uh-huh.

(speaking indistinctly)

He's a sophomore at cornell.

He's studying mechanical engineering.

They grow up so fast, eh, ignacio? Too fast.

Oh, my, my, my. Uh, i-i think

Betty and i need to speak privately. Ay, dios m穩o. She's pregnant.

(hilda) ooh. Here we go again. Just like your sister.

Dad! Oh, no, no, no. That's not it.

Betty, is there something that you need to talk to me about? Well, what do you mean?

Well, your symptoms indicate high levels of toxins

In your body. Drugs?

(ignacio) oh.

What? No. Wait. No. That's impossible.

Well, you said you haven't been yourself lately.

You're jittery, anxious, overly emotional?

You did break in to my deli. Shut up.

What? Your pupils are dilated. Your glands are swollen.

Your heart rate is above normal.

Dr. Squassi, this is me.

I don't do drugs.

I'm afraid of espresso. (chuckles)

Well, if you're not taking drugs,

Someone is drugging you.

(henry) betty, i'm on my way.

No, henry, you don't have to come home early.

I'm fine.

Just hearing your voice is enough.

I love you, too.

Aw. Aw.

(laughs)

Soon as the blood work comes back,

We'll know what's going on.

Oh, my god, would you listen to this?

I could so be on an episode of "grey's anatomy" right now. I miss addison so much.

I know. Why'd she have to go do

That "private practice" thing? I don't know.

Okay, well, we have the, uh, report in.

You have high levels of methyldexetrin

In your system, and lower levels

Of linbin and fitzadent-- and--and this is very strange--

Uh, traces of bufo alvarius.

Bufo what? It's toad venom.

(gasps) oh, snap, betty. Your levels are almost normal now,

And you won't have any more effects,

But you're a very lucky young lady

That we found this out in time. Too much of it in your system-- what?

Well, it--it could lead to hallucinations and paranoia.

Enough of it, it could be fatal. (gasps)

Think, betty. Is there anything you've done,

Anything you've eaten differently

In the last few days? No. No. I-i-i haven't.

I--just-- just the food at home,

And i did have one of gio's sandwiches.

Hey.

My sandwiches are all natural.

Wait.

Doctor, is it possible to get drugged

By something that got on my skin?

Why?

(woman humming to instrumental music)

(elevator bell dings)

Excuse me!

(panting)

Oh!

Oh, god. Where'd it go?

Oh, god.

Betty, betty, betty, where did you put it?

(whispers) oh, god.

Sparkly.

(gasps)

Amanda.

You took my perfume. No, i didn't.

Yes, you did. Did not.

Did, too. Okay, fine. I took it. But so what? It wasn't even yours.

Amanda, that perfume is evidence.

It could prove that mrs. Meade was insane,

And it wasn't yours, so just give it back. Um, actually, it was my mother's,

Who gave it to bradford, who gave it to claire.

I read it in her diary. Wait. What?

You mean, fey was trying to poison claire?

Shh! But claire went nuts,

And she killed my mother first. Oh, my god,

We have to get the perfume to court and say that.

No way. Claire took my mother's life,

And now i'm taking hers. Amanda, she wasn't herself.

This bores me.

Well, forget about me. Think about daniel.

You care about him, don't you?

Amanda.

His mother is going to jail

For something that she would have never done.

You really want to be responsible

For daniel losing his mother for the rest of his life?

Amanda, look, i know you're hurting

'Cause your mom is gone.

Trust me, i know what that feels like.

But if i could keep one person from feeling that,

I would.

Amanda, just give me the perfume.

Um... Are you out of your mind?

No. Daniel, this stuff is poison.

It seeped into my bloodstream and it made me do

All these crazy things.

Oh, my god. Like your poor hair.

No. That's mine.

And i also have my blood test to prove it.

Do you think that's possible?

I-i-i was acting so erratic.

I just assumed it was the stress and the drinking.

No, it wasn't, mrs. Meade. It wasn't you.

It was this stuff-- this perfume.

What do you think? Is that really her hair?

(daniel, alexis and claire) yes.

Well, oh. Well, it's worth a shot.

Here, let me see the blood test.

Your honor, the defense would like

To call betty suarez to the stand.

And i only did those things

Because i had been spraying myself

With this perfume for the last two days.

Mrs. Meade used it for six months.

Makes sense to me.

Thank you, ms. Suarez. No further questions.

Prosecution, your witness.

Oh.

Ms. Suarez...

Why would bradford meade give his wife poison perfume?

Um, well, no.

I-i don't think that mr. Meade knew that it was poison.

Uh, fey sommers wrote in her diary

That she gave it to bradford

So that he would give it to claire.

Ah, and where's this mysterious diary now?

Um, i-i don't know.

I don't-- i don't have it.

Oh, and maybe you're just being

A good assistant to mr. Meade,

And maybe this perfume isn't poison at all.

No. No, i'm not a good assistant.

I mean--i mean, it-- this is poison.

I know because dr. Squassi, my family doctor, said so.

Ah, well, you might wanna get yourself

A new family doctor,

Because in just the last few minutes,

The prosecution has had this perfume tested. I don't think you want to do that.

(gallery gasps)

Oh, oh.

Oh, no. (all gasping)

Call 9-1-1. I told you not to do that! (moaning)

Oh, that's refreshing!

(chuckles) because guess what?

This so-called "poison perfume"

Is actually just water!

(gallery gasps, gavel bangs)

Settle down. Straight from the tap.

That's impossible. It has a scent. (sniffing)

My boyfriend said he loved it. Smells like water to me.

Thank you, ms. Suarez.

I don't understand.

This--this is the perfume.

Like i'd give her the perfume.

Claire meade, you will never see the light of day.

(gallery murmuring)

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I-i really don't know what happened.

I-i swear, this perfume was real.

It's okay, betty. It didn't hurt us.

He's right. Thank you, betty.

I know how hard you tried. I'm sorry.

It's time i stood up there and gave my side of the story.

Mandy, i can't deal with anymore wickedness today.

I-i got to go.

I spend more time here now than when i worked here.

Marc, come on. What is wrong with you?

We'll just go to the west side, and we'll throw it in the river,

And after, we can cruise the bars. Why do i have to go with you?

Because you're a part of this, remember?

You burned those diary pages. Look, i do a lot

Of morally questionable things for wilhelmina,

But none of it is technically criminal,

And it's all in service of my career. Oh, and suddenly, you don't work for me?

Actually, i never did. No, when you first got to "mode"?

You were the receptionist. Yeah, and after that?

You were still the receptionist. I was never a tiny bit higher than you?

Not for one minute. Marc, just do it, okay? Get rid of it.

Claire meade has to pay. Why?

What? Why does claire meade have to pay?

She didn't do anything wrong,

Except for use some perfume that her husband gave her.

I can't do it, mandy. I'm sorry.

And you wanna know something else?

I couldn't burn these, either.

I-i-i think there's a reason you need me

To do these things with you,

Because, deep down, you know that your mother

Was responsible for her own murder.

Claire meade is innocent.

Oh, wow.

Well, you're right.

(laughs) maybe next time we can get there without the slap.

(laughs) thank you.

I see, mrs. Meade.

Well, then how would you describe your state of mind

At the time of fey sommers' death?

Not too peachy.

Peachy?

Well, were you under the influence

Of any prescription painkillers or antidepressants?

I-i was on several medications. Mm-hmm.

I was having an extremely difficult and emotional time.

My husband was having... (cell phone vibrates)

A very public affair with one of his employees.

Do you know who this employee was? Yes, i do.

And her name? Fey sommers.

What made you change your mind?

Nothing they do to claire meade

Is gonna bring my mother back.

Thank you, amanda.

You did the right thing.

Feels good, doesn't it?

Eh, it'll pass.

I don't know what i would call my state of mind.

(betty) you were crazy.

Here's the proof.

(gavel bangs)

Madam foreman, have you reached a verdict?

We have, your honor.

We find, in the case of the state vs. Claire meade...

Not guilty by reason of temporary insanity.

(cheering)

Oh.

Oh.

(mouths words)

(claire) oh.

(laughs)

Okay, i am outta here.

Oh.

Thank god.

(gavel bangs)

(suzuki) odor in the court.

Claire meade has been cleared of all charges.

She is a free woman.

A scent with a criminal sensibility made her do it.

Claire, you may be innocent,

But i sentence you to the chair--

The beautician's chair.

Go get your roots done, sweetie.

You're a free woman.

Ugh. (laughs)

I'd like to propose a toast to my friends

And my family, who helped to save me,

And to the future of "mode."

(all) to "mode."

Daniel and alexis, we are here together,

And we will always be together.

Welcome home, mom.

Mm.

I'll make an appointment with my hairdresser.

(chuckles)

Ah.

Well, look who saved the day.

Daniel, i didn't really do anything,

Except for almost drive myself to madness.

Well, i don't know what to say.

(sighs)

You're welcome.

That... (clears throat) wasn't a whole boss-assistant thing

'Cause of the sexual harassment--

Oh.

It was friend-to-friend, though.

So everyone's calling you a hero.

Oh, look, gio, i--

I wanna pay you back for that window i broke.

No, forget it.

Just buy a couple of extra sandwiches,

And we'll call it even.

Oh, and, uh...

About that note that i left you...

Mm. Yeah.

The one where you called me, uh, "an annoying jerk"... Okay.

"obnoxious"... All right.

And "arrogant"?

Okay, i was strung out on that perfume.

It wasn't me. I wasn't in my right mind,

But nobody ever has to see this again.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

(claire and betty speaking indistinctly)

I'm glad i'm back. (speaks indistinctly)

(claire and betty speaking indistinctly)

Well, everything looks good.

We're all ready for the insemination.

(door opens)

Sorry i'm late.

Oh. Daniel and mrs. Meade wanted to have some champagne.

What is she doing here? She's with me.

And i'm gonna be here for the next nine months,

So get used to it. It's okay.

You're doing this for stuart. Mm.

(man) we're almost done. Have a look.

And... There it is.

(bubbling)

Well, look at that.

(bubbling)

(bubbling rapidly)

Let's go.