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00:00:03,934 --> 00:00:08,400
Subtitles : RaceMan
www.forom.com
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00:00:16,067 --> 00:00:18,467
* Love and marriage *
3
00:00:18,467 --> 00:00:20,934
* Love and marriage *
4
00:00:20,934 --> 00:00:22,734
* Go together like *
5
00:00:22,734 --> 00:00:25,200
* A horse and carriage *
6
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:29,200
* This I tell ya, brother *
7
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,133
* You can't have one *
8
00:00:31,133 --> 00:00:34,033
* Without the other *
9
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,334
* Love and marriage *
10
00:00:36,334 --> 00:00:38,934
* Love and marriage *
11
00:00:38,934 --> 00:00:40,334
* It's an institute *
12
00:00:40,334 --> 00:00:42,734
* You can't disparage *
13
00:00:42,734 --> 00:00:46,501
* Ask the local gentry *
14
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:51,067
* And they will say
It's elementary *
15
00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:55,868
* Try, try, try
To separate them *
16
00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:59,567
* It's an illusion *
17
00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:04,701
* Try, try, try
And you will only come *
18
00:01:04,701 --> 00:01:08,133
* To this conclusion *
19
00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:10,234
* Love and marriage **
20
00:01:17,634 --> 00:01:19,734
Okay, everybody.
Gather round.
21
00:01:19,734 --> 00:01:23,367
I want you to watch me
pay these bills.
22
00:01:23,367 --> 00:01:25,767
Aren't you gonna
dress in rags
23
00:01:25,767 --> 00:01:27,801
like you did
last month?
24
00:01:28,934 --> 00:01:31,767
That was to prove
a point, Peg.
25
00:01:31,767 --> 00:01:34,767
A point that obviously
wasn't taken too seriously.
26
00:01:34,767 --> 00:01:37,701
Now, the Bundy household
is going to cut down
27
00:01:37,701 --> 00:01:39,200
on unnecessary
expenditures.
28
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,601
What can we do to help?
29
00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:47,200
For starters, we can cut down
on our electricity.
30
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,300
Bud, are we
in the living room?
31
00:01:51,701 --> 00:01:52,701
No, Dad.
32
00:01:52,701 --> 00:01:54,701
Then turn out
the light.
33
00:01:54,701 --> 00:01:55,701
Sure, Dad.
34
00:01:55,701 --> 00:01:57,467
Dad?
35
00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:58,467
What?
36
00:01:58,467 --> 00:02:01,400
I'm in the
living room now.
37
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,734
You're also on thin ice.
38
00:02:03,734 --> 00:02:05,234
Turn out the light.
39
00:02:05,234 --> 00:02:08,234
Like it or not,
this family will learn to save.
40
00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:10,400
Where the hell are
the rest of the bills?
41
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,734
On the coffee table,
42
00:02:11,734 --> 00:02:15,200
under your new $75
glow-in-the-dark tackle box.
43
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,767
Okay. Everybody
gather round.
44
00:02:19,234 --> 00:02:21,734
Would somebody please
turn a light on in here?
45
00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:23,734
I can't see a thing.
46
00:02:23,734 --> 00:02:24,601
Sure, Dad.
47
00:02:25,834 --> 00:02:29,567
Kelly, are we
in the kitchen?
48
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:31,934
No, Dad.
49
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,334
Then what do we do?
50
00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:35,834
We'll learn.
51
00:02:35,834 --> 00:02:37,200
We'll all learn.
52
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,701
Look at this.
53
00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:41,701
Everybody in the world
gets a tax refund. Not me.
54
00:02:41,701 --> 00:02:44,701
Me, I work in hell,
I earn nothing.
55
00:02:44,701 --> 00:02:47,701
Bud, where else
aren't we?
56
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,567
In a good neighborhood?
57
00:02:51,701 --> 00:02:54,701
Go on upstairs and
turn out those lights.
58
00:02:54,701 --> 00:02:55,701
And, Kelly...
59
00:02:55,701 --> 00:02:57,200
Let me guess.
60
00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:00,701
You want me to go outside
and beg for cheese.
61
00:03:00,701 --> 00:03:03,200
No, I want you to cut down on
your entertainment expenditures.
62
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,634
You know, records,
movies...bleach.
63
00:03:08,234 --> 00:03:10,234
Fine, but I'm
warning you.
64
00:03:10,234 --> 00:03:13,934
I'll steal bleach before
I give up my blondness.
65
00:03:13,934 --> 00:03:15,601
Good girl.
66
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,167
[DOORBELL RINGS]
67
00:03:19,167 --> 00:03:20,667
You want
to get that, Al?
68
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:24,667
Who spent $39.95 at a place
called 10 Little Toenails?
69
00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,033
I'll get it.
70
00:03:30,634 --> 00:03:33,467
Hi. We've been nut picking
and we brought you a bag.
71
00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:34,801
Got a nutcracker?
72
00:03:34,801 --> 00:03:37,100
You're looking at her.
73
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,033
I've got one somewhere.
74
00:03:41,033 --> 00:03:42,734
Would you close the door.
75
00:03:42,734 --> 00:03:45,267
You're letting out
the heat.
76
00:03:50,234 --> 00:03:51,601
Is that what you make?
77
00:03:55,734 --> 00:03:58,234
You're gaining
a little weight there,
78
00:03:58,234 --> 00:03:59,601
aren't you, Marce?
79
00:04:03,234 --> 00:04:04,734
I found
the nutcracker.
80
00:04:04,734 --> 00:04:07,100
Do you think
I'm gaining weight?
81
00:04:08,234 --> 00:04:10,400
Eh...
82
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,767
[DOORBELL RINGS]
83
00:04:11,767 --> 00:04:14,200
Al, would you get the door
for once in your life?
84
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:18,234
Who the hell spent
$60 on granular facial scrub?
85
00:04:18,234 --> 00:04:19,634
I'll get it.
86
00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:26,033
Hi. Hi, Al.
87
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,767
What do you want?
88
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,267
I missed Marcie.
89
00:04:29,267 --> 00:04:30,434
Aw, look at that, Al.
90
00:04:30,434 --> 00:04:32,501
It's only been a few minutes,
and he misses her.
91
00:04:32,501 --> 00:04:34,634
Why don't you
just kill me?
92
00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:38,701
Close the door.
The heat's getting out.
93
00:04:38,701 --> 00:04:41,200
If you want to cut down
on your heating bills,
94
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,334
do what we did.
95
00:04:42,334 --> 00:04:43,834
Install extra insulation.
96
00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:45,767
Not only is it
a monthly savings,
97
00:04:45,767 --> 00:04:48,367
but we got a nifty little
rebate from the government
98
00:04:48,367 --> 00:04:49,501
for energy
conservation.
99
00:04:49,501 --> 00:04:51,334
Believe me,
it had a lot to do
100
00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:54,067
with that big tax refund
we just got.
101
00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:56,801
The only thing is, we don't
know what to do with the money.
102
00:04:56,801 --> 00:04:58,801
Why don't you
have a couple of kids.
103
00:04:58,801 --> 00:05:01,801
They'll suck it up
like a Hoover.
104
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,801
That's a vacuum
cleaner, Peg,
105
00:05:03,801 --> 00:05:06,801
in case you want to do
something different
106
00:05:06,801 --> 00:05:08,267
with your afternoons.
107
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,868
Did we come
at a bad time?
108
00:05:09,868 --> 00:05:11,067
Don't mind Al.
109
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:13,934
It's just his time
of the month.
110
00:05:13,934 --> 00:05:15,634
Bill time.
111
00:05:15,634 --> 00:05:17,634
So, what are you gonna spend
your refund on?
112
00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:21,067
We were thinking about taking
a romantic trip to Paris.
113
00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:23,567
I've always wanted
to go to Paris.
114
00:05:23,567 --> 00:05:26,834
Oh, yeah, Paris.
Where they hate Americans.
115
00:05:26,834 --> 00:05:29,033
Where they won't let
our bombers fly overhead.
116
00:05:29,033 --> 00:05:30,701
Oh, yeah, until
they get invaded.
117
00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:32,834
Then they come crawling back
to us, beret in hand,
118
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:35,133
for us to bail them out
with my tax dollars.
119
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,367
That's where you
want to go?
120
00:05:37,367 --> 00:05:40,133
No. We just said that
to kid you.
121
00:05:42,267 --> 00:05:43,934
We hate the French.
122
00:05:43,934 --> 00:05:46,133
Know what I'd do
if I had a few extra bucks?
123
00:05:46,133 --> 00:05:48,200
Bomb the French?
124
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,300
No, I was talking about
a little extra money.
125
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:54,300
Anyhow, I'd like to add on
to our house,
126
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:57,300
you know, just to have
a little room for me.
127
00:05:57,300 --> 00:06:01,200
Somewhere I could go, relax,
sit back, read the paper.
128
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,167
Another bathroom, huh?
129
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:08,300
Actually, we considered
adding on to our house
130
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:09,634
when we bought it,
131
00:06:09,634 --> 00:06:11,400
But we'd need you
to sign a variance
132
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,834
to give us permission to build
that close to the property line
133
00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:15,100
and it seemed
like an imposition.
134
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:16,801
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
135
00:06:16,801 --> 00:06:18,801
We're friends.
Aren't we, Al?
136
00:06:18,801 --> 00:06:20,667
Who, you and me? No.
137
00:06:21,801 --> 00:06:23,234
Would you really
consider it?
138
00:06:23,234 --> 00:06:24,934
I mean, there would be
some extra noise
139
00:06:24,934 --> 00:06:26,334
and dust for a while.
140
00:06:26,334 --> 00:06:27,834
Ah, why not?
141
00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:30,567
It's something we can
hold over your heads.
142
00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:31,767
Come on, Steve.
143
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,834
Let's go look through
our dream house file.
144
00:06:33,834 --> 00:06:35,133
Hey, thanks, you guys.
145
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,267
That was nice of you.
146
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:40,267
Yeah, I'm a nice guy.
147
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,267
What is this?
$16 for chopped sirloin?
148
00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:45,767
You never make me
chopped sirloin.
149
00:06:45,767 --> 00:06:48,634
Who the hell got
the chopped sirloin?
150
00:06:51,934 --> 00:06:53,801
Why do you give Buck
chopped sirloin,
151
00:06:53,801 --> 00:06:55,367
and I get tuna?
152
00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:56,801
Why doesn't he get tuna?
153
00:06:56,801 --> 00:06:59,167
Because tuna
makes his breath smell.
154
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:03,334
And yours is hereditary.
155
00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:10,300
Dad.
156
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:12,801
I just wanted
you to know
157
00:07:12,801 --> 00:07:14,300
that I've listened
to you.
158
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,801
And I haven't spent
any money today.
159
00:07:16,801 --> 00:07:17,801
Good boy.
160
00:07:17,801 --> 00:07:20,367
Yeah. I sure hope
Kelly hasn't.
161
00:07:20,367 --> 00:07:23,300
Oh, my God!
162
00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:25,467
Kel, what's
in the bag?
163
00:07:25,467 --> 00:07:27,701
I bought some new jeans.
164
00:07:27,701 --> 00:07:29,801
Dad, you told me
to buy new jeans.
165
00:07:29,801 --> 00:07:32,033
You said that you hated
the way these looked.
166
00:07:32,033 --> 00:07:33,234
Oh, all right.
167
00:07:33,234 --> 00:07:34,701
Tough luck, maggot.
168
00:07:35,801 --> 00:07:37,267
[DOORBELL RINGS]
169
00:07:37,267 --> 00:07:39,767
Hey, Al.
What can I do for you?
170
00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:42,267
Steve, come on in.
Sit down.
171
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:44,067
What are you doing?
172
00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:47,234
Everybody's doing this.
173
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:50,267
And yes, if everyone
was jumping off of buildings,
174
00:07:50,267 --> 00:07:51,434
so would I.
175
00:07:52,734 --> 00:07:57,834
Kel, collect call for you
from Australia.
176
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:01,934
Excuse me.
177
00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:05,267
There must be some sort
of a misunderstanding.
178
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:09,300
I thought
we had code words
179
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:10,801
for things like this.
180
00:08:10,801 --> 00:08:13,000
We're late
on our code payments.
181
00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:18,801
Well, a couple of years,
they'll be gone.
182
00:08:18,801 --> 00:08:21,801
So, Steve,
how's the addition?
183
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:24,300
Well, we just talked about it
last night.
184
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:27,467
We haven't had much time
to do anything about it.
185
00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:28,968
Yeah, good, good.
186
00:08:28,968 --> 00:08:31,801
I was thinking that while
the girls are at the gym,
187
00:08:31,801 --> 00:08:34,300
this would be
a good opportunity
188
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:37,167
for us to just kind of
sit around and shoot the bull.
189
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:38,834
Hey, great.
190
00:08:38,834 --> 00:08:41,200
Well, yesterday
at the bank--
191
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,834
Ha ha ha ha!
192
00:08:42,834 --> 00:08:44,334
Great story, Steve.
193
00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:47,334
Listen, you know
the kind of room
194
00:08:47,334 --> 00:08:50,267
I think you and Marcie
really need?
195
00:08:50,267 --> 00:08:52,934
A poolroom for you and me.
196
00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:55,234
I don't know.
197
00:08:55,234 --> 00:08:57,734
I think Marcie and I should
get a room we both like.
198
00:08:57,734 --> 00:09:01,567
She's got one.
She's got the kitchen.
199
00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:04,501
You need something
to fill up your life
200
00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:06,367
and I think this room
is the perfect thing.
201
00:09:06,367 --> 00:09:09,133
See, Steve, remember how great
it was when you were a kid
202
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:10,667
and you had your own room,
203
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:13,868
and you had the privacy
to do whatever you wanted to?
204
00:09:13,868 --> 00:09:16,300
You can do
those things again.
205
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:18,367
I don't need
to do that anymore.
206
00:09:18,367 --> 00:09:20,100
I've got a wife now.
207
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,968
And a terrific little wife
she is too.
208
00:09:21,968 --> 00:09:25,701
She would never stand in the way
of you wanting your poolroom.
209
00:09:25,701 --> 00:09:27,200
Listen, think of it, Steve.
210
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,701
A little refrigerator
for your beer.
211
00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:32,200
A little powder
on your hands.
212
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,701
That feeling
of the cue stick
213
00:09:34,701 --> 00:09:35,968
sliding through your fingers.
214
00:09:35,968 --> 00:09:37,300
That squeak of the chalk.
215
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,734
But most of all,
216
00:09:38,734 --> 00:09:41,801
that feeling of adrenaline
coursing through your veins
217
00:09:41,801 --> 00:09:45,334
as you make that
two-cushion bank shot,
218
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,868
8-ball in the side pocket.
219
00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:53,434
[SIGHS]
220
00:09:57,601 --> 00:09:58,934
Gee.
221
00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:00,901
That was a great workout.
222
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:03,734
You want some pie?
223
00:10:03,734 --> 00:10:05,534
Sure.
224
00:10:05,534 --> 00:10:07,834
It really does give you
an appetite, doesn't it?
225
00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:11,534
Ah, the boys are at your house,
talking about your new room.
226
00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:14,934
So, what kind of room
is this going to be?
227
00:10:14,934 --> 00:10:16,667
An all-purpose room.
228
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,133
What a waste.
229
00:10:18,133 --> 00:10:20,300
Why not build a room
with a purpose?
230
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:23,467
Like an exercise room
for you and me.
231
00:10:23,467 --> 00:10:24,801
Ice cream?
232
00:10:24,801 --> 00:10:26,200
Sure.
233
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,667
Gee, an exercise room
would be great.
234
00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:31,701
Then we wouldn't
have to wait in line
235
00:10:31,701 --> 00:10:32,934
to use their equipment
236
00:10:32,934 --> 00:10:36,767
and be laughed at
by women with good bodies.
237
00:10:36,767 --> 00:10:38,167
Chocolate sauce?
238
00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:39,767
Okay.
239
00:10:39,767 --> 00:10:42,200
I don't know, Peggy.
240
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,000
Steve and I wanted a room
we could both use.
241
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,000
Oh, Steve has
his own room.
242
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,734
He has the kitchen.
243
00:10:48,734 --> 00:10:52,501
Besides, aren't you sick
of dragging me along each week
244
00:10:52,501 --> 00:10:54,734
to be your free guest
at the health club?
245
00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:57,567
I mean, they know
I'm not gonna join.
246
00:10:57,567 --> 00:10:59,067
Doesn't that
embarrass you?
247
00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:01,667
Well, not as much
as you stealing towels.
248
00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:03,734
Hey. That sign said:
249
00:11:03,734 --> 00:11:05,634
"Guest towels. Take one."
250
00:11:05,634 --> 00:11:08,667
Look, Marce, if you build
an exercise room,
251
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:11,167
not only will you
look better,
252
00:11:11,167 --> 00:11:12,667
but you'll live longer.
253
00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:15,767
And isn't that
the best possible present
254
00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:17,033
you could give Steve?
255
00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:21,934
Whipped cream?
256
00:11:21,934 --> 00:11:23,234
What the heck.
257
00:11:23,234 --> 00:11:26,133
I'm gonna have
an exercise room, right?
258
00:11:26,133 --> 00:11:27,567
Right.
259
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,334
Now, this exercise room should
have a little refrigerator
260
00:11:37,334 --> 00:11:39,334
for our juice
and other healthy things.
261
00:11:39,334 --> 00:11:43,234
Listen, honey, I think this
is a great move, adding a room.
262
00:11:43,234 --> 00:11:45,000
Listen, you guys,
263
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,133
thanks for
suggesting it.
264
00:11:46,133 --> 00:11:47,634
What are
neighbors for?
265
00:11:47,634 --> 00:11:49,133
Our pleasure.
266
00:11:49,133 --> 00:11:51,634
Steve, let's start getting
bids from some contractors.
267
00:11:51,634 --> 00:11:52,868
And architects.
268
00:11:52,868 --> 00:11:54,767
And designers.
I want to move on this thing.
269
00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:56,534
I love you, Marcie.
I love you, Steve.
270
00:11:56,534 --> 00:11:58,033
I hate them, Peg.
271
00:11:58,033 --> 00:12:00,701
They hate you, Al.
272
00:12:00,701 --> 00:12:03,701
Yeah, but they're gonna
have a nice little room
273
00:12:03,701 --> 00:12:07,400
where I can go and shoot pool
and have fun.
274
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,701
I hate to break
this to you,
275
00:12:09,701 --> 00:12:12,801
but that room is gonna be
an exercise room for me.
276
00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:15,634
Oh, and Marcie, I guess,
if she can find the time.
277
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:17,033
I don't think
she will, personally.
278
00:12:17,033 --> 00:12:19,634
Forget it, Peg.
I'm getting a poolroom.
279
00:12:19,634 --> 00:12:21,534
I'm getting
an exercise room.
280
00:12:21,534 --> 00:12:22,767
Not a chance!
281
00:12:22,767 --> 00:12:24,767
Look, Marcie
is on my side.
282
00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:26,834
She makes the money,
she's got the power.
283
00:12:26,834 --> 00:12:30,501
Yeah? I make the money,
and I have no power.
284
00:12:30,501 --> 00:12:32,033
Why is that, Peg?
285
00:12:32,033 --> 00:12:33,534
Well, we'll deal
with that tomorrow.
286
00:12:33,534 --> 00:12:35,534
The important thing is,
I want that poolroom,
287
00:12:35,534 --> 00:12:37,934
and Steve's
gonna get it for me.
288
00:12:37,934 --> 00:12:39,601
Marcie will run
right over him
289
00:12:39,601 --> 00:12:41,400
like a tractor
over a road apple.
290
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:42,667
Not this time, Peg.
291
00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:43,767
This time, he's gonna be
292
00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:45,100
the little road apple
that could.
293
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:46,234
Ha, ha!
294
00:12:46,234 --> 00:12:47,767
Oh, yeah?
Call him back here
295
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,567
and we'll settle this
once and for all.
296
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:51,200
All right, fine.
297
00:12:54,601 --> 00:12:56,601
Steve-- Oh.
298
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:59,968
Excuse me.
Could you come back in?
299
00:13:02,601 --> 00:13:04,834
We want you
to settle an argument
300
00:13:04,834 --> 00:13:06,167
between me and Peg.
301
00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:08,133
Now, is that addition
gonna be a poolroom
302
00:13:08,133 --> 00:13:09,634
like Steve wants
303
00:13:09,634 --> 00:13:12,634
or an exercise room
like Peg wants?
304
00:13:12,634 --> 00:13:14,133
You want
a poolroom?
305
00:13:14,133 --> 00:13:16,133
You didn't say anything
about a poolroom.
306
00:13:16,133 --> 00:13:18,634
Well, you didn't say anything
about an exercise room.
307
00:13:18,634 --> 00:13:21,634
I thought we weren't gonna
make any decisions
308
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,634
without consulting
our life partner.
309
00:13:23,634 --> 00:13:26,634
Well, it looks like
you made one
310
00:13:26,634 --> 00:13:29,033
without consulting
me, Ms. La Lanne.
311
00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:32,634
How do you like
my little road apple now?
312
00:13:32,634 --> 00:13:35,834
It ain't over until
the fat lady sings.
313
00:13:35,834 --> 00:13:38,167
You don't even
play pool anymore.
314
00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:39,534
At least I exercise.
315
00:13:39,534 --> 00:13:43,133
So I can be healthy
and live longer for you.
316
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:45,334
Oh, Marcie.
317
00:13:45,334 --> 00:13:47,801
* La la **
318
00:13:47,801 --> 00:13:50,767
But I suppose I could
exercise at the club,
319
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:53,267
rather than have you risk
injury or disease
320
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,601
at the local pool hole.
321
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:57,100
No, your body
is much more important
322
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:59,601
than my having
a good time.
323
00:13:59,601 --> 00:14:01,601
We'll build
your exercise room.
324
00:14:01,601 --> 00:14:04,601
I don't want you
to be unhappy.
325
00:14:04,601 --> 00:14:06,467
I don't want you
to be unhappy.
326
00:14:06,467 --> 00:14:07,834
Look, it's obvious
327
00:14:07,834 --> 00:14:10,601
that things are heating up
here a little bit too much.
328
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:13,634
Why don't we take a minute,
relax, sit down and cool off.
329
00:14:13,634 --> 00:14:16,634
Now, Steve will
cool off right here.
330
00:14:16,634 --> 00:14:19,501
Come on, Marcie. Let's make you
a cup of coffee and calm down.
331
00:14:21,634 --> 00:14:23,133
How you doing, Steve?
332
00:14:23,133 --> 00:14:24,634
Are you comfortable?
333
00:14:24,634 --> 00:14:26,033
Sure, Al.
334
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:29,133
How could you be
without a backbone?!
335
00:14:29,133 --> 00:14:30,634
You know damn well
336
00:14:30,634 --> 00:14:33,634
you and me wanted
this pool table.
337
00:14:33,634 --> 00:14:36,000
How come she's the one
racking the balls?
338
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:40,968
Al, it wasn't worth
fighting about.
339
00:14:40,968 --> 00:14:43,067
Oh sure, our rights
are not important?
340
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:46,601
Anything a woman says
is fine with us.
341
00:14:46,601 --> 00:14:49,601
When did men
become such losers?
342
00:14:49,601 --> 00:14:53,601
It used to be so great
to be a man.
343
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,033
Women were there
to please us.
344
00:14:55,033 --> 00:14:56,434
They'd look after the kids
345
00:14:56,434 --> 00:14:59,234
and we'd go out
and have a good time.
346
00:14:59,234 --> 00:15:01,534
That's the natural
order of things.
347
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,000
What happened, Steve?
348
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,133
Well, Al--
349
00:15:04,133 --> 00:15:05,868
I'll tell you
what happened, Steve.
350
00:15:05,868 --> 00:15:09,601
Somebody told women they should
start enjoying sex too.
351
00:15:09,601 --> 00:15:12,601
That was the beginning
of the end.
352
00:15:12,601 --> 00:15:16,100
Now they like it,
but it's work for us.
353
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:17,601
Everything's work for us.
354
00:15:17,601 --> 00:15:19,634
It's this equality thing.
It's killing us.
355
00:15:19,634 --> 00:15:21,200
You know who I blame?
356
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,501
The French?
357
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:28,501
I think it's this Curie guy
started the whole thing.
358
00:15:28,501 --> 00:15:30,133
He's the guy
that let his wife
359
00:15:30,133 --> 00:15:32,501
take the credit
for discovering radium.
360
00:15:32,501 --> 00:15:34,667
But she did
discover radium.
361
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,634
Probably because
he left it out one night.
362
00:15:37,634 --> 00:15:39,634
That never would
have happened
363
00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:41,367
if he had his own room.
364
00:15:41,367 --> 00:15:42,767
Einstein had his own room.
365
00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:46,067
You think Einstein invented
the theory of relativity
366
00:15:46,067 --> 00:15:47,801
in his wife's
exercise room?
367
00:15:47,801 --> 00:15:50,801
No. He was in his own room
with the door closed.
368
00:15:50,801 --> 00:15:52,400
Now, you make
a decision, Steve.
369
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,767
But make the right one.
370
00:15:53,767 --> 00:15:56,434
Remember, a man's castle
is his pants.
371
00:16:00,767 --> 00:16:03,934
Why is it men always
get what they want?
372
00:16:03,934 --> 00:16:06,434
Steve's not getting
what he wants.
373
00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:08,434
He will.
They always do.
374
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:09,934
And we let them.
375
00:16:09,934 --> 00:16:12,434
You know, no matter
how far we've come,
376
00:16:12,434 --> 00:16:14,434
we are still subservient.
377
00:16:14,434 --> 00:16:16,434
It all started with Adam.
378
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:18,434
You know, when he said,
379
00:16:18,434 --> 00:16:22,434
"Yo, Eve. Get me an apple,
would you, babe?"
380
00:16:22,434 --> 00:16:23,968
And she did.
381
00:16:23,968 --> 00:16:27,634
And now you are gonna repeat
that same mistake
382
00:16:27,634 --> 00:16:29,868
by giving Steve
a pool table.
383
00:16:29,868 --> 00:16:31,734
You can't draw
parallels there.
384
00:16:31,734 --> 00:16:36,467
That's like comparing
apples and pool tables.
385
00:16:36,467 --> 00:16:38,033
We're talking
symbols here,
386
00:16:38,033 --> 00:16:40,434
and what they
do to men.
387
00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:42,033
You see,
they start out normal,
388
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:44,033
and then puberty happens.
389
00:16:44,033 --> 00:16:47,033
And suddenly, they're
acting like peacocks
390
00:16:47,033 --> 00:16:48,701
and thinking
they're Italian.
391
00:16:48,701 --> 00:16:51,334
You know,
a lot of people
392
00:16:51,334 --> 00:16:54,200
say that puberty
has to do with hormones.
393
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,701
I blame it on poolrooms.
394
00:16:56,701 --> 00:16:58,734
You see, that's where
they hang out,
395
00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:00,734
elbow each other,
smoke cigars,
396
00:17:00,734 --> 00:17:04,767
and make up names
for boobs.
397
00:17:04,767 --> 00:17:07,667
But Steve seems
to really want this room.
398
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:11,734
Yeah. Just like Al really wanted
the basement for his room.
399
00:17:11,734 --> 00:17:14,234
You know, that's why
we bought this dump.
400
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,734
Because it had a basement.
401
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:17,734
I wanted a sewing room.
402
00:17:17,734 --> 00:17:20,200
You know, someplace
I could go and drink wine
403
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,601
and hide from the kids.
404
00:17:24,067 --> 00:17:26,400
Al wanted to build a boat.
405
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,400
A boat he'll never finish.
406
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,734
So once again,
407
00:17:29,734 --> 00:17:33,267
a woman gives up
her dream for a man.
408
00:17:33,267 --> 00:17:34,767
Don't do it, Marcie.
409
00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:38,267
Ruin Steve's dream now
for the both of us.
410
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:41,133
I'm not sure that's
the best solution.
411
00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:46,767
Marcie, I didn't want
to have to tell you this,
412
00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:48,767
but the women
in the neighborhood
413
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:50,634
really look up to you.
414
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,000
Really?
415
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,534
Mm. They know they
can't do what you do
416
00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:58,701
because they're married
to men like Al,
417
00:17:58,701 --> 00:18:03,567
men who look at their own
ear wax and smile with pride.
418
00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:07,234
But you give us hope.
419
00:18:07,234 --> 00:18:09,234
You and your
Susan B. Anthony--
420
00:18:09,234 --> 00:18:11,234
or should I say,
421
00:18:11,234 --> 00:18:14,033
Marcie B. Rhoades
Aerobics Studio?
422
00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:16,634
I had no idea.
423
00:18:16,634 --> 00:18:18,601
I know you didn't.
424
00:18:20,067 --> 00:18:22,067
You've got to do it, Marcie.
425
00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:24,067
Let the women look to you
and admire you,
426
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:27,067
oh, except for those two women
who live in the brown house
427
00:18:27,067 --> 00:18:28,567
and say they're sisters.
428
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:31,434
Don't let them
admire you too much.
429
00:18:33,734 --> 00:18:35,234
I don't know.
430
00:18:35,234 --> 00:18:39,200
Steve's so unselfish
and kind and sharing.
431
00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:42,133
Is he?
432
00:18:48,767 --> 00:18:51,200
Come on, Steve.
Let's go home.
433
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,701
I think we have something
to talk about.
434
00:18:53,701 --> 00:18:55,200
Yes, we do.
435
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,200
I've decided
I want a pool table.
436
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,200
Ha! And a bag of apples
too, I suppose.
437
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:04,067
I'd like to think
I can have apples if I want to.
438
00:19:09,701 --> 00:19:11,200
They're coming,
439
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,234
and they've
made a decision.
440
00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:14,734
Here they come.
441
00:19:14,734 --> 00:19:17,234
Marcie's walking in front,
and she's got the plans.
442
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:19,601
Yeah, but Steve's
eating an apple.
443
00:19:25,234 --> 00:19:27,234
Well, we've been
talking for hours,
444
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:29,100
and we've reached
a decision.
445
00:19:32,567 --> 00:19:36,234
Well, what's it
gonna be?
446
00:19:36,234 --> 00:19:38,567
We decided to build
447
00:19:38,567 --> 00:19:41,501
an all-purpose room
for both of us.
448
00:19:41,501 --> 00:19:43,968
It's going to be
a sitting room
449
00:19:43,968 --> 00:19:45,601
where we can escape
450
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,267
the pressures
of the living room,
451
00:19:48,267 --> 00:19:50,701
where we can be
alone together
452
00:19:50,701 --> 00:19:52,167
for uninterrupted
quality time.
453
00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:53,734
It's going to have
a bay window,
454
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,634
a love seat,
and a loom.
455
00:19:55,634 --> 00:19:59,467
Yes, because we've always
wanted a loom with a view.
456
00:20:03,133 --> 00:20:04,601
I guess all that's left
457
00:20:04,601 --> 00:20:06,667
is for you guys
to sign the variance.
458
00:20:06,667 --> 00:20:09,200
Uh...I don't know.
459
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,200
What do you think, Peg?
460
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,701
I don't know.
461
00:20:12,701 --> 00:20:14,000
It's an awful lot
of digging
462
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,701
and hammering
early in the morning.
463
00:20:15,701 --> 00:20:16,868
And the dust.
Oh.
464
00:20:16,868 --> 00:20:18,601
Yeah, I gotta be honest
with you guys,
465
00:20:18,601 --> 00:20:20,434
It seems like
a lot of trouble to us,
466
00:20:20,434 --> 00:20:22,234
and for what?
467
00:20:22,234 --> 00:20:24,000
You don't need
another room.
468
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,267
I can't believe
you would entice us
469
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,734
with a room
that we might enjoy
470
00:20:28,734 --> 00:20:31,234
when all you wanted was for us
to sign the variance.
471
00:20:31,234 --> 00:20:34,734
We don't like
to be manipulated.
472
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,734
I feel so used.
473
00:20:36,734 --> 00:20:39,167
I think you two
better leave.
474
00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:41,734
You're the ones who said
we should build a room.
475
00:20:41,734 --> 00:20:43,734
Little late for
an apology now.
476
00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:45,234
I expected
better of you.
477
00:20:45,234 --> 00:20:46,734
But we ordered
a loom.
478
00:20:46,734 --> 00:20:48,467
That was a little presumptuous,
wasn't it, Marcie?
479
00:20:48,467 --> 00:20:50,100
Now just a second, Al,
480
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:51,667
because I've reached
my boiling point.
481
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:52,701
Easy, honey.
482
00:20:52,701 --> 00:20:54,200
Not this time.
483
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,267
I listened to
your Einstein theory,
484
00:20:56,267 --> 00:20:58,534
I listened to your
"Man's castle is in his pants,"
485
00:20:58,534 --> 00:21:00,067
and I watched while your wife
486
00:21:00,067 --> 00:21:02,934
tried to shatter
my wife's hourglass figure.
487
00:21:02,934 --> 00:21:05,734
And now you are gonna hear
what I have to say.
488
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,067
STEVE:
Vive la France!
489
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,701
The nerve
of those two, eh?
490
00:21:15,701 --> 00:21:17,400
I guess I'll
have to go on
491
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,067
being her guest
at the health club.
492
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,334
Hey, Peg. You think
there's any room
493
00:21:26,334 --> 00:21:28,534
for a pool table
in our basement?
494
00:21:28,534 --> 00:21:30,734
Yeah, if you wanna
get rid of the boat.
495
00:21:30,734 --> 00:21:33,234
Oh, honey,
we can't do that.
496
00:21:33,234 --> 00:21:35,133
We're gonna sail
the Great Lakes
497
00:21:35,133 --> 00:21:37,734
on that baby someday,
498
00:21:37,734 --> 00:21:39,234
just you and me.
499
00:21:39,234 --> 00:21:41,234
The freedom of the sea.
500
00:21:41,234 --> 00:21:44,234
I'm gonna finish it
too, Peg.
501
00:21:44,234 --> 00:21:45,734
I know you will, Al.
502
00:21:45,734 --> 00:21:48,601
And I'm gonna
vacuum someday too.
503
00:21:50,167 --> 00:21:53,167
I know you will, Peg.
504
00:21:53,167 --> 00:21:54,968
Hey, honey...
505
00:21:54,968 --> 00:21:57,167
I thought of a great
name for the boat.
506
00:21:57,167 --> 00:21:59,567
You know what
I'm gonna call it?
507
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,067
The Al Bundy.
508
00:22:04,601 --> 00:22:06,734
I'm think I'm gonna
go down in the basement
509
00:22:06,734 --> 00:22:08,067
and look at it right now.
510
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,701
Bud, are we
in the basement?
511
00:22:17,701 --> 00:22:19,067
No, Mom.
512
00:22:19,067 --> 00:22:20,901
Then what do we do?
513
00:22:24,934 --> 00:22:26,000
[AL SCREAMS]
514
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:26,934
[THUDDING]
515
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,734
[***]
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