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Previously on "Wrecked"...I'm going to break you
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00:00:03,693 --> 00:00:05,557
and watch you hunt
each other to the death.
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00:00:05,591 --> 00:00:07,007
[ Electricity crackles ]Aah!
4
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:09,595
Errol's bracelets
can deliver up to 1,000 volts
5
00:00:09,630 --> 00:00:11,770
of just the touch
of a single button.
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00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:14,255
[ Electricity crackling ][ All screaming ]
7
00:00:14,290 --> 00:00:15,670
Must be
a short circuit.
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00:00:15,705 --> 00:00:17,396
Jess!
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00:00:18,570 --> 00:00:21,193
[ Ominous music plays ]
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00:00:21,228 --> 00:00:24,334
♪♪
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00:00:24,369 --> 00:00:25,508
Ahh! [ Laughs ]
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00:00:25,542 --> 00:00:27,337
♪ We comin' to paint the town
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00:00:27,372 --> 00:00:29,443
[ Girls squealing, laughter ]What up, hookers?
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00:00:29,477 --> 00:00:30,892
This is my sister Caitlin L.,
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00:00:30,927 --> 00:00:33,033
and this is my sister
Caitlynn with two N's.
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00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:36,726
If you're here, it's because we
think you've got what it takes
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00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,970
to roll with Phi Gamma Phi.[ Girls squealing ]
18
00:00:40,005 --> 00:00:43,043
But we've got
one more test for you
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00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:45,045
before you're officially in.
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00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,806
Hope you bitches are ready
to ride the lightning.
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00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,084
[ Electricity crackling ]Who's up first?
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00:00:50,119 --> 00:00:52,707
[ Exhales sharply ]
Oh, my God, Alison.
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00:00:52,742 --> 00:00:54,985
I can't believe
we got into Gamma Phi.
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00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:57,402
This is literally
the best day of my life.
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00:00:57,436 --> 00:00:59,956
[ Liquid swishes ]I mean, it's, like, I can just
see the next four years...
26
00:00:59,990 --> 00:01:02,648
[ Electricity crackles ]...Gamma Phi, captain
of the color guard team,
27
00:01:02,683 --> 00:01:05,203
graduation,
and then, L.A., here I come.
28
00:01:05,237 --> 00:01:08,378
Oh, my God. Do you think
you'll meet Nicole Richie?[ Electricity crackles ]Girl: Ow!
29
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Probably.
I mean, I will be a publicist.
30
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,589
But the most
important thing...[ Electricity crackles ]
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00:01:12,624 --> 00:01:14,143
...is getting
out of Arizona.
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00:01:14,177 --> 00:01:16,317
And it looks so good having
Gamma Phi on your résumé.
33
00:01:16,352 --> 00:01:19,217
Mm-hmm.It's like the most prestigious
sorority in the whole country.
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00:01:19,251 --> 00:01:21,909
You're up, donkey slut.♪ We gon' own the night
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00:01:21,943 --> 00:01:25,430
Phi Gamma Phi sister
till I die!
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00:01:25,464 --> 00:01:27,984
♪ We gon' own the night
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[ Electricity crackles ]
38
00:01:30,366 --> 00:01:34,266
[ Dramatic music plays ]
39
00:01:34,301 --> 00:01:35,474
[ Groans ]
40
00:01:35,509 --> 00:01:36,786
[ Body thuds ]
41
00:01:39,616 --> 00:01:41,480
Todd: Babe?
Time to wake up.
42
00:01:41,515 --> 00:01:43,448
Hey, buddy, I think
you've slapped her enough.
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00:01:43,482 --> 00:01:45,415
What if you just
let her rest for a bit
44
00:01:45,450 --> 00:01:47,107
and maybe she'll wake up
on her own?
45
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,763
Oh, I'm sorry, Owen.
46
00:01:48,798 --> 00:01:50,593
Are you a doctor?Okay.
47
00:01:50,627 --> 00:01:52,836
Are youa doctor?
48
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,598
How about you three numbnuts?
49
00:01:55,632 --> 00:01:57,186
Did you go to med school
together?
50
00:01:57,220 --> 00:01:59,153
Todd, you know none of us
are doctors.
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00:01:59,188 --> 00:02:00,189
You're damn right I do!
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00:02:00,223 --> 00:02:02,812
So shut your non-doctor yaps
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00:02:02,846 --> 00:02:05,884
and let me
slap my wife awake!
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00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:09,681
Good morning,
my little caged beasties.
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00:02:09,715 --> 00:02:11,200
You son of a bitch.
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00:02:11,234 --> 00:02:13,443
You're lucky my arms are too
jacked to fit through this cage,
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00:02:13,478 --> 00:02:15,618
or I'd be choking you out
right now!
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00:02:15,652 --> 00:02:17,999
Oh, yes. Your wife.
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00:02:18,034 --> 00:02:20,519
Has she recovered
from her little shock?
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00:02:20,554 --> 00:02:22,314
Well, for your information,
she's --
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00:02:22,349 --> 00:02:24,178
Pbht! Kidding.
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00:02:24,213 --> 00:02:27,008
I really don't give a goose's
queef about you or your wife.
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00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:29,563
I'm here because I wish to speak
with your leader.
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00:02:29,597 --> 00:02:33,187
All right. Don't worry, guys.
He's not gonna break me.
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00:02:33,222 --> 00:02:35,189
I'm just glad I'm the one
that's gonna have to --
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00:02:35,224 --> 00:02:37,122
Oh, God, no, not you.
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00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:39,642
I wish to speak
with your leader.
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00:02:39,676 --> 00:02:41,091
[ Ominous music plays ]
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00:02:41,126 --> 00:02:44,164
Him, with the mustache.
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00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,855
[ Birds chirping ]
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00:02:45,889 --> 00:02:47,650
Steve?!
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00:02:47,684 --> 00:02:49,376
You think that Steve
is the leader?
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00:02:49,410 --> 00:02:51,516
And why is that so hard
to believe?
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00:02:51,550 --> 00:02:52,827
I don't know.
75
00:02:52,862 --> 00:02:54,415
'Cause you got your pants
on backwards?!
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00:02:54,450 --> 00:02:57,315
What?
Oh, no, not again.
77
00:02:57,349 --> 00:03:00,041
Okay. Well done.
One to you.
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00:03:00,076 --> 00:03:02,699
But to be fair, they look
the same no matter how you --
79
00:03:02,734 --> 00:03:04,943
Oh, no,
yours are gray on the --
80
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:05,909
All right, well...
81
00:03:05,944 --> 00:03:07,842
-Oh! My God!
-Oh, my God!
82
00:03:07,877 --> 00:03:09,844
-Jesus, man.
-You see, Owen,
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00:03:09,879 --> 00:03:11,605
one quality
of a great leader
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00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,021
is being able to admit
when one makes a mistake.
85
00:03:14,055 --> 00:03:16,782
[ Pants zip ]How can I help you,
Declan...
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00:03:16,817 --> 00:03:20,027
other than kill you
for murdering my best friend?!
87
00:03:20,061 --> 00:03:21,856
There it is.
88
00:03:21,891 --> 00:03:24,065
That's why I want to speak
with you.
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00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:26,689
Take him upstairs.
90
00:03:26,723 --> 00:03:30,140
Well, don't worry about me,
gang. Worry about him.
91
00:03:30,175 --> 00:03:31,970
Or what's left of him
after I've done "unh"!
92
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:33,799
Aah! That's actually
hurting my arm!
93
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:35,525
That's a little tight
on the side there!
94
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:36,975
What the hell
am I supposed to do now,
95
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:41,704
just sit back and watch my wife
be all...floppy?
96
00:03:41,738 --> 00:03:43,913
I mean...look at her.
97
00:03:43,947 --> 00:03:46,536
Yeah, it's too bad we don't have
any smelling salts.
98
00:03:46,571 --> 00:03:48,400
♪♪
99
00:03:48,435 --> 00:03:50,816
We might not have
smelling salts,
100
00:03:50,851 --> 00:03:53,405
but we've got one better --
101
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,924
toots!
102
00:03:54,958 --> 00:03:58,065
I wake Jess up like every night
by beefing in bed.
103
00:03:58,099 --> 00:04:01,793
Are you saying that you're gonna
wake her up with a fart?
104
00:04:01,827 --> 00:04:03,104
That's exactly
what I'm saying,
105
00:04:03,139 --> 00:04:04,899
unless one of you doctors
disapproves.
106
00:04:04,934 --> 00:04:07,247
Hmm? You? Tall doctor?
Blondie?
107
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,558
Dr. Quinn?
108
00:04:08,593 --> 00:04:11,009
Scraggle hair? Beard?
No? No?
109
00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,597
Great!
110
00:04:13,839 --> 00:04:16,290
Then let's
fart my wife awake.
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00:04:16,325 --> 00:04:19,673
[ Dramatic music plays ]
112
00:04:19,707 --> 00:04:22,192
Declan: Normally,
this is the part of the story
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00:04:22,227 --> 00:04:24,816
where the villain removes
the hero's restraints
114
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:27,094
to show that
he's not afraid of him.
115
00:04:27,128 --> 00:04:28,958
I'd like to see you try.
116
00:04:28,992 --> 00:04:30,339
[ Electricity crackles ]Aah!
117
00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:31,581
[ Body thuds ]
118
00:04:31,616 --> 00:04:32,755
[ Groans ]
119
00:04:32,789 --> 00:04:37,277
But that's the thing...
Steve.
120
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:40,418
I amafraid of you...
121
00:04:40,452 --> 00:04:42,523
because you're
the only person here
122
00:04:42,558 --> 00:04:46,009
that I think
could actually kill me.
123
00:04:46,044 --> 00:04:49,530
And, frankly,
I'm intrigued.
124
00:04:49,565 --> 00:04:52,499
Well, let's see just how
intrigued you are now.
125
00:04:52,533 --> 00:04:54,535
[ Electricity crackles ]Aah!
126
00:04:54,570 --> 00:04:57,124
You get how this works,
right?
127
00:04:57,158 --> 00:04:59,437
I mean, I'm just
gonna keep shocking you
128
00:04:59,471 --> 00:05:00,714
every time you do that.
129
00:05:00,748 --> 00:05:02,336
I mean, you're --
you're just illustrating
130
00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:03,786
why I didn't take the bracelet
off you in the first place.
131
00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:05,477
Illustrate this,
you rich bastard.
132
00:05:05,512 --> 00:05:07,341
[ Electricity crackles ]Aah!
133
00:05:07,376 --> 00:05:09,964
[ Groans ]
Are we good?
134
00:05:09,999 --> 00:05:12,450
Okay.
I get how it works.
135
00:05:12,484 --> 00:05:15,901
I have a proposal for you,
Steve.
136
00:05:15,936 --> 00:05:20,975
But first how about we play
a little gentleman's game...
137
00:05:21,010 --> 00:05:22,632
of chess?
138
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:25,463
♪♪
139
00:05:25,497 --> 00:05:27,361
Everybody, zip it!
I'm almost ready.
140
00:05:27,396 --> 00:05:30,088
All right, we got to make it
like we usually sleep.
141
00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:32,642
Danny,
put her arm around me.
142
00:05:32,677 --> 00:05:35,956
Put the blanket over us.
Come on. Hurry.
143
00:05:37,889 --> 00:05:40,029
All right, shut up!
Everybody, shut up!
144
00:05:41,410 --> 00:05:44,102
[ Grunting ]
145
00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:48,658
♪♪
146
00:05:48,693 --> 00:05:51,351
[ Farts ][ Exhales slowly ]
147
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:52,766
-Ohh!
-[ Gags ]
148
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,665
-Come back to me.
-[ Whimpers ]
149
00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:59,186
Come on, babe.
Come on, baby.
150
00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:02,362
[ Dramatic music plays ]
151
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:06,262
[ Gasping ]
152
00:06:06,296 --> 00:06:07,401
[ Indistinct shouting ]
153
00:06:07,436 --> 00:06:08,747
Owen: Oh, my God!
154
00:06:08,782 --> 00:06:10,370
Hell, yeah, babe!
155
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,854
Come on!
[ Whimpers ]
156
00:06:11,888 --> 00:06:14,684
Where -- Where am I?
157
00:06:14,719 --> 00:06:16,859
Where are the Caitlins?
158
00:06:16,893 --> 00:06:18,412
Why does it smell
like corned beef?
159
00:06:18,447 --> 00:06:19,724
Babe, calm down --
160
00:06:19,758 --> 00:06:20,932
Hey,
back away from me!
161
00:06:20,966 --> 00:06:22,727
Relax.
It's us -- your friends.
162
00:06:22,761 --> 00:06:24,038
My friends?
163
00:06:24,073 --> 00:06:26,075
My friends are Alison,
Tiffany, Tall Tiffany,
164
00:06:26,109 --> 00:06:28,871
and sometimes Kylie,
when she's not being a bitch.
165
00:06:28,905 --> 00:06:31,045
I've never seen any of you
freaks in my life!
166
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,911
Oh, my God.
167
00:06:34,946 --> 00:06:38,018
Her brains are scrambled!
168
00:06:40,848 --> 00:06:42,229
Allie?
169
00:06:42,263 --> 00:06:44,265
Tiff? Tall Tiff?
170
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:45,543
Where are you?
171
00:06:45,577 --> 00:06:47,234
Seriously, this isn't funny.
172
00:06:47,268 --> 00:06:50,893
Hey, hon, why don't you tell us
the last thing you remember?
173
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:53,758
Uh, duh. I was standing in
the grand hall of Gamma Phi,
174
00:06:53,792 --> 00:06:56,623
I did a lightning shot,
and then I woke up here.
175
00:06:56,657 --> 00:06:58,141
Is this off-campus?
176
00:06:58,176 --> 00:07:00,765
Now, could someone please
let me out of here?
177
00:07:00,799 --> 00:07:02,905
I have to get ready for
the Cowboys and Indians party.
178
00:07:02,939 --> 00:07:06,460
That's the night
we first met.
179
00:07:07,323 --> 00:07:08,945
Oh, God bless.
180
00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:11,431
She thinks
she's in college.
181
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,156
That's why
she doesn't remember me.
182
00:07:13,191 --> 00:07:14,641
She's gone completely...
183
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,368
...pre-Todd.
184
00:07:18,403 --> 00:07:20,025
Let me handle this.
185
00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:21,820
[ Whimpers ]
186
00:07:21,855 --> 00:07:26,204
Jess, buck up
'cause here's the hard truth.
187
00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:27,930
You were in a plane crash.
188
00:07:27,964 --> 00:07:29,932
We landed
on a deserted island
189
00:07:29,966 --> 00:07:32,762
where we were captured
by sexually frustrated pirates.
190
00:07:32,797 --> 00:07:35,178
We stole their cruise ship,
but it sank,
191
00:07:35,213 --> 00:07:38,458
and now we're being held captive
by a deranged billionaire
192
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,114
who wants us
to hunt each other
193
00:07:40,149 --> 00:07:42,151
so he can watch
and presumably masturbate.
194
00:07:42,185 --> 00:07:44,464
Wait.Karen, no. Karen, come --
You're upsetting her.
195
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:45,465
Get --
-Okay.
196
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,776
[ Whimpers ]
197
00:07:46,811 --> 00:07:48,709
-Hi.
-Hi.
198
00:07:48,744 --> 00:07:50,539
-I'm Owen.
-Hi, Owen.
199
00:07:50,573 --> 00:07:51,850
I'm kinda the leader
of the group.
200
00:07:51,885 --> 00:07:54,784
Here's the deal.
You're not 19.
201
00:07:54,819 --> 00:07:57,546
You are actually...
202
00:07:57,580 --> 00:07:59,168
30.
203
00:08:00,238 --> 00:08:03,310
[ Laughs ]
204
00:08:03,344 --> 00:08:07,625
Okay, I see what this is --
part of the initiation.
205
00:08:07,659 --> 00:08:10,559
Hey, Caitlin L., come out now,
you stupid bitch!
206
00:08:10,593 --> 00:08:12,526
Get me away from
these weird townies!
207
00:08:12,561 --> 00:08:13,734
[ Laughs ]
208
00:08:13,769 --> 00:08:17,600
Jess, it's true.
See for yourself.
209
00:08:19,188 --> 00:08:20,154
I'm sorry.
210
00:08:20,189 --> 00:08:23,157
[ Dramatic music plays ]
211
00:08:23,192 --> 00:08:25,435
♪♪
212
00:08:25,470 --> 00:08:26,747
Aah!
213
00:08:26,782 --> 00:08:28,542
I'm so old!
214
00:08:28,577 --> 00:08:31,062
Ah, chess.
215
00:08:31,096 --> 00:08:34,410
It truly is a magnificent game,
isn't it?
216
00:08:34,444 --> 00:08:36,654
A thousand strategies
of attack and defense,
217
00:08:36,688 --> 00:08:39,346
all with
the same simple goal --
218
00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:42,107
to kill the king.[ Chess piece thuds ]
219
00:08:42,142 --> 00:08:46,422
I'm sure you can relate to that,
can't you, Steve?
220
00:08:46,456 --> 00:08:48,355
But the thing with chess
221
00:08:48,389 --> 00:08:51,738
is you always have to think
five steps ahead to ca--
222
00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:54,016
What does the horsey man do
again?
What?
223
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:57,122
He's faster than the others,
but I can't remember whether --
224
00:08:57,157 --> 00:08:59,469
Does he move forwards and
backwards whenever he likes?
225
00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:00,609
No, that's the rook.
226
00:09:00,643 --> 00:09:02,024
Oh, you mean the castle.
227
00:09:02,058 --> 00:09:05,130
Yeah, no, they don't move.
They're made of brick.
228
00:09:05,165 --> 00:09:06,960
Do you not know
how to play chess?
229
00:09:06,994 --> 00:09:08,444
Of course I know
how to play chest.
230
00:09:08,478 --> 00:09:11,551
It's not "chest."
It's "chess," with an "s."
231
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,691
I'm pretty sure
it's "chest."
232
00:09:13,725 --> 00:09:15,278
Why would it
be called "chest"?
233
00:09:15,313 --> 00:09:17,902
Because you get a chest
of treasure when you win!
234
00:09:17,936 --> 00:09:19,282
What?!
I'm sick of --
235
00:09:19,317 --> 00:09:21,802
Let's stop mucking around!
I'm making my move.
236
00:09:21,837 --> 00:09:26,082
I pick up and levitate
my priest character.
237
00:09:26,117 --> 00:09:30,915
He then swims through all
the prawns into your castle.
238
00:09:30,949 --> 00:09:32,399
Now, he's
an undercover priest,
239
00:09:32,433 --> 00:09:35,126
so he seduces your queen
in the middle of the night,
240
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,921
after a dinner.
241
00:09:36,955 --> 00:09:37,922
Okay.
242
00:09:37,956 --> 00:09:40,269
[ Chess piece thuds ]King me.
243
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,962
Why don't we do
a little refresher?
244
00:09:43,997 --> 00:09:46,413
[ Ominous music plays ]And then we can get back
245
00:09:46,447 --> 00:09:48,657
to our game of chest.
246
00:09:48,691 --> 00:09:50,141
Chess!
247
00:09:50,175 --> 00:09:51,349
Chess!
248
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:54,524
So, you're telling me
that I live in a condo...
249
00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:56,768
in Scottsdale...
250
00:09:56,803 --> 00:09:58,528
with him?
251
00:09:58,563 --> 00:10:00,841
Hell, yeah, you do.
'Sup?
252
00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:02,118
What about L.A.?
253
00:10:02,153 --> 00:10:04,189
Do I at least do P.R.
in Scottsdale?
254
00:10:04,224 --> 00:10:05,432
Kinda.
255
00:10:05,466 --> 00:10:06,916
You were a Red Bull girl
256
00:10:06,951 --> 00:10:09,367
till I drove your car
into a Dumpster.
257
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,127
I blew that big old can
258
00:10:11,162 --> 00:10:13,647
right off the top.
[ Chuckles ]
259
00:10:13,682 --> 00:10:17,651
So, I basically graduated
college, and I did nothing?
260
00:10:17,686 --> 00:10:18,859
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
261
00:10:18,894 --> 00:10:20,378
You didn't graduate.
262
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:22,656
You dropped out
and moved to the 'Dale with me.
263
00:10:22,691 --> 00:10:24,209
What?!
Yeah.
264
00:10:24,244 --> 00:10:27,488
I got that sick job offer from
my dad's real-estate company,
265
00:10:27,523 --> 00:10:29,111
and you don't have to work,
266
00:10:29,145 --> 00:10:33,494
so you basically sit around
all day doing nothing.
267
00:10:33,529 --> 00:10:35,462
Oh, my God.
268
00:10:35,496 --> 00:10:36,946
I need to be alone.
269
00:10:36,981 --> 00:10:39,155
No. Wait. Jess!
270
00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:41,295
Oh, my God.
She has lost it!
271
00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:43,332
She can't even remember
her kick-ass life!
272
00:10:43,366 --> 00:10:46,300
I just want
the old Jess back.
273
00:10:46,335 --> 00:10:48,130
[ Sighs ]
274
00:10:48,164 --> 00:10:49,510
[ Chuckles ]
275
00:10:49,545 --> 00:10:52,030
Oh, my God. I can't believe
I didn't see this.
276
00:10:52,065 --> 00:10:54,584
You have to
"Notebook" her.
277
00:10:54,619 --> 00:10:56,034
♪♪
278
00:10:56,069 --> 00:10:57,864
What, like...
slap her with one?
279
00:10:57,898 --> 00:10:59,969
-Oh, no.
-What? No. What?
280
00:11:00,004 --> 00:11:01,488
-No!
-The movie.
281
00:11:01,522 --> 00:11:04,146
When old Rachel McAdams
loses her memory
282
00:11:04,180 --> 00:11:06,838
and so then old Ryan Gosling
tells her the story
283
00:11:06,873 --> 00:11:08,909
of how they fell in love
to get it back.
284
00:11:08,944 --> 00:11:10,497
Maybe if you tell her
a story like that,
285
00:11:10,531 --> 00:11:11,981
she'll get her memory back.
286
00:11:12,016 --> 00:11:15,675
That could work. All college
girls love them some "Notebook."
287
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,366
So, think, man.
288
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:21,439
What's, like, the most romantic
memory you got?
289
00:11:22,302 --> 00:11:23,752
Easy.
290
00:11:23,786 --> 00:11:25,823
My buddy Tug Nut's
bachelor party.
291
00:11:25,857 --> 00:11:27,756
He had a Slip 'N Slide
on the roof,
292
00:11:27,790 --> 00:11:29,033
landed in a baby pool
293
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:31,691
full of some
naughty little Jell-O shots.
294
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:32,761
-What?!
-Yeah.
295
00:11:32,795 --> 00:11:34,072
Was Jess even there?
296
00:11:34,107 --> 00:11:35,556
Well, you didn't say
she had to bethere.
297
00:11:35,591 --> 00:11:37,248
-Unh!
-Oh, wow!
298
00:11:37,282 --> 00:11:39,699
Ugh! Of course
she has to be there, Todd!What do you want?
299
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,045
You want to know about
the first time
300
00:11:41,079 --> 00:11:42,529
that I knew
that I loved her?
301
00:11:42,563 --> 00:11:44,704
Yes!Yes! That's literally
what we're saying!
302
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,015
-Yes!
-Okay!
303
00:11:46,050 --> 00:11:48,293
Stop shitting yourselves!
Okay!
304
00:11:48,328 --> 00:11:50,433
I'll tell you![ Soft music plays ]
305
00:11:50,468 --> 00:11:54,575
It was the first time that
I took her to a golf course.
306
00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:56,198
It was a Sunday.
307
00:11:56,232 --> 00:12:00,374
She looked so beautiful
in that morning light.
308
00:12:00,409 --> 00:12:02,031
Wait.
309
00:12:02,066 --> 00:12:04,862
Don't tell me.
310
00:12:04,896 --> 00:12:07,105
Tell her.
311
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:09,211
I told you I don't know
a "Bennifer."
312
00:12:09,245 --> 00:12:11,454
Well, is Britney
still with K-Fed?
313
00:12:11,489 --> 00:12:13,042
'Sup, Jess?
314
00:12:13,077 --> 00:12:15,493
I was wondering
if I could tell you a story,
315
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:18,738
the story...
316
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,118
of us.
317
00:12:20,153 --> 00:12:23,743
Uh, are you trying
to "Notebook" me right now?
318
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,883
[ Dramatic music plays ]
319
00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:28,092
Because
I lovethat movie!
320
00:12:28,126 --> 00:12:29,610
[ All exhale heavily ]Told you.
321
00:12:29,645 --> 00:12:30,888
Sick.
322
00:12:30,922 --> 00:12:33,062
It was the summer
of 2006...
323
00:12:33,097 --> 00:12:35,616
[ Seal's "Kiss From A Rose"
plays ]...two weeks before
we moved to Scottsdale.
324
00:12:35,651 --> 00:12:38,896
I'd never taken a girl with me
to the golf course before.
325
00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:43,624
♪ There used to be a greying
tower alone on the sea ♪Todd: Babe.
326
00:12:43,659 --> 00:12:45,695
Babe!
327
00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:46,904
♪ And you...
328
00:12:46,938 --> 00:12:48,906
Sorry.
I said club me.
329
00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:50,631
Just listening to our song.
330
00:12:50,666 --> 00:12:52,426
One --
that's not our song.
331
00:12:52,461 --> 00:12:54,774
Our song is "Blurry"
by Puddle Of Mudd.
332
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:58,674
Two -- if you want to hang out
with me on the links,
333
00:12:58,708 --> 00:13:00,780
you have to pay attention
to the -- Wait.
334
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:06,268
A muscle-back wedge
with the grooved clubface?
335
00:13:06,302 --> 00:13:08,132
That's...
336
00:13:10,962 --> 00:13:13,275
...the perfect club
for this shot.
337
00:13:13,309 --> 00:13:14,932
Well, yeah, you're gonna
want to get some spin
338
00:13:14,966 --> 00:13:16,623
if you want to
get over the lake, right?
339
00:13:16,657 --> 00:13:20,144
It's not like I'm gonna hand you
a cavity-back like some idiot.
340
00:13:20,178 --> 00:13:26,736
Babe, you find a new way to
amaze me every single day.
341
00:13:26,771 --> 00:13:28,531
[ Soft music plays ]
342
00:13:28,566 --> 00:13:30,706
Oh, that is so cute!
343
00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:34,917
Flo, shut up. I haven't even
gotten to the good part.
344
00:13:36,263 --> 00:13:38,541
Now watch me
crush this shot.
345
00:13:38,576 --> 00:13:41,027
[ Chuckles ]
346
00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:42,580
[ Exhales sharply ]
347
00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:45,169
♪♪
348
00:13:45,203 --> 00:13:46,964
I love you.
[ Grunts ]
349
00:13:46,998 --> 00:13:48,966
Oh! God damn it![ Water splashes ]
350
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,381
What are you doing?!
351
00:13:50,415 --> 00:13:52,314
I told you not to talk
while I'm swinging it!
352
00:13:52,348 --> 00:13:54,592
I literally just told you
I loved you, Todd.
353
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,421
Well, maybe you could have
waited until --
354
00:13:56,456 --> 00:13:58,665
Oh, I don't know --
after the shot!
355
00:13:58,699 --> 00:14:01,323
After the shot?!
Are you kidding me?!I was having
an incredible game!
356
00:14:01,357 --> 00:14:02,531
Oh, my God!
357
00:14:04,602 --> 00:14:05,706
Oh, no.
358
00:14:05,741 --> 00:14:08,019
You just think you can do
whatever you want.
359
00:14:08,054 --> 00:14:10,159
What I want is for you
to hand me a dang club.
360
00:14:10,194 --> 00:14:11,367
Oh, one of these clubs?Yes.
361
00:14:11,402 --> 00:14:13,853
Huh? Yeah.
How about this one, huh?
362
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,337
You're going
the wrong way.
363
00:14:15,371 --> 00:14:17,097
Say goodbye to your iron,
bitch!
364
00:14:17,132 --> 00:14:18,685
What are you doing?!
Aah!
365
00:14:18,719 --> 00:14:19,893
No!
366
00:14:19,928 --> 00:14:21,170
[ Laughs ]
367
00:14:21,205 --> 00:14:22,516
No! Wait. Hey!
368
00:14:22,551 --> 00:14:24,277
I bought these for you,
you asshole!
369
00:14:24,311 --> 00:14:26,279
God damn it!Unh! Get off me!
370
00:14:26,313 --> 00:14:27,418
Aah!
371
00:14:27,452 --> 00:14:29,178
[ Both shout indistinctly ]Sir, sir...
372
00:14:29,213 --> 00:14:30,524
What?!...maybe you should
just calm down.
373
00:14:30,559 --> 00:14:31,698
What are you doing?
374
00:14:31,732 --> 00:14:33,424
Step off, you old [bleep]
Don't touch him.
375
00:14:33,458 --> 00:14:35,219
I-I thought
he was bothering you.
376
00:14:35,253 --> 00:14:36,945
You'rebothering me.
Scram, you old sack of potatoes,
377
00:14:36,979 --> 00:14:38,636
you nasty,
wrinkly old...
378
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:45,056
♪ Baby, I compare you to a kiss
from a rose on the -- ♪
379
00:14:45,091 --> 00:14:47,127
Thatwas when you knew
you loved me?
380
00:14:47,162 --> 00:14:50,544
Hell, yeah. When you swept
that old fart's legs,
381
00:14:50,579 --> 00:14:51,752
I knew you were the one.
382
00:14:51,787 --> 00:14:55,032
Oh, my God. You literally
turned me into a monster.
383
00:14:55,066 --> 00:14:56,654
Oh, yeah?
384
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:58,552
Well, you married me.
385
00:14:58,587 --> 00:15:01,383
We're married?
386
00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:03,040
[ Gasps ]
Yeah.
A couple days ago,
387
00:15:03,074 --> 00:15:05,249
on a Red Hot Chili Peppers
cruise ship --
388
00:15:05,283 --> 00:15:06,767
my dream wedding.
389
00:15:06,802 --> 00:15:09,563
You.
You ruined my life.
390
00:15:09,598 --> 00:15:12,428
I never want to see you again,
so just go!
391
00:15:12,463 --> 00:15:14,327
Get out of here!Get out of where?
392
00:15:14,361 --> 00:15:15,949
We're locked in a cage!
393
00:15:15,984 --> 00:15:17,226
Then go hide in that toilet,
you turd!
394
00:15:17,261 --> 00:15:19,228
The only turd here
is you!
395
00:15:19,263 --> 00:15:21,023
[ Both scream ]
396
00:15:23,681 --> 00:15:27,098
[ Soft music plays ]
397
00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:29,687
[ Sighs ]
398
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,654
Sorry you're going
through this.
399
00:15:31,689 --> 00:15:33,415
It's a lot to take in.
400
00:15:33,449 --> 00:15:35,003
Shhyeah.
401
00:15:35,037 --> 00:15:38,109
I just had this dream
of how my life would turn out.
402
00:15:38,144 --> 00:15:40,180
I'd be
a successful publicist.
403
00:15:40,215 --> 00:15:42,286
I'd be married to Mark Hoppus
from blink-182
404
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,978
and have two kids
named Buffy and Angel.
405
00:15:45,013 --> 00:15:47,843
None of it turned out
the way I thought it would.
406
00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:50,846
I had dreams, too.
407
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,434
I figured
this would be the year
408
00:15:52,468 --> 00:15:55,471
I'd make Variety's
Top 35 Agents Under 35
409
00:15:55,506 --> 00:15:58,440
Without a Sexual Harassment
Lawsuit.
410
00:15:58,474 --> 00:15:59,889
[ Sighs ]
411
00:15:59,924 --> 00:16:01,891
What's Variety?
412
00:16:01,926 --> 00:16:05,205
It's just, like, the
most important show-biz
magazine in Hollywood.
413
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,001
Everyone who's anyone
reads it.
414
00:16:08,036 --> 00:16:10,279
It's, like,
really big in L.A.
415
00:16:10,314 --> 00:16:11,660
[ Gasps ]
416
00:16:11,694 --> 00:16:13,144
You live in L.A.?
417
00:16:13,179 --> 00:16:16,458
Hey, Danny, quick question
about "The Notebook."
418
00:16:16,492 --> 00:16:19,150
Does Ryan Gosling
end up killing himself
419
00:16:19,185 --> 00:16:22,153
because
he's lost everything?!
420
00:16:22,188 --> 00:16:24,362
I don't know how you got her
in the first place, man.
421
00:16:24,397 --> 00:16:25,674
That story was awful.
422
00:16:25,708 --> 00:16:27,987
Not for me.
It friggin' ruled.
423
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:30,334
Exactly.
It ruled for you.
424
00:16:30,368 --> 00:16:31,852
All of your stories
are about you.
425
00:16:31,887 --> 00:16:33,854
Your entire relationship
is about you.
426
00:16:33,889 --> 00:16:35,684
[ Scoffs ]
So, what?
427
00:16:35,718 --> 00:16:38,204
You're saying I should...
428
00:16:40,896 --> 00:16:44,210
Do something nice for her,
you moron!
429
00:16:44,244 --> 00:16:46,695
How am I getting this
before you?
430
00:16:47,868 --> 00:16:51,941
I know one stupid-ass thing
she'll friggin' love.
431
00:16:51,976 --> 00:16:54,220
But I'm gonna need
your help.
432
00:16:54,254 --> 00:16:55,738
Jumba...
Hmm?
433
00:16:55,773 --> 00:16:57,395
...can you sing baritone?
434
00:16:57,430 --> 00:16:59,673
I don't know.
435
00:16:59,708 --> 00:17:06,818
[ Deeply ]
♪ Can I?
436
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,582
Okay, so -- so -- so,
you've -- you've got it now?
437
00:17:11,616 --> 00:17:12,755
You --
You know all the pieces?
438
00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:14,102
I'm with you 100%.
439
00:17:14,136 --> 00:17:16,069
Good. All right.
So, where was I?
440
00:17:16,104 --> 00:17:19,417
[ Muttering ] You have to think
five steps ahead and...
441
00:17:19,452 --> 00:17:23,387
[ Ominous music plays ]So, tell me, Steve.
442
00:17:23,421 --> 00:17:25,975
What will you do
with your next move?
443
00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:28,081
Capture one of my pawns?
444
00:17:28,116 --> 00:17:31,912
Or will you keep your eye
on the main prize?
445
00:17:31,947 --> 00:17:34,294
Easy.
I will move my king.
446
00:17:34,329 --> 00:17:35,882
Nope. Nope.
That's your queen.
447
00:17:35,916 --> 00:17:37,263
It can't be.
It doesn't have boobs.
448
00:17:37,297 --> 00:17:39,989
No, it doesn't have boobs!
None of them have boobs!
449
00:17:40,024 --> 00:17:41,577
None of them have boobs!
450
00:17:41,612 --> 00:17:44,373
How many times
do I have to tell you that?!
451
00:17:44,408 --> 00:17:46,237
Jesus Christ!
452
00:17:46,272 --> 00:17:48,791
I was trying to use chess
as a metaphor!
453
00:17:48,826 --> 00:17:50,207
A metaphor for what?
454
00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:52,830
To tell you that
I have placed a sizable bet
455
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,142
on you winning The Hunt.
456
00:17:54,176 --> 00:17:56,454
I was trying to give you
an edge.
457
00:17:56,489 --> 00:17:57,973
[ Sighs ]
458
00:17:58,007 --> 00:17:59,250
What makes you think
I want to help you?
459
00:17:59,285 --> 00:18:00,665
Because you want
to kill me,
460
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:03,461
and the only way you're ever
gonna get close enough
461
00:18:03,496 --> 00:18:04,842
is if you win The Hunt.
462
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:07,051
We hunt the winner.
463
00:18:08,639 --> 00:18:12,229
Guard! Could you please
take him away?
464
00:18:12,263 --> 00:18:14,265
You have, like,
the perfect life.
465
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:17,234
Hey, Jess, I want to say
something to you.
466
00:18:17,268 --> 00:18:19,684
Ugh.
What is it now?
467
00:18:19,719 --> 00:18:20,996
Hit it, Danny.
468
00:18:21,030 --> 00:18:23,964
One, two, three,
one, two.
469
00:18:23,999 --> 00:18:28,003
♪ Ba-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da
470
00:18:28,037 --> 00:18:29,625
♪ Ba-ya-ya
471
00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:33,974
[ Off-key ] ♪ There used to be
a greying tower ♪
472
00:18:34,009 --> 00:18:36,632
♪ Alone on the sea
473
00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:43,501
♪ You became the light
to the dark side of me ♪
474
00:18:43,536 --> 00:18:50,163
♪ Love remains a drug
that's the high, not the pill ♪
475
00:18:50,198 --> 00:18:51,647
♪ But did you know
-♪ Know
476
00:18:51,682 --> 00:18:53,132
-♪ That when it snows
-♪ Snows
477
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,341
♪ My eyes become wide
478
00:18:55,375 --> 00:19:01,485
♪ And the light that you shine
can be see-ee-n? ♪
479
00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:03,176
♪ Baby!
480
00:19:03,211 --> 00:19:04,315
♪ I compare you to a kiss --
481
00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:05,868
Okay. Thank you.Yeah? What?
482
00:19:05,903 --> 00:19:07,318
You can stop now.Oh. Nice.
483
00:19:07,353 --> 00:19:09,700
Did it work?
Do you remember me?
484
00:19:09,734 --> 00:19:11,184
No.
485
00:19:11,219 --> 00:19:13,082
But this is really sweet.
486
00:19:13,911 --> 00:19:16,155
But I still don't know
who you are.
487
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,709
I don't even know
who Iam.
488
00:19:18,743 --> 00:19:22,161
I just know that...
489
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,197
I can't be your wife.
490
00:19:24,232 --> 00:19:27,027
[ Soft music plays ]
491
00:19:27,062 --> 00:19:30,893
♪♪
492
00:19:30,928 --> 00:19:32,861
I'm sorry.
493
00:19:32,895 --> 00:19:35,208
I guess today's
the first day
494
00:19:35,243 --> 00:19:37,762
of me trying
to win you back.
495
00:19:37,797 --> 00:19:40,040
Cool.
496
00:19:40,075 --> 00:19:41,525
It's the coolest.
497
00:19:41,559 --> 00:19:43,216
See ya.
498
00:19:43,251 --> 00:19:46,392
Hey, man,
you did everything you could.
499
00:19:46,426 --> 00:19:49,188
[ Laughs ]
500
00:19:51,535 --> 00:19:53,019
♪♪
501
00:19:53,053 --> 00:19:56,022
Oh! You don't deserve
that cool hat!
502
00:19:56,056 --> 00:19:57,368
Steve, what happened?
503
00:19:57,403 --> 00:19:59,198
[ Sighs ]
Well, nothing much.
504
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,545
He just wanted me to play this
stupid game that he made up.
505
00:20:01,579 --> 00:20:05,894
It's about a king and a boobless
queen and some horse people.
506
00:20:05,928 --> 00:20:09,208
Do you mean chess?
Oh, my God.
507
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,588
Guys,
did you even know
508
00:20:10,623 --> 00:20:12,694
that I was the chess state
champion in high school?
509
00:20:12,728 --> 00:20:14,213
It should have been me
in there.
510
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:16,939
But would you have been able
to swipe this?
511
00:20:16,974 --> 00:20:18,251
What is that?
512
00:20:18,286 --> 00:20:20,253
It's a priest character
from the game.
513
00:20:20,288 --> 00:20:22,221
-You mean a bishop?
-Well, yeah, whatever.
514
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:25,431
My point is,
I risked my life to steal this.
515
00:20:25,465 --> 00:20:27,571
What the hell
are we supposed to do with it?
516
00:20:30,332 --> 00:20:32,438
I don't know.
Pick a lock with it or...
517
00:20:32,472 --> 00:20:33,473
-What?!
-Come on!
518
00:20:33,508 --> 00:20:34,819
-Ohh.
-Steve!
519
00:20:34,854 --> 00:20:37,305
Okay. You had no plan?
You just grabbed whatever?
520
00:20:37,339 --> 00:20:38,996
This could be our ticket
out of here.
521
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:42,137
There wasn't anything else
you could have taken?
522
00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:44,760
Yeah.
523
00:20:44,795 --> 00:20:48,074
No, it was a room
full of objects, so...
524
00:20:48,108 --> 00:20:49,109
There was a knife.
525
00:20:49,144 --> 00:20:50,283
-[Bleep]
-What?!
526
00:20:50,318 --> 00:20:51,457
There was a radio
in the corner.
527
00:20:51,491 --> 00:20:52,596
-Steve!
-A radio?!
528
00:20:52,630 --> 00:20:53,769
-Yeah.
-Oh, my God!
529
00:20:53,804 --> 00:20:54,977
And there's the remote
530
00:20:55,012 --> 00:20:56,600
for these buzzy bracelets.
531
00:20:56,634 --> 00:20:57,946
-Come on!
-Oh. Steve.
532
00:20:57,980 --> 00:20:59,258
You're the dumbest person!
37891
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