All language subtitles for The.Family.Plan.2023.720p.ATVP.WEBRip.800MB.x264-GalaxyRG.v2

There comes a time in every
man's life when he asks himself...

"Am I living the
life I should be?"

"Or am I capable of
something greater?"

"Is there a change that I
can make in my life right now

to become the best
version of myself?

Who do I wanna be?"

What is the life
that I wanna have?

What is the face that I
wanna present to the world?

These are the kinds of questions
that keep you up at night.

And when you're behind the wheel of a
high-performance automobile like this,

no one asks those questions.

They know you are that guy.

You have that life. Huh?

Maybe I
should look for something less cool.

Can I be honest?

That's your ex talking.

We gotta get your
confidence back.

If there's one
thing I've learned,

it is never too late to become

the man that you've
always wanted to be.

Dan! I don't
know how you do it.

Guy looks like he just
got himself a Lambo.

Hey, one man's lemon is
another man's lemonade.

He just needed a squeeze.

Well, it's earned you

Salesman of the Month again.

- Whoo! Nice!

Hey, Deb. Can you take a photo
of Dan for the website, please?

Uh, you know what? I actually...
I'm sorry, I gotta get home.

- It's my anniversary.
- Oh, come on, Dan. You do this every time.

- Give it to Hal.
- What's up, losers?

Hal, how many times have I told
you about driving on the lot like that?

Cars are like chicks,
Jorge. They wanna go fast.

- Your fly's open.

Hmm?

Uh, Dan... Uh, come on.

Don't make me give
it to this guy.

Oh, come on. I mean, he's
just got his teeth done.

- Hmm?
- Go get 'em, Hal.

♪ ...road ...home... ♪

Hey, Dan.

Hi, Mrs. Overmeyer.

Hey, Daniel.

♪ ...Buffalo ♪

- Hey, Beau.
- Hey!

I told you already, Nina.
Stanford is restrictive early action.

If you apply to Iowa now,
you could mess it all up.

I know what I'm doing.

Do you? It certainly doesn't
look like it from here.

- Happy anniversary!
- Aw, baby.

- You remembered.
- Hey. You thought I forgot.

Can you please tell Nina that we're not
paying for her to follow Trevor to Iowa?

Don't say his name like that.

- Like what?
- Come on.

- Max! Crushing the peas.

Ah, that's a good boy.

Hey, buddy.

How was your day?

You got any plans this weekend?

- Mm-mmm.
- Come on.

We'll go in the yard,
throw a few pitches,

see if you got any gas
left in this cannon.

- Come on, bud.

Where you going?

- Samir's.
- Again?

You made me quit gaming
so I'd make friends.

I made you quit gaming

because blowing
people's heads off 24-7

isn't exactly healthy.

You're meant to be
babysitting tonight.

It's our anniversary.

What? Why can't she?

- What, because I'm a woman?
- That is not what I'm saying.

- That's what you're saying to me.
- It's not.

- What is wrong with you?
- Are you kidding?

- Is this Trevor? Who's talking now?
- Really?

Do you have a life other than
just freaking pissing me off?

- Is it Nina or Trevor?
- I'm serious...

All right. Come on. Come on.

Stop it, okay? Please.

Look, Nina. Can you cover
for your brother tonight?

It might be good for him to
finally get out of the house,

- and you can work on your application.

Fine.

- You're welcome.
- Thank you.

Look, can you just...

Can you talk to Mom and ask
her to, like, lay off of me?

Because I'm a grown woman.

I heard that, Nina.

I'll talk to her. But
seriously, Beans...

- No, don't call me that.
- No.

What happened to
journalism at Stanford?

- Wasn't that the dream?
- Journalism is dead, Dad.

Yeah, right.

Is that something that
Trevor said, or...

- Yeah, really.
- He shouldn't say that.

- Really? I'm brainwashed.
- He shouldn't be putting ideas in your head, you know?

My God. Honey, I am so
glad it's not just me.

Oh, my gosh.

- All right, Maxie.
- Okay.

I'm gonna put him to bed.

And then?

- Are we still doing this?
- Oh, we're doing it.

Awesome.

Hey, Samir.

Sup, y'all?

Kyllboi's back, baby.

All right. Here we go.

Come on. Let me show you
how it's done. Watch this.

Give me the last
one, guys. Come on. Come on.

Boom!

Yes!

- Oh, man. Kyllboi's awesome.
- Kyllboi's sick.

Oh. We're actually gonna go as
a group, so you can go ahead.

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh.

Eighteen years.
Can you believe it?

It's nuts we keep
coming back here

every year for Twisted Cyclone.

What? No, no. I meant
18 years married.

And I thought you
loved this tradition.

- I do! I do.
- Are you sure?

I did.

I just... I don't know, you're
such a creature of habit.

I love that about you.

You know, we make, uh,
tacos on Wednesdays...

- Well, Tuesday, everybody's doing it.
- And we have sex on Thursdays.

If we can get the
kids out of the house.

- I know. I know.
- We gotta get them out more if we want more time.

No one makes a better
weekly planner than you do,

but... I don't know.

Maybe I just wanna be a little
bit more spontaneous and travel,

or... I kind of feel like
we don't really go anywhere.

Well, I mean... Well, we got
the kids, and they got school,

they got routines and friends...

- Oh, what friends?
- And just all that type of stuff.

Kyle has one friend which, by the
way, he never even invites over.

Yeah, but he's a
human with a pulse.

- I'll take it.
- God.

- Nina's the one I'm worried about.
- I know.

- She's so anti-establishment.
- Mm-hmm.

- She's anti the system. She's anti...
- Anti me.

Oh, come on. You know it's true.

- I'm sorry. Sorry.
- No, no, no.

Now's not the time.

You're right.

Now is the time to nut up

and get ready for the
near-death adrenaline rush

of Buffalo's 1998 winner of the
fourth-finest roller coaster.

- I know. I know. It's good.
- Do you think you can handle it?

Do you think I can
still handle it?

Baby!

- You're so crazy!
- You know I love you!

- I love you!
- Yeah!

- Whoa!

I promise, next year,
we'll go somewhere else.

- No. We'll always have Twisted Cyclone.
- No, look.

I don't need to come back here to remember
that this is where I fell in love with you...

- Aw.
- On our very first date,

holding your hair
back while you barfed.

I still can't
believe you wanted to kiss me.

I'll always wanna kiss you.

Aw.

Yeah.

Mmm.

Hey, hey. That
picture you just took,

it was kind of a private moment.

- You mind deleting it?
- Yeah, I do.

Hey, come on, man. Don't.

- Don't do that.

- Hey, come on. Take it down.
- Ooh.

Take it down.

Make me.

Hey, Dan. Leave it. Let's...

Yeah. Listen to your lady, Dan.

Is there a tough guy
in there, Dan? Hmm?

Are you a tough guy?

Aw.

Hey, tell me.

How'd a loser like him get
a girl as fine as you...

probably were?

Oh.

- Bye, Dan.
- Bye, Dan.

I didn't want you to fight him.

If I wanted to marry
a brawler, I would've.

I know you don't like violence.

It's not like I
care what he said.

Whoa. What
are you doing up?

Oh, you
want me to do the thing, huh?

- Wait, wait. Go.

Wipey, wipey.

- New record!

- Mmm? Oh, shit.
- Hey.

Anniversary sex.

- Mmm, I'm awake. I'm awake.

I'm totally awake.

- - I'm
so sorry tonight was a bust.

- I'm gonna make it up to you, I promise.
- Oh, it's okay.

- It's okay.

You know what?

I should have kicked that guy's
ass for what he said to you.

Oh, God.

You totally could've
taken him, honey.

Oh, babe.

Sorry. I shouldn't have laughed.

Aw.

Can we do
this on Thursday?

I'm so tired.

Yeah, sure.

I love you.

I love you too.

Remember to block your faces.
You don't wanna lose them.

Husband or boyfriend?

Teenage daughter.

- Oof. I'm sorry.

Okay,
guys. Partner up.

- You?
- Okay.

Cool.

All right.

I'm so bad at this. I...
I usually take barre,

but I couldn't find
one in Buffalo.

No, you're doing great.
Just, uh, keep your fists up.

- Where's home?
- Nowhere, everywhere.

- I'm... I'm in the travel business.
- Ah. Sounds so nice.

Are you here for work?

No, I'm... I'm
here to see my ex.

Now swap.

Sorry... ...TMI.

Don't worry about it. Just
take it out on the bag.

- That's what I do.

- How old is your daughter?

Seventeen.

- Oh, my God.

- I am so sorry...
- Mmm.

About that again.
Ah, how's it feeling?

Mmm, it's, um...

- No, it's fine. It's a story.

I got beat up by a physical
therapist at the gym.

God.

You have a mean right
hook, by the way.

Oh, thanks.

- Gosh.
- Mmm.

Okay.
So, where were we?

- Three kids...
- Mmm.

Three kids. Yeah.

Yeah. Just when I thought

I was sending one
off to college,

um, along came Max.

Adorable.

Adorable...

What?

I don't know.

I don't know. Sometimes I guess
I just feel like I'm a little...

I
don't know, trapped?

I know that sounds so awful.

Hmm.

It's just that, um, Dan,
my hu... my husband,

I mean, he's an amazing...
he's an amazing dad, you know?

I guess, uh, he's just
so content being here.

- In Buffalo?

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

- I didn't mean to...
- No.

- Say it like that.
- That's true.

I mean, when we met, I wanted to
travel. I wanted to see the world.

But Dan's... He's
just a total homebody, you know?

He's so focused on the family, and I
do, I love that about him. He's amazing.

I just wish our lives were...

bigger, you know? Just...

- I get it.

- I'm sorry. Talk about TMI.

No, I've...
I've got to catch a flight,

- as always.
- Oh.

But, listen. If you ever do
convince your husband to travel,

I promise you, I'm better at
my job than I am at kickboxing.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Great news.

- Today's Half-Price Wednesday...
- You're about to go to size 4S, huh?

Are you so big now,
huh? How big is Maxie?

So big.

Look at the big muscles.

Wow. Hmm. Okay, hold on.

We're gonna get this for
Mama. And that. And that.

Oh, you wanna get ice cream?

Yeah, I'm gonna
get you ice cream.

Huh?

Yeah?

Yeah. Oh, there it is.

You want this one?

I'll get you french fries.

- Oh, shit.

- - Oh. I'm so
sorry about this, pal.

- Really?

Hey, asshole.

- At least let me put my kid down.

- Oh, shit.

Daniel.

- Oh. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Overmeyer.
- Uh-oh.

Oh, my God!

Hey!

I told you to let
me put my kid down!

- I got 'em.

Cleaning team
to aisle three, please.

- Sorry about the mess.

Th... Thank you for shopping
at Fresh, Fresh, Fresh.

Hold on.

Oh. Hey, Beau.

- Hey, Dan.
- Have a good one.

All right.

Shit. The passports
are out of date.

From here on in, Daddy's
paying in cash, Maxie.

Hello?

Hey, don't hang up.

How are you still alive?

Yeah, it's nice to
hear your voice too.

Look, I need new identities.
I'm burned. Full packets.

Me, my wife, and three kids.

Three? How did that happen?

Do I really need to explain the
birds and the bees right now, Augie,

or can we talk business?

Oh, God.

You've got some
nerve calling me.

McCaffrey scorched the
earth looking for you.

Yep. Looks like he's found me.

- How?
- I don't know.

Social media, I guess.

You idiot.

- I had to leave my life behind.

Now I'm stuck in Tempe, Arizona, making
fake IDs for entitled college pricks.

- Should I go?
- Oh, no. You can stay.

But given you're trying to look
like you're not in college,

maybe try losing the hoodie?

Look, I'll pay you a
half a million in cash.

And you get Doris a condo in
one of those retirement places.

You know, the ones with the golf
carts, the wine and cheese happy hour,

mah-jongg at six o'clock?

Leave my mom out of this.

- Oh, she'll love it.
- I can sell you out for twice that.

Well, you haven't in 18 years.

- Meet me in Vegas in three days.

I'll give you a time and a
place once I'm on the road.

Vegas? Why Vegas?

I can't tell my wife I'm taking
her on vacation to Tempe, Arizona.

- Vegas, I can sell.
- You haven't told them? Are you mental?

What, do you think it's that
easy? What am I meant to do?

Sit them down and tell them the
whole story over French toast?

Oh, hey, kids. You know what?
Pass the maple syrup. By the way,

your dad was a
government assassin.

I'll tell them when I'm on the
road and safe. Three days, Augie.

Chess club.

All right, come on.

Where's Nina?

Nina's not the editor
anymore. She quit.

What? When?

Three months ago.

So, where is she now?

I don't know.

All right, look.
I'll give you 50 bucks

for your best guess
of where Nina is.

I'm a journalist. I
don't give people up.

100.

Try under the bleachers.

That's what I thought.

I wrote my college essay on how
universities propagate systemic racism,

and my mom shot it down.

- I was like, "Hello,

that's how change happens."

And she goes, "No, that's how
community college happens."

- Nina.

Dad, what are you doing here?

This is a safe space. He
can't just come in here.

Your dad's hot.

- Okay, Kelly. That's gross.

You're meant to be in
an editorial meeting.

Yeah, I am. I... I was.

- I...
- You quit three months ago.

How could you do that? You
worked so hard to become editor.

- You don't even read my stuff.
- Of course I do.

- I always do.
- Yeah. Bullshit.

You know what? I don't
have time for this.

Where's the chess club? We
need to find your brother.

Can't you tell me
what's going on?

Nothing. I... I have a
surprise for the family, okay?

- What's the surprise?
- Where is the chess club?

- It's in the math building.

Thank you, Kelly.

- Dad, wait.
- What now?

He's not there.

Stay in the car.

Oh, no. Forget it. I
am not missing this.

- Missing what?
- Nothing.

Go, go, go, go, go.

- Shit.
- Are you Samir?

- Yeah.
- I'm Kyle's dad. Is he here?

What happened to chess club?

Um... It
was canceled today.

- Right... Right, Samir?
- You don't pay me to lie.

- You pay him?
- No, I...

Um, you
don't need to... It's...

- I... I can explain.
- Get in the car.

- I...
- Get in the car.

Let's go now.

- Traitor.

- So, what's the big surprise?
- We're going on a trip.

Oh, I actually have plans
this weekend, so I...

You're very grounded,
both of you.

Look, we're going up
there to get your mom.

You two are gonna show her nothing
but excitement for this trip,

or I'm gonna tell her that
you've been lying to us,

and you know how
that's gonna go down.

Where are we even going?

Vegas?

- We're going to Las Vegas today?
- Well, you said you wanted...

- Now?
- To be more spontaneous.

I heard you. And Jorge said
I could take a few days off.

- Is Jorge the one that does...

- hydromassages on Tuesdays?
- No, Mrs. Kessler. Jorge is Dan's boss.

Is Dan giving me a hydromassage?

No, Mrs. Kessler. There's
no massages today.

No. The kids have a long weekend,
and they're pumped. Right, guys?

Guys, tell your mom how
pumped you are for this trip.

- Whoo! Yes!
- Oh, so pumped.

Dan, we can't just
up and go to Vegas.

I mean... And why Vegas?

I know it's not Europe, but there's
a Venice and an Eiffel Tower.

You know what? I bet you we can
get last-minute Adele tickets.

- You love Adele.
- You love Adele.

Of course I love Adele.
Who doesn't love Adele?

- I love Adele.
- Everybody loves Adele.

She's got the voice
of a freaking angel.

Come on, Jess. What
is holding us back?

Who are you? I mean, I don't
even recognize you.

Well, you're gonna love
him. He's crazy in bed.

- Oh. Oh.
- Ooh. Are you sure it's not Tuesday?

You deserve a break. And I think this
could be really good for us as a family.

And we're driving there?

Well, nothing brings a family
together like a road trip.

But we gotta go now.
Before the traffic gets bad.

And Mrs. Kessler, I'm so sorry. You
keep working on those deltoids, okay?

- Thanks, Jorge.
- What about our stuff?

- I mean, I need to pack, the baby. It's...
- Oh, no, no, no.

I got all the basics packed
already. Yeah. When we get there,

we're gonna use the money that we
saved on flights to go all Pretty Woman

- in those fancy hotel boutiques...

- that smell like leather and patchouli.
- Stop.

And guess who's got no budget?
You get whatever you want.

Okay. Oh,
this is totally crazy.

- Dan, this is crazy.
- I know. It's crazy.

- Oh, my God.
- We're gonna get crazy.

We're going to Vegas!

Do we have snacks?

Let's just get
out there on the road,

and then we can
make a stop and...

I think I'm gonna take a shortcut.
Save us a little bit of time.

What?

Go, go, go!

- Whoa. Shit.
- It's a shortcut. You never take Elmwood?

- Shit.

All right. We're off.

Hey, Maxie.

- First road trip.
- Yeah.

Max, you excited?

Five hours on a plane,
or 33 hours in a car?

I choose 33 hours.

- Da!

Honey, you remembered my boots!

- Yeah.
- Baby!

I can't believe that.

- Whoa. Jesus.
- Oh, my God. Jesus. Dad.

- Easy there, lead-foot.
- Sorry about that.

Think a squirrel or something
jumped out in front of me.

Oh, my God.

- Where on earth are you taking us?
- What? Oh, no.

This is a shortcut,
honey. You never take it?

Shit.

He's tracking us.

- Huh?
- Oh, nothing.

Nothing, honey.

Uh, you know what? Actually,
I... I gotta...

stop and check something
at work real quick.

- Is that Hal?
- Yeah. He's got a new mustache.

- You work with that guy?
- It will just be a second.

I think there's a service
area to the right.

All right. If you guys just give
me a second, I'll be right there.

- Dad, what the hell?
- Language, Nina.

Dan, what the hell?

Oh, well, we're
driving 2,000 miles.

We've gotta change the
oil, check the coolant,

pop a little extra
air in the tires.

I'd hate to be halfway
across the desert

and wish we'd checked
that coolant, right?

Can we not be in the car for it?

Okay, he's stopped.
He's right ahead of us.

He should be here.

Hey, guys. Just, uh,
ha... hang in there for a minute.

Dan?

Mom, when we're in Vegas,

- can I go to HyperX?
- No, you're not going to a strip club.

- It's not a strip club.
- Why are you laughing?

- You're not gambling, Nina.

- Do you have a fake ID?
- I'm not being... No.

- Dan!

Hey, Hal. Nice wheels.

- She just come in?
- Yeah.

I was thinking about
opening her up a little bit.

Oh, man. I tell you what.
She wants to go fast.

Cars are like chicks, man.

- Yes! Right.
- Get her on the freeway.

You open her up. And you
get a ticket, it's on me.

Oh, I got him. He's on the
move. He's heading west.

Hey, guys.

- Yes?
- We're ready.

Are we going to Vegas,

or are we just
gonna live up here?

- We're on our way, honey.

- Honey, aren't your feet cold?
- I don't care. I am on vacation.

What are you doing?

I'm posting
about our trip.

Look, do we really need to be
posting and tweeting and TikToking?

In my day, road trips were
all about interaction.

No, Dad. Please. I can't deal
with a dad lecture right now.

You literally don't even know how to
text, so your opinion doesn't count.

I'm serious. This should be
a device-free vacation, okay?

Give them up, now.

- Wh... What?
- Seriously.

- What?
- Give it up. Now.

- Jess, a little help?
- Okay, you heard him. Hand 'em over.

Yours too.

All right. Mine too. All of
us, okay? Solidarity! Bye!

No!

- No, no, no. Dad.

- No way you just did that. What?
- Oh, my God, Dad.

I've just freed our family
from the shackles of technology

- with a flick of my wrist. Just like that.
- Stop the car.

And trust me, it's gonna bring us
all closer together. Just you wait.

You've lost your mind.

- Oh, my God.
- Whatever. I'll just buy myself a new one.

What, like you buy your friends?

- Look, Samir is a business associate.
- Oh, yeah.

- Look. At least they're talking.
- Do you wanna tell Mom and Dad

- about all your business endeavors?
- I don't give a...

I've got a question for
you, Mr. Spontaneous.

Without our phones, how are we
gonna know where we're going?

If this is a joke,
it's not funny.

It's not a joke. We're going on
a family road trip. We need maps.

Dude, why don't you just, like,
you know...

Yeah, Dad. Why?

Because he was trying to
promote familial bonding...

- Mm-hmm.
- Through the forcible

removal of technology.

Look, I need travel help.
Isn't this what you do?

Not for a long time.

What's, uh... What's
your destination?

Uh, Las Vegas. I'm also going
to need help with some reservations,

if that's not too much of
an inconvenience for you.

Okay. Ah, okay. Here you go.

All right.

- I'm gonna need a credit card.
- You know what? Here's my membership card.

I think you'll see I've got
a few rewards points there.

That's not
really how it works.

- It's like a whole thing.
- Oh, I get it.

Maybe with all those points, I
don't even need a credit card.

What do you think,
Levon? Are we good?

How many points do we have?

Looks like you are platinum

elite superior diamond members.

And I would
love to help you today.

♪ Stop,
collaborate And listen ♪

♪ Ice is back With a
brand-new invention ♪

♪ Something grabs A
hold of me tightly ♪

♪ Flow like a harpoon
daily And nightly ♪

♪ Will it ever stop?
Yo, I don't know ♪

♪ Turn off the lights
and... And I'll glow ♪

♪ To the extreme I rock
a mic like a vandal ♪

- Please stop. Can someone unlock the car?
- ♪ A chump like a candle ♪

♪ Deadly ♪

Say, "Ooh."

Damn. It's pretty
impressive, huh?

How good is Mom?

♪ ...yo, I'll solve it ♪

♪ Check out the hook
While the DJ revolves it ♪

♪ Ice, ice, baby ♪

Come on, guys.

- ♪ Ice, ice, baby ♪
- What is "ice, ice, baby"?

Call in everybody.

The Swedes, Gunther, Spiros.

- I want 'em found.
- Well, there's no hits on their cards.

Must be using cash.

I've been tracking their
socials, but nothing so far.

Must have turned
their phones off.

Hey, his kid's a
gamer called Kyllboi.

He's pretty good.

Get eyes on the
road, and find that minivan.

You got it, boss.

Be tough for him to switch cars
without tipping off the family.

- What makes you think they don't know?
- They're still with him.

Look at you. You're
in withdrawal.

Can you really not go, like, one day
without blowing people's brains out?

I have a brand to manage.

A desensitized cog in
the violence-obsessed

capitalist machine is a brand?

Oh, good. Trevor's here.

Do you even remember

what your own
personality is like?

No.

You used to be cool.

- Do I know you?
- I don't think so.

Well, yeah. I've
seen you on Twitch.

You're the guy who took down
Synapse live on his own stream!

You're Kyllboi. Right?

You know about that?

Yeah. Dude, that was badass.

- Um...
- Can I get a picture?

- Um, uh, sure.

Jess... ...I don't
know how to tell you this,

but when we get to Vegas,
we're not coming home.

The truth is,
I haven't been completely hon...

The
truth is, when we met...

- Before I met...

All right, here we go.
We've got rooms 152 and 153.

Oh, can I get, uh, four of those
disposable cameras too, please?

Yeah.

Here you go.

- Thank you. Keep the change.
- Thank you.

You're awesome,
dude. For real.

I mean, thank you.

I mean, this is... this is literally
the worst ever...

- I'm gonna get you.

I'm gonna get you!

All right. Here,
kiddo. Go make some memories.

Yeah, I'm... I don't know, this is...
It's just a weird experience for me.

That's so
cool I ran into you.

Look at your brother.
He's made a friend.

- Uh, can you do the thing?
- Uh, yeah.

- Awesome. Thanks, Kyllboi.
- Thank you.

- Hey, what was all this about?
- That's a really good question.

- What was that about?
- Yeah, and who's Kyllboi?

- Um...
- You know, that sounds familiar.

I feel like I know who that is.

- That's...
- No one.

- It's nothing.
- Oh, my God.

- It's not important.
- He's Kyllboi.

It's his gamer tag.
He never quit gaming.

He thinks he's, like,
famous or something now.

- Really?

- Big boy!
- Da.

- Da?
- Is she gonna post that picture?

- Um, prob... probably, yeah.
- Hey!

Did you get some rooms?

Uh, no. They're all booked.
We gotta keep going.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- What was that?
- Hey, honey.

Just a little bit
of a pothole there.

Max, did you see that?
That guy was flying.

Oh, my God.

- Jesus.
- Oh, my God.

- Where are we?
- Iowa.

- Iowa?
- Yeah.

Wait. Did you drive all night?

Well, what can I say?

I was so damn excited... I couldn't sleep.

I mean, I kept getting second
winds. More like fifth winds.

- And then, before you know it, bam.
- God.

We're in Iowa City.

That's not a real cow, honey.

- Okay?
- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Did you just
say we're in Iowa City?

- Oh, my God.
- Yes, honey.

That means we're like...

we're literally, like,
half an inch from SIU.

- We can... We can stop and...

We are not gonna stop
and see Trevor, okay?

- Mmm.
- Actually,

I meant that I wanted to
see campus, but whatever.

Oh. Right. 'Cause you're really
interested in seeing the facilities.

- Yeah. Actually, I am.
- Are you serious?

Are we gonna argue about this? About
you following a boy to college?

- I'm not following a boy to col...
- Guys.

You're gonna
go for three months...

- Guys.
- It's the college that I want to go to.

Obviously, I would want
to go see the campus.

- Why do you wanna go?
- We're so far from home.

This place is gorgeous.

How could you not
want me to come here?

I cannot believe
that you are encouraging this.

Look, it wouldn't hurt for us
to be off the road for a bit.

Besides, I mean, maybe if
we want her to listen to us,

we gotta start
listening to her more.

- Let her look around. It's safe, nice.
- Mmm.

And besides, it'll... it'll
give us a chance to talk.

Okay. You wanna find out what
college life is really about?

Hmm? Follow me.

Ah! This takes me back.

- It's like a toxic masculinity convention.

It's called school spirit, Nina.

Yeah, okay. You're not the one

who's gonna get flipped
over in a porta-potty.

Well, it's pretty
festive. Do you like it?

- Yeah. It's cool.
- Yes.

Hey, sexy. You want me to show
you how to do a keg stand?

Hmm.

Oh, ew.

Sorry. I didn't
realize you were...

a mom.

Nina.

Do you mind?

- Okay. Here you go.

Yep.

Oh, my God.

- Yo! Come through. She's gonna do it.
- Mom. Mom. Mom!

- Mom!

I can't...

Mm-mmm.

- Beer me!
- Come on! Yeah!

Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug!

Whoo! Whoo!

- Don't you ever try anything like that.
- Mom, that was...

that was awesome, actually.
I...

"Beer me"?

Mmm.

Let's get, uh, out of here
before I get too competitive

- and start kicking ass at beer pong.
- Oh, my God.

I wonder what that looks like.

I hope you all
enjoyed seeing the library.

First time for me too.

- Hey, guys. Look. There's a tour.
- And you know...

Let's slip in the back and pretend like
we were a part of the group all along.

- Do we have to?
- Yeah.

We're here to
support your sister.

If you're questioning that,
you get to strap on Max.

- Let's go.
- Next up,

we'll head on over to visit our
state-of-the-art athletic facilities.

I'm sorry that
I ratted you out.

It's just, it drives me crazy
that you get away with so much,

and I get yelled at constantly just
because you guys don't get Trevor.

We get Trevor.

- We don't like Trevor.
- Why?

Ever since you've been dating him, you've
been like a completely different person.

I liked you better before.

Plus, he... he treats you
like shit. You deserve more.

Is that... Is that, like,
genuine concern for my feelings?

- No. God, no. Gross.

- I wonder what's going on in your mind.

It's just... I don't know.

Another blast from the past.

Oh. You think you
can still do it?

No. Not unless I wanted
to end up in the hospital.

It's just... It's funny
to think how different my life would be

if I hadn't torn my ACL.

- Well, do you want it to be different?
- No. God, no.

It's just...
You know, it's just strange.

You've never even met
that version of me.

You just know Jessica,
the physical therapist.

Well, I love every
version of you.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. Especially that keg stand one.

- It was so freaking hot.

- Yeah?
- Oh, my God.

Did you ever have sex
on the pole-vault mat?

Uh...

- Don't answer that. Oh, my.
- God.

You have been acting so
weird this whole trip.

But I gotta tell you, I'm
kind of into spontaneous Dan.

Well, you know, Jess. I mean, we all
have different versions of ourselves.

- And sometimes, you just...
- Yeah.

- That guy with the gold chain.
- Um...

He wasn't with the group before.

- Okay.
- What's he doing?

Well, they grow up fast,
huh? Which one is yours?

My daughter is
back in Stuttgart.

- I look at school for her.
- Wow. That's a hike.

I
have business here.

Chemistry,
astronomy, astrophysics...

Hey, you mentioned
having business in Iowa.

What business would that be?

- Corn.
- Yeah? That's what's in the case?

Oh. Ladies.

Thanks.

- After you.
- No, I insist.

- Dan?
- Oh. Hey, honey.

- Coming?
- Yeah.

I'm just getting to
know this fella here.

All the way from
Stuttgart, Germany.

- Oh.
- You know, I had a pen pal from Stuttgart

back in high school. I even
learned a little German.

What did you just say?

"Where's the discotheque?"

Right. Okay.

- Don't worry, honey. We'll catch up, okay?
- All right, honey.

Fine.
You wanna dance.

Let's see what's in the case.

- What the hell is that?
- Heirloom corn.

I thought I made this clear.

So, you're just German?

Oh, shit.

- Biology labs are over there.
- Where's Dad?

- Physics there.
- He's talking to some German guy.

We have our chemistry
labs right here.

Never a dull moment in the
labs. Moving on.

Let me show you

the biggest Van de Graaff
generator in the Midwest.

Mmm.

So, I hope you've all
enjoyed this tour of our wonderful campus.

I know I have.

- Hey. It's getting late, huh?
- Hey.

- We should probably get back on the road.
- Yeah.

- Where's Nina?
- Oh. I said she could go say hi to Trevor.

It felt cruel to deny her.

It's okay.

She'll be back soon.

- - Yeah. No.
I-I'm not worried at all.

Okay.

Go away, Josh.

It's me.

Me who?

- Uh, Nina.
- Oh.

Hey. What are you doing here?

It's, like,
a really long story.

- But, um, can I come in?

You know what?

Give me just one sec, and
I'll throw on some pants,

and me and you
can grab a matcha.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.
- Hang on a second.

Oh, my God. You're...
You're cheating on me.

Monogamy is just a construct
of our Western repressive civilization.

- Oh, my God.

I thought we were on
the same page on that.

All right.

Honey, what happened?

He's an asshole.
That's what happened.

"Monogamy is just a
construct"... Who even says that?

- Trevor.
- Oh, baby. I'm so sorry.

Can we just go?

Ah, that's a great
idea, honey. Let's go.

Hey, Beans.

Look, I'm sorry. You
know, when I was your age, I...

You don't need another
dad lecture, do you?

Hey, Beans.

You ever hear of Kyusho Jitsu?

- Kyusho what?
- Kyusho Jitsu.

It's a 13th-century martial
art that uses pressure points

to inflict extreme pain
without permanent damage.

How do you
even know about that?

Well, maybe there's more to
your old man than you thought.

Nina, you gotta let go
of these stereotypical...

How was that
for "stereotypical,"

you unbearably pompous, bloviating
piece of sanctimonious shit?

- Smile.

You deserve more.

- What did you say to her?
- It was just a dad lecture.

- God.

What happened to the mirror?

Huh?

The mirror.

Oh. You didn't hear that?

- No.
- Oh.

It was a semi. It
went flying by.

The guy must have
been doing a hundred.

And rocks just come...

- spitting out of the tire.
- Jesus.

One hit there. It almost
hit the windshield.

- What the...

We got him.

We really got you.

- You were so scared.

So, did you, um... did you
tell Mom that I quit the paper?

No. Did you want me to?

I was kidding.

No. I... I...

I was just kind of thinking about
maybe getting my position back.

Yeah? That's cool.

Only do
it if you want to.

I gotta tell you, Beans.

You've got a hell of a voice,
and it deserves to be heard.

Hey. No BS. All right?

I'm serious. That piece you
wrote about pervasive corruption

in the Board of Education...
My God.

I got chills.

You
actually read that?

Of course I did.

Come on. I'm your
biggest fan, Beans.

Always have been,
and I always will be.

And so is your mom.

And so are your brothers.

Max just hasn't told you yet.

Oh, a smile.

Wow. Holy shit.

- Oh, my God.
- No, I didn't.

- That was... No.

I mean it. I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

Mmm. Max is fed and
settled in the kids' room.

I am so ready for a real bed.

What?

Nothing.

- Ooh.
- Ooh.

- Hey now.
- Hey.

You wanna lose that?

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

Oh. Wait.

It's not Thursday.

Mmm. Mmm. Okay.

Fuck.

- Mmm.

- Wow.

- What was that?

Oh, that felt
like... That felt...

That was long overdue.

That was...

- That's what that was.
- That felt, uh...

Mmm.

That felt different.

- Different good, I hope.
- Different like...

I was cheating on
Dan with other Dan.

- Whoa! That different. Oh. Mmm.
- No. I mean... No. It was...

Don't get me wrong. That
was so hot. That was like...

What got into you?

I don't know.

Maybe it's being away, or...

maybe it was seeing you upside-down
on that keg shouting, "Beer me!"

Is this what you
used to be like?

Other Dan.

Did you change because of me?

No.

Look, I changed because I
didn't like who I was back then.

Then I met you.

Then I became a dad.

And for the first
time in a long time, I felt good.

I just took it too far.

- I got too comfortable. Too safe.
- Mmm.

- And that probably came across as boring...
- Well...

- and maybe neglectful...
- for what it's worth...

- I'll never do that again.
- I really like both Dans.

- Do you?
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Well, I'm already here, so...

- Mmm. How convenient.
- Yeah.

- Hello?
- Augie? We're on track tonight.

Aria bar, 6:00 p.m. Do
you have everything?

Some of my finest
work. If I may say so.

What, better than that passport that
got me cavity searched in Bogotá?

You're never gonna let
me forget that, are you?

Yeah, sure. The day I forget
the snap of that latex glove.

Have you told them yet?

I'm working on it, all right?

It's not exactly easy to
work into a conversation.

You know, they might
think that something is up

when they have to change their
name and leave the country.

What are you waiting for?

I said I'm working on it, Augie.
All right? Give me a break.

Look, Jess.

There's something that
I need to tell you.

About the other Dan.

The Dan I
was before we met.

Dad? Who you talking to?

Nobody. Sit down.

Girls aren't ready yet.

- So, Kyllboi, huh?
- Hmm.

Why didn't you tell us?

I knew
you'd never get it,

that you'd just freak out
and ban me for even longer.

- Here you go.
- I wasn't trying to punish you, you know.

We just wanted you to
have other interests.

Make some friends. Be a
little bit more normal.

I... I have friends.
Okay? Thousands of them.

People like me when
I'm Kyllboi, okay?

I... I like me.

But when I'm Kyle, I-I'm
too shy to talk to girls.

You know, I'm... I'm... I'm not good
enough to make the baseball team.

I-I'm a nobody.

But when I'm Kyllboi,
I'm good, Dad.

Like... Like pro-level good.

Look, okay.

I... I know you think it's
all just a waste of time,

but it takes brains
and... and reflexes.

Th... The Air Force
recruits gamers.

Yeah. Maybe that's
what I'm afraid of.

- Let me show you.
- Show me what?

- What I can do.
- Laser tag?

- You can't be serious.

Single combat, okay? I-I-If I
win, I get to start gaming again.

If you win, the ban remains.

What, I don't get anything?

Okay, fine.
What do you want?

A catch. Like we used to.

You and me in the backyard, throwing
a ball every day for six months.

Dad, I'm... I'm not 12.

Well, you're gonna smoke me anyway.
Right, Mr. Brains and Reflexes?

Fine. Good luck.

You are so screwed.

Let's go.

You're
green. You're blue.

Once you're hit, you're
out for five seconds.

First one to three kills, wins.

You just pull the trigger?

Death
match. Prepare yourself.

Three, two, one, fight.

Go easy on me, buddy.

Dad. Come on. I'll give
you a free one, yeah?

All right.

- First blood.

Oh, I got lucky there.

All right. That's one.

How are you doing this?

No, no, no. No, don't...

Hey, Kyllboi. I thought you wanted
to play laser tag, not hide-and-seek.

Oh, you sneaky little shit.

You're getting
pretty good at this, Kyle.

Well, at least
I don't need a DNA test.

Sudden death.

- Game over.

Kyle, come
on. Don't be mad.

You conned me.

You're a... a laser tag savant.

No. I was a kid in the '80s.

Yeah, like there were
lasers back then.

Come on, pal. You
were good in there.

You adapted quickly.
You got creative.

You almost had me.

And I gotta admit, I really
enjoyed doing that with you.

I mean, it meant a lot to me.

Are we good?

Come on. Give me some love.

Real love. Yeah.

- Not bad for an old man, huh?
- Uh, yeah. For sure.

Hey. What do you say, mamacita?

Home stretch. You ready?

- Vegas!
- Are you ready?

- Maxie.

- I love you.
- I love you.

It's amazing.

♪ Oh, home ♪

♪ Let me come home ♪

♪ Home is wherever
I'm with you ♪

♪ Oh, home, let me come home ♪

♪ Home is wherever
I'm with you ♪

Vegas!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Donny Osmond.

Adele!

- Oh, my gosh.
- Well, look at this. We got a spot.

How about that?

Wow!

- This is so cool.

- Dan, the floors are so shiny.
- Look at this place!

This is all ours?

Oh, my God.

Oh, wow. "Enjoy
the suite for which

every possible promotion
has been applied.

You have a 7:00 p.m.
reservation at La Maison D'Or.

Thank you for being exceptional
members. Levon." How nice.

What?

- Nina?
- Yep.

You have to look at this tub.

I gotta run downstairs for a sec.
Don't let them raid the minibar, okay?

That is not mini.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Yes!

Hey.

Look at you, playing
the family man.

- I'm not playing. This is my life.
- Hmm.

You see any sign of
trouble on your way in?

- Uh-uh.
- Me neither.

I mean, I messed up, stopping in
Iowa, but I think we're in the clear.

Well, then enjoy your last
night as Dan Morgan, my friend.

I've got you on a flight to Vancouver in
the morning under your new identities.

Hey. You're a lifesaver,
Augs. Thank you.

Try to get out of Vegas
with some of it, huh?

- I promise nothing.

How did the family
take the news?

I haven't told them yet.
I'm telling Jess at dinner.

- I suggest a Japanese restaurant.
- Why?

No knives.

- Wow. You look incredible.

I know.

Wow! What a lucky guy I am.

Wow!

Come on.

Hey. All right.
You two are on Max.

You're not to leave this
suite under any circumstance.

There's food in the
supersized minibar.

You do not open that
door for anyone.

- You got it?
- Got it.

- What about you, Maxie?

- You got it?
- Yeah?

All right. Have fun. Be good.

- Screw that, right?
- Oh, yeah.

- Ready?

Let's go.

- Yeah.

Excited.

Wow.

Hey, let's go to HyperX. I
wanna see the esports arena.

No way. No, no. I'm not spending
my time in an arena full of Kyles.

- I'm not going.
- Sucks to suck. Me and Max are going.

Ugh.

- Hello, Elvis.
- Uh-huh.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Whoo!

All right. I think it's just
down here. You're gonna love it.

I already hate it.

Welcome
to the HyperX Arena.

Five minutes until
our final round.

This is sick.

Smells like your
room on steroids.

Thanks.

That's Ren.

Hi. Sorry. Uh, big
fan.

Thanks. Wait. You're, um...

- Kyllboi.
- Yeah. I've seen your streams.

Thanks.

Hey.

Do you wanna meet
Valkyrae and the others?

Hell yeah.

Okay. I have a gift for you.

- Okay.
- Take him.

- Thank you very much.
- Mmm.

- To us.
- Yeah.

I can't
believe we actually did it.

- We're here.
- Yep.

- We're here.

- Look, Jess...
- Mmm.

- There's something I need to tell you.
- Hang on.

- Come here.
- What?

- Oh, my God.
- Mmm.

- Thank you.
- You don't have to thank me.

Sorry. I interrupted.

No, no, it's okay. It's just... The
reason that we came on this trip...

What I was saying was...

Oh. I don't
actually speak French.

They just teach us
enough to sound fancy.

I'll
give you a minute.

You speak French too?

I... I... I took some
French back in the day.

It's literally kind of weird
that you've never mentioned to me

that you speak two
foreign languages.

How good are you?

That
was crazy sexy.

Why does everything sound
so much better in French?

Well, it's an innately
melodic language.

At some point, you and
I are gonna have to talk

about why you never
told me you can do that.

- I mean, it's crazy you didn't tell me.

We should also... talk
about how insane you've been acting

ever since you showed up
and whisked us off to Vegas.

But right now... right now, I
just wanna be here with you.

I wanna be eating
this amazing food,

and drinking this
champagne we can't afford,

and enjoying each other's
company, and just maybe...

showing that ridiculous hotel suite
some moves it has never seen before.

I don't know about you, but that
sounds like a pretty perfect night.

- What rank are you?
- Um... Uh, Ascendant 3.

Damn. Really? That's
better than him.

- That's incredible.

- Oh, my.
- How long you been playing for?

Um, I mean, since
the game came out.

It's cool your
brother's Kyllboi.

Is it?

Yeah. He's the real deal.

Um, so, is this your...

No. Oh,
God. No. No, no, no.

- I found him. Just over there.
- Over there?

- Yeah.
- Just hanging out?

- It's time for the finals.

Team Valkyrae and Team
iiTzTimmy onto the stage!

Hey, let's go.

Use Kyllboi.

Are you up for it?

The... The finals?

Yeah, this is one of
those moments, man.

Are you in or out?

- In.
- Let's go. Yeah.

- Okay.
- Don't be nervous.

- It'll be a piece of cake.
- Thanks.

Hey, that was kind
of cool of you.

Not really.
They're gonna get destroyed.

What's up, everyone?

Take a seat, Kyllboi,
right next to me.

Whoo!

Do you have ammo?

I'm gonna try and block
us off real quick.

Above here.

Let's go.

- Good job.
- Okay. Next.

No more bets.

- Oh, shoot! -
I'm gonna call the kids.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Check
B Main right now.

- Nice shot.
- Here's the last one.

He satcheled in.

- Are you serious? What was that?
- Nice!

- Whoo!
- That was so sick!

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hey, the kids aren't answering.

You wanna... You
wanna head back up?

Yeah. Let's...
Let's do it. Okay.

- Whoa, Jess. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Mmm.

- They okay?

- They're good.

Look, I'm so sorry we cut
the night short. I didn't...

Who says we did, huh?

Oof. Give me 30
seconds to freshen up,

and then meet me in bed.

Okay.

Okay.

Mood.

Love mist.

Uh, Jess!

Dan?

Oh.

- Oh, my God.
- There he is.

Dan?

- I've been looking for you.
- Dan.

Dan.

- Easy, Coogan.

You got me. You win.

Just let her go.

- She doesn't know anything.
- Well, I'd say she does now, Sean.

Yeah. So here's how
this is gonna go.

First, I'm gonna kill you.

And then I'm gonna kill her.

And then I'm gonna have my
associate at HyperX kill your kids.

How's that sound?

I can explain.

Oh, that's normal, honey.
Everybody barfs their first time.

Give me one second.

What?

Oh, my God.

Jess, wait. Where are you going?

HyperX.

So, do you... do you want me to
talk, or do you have things to say?

- Do I have things to say?
- Right. Sorry.

I have eyeball on me, Sean.

Fucking eyeball.

- Jess.
- Shut up. Shut up!

I don't wanna hear it. I
don't even wanna look at you.

I just wanna find my kids,

who don't have
their goddamn phones

because you threw them away!

Kyllboi, it's just you and me.

Take this guy. Breach.

Watch out!

- I have a rez.
- Okay.

- Oh, no.
- Oh!

- Shit on!
- Oh, my God.

It's all on you, man.

To the left. Nice shot.

- Nice. One more.
- Coming.

- Let's go!
- Yes! Yes!

We have a winner!

- Team Valkyrae wins!
- Yes!

Doesn't get
much closer than that.

Kyllboi! Kyllboi! That's right.

- Kyllboi!
- Give it up!

- It's Kyllboi.
- Who's Kyllboi?

- Kyllboi!
- Kyle?

Oh, shit. Kyle!

- Hey!
- Where's your brother?

That's a funny story. He's
literally right there.

- No. Your other brother.
- Okay, yeah. He's fine.

He's good. He's with Ren.

- What?
- Excuse me.

- See? See?

- He's fine. Max is great. Heya.
- Hey.

- Okay. Call me.
- Listen. I... I...

I know you guys are
mad...

Listen, that... that's
me they're cheering for.

- What were you thinking?
- Well, Max is fine.

Okay, look. Guys, we don't
have time for this, okay?

We need to get out of this city.

Overreact much?

Wait, wait.
Why do we have to leave?

Because.

- Jess, tell them, please.
- This is all on you.

We have to leave because my former
coworkers are trying to kill us.

What? From Planet
Car Deals?

- I'm not kidding around. Ask Max.
- Huh?

Before I met your mom,
I was a covert assassin.

I escaped that life, and
now they've found us.

Dad, you are, like, the
biggest wimp on the planet.

- Thank you. Move. Go! Now!

- Go, go.

- Find an exit. Find an exit.

- Move, guys. Come on.
- Go. Go. Go, go, go, go.

- Dad?
- What the fuck?

I'm gonna draw her fire, okay?

When I do, take the kids that way.
I'll be right behind you, okay?

- Go.

Jess, she's coming. Wait here.

- Okay. Okay.
- Wait right here.

- Oh.

Uh, it's okay, honey.

Everyone barfs the first time.

Come on, we gotta go.
Come on. Let's go.

Move, guys. Go.

My real name is Sean.

My mother died when I was four.

My father was prone to violence.

When I turned 18, it was
straight into the army.

I dunno. Maybe it was his genes
coming out, but I thrived.

I was a Green Beret.
I was a Delta.

And then I was approached
by a man named McCaffrey.

Former SAS.

He took my training
to a whole other level

and recruited me into
a special program.

- It was a chance to do some real good.
- What kind of special program?

We took out the
worst of the worst.

Terrorists, warlords,
kidnappers all over the world.

Ones the government
couldn't legally touch.

Took out, as in...

- Well, how many?
- Twenty-six.

- You've killed 26 pe...
- No.

No. No, I w... I went
on 26 operations.

Oh, God.

- Thirty-nine people.
- That's more!

- Are we including this trip?
- Total dead people, Dan!

- Dad.
- Forty-three.

They were all bad.

- You are such a hypocrite.
- All bad people.

You took away the one thing I'm good
at because there's fake violence,

and you're a serial killer?

Dad, you were working
for the good guys, right?

McCaffrey was a father figure.

I trusted him, but I was naive.

I mean, it started out legit.

But he got greedy and began
farming us out as mercenaries

- to the highest bidder.

And as soon as I found
out, I left. All right?

I fought my way out, but that
meant turning against my friends,

my mentor, against the only
real family that I'd ever known.

So they've been
hunting you ever since.

- Yeah.
- I am such an idiot.

This is why you're so secretive,
why you never wanna go anywhere.

Why... Why you're
so weird about social media.

Why you're s... you're
so anti-technology.

Well, with facial recognition
software, I had no choice.

Plus, I really do think that social media
is fundamentally disgusting and gross.

- God.
- But now that they found us, what happens?

I got it figured out.

We're good.

That's yours.

And that's yours.
And that's yours.

"Molly Anderson"?

At least you got a real name.

I'm Van.

I'm
a... I'm a vehicle.

Van?

Look, we can't go back
to Buffalo, all right?

Those lives are over. I'm sorry.

I finally have a life,
and you're ruining it.

- Thanks, Dad.
- Kyle, come back.

Dad, no. You don't get to
tell us what to do anymore.

- Ever.
- Come...

- Eighteen years of lies.
- I'm still the man you married.

- I was just something different before.
- Something different?

You weren't in a
band or vegan, Dan.

That would be
something different.

You were an assassin for hire.

I kept the truth from
you to protect you, okay?

- But our love was real.
- Real? Are you serious?

What, was it so real that
you couldn't trust me

with knowing how much
danger we were in?

What did you think?

That I'd go blabbing about it on
the... on the moms' school text chain?

- No. I...
- Or were you afraid I'd leave you,

knowing who you really are?

We were just
some disguise for you,

just some part of your
cover as a suburban schlub?

- What? No. No.
- Fuck, you must have resented us. Right?

Every single day,
eking out a living,

wiping kids' asses,
driving a minivan.

I love that minivan.

I mean, all of a sudden you're, like,
what, James Bond, and now you're what?

Normal.

A normal guy with a normal,
wonderful, perfect life.

That's all I've ever wanted.

I mean, you were a decathlete.

You should've medaled in Athens.

Do you resent your
life as a mom?

Sometimes.

- Yes.

I don't wanna be that guy.

I wish I could believe you.

I really do.

But to be honest,

this trip is the happiest
that I have seen you in years.

A trip in which
you have killed four people.

I mean, is
this really you?

You're a stranger named Sean.

"Archibald Anderson."

Oh, damn it, Augie.

You know, first
thing in the morning,

I am taking the kids
and I am leaving.

- Jess, it's not safe.
- It's not safe with you.

They're after you, not us.

And from now on, I'm making the
decisions about me and the kids.

Jess.

Yeah. Hi. Uh,
thanks for picking up.

I know it's late.

I was wondering
if you could help

with some travel for
my family, please.

- Where are you going?
- Far from here, far from you.

- Where?
- It's none of your business.

What? Like hell it isn't.

Hey, you cannot go to
the airport, you know.

- They're gonna be waiting there.
- Well, we're not.

We've made other arrangements.

What other arrangements?

Sorry, Dan. Can't say.
It's to protect you.

Jess... Oh,
really? Come on. Don't...

Jess. Please. It's not safe.

Then handle it. Make it safe.

And when you're done with
it, stay away from us.

Is this for us?

No, I don't think
so. Couldn't be.

- Hi.
- Gwen.

What are you doing here? I
wasn't expecting all this.

I was on a layover nearby, and I
thought, I'll just come get you myself.

Okay. Uh...

Hi. You must
be Molly and Van.

I'm Gwen. Hi, little one. Uh, there's
breakfast on board, if you'd like it.

- Sure.
- Mm-hmm.

Thanks.

Jessica, what is
wrong? Are you okay?

- Uh...
- What happened? Where's your husband?

We had a fight.

Oh, boy.

Hey, maybe you can help me
with my guy problems then.

- How about that?
- I'd love to.

Remember that
ex I told you about in Buffalo?

- Yeah.
- We were together for years.

It was good. I mean,
it was really good.

You know when you just
can't get enough of each other physically?

I thought he was the one, and
then he just threw it all away.

Married some other woman who
was the complete opposite of me.

And the worst part...

she's insufferable.

- Wait. You met her?
- Oh, I had to.

He created this whole
life with this woman,

and I needed to see what
she had that I didn't.

What did you do?

I did what I do
best. I got in close,

I won her trust, and then I just waited
patiently for her to walk into my trap.

You know, I think, um, I
left something in the taxi.

Hey, Molly?

- Yeah?
- You wanna bring your brother?

Let's go. We're leaving.

I told you to stay off this op.

And yet, who brought them
to you in a big, fat bow?

You needed me.

I know Sean better
than you ever will.

Do whatever you want with
the family. I don't care.

I just want Sean. He's
my payment for delivery.

You couldn't let it
go, could you?

You know me better than that.

Look, you can have me,

but I want your word that
you won't go after my family.

"Go after"?

You're a little
behind, buddy boy.

- I swear to God, if you hurt them...
- Come and get 'em.

Somewhere public.

I think you're mistaking
who holds the cards here.

Be at the old Poseidon Casino
north of the city in 30 minutes...

alone.

Come on out!

Hello, old friend.

He brought you in for
this, huh, Spiros?

He brought everybody.

- Follow me.

He's alone.

Well, well. How sweet.

He could have been halfway
around the world by now,

and yet here he is, trading his life
for the family that abandoned him.

So, am I ever getting back that
five grand I lent you in Morocco?

I'll tell you what.

If you're still
alive in ten minutes,

I'll pay you back with interest.

Oh, shame. It's a
beautiful place.

They're demolishing
it in ten days.

All this for me,
huh? I'm flattered.

How's the family?

Which one?

We're coming up.

There he is.

Are you okay?

No hug for your old man?

Why start now, Dad?

I'm sorry, what?

I'm your grandfather, Kyle.

O-Oh my... Oh, my God.
We're... We're British.

He didn't tell ya?

No. He left that part out
of his no-more-lies speech.

- Well, I said he was a father figure.
- Not quite the same, Dan.

This is good, right? He's not
gonna kill his own grandkids.

Look, do whatever you
want with me. Let them go.

What is it you
think I want, Sean?

Kill me.

In that spider's
nest of a heart,

you actually think
that I wronged you.

You were my son.

My legacy.

I poured everything I am into
you. You threw it all away.

You abandoned me.
You broke my heart.

So, yeah. I wanted you dead.

But then something happened
over these past few days.

You wasted every single guy I
sent at you. Every goddamn one.

You are every bit the
killer I taught you to be.

No. It's not who I am anymore.

Bullshit.

Tell me you didn't feel more
alive the past three days

- than you have done in years.

And as you
smoked each of my men,

I felt something that I haven't
felt in a very long time.

Pride in my son.

What? So, what is this?

Now you don't wanna kill me?
What the hell do you want?

I want you back.

What?

Things were never as
good after you left.

For any of us.

So, I want my son back, working
by my side in the family business.

You're... You're not
seriously considering this,

- are you, Dad?
- Quiet, Kyle.

Everybody wins. You come
back where you belong.

Be who you were born to be.

Jess and the kids go
safely back to Buffalo.

It's what they want anyway.

Sure beats the shit
out of selling cars.

But no contact. Can't have
you going soft on me again.

I'm their father. There's
no way this is gonna happen.

I'm sorry to hear that.

- Start with the wife.

- Wait, no! I...
- There's no third option!

Either it all ends here and now,

or you give your family exactly
what they want and then some!

I'll do it.

Okay.

Spiros, see the family to the
airport with our blessing.

- Dad.

Dad, please.

I love you. I'll
always love you.

Look, we can't just abandon Dad.

What am I supposed to do?

It's my job to keep you safe.

I'm a mom.

Okay, then... then be the
mom that lifts the car.

- What?
- You know, the... the mom.

She... She has the baby,
and she lifts the car.

Yeah. You know. Car mom.

I have no idea what you're
talking about.

It's an urban
legend, Mrs. Morgan.

- A baby is trapped under a car.

His mother gets a burst of adrenaline
and lifts the car up with her bare hands.

Your children are suggesting you
overpower me to rescue their father.

Yeah. Thank you. Exactly.

I would advise against it.

Now. Duh.

Your father made his choice.

I mean, do you
think he wants this?

It's Dad that we're
talking about.

The guy that... that took me to junior
prom when Trevor didn't show up.

The guy that... that wakes us up for
school with shitty raps about Wednesdays.

That's beautiful. My
father never did that.

I'm sorry. Can you
shut up, Spiros?

Hey, hey,
hey, hey. Stop.

Children.

Mom, we're not a
family without Dad.

Dad needs to know that
we don't want this.

I... I... I know we said we did
last night, but, Mom, I... I don't.

If... If he still chooses to
do it, then... then so be it.

But he needs to know.

I mean, he thinks that we
don't love him anymore, Mom.

We can't just let
things end like that.

Oh, Max.

I haven't changed you.

We have to get this off of
you before you get a rash.

You forgot the diaper bag.

- Oh.

- Oh, my gosh.

- Ooh, gosh. It's a real messy one.

- Oh, crap.

Uh, maybe he'll be all right.

Or not.

What do we do now?

We're gonna go find your dad.

Give me a minute alone
with him, would you?

I wanna be wheels
up in ten minutes.

I thought if I ever saw
you again, I'd kill you.

But since we're here...

Better.

Oh, sure. Pretend I'm not here.

This isn't gonna
happen. I have a wife.

You had a wife.

Now you're free.

Doesn't it feel good
to be back where you belong?

It's been a long time, Gwen.

You think I forgot
your little tricks?

You think I forgot this?

I knew you hadn't changed.

You could never resist me.

Hmm.

Vulcan neck pinch.

- Kyusho Jitsu.

Whoa. Whoa! Hey.

I'm just the tech
guy.

I'm so sorry for this, you guys.

For the ass-grabbing part or
the 18-years-of-deception thing?

Both. All of it.

Hey. Tie him up.

- Yeah. You.
- Come on.

I wanted to tell you about everything,
but there was never a good time.

- Never a good time?
- When was I gonna tell you?

On our first date? Our second?

When you were pregnant
with Nina or by our fourth?

- What?
- Do the math, Nina.

Any of those times would
have been a better time.

You should have told me the truth,
and I could have made up my own mind.

You're right. I'm sorry.
I was stupid and selfish.

But I was in love with you.

I mean, you've been my whole
world since the moment we met.

Being your husband and their
father, that's the real me.

That's all that matters to me.

All right. I swear on my life, I'll
never keep anything from you again.

Where's Spiros?

Thought they were with you.

Hey, bro.

Everyone I know is talking

about what Kyllboi did
at HyperX last night.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Kyle. Less talking,
more tying, okay?

- Ow.
- Sorry.

No way.
A Sky Raven drone?

Awesome.

Just, careful with it.

- Hey, man. You got a great kid. Ow! Ow!
- I need your comms.

Dude!

Hey, Kyle. Give me that.

You're not
anti-technology. You're...

You're awesome.

- They're coming.
- What?

Go up to the roof and find somewhere
to hide with the kids, okay?

- No, you're not going down there.

It's the only way to end this.
This is the only way we go home.

We don't have to go home. We can just
go to Canada and be the Andersons.

- Please, Dad.
- It's too late for that, Beans.

No. You're not giving
yourself up to them.

No. I'm getting us home.

- Okay.

I got a plan.

Look, I need to be that
guy one last time for us.

- - Dad. Th...
There's too many of 'em.

Well, I have something
they don't have.

Kyllboi.

That's your comms. You're my eyes and
my ears, okay? I'm counting on you.

Let's go.

Move out, Kyllboi.

Hey, Kyle, you're on
the same channel as me.

I want every inch of
this atrium covered.

Movement
on the elevator!

The elevator door. Now!

You see a shot, you take it,
because, believe me, he will.

You got a shot?

Negative.
I don't see him yet.

He's not here.

Wait.

What do ya got?

- Take cover!

Holy shit.

Hey. See anybody?

- He's up there!

- Shit.

Talk to me, Kyle.

You're my eyes.

You're clear on
your right. Go now.

Dad, man on your left.

Dad, are you
okay? Man ahead.

- Man on your six.

Great job, Kyle.

I'm on it, Dad.

Talk to me, Kyle.

They've got the drone.

- Look out. Behind the curtain.

Come on, Dad. Get him.

- Oh. You again.

They mopped your ass up
off aisle three, huh?

Gonna need that mop again.

Gwen, where the hell are you?

Gwen?

- Gwen?
- McCaffrey?

What's going on?

Kid's got the drone.

Find him.

Call it off, Dad!

Hold your fire!

Change your mind, Sean?

No. But here's your chance to.

Call it off now.

You don't have it in you to
kill your own flesh and blood.

I, on the other hand,
do have it in me.

Let him have it!

Go, go, go, go. Underneath.
Underneath. Go. Go, go, go, go, go.

- Wai... Wait. No.
- Look after your brothers.

Don't make a sound.

Do not leave Max,
whatever happens.

Jessica.

Is that you?

Talk to me, Kyle.

Gwen's... Gwen's up here.

I know the sound of an empty
gun when I hear one, sweetie.

So why don't we make
this real easy, shall we?

Unless you think
you can take me.

I th... I think... I think
Mom's gonna f-fight her.

You think
you can beat me

because you took some kickboxing
classes at the Y and wear Lululemon?

- Ooh, no.

Oh.

Ooh.

Learn that in class?

Yeah.

You know I do this
for a living, right?

While you were popping out
brats and clipping coupons,

I was assassinating dictators.

So, why don't you
go back to the PTA?

- 'Cause you're a joke.

Kyle, what do you see?

All right, there's nine guys left.
Four to your right, five ahead of you.

- Whoa.

I'm out of ammo, Kyle.

Find cover, Dad. A man coming.
Get over the low wall. Now.

Kyle, could have
mentioned that table, buddy.

Sorry.

Take out the one
on the left now.

Dad, hold on. We gotta move.

Kyle. That guy below,
chase him through the foyer.

Okay, I'm going.
I'm chasing him.

Keep him coming.

He's coming right at me.

Take Max. I gotta go help Mom.

Talk to me, Kyle.

Two left,
including granddad.

Man on your right!

Wouldn't go that
way if I were you, Sean.

Dad, Mom's hurt. We're...
We're in big trouble.

Ah. Little brats.

I was wrong about you, Sean.

You're no use to me.

Family have made you weak.

You can't even focus on the
fight you're in because of them.

Hi. Going somewhere?

- Oh, don't worry about her. She's great.

You know, that move you
pulled back there, little one?

That was a very bad idea.

Look. For what it's worth, killing minors
is the least favorite part of my job.

Now, who's first?

We're not done!

- Mom. No, Mom!

- Bang.

Mama.

Oh, come on.

Just die.

Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Oh, look at this.

Oh. You
can't be serious.

Oh.

Not quite the decathlete
we once were, huh?

- - Sorry,
kids. It's nothing personal.

Maybe a little.

Oh. Here we go again.

She's like The
Little Engine That Could.

- Oh.

There's nine other
events, bitch.

- Oh, my God. Mom.

Far as I'm concerned,
this is an act of mercy.

I'm saving you 20 more
years of selling used cars.

Certified pre-owned.

Goodbye, Sean.

- Grandpa! Wait!

I know you think that
we probably hate you

for everything that's happened
these past few days, and...

and maybe we should.

But I've learned that family is the most
important thing in the entire world.

And when I... when I look at you, I
don't just see a cold-blooded killer.

I see my grandpa.

And maybe... maybe there's a
way for us to move forward...

as a family.

Kid, if you think this little
speech is gonna win me over...

Honestly...

I was just hoping it would buy
him enough time to do this.

Oh, baby. Baby.

- Dad.
- Hey.

Thank you.

- Hi!

- Wow!

Good afternoon,
and welcome to the news at noon.

While details are continuing to emerge
about a covert paramilitary group...

Thanks.

Responsible for
high-profile assassinations

reportedly spanning decades,

this bombshell story was broken

by a high school newspaper
reporter, Nina Morgan.

- And you're dead.

That's bullshit. You said
there'd be two hostiles.

I lied. But, Sam, that was
better. Take him down harder.

I didn't wanna hurt the guy.

No, he'll be fine.

He's small, but
he's very strong.

Hey, excuse me. Why don't you get
thrown against a truck 20 times?

Because my name's
on the letterhead.

Et voilà!

Hey, guys. I have a
family commitment.

Augie, you take it
from here, okay?

Let's pick up the pace!

I'm gonna be gone for
the next few days!

I want you to remember me!

Hey, it's time to go.

Okay, people. I'm out.

- Guys, come on.

We gotta beat the traffic!

- Oh, come on.

No, I cannot show up
to school in this monstrosity.

- How could you do this to me?
- Oh, don't blame me.

Levon applied all the discounts and
all the points. Didn't you hear?

We are platinum elite
superior diamond members.

- Okay. I got the snacks. I got the maps.
- Huh?

- Let's do this.
- Nice.

- Mwah!
- Hey, phones, please.

- For real?
- Oh.

- Yeah. Catch it. Catch it.
- Whoa.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

If you throw this
away, I will kill you.

- God, gross. You gonna be...
- Oh, gross.

Doing that all the
way to California?

- Yes. All the way.
- Yeah. Absolutely.

- Come on.
- Yeah.

- Here, scooch.
- I will take those.

- Beep, beep.
- Here we go.

One, two, three!

Road trip!

Oh, whoa!

Oh, my God. Guys,
I almost forgot.

- What? Yeah?

- Say goodbye to these.
- No!

Why?

Oh, my God.

That's not funny.

♪ In a minute I'ma need a sentimental
Man or woman to pump me up ♪

- Whoo!
- ♪ Feelin' fussy Walkin' in my Balenci-ussies ♪

♪ Tryna bring out the fabulous ♪

♪ 'Cause I give a
fuck Way too much ♪

♪ I'ma need like two
shots In my cup ♪

♪ Wanna get up, wanna get down
Ooh, that's how I feel Right now ♪

♪ Oh, I been so down
And under pressure ♪

♪ I'm way too fine To
feel this stressed Yeah ♪

- ♪ Or used to be ♪
- ♪ Be ♪

Who is this? Janet Jackson?