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1
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:09,844
GO TO HIM, FRANCESCA.
2
00:00:09,878 --> 00:00:11,412
GET IN HIS TRUCK.
3
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:14,983
GET IN HIS TRUCK
AND RUN AWAY WITH HIM.
4
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:18,152
DOH! DAMN!
5
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,054
THESE STUPID BOOKS NEVER END
THE WAY I WANT THEM TO.
6
00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:20,689
LIEUTENANT.
7
00:00:20,722 --> 00:00:21,890
SIR.
8
00:00:21,923 --> 00:00:23,825
REWRITE THIS BOOK
SO THAT FRANCESCA
RUNS OFF WITH ROBERT.
9
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:26,527
WHAT? THAT'S NOT
IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION.
10
00:00:26,561 --> 00:00:28,296
BUT THEY SHOULD BE
TOGETHER.
11
00:00:32,634 --> 00:00:34,669
"SALLY, MAKE DINNER,
SALLY, DO THE LAUNDRY,
12
00:00:34,703 --> 00:00:37,572
SALLY, REWRITE
THIS INTERNATIONAL
BESTSELLER."
13
00:00:37,606 --> 00:00:40,408
YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETHING
ABOUT DOING THIS CRAPPY JOB
DAY IN AND DAY OUT
14
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,944
THAT MAKES ME WANT
TO KILL MYSELF...
15
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:46,114
AND YOU.
16
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:47,916
WELL, SALLY,
I'M TIRED OF HEARING YOU
COMPLAIN.
17
00:00:47,949 --> 00:00:48,883
I MEAN,
I'M NOT APPRECIATED--
18
00:00:48,917 --> 00:00:49,250
SHUT UP.
19
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,686
ALL RIGHTY.
20
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,321
NO, SALLY, NO.
21
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,923
I MEAN, I HAVE
A DIFFICULT JOB, TOO.
22
00:00:54,956 --> 00:01:00,361
AND...AND...
I THINK THAT YOU
SHOULD SHUT UP.
23
00:01:14,042 --> 00:01:17,278
WHAT IS YOUR JOB
EXACTLY?
24
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,980
I AM THE SPONGE.
25
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:23,818
I KNOW MANY THINGS.
26
00:01:23,852 --> 00:01:26,921
LIKE WHAT,
O GREAT SPONGE?
27
00:01:26,955 --> 00:01:29,557
OK. LIKE HOW MANY BAGS
OF TRASH
28
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,393
DO OUR NEIGHBORS
PRODUCE PER WEEK?
29
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:35,429
WHAT ARE BARNEY'S
FRIENDS' NAMES?
30
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,766
HIS REAL FRIENDS.
31
00:01:37,799 --> 00:01:40,869
HOW MANY LICKS
DOES IT TAKE TO GET
TO THE CENTER OF A MARBLE?
32
00:01:42,804 --> 00:01:45,106
YOU DON'T KNOW,
DO YA?
33
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,240
WELL, HE'S GOT
YOU THERE.
34
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:47,475
YEAH, HE SURE DOES.
35
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:51,079
BUT, HARRY, I DO ALL
THE SHOPPING, COOKING,
CLEANING, BANKING,
36
00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:52,914
AND THE KILLING
OF ALL SPIDERS.
37
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:56,885
HA! SPIDERS.
SPIDERS ARE MORE AFRAID OF US
THAN WE ARE OF THEM.
38
00:01:56,918 --> 00:01:58,286
HARRY, THERE'S
A SPIDER ON YOUR NECK.
39
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:01,856
GET IT OFF!
GET IT OFF!
40
00:02:01,890 --> 00:02:04,358
HA! THAT'S VERY FUNNY.
41
00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:06,094
HARRY, YOU COULD NEVER
HANDLE MY JOB.
42
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,628
I COULD DO IT
WITH MY EYES CLOSED.
43
00:02:07,662 --> 00:02:10,164
YOU DO EVERYTHING
WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED.
44
00:02:13,034 --> 00:02:14,602
OK. OK, BIG GUY,
WHAT DO YOU SAY
45
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,705
YOU AND I
TRADE JOBS?
46
00:02:16,738 --> 00:02:19,640
ALL RIGHT, SALLY.
47
00:02:19,674 --> 00:02:21,509
I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE.
48
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:25,279
LOOK, I...
49
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:26,380
I KNOW THIS IS SILLY,
50
00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:28,750
BUT DO YOU THINK MARY
WOULD EVER JUMP
INTO THE TRUCK
51
00:02:28,783 --> 00:02:32,186
OF SOME RUGGED,
BRIDGE-LOVING PHOTOGRAPHER?
52
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:34,122
UH, PROBABLY.
53
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:36,557
[COUGHS]
54
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,159
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
55
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,194
BECAUSE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
IS SO BORING.
56
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:42,964
BORING?
WE'RE PASSIONATE,
UNPREDICTABLE.
57
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,266
WE'RE WILD.
WILD, I TELL YOU.
JUST WILD!
58
00:02:48,837 --> 00:02:51,672
LET'S SEE.
TONIGHT'S WEDNESDAY,
YOU GO TO HER HOUSE,
59
00:02:51,706 --> 00:02:53,441
YOU WATCH JEOPARDY!
THEN THE WHEEL.
60
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:55,676
8:15, DELIVERY
FROM THE BAMBOO GARDEN.
61
00:02:55,710 --> 00:02:58,747
AND 2 VIDEOS--
ROBERT REDFORD
AND PAULY SHORE.
62
00:02:58,780 --> 00:03:01,282
BUT WHICH
TO WATCH FIRST?
63
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:04,685
HMM...
HMM...
HMM...
64
00:03:04,719 --> 00:03:06,788
PAULY SHORE!
65
00:03:06,821 --> 00:03:10,124
BUT NOT ALWAYS.
66
00:03:10,158 --> 00:03:11,592
OK, ALWAYS.
67
00:03:46,027 --> 00:03:47,528
HELLO, MY LOVE.
68
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,563
OH, HI.
69
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:53,902
WHATCHA DOIN'?
70
00:03:53,935 --> 00:03:57,772
DICK, I HAVE 15 PAPERS
TO GRADE THIS AFTERNOON,
SO PLEASE...
71
00:03:57,806 --> 00:03:59,440
VERY WELL.
72
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:04,846
MARY, YOU THINK WE'RE STILL
AN EXCITING COUPLE,
DON'T YOU?
73
00:04:04,879 --> 00:04:06,747
MM-HMM.
74
00:04:06,781 --> 00:04:07,849
GOOD.
75
00:04:07,882 --> 00:04:10,484
BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON
SALLY SAID WE'RE BORING.
76
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:12,120
HA HA HA HA.
77
00:04:12,153 --> 00:04:16,124
HA HA HA HA HA.
78
00:04:16,157 --> 00:04:20,962
MARY, SUPPOSE
A RUGGED ITALIAN WOMAN
WITH A CAMERA
79
00:04:20,995 --> 00:04:25,934
APPEARED IN A PICKUP
AND GAVE ME THE OLD
HONK AND WAVE.
80
00:04:25,967 --> 00:04:30,104
I SHOULDN'T JUMP
IN HER TRUCK AND DRIVE
OFF WITH HER, SHOULD I?
81
00:04:30,138 --> 00:04:31,539
MM-HMM.
82
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,041
NO!
83
00:04:33,074 --> 00:04:33,641
WHAT?
84
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,609
WE ARE BORING,
AREN'T WE?
85
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:39,447
WELL, WE MIGHT BE
IN A LITTLE RUT.
86
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,349
HOW ABOUT WE DO
SOMETHING SPECIAL TONIGHT?
87
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:42,450
OK.
88
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,451
YOU COME OVER,
89
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,119
WE'LL WATCH JEOPARDY!
AND THE WHEEL,
90
00:04:45,153 --> 00:04:47,822
AND WE CAN ORDER
FROM THE BAMBOO GARDEN.
91
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:52,861
YUM.
92
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:59,667
HI. WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TRY A NEW FAT-FREE
PIZZA NIBBLER?
93
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,270
OH, TASTY, TASTY
PIZZA TREAT.
94
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,105
I USED TO WATCH A LOT
OF TV.
95
00:05:14,983 --> 00:05:19,320
NO, I'M SORRY, LADY.
ONLY THE BEST
FOR MY FAMILY.
96
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,355
IT'S MY JOB, YOU KNOW.
97
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,710
AGUA LA VISTA, BABY.
98
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:47,681
OH, HI. GIVE UP?
99
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:50,251
SHOPPING'S NOT AS EASY
AS YOU THOUGHT IT WAS,
HUH?
100
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:53,354
ACTUALLY, I'M GREAT AT IT.
AND CHECK OUT THESE VALUES.
101
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:55,990
SKINNY BAR, FAT BAR,
FAT BAR, FAT BAR,
SKINNY BAR, FAT BAR.
102
00:05:56,024 --> 00:05:59,360
$1.26.
103
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:01,930
YOU CRACKED THE BAR CODE?
104
00:06:01,963 --> 00:06:04,032
YEAH.
105
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:08,903
HI, GUYS.
HEY, LOOK WHAT
I WAS DOING TODAY.
106
00:06:08,937 --> 00:06:11,139
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
107
00:06:11,172 --> 00:06:12,606
WHAT'S A DIGFA?
108
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,776
UH, APPARENTLY,
IT'S THE CAPITAL
OF FRANCE.
109
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,545
AND YOU KNOW
THAT LITTLE SIGN
ON THE BACK OF THE TV
110
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:20,181
THAT SAYS, "RISK
OF ELECTRICAL SHOCK.
DO NOT OPEN"?
111
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:22,750
WELL, THEY ARE NOT
FEEDING YOU GUYS
A LINE OF CRAP.
112
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:25,253
I MEAN, ZZZZ.
113
00:06:25,286 --> 00:06:26,020
WOW.
114
00:06:26,054 --> 00:06:27,188
SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
115
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:27,755
NOT AS EXCITING.
116
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:28,222
TOMMY.
117
00:06:28,256 --> 00:06:29,457
IT WAS GREAT!
118
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,693
AUGUST WON THE
RUTHERFORD COUNTY
ESSAY CONTEST.
119
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,396
AND I WAS SO SURPRISED
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
I WON LAST YEAR, TOO.
120
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:38,266
NO ONE'S EVER WON
2 YEARS IN A ROW.
121
00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:41,435
I'M SO PROUD.
122
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,304
I'M GOING
TO GO CALL MY MOM.
123
00:06:45,173 --> 00:06:46,774
I CAN'T TAKE IT, SALLY.
124
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,110
EVERYTHING ABOUT HER
IS SO PERFECT.
125
00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:52,113
YOU WANT ME
TO MESS HER UP
A LITTLE?
126
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:53,414
NO.
127
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:54,515
PLEASE.
128
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:58,652
I'M CAGED HERE!
ALL I'M KILLING IS TIME!
129
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:01,255
OH, HI, DICK.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
130
00:07:01,289 --> 00:07:03,124
GREAT.
131
00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:04,058
WHAT?
132
00:07:04,092 --> 00:07:05,626
OH, I CAN'T KEEP UP
THE FACADE.
133
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:08,562
YOU WERE RIGHT.
THE THRILL IS GONE.
134
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:12,133
OH, MARY AND I
USED TO BE LIKE
CHAMPAGNE--
135
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,968
FRESH AND BUBBLY--
136
00:07:14,002 --> 00:07:18,472
BUT NOW
WE'VE BEEN UNCORKED
TOO LONG.
137
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:22,076
WE'RE LUKEWARM, FLAT,
COLLECTING FLIES,
138
00:07:22,110 --> 00:07:24,878
AND THERE'S
A CIGARETTE BUTT
FLOATING IN US.
139
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:29,550
SHH! SHH! I'M HIDING.
140
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:30,951
WHY? WHAT'S HAPPENING?
141
00:07:34,355 --> 00:07:35,456
WHO ARE YOU?
142
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:36,757
I'M THE LUSTY FARMHAND.
143
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,299
EVERYBODY,
THIS IS CHARLIE.
144
00:07:45,333 --> 00:07:47,135
HI, FOLKS.
145
00:07:47,168 --> 00:07:50,504
CHARLIE BROUGHT THE MAGIC
BACK INTO MY LIFE.
146
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:53,674
GRRR.
147
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,209
RRRR.
148
00:07:58,179 --> 00:08:01,449
THAT'S GOT TO BE
HER FIFTH MAGICIAN
THIS YEAR.
149
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:04,185
MAGIC.
THE FIRST TIME
I SAW MARY
150
00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:05,853
IT WAS MAGIC,
151
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:10,024
BUT NOW THE RABBIT
JUST SITS IN HIS HAT.
152
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,965
[SIGHS]
153
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:18,666
NINA.
154
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,068
I'M ON MY BREAK.
155
00:08:20,101 --> 00:08:22,536
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I DON'T MIND.
156
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:24,238
IT'S ABOUT
DR. ALBRIGHT AND ME.
157
00:08:24,272 --> 00:08:29,043
DON'T INVOLVE ME
IN THAT FREAK SHOW.
158
00:08:29,077 --> 00:08:32,946
THINGS HAVE CHANGED
BETWEEN US, AND
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
159
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,415
OK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DIFFERENTLY?
160
00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:35,683
NOTHING!
161
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:39,353
SAME MOVIES,
SAME TAKEOUT,
SAME AS IT EVER WAS.
162
00:08:39,387 --> 00:08:42,223
WAIT. THERE'S AN ARTICLE
RIGHT HERE
ON THAT VERY THING.
163
00:08:42,256 --> 00:08:43,391
OH, WHAT LUCK.
164
00:08:43,424 --> 00:08:44,858
HERE. ALL THE WISDOM
YOU SEEK
165
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:47,828
AND 10 NEW WAYS
TO SHOW OFF YOUR BREASTS.
166
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:53,434
AHA! "10 SUREFIRE TIPS
ON BRINGING YOUR
LUKEWARM LOVE LIFE
167
00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:57,405
BACK TO A BOIL." YES.
168
00:08:57,438 --> 00:09:00,441
NOW...
169
00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:02,943
SHOWING OFF MY BREASTS.
170
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:12,052
THEN THE HIGH PRIESTESS
IS CARRIED INTO A MUD
THATCH ROOFED HUT
171
00:09:12,086 --> 00:09:16,524
WHERE FOR 7 DAYS
AND 7 NIGHTS SHE IS--
172
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:20,328
[STRUGGLING]
173
00:09:23,097 --> 00:09:24,865
THANK YOU, CARYN.
174
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,034
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
175
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,271
I'M BOILING OUR LOVE
BY SURPRISING YOU
IN YOUR WORKPLACE.
176
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:30,938
DICK!
177
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,307
AND I'VE DONE
SOME SHAVING.
178
00:09:33,341 --> 00:09:37,111
SOMEWHERE ON MY BODY,
YOU WILL DISCOVER
A TUFTED HEART.
179
00:09:37,145 --> 00:09:39,613
OH, MY GOD.
180
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:40,848
LEON!
181
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:44,618
2 CLASSES?
ISN'T THAT A TAD
WEIGHTY FOR YOU?
182
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:45,686
DR. SOLOMON.
183
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,422
YES, DR. ALBRIGHT?
184
00:09:48,456 --> 00:09:49,990
GET OUT.
185
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,226
BUT I HAVE SOMETHING
IMPORTANT TO CASUALLY
MENTION
186
00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:56,063
THAT MAY REIGNITE
OUR RELATIONSHIP.
187
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:56,730
WHAT?
188
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:57,865
I'M NOT WEARING
ANY PANTIES.
189
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,900
[BELL RINGS]
190
00:10:03,504 --> 00:10:05,038
YOU HAVE LOST
YOUR MIND.
191
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:07,841
NO, MARY.
I JUST WANT US TO BE
THE WAY WE WERE--
192
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,610
THE GREATEST LOVERS
IN HISTORY.
193
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:13,447
DICK, PUT YOUR PANTIES
BACK ON AND SIT DOWN.
194
00:10:13,481 --> 00:10:15,516
WE'RE FINE.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH US.
195
00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:17,585
OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS NORMAL.
196
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:18,986
I DON'T WANT NORMAL.
197
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:21,989
I WANT CEASELESS JOY AND
NEVER-ENDING PASSION
198
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,424
LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET.
199
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,194
THEY BOTH WOUND UP DEAD.
200
00:10:26,227 --> 00:10:27,795
ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA.
201
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:28,596
DEAD.
202
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,198
THAT COUPLE
FROM WUTHERING HEIGHTS.
203
00:10:30,231 --> 00:10:32,266
INSANE AND DEAD.
204
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:33,901
F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
AND ZELDA.
205
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,270
DRUNK, INSANE,
AND DEAD.
206
00:10:36,304 --> 00:10:38,206
TRISTAN úND ISEULT.
207
00:10:38,239 --> 00:10:40,441
ABGESCHOSSEN.
208
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,176
AHA!
209
00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:44,144
SIEGFRIED AND ROY!
210
00:10:44,178 --> 00:10:46,414
OK, ONE.
211
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,819
HERE YOU GO, TOMMY.
212
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:55,122
A BOWL OF CRUNCHY FLAKES
AND SKIM MILK.
213
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:58,125
THIS IS A BOWL
OF COLD GOO.
214
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,193
THAT'S RIGHT.
215
00:10:59,227 --> 00:11:00,628
BECAUSE IN AN EFFORT
TO BE MORE EFFICIENT,
216
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:04,598
I PREPARED BREAKFAST
LAST NIGHT.
217
00:11:04,632 --> 00:11:08,836
AND FOR YOU, SALLY,
A HOT CUP OF STEAMING JAVA.
218
00:11:18,579 --> 00:11:21,682
SINCE WHEN DID RELATIONSHIPS
BECOME SO MUCH WORK?
219
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:22,916
COFFEE, DICK?
220
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:26,754
NO.
221
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:29,923
WHAT IS IT
WITH THIS PLANET?
222
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:33,894
NOTHING EVER STAYS FIXED.
EVERYTHING IS IN A CONSTANT
STATE OF DECAY.
223
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:37,831
IT'S THIS DAMN GRAVITY.
IT BRINGS EVERYTHING DOWN.
224
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,633
I'VE GOT TO GET
THE MAGIC BACK.
225
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:41,469
BUT HOW?
226
00:11:41,502 --> 00:11:43,971
I NEED SOME GUIDANCE,
A MENTOR,
227
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:48,175
SOMEONE WHO CAN TEACH ME
THE FINE ART OF ROMANCE,
BUT WHO? WHO?
228
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,944
HI, HI, HI.
229
00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:53,146
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
FOR ROPE BURNS?
230
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,790
I'M SO GLAD
YOU KIDS COULD JOIN US.
231
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,625
OH, THE PLEASURE
IS OURS.
232
00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:08,762
THANK YOU FOR LETTING US
BE THE 2 LITTLE FLIES
ON YOUR WALL OF LOVE.
233
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:12,165
RIGHT, MARY?
234
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,801
AREN'T YOU GOING
TO EAT YOUR FAT, POOKY?
235
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,569
NO.
236
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,940
COME ON, BOOM BOOM,
LET'S SHAKE IT.
237
00:12:24,278 --> 00:12:29,249
JUST THINK.
THAT COULD BE US
IN 10 YEARS.
238
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:30,851
JUST THINK.
239
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,119
COME ON, MARY,
LET'S SHAKE IT.
240
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:32,786
I'D RATHER NOT.
241
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,121
COME ON. COME ON!
242
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:37,124
LET'S BREAK OUT OF
THIS RUT,
REKINDLE THE FIRE.
243
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,460
EAT MY FAT, POOKY.
EAT MY FAT.
244
00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:41,895
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
245
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,931
I GUESS THE MAGIC
IS GONE.
246
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,500
NO, THE MAGIC'S
NOT GONE.
247
00:12:46,534 --> 00:12:48,502
LET'S GO BACK
TO YOUR PLACE,
AND I'LL PROVE IT.
248
00:12:48,536 --> 00:12:49,537
REALLY?
249
00:12:52,473 --> 00:12:54,342
REALLY.
250
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:08,822
[RAVEL'S BOLERO PLAYS]
251
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,526
RELAXED?
252
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:13,594
VERY.
253
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:15,529
GOOD.
254
00:13:15,563 --> 00:13:18,332
BECAUSE IT'S TIME
FOR A LITTLE BEDTIME STORY.
255
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:25,506
"FINALLY HIS EYES
CAME TO REST UPON THE LUSH,
MOSSY VALLEY
256
00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:28,476
FROM WHENCE
ALL PLEASURE SPRANG."
257
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:33,647
WHAT ARE YOU READING
TO ME, A HIKING GUIDE?
258
00:13:33,681 --> 00:13:35,383
SHH!
259
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:47,027
"SHE SUCCUMBED TO HIM,
260
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,498
"AND LIKE A LILY UNFOLDING
TO MORNING'S FIRST LIGHT,
261
00:13:50,531 --> 00:13:55,603
GAVE HERSELF OVER
TO THE POLLINATING BEE
OF EARTHLY PLEASURE."
262
00:13:58,439 --> 00:14:01,174
[SNORING]
263
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,382
YEAH, HI.
CAN I PLEASE SPEAK
WITH OPRAH?
264
00:14:12,453 --> 00:14:15,155
THIS IS SALLY SOLOMON.
265
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,491
A VIEWER?
266
00:14:17,525 --> 00:14:19,226
DON'T GIVE ME THAT B.S.
SHE'S NOT ON VACATION.
267
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,894
SHE'S RIGHT THERE.
I CAN SEE HER ON MY TV.
268
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:23,497
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM,
STUPID?
269
00:14:23,531 --> 00:14:25,633
HELLO?
270
00:14:25,666 --> 00:14:29,102
LIFE OF A SPONGE ISN'T
AS EASY AS IT LOOKS,
IS IT, SALLY?
271
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:32,440
NO. I'M NOT GIVING UP,
EVEN IF OPRAH WON'T
TALK TO ME.
272
00:14:32,473 --> 00:14:34,274
WELL,
YOU KNOW ONE THING
I LEARNED?
273
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:36,744
TELEVISION
ALWAYS GOES BETTER
WITH FOOD.
274
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,313
UM, WHAT IS THIS, HARRY?
275
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:43,451
ICE CREAM.
276
00:14:43,484 --> 00:14:45,853
YOU KNOW,
I'M REALLY ENJOYING
YOUR JOB, SALLY.
277
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,288
OH, AND I DISCOVERED
ANOTHER TERRIFIC
HOUSEHOLD TIP.
278
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,758
IF YOU LAY
THE DIRTY DISHES IN
THE MULLER'S BACKYARD,
279
00:14:50,791 --> 00:14:53,226
THEIR DOG WILL JUST
CLEAN THEM RIGHT UP
FOR YOU.
280
00:14:55,629 --> 00:14:59,032
AND NOW THE WINNER
OF THE RUTHERFORD COUNTY
ESSAY CONTEST
281
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,268
FOR THE SECOND YEAR
IN A ROW,
282
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,170
AUGUST LEFLER.
283
00:15:10,578 --> 00:15:16,083
THANK YOU. I THINK
BAUDELAIRE SAID IT BEST...
284
00:15:18,686 --> 00:15:22,823
MARY, I THINK I FIGURED OUT
WHY WE'RE SO INCREDIBLY
TEDIOUS TOGETHER.
285
00:15:22,856 --> 00:15:25,158
WE'RE NOT TEDIOUS
TOGETHER.
286
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:27,861
MARY, DON'T YOU SEE?
WE USED TO BE NEW,
287
00:15:27,895 --> 00:15:29,897
UNCHARTED TERRITORY,
288
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:35,235
BUT NOW I'VE READ
EVERY PAGE
IN THE MARY BOOK.
289
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,404
IS THAT RIGHT?
290
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,072
SADLY, YES.
291
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:42,776
THERE ARE VOLUMES
ABOUT ME YOU DON'T KNOW.
292
00:15:42,810 --> 00:15:43,744
REALLY?
293
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:44,712
YEAH.
294
00:15:44,745 --> 00:15:45,879
LET'S FACE IT, MARY.
295
00:15:45,913 --> 00:15:48,649
I'VE CHECKED YOUR FOOTNOTES,
COMBED YOUR STACKS,
296
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:51,384
THUMBED YOUR INDEX.
297
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,087
THERE ARE NO SURPRISES
LEFT.
298
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,623
IS THAT RIGHT?
299
00:15:58,559 --> 00:16:00,227
WHERE ARE WE,
GRANDMA'S HOUSE?
300
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:03,296
YEAH, THIS IS
A SIDE OF YOU
I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE.
301
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,532
THE EVENING'S YOUNG.
302
00:16:08,836 --> 00:16:10,337
WHAT IS THIS?
303
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:13,807
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN
TO A KEGGER?
304
00:16:13,841 --> 00:16:16,176
STAY CLOSE
AND FOLLOW MY LEAD.
305
00:16:24,618 --> 00:16:27,555
AH!
306
00:16:27,588 --> 00:16:29,957
YOU'RE FUNNY.
307
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:33,260
HE CAN'T HEAR YOU,
SALLY. TRUST ME.
308
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:34,962
WHERE IS THAT REMOTE?
309
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:43,503
HARRY, I CAN'T FEEL MY BUTT.
310
00:16:43,537 --> 00:16:46,306
I CAN'T FEEL MY BUTT!
311
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:49,543
YOU JUST HAVE
28-HOUR KEISTER.
312
00:16:49,577 --> 00:16:51,511
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE,
HARRY.
313
00:16:51,545 --> 00:16:53,914
PLEASE, GIVE ME
MY LIFE BACK.
314
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,551
NO.
315
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,922
[IMITATING CLINT EASTWOOD]
GIVE ME THE VACUUM, HARRY.
316
00:17:01,955 --> 00:17:03,791
JUST PUT IT DOWN
AND WALK AWAY.
317
00:17:03,824 --> 00:17:06,927
NO. NO, IT'S MINE.
318
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,328
DON'T BE A FOOL, HARRY.
319
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,096
GIVE IT OVER!
320
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:12,332
NO. NO.
A DEAL'S A DEAL.
AAH!
321
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,935
SPIDER!
322
00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:17,270
YOU WANT ME
TO KILL THE SPIDER,
HARRY, HUH?
323
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,573
JUST GIVE ME THE VACUUM,
AND I'LL KILL THE SPIDER.
324
00:17:19,607 --> 00:17:21,642
I CAN KILL THE SPIDER,
SALLY.
325
00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:23,744
I'VE BEEN PRACTICING
WITH GRAPES.
326
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:27,547
HERE'S THE DEAL, HARRY.
327
00:17:27,581 --> 00:17:29,683
GRAPES DON'T HAVE
8 LEGS,
328
00:17:29,717 --> 00:17:30,283
AND THEY DON'T JUMP.
329
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:32,152
AAH!
330
00:17:36,857 --> 00:17:38,491
[STOMP]
331
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,094
YOU DID IT, HARRY.
332
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:43,096
OH, GOD, YOU WON.
333
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:46,634
YES, I DID.
334
00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:50,337
POOR LITTLE SPIDER.
335
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:53,340
I HOPE HE DOESN'T
HAVE KIDS.
336
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:58,779
IT'S OVER, HARRY.
337
00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:00,180
IT'S OK.
338
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:02,616
SALLY'S HERE.
339
00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:04,752
SALLY'S BACK.
340
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:10,157
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU JUST SAT THERE
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
341
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:12,359
YOU DIDN'T EVEN
TRY TO HELP ME.
342
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:15,262
AUGUST, EVER SINCE
I'VE KNOWN YOU,
343
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,997
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN
SO TOGETHER.
344
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,732
WHAT?
345
00:18:18,766 --> 00:18:21,468
IT'S JUST EVERYTHING YOU SAY
AND EVERYTHING YOU DO
346
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,737
AND EVERYTHING YOU ARE
IS SO PERFECT.
347
00:18:23,771 --> 00:18:27,474
AND UP THERE WAS
THE FIRST TIME I EVER
SAW YOU ACTUALLY BE...
348
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,776
HUMAN.
349
00:18:28,809 --> 00:18:32,245
THAT'S WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR
IN A WOMAN.
350
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:35,148
PERFECT? ME?
351
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,217
I JUST GOT A C MINUS
IN PHYS ED
352
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,518
'CAUSE I CAN'T LIFT
MY OWN BODY WEIGHT.
353
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:43,490
I BITE MY NAILS,
I HAVE A LOUSY SENSE
OF DIRECTION,
354
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:49,162
AND THIS NOSE,
IT'S NOT EXACTLY
CINDY CRAWFORD'S.
355
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:51,031
YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT HOOKS A LITTLE
TO THE LEFT THERE.
356
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:54,501
SO...
357
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:55,803
I AM NOT PERFECT.
358
00:18:55,836 --> 00:18:56,704
YOU CERTAINLY ARE NOT.
359
00:18:56,737 --> 00:18:58,872
GOOD.
360
00:18:58,906 --> 00:18:59,907
WHY STOP AT THE NOSE?
361
00:18:59,940 --> 00:19:02,710
I MEAN, YOU...
362
00:19:02,743 --> 00:19:04,011
WE'LL STOP AT THE NOSE.
363
00:19:07,948 --> 00:19:10,951
NINER, DEUCE, LADY,
364
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:11,985
ONE-EYED JACK.
365
00:19:12,019 --> 00:19:14,187
BUG, YOU GOT
A PAIR SHOWING.
366
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,889
I CAN'T HELP IT.
367
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:18,258
I'M OUT.
368
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:18,992
I'M OUT.
369
00:19:19,026 --> 00:19:20,527
I'M OUT.
370
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:21,729
READ 'EM AND WEEP.
371
00:19:21,762 --> 00:19:22,662
OH...
OH...
372
00:19:22,696 --> 00:19:24,331
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
373
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:25,999
GOOD-BYE, UNDERWEAR.
374
00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:29,036
LEON, LEON,
YOU STILL GOT
YOUR SOCKS ON, BUDDY.
375
00:19:29,069 --> 00:19:31,905
MY FEET GET COLD.
376
00:19:31,939 --> 00:19:35,976
7-CARD STUD.
377
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:37,277
YOU IN?
378
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,747
I'VE GOT NOTHING LEFT
TO LOSE.
379
00:19:39,780 --> 00:19:43,183
GET ME A BEER.
380
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,318
I'D RATHER NOT.
381
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,896
SO YOU GLAD
WE TRIED SOMETHING NEW?
382
00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:57,965
NOT REALLY.
383
00:19:57,998 --> 00:20:00,033
IN FACT, IT MADE ME
UNCOMFORTABLE...
384
00:20:00,067 --> 00:20:02,435
AND COLD...
385
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:06,006
AND KIND OF SHRIVELY.
386
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,574
I GUESS WE HAVE TO ACCEPT
THE INEVITABLE.
387
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,877
THINGS WILL NEVER
BE NEW AGAIN,
388
00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:12,212
BUT I'M STRONG ENOUGH
TO GO ON
389
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:14,815
AND ON AND ON AND ON.
390
00:20:14,848 --> 00:20:16,683
[PFFLT]
391
00:20:20,854 --> 00:20:22,289
EXCUSE ME.
392
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:27,027
MARY!
393
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,128
I SAID EXCUSE ME.
394
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:30,764
NO. NO, IT'S FINE.
395
00:20:30,798 --> 00:20:33,366
I'VE NEVER HEARD YOU
DO THAT BEFORE.
396
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,502
DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT THIS MEANS?
397
00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,604
BEEF AND BROCCOLI?
398
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:39,572
YES. BUT SO MUCH MORE.
399
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,241
DON'T YOU SEE?
IT DIDN'T BOTHER YOU,
400
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:43,076
AND IT DIDN'T BOTHER ME.
401
00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:45,946
GOOD 'CAUSE THERE'S
ANOTHER ONE ON THE WAY.
402
00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:49,616
IT'S THE BEST POSSIBLE SIGN.
WE'VE ENTERED A NEW PHASE.
403
00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:51,952
IT'S LIKE YOU SAID,
RELATIONSHIPS CHANGE.
404
00:20:51,985 --> 00:20:55,288
WE'VE BECOME COMFORTABLE
WITH EACH OTHER.
405
00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:58,826
IT'S AS IF YOU'VE
TRUMPETED THE DAWN
OF OUR NEW ERA.
406
00:21:01,829 --> 00:21:03,563
SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO
TOMORROW?
407
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,465
THIS.
408
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:06,299
YOU.
409
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:06,967
THIS.
410
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,335
OH, MARY!
411
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:09,803
OH!
412
00:21:09,837 --> 00:21:11,104
[PFFLT]
413
00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:16,309
WAS THAT YOU OR ME?
414
00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:17,577
DOES IT MATTER?
415
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,445
NO.
416
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:19,679
OH!
417
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:32,325
I'M SORRY, LITTLE SPIDER.
418
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:37,097
IF I COULD TRADE PLACES
WITH YOU, I WOULD.
419
00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:42,836
GOD, THIS IS SO HARD.
420
00:21:42,870 --> 00:21:46,039
[PLAYS AMAZING GRACE ]
28374
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