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1
00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:09,377
CAN I BORROW THE CAR KEYS?
I HAVE A DATE WITH AUGUST.
2
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,344
SURE, TOMMY.
3
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,013
YOU CAN'T GIVE
HIM THE KEYS.
HE CAN'T DRIVE.
4
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,916
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
I'VE NEVER TRIED IT.
I COULD BE GREAT AT IT.
5
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,250
OH. CHECK AND MATE.
6
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,019
HE DOESN'T EVEN
HAVE A LICENSE.
7
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,120
YOU DON'T HAVE
YOUR LICENSE YET?
8
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,622
I'M TAKING DRIVER'S ED.
9
00:00:20,655 --> 00:00:22,090
SHE'S RIGHT.
NO KEYS FOR YOU.
10
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,224
HA HA.
11
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,659
WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?
12
00:00:24,693 --> 00:00:25,760
SALLY, YOU DRIVE HIM.
13
00:00:25,794 --> 00:00:27,228
HA HA!
14
00:00:29,664 --> 00:00:32,567
[PLAYING STRANGERS
IN THE NIGHT]
15
00:00:40,575 --> 00:00:42,744
HEY THERE, TIGER.
16
00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:44,278
GRRRRR...
17
00:00:46,848 --> 00:00:49,417
YOU REMEMBER
MY DAUGHTER VICKI,
DON'T YOU?
18
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:52,553
SURE. I PUT
A TURKEY CARCASS
ON MY HEAD
19
00:00:52,587 --> 00:00:54,956
AND HAD SEX WITH HER
ON YOUR KITCHEN TABLE.
20
00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:02,964
THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL.
21
00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:05,934
SO...WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO RUTHERFORD?
22
00:01:05,967 --> 00:01:07,902
WELL--
SHE'S BACK FOR
HER HIGH SCHOOL
REUNION.
23
00:01:07,936 --> 00:01:12,741
THANKS FOR KILLING
THE SURPRISE, MAMA!
24
00:01:12,774 --> 00:01:18,379
EVER SINCE THEY
CANCELED RYAN'S HOPE,
SHE'S BEEN REAL MOODY.
25
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,014
SO, VICKI...
26
00:01:20,048 --> 00:01:22,784
WHY DIDN'T YOU RETURN
ANY OF MY PHONE CALLS?
27
00:01:22,817 --> 00:01:25,153
WELL, I WANTED TO,
BUT THEY...
28
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:29,323
THEY PUT A LOCK
ON THE PHONE DOWN
AT SOCIAL SERVICES.
29
00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:31,392
WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU'RE HERE...
30
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:34,462
'CAUSE I COULD USE
SOME SOCIAL SERVICES.
31
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,668
[STAMPING FOOT]
32
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,904
COME ON. COME ON.
ANYONE.
33
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,142
"Y" TO THE 4th POWER.
34
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:22,310
NO.
35
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,412
11?
36
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:25,980
NO.
37
00:02:26,014 --> 00:02:27,716
VELOCITY SQUARED?
38
00:02:27,749 --> 00:02:28,817
NO!
39
00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:30,518
THAT GUY
FROM JEOPARDY!?
40
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:33,521
NO, NO, NO!
41
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:36,457
DR. SOLOMON,
CAN'T YOU JUST
TELL US THE ANSWER?
42
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,160
WE'VE BEEN GUESSING
FOR 45 MINUTES NOW.
43
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:41,295
YOU'VE BEEN GUESSING?!
44
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,998
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE.
45
00:02:44,032 --> 00:02:46,167
DUE TO YOUR
STAGGERING INEPTITUDE
46
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,437
WITH THE MOST BASIC
CONCEPT OF QUANTUM
SUPERPOSITIONS,
47
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:50,739
I'M ISSUING
THE FOLLOWING ASSIGNMENT.
48
00:02:50,772 --> 00:02:52,606
YOU WILL WRITE
A 5-PAGE LETTER
TO YOUR PARENTS
49
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,543
APOLOGIZING
FOR WASTING THEIR MONEY!
50
00:02:57,912 --> 00:02:59,848
I WANT THEM ON MY DESK
TOMORROW MORNING
51
00:02:59,881 --> 00:03:02,784
FOR MY APPROVAL
AND A BLISTERING P.S.!
52
00:03:02,817 --> 00:03:06,587
AND BRING A STAMP, DAMN IT!
I'M NOT A POST OFFICE!
53
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,655
[DOOR SLAMS]
54
00:03:09,157 --> 00:03:13,194
THE WEDDING CHAPEL
WAS ONLY 2 MILES AWAY.
55
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:16,497
ALL SHE HAD TO DO
WAS COME TO A COMPLETE STOP
56
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,768
AND TURN ON HER BLINKER.
57
00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:20,802
BUT I GUESS SHE HAD
58
00:03:20,835 --> 00:03:23,471
MORE IMPORTANT THINGS
TO THINK ABOUT.
59
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,039
AND NOW SHE'S DEAD!
60
00:03:29,778 --> 00:03:30,578
ANY QUESTIONS?
61
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,681
YEAH. WHERE CAN I
RENT THAT MOVIE?
62
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,716
YOU CAN'T!
63
00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:37,318
CLASS DISMISSED.
64
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,957
HEY, TOMMY.
MMM.
65
00:03:42,991 --> 00:03:45,459
[SULTRY VOICE]
HELLO, DON.
66
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:46,761
HELLO, SALLY.
67
00:03:46,795 --> 00:03:47,762
TOMMY SAID
YOU WERE SHOWING
68
00:03:47,796 --> 00:03:50,765
THE BRIDE
WORE ASPHALT.
69
00:03:50,799 --> 00:03:51,933
DID I MISS IT?
70
00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:55,236
YES, BUT...
MAYBE I CAN ARRANGE
FOR A PRIVATE SCREENING.
71
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:56,370
WHEN?
NOW.
72
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:57,939
CAN WE WATCH IT
BACKWARDS?
73
00:03:57,972 --> 00:04:00,141
YOU'RE A SUCKER
FOR A HAPPY ENDING.
74
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:10,418
LOOK. HER HEAD'S
BACK ON. HA HA HA!
75
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:14,322
JUDITH.
76
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,689
AS HEAD OF
THE DISCIPLINARY
COMMITTEE,
77
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,258
IT IS MY SAD DUTY
TO INFORM YOU
78
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,994
THAT ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS
HAS REGISTERED A COMPLAINT
AGAINST YOU.
79
00:04:20,028 --> 00:04:22,330
WELL...WELL, THERE--
THERE MUST BE
SOME MISTAKE.
80
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,331
IS IT TRUE
THAT YOU FORCED THEM
81
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:26,234
TO WRITE
HUMILIATING LETTERS
TO THEIR PARENTS?
82
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:29,938
WELL...YES, BUT
THAT CAN'T BE IT.
83
00:04:29,971 --> 00:04:32,974
I'M AFRAID IT IS,
AND ACCORDING TO UNIVERSITY
RULES OF CONDUCT,
84
00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:36,477
YOU MUST ATTEND
SENSITIVITY TRAINING.
85
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,412
MY OFFICE
WILL CONTACT YOU.
86
00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:40,048
OH, AND, DICK...
87
00:04:40,081 --> 00:04:42,250
I WOULDN'T LEAVE TOWN.
88
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,017
BUT I...
89
00:04:43,051 --> 00:04:45,019
WHAT, UH...
90
00:04:45,053 --> 00:04:47,588
UHH...I DON'T NEED
SENSITIVITY TRAINING...
91
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,258
YOU STRIDENT,
POWER-MAD TART!
92
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:54,795
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!
93
00:04:54,829 --> 00:04:56,931
OF COURSE I REMEMBERED.
94
00:04:56,965 --> 00:04:59,500
HOW'S THE CHEST PAINS?
95
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,535
OH, MARY,
DO YOU THINK
I'M INSENSITIVE?
96
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,340
DICK, YOU JUST HUNG UP
ON MY FATHER!
97
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:09,110
NOW, DON'T TRY
TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
98
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,479
OK, FINE.
YOU'RE INSENSITIVE.
99
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,114
I--I AM?
100
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:14,548
OH, COME ON, DICK.
101
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:15,783
IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU
102
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,987
TO OCCASIONALLY THINK
OF PEOPLE'S FEELINGS
BEFORE YOU SPEAK.
103
00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:21,055
HO HO! WHAT
A BUNCH OF CRAP!
104
00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:26,827
YOU LOG 40 BILLION
LIGHT YEARS WITHOUT
A SINGLE MOVING VIOLATION,
105
00:05:26,861 --> 00:05:29,197
THEY MAKE YOU TAKE
A ROAD TEST ANYWAY.
106
00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:31,032
WELCOME TO EARTH,
FOLKS.
107
00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:32,333
TOMMY, YOU DON'T
NEED THAT BOOK.
108
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,235
JUST USE
YOUR COMMON SENSE.
109
00:05:34,268 --> 00:05:36,804
GREEN MEANS GO,
YELLOW MEANS SLOW DOWN,
110
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,772
RED MEANS STOP
AND CHECK YOUR MAKEUP.
111
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,511
THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND.
112
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:46,014
THAT'S KENNY.
113
00:05:46,047 --> 00:05:49,417
OOH, JACE CARTER.
MMM.
114
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,719
WOW. LOOK AT
THE BIKER CHICK
115
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:56,124
WITH THE CONFEDERATE
FLAG AND THE BOTTLE
OF BOURBON.
116
00:05:56,157 --> 00:05:57,391
THAT'S ME.
117
00:06:01,162 --> 00:06:02,796
NICE.
118
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,533
HEY, HARRY, I WAS...
119
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:10,138
I WAS WONDERING
IF MAYBE YOU'D BE
MY DATE TO THE REUNION.
120
00:06:10,171 --> 00:06:12,440
I'D LOVE TO.
121
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,208
WILL THERE BE...
122
00:06:14,242 --> 00:06:15,944
TURKEY?
123
00:06:18,246 --> 00:06:19,480
FAMILY MEETING!
124
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,182
FAMILY MEETING!
125
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:22,951
WHAT?
WHAT?
126
00:06:22,984 --> 00:06:26,120
I'VE JUST HEARD
THE MOST UPSETTING THING.
127
00:06:26,154 --> 00:06:29,290
SOMEONE HAS ACCUSED ME
OF INSENSITIVITY.
128
00:06:31,059 --> 00:06:33,194
YOU'RE NOT FAMILY!
GET OUT!
129
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,936
WHAT IS IT WITH
THIS PLANET'S PREOCCUPATION
WITH SENSITIVITY?
130
00:06:41,970 --> 00:06:45,439
YOU SHOULD BE ABLE
TO HAVE AN OPEN DIALOGUE
WITH ANYONE, LIKE WE DO!
131
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:48,276
WE CAN SAY ANYTHING
TO EACH OTHER AND
NOT TAKE OFFENSE.
132
00:06:48,309 --> 00:06:49,777
FOR EXAMPLE,
TOMMY WOULDN'T OBJECT
133
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:53,247
IF I MENTIONED THAT
HE WAS A GREASY LITTLE
DISAPPOINTMENT.
134
00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:54,482
WHAT'S TO ARGUE?
135
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,750
I MEAN, SALLY
COULDN'T DISPUTE THAT
SHE'S A SADISTIC BIMBO.
136
00:06:56,784 --> 00:07:00,754
YOU GOT ME! AND, DICK,
YOU'RE A RUBBER-FACED
BAG OF WIND.
137
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:03,757
WELL SAID! AND, HARRY,
YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
138
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,793
THANK YOU, SIR.
MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?
139
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,095
Dick: YEAH.
140
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:11,799
HOORAY...
141
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,567
FOR PERSONAL GROWTH.
142
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:16,470
TODAY WE'RE GOING
TO LEARN HOW TO BREATHE,
143
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:17,972
HOW TO LISTEN,
144
00:07:18,006 --> 00:07:22,910
AND HOW TO SAY,
"I HAVE A PERSONALITY
DISORDER."
145
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:23,444
MAKE ME.
146
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:26,014
DICK!
I HEAR YOU.
147
00:07:26,047 --> 00:07:27,681
CAN YOU...
148
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:28,649
HEAR...
149
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:30,551
ME?
150
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:31,585
YES!
151
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:34,155
YOU'RE THE ANNOYING GUY
IN THE UNITARD.
152
00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:38,526
DICK, LABELS DISABLE.
153
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:47,335
OK, WE'RE ALL
SHIPWRECKED AT SEA.
154
00:07:47,368 --> 00:07:49,203
THERE'S VERY LITTLE
FOOD LEFT
155
00:07:49,237 --> 00:07:51,872
AND ONE PASSENGER TOO MANY.
156
00:07:52,373 --> 00:07:55,476
I SAY WE EAT
THE BIG FAT GUY.
157
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:56,644
BOO, DICK.
158
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,379
BOO.
159
00:07:58,412 --> 00:07:59,513
WELL...
160
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:02,283
H-HOW ABOUT THE WOMAN
WITH THE BAD HAIRDO?
161
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:10,024
[DEEP VOICE]
YOUR WORK IS INCOMPETENT.
YOU GET AN "F." YOU FAIL!
162
00:08:10,058 --> 00:08:11,392
[HIGH VOICE]
YOU'RE RIGHT.
163
00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:14,662
MY WORK HAS BEEN WEAK,
BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
164
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:17,131
I'M JUST NOT
AS SMART AS YOU ARE.
165
00:08:17,165 --> 00:08:19,500
[DEEP VOICE]
HMM. I SUPPOSE
YOU HAVE A POINT.
166
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,203
I AM EXCEEDINGLY BRILLIANT.
167
00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:23,871
[HIGH VOICE]
AND YOU JUST GO
SO FAST.
168
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,439
I CAN'T FOLLOW YOU.
169
00:08:25,473 --> 00:08:27,341
AND NOW I'LL
NEVER GET A JOB,
170
00:08:27,375 --> 00:08:30,478
BUT I'LL HAVE
TO SELL MY FEET
FOR KEY CHAINS.
171
00:08:33,181 --> 00:08:37,017
I'VE NEVER HEARD THINGS
FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW
BEFORE.
172
00:08:37,051 --> 00:08:39,120
MAYBE I HAVE BEEN
A LITTLE HARD ON YOU.
173
00:08:39,153 --> 00:08:40,954
I'M--I'M--
174
00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:42,690
EESH--
175
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,292
I'M SORRY!
176
00:08:44,325 --> 00:08:50,264
[CRYING]
177
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:57,971
I THINK SOMEONE
NEEDS A HUG.
178
00:09:14,422 --> 00:09:16,924
NOW, TODAY, CLASS...
179
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,793
I THOUGHT WE'D TRY
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
180
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,329
NO KIDDING.
181
00:09:21,362 --> 00:09:24,398
NOW, LET'S REFLECT
ON THE BALLET
182
00:09:24,432 --> 00:09:26,066
THAT IS PHYSICS.
183
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,268
AHEM!
184
00:09:27,301 --> 00:09:32,039
IN STANDARD QUANTUM
CHROMODYNAMICS,
185
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:36,977
THE LAGRANGE
DENSITY EQUALS
1 OVER 4 PI
186
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,248
TIMES THE SQUARE
OF THE FIELD STRENGTH
TENSER.
187
00:09:40,281 --> 00:09:44,152
NOW, GIVEN
THAT THERE IS
188
00:09:44,185 --> 00:09:48,756
THIS CONCENTRATION
OF INTENSE
NUCLEIC ENERGY,
189
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:53,161
HOW MANY HARDONIC JETS
WILL EMERGE
190
00:09:53,194 --> 00:09:56,397
WHEN THE QUARK/ANTIQUARK
LINE WITHIN THE MESON
RUPTURES?
191
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,865
BUG?
192
00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:02,703
A MILLION?
193
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:08,776
DOES THAT MEAN I'M RIGHT?
194
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,445
NO, NOT EVEN CLOSE,
BUG, BUT YOU TRIED,
195
00:10:11,479 --> 00:10:15,015
AND THAT'S WHAT
MAKES YOU SPECIAL.
196
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,250
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED
TO MEAN?
197
00:10:16,284 --> 00:10:18,219
DO YOU WANT ME
TO SAY IT SLOWER?
198
00:10:18,252 --> 00:10:19,620
NO.
199
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:21,989
CLASS, I HAVE
YOUR MID-TERMS.
200
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:25,693
NOW, I DIDN'T WANT
ANYONE TO FEEL STRESS,
201
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:29,797
SO I'VE ABANDONED
THE TRADITIONAL
GRADING SYSTEM
202
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,833
AND I'M GIVING YOU ALL
HAPPY FACES.
203
00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:40,641
I CAN'T APPLY
TO GRADUATE SCHOOL
WITH A HAPPY FACE IN PHYSICS.
204
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,276
GRADUATE SCHOOL?
205
00:10:42,310 --> 00:10:45,413
I DON'T THINK ANY OF YOU
HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.
206
00:10:54,355 --> 00:10:57,591
MMM.
207
00:10:57,625 --> 00:11:02,863
OH, NINA, DID YOU
MAKE THE APPOINTMENT
FOR MY HIGH COLONIC?
208
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,498
THERE ARE 2 THINGS
I DON'T DO.
209
00:11:04,532 --> 00:11:05,566
I DON'T PICK UP
DRY CLEANING,
210
00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:08,702
AND I DON'T SCHEDULE
ENEMAS. OK?
211
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,037
THAT'S OK.
I FORGIVE YOU.
212
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,606
MARY, ARE WE STILL ON
FOR DINNER?
213
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,374
SURE.
214
00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:16,510
I WAS THINKING
OF WEARING THIS.
215
00:11:16,544 --> 00:11:18,946
IT'S NOT COMING OFF
ANYTIME SOON, IS IT?
216
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,248
DR. SOLOMON.
217
00:11:25,253 --> 00:11:28,021
OH, DEAR GOD.
I'LL MAKE THIS BRIEF.
218
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,691
YOUR STUDENTS HAVE FILED
A CLASS-WIDE COMPLAINT
AGAINST YOU.
219
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:33,394
YOU ARE REQUIRED TO APPEAR
BEFORE THE DISCIPLINARY
COMMITTEE...
220
00:11:33,427 --> 00:11:34,828
WHICH I CHAIR.
221
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,063
WHAT?!
222
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,998
I GIVE THEM HAPPY FACES
ON THEIR MID-TERMS,
223
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,733
AND THIS IS HOW
THEY REPAY ME?!
224
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,902
YEAH, THAT'S
MESSED UP.
225
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:44,672
THAT'S IT!
NO MORE MR. NICE GUY!
226
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:47,107
AND NO HUG FOR YOU,
FOUR-EYES.
227
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:53,647
FINE!
228
00:11:53,681 --> 00:11:56,884
THIS IS THE LAST TIME
I SHOP AT GOTTA DANCE!
229
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,018
THE AUDACITY!
230
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,553
THEY WON'T ALLOW ME
TO RETURN MY UNITARD.
231
00:11:59,587 --> 00:12:01,021
WHY NOT?
232
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,656
BECAUSE I WORE IT
WITHOUT MY UNDERPANTS.
233
00:12:02,690 --> 00:12:04,992
OH, MY GOD!
THAT'S RIDICULOUS!
234
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,159
WHAT IS THAT!?
235
00:12:06,494 --> 00:12:09,430
THIS REMINDS ME
OF YOUR PROM NIGHT.
236
00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:11,265
[CLICK]
237
00:12:11,299 --> 00:12:14,702
ONLY THIS TIME
YOUR DATE ISN'T
MARRIED.
238
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:15,903
HI, FOLKS.
239
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:16,604
HEY...
240
00:12:16,637 --> 00:12:17,705
UNLESS YOU HAVE A WARRANT,
241
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:20,240
YOU CANNOT COME IN HERE.
242
00:12:20,274 --> 00:12:21,775
NO, THAT'S SALLY'S DATE.
243
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:22,276
OH.
244
00:12:22,310 --> 00:12:23,277
[GIGGLES]
245
00:12:23,311 --> 00:12:26,814
WELL, IT'S NICE
TO MEET YOU.
246
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,416
DON'T I KNOW YOU?
247
00:12:28,449 --> 00:12:30,083
NO. NO, I DON'T--
248
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:31,519
LET'S GO.
LET'S GO, MAMA.
249
00:12:31,552 --> 00:12:33,487
LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
250
00:12:33,521 --> 00:12:34,688
GO, GO, GO.
251
00:12:34,722 --> 00:12:36,690
HELLO, DON.
252
00:12:36,724 --> 00:12:39,627
HELLO, SALLY.
253
00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:42,330
I THOUGHT WE WOULD
SKIP DINNER
254
00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:45,833
AND DRIVE STRAIGHT
TO LOOKOUT POINT.
255
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:49,570
THAT IS, IF YOU
CAN STAND THE HEAT.
256
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,339
YOU KNOW ME, DON.
257
00:12:51,372 --> 00:12:53,641
THE HOTTER THE BETTER.
258
00:12:53,674 --> 00:12:54,542
READY, TOMMY?
259
00:12:54,575 --> 00:12:57,578
YEAH.
260
00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,179
TOMMY'S COMING?
261
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,582
WELL, THE KID NEEDS
TO SEE HOW IT'S DONE.
262
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:10,591
YOU COULD SHOW HIM
HOW TO PUT THE KEY
IN THE IGNITION.
263
00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:15,729
COULDN'T I JUST BUY HIM
SOME MAGAZINES?
264
00:13:15,763 --> 00:13:16,997
HE'S BEEN READING
ABOUT IT FOR WEEKS.
265
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,332
HE'S READY
FOR THE REAL THING,
266
00:13:18,366 --> 00:13:24,738
AND I FIGURE
HE SHOULD LEARN
FROM THE MASTER.
267
00:13:24,772 --> 00:13:26,507
OK, HE CAN COME.
268
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:28,842
BUT I'M NOT
PROMISING ANYTHING.
269
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:35,849
IF YOU'LL ALL
TAKE YOUR SEATS,
270
00:13:35,883 --> 00:13:37,985
THIS HEARING CAN BEGIN.
271
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,920
ALL RIGHT, DICK.
OUT WITH IT.
272
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:43,657
WHERE'D YOU GRAB HER
AND HOW MANY TIMES?
273
00:13:43,691 --> 00:13:45,359
IT'S NOT THAT KIND
OF HEARING.
274
00:13:47,728 --> 00:13:49,763
FIRST WE WILL HEAR
FORM DR. MARY ALBRIGHT,
275
00:13:49,797 --> 00:13:52,065
WHO WILL SPEAK ON BEHALF
OF DR. SOLOMON.
276
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:54,602
DR, ALBRIGHT, HOW WOULD YOU
DESCRIBE DR. SOLOMON?
277
00:13:54,635 --> 00:13:56,437
WELL, IT'S--IT'S
KIND OF HARD.
278
00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:58,338
I MEAN...
279
00:13:58,372 --> 00:14:04,445
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PIECE
OF REALLY STINKY CHEESE?
280
00:14:04,478 --> 00:14:05,713
I ENJOY A STINKY CHEESE.
281
00:14:05,746 --> 00:14:07,047
CONTINUE.
282
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:07,881
THE THING IS,
283
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:10,951
IT HAS THESE
WONDERFULLY RICH FLAVORS
284
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,687
THAT YOU CAN'T GET TO...
285
00:14:13,721 --> 00:14:15,856
WITHOUT THE STINKINESS.
286
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:21,361
HAVE YOU EVER
FOUND DR. SOLOMON
TO BE INSENSITIVE?
287
00:14:21,395 --> 00:14:25,265
NO. DR. SOLOMON IS WARM,
KIND, AND A CREDIT
TO PENDELTON STATE.
288
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,134
THEN HE'S NEVER BEEN
ABUSIVE TOWARDS YOU?
289
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:31,639
NO. DR. SOLOMON IS WARM,
KIND, AND A CREDIT
TO PENDELTON STATE.
290
00:14:31,672 --> 00:14:33,173
HAVE YOU BEEN COACHED
TO SAY THAT?
291
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:37,478
NO. DR. SOLOMON IS WARM,
KIND, AND A CREDIT
TO PENDELTON STATE.
292
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,851
JUST KEEP YOUR EYE
ON THE WHITE LINE.
293
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:44,985
WHERE IS IT?
294
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:48,121
AAH!
LOOK OUT!
295
00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:50,524
UH, DON, MAYBE
YOU OUGHT TO DRIVE?
296
00:14:50,558 --> 00:14:55,228
NO! YOU'RE PASSING
THAT TEST TOMORROW
IF IT KILLS US ALL!
297
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:58,398
YOU HEARD THE LADY.
298
00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:00,167
Dispatcher: ATTENTION CAR 3.
299
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,103
WE'VE GOT A 3-11 ON THIRD.
300
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:03,904
A 3-11!
301
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:07,741
TOMMY, STEP ON IT!
302
00:15:07,775 --> 00:15:08,676
YEOW!
303
00:15:08,709 --> 00:15:10,878
OH, PARTY, MAN!
304
00:15:14,448 --> 00:15:17,685
OK, NOW, HARRY,
DON'T YOU LET THESE PEOPLE
INTIMIDATE YOU.
305
00:15:17,718 --> 00:15:20,621
YOU JUST BE YOURSELF.
YOU'RE GREAT. REMEMBER THAT.
306
00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:23,356
OK.
307
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,092
HELLO, VICKI.
308
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,928
HELLO, ELROY.
THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND.
309
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,863
HE'S A FAMOUS
BRAIN SURGEON.
310
00:15:31,899 --> 00:15:32,966
VICKI DUBCEK?
311
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,135
AAH!
AAH!
312
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,236
OH!
313
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,738
OH, LOOK AT YOU.
314
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,907
WELL, LOOK AT YOU.
315
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:43,076
WHAT WAS THAT NICKNAME
WE USED TO CALL YOU?
316
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:46,179
WHORE.
317
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:47,247
WHORE?
318
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,283
ISN'T SHE
PRICELESS?
319
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:53,554
AND WHO ARE YOU?
320
00:15:53,587 --> 00:15:55,022
HARRY SOLOMON,
321
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:59,026
UNITED STATES AMBASSADOR
TO PORTUGAL.
322
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:08,068
WHAT BOTHERS YOU MOST
ABOUT DR. SOLOMON'S
TEACHING METHODS?
323
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,803
HE'S ALWAYS SAYING
I'M WRONG.
324
00:16:09,837 --> 00:16:11,972
AND HOW OFTEN
ARE YOU WRONG?
325
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,641
ALWAYS.
326
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,278
ONE DAY HE TOLD ME
327
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,781
IF I LIKED
LONG HAIR SO MUCH,
328
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:24,384
MAYBE I SHOULD
JOIN THE CIRCUS.
329
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,853
WERE YOU HURT BY THAT?
330
00:16:25,886 --> 00:16:28,922
NO, MORE CONFUSED.
331
00:16:31,625 --> 00:16:33,527
AND THEN HE STARED AT ME,
332
00:16:33,561 --> 00:16:35,262
AND I FELT ALL DIRTY.
333
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,833
HE DID WELL
IN THE SESSION,
334
00:16:39,867 --> 00:16:41,434
BUT WHEN HE LEFT,
335
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:44,204
HE STOLE THE PUPPETS.
336
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:49,910
DR. SOLOMON, DO YOU
HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY
IN YOUR DEFENSE?
337
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:51,912
I HAVE PLENTY TO SAY.
338
00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:53,814
I SHOULD'VE
BROUGHT A BOOK.
339
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:59,152
I STAND HERE ACCUSED
OF INSENSITIVITY.
340
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,154
OH, SURE, I'VE TRIED
TO CHANGE MY WAYS.
341
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:04,024
I'VE CRIED, I'VE HUGGED,
I'VE BEEN HUGGED.
342
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,726
AND YOU KNOW WHAT
I'VE DISCOVERED?
343
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:08,596
I'M AN OFFENSIVE PERSON!
344
00:17:08,629 --> 00:17:10,363
BUT IN A TOLERANT SOCIETY,
345
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,900
IS THERE NO PLACE
FOR MY KIND?
346
00:17:12,933 --> 00:17:15,335
WHY MUST EVERYONE LIKE ME?
347
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:20,440
WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST
NOT GET ALONG?
348
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,509
CONFLICT IS NECESSARY.
349
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:26,780
THROUGHOUT HISTORY,
HUMAN BEINGS HAVE PERSECUTED
THE GREAT AGITATORS:
350
00:17:26,814 --> 00:17:29,416
SOCRATES, GALILEO,
351
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,685
AND NOW DICK SOLOMON!
352
00:17:31,719 --> 00:17:33,553
BUT WHERE WOULD YOU BE
WITHOUT US
353
00:17:33,587 --> 00:17:36,690
TO PROVOKE AND--AND
ENLIGHTEN YOU,
354
00:17:36,724 --> 00:17:38,959
TO ATTACH THE ELECTRODES
OF KNOWLEDGE
355
00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:43,096
TO THE NIPPLES OF IGNORANCE?
356
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:46,967
THROUGHOUT HISTORY,
ALL OVER THE WORLD,
357
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,469
PEOPLE HAVE RIGHTFULLY
LOOKED TO PENDELTON STATE
358
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,139
FOR VIRTUALLY NOTHING.
359
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,842
BUT MAYBE ONE DAY
THEY'LL BE ABLE TO SAY
360
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:57,878
THAT AN UNPOPULAR BATTLE
WAS WON THERE
361
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:02,482
FOR AN UGLY LITTLE THING
CALLED THE TRUTH.
362
00:18:05,953 --> 00:18:06,754
THANK YOU.
363
00:18:06,787 --> 00:18:08,756
AND WHEN THEY MAKE
A MOVIE OF THIS,
364
00:18:08,789 --> 00:18:10,791
AND THEY WILL,
365
00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:13,060
I DON'T WANT
TO BE PLAYED BY
WOODY HARRELSON.
366
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,935
WE WILL NOW DELIBERATE
367
00:18:21,969 --> 00:18:24,371
AND RETURN
WITH THE GUILTY VERDICT.
368
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,611
WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT
THAT I'D BE SPENDING
THIS NIGHT
369
00:18:31,645 --> 00:18:34,682
IN A VERITABLE
WONDERLAND
OF TWINKLY LIGHTS,
370
00:18:34,715 --> 00:18:37,150
TINY WEENIES,
371
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:40,553
AND THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
FROM ORLANDO?
372
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,956
HMMM.
373
00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:46,426
SO WHAT DID YOU DO
AT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION?
374
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:51,364
VICKI, I DIDN'T
EXACTLY GRADUATE
FROM HIGH SCHOOL.
375
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:54,702
OH, WELL, I DIDN'T
EXACTLY GRADUATE EITHER.
376
00:18:57,705 --> 00:18:58,739
JACE?
377
00:18:58,772 --> 00:19:01,041
JACE CARTER?
378
00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:02,042
YEAH.
379
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:05,779
WELL, IT'S
VICKI DUBCEK.
380
00:19:05,813 --> 00:19:07,280
OH!
381
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,216
RIGHT.
382
00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:14,421
I DON'T THINK
YOU UNDERSTAND.
383
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:17,057
THAT'S VICKI DUBCEK.
384
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:18,391
WHO ARE YOU?
385
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:19,960
I'M VICKI'S HUSBAND.
386
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:24,164
HARRY SOLOMON,
HOLLYWOOD STUNT MAN.
387
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:26,666
AND WHEN I'M NOT
CRASHING THROUGH
PLATE GLASS WINDOWS
388
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:29,202
OR CATCHING ON FIRE,
389
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:32,873
YOU'LL FIND ME
AT MY HOLLYWOOD MANSION
WITH MY WIFE.
390
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:35,776
YOU SEE, I COULD HAVE
ANY WOMAN I WANT,
391
00:19:35,809 --> 00:19:38,979
INCLUDING HER.
392
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,914
BUT I CHOOSE VICKI
393
00:19:40,948 --> 00:19:45,018
TO SHARE MY FABULOUS
HOLLYWOOD LIFESTYLE.
394
00:19:45,052 --> 00:19:48,088
WOW, VICKI,
YOU MADE IT.
395
00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:50,690
YEAH, YEAH, I DID.
396
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:53,794
I'M ALSO
THE POSTMASTER GENERAL!
397
00:19:57,831 --> 00:19:59,332
AFTER REVIEWING
ALL THE TESTIMONY,
398
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,169
THE DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE
UNANIMOUSLY VOTES
399
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,772
TO ADMONISH DR. SOLOMON.
400
00:20:04,805 --> 00:20:05,973
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
401
00:20:06,006 --> 00:20:07,640
YOU'RE OFFICIALLY
ADMONISHED.
402
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,679
DOES THAT COME
WITH A PAY CUT?
403
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,647
NO. HOWEVER, IF THERE'S
ANOTHER VIOLATION,
404
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:16,049
YOU WILL BE CENSURED.
405
00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:18,151
DOES THAT COME
WITH A PAY CUT?
406
00:20:18,185 --> 00:20:19,920
NO, BUT SHOULD THAT
FAIL TO STOP YOU,
407
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:22,589
YOU WILL BE SANCTIONED,
WHICH MEANS A 30-DAY
SUSPENSION.
408
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:23,456
WITH PAY?
409
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:26,226
YES, WITH PAY.
410
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:26,960
THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
411
00:20:26,994 --> 00:20:29,963
COULD I BE SANCTIONED
RIGHT NOW?
412
00:20:29,997 --> 00:20:32,032
NO. WE'RE ADJOURNED.
413
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,505
UM, DR. SOLOMON,
414
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:39,773
I'M REALLY SORRY.
415
00:20:39,807 --> 00:20:42,309
WE NEVER MEANT
FOR THERE TO BE A HEARING.
416
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:45,012
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW IT GOT THIS FAR.
417
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,216
NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.
418
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,718
YOU'RE STUPID, I'M RUDE.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
419
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:55,722
REALLY? GREAT.
COOL. SEE YA.
420
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,558
WELL, DICK, I THINK
YOU MADE A NICE POINT.
421
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,027
YES, FOR A PIECE
OF STINKY CHEESE.
422
00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:02,495
OH, DICK.
423
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:03,663
YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE,
424
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:06,199
AND THAT'S THE GUY
I LOVE.
425
00:21:06,233 --> 00:21:08,468
THANK YOU, MARY.
426
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:09,302
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
427
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:10,237
WHAT?
428
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:11,939
I LOVE ME, TOO.
429
00:21:11,972 --> 00:21:13,106
GOOD.
430
00:21:13,140 --> 00:21:14,942
IT'S SOMETHING
THAT I LEARNED
IN SENSITIVITY CLASS,
431
00:21:14,975 --> 00:21:16,509
TO LOVE MYSELF.
432
00:21:16,543 --> 00:21:17,477
GOOD.
433
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,612
AND I REALLY
LOVE MYSELF.
434
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:22,649
I MEAN A LOT!
435
00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:31,424
OHH! WELL, I FAILED
MY DRIVER'S TEST!
436
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:33,026
I CAN HANDLE
A HIGH SPEED POLICE CHASE,
437
00:21:33,060 --> 00:21:34,928
BUT FOR SOME REASON,
AT 20 MILES AN HOUR,
438
00:21:34,962 --> 00:21:37,797
I HIT 3 PARKED CARS.
439
00:21:37,831 --> 00:21:39,632
DON'T WORRY
ABOUT NOT HAVING
YOUR LICENSE.
440
00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:42,102
LORD KNOWS,
IT HASN'T STOPPED ME.
441
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,671
I'M GONNA BE
THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
OF MY WHOLE SCHOOL.
442
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:47,107
WELL, I'VE DISCOVERED
SOMETHING, TOMMY.
443
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:49,442
IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT YOU DO
IN HIGH SCHOOL
444
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:53,480
AS LONG AS YOU CAN
MAKE PEOPLE FEEL LIKE
LOSERS AT THE REUNION.
30581
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