Original subtitles

NARRATOR". Karl Pilkington is back travelling the world,

seeking answers to more of life's big questions.

How much does your identity define you?

I think mine are nicer than yours.

NARRATOR". Do we need art?

This is not a normal way of creating art, this.

NARRATOR". How should you live your life?

God almighty, what is she doing?

NARRATOR". What should you do with your limited time on the planet?

And how should we treat our bodies?

Showtime!

Am I in charge or is me arse in charge?

That's strange.

NARRATOR". In this episode, Karl explores waste.

50 Shades Darker. Meant to be well filthy, this, innit?

Can't be dirtier than this house, though, can it?

NARRATOR". Are we producing too much pollution?

NARRATOR". Should we downsize our lives?

What am I doing, kipping in a bin,

in a town I don't know and people are wandering about with guns?

NARRATOR". And where should we source our food?

I've had raccoon before

but it was fresher than this.

Like chicken.

This is The Moaning of Life.

There's no fun in this.

KARL". There's always going to be rubbish.

It's just part of life, innit? But it's the...

just walking here,

sort of seeing some of it. It's rubbish that's, uh,

sort of unnecessary rubbish that does my head in.

I think of the things that niggle me. You know like, uh...

Party poppers. just that, that little thing just to make mess.

For that one second of fun, shit everywhere.

And it's like, is it really worth it?

The fannying about getting the vac out

and cleaning that up. Was it worth it for that little moment?

Balloons. Something else you don't need,

it's something you blow up and stick on a wall. I don't understand...

Why does a balloon represent fun?

I'm just going to go and meet a bloke whose job it is

to work on the sewers.

Which is a sort of an importantjob in Mexico, innit?

I mean, you got 20 million people,

all shitting. You know, that's a lot of arses.

So it's a big responsibility. He's got to keep that moving.

I mean, I use the toilet a lot.

It's me time, isn't it? I've said that before.

It's where I'm probably most happiest in the house.

You know, you go in there, you lock yourself away.

I almost forget that I'm on the toilet. I've had it where I've gone twice.

I didn't have to wipe in between, I've been there that long.

So in a way, that's sort of being

environmentally friendly, thinking about it.

Well, once you hit the flush, you're not thinking about where,

you know, where is that going? Is it going to cause any problems?

Once it's out of sight, it's out of mind, isn't it?

It's probably taking minutes off me life, isn't it, breathing that in?

It's got to have an effect.

Poo particles, innit?

- Here we are. - Ah.

- Hello, how are you? - Hi.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

TRANSLATOR: We're going to make an inspection underwater

to see that there's no garbage obstructing the pumps.

The water is already contaminated with chemicals,

sewer and every kind of different contaminations.

So, yeah, you know. It could kill you, that water, really.

TRANSLATOR: Yeah, he says that if you drink this water, it's almost immediate,

like, within a few hours.

Dead. Right.

In a way, I should go with it. I've been part of this.

So it's like, I've made the mess,

deal with it.

Look at the state of that, will you?

It's going in.

There's certain things in life that look scary

and you go, "I wish I had the balls to do it

"'cause am I missing out on something?"

But you know, it's not the Great Barrier Reef, is it?

That's the thing.

Is it safe for me to get involved with this?

I mean, look at people who are stood about in charge of it.

I don't get a sense of they know what to do when it goes wrong here.

Okay?

DIRECTOR: You all right?

What's with the gaffer tape?

Does... Do the suits get checked out regularly for holes?

Really, you're not going to know until I'm in there.

Like teabags, innit?

Have you ever used a teabag when you...

- Yes. - Put hot water on it

and you don't know it's got a hole in it and then you have leaves in the cup?

It's what I'm like now. A teabag.

MAN: Okay.

How are you feeling? Can you breathe properly?

(KARL SPEAKING)

I could smell human shit with that helmet on.

I was going, "There's a leak. There's a leak here."

And then, after a while I was thinking, "Or is it me? Have I shit meself?"

Have you ever played Asteroids?

Where there's a spaceship in the middle and the game is sort of

rocks come in out of different angles, don't they?

And you have to blast 'em. It was like that.

Saw a shit coming in there, I was looking at that one.

Just as that was going out of shot, another one's coming in there like that.

KARL". I'm not a right-on person or anything.

But all that shit's going, you know, it's not staying here.

God knows where it's going. Into the sea? Uh...

I suppose if Nemo gets lost again, there's no finding him.

I think it's probably more important

than keeping the traffic moving, innit?

I mean, that's a big debate, innit?

At home everyone's always talking about what's London going to do?

You know, the busy cities.

How are they going to keep, you know, the traffic moving, when really,

how do you keep the waste moving?

And I bet there is a rush hour,

when you think about it. I'm regular.

By about 10:00 every day, if I haven't been,

there's something wrong.

It wouldn't surprise me if at home, Boris sort of came up with a charge.

Digestion charge. That's what it'd be called, innit?

You see, you put a proper name on it, like that, it sounds quite legit.

Julio at the sewage plant, he probably wouldn't like this.

Too clean, innit?

Should go to Blackpool.

Even if you don't want to do it, if you don't agree with recycling,

you've kinda got to do it now.

The bloke who I'm going to meet up with today,

he does recycling

but in a different way.

Richie?

Richie?

He's made his own island out of bottles.

All right?

RICHIE: This, I believe, is truly a solution

to what we're doing to the planet.

KARL: So the whole thing is balancing on plastic bottles?

Plastic bottles, all different sizes,

and they're all put in these bags like this,

and these are tied underneath a pallet

and then it's all covered with old plywood from the construction sites.

Feel how solid it is.

Yeah, I wouldn't know I was on plastic bottles.

No, you would think that it was solid on the bottom now,

but it's totally floating.

KARL: Have you seen this? There's a jellyfish here.

RICHIE: Oh, yeah. Nice jellyfish there.

KARL: You see, I'm worried about disturbing the jellyfish.

RICHIE: I know.

- Do you want me to push you? - No, no, no! Don't be pushing.

Ah.

RICHIE: You need to kind of put your head further under and look that way.

I know.

How many...

How many bottles?

There's about 160,000 now.

This mask is letting in water.

- You need a hand? You all right, yeah? - I just wanted to...

Fucking...

DIRECTOR: Can you give him a hand, Richie?

RICHIE: There we go.

Baywatch.

So if I wanted to make a little sort of island for meself,

how many bottles are we looking at?

Two or three hundred bottles

I think would be enough to float you nicely.

KARL". Plastic bottles, you know, that's the real problem.

I'm guilty of it. I've already had, like, three today,

you know, 'cause you're told, aren't you? Drink water.

DXRECYOR". Does Suzanne recycle? KARL". She buys a lot of stuff.

Lots of like, you know, um,

Oil of Ulay bottles.

She buys all that but instead of buying one,

she's sort of caught in the trap, that thing of

two different creams. One for morning, one for night.

So there's two bottles instead of one. It's the same stuff.

I keep telling her it's the same... In each of them, if I swapped them round,

it's no different.

Night cream, day cream. As if her face knows what time of day it is.

Have you got sort of hotspots for rubbish?

RICHIE: Yeah, they have these collecting canisters for recycling

and they allow me to take whatever I need.

Yeah, we got what we want here, I think.

KARL: You have a favourite bottle, do you?

RICHIE: Well, the thing is the Coca-Cola bottle is actually quite strong.

So in one way it's more unecological but it's better for island-building.

# O sole mio

# Give your trash to me

# For my floating island and to populate the sea #

Yeah, we got some good bottles in this one.

Why break land when you can make land?

Don't use bricks and mortar, use bottle and water.

One, two, three, hallelujah.

Showtime. Yeah.

- Ooh, look at that. Right? - Perfect!

Made for me.

Take two.

Okay, now, bit more this way.

KARL: How long do you reckon I'll do tonight on this?

I think you can go the whole night.

That's going to come down. One little bit of wind...

RICHIE: No, it's not coming down.

I'll have to go to bed wearing a hardhat.

- Remember the Turkish Delight advert? -(LAUGHING) Yeah.

Reminds me of that, that sort of woman in the...

What's that for?

You're going to be on a dangling rope. Well, you can pull yourself in.

- Rope? Fuck off! - This is strong enough.

- I'm telling you. You try and snap that. - No, I am not using that as a...

- No chance. - Pull it!

KARL: This wouldn't keep fucking buttons on me pants, this.

We're using this to keep me attached to the world?

Let's get you on it

-and I'll keep a hold of this. - I'll go on it.

I'll drift off to Cuba and you take the island over.

KARL: Fucking hell.

Oh, God.

Right, it's on. It's on.

Oh, God.

RICHIE: Now, now roll it.

- Which way is it going? -just let it go now.

- No, no don't! - Yeah.

Look at that.

Oh, I haven't made a flag.

RICHIE: We can do a flag. I'll cut you a bit of cloth.

I've got some nice light blue cloth.

You want to paint it?

It's going to have, like, "Life's Rubbish".

And it is. It's being held up by life's rubbish.

Do you want the flag, Will?

I know you're going, "Oh, there isn't an apostrophe."

- It doesn't matter. - No, it doesn't matter.

RICHIE: What does it mean if it hasn't got an apostrophe?

The rubbish of life?

WILL: Life... - Lifes rubbish. The rubbish of life.

Regardless of whether you're saying life is rubbish or the rubbish of life,

it would have an apostrophe in it.

RICHIE: If I say to you "Life's rubbish",

do you know that there's an apostrophe in there?

I understand it. I haven't got a problem with it.

KARL: Let's have a good night's sleep.

Yay! Launching Karl's little bottle island.

Hasta la vista... Oh!

Balance it out.

Wow! Look at the pelican.

KARL: Good God!

(RICHIE LAUGHING)

KARL: It's like jurass/c Park!

(RICHIE LAUGHING)

KARL: It's got a look of Rod Stewart about it.

Sort of funny hair, big nose.

It's coming back round. There it is.

It's probably saying, "That should have an apostrophe in it."

- DIRECTOR: You happy to sleep on it? - Yeah, yeah.

No, I really am.

Get us me sleeping bag. Call it a day.

It's really good.

I'd say it's the most fun I've ever had putting the rubbish out.

I think of pollution as just packaging and plastic and things,

but in a way, even food these days is messed with, isn't it?

It's not natural.

It's pumped full of all sorts of crap to make it last longer.

But I'm going to meet a bloke who eats food that hasn't been messed with.

He eats roadkill.

You know, wild animals that are dead from being hit by cars.

I'm, I'm... Yeah.

I'm like that.

I don't want him, you know, turning into Mad Max

and squashing shit on purpose.

If he's finding stuff that's been killed already,

you know, if it's had a good life,

it hasn't been hemmed in in a little sort of shed,

it's run about

and it's just unfortunate that it didn't cross the road right,

it should be the best meat I've ever eaten, by rights.

ALAN: I was looking at statistics as to how many are out there

and this says 250,000 a day.

250,000 things a day are being hit by a car?

Yeah. You know, I've picked up snake,

possum and squirrel, turkey, skunk.

KARL: God, yeah. I mean, really, then, we should be eating it.

This is a waste, isn't it, if you don't?

ALAN: Yeah. You could say that for sure.

- You seen badgers? - Yeah.

They've got a white line on the back, haven't they?

And I always wonder if

nature knew they were going to get run over and they've just like

put a natural road marking on its back.

Oh, God. What was that? That was big.

ALAN: Yeah, let's go back. I'm not sure.

- Oh, like a pig. - I think it was a possum.

KARL: Oh, there it is.

ALAN: Um, it's a raccoon. Yeah.

I've had raccoon before but, uh...

It's starting to smell, it's, um...

It was fresher than this.

DIRECTOR: How are you with "best befores"?

You go with your eyes, don't you? And your nose and that.

That's kind of what... Well, that's why we've got them.

It's why nature gave us them things, innit? To sort of give you a warning.

Sometimes you open the packet and you can see it shining

and you go, "Oh, is that, uh, is that bad?"

But the good thing is I've got a cat.

You give some of that to the cat, if he turns his nose up at it...

If it's not good enough for him, it's not good enough for me.

I've got four things there as a tester to whether food's off or not.

You know, me eyes, me nose, me mouth, the cat.

There's something.

- It's another raccoon. - Another one, but worse shape, I think.

KARL: They're not very good are they, at crossing the road, raccoons?

They have that expression, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

KARL: Yeah. ALAN: It could be raccoon.

Well, I get why the chicken crossed the road.

'Cause there's that many bloody fried chicken shops

knocking around, aren't they?

- Uh-huh. - So, it makes sense.

He's probably trying to get away from each one.

Was that another?

- Well, did you see it? - Oh, that's a possum and it's

-much, much worse. It's kind of tore up. - Oh.

KARL: And I can't catch rabies from it just...

ALAN: Only if you have an open cut in your hand.

KARL: No, I haven't. It does smell, doesn't it?

ALAN: Yeah.

Set that out of the way. It's not going to get squashed any more, is it?

Plus, something might eat it.

I have had friends with dogs, like,

really nice coats, like Great Pyrenees

and I've said, you know, "If your dog dies, can I...

"Do you mind if I make a rug out of him?"

How did that go down?

They laughed. I don't know how they felt about it. (LAUGHING)

KARL: Yeah, I've got a cat.

Got a nice coat on it

but it is a funny one. It's odd, if you've got a cat or a dog

and you've looked after it properly,

should you be allowed to eat it?

You've spent money on it.

If anything, it might stop

animal cruelty because if you know you're going to have a good meal

when that dies, you're not going to give it rubbish food.

So this is where you keep stuff that you've found.

- That's what I wanted to show you. - Oh,Jesus!

(STAMMERING) What is that? That's a rabbit.

- Is it a rabbit? - Yes.

And that is a fox.

- And this is... This is roadkill? - Yeah, uh-huh.

It's ourjob to prepare it.

If it stops looking like a squirrel, I'll be better with it.

ALAN: Yeah, it's usually easier.

You just do that and I'll sit over here.

Pathetic, innit?

That's fresh, innit?

- You're not looking, right? - KARL: No.

ALAN: All right, it's done.

- Gone? - It's no longer an individual.

Now it's just a body. Is that easier? (LAUGHS)

Uh, yeah, a little bit, I suppose.

- Watch this. - I'm sitting down again.

- Yeah. (LAUGHS) - Jesus.

Yeah, I suppose it is something you get used to after a while.

Well, they say that about serial killers.

(ALAN LAUGHS)

You know, there comes a point where it's actually...

It's not gross, it's beautiful.

You just go in there and you push.

What?just push what?just...

- Sort of like I'm taking a sock off? - Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's more like it.

When you think

that we are meat eaters and yet we restrict ourselves

to sort of beef,

lamb,

chicken,

Dink

and fish.

That's only five. Is there any more?

That's only five options

and there's seven days in a week.

You know, maybe you should have more choice.

You know. Why don't we eat squirrel?

Can't be too bad, right?

- It's fine. - Uh-huh.

Like chicken.

It's nice, Alan.

- Yeah. - I can't, yeah, I can't...

- I'm glad you like it. - Can't lie.

There's nothing wrong with it.

If it dies, if it gets hit by a car, eat it.

Let's not waste the stuff.

I don't know if it would happen that much at home, this.

All right, London has brought in

the 20-mile-an-hour speed limit, haven't they?

So the chances of hitting something now are pretty slim.

You've got enough time... There's more chance of a badger overtaking you

than you hitting it, to be honest.

ALAN: I ate slugs once.

KARL: Slugs? ALAN: Yeah.

KARL: You're joking!

ALAN: No, they were good. KARL: (LAUGHING) You're kidding!

ALAN: How come you'll eat a squirrel but you won't eat slugs?

DIRECTOR: So, Karl, what are we doing here?

We're looking at, like, another sort of rubbish, really.

Not like body waste and plastic bottles, that sort of thing.

We're looking at stuff.

Stuff that we collect through our lives.

The stuff that we buy for ourselves, the stuff that people buy for us.

The clutter.

DIRECTOR: Is there not something in your possessions

that if somebody came in and said, "Listen, why are you keeping that?"

KARL: There's... There's one thing.

Remember E.T.?

I was into it as a kid and me mum bought me like this little leather

E.T.

That's the only thing that I'm a bit like, "Why am I keeping that?"

It's his eyes. It's sort of looks...

I can't imagine picking it up and putting in the bin.

I'd feel really guilty about it. It's daft,

but I've had it years

and it's part of me and Suzanne now. Do you know what I mean?

If we're packing, if we move, it's like, "Yeah, plates,

"knives and forks, settee. Have we got the E.T.?"

"Yeah, E.T. is packed."

But some people get a bit carried away,

end up with a house full of stuff

and, you know, they have to call people in

to help clear the place out, and that's what I'm doing today.

I'm meeting a firm who, you know, goes in and helps

clean out houses of people who've just hoarded too much.

So what's them uh... Where's the house that we're...

MAN: Well, right over here.

This home right here.

What's the story?

Um, we've got the homeowner that developed some issues

that prevented her from being able to maintain the home

in a proper, sanitised, healthy environment.

And we're here today to try to remedy that problem for her.

Tell you what, why don't you go ahead

and take a look at what it is that we're going to be dealing with today.

KARL: Jesus.

You are... You are joking me.

It's like it's the end of the world, innit?

Do you know what I mean? The world's ended and then

it's just all frozen in time.

And she lives in here full-time?

MAN: Yeah.

KARL: I don't understand how you can.

I mean, she's got a lot of films there.

Suspect, Die Hard.

Never got into Buffy.

Never liked that.

I can't imagine coming in, thinking,

"What will I do today? I haven't got much on.

"Pop a film on."

Where's the telly, anyway?

Karl, this is Martin. He's the lead.

He's going to go ahead and attach himself to you.

Hello, Martin. Okay.

- KARL: All right, well... - We can start right here.

Yeah? Bin, bin.

See, stuff like this,

I'm talking about the world that we live in and the things we buy.

Omelette maker.

Shit like that. Omelette makers, ice cream makers, breadmakers.

Stuff you get, immediately stick in a cupboard under the sink

and forget about it.

This must be years and years' worth of stuff.

Cove red.

We're here for a long time, aren't we? People buy you gifts. Your birthday,

Christmas. Christmas is the main problem,

I'd say, to the planet. You know, for hoarders.

People buying you things you don't really want.

It's a big problem, that.

Baby Jesus, he got gold, frankincense and myrrh, didn't he?

The gold isn't a bad gift. I don't know what myrrh is.

Frankincense is just smelly stuff, innit?

But how old was he? He's a baby.

How long had he been in the world and already

he'd managed to take up space with shit that he didn't ask for.

KARL: Yeah? Never even been used.

So, I wonder where she gets the joy from...from that, then?

You know, is it when she bought it? When she brings it home?

MAN: Compulsive... Yeah.

MAN 2: Yeah, probably. Like this stuff here is all brand-new.

Another omelette maker.

Two omelette makers.

I don't know me facts

but I bet if you look at hoarders, I bet it is mainly women.

'Cause they're the ones who say "I'm going out."

"Where are you going?" "I'm going shopping."

"What for?" "just going shopping."

What does that mean?

If I go out, if Suzanne says, "Where are you going?" I say, "I'm nipping out.

"I'm going to Homebase to buy a hedge trimmer."

I know exactly what I'm going for,

I don't come back and say "Oh, I've bought an omelette maker."

KARL: You think the world's to blame in any way here?

'Cause what would she have been like back in the day?

You know, if she was a cavewoman or whatever,

where there wouldn't have been stuff to sort of hoard,

what would she have done? You know what I mean?

MAN: She would have collected a lot of rocks.

Now, that isn't that old, is it? 50 Shades...

50 Shades Darker. Is that the follow-up?

Meant to be well filthy, this, innit?

Can't be dirtier than this house, though, can it?

Shit will get somewhere.

I find that with everything. It's like, you get

shit between your toes, your belly button.

If you don't empty that a lot, it's full.

There's no need for it to be there.

It's just a little shit collector that... You could fill it in, really.

Could get rid of that. Grout it.

'Cause there's no reason for that hole to be there.

But the weird thing is shit finds itself in there.

That's not just me, is it? You have that, don't you?

MEN: Yeah.

DIRECTOR: Where 3 that going, though?

KARL". I asked Glenn. He said, it's, uh, landfill.

So it's not going away, is it?

And he said he's busy.

It's like that every day. There's a job like that every day.

'Cause there's too much stuff.

Moving that around. It's like a game of chess, innit?

All that shit there, move it over there.

It's not getting rid of it, it's just moving it about.

I think what we saw yesterday,

you know, clearing out the house, was

how much of a problem stuff is on the planet.

People just having too much stuff.

So if you sort of work backwards from that, you know,

would it be a good idea just not to have the space?

And that's what we're looking at today. There's a fellow

who's called Jeff who I'm meeting

and that's what he's done. He's basically downsized

in a big way, so he hasn't got that space.

But he's not just, you know, downsized

to like a small apartment. He's, he's...

He's living in a bin.

He's not in one of these, is he?

Jeff, are you home?

- You want to hop in? - Yea h, yeah, yeah.

Trying to keep the place clean.

- I can take me shoes off. - Okay, yeah.

JEFF: Welcome to the place.

I can get you a cup.

- Yeah, I'd love a coffee. Yeah. - Okay.

JEFF: Every dumpster should have an espresso maker.

If it's getting a little bit

toasty in here, we've got our AC, or we can do some natural light.

- Yesterday... - Yea h?

I was in a house that just had too much gear.

-(jEFF LAUGHS) - KARL: And you're all about

-1:he opposite of that, just... -j EFF: Yeah.

What have you got? I mean, is this everything you own in your life?

Yeah, this is all my, uh, clothes.

While that's warming up I can show you... Under here I've got my closet.

I was in a 3,000-square-foot house

a few years ago. And now I've got four shirts.

I'm going to make you a little bit of breakfast.

It's a little egg boiler. This is how I cook my eggs.

It's pretty nifty.

You must get bunged up eating nothing but eggs

but that's a good thing, innit?

-'Cause you got nowhere to go. - Yeah.

JEFF: So, it's a good life, you know.

I don't know that it's for everyone but I think it's for everybody for a night.

KARL: Well, look. You can see people have got

bigger houses than what you're living in.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah. - But they've got storage outside.

JEFF: And I bet they haven't opened it in months.

- It'll be full of shit. -(LAUGHS)

It will. It just will be.

He's got a swingball in there, a few deck chairs.

That is a job that he's got to get round to doing.

He's got to clear it out but he never gets round to it.

JEFF: So you're going to need to find a bin.

We could go pick you up one at the dumpster yard.

You know, hopefully you might orient your dumpster

so it's not facing the street so you're not serviced in the middle of the night.

Oh, that's horrible 'cause they won't hear you screaming.

- It's like in space... - You're not going to sleep.

- It's like Alien, innit? - You're not going to sleep.

In space no one hears you scream.

It's a three-cubic-yard dumpster.

It's nice, that. It's smooth, isn't it?

Make me an offer on it.

- It'll last you a lifetime. - You know... Definitely.

- S0lid. -(LAUGHING)

What do you reckon to that?

For you we might do $795. Something like that.

Well, I only want it the night so...

Yeah, all right. Let's have this, then. Let's have this.

I've got a driver here that can have it delivered to wherever you want.

MAN: You're not scared, um, being out there in the dark?

Well, is Austin rough? Has it got any nutters?

Um, it's not bad-bad.

It's like every place, like, good areas and bad areas.

There's a lot of people walking in the night.

When you said, "Are you scared?" I wasn't before

but now you've asked me that I'm starting to wonder where

- I'm being dropped off here. - I'm sorry. (LAUGHS)

- What are you playing at? - No, I'm just saying, 'cause I mean,

I don't know if I could sleep comfortable being in a place like that.

Yeah, but people can break into your house, can't they?

But they break into my house, I got my stuff there.

What do you mean?

I've got my guns.

In Texas, everybody got a weapon.

- It's simple like that, so... -(LAUGHS)

Fucking hell. What am I doing, kipping in a bin,

in a town I don't know and people are wandering about with guns?

Uh-huh.

What is going on? Jeff didn't say any of this.

Uh, looks a bit grimy round here, doesn't it?

Don't know if we should stop at all there.

Is this area all right?

Is it nice around here?

- What, this area? - Yeah.

MAN: Um...

(SIGHS)

Where are we putting it?

Why here?

Right. Right next to a bar. So they're going to be keeping me up all night.

Why here, though, Will? Are you just trying to annoy me?

This is a shithole.

WILL: It was the place where we actually can

-have permission to drop it. - I'm not leaving it here. No, no.

You couldn't have found a worse place.

- Yeah, let's just put it here. - Put it here?

Not in a corner. I think the corner's more dangerous.

There's a toilet over there, though, look. There's a toilet.

There's a public... There's a little, um...

I'lljust go and check that out.

Is this just for customers?

- MAN: Yeah. - Yea h?

KARL: How much would that be for a night?

- How much would you rent me that for? -(LAUGHING)

- Five bucks. -(LAUGHING)

- Would you? - Yeah.

- WILL: You'd rather sleep in a portaloo? - I'd rather... Definitely.

Come and have a look at it. Come and have a look.

You know what I mean?

If all we're doing is showing how little space you need,

that is spot-on.

- WILL: You really prefer this to... - It's got a lock on the inside.

I've got a hook for me coat.

WILL: Has a lock on the inside suddenly become quite important?

Yeah. I can sit here, lid up,

ready, and just... I mean, that's ideal. That's heaven, isn't it?

The more the day's gone on,

the more I've thought a bin isn't a good...

There'sjust something a bit... It's not even nice to look at, is it?

At least this looks all right.

Let's get Jeff here and he'll go, "Oh, why didn't I think of that?"

What do you reckon? Five bucks he's charging me for the night.

(LAUGHING)

How's that for cheap living?

- Seriously? - No, it's less.

Your idea is to, you know, sort of live with little.

- Yeah. - Mirror.

Yeah, oh, you've got a mirror. I don't have a mirror or a coat hook.

- Yeah, I reckon... - You've got to pee in a bottle.

Yeah, you've got... (LAUGHING) You can pee...

- No, this is a better solution. - Why didn't you think of this?

(KARL SIGHS)

WILL: How's it going?

KARL: I'm ready for a night in this.

If I get through to about half-six, seven,

that's six and a half hours sat on the toilet.

Told you, sometimes I can be sat on them that long anyway at home.

(YAWNING) Have a good one.

(SIGHING)

It's fucking freezing.

(SIRENS BLARING IN THE DISTANCE)

It's been one of the longest nights of me life, that.

And it's only been, like, four and a half hours.

I haven't even had a shit. That annoyed me.

It's no good, is it?

Doesn't... Doesn't work.

It's freezing. Um...

A lot going on.

I couldn't really relax. Sirens keep happening.

I just was in there just thinking, "What am I doing?

"What am I trying to prove here?" You know what I mean? I'm in me 40s.

Spending a night in a portaloo. I just thought, "Forget this."

(DOG BARKING)

KARL". When I grew up, there was one bin in the garden.

One collection a week, one bin. And we managed.

Now I've got... There's a couple of green ones. There's a blue one.

There's a couple of black ones.

There's a little brown one.

There's just bins. Endless amounts of bins.

All for different things. Every time you move,

there's different rules. It's like learning a new language.

Where I used to live, a green bin was, like, recycling.

Where I am now, it's garden waste.

It's the blue bin for recycling.

I mean, this is how kids learn the colours now, innit?

I mean, you know, it's not colours of the rainbow any more. It's wheelie bins.

You just, you see a bin, you think bad. There's no good to be had from a bin.

You know, I'm getting a bit niggled here talking about wheelie bins.

But I'm looking at, you know, is there a positive about them?

Is there anything you can do with them that's good?

- I'm Karl. - Hi.

- Groove Uncles? - Groove Uncles.

We have three sounds.

The bass drum.

(THUDDING)

Then we have the snare.

- And the high-hat. -(CLATl'ERING)

Good, innit?

MAN 1: Come on. Grab one. We'll show you some.

MAN 2: In Germany we have a famous rhythm

and it's called Miezekatze.

It means kitty cat.

You start with your foot. Mi...

-...tz ...ka ...tz. -(RHYTHMIC TAPPING)

Mi, tz, ka, tz.

Mixing it... Hang on. I got out of line there.

So, that, that... No, hang on.

- That, that, that, that... No. -(CLATl'ERING)

MAN 2: The high-hat is always in between.

- Oh, yeah. - Always. You kick first,

then play the high-hat.

(RHYTHMIC TAPPING)

You can't do any, uh, like ballads.

- You can't do any little love songs. -(LAUGHS)

It's all energy, innit?

(RHYTHMIC TAPPING)

(MEN CHANTING)

As the man of the house, I feel like,

"Don't go near my bin."

Do you what I mean? That's my bin.

It's worse when you live in flat and you've got to share a bin.

It's one of them, I'm a curtain-twitcher.

Other people in the flat, what are they putting in the bin?

-(RHYTHMIC TAPPING) - ALL: Ooh!

I'll tell you what's annoying. The bin men used to come on a Wednesday

and the woman upstairs used to have loads of shit,

but instead of putting it out on a Tuesday night

the bin men would come on a Wednesday, empty it

and then she'd go down and put it all there.

It's like, "We've got to wait another week now.

"Why didn't you bring that down earlier?"

Yeah!

Okay, Karl, so later on, we will do a performance in the town

and therefore, we need some more instruments.

KARL: Yeah.

MAN 1 : Our philosophy is about that

everything might be an instrument, and there are

tonnes of things thrown away by people

and we can use it to make music. Everything.

Is that from a washing machine?

That's good for a bees' nest.

Isn't it?

Oh, that takes me back. Bloody hell.

Had stuff sort of similar to that when I did me Djing, me Djing days.

What's that?

Oh, yeah, it's still got fat in it.

Look at that. Shit!

Oh, that's well grim.

That's Germans for you, though, innit? They like a lot of fried stuff.

You asked me before, what was the last thing I chucked out?

It was a breadmaker. When we moved.

Suzanne mithered for one for ages.

"I want one." "Why do you want to make bread for?

"It's cheaperjust to buy a loaf."

"No, I want to make our own, I want it to be like The Good Life. "

I think she made about six loaves.

Under the sink. Never used.

And had to bin it.

We like a gadget for making our life easier but in a way, it's not easier.

It's not easier making it, making your own loaf when you can just nip to...

You know, there's 24-hour Tescos everywhere. Why...

How can it possibly be easier making your own loaf?

But that's what we do. Gadgets for everything.

I've never thought I could play a petrol tank.

But it's good.

I don't want loads of different bits that could fall over when you hit 'em.

That petrol tank is heavy. It's got different sounds.

Got me ironing board all set up.

I've got a barbeque lid as like a bit of a cymbal.

And I think, you know, I've took music right back to basics.

ALL: Ooh!

ALL: Yeah!

KARL: I remember once a fellow near our house

was carrying a double bass and he fell over.

Massive thing. He had it on his back, carrying it like a satchel.

Fell over, couldn't get up.

It was that heavy, it was like a... It was like a flipped-over tortoise

and you kinda think, "What are you playing at?"

That shouldn't be carried.

It's not an instrument. Harp, harp is another one.

Odd-looking, the way you have to straddle it and everything.

It doesn't look like a natural instrument.

The wheelie bin,

it's got three different sounds, you can shift it about, you can kick it,

you don't have to worry about damaging it.

And the thing is we've all got them.

We've all got the opportunity to make music.

I mean, I've got a full drum kit outside my house,

the amount of bins we've got.

So there's something good in it

and hopefully people will enjoy it in a bit.

(RHYTHMIC TAPPING)

ALL: Ooh!

ALL: Yeah!

ALL: Ooh!

ALL: Yeah!

A bit under pressure when I first pulled up.

Everyone's there, waiting, thinking,

"What's this, what's this? What's happening?"

It's a pretty classy place round here.

I think that's what made me nervous. There was people over there,

old fellows in, you know, chinos and a nice quiet evening.

It's like, what you would say, Cotswolds or something like that, innit?

Quite posh. We turn up with a load of bins.

I thought, "They're not going to be into this," but they loved it.

All right, wasn't it? Hey?

Well happy with that. Well happy.

This was the major success.

Scratching.

One! Two! Three! Four!

You'll know this one.

(PLAYING IN THEAIR TONIGHT BY PHIL COLLINS)

You know, that's like a proper one-man band, innit?

What I've been saying the whole trip is like

pollution, rubbish, waste

does your head in. Stresses you out.

Cheered people up tonight.

Everyone... I mean, how many people were around me?

A good... Must have been about 100, 150 people,

all smiling, giving it that.

When I was dancing, people sort of moving about a bit.

So, it just goes to show, you know, it's not all doom and gloom, is it?

(MEN CHANTING)

(CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

KARL: I don't know what you do... What do you do with this?

The whole thing's been about fly-tipping, leaving shit everywhere...

just leave it in the square? (LAUGHING)

Mind you, what bin do you put that in?

Car parts. That'll be another bin when I get home.