Original subtitles

North Star!

- North Star? - The 10 in the fifth in Vincennes.

Really?

In an armchair!

So Charles... this period dress, shall we see it?

Dieses Vintage-Kleid, kann man es mal sehen?

From 6 to 7 o'clock, Lucie cleans the right flat on the 5th floor.

There's still time, it's not 4 o'clock.

It's nearly 6.

Are you sure it's working?

General Eisenhower's personal watch! It gave the H-hour

of the landing! Exceptional! 220 francs.

Come on.

Gégé, you watch my stand.

Oh, that's a nice suit!

It's a present from Lucie.

It's unsaleable!

Hurry up! We have to be quick!

Lucie?

You still don't want to sell the chest of drawers?

No, I already told you 10 times. Lucie will never agree.

It's from her mother.

Too bad, we could have got 2500 for it.

- And the vase? - No!

It was a gift from her uncle in Bordeaux.

- And the phonograph? - You wish...

It was a gift from her niece in Strasbourg.

Don't touch that! It's a gift from her god daughter from Brest.

What about this?

- Is it from the Vincennes zoo? - Don't be a fool...

No way! It's the portrait of her great grandmother.

Lucie treasures it like the apple of her eye.

Here, Léon... Come and see.

Come on! Look for the papers.

Yeah, there.

There you go!

Very nice powder box indeed!

Silver! Pure silver!

I can certainly sell it.

In... A month or two. Every day,

I push it a little further.

Lucie will eventually forget it. You get it?

It's the stage dress from her debut.

At the Variété in Marseilles.

She was the opening act. Before Edith Piaf.

Designer's mark, authentic silk chiffon.

A collector's item!

750 francs.

300.

500!

Well, that's it, sir. See you tomorrow!

Would you bring down the jam jar

that's up there, please?

Did you finish yesterday's?

I'm craving sugar!

Not again!

- Give me that! - Give me my picture back!

No! It's my picture!

I'm done cleaning your place!

What do you mean, you're done? You won't come back tomorrow?

Tomorrow, Charles will come!

You can take his picture.

No! Not Charles! I want you!

I want you.

My stage dress!

Thief! How dare you?

You are mistaken, it was for an appraisal.

My picture! Where is my picture? Did you sell it?

No, I didn't! Only the frame.

I swear I won't do it again.

Stop crying, Lucie.

It hurts me too much.

I can't take it any more! I'm tired.

Everything is too sad, too ugly.

I'm tired of cleaning up other people's dirt.

We don't have fun any more.

We don't laugh any more.

We don't live any more! We just last...

Now you're selling my dresses. My memories...

The only things I have left.

I wanted to sell it for you, your dress.

To get some money. To have a better life.

- So work! - I do what I can.

It's hard enough to have a business in the open air.

With the stitches in my back, with my poor legs...

My ulcer...

Your laziness!

What if it becomes contagious?

What if I, too were to subscribe to the social security system?

It is happening again...

What's wrong?

Here, drink quickly.

Are you feeling better?

- Take your pills! - Oh, the pills...

Yes, the pills...

Wait.

Take two!

Have a rest.

- Are you OK? - I'm feeling a bit better...

What a happy time...

I wish you could have seen me then.

I was young...

- I was beautiful. - You are still beautiful...

To me.

It's not the same thing.

How old were you when you started?

18 years old.

When was that again?

12th June 1947.

Do you remember your fee?

Oh, yes, I do.

85 francs.

And my soul? Do you want to play it too?

What about me? Do you want to sell me?

Oh Lucie... Lucie...

No, but for your mother's chest of drawers, I have a very good offer!

I forgot to tell you.

From tomorrow, you'll be cleaning the flat on the 5th floor.

Cleaning? What about my spine?

It'll straighten it!

I'M SLEEPING

Lucie...

Lucie!

What's the matter?

You didn't forget to buy lottery tickets today?

Of course I didn't.

Is that why you woke me up?

I dreamed we had just won.

Mrs. Roussel?

- Mrs. Lucie Roussel? - That's me...

My respects, madam.

May I help you?

Let me introduce myself, Michel Nirac.

First clerk in the office of Mr. de la Madriguère.

What I have to say is confidential. May I come in?

Please, have a seat.

You can't imagine, madam, how hard it was to find you.

Known as I am, it's not difficult!

You believe that...

You had, if I may say so, disappeared from your last home.

Charles sold his antique shop in 1963.

Anyway, after this... bankruptcy, there's no trace of you.

Do you have a document that shows your identity?

If you're from the police, just say so.

No, don't worry.

It's about an inheritance that your wife was just given,

so you understand that...

An inheritance?

Perfect.

Yes, it is indeed my great pleasure...

to announce to you...

that you are the sole heir

of the late Miss Virginia Spring.

Who died on 17th August of this year in Boston, Massachusetts, USA.

A relative of mine?

Not directly.

By marriage, a second cousin,

of your late brother Pierre.

Cousin of my poor brother...

By the collateral branch.

Genealogical research has designated you

as the sole heir.

Sir, if there are any debts...

Who says there are debts?

So you inherit, madam, a property called "La Belle Étoile",

property in Hyères, Var department,

avenue Albert Einstein, number 34. 15 rooms,

4 bathrooms, floor area 350 square meters...

Plus a park of 8500 square meters, garage

and outbuildings, estimated value: 3 million 500 thousand francs.

In addition, there is an annuity of 2500 dollars, monthly income

from a capital placed at the Banque d'Escompte Helvétique in Geneva.

An annuity which you will begin to receive

after acceptance of this inheritance.

Oh, I forgot...

This bequest includes a car.

Registration number 8894GL92,

Currently stored in Levallois-Perret.

Lucie, Lucie!

Do something, get some water!

Lucie, Lucie...

My dear, come back, Lucie...

Thank you, thank you, hold this.

Take it away!

Lucie, it's not the right time!

We are going to be rich!

Lucie, I beg you! My beauty...

How many rooms did you say the house had?

And the car, how much horsepower?

And the tennis court?

I hope there's a swimming pool...

And the income in Switzerland, do we have to pay taxes on it?

You're hurting me!

When will I get this inheritance?

Listen, I suggest that we meet tomorrow

at Mr. de la Madriguère's office.

- Would 3 pm suit you? - Oh, even before that!

3 o'clock, OK.

Sir, let me show you out.

My respects, madam.

Noisette! Noisette!

We're rich!

So it's settled then. Tomorrow at 3 pm.

Lucie!

What is it?

There was a legacy In the street of the Three Magi

An old cheese merchant Had died childless

His neighbours, His cousins

At the back of the kitchen Shared happily

His father's table His mother's armchair

Her brother's watch The cuckoo clock

A pair of braces A bottle of Vittel water

And a lace cap Which he wore around his neck

He arrived from China On an old machine

A man bending his back

And said to them: Gentlemen Do not say who this is!

I am the cousin of the niece

Of the man being torn to pieces And for that I want

Her father's table

Her mother's chair Her brother's watch

The cuckoo clock

The pair of braces The bottle of Vittel water

Charles! Charles!

What about your side stitch, your ulcer and your spine?

I'm forcing myself!

You don't have the right to be sick when you are rich!

It's here.

What is that thing?

The bigger it is, the more impressive it is!

You'll be sick.

Maybe, but I won't be tricked.

You are very punctual. Let's go in, please.

Madam, sir.

- We are ready to sign. - Very well, then.

Before we talk about inheritance tax,

my fees and the cost of the genealogist to find you,

I must warn you that I must ask you to make a deposit

on the security deposit required by the Ministry of Finance

for the opening of the estate.

That's fine!

Perfect!

I believe it's a small sum of 15,000 francs.

Am I to understand that you can't provide that amount?

We can borrow it.

From the inheritance!

Oh, no, unfortunately not. You can't borrow

from something you don't have yet!

But since we're going to have it!

It's impossible. The law is the law.

I, for one, have already incurred a lot of expenses, dear lady.

But perhaps you could borrow it from your stock.

I see from your information sheet that you are an antiques dealer.

- Antiques dealer? - That's right!

A fine antiques dealer, indeed.

Can't even tell a real painting from a fake.

- Excuse me? - He sold everything!

He sold everything we had to buy two Picassos.

The deal of the century, apparently.

What a deal! They were fakes.

Two worthless scabs!

There might be a solution...

Since you're going to inherit a richly furnished house.

Why not sell what you have in Paris?

Yes, if you think that this furniture is of any value.

No problem! I have a chest of drawers worth a fortune.

No way!

That's typical of you!

After everything I've done for you!

You are offered a fortune on a silver platter

and you make a fuss over a chest of drawers!

I love it! It's sentimental!

Sentimental...

Feelings exist, believe me!

Even if you don't know what it is any more !

My clerk's suggestion is interesting.

Why don't you think about it?

I'll give you a few moments. Come on, Nerac.

Now, listen... Lucie...

No!

The ulcer trick doesn't work any more!

What do you want?

To rot in your lodge?

To continue washing the stairs?

Put up with the tenants?

Tolerating the dirty looks of an old man?

At least I still have some effect on someone!

I was already picturing us there.

By the sea.

In the morning I'd bring you breakfast on a silver platter...

And I'd ask you,

after waking you up with a kiss,

"did my Indian ruby sleep well?"

You would open your doe eyes,

and I would say to you while caressing your lovely tanned face,

"what will my lovely starfish do today?

Go for a swim at Eden Rock?

Buy a few dresses in St Tropez?

Or simply enjoy taking my arm,

to walk around the grounds."

Would you be nice like that?

Would we love each other like we did in the beginning?

My Cape diamond...

All right! I'm in! Let's sell everything!

- A scale. - The scale.

- A chest of drawers. - The chest of drawers.

- Can't I keep it? - No, it's on my list, madam.

Sorry, my poor Augustine.

Oh! Ba***rd!

What's going on, Charles?

Do you know what your dirty old man is doing?

He's throwing his rotten eggs at my car!

Just because I inherited, eh? You loser!

Noisette, look! Look!

The olive trees...The broom!

The lavender! The thyme!

It smells good! So good!

What are you doing locked up?

Go find yourself a girlfriend! It's the right time.

Hello, my dove!

Charles, it's true.

What's true?

We're in the south. Look at this!

Of course we're in the south!

I was driving while you were sleeping. Careful... Tada!

We'll drink to our new life!

We'll drink to our fortune!

To our house!

To the Belle Étoile!

And we'll drink...

To us!

Oh... This is heaven!

First I'm going to buy a sailing boat.

No, more like a motorboat with a sailor...

And another smaller car, for women,

so you can do your shopping in town.

Charles, just because we're rich,

doesn't mean we're going to start throwing money around.

Who said anything about throwing money away?

It's a matter of lifestyle.

Do you think we'll need to hire servants?

Of course we will. But with references.

Here, get the photos of the property.

- Did you put them in the suitcase? - No in the glove box in my wallet.

Do you know where we're going, Charles?

Of course! I looked at the map.

Charles, we're going out of town!

Of course we're going out of town!

You don't want our property to be in the middle of a town!

In the smell of exhaust fumes...

Can't you see we're going the wrong way, Charles?

But we're here, on Albert Einstein. I saw the sign!

How can it be in a place like this?

Maybe it's a very long avenue, like in America.

Wait, I'll try to find out.

Sir!

I beg your pardon, am I on Albert Einstein Avenue?

Yes, of course you are!

Avenue Albert Einstein in Hyères?

Yes.

I don't understand.

I'm looking for this house.

There's no such palace around here, old chap!

But it's clearly written:

34 avenue Albert Einstein!

- 34? - Yes, 34, it says so!

It's here, my friend!

Well?

There must be a mistake.

Look at the address on the inheritance papers.

In the glove box.

- Well? - I'm looking, I'm looking!

Charles, this is what it says here too.

34 Avenue Albert Einstein, in Hyères.

They must have got the street wrong!

Or the town!

What are you doing?

I'm going to call the notary, of course!

Can I make a phone call to Paris?

When you go to the post office, do they serve you a drink?

A strawberry milk and a squeezed lemon.

Well, that's 8.40 francs.

We have to pay in advance?

Of course!

Where's the phone?

Here it is.

No, no, you go and sit over there and don't worry about anything!

I'll take care of it!

- Hello? - Hello, madam.

Can I speak to Mr. de la Madriguère?

I said I'd like to speak to Mr. de la Madriguère,

the notary.

Ba***rd.

Yes, madam...

I see, I see.

I'll put you through to the police commissioner!

No, no he won't know my name.

Well?

Well?

The notary...

The notary does not exist...

What are you talking about?

They moved last night to Cloche de Bois, he, his clerk, the secretary.

The police knows about it.

The owner says they're a gang wanted for fraud.

The office...

It was an office rented for a week.

You've been tricked...

Me?

Unbelievable!

Who didn't want to sell? You, maybe?

Who was it who wanted to get rid of your notary?

First of all, he's not "my" notary!

I had a feeling that we shouldn't sell "my" chest of drawers!

I didn't want to!

You fooled me with your charm!

"What will you do today my lovely sea star?

Go for a swim at Eden Rock!"

How beautiful is your Côte d'Azur now!

And this was all a trick from your friend Léon to get "my" lodge!

You're crazy.

Not crazy! Clear-sighted!

It goes back to the day I found you with that thug in the lodge!

He was coming over to prepare his trick!

So that he could have the lodge and the chest of drawers!

And you didn't see a thing! Dummy!

Fool! Gullible!

Oh Lucie, calm down!

I won't calm down!

- Don't shout! - I'll shout if I want to!

Maybe my lodge wasn't beautiful, but we had it!

What do we have left now? Nothing! We have nothing left!

- We can sell the car. - Sure!

Go sell your beautiful American car!

And for once, don't get fooled.

Will you wait for me here?

Perhaps.

Don't push, it's only a stolen car.

- Stolen? -That's what the copper said.

The police even have the description of the thieves.

- Come on! - What's going on now?

I'll tell you on the way.

- Where are we going? - Anywhere you want, out of town!

Now please explain.

I warn you, out of town is double time.

My wallet!

You left it in the car.

At... 50 francs...

40 francs, stop the car.

Faster, faster!

At least I got to see the sea again.

Where are you going?

I'm going away.

Lucie!

Lucie.

Lucie!

Lucie!

Lucie, come back!

Come back, Lucie!

I can't swim!

Lucie, come back!

I forbid you to do such a thing!

I forbid you to leave me! Do you hear?

Then let's go!

Where to?

To the police. To prison.

Prison?

No!

We didn't do anything!

How can you prove that we didn't steal the car?

I don't know! And I don't care!

They're looking for us. You heard him in the car park.

They are looking for us but they haven't found us!

We have no more money, nothing left...

So what?

We are together, aren't we?

I don't want them to separate us!

Never, you hear me? Never!

You're right! We'll never be caught.

Never, never, never!

It's only work.

I'm going to earn some money, you'll see.

I'll set up a new business.

At first, I'll do appraisals.

Perhaps you better not.

They must have left during the night.

Or else they would have been found this morning.

A couple like that is noticeable.

Especially him, a big, flabby guy

with a striped jumper like a wasp.

According to the description, anyway.

Her description was more vague...

A skinny sixty-something.

Sixty-something, can you believe it?

The times we live in, my boy.

If even the old and the puny start to lose their mind like the others,

then we're scr**ed.

I mean, I don't understand anything any more.

I think we should go home because I'm a little hungry.

Do you have a real meal in the morning?

It depends, it depends...

Sometimes, if I'm not too hungry, I eat a small salad.

With tomatoes, celery, anchovies, tuna.

And then when I start work again at 4 o'clock,

I make myself an anchoyade.

Crushed anchovies with garlic, olive oil...

At least it wakes you up.

But last night, Susanne made aioli,

so this morning I ate the leftover cold aioli.

It's good cold.

With cod, a potato, a hard-boiled egg, some carrots.

Come on, kid, let's go.

I'm so hungry!

Do you want us to surrender?

- They'll give us food. - No way!

You need a shave, handsome.

You look a bit dodgy like that.

Breathe! Breathe in!

It's good! It purifies the blood!

You're right, enjoy the oxygen.

Before we go to prison... What are we going to do?

Visit Marseilles, of course.

Respond, Charles! React!

We're alive, goddammit!

Oh Charles.

Oh no, Charles! Not while driving!

Why not?

Because it goes by too fast!

Charles and Lucie Have a lot of worries

And no more money And no more family or friends

They are not bad Lucie and Charles

They've been tricked Like newborns

When you're unlucky There is a law among men

While one shouts kill him

You hear the other say knock him out

But these two losers who only Loved each other with their hearts

Will relearn to conjugate The verb love against fear

Charles and Lucie

They've got a lot of worries

And no more money No more family, no more friends

There are offices full of heroes

But where are the ones Who start over at zero?

He's the slacker

He's the kind of guy Who's a bit of a phony

The guy who gives you a can opener

For Napoleon's dentures

She only has love It's just a little glimmer

But the thing that makes Your heart burst

When despair returns

Charles and Lucie They've got a lot of worries

And no more money No more family, no more friends

Dear misery It's not its fault

When it shows up You'd better stand up to it

They don't ride horses, they don't Ride a bicycle or a sailboat

They ain't got no money, no jewels

They don't even have enough to eat

But in this mess, it doesn't take A rocket scientist to figure out

That as soon as you have No more sole meunière

There's no more miller, As if by chance

Charles and Lucie

They've got a lot of worries

And no more money, No more family, no more friends

When the jinx is on

And threatens you

Sticking together is the only way To get through it

Shame on you!

My tights are ruined...

I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry!

Let's face it.

If we want to eat, we have to find money, Charles.

- Let's sell our wedding rings. - Never!

It would be like getting a divorce.

What's wrong with those two?

People are becoming more and more crazy.

Turn your shirt inside out, quick!

Do you think he saw me?

Didn't you see his face?

Help me!

Oh, yeah, that's much better. Come on, come on.

FOREIGN LEGION

Do you think they'd give us food?

They don't recruit women anyway.

I assure you, Charles, it's the only way.

You really think so?

There are lots of great women who started out that way.

Yes, but...

- Do you think I'm not good enough? - Of course you are...

Only the first step is difficult.

I'll wait for you here.

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me perform for you

one of my greatest hits!

Open, open the bird cage

Watch the birds fly away It's beautiful

Children, if you see Small birds imprisoned

Open their door, let them fly free

A small thimble With three drops of water inside

Above their perch A white cuttlebone

And a little bird

Sad to live in prison

That brings sunshine into the house

Open, open the bird cage

Watch the birds fly away, It's beautiful

Children

Get the hell out of here! Sl*t!

You're the sl*t!

Sl*t! Wh*re!

- B**ch! - You're the b**ch!

Call the police!

Open, open the bird cage

- What's going on? - Did you hear them?

Oh they don't know what's beautiful. Come on.

Madam! Madam!

Here, madam, this is for you.

Your song was very pretty.

Josiane!

Little thief! What have you done with my fish?

I always wanted to see Marseilles again.

I didn't know this city.

We're fine, aren't we?

- What about your back, your stitch? - It's fine.

I don't even think about it any more.

Were you hungry too?

I'll throw this away.

Take a page.

I feel like reading.

Here.

Ugly face.

So, when are we going to reach old age?

Never if we decide.

Listen to this: "Looking for senior caretaker.

Reference letter needed.

Retirement home in the Luberon, 84300."

No, in the hospices they beat old people.

And when they're too old, they put them down.

- No way! - I know what I'm saying.

My great grandmother, Augustine,

she died in a hospice.

In 1900, in Saint Remy. My mother told me.

Did she?

I'm too young for that job anyway.

Much too young.

Why don't we sleep in the church?

We can wait until the doors close...

Why don't we go to the station's waiting room? It never closes.

But the coppers make rounds after the last trains.

They don't go to churches as often.

Come on! We'll be safe there.

It's closing.

You hide in that one.

And I'll be in this one. I'll meet you later.

The church is closing.

We are closed...

It's too late. Come back tomorrow.

Let me confess or I'll shoot.

I've been nicknamed the Mad Killer, Father.

It's no accident.

I'm... I'm listening, my son.

I've killed, Father.

How many times, my son?

Nine times, Father.

That's great, my son.

And after that?

Did you just say "great"?

No, I said,

That's abominable, my son. Abominable.

I would like to stop...

Why don't you start right away?

Take this quickly. So it doesn't happen again.

Now, do something for me.

Father, I beg you.

I'm begging you.

You will kneel.

You will kneel at the altar.

Yes.

And you will say a Pater and an Ave.

A Pater and an Ave?

Is that all?

You don't understand anything I'm telling you.

I said 100 Pater.

And 100 Ave.

Go, right now!

All right, Father.

- You forgot your jumper. - Hands up!

No, it's not him.

- Is he in there? - Who?

The Mad Killer. He escaped from neuropsychiatry yesterday morning.

Is he in there?

God's house is for innocent souls only, my son.

Come, my child.

Hurry up!

Take it easy!

Hey, don't those two look familiar?

- Punch your tickets. - What?

Then it's 3 francs. Per person.

3 francs...

Do you have any change?

No! No! Please! Don't shoot!

Please don't shoot!

I have eleven children...

And I'm expecting twins.

Two of them! 11 and 2 will make 13.

They're already bad luck.

Drive, get out of the city!

We'll tell you where to stop. Don't make any unnecessary moves.

I'll go wherever you want. Don't shoot.

Then what are you waiting for?

Don't shoot. Don't shoot!

It's fast, isn't it? It's great!

Public transport...

For us alone.

A gun... It's not... It's dangerous...

Look at the beautiful... The beautiful landscape.

The trigger, on the left.

The... The Chauliette... Joliette very nice.

These freighters... It's very... Very nice, very industrial...

They go to Africa, to the Congo,

the pyramids... Egypt...

Don't shoot, please don't shoot.

Oh, on the right!

Do you see? To the right, you see? On the right is the right...

It's the city of Marseilles!

Marseilles with its fresh air... Its streets... Its streets...

Its warm streets.

Its varied trade!

How varied its trade can be!

And then above all... Above all... Above all, don't shoot!

Don't turn your head!

One of us will get down, the other will stay on, understood?

Yes, yes!

And now let's go!

I'll do what you want, but please, please, please, don't shoot!

This one. It will be very good for sleeping.

What if it's a fishing boat?

The fishermen leave at dawn.

No, not that one. It's a pleasure boat.

You can trust me. I know all about it.

No, no, no, me first.

The knife, take the knife.

Paris sent you this, Commissioner.

Ugly faces.

Here, I hope you catch them today, you incompetents.

Incompetents?

We spotted them yesterday.

Do you want me to congratulate you?

Someone disarms a gun nut right in front of you,

and you can't even catch him.

Ten minutes later they rob a driver and steal a bus.

What more do you need? That they kidnap the mayor?

Maybe they left Marseilles.

Yeah, in their yacht, probably!

Good morning, my mermaid. How did you sleep?

I'm a little sore, but I'm fine.

I'm going to have a look outside.

We'll have to be discreet to jump down.

Lucie! Lucie!

We're going to die!

So young!

What are those two doing out here?

They're crazy!

Set a course for the canoe over there.

Oh thank you, thank you. Thank you so much!

What are you doing so far from the coast?

No oars, no sail, no nothing! Where do you come from?

From Marseilles, we ran out of petrol.

You don't have an engine either.

Will you take us back to Marseilles?

Take you back? Are you serious? What about our fish?

We'll be back sometime this afternoon.

We'll leave you there.

Hey, get them a drink.

And some food, please!

That's better!

The wind is picking up!

Aren't you afraid of getting seasick?

Us? Come on...

Oh, that was rough.

It's still moving...

Do you want me to warn the police

so that they can take you back to Marseilles?

I'll moor the boat there. Will you remember?

OK guys, let's go!

Take care, you Argonauts!

It's over, Charles. It's over.

- There's no more water. - But it's moving.

It's always moving.

It's going to get better. Come on, baby.

It's still moving.

Why is the bench moving?

PUBLIC BATHS 200 METRES

Don't leave me.

Don't leave me.

How about a nice hot bath?

Oh, yes. In a still bath.

Wait for me here.

Good morning, madam.

Is it good, what you're reading?

It's deeply moving.

Nobody's Boy, by Hector Malot, do you know it?

Here, when the little orphan is on the road,

in the cold, with nothing to eat,

and he meets these very rich people.

Just reading it makes me want to cry.

I wanted to ask you a favour.

My husband and I had an accident at sea.

Could you let us wash up? I'll pay you back later.

I can see you coming.

No money, no bath!

My husband is so cold.

Then buy him a jumper!

Please understand.

He's all wet, I'm afraid he'll catch something.

Exactly, if he is wet,

it's not the right time to take a bath.

I'll trade you this for a bath.

- Is it gold? - 18 carats.

- A shower, you say? - I said a bath!

For two!

And this! This! This!

- Hey there! - And this, and this...

- And your packet of cigarettes. - Don't take advantage of me!

Right, well... OK.

Oh, I feel like a new man!

People are nice!

Aren't they?

Take this woman for example,

she could very well have chased us away. Right?

Lucie...

Lucie!

What did you do with your chain?

My God,

I must have lost it on the boat.

BATH TIME LIMIT 30 MINUTES

We're closing! Hurry up in there!

Good thing we're not staying.

It's excessively depressing here.

The next town over, they'll be less godly.

I'll sell my watch...

And I'll buy you a sumptuous meal.

And a room in a palace!

Do you miss the lodge, Charles?

Do you want to go back there?

- Do you? - Oh no.

Tell me Charles... Why didn't we leave before?

Because we hadn't inherited anything yet!

What's wrong, madam?

This thing refuses to move.

It does it on purpose. It knows I have an appointment at 8 o'clock.

They'll wait.

It can't wait, the green ray never waits.

- The green ray? - The magic ray.

I don't expect you to believe it.

Do you mind if I take a look?

If you wish. It's useless.

It always does the same thing to me.

What is the magic ray?

It only happens once a year near the river delta.

Just before 8 o'clock, the flamingos fly over.

Then at 8 o'clock sharp, all the animals fall silent,

and the green ray appears.

It must be beautiful.

Very beautiful. Very, very beautiful.

Madam, would you like to try?

Bravo, Charles!

Thank you!

Would you like to see it, the green ray?

That's very kind of you, madam.

Do you think we have enough time for that?

Oh yes, Charles!

Then let's go!

You see Charles,

fortune telling is not what it used to be.

People used to come to me

and I would open the doors to the wonderful.

I was the mediator between dream and reality.

I taught them to tame their intuitions.

Now, the only thing they ask me is

whether they are going to win the lottery, the races, the raffle.

Will they get an inheritance? When? How much?

The big dream is over.

When I dream, it never comes true anyway.

Because you are not ready yet.

You want a cigarette?

I've kicked the habit.

Try it, it's very good.

They're made from herbs

that I picked myself in Transylvania.

Try it.

You'll see.

I see... I see!

Over there, I see huge water lilies.

And a huge purple flower...

And panthers playing leapfrog.

I also see a tabby cat playing the flute.

And a lion playing the violin.

Come quickly!

It's coming.

I'm glad you've seen it.

It will bring you luck.

Cut!

Me first.

Why you first?

Because...

You are a good man.

You even have the sweetness wrinkle.

A little faded, but you still have it.

What about me?

Let's see...

You had a very hard childhood.

You probably worked as an artist...

Then it all stopped abruptly in your thirties. You see here?

Well... that's strange.

What's strange?

Your mother and father died when you were very young.

I was ten years old.

Recently, a hope...

Then a great disappointment.

Let me see again.

You'll have money.

A lot of money.

Oh no, that's impossible.

And yet, there it is.

And here...

And here.

- When? - I can't say exactly.

Three days...

Three weeks...

Three months...

Three years...

Charles! Charles!

I was having a terrible dream

that we were being separated.

We were locked up, far away from each other,

and I heard you crying,

and I couldn't reach you.

It's over, my darling.

It's over. You see? We're together.

What are you thinking about, my darling?

About her. Nostradama.

She has a good life.

Being free to travel all the time...

And what have we been doing?

You're right, my aquamarine!

When I think that we could have never seen this.

Oh no, not in the water!

Why not?

Because in the water,

it makes bubbles.

I'm so hungry!

Patience, patience...

How about a nice roast chicken?

Oh yes! A nice chicken!

With herbs, lots of tarragon.

A hint of garlic.

It's coming, it's coming. Here, chicky...

Charles!

It's not my fault.

If it follows me, it's because it loves me.

And so do I.

Roasted.

Here, chick, chick, chicken...

As soon as we get there,

we finish it!

Can you do that?

No, but you certainly can!

Don't count on me, I hate blood.

Listen Lucie, this is not the time to have principles.

No.

Ba***rd!

Lucie!

Lucie, look!

Look at that!

PUBLIC SAFETY NO ENTRY

There. No one will bother us.

We must be close to an airfield.

There's a 350 straight ahead!

80-100 degrees.

Got it! 15 degrees at speed 102, maximum.

That's good. Line it up. Reduce, reduce.

We're good! Over the spot, when I tell you, go full throttle.

Lucie... Lucie, are you OK?

I'm cold.

I'm cold.

I'm cold.

I can't take it any more. I'm going to die.

Hey, guys, look at that!

Should we do them?

Oh no! No!

Charles...

What are we going to do?

Carry on, of course!

Carry on how?

They took everything from us.

Even our wedding rings.

Even my pants.

We're done for, Charles. We have to surrender.

Oh no.

A bunch of snotty b**tards

are not going to defeat Charles and Lucie!

I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry...

Come on.

Sit down for a while, my lavender flower.

Listen, Charles,

let's face it, it's over now.

I can't take it any more.

We have to give ourselves up. Go to the police.

No!

There must be some wildlife around here.

I'll surely find a rabbit snared in this wood.

I'll make you something to eat and then we'll leave.

Have a rest, and I'll be right back!

Oh my God!

Oh no, no, no. You can't, it is stuck.

Go on, save yourself. Save yourself, Lucie!

Hurry before they come.

- No! - Yes!

Now I'm telling you to give up!

They are stronger than us!

Go away! Save yourself! Run away, Lucie!

- I don't want you to be locked up. - Never!

No one! Do you hear me?

No one will be stronger than Charles and Lucie!

- Is it still as painful? - Less.

Oh no, Charles! Not now!

Why not?

Because when I file, I file!

I'm going to faint. I am so hungry.

Come on.

I'll take you to lunch. Come on!

Fanny, my dear, get ahold of yourself!

After what poor Bernard went through,

he's better off where he is.

Who let you come here?

Who served you?

The girl over there.

Well, she was wrong!

Now pay up and get out.

That's 34 francs.

- Well... - Someone stole our money.

And you expect me to believe that?

We can sweep up if you want!

Or wash up, you have a lot of customers!

Let go of him! Let him go!

- Just you wait! - I'll sing!

I'll sing to entertain the people.

I sing very well, I am an artist!

I'm going to sing you some songs!

Florent, give me the phone!

Let her sing, Sylvio!

That would have pleased poor Bernard.

- Isn't that right? - Yes!

I was born into a family Where we're all rather crazy

Parents, sons, daughters We have nothing under our berets

But we don't make a big deal of it Because at least everyone knows that

For fashion, wine, sex We're proud to be French

I'm in politics And I shout in the bistros

The situation is critical We are crushed by taxes

All these scandals make us sick Down with the politicians

But I'm gonna get up early To vote next Sunday

Oh, how stupid we are We're idiots, we're idiots

There are no bigger idiots on earth

We're stupid, we're stupid We're stupid, we're idiots

She's crazy, that one! She's insulting us now.

Florent! Call the police!

Oh no, no!

Ladies and gentlemen, don't let him do it, ladies and gentlemen!

I beg you! If only you knew all our misfortunes.

Thugs attacked us last night.

They stole all our clothes!

Even your pants?

Even her pants!

And right after that,

they set traps for us. Wolf traps!

- No, they didn't! - Yes, yes!

And before that,

do you know how they tried to capture us?

No?

With planes.

Are we hunting people with planes now?

We were sitting quietly my wife and me,

having a picnic,

when all of a sudden, "Vroom!"

A huge watering can plane came flying over us!

It threw tons of water at us.

Water?

That's because of the bus!

That we hijacked in Marseilles!

My Charles pointed

the Mad Killer's huge gun at the bus driver!

Did you see the Mad Killer?

I heard his confession at Notre Dame de la Garde.

- Are you a priest? - No.

I was in the confessional!

Imagine the Mad Killer, a kind of terrible Frankenstein!

Frightening head!

Coming at you like a wolf

on silent crepe soles.

But what were you doing in the confessional?

It was just before the shipwreck.

We were drifting on the sea for three days.

In the storm. Dying of hunger and thirst.

On a raging sea!

Infested with sharks!

- Sharks? - Yes, huge sharks!

- Who wanted us dead! - Why did they want you dead?

Because we had inherited 3.5 million!

- 3.5 million? - Yes, it all started in Paris,

Eight days ago.

Because of the chest of drawers.

Affirmative. Affirmative delta 2.

We are told that there is a couple in Maussane whose description

may correspond to the one in the Wanted notice sent by Marseilles.

Check it out!

So Léon, a friend of Charles,

and who, under the guise of an amateur, ladies and gentlemen,

is in fact an envious, dreadful swindler.

Well, this Léon enters the lodge, and spots what?

I'll tell you!

The chest of drawers!

Exactly. Three days later,

in the lodge comes the...

- The notary's clerk. -That's it, the clerk.

A big, worldly man,

in a very smart suit.

And who wants to kiss my hand.

Hello, madam!

Are you Mrs. Lucie Roussel?

That's me.

Well, I'm pleased to announce

that you have just inherited 3.5 million.

3.5 million!

Yes.

And that is why, ladies and gentlemen,

you see us standing here in our ragged clothing,

starving,

and reduced to the most appalling poverty.

Bravo!

Bravo!

I'm warning you right now,

I will not let anyone separate us.

Do you understand?

My wife and I are not to be separated.

And I demand a mixed prison!

No bunk beds. A big bed.

Sit down.

No need to pretend you can't hear!

I have connections! I have very important relationships!

What's all this racket?

Ah... Here you are at last. Come on in.

Sir.

So, are you happy?

You had a lot of fun with the judicial police and the gendarmerie.

It's a good thing you were arrested!

I wonder what new crime you were going to commit.

Sir, I would like to point out that we are victims, my wife and myself,

of an unspeakable judicial error.

Please sit down.

It's true! The stolen car, we didn't know it was stolen!

And the boat left on its own!

And the chicken on the road committed suicide!

And the Mad Killer came to confess willingly!

As for the bus, the driver was a paranoid man,

a real danger to the public.

And we only stole the scarecrow's clothes.

Will you shut up? For God's sake!

In any case, we won't answer any more questions.

- Who's that? - I don't know.

So, do you recognise them?

And they had the nerve to kiss my wife's hand! Rascals!

If you'd let me get a word in edgeways,

I would've told you that we knew everything from the start!

Everything!

My Parisian colleagues caught your crooks the day after you left.

Just as they were negotiating the sale.

The chest of drawers?

What chest of drawers?

A priceless piece of furniture.

Because it was the chest of drawers they were after.

Of course! A unique opportunity! 15,000 francs, first price.

What about this?

Does it look familiar?

Augustine!

Yes... Augustine. It's her they wanted.

This little portrait of a woman was painted in 1889,

at the hospice in Saint Remy de Provence,

by Van Gogh.

Van Gogh?

Yes, Vincent Van Gogh.

Does that ring a bell for you, as a professional?

Be careful, don't touch it with your dirty hands.

This painting has been cleaned and appraised by me.

It's a very interesting work.

Mr. Curator, I'd like you to meet Mr. and Mrs. Roussel,

the owners of the painting.

Madam.

Sir. I represent the national museums.

I am authorised to make you a firm offer: 2 million.

- 2.5 million. - 2.2 million.

- 2.4 million. - 2.3 million, take it or leave it.

- No. - We agree!

Yes, cash!

It's a deal.

Starving! In rags!

Hunted like beasts!

The temptation of nothingness was seeping into us!

When suddenly,

an apple fell suddenly on his head.

My Charles shouted, like Newton,

Eureka!

I had finally understood everything!

Everything.

I had understood...

That neither the bipedal wolves

nor the four-legged beasts,

nor the raging elements

would ever be stronger than the two of us!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the true

and detailed story full of noise, fury,

of the misery and misfortune,

of Charles and Lucie.

Bravo!

I may have overdone the confessional part a bit today.

- Don't you think so? - Still, it worked very well!

The room was great.

Wonderful!

- You know what we'll do? - What?

We're going to do a few more rounds in two or three villages,

and then we'll start in a big city.

In Marseilles for example, we'll play in a theatre, a big one.

And then we'll do Lyon, Bordeaux, Toulon, Strasbourg.

Then we'll go to Paris, Bobinot, the Olympia.

And after that, the world is ours!

Rome, London, Tokyo, Rio, Buenos Aires, Chicago, New York.

- Hollywood! - Hollywood?

You're dreaming, Charles!

I'm dreaming?

But that's life!

CHARLES AND LUCIE ARTISTS