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1
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,444
Dick: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY
FOR A WALK IN THE PARK.
2
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:11,746
HEY, ALBRIGHT.
3
00:00:11,780 --> 00:00:13,782
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME ICE CREAM?
4
00:00:13,815 --> 00:00:15,784
WELL, YES, HARRY,
I SUPPOSE I WOULD.
5
00:00:15,817 --> 00:00:16,818
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE
TO BUY IT, THEN,
6
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:19,053
'CAUSE MY MONEY'S
NO GOOD HERE.
7
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,555
YOUR MONEY'S
NOT GOOD ANYWHERE.
8
00:00:20,589 --> 00:00:23,825
IT'S NOTHING
BUT PHOTOCOPIES
OF MONEY.
9
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:26,060
COME ON, HARRY.
10
00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,295
[GASPS] HEY, DICK.
11
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,263
LOOK, A PARTY!
LET'S CHECK IT OUT.
12
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,464
SALLY,
WHY WOULD A GROWN MAN
13
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:33,234
TAKE THE SLIGHTEST
INTEREST IN A CHILD'S B--
14
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:37,471
[GASPS]
THEY HAVE BALLOONS!
15
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,173
SO, HARRY,
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
16
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:42,076
WELL, IT'S QUITE
A DAZZLING SELECTION,
17
00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:46,047
BUT I THINK
I'VE GOT A HANKERING
FOR A BOMB POP.
18
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,150
BUT I'VE GOT
A RECEDING GUM LINE,
19
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:52,520
AND THE BLUE PART
TENDS TO STING.
20
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,088
COOKIEWICHES ARE GOOD.
21
00:00:54,122 --> 00:00:56,424
YOU SEE,
WITH THEM, YOU GET
THE DOUBLE WHAMMY.
22
00:00:56,457 --> 00:01:00,862
YOU GET ICE CREAM
AND A COOKIE.
23
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,631
BUT IT'S
TOO MUCH OF BOTH
24
00:01:02,664 --> 00:01:04,699
AND NOT ENOUGH
OF EITHER.
25
00:01:04,733 --> 00:01:05,566
JUST GET THE PUSH-UP.
26
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:09,537
OOH, THAT'S--
THAT'S A LOT OF WORK.
27
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,973
OOH, I WANT THE ROSE!
28
00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:13,174
TOO LATE.
I CALLED IT IN MY HEAD.
29
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,877
NO!
30
00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:19,080
[APPLAUSE]
31
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:22,583
FOR MY NEXT TRICK,
I WILL NEED A HELPER.
32
00:01:22,617 --> 00:01:24,819
HOW ABOUT
ONE OF THE DADDIES?
33
00:01:24,853 --> 00:01:26,587
YOU, SIR.
34
00:01:26,621 --> 00:01:28,222
ME?
35
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,991
WILL YOU HELP ME OUT
ONSTAGE?
36
00:01:30,024 --> 00:01:32,627
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WE'RE NOT HERE TO MINGLE!
37
00:01:32,661 --> 00:01:34,763
I'M THE HELPER DADDY.
38
00:01:34,796 --> 00:01:36,297
STEP RIGHT UP, SIR.
39
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:43,271
NOW, WHICH ONE
SHOULD I EAT FIRST?
40
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,039
YEAH, HOLD THIS.
I HAVE TO PAY.
41
00:01:45,073 --> 00:01:47,075
OH. THAT LOOKS GOOD.
42
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:50,311
HEY, HEY! HELP, HELP!
43
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:54,515
OHHHHH!
44
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,684
AND WHAT IS
YOUR NAME, SIR?
45
00:01:55,717 --> 00:01:56,785
DICK SOLOMON.
46
00:01:56,818 --> 00:01:58,019
AND DO YOU WASH
BEHIND YOUR EARS?
47
00:01:58,052 --> 00:01:59,187
YEAH.
48
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,255
WELL, THEN,
HOW WOULD YOU
EXPLAIN THIS?
49
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:04,959
[GASPS]
50
00:02:04,993 --> 00:02:06,895
CAN YOU READ
THAT NOTE?
51
00:02:06,928 --> 00:02:08,797
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EMMA."
52
00:02:08,830 --> 00:02:10,164
A BIG HAND FOR DICK.
53
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:12,233
OH, WOW.
54
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:13,702
HA HA HA HA!
55
00:02:13,735 --> 00:02:15,303
OH, MAN,
YOU WERE AWESOME!
56
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:17,005
OH, THANK YOU!
57
00:02:17,038 --> 00:02:19,173
Albright: DICK!
SOMEBODY STOLE MY PURSE!
58
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,108
JUST NOW?
YEAH!
59
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:21,642
YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T
SEE ME UP THERE?
60
00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:23,277
THANKS A LOT!
61
00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:05,754
MARY, THIS IS A COMPOSITE
SKETCH OF YOUR ASSAILANT
62
00:03:05,787 --> 00:03:08,022
BASED ON ALL
THE EYEWITNESS ACCOUNTS.
63
00:03:08,056 --> 00:03:10,058
WHY IS HIS HEAD SO BIG?
64
00:03:10,091 --> 00:03:13,094
WHY IS HE HOLDING
A TENNIS RACKET?
65
00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:15,730
WELL, THE DEPARTMENT
CAN'T AFFORD A FULL-TIME
SKETCH ARTIST,
66
00:03:15,764 --> 00:03:19,801
SO WE HAD THE CARICATURE GUY
FROM THE BIRTHDAY PARTY DO IT.
67
00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:23,137
HE ALSO DID A GREAT ONE
OF DON AS A COWBOY.
68
00:03:23,171 --> 00:03:25,206
HA HA HA.
69
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,540
OH, I FEEL SO VULNERABLE
70
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,276
KNOWING THAT HOODLUM
IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
71
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,044
MY POOR,
TRAUMATIZED MARY.
72
00:03:30,078 --> 00:03:33,614
WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?!
73
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,850
I MEAN, YOU ONLY
HAD IT HAPPEN TO YOU.
74
00:03:35,884 --> 00:03:37,151
I HAD TO STAND THERE
75
00:03:37,185 --> 00:03:40,121
AND WATCH IT
HAPPEN TO YOU.
76
00:03:40,154 --> 00:03:43,057
I GOTTA LIVE WITH THAT
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
77
00:03:43,091 --> 00:03:45,526
[HIGH-PITCHED MOANING]
78
00:03:47,896 --> 00:03:51,099
WAY TO GO,
ALBRIGHT.
79
00:03:51,132 --> 00:03:52,901
MARY, IF
YOU'RE INTERESTED,
80
00:03:52,934 --> 00:03:55,669
I TEACH A SELF-DEFENSE
COURSE DOWN AT THE Y.
81
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,238
THANKS, DON.
82
00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:59,573
I JUST MIGHT
TAKE YOU UP ON THAT.
83
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,409
SHOULD I
FILL OUT A REPORT?
84
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,743
AH, WHAT'S THE POINT?
85
00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:05,179
I MEAN,
OH, SURE, YEAH.
86
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,284
THANK YOU, DON.
87
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:14,255
TAKE GOOD CARE
OF HER, WILL YOU?
88
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,690
SALLY, TODAY
WAS JUST AMAZING!
89
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:17,792
I KNOW!
90
00:04:17,826 --> 00:04:19,127
WHEN I WENT UP
ONTO THAT STAGE
91
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,428
IN FRONT OF
THAT SEA OF FACES,
92
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,063
IT WAS JUST
EXHILARATING.
93
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,097
THEY WERE
ALL STRANGERS,
94
00:04:23,131 --> 00:04:26,500
AND YET I FELT
THIS WAVE OF LOVE
WASHING OVER ME.
95
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:30,504
YEAH, YOU KINDA LOOKED
LIKE YOU WERE SWEATING.
96
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,406
I WANT TO FEEL
THAT FEELING AGAIN.
97
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,541
AND I WILL.
98
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:34,508
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
99
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:37,245
GO AROUND TOWN VOLUNTEERING
TO HELP MAGICIANS?
100
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,613
NO. I WILL
MAKE MY OWN MAGIC.
101
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,182
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW.
102
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,116
OH, PLEASE
103
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:44,785
WHAT THAT MAN DID WAS
NOTHING MORE THAN
104
00:04:44,819 --> 00:04:46,354
HUH?
105
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,388
SLIGHT OF HAND.
106
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,323
TRICKERY WITH RIGGED PROPS.
107
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:52,593
HE PULLED AN EGG OUT
OF YOUR EAR.
108
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,864
SALLY, EVERY ILLUSION HAS A
RATIONAL EXPLANATION
109
00:04:55,897 --> 00:04:58,132
WHEN A MAGICIAN PULLS A
DOVE OUT OF A HAT
110
00:04:58,166 --> 00:04:59,934
THE HAT HAS A SECRET POCKET
111
00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:01,035
THE FLOATING BALL?
112
00:05:01,069 --> 00:05:03,537
ATTACHED TO TWO
INVISIBLE STRINGS,
113
00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:05,173
THE CHINESE MYSTERY BOX?
114
00:05:05,206 --> 00:05:07,108
MYSTERY BOX.
115
00:05:08,877 --> 00:05:11,645
MADE IN CHINA.
116
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:14,115
MY GOD, HOW DO YOU
KNOW ALL THIS?
117
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,084
I'M A PHYSICIST.
118
00:05:16,117 --> 00:05:17,919
I OBSERVE
THE MYSTERIOUS PHENOMENA
119
00:05:17,952 --> 00:05:19,687
OF THE UNIVERSE,
AND I EXPLAIN THEM.
120
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,923
PLUS,
WHEN WE WERE WAITING
FOR THE COPS TO COME,
121
00:05:21,956 --> 00:05:24,492
I WENT THROUGH
THE BACK OF THAT GUY'S
STATION WAGON.
122
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:26,160
GOOD ONE.
123
00:05:26,194 --> 00:05:28,396
BUT YOU KNOW, DICK...
124
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:33,201
EVERY GREAT MAGICIAN
NEEDS A GLAMOROUS ASSISTANT.
125
00:05:33,234 --> 00:05:34,268
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT
126
00:05:34,302 --> 00:05:35,769
YOU HAD
A NATURAL PRESENCE.
127
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,538
REALLY? OH, MY GOD.
128
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:40,008
IT'S SO FUNNY YOU SAY THAT,
'CAUSE IF I HADN'T
129
00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:41,976
GOTTEN MY DEGREE
IN INTERSTELLAR EXPLORATION,
130
00:05:42,010 --> 00:05:45,146
I DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE
DONE SOMETHING IN THE ARTS.
131
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:47,715
WELL, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO JOIN ME
IN THE MYSTICAL ARTS?
132
00:05:48,883 --> 00:05:51,419
MR. SIEGFRIED.
133
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,154
ROY.
134
00:05:57,225 --> 00:05:59,260
Albright: I'M REALLY EXCITED
ABOUT THIS CLASS.
135
00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:01,595
I THINK LEARNING SELF-DEFENSE
WILL COME IN HANDY.
136
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:02,763
INDEED, MARY.
137
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,732
I AM SO TIRED
OF GOING TO THE BARS
138
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:07,801
AND BEING GROPED BY
EVERY STRAIGHT MAN
IN RUTHERFORD.
139
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,374
WAS SHE KDDING?
140
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,309
I CAN NEVER TELL.
141
00:06:15,343 --> 00:06:18,913
ALL RIGHT.
FOR ALL THE NEW PEOPLE--
142
00:06:18,947 --> 00:06:21,049
THANK YOU--
143
00:06:21,082 --> 00:06:23,151
I'M OFFICER
DON ORVILLE.
144
00:06:23,184 --> 00:06:24,652
OVER THE PAST
20 YEARS,
145
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:25,819
I'VE STUDIED
SELF-DEFENSE
146
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,322
AT SOME OF THE TOP
GOVERNMENT AGENCIES,
147
00:06:28,356 --> 00:06:32,393
DEVELOPING
SIMPLE YET EFFECTIVE
COMBAT TECHNIQUES.
148
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:33,627
EXCUSE ME.
149
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:36,197
DOES THE SMALL PRINT
ON YOUR SHIRT SAY
150
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,766
"FEDERAL BIKINI INSPECTOR"?
151
00:06:41,169 --> 00:06:42,336
YES.
152
00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:43,404
BUT FOR THE RECORD,
153
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:44,205
THIS SHIRT
WAS GIVEN TO ME
154
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:47,241
AFTER SPRING BREAK '81,
155
00:06:47,275 --> 00:06:48,676
AND I DID EARN IT.
156
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:49,978
[DOOR OPENS]
157
00:06:50,011 --> 00:06:51,579
Don: HARRY.
158
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:52,480
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
159
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,814
OH, NOTHING. YOU KNOW,
160
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,783
JUST THINKING ABOUT
MAYBE TAKING THIS CLASS.
161
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:58,219
OH, UH, UH, THIS CLASS
IS FOR WOMEN ONLY.
162
00:06:58,252 --> 00:06:59,287
COME ON, DON.
163
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,055
I JUST DON'T WANT
TO BE AFRAID ANYMORE.
164
00:07:01,089 --> 00:07:04,025
I WANT THE NIGHTMARES
TO GO AWAY.
165
00:07:04,058 --> 00:07:06,594
WELL, I--I SUPPOSE
YOU COULD OBSERVE.
166
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,097
I NEED SOMEBODY
TO WEAR THE PADDED SUIT.
167
00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:11,365
WHAT?
I CAN'T WEAR THAT!
168
00:07:11,399 --> 00:07:12,566
YOU'LL BE PERFECTLY SAFE.
169
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,601
OH, NO, NO.
IT'S NOT THAT.
170
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,436
IT'S JUST IT'LL MAKE ME
LOOK REALLY HEAVY.
171
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,111
NEXT UP, A COUPLE
OF FIRST-TIMERS
172
00:07:23,144 --> 00:07:25,379
AT OPEN MIC NIGHT.
173
00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:27,281
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
174
00:07:27,315 --> 00:07:30,484
LET'S ASK
"THE AMAZING SOLOMONELLAS."
175
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,457
I AM DICK, AND THIS
IS MY LOVELY ASSISTANT...
176
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,292
SALLY. I'M SALLY.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
177
00:07:38,326 --> 00:07:39,393
SALLY.
178
00:07:39,427 --> 00:07:41,329
EVEN THOUGH
MY TUX IS RENTED,
179
00:07:41,362 --> 00:07:43,764
WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT
TO WITNESS IS VERY REAL.
180
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:47,935
SALLY!
181
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,338
I WILL--
I WILL NOW CUT SALLY
182
00:07:50,371 --> 00:07:52,940
INTO 2 SEPARATE
BUT EQUAL SLICES.
183
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,176
UH, CAN WE GET SOMEBODY
FROM THE AUDIENCE
184
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:58,346
TO COME UP
AND INSPECT THIS BOX?
185
00:07:58,379 --> 00:07:59,580
UH, YEAH, YOU.
186
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:03,584
NO, STAY. HOW'S IT LOOK
FROM THERE? GOOD? GOOD.
187
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:04,985
UH, NOW--
[CLEARS THROAT]
188
00:08:05,019 --> 00:08:07,288
NOW THAT THE BOX
HAS UNDERGONE
189
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,656
THE STRICTEST SCRUTINY,
190
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:12,826
SALLY WILL RECLINE
DANGEROUSLY IN THE BOX.
191
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,562
SALLY?
192
00:08:23,204 --> 00:08:24,638
Dick: THIS TRICK...
193
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:27,775
IS SURE TO AMAZE
AND APPALL YOU.
194
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,610
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
195
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,579
SHOULD YOU
TRY THIS AT HOME.
196
00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:37,518
SALLY IS NOW
SECURELY IN THE BOX.
197
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,221
CAN YOU HEAR ME,
SALLY?!
198
00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:42,390
YES.
199
00:08:42,423 --> 00:08:45,626
THEN WE ARE READY...
200
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,960
TO PROCEED.
201
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:50,631
THESE...ARE 2 RAZOR-SHARP,
202
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,066
TEMPERED-STEEL BLADES.
203
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:56,237
[CLANG]
OHH!
204
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,239
ARE YOU READY, SALLY?
205
00:08:58,272 --> 00:08:59,240
UH-HUH.
206
00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:01,575
DO YOU HAVE
ANY LAST WORDS?
207
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:02,776
UH-UH.
208
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,945
THEN HERE WE GO.
209
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:05,579
[GROANS]
210
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:08,182
[MEEKLY] TA-DA.
211
00:09:08,216 --> 00:09:11,185
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
212
00:09:16,224 --> 00:09:17,858
TA-DA!
213
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,494
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]
214
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:28,736
YEAH!
215
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,471
TA-DA!
216
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,545
OK. WE MISDIRECT
AND KNEE.
217
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,113
MISDIRECT AND KNEE.
218
00:09:39,147 --> 00:09:40,614
MISDIRECT AND KNEE.
219
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:46,987
OH, GOOD, GOOD,
GOOD, HARRY. HARRY.
220
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,823
WHY DON'T YOU START
BY APPROACHING JUDITH?
221
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,225
OK.
222
00:09:54,295 --> 00:09:55,996
HEY, JUDITH,
IT'S GOOD TO
SEE YOU AGAIN.
223
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,665
NO!
224
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:58,332
HEY, CALM DOWN!
225
00:09:58,366 --> 00:09:59,967
NO, NO, NO!
226
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,403
DON! JUDITH
IS TOTALLY
FREAKIN' OUT.
227
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:03,937
OH, NO, NO, NO.
228
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,539
IT'S OK, HARRY.
YOU'VE GOT THE SUIT.
229
00:10:05,573 --> 00:10:06,974
YOU CAN'T BE HURT.
230
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,276
NOW JUST TRY
AND HELP THESE WOMEN
231
00:10:08,309 --> 00:10:09,777
BRING OUT
THEIR AGGRESSIVE SIDE.
232
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,645
OH, YOU MEAN
PISS 'EM OFF?
233
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,481
OH, I CAN DO THAT.
234
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,318
HIYA!
235
00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,387
HIT ME!
236
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:21,522
WITH PLEASURE. UNH!
237
00:10:21,555 --> 00:10:23,257
OOH, IS THAT
ALL YOU GOT?
238
00:10:23,291 --> 00:10:24,992
UNH! UNH!
UNH! UNH! UNH!
239
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:28,496
OH, BABY. SO NICE.
240
00:10:32,266 --> 00:10:34,134
HOW ABOUT YOU,
SWEET MAMA?
241
00:10:34,168 --> 00:10:35,636
NO, I CAN'T. I--
242
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:38,939
COME ON, STUMPY.
SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.
243
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:39,873
I--I--I--
244
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:40,674
COME ON!
245
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,743
ALL RIGHT, HARRY,
HARRY, HARRY.
246
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:43,844
THAT'S ENOUGH
FOR TODAY.
247
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,413
YEAH? WELL,
I DON'T THINK IT IS.
248
00:10:45,446 --> 00:10:48,216
HEY, WATCH IT!
249
00:10:48,249 --> 00:10:49,116
NOW WATCH IT.
250
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,551
THE LAST PERSON
YOU WANT TO TANGLE WITH
251
00:10:50,584 --> 00:10:51,852
IS A SELF-DEFENSE
INSTRUCTOR.
252
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,321
YEAH? WELL,
COME ON, SWEET CAKES.
253
00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:55,189
WHY DON'T YOU
INSPECT MY BIKINI?
254
00:10:55,223 --> 00:10:57,591
THAT'S IT!
THAT'S IT!
255
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,865
HELP ME!
256
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,572
OH, MY GOD, SALLY.
257
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,474
THAT WAS A LOVE-FEST
OUT THERE.
258
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:14,842
THEY WORSHIPPED US.
259
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,076
OH, HO HO.
260
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:19,313
HI. I'M CY SPURNDLE,
THE OWNER OF THIS CLUB.
261
00:11:19,347 --> 00:11:21,382
THAT MAGIC YOU DID?
MAGIC.
262
00:11:21,415 --> 00:11:23,083
OH.
THANKS.
263
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,385
I'M GONNA
CALL YOU LATER.
264
00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:26,019
I DON'T WANT
TO MAKE ANY PROMISES,
265
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:27,288
BUT THE WAY YOU SCORED
IN THE CABARET,
266
00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:29,189
YOU MAY BE READY
FOR THE BIG ROOM.
267
00:11:29,223 --> 00:11:30,291
WOW.
268
00:11:30,324 --> 00:11:32,493
AMAZING. WHERE'S
THE BIG ROOM?
269
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:33,927
IT'S THE CABARET.
270
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,063
WE JUST ADD
2 MORE TABLES.
271
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:36,997
SEE, WELL...
272
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,098
THANK YOU,
MR. SPURNDLE.
273
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,401
THANK YOU,
MR. SPURNDLE.
BYE.
274
00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:42,536
SALLY?
275
00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:45,773
OH, DICK.
OH, HO HO!
276
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,059
APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE,
APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE.
277
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,029
APPLAUSE,
APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE.
278
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:42,996
THANK YOU,
279
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,732
BUT THE BEST MAGIC
IN THE WORLD
280
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:48,936
IS THE MAGIC
SHARED BY TWO.
281
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,204
AND I COULDN'T DO
THE MAGIC I DO
282
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:54,207
WITHOUT YOU AND YOU.
283
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:57,144
Both: AND NOW, ADIEU.
284
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,045
APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE,
APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE.
285
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,413
ALL RIGHT. WAS IT
BETTER THAT TIME?
286
00:12:59,447 --> 00:13:02,149
DID IT EQUAL
THE STAGECRAFT
OF HOUDINI?
287
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,518
IT'S AS CLOSE
AS WE'LL GET TODAY.
288
00:13:04,552 --> 00:13:06,387
OH. YOU WANT TO
DO IT AGAIN, OR WHAT?
289
00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:08,922
NO, NO.
290
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:14,027
FINE. I'M GONNA
GO FEED THE DOVE.
291
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:16,397
CY, A MOMENT.
292
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:17,264
Sally: HEY,
I THINK WE SHOULD
293
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:21,569
PUT A FROG
IN THE ACT!
294
00:13:21,602 --> 00:13:23,671
WE ALREADY HAVE
A FROG IN THE ACT.
295
00:13:23,704 --> 00:13:28,041
SHE'S 6 FOOT TALL.
296
00:13:28,075 --> 00:13:30,143
CY, WE HAVE TO TALK.
297
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,145
LOOK, THIS HAS
BEEN WONDERFUL.
298
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:34,314
I MUST TELL YOU,
I LOVE WHAT I DO.
299
00:13:34,348 --> 00:13:35,282
SO DOES RUTHERFORD.
300
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,116
IF THIS KEEPS UP,
301
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,286
I'LL BE ABLE TO BUY
REAL SMOKE ALARMS.
302
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,321
BUT, CY, LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
303
00:13:41,355 --> 00:13:45,859
DOES A REAL MAGICIAN
NEED AN ASSISTANT?
304
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:47,361
HONESTLY, NO,
305
00:13:47,395 --> 00:13:49,863
ESPECIALLY
A MAGICIAN
AS GOOD AS YOU,
306
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:52,265
BUT EVERYBODY LIKES
A LITTLE EYE CANDY.
307
00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:53,601
I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.
308
00:13:53,634 --> 00:13:55,803
IT'S JUST SO HARD.
309
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:58,372
I KNOW, I KNOW.
SHE'S A PIECE OF WORK.
310
00:13:58,406 --> 00:14:01,341
JUST REMEMBER EVERYONE
WANTS TO SEE YOU.
YOU'RE THE STAR.
311
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:03,276
OH, THANK YOU
SO MUCH, CY.
312
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,679
I KNEW
YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
313
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:09,483
I'LL GO GET THE CAR,
DARLING.
314
00:14:09,517 --> 00:14:12,420
TERRIFIC, SWEETIE.
315
00:14:12,453 --> 00:14:14,021
HEY, CY,
YOU GOT A SECOND?
316
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,556
FOR YOU? ANYTIME.
317
00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:18,225
UH, WAS DICK
JUST TALKIN' ABOUT ME?
318
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,560
NO.
319
00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:22,496
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU NOTICE, BUT, UH...
320
00:14:22,530 --> 00:14:24,765
HE EXHAUSTS ME,
321
00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:27,968
AND I REALLY FEEL
LIKE IT'S HURTING THE ACT.
322
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,504
THE ACT IS FINE.
YOU KNOW WHY?
323
00:14:30,538 --> 00:14:32,773
BECAUSE OF YOU.
324
00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:35,643
SO, SO YOU AGREE
HE'S DEADWOOD, RIGHT?
325
00:14:35,676 --> 00:14:36,977
OH, TOTALLY.
YEAH.
326
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,447
THIS SHOW ONLY HAS
ONE STAR AND THAT'S YOU.
327
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,415
OH, THANK YOU, SWEETIE.
THANK YOU.
328
00:14:41,449 --> 00:14:42,349
Dick: SALLY!
329
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,751
WHAT?!
330
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,492
I'M GONNA SQUASH YOU
LIKE A BUG, HARRY SOLOMON.
331
00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:56,396
DIE, DIE, DIE!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
332
00:14:56,430 --> 00:14:58,331
IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN,
333
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:01,469
I THINK I JUST RELEASED
MY INNER ANIMAL.
334
00:15:01,502 --> 00:15:02,202
THANK YOU, HARRY.
335
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,671
OH, WELL,
IT'S MY PLEASURE.
336
00:15:03,704 --> 00:15:06,206
OH!
OH!
337
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,476
Don: MARY,
WHERE YOU GOIN'?
338
00:15:08,509 --> 00:15:09,443
I'M SORRY, DON.
339
00:15:09,477 --> 00:15:11,945
I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT
FOR THIS CLASS.
340
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,081
MY MOTHER TOLD ME
THAT GIRLS DON'T HIT,
341
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,450
AND I GUESS I NEVER
GOT BEYOND THAT.
342
00:15:16,484 --> 00:15:19,052
ALL RIGHT, BUT NO REFUNDS.
343
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,821
HEY, ALBRIGHT.
344
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:25,325
ISN'T THAT THE SAME MOTHER
THAT SAID YOU'D
ALWAYS BE FAT?
345
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,326
YES.
346
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,061
YEAH, AND
DIDN'T SHE ALSO SAY
347
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:31,465
THAT YOU'D
ALWAYS BE A FAILURE?
348
00:15:31,499 --> 00:15:32,265
YES.
349
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,434
UH-HUH, AND
DIDN'T SHE ALSO TELL YOU
350
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:35,736
THAT YOU'D
NEVER GET MARRIED
351
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:39,473
UNLESS IT WAS TO A BIG FAT
FAILURE LIKE YOURSELF?
352
00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:43,611
YOU OLD BAG!
353
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,988
HOW'S THE HOUSE
TONIGHT?
354
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:57,625
MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK
THROUGH THE CURTAIN.
355
00:15:57,658 --> 00:16:00,928
GARLIC FOR LUNCH?
HOW CONSIDERATE.
356
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,930
WELL, I SUPPOSE
YOU SKIPPED LUNCH
357
00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:06,266
SO YOU COULD
CHEW THE SCENERY.
358
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,635
OH, SHOW BIZ LINGO.
359
00:16:07,668 --> 00:16:10,070
DID YOU FIND THAT
IN YOUR HOW-TO-PERFORM-
ON-STAGE BOOK?
360
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,305
BECAUSE MAYBE
YOU SHOULD START WITH
THE CHAPTER ENTITLED,
361
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:15,475
"HOW TO PERFORM ON STAGE."
362
00:16:15,509 --> 00:16:16,544
THAT'S SWEET.
363
00:16:16,577 --> 00:16:18,812
MAYBE YOU
SHOULD START WITH
THE CHAPTER ENTITLED,
364
00:16:18,846 --> 00:16:20,247
"DON'T DO CARD TRICKS
365
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:25,418
IF THEY'RE GONNA
REFLECT OFF YOUR BIG,
SWEATY FOREHEAD."
366
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:26,820
Cy: AND NOW,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
367
00:16:26,854 --> 00:16:29,923
GIVE IT UP
FOR DICK AND SALLY,
THE SOLOMONELLAS.
368
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,789
WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
369
00:17:35,823 --> 00:17:37,658
YOU ALMOST KILLED ME.
370
00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:40,127
WELL, YOU CUT OFF
MY BEST LINE.
371
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,795
I WAS COMPLETELY
UPSTAGED.
372
00:17:41,829 --> 00:17:44,031
OH, YOU JUMPED
EVERY CUE.
373
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,866
AND YOU'RE HOGGING
THE SPOTLIGHT AGAIN.
374
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:46,934
OH, DEAL WITH IT.
375
00:17:46,967 --> 00:17:49,502
IT'S SABOTAGE!
376
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:50,503
YOU'RE RUINING THE ACT.
377
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:53,106
I NEED ARTISTIC FREEDOM.
378
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,075
I AM SUFFOCATING.
379
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:58,311
YOU'RE NOTHING MORE
THAN DECORATIVE TINSEL.
380
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,848
OH, REALLY?
381
00:18:00,881 --> 00:18:02,816
YOU KNOW,
I GET MORE APPLAUSE
382
00:18:02,850 --> 00:18:05,152
SHAKING RABBIT PELLETS
OUT OF THAT HAT
383
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,320
THAN YOU GET
FOR YOUR WHOLE ACT.
384
00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:08,789
I AM THE SHOW!
385
00:18:08,822 --> 00:18:10,523
OH, WAKE UP.
I AM THE SHOW!
386
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:11,925
NO. YOU'RE
JUST AN AMATEUR.
387
00:18:11,959 --> 00:18:12,726
HAM!
DIVA!
388
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:13,927
HACK!
I HATE YOU!
389
00:18:13,961 --> 00:18:15,829
I HATE YOU MORE!
390
00:18:20,701 --> 00:18:22,169
OH, MY GOD.
391
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,737
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US?
392
00:18:23,771 --> 00:18:27,174
I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I DON'T WANT
TO FEEL THIS WAY.
393
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,710
NEITHER DO I.
394
00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:32,079
SALLY.
395
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:36,016
DICK.
OH!
396
00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:38,752
GUYS, YOU READY
FOR THE NEXT SHOW?
397
00:18:38,786 --> 00:18:41,021
NO. WE'RE
NOT GOING ON.
398
00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:42,455
BUT I GOT A CROWD OUT THERE.
399
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:45,458
FORGET IT.
WE QUIT.
400
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,127
YOU'RE EVIL.
401
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,295
WHAT ABOUT THE SHOW?
402
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:49,462
DO IT YOURSELF.
403
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:50,964
KEEP THE PROPS.
404
00:18:50,998 --> 00:18:51,865
WE'RE OUT OF HERE.
405
00:18:51,899 --> 00:18:53,166
COME ON, SALLY.
406
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,868
WE'RE WALKING
OUT THIS DOOR,
407
00:18:54,902 --> 00:18:56,737
EATING OUR FREE
MEAL AT THE BAR,
408
00:18:56,770 --> 00:19:01,074
AND TURNING OUR BACKS
ON THIS HELL HOLE
OF YOURS FOREVER!
409
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,853
HARRY, WE'VE BEEN
OUT HERE FOR 2 HOURS.
410
00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:14,121
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
411
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,288
I TOLD YOU, ALBRIGHT.
412
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,157
WE'RE TAKING BACK THE PARK.
413
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:18,658
FROM WHOM?
414
00:19:18,692 --> 00:19:20,260
FROM HIM.
415
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,562
THAT'S THE GUY WHO
STOLE ALBRIGHT'S PURSE.
416
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:23,630
REALLY?
417
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,564
I DON'T KNOW, MARY.
418
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,233
HE'S NOT CARRYING
A TENNIS RACKET,
419
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:29,002
AND HIS HEAD'S
A NORMAL SIZE.
420
00:19:29,036 --> 00:19:30,871
OH, THAT'S HIM
ALL RIGHT.
421
00:19:30,904 --> 00:19:32,139
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
ARREST HIM.
422
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,041
BUT WHO'S
THE PADDED MAN HERE?
423
00:19:34,074 --> 00:19:36,443
YOU ARE.
ALL RIGHT.
424
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,682
WELL, HELLO.
425
00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:47,687
ENJOYING YOUR
LATTE BOUGHT WITH
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS?
426
00:19:47,721 --> 00:19:48,655
HUH?
427
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,623
LET ME
TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.
428
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:53,160
THIS PARK IS FOR NICE,
LAW-ABIDING CITIZENS,
429
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:55,328
NOT LOW-LIFE SCUM
LIKE YOURSELF.
430
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,130
YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN.
431
00:19:57,164 --> 00:19:58,698
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
432
00:19:58,732 --> 00:20:01,802
MY NAME IS HARRY,
AND THESE ARE MY ANGELS.
433
00:20:01,835 --> 00:20:04,471
NOW GET HIM! GO GET HIM!
434
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:08,942
[FIGHTING GRUNTS
AND SCREAMS]
435
00:20:08,976 --> 00:20:11,311
UM, I'M PRETTY SURE
THAT WAS HIM.
436
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:17,918
I JUST DON'T
GET IT, SALLY.
437
00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:18,952
HOW COULD
PERFORMING
438
00:20:18,986 --> 00:20:22,890
FOR A ROOMFUL OF
TOTAL STRANGERS
DO THAT TO US?
439
00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:27,560
THE LIGHTS, THE APPLAUSE,
THE ROAR OF THE CROWD.
440
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:28,461
IT'S LIKE A DRUG.
441
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:30,597
YEAH. A DRUG
THAT WE COULDN'T KICK.
442
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:34,301
IT TURNED US
INTO SELF-ABSORBED,
EGO-DRIVEN MONSTERS.
443
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,769
YOU KNOW,
I ACTUALLY THINK
444
00:20:35,803 --> 00:20:39,039
WE SHOULD JUST
LEAVE THE PERFORMING
TO THE PROFESSIONALS.
445
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:43,743
YEAH. IT NEVER
HAPPENS TO THEM.
NOPE.
446
00:20:43,777 --> 00:20:45,412
WOULD YOU GUYS SHOW
ME A MAGIC TRICK?
447
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,247
WHY, SURE, HARRY,
BUT FIRST...
448
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,117
I THINK YOU'VE GOT
A LITTLE SOMETHING
IN YOUR EYE.
449
00:20:50,150 --> 00:20:53,753
WHOA.
THAT'S WEIRD.
450
00:20:53,787 --> 00:20:55,889
NOW LET'S
SEE SOME MAGIC.
451
00:20:57,991 --> 00:21:00,593
HEY, WHAT'S THAT
OVER THERE?
452
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:00,660
OH.
EWW.
453
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:07,100
I WONDER HOW LONG
THAT'S BEEN THERE.
454
00:21:07,134 --> 00:21:08,435
NOW LET'S SEE
SOME MAGIC.
455
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,670
OH, BY THE WAY, HARRY.
WHAT TIME HAVE YOU GOT?
456
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:13,606
WELL, IT'S...
457
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,676
OK, I'M GONNA
GET A VASE FOR THESE,
458
00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:20,113
AND THEN I'D LIKE
TO SEE SOME MAGIC.
30700
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