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Hahahahaha!
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Ladies and gentlemen...
3
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welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
4
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What's wrong with you, Granddad?
5
00:00:26,295 --> 00:00:28,120
I haven't slept for three days.
6
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Hello!
7
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I'm just doing a bit of cleaning.
8
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I'm just about to take a break.
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God, I say cleaning like
it was a hobby. It's not.
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Shut up, you feckin' mutt!
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I... I'd better feed him. Hold on.
12
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:53,240
Here, Spartacus!
13
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When I... Jesus, I never
opened the feckin' thing!
14
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,800
Here, Spartacus!
15
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,680
I had six children I reared on my own
and they weren't as much trouble as you!
16
00:01:09,715 --> 00:01:12,160
Where was I? Oh, yeah...
17
00:01:12,195 --> 00:01:14,245
cleaning!
18
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,540
Well, it's not as
if it goes unnoticed.
19
00:01:16,575 --> 00:01:18,667
I had Father Quinn round
the other day...
20
00:01:18,702 --> 00:01:20,725
he took one look at the house
and said,
21
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,680
"Mrs Brown,
yourself and God keep a lovely home".
22
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I said "Thank you, Father"
but I'm thinking,
23
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"You should see it when
God has it on his own!"
24
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,045
I feel like I've
always been cleaning.
25
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,920
When I was 18, I married his son,
Redser Brown,
26
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because of a condition I had...
27
00:01:39,675 --> 00:01:41,040
called pregnancy.
28
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,320
The next day, I started cleaning.
29
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,597
Hiya, Mammy! Hello, Cathy, love.
30
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Ah! Granddad looks peaceful.
31
00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:51,360
Doesn't he! Hahaha!
32
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,165
Heading out on the big date, love?
33
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It's not a big date, Mammy.
It's just a quiet drink.
34
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Quiet drink! That's what all men say.
35
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:04,200
They think vodka's a lubricant
to get your knickers off easy.
36
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:09,485
You may laugh, but I tell you, one minute
you're sipping Piney Coladies, next...
37
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,560
your legs are up in stirrups with the doctor
shouting, "Don't push till I tell you!".
38
00:02:13,595 --> 00:02:15,925
I'll keep that in mind, so!
39
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,885
You do that. Ah, why do I bother?
40
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,920
Right, I'm off! Do you want
a cup of tea before you go, love?
41
00:02:20,955 --> 00:02:22,685
No, Mammy. Sure, I'm running late.
42
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,480
Don't be breaking your neck,
he'll be feckin' late as well.
43
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Did Daddy always come late?
44
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That's none of your feckin' business!
45
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:37,845
See you later!
46
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,080
Cathy, love!
Yes, Mammy? You look fantastic!
47
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Thanks, Mammy.
48
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Keep them on!
49
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:49,760
I... I'm not just a cleaner.
50
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,205
I have a market stall as well.
51
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,680
I sell fruit and vegetables. I
suppose I'm a business woman! Ha ha ha.
52
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,805
I don't like customers
who come and just poke.
53
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:04,160
They come and maul your fruit without
any feckin' reason whatsoever.
54
00:03:04,195 --> 00:03:06,800
I say to them, "Missus,
that's a banana, not a willy..."
55
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,040
".. it won't get bigger
if you squeeze it!"
56
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:13,880
Hahaha! Hahaha!
57
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,000
There goes Happy Feet!
58
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,920
I better go in and see what's
happening in the North Pole.
59
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,245
Hello, Dermot, son.
60
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,600
Hello, Mammy.
What are you promoting this week?
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00:03:34,635 --> 00:03:36,720
Chocolate biscuits.
Oh, lovely...
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what kind?
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00:03:40,561 --> 00:03:42,100
Kit Kats!
64
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,205
Dermot, love...
65
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,600
quack, quack, quack, quack!
66
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,000
What's wrong, love? Why are you
such a sad little penguin?
67
00:03:52,035 --> 00:03:54,560
You're not in trouble
with the law again, are you?
68
00:03:54,595 --> 00:03:56,645
No, Mammy, it's Maria.
69
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,160
Ah, the lovely Maria.
We've broken up.
70
00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:00,280
Bitch! Never liked her!
71
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,565
What did she do?
She's not a bitch, Ma.
72
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,085
And she didn't do
anything, it's just... Yes?
73
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,040
.. to be honest Mammy, I'd rather
not talk about it right now.
74
00:04:11,075 --> 00:04:12,817
I understand...
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00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:14,525
so what happened?
76
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,520
Mammy! I'm not talking about it!
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Fine...
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00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,085
Do you want a cup of tea?
No, I'm only on a quick break.
79
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,640
Well, if it's only a quick break, you
should slip into the fridge and relax!
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00:04:26,675 --> 00:04:29,880
Hahahahaha! Slip into the... Hahaha!
81
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,120
It's very late to be studying.
Hi, Mammy.
82
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,760
I can't sleep,
worrying about Dermot and Maria.
83
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,085
Cathy...
84
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:55,480
you amaze me the amount of work and persistence
you put into everything you feckin' do.
85
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,640
And I know I'm biased...
you're my only daughter
86
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,960
.. but the man who gets you will be...
he'll be the luckiest man on earth.
87
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:09,400
Not bad for a widow bringing
up a girl on her own, hey?
88
00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:10,440
Am I right?
89
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,760
Sorry, Mammy?
90
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:16,640
Nothing, it doesn't matter.
91
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,405
Cathy, what am I going to
do about Dermot and Maria?
92
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:25,680
Mammy... it's best if we all just butt
out and let them sort it out themselves.
93
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,200
What do you want, Granddad?
94
00:05:29,235 --> 00:05:30,685
I don't feel well.
95
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,200
You're 92, you're not
supposed to fuckin' feel well!
96
00:05:35,412 --> 00:05:37,485
Mammy! What?
97
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,365
Maybe he really is sick.
98
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,920
Don't take any chances.
Call the doctor!
99
00:05:41,955 --> 00:05:43,645
A doctor? At 80 euro a visit?!
100
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,040
He's no health insurance.
At least he's insured for a funeral.
101
00:05:47,075 --> 00:05:48,160
Mammy!
102
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Fine. I'll call the doctor.
103
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,320
This is all because of his
feckin' budgie! His budgie?
104
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,057
Found him dead today.
105
00:05:57,092 --> 00:05:58,866
Well, he must be upset.
106
00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:00,605
He's at that age, love.
107
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,880
His budgie dies,
he's sure he's going to be next.
108
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,200
With a bit of buckin' luck!
109
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:15,000
It's a sharp pain across
the shoulders and down the spine.
110
00:06:15,035 --> 00:06:17,840
How long has he had it?
Not him... ME!
111
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,125
Mrs Brown,
I'm here to examine Granddad.
112
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,640
You're wasting your time with him,
he's fucked.
113
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Only a matter of time,
isn't it, Granddad?
114
00:06:29,755 --> 00:06:30,997
Am I dying?
115
00:06:31,032 --> 00:06:32,240
Yes... Friday!
116
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,940
What's wrong with him, anyway?
117
00:06:36,975 --> 00:06:38,827
I'll have to run some tests.
118
00:06:38,862 --> 00:06:40,645
Tests! More feckin' money!
119
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,160
I'll need a sample of his urine,
and a sample of his stool.
120
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,765
What'd he say?
121
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,480
He wants your underpants.
122
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:56,760
Granddad, I need you to close
your mouth when I put it in.
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00:06:56,795 --> 00:06:58,885
Hahahahaha!
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He's never heard that before!
125
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,920
I'm afraid I'll have
to do a rectal reading.
126
00:07:04,955 --> 00:07:06,165
Ooh!
127
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:07,245
Can you help me?
128
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,960
With buckin' pleasure!
129
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,245
Come on, Granddad!
130
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:14,880
The doctor has a surprise for you!
131
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,445
Oooooh! Ooh hoo hoo!
132
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,165
Would you like a cup of tea, Doctor?
133
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,040
I wouldn't mind another one
of these. It's in the kitchen.
134
00:07:29,075 --> 00:07:30,377
Hahahahaha!
135
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,780
I'll get you a cup of tea, Granddad.
136
00:07:34,815 --> 00:07:37,407
I wish you could see it
from this side!
137
00:07:37,442 --> 00:07:40,000
You look like a big buckin'
toffee apple.
138
00:07:42,052 --> 00:07:43,965
Oooooooh!
139
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:49,480
Granddad! What are you doing there in
that state? Come on... fix yourself!
140
00:07:49,515 --> 00:07:51,640
Now, sit down.
141
00:07:51,675 --> 00:07:52,685
No!
142
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,640
Granddad! Come on, sit down.
No! No! No!
143
00:07:56,675 --> 00:07:58,165
Arrrgh!
144
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,400
Now...
145
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,040
.. now, Granddad,
isn't that much better?
146
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,620
Granddad! Hahahahaha!
147
00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:18,325
What are you doing?
148
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,240
Come on, Granddad. Now
we're going to play Treasure Hunt!
149
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,720
No, Mrs Brown. I'm afraid it's gone.
150
00:08:28,755 --> 00:08:32,257
Gone?! I'm not paying for that!
151
00:08:32,292 --> 00:08:35,760
Now, wait a minute... er, gone?
152
00:08:35,795 --> 00:08:37,485
Arrgh!
153
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,360
Is that bad? Is that dangerous?
154
00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:40,840
Get him to hospital today.
155
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,120
We'll explore the cavity then.
156
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,340
Explore the cavity! What?
157
00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:49,440
He's going potholing!
158
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,560
Goodbye, Mrs Brown.
Goodbye, Doctor.
159
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,320
Now you've heard of
"Doctor Dolittle"...
160
00:08:58,355 --> 00:09:00,200
there goes "Doctor Do-Fuck-All"!
161
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,500
You're going to hospital, Granddad...
162
00:09:05,535 --> 00:09:07,920
and you're not coming fuckin' back.
163
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,965
Mammy. Yes, love?
Did you see me Psychology magazine?
164
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,080
I left it down here last night.
No and if you left it on that chair,
165
00:09:16,115 --> 00:09:17,520
it's probably up his arse!
166
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,280
Arse like a buckin' Dyson he has!
167
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:28,600
Cathy, there has to be something
I can do about Dermot and Maria.
168
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,640
Mammy...
169
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:34,600
.. as I said, we all need to just
butt out. I want to be involved...
170
00:09:34,635 --> 00:09:36,937
I want to be a leader!
Like your man in Iran,
171
00:09:36,972 --> 00:09:39,240
'Mock Mood Momamma Jibbidi
Get It Back Up Again'.
172
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:44,360
Mammy, of all people
you stay out of this. I mean it.
173
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,920
Promise me you won't interfere.
174
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,640
OK!
175
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,080
Me? Interfere?
176
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,280
Biscuit, Maria? Thank you.
177
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,840
Ah, I cut the edges off
so they fit in the mug.
178
00:10:14,332 --> 00:10:16,720
Oh. I see.
179
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,400
So, Maria, why are you torturing my
son?
180
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:22,765
Excuse me?
181
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,400
Well, you've obviously
done something to upset him.
182
00:10:25,435 --> 00:10:26,600
How can we make it right?
183
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,280
Maybe if you apologise?
184
00:10:29,315 --> 00:10:31,085
Me? Apologise?
185
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,885
That's the spirit, love!
186
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:38,120
Mrs Brown, I have no idea what Dermot
has told you about what's going on, but...
187
00:10:38,155 --> 00:10:41,125
maybe I should say I'm sorry
all right, sorry I ever met him,
188
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:45,400
sorry I allowed myself to fall in love with him
and sorry I ever got involved with his family.
189
00:10:45,435 --> 00:10:50,120
And sorry that he has to put up with
such a domineering matriarch as you!
190
00:10:50,155 --> 00:10:52,720
I was hoping for something shorter!
191
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:57,840
Dermot, you're home, just in time. Maria has
something she wants to tell you. You have?
192
00:10:57,875 --> 00:11:00,960
Yeah! I hope you and your mother
will be very happy together!
193
00:11:00,995 --> 00:11:03,440
Keep it short! Keep it short!
Now get stuffed!
194
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:09,720
Do you want a cup of tea, love?
195
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,565
What the hell happened here, Mammy?
196
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,400
What the hell happened?
She came here, sat down,
197
00:11:15,435 --> 00:11:17,360
nibbled the biscuits and dunk...
198
00:11:17,395 --> 00:11:18,605
I don't know what to...
199
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,780
She meant... What is this side...
So she...
200
00:11:20,815 --> 00:11:22,920
I'm here... Oh, yeah, wuzzah...
And she said...
201
00:11:22,955 --> 00:11:24,125
Don't you muck! Eh!
202
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:28,200
Ohhh! Zem! Nice! You keep away!
Uzzah!
203
00:11:28,235 --> 00:11:30,200
It's no wonder you dumped her!
204
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:36,280
I didn't dump HER. She broke up with
me, because I wouldn't move in with her.
205
00:11:36,315 --> 00:11:38,960
Leave home? Yes!
She wants us to move in together.
206
00:11:38,995 --> 00:11:40,440
It's far too early for that!
207
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:42,520
I'm 33.
208
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,325
Exactly!
209
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:49,840
Mammy, I wish you'd stay
out of things and for once...
210
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,480
mind your own business!
211
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,360
You are my business!
212
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,040
I'm... your mother...
213
00:11:59,075 --> 00:12:00,445
Awww.
214
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,000
It's a man in a fuckin' dress!
215
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,605
Here, Cathy...
216
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,680
I believe your date was a disaster.
217
00:12:11,715 --> 00:12:13,577
I wouldn't say that, Winnie!
218
00:12:13,612 --> 00:12:15,440
You're better off, Cathy.
219
00:12:15,475 --> 00:12:17,240
Men, preverts!
220
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,560
They all look for one thing,
and don't need a com-pass!
221
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,680
Will you stop it, Mammy!
He wanted to go out and have a talk.
222
00:12:26,715 --> 00:12:29,320
Oh, a talk... yeah!
Talk about doin' it!
223
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,880
Mammy...
Hold on, where's me handbag?
224
00:12:35,915 --> 00:12:37,720
Feckin' hang on.
225
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:54,720
Me tablets are in it.
226
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,205
Mammy, my date was not a disaster!
227
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,720
Well, when are you seeing him again?
I'm not.
228
00:13:01,755 --> 00:13:03,877
Disaster!
229
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,920
My Sharon's got herself a new...
230
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:08,925
yoke.
231
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,840
Boyfriend, Mrs McGoogan.
I've met him and he's very nice.
232
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:13,805
One of the usual weirdos
Sharon picks?
233
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,320
Actually he's a gentleman.
Gentleman, Betty?
234
00:13:16,355 --> 00:13:18,765
And what would you call a gentleman?
I dunno.
235
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,920
Opens the door for you? Mmmm. Takes
your coat off when you go in?
236
00:13:21,955 --> 00:13:25,640
Mmmmm. Pulls the chair out
when you go to sit down. Aye!
237
00:13:25,675 --> 00:13:27,440
Dirty bastard!
238
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,805
That's all put on!
239
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,640
He just wants to
play hide the sausage!
240
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,580
Will you stop it, Mammy.
241
00:13:38,615 --> 00:13:40,520
Not all men are sex maniacs!
242
00:13:40,555 --> 00:13:42,245
Yes, they are!
243
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,765
They are! Aren't they, Winnie?
244
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:47,360
Only last year, me and Winnie went to
that film festival, The "Cock-a-Coh".
245
00:13:47,395 --> 00:13:49,597
Uh, what's the one with the...
246
00:13:49,632 --> 00:13:52,356
the motorbike and the swords and..
247
00:13:52,391 --> 00:13:55,080
Radiator! Gladiator! The Graduate!
248
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,440
We looked great with
our Liverpool hairdos.
249
00:13:59,475 --> 00:14:00,765
I had mine like Cilla Black,
250
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,480
she had hers like fuckin' Ken Dodd.
251
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,080
We went to that picture house and
were only five minutes there...
252
00:14:07,115 --> 00:14:08,640
Five minutes... sitting down.
253
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,485
I can't... I can't say it!
I'm too embarrassed. You tell them.
254
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,040
Well, this..... fella came over and
sat beside Winnie, right beside her.
255
00:14:17,075 --> 00:14:19,080
Right beside me! Right beside her!
256
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,360
Five minutes later,
what's he do? What's he do?
257
00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:27,240
He takes his willy out... Out! Out!
258
00:14:27,275 --> 00:14:28,725
Oh, my God.
259
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,360
The dirty bastard!...
260
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,780
Winnie says to me,
"Look, look Agnes!"
261
00:14:33,815 --> 00:14:36,080
Well, I glanced...
I only feckin' glanced!
262
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:42,125
Oh, my God! What?
He was playing with it!
263
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,840
Poor Winnie was disgusted.
I was disgusted. She was disgusted!
264
00:14:45,875 --> 00:14:48,800
Well, why didn't you move?
We couldn't move!
265
00:14:48,835 --> 00:14:50,760
He was using Winnie's hand.
266
00:14:58,280 --> 00:14:59,800
I'm only joking, Winnie!
267
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,480
Oh, Jesus!
268
00:15:03,515 --> 00:15:04,720
Well, here...
269
00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:10,200
.. it's because of weirdos like him
that I carry this.
270
00:15:10,235 --> 00:15:11,325
Jesus!
271
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,525
Jesus Christ! What's that?
272
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:20,240
It's a Tazer gun. If it was me he sat beside, I'd
give him one jab of this and he'd be electrocuted.
273
00:15:20,275 --> 00:15:22,400
And she wonders why
she can't get a man.
274
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,200
Vibrators!
275
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,605
I beg your pardon, Winnie?
276
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:34,920
Well, nowadays, that's what
the women do get, them vibrators!
277
00:15:34,955 --> 00:15:36,240
Shut the buck up, Winnie!
278
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,080
Honest, Agnes, they do!
279
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,680
I think I might get one meself!
280
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,520
Well, make sure you get
one that takes diesel!
281
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,285
Can you imagine her with a vibrator?
282
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,480
"Winnie, are you coming
to Bingo on the bus?
283
00:15:56,515 --> 00:15:59,240
"No, I'm on a vibrator!"
284
00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:00,805
Hahahaha!
285
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,800
Oh, Winnie,
stop that feckin' dirty talk!
286
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,000
Hello? Yes? Is that Out Patients?
287
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,160
I'm enquiring about Mr Brown.
288
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:14,560
Brow-we-nuh.
289
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,800
.. Up his arse, that's him, yes.
290
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,240
Very generous? Why, what did he do?
291
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,800
Nurse, is he near you? Put him
on the phone will you, please?
292
00:16:26,835 --> 00:16:28,965
For God's sake, feckin' eejit.
293
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,520
Hello Granddad. Yes, did you fill
out a form there this morning?
294
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,360
Yeah. What did you tick off on it?
295
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,240
Kidneys...
296
00:16:38,275 --> 00:16:40,077
heart...
297
00:16:40,112 --> 00:16:41,845
liver...
298
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,520
that was a donor form!
299
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,680
No, it wasn't
the feckin' breakfast menu!
300
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:54,080
Well, you go back to her and make sure
you get all the bits you went in with!
301
00:16:54,115 --> 00:16:57,440
I swear that man is getting
feckin' worse every day!
302
00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,565
Mammy? What?
303
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,365
I really enjoyed those few
drinks we had last night!
304
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:06,120
You had enough of them! Yeah, one more
vodka and I'd have been under that table!
305
00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:09,080
One more pint of cider and I'd
have been under that buckin' barman!
306
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,805
You wouldn't, would you, Mrs Brown?
Don't be ridiculous, Betty!
307
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:19,720
It's so long since I had sex, I can't
even remember who it is that gets tied up!
308
00:17:19,755 --> 00:17:21,397
Here, we'll miss the shops.
309
00:17:21,432 --> 00:17:23,040
You all right, Cathy? Yeah!
310
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,405
Mammy...
311
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,960
keep an eye on me Tazer
for me will you, it's charging.
312
00:17:28,995 --> 00:17:31,417
When the red light goes out,
plug it out.
313
00:17:31,452 --> 00:17:33,840
Red light out, plug out.
Cathy love...
314
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,760
.. what am I going to do about
Dermot and Maria?
315
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,080
I think you've done enough.
316
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:43,000
I have an idea. Cathy, you're
training to be a psychologist.
317
00:17:43,035 --> 00:17:45,657
Why not give them counselling?
Counselling?
318
00:17:45,692 --> 00:17:48,245
That's not a bad idea, Betty.
No, no, Cathy!
319
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,765
I'll talk to Maria.
I'll see you later, Mrs Brown.
320
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,240
See you later, Betty.
Cathy, Cathy love. Wait a second!
321
00:17:54,275 --> 00:17:56,400
We need to talk about this!
You can't just...
322
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,165
Cathy! Cathy, love!
323
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,680
You're not even qualified to feckin'
counsel for God's sake! Cathy!
324
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:06,520
Cathy, for God's sake!
325
00:18:06,555 --> 00:18:08,040
Hello?
326
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,520
Hello? Hell, hell, hello?
327
00:18:30,555 --> 00:18:32,840
How do you do, do, do, do do?
328
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,840
No, there, there's no O'Brien here...
329
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:39,560
you have, have
the wr... wrong number.
330
00:18:39,595 --> 00:18:41,200
Are you fucking deaf?!
331
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,200
Oh, hello, Father Quinn!
332
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:59,445
Hm! Counselling?
No counselling in my day.
333
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:04,040
You must be joking. If me and your father
had problems, we couldn't run to a counsellor!
334
00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:06,525
No way, Jose!
335
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:10,240
We'd sort it out ourselves, like
adults! Into a room on our own...
336
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:12,040
and I'd knock the shite out of him.
337
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,520
We didn't need a counsellor...
338
00:19:17,555 --> 00:19:19,680
We needed a buckin' referee!
339
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,040
Well, we're nearly
ready to get started.
340
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,365
Oh, don't mind me.
341
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:30,680
I'm just a fly on the wall,
a fly on the wall.
342
00:19:30,715 --> 00:19:32,040
Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz.
343
00:19:32,075 --> 00:19:33,437
Bzz, bzz, bzz.
344
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:34,800
Tss, tss, tss.
345
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,040
I think everybody would be more
comfortable if you weren't here.
346
00:19:42,075 --> 00:19:44,560
It's a pity everybody
doesn't pay the buckin' rent!
347
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,520
All right Mammy,
but please... don't interfere.
348
00:19:52,555 --> 00:19:54,960
Fly, wall, me.
349
00:19:54,995 --> 00:19:56,120
Bz.
350
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,120
OK then, let's begin...
351
00:19:59,155 --> 00:20:00,200
Badges!
352
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,960
You never gave us our badges!
353
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:04,965
Badges?
354
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,525
We're all meant to have badges.
355
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,920
You know, "My name is Agnes
Brown. I'm a lunatic!"
356
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,040
No, Mammy. You don't get badges.
357
00:20:13,075 --> 00:20:14,685
You're meant to get badges.
358
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,840
You don't, Mammy,
and that's the end of it!
359
00:20:16,875 --> 00:20:18,760
Fine... you forgot the badges.
360
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,660
Maria, what do you...
361
00:20:22,695 --> 00:20:24,885
I have stickers upstairs!
362
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,720
We could use stickers and a marker
and write the names on.
363
00:20:27,755 --> 00:20:28,725
Mammy, please!
364
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:32,040
I'm only trying to
help you out of your badge situation.
365
00:20:32,075 --> 00:20:34,045
I DON'T HAVE A BADGE SITUATION!
366
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,120
Well, obviously, because you
don't have fuckin' badges!
367
00:20:37,155 --> 00:20:40,125
I did not forget the badges,
we're just not having badges.
368
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:44,120
Badges would be pointless in this
situation, because we don't need them!
369
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,360
Cathy, calm down...
370
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,725
.. you're making something
out of nothing!
371
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,360
Dermot, you don't need a badge.
Maria, need a badge?
372
00:20:55,395 --> 00:20:58,040
No, I don't need a badge.
Fuck the badges!
373
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:01,600
Maria...
374
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,440
what do you think
started all of this? Well...
375
00:21:05,475 --> 00:21:07,960
Miss! Miss!
Mammy, is this you not interfering?
376
00:21:07,995 --> 00:21:11,280
No, it's Sooty in his nude!
377
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:16,660
I just want to say this is Dermot's
home. Dermot should go first.
378
00:21:16,695 --> 00:21:20,880
Mammy, it doesn't matter who goes
first. Then start with Dermot.
379
00:21:20,915 --> 00:21:23,085
No, Mammy, I will not
start with Dermot.
380
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,805
Now, if you don't mind,
there's a system for doing this.
381
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,925
Is there? Yeah! Well, how come
it doesn't matter who goes first?
382
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:33,440
I beg your pardon? You can't have "system" and
"doesn't matter" in the same feckin' sentence.
383
00:21:33,475 --> 00:21:36,080
Imagine if that was the
system for landing airplanes?
384
00:21:36,115 --> 00:21:38,560
And the pilot coming in to land says,
385
00:21:38,595 --> 00:21:40,765
"Excuse me captain... captain...
386
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,440
"whatever your name is,
cos we've no fuckin' badges."
387
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,440
"Are the wheels down?
388
00:21:47,475 --> 00:21:49,440
"Oh, it doesn't matter!"
389
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:57,560
That wouldn't that be a nice way for the
Hoolihans to start their two weeks in Fuengerola!
390
00:21:57,595 --> 00:21:59,480
Do you know what, Mammy? What?
391
00:21:59,515 --> 00:22:02,005
You do this every time.
392
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,480
Ah, don't exaggerate, I never
flew an airplane in me buckin' life.
393
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,000
You mess everything up when
I try to do my own thing!
394
00:22:10,035 --> 00:22:12,337
You're getting paranoid. Am I? Yes!
395
00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:14,640
Well, what about Teddy Brannigan?
396
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,360
Teddy Brannigan?
397
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:23,080
That was a long time ago. Yes, it was,
but you still remember it, don't you?
398
00:22:23,115 --> 00:22:24,800
Oh, I remember, all right.
399
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,560
You were sixteen years of age!
400
00:22:30,595 --> 00:22:32,685
Not a titty to your name.
401
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:36,960
I was going to get you glasses so people
would know which way you were facing!
402
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,480
The neighbours used to say, "Here
comes Cathy Brown with the two backs".
403
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:51,680
Teddy Brannigan used to go up and down
our road at two o'clock in the morning,
404
00:22:51,715 --> 00:22:53,725
"Neeeeow, neeeeeow, brrm."
405
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:55,760
If he got a motorbike,
he'd be dangerous!
406
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:02,680
And you, running behind
him with your helmet on you!
407
00:23:02,715 --> 00:23:04,605
I was in love!
408
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,640
Love, my arse! What would you know
about love at sixteen?
409
00:23:07,675 --> 00:23:09,525
Especially to a thug like that.
410
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,120
Oh, Mammy, if you had your way,
I'd never get a man!
411
00:23:12,155 --> 00:23:14,200
It'd help if you'd
stop electrocuting 'em!
412
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,720
I saved you!
413
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,925
You saved me?
Don't try and thank me now!
414
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,160
I'm not thanking you. I don't know
what you're talking about!
415
00:23:26,195 --> 00:23:29,360
You wouldn't have been happy!
Well, I'm not happy now, so there!
416
00:23:29,395 --> 00:23:31,800
You should talk to yourself
and leave them alone!
417
00:23:31,835 --> 00:23:34,120
Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ,
yourself!
418
00:23:34,155 --> 00:23:36,640
You won't even let me...
419
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,405
This is a waste of time! Is it?
420
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,725
Mammy, it's not just
Teddy Brannigan, is it?
421
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,400
No man I ever meet will be
good enough for you, will they?
422
00:23:48,435 --> 00:23:51,005
Where did I leave my violin?
423
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:54,160
I'm going to me room.
Go to your room... Oh, Jesus!
424
00:23:54,195 --> 00:23:55,480
How could you do that?
425
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,000
How could you beat your mother?
426
00:23:59,035 --> 00:24:01,285
I brushed off you!
427
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,120
You beat me! Oh, my Jesus...
428
00:24:03,155 --> 00:24:04,640
It's gone dead!
429
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,280
It's gone dead, look, it's
feckin' dead! Look it's feckin'...
430
00:24:10,315 --> 00:24:12,720
Oh, Cathy, I can't turn left!
431
00:24:12,755 --> 00:24:14,680
It's spreading... Oh!
432
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,400
Jesus Christ, I've gone blind!
433
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,880
Cathy! I'm going! Is she still there?
434
00:24:39,915 --> 00:24:41,760
This is ridiculous!
435
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,160
Cathy! Cathy, wait!
Cathy, please...
436
00:24:46,195 --> 00:24:47,440
Cathy, let me explain!
437
00:24:47,475 --> 00:24:48,480
Cathy...
438
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:50,880
Cath...
439
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,080
Don't bring me up
them feckin' stairs!
440
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,880
You saw that, now. I was minding
my own business
441
00:24:58,915 --> 00:25:01,085
and she feckin' attacked me!
442
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,360
This is because she
forgot the feckin' badges.
443
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:09,560
I tell you now, if Jesus Christ appears
to me and asks me to sacrifice a child...
444
00:25:09,595 --> 00:25:11,320
she's fuckin' gone!
445
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,200
Well, I feel much better after that.
446
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:21,920
So do I.
447
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,365
I'm so sorry, Maria.
448
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,840
No, Dermot, look I'm sorry.
449
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,400
I shouldn't have made a big deal
about us moving in.
450
00:25:29,435 --> 00:25:31,165
Yes, you should!
451
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,445
You were right, Maria.
452
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,360
You mean you want us
to live together?
453
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:37,520
On one condition. What?
454
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,400
Will you marry me, Maria?
Oh, yeah I will.
455
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:48,600
Right!
456
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,000
Let's go down to Foley's
and tell everyone! Haha!
457
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:08,360
I thought that went well. Yeah, Mammy,
it did, it was a great idea. Thanks, love.
458
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,440
I'll get you a cup of tea.
459
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,640
I swear that man thinks
I'm on a feckin' bungee rope!
460
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:19,740
What do you want now?
461
00:26:19,775 --> 00:26:21,245
'I think I'm dying!'
462
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,800
Yeah? Well,
call me when you're sure.
463
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,045
Go up and see what's wrong with
him will you, Cathy?
464
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,400
Tell him if he doesn't behave, I'll
come and take his temperature!
465
00:26:31,435 --> 00:26:32,600
Cathy!
466
00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,320
Here, love, that's for you.
467
00:26:38,355 --> 00:26:39,885
What's this?
468
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,880
Encyclopaedia Britannica.
469
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:45,765
It's a phone number.
470
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,600
Yes, it's Teddy Brannigan's
phone number.
471
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:54,640
You know I don't like gossip, but
I was down at me yoga classes and...
472
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,560
.. I was levitating
beside Mary Matthews and...
473
00:26:59,595 --> 00:27:01,685
she was talking
about Teddy Brannigan.
474
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,160
His wife shagged off on him, left him
with two young kids, two years ago.
475
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:10,680
It's not easy on your own with young
children, and I know that. And I...
476
00:27:10,715 --> 00:27:12,765
I thought a phone call
might cheer him up.
477
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,120
You know you get a phone call
sometimes, "Hello?
478
00:27:15,155 --> 00:27:16,920
"Oh, Jesus I'm cheered up!"
479
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,200
Anyway that's his number...
480
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,840
Thank you, Mammy. You're welcome!
481
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,960
I mean it, Mammy.
482
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:34,280
Really.
483
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:36,980
Thank you.
484
00:27:37,015 --> 00:27:38,320
I know you do.
485
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,280
That... that's what we do, love...
486
00:27:43,315 --> 00:27:45,285
mothers...
487
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:46,760
that's what we feckin' do.
488
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:59,440
That's it, I suppose, you know. I'm
not a cleaner, or a businesswoman.
489
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:02,240
I'm a mother.
490
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,040
And, and that's what we do. That!
491
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,280
He's still a buckin' thug!
492
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,400
Who are you talking to, Mammy?
493
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,920
Nobody. Just meself, you know.
Nobody important.
494
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:25,965
Goodnight.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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