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Subtitles : RaceMan
www.forom.com
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* Love and marriage *
3
00:00:18,467 --> 00:00:20,934
* Love and marriage *
4
00:00:20,934 --> 00:00:22,734
* Go together like *
5
00:00:22,734 --> 00:00:25,200
* A horse and carriage *
6
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:29,200
* This I tell ya, brother *
7
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,133
* You can't have one *
8
00:00:31,133 --> 00:00:34,033
* Without the other *
9
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,334
* Love and marriage *
10
00:00:36,334 --> 00:00:38,934
* Love and marriage *
11
00:00:38,934 --> 00:00:40,334
* It's an institute *
12
00:00:40,334 --> 00:00:42,734
* You can't disparage *
13
00:00:42,734 --> 00:00:46,501
* Ask the local gentry *
14
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:51,067
* And they will say
It's elementary *
15
00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:55,868
* Try, try, try
To separate them *
16
00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:59,567
* It's an illusion *
17
00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:04,701
* Try, try, try
And you will only come *
18
00:01:04,701 --> 00:01:08,133
* To this conclusion *
19
00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:10,234
* Love and marriage **
20
00:01:18,033 --> 00:01:20,901
Al, come on down!
It's time for work!
21
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:25,901
Come on, honey.
22
00:01:25,901 --> 00:01:28,901
I'm making you
a nice, hot breakfast.
23
00:01:28,901 --> 00:01:32,400
Just listen
to that bacon sizzle.
24
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,868
[DOORBELL RINGS]
25
00:01:35,868 --> 00:01:37,300
Keep it hot, Peg.
26
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:38,801
I'll be down
in a minute.
27
00:01:38,801 --> 00:01:40,501
Sure, I will.
28
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,501
Peggy, I've got
some great news.
29
00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:45,000
Two men came
to our house--
30
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,000
Al, I'm going
over to Marcie's!
31
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,367
They're gone now.
32
00:01:50,601 --> 00:01:52,167
Al, Marcie's here.
33
00:01:52,167 --> 00:01:55,167
Nice try, Peg,
but I'm still hungry.
34
00:01:55,167 --> 00:01:56,667
Where's my breakfast?
35
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,300
The dog ate it.
36
00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:02,901
I see he put the pots
and pans away too.
37
00:02:02,901 --> 00:02:06,901
Al, I was just telling Peggy
about this great idea.
38
00:02:06,901 --> 00:02:09,901
You know that little hole
in your driveway,
39
00:02:09,901 --> 00:02:11,901
the one all the neighborhood
children splash and play in
40
00:02:11,901 --> 00:02:13,901
after it rains?
41
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,501
These guys just finished
a major repaving job
42
00:02:15,501 --> 00:02:17,400
a couple of blocks from here.
43
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,901
And they offered to redo both
our driveways for only $500.
44
00:02:20,901 --> 00:02:22,467
Isn't that great?
45
00:02:22,467 --> 00:02:23,968
I don't know.
46
00:02:23,968 --> 00:02:26,968
I tried to get Al to fix
the driveway a long time ago,
47
00:02:26,968 --> 00:02:28,467
But his philosophy is
48
00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:32,467
"Why improve a home you're
only going to live in anyway?"
49
00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:36,167
Al, can you think
of a better way
50
00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:38,033
to raise the value
of your home
51
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,634
and save a little money
in the bargain?
52
00:02:39,634 --> 00:02:41,968
Sure.
Pack your bags, hon.
53
00:02:43,701 --> 00:02:45,701
Look they said we have
to do this right away
54
00:02:45,701 --> 00:02:46,701
or they'll be gone.
55
00:02:46,701 --> 00:02:48,400
And I think
it's a great deal.
56
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,033
Uh-huh.
What does Steve think?
57
00:02:51,033 --> 00:02:53,534
Well, he's in Buffalo
at a meeting
58
00:02:53,534 --> 00:02:55,367
of Tellers
Against the Penny.
59
00:02:55,367 --> 00:02:56,767
Steve firmly believes
that the one-cent piece
60
00:02:56,767 --> 00:02:57,934
is a thing of the past.
61
00:02:57,934 --> 00:03:00,634
Well, I'm sure the feeling
is mutual.
62
00:03:00,634 --> 00:03:02,133
Come on, Al, make a decision.
63
00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:05,133
These guys are leaving
the neighborhood.
64
00:03:05,133 --> 00:03:06,334
Of course they're leaving
the neighborhood.
65
00:03:06,334 --> 00:03:07,467
These guys are crooks.
66
00:03:07,467 --> 00:03:08,868
First you gotta believe
they just happen
67
00:03:08,868 --> 00:03:10,367
to be in the neighborhood.
68
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:12,501
And second, we have to believe
69
00:03:12,501 --> 00:03:13,868
these two guys see Marcie,
70
00:03:13,868 --> 00:03:15,801
and they're willing
to come back.
71
00:03:17,367 --> 00:03:19,400
I mean, is there
nothing so stupid
72
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,567
that some woman
won't fall for it?
73
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,434
I fell for you,
sweetie.
74
00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:26,567
How could you marry
75
00:03:26,567 --> 00:03:28,567
such a chauvinistic,
sexist man?
76
00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:29,901
A dare.
77
00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:32,634
Look, I'm not sexist.
78
00:03:32,634 --> 00:03:35,634
I'm just saying women
don't know nothing.
79
00:03:35,634 --> 00:03:38,667
Asphalt and finances
are male-oriented fields.
80
00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:43,167
Since Steve is as close
to a male as you have,
81
00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:45,200
he should be in
on the decision.
82
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,567
I'll have you know
I have a degree in economics
83
00:03:47,567 --> 00:03:51,067
and work as a loan
officer in a bank.
84
00:03:51,067 --> 00:03:52,501
So if anything,
I am more qualified
85
00:03:52,501 --> 00:03:55,267
to make financial
decisions than you are.
86
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:58,934
As good as you bankers
may be at saying,
87
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,434
"We're sorry,
Farmer Brown,
88
00:04:00,434 --> 00:04:02,434
we're foreclosing.
Go sell pencils,"
89
00:04:02,434 --> 00:04:04,934
in this house,
I'm the boss,
90
00:04:04,934 --> 00:04:07,501
and I make
the financial decisions.
91
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:11,334
And what a shrewd financial
decider he is too.
92
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,501
Come on, honey.
Tell her about the time
93
00:04:14,501 --> 00:04:16,667
you shrewdly decided not
to buy into that property
94
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:21,000
that some sucker
built the Sears Tower on.
95
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,501
Don't forget, Peg.
96
00:04:22,501 --> 00:04:24,501
The money
we saved there
97
00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:27,501
allowed us to buy
that 2/3 acre
98
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,000
on lake Chicamacomico.
99
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,501
It may not look
like much now,
100
00:04:30,501 --> 00:04:31,701
but when they figure
out how
101
00:04:31,701 --> 00:04:34,501
to keep plants
and animals alive there,
102
00:04:34,501 --> 00:04:36,234
that's gonna be quite
a little paradise.
103
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,934
I'll bet. But Al, I know
a good thing when I see it too.
104
00:04:39,934 --> 00:04:42,133
And even without you,
the deal is still a good one,
105
00:04:42,133 --> 00:04:43,901
and I'm going to do it.
106
00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:46,734
Well, you are woman.
Go out and roar.
107
00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:50,434
Mmm. I'm full.
108
00:04:52,567 --> 00:04:54,934
Peg, as usual,
every day's Thanksgiving.
109
00:04:56,634 --> 00:04:58,901
I'm going to work.
110
00:04:58,901 --> 00:05:00,534
Marce, I'll see you tonight.
111
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:01,901
What for?
112
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,300
Well, after these guys
rip you off,
113
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:05,167
you'll be back
to tell me I was right.
114
00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:06,634
Because I will be.
115
00:05:06,634 --> 00:05:09,267
You're that sure of yourself?
116
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:12,400
Marcie, I'd bet
my retirement property on it
117
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:17,067
if the Army didn't
have it padlocked.
118
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:20,200
Peggy, I cannot for the life
of me understand
119
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,634
how you live with that man.
120
00:05:21,634 --> 00:05:23,801
Well, in Al's defense,
121
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:27,367
what with overtime,
television, and the bathroom,
122
00:05:27,367 --> 00:05:29,634
I really don't
see him very much.
123
00:05:30,534 --> 00:05:32,467
See you later.
124
00:05:35,033 --> 00:05:37,767
Mom, big news down the block.
125
00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:40,067
The cops just arrested
these two guys
126
00:05:40,067 --> 00:05:42,300
trying to pull
the old asphalt scam.
127
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,501
They what?
128
00:05:43,501 --> 00:05:45,100
Yeah, you know the one where
they offer
129
00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:46,367
to redo
your driveway real cheap,
130
00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,367
but they just use oil,
131
00:05:48,367 --> 00:05:51,400
so when it rains,
it all washes away.
132
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:55,400
You have to be a real feeb
to fall for that one.
133
00:06:00,701 --> 00:06:02,167
Who are you calling?
134
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:05,667
Al's mother. I told him
I'd invite her for the summer
135
00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:07,501
the next time he was right
about anything.
136
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,400
Well, how do you think
he'll take it?
137
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,467
Take what?
138
00:06:10,467 --> 00:06:12,267
Hello?
139
00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:15,067
My having to tell Al
he was right.
140
00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:18,033
You're not seriously
going to do that are you?
141
00:06:18,033 --> 00:06:19,133
Hello?
142
00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:21,033
Well, I have to.
He's bound to find out
143
00:06:21,033 --> 00:06:22,601
if he hasn't already.
144
00:06:22,601 --> 00:06:24,667
Marcie, let me
tell you something.
145
00:06:24,667 --> 00:06:26,000
Peggy, is that you--?
146
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,968
In the 16 years that
I've been married to Al,
147
00:06:29,968 --> 00:06:31,968
I've learned there are certain
things never to ask for.
148
00:06:31,968 --> 00:06:35,300
Never approach him for sex
during Wide World of Sports.
149
00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:40,000
Oh, unless women's gymnastics
are on, then you got a shot.
150
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,000
Never approach him
for sex in the morning.
151
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,000
He thinks that
is just disgusting.
152
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,467
And never ever
tell him he's right.
153
00:06:47,467 --> 00:06:48,601
Why?
154
00:06:48,601 --> 00:06:50,834
Because he's a man, Marcie.
155
00:06:50,834 --> 00:06:52,100
And the only thing uglier
156
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:56,667
than a man who thinks
he's right is Al.
157
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,534
Believe me, I know this
from experience.
158
00:06:59,534 --> 00:07:01,934
Let me tell you a story.
159
00:07:01,934 --> 00:07:03,334
A few years after
we were married
160
00:07:03,334 --> 00:07:06,033
I told Al that I could
hold up a fender
161
00:07:06,033 --> 00:07:08,167
so he could fix
the flat tire.
162
00:07:08,167 --> 00:07:12,033
He said, "No, let a man do it."
I said I could.
163
00:07:12,033 --> 00:07:14,534
So to make a long
story short,
164
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:17,534
a man had to set
his leg that night.
165
00:07:17,534 --> 00:07:20,968
But, to this day, whenever I ask
Al to do something for me,
166
00:07:20,968 --> 00:07:22,167
that he doesn't want to do,
167
00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:24,467
he lifts up that leg
and says he can't
168
00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:26,467
and that it's my fault.
169
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:29,467
The worst part
about it is, he's right.
170
00:07:29,467 --> 00:07:32,868
Marcie, don't let him
lift his leg on you.
171
00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:43,167
AL: Guess, I'll see youtonight, Marce.
172
00:07:43,167 --> 00:07:44,334
MARCIE:
What for?
173
00:07:44,334 --> 00:07:46,267
AL: To tell meI was right.
174
00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:48,267
PEG: You're not seriouslygoing to do that, are you?
175
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:51,334
AL:
Tell me I was right.
176
00:07:51,334 --> 00:07:52,834
I was right.
177
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:54,367
STEVE:
Marcie, I'm back!
178
00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:58,667
Steve?
179
00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:02,167
I thought you weren't due back
till tomorrow night.
180
00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:03,534
I missed you.
181
00:08:06,701 --> 00:08:08,701
I'm sorry I didn't call.
182
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:11,400
So you want
to fool around?
183
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,868
Well, sure.
184
00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:19,067
I'm so glad to hear that.
185
00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:27,734
[DOORBELL RINGS]
186
00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:35,133
I haven't slept
in 18 hours.
187
00:08:35,133 --> 00:08:39,467
Oh, Steve's
not back yet.
188
00:08:39,467 --> 00:08:41,667
You have those
empty bed blues, huh?
189
00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:44,467
Well, yes and no.
190
00:08:44,467 --> 00:08:47,067
Peggy,
do you ever dream?
191
00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:50,367
Nah. Why dream,
when I have all this?
192
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,000
No, I mean do you
ever have dreams?
193
00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,367
Nightmares? I had
a real doozy last night.
194
00:09:00,367 --> 00:09:01,868
What about?
195
00:09:01,868 --> 00:09:02,868
Al.
196
00:09:02,868 --> 00:09:04,033
Al?
197
00:09:04,033 --> 00:09:05,567
My Al?
198
00:09:05,567 --> 00:09:07,901
Yeah. See,
I was asleep--
199
00:09:07,901 --> 00:09:09,367
Did he have feet?
200
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,400
Beg pardon?
201
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:13,701
It's funny.
202
00:09:13,701 --> 00:09:16,701
In my dreams,
Al never has any feet.
203
00:09:16,701 --> 00:09:19,534
Oh, well. Go on.
204
00:09:19,534 --> 00:09:21,934
In my dream,
Steve came in
205
00:09:21,934 --> 00:09:27,167
and asked me if I wanted
to fool around.
206
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,367
And when I said yes,
he turned and it was Al.
207
00:09:29,367 --> 00:09:30,501
My Al?
208
00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:32,601
Well, then what happened?
209
00:09:32,601 --> 00:09:33,767
Nothing.
210
00:09:33,767 --> 00:09:35,634
Yep, sounds like my Al.
211
00:09:38,334 --> 00:09:40,601
I hope you're
not upset, Peggy.
212
00:09:40,601 --> 00:09:43,100
About a dream?
Don't be silly.
213
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:46,634
Plus, if you dreamed that
Al was in your bedroom,
214
00:09:46,634 --> 00:09:49,300
I should be
apologizing to you.
215
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:50,334
Thanks, Peggy.
216
00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:54,067
Oh, but could you
do me a favor?
217
00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:56,534
Please don't
tell Al about this.
218
00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:58,033
Oh, don't worry.
219
00:09:58,033 --> 00:10:00,534
But could you do
something for me?
220
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:03,033
If you ever dream
about Al again,
221
00:10:03,033 --> 00:10:06,033
could you check and see
if he has any feet?
222
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:07,534
That really bothers me.
223
00:10:07,534 --> 00:10:08,801
Sure thing.
224
00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:11,734
Hi, Marce.
Hi, Peg.
225
00:10:11,734 --> 00:10:13,968
Bye, Peggy...Al.
226
00:10:17,901 --> 00:10:19,400
What's with her?
227
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,567
She had a dream she slept
with you last night.
228
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,567
Oh, yeah?
229
00:10:27,701 --> 00:10:29,067
She's a lucky gal.
230
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:35,734
STEVE:
Marcie, I'm home.
231
00:10:37,367 --> 00:10:38,634
Steve?
232
00:10:38,634 --> 00:10:39,801
Yeah.
233
00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:42,467
Sorry I'm late, honey.
234
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:45,467
The pro-penny people
pelted us with nickels.
235
00:10:47,534 --> 00:10:49,000
Did I wake you?
236
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,334
Steve, it is you.
237
00:10:51,334 --> 00:10:52,834
Of course it's me.
238
00:10:52,834 --> 00:10:54,167
Give me a hug.
239
00:10:55,734 --> 00:10:57,234
Did you miss me?
240
00:10:57,234 --> 00:10:58,400
Mm-hmm.
241
00:10:58,400 --> 00:10:59,567
Don't worry.
242
00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:01,501
Daddy's home.
243
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,434
And Daddy's going
to make it all better.
244
00:11:11,734 --> 00:11:13,367
STEVE:
Marcie, I'm home.
245
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:19,200
Hon, you wouldn't believe
the traffic over O'Hare tonight.
246
00:11:22,334 --> 00:11:23,767
I swear...
247
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:27,767
Someday that's where they're
going to find Amelia Earhart.
248
00:11:30,701 --> 00:11:31,734
But...
249
00:11:32,868 --> 00:11:34,534
The eagle has landed.
250
00:11:37,701 --> 00:11:39,634
You want to fool around?
251
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,067
Pizza's here.
252
00:11:54,067 --> 00:11:57,234
Kelly, you know that's not
the way to hold a pizza.
253
00:11:57,234 --> 00:11:59,467
Mom, have you ever tried
to carry one of these things
254
00:11:59,467 --> 00:12:02,167
sitting on the back
of a Harley going 60
255
00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:04,267
while trying to hold
onto a fat guy
256
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:06,234
who's wearing nothing
but chains and black leather.
257
00:12:06,234 --> 00:12:10,133
Yes, I have, and that is
not the way to do it.
258
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:17,267
Mom, are we gonna do anything
different this summer?
259
00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:20,267
Well, Daddy got seats
for the ballgames again.
260
00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:21,434
Oh, puke.
261
00:12:21,434 --> 00:12:23,133
I thought
you liked the Cubs.
262
00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:25,133
I do, I just hate watching
them from the roof
263
00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:28,434
of that apartment building
where Dad always gets his seats.
264
00:12:28,434 --> 00:12:29,834
Well, honey, maybe someday
they'll forget about
265
00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:32,634
that fan interference call
266
00:12:32,634 --> 00:12:35,634
that kept the Cubs
out of the World Series
267
00:12:35,634 --> 00:12:38,167
and let Daddy back
into the stadium.
268
00:12:38,167 --> 00:12:40,367
I hope so,
because it looks so stupid
269
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:43,634
with just us and the Polaskis
doing the wave.
270
00:12:43,634 --> 00:12:45,133
[DOORBELL RINGS]
271
00:12:52,734 --> 00:12:54,234
Marcie, you're a wreck.
272
00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:57,267
Oh, I see.
273
00:12:57,267 --> 00:12:58,767
Steve got back,
274
00:12:58,767 --> 00:13:02,767
and you two were at it
all night, huh?
275
00:13:02,767 --> 00:13:04,234
No.
276
00:13:04,234 --> 00:13:06,267
I had
that dream again...
277
00:13:06,267 --> 00:13:07,634
With Al.
278
00:13:10,767 --> 00:13:13,167
See, this is the part where
you're supposed to make a joke
279
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,767
about Al being quick
in the sack
280
00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:16,167
so I can laugh
and see that
281
00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:17,534
you're not really mad
or anything.
282
00:13:17,534 --> 00:13:18,934
Marcie, that's two nights
in a row.
283
00:13:18,934 --> 00:13:22,100
Al hasn't been quick
in the sack with me
284
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,667
for two nights
in a row in years.
285
00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:26,701
Hey, you think
I'm enjoying this?
286
00:13:26,701 --> 00:13:29,067
I was throwing up
all night.
287
00:13:29,067 --> 00:13:31,934
Well, so did I at first,
but it passes.
288
00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:39,100
Whatever happened to "It's only
a dream. Don't worry about it?"
289
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:42,100
Peggy, can't you see what hell
my life's becoming?
290
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,601
I haven't slept
in 48 hours.
291
00:13:44,601 --> 00:13:46,100
Steve's mad at me
292
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:49,067
because every time
he brings up sex, I get sick.
293
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:51,033
And now you're
yelling at me.
294
00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:52,534
And why not?
295
00:13:52,534 --> 00:13:55,501
You're the one dreaming
around with my husband.
296
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,334
Hey, Peg.
297
00:13:57,334 --> 00:13:58,367
Ha!
298
00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:01,767
Hey, Marce.
299
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:07,634
I tell you,
what a day.
300
00:14:13,267 --> 00:14:16,267
All day long,
it's pick up the shoes.
301
00:14:16,267 --> 00:14:19,267
Put down the shoes.
Pick up the shoes.
302
00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:22,767
Tomorrow ought to be
a good day for you.
303
00:14:22,767 --> 00:14:24,767
Tomorrow
I wash the car...
304
00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:26,634
in my t-shirt.
305
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:31,601
I can't believe
you told him.
306
00:14:31,601 --> 00:14:33,467
I can't believe
you dream about him.
307
00:14:33,467 --> 00:14:35,467
I can't believe
everybody doesn't.
308
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:39,834
I'm mortified.
309
00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:41,200
Well, get happy.
310
00:14:47,801 --> 00:14:50,734
Well, Peg, it looks
like another little filly
311
00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:52,601
in the old
Bundy stable.
312
00:14:53,734 --> 00:14:55,534
Get me a beer, will ya?
313
00:14:55,534 --> 00:14:58,167
Al, what are you doing
in Marcie's dream?
314
00:14:58,167 --> 00:15:00,534
Ruining her
for all other men.
315
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:05,200
You are doing something
to cause those dreams.
316
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:08,200
Now I don't know what it is,
but I want you to cut it out.
317
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,501
I'll cut it out, Peg,
just tell me what to do.
318
00:15:10,501 --> 00:15:12,334
What should I do,
stop wearing t-shirts?
319
00:15:12,334 --> 00:15:16,000
Stop oozing sex
from every pore?
320
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,267
That isn't sex, Al.
321
00:15:19,267 --> 00:15:21,300
What should I do, Peg?
322
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:23,300
Well, you could
come upstairs
323
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:26,300
and be my dreamlover
for a while.
324
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,801
Peg, not tonight.
325
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,167
This leg has
been acting up.
326
00:15:31,767 --> 00:15:34,601
Ever since that night
with the car...
327
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:35,667
Fine, fine.
328
00:15:35,667 --> 00:15:37,100
Then let's discuss
who else's dreams
329
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:40,100
you've been
gallivanting around in.
330
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,601
Perhaps Mrs. Pritchard
across the street.
331
00:15:42,601 --> 00:15:46,601
I've seen how she looks
at you over her walker.
332
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:48,400
If you think...
333
00:15:54,901 --> 00:15:56,934
* If you want my body *
334
00:15:56,934 --> 00:15:58,901
* And you think I'm sexy *
335
00:15:58,901 --> 00:16:02,100
* Come on, sugar
Let me know *
336
00:16:04,901 --> 00:16:07,200
* If you really
Need me *
337
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,234
* Just reach out
And touch me **
338
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:11,734
Steve, please.
I'm trying to read.
339
00:16:11,734 --> 00:16:13,601
You don't have to stop.
340
00:16:13,601 --> 00:16:15,501
Just get me a hammer
and I'll just nail
341
00:16:15,501 --> 00:16:16,434
that sucker to the ceiling.
342
00:16:17,734 --> 00:16:18,734
Steve!
343
00:16:18,734 --> 00:16:20,234
I have a question.
344
00:16:20,234 --> 00:16:21,968
Do you think
it's possible
345
00:16:21,968 --> 00:16:24,234
to dream that you're
interpreting a dream
346
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:25,968
or must you be
awake to do this?
347
00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:27,968
And what are dreams anyway?
348
00:16:27,968 --> 00:16:30,534
Could we just be the dream
of some greater sleeping being?
349
00:16:30,534 --> 00:16:34,267
And if so, are we then
in fact real?
350
00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:37,467
I want sex, Marcie.
351
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,133
I think I'm
getting nauseous.
352
00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:46,601
All right. That's it.
353
00:16:46,601 --> 00:16:50,834
Look, I've asked more
than a couple of women
354
00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:53,234
to go to bed with me
in my time.
355
00:16:53,234 --> 00:16:54,634
While I admit some
of their responses
356
00:16:54,634 --> 00:16:56,601
may have been somewhat cruel,
357
00:16:56,601 --> 00:17:02,167
not very many jumped up and
stuck their heads in the toilet.
358
00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:04,000
Now something strange
is going on here,
359
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,300
and I demand
to know what it is.
360
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:07,801
Don't toy with me, Marcie.
361
00:17:07,801 --> 00:17:10,667
I'm horny,
and I've been to Buffalo.
362
00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:17,801
Well...okay,
I'll tell you,
363
00:17:17,801 --> 00:17:21,300
but you have to promise
not to get angry.
364
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:22,801
Fine.
365
00:17:22,801 --> 00:17:25,133
Well, it's
like this...
366
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:28,267
STEVE:
Al?!
367
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,100
And where are you
when I dream, huh?
368
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:34,634
Where were you when
I dreamt I was drowning?
369
00:17:34,634 --> 00:17:36,267
How could I swim?
370
00:17:36,267 --> 00:17:38,701
You said I have no feet.
371
00:17:40,334 --> 00:17:43,200
If you loved me,
you would have paddled.
372
00:17:45,501 --> 00:17:47,000
[DOOR SLAMS]
373
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,334
Ah.
374
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:49,767
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
375
00:17:49,767 --> 00:17:51,267
Who is it?
376
00:17:51,267 --> 00:17:54,300
Steven
Bartholomew Rhoades.
377
00:17:56,601 --> 00:17:57,667
Bartholomew?
378
00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:04,968
Al, I'm horny. What are you
going to do about it?
379
00:18:08,801 --> 00:18:10,133
Get in there.
380
00:18:10,133 --> 00:18:12,133
Don't go yelling
things like that.
381
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:14,133
I've got kids up there
382
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:15,467
Or out there...
383
00:18:15,467 --> 00:18:17,000
Somewhere.
I don't know.
384
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:20,501
Did she tell you, Steve?
385
00:18:20,501 --> 00:18:21,667
Yes, Peggy.
386
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:25,801
He's an animal.
387
00:18:25,801 --> 00:18:29,167
I don't know what happened,
I go out of town for one day,
388
00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:31,300
I come back,
my wife's throwing up
389
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:34,133
and dreaming she's sleeping
with your husband.
390
00:18:34,133 --> 00:18:37,834
I guess that's why they
call it the blues.
391
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:39,834
I'm getting
out of here.
392
00:18:39,834 --> 00:18:41,834
You two can go on
blaming me
393
00:18:41,834 --> 00:18:44,834
for the dreams
of an insane woman.
394
00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:46,667
I'm going to a hotel.
395
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,667
Better make it the Y.
396
00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:51,400
I don't want
any women to see me.
397
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,133
Well, look who's here.
The dream weaver.
398
00:18:58,767 --> 00:19:01,767
Why can't you have
normal dreams like me?
399
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:04,267
You know, where
you're Maharajah Bundy
400
00:19:04,267 --> 00:19:07,834
and women with four breasts
feed you ding dongs?
401
00:19:10,434 --> 00:19:12,167
Is Steve in there?
402
00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:14,968
No. There are no
other men in my dream.
403
00:19:14,968 --> 00:19:17,968
Just Phil Donahue, and we feed
him to the lizard people.
404
00:19:17,968 --> 00:19:21,334
No, I meant is Steve
in your house?
405
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:22,634
Oh, yeah.
406
00:19:22,634 --> 00:19:24,801
He and Peg
want me dead.
407
00:19:24,801 --> 00:19:26,167
You just want me.
408
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:29,467
Sit down, Al.
409
00:19:32,501 --> 00:19:35,100
You're not going to be looking
at my butt or anything, right?
410
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,300
I think
I can guarantee that.
411
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:38,834
Sit down, Al.
412
00:19:38,834 --> 00:19:39,834
All right.
413
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:44,801
What is it?
414
00:19:44,801 --> 00:19:49,000
I know now why I was
having those dreams.
415
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,434
Remember the driveway repavers
you said were gonna rip me off?
416
00:19:52,434 --> 00:19:55,434
They were, Al,
but I never told you.
417
00:19:55,434 --> 00:19:59,267
And the guilt I had manifested
itself in my dreams.
418
00:19:59,267 --> 00:20:00,767
I thought that--
419
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,267
That I desired you?
420
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:03,334
No, Al.
421
00:20:03,334 --> 00:20:06,400
I was being punished,
422
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,767
much as sex with you
must actually be like.
423
00:20:10,767 --> 00:20:14,601
So now, in order to rid
myself of the guilt
424
00:20:14,601 --> 00:20:16,601
and those horrible,
horrible dreams,
425
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:19,534
I've come to say
you were right.
426
00:20:19,534 --> 00:20:21,300
You hear that, Al?
427
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:23,634
You were right,
and I was wrong.
428
00:20:23,634 --> 00:20:26,467
You're the man,
and I'm the woman.
429
00:20:26,467 --> 00:20:29,300
And in this case,
the man was right.
430
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:32,133
The man knew better
than the woman.
431
00:20:32,133 --> 00:20:34,167
The woman should have
listened to the man.
432
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:35,968
Satisfied, Al? Is that
what you want to hear?
433
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,968
Wait a second,
hold on a second.
434
00:20:37,968 --> 00:20:39,834
You didn't desire me?
435
00:20:41,801 --> 00:20:45,167
You didn't
even have feet.
436
00:20:47,133 --> 00:20:50,067
Marcie, I thought
I heard you out here.
437
00:20:50,067 --> 00:20:51,400
What's going on?
438
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,367
Nothing. Just purging
myself, that's all.
439
00:20:54,367 --> 00:20:56,934
Oh, honey, not again.
440
00:20:56,934 --> 00:20:58,267
Not that.
441
00:20:58,267 --> 00:20:59,934
Everything's fine now.
442
00:20:59,934 --> 00:21:01,767
Let's go home.
443
00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:03,934
You mean home as in...
444
00:21:03,934 --> 00:21:06,467
Last one up has
to read the ceiling.
445
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,067
I'm going
to have sex, Al.
446
00:21:17,267 --> 00:21:18,767
What's everybody
talking about?
447
00:21:18,767 --> 00:21:20,133
I got feet.
448
00:21:24,601 --> 00:21:26,968
Al, Steve and I
were talking
449
00:21:26,968 --> 00:21:29,601
about you being in
Marcie's dream, and...
450
00:21:29,601 --> 00:21:33,300
I was right about it
being stupid to blame me.
451
00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:36,434
You're not gonna lord this
over me, are you?
452
00:21:36,434 --> 00:21:38,567
Sure, I am, Peg.
453
00:21:38,567 --> 00:21:40,400
Well, I'm going up
to bed now.
454
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,334
Good.
455
00:21:44,634 --> 00:21:46,434
Why don't you come
on up and show me
456
00:21:46,434 --> 00:21:49,067
what dreams
are really made of?
457
00:21:49,067 --> 00:21:51,934
I'll be up in
a little bit, Peg.
458
00:22:01,767 --> 00:22:04,033
Well, at least
it's all over.
459
00:22:06,934 --> 00:22:08,267
PEG:
Al!
460
00:22:08,267 --> 00:22:09,934
Al, you coming up?
461
00:22:09,934 --> 00:22:13,300
I said I'd be
up in a second, Peg.
462
00:22:25,767 --> 00:22:28,467
I said
I'd be right up.
463
00:22:29,767 --> 00:22:31,934
Well, don't
wait too long...
464
00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,501
tiger.
465
00:22:33,501 --> 00:22:37,000
AL:
Aah!
466
00:22:48,667 --> 00:22:51,300
[***]
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