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1
00:00:06,541 --> 00:00:07,676
YOU WANTED
TO SEE ME, DICK?
2
00:00:07,709 --> 00:00:09,143
OH, MARY, THANK GOD.
3
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,779
I WANTED TO SHOW YOU
THAT IF YOU MIX UP
THE LETTERS
4
00:00:10,812 --> 00:00:11,546
IN YOUR LAST NAME,
5
00:00:11,580 --> 00:00:13,982
IT SPELLS "LAB RIGHT."
6
00:00:17,686 --> 00:00:18,920
OK.
7
00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:20,521
BUT WHAT WAS THE EMERGENCY
8
00:00:20,555 --> 00:00:21,690
THAT COULDN'T WAIT
ANOTHER SECOND,
9
00:00:21,723 --> 00:00:24,492
THAT MADE ME
GET OFF THE PHONE
WITH THE CHANCELLOR?
10
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:28,029
"LAB RIGHT."
11
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:30,665
DICK, LOOK.
SOMETHING WEIRD
IS GOING ON AT WORK.
12
00:00:30,699 --> 00:00:33,134
DOUG'S GONNA MAKE ME
PAY TAXES.
13
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,436
EVERYONE PAYS TAXES,
HARRY.
14
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,706
IT IS OUR DUTY, NAY,
OUR PRIVILEGE
15
00:00:37,739 --> 00:00:40,274
TO PAY TAXES
WHEN WE PURCHASE GOODS,
16
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:42,977
SUCH AS CHOCOLATES
AND COMBS.
17
00:00:43,011 --> 00:00:45,079
THAT'S VERY NOBLE
OF YOU, DICK,
IN FEBRUARY.
18
00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:47,916
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU SAY
IN APRIL WHEN YOU HAVE
TO FILE YOUR RETURN.
19
00:00:47,949 --> 00:00:49,083
MY RETURN?
20
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,652
YOUR TAX RETURN.
21
00:00:50,685 --> 00:00:53,788
OH. MY TAX RETURN.
22
00:00:53,822 --> 00:00:55,156
THE ONE YOU FILE
EVERY YEAR.
23
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,591
OH, THAT. YES.
24
00:00:56,625 --> 00:00:58,392
WELL, NINA DOES
ALL MY FILING.
25
00:00:58,426 --> 00:00:59,327
UH, NINA!
26
00:00:59,360 --> 00:00:59,894
WHAT?
27
00:00:59,928 --> 00:01:01,395
UH, BRING ME MY RETURN.
28
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:02,463
YOUR RETURN?
29
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,198
MY RETURN. MY RETURN.
30
00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:05,433
YOU SEE WHAT
I HAVE TO DEAL WITH?
31
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:06,735
MY RETURN!
32
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:13,341
ALL RIGHT. FORM 1040.
33
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:14,976
FIRST NAME: DICK.
34
00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:17,879
LAST NAME: SOLOMON.
35
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:20,514
AND MARY SAID THIS WOULD
BE COMPLICATED.
36
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:23,517
DICK, THIS IS SO BORING.
WHY ARE WE DOING IT?
37
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,854
BECAUSE, SALLY,
THIS IS WHAT HUMANS DO.
38
00:01:25,887 --> 00:01:28,022
IT'S LIKE THEIR
NATIONAL PASTIME.
39
00:01:28,056 --> 00:01:30,258
AND YOU DON'T WANT US
TO STAND OUT.
40
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,226
HEY. YOU KNOW
WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY?
41
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:35,029
WHERE IT SAYS SEX,
WRITE "FREQUENTLY."
42
00:01:36,898 --> 00:01:38,933
THEY DON'T ASK
FOR YOUR SEX HERE.
43
00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:40,669
WELL, IF THERE'S ANYPLACE
YOU CAN INDICATE
44
00:01:40,702 --> 00:01:43,672
THAT YOU LIKE TO HAVE
FREQUENT SEX, I THINK
IT'S WORTH DOING.
45
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,842
"FARM INCOME OR LOSS."
46
00:01:47,876 --> 00:01:51,212
SO DID OUR FARM
SHOW A PROFIT LAST YEAR?
47
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,047
NO. WHERE IS
SCHEDULE F?
48
00:01:53,081 --> 00:01:54,248
WAIT, WAIT. WE DIDN'T
HAVE A FARM LAST YEAR.
49
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:55,549
WE LOST THE FARM!
50
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,919
NO!
51
00:01:57,952 --> 00:02:00,154
LINE 14.
"OTHER GAINS OR LOSSES."
52
00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:00,955
I GAINED 2 POUNDS.
53
00:02:00,989 --> 00:02:02,156
I LOST MY VIRGINITY.
54
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:04,759
HEY.
55
00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:05,794
THERE'S
YOUR OPPORTUNITY
56
00:02:05,827 --> 00:02:08,697
FOR THAT
FREQUENT SEX THING
GOING TO THROW IN.
57
00:02:08,730 --> 00:02:11,399
"ENTER ITEMIZED DEDUCTIONS
FROM PAGE 3, SCHEDULE C,
LINE 2,
58
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:15,103
TO THE EXTENT THEY ARE
ALLOWABLE ON SCHEDULE A,
FORM 1040-NR."
59
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,739
"ENTER THE LARGER
OF YOUR ITEMIZED
DEDUCTIONS
60
00:02:17,772 --> 00:02:23,511
FROM LINE 28
OR STANDARD DEDUCTION
SHOWN ON THE LEFT."
61
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,646
MY LEFT OR ITS LEFT?
62
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:30,051
"SEE PAGE 30 TO FIND
YOUR STANDARD DEDUCTION
63
00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:34,689
"IF YOU CHECKED ANY BOX
ON LINE 35-A OR 35-B
64
00:02:34,723 --> 00:02:38,426
OR IF SOMEONE
CAN CLAIM YOU
AS A DEPENDENT."
65
00:02:44,766 --> 00:02:47,601
I'M TELLING YOU,
THERE IS NO SCHEDULE P!
66
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,503
THERE HAS TO BE, DAMN IT!
67
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:50,739
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS!
68
00:02:50,772 --> 00:02:52,306
I'M A SUPERIOR BEING.
69
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,809
I CAN CALCULATE
THE DECAYING ORBIT
OF A DYING MOON
70
00:02:54,843 --> 00:02:56,010
TO WITHIN 1/10 OF AN INCH.
71
00:02:56,044 --> 00:02:59,781
WHY CAN'T I CALCULATE
THE SUBTOTAL OF LINE 59-A?
72
00:02:59,814 --> 00:03:02,150
WHY CAN'T I FIND
LINE 59-A?
73
00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:04,819
WHERE THE HELL
IS LINE 59-A?!
74
00:03:04,853 --> 00:03:06,220
I CAN'T TAKE THIS
ANYMORE!
75
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:08,256
I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
76
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:10,324
I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
77
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:20,034
OH, HERE IT IS.
78
00:03:20,068 --> 00:03:21,770
EVERYBODY JUST SETTLE DOWN.
79
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:03,611
OK, YOU ADD LINES 41
THROUGH 47.
80
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,579
OH, YES, MARY.
81
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,982
YOU ARE THE SEXIEST
ACCOUNTANT IN TOWN.
82
00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:09,150
YEAH.
83
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:10,451
JUST A MINUTE, DICK.
I'M NOT QUITE DONE.
84
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:12,620
OH, THAT'S IT MARY.
CRUNCH THOSE NUMBERS.
85
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,123
CRUNCH 'EM GOOD.
86
00:04:15,156 --> 00:04:17,525
SO YOU SUBTRACT LINE 64
87
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:18,759
FROM 56...
88
00:04:18,793 --> 00:04:21,129
YES. NOW DEDUCT MY PANTS.
89
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,499
DICK, I THINK
YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO
KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.
90
00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:26,567
WHY IS THAT?
91
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,670
BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO
LOSE YOUR SHIRT.
92
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:30,538
AND SO ARE YOU.
93
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:34,843
YOU OWE $9,500!
94
00:04:34,876 --> 00:04:36,310
WHAT?!
95
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:38,079
YOU BITCH!
96
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:43,284
YOU DIDN'T PAY ANY TAXES.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
97
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:44,986
WELL, I CERTAINLY
DIDN'T EXPECT MY GIRLFRIEND
98
00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:47,255
TO WEAR MY ASS
AS A SNOWSHOE!
99
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:54,362
$9,500?
100
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:55,396
OH, MY GOD!
101
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,731
YOU GUYS,
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
102
00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:00,334
LOOK AT ALL THESE RECEIPTS
FROM ALL THESE MEALS.
103
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,636
IF WE'D ONLY
TALKED ABOUT BUSINESS
DURING SOME OF THEM,
104
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:05,039
WE COULD WRITE OFF
ALL THIS MONEY
AS DEDUCTIONS.
105
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,047
WHO SAYS WE DIDN'T...
106
00:05:13,081 --> 00:05:15,816
TALK ABOUT BUSINESS?
107
00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:18,319
YES.
108
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,587
'CAUSE THAT'S
THE ONLY REASON
109
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,389
WE EVER GO OUT
TO EAT, ANYWAY,
RIGHT,
110
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,823
IS TO TALK...
111
00:05:22,857 --> 00:05:26,060
ABOUT...BUSINESS.
112
00:05:26,094 --> 00:05:27,761
BUSINESS.
113
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,932
OK, I MUST TUNE OUT,
114
00:05:30,965 --> 00:05:34,235
BECAUSE I NEVER
HEAR US TALKING
ABOUT BUSINESS.
115
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:38,139
YES.
116
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,208
WE CAN LIE
117
00:05:40,241 --> 00:05:44,712
ON OUR TAXES.
118
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,280
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT NO HUMAN
119
00:05:46,314 --> 00:05:48,782
HAS EVER
THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE.
120
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:51,085
OK, WAIT A
SECOND, YOU GUYS.
WHAT IF WE GET CAUGHT?
121
00:05:51,119 --> 00:05:52,954
HOW CAN WE GET CAUGHT?
122
00:05:52,987 --> 00:05:54,688
ALL THOSE OTHER DOPES
OUT THERE
123
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:57,725
ARE TELLING THE TRUTH
ABOUT THEIR TAXES.
124
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,094
THEY'RE JUST GOING
TO ASSUME THAT...
125
00:06:00,128 --> 00:06:02,496
WE ARE, TOO.
126
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:03,097
HEY,
CHECK THIS OUT.
127
00:06:03,131 --> 00:06:03,998
YOU CAN GET
A DEDUCTION
128
00:06:04,032 --> 00:06:05,466
FOR HAVING
A HOME BUSINESS.
129
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,867
REALLY?
130
00:06:06,901 --> 00:06:07,735
THEN IT'S A GOOD THING
131
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:11,705
THAT YOU RUN ONE HERE,
SALLY.
132
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,707
YES, DICK,
133
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,477
IT SURE IS.
134
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:17,578
IS THIS THE BUSINESS
135
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:20,514
THAT I NEVER
HEAR YOU GUYS
TALKING ABOUT?
136
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:23,484
OH, AND LOOK AT THIS.
137
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,988
HERE'S A RECEIPT
FOR $14.99.
138
00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:28,856
OR IS IT...
139
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:34,662
$114.99?
140
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,864
OR IS IT...
141
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:40,601
$1,114.99?
142
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,136
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
YOU THINK THEY'LL
BUY THAT?
143
00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:45,639
I MEAN,
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
FOR A PENCIL SHARPENER.
144
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,741
SIMPLE.
145
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:51,445
WE JUST CROSS OUT
"PENCIL SHARPENER"...
146
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:54,515
AND WRITE IN...
147
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:57,952
"AIRPLANE."
148
00:06:57,986 --> 00:06:59,687
IT'S BRILLIANT!
149
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:04,858
WELL...
150
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,794
HERE IS OUR HOME BUSINESS.
151
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:07,661
THANKS, DUBIE.
152
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,697
WHAT, WE'RE SELLING CHAIRS?
153
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,832
NO, HON.
IT'S A SALON CHAIR.
154
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,035
WE PUT UP A SIGN,
TAKE A FEW PICTURES.
155
00:07:14,068 --> 00:07:15,503
ANYBODY ASKS,
156
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:17,171
IT WAS A FAILED
HOME BUSINESS.
157
00:07:17,205 --> 00:07:18,939
DEDUCTION CITY.
158
00:07:18,973 --> 00:07:21,375
YOU KNOW,
THERE'S A FUNNY STORY
ABOUT HOW I GOT THAT CHAIR.
159
00:07:21,409 --> 00:07:24,545
HEARD IT!
HEARD IT!
160
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,981
I GOT YOUR SIGN, SALLY.
161
00:07:27,015 --> 00:07:29,450
GREAT! IT LOOKS LIKE
A REAL BUSINESS.
162
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,485
YOU PUT IT UP
OUTSIDE, OK?
163
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,087
OK, EVERYBODY,
I'VE GOT IT.
164
00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:34,888
I PLAYED WITH
THE NUMBERS A BIT,
165
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:37,891
ENTERED A FEW HARMLESS
CLERICAL MISTAKES,
AND GUESS WHAT.
166
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,227
THE GOVERNMENT NOW OWES US
167
00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:42,330
$375,000!
168
00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:43,264
OH, YEAH!
169
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:44,598
Tommy:
WHO NEEDS ED McMAHON?
170
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,767
WE'VE GOT UNCLE SAM!
171
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,802
THIS IS REALLY
WORKING OUT GREAT FOR US.
172
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,738
IF WE KEEP DOING
OUR TAXES LIKE THIS,
173
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,607
IN A FEW YEARS,
WE'LL BE MILLIONAIRES.
174
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,676
YOU KNOW, I ONCE
HAD A MILLIONAIRE--
175
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,211
HEARD IT!
HEARD IT!
HEARD IT!
176
00:07:57,245 --> 00:07:58,712
EXCUSE ME.
177
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:03,217
IS THIS SALLY'S
ACTUAL SALON?
178
00:08:03,251 --> 00:08:05,953
UH, YEAH.
179
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,789
WELL, GOOD!
I COULD REALLY
USE A CUT.
180
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,696
OH, OK, I GUESS. SURE.
181
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,982
Mary: GO ON.
GIVE IT TO HIM.
182
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,150
WHY SHOULD I?
183
00:08:36,184 --> 00:08:37,118
WELL, YOU'RE MY ASSISTANT.
184
00:08:37,151 --> 00:08:38,186
NOW GIVE IT TO HIM.
185
00:08:38,219 --> 00:08:40,354
YOU GIVE IT TO HIM.
YOU'RE SLEEPING
WITH HIM.
186
00:08:40,388 --> 00:08:41,555
WELL, YOU CAN
SLEEP WITH HIM.
187
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:42,956
YOU'RE NUTS.
I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.
188
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,925
NO, JUST GIVE IT!
JUST GIVE--
189
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,960
CAN I PLAY?
190
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,796
UNLESS THE RULES
ARE VERY COMPLICATED.
191
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:51,899
THEN I'LL JUST
SIT IT OUT.
192
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:52,900
YOU GOT A LETTER.
193
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:53,701
REALLY?
194
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,002
FROM THE I.R.S.
195
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,238
OH, GREAT!
196
00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,440
IT'S PROBABLY MY CHECK.
197
00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:01,509
I TOOK A SECOND PASS
ON MY RETURN,
198
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,744
AND IT TURNS OUT
I DON'T OWE ANYTHING.
199
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,313
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
A CHECK.
200
00:09:05,346 --> 00:09:06,647
IT CAN'T BE
A BIRTHDAY CARD.
201
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,882
MY BIRTHDAY
ISN'T FOR MONTHS, AND--
202
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,852
"NOTICE OF AUDIT"?
203
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,654
WHAT'S AN AUDIT?
204
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,823
YOU ARE SO SCREWED.
205
00:09:19,093 --> 00:09:21,262
MARY, SHE'S SCARING ME.
206
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,131
DICK, SIT DOWN.
WE HAVE TO TALK.
207
00:09:23,164 --> 00:09:24,765
CAN'T IT WAIT
TILL AFTER MY AUDIT?
208
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,734
EVERYTHING
IS GONNA BE FINE.
209
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,768
YOU JUST HAVE TO
TELL THE TRUTH.
210
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,803
IT'S NOT AS IF
YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO HIDE, RIGHT?
211
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,673
HIDE? NO.
I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
WHY WOULD I HIDE?
212
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:33,874
THAT'S GOOD,
213
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,244
BECAUSE THEY'RE GONNA
BE ALL OVER YOU.
214
00:09:36,277 --> 00:09:39,747
THEY'RE GONNA DIG
INTO EVERY ASPECT
OF YOUR LIFE.
215
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,983
FIND OUT EVERYTHING
ABOUT YOU.
216
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,385
EVERYTHING?
217
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,187
THEY CAN BE
PRETTY BRUTAL.
218
00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:47,588
OH...THAT'S INTERESTING.
219
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,323
N-NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
220
00:09:49,357 --> 00:09:52,393
I--I--I HAVE TO, UH,
NNNNNNNN...
221
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:53,794
YAAH!
222
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,234
OK, NELLIE,
223
00:10:00,268 --> 00:10:01,602
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO
IS WE'RE JUST GONNA
224
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:02,636
GIVE YOU
A LITTLE BANGS
225
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:05,173
TO COVER UP
THESE TINY LITTLE
WORRY LINES.
226
00:10:05,206 --> 00:10:06,740
THEN WE'RE GONNA
EVENTUALLY
227
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:09,877
GRADUATE THE SIDES IN
LIKE THAT.
228
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,512
HOW'S THAT SOUND TO YA?
229
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:12,246
I DON'T KNOW.
230
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,248
OH, TRUST US, DARLING.
231
00:10:14,282 --> 00:10:15,949
WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO GIVE YOU
A LITTLE SHAPE.
232
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,819
I MEAN, YOU HAVE
A LOVELY NECK HERE
AND NO ONE CAN SEE IT.
233
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,256
OK, LET'S GET YOU
WASHED.
234
00:10:22,290 --> 00:10:23,557
MR. HARRY!
235
00:10:23,591 --> 00:10:25,159
OK, HOLD ON, DOLL.
236
00:10:25,193 --> 00:10:28,095
I ONLY GOT 2 HANDS.
237
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,231
COME ON.
238
00:10:30,264 --> 00:10:33,201
THAT'S THE STUFF.
239
00:10:33,234 --> 00:10:34,968
THERE YOU GO.
240
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:35,969
FAMILY MEETING!
241
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,438
FAMILY MEETING!
242
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:44,044
WHO IS THIS?
243
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,213
OH, THAT'S MY 4:00.
244
00:10:45,246 --> 00:10:47,080
YOU CAN GO SIT IN
THE CHAIR, HON. TOMMY.
245
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:48,249
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME MINERAL WATER
246
00:10:48,282 --> 00:10:49,116
WHILE YOU'RE WAITING?
247
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,384
WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO RUN ALONG,
DEAR?
248
00:10:50,418 --> 00:10:51,685
UM, WHERE SHOULD I GO--
249
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:54,655
GET OUT!
250
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:55,556
OK, LISTEN UP.
251
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:57,325
I'VE GOT
HORRIBLE NEWS.
252
00:10:57,358 --> 00:10:59,159
WE'RE BEING AUDITED
BY THE I.R.S.
253
00:10:59,193 --> 00:11:02,129
WHAT? DOES THAT MEAN
WE DON'T GET THE $375,000?
254
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,031
IT'S WORSE. AGENTS
OF THE GOVERNMENT
255
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,534
ARE GONNA
GO THROUGH OUR LIVES
WITH A FINE-TOOTH COMB.
256
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:09,136
EVERY DETAIL OF OUR PAST
EXAMINED UNDER
A MICROSCOPE,
257
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,871
FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS!
258
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,140
SO? WE'VE ONLY
BEEN ON THE PLANET
FOR 3.
259
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,008
THAT'S
THE WHOLE PROBLEM.
260
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,544
THE MORE THEY PROBE
INTO OUR PAST,
261
00:11:16,577 --> 00:11:18,746
THE MORE
THEY'LL FIND OUT
WE DON'T HAVE ONE!
262
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:22,916
BECAUSE WE'RE ALIENS.
263
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,052
THAT IS THE CONCLUSION
THEY WILL DRAW.
264
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:27,187
[EXASPERATED MUTTERING]
265
00:11:27,221 --> 00:11:29,189
NOW, WE'VE ALL GOT TO HAVE
DETAILED EXPLANATIONS
266
00:11:29,223 --> 00:11:31,892
FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS:
WHERE WE'VE BEEN,
WHAT WE'VE DONE,
267
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,026
AND THE DOCUMENTATION
TO PROVE IT.
268
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:36,464
OH, I DID THAT,
LIKE 3 YEARS AGO.
269
00:11:36,497 --> 00:11:37,130
YOU DID?
270
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,899
YEAH. COMPLETE
AND AIRTIGHT.
271
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:43,170
I GAVE THEM TO YOU GUYS.
WHAT'D YOU DO WITH THEM?
272
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:47,841
[ALL MAKING EXCUSES AT ONCE]
273
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,009
I'M SORRY.
274
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:49,977
THAT'S JUST GREAT.
275
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:50,711
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
276
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,112
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY
I BOTHER!
277
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,214
YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
TO GO AND DO IT AGAIN.
278
00:11:54,248 --> 00:11:56,917
WE NEED FOOLPROOF
BACKGROUNDS BY TOMORROW.
NOW GET CRACKING!
279
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,620
OH, AND, SALLY?
BUMP YOUR 4:00.
280
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:02,590
I'M NOT GONNA BATTLE
FACELESS AND HOSTILE
GOVERNMENT FORCES
281
00:12:02,623 --> 00:12:04,758
WITH THIS UNSIGHTLY
FUZZ ON MY NECK.
282
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,968
OH, HELLO, MARY.
283
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,638
I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT HOW LONG
I'VE KNOWN YOU.
284
00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:20,774
10 LONG YEARS.
285
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:23,210
IT'S MORE LIKE 3 YEARS.
286
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,279
WELL, THEN YOU'D BE
COMFORTABLE SAYING
287
00:12:25,313 --> 00:12:27,348
7 LONG YEARS.
288
00:12:27,381 --> 00:12:29,450
NO, IT'S 3 YEARS, DICK.
289
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:30,584
SO I CAN SAFELY QUOTE YOU
290
00:12:30,618 --> 00:12:31,585
AS SAYING
THAT YOU'VE KNOWN ME
291
00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:34,355
FOR 6 GOOD,
VERIFIABLE YEARS, THEN?
292
00:12:34,388 --> 00:12:36,256
3.
293
00:12:36,290 --> 00:12:38,426
FAIR ENOUGH.
294
00:12:38,459 --> 00:12:40,994
BUT YOU ARE QUITE FAMILIAR
WITH WHAT I WAS DOING
295
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:42,496
IN THE 3 YEARS
PRIOR TO THAT?
296
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:45,032
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE
297
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,534
BEFORE YOU STARTED
WORKING HERE.
298
00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:49,370
YOU HEM, YOU HAW,
YOU RUSH IN,
YOU RUSH OUT.
299
00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:51,839
OH, LET'S NOT FORGET
THE SPONTANEOUS
LARYNGITIS.
300
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,541
THAT WAS GOING AROUND.
301
00:12:53,574 --> 00:12:55,042
HOW ABOUT THE TRUTH, DICK?
302
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,744
TOMMY'S COMING UP WITH
THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW,
303
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,780
BUT IN THE MEANTIME...
304
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,382
I'M GOING TO NEED YOU
TO PLAY BALL.
305
00:13:01,415 --> 00:13:03,717
OH, NO. YOU'RE NOT
GONNA DRAG ME INTO THIS.
306
00:13:03,751 --> 00:13:06,354
DRAG YOU INTO THIS?
THIS WHOLE THING
IS YOUR FAULT!
307
00:13:06,387 --> 00:13:09,022
IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE FILED
MY DAMN TAX RETURN
308
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,791
IN THE FIRST PLACE!
309
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,760
WELL, IF YOU HADN'T
FUDGED WITH MY NUMBERS,
310
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,027
YOU WOULDN'T BE IN
THIS SITUATION.
311
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:16,897
JUST REMEMBER THIS.
IF I GO DOWN,
YOU'RE COMING DOWN WITH ME!
312
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:20,033
I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL,
MARY ALBRIGHT!
313
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,976
OK, THAT LAST BIT
WAS A LITTLE HARSH.
314
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:32,546
BUT IT'S BEEN BUILDING UP
FOR 8 LONG YEARS.
315
00:13:32,580 --> 00:13:34,114
3.
316
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,315
DAMN!
317
00:13:37,351 --> 00:13:38,318
HOW'S THAT FEEL?
318
00:13:38,352 --> 00:13:39,286
OH--OH, THAT'S HOT.
319
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,422
GOOD. GOOD, GOOD.
320
00:13:41,455 --> 00:13:42,590
NO!
321
00:13:42,623 --> 00:13:44,291
IT IS THE TRUTH,
I AM TELLING YOU.
322
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,226
OH, I'VE GOT ANOTHER
CLIENT--TOP-SECRET--
323
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:49,096
I CANNOT TELL YOU
WHO IT IS.
324
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,465
BUT SHE'S HAD
HER NOSE DONE 3 TIMES,
325
00:13:51,499 --> 00:13:54,234
AND SHE'S STILL NOT HAPPY.
326
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,969
IS IT MAGGIE WRIGHT?
327
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,105
YEAH.
328
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,140
BUT I TOLD HER,
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
329
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,075
I THINK SHE LOOKS LIKE
A WITCH.
330
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:05,212
OHH! YOU!
331
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,714
HARRY, SALLY,
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE?
332
00:14:06,747 --> 00:14:08,716
OH, SORRY, HON,
WE'RE COMPLETELY BOOKED.
333
00:14:08,749 --> 00:14:10,384
YEAH. MAYBE WE CAN
FIT YOU IN TOMORROW AROUND--
334
00:14:10,418 --> 00:14:11,685
NOW!
335
00:14:11,719 --> 00:14:13,320
NOW!
336
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:16,757
OK. I GOT YOUR NEW
BIOGRAPHIES DONE.
337
00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,759
YOU HAVE TO HAVE THEM
MEMORIZED BY TOMORROW.
338
00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,428
ALL RIGHT, SALLY.
339
00:14:20,461 --> 00:14:24,131
FROM 1992 TO 1994
YOU WERE AN UNPAID DOCENT
340
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:29,069
AT THE MUSEUM
OF CHIPPEWA HERITAGE.
341
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,371
NO, NO, NO, NO.
342
00:14:31,405 --> 00:14:33,106
IN A COMA?
343
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,143
MM...
344
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,779
NO, NO, NO, NO, MISS THING.
I DON'T THINK SO.
345
00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:42,550
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I JUST SPENT 2 DAYS
346
00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:44,151
DOCUMENTING AND FALSIFYING
THESE COVERS,
347
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,654
BUT YOU GO IN THERE TOMORROW
AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT!
348
00:14:46,687 --> 00:14:48,622
IT'S YOUR ALIEN AUTOPSY, OK?
349
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,964
ALL RIGHT, LET'S FOCUS
AND GO OVER IT ONCE AGAIN.
350
00:14:56,997 --> 00:15:00,067
BEFORE WE MOVED HERE
ON JANUARY 9, 1996,
351
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,102
WHERE DID WE LIVE...SALLY?
352
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:07,040
2740 VERNON PLACE,
STEWART, FLORIDA, SIR!
353
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,777
AND FLORIDA WOULD BE
ON WHAT, NEPTUNE?
354
00:15:09,810 --> 00:15:11,044
NO! EARTH, SIR!
355
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,780
THAT'S GOOD.
356
00:15:12,813 --> 00:15:15,182
AND DURING OUR TIME
IN FLORIDA, WAS I EVER
GAINFULLY EMPLOYED?
357
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,984
NO, YOU WERE NOT!
SO HOW DID WE LIVE?
358
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,085
BY OUR WITS, SIR!
359
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,386
GOOD.
360
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:24,057
OH, BY THE WAY, ARE WE
FROM A DISTANT GALAXY? YOU.
361
00:15:29,497 --> 00:15:34,034
NO...
362
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,903
ARE YOU SURE?
363
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,239
[MOUTHING SILENTLY]
364
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,307
YES, SIR!
365
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,442
OK.
366
00:15:42,476 --> 00:15:43,811
NOW LET'S GO OVER
OUR RETURN.
367
00:15:43,844 --> 00:15:46,814
YOU, YOUNG MAN.
HOW COULD THIS FAMILY
HAVE LIVED FOR 3 YEARS
368
00:15:46,847 --> 00:15:48,181
WITH NO VISIBLE INCOME?
369
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,517
HOW MANY CANS?
WE COLLECTED CANS.
370
00:15:49,550 --> 00:15:51,719
123,450 CANS.
371
00:15:51,752 --> 00:15:52,986
AND YOU DIDN'T
REPORT THAT INCOME?
372
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:55,088
THE INCOME WAS $6,217,
373
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,124
WHICH FALLS WELL BELOW
FEDERAL LIMITS FOR FILING.
374
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,091
YOUR NUMBERS
DON'T ADD UP!
375
00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,493
WE TURNED IN
30% OF THOSE CANS
376
00:15:59,527 --> 00:16:01,929
IN MICHIGAN
WHERE IT'S 5 CENTS
A CAN, SIR!
377
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:10,337
OH, YEAH?
378
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,672
IN MICHIGAN, EH?
379
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:15,042
WHERE I WAS IN A COMA!
380
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:21,048
SIR!
381
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:26,920
NOW, MR. SOLOMON,
382
00:16:26,954 --> 00:16:30,591
THERE ARE SOME
IRREGULARITIES HERE
ON YOUR TAX RETURN.
383
00:16:30,624 --> 00:16:32,125
I MUST SAY,
I WAS SURPRISED
384
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,527
BY SOME OF THESE NUMBERS--
385
00:16:33,561 --> 00:16:35,796
WELL, THEN,
LET'S GO OVER THEM,
MR. GINDEK.
386
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,865
I'VE GOT NOTHING
TO HIDE.
387
00:16:37,898 --> 00:16:40,000
ME NEITHER.
388
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:42,335
NOR I.
389
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:43,336
WE'RE READY TO TALK.
390
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,772
YEAH.
391
00:16:44,805 --> 00:16:45,639
YES.
392
00:16:45,673 --> 00:16:47,440
NOW, HERE ON SCHEDULE E--
393
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,342
SCHEDULE E.
394
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:50,377
YEAH, I REMEMBER
THE FIRST TIME
395
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,746
I SAW SCHEDULE E.
396
00:16:52,780 --> 00:16:54,582
IT WAS AROUND 1992.
397
00:16:54,615 --> 00:16:55,448
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
398
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:58,318
OH, YEAH.
OH, INCREDIBLE.
WHAT A DAY.
399
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,020
I WAS, UH,
RIGHT HERE ON EARTH,
400
00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:02,890
AS CARBON BASED
AS THE NEXT GUY.
401
00:17:05,826 --> 00:17:07,961
YOU CLAIM A $16,000--
402
00:17:07,995 --> 00:17:09,663
OH, GOSH!
403
00:17:09,697 --> 00:17:12,766
YOU GUYS REMEMBER
MARCH 20, 1994?
404
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:13,634
LIKE IT WAS
YESTERDAY.
405
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:15,569
REMEMBER
THAT STEAKHOUSE
WE WENT TO?
406
00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:16,770
OHH, YES.
407
00:17:16,804 --> 00:17:19,740
I HAD THE PORTERHOUSE--
NO, NO, NO--
408
00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:20,708
I HAD THE FLANK.
409
00:17:20,741 --> 00:17:22,009
NO, DICK.
I HAD THE FLANK.
410
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,243
ARE YOU SURE?
'CAUSE I'M ALMOST
POSITIVE I HAD THE FLANK.
411
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,812
NO, 'CAUSE I ALWAYS
GET THE FLANK.
412
00:17:24,845 --> 00:17:27,314
[ARGUING]
413
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:28,782
MAYBE YOU BOTH
HAD THE FLANK!
414
00:17:31,919 --> 00:17:32,620
YES.
415
00:17:32,653 --> 00:17:35,022
THERE'S NO LAW
AGAINST...
416
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:38,425
2 PEOPLE HAVING
THE FLANK.
417
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,693
THERE'S CERTAINLY
NOTHING...
418
00:17:39,727 --> 00:17:41,729
ALIEN ABOUT IT.
419
00:17:41,762 --> 00:17:42,796
HA HA HA HA!
420
00:17:42,830 --> 00:17:44,364
THE--HE--
421
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,432
HA HA HA HA!
422
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,768
I'VE JUST...
GOT TO GRAB SOMETHING
OFF THE PRINTER.
423
00:17:55,976 --> 00:17:57,177
OH, MY GOD!
DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS?
424
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:57,911
HE DEFINITELY KNOWS!
425
00:17:57,945 --> 00:18:00,513
IT WAS YOU
WITH THE FLANK STEAK!
426
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,382
THIS IS WHAT
WE'RE GONNA DO.
427
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,852
WHEN HE COMES BACK IN,
I BREAK HIS NECK.
428
00:18:04,885 --> 00:18:05,953
THEN WE MAKE OUR ESCAPE,
429
00:18:05,986 --> 00:18:08,321
AND I SNAP EVERYONE'S NECK
FROM HERE TILL WE GET HOME.
430
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:13,193
THERE'S NO WAY
THEY'LL CATCH US!
431
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,663
LET'S CALL THAT PLAN B.
432
00:18:15,696 --> 00:18:18,866
QUICK, LET'S BUY SOME TIME
BY BARRICADING THE DOOR.
433
00:18:18,899 --> 00:18:20,300
JUST PUSH THE DESK
OVER AGAINST THE DOOR.
434
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,837
THAT'S RIGHT. PUSH IT.
435
00:18:23,871 --> 00:18:25,405
I CAN'T SEE HIM.
436
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:34,481
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
437
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:39,219
UH...
438
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,487
IT...
439
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:44,825
IT JUST--
IT JUST SLID RIGHT OVER.
440
00:18:44,858 --> 00:18:48,595
DO YOUR REALIZE
THIS WHOLE FLOOR
IS SLANTED?
441
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,898
LOOK, I THINK I SEE
WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO,
442
00:18:50,931 --> 00:18:54,401
AND...FRANKLY,
IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.
443
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:55,235
ALL RIGHT!
444
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,871
IT'S TIME TO COME CLEAN.
445
00:18:57,905 --> 00:19:01,374
THE REASON WHY WE HAVEN'T
BEEN FILING RETURNS IS...
446
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:02,342
WE WERE KIDNAPPED.
447
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,476
THAT'S RIGHT!
448
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:04,778
YEAH! YEAH!
449
00:19:04,812 --> 00:19:08,648
AND THEY SAID
IF WE FILED OUR TAXES...
450
00:19:08,682 --> 00:19:11,151
THEY'D KILL US!
451
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,186
OH, REALLY?
452
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,121
NO!
453
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,555
UH, NO.
454
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,758
TO BE HONEST,
WE WERE IN THE WITNESS
PROTECTION PROGRAM,
455
00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:19,760
AND THEY WERE VERY BAD
ABOUT FORWARDING OUR MAIL.
456
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,563
I DON'T THINK SO.
457
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:26,666
OK. HOW ABOUT THIS?
458
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:27,768
WE'VE SPEND THE LAST 4 YEARS
459
00:19:27,801 --> 00:19:30,904
LIVING IN
THE CANADIAN ROCKIES
WITH A PACK OF WOLVES!
460
00:19:30,938 --> 00:19:31,772
A PACK OF WOLVES.
461
00:19:31,805 --> 00:19:35,508
YES. I WAS THE ALPHA DOG.
462
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:37,878
MR. SOLOMON,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST COOPERATE?
463
00:19:37,911 --> 00:19:40,848
YOU'RE ONLY MAKING THINGS
HARDER.
464
00:19:40,881 --> 00:19:41,982
ALL RIGHT.
465
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:48,055
ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE CAUGHT US.
466
00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:52,059
WE ARE ALIENS.
467
00:19:52,092 --> 00:19:55,829
WE CAME HERE FROM
A BARRED SPIRAL GALAXY...
468
00:19:55,863 --> 00:19:59,699
IN THE CEPHEUS DRACO
BORDER TERRITORY...
469
00:19:59,733 --> 00:20:03,103
IN ORDER TO STUDY
YOUR SPECIES.
470
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:07,174
I ONLY ASK THAT YOU
TAKE INTO ACCOUNT
OUR GOOD INTENTIONS
471
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:11,879
BEFORE YOU CALL IN
YOUR SCIENTISTS...
472
00:20:11,912 --> 00:20:13,747
TO DISSECT US.
473
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:20,487
SORRY, FOLKS.
I'VE HEARD THAT ONE
BEFORE, TOO.
474
00:20:24,191 --> 00:20:29,797
MR. SOLOMON,
YOU OWE $16,143
IN BACK TAXES.
475
00:20:29,830 --> 00:20:31,498
YAY!
YES!
YES!
476
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,702
MR. GINDEK!
AAH!
MR. GINDEK!
477
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:36,669
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
478
00:20:40,207 --> 00:20:41,741
WELL, WE STILL HAVE
A LOT TO LEARN.
479
00:20:41,775 --> 00:20:43,510
COULD YOU IMAGINE
A REAL HUMAN BEING
480
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:45,478
AFRAID OF
A TAX AUDIT?
481
00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:46,947
HA HA! I KNOW.
482
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:48,715
ALTHOUGH I DO FEEL
A LITTLE MORE HUMAN
483
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:52,052
NOW THAT WE'VE BEEN
REAMED BY THE I.R.S.
484
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,686
I THINK "REAMED"
IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
485
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,423
YEAH. WE'RE PAYING TAXES
FOR YEARS WE WEREN'T
EVEN ON THE PLANET.
486
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:59,126
YEAH, WELL, LUCKILY,
MY BUSINESS IS BOOMING.
487
00:20:59,159 --> 00:21:02,162
HEY, MR. HARRY,
HOW MANY APPOINTMENTS
FOR TOMORROW?
488
00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,597
LET'S SEE. UH...
489
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,399
NONE.
490
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,467
WHAT?!
491
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,769
IN ALL FAIRNESS, SALLY,
YOU HAVE TERRIBLE HAIRCUTS.
492
00:21:09,803 --> 00:21:11,805
OH, RIGHT. I FORGOT.
493
00:21:11,839 --> 00:21:12,672
HEY, BY THE WAY,
494
00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:14,441
DID YOU GUYS SEE
DUBCEK'S FACE
495
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,810
WHEN SHE CAME OUT
OF THE DRYER?
496
00:21:16,844 --> 00:21:26,486
ERRR!
IS THIS
WHAT I PAID FOR?
497
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:29,522
SALLY, I HAD NO IDEA
YOU'D GONE
TO BEAUTY SCHOOL.
498
00:21:29,556 --> 00:21:31,024
OH, SURE.
499
00:21:31,058 --> 00:21:34,461
BACK IN '92--
REMEMBER '92, TOMMY?
500
00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:37,430
SURE. 1992.
THE YEAR WE DANCED
501
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:38,832
TO THE MUSIC
OF VANILLA ICE,
502
00:21:38,866 --> 00:21:41,134
AND SCENT OF A WOMAN
INTRODUCED AMERICA
503
00:21:41,168 --> 00:21:43,670
TO A YOUNG HEARTTHROB
NAMED CHRIS O'DONNELL.
504
00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,805
OH, HOW'S THAT FEEL?
OW!
505
00:21:45,839 --> 00:21:46,406
IT HURT.
506
00:21:46,439 --> 00:21:47,440
OH, GOOD. GOOD.
507
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:50,177
OW! OW! OW!
508
00:21:50,210 --> 00:21:52,612
OW! OW! OW!
34577
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